Ep .46 Scott Simon

On this episode I am joined by Scott Simon. Scott is a happiness entrepreneur, SYS founder, and author of Scare Your Soul: 7 Powerful Principles for Harnessing Fear and Living Your Most Courageous Life which was released in December, 2022.

Scott is a sought-after speaker, meditation leader, and high-performance life coach, focusing primarily on creating flourishing lives after major changes such as divorce. Scott earned his BA from Skidmore College, an MA from Case Western Reserve University, and Certificates in Positive Psychology and Coaching from The Wholebeing Institute.  

On this episode we discuss how Scott was a very shy and bullied child who really internalized his pain which led to in his youth trying to live an invisible life. He was stepping out of his comfort zone, after college going to teach English to Holocaust survivors, when he had a panic attack on the plane. To calm himself, he took out a spiral notebook and wrote a challenge to himself to do one thing a day that scared him. He acted on that challenge and a year later headed back to the United States a changed person. That year of daily challenges was something he aimed to continue to do and he did starting with publicly singing in front of a popular brunch spot. That challenge led to a viral moment on Facebook.

We talk about how his daily challenges started inspiring others and became the Scare Your Soul movement. His movement is about inspiring others to take the small steps towards facing their fears and creating a community of others who support each other along the way.

His book Scare Your Soul: 7 Powerful Principles for Harnessing Fear and Living Your Most Courageous Life has the tips to start your own journey, as well as a workbook to help you really implement these principles as well as stories from other people who have implemented these challenges into their own lives. 

Challenges + Courses - Scare Your Soul
The Book - Scare Your Soul
Scare Your Soul (@scareyoursoul) • Instagram photos and videos
Scare Your Soul | Facebook

Ashley (@filledupcup_) • Instagram photos and videos
Filled Up Cup - Unconventional Self Care for Modern Women

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to the Filled Up Cup podcast. We are a different kind of self-care resource. One that has nothing to do with bubble baths and face masks, and everything to do with rediscovering yourself. We bring you real reviews, honest experiences, and unfiltered opinions that will make you laugh, cry, and most importantly, leave you with a filled up cup.

Ashley: 0:33

I am very excited today. I have Scott Simon joining me. Scott is a happiness entrepreneur and founder of the Global Scare, your Soul Courage Movement. His book Scare Your Soul. Seven powerful principles to harness fear and live your most courageous life comes out this December. Thank you so much for joining me.

Scott: 0:52

Thank you so much for having me.

Ashley: 0:54

Can you explain to people that might be unaware what the Scare Your soul movement is and kind of what the background of that is?

Scott: 1:01

Sure. Scare Your soul really is all about small acts of courage. Eleanor Roosevelt originally said a very famous phrase, which was do one thing every day that scares you. That is really our mantra. It started off with one single experience that I had singing in front of a busy restaurant on Sunday morning to push myself to overcome a fear of singing and of singing in public. And that one experience led to a Facebook post, which was shared around the world. And now we have a whole grassroots, organic courage movement built around that experience. And really, it's all about in a very human way, encouraging people just every single day to doing the things in their life that will push them into something great, something connecting, something important that they maybe wouldn't have done otherwise.

Ashley: 1:56

I love the fact that it starts so small. I think sometimes when we think of a task and we put so much pressure on it, and it is so scary that it's like the avoidance can be really real. But if we do something where it can be a tiny little change or a tiny little thing that we've been avoiding for whatever reason, and just kind of lean into it, it can be small baby steps into a real change.

Scott: 2:20

I actually think that that's almost the magic behind it, that in a way, sometimes all we need is a little, I call it a permission slip. That's really all that we do is give people a permission slip to do the things that they maybe just wouldn't do otherwise. And, that small step is, you're absolutely right. Is such a key. My background is in positive psychology and there's this concept. Of an upward spiral and a downward spiral. A downward spiral is when we kind of get stuck when we're not doing those things in life that lead to growth and invigoration and very much like filling our cup, right? That can lead to cycles of anxiety, cycles of depression, and certainly cycles of apathy and feeling stuck. And when we take these small actions, and I know it sounds simple, but they are so powerful when you do them, when you take these small actions, it reverses the spiral into an upward spiral, which really leads us to taking more time to. Push our comfort zones to get more sleep, to connect more deeply with the people in our lives, to share ideas, to be more creative. All of those things are part of that kind of upward spiral and really, it is as simple many times as us. We put out challenges every single week that encourage people to push their comfort zone. And then, you know, the other side of that kind of magical coin is when you do it in community, that you're not just doing it alone, but you're doing it with people who support you and care about you. And, and maybe they're doing it too. Then you're really part of something that's really special and really powerful.

