Shahin's Corner - The Podcast That Bites
Shahin's Corner - The Podcast That Bites
Shahin's Corner with Special Guest Kyle Carnohan - Mastering the Art of Superhuman Fatherhood and Discipline
Join us for an engaging conversation with Kyle Carnohan, the dynamic founder of Superhuman Fathers, as we navigate the joys and challenges of fatherhood. Get ready to be inspired by Kyle's infectious zest for life, his unique perspective on skateboarding and fatherhood, and his insightful wisdom about embracing fearlessness and discipline. As a father of four boys who share his love for skateboarding, Kyle is the perfect guide to help us understand the complexities of navigating life as a superhuman father.
Dive into the often overlooked issue of men's mental health and self-confidence as we dissect the influence of physical appearance on relationships. Through our dialogues with Kyle, we underline the need for discipline, consistency, and self-care in maintaining a healthy relationship. Hear his candid thoughts on how to grapple with the pressures of physical attraction and the importance of communication in every relationship.
Finally, we delve into the depths of parenting, exploring the balance of commitments and the priceless value of emotional control and discipline in maintaining a healthy family dynamic. Kyle shares his priceless wisdom about being the role model his kids look up to and the leader others can depend on. Whether you're a father looking to navigate this journey with grace, or just someone looking to bolster your self-confidence, our conversation with Kyle is a treasure trove of insights you can't afford to miss. Tune in for an enlightening, heartening episode that will reshape your perspective on life, love, and leadership.
We had another episode of Shaheen's Corner. I've got a really special guest today, really excited to talk to him. I'm a true believer that most men live in quiet misery and I want to bring Kyle on and talk to him, and I think our profession as dentists is no different. But before we do that, before I introduce him, take a look at this video.
Speaker 2:I'm Kyle Kornahan, founder of Superhuman Fathers. Do you think your feelings matter, meaning like when you wake up with a bad day you're like I guess I'm not going to do my s*** today. You don't have a choice.
Speaker 1:What's up, kyle? How you doing man You're welcome.
Speaker 2:You already know how I'm doing. You know what we're doing over here. You know how we're attacking.
Speaker 1:First of all, dude, I want to tell you something. I know you and your four boys are avid skateboarders. I was trying to f***ing find a shirt, and the best shirt I found is a shirt that's got a bunch of surfboards on it. Is that okay with you, man?
Speaker 2:I grew up surfing almost every day. For 20 years I couldn't find a shirt. My dad still serves. He's in his 50s. We grew up surfing and then I kind of moved towards skateboarding. It was like a rebellious thing for me. My dad would argue with me what's better, surfing or skateboarding? And I would just say skateboarders. To piss them off.
Speaker 1:Dude, I was watching your videos with your boys. They don't f***ing wear like elbow pads and helmets and knee pads. It's like you guys are a little crazy there. The carnage are a little crazy man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's how we live life. Like we say that all the time no f***ing pads and helmets in this life. You want to walk around with a f***ing helmet on. You could be that guy, but we're not that we are. We just attack life fearlessly and that comes off in our skateboarding like we're going to get our bell wrong. People are like man, that's irresponsible. Watch us live. Watch us live. Man. We live different, we want different things and we love that life.
Speaker 1:We're going to talk about that, but I want to know does your dad skateboard? No?
Speaker 2:He never got on the skateboard man.
Speaker 1:He didn't cross over huh.
Speaker 2:No, he stayed on that surfboard. He's like man, that concrete you fall off the board. It's a little different. The thing with surfing is you got to wait for the, you got to wait for the storm and everything to line up. And then you get out there and there's a hundred guys out there and everybody's all pissed off because they're all hungry for waves and now they're fighting for them. You go to the skate park. The waves are always good, everyone's in a good mood, everyone is supporting each other and wants everyone to win, because there is an abundance of opportunity.
Speaker 1:Well, dude, you and I are just up the street, down the street from each other. We should have probably just met in person and done this. I mean, you're in a fight. You got a beautiful fucking podcast studio, man, you know. I mean we got to connect. You're now. You're probably about 20, 30 minutes from me, but tell me about your podcast studio. Well, let me tell me what you're doing with your podcast studio dude.
Speaker 2:Dude, I don't know. Like I kind of knew there. I was like, oh, there's a recording studio in here. When we moved in here, but I didn't really know like what I actually had, till I had some people come over and they go bro, what, how do you have any idea what you have here? And I was like not really, and they're like they sketch the whole shit out for me, like this corner is going to be the podcast studio. This is where you'll do your like high end coaching group. We have something called the council, the warrior month. Now I got 15 guys in this group that come to my house every four weeks. So now I'm setting up a screen with zoom so the guys that can't come, I can see them on zoom. And I'm going to get one of those TTVs that you can write on to take notes and do presentations and they'll come in that room, and so we got that going on. And then the place to do the Facebook lives and stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, that's really cool, man. I've been watching your videos. We actually met in person, probably about a month ago now, at create, with Ken Jocelyn's group in Dallas, and that was really cool, man. And you went on stage and I mean that was your first time speaking to you fucking killed it. And I can tell you it wasn't scripted. And you even said man, just a few minutes before you went on stage. It's like, oh, I know what I'm going to say, it was, that's how it should be. You know, I'd say, you know just improv the whole thing of you know what's real in your mind at the time, what's real in your heart at the time. But I want to talk about your group, super human fathers. Talk to me a little bit, a little bit about how that was created, because I can tell you it doesn't just pop up right. I mean, it's takes years to build something like that, but it's got to be within you first. So tell me a little bit about your background and how that all kind of came about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's perfect that you said that that stupid human father was built within me first, because who's going to follow somebody who's not the guy that they want to be like or emulate? So, like I had to I had to live that for many years and not I wasn't trying to be a fucking guru or a teacher or a coach is just when you live a life that people are inspired by, they ask you for help. And when you live that way, people ask a lot of questions. And when people ask a lot of questions and ask for help, you start getting good at figuring out how to get them to move.
