How to find your authentic self in midlife? Mark Andrew Steiner

Are you standing at a crossroads in midlife, wondering who you actually are when you strip away the titles, the roles, and the expectations of others?

In this episode, I’m joined by Mark Andrew Steiner, a leader, storyteller, and intuitive strategist who brings a remarkably raw and refreshing perspective to the concept of the midlife pivot. What sets Mark apart is his absolute openness about his own journey: being adopted at birth and discovering his ADHD later in life. These profound life-shaping experiences have fueled his deeply empathetic approach to both personal identity and business leadership.

We explore what it truly means to navigate a midlife identity shift with vulnerability and authenticity. Mark shares his philosophy on building a career, creativity, and a marketplace grounded in deep humanity rather than just transactional success. If you are looking for an honest, storytelling-driven roadmap to help you navigate your own identity, find meaningful work, and ensure that fulfillment—not just survival—is at the heart of your next chapter, this conversation will resonate deeply.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Ask for the Skinny Podcast with a guest. I'm proud to present Mark Andrew Steiner. Mark, welcome to the show. Please tell us more about yourself. What is your story?

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Ah, thank you. Uh it's great to be here and uh I appreciate the opportunity. Uh where to start. I am a 60-year-old uh empty nester, if you know that term. My children are out of the house and uh since nine since 2020. And I feel like I've been reinventing myself ever since. I have been uh solidly in this midlife stage for probably 20 years or so. I feel like uh I certainly as I was approaching 50, I was starting to think about first half of life and second half of life. And I started to really lean into this study, this philosophy, the the science of it. Um, and I've you know, I got to the conclusion that um this second half of life is nothing but opportunity, it is an exciting time. I have never thought or worried about getting old. And um instead I've thought about how can I age in a way that would make my children proud and possibly be an encouragement to others. And so I'm a successful businessman. I have a uh I'm the uh found co-founder and CEO of a company called Gig Salad, which is an online event marketplace, and we've been doing this for over 20 years. Um I prior to that, I had a career in talent booking, and prior to that, I was in the movie business for 10 years. I consider myself an artist and a creative. Um, but I also, you know, more than anything, I consider myself a seeker and somebody who's always looking to grow and to be the best version of myself. And um yeah, that's there's more, but uh I'll let you uh introduction.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

I have so many questions to bring. Yeah, first uh the unusual ones, and you don't have to answer. Uh so if if it's if it's too personal. Uh, have you made any uh stupid things uh uh during your uh uh midlife crisis moment like buying a sports car or uh getting divorced or stuff like that?

