I am joined by Dr. Rachel Allyn. She is a relationship & intimacy therapist spreading the mind-body medicine of bodyfulness, Retreat leader, TEDx Speaker, Author: The Pleasure is All Yours.
We talk about how we live in a society where many things are unnecessarily taboo. We discuss how important it is to be connected to your body as well as being able to experience intimacy within all relationships. Pleasure is something most people don't spend enough time thinking about whether that is enjoying a delicious meal, being outdoors in nature or sexually with a partner.
We talk about the myths around yoga and how finding the right practice can help you get trapped emotions out of your body, connect with your body through movement and find a supportive community.
𝘿𝙧. 𝙍𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙡 𝘼𝙡𝙡𝙮𝙣 (@drrachelallyn) • Instagram photos and videos
Dr. Rachel Allyn (drrachelallyn.com)
The Pleasure Is All Yours (thepleasureisallyoursbook.com)
Filled Up Cup - Unconventional Self Care for Modern Women
Ashley (@filledupcup_) • Instagram photos and videos
I am joined by Dr. Rachel Allyn. She is a relationship & intimacy therapist spreading the mind-body medicine of bodyfulness, Retreat leader, TEDx Speaker, Author: The Pleasure is All Yours.
We talk about how we live in a society where many things are unnecessarily taboo. We discuss how important it is to be connected to your body as well as being able to experience intimacy within all relationships. Pleasure is something most people don't spend enough time thinking about whether that is enjoying a delicious meal, being outdoors in nature or sexually with a partner.
We talk about the myths around yoga and how finding the right practice can help you get trapped emotions out of your body, connect with your body through movement and find a supportive community.
𝘿𝙧. 𝙍𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙡 𝘼𝙡𝙡𝙮𝙣 (@drrachelallyn) • Instagram photos and videos
Dr. Rachel Allyn (drrachelallyn.com)
The Pleasure Is All Yours (thepleasureisallyoursbook.com)
Filled Up Cup - Unconventional Self Care for Modern Women
Ashley (@filledupcup_) • Instagram photos and videos
Welcome to the filled up cup podcast. We are a different kind of self-care resource one that has nothing to do with bubble baths and face masks and everything to do with rediscovering yourself. We bring you real reviews, honest experiences and unfiltered opinions that will make you laugh, cry, and most importantly, leave you with a filled up cup.
Ashley:I am so excited joining me today. I have Dr. Rachel Allyn. She is a holistic psychologist, sex therapist, yoga teacher, and author. Her new book is the pleasure is all yours. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Rachel:Thanks for having me. I'm excited. I can always talk about this topic.
Ashley:Well, can you tell us a little bit about what your book is about??
Rachel:Yeah, I'd love to it's really at the core of the pleasure as all yours is to really help people discover what I call bodyfullness, which is expanded mindfulness. I like to say it's like mindfulness unleashed, given that we understand now that our bodies can store old traumas and it's where our motions reside and that being in mindfulness is still a little bit limiting as far as keeping us in our head and our intellect and it leaves out just the wisdom of the body and the way our body can be a resource. So I really talk about just explain to readers what bodyfulness is and also how it includes really not only. Using the body as a way to heal, but the body is a source of just joy pleasure and celebration. Given that the United States is one of the most repressed countries in the world.
Ashley:It is so surprising because north America, in general, it's like you would think being a first world country and we have access to all these tools that we would really lean into them. A lot of times I think we get caught up into that hustle culture, and we really forget to check in with ourselves and. Like you pointed out so much of it is trapped in our body. A lot of the times we focus on the mental aspect, but not physically on what that can do internally
Rachel:right. Yeah. I think that we really, as little kids, we grow up in the beginning, we're very connected to our bodies and expressing ourselves and our intuition. And then with conditioning, we really end up being these overthinkers that are disconnected from our bodies. And find it kind of a foreign place to be. We don't really know our body's messages or the language of our body. So that's where bodyfulness is there's three parts to it. The first part there's diving in, then there's discharging and then there's delighting. But the diving in means just like, can you even go in to your body to start to notice. What it's telling you as far as digestion, as far as your muscles, as far as, temperature, energy levels, intuition, emotions, breath, all this kind of stuff that we forget, how important that that language is. So it's kind of a coming home into the body and of course the body. Is always in conversation with our brain and our intellect as well. It's just that in mental health, in the United States, we've really left out the body as this really amazing tool. Unfortunately means that. Sometimes people can have great mental insights, but then they still repeat patterns and have the same sort of nervous system reactivity or kind of blockages in their body. They don't understand why, despite the mental insight, they're still repeating behaviors and still feeling unhappy
Ashley:What are some of the ways that we can tell whether we are having that disconnect?