Speaker 2:And so you know, I've been playing this for over a decade where I realized, without even being aware of it, I love coaching, I love it Like it's everything. So I find myself in these positions where I had five, six calls to make on my days off and I wasn't thinking business. I was thinking, oh, I get to help these people, right, I wasn't charging shit, yeah. So I built the business without even knowing I was building it. And that came from a coach who was like hey, dude, you have a family, your time is valuable. You're a very valuable human need to charge for your time. I was like I don't know. And then and then and then, once I started delving into like the business world and how that all works, it was just, it just exploded.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I mean, listen, a lot has happened in my life over the last couple of years and we talk about this as well. But men, fathers, they have it, they don't. They don't get, they don't get appreciated. There's no, there's no. It's almost like it's your duty, and it's very difficult for someone to really go through the process of life alone.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, right, I mean, I can speak for my experience, like, I've been married for 10 years, over 10 years now, known my wife for about 12. And, and I can tell you, man, we go through moments where we're very well connected and we've gone through moments where it's like, you know, we're night and day different, and we went through that period for a couple of years recently. And I can tell you and I told you this when I saw you in Dallas I said, you know, I'm very disconnected with my wife right now, and that process makes it almost more difficult to be a man trying to navigate life, being a provider and feeling like you're completely alone. And you know what are you doing? Right, it's kind of like. You know, I can tell you, when we first got married, we were very well connected and then we started having kids and, you know, you've had four kids yourself, you go through that process and you know that whole process of having kids and distracting each other Huge distraction. As soon as my you know our kids were born, it was like complete disconnect. You know, we didn't. We stopped really spending more time together and we spent little time together, right, Because the kids are young and they're so dependent on you and you know, and we just kind of separated and we had the conversation just about six, seven weeks ago and we're like listen, like here's our chance.
Speaker 1:You know, we're at a crossroad right now and we need to, we need to reconnect, and that reconnection means that, you know, your wife Whitney, said something that really stuck to me and my wife did it just a couple of nights ago. She came to me, grabbed my face and told me that she's very proud of me and that she loves me, and it was a moment of connection that I hadn't felt with my wife in years. And it was not even 30 seconds, Kyle. But when do we do that? Right? I mean because of resentment and because of anger and because of ego. You know, it got away from us, Right, and that simple statement made me feel so powerful and it made me feel like I'm ready to kick ass.
Speaker 1:My point is and this is what you said with you and your wife when you guys have the conversations in the group is that the more connected you are with your wife, the more you're in line with each other because you guys are both busy doing things the healthier your life is gonna be, the health because you're mentally more healthy. Wanna talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So there's a lot of guys that get kind of up in arms about this because they're like my wife's a bitch. My wife never would do that Like you guys are just lucky. Here's the thing like I've been married for 20 years, like you just said yourself that your marriage wasn't always like that, it was mine, something that like it's the same thing if people are pissed that they don't make money or know how to build a business, it's like it takes so much work, effort, knowledge, understanding of, like people, communication, trial and error, biting your tongue, having emotional control like service, in order to build to this place where you get that from your wife.
Speaker 2:So men will say I can't do this because I feel so alone and I'm just depressed and have anxiety. Well, until you learn to show up for yourself amidst the depression and the anxiety, you will never have that from your wife. That's earned. You can't wait for her to do that. In order for you to step up, you have to step up first or you won't get it. So that's the difference. Is it in our loneliness, in our pain? We have to learn the superhuman father's mantra we do the most, we need the least, you have to need nothing. Again a statement that pisses people off. They're like you can't need nothing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, if you wanna have everything, you have to be non-compulsive to people. You have to not need something from them. When you don't need something from someone, that's when you usually get it. It's including your wife, that's including, like. I mean, just look at a basic sales concept. If you're on a sales call and you're trying to sell something and they can sense this like neediness from you, they're not buying from you. It's gross. And it's the same thing with your wife. It's the same thing with life in general, with the universe, with God. You're just like always take, take, take, take, need, need, need, need, need. But you're never putting yourself on the line and be like I'm gonna show up for myself for that sole purpose, that I'm the guy that has integrity and character, regardless of how I feel. If you can't get to that point, you're gonna feel like the world is trying to crush you. You're always gonna feel like everything's out to get you. Till you take full responsibility for your life and the way you show up in your pain, you'll never have what you want.
Speaker 1:And we're talking now a little bit more specifically towards Dennis now. But I can tell you that we are in a profession where risk for us is like voodoo, like don't take huge risk. Now let me say this if you have the bell shaped curve, 5% are kicking ass right. 5% will never get it, no matter how much you work with them. But there's that 90% that I'm talking about right, and within that 90%, the number one thing that doctors miss is self-development. Right, because they'll love taking all these clinical courses and go learn how to place implants and go learn how to do cosmetic dentistry and smile makeovers and get all the latest technology, but they're still fucked up in the head, man, because they're average people. They have a doctor's degree, but they're average people. And if you are an average person you can't lead. And if you're trying to be a leader, that's what's really gonna forex your production as a doctor, not the clinical dentistry.
