SpeakLifeAZ
The testimony of Jesus in, with, and through everyday people like us. A father and son who were addicts for over 20 yrs. You name it, WE DID IT, TOGETHER!!!! we used to use drugs together now we share about what God Has done for us to encourage the body of Christ and anyone else who may listen to this that is feeling hopeless and empty. LISTEN TO OUR STORY...and the testimony of others who feel led to share with you.... GOD BLESS YOU....TODAY WE CHOOSE TO SPEAK LIFE AZ!!!!!!!!!!
SpeakLifeAZ
Chevy T. Testimony
What if your everyday moments could be filled with profound spiritual meaning? Join us on SpeakLiveAZ as we welcome our brother Chevy to share his incredible journey of faith, community, and transformation. This episode brings you along for a day in our lives, from the crack of dawn on the pickleball court to getting our hands dirty with car repairs, all while discovering the sacred in the mundane. Chevy's inspiring testimony is a testament to the power of faith and fellowship, highlighting how shared experiences and support from our church community at LifeLink unite us as a family in Christ.
In this heartfelt conversation, we explore how a simple scripture from 1 John 4 can redefine one’s understanding of love and faith. Reflecting on personal encounters with Jesus, we discuss the life-altering transformations that follow and our aspirations for the future in family, ministry, and business. As we navigate these profound themes, we sprinkle in a dash of humor about aging, reminding us that the spirit remains youthful regardless of the years. Tune in for a celebration of faith, family, and the joyous journey of spiritual growth that promises hope and renewal.
all right, everybody. Welcome back to the speak live az podcast testimony of jesus and everyday people. I'm your host, Eddie, and always with me is my son Rowdy.
Speaker 2:Jesus, what are you doing, bro? Oh man, what a day, dude. Yeah, tell me about it. Mine started at 6.30 am at the pickleball court bud. I love it man, I love it. It's really at first. I just love that there's an athletic life group.
Speaker 1:Life group, I mean, it's not just sitting around eating food and talking about the word.
Speaker 2:I mean those are good and everything, but I love the.
Speaker 1:I still doing some, bro. Yeah man, good, we used to have more like that. Yeah, amen. I woke up seven o'clock this morning and was elbow deep in Greece but car boy time for some cars.
Speaker 2:God's taking you places, dad, I had two manifold cats on an Explorer dude.
Speaker 1:And when I got done elbow to elbow I was like, oh, help me Lord.
Speaker 2:Praise the Lord man.
Speaker 1:It was a good day, though, man yeah.
Speaker 2:Any day above ground man walking with Jesus is a good day, no matter what happens and comes our way.
Speaker 1:Stuff does, but it's just on us how we I'm stoked about this one too. Amen, it's just on us how we. I'm stoked about this one dude. Yeah, Amy's been fighting this one, bro.
Speaker 2:I think I first asked this one, it was probably the beginning of 2023. Woo, yeah, come on now. And then I gave him a few months, bro, and I asked again. It was nope. And then you know what it was it was the testimony series that. Pastor did, bro. There was a few of them that we were able to get, bro.
Speaker 1:They're like.
Speaker 2:I'm ready. I was like all right dude. Well, who'd you get man? What's up, bro, Our brother Chevy.
Speaker 5:He's in love. Man Chevy, how you doing brother Doing good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you so much for coming on, man, god made it very apparent to us to honor his children, man. So, um, me personally, brother, you, you know our relationship and how how much we help each other. And so for me, bro, man, this one, this one blesses my heart, brother. It really does. We've done over 50 of these ones, man, and this one here, this one, blesses my heart, brother.
Speaker 5:I hope you know that yeah, man, I mean, this podcast has just been a blessing upon my life.
Speaker 2:Dang dude. I heard all 50.
Speaker 5:Oh, man Chevy, I turn on the podcast when I'm working out, you know a couple times I'll be crying at the gym. You know leg press crying treadmill crying Wow. It's just such a blessing Amen.
Speaker 1:Sure Well, we love you, brother man.
Speaker 2:Man, that really just hearing that just makes me it's like a softball Jesus man, it just I love you, bro. And the fact that, like Dad said, we're doing life together. Man, I've done a couple summer camps and Hunter was in my crew, dude you know what I mean. I was able to speak life and speak confidence into him, dude, and being in recovery and seeing you pop in every now and then, bro, to get your chips and celebrate your recovery, man, it's just we're family, bro, yep, um, and, and that's that's what I love about lifelink, that's what I love about this church. It's, it's not just a church, dude we're family, yeah um, and we do life together.
Speaker 2:When we say that, we really mean it, man. So it's just, uh, it's cool, bro, that you're, that you're here, that you're sitting at the table with us, man, and we're getting ready to get into it, you being a faithful listener. Well, hold on, let me pray.
Speaker 5:Let me just pray real quick dude, I want to get into it.
Speaker 2:Jesus, we got to do that. Yeah, let's do it, man. God, thank you, lord, thank you, thank you, father. This is truly an honor, god, to sit with your son, Chevy, and just hear your story. God through his life, man, I just pray for whoever's listening to this podcast, god, that they can find similarities, that they can hear you in it and know that man, if God can do that with that man, god can do that with me, definitely. So I just pray. Holy Spirit, you just come, we just invite you into this recording. We thank you that you're going to lead our words. I pray for me and dad and just clarity and attentiveness and good questions to draw out what needs to be drawn out. Lord, thank you, lord, I just thank you. Wow, healing, yeah, this is going to be. Ah, I'm excited, god, for what you're going to do. We just plead the blood over this and thank you for it all In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1:Amen. I heard this song today. That I've heard a few times, but today it really caught me, and it's the word go. We need each other. We're sisters and brothers, the family of God. I know it's hard. You know what I mean. When you were talking about families a second ago, I heard that playing in my head. You know what I mean. Yeah, and we really are man. We're the family of God. Yeah, we're brothers and sisters in Christ. That's right. Whether you're at LifeLink, whether you're at Generation, whether you're at whatever 29th Avenue, whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're all, we're part of the family man.
Speaker 5:Brothers and sisters. Man, right, I mean, that's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think um just giving you a phone call and you know, you might not pick it up on the first time but, like minutes, I see the red and I call back. Bro, in minutes you call back and you know, same with you.
Speaker 5:It's like your text you know, it's uh, that's not normal, you know um yeah, you just um. If you don't pick up, then you know I'll call the next person yeah, you know and somebody's gonna pick up and then you know, if you're trying to call like 20 people at once, you miss all 20, all 20 will be calling you back, but you know um, yeah, I just I feel really blessed to be part of the, the family you know, and and that drives a lot of you know why my yes is.
Speaker 1:Come on, man, it makes it easier, you know, and comfortable, that's right. It's familiarity there, brother, you know what I mean. Like we always talk, you know we do life together and when we get people that we do life together, that come on, it's even more special because you know it's this relationship.
Speaker 2:It is man, because you know it's this relationship. It is man. Build a relationship. I don't get this time with you, bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 2:On a Sunday. Do you see me? I'm running around like a hit. It's like wow slow down bro.
Speaker 2:So, it's just, we're doing a lot, yeah, and even at life groups, man, there's 15 or 20 of us and we're all trying to. So it's not really you don't find a, a place or a time or a platform like this man where people can literally sit down and just share their story. Um, I think that's really what's the beautiful thing about the speak life AZ podcast is it just gives people a, a place to be heard, um, a place to, to, to receive healing. Because when we share our stories, when we release those things, that because you're going to talk about stuff, bro, that you kept as a secret, yeah, for so long because I couldn't let anybody know, because if they knew you, know and you're laughing because you already know bro it's like man, well, no, I had um, so I lead, uh, fpu, yeah, so I lead FPU.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and well, I don't lead, we lead Come on. My wife and I and the Barnes. And I asked Michael. I was like you know, pray for me. And he was just like he's like, well, yeah, we'll pray for you and your nerves and all that. And I was like, well, pray that. You know, I tell it the truth. He's like you're already truthful, so let's just put a little cap on how truthful you are he's? Like you're you know, you're he's like that's something I really admire about you, that you're just an open book.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, open book, so amen and even in recovery, man there's, you're not it. How do I say this? Yeah, there's things that you can tell without going into it, telling you know what I mean. Yeah, and when I find myself sharing my testimony of certain things. I mean there's things that I talk about and there's things that I don't, there's things that I kind of gloss over, but you get the idea. You know what I mean. Yeah, and it's just. Yeah, there's no need for ultimate details.
Speaker 1:You know, what I mean there's like you don't need to like. We've had people women come on here and talk about how they were sexually abused. I don't need to and they didn't go into the details of it, but you can see us sitting here with them, you can see on their face and their emotion and the crackle in their voice, the pain that was there. They don't need to go in. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:You listening to them, you know. You can hear them bro, they're probably some of. Those are the ones that you're crying about.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying? Yeah, for sure, Do your spill, man Do your spill bro.
Speaker 2:So you know what this thing is, man. When god gave it to us, uh, we kind of made it our own and was doing our own thing and videos and preaching online. It was like that's not what I told you to do. Like, okay, lord, I do feel a nudge for a secondary one.
Speaker 5:Come on, yeah, because you because you know I heard yours, but I didn't hear yours because I think yours was oh, we have to redo that one.
Speaker 1:We have to redo it, but it's it was me and him sitting at the table in his room and he kept getting up and walking away. He was talking to himself, so I'm like talking into a mic by myself and it was kind of upset Like why are you keep going and leaving?
Speaker 2:I have a small black. If I get up at any point and go use the restroom, bro, please.
Speaker 1:Oh, he was doing dishes and just.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, we're pulling you, bts, in here behind the scenes. But so you know, bro, it's just. We just want a few different parts. We want to know who Chevy is. Where were you born? What was? Want a few different parts. We want to know who chevy is. Yeah, um, where were you born? Um, what was your childhood like? Growing up, man? What was the home like? Mom and dad, brothers and sisters? Um, school how was school for you? Um, me and dad, bro, well being in recovery? Um, you know, man, that a lot of the stuff in life that messes with us and kind of sends us off course, um, that stuff happens when we're younger, yeah, um. So if you want to get in any of that stuff, man, but I think the most important thing we want to cover today, bro, is your jesus encounter dude when god met you, bro, when you that day, when it was like whoa, god is real, he loves me.
Speaker 2:Um, because everybody's encounter is different, dad, the Lord found dad in a prison cell. Mine was at a blue altar at Teen Challenge in downtown Phoenix, so we want to know where.
Speaker 1:God encountered you, man. I think that's what makes these so exciting is like how'd you do it, god? Yeah. How did you speak to this one that got his attention and you drew him in? That's what's exciting for me. It's like how'd you do this one, god? How'd you get? It I know how you did this one and I you know how'd you do this one. God, I want to see, I want to hear, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5:Oh, it's the best. Our relationships are different with. God right yeah. So we had a class, a man group class yeah, okay. And one of the things was bring a Bible scripture, you know, and there was like 12, 15 guys in there. Okay. And so we get there and Dave Alley's like hey, you know what's your scripture, everybody had a different one. Yeah Cool.
Speaker 5:And, um, I can't remember his name, but he brought it up. He was like that is so amazing that each individual had their own scripture. Yeah, Usually, you know, there'll be like three John three, 16,.
Speaker 1:You know, and you know when you're saying that it is very true that our relationships and how we meet God are definitely going to be different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's personal man.
Speaker 1:There are things for me I think it's 1 John 4, something where it talks about God is love. Anybody who is not of? Love is not of God. That was the first thing that ever you ever heard people talk about how the scriptures come off the page and they're just like illuminate themselves.
Speaker 1:That was the first thing for me was that God is love. And it was bold, it was big in my face and it was like wow. And to this day I haven't been walking with God for 20-something years, but to this day I still remember those words coming off the page and smacking me in the face that God is love. You know what I mean, so that will always stick with me. Dude yeah, man, that's you.