Ashley: 4:01

I definitely agree with that sense of community because I feel like whether it's been the last couple of years and we're more divided or whether it really is sort of the pressure of perfection via like social media and us wanting to showcase, you know, only the best

Scott: 4:17

yes.

Ashley: 4:17

I feel like we tend to. Be so scared of letting our authentic selves show or, you know, afraid to make a mistake or be silly or any of these things that I feel like once we see other people maybe being their authentic self or, facing their challenges and things like that, it almost gives us permission to lean into that ourselves and be more willing to do it as well.

Scott: 4:42

So I'll give you a quick story that completely illuminates what you're saying. When we first started Scare Your Soul, and it was very organic, very small, and I was just basically putting out this concept of what would you do, you know, over the course of a weekend if you tackled something that scared you, like, what would that look like for you? One of our first ambassadors, we now have 80 ambassadors, but one of our first ambassadors came to me, if you saw her, she is strong and tough and she's a dancer. She's just a super powerful person. And she came to me and after thinking about it, she said, What I really wanna do, what really scares my soul, is to hold hands with somebody and walk through a mall. I kind of thought about it and I said to her, Geez, gosh, that seems like almost like the easiest thing that I could do. Like, why is that courageous for you? She said that she came from an abusive home. and she did not want to touch anyone. She never wanted to hug. And so for her, walking through a mall holding hands with somebody was akin to me. Jumping out of an airplane at 14,000 feet with a fear of heights and that. Not only was it valid for both of us, she was fulfilling her pushing of her comfort zone. I was fulfilling mine, but that I could be inspired by her and she could be inspired by me. So that is really what kind of like lit the flame for Scare Your soul. It's these small acts and they're very personal, but when you do it in an environment where people are supporting you, It just takes it to the next level.

Ashley: 6:24

I think it's a really great reminder that we never know, you know, what that big scary task for people could be or we forget that what simple for us really can be this massive big thing for other people. So I think it's a really great reminder just to be kind to people too, and to. You know, judge a book by its cover.

Scott: 6:43

I think you're a hundred percent right. So I was just recording the audio book for the Scare Your Soul book, and I spent a lot of time with both the director and the engineer. One day the engineer took me aside, a wonderful, wonderful guy, and said, I'm afraid of deep water. And my girlfriend loves to swim. I feel like it's just something I could never do. It's just this daunting thing. But now, you know, having heard me read the Scare Your Soul book for many, many hours, he said, I don't have to solve it all in one day. Like, I just have to get my feet in the water. I have to get there and start taking those small steps. I know this sounds elementary, and I know it sounds simple, but. Part of it is identifying those things that are holding us back. There are all kinds of ways in Scare your soul that we look at fear. I mean, really it's all about how fear is processed in our brains and in our bodies and how we view it. Those fears, certainly there are fears that are very relevant and important. It's one of the most important emotions that human beings can ever have. It keeps us safe, but when it's holding us back, sometimes we forget that it can be just little steps moving forward. They're just as courageous as, leaping off of a boat into a body of water. Actually getting yourself there and putting your feet in that first step is just as courageous. And really, that's my passion in life is, reminding people of that

Ashley: 8:15

what a great passion to have. What made you initially decide that you wanted to face your fear of singing in public?

Scott: 8:24

So, I grew up extremely shy, and I was bullied for many years when I was young and basically led almost like an invisible life, a life that I wanted to fade into the woodwork and never be noticed because to me, being noticed meant getting beaten up. So there were, there were many, many years where I couldn't speak in front of two or three people, much less a class of, of other people. And in fourth grade, you know, we all have these experiences in our past that when it happened, It's just a moment, but they stick with us. So when I was in fourth grade, I was in my choir class and we were preparing for the for the holiday choir concert that we would do in front of our families. And there was a substitute choir teacher who was really angry with me. I didn't have a good voice. I still to this day, have a terrible singing voice. But he lost his temper. When basically I couldn't get the note right for the song that we were singing, he basically like charged up to me in front of my entire grade and said that I should just mouth the words that I should basically never sing. And for 35 years, I didn't, That one comment changed my whole self-conception, and it kept me even more silent than I was before. I had over the course of a number of years, I had some things that changed my life. Happy to talk about it. I had an epiphany on an airplane that basically changed my whole view of myself and about fear. But it was, that whole concept of this is a demon that has kind of like been sticking with me ever since fourth grade. And here I am, I think I was 42 when I, when I actually pulled out a guitar, walked to a busy restaurant on a Sunday morning when the brunch crowd was waiting out in front of the restaurant and started to sing. I did it very intentionally to both scare myself, but also to cure myself, to heal myself. That one, I mean, maybe it was 10 minutes, but the feeling I had after those 10 minutes was one of. Joy and freedom, and that's the feeling that I lust after, because that's when the best things in life happen because we're outside of that comfort bubble that we try so hard to build around us. And so, Coming from this childhood of being shy and then taking this step to courageously sing in front of this group of people. That kind of was the precursor to what Scare Your Soul is Now, which is a huge community of thousands of people who are just humans. We're across the globe. Different genders and races and backgrounds and we're all doing this together because overcoming fear is a uniquely human experience. And so for me those years of being shy and bullied those are in my past now and they still live within me as fuel, but it fuels the fire of courage.