Speaker 1:So I had a conversation with a group of doctors last week in Tempe and Dallas and I was like, listen, you gotta be able to self-develop, transform. We're gonna talk about transformation and that's what's gonna push you into becoming a leader. And once you become a leader, then that energy is going to make your community, which is your team members, your patients, your wife and your family, that's all of that is gonna have a positive impact around you, but it all starts with you. So every time a doctor says, what do I need to do, how do I grow my business? I always say invest in yourself first. And I know you talk about transformation, so tell me a little bit about superhuman fathers and how you go about the process of transforming the male person, the father.
Speaker 2:Yeah, first of all, a lot of times, especially like successful dentists, you got a wife, you got a house, you got the dog, you got a couple offices and you're kind of like, yeah, I'm the man, I made it. Man, look at me. Problem is with high level people that are pushing. Once they feel like they made it somewhere, you're fucked Like depression, anxiety, this feeling of purposelessness it's all coming, so like there has to be a constant progress. And then also I noticed a lot of dentists. You know they have a lot of kids, have a lot of offices. They're working with their hands, Like there's a lot of stress. That stress leads to sedation. Usually that can be anywhere from drugs, alcohol or food. Usually dentists are kind of having together, dude, not a lot of drinking. Sometimes there is, sometimes there, not With the drinking. It makes it really rough, Like that has to be taken care of. That'll crush you. The food is a more insidious thing because it's so acceptable and so easy just to not worry about it. And then your health just starts to go. And then they're wondering why they're so depressed and purposeless. But you know, they got a gut hanging over their pants. They don't feel strong. They're getting older, they're starting to feel weaker and you know their wife's starting to look at them a little off, like man, you're really getting old. And then they get frustrated because they're like, well, listen, look at all this stuff I do for this family, Like can't judge me for like not showing up physically and they're just feel like they're expected to be everything and they are. And so what I find, with these dentists that work with us, we got man. We probably have over a hundred dentists with superhuman fathers. They just gravitate towards us because of this.
Speaker 2:You know, we start with the simple concepts of wake up times, workouts and nutrition. Like, literally, if you can't do that, you're gonna be stuck. So it's like you have to be able to get up when your alarm goes off. You have to work out every day and do it right, Put the effort into it. You have to know your nutrition and then you gotta have the willpower to stick with it.
Speaker 2:I don't even talk about anything else until we get those things in place, Cause, yeah, we do need to delve into emotional responses and communication with the wife and the kids and how we show up for them. We need to do that. We need to talk about how you can put your business more on autopilot and be a way more and put management in place and not be so stressed and sucked into it. We also need to talk about this idea of having a purpose and being spiritually guided. And feeling like what you're doing means something Like this all matters, but it doesn't work until a man can learn discipline and endurance first. Once we get that, then we can have a sense of freedom, because now we believe that we will show up for ourselves and we know that if we show up for ourselves consistently, that we will get results. So now we can pour this into the other aspects of our life and now we're feeling empowered.
Speaker 2:I mean, like here's the deal. You show up with skinny arms, a fat gut, bad skin, just you know like you're, just like you feel gross. Showing up to anything that you do is kind of like out of power. But if you put some muscle on your frame, you got an eight pack and a vein coming down your neck, off your shoulder, down your bicep. You're gonna show up to every meeting, every situation, every relationship different, because what it takes to maintain, get there and maintain that requires a certain fire and discipline. When you have that fire and discipline that's gonna pour into everything else that you do, and you're now going to be, when you show up in a room, the disciplined guy, and that's gonna be how you view yourself.
Speaker 2:Like I show up and I take what's mine and at the same time, you're leading by example, Right? So it's like you are taking care of yourself. It's very important, Because if you don't take care of yourself and build yourself and respect yourself and love yourself, you can't give that to anyone else. You can't give what you haven't earned, and so this is first. Then you can give it to others. People say, man, you don't need to be lean and jacked to be a good dad or a good person. I'm like, no, it's true to be good, but to be fucking epic, Then yeah, you do. To be your best self. Yes, you do yes because that's your best self, the one that doesn't make excuses, the one that doesn't turn devices, the one, the one that will put Anything on the altar to be who he must to accomplish what he must in this life, who lives with purpose and spiritual meaning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, it's kind of like mothers always say you know, I put myself last Because I spend so much time with my kids, trying to raise my kids, working on my kids. You know, with all the things that they got to do, I put all my money and everything into that. And then they start taking care of themselves. And us doctors I mean, I've been at it for 22 years we we see mothers in their, you know, 30s and 40s after they've had their kids. They come and they got a bunch of dental problems right and they're like I haven't seen a dentist for eight to ten years because I've just been focused on my kids. It's the same thing, if you think about it, you know, as, as a male, it's kind of like you're so focused on your business and your kids and Making money and growth that you forget about yourself, right, and so now you're 40 years old, you're 25 pounds overweight and it's like what the fuck happened?
Speaker 2:You know, you start talking.
Speaker 2:How does your wife connect with someone who's who doesn't take care of themselves? Like you, like your wife See you like that and it's in your gross. So it's like what it's, it's so obvious. And then we we don't look at the obvious things. Like man, why does my wife not want to have sex with me? It's like, well, because you gained fucking 25 pounds. And like, and you don't, and you smell dude. It's like like that's number one, like are you attractive to her physically? Is like no, I let myself go.
Speaker 1:It's like, well, maybe that's where you want to start you know well, but you know, even like you said, even more important is and I know you've alluded to this as well Is that you want to feel good about yourself, right? I mean, it's like you let yourself go. You want to feel good about yourself, but I tell you, man, it's those three things right there. Last week I challenged the doctors that I and I said look, just go, look in the mirror and find three things that you can work on. And and a few doctors are listening to what Kyle just said those are the three things that you can work on.