Speaker 2:So your encounter, and then, after the life change, the transformation, because we all know, man, that once you meet Jesus, you have an encounter with the living God and he comes in.
Speaker 4:Things change, and if they don't, they will start to He'll start to organize, orchestrate some things man, or you might want to consider whether you're a Savior. Hello somebody.
Speaker 2:But so just how your life changed after your encounter with Jesus. And you're young, bro, you got a lot of life left. So we want to know our listeners We've actually had, you know, we've had know our listeners we've actually had, you know, we've had people on and we've asked them do you pray when we, when we pray for for the people and what they're hoping for in the future, and they say, yes, man, um. So we want to know what you're hoping for for for yourself, uh, maybe with your family ministry, um business, just kind of what you're hoping for in the future, man, because if you ain't dead, god's not done.
Speaker 1:Baby, oh, no, what was it like growing up, chevy brother?
Speaker 5:Oh man, I was born April 25th 1984. You're young.
Speaker 3:Come on bro.
Speaker 2:You're my elder so I got to respect you. Watch out now.
Speaker 3:Don't make me bend you over my knee.
Speaker 5:So that makes me a young, 40 year old man come on man um it just. Uh, it doesn't feel like I'm 40, you know yeah, um yeah, I had a brother the other day. He was like he's like in your head, how old are you? I was like my 20s man.
Speaker 2:I think you know I'm 28.
Speaker 5:Yeah, okay, like I still want to get in a little trouble before bedtime before 9 o'clock but, you know 28,.
Speaker 1:you know we're talking 50 counts. Brother, your body will be your body. I was just thinking, man, I wake up some mornings and I feel 40.
Speaker 2:Where were you?
Speaker 5:born.
Speaker 3:Where were you born?
Speaker 5:I was born in a small, I don't even know what it is a town, city, pueblo. I don't know, it's called Zuni New Mexico.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 5:It's about maybe 20, 30 minutes south of Gallup. Oh nice, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's on the I-40, like near the state line.
Speaker 2:Good Mexican food.
Speaker 5:New Mexican food. Well, it's different, yeah it's like tex-mex, ain't it? Yeah, no, it's different, it's totally different.
Speaker 1:West, yeah, southwest definitely yeah, um, they like to put corn in their stuff and the thing is chili the red and green, yeah, yeah I gotta have a little bit of green.
Speaker 5:I'm a little wuss when it comes to chili. For a long time I fought that man, you know like I'm not afraid to say I'm getting old, I'm not afraid to say that I'm.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm not a chili. I had a certain age, brother, he's gotta take pills. I heard a certain age my stomach said stop it.
Speaker 5:With that stop, I'm like okay yeah, that reflux so being from around Gallup.
Speaker 1:You're Navajo, obviously.
Speaker 5:Yeah, Navajo Yatahe yeah.
Speaker 2:I hope I didn't cuss I might not be saying that.
Speaker 1:No, you're good. I got some friends in Gallup. Yeah, yeah, really Wow. Yeah, my coworkers have Navajo. Okay, his dad's a white guy, his mom's Navajo Okay. His dad's a white guy, his mom's Navajo.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Speaker 1:His brother. His brother still lives in Gallup. He's a construction worker. His family- Dave's brother. Kevin's brother. Oh, Kevin's brother. Yeah, Kevin's brother lives in Gallup. His grandma and grandma live up in Window Rock.
Speaker 3:Window Rock, yeah, and his mom is getting ready to go to Chenli window, rock, window, rock, yeah, and his mom is getting ready to go to chen li, oh wow and I'm like oh, we do admit he's like he's like he told me bro.
Speaker 1:I'm like yeah, we just did a big old that's all super hype because I was telling him I'm like, he's like, he's like doing a podcast day, I'm like, yeah, man, I got my navajo buddy coming on. You know what? I mean he's like where is he from? And I'm like I don't know I'll ask him and find out yeah. You know what I mean, yeah.
Speaker 2:Nice, I grew up in Page, bro, yeah, so I mean my grandma. I can remember that she would bring in the drunk Indians, bro. We would come in from the lake or something and they'd be eating sandwiches. They're don't bother them, they're okay. They'd eat and leave. Man, we're like little kids, Just what the who are these people?
Speaker 5:these people, you know, it's just random people, different, bro. Yeah, okay, so I didn't. I think the first part of my life was I, you know, as far as I can remember was probably kindergarten, you know, I was born in zuni, but obviously I don't remember from then to you know, kindergarten yeah, kindergarten is your earliest memory that you can kind of remember kindergarten was uh, I was going to school in albuquerque, new mexico, and living with mom and dad um just my mom just my mom, okay, my mom and her boyfriend, and I don't really I have a brother sister, um, and it it was always tough, you know just being, you know, a kindergarten in you know in that in the house?
Speaker 1:um, okay so just right out of the gate.
Speaker 5:You know it gets pretty heavy yeah so my mom was dating this dude, um, you know, and the story is that they met at um a school uh, I can't remember what the school was called okay but it's like you know she didn't graduate high school, so she went to the school and basically you get like an alternative school, charter school. I had to graduate from one of those um, but she just got um like a license a nursing license, so she was like a trade school like a yeah, cna yeah um, so they meet there.
Speaker 5:Oh, job courts, yeah, so they meet there. And, um, you know, apparently my mom wasn't really into him, but he was just infatuated with her, so are we talking about your father or the boyfriend? Okay. So yeah, I don't, my biological is not in the picture. Yeah, it's just kind of a you know, okay, my mom got pregnant and here I am so um, so this guy, you know, just pursued my mom. My mom was like all right, you know, cool, we can be together.
Speaker 5:So in kindergarten, you know, it was just fights you know, just all I can remember is fights, you know, yeah, um do you remember drinking?
Speaker 2:was there alcohol in the house and that kind of stuff? It's just dysfunction, fighting cops, cops, always at the apartment and you know before the dude. It was just your mom, your brother and your sister and yourself. No, um, so it was just your mom, your brother and your sister and yourself, no.
Speaker 5:So it's just me. And then they got together, and then my sister came. And she's three years after me, so 87. And so he's in the picture now. And when she comes along, it uh, back burner chevy, you know, and anything she wants she gets, and you know. And then she's the baby bro, yeah and then just right out of the gate, I think all my life I know I've all my life I've been second choice you know my mom would always, you know, try to make up a guy.
Speaker 5:You know They'd argue and fight, and so you know, there's just some things in my life like Halloween. I don't like Halloween because it always reminds me of drinking. One night, you know they get in a big argument. And then next thing you know we're in front of a grocery store and you know we're begging for gas money. Yeah, oh, wow. And we're going back to Gallup that night.
Speaker 1:So it was just so she was leaving. Yeah, leaving him yeah.
Speaker 5:And you know just, it was always a struggle. She was leaving, yeah and uh, you know just, it was always a struggle you know and um single mom, you know he's just been there, you know he was just just, you know, just bad for you know wasn't healthy. Yeah, uh. So it just got to a point where, like sometime one time I remember, I had to deliver a hand note to a neighbor for to borrow some food you know, and you know I don't, I'm not, I'm only a little kid, you know.
Speaker 5:So I was like why do I give this paper to this person that are giving me food, you know, like the foods at the store, yeah, so I just in your little mind, yeah, good, okay, we've always been poor um my mom's always been the one working, yeah, and he's just always been in some shady stuff.
Speaker 5:You know, uh, he, uh. Took us one time on a car ride with pack full, full of dudes in the car and next thing, you know, a dude jumped out, runs down the street and we're leaving the guy. And then I just happened to see that guy just darting and he snatched his purse off this woman and you know we go around, he pick him up he jumped he like dives in the car next.
Speaker 5:You know they're like tearing this purse apart and then you know they throw it out the window, they take all the money and you know, these are your childhood memories, man okay yeah, so he's, it's uh, I wouldn't say he abused me, but it wasn't. I wasn't his, he wasn't too worried about me, you know.
Speaker 2:So just from what you've shared so far, I can already tell that In the home, like there wasn't a Jesus, no, jesus, you're not going to church on Sundays.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:You as the kid ain't going into Bible class, or none of that man, so your influences were home. And was that environment School? How was school for you?
Speaker 5:Oh yeah, so this is. You know I was in Albuquerque from kindergarten to second grade and I remember in second grade you know first grade and second grade um, and I remember in second grade you know first grade and second grade I was put in, uh, special ed because I didn't talk. You know it's like super shy.
Speaker 1:I mean, if you know, hunter yeah, so, but I, yeah, you were probably pretty traumatized too, brother.
Speaker 5:Yeah, um, you know, my mom, my mom would get up super early, like like 4 or 5 in the morning. It's dark. And. I'm this little kid walking across like a 4 or 5 lane street to get to school, you know. So I pretty much had to be accountable.
Speaker 2:You raised yourself, yeah.
Speaker 5:Wow, so, and then I would come home, lock the door and everything and then just wait and it'd be dark, wow, and you, you know, by the time, my mom come home, yeah so and you know of course, what'd she do for? Work.
Speaker 2:Uh, she was a cna oh yeah, okay, okay, so she, she made enough to take care of you guys at least, yeah, what the needs, the needs.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I remember eating ramen, okay, man yeah, we, I've stole food bro.
Speaker 2:Hot dogs and ramen bro. We 39 cent cheeseburgers from burger king for six months because we have four dollars to feed a family of four. I mean, we've been there, bud, so um struggle's real uh.
Speaker 5:So I was put into uh special ed I mean I knew what was going on.
Speaker 2:That sucks man. It's just because I was quiet.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so the only way I knew it was special ed. They didn't tell me, they just you know, I just the little bus.
Speaker 2:They call you. No, they call you from I don't know dude.
Speaker 5:I don't know bro.
Speaker 3:You just know that the guy dude, I don't know, bro, you just know that the guy come on the little bus stops and picks him up, he's like, oh, he got on the little short bus.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, dude when I was in school. That's how we identified him.
Speaker 5:Help me, jesus oh, forgive, him I had to bring some levity to this situation, bro so the only way I knew I was in special ed was they called me out of class you know, and there was only like a handful of students, like maybe two or three, and we would come and get these colored books, and these colored books had number one, number two, number three, and all you basically did was do book one, finish it, do book two, you know.
Speaker 2:Work at your own pace.
Speaker 5:Yeah, work at your own pace so anyways, I get to second grade and you know, somehow I flunked. I don't know how I flunked, but my mom was just I don't remember if she was upset with me or the teacher.
Speaker 2:Were you going to school every day?
Speaker 5:Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 2:I was there.
Speaker 5:And then life kind of got hard in second grade because we started staying at my auntie and my uncle's house and then we're staying at random people's houses. We're living in one bedroom bedroom, you know, with other people. So it kind of got uh shady there for a second. And then I remember uh, when we're staying at my uncle's or the shady person's house that you know, this bus picked us up for vbs yeah, oh, let's go and, um, my mom.
Speaker 5:At that time, my mom started, uh, talking to this lady named julie from work and she was a christian, so she invited my mom to church. Wow, my mom got saved.
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah, so and so how old are you at this point?
Speaker 5:about maybe six, seven, yeah, so, um, we start going to vbs with my sister, you know, and, um, his name is gerard, was in and out of the picture, you know.
Speaker 2:So, um, oh the guy, yeah, my mom's boyfriend, okay.
Speaker 5:My sister's dad and you know there was just a lot that happened. You know he's taking us to parties, you know, while my mom's at work. Yeah.
Speaker 5:So I vaguely remember this picture where we're on the couch and by this time my brother's born too. We're on the couch and by this time my brother's born too. So I remember we were, you know, jacket on like a snow jacket, and I remember I had my brother on my left and my sister on my right, and we're sitting on this couch and this is loud music, people drinking, smoking, loud, you know, and I'm holding them, smoking loud, you know, and I'm holding them, and I'm like, you know, like man, like this is late, you know, and I I couldn't, you know, I was like my mom's at work and so, as far as she knew, we were all at home and he's supposed to be taking care of us yeah, so we're at these parties and stuff and you know Just stuff like that, and so well, yeah, that's what, just kind of the trauma that he brought.
