On this episode, I am joined by Elsa Borsa. She is a trauma-informed life coach who aims to help women create stronger relationships, healthier minds, and belief in themselves. We discuss Elsa's journey with postpartum depression and how she became a life coach. We discuss the differences between a life coach and a therapist.
Elsa Borsa
Elsa | B.Comm, CCP, Pre-Social Work (@elsaborsa) • Instagram photos and videos
Ashley (@filledupcup_) • Instagram photos and videos
Filled Up Cup - Unconventional Self Care for Modern Women
On this episode, I am joined by Elsa Borsa. She is a trauma-informed life coach who aims to help women create stronger relationships, healthier minds, and belief in themselves. We discuss Elsa's journey with postpartum depression and how she became a life coach. We discuss the differences between a life coach and a therapist.
Elsa Borsa
Elsa | B.Comm, CCP, Pre-Social Work (@elsaborsa) • Instagram photos and videos
Ashley (@filledupcup_) • Instagram photos and videos
Filled Up Cup - Unconventional Self Care for Modern Women
Welcome to the Filled Up Cup podcast. We are a different kind of self care resource, one that has nothing to do with bubble baths and face masks, and everything to do with rediscovering yourself. We bring you real reviews, honest experiences, and unfiltered opinions that will make you laugh, cry, and most importantly, leave you with a filled up cup.
Ashley:I am so excited. Today I have Elsa Borsa joining me. Elsa is a trauma informed life coach. Thank you so much for being here.
Elsa:Thanks for having me. I sure appreciate it.
Ashley:Can you let me know a little bit about your background and what made you want to go into this field?
Elsa:Sure. I guess I have been a life coach since 2016, and my journey really started with I guess as a result of my own mental health battles, really, and that was closely tied to getting married and having three kids, you know, two years apart each, and really hitting a point where I was not thriving in any sense of the word, I was It's battling postpartum depression in a big way and. Even when I reached out and I started, accessing help for myself, got on meds, eventually I recognized that some of like the super crazy thoughts and things that I'd been having that were associated with my postpartum depression and my anxiety were gone. For the large part, but that I still wasn't necessarily thriving. I could somehow kind of still notice that I had thoughts about myself and my value and what I should be doing and what I shouldn't be doing that maybe weren't super helpful to myself. So it was really that kind of introspection that led me to finding. A life coach who I didn't actually even know was a life coach. I just knew that I felt like she could help me and so through that experience, I wanted to start a nonprofit is what ended up from that. I wanted to start a nonprofit with the view of helping women access mental health services. I'm not sure what it's like where you live, but where I live, we do have a lot of services available, but a lot of people don't know what's available or how to access them. So they don't know if you need a referral or if you can self refer if you can just phone a book an appointment or, what the differences between like a psychologist and a counselor and and all those things. So that's. Kind of where I was at when I finished working with my own coach and before I got a chance to do that I decided just on a whim to take a life coaching course because I thought it might be interesting And then I at the end of it. I was like, oh, I know now I was called to do this or why I felt like I wanted to do this because This just fits with everything I want to do and and who I am so that's How I ended up becoming a life coach and ever since I started, it has been a constant learning journey. So I have grown a lot since I started both as I guess, as an entrepreneur and as a person my kids are now 9, 12 and 14. Things have changed a lot. I feel like I've always had a thirst for knowledge. I've always had the desire to understand, like, why we do the things we do and how the things that we've experienced affect us. So that's how I have ended up doing. Other different trainings, I guess, in the past number of years with one of those being getting certified as a trauma informed entrepreneur
Ashley:it's really awesome that when you were struggling yourself that you knew. Or felt comfortable at least to reach out. I feel like that's a big hurdle that a lot of people have to deal with where like you said, they don't always know, is it as easy as calling my doctor or how do I reach out to this? And then it's like, when you're already in a place where you don't feel good, both physically and mentally, and you feel so burned out sometimes as simple as like making that phone call can be such a huge task and can be so overwhelming. It's so brave. For people to be able to do that and recognize that they need that help. So it's amazing that you were in that situation and then did that. I think the more that we share the information and the more that we have conversations about this, people can feel, like it's easier to access services because I feel like we all Don't want to feel dumb, or we don't want to, look silly to other people. So if I call and I ask you a question, even if it's the most basic question, and I would have no idea what the answer is, there is still that fear of like, but I bet it's only me that doesn't know, or I bet it's only me that feels this way. So I feel like the more that we can share about life coaches and counselors and psychologists and just mental health in general, the better it is for everybody.