Speaker 1:And then the discipline component of it is you know that you just have to be consistent and follow through every day, which is wake up when the alarm goes off, work on your workouts, which means get your ass in the gym, even if it's 30 minutes a day. Get in the gym for 30 minutes, just be consistent. And then the second and the third is nutrition, which I tell you what, man, probably 90% of doctors are carrying extra weight, male or female, you know they're carrying extra weight. So all three of those things will just make you feel good about yourself. Start there, and I think that's a really great starting point.
Speaker 2:It's like we give ourselves excuses of like, like we give ourselves an out and in reality, like, exercise and and diet, it it's life maintenance. Like you have to do that as a high-level human or you won't be a high-level human. Like you have to do. That has to be daily regimen and the thought of missing should never even cross your mind, because it's just part of what you do and who you are. That's where you have to get. The problem is in a in this society we're told like oh, go on this three month plan, you know, and okay, I did my 90 day plan, I lost some weight, now I can relax, and then you just go back to your old ways and just do nothing, meet like shit Until you go on your next 90 day program. Yeah, I better do another program. It's like this way of thinking is what keeps people stuck forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I talked about this as well. It's about habits, right, and building, and and you talk about too, is is create new stories, right. So it's kind of like these habits are. Create new habits, create new stories. Become a different person Through the things that you practice, through your habits, and that will change your story. But here's what's interesting, man, you said your veins start to pop after three to six months and you jumped in the shower and started shaving your legs and your ass and all this stuff. Now what's going on with that? I got a hairy ass, but you know, I understand that your ass is not as hairy anymore, right? Is that what I'm hearing?
Speaker 2:I Keep, I keep that shit trim. Now, man like and I notice I get laid more by my wife when I like Stay trim, smelling good, looking good, like I've. I've had this mentality of like, okay, if we were dating, how would I show up? Like it's we forget. Man like I've been married 20 years, like I went through a decade of just kind of let my shit Just go and just yeah not worry about it.
Speaker 2:But the problem with you not worrying about it, and then you get pissed that your relationship isn't where it Want, where you want it to be. But you stop fighting for yourself and you stop fighting for her. We all do it. Stop fighting for her, like like yeah, and you know I was In every podcast. I'm like, are you taking? Like like I'm gonna say this right now, like every single man or woman listening is right now like, get on your phone, right now I'm gonna do the same thing and I'm gonna text my wife and I'm just gonna say I love you, that's it. I'm just gonna do it right now. Just text it.
Speaker 2:Well, like Literally, if you do that every day, you go on a date once a week and you take care of yourself to be presentable for her, like, your relationship is going to be at least okay. You know I'm not saying you're gonna have the best marriage in the world, but if you're not doing that as a standard, like you, you don't have a prayer. It's like I don't know what happened to my marriage. Every question is the same. Well, like, I just talked to this couple. He's like we haven't had sex in a year and a half and I'm like and so was it a year and a half ago that you stopped going on dates, or was it slightly before that? He goes slightly before that. I go weird how that coincides, doesn't it? You stop taking her on dates and then you haven't had sex for a year and a half. You think that maybe you should take your own dates. He's like, yeah, but I'm just like pissed now and I was like well, let's, let's, um, let's, let's consider that maybe you had a part in this.
Speaker 2:What do you think that might have been? It's like well, I've kind of been a dick and I haven't been taken around. I don't tell her I love her. I don't even really pay attention to her much. I'm like Okay, and he's not taking care of himself. That one you can't hide from. You know. I'm looking at him. I'm like like double chin, yellow skin, skinny arms. It's like Belly hanging over the pants. It's like what, what do you expect? You're a dick and you're gross. Like what do we think is gonna happen? You think money is gonna buy that? You are sadly mistaken. You're sadly mistaken with the car and the house is gonna make up for attention, love and taking care of yourself.
Speaker 1:You know, I tell you it's for all the men listening right now, for all the men, I don't care where you are in your relationship, I'll tell you real time, right now. Dude, my wife just texts me and said where's your wedding ring? So I'm going to get my fucking wedding ring on right now. Rodrigo, can you get my wedding ring? It's right on my bed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's savage dude, I love that.
Speaker 1:So she's like she's watching this. She's like where's your fucking wedding ring, dude, I'm going to get that shit on. But here's what I want to say for all the men listening in right now Go talk to your wife today and sit down with them and find a solution, because I can tell you, dude, over 80% of men that are married, they're not happy. I can tell you that right now, and that happiness starts with you. Like Kyle's been talking about it I've been, you know, alluding to it as well is that start self-developing on your own, but you also got to have the skill to communicate, and that communication might be something as simple as honey. I love you and you know I'm proud of you. Take that 20 seconds, and that could be the difference between continuing to fight with your wife or getting a smile from her and vice versa.
Speaker 1:You know, one of the things I didn't do is I didn't seek. You know, I try to always resolve myself and I couldn't navigate. I find myself in situations where I couldn't get myself out of it, and as simple as what my wife did by just coming to me and looking me in the eye and telling me that she's proud of me. That's all you need as a man. Sometimes it's not about anything else, but that's all you need. So, brooke, here you go. Here's my wedding ring.
Speaker 2:In order to get that, a lot of times you got to give it for a long time.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, like they need, they need it too. They need words of affirmation.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And physical touch. They need gifts, they need time. You know people always talk about the love languages or whatever. I just say just hit them with all four, you know like, or five, or whatever, whatever the book is like, but just go, just go in on all of them and just do a little bit of each and you just.
