The Age Guide: Perspectives on the Aging Journey

Aging Unfiltered: The Era of Elders – with Dana Griffin

• Age Guide • Season 4 • Episode 4

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Welcome to another episode in our series entitled: "Aging Unfiltered". In this episode, we talk to Dana Griffin, who is the Co-Founder and CEO of Eldera, a groundbreaking global platform connecting older and younger generations through meaningful conversations and wisdom sharing. Eldera operates on the profound belief that older adults are an untapped resource, uniquely equipped to address societal challenges and nurture the next generation. Eldera.ai is dedicated to fostering inclusive social environments that empower individuals across generations to connect, engage and learn from each other. By harnessing the power of technology, they created a platform where people who are over 60 years old and under 18 can experience meaningful, rewarding interactions that build relationships. Tune in to discover how Eldera is shaping the future of intergenerational social connections and promoting well-being for both young and older generations.

 

Resources

Ted Talk | The era of the elders: How embracing aging will transform our future

Creating Healthy Longevity: A Basis for a Third Demographic Dividend for Society | NIH Office of Intramural Research

Negative stereotypes about aging may shorten your life by affecting will to live

Beautiful Theorems that Changed Math: Lee

Contact Information

Facebook: facebook.com/AgeGuide
Twitter: twitter.com/AgeGuide
Instagram: instagram.com/theageguidepodcast
Podcast: ageguide.org/the-age-guide-podcast
Website: ageguide.org

UNKNOWN:

you

SPEAKER_01:

Welcome to the Age Guide podcast, Perspectives on the Aging Journey. I'm your host, Gretchen Knowlton, and today we have a guest whose work is deeply personal to me. Dana Griffin is the co-founder and CEO of Eldera, a groundbreaking global platform connecting older and younger generations through meaningful conversations and wisdom sharing. Eldera operates on the profound belief that older Adults are an untapped resource uniquely equipped to address societal challenges and nurture the next generation. Aldera has been recognized as a social prescription by the Cleveland Clinic and as a case study for using AI to reconnect generations by the UN's AI for Good. It has also been featured by MSNBC, USA Today, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and CNN, also named Aldera as one of their 2023 Good News of the Year. Before founding Aldera, Dana was a successful data and advertising executive recognized by Ad Age as one of their 40 under 40 for transforming the advertising industry. Dana's work has been showcased by Columbia University, Harvard Business School, and Stanford Center for Aging, and quoted in bestselling books on healthy aging. Outside of her professional life, Dana speaks six languages, enjoys reading utopian sci-fi, Vedic meditation, and exploring diverse wisdom traditions and cultures. Dana, welcome to the podcast. It's such an honor to have you here today.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, the honor is all mine. Thank you so much for having me, Gretchen.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, you are so welcome. It is our privilege. And I want to share with listeners on a personal note that my own daughter participates in Eldera. And through her connection, I've had the pleasure of witnessing the magic of these intergenerational bonds firsthand through this connection. And I've gotten to know Dana, and I hope I'm not alone in thinking that we've become friends ourselves, which really speaks to the warmth and authenticity that you bring to this incredible mission, Dana.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, thank you so much, and thank you for the kind words. You're going to make me cry. You know, every other relationship, like your daughter's, is completely unique, and the magic is actually between the two people that connect. All we do at Eldera is create the platform and the safety and the resources to make that connection happen. But the magic comes from the people and it always will.

SPEAKER_01:

That's true. That's true. But I feel like even that little bit of magic has a broader effect and it spreads. So like as a parent, I have a relationship with my daughter's mentor now too. And I've gotten to know you and other amazing people at Eldera. So it spreads and it continues. And my daughter tells other people about her mentor and then they sign up for Eldera. So it's really a neat cycle of connection.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you. Thank you. That's the hope. That's the hope. And thank you for saying that. We love hearing that. You know, we've been building Eldera for four and a half years, but we feel like it's just day one every day. So we're excited to hear about every single story and every life that we touch and every family that we touch with Eldera.