Ashley: 11:29

it really is funny in a not funny way of how much things like that in our childhood do kind of stick with us. And if we don't revisit it and kind of reframe it like you had the opportunity to do, then it, it really does become this black cloud that haunts us and makes us convinced. The things that we thought back then are true today, I think as grownups we stopped searching for the joy or that like childlike wonder about things that it's like we do get trapped sort of in that comfort zone like you were talking about. There's so much more magic and there's so much more opportunity and passion that I think that we forget about if we do try new things. Obviously, like there's different caveats to this, but you know, what's the worst that's gonna happen if we do step outside of our comfort zone? You know, we're not gonna burst into flames. It's really that, you know, you just don't know. And I. Leaning into that fear of that unknown or the what if is such a magical possibility, and I love the fact that your movement really started from a Facebook post and then just really took off.

Scott: 12:39

you're key in on such important concepts. This whole sense of discomfort around the unknown. Let's leave aside social media in all the sense that we have to lead perfect lives and God forbid we fail in front of others, which seems like a curse beyond death sometimes to people in our society. But this whole sense of feeling that we need to be in control. And feeling that we need to know the outcome of whatever we do. This pervades all aspects of our life. Just think about people's workplaces. We have this conception sometimes in work that if we do X, Y, and Z, that it's going to lead to. A promotion and a new job and a new title, or a different office or, upward mobility or a salary increase. All the things that we think are gonna make us happier and more fulfilled and fill our cup. When in reality it's actually embracing the discomfort around the unknown, not pretending that we know, we're trying to know, but actually embracing the unknown that leads to the greatest ideas, the greatest creativity connections with people that we never thought we could have. think about those people in your life that intimidate you or that you're afraid of connecting with. And then think of actually, Making a call or sending an email, and you're absolutely right. You almost have to ask yourself, What is the worst that could happen? We're not gonna burst into flames. That person most likely is not going to berate us most likely they're going to respond and say, Sure, let's get together for coffee. And then what that coffee can lead to is unimaginable. We just don't know. When we do that consistently in our relationships, in our work, with a sense of gratitude, with a sense of awe in our spiritual life. The book actually explores kind of seven areas of life where you can push your comfort zone. Because sometimes people say I don't know where to start. I don't even know what my fears are. I'm just leading a life that I know how to lead. So the book, you know, takes people through what fear is in our bodies, you know how to recognize it. The fact that we are all afraid of failing. The fact that we all suffer from imposter syndrome, that we feel like we're frauds at at certain times in our lives, and that that's okay. And then if we can just push in certain areas of our lives, it is going to unlock, untold richness in life. Who doesn't wanna lead that life. You know, it's the kind of life that we're hoping to lead, and it's right there in front of us. All we have to do is push in small ways,

Ashley: 15:21

which I really love that, and I love that your book also will have the different explanations for them of sort of where to start. But there's also challenges in your book too, is that correct?

Scott: 15:31

Yeah, so the book has a very workbook kind of feel to it. I started to write it and I very quickly. Decided to do something very different, and that is to invite the writer to actually experience all of these challenges and all of these pushing of comfort zones with me. Now, how do you do that when one person is the author and one person is the reader or the listener? So for each of the challenges and writing prompts and areas where I ask the reader to push themselves, I do the same thing. And I explain to the reader or the listener Exactly. You know, my own vulnerabilities. You know what happened when I did this or when there's something in the book called an Audacious Courage Manifesto, which is where we focus on fears and excitement and values. And I share so many stories about myself. They're very vulnerable and they're very real to me, and hopefully will be meaningful to the reader. But I really want the reader or listener to feel like I am there with them. And in so many ways I am, because I put myself out there just as much as I'm asking them to do the same. So, yes, there are writing prompts. There are all kinds of, opportunities for reflection about work and about gratitude and about awe and about forgiveness. And then there are real challenges. I ask the reader or the listener, to launch themselves into an act of forgiveness, to move into a moment of our transcendence, to be curious and to have a, tougher, a probing conversation to buy coffee for a stranger. These are the kind of challenges that I hope will, really start to unlock. The readers experience in their own lives and they're small and they're designed to be that way so that we can begin to build confidence. And then that leads to, self-efficacy and, and connection and all those good things that lead to that filled up cup life.