Speaker 2:You got to make it regimented though, because, like listen, I still fuck up. Like like, um, I have certain things that I'm really good at staying regimented with, but you keep adding more right, like there's like everything is simple. You're like oh, that's easy, man, all I got to do is go on dates and text my wife every day. She's like I actually understand why that's hard. Because you're like okay, I got to hit my wake up times. I got to go to the gym. I got to make sure I have all the food I need to hit my nutrition Um, I got a journal every day. I got to pray Um, I've got to make sure I text my wife every day. I have to make sure that the dates planned. I got to make sure flowers get delivered every month, like, okay.
Speaker 2:And then I got five kids. I'm like, okay, every day, I'm going to spend 15 minutes with each kid. Uh, this kid. I'm going to skateboarding with this kid. I'm going to play video games with this kid. So it's like, dude, it's, the list starts getting fucked and you're trying to run a business. So please don't get me wrong. What we're asking ourselves and you to do, literally under most circumstances and most humans, is impossible. This is why, if you desire to be elite, it will take massive effort, practice time, patience, discipline and consistency. But if that is your desire to be an elite, well rounded human that inspires others, that is what is required and that's why most of you won't do it. There's few of you that will, and those that will will leave and inspire those won't won't.
Speaker 1:That's what's interesting. Like you get in the group or you get in a room and you know people are listening to you and you know people are like, yeah, man, I got to do that shit. But the reality is less than 5% actually take action. And you wonder, like how is it that you capture an audience at full attention and then three days later they're back doing the same shit? That's the thing that just baffles my mind. Like people don't want to put the effort in working on themselves and as much as you try to and it's everywhere on social media man, motivational videos, inspirational videos, people telling you what you need to do, where you know giving you all the guidance you need the noise is there. So the question is why are you not doing it? Why and that part for me, I mean, I'm not a psychologist, but that's what's kind of confusing Like, if you know what you need to do, why don't you fucking do it? Now I can tell you this and with that said, look, we don't always get there. In other words, you know I committed.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you knew I think I told you but I've been an athlete since I was young. I play pro sports and I've been in the gym since I was 16 at different levels, not trying to be a bodybuilder, as you can tell, but you know my body's been around the block a little bit. But and I committed. I said you know I'm going to go to the gym. I got a tournament coming up in a couple of weeks soccer tournament and I committed. I said in the last four weeks I'm going to go to the gym every single day. And I fail, you know. So it's not that you know, you commit to something. And like I didn't go to the gym yesterday for the first time in a few days, I was out of town. So that's, you know, an X there too, but you try to go every single day. So even if you go six days instead of seven, five days instead of seven, at least it's in front of you that you got to get to the gym.
Speaker 2:You know Jaco says they go hey, do you work out? Do you ever take days off? He goes no, because life inevitably will create that scenario for me. So like and the other thing is like, a lot of times there's like guilt and shame built into these things that we're trying to do. It's really important to not let that seep in because when it does, then guys will take weeks and months and years off because they don't want to face this, like this pain of being inconsistent and imperfect and failing.
Speaker 2:But when you like, accept the fact that I'm not perfect and this is a game and in this game I will improve as long as I keep playing it, then, like you kind of take the guilt and shame away of like missing or sleeping in or whatever, and you're kind of like okay, cool, so I got two days this week, next week, man, the game is three days. Like I'm gonna keep pushing and let's see. And you're like, fuck, yeah, dude, I made it to Wednesday. All right, cool, all right. Now it's Friday. Like let's see when we get through the weekend, because usually we shit the bed on weekends. So we're gonna hit Friday, saturday, sunday, I'm gonna hit all my nutrition and roll into Monday like a boss, and then you like make it till Sunday and you fuck Sunday up and it's like, okay, okay, where are we at now?
Speaker 2:Like you're in this fight, you know, and like being honest about it, and that's why a tribe is really important too, because you can bounce this shit off guys who are really good. It's like you go play soccer with some guys that are really good. They're giving you tips while you're playing. They're like bantering with you and like putting you in positions where you can be better and they like you got people that kind of give a shit about your growth and they love the game. And it's like you look at it as a game, but like if you miss a goal or like you get the ball taken from you like a little irritated but it's not gonna. You're not gonna like get all guilt and shame and be like I'm such a piece of shit. It's just like we gotta change the way we view this, this consistency, as a long game learning process.
Speaker 1:You know, soccer like any other sport, right, it's a game of mistakes and what you learn from that is that life is a game of mistakes, right? And so one of the things and I'm just speaking for myself, is one of the things that I grew into in soccer is to realize that it was okay to make mistakes playing soccer. I had a hard time with that. I wanted to play the perfect game, and once I realized that it was okay to make mistakes and still be a good soccer player, I went to a different level. And it's the same thing in life. We're afraid to make the mistakes because you wanna play the perfect life. Once you realize that you can make mistakes in life, you could go to a different level. But one of the things I wanna talk to you about is I wanna talk to you a little bit about fear and judgment, cause I think judgment is something that gets in the way of a lot of people. They're afraid of being judged. You wanna talk about that a little bit and what your thoughts are on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, self validation, my friend. So we've talked about some pieces of the benefits of creating yourself into an undeniable monster, but part of that is self validation. It's like I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me, cause I know who the fuck I am right, and so if I have an opinion that someone disagrees with or shits on me, for I'm like I just laugh, Like yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:And then like a lot of times I'm like they might be right. I don't know Like we'll find out right, Like I don't need to be right. I just speak my mind fearlessly of where I'm at in my life, based upon my current understanding, and let people talk shit, let people hate me for what I do, and I'll listen. I literally will listen, Like if I have haters. I assess what they say. I'm like, wow, maybe there's some truth to that. But see, the problem is when you have emotion, emotional reactions to it and I'm not perfect.