Speaker 1:Towards me.
Speaker 5:So we go on this VBS bus.
Speaker 2:Before we kind of get into that, because I kind of I want to. So in New Mexico, I don't know how, how it is they're with the navajos, um, but I know up in page, man, they're, they're every there's like gangs. Do you think that the gerard over there in gallup or albuquerque was maybe because you're talking about a crew of dudes riding around in a car. Get that late, grab a snatch the purse. There are all these different houses, probably just a click, no just friends hanging out getting high I never got no gang.
Speaker 3:You know, I know, I know gangs and no, I never got no gang.
Speaker 5:I think it's just them you know, just buddies, just yeah, buddies, man just homies and you know, they, the guys were cool, you know never did anything to you and your brother and sister.
Speaker 2:Nothing like that as far as I know okay no um
Speaker 5:but you know, I know there's been plenty of times where you know his homies be like, yeah you better take them kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah um, but we're getting ready to do some stuff they don't need to see yeah, yeah and uh, no, it it just was a.
Speaker 5:You know it's, it's always just me. And then, you know, I would tell my mom, like yo, we were out last night, and then my mom would smack spaz on on gerard and he was just like I know, I know he like straight up didn't like me because I was, you know, snitching on her so. So I think ever since I remember I told him about, I told my mom him about some, told her some stuff and I knew that there was a shift.
Speaker 2:After that he was like man.
Speaker 5:By that time it was just kind of like you know, he put me on the back burner.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 5:You know Like, yeah, if my sister dropped an ice cream, he'd buy a new one for her and I had to eat whatever was on.
Speaker 1:That's what it felt like. Yeah, you were being punished.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah For being a snitch, but I, you know, I knew I loved my mom. Yeah, I knew he wasn't my dad you know like that's. That's what it was portrayed as. Like that's your dad. Yeah, but you know, I knew, I knew that wasn't my dad Cause I, I just, you know, I see other dads, you know yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, you saw how he was with your sister. Yeah, and you saw my sister and she got everything.
Speaker 5:You know. She would you know it wasn't and I I don't hold anything against her because, that's. You know, she's young, she didn't know what was going on.
Speaker 2:Those are all learning experiences, bro, that you can look on now with your kids, man, and be like I ain't doing that.
Speaker 3:You know what not to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or try not to it's hard being a stepdad and having your own kids with stepkids, because we can tell the difference, we can feel it there is a difference.
Speaker 2:You can hear it, I mean as much as I love him and he's my son.
Speaker 1:The way I look at my son is slightly different than the way I look at him.
Speaker 2:Not that he's any less loved, just they have a different relationship.
Speaker 1:This is my bloodline, this is my spiritual bloodline. This is my. You know what I mean.
Speaker 5:There's a difference there, brother, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely as much as I tried to never let him feel anything but love. There's a difference bro.
Speaker 5:Yeah, there's definitely something different.
Speaker 1:Let me ask you a question, though, because I've got to ask this, brother, because I know Navajos and it seems your experience is not unique.
Speaker 2:No, that's very common, bro, amongst Navajo people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my buddy that I work with. I told you he tells me stories all the time about how he was getting in trouble in school and his parents shipped him up to Window Rock to go to his grandma's house so he could be. You know what I mean. Yeah, Things like that brother, that I'm like damn. You know what I mean. It's like it seems like you guys never really get a fair shake. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying and I don't. I don't. I'm just curious why you think that is man. Is it just the culture? Is it? Is it just? Well, you know, I mean from from, uh, culture point of view, because the way things go, on a reservation, bro, they're way different, way different, bro, than I mean white, white, I can't even put a white life, no just, oh my god, it's different bro yeah it's just different
Speaker 1:even when you get navajos that come into town, they, they, they're different in town than they are on the reservation. You, you know what I mean and I'm just curious as to why you think that is. You know what I mean Well culturally.
Speaker 5:In Navajo culture the woman is in charge. So, whatever the woman says goes.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 5:So I think that kind of you know goes along the line. It takes over the father role. So obviously you know we're taught different as Christians that you know, we're the heads of our household, the man has to lead. And you know make these difficult decisions, but you know just that type of you, know the way that goes it's like as a man. How do you feel that you're being?
Speaker 2:emasculated.
Speaker 5:Because the woman's always right, You're in control and stuff. So I don't know too much about the culture. I just I've always been an outsider.
Speaker 2:Because, you know, I grew up, you were there, but you weren't in it.
Speaker 5:And then you know second grade. You know I moved back to Gallup that Halloween night.
Speaker 2:The city is way different than the res. Yeah, way different.
Speaker 5:Yeah, definitely, so we go to this vacation. Bible school yeah. And you know next thing you know they're having, like this Pictionary, our gestures. So they were like, hey, you guys group up. You know, you guys pick a team member and do something from the Bible. We'll try to guess it. This kid grabs me. He was like, hey, let's just do the. You know, you just pretend you're whipping my back. And I was just like this is like my first time in church.
Speaker 2:You're going to be whipping me. I'm going to be Jesus. You're going to be the Roman guard flogging me. Oh my God, dude.
Speaker 5:I mean, that's a little bit more descriptive. This kid's just like pretend you're whipping my back. You know what I'm talking about and I'm looking at him like man. You're mad weird.
Speaker 2:You're going to get me in trouble, dude. Yeah, no, this is in the Bible, I swear.
Speaker 5:You know, I know nothing about the Bible. So, you know I just I was like all right, you know I'm going to do what he said so I'm pretending to whip him and then just right out as soon as I do, like two whips.
Speaker 2:They guessed it.
Speaker 5:Yeah, someone's like oh, that's the crucify, you know.
Speaker 3:And I'm like you, suck dude, Like you picked the most. Easiest one Easiest one, yeah.
Speaker 5:So, you know, obviously. So there was that shift of you know my mom was a christian come on man and and uh, so we go back to gallup could you sense a difference in your mom? Um no, not necessarily I don't. I don't really remember much, but I do remember when I got, we got home yeah um, we ended up moving in with my auntie, so there was like three um bedrooms, one bathroom and 10 of us yeah, wow, so that lady julie did she keep contact with your mama?
Speaker 2:I'm guessing, you know, okay, um but she wasn't like in your life. No, she was. She was cool, like when.
Speaker 5:The days that we were.
Speaker 1:At church. You seen her yeah she was there.
Speaker 5:She was very much Like hey, come over. Okay, we made friends With her kids and stuff, and then you know, all of a sudden we had to leave Because Gerard's acting wild, so so Dude broke into the Apartment and took my nintendo oh no, it sounds like rowdy.
Speaker 2:Who's in the house?
Speaker 5:oh my god so you know, I was, I was always one, I was always like why did you do that?
Speaker 1:you're the one that bought it for me, you know at least I thought he bought it for me he needed some money, man, yeah, so anyways.
Speaker 5:um, so he's gonna be a up like pretty much a lot in the story.
Speaker 2:So we get back into so, even though that he ain't your father, do you basically consider him your dad Because he's been there?
Speaker 5:your whole life, it seems like no no, no, okay, Not at all, okay, he's just that dude, just that dude Okay. He's just somebody that you know. He's like 6'2", he's a football player.
Speaker 3:He's 6'2", he's a big old native. He's a big dude. No, he's Mexican. Oh, is he Spanish All?
Speaker 5:right. Mexican yeah. Okay, and so he's from Carlsbad, new Mexico. Uh-huh, he played football.
Speaker 1:I was going to say 6'2". That's a big boy man.
Speaker 5:He was a big dude, my brother takes a lot after him but. I still feel like he's bigger than my brother.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, I was just wondering because you were saying he's in the story throughout. I'm like, well, he's been there.
Speaker 5:Yeah, no, no.
Speaker 2:He didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated? No, yeah no, it was. In order to receive that, for you to call him that. That relationship wasn't there. No, no, he was Okay.
Speaker 5:You know he'd always like hey boy, you know, just kind of give me that and I'm like man, don't call me that, you know in my mind, I'm like you know, so we moved back and you know we just try to pick up the pieces and get our lives
Speaker 1:back together. I started over at your auntie's in the three bedroom. Yeah, is your auntie in gallop, or? Uh, she's on the red, she's in between gallop and azuni.
Speaker 5:Yeah and uh, you know we get there and it's just culture shock because I come from the city and then you know. Next thing, you know, I'm going to school like basically on the red every.
Speaker 2:Oh, now you're in the red everybody's same color as me.
Speaker 5:You know, I don't see no black people I don't see no white people everybody's just navajo and you know um was that easier? For you. No, oh, you know, um, they're wild bunch, brother, yeah, but it's your, it's your people, it's that second, that second seat I was telling you about. You know, I always felt second.
Speaker 1:Gotcha bro so.
Speaker 5:I get there and then my cousins and friends start calling me city boy.
Speaker 2:You ain't one of us? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 5:You don't know how to do this. You don't know how to do that. Gotcha, bro, gotcha.
Speaker 1:You're not Resified man.
Speaker 5:Oh, come on, Gotcha, and you know, at the time we were, you know, getting water. Yeah, you know there was electricity, but we had to take you know, like we had to get water and warm it up and you know. What are you like? 10? Still in second grade. Oh geez, so like seven. Yeah, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:So your first seven years, it was just a lot of moving back and forth and around. Yeah, Dang bro and so you never got planted, did you?
Speaker 2:No stability.
Speaker 5:No.
Speaker 1:And then One of you were quiet and didn't talk man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you never knew what was coming, you never know where you were going. You had no idea.
Speaker 1:No, no, Wow dude. Let me ask you a question what's going on the whole time, um? Are you just like waiting for the next move? Are you like when's this dude gonna pop off again? I think so. I think it's a lot of just uncertainty.
Speaker 5:You know, just walking on eggshells, don't want to piss people off I think, uh, when I went to school, um, when, the first time, when I got to that native school, um, my cousin carla, she's only like a year, maybe a couple months younger than me and she's like my sister so she made it a whole lot, you know, so like as you know, um, she made a little. The transition was a little bit better because of she was there she was there and she was so cool.
Speaker 2:To this day she's so cool you know, um she was well, that's why you consider like your sister man, yeah, and she was one of the 10 that was staying in the three bedroom.
Speaker 5:Okay, yeah, okay, so that, and then, um, so your?
Speaker 2:mom, you, your brother and your sister, and then six other people and okay, yeah, my auntie, my uncle, I had two, uh, boy cousins, two girl cousins.
Speaker 5:So yeah, um, my boy cousins, they were cool too, you know, uh, one was meaner than the other, um, but you know, they gave me a lot of. You know what I needed, you know, carla, carla was there, though yeah, she was awesome god bless you, carla.
Speaker 5:I know you're gonna listen to this yeah, she's uh, she's all the way through school she's always been there. Um, we, you know, might have had different, uh, friends and whatnot, but you know, we always, we'd always be cool yeah um. So then my mom gets, we get an apartment in town in gallup.
Speaker 2:So you know we're back back to out of the res, out of the res, back in the city hanging out with Mexican people and white people.
Speaker 5:So I'm like cool, you know. So I get to the next school and somehow I ended up with the quote-unquote weirdos. You know I have one Mexican friend and then one white dude, and they're crazy.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean.
Speaker 5:Like people were picking on the white dude and he was screaming and chasing them around the the park, yeah, and he's wild, you know, and people did it to get a rise out of him. And then the mexican dude was just, he was cool, you know, he didn't do much but, he just, you know and I'm like man, I'm such I got the weirdest you know group, you know, but I I love them, you know they had, you know, but I love them, you know they had my back. They were exactly what I needed.
Speaker 2:And then yeah, school's rough man. Yeah, School ain't the easiest thing, bro. As a kid and I know dad's talked about his school, my school I was the shortest, fattest kid, bro, bullied and picked on, never picked for the teams. Yeah, no chicks, dude, so it's just school's rough man. I like the weird kids, the popular kids were picking on somebody.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'm going to go be that dude's friend. You know what I mean, and I loved them. They were some of my best friends, bro. That's cool.