SPEAKER_01:

Perfect. And we're excited to have you share with our listeners today. And just this chance to be able to sit down with you and ask you some questions. I have so many things I want to ask you. But first, I'm going to ask you a question that I learned from you, because you said that you like to ask people what their superpower is, because everybody brings unique gifts to the world, right? So I'm going to ask you, Dana, what is your superpower? What is your superpower?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, thank you. Thank you. I love that question. As you know, it's built into every facet of Eldera. So I'd say my very obvious superpower is that I'm good at building relationships. And that's actually built in fundamentally at Eldera because we match and connect people for weekly virtual conversations. And that matching is Honestly, initially, based on my experience, I was hand-matching everyone initially, and I still approve every final match.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, do you? I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. It was very exciting. My team is not that excited about it. They're implementing all the algorithms to pull me out of the product, but one of... because it is my superpower, it's also one of my favorite things to do.

SPEAKER_00:

So thank you for

SPEAKER_02:

asking. Thank you. Thank

SPEAKER_01:

you. Yes. Eldera is such a unique platform and it focuses on that connection, like you said, between older adults and younger generations. What was the inspiration behind this idea? Can you start by telling us how you came to be involved in this? Yes,

SPEAKER_02:

absolutely. So I'll just tell you that I never expected to be a founder. And that was not the goal. I was raised in Transylvania in Romania, and I was raised by my grandparents. And I continue to surround myself with older adults my entire life. To this day, at least a third of my friends are between 60s and 90s. And I know who to go to for advice from anything from investment to healthcare, to recipes and to dating. And I pursued, I came to the United States for university and I ended up staying because I fell in love with this country. And I ended up pursuing a career in advertising and data, as you mentioned earlier. And I thought that was the trajectory that I was on until my closest mentor, elder mother figure in New York, Linda, ended up being diagnosed with brain cancer and passing away. And when that happened, I was completely struck by grief. There's no going around it.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

I just wanted to do something that celebrated her memory. And You know, she was instrumental in my life, as have been several amazing older adults throughout my life. She changed the trajectory of my life. So I figured, what if every kid could have a Linda, like I had my Linda, and you have your Patty. So that was the impetus for starting Eldera. And initially, it was an idea. And People started hearing about it and joining the mission and we started building it together. So now we're four and a half years in. We have mentors like Linda was for me and Patty is for you today. In all 50 states, all of our mentors are background checked, but kids sign up from all over the world and their parents sign them up from all over the world. And our two biggest countries are the U.S. and South Korea. If you had told me this when I started Eldera in 2020, I would have been blown away. I never, ever expected this to happen.

SPEAKER_01:

It's really taken off and you have exciting plans for the future too. The thing I love most about Eldera is how it values the contributions of both the young mentees and the older adult mentors. Can you share a bit more about how your platform works?

SPEAKER_02:

Sure. So we believe that everyone has something to contribute and something to teach and also something to learn. So the way our platform works is our core service, if you want, is one on one intergenerational connection. It's the mentoring component where mentors and parents and kids sign up. And we use their profiles to match them for weekly virtual conversations. And some of these conversations, as you know, have been going on for over four years every week. They use video to talk weekly and, you know, they form a bond. The kids actually call it the bond. We didn't come up with it. And it's just incredible to see. What's underlying the one-on-one mentoring is an entire community of older adults with a purpose. And mentors support each other in being better mentors. And they support me and the team in building Eldera better. And, you know, just going back to Patty, who we love. You know, Patty is retired and she spends her days at home. So she came up with the idea of creating socials for the other mentors so that nobody ever has to feel alone, even in between talking to the kids. So now she started also a book club, which is her first book club ever that she runs. And mentors love it so much. And older adults love it so much that we're actually expanding the product so that people can sign up just to be part of the social network of older adults with a purpose and be able to collaborate, learn and teach from other older adults. as they get ready and comfortable mentoring a young person. So