Rachel:Well, I think that relationships could be an example. I bring that up first, perhaps, cuz I do a lot of relationship and sexual health work with that. Those are my specialty areas, but I think even just how we reach out to people that we might want as a partner or how we are reactive, maybe with any relationship, it could be even friends or colleagues. If there is some sort of reactivity that could be due, just maybe the ways in which. At the original time of the trauma, there was a nervous system reactivity of kind of fight or flight or freeze. The cycle was probably not completed at that time to get back to safety and to sort of recover. And so sometimes people will go back to that, either that fight, that flight or that freeze. In whenever there's something that's similar in their current life to the past trauma. So there's a lot of time traveling like the mind and body time traveling. So what we can do is find ways to reorient. Say our partner says something makes a comment or makes a joke. But that joke was about something though, that was really sensitive to us. Or, maybe even an ancestral trauma or something from preverbal. We might find like we're mad at them about it. And then I think. What's amazing about bodyfulness is you can go straight to the source of that reactivity and that trauma in the moment by noticing where it's coming up in your body. So maybe it's your jaw or your stomach clenches, or you aren't breathing very fully, but you can bring your hands to that part of the body. You can soothe them. You can reorient yourself to the here and now by looking around at your space by rooting your feet into the ground. So a lot of it has to do with kind of regrounding centering reorienting. And self soothing so that you can tell your body mind system that you now have agency. You now have the self agency in this moment of your life that you didn't have when the original trauma or traumas were taking place, which is the case for a lot of us as kids, right. We didn't quite have the same agency or freedoms as a kid.
Ashley:Or even just the brain development to even acknowledge what was really going on mm-hmm Cause I think, unfortunately, a lot of the times when we think about trauma, we think about it being a situation or an action that happened. And in a lot of cases, it's really how we reacted to whichever situation it was. So it may even be something that the trauma was six months later or further out, and really how it got trapped in our body.
Rachel:Yes. Exactly. It's sometimes described as like this frozen residue. There's a leftover sort of residue in there. It's can be so different for everybody how it's sort of released. That's where the second part of bodyfulness is like, what do we do with what we notice with our embodied mindfulness and that's where it's gonna be different maybe every day or depending on what's coming back up. I suggest two strategies, containment practices, especially if we're overwhelmed with feelings. Containment really can mean anything from a self hug hug from somebody else, a weighted blanket, maybe it's a child's pose or something kind of on the ground or going into a smaller space. The other main suggestion is discharge strategies. So that means like maybe sighing it out or crying. You need sweat and tears. Those sorts of things are really actually part of embodiment and bodyfulness. Also it can be shaking or bouncing or things that look like exercise more typical. Types of exercise, or even also like really intentional movements like yoga and some of those types of releasing discharging movements that are really slow and intentional, I think are especially good because then you can really slow down and notice, like what is my body needing right now? What are my emotions sort of telling me right now? So not to imply that some more vigorous ways of discharging out stress from the body aren't really. Helpful as well. It's just that it's good to have a combination of different tools in your somatic toolbox. So for example, I know that my jaw is like a real go to place when I have stress, my jaw clenches. So I really monitor and check in with that. When there is something stressful, I'll bring my hands to each side of my jaw. I'll massage that area. I'll open and shut the area. A let out a sigh or some release to kind of let go of that bottleneck there at the throat between the head and the heart. It can be as simple as a ten second sort of thing that then really reorients me grounds me centers me. So I'm not in that time traveling place of that's similar to the past trauma or past stress.