Elsa:I agree, and I think something that I wanted to just point to is that when I reached out for help, it wasn't necessarily my own idea prior to having the conversation I actually didn't know that I was struggling to the level that I was struggling, which when I look back now, I think, how did I not know, but I had just had my. Second child, he was a baby and I remember my friend who lived away from me coming to visit and me just being like, Oh yeah. And it's just, you know, I've just really found that I've been having lots of these moments where I'm just filled with like such joy and I'm just so grateful for everything. And then like in the very same instance, I'm just absolutely paralyzed with fear and terrified that. This is going to get taken away from me and I remember my friend just kind of smiling and looking at me and just being like, I don't know if that's really normal, Elsa. And I remember thinking like, Hmm, I've been wondering that myself, but I didn't really say anything. And I mean, the reality of it was, is at that time it was a lot more serious than that. I was standing in the shower. Crying every day for no reason. I was terrified. I was just absolutely terrified of everything. And so that really just kind of stuck with me. And she's never been through an experience like that. I know other people who have or who had at that point, but it was really that conversation that made me be like, maybe something's off. That led to me talking to my public health nurse. When I took my baby in for his immunizations, you know, they always do the well check questions and how are you doing and oh, good, good, good. You know, I'm good. But I think I might be maybe like worrying a lot and so she referred me to my nurse practitioner who then actually referred me to an online program through the University of Regina that Was actually quite focused towards maternal mental health. And so I ended up doing therapy through that. It was online CBT and then also like close communication with my nurse practitioner, eventually getting on meds for a little while. But I think it's important to know that, especially if you are somebody who's currently in this position of wondering. Feeling like you don't maybe really know if what you're going through is quote unquote normal or not normal, right? Like, we all struggle, but at what point does it become something that's concerning, right? And, the only way we really, I feel like, can judge that is by having conversations with people, I wasn't one who was. It's really used to opening up about my mental health. It wasn't, I mean, I was like, I don't even know, I was like 25 or 26 or something. I had never struggled like that before looking back. Yes, I had. I thought it was new. Right. I was having a hard time judging whether what I was going through was like what it was.
Ashley:I think a lot of the times we do assume, okay, this is normal and everybody feels this way. There shouldn't be shame with sharing like, Hey, when you were pregnant or when you were postpartum, is this how you felt? And having those conversations with people or reaching out to professionals to know that it's okay. And to, again, when you're in the thick of it, you can't necessarily assess yourself of being like, this is totally normal or I got this. Sometimes it really is being brave enough to reach out to other people and sort of have that temperature gauge in a way.
Elsa:Yeah, I think we know ourselves best, but exactly like you said, when you're in the thick of it, your version of reality is very skewed, right? When you're in the middle of a mental health crisis, you really don't have the objectivity because you're so stuck in where you're at and so stuck in, your brain and your thoughts and, the physiological response that you're having to the stress and the depression and all those things. So I do really, really, really believe that connection is important and creating spaces for ourselves where we feel safe while we're well is so important, you know, like I know that I had a public health nurse who was kind and loving who I didn't feel would judge me who also I considered to be. A friend, and a bit of a mentor and so I felt comfortable enough with her that I could say something like that and, that she could help me. Whereas, it's a lot harder if you don't have. Places like that or spaces like that, where you feel safe to say the things that, you're maybe scared to say to anybody else, which is why I'm so passionate about doing what I do, because that is my aim. And what I feel like I do for my clients is really create and hold that space for all the thoughts and feelings that they maybe can't say anywhere else or have anyone else that they can trust to hold that for them. So, yeah, connection is really, really important.