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Well, as a matter of fact, let's I I didn't buy a sports car, but I did get divorced. Uh yeah, after 26 years of marriage, um I got divorced. That was back in 2017, so I'm uh around 52 years old. And that was, you know, that was not easy. Um, and and and I would say that my ex-wife and I did it as gracefully and with as much love and compassion and empathy as a couple could do it, and so uh I'm kind of proud of the way we got divorced. Um besides that, um what I didn't know I was uh uh experiencing or what was a part of me then uh that I've only discovered in the past two and a half years is that I have ADHD. And so my the way that my mind uh my the way that my brain functions is not common. Um and I didn't know that I had this condition uh until I got the diagnosis. I knew that there was something that was not quite right, you know, I was a little off, uh, but I got a diagnosis. Uh I got screened as a result of my daughter getting diagnosed first, and she was telling me about the symptoms, and I could I could relate to every one of them. And so um, yeah, I'm so besides that, I think what I was going through in my middle life and continue to go through is that I uh have a lot of ambition in me. I I have a lot that I want to accomplish. There's a lot I want to do in with my life. I've at least had a lot of interests, uh, and I'm trying to lean into those interests and um see just how much where that interest lies, if it's just a curiosity or if it's something I want to delve into. Um and and then that has that is most prolific in my entrepreneurialism. I I like I like starting businesses. I like I like um I I like the ideas that I have. Uh I I happen to think that I have a lot of good ideas, and um I've learned how to find collaborators and people to work on those ideas with me. And so that's that's a big focus of what I'm doing now in my life. I I I mean, I on the positive side of things, you know, what did I do in my midlife in the past three years? I stopped drinking. Um I've decided I really want to try to get as healthy as I can be in a very holistic way. So spiritually, physically, emotionally, intellectually, socially, I've I've been striving to be, again, the best version of myself. And so I think one of two things happens in midlife. You either decide this is who I am, and this is who I'm always going to be, and you just commit to that, and you almost are defiant. Like you're very fixed, you're very stiff, and you just accept that everything I've become up until this point is who I'm going to be the rest of my life. And I decided that I was going to look at this the other way. And the other way is you start to unpack these parts of yourself. Um, Richard Rohr in Falling Upward talks about Father Richard Rohr talks about, you know, we take out, we we fill these containers in the first half of our life. You know, the the ways we philosophy and you know, religion and work and play and sex and all the things. And um, but a lot of that has come from our parents and teachers and mentors. The second half of life is a time where I I've decided I'm gonna unpack these things, I'm going to observe them, I'm going to look at them, I'm going to contemplate on them, and I'm going to decide what is my relationship here? What do I actually do I believe this thing? And uh do I accept this thing? And I've just come to the conclusion that um I don't want to be fixed. I want to continue to evolve, I want to continue to change. I I used to have very you know determined uh ideas, uh fixed ideas about life. And here's five years later, 10 years later, 20 years later, I don't believe those things anymore. And so I've I've uh you know I've kind of said maybe not be so sure about things, and now I'm I'm I'm more curious and I have more questions than I have answers.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Amazing. You already touched what I wanted to ask you next about societal expectations, because we are bombarded with so many societal expectations, and I believe the social media makes that even worse. Uh and uh you talked already, you mentioned that with with um that this societal expectation, and it we start uncluttered them when we get in the uh midlife, and you also uh hinted at this uh inner desire, or um, I like to call it soul's mission, and that we have to find our soul's mission in midlife, and that is extremely um beneficial. It's it it's it's not strategic, we will not die without that, but it's it's beneficial if we know uh what our soul mission is. Um and and you mentioned that uh you you you start like uh part of your holistic uh health is also spirituality. Can you uh touch a bit uh about uh uh on your spirituality, how you see it? Uh, because uh these these days everything is so materialistic, and uh we just uh want okay, we need uh this house and this car and this kind of girlfriend, and that is uh what we want to have. How how do you how do you see what what what what is what what is the the soul mission and what what how you see if it's not a personal, how you see your soul's mission?