Ashley:I think that's so important too, because a lot of the times when we think about stress, We potentially think that it's gonna be very time consuming to de-stress or that it's gonna be something that will have to potentially learn a different skill or master a different mindset.
Rachel:Right. It's just a matter of practice and routine. Part of my work and any somatic psychologist. So somatic being you know, body oriented, any psychologist who also wants to bring in the body as much as talking. I think what we're all trying to do is just help people's. To see that, Hey, look, we have this agency within us and we have these resources within us, but first you just have to believe that it could make a difference. Given we've come historically from a place in which we've been told that medicine especially when it comes to our emotions. It's all about our mind. The body was really denigrated as. Primal and primitive and just something to control. That's where the first third of my book is really about kind of, how did we get here? How did we get to this place where we're really so sick, we're so disconnected from our bodies and disconnected from each other. And so I just look at how both with our puritanical history, as well as the industrial revolution that really. Wanted to make us into robots and still does capitalism still does, you know, push beyond your body's limits, override what your body's telling you are, the messages that we get. So the first section is just about saying, look, this is how we got here. This is the conditioning we've received, but you don't have to live like that. This is how you can. Kind of really reclaim this power to self heal within your own body, but first, you have to believe that it's possible. I have in the second part of the book, kind of geeking out on some of the research, but that looking at how. This has been the case of, we just have neglected understanding the ways that trauma and emotions live in our body. It's ultimately a really wonderful thing. Like, gosh, we all get to reclaim these different ways of healing. We don't need to prescription. We don't need to pay a lot of money for our gadget, but we do need to. Really start with that process daily. I have a daily practice of checking in with the body and I have some worksheets in the book. One of them is called like a body conversation worksheet where you sort of go through one side of the body. The other side, you notice digestion, you notice all sorts like energy level, muscular dynamics, your kind of breath going sort of from top to bottom inside to outside naming colors, like really getting reacquainted with the body's message.
Ashley:I really love that it has that workbook aspect of it. Cause I think sometimes logically when we're reading. It sometimes can feel like, but how do I actually do that for myself? So I really think it makes it less complicated when we can not only read and process it that way, but actually physically go through the steps of, this is why it's this. And this is why it's that.
Rachel:I mean, especially given like the whole premise behind bodifullness and sort of reclaiming this inner wisdom and inner body mind confidence, and really reclaiming our right to feel good in our bodies, even though bodifullness doesn't mean, we feel good all the time, but it's all part of this reclamation is that, you know, here, I'm talking about something that's very much. Felt sense, visceral experience. So that's where I have throughout the book. Some moments where you stop and you get into your body or at the back of the book, the worksheets that can help you to also sort of think about it and be in it in different ways, whether it be with movement or some quizzes to measure things compare before and after. But yeah, a little bit more interactive and dynamic. I think the best way to really see bodifulness and action in my work is when I do retreats, like I just came back from leading a women's retreat in Joshua Tree California, and that was three nights. I do also retreats that are a whole week, but that's where you really see people because of the yoga classes that I teach. and just the environment they're in, people are really out in nature, they're in their bodies and moving in diverse ways, they're eating amazing food. They're connecting to new friends. It's just this way of really getting out of the routine. We can't always immerse ourselves, maybe quite like that. We can't be on a retreat every week. But that those are really intense, transformative examples of when people leave with that sense of bodifulness
Ashley:I really do think retreats, whether you only attend one or you do have the ability to attend multiple different types of retreats. I find that when you're stuck in this mindset, or you can't. Put into action. What you're trying to change about yourself, a retreat can be so life changing because you really do. You get absorbed into all of it, and it seems more realistic and possible that you could then incorporate change because I think sometimes change seems so hard and so overwhelming for people that being supported in an environment is just, it's huge. Do you have any other retreats upcoming?