Ashley:Can you tell us a little bit about what a life coach does and what kind of services that you offer?
Elsa:Life coaching is a very broad field. There's a myriad of specializations that one can pick when you are a life coach, essentially, at the very core of it, a life coach is somebody who you can talk to who will help you understand who you are, your values, your desires, and help you make decisions that are more closely aligned to your goals. What you really want right to what's most important to you to who you are as a person, they help you overcome hurdles, I guess, get out of your own way, you know, when we're our own worst enemies. Sometimes a life coach can really help you move past some of those hurdles. For myself, I consider myself to be a very holistic life coach. So when we work together, we're not necessarily going to just make a list of goals and what's preventing you from keeping those goals and then make new smart goals and you know, it's a much more organic process and what I really desire when I work with clients is for them to really learn to know themselves. On an intimate basis. Right. I want them to be able to step away from the expectations they feel from the world and from all the roles they're in and really dig deep to start to understand who they really are inside, what they really actually want, and then how to make those things more accessible for themselves. So we talk about boundaries. We talk about personal value. We have a lot of talk about relationships, communication. A lot of the talk, the work we do is around. Thought patterns, the self talk we have going on while we're making decisions or while we're going about our days and whether that's helpful to us or harmful to us, and whether it's really supporting us in having the life that we want. So that's kind of like the long drawn out version, but I feel like it's not really something you can encapsulate in a tidy little sentence.
Ashley:What are things that life coaches can't help you with?
Elsa:I can't think of anything like specific off the top of my head, but basically I am not a psychologist. I am not a therapist. And so if I feel that there are things that are out of my scope I will always. Always refer you on. I cannot diagnose you with anything, we can talk about things, I'm trauma informed, so I can kind of, you know, I understand that the majority of people have gone through some sort of trauma, and I understand, kind of like how that exists in our bodies and how our nervous system is so connected to every single thing we do, right? But I can never say, okay, like, I can never diagnose trauma, right? I don't like if you're dealing with a medical condition, I'm not going to give you advice on a medical condition, right? That's for your doctor. And I guess in general, life coaches are not supposed to give advice. mY business card say life coach and mentor because I do have clients who come to me for advice specifically say with regards to a business or things like that. But in general, my job as a coach is not to tell you what to do. My job as a coach is to ask you questions and help you figure out what's going on and help you really access. I think the things you already know and maybe see things in a different way so that you can decide what you want to do with that.
Ashley:I'm just kind of like giving the confidence because I think a lot of the time. Oh, huge. Yeah, we need somebody else to almost just like be like, yes, you're right. Or that is a great thought and have that reassurance almost to me. Yeah.
Elsa:And exactly. Yes, it's okay to want that. And yes, it's okay that you feel mad about that. But like, what are we going to do about it? There are so many complexities and, for myself, I really love love love being able to get into like the messy middle with my clients right into like the nitty gritty crap, whether it's day to day stuff or it's like big existential stuff because you do like we're not, there's a point where. And actually, I say there's a point, but actually I really feel like we're socialized most of our lives, especially during childhood to not trust ourselves to give more priority to what other people expect of us than what we want. So we get into marriages and we have families and then we're these, grownups that. Are living our lives according to all these expectations and we're burning out and we're miserable and we're resentful and we're grouchy and we're crying in our cars I remember when I first started talking to my nurse practitioner about my mental health stuff, she was like, you know, do something for you. And at that point. I didn't even know what I enjoyed anymore, right? I couldn't even think of one thing that I could do for myself just because I enjoyed it.