Speaker 2:Steve, that's cool.
Speaker 1:My friend Steve. He was one of those guys that everybody else wanted to pick on, and I'm like I'm going to go talk to this dude and see what's up with him, because there's something about him, because they're picking on him.
Speaker 5:You know what I?
Speaker 1:mean, and he turned out to be one of the coolest dudes, bro, that's cool, no problem, yeah, man.
Speaker 3:So you get to your apartment.
Speaker 5:We get to the apartment and then somehow Gerard comes back. It seems like every time you guys start to get settled and all right, this is this is going to whoop, yeah, and it, you know it, and it was just like his thing was relentless, you know. Yeah. Like you got my kids we're going to you know we're going to make this thing work, Um, but you know he's always been there.
Speaker 2:Uh, just your mama, man, your mama just lurking, you know.
Speaker 5:Your mama man, your mama just lurking, you know. But you know, growing up I had other father figures, you know. I had my Uncle Pat. He was wild too, you know, he was. You know, just recently he apologized to us, that's big man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's big.
Speaker 5:You know he spanked the crap out of us, you know, and you know, we were not even his kids, but like his kids, you know were, but he's. You know, man, if there was a guy that could change somebody, he's the one. Wow. He had anger issues but he recently apologized and I just really love that guy, you know.
Speaker 2:Man.
Speaker 5:I had a.
Speaker 1:That's huge, bro, dude.
Speaker 5:And he's always been, I guess, a father figure of a hardworking.
Speaker 1:What do you think brought that on the Lord?
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, definitely man. This guy had you know.
Speaker 1:He started going to church and stuff.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so okay, my mom got saved. Yeah, she got her sisters, her brothers, everybody saved. Come on, and for a while it seemed like a fight. You know, it was always a fight.
Speaker 2:It's a fight bud.
Speaker 1:It's hard to get buddy.
Speaker 5:My mom was persistent and she got everybody saved. You know, everybody reading the Bible, everybody going to church.
Speaker 2:What kind of church were you guys going to? Do you remember Like a Baptist or something?
Speaker 5:When we got to Gallup, it was this place called Joshua Generation for Jesus. Okay, I can't remember if they're non-denominational, but I just know that you know we went there for a long time, yeah.
Speaker 2:That was our home church, so you had some consistency.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Would you say that that's the first place that was consistent in your life?
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, definitely Wow dude and you know, I met some of the coolest dudes there.
Speaker 3:We had Royal Rangers, oh yeah.
Speaker 5:Another father figure would be a guy named Richard. He really poured into me. Yeah, you know, I know it's not easy taking the role of being a leader for boys and he only had two girls, so, like you know, he took that role pretty serious Spiritual songs baby. That's cool, that's cool. He taught me how to camp. He taught me how to build fires. Yeah, man. He was such a good dude.
Speaker 2:We had that around here for a little bit. Yeah, yeah, I was talking to Nate about it.
Speaker 5:Nate, yeah, and then we had that around here for a little bit. Yeah yeah, I was talking to nate about it, yeah yeah. And then I had my uncle jay, who was, I think, 15 when I was born, so he was young and he was somewhat like a father figure, um, but uh, he, he kind of he got saved and then just kind of just went back to life.
Speaker 2:It happens, bro. It happens. Some people are just going to get into heaven just by the skin on their teeth, but they believe and they're going to be with him forever.
Speaker 1:You know you got skin on your teeth, the gums.
Speaker 2:I love you, dad, but hold on. I want to talk to you because you were talking about this man, your uncle, who was not the nicest to you, and then he came and apologized. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That your uncle um, when I was a kid bro, we my parents, they'd send me up to page and I'd stay with grandma and I had other family up in big water, Utah, and my Uncle William loved to drink, bro, and I would stay out there for months at a time with him in Big Water during the summer and we weren't the best kids. You know what I mean. But there was this one day I remember playing and we were throwing stuff and I had this gun and I threw it at Branch and it caught branch right in the ear, just right, and split his ear. Man, that night I got a beating from uncle William that it traumatized me. It literally messed with me for 20 something years.
Speaker 2:Bud and put this thing in my heart about how I hated uncle William and why did he treat me like that and just this whole thing 2019, I was actually Dad's like get the hell out of my. I was back in my addiction. Yeah, I was like, well, I'm going to go on a road trip. I bought a bunch of dope and went up north oh my God. But the cool thing is is I ended up landing up in Big Water, uncle William and Aunt Kim's house and I was able to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with Uncle William, and he's like dude, I don't even remember that. And he apologized with tears in his eyes. I'm so sorry, I had no idea that that affected you that way.
Speaker 2:And it's like wow, you have no idea. You carry these things, man, for years. You carry this stuff inside you for this time period. That's like wow. If I just would have had a courageous conversation years ago with my uncle, how much longer would that have hate and that bitterness and that anger and rage not been in my life? And it's just you were. You were sharing that. I'm like wow, and it just not been in my life. Yeah, and it's just you were. You were sharing that. I'm like wow, and it just, and within after a year or two years, my uncle william ended up passing, yeah, so it was just cool to be able to have that moment with him. And now you're saying you're getting this moment with your uncle. It's like wow, yeah, that's special, bro.
Speaker 5:Invest, invest in that relationship and and that's when he was. You know he was saying it. I was like dude, you're good like I don't you know? I'm the opposite, like it didn't bother me, you know like I had bigger issues than you know, someone beat my butt and, like you know, half of most of it I deserved, you know um, but yeah, uh. So I just you know, the I'm always, has always been searching for a father, yeah, and so the church?
Speaker 2:So yeah, the church. You're doing your elementary school, you're in, we're in church In Gallup In. Gallup yeah. And you're going to Joshua Generation Jesus Church. How'd you?
Speaker 1:like that snow.
Speaker 5:It's you know when you're a kid, you're a kid, you don't have to drive in it it's good now you're an adult, you got driving.
Speaker 2:That's why I live in arizona you still got family there. Yeah, yeah a lot of people you you go visit.
Speaker 5:No, oh, not as much Okay.
Speaker 1:You know, okay, you know when you went to go see your brother.
Speaker 5:Where was that? He lives in Chama. Where's that? That's a borderline of New Mexico and Colorado, okay, oh, that's north Four corners. He's like Pagosa Springs is like probably the closest city. Yeah, yeah, he's like Pagosa Springs is like probably the closest city. But yeah, it's up there, it's in the sticks. You know they got bears out there that you know, go through the trash no thanks.
Speaker 1:So yeah, no thanks.
Speaker 5:But yeah, so you know, I just I've always felt, you know just the second person, as you know, growing up, Like less than or not enough, just you know growing up like less, less than or not enough, just you know just like not wanted not important
Speaker 5:okay, okay, okay, third wheel and then um you know, just, it was always, you know, just trying to gain attention to somebody. And then, when I was about 15, um, I met, uh, brian, my. I met Brian, my biological, and oh yeah your biological father? Yeah, and he just lived up the street oh wow whoa, yeah, and so I didn't know much about him your mom never mentioned him mom, never my mom mentioned him, but you know it was never like hey, you know you want to go see him.
Speaker 5:Wow, so it was just weird. You know, I met him.
Speaker 2:What was that first meeting like, or where was it at? What did you guys do?
Speaker 5:It was in the parking lot of the school and they were talking. Your mom and him, yeah, he rolled up and it was just kind of like okay, mom's talking to some dude, you know whatever. So we're out in the parking lot just playing, running, chasing each other.
Speaker 2:And then she calls me over Chevy come here she's like.
Speaker 5:this is Brian, your dad.
Speaker 2:Biological. Whoa, that's what she said.
Speaker 5:This is Brian, your dad, and you know, I just really remember him. He didn't get out of the car, he just kind of was like had the window down. He was like hey, how you doing? And then you know, he starts just trying to groom me. You know like, hey, you know, sorry, I haven't been around this and that you know.
Speaker 5:Then you know all I remember as a kid is just the promises. You know. All I remember as a kid is just the promises. He's like hey, I'll take you school shopping, I'll buy you school supplies, and you know all this. And growing up poor, you know, you were like okay.
Speaker 2:You can make do without what you got.
Speaker 5:Growing up poor and then seeing people have stuff.
Speaker 5:And then you live with your auntie and your uncle who buy their kids stuff yeah and you, you know you have to recycle the old school supplies from last year you know, these promises mean something you know, so I'm like, okay, you know, he was like give me two weeks yeah two weeks pass, you know, I'm like, I'm like, hey, mom, you know, we gotta get these school supplies, we gotta get these school clothes, you know, and all this, and she's just like, oh, he hasn't called or he hasn't came by, or you know, man, next thing, you know, you know, that's uh, I think I was like maybe 12 and then I seen him at 15 and still no school supplies.
Speaker 1:No, clothes no nothing.
Speaker 5:So 15 I go to, I walk to my grandpa's house and my grandpa's like yelling at me like hey, come here, you know. So I start walking and you know he's like come on, come on, hurry. So I I run and and then I go into his house and then I see the same guy on the chair, brian Brian on the chair.
Speaker 2:At your grandpa's.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm, they're drinking buddies.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 5:So you know. Next thing, you know this dude started to cry. He's sitting there again, you know, not standing, and he started to cry. He's like you know, I love you and I jump over the table, coffee table. As soon as he started to stand up, I pushed him and he like didn't fully stand, but you, he fell back into his chair.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're mad.
Speaker 5:And yeah, you're mad. My grandpa started yelling at me. You need to show respect. That's your dad, you know? Blah say blah you know, and he, like my grandpa kind of like, was pulling at my arm and you know I left, I was like dude dude, you love him more than me, bro like. But then now I look back at it I'm like oh, you only loved him because he was bringing alcohol drinking buddies yeah so um that day at 15, I think that's when I hated a lot, a lot yeah, you got real.
Speaker 5:That's when anger yeah, I didn't know. I didn't know like how bad it effect. I didn't know, because after that it just became passive, but I felt something different it's more negative yeah more, you know, just hated, you know, and it wasn't specifically him, but I think it. You know. Obviously he was the main cause but, you know, and then that hurt man that was on top of what tarar
Speaker 5:was already has done, you know. So I hated more and I vaguely remember um well, not vaguely vividly remember one night, uh, we ended up moving back to my uncle's house, uh, my auntie's house, because we couldn't make it to the apartment and uh, you know, I start shaking and just anger.
Speaker 5:Yeah, in the room it was dark and I was crying and I anger in the room it was dark and I was crying and I don't remember what brought this on, but I remember in my Uncle Pat, he grabbed me really hard and this dude was lifting weights. Yeah. He was hugging me so hard that, like I felt like he couldn't hold on anymore, because I was shaking. You know, I was angry and I was crying that's real bud.
Speaker 2:Sometimes somebody just needs a hug.
Speaker 5:Man, yeah, and well, he also didn't want me to hurt myself, or?
Speaker 3:anybody around?
Speaker 2:because, I was getting ready to rage yeah and uh.
Speaker 5:He held me and I asked him. I was like how come? You know, nobody loves me you're good bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're good man. Man Dang, that's real man.
Speaker 5:Yeah, he's like I love you.
Speaker 2:Uncle Pat. You said Uncle Pat. And so this ain't the same one that came in. Oh God, dude.
Speaker 5:So you know, and he's like God loves you and you know we're always going to love you, no matter what. So God?
Speaker 2:bless you, Uncle Pat.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and I don't think it like cured anything, but it definitely set something you know, so, uh, it just. You know it was hard growing up, you know just yeah, you went through a lot yeah, just trying to figure out. You know a lot of things and just your place, yeah where's your place in this family?
Speaker 2:where's the family? Where's the you?
Speaker 5:you didn't have an example, bro yeah, and every example, like my uncle, you know, uh, just even going on to my teenage years, you know, like, uh, so I'm at 15 and, and then in high school comes and you know, I just still in new mexico, yeah, and, and you know.