Rachel:I'm in the process of putting together my next winter time retreat. So one is the last always every year. That's the last week of January. And then now I'm gonna have an annual women's one every may. So right now we're looking into Puerto Rico actually, cuz I do my winter retreats in different locations and I've had them in. Mexico Costa Rica Belize, Dominican Republic also Nicaragua. So kind of mix it up a little bit with those international ones, but then always have one out west in the US. Retreats are really transformative, so it's just a matter of giving ourselves permission to. Take that time off work and go just like the embodiment practices we're talking about here. It's like, can you give yourself permission because there's always gonna be these other things on the to-do list and there's always gonna be the noise and the distractions and the dings from the phone and the email and the inbox. So it's really about, do you wanna take a chance on trying this because what do you have to lose and given maybe what you're doing, hasn't been working.
Ashley:Well, and that's the thing is that we can't always fix ourselves. Do you do just women retreats or is it a mix?
Rachel:The ones that I do that are international every winter, those have all been co-ed and then now this new one, every spring is gonna always just be for women. So they'll yeah. Have variety and it's nice sometimes. Yeah. I've had, couples come or just men on their own. It's been, kind of a nice wide variety. I'm a wanderlust kind of person I always wanna explore and travel. For me that is just so exhilarating and I learn so much about myself by being in another country. So there's that element too of getting out of our routine and just being in a place of wonder and curiosity, because that's also what we're doing in our bodies. Can we be in curiosity within our body to be like, How did I get here? What's happening here versus being more critical and harsh cuz so many people are really mean to themselves when it comes to their body. It's like they might have just a constant stream of negativity about that. Their body isn't as young as it used to be or as able body, it used to be, or the shape or the form or that the skin texture, it can be rampant. energetically. You know, that's self denigration and that's sort of causing a lot of our own suffering that we don't have to do.
Ashley:When we let go of that guilt that we hold in our body for all of the things that you just listed, it really can feel like you've mentally just lost 30 pounds.
Rachel:We have our subtle body energy and that's another part of like, when we are you're diving in for the first part of bodifulness is really noticing the subtle body energy. I have a chapter in the book that talks about ayurvedic medicine and chakras. Once people tap into energy, that's like a really helpful tool. But yeah, all of this is to get us really also to that third place. of bodifulness or the third layer, which is about delighting. It's really about enjoying being in our body because we have a system and a method of riding the wave to cope and heal with our discomfort, because we can only really revel in the pleasures of our life. If we also know how to cope with pain, which is also inevitable. And what I found is that people. Cultivate bodifulness. They turn to life's pleasures, not to numb and distract and avoid and run, but they turn to it as a way to enhance their life and to really expand and enjoy their life. Because they do already have a method to cope with some of the discomfort that comes up.
Ashley:It is so important for us to remember, to prioritize our pleasure. I feel like a lot of the times we're kind of on this, like, go, go, go hustle culture. You just focus on work family home that it doesn't seem like there's any other possible hours in the day. What's some advice that you would give to people when they're trying to rediscover what even brings them pleasure anymore.
Rachel:I do have in the book, just this place where you can journal in just brainstorm, like what does gimme pleasure. And then to encourage like a pleasure practice, which, I go through different types of pleasure because the word pleasure has been so reduced in American culture to just mean sex. So I talk about how there's sensual pleasures. So. Literally of the senses. So it could be food, like really closing your eyes to truly taste those bites of food. It can also be about connection to nature and all the smells and sounds, cuz that can be very sensual too. Really looking at just textures, colors, how you adorn yourself or your space. And just starting there, like, can you slow down and just see. What feels good with each of your senses and acknowledge that. Cause that also really regulates the nervous system. There's times in which there's sensory information coming our way, that's not pleasant, whether it be construction noise or something. So I like to help people figure out ways that they can self soothe with each of their senses. So with sensual pleasures, in order to also kind of cope when there's. Challenging sensory stimuli. I also talk about playful pleasures and the importance of playing like we did when we were kids. So bringing in creativity and also just enjoying things for the sake of it, not about the outcome, cuz like you said, with hustle culture, being this phenomenon right now, people can really just be so obsessed with outcome and they aren't even really enjoying the journey or the process of things. I have a chapter where I talk about, these playful pleasures and creative ways you can connect. I also talk about flow states where that can happen in your livelihood at your work, or can be more about liveliness