Speaker 2:Sometimes guys are really trying to hurt me and dig at me and they don't get me and I'll write some Facebook comment back. That's like all long. And my wife's like what are you doing? We were in the middle of a conversation. I'm like, hold on, I'm gonna get this motherfucker. Then I'm like, what am I doing? Then I just delete it and I'm like, what am I doing?
Speaker 2:It's crazy. Like why don't I just let the comment soak in and be like is there, is there a truth behind this? Is there something I can learn from this? Or are they just in pain? Not here to make excuses or judge, but just learn from it? And when you put yourself out there and expose yourself to possible failure or possible being wrong or possible judgment. You're now in this position of accelerated growth and I've been in this position of accelerated growth now for 10 years, really accelerated for five, extremely accelerated for the last two, and I can't leave it now because I see the fruits of it. So I'm constantly exposed, always, and I would say like for you to truly become your best self, you must be consistently exposed.
Speaker 1:You know, I tell you, I have Greg Reed coming on and he has a book that says three feet from gold, and one of the things you talk about in your content is you talk about the grind, the grit, the cost financial, mental, physical. It's not an overnight success. What you have right now was 700 doctors, 700 fathers and over 100, 100 dentists.
Speaker 2:So I could lose it overnight by one stupid comment.
Speaker 1:I mean it's interesting because you, you know, you even say in your content that you spent over $700,000 on. You know you have spent over 700,000 to get to where you are now. You've gone through some financial hardship and you know from 2008, which we all did in so many ways. You know from the real estate dump, but you know the grind and the grit. I think a lot of dentists give up too quickly, man, you know they give up so quickly on whatever they're trying to achieve. It's like they're trying to achieve it, and I say that they're interested, not committed, right? So as soon as it gets hard, they stop because they're just interested.
Speaker 1:But you're a classic example of you know, 10 years later, what you can become from just continuous. You know putting the pressure and put. You know pressing the gas pedal kind of thing. You want to talk about that journey a little bit. And did you ever? I mean, I'm sure you, probably, and maybe I'm wrong, but we think at times that we want to quit and stop and this is wrong, but you keep pushing. You want to talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, like I'm in pain right now, like I'm stressed. I'm probably more stressed now than I've ever been in my life, and that's the point my ability to handle stress has increased so significantly that we can now turn it up and we can risk more and we can push harder. And why, like, why not just relax? Because relaxation will halt all progress and usually what you've built will fall apart. That's just the way human nature and life is Like. If you have a business that you're trying to park, you're like I'm good It'll, you'll probably lose it Physical, your physical body if you want to keep it strong, you have to push it, you have to fucking torture it to keep it strong.
Speaker 2:A mind you want your mind to be prepared for whatever battles are coming in the soft, easy world that we live in warm showers, warm beds, plentiful, plentiful food Like you could just go if you want it. You could just live in a small apartment and go on welfare and just watch Netflix all day, have a 65 inch TV I mean, we, as a paramedic, we ran on them all day, all day long man on welfare, big screen TV, beers in the fridge, plenty of food. We don't have to do shit anymore to survive. So if you want to have a strong mind, you better torture yourself, you better push yourself, you better do hard shit. That's what will make us very rare and ready for when the real shit comes, whatever that is health issues, financial issues, fucking real war which is coming our way.
Speaker 2:You know, like whatever famine, economic crash, you want to be steady as a fucking rock when that shit comes. You better have been training your mind, your body and your soul to prepare for it. And I feel good as a man knowing that, like whatever chaos is coming, like I'm going to be someone that my kids, my wife and other people around can be like hey, kyle, what do we do? They're going to look to me to make decisions. And I like being that. I like being a leader that can serve and make people feel safe or uncomfortable, and like be there for them.
Speaker 1:You know you said you said something that really stuck with me. My father is my hero and you know you said you want to be the man that your kids look up to, and I wonder if you know and this is this is what every man should ask himself that's a father right now. Are my kids looking up to me? Am I doing the things to lead by example?
Speaker 2:Do they?
Speaker 1:want to be me.
Speaker 2:Do they want to be me? Do they want to have what I have? If they don't, they won't listen to you. They'll find leadership elsewhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think you know you have teenagers, teenage boys. Now my kids are a little bit younger, that's six and eight, so they still look up to me because they're young. But you know, once you become 12, 13 years old, you start expanding your mind, you start, you know, getting into different arenas. That's when it becomes even more challenging to make sure that you're stepping up as a father and as a man, as a husband, and I can tell you that and I've talked to my wife about this as well is that you know they look at us and our relationship and how we are communicating, how we're talking to each other and that is something that we need to control as well is how we behave in front of them. But, man, I tell you, it's a really interesting formula, right, because I know your kids are. What are the age ranges? You have a 16 year old, right, and you have one that's 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 11, 9 and 3.
Speaker 1:So think about the three year old and the 16 year old. I mean, it's a huge gap difference in being a father and like how did you father the 16 year old when he was three years old? Right, and how are you? You know, sometimes the the last child you don't pay attention to because you're just like fuck it.
Speaker 2:I've gone through three or four already right and you forget the parent, the last child.
Speaker 1:You know, for us it's our fourth.