Speaker 2:I just, you know, still in New Mexico, yeah.
Speaker 5:And by that you know for me being shy. I was shy from a little kid till 16.
Speaker 2:I knew it. I knew there's some place where you're coming out of your shell, bro.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I was shy a lot there. You know, I didn't really go out of my way and then 16.
Speaker 3:Man 16.
Speaker 5:You got the wrong friends, you got the wrong friends bro, but uh, 16 was when I, when I realized I was, I was dope out at talking like I could. I could talk to anybody, you know, and it didn't matter. And I think women, women, girls were like my, my thing you know, and you know, remember back in the in the day there's no cell phones, you had to carry a pin to go to the mall.
Speaker 2:Get phone numbers numbers yeah, yeah, so um you come back with a paper full of numbers, my cousins, they weren't.
Speaker 5:You know, they were older, but they weren't as smooth as me, man that was smooth and I was not scared of anybody or any talking to anybody, anything. So, um, and then you mix that with my uncle jay. Um, he was, you know, just an avid player, like, like he was a player. Like one time he brought one of my substitute teachers home.
Speaker 2:Oh, my gosh Jay, that's my teacher. Yeah, exactly, oh, my gosh dude, he was like yo. He's like check this out.
Speaker 5:And he's like I'm going to bring this girl over. She's a substitute. I get there and you know he opens the door and my substitute teacher, like I was, like yo, all the dudes love that girl, you know I was, like she's in my house and with you, you know.
Speaker 1:So my uncle, what do you think shifted right there, from you being shy to you being talkative? What do you think shifted that?
Speaker 5:I think you know, just um having a voice.
Speaker 1:I think Did you speak up one day and somebody received it well and you were like wait a minute, I can actually.
Speaker 5:When I was in kindergarten, I wrote poems and I wrote them for my mom, and I was just always good with words. I could tell the story. You know I can write. You know I wrote, I wrote. I'm a writer, good with words. I could tell the story. You know I could write. You know I wrote.
Speaker 1:I'm a writer, you know. But what shifted from you being quiet to you being outgoing? What?
Speaker 5:do you think, shifted that? Okay. So at 16, I got a job at Dairy Queen here with my auntie, my auntie Jackie. She hooked it up with the job in arizona yeah for summer and then at 16 came around and you know, even then I was working at the, at dairy queen. I uh, it took a while for me to get into it but like when I came back from you had confidence yeah, I got confidence because, I was working and a little money in your pocket, a little bit come on, and then uh, you know when I got back to gallop
Speaker 5:I was like you know just out of your shell now, yeah, you're out of shell.
Speaker 1:Now, come on now. What dairy queen did you work at?
Speaker 2:uh 44th and thomas is that your first job? Yeah, was mine, buddy. I got fired for robbing from it Every job I've ever had, bro, I got fired from it. Something dude.
Speaker 5:I don't know man, the store manager didn't like me, so she didn't give me hours, so one day, I just did it, I didn't quit. I'm done I didn't quit, I just left, but I think working here.
Speaker 1:Working here is the longest job he's ever had.
Speaker 2:buddy, yeah, yeah, this is the most consistent and longest faithful at anything, bro, yeah. Usually before any time it got hard. Peace, Any time it wasn't something that I wanted or I couldn't get what I wanted, peace, yeah. On to the next. This is this is. God has changed me here, bro, in ways that I had no idea that I needed changing Plus you got good bosses.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is healthy, bud. Good bosses make a difference, man. This is healthy, bro.
Speaker 2:There's something about being in a healthy workplace, and just healthy. Yeah, because I've been under the thumb. Yeah, I've been. I've had bosses, bro, that threw mop sticks and broomsticks at me yeah, I've had, it's just granted you probably deserve it.
Speaker 1:I wasn't the best employee drinking at the bar when I shouldn't have been you know, what I mean, but yeah, for sure well, so how'd you get from new mexico to here?
Speaker 2:uh just summer job oh, okay, and then uh then I ended up moving back and then uh, you know just that switch.
Speaker 5:I just I realized that I was really good with words.
Speaker 1:I was just derrick queen woke him up, brother yeah, yeah and uh.
Speaker 5:So you know, I started getting out of my shell, started making friends going to church. Um, yeah, mom's still taking you guys in the family, everything yeah, but by that time, you know, and after that 15 thing, you know, I just kind of was like god's, whatever you know. And after that 15 thing, you know, I, I just kind of was like God's, whatever you know, like God's not who they say he is you know cause.
Speaker 5:You know I'm like, I am, you know, going through all these emotions and what's really helping me and you know I at the time I didn't like um the youth group there you know, I felt like it was pretty clicky the youth group there, you know, I felt like it was pretty clicky.
Speaker 5:I remember vaguely we went to, not vaguely vividly that we went to Acquire the Fire here, it was a youth thing and I remember we had, you know, girls in one hotel room, guys in, and so these youth leaders, they were like bragging on, you know, telling the older kids like hey, you guys matter, you know. Then they started saying this person really likes the way you play drums, this person likes the way you play basketball, and they called every older person except for me yeah and I was just like.
Speaker 5:Well, you know, I don't feel special rejection yeah yeah, second fiddle, yeah, and it's just like okay, all right, man, you know, do do whatever you and you know like I'm done with this.
Speaker 1:I don't blame you, brother, this this uh thing, and you know so you?
Speaker 2:it sounds to me like you just hadn't had your personal encounter yeah, it was just all church and just tradition and it's just what we do. Well. So you said that mom got her brothers and sister, your aunts and uncles and stuff yeah, did it start? Did the family start going?
Speaker 5:yeah, so, cool man, cousins there, so you saw all the family going and and then carla's the one that really got into it, you know, she started reading the bible and everything, and then my cousins were just there. You, you know, we're all just there.
Speaker 2:So Carla's the Jesus freak, yeah, definitely Every family's got one bud. Yeah, definitely you know he remembers, jerry. Oh no, here he comes. He's going to tell me about Jesus.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so yeah, and we just you know, I just didn't think God was. You know I, I just didn't think God was, you know whatever you know. And then, um, we come out here to visit Gerard and I don't know remember why or why not, they're not together, but we come out and I guess just so he could see the kids and I oh, every time his name, I was like oh, so your, your mom and brian?
Speaker 2:never actually, no, no, they were just like a like a one night thing, I guess. Okay, you know I don't want to speak, but no, I mean, I mean from the 12 and then that 15, and your grandpa's brian was never in the.
Speaker 5:Yeah, he's never okay, been a love interest for my mom.
Speaker 1:Or in a relationship with you, either. Right, yeah, no, no, no.
Speaker 5:After I pushed him you know, my mom said that he was scared of me. Good. And you know I was like whatever. You know, like you know dude deserved more, you know. And so, anyways, we come out here for a trip, I guess, so the kids could see Gerard and you know he tries to be. You know I'm older now.
Speaker 2:He's trying.
Speaker 5:So, he's trying to be like all right, man. He's like I got you a gift. He's like open that glove compartment. You know he's given me a knife before when I was like in second grade.
Speaker 2:Now you're like 16. Yeah.
Speaker 5:Now I'm 16. I'm like man. You know, what does this dude give me? He opens and he gives me this CD and I was like, and it's like it's already open, used and everything. And he gives me the CD. Is it him Okay? And so this changed my life, for you know, whatever it was, Wu-Tang the 36 chambers yeah, the double album yeah, yeah, boy no that's. That's a forever album this is the 36 out 36 chambers and um that's some good music right there at the time, at the time um well before before I knew yeah, exactly, exactly at the time you know my
Speaker 5:cousins were into west coast rap, yeah, and then I got into it as soon as I heard that east coast okay. They were like I don't know what he's saying. He's using too many big words and too many, and I just I got it, you know I got it like, and so I started writing these rhymes in my head. Writing on paper Come on man. And you know, then I just just had that in my pocket Like that was a secret. You know I didn't want nobody to know that I did that.
Speaker 2:Write rhymes and rap. Yeah, okay. Well, you just told the whole world, bro, somebody make some beats for this man Lavelle, where you at buddy, I'm retired.
Speaker 5:Wanji, so that kind of like. After that, like when I got the album, like it was like mob deep. You know everything, pretty much anything East Coast. I was into it.
Speaker 2:I can tell, by the Mets hat buddy. I got into the same thing, dude His cousins and cousins and families all west coast.
Speaker 5:I'm going east coast, yeah exactly, you're just pushing against the grain bud. Yeah, and I didn't like it, because everybody wanted to be a gangster, everybody wanted to be a blood or a crib and I was like nah, I'm not with that, you know, and uh so it was Arizona in that time, man, yeah, and then I got into, like you know, the older, like KRS-One, and you know, even back to the God MC.
Speaker 2:Oh, man, that's that old school street hip hop, that underground stuff, bud, and then I, you know just kind of got into that, and then in high school I just pretty much got into breakdancing.
Speaker 5:Okay, I got into battle rapping.
Speaker 2:What high school did you go to?
Speaker 5:Gallup, gallup High.
Speaker 2:Oh, but I thought you were over at 44th and Tom.
Speaker 5:No, that was a summer job.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you're back in New Mexico still for high school, your whole high school was New Mexico.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, definitely. Oh, when you came to visit you were just coming to visit gerard, yeah, and that was another. That's when he gave you the cd. You took that back. I always thought, I always thought of that. Uh, even you know, romeo and juliet was cool to me, you know, because everything was in rhyme, yeah, but um, oh, the movie, yeah, yeah, I no the play, not the play.
Speaker 3:The movie was cool you playing basketball?
Speaker 1:Yeah, any sports.
Speaker 5:Yeah, sports was cool. I was always athletic, but I could never make practices or sign up because of my mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we didn't know where mom was. They got a show on Netflix called Rez Ball.
Speaker 1:You ever watched it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, really Like a basketball on netflix called res ball. Yeah, you ever watched it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, really like a basketball on the res kind of thing. There's a female. She played for the wnba. She's a native, native girl oh wow, didn't make it very big, went back to gallop. I think she was gallop right uh I know she's on the rest somewhere, but she went back and tried to yeah, raise these girls cool, teach them basketball.
Speaker 5:Yeah, um, yeah, I was always uh athletic, but you know, I didn't uh get into any sports school-wise. Uh, my buddy that lives in gallup.
Speaker 1:He's actually a pretty good basketball player. Yeah, he travels around, does three on three tournaments, man yeah, yeah he could have made it to college, but something happened.
Speaker 5:It's a it's. It's a thing happened. It's a thing there, it's really a thing there.
Speaker 1:Well, driving through the res, you always see basketball hoops man Always yeah.
Speaker 5:When we grew up, man, we were heavily into basketball, you know.
Speaker 2:No football or baseball or golf on the res. Golf's not a big thing on the res.
Speaker 3:No, no, definitely not, I ain't never seen. No, there was a navajo golfer, there was one I remember.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, okay, noah, bagay, yeah, he was really good. He's related to my uncle.
Speaker 5:Oh wow, come on now so, um, that's cool, but you know I was pretty athletic but I wouldn't. You know I wanted to play, just you know my mom couldn't make time to practice and stuff. So it just wasn't a stable.
Speaker 2:It's a commitment, yeah, when you're making a commitment to put your kids into sports, it's something that me and him talk about, because my little brother man is geez. You see him, bro. Yeah, if we would have put the commitment in that he needed when he was younger. But it's just me and mom were on drugs. He was in prison.
Speaker 1:I was in prison until he was 10.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when he come out, man, he's mad. So it's just there's got to be a commitment with kids and getting them to the practices.
Speaker 1:The training.
Speaker 2:It's not easy. So I can totally see it, man, especially with your mom being the nurse and working and taking care of everything and the dudes are all just bums. It seems like man, so it's like it's all on mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if I ever get grandkids, just relax. But they'll be in sports, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:I'm believing for a whole bunch of kids, but I went from never wanting kids and never wanting to get married to now I'm like I want a whole bunch of kids. I'm like what's going on? Lord, God's changing me, buddy. Mom and dad are praying. Stop, Stop. God hears your prayers. Relax, man, it's coming. Jeez, All right, dude. So high school did you graduate?