Ashley: 17:27

I like the fact that there is so many chances for them to experience it. I think sometimes when you're reading a book that can be considered self-help, I feel. If it doesn't reflect sort of the different stages of things that you could go through or how you could actually make it fit into your life or really get into it, I feel like sometimes you just read it and then disregard and there's no change made. Whereas when you really have to think about it from different perspectives and actually, you know, jump into challenges, I think that's been real growth is made.

Scott: 17:59

Absolutely. So Scare Your Soul has this kind of interesting ecosystem of, you know, I'm kind of behind the scenes creating challenges for people and urging them on and putting out, content and sharing aspects of my life that are very vulnerable and very real as I'm out there leading life and trying to be courageous in my own way. Ambassadors are in various communities that are doing our challenges and sharing them on social media and sharing them with their friends. And then there's this whole sense of a larger community of people that. Follow us on social media that subscribe to our newsletter, who will buy the book, who are just as important to the process as anybody. Because when we're doing this, and I know this is a little new agey so bear with me, but I really believe that if we start making changes in our own lives, that it doesn't just benefit us. That when we get more courageous and we get happier and we get more fufilled our loved ones feel it, it impacts them, and then that makes them more courageous and happier. And then you're really creating ripples of things that are countering the kind of fear. And polarization that exists in the world right now. We all know kind of coming off of a pandemic and in a charged political environment that things feel fearful, they feel unknown, they feel chaotic, and I really believe that we almost have magic in a bottle with. Taking actions that lead to goodness, that lead to connection, that lead to honesty and, authenticity. That ripples outwards because it really touches other people's lives and they get inspired. And that means we're really creating worldwide change.

Ashley: 19:51

I think that positivity just is healing, and I think when we go and revisit the things that we thought meant something about us, it's like not only does it heal generationally within our own family, but it's like if you've ever walked into even the office, say at work and somebody's having a bad day, like you can feel that sometimes without anybody even saying anything. I do think that the opposite is true as well, that if you are having a fantastic day or you are spreading kindness or positivity or however you wanna phrase it, I feel like people realize that too. And when they can see that that behavior is consistent, then they're like, What is that person doing that I'm not doing? And it kind of gives them permission to wanna take that chance as well.

Scott: 20:36

Absolutely. I got a phone call at one point from one of our ambassadors who said something that just blew me away. She called me and said that she had a Scare your soul baby. Now I have in that moment, I was shocked. I didn't know what that meant. I was curious and intrigued, you know, what could that possibly mean? I have a Scare Your soul baby. So she told me that one of our challenges a number of years ago was to have a tough conversation. I'm a big fan of the concept of having a tough conversation because. We all know that we have them and we need to have more of them. There are people in our lives that we're not sharing some truth with and those kind of tough conversations, are classic for people to kind of shove under the rug and it leads to things just. Being stifled and there be confusion and complexity in relationships. So I put out a challenge for people to have one tough conversation over the course of a week. Well, our ambassador, who lives in California just thought about it and decided to have a tough conversation with her then husband. They had been in marital therapy together, and it just wasn't working. She was afraid to tell'em, but. She got up the courage and said, Listen, I want to talk to you about this and, this just isn't working. He said to her, I agree. You've read my mind. It just isn't working. They parted ways and it wasn't easy. It was hard. And to get some solace and some support, she reconnected with some old friends. One of them was her old boyfriend from high school who had just moved back to Long Beach where she lives. They rekindled their romance, they got married and now they have a baby. That experience you. Is a direct result of having a tough conversation. These things sometimes seem simple and we think, Oh yeah, I can have a tough conversation. And we don't realize sometimes what the outcome of those things can be. I'm just one of the luckiest people on the earth that I get to help develop these, put them out into the world and have people all around the world participate and hopefully lead better lives and more fulfilling lives because of it.

Ashley: 22:57

I just get chills thinking about that cuz it's like we really do get stuck in the avoidance or we kind of almost gaslight ourselves into thinking that we should just stay in our comfort zone and sometimes really that magic and that life changing can be after just having a tough conversation or making a choice or facing your fears, that it must be amazing to be able to have the opportunity to just be able to hear everybody's. Other side of fear stories that I think what a fantastic. Life to be able to have that all the time.