Speaker 2:Our fourth son is the lost child because we have that little daughter, so she's, she's like she gets all the attention. So for us, because it's a little girl, things kind of switch. So my attention has to be on my fourth son. He's nine, he's the one who can easily get lost in the mix because we have the four sons, yeah, or the three sons, then him, then the little girl, so he's the one that's in this weird spot where he requires more attention, which, just as a father, there's certain awareness of what each kid needs. A lot of times, like kids like, like he'll lash out, he'll get me pissed to yell at him just to get my attention. He doesn't care how what attention he gets. If it's good or bad, he doesn't give a shit. He just wants me to look at him and speak to him.
Speaker 1:So, even if it's aggressive, he's like yep, there's my dad, thank you, that's all I wanted you know, you said something that stuck to me and um, and I practiced it a couple times already you said you can fight, meaning you can demand like get out of that pool, right. I said get out of that pool right. Now you come to the dinner table or whatever it is, and you're very hard and very aggressive with your child because you're in a very you know, demanding statement, demanding position because you're the father, or you can talk to your child and say give them reasons why they need to make that decision themselves to come out of the pool and come to the dinner table. I'm just using that as an example, but but that that really takes a lot of maturity as a father because you know you can.
Speaker 1:You have the quick answer, which is right. You know, be aggressive, get angry and get what you want.
Speaker 2:You can pick them up and carry them in, you know like you can do that, but what are you teaching them and and how are you empowering them? That's that's so powerful dude seriously it's like anything, make it their idea, and that's leadership like let me tell them to move their decision.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you, I use it in two scenarios two different scenarios, because I use it with my wife too. My wife got angry at me and started yelling, yelling at me just a couple night days ago and I talked to her a little later in the day and I said, honey, like I don't mind you getting angry, I don't mind you, uh, being frustrated, but just talk to me, communicate that anger, communicate that frustration, talk to me about what you're feeling and you know what. It was amazing, kyle. She's like you're right. And just the fact, like two years ago, if I would have told her that she would have yelled at me some more, you know, and the fact that she came to me and she said you're right, it just kind of like deflated me in a very comfortable position, comfortable position, and I felt that now I'm not being judged. And I opened up even more to her and I told her what my expectation was in that situation and she listened. I was like fucking wow, what is the fuck's going on here, where, again, two years ago, when we were disconnected, right, she wouldn't have been listening, she would have just been talking over me. And I told her. I said you know, this is, this is amazing. Like you know, us having this ability to communicate is is so comforting and that's how we start connecting more together, instead of the yelling back and forth. It's let's. Let's communicate that process. Let's communicate the anger and frustration instead of just yelling at each other. The other scenario which, again, I listened to what you said and you were using your, your I think it was your son as the example in in the content that you were presenting. But the other was just yesterday.
Speaker 1:My son plays soccer with the san egosurf and he plays practices five, six days a week and he's kind of a. You know he's. He's a charismatic eight-year-old, he expresses himself very well and great vocabulary, and so he wants to be in a play, in a school play, and it's five days a week or maybe six days a week for two months. Well, he can't do it because he's got soccer. So instead of me just kind of passing it on and he's crying and he's upset, I dove into being an eight-year-old in a sense and I said honey, I or mason, honey, I understand like this got to be really frustrating for you. I know it's very painful and I know it's a sacrifice for you because this is something you want to do.
Speaker 1:But if I didn't have that maturity to talk to him at that level. I would have just probably said, well tough, you know you got soccer practice. You got to go to practice. You can't miss practice. You know you're committed to soccer. You can't go to the place because you're committed to soccer. But do you understand the language difference right? Yeah, I talked him through his frustration and I felt more connected to him because I was, I was in with him and I wanted to feel his pain as opposed to just so it's.
Speaker 2:I mean, those are two different examples, but you know what you said requires so much emotional control, which is why we start with the same damn thing like a times nutrition workouts, because it's the same muscle if you can control what you put in your mouth, you can control what comes out of it. So it's like discipline is a muscle that requires practice and you have to remain massively disciplined, especially when you're in an elevated, stressed state just because of life in general as a father work's going weird, wife's acting crazy, the kids are fighting, and it's like we. How on earth am I going to respond to this without losing my shit right now? And that's where it takes everything to just be like hey guys, is this how we want our family dynamic to be, or do we want to enjoy this Saturday as a family? Right? And then it's like and then you can kind of ask the kids like what do you?
Speaker 2:How do you want today to feel like? Do you want it to be like this? What do you want it to be different? I want to be different, okay. So what do we need to do to actually change the energy around here? Because right now, is the energy bad or good? Bad, okay, what energy do we want? Good, okay, so we got to make some big changes, right, right, okay. So then everybody's got to say what they're going to do to change the energy, and then maybe there's some apologies that go around and right, and then here's the hard part. You're like, okay, good, we're good, and then they start fighting again and it's like what though what?
Speaker 2:and working into this blue june, what takes so much patience over time? Yeah, like, stay in this place to just not hot head out. And my wife's good too. Like we, we help each other because she'll start losing her shit. I'll be like she's, like she'll do the same thing for me, because, like nobody's perfect in this game, especially with the level of stress that most of these guys carry, you know. Just I tell you what man I was.
Speaker 1:I was scared shitless of my dad when I was growing up, man, because I mean if I said something wrong, man pounce across the head or you know I got hit as a kid and that's just how it was.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know that's how the game was played back there now yeah, and it's interesting because, like you know, now in my head I'm thinking I don't know. I mean, at some level I have to be authority for my son, so I want him to be at some level scared of me, because otherwise then he can have too much power, right. But also I need to be mature enough to net just not lose my shit every time it doesn't go my way, right, because then the house becomes chaos and you don't want that either. So there's like a fine balance. And I mean, who teaches you how to be a fucking parent, right? I mean you gotta you learn from what your parents did and what you don't want your kids to go through, right? I mean, it's a skill to be a parent man. It's one thing to have kids, it's another thing to be a parent, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, two different things so you're gonna have kids and not be a parent yeah, yeah, so to be good at it takes like the most patience of like anything on this planet.