SPEAKER_01:

they don't have to sign up initially as a mentor. They might not be ready. They might be a little scared. They want to learn more information. They can join this amazing group around the country, getting together virtually, and they can build some social connections.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly. And frankly, one of the coolest things we've learned is that older adults who met at Eldera struck up friendships. And now some of them created walking groups in their communities. To get together in person? So cool. Yes, they get together in person. And we are so excited about this because, as I mentioned before, we background check older adults initially to keep the kids safe.

SPEAKER_00:

But

SPEAKER_02:

now what we realize is that the older adults are safe together because they know everyone out there has background check. So if they decide to go for a coffee walk with someone, they know that person went through the exact same level of vetting that they have and they're safe

SPEAKER_01:

together. They can feel really safe to meet up with a stranger, so to speak, and do some fun together.

SPEAKER_02:

Nice. Exactly. Which you know better than anyone is one of the key things to being able to age in place. Yes. Those social

SPEAKER_01:

connections, so, so critical. And that intergenerational social connection is extremely important. special and powerful. And that is a big part of your mentorship concept, right? So can you share some maybe success stories or impactful moments that you've seen on this platform where the older adults have really made a difference in the lives of the younger generation? I'd love to hear your stories.

SPEAKER_02:

I have so many stories of this, but I'll start with the most recent one, which was so wonderful and unexpected. We were just approached by the Boston Globe to write a story about Aldera, which we love and said yes to immediately. And they asked us to interview some mentors and mentees. And one of the mentees, she's 12 years old, and she told a reporter that on zoom that her mentor is her secret weapon oh that she is winning at school and at life because of her mentor and that i quote it almost feels like cheating because other kids don't have a kathleen

SPEAKER_01:

that's so amazing

SPEAKER_02:

love it game over yes i cannot put it any better a great spokesperson for aldera This is the really cool thing. I'm so grateful to be invited and so honored, but I'm actually not qualified to use Eldera. I am not over 60 or under 18. So our mentors and our mentees and our parents like you, are in fact better spokespeople for what we do because they're the ones who benefit directly from Eldera.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. And I'm sure they have tons of stories and we are going to do a little bit of interviewing my daughter and her mentor, Patty, later on. So folks will be able to hear like how that relationship works and what these sessions are like for the kids and the mentors. So you're right. They do a great job of speaking for Eldera. They have such a great experience and they want to share it with the world.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly. I'm so excited about it. You know, another story that comes to mind, two quick ones. One of our mentors, actually in the Chicago area, we paired him up with an 11-year-old boy. And the mentor has a long and illustrious career in public health. And he said, hey, you seem to be really good at math. You seem to be really special about it. You should write a book. I will help you. Wow. They did. They did. They wrote a book together? They wrote a book. The kid wrote the book about math. Oh, wow. The mentor wrote the foreword. They published it. It's for sale on Amazon. It's called Beautiful Theorems That Changed Math. How? By an 11-year-old. Here's the kicker. They decided to give all the proceeds to the American Pediatric Cancer Society. And they're already working on something new. So... I want you to take a moment and think about this is what we call the magic. Yes. Not scripted. In fact, we are the only platform that has no curriculum because we truly believe that older adults are the last generation who still know how to build true human connection and how to see what's special in another person. Why do you think that is? I think because several reasons. Once, they grew up without mobile phones and without the internet. True, yes. They did, and they were, for better or worse, they had to build relationships, not just with family and school, but peers and communities early on. There's something else that we talk about a lot at Eldera, is that older adults, and even our generation, Gretchen, we grew up with the idea of go out there and change the world. See what you can do. Be brave. Make a difference. Yep. The difference, right? Well, the young people today went through COVID. Social media is really, really plaguing them. There's so much research around how it's bad for them. And they're dealing with a lot of existential crisis. Yes. So while we were told to go out there and change the world, they are told to go out there and save the world.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, interesting. Yes. There's a real distinction there. It's a very big lot of pressure. So much pressure. And it implies that things are broken and it's their job to fix it.