Scott: 23:28

It's honestly the most unintended benefit of singing in front of a busy restaurant on a Sunday morning. I mean, who would've thought that a silly action that made people laugh. And there was a young kid who kept on throwing dollar bills into my guitar case. I mean, that one experience led to. A life where I get to hear from people around the world that are doing things big and small that are changing. So I get this beautiful, kind of overview of this kind of goodness that is happening around the world. I chose the book to ask 13 people to basically tell their own story in their own words. So in addition to all of the writing prompts and the challenges and the stories and there's some science around how fear, works in our bodies and our brains, there are these other stories. That are told very beautifully by 13 people in their own words that kind of light up the book. They're so inspiring and I think the reason that they're so inspiring isn't that these aren't people who, quit their jobs and moved across the world. These are people who did small acts that basically changed the course of their lives. I'm so proud of them and I'm so proud that those stories are in the book. I hope that they just encourage people on to, you know, to take those small actions and to do the kind of things in life that are just beyond that bubble that we create around ourselves to keep ourselves safe and keep ourselves, in check and keep ourselves in control. and if we can just loosen that and embrace a sense of the unknown, as you said earlier, a sense of possibility, A sense of, I call it healthy anxiety, like I want to live my life with butterflies in my stomach. I really do, because if I have butterflies in my stomach, I'm at my edge. I'm pushing in all of the ways that are gonna open things up for me.. I have to say, it doesn't always work out. You know, there are times that we fail and there are times that that things don't go well. And we try things and they don't work and I think, there's a whole chapter in my book that's called Screwing Up Is Sexy. It's really embracing the reality that the more we push and the more we grow, the more we're going to fail. It's just part of the process. But if we can kind of adopt that as a success mantra, that that screwing up and failing and not hitting a mark is actually a great thing, then we're really gonna be out there and pushing ourselves in all kinds of ways that are gonna lead towards growth and connection..

Ashley: 26:23

I think a lot of the times people have the wrong idea about failure. It's sort of a failure as a end all be all, but sometimes it's a pivot and sometimes it's a, I tried it, it didn't work, but now I'm gonna try something else. Or it kind of eliminates the what if of the situation. And I think sometimes the regret of not trying can be bigger than the failure of trying.

Scott: 26:46

I think that's absolutely right. And by the way, sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is are the things where we kind of say no to something. I would never counsel that everything that scares your soul about is taking action and doing something because sometimes the most courageous thing is actually stepping back. It's focusing on self care. It's focusing on. Taking care of those that are closest to us instead of, you know, the masses. It's getting sleep. It's leaving a relationship that's toxic or not serving us, versus launching ourselves deeper into it. So, you know, courage is a fascinating topic and it's one that I work in it obviously every single day, and I hear about it and I coach on it. It is something that is different in every person's life. It is not cookie cutter. We talk about this, in the book and certainly in Scare Your Soul, that there are moments where we can take a step back. I have a, something in the book, which I call the latter, which is this multi-step way of really, labeling a fear, actually writing it down, accepting that it's real. Taking the energy out of it by kind of asking ourselves, do I need this in my life? Is this a fear that's really, protecting us? Then, there's this sense of kind of determination. Is this something that I can actually do it? Could this have a possibly good outcome? Then, you know, the e is taking effort, actually actually taking action. Then almost the most important step after we do it is what I call rewriting and rewiring. So when we tackle something that we're afraid of, whether it was a past trauma in our lives, or it's something you know, that we're really pushing ourselves no matter what the outcome is, to be able to step back and say, I did this. I took action in my own life. And this is what happened. I'm really, really proud of myself regardless of the outcome. And that sense of rewriting and rewiring actually, changes the neuro pathways in our brain. There's so much, information out now on neuroplasticity and the malleability of our brains, and, there's a real opportunity here to tackle things in our lives. Pay attention to them. Do them and then sit with them and really be brave and really be honest with ourselves and really be proud of ourselves that we did it. And so all of this is a really exciting way to lead our lives and who wouldn't wanna lead their lives with more excitement and more adventure and more courage.

Ashley: 29:25

Absolutely. One thing that you had kind of touched on before too was sometimes people aren't aware of their fears or they don't know where maybe the first step of their journey should be. How would you recommend people get started in that sense?