Ashley:Which I think is unfortunately so common that it's like After childhood, we're not taught to wonder about things or search for things or it always kind of makes me laugh as a grown up when people ask me what my hobbies are. It's like a grocery shop and I watch Netflix and I go to sleep like those are what I do. The idea of having like a hobby or something that you enjoy doing. It's just something that seems so foreign but it's like we need to. Be searching for that child, like wonder what kind of stuff do we like, am I doing it because I've done it all along and it's become a habit now, or is there something where at the end of the day, you're actually like, oh, I'm so excited for this or the end of the week, maybe you're somebody who plays baseball with your friends or I don't know, likes trivia nights or whatever it is, but just find something
Elsa:like I, I dunno, because yeah, I read books and drink coffee. Those are my hobbies.
Ashley:But still, it's like being so excited to pick up that next book or to like, yes, see what the ending is. Just something, but finding those things I think is something that's missing for a lot of grownups that we just don't have that. And I don't know where along the way we would've lost it. But that piece really is missing of like actually figuring out what do I like?
Elsa:Yeah. I have lots of theories about where it starts, but it's important to maintain that curiosity. When I started my coaching business is really what, and I guess just before that, I guess it was more so when I was still kind of working with my coach and I was starting to realize that all of these decisions I'd been making were based on. Somebody else's voice in my head, right? And it was like, these things aren't actually that important to me. I'm so stressed out that my house isn't immaculate and, I don't look a certain way and I don't behave a certain way and all these things, but it's actually really not that important to me. Like, I'd far rather go on an adventure with my family than stay home and clean my house, right? It really was. Like a revelation for me. It was an epiphany thinking I gotta stop worrying about this stuff. It's just not important to me. It actually doesn't have to be important to me because it's important to someone else.
Ashley:We get caught, I think, in the highlight reel of like, You know, somebody has a quote unquote, clean house on social media. So then therefore I should be able to have a clean house. But I think what a lot of people forget is that behind, that box that you're seeing, there could be a pile of laundry. There could be a kid having a temper tantrum in the corner. Like we're really seeing one part of it that we shouldn't should ourselves basically that it's like, like what you said, it's whatever we want. If I don't care that my house looks lived in, then it really shouldn't matter to somebody else because it's like we don't need to care about what other people are doing as much as I feel like we try to care.
Elsa:Yeah, I definitely agree. I have ADHD. I have an adult diagnosis. And one of the biggest things that led to that, I mean, there was a huge list that led me to seeking an assessment. But, I've had so many instances where, especially since diagnosis, where I'm like, I have to stop punishing myself for my inability to keep things, perfect, because it's just, like, never gonna happen for me. I would far rather fall into a rabbit hole of learning about something fascinating than I would about making sure everything's perfect all the time. Like, that's just the way I'm made. And that doesn't mean that I'm always, super, okay with that. I still battle that. But we have to be compassionate to ourselves, right? I kind of feel like I stand on a soapbox a little bit, but what are the most important things, right? You know, we have conversations with clients and they're frustrated about this and frustrated with that. To me, the best way to get back to the core of everything and to figure it all out is what is most important, like, is. Having a peaceful relationship with your husband more important, or is the towel being perfectly folded in the bathroom every time you walk in there more important? What's more important right now? You know, like, it's okay to feel like. Crouchy that nobody folds the towel, but you, you know, I feel like most of us can relate to that or something like that. But at the end of the day, are you going to let that become so important to you that you'll sacrifice your relationship because of it? So what's most important when I think about like, things that happen in the evening. This is, a choice I made a long time ago. Things are going on in the evening. There's always something you can be doing in the evening as a woman, as a mom. There's always like a class you could be doing or, like a club you could be part of or all these things. And long ago, I realized that I really just didn't love leaving my family home in the evening. And it's not because nobody else can put my kids to bed because to be very fair, like, I don't even love putting my kids to bed. I'm kind of a grouchy bedtime mom. But. It was more stressful for me to be gone than it was to be home, so a long time ago I just gave myself permission to have a boundary that was like, I just don't do evening things. It's the odd time now, I will, but my kids are older, right? It's different. I'm just okay with that for me, right? I no longer feel like I have to, feel guilty for saying no to things like that because I just don't do things in the evening.