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Yeah, that's a great question. Um I think our our life's purpose in many ways is to is to discover ourselves. I mean it it's it sounds very simplistic. Obviously, lots of writers and philosophers and religious teachers, uh spiritual guides will will tell say this in all the various ways, whether it's Buddhism and or Christianity or Judaism. You know, it's uh it it is a time, you know, this this short time on life, the this short time on earth we have uh is is one way to think about what this life. I've I used to think that life was a blink, you know, just over the span of our eternity, you know, of uh of the world, of the exit of existence, you know, we're just a a flash, right? But you know, uh if I live to be a hundred years old, which is my goal, um, and then some maybe, uh there's a lot of time in there to fill. I think it's a it's about how we choose to live that time, uh the decisions that we make. And and for me, in that time, I feel like my life's mission is to find my most authentic self. And I happen to be someone who believes in God, um, creator. I was brought into this world into Catholicism. That uh, you know, I was adopted at birth, and my my parents uh they were lifelong Catholics still alive, still practice. Um, I was raised in Catholicism. When I went after I left high school and moved into New York City to pursue a career in in movies, uh I my my Catholic faith was still very strong and very important to me. Um and then there be and then there came a time where I questioned Catholicism, questioned my experience, and I found another church, and it was a non-denominational Christian church. Uh and I was a part of that church for uh uh about 15 years, and and I met my wife there, I met the co-founder in my business there. I have lifelong friends, family from that from that experience. But I chose to leave that in that church, my wife and I did, and then we just sort of bounced around to other some other Christian churches, and um, but during that time, I gave myself permission. This will sound strange, but I gave myself permission to explore, to study, to under to really under try to understand and appreciate other religions. And that was kind of, you know, uh, whether it was um spoken, it was just understood, you know, to delve into other religions was sort of, you know, taboo. It was not why, why would you do that? Um you have you you you have the faith, you know, uh Christianity is the way, etc. But I started to be curious and I started to question. And in my journey, what I discovered was there was a lot of other there's there was there was truth. There was it wasn't there was other met there was messages, there was teachings, passages, um that didn't contradict the words of you know of Christ, the life of Christ. Um and in fact, there was there were other writings that I would go to that were that preceded Christ by thousands of years, and it supported his message. It it it was a it was this beautiful union of an and and an understanding for me, an aha moment that um to be so rigid and to be so fixed into feeling like I have all the answers, either in one book, um, or by one teacher, one you know, it was just um it was a little ignorant. And it was a little fearful, is the other part of this. It was uh you know, there was this part of me that was afraid to question my faith and afraid to to explore and discover other teachings. And that was about 20 years of exploration, it's been the bat past 20 years of my of my life. Um pretty pretty deep, pretty heavy. And my conclusion is that I've come back to a faith, a belief, and a for me, an understanding that that the life that Christ actually lived was an admirable one. It was a honorable one, it was one of love, unconditional love and compassion and sacrifice. And that's how who I want to be as a person. I want to be, I want to be, I'd like to be known as a person who's as is a servant to others, is con, you know, lives a life of generosity and hospitality and um love, you know, peace and love. That's what I yearn for and hope that what people see in me first and foremost, above and beyond anything else, especially as you referred, you know, this idea of consumerism, and we surround ourselves with things and stuff to I think make us feel fulfilled, um, make us feel worthy. Uh, but I've become sort of this anti-consumerism person. I don't particularly um yearn for things and stuff in at this stage of my life. I um after my divorce, I lived a very minimalistic life. Uh like I most of my possessions I just gave away. I gave my wife the first just choice to have whatever she wanted. And after that, we sold I sold or gave away most everything else. Um and I had books and I had my albums, music, and pictures. And those were the things that I took with me to the to the next stage. And I was never I I've never been happier from from that, uh, from that experience and really keeping that a part of my life. Um so um I guess in summary, I I'm a I'm a spiritual being, first foremost, and entirely. And this the the rest of me, the the the father, the son, uh the teacher, the business owner, the entrepreneur, the see all these other labels are byproducts of me as a spiritual person living this life here and here and now for this period of time.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

I I would be amazed if you didn't receive any invitation to any Masonic lodge already, because you're a perfect fit for a mace. Is that right? Yeah, you're a perfect fit.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Oh wow, thank you for saying that. I um is that you is that your um is that that is just my observation.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Okay, okay. It's it's just because uh everything what you have explained, um you would be a perfect Mason. So okay, yeah, I'm I'm sorry that you didn't receive the invitation yet from your uh local uh lodge, uh, but maybe that's in uh in the in the future, yeah. Um I would like to talk one more thing. Uh with you, I I don't know how you understand it, but um the the shadows, our shadows, because uh you already touched a bit of it, but um how did you uh when when when we were talking about uh societal expectations and our souls mission, how did you uh get to uh let's say to terms with your shadows? Because uh part of um midlife crisis is getting to terms that we're not just good and that we have certain um let's say inclinations that are not cherished in a society or uh in in our surroundings. How did you come to terms with that?