in your hobbies, but that's really when we are fully aligned and immersed in something and time seems to just stand still. Whenever there's something we're really engrossed in, whether it be maybe. Writing and you have this moment of creativity in your writing, or maybe there's, some other project at work or maybe it has to do with the hobby while you're gardening. You're just so immersed in that experience of planning. I talk about erotic states of pleasure, which have to do with sex, but also so much more, it has to do with really like energetic experiences, which could also include like with artwork. And literature and that sort of thing, but also of course, with a partner or a lover and the ways in which that experiential exchange of energy can be obviously very healing and pleasurable. But it's really about that life force energy erotic energy is a life force energy that really sort of wakes us up and expands us and tunes us in. And all those other types of pleasures are really good ways to have more erotic energy because, it's almost like foreplay, I say, it's like, if you are. Practicing some of these sensual pleasures created pleasures flow states, then you are gonna be able to access erotic pleasures more. For starters, you've given yourself permission in your body to just be in those states and to receive, which is really complicated, especially for people who have been socialized as female. And really told that their energy needs to go outward as nurturers. But it really helps just with relationships and connection, whether this be about intercourse or just about like true presence with another and exchanging compassion and tenderness, all of these types of pleasure are really building blocks to have that amazing life force energy.
Ashley:There's that old cliche saying, like, if you don't love yourself, you can't fully love somebody else. But I think it's really important that we know what our individual pleasure is before we can really even necessarily just focus on the intimacy between yourself and a partner, because it's almost like going through the motions because if you don't understand your pleasure, how can you really. Give it, if that makes sense.
Rachel:Absolutely. I talk in the book about body boundaries, like understanding our boundaries and limitations when our body is telling us things, that maybe somebody's crossed a boundary or limitation. And so a lot of it too is just really helping people to own. Their body's messages and to speak and to express their desires and express what are not their desires or what does not feel good or doesn't feel pleasurable.
Ashley:There's such a misconception that. It all looks the same and that, men only want one thing or women only want one thing, but it's like when we can both really communicate with our partners, this is my boundary. This is what I like. This is what I don't like. It just makes the final outcome, whatever that is so much better and so much richer and so much more pleasurable.
Rachel:I think of that as like true intimacy when we think of emotional or physical intimacy, I mean, true intimacy means that we share of ourselves, you know, we're the best that we can with where we're, at we're honest, we just let people know. I mean, so much more pain and problems come from people not owning and speaking their truth and they'll hide it from the other person. They'll avoid it, it comes out more misdirected or. It ends up being deception especially over a long term relationship. So the more that we really can listen to our body's messages, our mind, body connection, have that be enhanced and like learn to speak it and share it and, be free from that fear of judgment. That really makes for amazing intimacy of any kind. Whether it be a sexual relationship or platonic it's such a gift when people share their truth and just share where they're at. One of the things I talk about in the book is just how, you see somebody at the grocery store and you just say like, how you doing? And they might say, I'm fine, even though they might not be fine at all. Fine might really actually. For them stand for fucked up insecure, neurotic, and emotional is sort of the joke. I'm fine. Well, this is really what I mean by fine, but we don't even allow ourselves just to kind of be real in some of that, that day to day. So of course, it's gonna be maybe a little more challenging to do that in a more romantic or sexual relationship. But that to me is like, the ultimate intimacy of just you don't have to share absolutely everything. Of course, we all get to have our own privacy. Just to cultivate connection, to be able to really be open and honest about just where we're at in our body, our needs, our wants our pleasures, our dislikes and of course it depends how we go about saying it, but. Most people love to receive honesty. Like they appreciate the suggestion or knowing what the limit is. sometimes people might feel a little bit defensive or hurt at first, but overall people really, they want to know what their partner does and doesn't like, It's a gift.
Ashley:I think in this day and age, especially while technology sort of divides us so much and there isn't as much human interaction as there once was. It's rare that you'll pick up a phone. Most people tend to email or send a quick text. So I think that human connection and that authenticity. Is really what we all need to work to get back to because a lot of the times we do throw away that, Ugh, I'm good, I'm fine. And it's like, internally, you could be on fire. And like you said, having a breakdown, but we don't wanna let people in, we don't wanna show people the messy parts. It's really important to get back to that wholeness.