Ashley:We. Are so harsh for ourselves that it's like I would never judge somebody else or speak to somebody else or criticize somebody else about, the towel or you know how you'll see the memes and it'll be like somebody's coming over. And so the mom is polishing the baseboards like I would never walk into somebody's house and be like, have you seen this lady's baseboard so if we wouldn't talk to somebody else that way, like, why are we doing that to ourselves? So I think it really is just treating ourselves with that kindness and letting ourselves off the hook. It's okay to just want to like chill out with your family at the end of the night and not have to feel like you, I don't know, are on the PAC and are on clubs and running around crazy when it's like, In 10 years, what are you going to look back on? Remember, oh, I had awesome times with my kids while they were still really cute and sweet and like, hadn't hit those teenage years where they don't want to see me anyways. Or it's like, am I going to be like, and I have all of these activities like it just, I love what you're saying that it is really what really matters what hill are you going to die on that has to be like the biggest thing.
Elsa:And I think it's a fine balance between. Like, figuring out how to have our needs met and having boundaries, because there was a time where I was part of a community group, a service group and. I needed that because I didn't know a lot of people where I lived. I had a really small friendship group, which is fine. It was really, really good for me, meeting people and making new connections and being part of something. I was actually thinking the other day, like, I've been kind of an activist since I was a kid, right? Service is important to me. Doing good is important to me and I feel like it's something we all have an obligation to just by virtue of living on this earth and it was so good for me, but it, got to a point where it was adding, I had to let go of things, right? I was in a different mental health crisis, different kid, different mental health crisis, and I had to just clear my plate because I was doing so many things that were quote unquote good for me. That it was like sucking me dry, right? I was training for the marathon, I was going to the gym, I was volunteering, I was doing all the things, and I had a six week old baby, and a two year old, and a four year old, and was a farm wife, and cooking for, right? my plate was so full, and so at that point, had to become really discerning about what was meeting my needs, and what was meeting my needs. Adding to the stress what was fueling the fire and what like feeling the not good fire. Right.
Ashley:Especially to as we are in a new year, this idea of new me new year and having to. cHange up your personality and find all of these new things that you don't want to let it drown that it really is finding maybe in this season, maybe, joining the gym and being home in the evenings is what works for me. Maybe in next season, I could go to the gym and do activism things and balance it all. So I think it's also like you said, not taking on so much at once.
Elsa:We are very cyclical beings, right? A lot of people I've talked to really notice how kind of they change with the seasons, right? You know, fall starts coming and I know for me, August hits and I want to, bake all the things, and I want to, do all the canning and make jam and get to work. Meal prep and do all the things right. And winter comes and I just want to like hunker down and spring comes and I have so much energy and so we are, we're very cyclical beings, right? We exist in nature, essentially. I have like all the thoughts about new year new me, but I think it's very really unreasonable to expect ourselves to be able to perform the same and be the same 24 seven and to want the same things all the time. Like two years ago, I trained for fem sport, which happens every year in multiple places. It's Canadian. You've maybe heard of it, but it's kind of a cross between like a strength competition and I don't even know how to describe it. Anyway, it's awesome. I trained for it for like eight months and it was great. And now I can't convince myself to step in the gym, right? And when I was doing that, I didn't feel like I was forcing myself. I just wanted to now, what I want to do is a little bit different. And so it's not fair for me to beat myself up because I'm not able to stay in that like. Go hard training mode all the time, right? I think that fits multiple different areas of our life. I feel like instead of every year being like, okay, this is the year that I'm going to be like, do all the things that make me good enough. Right. Do all the things that make me like the way I should be, you know, talk about like, not shooting ourselves. The way I should be the way, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you know, pack a lunch every day and do this and do this and do this and do this and do all the things I'm going to make the tick boxes and I'm gonna just push through and no excuses, which is one of my least favorite phrases of all time. And it doesn't work because goals never work when we're battling ourselves. I'm probably the last person. Anybody should ever talk to about goals because I hate goals and I've accomplished a lot of different things in my life and I'm still pursuing things, but none of those things have been a result of goals written on a piece of paper. I like to vision and I like to dream and I like to, be curious about things, but I really feel like. You don't have to do new year, new you. You need to do new year, same you, right? Like, how about instead of trying to be somebody different all the time, you try to be yourself and try to embrace the things that you want and just let some pressure off yourself and do things because they bring you joy and then see what feels important.