SPEAKER_02:

Which is a lot and they feel alone. They are actually the loneliest generation. You know, you and I are in the aging field and we are told that older adults are lonely. And they are. One in three older adults are lonely. And that's bad. What's actually worst is that 71% of teenagers feel lonely. Wow. 71%. That's

SPEAKER_01:

almost all of them.

SPEAKER_02:

It's almost all of them. And when they do, they don't yet have the coping mechanisms to deal with it.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. They're still young and their brains are still developing.

SPEAKER_02:

They're young. So they need some

SPEAKER_01:

help.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, exactly. They go to social media. They go to chatbots. That's exacerbating their loneliness, which is then leading them to a mental health crisis. So they fundamentally need to talk to a human. They do. Yes. And I think you and I talked about this before, but there's research from the Harvard Center for Childhood Development that shows that when kids form trusted one-on-one relationships with non-parental adults, it helps them build resilience. And resilience is really a key to thriving. So, you know, that's the research. But the truth is, we've seen at Eldera for four and a half years now. Those

SPEAKER_01:

intergenerational relationships are so beautiful. Did you have one more story you wanted to share? You said three, I might've interrupted you. Oh

SPEAKER_02:

yes, I do have one more story. This is so cute. We have a mentor in Florida and her mentee was a teenager, a high schooler going into her senior year and trying to get her first job. And she had a really hard time getting her first job and she was beating herself up for it. So the mentor came up with this strategy that every morning she had to do affirmations in the mirror. I am smart. I am worthy. I'm hardworking, all the things. And the mentee told us that initially she thought it was really silly. She didn't want to do it. Yeah, it's not cool. But the mentor told her, so she's like, yeah, what's the harm? So she did it for a week and then she got a job. after trying for two months. And listen, I'm sure there were many factors that came into play, but the mentee says that it was because she listened to her mentor and she did the affirmations that she got the job.

SPEAKER_01:

And it was a boost to her confidence, even just knowing that her mentor was behind her, giving her a suggestion and a little bit of a shoe in to what she wanted in life.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly, exactly. And don't we all need

SPEAKER_01:

that at the end of the

SPEAKER_02:

day?

SPEAKER_01:

That is so beautiful. Such great stories. I'm just overcome by the impact that this program is having. I just, every time I talk to you, I learn new things about the impact. Thank you. And, you know,

SPEAKER_02:

talking about impact, one of the biggest impacts is actually on the mentors. You know, there is so much research run by Dean Linda Freed back when she was at Johns Hopkins, but there's I can go on and on about the research that when older adults engage in healthy social connection, in particular intergenerational connection, it halts and in certain cases reverses early cognitive decline. Dean Fried was able to prove this with fMRIs. So it's not just a qualitative measurement. And this is research that the listeners can find on the NIH website. So when older adults engage engage and help young people or just listen to them and have fun and play games, they directly contribute to their own health. Profoundly so. Let me tell you, Gretchen, there's no longevity supplement that you can take out there that has a fraction of the benefits that meaningful social connections have. And in fact, the longest standing Harvard research, I think it's going in the 88th decade now, shows that the only marker of longevity is healthy social connection. It's not smoking. It's not education. It's not even cholesterol. If you have meaningful social connections and people who you love and love you and who look forward to seeing you, that is going to lead to healthy longevity.