Rachel:That authenticity, that just kind of genuineness and also that respects ourselves and respects others, just human beings and our humanness, because, people have been in this place of like not making eye contact, having their face covered, seeing others is just these walking viruses. There's so much division. I mean, I think that a big part of bodifulness and anybody who really, does like a lot. Weaving in embodiment into the work. It's this connection to our soul. And it is I think, a big part of healing. This divisiveness, there's such a divisiveness we have with other people. And also just sometimes within our own inner knowing there's a lot of different things out there. Now I also have been studying and learning more about psychedelic medicine. You're done more therapeutically and how that also can help with some of this divisiveness. But part of what they say is so healing about it is that it's a very full body experience too. You're getting out of just like the ego and you're coming into also learn of the body's wisdom. In different ways, People are really turning to this and, and talking to it. I find it exciting. I wanted to kind of change and happen even more rapidly. But I think that the tide is really there where. There's this sea change happening where people are starting to recognize, like talk therapy, for example, is really helpful. And yet it can be really limited if we don't also incorporate in all this other, these other layers of, of wisdom within. But it does, you know, it certainly does help with some of those really limited beliefs. What I usually do say I'm gonna talk with somebody about some of their limiting beliefs. I would also say, where are the corresponding places in your body that get on high alert or react or respond when you have that belief? Because then what we can do is go straight to the source of that. Also belief as it lives in present moment, reality of your body to start changing it. Then and there, and, soothing it and sort of sending it on its way. So it's a much more powerful change process when we integrate the two.
Ashley:I think that it is so important now that therapy, and even just how people look at mental health, that shift is coming so that it isn't like, okay, I just have to sit down with somebody. and even if I don't necessarily like talking about my problems, this is my only option. I love that. Things that consider the body or psychedelics. The psychedelic drug aspect of it, I think is huge where people are looking at microdosing mushrooms or ketamine or the ayahuasca and having those type of experience. I think collectively it's so important for people to lean into. What's gonna work best for them and to not feel like they're stuck on just one solution,
Rachel:I was chuckling the other day talking to a friend about how, I tend to work in these really taboo areas. Bringing the body into mental health has been really taboo working with relationship and sexual health stuff. I mean, anything related to sex has been very taboo. I'm not an expert by any means of psychedelics, but I'm just starting to do, continuing research. To explore it so that, you know, as they become legal, I wanna really be at the forefront. But then again, it's something that's so taboo and what's interesting is all of these things that have been rendered kind of naughty and taboo. Yes. There is potential for abuse, but the thing is that they're all very powerful. Parts of our humanness and our healing and our connection. And they're really kind of at the antithesis of a lot of just like, kind of the computer and our kind of overthinking I guess technological era. And so I think what the challenge is, is like, how do we find this middle path? And like integrate it all. There's nothing wrong with technology in and of itself, but there is when we completely abandon our humanists in these other like important, powerful aspects of our humanist, because they've been labeled taboo. So it's kind of a journey. I think we're all trying to figure.
Ashley:I think coming out of the last couple years, we're really craving that connection and that humanity again. But if anything, I feel like we're sort of leading down the right path. I do think that the stigma around all of it is changing. It's just so slow.
Rachel:I always say that everybody I know has a body and everybody I know came from a sexual being. And yet everybody I know has a story, at least one story, if not more of shame, confusion, and guilt related to their sexual body and reproductive body. So there's something clearly messed up here that. We are this culture that's born of real shame just for being who we are. It really masks and buries, some of the brilliance within us and the healing within us. For example, pleasure practices. Can be really healing and really regenerative and really connecting. When I was doing research, looking at group activities that involved embodiment, so might be a group yoga class or a music concert research found that people. Naturally felt much more compassion for others after being in these, embodied group experiences, they all just more altruism for others. It's really what I'm trying to do is just like flip everything on its head and just challenge that status quo that says these things are like bad for us. While at the same time, acknowledging that they can be abused. People can be in a place of instant gratification where all they do is chase pleasures. But that's gonna be, if they don't have some of the tools of bodifullness and somatic healing then that might be a result, but there is absolutely a way that we can live and balance with some of these like really healing practices. And at the end of the day, We can't ignore our body cuz our body will always, win. It's like the famous book called the body keeps the score. So we're not doing ourselves any favors by like sweeping our emotions under the rug. Cause they're still there in our body and all they really want is to be acknowledged and to move through.