Ashley:I like that too, because I feel like with the writing of the goals it's like you'll do that for two weeks and then all of a sudden that list becomes something you dread looking at, that you toss it anyways and then you feel a certain way because all of a sudden your magic list didn't immediately get accomplished. And like you said, if you're somebody who has maybe like ADHD if you're neurodivergent, like this idea of like task, task, task, it's like you'll get executive dysfunction or you will just decide that it's things that you don't want anyway.
Elsa:It's really boring. Like smart goals are really boring. Yeah.
Ashley:That and what you said is so true. And I had actually talked about this a little bit with Julie Peters about how we are cyclical and every season. Does bring us different things in different energies. So it's really like looking into that and what that actually means for you and seeing what works best like the springtime. Maybe that's when you decide you want to try a fitness class or you want to try movement because again, the weather is better. It's easier being outside. Maybe it's easier to put your kids if you have them in a stroller and walk around versus. January where it's cold, it's dark, it really is maybe the time where you do dream and say, what do I want for this year? What excites me versus what do I have to do to become worthy again this year?
Elsa:Right. I think there's something you said, I can't remember exactly what it was, but it made me think who are we trying to be? Like what is the picture of who we're trying to be? Like I don't want to say a better version of ourselves, but is it a version of ourselves? Or are we fighting to be somebody completely different? We can evolve and we can change, but it really doesn't work to be constantly striving to be somebody that you're just not, you know?
Ashley:It's also the conversation of when you're in the middle of struggling and if you are somebody where you're like, I constantly need to reinvent myself, I need to be better. I need to be different. Maybe those are the times where maybe I need to talk to a professional about this because it is different if it's like, I want to find something that excites me. I want a new hobby or I want to volunteer more or I want to change. Slightly where I want to push myself to grow and be more involved in a different way versus every year. It's like, and we're going to wipe the slate clean and completely start from scratch.