SPEAKER_01:

It impacts your physical, your mental health and your longevity. Mm hmm. Those are great statistics to share. We can put a link in the show notes to that research that you mentioned. So we've been investigating and talking a lot about ageism in our culture and how that affects all of us, how it impacts young people, it impacts middle-aged people, and older adults especially are harmed by that. How do you think these intergenerational relationships impact our societal views about aging. Because I think you guys are changing the world all over the place. And I think these intergenerational relationships are going to have an impact on our society overall. But I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

SPEAKER_02:

I completely agree on that. First, let's start with the problem. Ageism is a huge problem. And it's even more than being imposed on older adults. Our personal... attitude around aging can affect our longevity by up to nine years, seven or nine years. So if we're good about aging and we're optimistic about it, we're going to live on average seven to nine years longer. First of all, it's self-imposed. And that's something that we can work on and change right away with technology. In fact, you and I talked a little bit about this. This is the next product that we're going to launch. You know, when an older adult signs up for Aldera, we ask them a series of questions. We ask them about their superpower and we ask them to share with us about their life and their passions. And we learn so much about them and we use that information in matching, which is why 94% of the people that we connect and talk once go on to Talking Weekly. Well, we realized we never showed them how special we think they are. So our new product invites every older adult over 60 who does not have a criminal background. We do criminal background check to join Aldera as a member. And we're going to remind them we created what we call a wisdom portrait. that reminds them and society why they're so incredibly valuable and how they are contributing. Okay,

SPEAKER_01:

this sounds amazing. What is a wisdom portrait?

SPEAKER_02:

So a wisdom portrait takes all the information that you want to share about yourself in the Eldera signup and summarizes it in And also you upload your photo and we show the impact that you're having. We show your superpower. We show your wisdom. We show how people can benefit from it and connect to you because of those things. And then you can choose to take baby steps. You can first connect with other older adults like you in the community. And then when you're ready, you can start helping a young person. And then the ultimate thing, the ultimate goal is the one-on-one weekly mentoring, like your daughter, because that has the highest health benefits and life benefits for both. But step one is for older adults to stop feeling invisible. You know, as I mentioned at the beginning, I was raised by my grandparents and I just love gravitating around older adults. And I am so heartbroken when they say, say that they feel invisible because they're brilliant right and they have incredible life experience

SPEAKER_01:

so much to offer and share

SPEAKER_02:

much to offer and you know this from personal experience but when kids join aldera they do not drop their mentors you know um our churn is very low because Older adults are in very, very high demand at Aldera. Today, we have over 900 parents and kids in the waitlist. Wow. Oh,

SPEAKER_01:

no. And

SPEAKER_02:

a

SPEAKER_01:

lot of your mentors have more than one child mentor, right? Yeah. So you keep them busy, too, and you still have a waitlist. We still have a waitlist. But we need more older adults

SPEAKER_02:

to sign up. We do. We need them to realize that they are very, very needed. And if you don't believe it, just sign up. We'll connect you with people who really need you and want to talk to you and want to hear from you. In fact, the funniest thing I'll say is that we've learned from older adults that if the mentor is even five minutes late on the Zoom, the kid is like, excuse me. I've been waiting. Where were you? I'm ready. I have so much to tell you. And it's so lovely. Yes, it's so. So, yeah, it's it's truly about building through human relationships, especially in this world that where we see chatbots and AI and social media replacing a lot of those authentic conversations. We just talk to someone who is not perfect. is not perfect, who has lived through life, who has stories to tell and who you know, we can learn from and they can learn from us. I cannot even tell you how many mentors read Harry Potter and know about K-pop and everything that's cool with kids way more than me because I don't have kids.

SPEAKER_01:

Right, because they have to keep up with their mentees. So it's good for both of them. They're learning new things from each other. And because of the way you match them, they already usually have some things in common that they can start a conversation from and some interests in common, which is also what wonderful thing about Eldera is that whole matching system. But yeah, I know from experience when we miss a session, we're out of town or the mentor's out of time, my daughter really misses that time. She looks forward to it. And during the week, she saves up ideas and things that she wants to talk to Miss Patty about. And she even texts with Miss Patty. And I feel safe about that because I know there's background checks in place. And it's like the one thing that she can do independently on social media that I don't worry about. You know, if she wants to connect with Miss Patty, I have no worry about that at all. It's like the best way for her to engage in text messaging and social media is with Miss Patty. So that's another great thing about it. It's like that safe space and that parents can feel comfortable with that relationship.