Ashley:That is very important for people to absorb and for them to hear that it is okay that you feel the way that you feel, and it's okay to look for better and different solutions. And obviously in any case, there's gonna be a select few that maybe do abuse it. But I think for the most. Of the people. It really is just that craving of that actual connection. and to know that whatever they're feeling is okay, and to get back to finding what's fun in your body, what's playful finding that child like spirit again, where you just enjoy your life.
Rachel:Oh, yes, absolutely. The thing is we have these inner Childs in us. Right. Sometimes they can kind of come out with temper tantrums and that's part of what we need to like really understand that old trauma. Also we're part of our inner child just yeah. Wants to play and laugh and not be so buttoned up. I did a TEDx talk and I mentioned in that, that people respond in life, to what maybe. The challenges or things that are emotional, that confront them. They respond with either a stiff upper lip or a stiff drink, but what if we responded, like a child might with tears or, you know, just kind of slinking down on the ground, because at the end of the day, we are animals, we're human animals. We need to actually invite in that kind of rewilding as it's called and invite in and recognize the inner child that does live with within us. Cause unless we've done the work. There's some residual stuff from childhood to quite varying degrees, of course. But. It is amazing how I mean, I kind of love working with, and a lot of my clients tend to be people that are more perfectionist and achievement oriented and really in their head. And really self-conscious. So that's where my work is just so needed, giving people permission to not be perfect because we're not gonna be perfect in that Western sense of the word, as far as, that means we gotta always do more and be better. It's sort of never. But just to let people kind of be more in the process of things to get out of their head, to not be. So self-conscious to be able to laugh at oneself to really be more like kids and animals. Sometimes we can't all the time, but that to infuse a little of that into us, is a big part of the healing aspect of, bodifullness. I always use the example of karaoke for me because I am not a singer. Nobody would ever say that, I should go make an album by any means, but nonetheless, every now and then I go with friends, we do karaoke and. It's really just about having fun, those favorite old songs that are nostalgic kind of moving your body, dancing along. Maybe people, the audience start singing along with you and they really feed off of your joy much more so than whether you have an amazing voice. So it's just in this example of being playful in your body, and it's not about, you know, getting this award of being the best karaoke singer but really just enjoying the experience.
Ashley:I think too many of that time we do we're so bundled up and we're so afraid of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing or being the wrong thing that we really just need to, question who is that for? Who are we aiming to impress and why does it matter? And just say, fuck it really and have fun and create those memories. Because at the end of the day, when you're looking back. On everything it's like, you're gonna remember those moments of joy or when you were having fun with your friends versus those times where you're like, I should have coulda, woulda, and you weigh so much energy on the things that just really don't matter.
Rachel:That's where I think, with bodifullness helping us kind of also get, get a little bit out of that ego. I think it's our ego that can tell us, you know, shame on you you're too much, or you're not enough, or has us in that place of self righteousness or embarrassment. We have functional aspects to our ego, but this dysfunctional side is so cut off from our body and in our soul. It's so like in its own kind of world spiraling, and it's hard, it's like the ego kind of can always come back. We always have a need to keep practicing really grounding ourselves, coming to start our breath and our soul and our intentions and intuition. It is quite a practice because. We can really get lost back into just all of those old sort of beliefs and storylines that often really aren't truth or they're not necessarily our truth.
Ashley:Now you are also a yoga teacher. When people are thinking about yoga, what are some of the common myths that you see people have about not wanting to do yoga or thinking that yoga's right for.