SPEAKER_01 19:07

That's a great question. Uh it was with the help of some coaches and some guides, but one one uh lots of therapy, lots of counseling. Uh, and that's been a big part of my life for the better part of the past 30 years. Um, and prior to that, the church itself served as a great place for me to um reflect and talk and be discipled and to be, you know, um taught, trained. Um it took it's taken a lifetime. I feel like in the past five to ten years, I I have been in the proxin proximity of my most authentic self. And one of the ways I got there was realizing that I am human and accepting that I am human. And we as humans are flawed. We, you know, we have our shadow side, we there's the we have our dark side. Um, we strive, you know, this was talked about in the Bible. Paul talks about the good I want to do, I do not do, you know, this idea that we may have the best of intentions, we may have had the most incredible influences and and examples in our lives, great parents, et cetera, et cetera. But we still we make mistakes, we sin, we fall short. And um I used to think that because of my shortcomings, because of my failures, regrets, mistakes, sins of my past, um, that that was going to keep me from an afterlife, a pleasurable afterlife, keep me from heaven, you know. And I've I've come to learn that heaven in many ways is here and now. It is the choice that I make in my heart. Um and how I choose to live here and now in this present moment, uh is what will be my future, whatever that is, you know. Um, if there if there is an afterlife, I believe that my opportunity to have a better one or a greater one is by the way that I choose to live now. And how I choose to live now is to be more kind to myself, be more accepting, to be more. More graceful, gracious, gracious to myself in the same way that I want to extend that to you, to love you, to accept you, to do that without judgment, to do that to the best of my ability in an unconditional way. You know, and if I can, and and I and I can only do that for you as I do to myself. I can't love you any more than I love myself. So if I don't find love and peace and tranquility and acceptance in myself for myself, I can't do it to you. That's that is love thy neighbor as thyself, the greatest commands, right? Um, I just came to understand that in a much more profound way that as much as I want to love my partner, my spouse, my children, my parents, my neighbors, um, if I can't find love in myself first and foremost, and that that comes from accepting the shadow side of you. And it's part of the here, you know, it's our life is like a hero's journey. You know, it's you have to into that darkness, you have to experience yourself and the parts of yourself that you might not admire or like. That part, that wasn't even true, but I believed it. And I completely ignored another part of it, which was that I was chosen by these other these other people, these, these, these, these other parents. And I I just decided at in my life that I'm going to be more positive, I'm going to be more optimistic, and that life is perspective, and I'm choosing to believe that I'm I am good enough. I am lovable. Um, I'm enough just as I am, and that's in spite of my flaws and my and my and my and my shadow side.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Amazing. I really uh like how you explain that and how authentic you are in explaining that. So um it's uh really street. Uh and it's I I could listen for hours. Uh thank you before before we go, uh where can our listeners and viewers uh get in touch with you, Mark?

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Thank you. Uh thinkapon.com. Thinkapon.com is my is my new website. I launched it on my birthday, March 10th. Uh my 60th birthday. I have now have a place where everybody can go and learn all things, Mark Steiner, for those who might be interested. But yeah, I blog there, I write, I uh when this podcast comes out, there'll be a link there for this. Um and it's where I it's it's where I'm thinking out loud and trying to figure out life.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

Amazing. Thank you for sharing and uh thank you for being authentic because it's so much easier to identify with someone who's authentic, who's just not uh telling uh other people's story and what happened, but uh you just um set you as an example and and set not in a way um in an intrusive way, let's call it like that, or to be like an uh influencer, go follow me. But uh okay, this happened to me, everyone uh needs to understand, or it can happen to everyone, so uh be nice to yourself. I I I really also so this has really resonated with me. Be nice to yourself because if you're not nice with yourself, how can you be nice with others, people?

SPEAKER_01 26:31

That is correct.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Yeah, so uh Mark, thank you for this uh amazing podcast. Thank you for sharing, and um thank you for being my guest tonight.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Thank you for having me. You're a gracious host, thank you.