SPEAKER_02:

That's exactly it. You know, we set a goal and we will continue to outpace everybody any standards in safety so right now at aldera we not only background check uh all of the older adults we also vet them on top of that we train them and we record every conversation so if there's any question we can pull the recording and as you know we ask parents to be involved and introduce themselves and get to know the mentor So there are so many different things that we put into place to make sure that kids are safe, older adults are safe, and the entire community is safe and thriving.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a beautiful thing. Having a safe space. There's just nothing like it. So we need to get more older adults involved. We need to spread the word about this. What are your dreams for the future of this platform? Like, where do you want to go? There's so many things you can do.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, thank you for asking that. You know, Eldera stands for the era of the elders. And as you mentioned at the beginning, we truly understand that older adults are the only untapped and growing natural resource on the planet. Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

What a great way to frame that.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you. And we're squandering it today. You know, we have a billion people over 60 today. By the time I'm going to be in my 60s in 2050, we're going to have 2.1 billion. And we need an infrastructure that leverages this incredible lived experience and wisdom. And the first application we have for it is to help kids because we rely so much on young people. But that's just the first application. We believe that when older adults are supported by technology, they can truly solve some of the larger societal challenges. So we're starting with mental health and loneliness, because frankly, there is no global solution to loneliness. And if you tell me that talking to a chatbot is going to make you less lonely, I'm going to really, really worry about you. That's

SPEAKER_01:

right. The chatbot is not where it's at. No.

SPEAKER_02:

It's not where it's at. Only human connection can make a human less lonely. And How wonderful that we have this incredible worldwide resource. So my goal is to initially get every kid and older adult in America on Eldera, supporting each other. Because when we do that, we lower the cost. pretty much erase loneliness in older adults. And we lower the cost of mental health in kids and make both of their lives better. We extend

SPEAKER_01:

people's longevity. We save health care costs because we're improving health outcomes for both the kids and the adults. Right.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, how incredible and simplistic that one technology supporting one relationship can solve everything. two of the largest current healthcare challenges on the planet, which is loneliness and mental health. You're right. That is

SPEAKER_01:

powerful.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. So I invite every older adult over 60. If you're younger than 60, you do not qualify yet. You need to gather more wisdom.

SPEAKER_00:

Keep working on it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. But if you're over 60 and you don't have a criminal background, please join Eldera. Join us as a member. Check us out. And then when you're ready, hopefully you'll start impacting a kid's life just like Patty's doing.

SPEAKER_01:

Great. I hope our listeners will take you up on that offer. So wonderful. This has just been a fabulous conversation. Thank you so much, Dana, for what you're doing and what you're creating and putting out into the world and for your time today and sharing that with us on this podcast. It has been a wonderful conversation.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you so much. I'm so grateful to be able to share Aldera with your listeners and to be able to talk to you and learn from you about your experience and our friendship. It's been great. Thank you, Dana.

SPEAKER_01:

Before we wrap up today's episode, we wanted to take a moment to hear directly from the people who are at the heart of Aldera. These are the voices of two people who are experiencing the real world impact of this platform. I'm about to have a casual conversation with my daughter, Margo, and her mentor, Patty, who have formed a strong bond through Aldera. So stick around as we dive into a special interview where they'll share their personal stories and insights with us. Hey, that was perfect timing. All right, good. How are you guys? Good, how are you? I'm good. Did you have a good Thanksgiving? Yeah, I did. It was fun. Yeah, me too. I went to Vermont and it snowed. You told me. It's funny because I was looking at your questions, and one of your questions was, what do we talk about? Well, we talk about everything, but we do talk about our families a lot. Yeah. You know, and it goes both ways. We do. We talk about our, because our families are our world, basically.