Scott: 29:43

Sure. So. Firstly I don't mean to plug our website, at scareyoursoul.com we have challenges that are already on the website that are easy to do, they're actionable and they fall into the seven areas that we've identified are kind of like the critical areas. One is gratitude, one is adventure. There's energy. Curiosity, awe, forgiveness, and work. So one can easily go and for free, check out one of those challenges. We actually have a quiz on the website which allows you to answer seven questions, and at the end of it, it'll give you one area of courage where you can basically launch yourself. So that's one suggestion that I would have. But there are also really small kind of actionable things. I think our classic Scare Your soul challenge is the next time you're at a coffee shop is to just look to the person behind you and say, Can I buy you a cup of coffee And you'd be shocked at how hard it is for both me and for many, many other people to actually do that. You're putting yourself in a position where you just don't know what's going to happen. 9.9 times out of 10. it is a wonderful experience where you push your comfort zone, you put yourself into a little bit of positive anxiety, healthy anxiety, and you meet somebody and have a conversation with somebody that you never would've met before. So there are real small actionable steps that people can take. I guess the other part is to really start to slow down. To slow down and to listen to your body. Listen to your mind and what your mind is telling you, and as you're spending your day to see where the resistance is, to see where you feel like you are pulling back. and at the beginning, not necessarily to do anything about it, but just to pay attention to it and then to sit with it and say, Is this pulling back, this feeling that I have, that I'm editing my life in some way? Is this an area where I can actually take a step forward? That's that first step. I guarantee you, I've seen this happen in hundreds of lives now. It is that first step to use the metaphor of the engineer who wants to learn how to swim, you know, dipping that toe in the water that first time, that gives you the sense of, you know what I can do. I can do this. This is my thing and I did it. And that really changes your self-conception over time from somebody who is doing courageous things to actually being a courageous person, just leading life like that pivot, that shift from somebody who is choosing these courageous acts to someone who is just courageously leading their life to me is where. We all need to be. that's where we really start to see gains in innovation and creativity and relationships. I tell a wonderful story in the book about an experience I had. With a stranger asking them 36 questions. Arthur Aaron's 36 questions and really getting deep with someone that I didn't know well. Those kind of steps that we take really, really create the wonderful, wonderful relationships and, opportunities in our lives.

Ashley: 33:19

There's so much reward or there's so much really hidden treasures. Between the stories of people that, again, we kind of get busy or we get into this shyness, or we just don't wanna put ourselves out there that it's like a lot of the times I feel like we miss the opportunity to talk to somebody that we normally wouldn't or think to start that conversation standing in a line at a coffee shop or. in whoever's listening in your individual life. But I just feel like there is such magic in that human connection. And there is so many rewards of meeting new people.

Scott: 33:58

That's right. The pandemic is part of this equation. This sense that we don't know what's gonna happen when we connect with somebody or we try something new, trying a new exercise class, I have a whole section in the book. One of our ambassadors is a cold shower expert. Yes, there actually is a person who is a cold shower expert and he has written a book on cold showers. That's how much of an expert he is. You know, you don't know what that experience is gonna feel like until you actually do it. There's this sense, what I love about that particular challenge, and I think it's so emblematic of the work that we do, is the worst part about it is the actual thinking of it beforehand, the worrying about it. The projecting, the sense of, Oh my God, I have to do that today. I promised myself, or I promised my accountability partner that I was going to, take a cold shower today. The reality is that when we actually do it, is there a jolt to the system? Yes, of course there is. Is there a feeling like you wanna, jump out of your skin and jump outta your shower? Of course there is. But the truth is, after 10 seconds and you turn off the water, you feel so great. You feel energized, you feel proud of yourself. It's so emblematic of the work that we do because so much of what we don't do is that worry, that projection about what could happen, and it limits us from actually just taking action and participating in. The beautiful impossibility in that moment. So much of the work that we do, again, on the surface, very simple, very small, very actionable. But when you start stringing these things together, And you do it with people in your life that care about you or you do it within a community like scare your soul. You start to really crave, I use the term fear chaser in the book as the way of finding things in our lives that push us and actually, you know, being almost like magnetized towards them. That really is kind of, again, I think the magic of what we do.