Speaker 5:I did.
Speaker 2:You graduated Nice Barely Barely hey you got to walk across the stage and have your little cap and gown bro.
Speaker 1:Come on, come on, man, so yeah.
Speaker 2:Did you?
Speaker 1:graduate Gallup High School. Yep, I'm about to let my people know, man, okay.
Speaker 5:And then, you know, I just kind of got into the music thing. Is your last name big in Gallup, tennyson?
Speaker 2:Not in a good way. But people know you or know the family. They know my uncle.
Speaker 5:He kind of put a bad name on us.
Speaker 1:I mentioned your last name to my friend and it didn't ring a bell. Yeah, it was tiny.
Speaker 5:Actually Tennyson wasn't supposed to. We kind of hijacked it. His family's Lee.
Speaker 1:His family's name was Lee.
Speaker 5:There's a lot of Lees, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah his grandpa's name was Robert E Lee. Oh, wow, yeah, he was named after the dude, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5:That's crazy.
Speaker 1:But yeah, their last names are Lee.
Speaker 5:Wow, yeah, yeah, no. Or lee, wow, yeah, yeah, no, that that wasn't supposed to be our last name. Our last name is supposed to be calvin. It's just a whole bunch of you know craziness with our um, our lifeline, um, my, uh, I guess my great-grandmother was a bootlegger and into witchcraft so that's kind of wow, and then you know you got some stuff back, ancestral and generations, oh wow. Yeah, thanks.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 5:So yeah, College or high school was fun College.
Speaker 2:Did you go to college? No, okay.
Speaker 5:Maybe, a little bit. But high school I didn't get into drinking. You know, I didn't get into drinking, it was just weed.
Speaker 2:Up until this point, I haven't heard anything about drinking or drugging, bro. Up until this point.
Speaker 5:I haven't heard anything about drinking or drugging, bro.
Speaker 2:No Smoking weed here and there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so when I was in, that's pretty huge for growing up on the rez, bro yeah bro, I sold a lot of dope and I sold a lot on the rez.
Speaker 5:My mom was, so my mom is dope. My mom, she's always. She couldn't give us much she couldn't give us. You know the Jordans I wanted she couldn't give me. You know everything that I you know a house, a room, a bed you know all that.
Speaker 5:So I think what she did was I think this is so dope man Like I even use it. So when I was in sixth grade, maybe eighth grade, mid-school, this is how I know my mom really cared for me, and so I was getting out of school and the dude, you know, he was like, hey, see you later, masturbator. And I was like, okay, you know. And he laughed and I was like, oh all right, you know. So I jumped in the car and I'm like so I was thinking, okay, you know. And he laughed and I was like, oh, all right, you know. So I jumped in the car and I'm like so, I was thinking about it. I was like what the heck is that? You?
Speaker 1:know, and uh so you're asking mama you were driving, we're driving and I, you know, I was kind of like back and forth.
Speaker 5:I was like, I was like, can I ask you a question? She's like yeah and yeah, and I was like what's a masturbator? And you know I've seen not gonna go. But she told me, yeah, straight, and I was just like, oh, okay, and and you know, hi, you know like, look at that time I didn't like, I was just like I, I felt comfortable.
Speaker 5:I asked my mom questions now I look back at it and I'm like my mom couldn't give me nothing, but she gave me truth, yeah, and anything I wanted to know. She's always giving it to me. Come on, man, wow, raw, uncut and um that's actually.
Speaker 1:That's more valuable than jordan's dude exactly, exactly, and because you're not.
Speaker 2:You're not being raised in this false sense of this world that's spinning around you.
Speaker 5:You know what I mean and you know, I think my mom even has always been second best too. Yeah, you know, uh, from her childhood to my childhood, you know, I think we've always been attached you know, like we. We see things, we know things and we feel the same thing. So, um, I always was just like you know. I can feel comfortable asking her stuff you know, and in high school I was, just like you know, my I smoke weed and she was just like oh okay, well, don't do that yeah right, you know like I felt comfortable telling her yeah but it was.
Speaker 5:I wasn't excessive weed smoker, it's just like I smoked it. Sometimes, you know we uh I got, you know I got dope at rapping so I got invited to parties um that's what you do, bro, and then line up in a circle and pass the blind rat yep exactly I was in it, buddy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you guys are the same age. We were right in it, bro.
Speaker 5:And to be fair, I wasn't even really like. I didn't really like it I just did it, because people did it and the alcohol was one of those things too I was just like nah, I'm not with it, you know I think at the time it was like smirnoffs were like smirnoff, ices were like the thing oh, yeah, and I drink like half a bottle, like nah, I'm good, you know like um, so you think that's because you saw what it did in your family, or um good observation
Speaker 5:I don't know, I don't know um see, the only people I knew that drank was gerard gerard his friends, my uncle jay yeah, and my grandpa yeah, and I didn't necessarily see them as losers, except for gerard.
Speaker 5:But yeah, I didn't see but you saw the effect that my uncle jay yeah like like like man, they, they used to like freak out and you know like roll on the floor and like one time gerard was like throwing himself around. He's like the devil's got me, the devil's got me, oh, man, devil's got me, oh man, why do you think they call it spirits? And I'm like I'm like what is going?
Speaker 2:on, you know.
Speaker 5:And you know my grandpa was just wild. You know he just drinking and driving. We're all sitting in the back on the res ride these res rows and you know it's in the back of the truck. So you and I mean we even snuck booze from him you know, when we were kids we got into, you know, a lot of trouble, but it wasn't like crazy trouble. But you know we dabbled. But I don't think, you know, when I was in high school it just was not my thing.
Speaker 1:I think a control thing.
Speaker 5:I like to be in control. I think it was a control issue um I didn't you know I didn't trust people around me. You know enough for me to drink.
Speaker 2:You know excessively let your walls down and let loose, yeah and then, uh, so we went to parties and then no college uh, what are you?
Speaker 5:doing for work this is still high school, so I'm still going in and so, yeah, nothing really happened in high school. I did. I did meet a girl. We started dating. She was one of the ones, like the first one, where, you know, I messed with these other little girls and whatnot, and then she was the first one. I was like, all right, this is the one. And I asked my mom's like yo, is it okay if I start dating? And you know, at the time my mom didn't know I was messing with the other girls but, this is the one.
Speaker 5:I really wanted my mom's blessing, and so she was like, yeah, that's cool. So you know, I fell in love with the girl. We were in love and it just kind of we were together for three years and you know.
Speaker 2:High school sweethearts.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and then when we turned 21, it kind of got choppy, you know, like I couldn't stay in Gallup longer because I couldn't pay. I couldn't get paid, there was no jobs.
Speaker 5:Oh, I was working at Pop John's oh no jobs yeah, not really no room for growth yeah, okay in a small town. It's who you know, not what you know, yes, sir so I ended up moving to Farmington, which is two hours north of Gallup, and that's where my mom moved and married a guy, uh, who is now my step well, stepdad, but I still call him my pop.
Speaker 2:Oh, they're together, still to this day.
Speaker 5:No, this is a new guy. Okay, my mom had a film marriage and then, you know, then she married this guy and by the time she married this guy I was 18. I was on my own, like you know, I know everything. So, anyways, I move up there with them because they were like, yeah, there's jobs up here galore. So I get up there and you know, um, you know, and he's cool. And then when I move up there I notice that he doesn't like me. You know, like he just he was like, he was just like, was like, you know, just really standoffish and you you know just kind of didn't.
Speaker 2:Was it just your mom and him in that place?
Speaker 5:He came with a son, so I now have two brothers and a sister. Okay, so we go on this trip to Disneyland or Six Flags and one night we just we get drunk together and you know, and that's the only time I feel like I can really just we get drunk together and you know, and that's the only time I feel like I can really connect with the guy who's drinking, you know.
Speaker 5:And um and and uh. So we get drunk together, cause by this time I'm like 22, 21, 22. And he starts wigging out on me. He was like yo, he's like you're always in our marriage, like your mom would choose you over me. You know all this type stuff and you know he starts trying to like wrestle me, oh no, and I'm aggressive, so I have to like half off the balcony, oh wow.
Speaker 5:And you know, my brother had to pull me off, but, um, anyway, we're going through that. And then, you know, then I'm going through this relationship and it's like the end because we're in two different cities long distance and it's at the end and I'm going crazy because you know like I'm trying to work, trying to, you know, because I our dream was that you go to school, graduate, and then I'll go to school yeah but I'll put you through school, I'll pay for your gas, all that.
Speaker 5:so, um, and we lose, you know, connection and you know I take blame, you know and uh, so I'm going crazy, i'm'm drinking more than usual and heartbroken.
Speaker 2:Burying the sorrows.
Speaker 5:And I think really that's where my alcohol, my addiction came in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bro.
Speaker 5:Yeah and not. I think I know. Yeah. And then so I start drinking a lot. Why?
Speaker 2:Because Helps you not have to feel, helps you not have to.
Speaker 5:The one person I chose to love me. You're hurt and ruined it yeah, hurt. And you know your brother and your sister and you know your mom, who are supposed to love you. Yeah, that's family. Yeah, and they have to. The one person, that who chose to chose to love me and I chose to love that person hurt me I hurt them, okay, so you know, I'm drinking how old are you?
Speaker 2:you said 21, 22, 21, 21. Okay, where are you living? In Farmington, still Farmington.
Speaker 5:And then I was talking to my mom and my mom was like you know, jesus, this Jesus, that? And I was like that's not what I need. I don't need spiritual counsel, I need you to tell me what to do. Yeah. Like how am I handling this? You're like the person I need.
Speaker 2:I need truth. I need you to tell me she was telling you the truth. She was giving out what I wanted to hear. Real truth, bro and jesus so my dad erwin.
Speaker 5:You know, at the time he was just the guy that married my mom yeah erwin steps in and he's like, let me talk to you in the garage. We go in the garage and he was like I know what you're going through. And he was like, go get her, go drive now tonight two hours and go get her. And he's like and if she says no, you have your answer.
Speaker 2:There it is.
Speaker 5:And I was like wow, was that so easy? How come my mom couldn't say that you know, because?
Speaker 2:she didn't know.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It took a dude, bro, a guy, a man that knew what you were going through, and you know all these.
Speaker 5:I have always had trouble with listening to men, but the way he pulled me to the side and took that lead.
Speaker 2:He respected it.
Speaker 5:Yeah, but the way he pulled me to the side and took that lead and respected yeah, and even then, you know I almost you push dude off the balcony. You know like the week or, you know, the the months prior. Um, I, uh, so I go.
Speaker 2:Oh, you did.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I go at night and I drive two hours and it's like middle of the night knocking the door.
Speaker 2:I thought you were going to do the radio outside the window. Baby, I love you. He watches too much TV bro.
Speaker 1:He watches too much TV.
Speaker 5:I'm a hopeless romantic bud.
Speaker 1:Show up at my house with a radio dude. I'm shooting you.
Speaker 5:So I get there and she's like, yeah, we can do this again. So we're laying there and her phone's going off and it's a dude texting her and I was like I can't do this.
Speaker 3:I'm leaving.
Speaker 5:You know that's it. So I start driving home back to Farmington. It's two hours I'm driving and I'm getting really tired and I start closing my eyes oh no you know rolling down the yeah I know, I know and, uh, you know I close my eyes and for some reason I hear a sleep son, it's not done, you're not ready yeah and I was tired, like tired, and he's like I'm not done with you. It's like you got a lot to do. Don't go to sleep. Wow, he's like it's not done.
Speaker 2:Yeah and I said is that the first time you've ever heard God bro?
Speaker 5:Yeah, wow, it was.
Speaker 2:Unmistakable. You can't question that.