SPEAKER_00:

You

SPEAKER_01:

know, the people we live with, you know, or in my case, the grown-up and left and built their own families. So that's what we talk about that. We also talk about food a lot. We both, both

SPEAKER_00:

are foodies.

SPEAKER_01:

We talk about just about anything, don't we, Margo? Yeah. Just about anything. I mean, whatever was going on that day or something that happened that day or we just, and I just, You always, we always end up laughing. I will never forget the first meeting when you were kind of like, I don't know how she'll do with you. And like five minutes in, she's like, see you, mom. Yeah, she wanted me to leave immediately. This is my friend. You can go. You can be signed up. So let's go. I actually have learned a great deal about Down syndrome.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Because of all the... of all the kids with disabilities that I've worked with, I have never worked with one with Down syndrome. And I can remember when I first met you, you told me in the email, Gretchen, that she likes to talk about her diagnosis. So I purposely did not Google anything about Down syndrome because I wanted Margo to teach me. And she has. And she's really shared so much about what it's like and the joys and the sorrows.

SPEAKER_00:

A lot of songs I always listen to.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So I've learned a great deal about, and I still haven't Googled anything about Down

SPEAKER_00:

syndrome. Oh my gosh. To that day.

SPEAKER_01:

Which is, you know, because I Google everything. Okay. But then you just end up with the stereotypes. And if you've met one person with Down syndrome, you've met one person with Down syndrome. They're all different. So this leaves you open to understanding it. Yep. It really did. And I'm glad that I was smart enough to wait for her to teach me. That was very smart. I love it. Do you remember the day that I came on with the can of whipped cream and you were like, what is wrong with this woman? I said to her, I had a can of whipped cream in my hand. And I said, hi, Margo. And I just squirted whipped cream into my mouth. And I said, does that tell you what kind of a day I'm having? And she looked at me like, okay, girl, whatever you think. The best thing about Margo is I am, I know there's emotional safety there. I know she's going to accept me no matter what, even when I'm being completely goofy with a can of whipped

SPEAKER_00:

cream. I never let you live that down. Yep. Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

She is. She is. I'm team Margo and she's team Patty. Yep. And I like that a lot. Yep. She's a very loyal friend. yeah what is your favorite thing about

SPEAKER_00:

oh um i think she's very very funny you talked about her life all the time but i love those stories and i think and how she's very positive all the time and i like that she's gonna be very nice

SPEAKER_01:

now we've never said a mean word to each other i don't think we've ever had a crossword i don't think even though there's been a couple times we needed to have some serious talks they worked out really well i

SPEAKER_00:

think it's because we can't see the end and we want to grow from our

SPEAKER_01:

own i think it's because at the core we really care about each other very deeply yeah Very much so. I was looking through my old emails for the link for this call today. And I went way back to the beginning. And I realized that this month is your three-year anniversary. That's right. Oh, my gosh. That's right. Wow, three years. Oh,

SPEAKER_00:

my gosh. If you help me through them, I think it's amazing about friendship.

SPEAKER_01:

It has been so wonderful to watch her grow and change these last three years. And I know that you don't think of teenagers as growing and changing. I'm talking more emotionally and maturity wise. I've seen such a difference in her. I mean, it's just been such a pleasure to watch. Can you think of a couple things that you've learned from Miss Manny? Specific things you've learned from her? I learned to always look on the bright side of things. Oh, because you're so positive, you said. Yeah. And I learned that not everyone is going to like me, which is okay. And that's okay? Yeah. A lot of people do, a lot of people don't, and that's okay. Have you learned anything from Margot? Oh, my gosh. Well... she reminded me what it's like to be a teenager and that it's not always easy. And it brought back some of those feelings that I kind of had, you know, I was like, Oh, I remember feeling like that. I'm feeling like awkward with people and, and like, Oh, do I fit in those kinds of worries? Yeah. We, we, And I've learned, oh my gosh, I don't even know how to tell you how much I've learned from her. Such, such a wealth of understanding and, and friendship that I never expected to find in someone so young,