Elsa:Yeah. Yeah. And I think to me, when I'm making decisions and when I'm, thinking about what I want to do, I used to make a lot of decisions. Based on essentially, I like, I compare it kind of to like a drug addiction now, it was constantly trying to keep that like high that emotional high or that that excitement, you know, so it was like constantly trying to keep that level of stimulation up. That very quickly resulted in burnout, right? It was not sustainable. But now when I'm making decisions, I think. I have given myself permission to not always make decisions right now. I'm a decisive person. I've never had problems making decisions. But now I give myself permission to maybe not respond immediately. I give myself permission to just process it a little bit and think about it. And also, I often think about, okay, so. When I'm thinking about doing something, or I'm feeling, you know, maybe sad that I'm going to be missing out on something, or I want to say no, but I'm like, but should I say no, you know, or I want to say yes, I think, so what is it that I need right now? So when you go back to that movement conversation, for example I, for the longest time, I hated the idea of, working out, by myself in my basement, like, that was like hell right. And so I'm like, okay, well, I know I want to prioritize movement, but that's not working for me. So what do I need? Well, group classes, it turns out, I'm pretty introverted, but I really actually enjoy group classes. I enjoy the camaraderie and the energy of a group. And so that really met a need for me. it helped give me that kind of energetic feedback that I needed to feel excited about being there. There's other times like say for right now. I have a lot going on right now. And so right now I'm like, you know, I'm feeling kind of like, I just want to do some workout videos in my living room, you know, because right now what I need is for it to not be a production to get somewhere. To fit movement in, right? I need it to be simple, something I can do when it works, when it fits. And so when we're making decisions, I really feel like it's important for us to constantly be taking stock of what we need now, when I talked earlier about, you know, when I was part of a service group and I decided to quit, I was feeling really sad about quitting. And so I really had to think about what I was most sad about. And as I thought about it, it was like, okay, well, the thing that I'm most scared of missing out on. Is the fun and the socializing because I'm like, not maybe by nature, the most fun person I like to read books and drink coffee. I'm not like super out there. So I was like, okay, well, I can still let go of this obligation and now that I know what it is that I feel like I might be missing when I let go of that, I can now create opportunities to have like fun and camaraderie in another way. I can now prioritize that in another way, while also letting go of something that I feel I can't deal with the obligations anymore, so really thinking about our needs in a different way. And taking the time to think about our needs is, I feel so important to help us move through life, making decisions that are aligned with what we want. And how we want our life to be and how we want to feel in our life, right?
Ashley:I think a lot of the times we don't check in with ourselves or we don't stop and think it's almost this hustle culture of like we need to say yes in the moment we need to make decisions in the moment that it's like it's okay to pause on it it's okay to think of the root cause or it's okay to hire a coach to be able to go through all of this with you so that you are making the choices that you want to make That are benefiting you, not just being on autopilot and being like, yes, no, maybe I'm going to do that without really knowing why you're doing the things that you're doing.
Elsa:Absolutely. I've worked with a coach for years. My family has gone through some huge transitions in the past couple of years and working through all the things, you know, having a space to process things and and talk about things without you. Having to hear somebody's well intentioned but bad advice has been so pivotal for me. Right. And I feel like that's why I love so much what I do, because it can be that space where I feel like most people are not equipped to listen objectively and ask the kinds of questions we need to help us move through things on our own. Most people, don't fully listen and then are full of advice and advice is just really most often just not that helpful.
Ashley:Or coming from their perspective, not necessarily specific to your situation.
Elsa:Exactly. Their perspective and their lived experience and their values, right? The things that they think are important. Whereas, you know, we're all different.
Ashley:What's something that somebody should ask a coach to see whether they're the right or wrong fit for them?
Elsa:I do think maybe having, some conversations around what their coaching process looks like is important. Because. The coaching field is not regulated. It's not regulated like, you know, psychologists or counsellors. It's a self regulated field. And so, essentially, anybody can be a coach. I guess asking about certification is important. I feel like for myself, by the time I'm working with somebody, I've generally, connected with them enough that by the time I'm making a decision to work with them, it's not a big decision because I've already essentially decided that I want to work with them. For a lot of the people I worked with, it's kind of the same, right? We've connected enough that that they feel comfortable. So I think having a conversation and, what they feel their scope is, that's something that I always make really clear in either an intro session or a discovery call or any kind of inquiry is like scope of practice, the fact that there are things if I feel like something is beyond my scope that I will refer you on I feel like a lot of people don't actually even know what a life coach does, so I think just not being scared to ask questions about how the whole relationship works.
Ashley:Do you think for the every day person that there's some myths that would prevent them from hiring a life coach. I feel like if we see them on TV, it's always some super famous person that's like leaving a wellness spa almost, and then hires a life coach.