Speaker 5:So when I was a teenager we went to Pastor Dave brought it up. He talked about what was the convention.
Speaker 2:The one in the 90s. Yeah, oh, that he was talking about on.
Speaker 5:Oh man.
Speaker 2:It was the big thing that they all did back then. It was a men's convention.
Speaker 5:I remember when I went there and they were singing. They were having praise and worship and they were singing and I can't remember what song it was, but they cut the music and it's just all the men pepsi center in denver full of men singing jesus all in one accord, and I couldn't help but think like heavenly what does god sound like if? This is.
Speaker 5:You know, hundreds like thousands of men, yeah, buddy. And it was loud. What does heaven sound? And I was like what does God sound like if this is? You know, hundreds like thousands of men, yeah, buddy.
Speaker 2:And it was loud. What does heaven sound like?
Speaker 5:And I, was like what is God's voice going to do to me if he talks to me?
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 5:So I'm like I was.
Speaker 2:you know, that's terrifying, that was way back when you were younger in high school or something. So now we go back to your driving.
Speaker 5:So we're back to driving, okay, yeah that was so now we go back to your driving, so we're back to driving, okay, and he's whispering to me and I'm like yeah, oh, my god, like why does that so feel so comforting? And so like. And after he gets done talking to me, I just wake up and I and I drive and small still voice.
Speaker 5:And it was crazy because I didn't really. I wasn't really into prayer. I wasn't even going to church in my 20s. As soon as I graduated, I was like nah, I'm not going to church, I'm a man.
Speaker 2:I make my own decisions.
Speaker 5:now I'm not doing that and then, so you know, I get home and I tell my pop I was like Erwin. Erwin. I tell Erwin, I was like you know what man, you did me a solid. I love you and I am going to submit to you. I didn't tell you you know, obviously don't use these words, but I just tell him I was like you're my pop. Yeah.
Speaker 5:You're my dad, you know because that was. That was something that I really needed, so that's how I, as soon as I Gave him that title, he took it and ran with it. He has been.
Speaker 2:Your guys relationship.
Speaker 5:He has been man Everything that I needed, and more and more you know, um, he's helped me in a lot of ways. Yeah, you know, I could call him today and he'd come on.
Speaker 2:You know, I love that man it sounds like through your story, bro, that god has always put that one. There's always been one for you yeah through your story man along the way that you could count on that was there for you. Through your story man along the way that you can count on that was there for you, that would love you or hold you. So that's cool, because we just yeah. You haven't had it easy, bud no.
Speaker 5:Jesus, and you know it doesn't really, I don't really think about it all that. But then, like you know, now, that you know I've come so far.
Speaker 2:You're a soldier, bro. You're a soldier, bro. Yeah, you're a soldier.
Speaker 1:You know what's awesome about that? Brother is being in Edwin's position. There's something that happens inside.
Speaker 2:Erwin, he's bad with names.
Speaker 1:But there's something that happens inside of a stepdad when a kid acknowledges your dad, your dad, you know what I mean? Because we can try to be dad, we can. Your dad, your dad, yeah, you know, I mean because we can try to be dad, we can try to play the role.
Speaker 1:We can try to fill that need, but until it's received yeah, you're my dad then it's you're doing it against, against the grain, I mean, because if a kid don't want to put you in that position, no matter what you say, no matter what you do, you're not my dad.
Speaker 2:You're not dad.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean but I can still remember the time when his sister oh, he had to work for her just he had to work for her call me dad one day, yeah, out of the blue, and it was like, what did you say? You know, I mean and, yeah, receiving that was okay I'm there I made. I'm at that place where I can speak into your life. Now you know what I mean. And it's it's hard to earn, brother, you know I mean it really is oh, she made him.
Speaker 2:She made him work years, but you ain't my dad. Yeah, it was pops. Yeah, it was pops.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was always robert robert, this robert, that robert. You know I mean it was like didn't, yeah, but it was for me it was like all right, man, you know, I mean I've earned a position in this kid's life that I can speak into them now. You know I what I mean, not that I couldn't speak into them before, but the way it's received is different. You know what I mean and I see that what you're saying is now you're going to receive what he's saying as a father authority.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean?
Speaker 5:Guidance yeah, that's huge bro, interception, that's huge man. And oh that I just when you were talking about that. I remember that conference Promise Keepers, nice Promise Keepers.
Speaker 2:Holy Spirit, bring back all truths. Come on now.
Speaker 5:So I, after that, you know, I was like, yeah, I got a new dad, I got a new brother. You know we got a lot, but you know I'm old and I'm older and I shouldn't be leaving my parents. So I, you know, call my uncle, orlando. Him and his wife Orlando is another man that I really look up to, you know and they're the ones actually that brought us to Lifelink. Come on, so anyways, I called him.
Speaker 2:How did you get to Arizona, bro, so well I'm telling you oh okay, I'm like you're already in Arizona.
Speaker 5:What the heck man After I knew girls were coming back.
Speaker 2:Shut up, dad. I get distracted by shiny things. Shiny pretty things distract me. Look at her. No God.
Speaker 5:You better chill out.
Speaker 1:That was true. I'm going to turn your mic off.
Speaker 2:Jesus.
Speaker 5:Let's mute him real quick. So I call my uncle, I call him and I was like, hey man, can you give me a job down there? And he was he's pretty connected to a company that he used to work for, and then he still had a homie and and uh, he's here in arizona, yeah, yeah yeah. So he was like yeah, come, come through. You know, I'll talk to guy and you I tell him to give him, you know don't mess up because my name's on it.
Speaker 5:I'm like all right, you know I gave him, so I come out and I'm like on pennies.
Speaker 2:What are you like? 24?.
Speaker 5:Yeah, 23, 24. And then so my sister lives here and she's with her boyfriend and they have a kid. My nephew and they have a one bedroom apartment on 27th Avenue and Indian School oh right, in the hood off the I-17 that's right in the beltway.
Speaker 2:Well, right now it's horrible. I don't know how it was back. It was fun.
Speaker 5:That's right in the Beltway Well right now it's horrible, but I don't know how it was back then, it was fun, it was horrible back then, yeah. And so, anyways, I had this one-bedroom apartment. I'm like, hey, you know, let me come through, and when I get this job I'll come and help. You know, we'll just get it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll take care. Get some bills, man, until I can get on my feet.
Speaker 5:So I get here and this process takes a whole month. So we're like starving for like a month and anyways, I get the job. I start, you know, immediately. Just start working.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 5:I work for a document warehouse. Basically, when you go to like court and you have files or whatever yeah you're, you know they send it to a holding house, the warehouse that's where it's at you know, okay, um they you have to have a security clearance or something. Yeah yeah, you got to have a security clearance. That's where I can get rid of all my records. Yeah, yeah, pretty much, pretty much yeah, because they have a shredding address again. No, I, what was the?
Speaker 4:address again. No, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding, burn that place down dude.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, dad, that's the old me. My bad, my bad, jesus, help him. That's the old me dude.
Speaker 1:I don't burn stuff down, no more.
Speaker 2:If you guys only knew, if you only knew.
Speaker 1:Thank you for new life God. He tries to rear his ugly head every now and then you know, what I mean. I got to bury him again and put him in his place. My bad.
Speaker 5:So I get here and then I work and next thing you know, I'm just drinking, trying to make friends. It was fun. It was fun partying. Was it really, though? Was it really At the time? It was a fun, it was fun partying, and you know and you know, was it really, though it was?
Speaker 1:Was it really? At the time it was? It seemed like it was, but really wasn't.
Speaker 2:Looking back on that stuff bud, that was not fun.
Speaker 1:I love it when I get around people from the old days. They always talk about the good old days. I'm like dude there was nothing good about that, bro. What good old days. I'm like dude. There was nothing good about that, bro. What are you talking about? You know what I mean? Yeah, so?
Speaker 5:anyways, you know I'm still fresh out this heartbreak you know, and I just was like, well, I'm drinking now and you know, I was like, let's just, you know, for the weekend we're drinking, you know, and so we're just living Drinking, with your sister and her boyfriend drinking with them drinking with the neighbors.
Speaker 5:I made friends with everybody around me, like you know, upstairs, downstairs, people across the street, you know, just I'm drinking with everybody making friends, and you know. Next, you know I'm hanging out with the guys at work. We're just having a blast, and you know, drinking on the job. Um, I didn't. Don't think I've really had a problem, you know. And then, um, we never do when we're in it, yeah you know um so um, but yeah, the guys at work were were you know, we had lots of fun.
Speaker 5:A lot of guys were cheating on the wives. It was always just such a great group of guys.
Speaker 1:Well, not great but just always something going on.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, wild bunch yeah definitely, and so I start dating this girl. I start dating this girl and you know, my ex-girl, you know, would pretty much ruin it for every girl. So I just started dating this girl and she's half Navajo and half Blackfoot I think is what it was. And she asked me what my clans are. And clans are, you know separate people from sleeping with other people. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:Don't mix bloodlines, buddy.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and I'm just, you know, quote, unquote, christian you know, grew up. You know, don't know my language. You know I'm this back burner kid. You know you never spoke to him. This city boy, you know, grew up, you know don't know my language.
Speaker 1:You know I'm this backburner kid, you know, and you never spoke to this city boy.
Speaker 5:You know, no, no and uh. So she asked me these clans, and I'm like okay, well, I gotta get this identity, you know but I just told her. I was like you know what my clans are? She's like what are they? And I was like Wu-Tang Clan, I'm a descendant of the RZA, the JZA. You really are an 80s baby and I was like yo, I was like you want to know my tribe. She's like what's your tribe? I was like a tribe called Quest. Can I kick it? Yes, you can.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God dude.
Speaker 3:I wish we had the beats.
Speaker 5:So you know, so she asked me me there and she's just like looking at me, she's like my my parents are gonna hate you. Yeah, you better. Yeah. So you know, I kind of get into this identity thing and you know, and I start asking my mom like what am I? She's like what do you want to know your class for you, like you know, and she just kind of gets like weird and she's like I think it's this and think it's that. She's like like I don't know what Brian is and this and that.
Speaker 5:And I'm like, you know, and this girl was, you know she wasn't special or different, you know she was good looking you know, and she was worth, I guess, some trouble, some trouble, uh, so I was like well you know, let me, let me ask uh, I have twin sisters, half sisters, on brian's side. Yeah, um, christy and kristen and brian jr they are his kids with another woman. So I meet them in 11th grade or 12th grade and you know, it's whatever. You know, I'm not, I'm not opening that door you know like hey, that's weird, that you guys are my cousin or my sisters, Like that's weird.
Speaker 2:Wait, this is Brian. You're biological. Yeah, he had a whole nother family. Okay.
Speaker 5:And um he was there for them with them just not, yeah, just not.
Speaker 2:That's rough bro, so you know it turns out.
Speaker 5:I have an older sister that's living in california that I don't talk to. Um, you know, it's just those doors I don't want to open to, but you know so I thought what your clans were uh, no, but this is so I end up kicking it with kristin and kirsten.
Speaker 5:Uh, kristin and christy, and you know, and you know we we shoot, you know we're good, like, we're talking, and Brian Jr is cool and we're having fun and we're just getting to know each other, and you know, um, they were here in Arizona. No, we met, uh, my sister. Actually they're at my sister's age, so my sister met him in class and they were like somehow my sister heard brian yeah brian's name and my sister was like that's what, my brother's biological that, and they're like, oh yeah.
Speaker 5:And then she's like, no wonder why you look like my brother I always thought you look like my brother, so my wow so my sister introduced me to my sisters yeah, and it's your half brother yeah, and then wow my half brother, that's crazy.
Speaker 2:He's younger, so your sister was in class with him. Yeah, that's crazy dude and uh small world.
Speaker 5:So by that time we were older and I have their phone number. So I was like hey, do you have brian's phone number because I have to ask him a question? And they were like oh okay. And they were like oh okay. And they were like he's scared of you, still scared of you Again. Yeah, this time my mom says that he's scared of me. Now my half-sister is telling me he's scared of me.