SPEAKER_00:

you know,

SPEAKER_01:

to feel like I'm, I'm, I don't think I'm talking to, I'm talking to an 18 year old girl. I just think I'm talking to Margo and she's my friend. And the age, you know, we, I mean, the age is there, but it's, it doesn't hit me in the face. It's really, it's really about what's inside. You know, it's so funny because I've had people say, why would kids want to talk to an old person? And I'm like, I don't know what, you know, friends are friends who cares what age.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. It's a different. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. You are who you are. And I do try to accept everybody. Yeah. I mean,

SPEAKER_00:

I can remember who she is. It has gray hair. It does fine. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01:

exactly. You know, and we're like that. She's like, you know, she doesn't see my gray hair and wrinkles. And I don't notice, I don't see the, I don't see down syndrome when I look at her. I just see Margo's eyes. I see Margo's eyes and Margo's shining through those eyes. And I, the rest of it isn't there. It's just, I see Margo. Awesome. She's a cool kid. She's a cool kid. You are a cool kid.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. And Patty's a great mentor.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, all around. Now, these have been really, this really have, and you know, and she's, there was a day last spring that she really, she really was far more aware of tuned into me more than I ever realized she was. And it was when my husband was going through some heart testing and things. And I was, and I was worried, but I didn't say anything to her. We got on that day and, you know, we were talking, I thought we were just being normal and she just stops and she goes, are you okay? Yeah. That's what she said to me. She says, are you okay? She said, And she literally said, are you worried about your husband? Yeah. Would you like to talk about it? Yeah. And I just thought my and I was I literally almost started to cry right there. And I was like, you know what? I really would like to because it's kind of worrying me. And she just listened to the boring stuff about tests and and, you know, that kind of stuff. But it felt so nice to talk about it. Because we really weren't telling our families or our kids yet because we wanted to wait until we had all the results. So it was so nice to go, I can tell Margo. I really appreciated that so much for you to notice that I wasn't being myself.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I mean, I always say, tell me everything to my friends when they're upset. And I think telling you that You know,

SPEAKER_01:

what my mother would call grown-up things, you know, that she's never had. You know, being an older person and you start thinking about medical stuff. And it was just so nice because I was worried. And I guess maybe she just picked up that I, and it was, she was definitely tuned in. It has been so nice to get to know you and to know that Margo has someone in her life that I totally trust for her to come and talk to. That's the other great thing. Yeah. The way the match system works and the safety and everything in Eldera really helps. And I tell her and I tell all my Eldera kids that everything we say, I don't repeat to anybody unless I feel that there's a danger of some kind or there's... something that really needs to be addressed. Other than that, everything we say is between us. And you like having that private place where you can have conversations and where you can say stuff that you don't want anybody else to hear. And Eldera did a lot. And I think I've told Margo this before, but during the pandemic with my chronic health issues, I became so isolated and And Eldera really, and Margo, and looking forward to talking to her every week. And then doing more, getting more and more involved in Eldera with the social things. It's really helped a lot. It's really helped a lot. And I am now getting out more and more, which feels good. But there was a period of time where I was quite isolated. And Eldera, I mean, I literally feel like it saved me. And Margo, you helped me. have a sense of purpose again. But to reconnect with kids was wonderful. It was good to talk with you, Gretchen. Thank you for this. You too. Thank you so much for doing this. I really appreciate it. My pleasure. Believe me. Thank you for listening to The Age Guide, Perspectives on the Aging Journey. Age Guide coordinates and administers many services for older adults in Northeastern Illinois. Thank you, and we will see you next time on The Age Guide. Guide podcast.