Elsa:Absolutely. And I know, I can't speak to what everybody else thinks right now, but I know for years and years, I really thought of a life coach as somebody that worked with famous people that told you, how you should run your life, right? When. In reality, it's not like that at all. I think the term coach is something that's a bit confusing to people too, because I know if you're in the coaching industry, it's not confusing. But I think for the average person you think of coaching, you think of like your football coach or your baseball coach or whatever, and those people are there to tell you what to do. They're there to tell you and you listen to your coach. Right. Whereas. Being in the coaching world, whether you're, you know, a business coach or a life coach, or, I mean, there's a hundred million different kinds of coaches, the idea is not to tell people what to do, that is absolutely what you do not want to be doing, it is not my job to take my lived experience and my values and use those to tell you what to do with your life. Coaching is much more about like I've said, it's about asking questions, being curious, helping people come to their own conclusions and see things differently and I guess see themselves differently.
Ashley:Yeah, because you couldn't be like, and I'm a life reassure. I'm a life guider. There's not really a better,
Elsa:there's all kinds of terms and I've called myself different things over the years, but at the end of the day, that's what I am, right? I'm certified as a coach. I'm a life coach. I'm not a business coach. My client's talking about business, but that's not specifically what I do. I'm here to help you with your life. And even if we are talking about business, we're talking about you in your business and the things that are affecting your business or your relationship with your business or your relationship with your family as a business owner. There's lots of different things we can call ourselves, but. At the end of the day, and I mean, there are mentors, right? And a mentor is a bit different. A mentor is where, you know, you're talking to somebody and they're guiding you based on their experiences. I do include that in my title, when people are looking for something like that, as far as, like I said, it's generally related to business, where they want to have conversations about, what I've done, that's worked for me or if they want like advice specifically. Relating to certain things. So there is a difference between those two things. And if that's what you're looking for, you can find people that will do that for you, or strategist. That's another one. Strategist, they help you, like, figure things out. They'll kind of like, tell you what to do. If you're looking for somebody to specifically tell you what to do, those people are out there, but you also have to realize that when you go to somebody looking to tell you what to do. That's also going to be based on what's worked for them. And it doesn't always fit. And that's okay. But you have to recognize that then that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It's just maybe not a good fit.
Ashley:When you work with clients, do you work with them in person or online or both?
Elsa:Both. I do have clients that I meet in person. And I have clients that I meet via Zoom.
Ashley:Zoom really did have a glow up in the last couple of years, in that sense. Yeah, but it really created. This environment where you would never have a chance to meet people otherwise, that I do like the technology option for that.
Elsa:Oh, absolutely. I can't imagine being only limited to people that I could see in person. You know, like there is something to be said for personal connection, like for in person, but I don't know. Over the years, I feel like I've created a lot of really cool connections and relationships where I have only ever met them virtually. Absolutely.
Ashley:Same. When you're working with people, do you work specifically with women? Is it both men and women? And do you work with people one on one or do you work with couples or family?
Elsa:tHat's a wonderful question. So since I started my business, I have targeted working with women. That being said, I have worked with men. I'm not opposed to working with men. I'm Myers Briggs certified as well. So I have done some work with couples with Myers Briggs. Specifically, it's been like couples that have businesses that they operate together. I'm open to working with couples. I am a little bit intimidated by working with, say families, so that's maybe not something that would be at the top of my list right now but I would say the majority of the work I do is one on one. I do, occasionally do group programs. Those are generally a virtual thing. A lot of my content speaks to women specifically, but I'm not opposed to working with men.
Ashley:If people were looking for you online to work with you, where would they find you?
Elsa:You can go to my website. It is ElsaBorsa. com, short and sweet. I'm on Facebook and Instagram. On Instagram, I'm just at Elsa Borsa and on Facebook, I'm at Elsa Borsa coach.
Ashley:Awesome. Well, thank you so much for having this conversation with me today.
Elsa:Yes. Thank you. It's been fun.
Thank you so much for joining us today for this episode of the filled up cup podcast. Don't forget to hit subscribe and leave a review. If you like what you hear, you can also connect with us at buildupcup. com. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you in the next episode.