Rachel:Well, the main thing I hear is that they think that they already have to be flexible. Like it's all about flexibility. Oh, I'm not flexible anymore. Oh, I can't touch my toes. So there's this idea of just this outer form of flexibility required. And there's also some misconceptions that maybe, it's a cult or it's religious or it's gonna be too hard or conversely that it's not. Good enough of a workout. They want him a harder workout when really I see it not as you know, being about a workout, but it's really about it's medicine. It's it's like a moving meditation. It's really about going inward and being curious, not critical in your body, as well as having a chance to kind of discharge some of that blocked, stuck you know, stress in the body and what's wonderful about yoga it has such an expansive lineage and all the poses and the postures kind of go there. There's a particular. Craft to it that builds through all the chakras to sort of really balance the energy in your body. So there's all sorts of scientific benefits. There's all sorts of sort of emotional benefits. There's for some people it can really be more spiritual, kind of taking them to like a higher power or also really about community people kind of developed really strong, supportive communities from their yoga studio or their yoga teacher training group. The underlying philosophy is beautiful because it's really about finding your own balance between effort and ease and sort and just greeting your body where it's at each day. So it's the opposite of the no pain, no gain sort of mentality. But it's also about encouraging us to not bypass strong sensation. It's a really. Invitational gentle way for people to come into their body, but it's true. A lot of people think you have to just, you know, be fit and flexible already. So they avoid it. And quite honestly, they're also just not used to being in their bodies. It might be really vulnerable for them. There's a lot of vulnerability in our body, which, I just let people know at the beginning of a class or retreat that. There's nothing wrong with them, for emotions coming up. That is a wonderful thing. If the emotions are coming up through the practice, that's fabulous. That means like you're really integrated and you're really listening and like giving them this opportunity where they can be vulnerable and move through. I guess there's a saying the only way out is through. So we need to have the stuff come up and move through. That's what cleanses us. That's what allows some of that spaciousness to heal
Ashley:I couldn't agree more with the only way out is through. I feel like so many times we get caught up in looking for cheats on ways to get around it. So I love that yoga is really a practice. No matter what your body shape is, no matter what your gender it's something that is obviously not simple to learn how to do from the jump, but is a simple enough practice where you don't need a ton of equipment. You don't need a ton of space necessarily around you. I think it's really. Beautiful and important to find the right teacher for you that you connect with so that it creates this safe space for you to do it. But I love that you could do it outside. You can do it inside. There's so much opportunity with yoga.
Rachel:Yeah. I mean, there's so many varieties, so many styles, so many different teachers. I think it does require in the beginning, a lot of just exploring like, Hmm, maybe this one, maybe not that you know, cuz somebody might not be ready for a kundalini yoga class or they might prefer something that's more restorative or so a little bit of that trial and error. To find the kind of different ways and styles to be in your body. But it's worth the time. Just trying to have a regular practice, like ideally two, three times a week is really where people start to feel the growth if they do at least like three times a week.
Ashley:Oh, that's good to know. Yeah. Mm-hmm if people are looking for you online, where can they find you?
Rachel:I have my website, which is doctorrachelallyn.com Allyn is spelled A L L Y N. My Instagram is my main social media that I do that has the same name. My Instagram is Dr. Rachel Allyn it's nice. I've been doing now a monthly column for psychology today. Magazine. So my writings there, but those also end up being on my website and that's where I list where my upcoming retreat's gonna be. There's also a link to my book website from my regular website, but the book website is the pleasure is all yours book.com. That's through Shalala publications.
Ashley:Thank you so much for having this conversation with me today.
Rachel:Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, this is wonderful. I like to say I'm spreading pleasure to the people so this is helpful to get that message spread
Ashley:It's such an important message to be spread right now.
Rachel:I agree, Ashley. Yes. Thank you for what you're doing and helping really, to amplify voices of, you know, to help people with their health. With kind of undo some of the conditioning that hasn't been so healthy for us.
Thank you so much for joining us today for this episode of the filled up cup podcast, don't forget to hit subscribe and leave a review. If you like what you hear, you can also connect with us@filledupcup.com. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.