Ashley: 36:05

I really love the idea of fear chasing cuz I think too many times we do try to do the opposite and I do love the idea of looking for those things that, give us butterflies and give us positive anxiety to make those changes. Cuz I think too many times too, we don't look for something to be exciting. We kind of get so used to being in like the dull comfort zone of things that it's like, we don't think of, Hey, what would give me butterflies? I really do love all of those teeny tiny, small changes that really do become a overhaul of yourself once you've kind of gotten to the other side of that

Scott: 36:43

The next step, which I think is almost equally beautiful, is you start inspiring other people that not only are you, benefiting from this new life, this all of the benefits that come from this new life that you're creating for yourself, but just think about those people in your life that you feel like push themselves, They don't lead a life of no fear, but they embrace it. They're inspiring. The more that we do that, and I talk in the book about parenting, we talk about all kinds of things where we, get out of that comfort zone where we're worried about failure, worried about what people are gonna think of us, we're worried about rejection. All of those things become part of a process where we say, you know, I'm not gonna listen to you right now. I'm not gonna listen to that fear. I'm going to push through it, and then whether you know it or not, and I feel this way very much as a parent, your children are watching, that's a beautiful, beautiful thing that when your kids, or your nieces and nephews or, your grandchildren, if you have grandchildren, that they're watching and learning when you stand up for truth. They're learning. When you are courageously putting yourself in a situation where you're standing up for somebody, when you are confident and authentic and have tough conversations, they know that they can too. And in my mind, what a beautiful way to parent or grandparent or be an an aunt or an uncle. It's not about telling, it's about leading your life in a way that inspires others to do the same. And that to me is really the, beautiful benefit of leading a courageous life.

Ashley: 38:31

It is so true because especially like I have a 15 year old daughter, you can tell your kids whatever you like, but it really is your actions that they learn from. It is something that you have to mirror the behavior that you wanna see or that you wanna inspire them to be like.

Scott: 38:49

I think again, one of the real beauties of this work is it's not cookie cutter. Your parenting of your 15 year old is so unique. So courage to you may be very different as a parent than it is to me. But the beautiful thing is I can be inspired by yours and you can be inspired by mine. It's not exclusive, it's additive. What we want to teach our children are the exact qualities that courage exemplifies if you think about it, right? Courage leads us to honesty. It leads us to integrity. It leads us to leading a life where we are upstanding up for somebody else, right? We're taking care of other people. All of those things are lessons that we want to teach those around us in our lives. And what better way to do it than just to live it and to live it fully and to live it honestly, and to live it in full bloom.

Ashley: 39:47

I definitely agree with what you're saying. You had mentioned that you had sort of an epiphany on a plane. Can you tell us sort of what your epiphany was and how that happened?

Scott: 40:00

Sure. So as I mentioned, and, I'm sure many of your listeners will identify with this, I did grow up very shy. High school to me was a lonely. Challenging, sad experience. I had to change high schools. I had for many times in my life I had no friends and I remember eating alone at cafeteria tables. I had that childhood. It is part of me. I graduated from college. I did not have a job. I had an English degree and I really was at my wits end somebody out of the incredible grace offered me a job overseas teaching English to Holocaust survivors, and I accepted it. It was non-paying and I had to move to a new country where I didn't know the language. Everything about it seemed scary and I accepted it really because I felt like I had no choice. I had nothing else in my life. So I took the opportunity and I packed up a bag and got on an airplane and I sat in my seat I basically had a panic attack. All of my. Fears seemed like they were taking over. I couldn't imagine how I was going to do this to go to another country and to speak to new people and to lead a new life that I couldn't imagine. The plane took off and the panic got worse, and I was sweating and my stomach was in knots. I had bought a little spiral notebook at JFK as I was waiting for my plane to leave. I literally pulled out the spiral notebook and put it on the tray table in front of me. I pulled out a pen, and almost unconsciously, I don't know where it came from, I wrote down one phrase and the phrase was, Do one thing every day that scares you. I sat and I looked at this eight words, and I. Realized that for the next year, that's what I had to do, that I couldn't lead this life anymore. I couldn't lead in invisible life anymore. I couldn't lead a life feeling fearful and anxious. I couldn't do it anymore. And my way of dealing with that in that moment was to commit to myself that every day for the next year. I would do one thing that scared me, one thing that pushed my comfort zone in some way, and that's exactly what I did. Every time I did something, I recorded it in my spiral notebook and that year changed my life and I came back to the states on fire. I have been a fear chaser ever since. I have given a TEDx talk in front. 700 people and the internet forever. I have created a happiness incubator with a good friend where I married a couple in the middle of a bar and we ran parades through office buildings. I've done some of the craziest, most outlandish things that pushed my comfort zone and singing, of course, in front of a restaurant being the most critical one to me because it unlocked so much for me. But that epiphany on the airplane was really about taking power back in my life. That I wasn't going to be silent anymore. For me, doing one thing every day that scared me, unlocked everything. It was the key that has led now to the second half of my life.