Speaker 1:Well, dude, five kids, man, you I mean there's certainly a lot of things people can learn from you just from having five fucking kids. I mean it's a lot of fucking kids. So you know, there's there's a lot of, there's a lot of experiences that you've gone through as a 42 year old married father that I think a lot of people can learn from. Kyle, tell me a little bit about what people need to do that are interested in joining superhuman fathers, and tell me a little bit about your programs. As far as I know, you mentioned you have the council, and I think there's a couple of other programs that you're starting. So can you, can we dive into that a little bit?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so we have the, we we have the, currently have the superhuman father's brotherhood, and then what we're doing now is we're creating a program called the awakening, where we come in and we, we just help you change all the stories and kind of shock the system to reset Before we let guys kind of cruise into it. But there needs to be this, this space where there's hyper commitment. Otherwise, if there's too much time on the tail end of this thing, people will wait before they actually commit. So we're compressing the time on this thing and creating a system and a regiment in place with a catch at the end, catch basin, so that you don't do like like you know how, like 75 hard has a year, but most people do 75 and they quit and then they go. Oh good, I did that, now I can relax. It's like it's really important for to to get people hyper committed and disciplined and then transition them over to the long view. Otherwise, what's the point? Because every, because most men are most even consistent discipline. Men are yo-yo men. Consistent discipline for a while, then they lose it. And they do it for a while, then they lose it because they give themselves a break.
Speaker 2:If I can create these monsters that never relent and actually enjoy the process of living in the state of constant forward pressure and progress. We I mean we're all. We're already the most savage men's group on the fucking planet. Like we're already that and as we, as we dial this in more, it's just going to get even more dangerous. So there's that we have. We have all kinds of levels for wherever people are at. You know so.
Speaker 2:But just follow me on instagram at superhumanfathers. If you want to apply, we have superhumanfatherscom. You can apply for the brotherhood and we'll walk you through the options of how you can come in and start to work on yourself. Just assess the fact like if you we only take people that want to be elite in everything and or want to go to a place where they're just going to continue to push and grow and progress for life, like we'll accept nothing else, so like you got to be kind of one of those psychos, that is like, yes, that's what I want. If you're just like I want to lose a few pounds to feel better, and us and I want to get to this place so I can like rest and relax, it's like we are not for you, like we'll eat you alive.
Speaker 1:I tell you, one of the things that that people really underestimate is that when they actually come into a community of success and elite people, it's not about Kyle. It's about so many men that you can learn from from their experiences and from their, their failures and their successes.
Speaker 1:And you know the, the, you're the, the tree trunk, but you branch out into so many different channels and so many different networks that that's where the real power is. As you start to continue to feel good about yourself, then now you want to fucking go into all these different branches and shake more hands and get into more communities and what you find is, as you're self-developing, everything around you is developing as well, and I think that's something that a lot of people underestimate, and that's how you were able to build to 700. I'm sure a lot of these were just internal referrals from guys saying fuck, dude, come join Kyle, he's doing some kick-ass stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's all it is. And then, and that you know, I'm in my own groups a ton of them like yeah, because I'm always seeking for that next level of people doing bigger and bigger things. The more I'm around those people, the more I elevate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know that's. That's great stuff, man. Listen, go join or follow Kyle Carnahan at Superhuman Fathers on Instagram. He's got some great content, like I said. A couple of examples here. If you're a dentist, you want to do three fucking things wake up when the alarm goes off, go into the gym every single day, just commit and be disciplined, and if you fail a little bit, that's okay too. And then work on your nutrition and Kyle can help you through that process. That's why he's got over a hundred dentists in a short period of time.
Speaker 2:We have our own group of dentists within Superhuman Fathers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's pretty damn fucking cool. I have to tell you that and and, kyle, man, I appreciate you. I know we we connected a few months ago and you were gracious to jump on with me and and, and I appreciate you, man. You didn't have to do this and you put the time in and you've been great to me here in the past few months and I want to thank you for that and I appreciate being on my podcast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thanks, man. Thanks for putting the message out, helping people to level up. Thanks for coming to see me in Dallas with, you know, watching me over at the stage and. I appreciate your support.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got it, man. Hey, we got to connect. We're only 30 minutes away, so you know we're going to connect here shortly as well. So, kyle, thank you so much. I hope you have a great day and follow at Superhuman Fathers on Instagram and message him, send him a DM. He's great. He's very responsive. Just a cool ass dude man. That's all it comes down to doing some great things. Thanks, kyle.
Speaker 2:Thanks you, man.
Speaker 1:All right, buddy, um, wow, that was fun. Um, you might have to listen to this podcast again, because if you really want to work on yourself and develop, uh, there's a lot in there. There's a lot of content in there that you can, that you can work on, and I'm telling you I'm working on it myself right now um, I'm working on myself right now to be a better person, to be a better leader, to feel better about myself, um, and and do amazing things. And in order to do that, it starts all with you. So, your dentist, you got five grand, 10 grand, 20 grand. You're wondering what you should do with it.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you invest in yourself first. The dental implant courses will be there, cosmetic courses will be there. Invest in yourself first. Work on yourself first. Go look in the mirror, find those three things we gave you three of them, uh, just in this past hour that you can work on um and uh and stay disciplined and committed and and make a difference until next time. I appreciate all of you. I'm Dr Shaheen Safarian. We'll see you again.