Ashley: 43:36

I love that a moment like that really can have almost like such a big wave that I love. You know that calming voice in you was kind of like, it has to be this and that. All of the positive things ended up changing afterwards, and that you don't feel like you're the exact same person that was then the person that, you know, you felt like your voice wasn't valuable or you felt like you had to be quiet or all of these different things that I really love that you had that epiphany. I actually follow somebody on Instagram. Her name is Alicia McCarvell she had sort of a similar epiphany and it made me think of it because of the spiral notebook, so she. Is a plus size person and her husband is very stereotypically attractive and a lot of people will hate on them because she's in the body type that she is and he's in the body type that he is. She grabbed a spiral notebook and started writing down things that she loved about herself that had nothing to do with the body. And when she got to the end of her notebook, She had a completely different outlook. So I just love the fact that it can be so simple as writing in a notebook and it can change your whole life.

Scott: 44:49

It, it's really true. So many of us look for these big, grand things and we wait for them. So many times we put our lives on hold. because, well, I can't do that until I get that promotion, or I can't do that until, I'm in a new relationship or in a relationship or out of this relationship, or I'll start training for a marathon when I have time. It's really about those small steps I happen to think, so I have a gratitude practice every night I share five gratitudes. With somebody. We've been doing it for seven years now, every single night for seven years, and I firmly believe in the power of small actions every single day. I look for things to be grateful for. It's not like I have a huge load of gratitude one day a year. It's not like on Thanksgiving I get my years full of gratitude and then I'm done. It is small actions. It's every night writing down five things that I'm gonna send to Carly, my gratitude partner. That's where the power is. So if we can do that with courage in our lives, just think about the possibilities. Just think about the new ideas, the new relationships, the new knowledge that will gain. And yes, there will be missteps. Yes, there will be stumbles, but who doesn't wanna lead a life where? You go flat out and you, and you put yourself out in every possible way that you can, that will lead to, at the end of the day when you look back and say, Gosh, I didn't leave anything out there. You know, I tried it all and it didn't always work, but, I tried it and I pushed through that fear that told me to stay safe and stay comfortable and stay in a rut and stay acceptable to everyone around me and to everyone on Instagram. Forget that this isn't about being acceptable. This is about living your life in every possible way that you can. And in my view, it's about small acts of courage that lead to those big changes.

Ashley: 46:56

Well, it really, it sounds cliche, but the small things really do become the big things when you look back on them. So I do love the fact that your movement really encourages people to look at. That way. Now, I know that it started kind of a small thing on social media. It's grown. Like you said, you've done Ted Talks, you have the book coming out. What is next for you,

Scott: 47:21

Honestly, I just want to continue doing this more and more. This is the most fulfilling work that I can do, helping other people. Not that I have the knowledge or that I have the playbook and they don't have it. They actually do have the playbook. I'm just there to help maybe motivate and inspire to help create a community that will support them as they do their work and as they lead their life. I talk to groups, I talk to teenagers, I talk to corporations. I did a wonderful talk at a, luxury hotel where everyone on staff was meeting with me from all aspects of the hotel. I think the most powerful moment was somebody from the room, service staff who shared that he was an artist. His work did not define him and. His greatest kind of fear was around sharing his art with others. I encouraged him in front of everybody cuz it was a very supportive environment to make a couple calls. And the next time I saw him, he had his art hanging in the front of a local gallery.

Ashley: 48:32

Oh, I love that.

Scott: 48:34

You know, this is the best work that one can get. My view is if I can just be helpful to others I do have you know, personal coaching clients and I love working with individuals and I love working through Scare Your Soul. On our social media, we have a weekly newsletter where we share. I share my stories and I share a weekly challenge with people. So all of it for me is exactly where I want to be. And, frankly, it challenges me every day. I'm not in my comfort bubble. I'm outside of my comfort zone asking others to come join me, and that's exactly where I wanna be.

Ashley: 49:11

Which is fantastic. I love that you are building this community and this movement that will just continue to spread. If people are looking for you online, where can they find you?

Scott: 49:22

Sure. So very easily at scareyoursoul.com. There's information, as I mentioned, there's a, great quiz. There are all kinds of free resources. They can learn about the book which is, I think going to really hopefully be something that's really meaningful to people. And then on Instagram, they can find us at@ScareYourSoul. So I encourage people to follow us, to sign up for the newsletter. And just be part of our community and to, begin taking those small steps that will illuminate their path.

Ashley: 49:51

I really appreciate you having this conversation today with me, Scott.

Scott: 49:56

Thank you so much. It's been such a pleasure.

50:00

Thank you so much for joining us today for this episode of The Filled Up Cup podcast. Don't forget to hit subscribe and leave a review. If you like what you hear. You can also connect with us@buildupcup.com. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.