Speaker 2:Oh, this is the dude you pushed at your grandpa's house. Yeah, oh, okay.
Speaker 5:So I was like you know, it's cool, I'm old, we're older. Now I ain't trying to do all that, we're good. I just want to ask him some questions, like have a coffee with him when I go back and I'll buy him a beer or whatever. I'm good. So they gave me his number and I start calling this guy, texting him, and then he wouldn't pick up and then I called him back. I'm like I called him back. I'm like yo, the number you gave me is fake or not working. They're like no, it's working. We just bought him some prepaid cars the other day and I was like he's not picking up my texts. You know nothing. So you know, it's just I get hit.
Speaker 2:Second fiddle again I get hit. That bring up emotions again.
Speaker 5:The rejection I was like how do I get this man to talk to me? You know like I'm good.
Speaker 1:I think you know we're good Like I'm not worried about that.
Speaker 5:I just want to know some questions.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I got some questions.
Speaker 5:So you know I start, you know drinking texting, drinking calling.
Speaker 3:Then you don't want to do that. Yeah, you don't want to drink text and drink call.
Speaker 2:You don't like the results of that one Next thing.
Speaker 5:you know, I have a three-way phone call my best friend, John, and we're just freestyling on this dude's voicemail and we're just planning to uh to just fill up his voicemail box you know, and we're just calling him like every we're gonna burn up all his prepaid cards or whatever, and uh, I'm just gonna say this out loud because I think it's the greatest rant.
Speaker 5:So, me and john, we formed the hip-hop group called Filthy Minded Mongrels, and so, anyways, john comes one night and he was like, god bless the day that Chevy was made, thanks for his dad to drop in him. Filthy Minded Mongrels adopted him and I was like, oh, so, anyways, I had to get out out. That was such a good line bro and every, every birthday I say that to him. I'm like god bless the day chevy was made, you know I'm gonna take that and I'm gonna edit it and put music to it.
Speaker 1:His dad dropped him Filthy minded mom girls Adopted him.
Speaker 5:So. So you know we start, you know we start, I just start losing it. You know, and then I'm drinking more After a month of trying to get this guy.
Speaker 2:And you're here though. You're here living with your sister.
Speaker 3:I have a job, I'm a job and I'm functioning you know I'm functioning, but you're starting to lose it again.
Speaker 5:I'm losing it. I ended up in the bathtub, you know, with the shower, going in my clothes, crying wow and my sister's like are you having a moment, like you did back in the day?
Speaker 2:Crying Wow, and my sister's like Chevy, are you having a moment like you did back in the day when Uncle Carl had to just hold you? No, I'm just wasting. Okay.
Speaker 5:All right. And she was like Chevy, you have to stop, yeah. And I was like nah, I'm good. And she was like bro, you were in the shower with your clothes on, curled up in the ball. You gotta stop, yeah was the water on yeah shower and everything, oh yeah, and I just and I was like I don't know, I don't know what you mean, like I'm good, you know, that was that sounds funny god man I was like
Speaker 5:you have come a long way, buddy you've come a long way, so you know, and then it just, it just didn't. It started getting worse and worse and, uh, we go to. So you know, obviously the girl thing didn't work out, and then we fast, and then we're just, I'm just drinking, just you know living on a prayer, you know waking up, in my bed, making sure I'm all right. You know, like, and I'm blacking out you know and just everything You're killing yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Self-destruction buddy.
Speaker 5:And it was just every it got to a point every night weekend. It was just every it got to a point every night weekend. It was just the weekends, and then it got to every night, oh yeah just a weekend warrior.
Speaker 2:That's how it always starts. Stop at QT after work. That's how it starts.
Speaker 5:Stop at QT after work.
Speaker 2:On your way to work. And then it's Sunday night. Oh, and then just a drink before work to take away the shit. Drinking at work yeah, dude.
Speaker 5:So drinking at work so um my sister's like yo, you know, you gotta I can't, you know you gotta get your own thing. So I'm like all right, you know, uh, I get my own apartment oh wow and yeah, and then you know by yourself and that wasn't good. No, because?
Speaker 2:because the person. Now you're full board. Nobody can tell me.
Speaker 5:So you know, I do the thing. I start partying with all my neighbors. Everybody's cool. I'm buying pizzas and you know we have you know, I've always made people. I guess not better, but I've always brought people together and then one night my cousin comesla. No, my cousin. Well, my mom's best friend, okay, her son, you know when they're best friends they're your her kids are cousins.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I got those he get he, uh, he has leave for for the for christmas because he's getting out of or he has. He's in the army? Yeah, he's. He flew in from Virginia and he came out to visit and he you know he swears up and down that he can out drink me and all this. Oh okay, we're going to do that game.
Speaker 2:So so this Pride in the Navajo in a drinking game.
Speaker 3:I don't think so.
Speaker 5:So you know, I'm, I'm like we're going to do some crazy stuff. I'll show you so we started, I was like we're going to start out with champagne bottles because you're back, we're getting like cheap $5 bottles from like Target and then we go across the street and we're getting, like you know, still reserved 211s. And then, you know, we'll get a little fancy, We'll have some Heineken, you know. Next thing you know we're just smashed.
Speaker 1:That just made me nauseous. Yeah, buddy, yeah, I used to find these still reserved whiskey bottles. Oh God, yeah.
Speaker 2:It got bad dude. It got to the point where I had to start hiding them all over. I had to start cutting holes in my mattress and putting them down there In my mind it's bad when you're buying a $3 bottle of still-reserved whiskey. That's bad dude. I wasn't buying them, Stealing it whatever you were doing, I didn't have no money to buy them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I used to dump them out, write notes on them and put them next to my bed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bro, I'd hide them and then I'd go to find it the next day because I knew I had a drink there and my bottle would be empty and there'd be a note written on it. I'm like damn it, damn it.
Speaker 1:It's put on there. You ain't fooling nobody.
Speaker 5:Yeah, that's funny. That sounds like my dad. It wasn't, though bud it sucked.
Speaker 2:It was horrible For both of us. Jesus.
Speaker 5:So that night, you know obviously I won. It's not something to be proud of Chevy the only reason I say I won is because we go back to his mom's house and you know he wanted me to spend a night there, we can all hang out as a family and whatnot.
Speaker 5:So, you know, we go over there and then I walk in the door, I'm like greeting everybody, and like my auntie's upstairs, she's in bed. So I'm like, oh, I'll give my auntie some, you know, love. So I get, I get up there and I tell my auntie, I start talking to her and she's like, hey, should I, should I have an interview in a while, let's talk, you know. So she's laying in bed and I'm just, you know, on the chair chilling talking to her. Next thing, you know, I hear some noises downstairs. So I'm like, oh man, what's going on? So my auntie goes down there and I was like I'm not going down there. So she comes up and she's like she's, he's threatening to hit, you know, grandma and all that, and I was like no. So I go downstairs and I'm like trying to, you know, look for this guy he leaves and this is the army dude, yeah, he leaves and you know he's on foot and you know somebody called the cops yeah so I'm like all right drunk nabajo on foot man.
Speaker 5:Something bad about to happen, yeah so I start, you know, getting my bag together. I was like I'm sorry, auntie, I gotta go. You know I don't need all this. You know I just came and you know, yeah, and she's like, yeah, no worries. She's like you need a ride. I was like, no, I'll just walk to the bus, stop. You know, I'll sleep on the bus.
Speaker 5:And you know, because it's a mad, it's a mad drive yeah so, um, uh, as soon as I walk out, there's cop cars came up and they jump out and they're like hey, you know who like stay right there. And I was like I'm not the one you want know, my cousin's walking around here somewhere and you know, so I start, you know, walking across the lawn, and they were like no, you need to stop. We need to see who you are and what you're about, if you're okay. And I was like no, I was like I'm not the problem, you know. So I'm like walking and boom, I get tackled and I'm still buzzing and you know, all of a sudden, you know I go into this this fight mode.
Speaker 5:You know, someone tackled me. Yeah, I'm not the problem, but this dude starts tag, and so I'm rolling on the ground with two cops uh-oh and I, I, I. You know they get me to stand up and you know these guys are like shorter than me, I don't know who, who let them have a job, but they were short.
Speaker 5:You know who put them together as a squad you know they were short and uh, so more cops come up and next thing you know it, you know they're looking for my cousin and you know, because it's a domestic dispute, up and next thing you know they're looking for my cousin because it's a domestic dispute. And next thing, you know, they're like grabbing me and I was heated. You know I was heated, so they started to take me to the Tahoe and I don't know, for some reason I kicked the side of the door, damn.
Speaker 1:Chevy.
Speaker 5:And I almost pushed these cops behind. God dude, as soon as I kicked that door, like two more cops came yeah, bro. And this cop put his forearm on the back of my Like he like. Bam right yeah dude Hit the back of my neck. I had my Up against the door now my tooth chipped on the glass. Yeah, buddy, and you know, and so I'm bleeding. I have up against the door now my my tooth chipped on the glass buddy.
Speaker 5:And you know, and so I'm bleeding and I, I, I don't know God, we're going to have to talk about this one, but I swear up and down that I went, you know I'm bleeding, so I went to spit, turn my neck and I spit, I didn't. I'm spit on the cops, he, I went to spit, turn my neck and I spit, I didn't.
Speaker 2:You spit on the cops.
Speaker 5:He walked into my spit. It's what I'm saying, you know he like he came up this way and you know I'm not going to spit on nobody. You know I don't think even drunk me with a spit on somebody. And even the. The records say that he had blood like blood on his pants below the kneecap.
Speaker 2:That's assault, buddy, and I'm like, yep, I got one of those charges in prison.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:All you do is drink their cup. I know, I just drank their soda and they gave me assault on staff using bodily fluids.
Speaker 5:Yeah that's what I got.
Speaker 1:Like two weeks before he was supposed to get out.
Speaker 2:And they locked me down, mom, and it's like two weeks before he was supposed to get out and they locked me down. Mom and dad are like I thought he was supposed to get out. They didn't hear from me. I was on lockdown. No privileges when the hell, did you go?
Speaker 1:More bad choices?
Speaker 2:I made a lot of them in life, bud, yeah, man.
Speaker 5:I was peaceful. I felt like I was peaceful.
Speaker 2:I love you, chevy. I I felt like I was peaceful. I love you, chevy. I love you, buddy, I was always about the party.
Speaker 5:Like every time we went out with a group of people and people were like yo, you get my back. If we get in a fight, you get my back. I was like nope. They're like why not, man, you ain't down? I'm like nope. I was like I'm coming out here.
Speaker 2:I'm looking to fight. A lot of guys drinking, they want to fight.
Speaker 5:I was like if you go in with that attitude, that's what you're going to get.
Speaker 1:That's right, you know.
Speaker 5:That's right. And you know I'm not doing that, so I've always been. You know, I feel like an. Okay, I'm not going to protect that, so anyways.
Speaker 2:So what were the charges from that night? What'd you get? Just?
Speaker 1:so you know nobody's an okay drunk.
Speaker 2:That's why I said I'm not protecting that.
Speaker 1:Yeah good. Just so you know what do you got Eight years clean right.
Speaker 2:I saw like five people in my head in the background saying like no, you're lying.
Speaker 5:I'm not protecting that. That's a good choice, bud. So I get assault on a peace officer and some other things.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, destruction of property. You put a little dent in their door.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I got.
Speaker 2:With Jell-O and I. Oh yeah, they locked him up, yeah he's facing a felony. Yeah. Like the top one, like a six or something like that If you're good, they'll go ahead and expunge it and put it to a misdemeanor.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so I get the deal and you know I'm.
Speaker 2:Now you're big time yeah.
Speaker 5:You made it. Yeah, I'm in the processing. You know they're moving me from sale to sale or whatever.
Speaker 2:You like that process? Oh God, I hated it Just as you get comfortable, get up.
Speaker 5:Time to move. The first one was like some dude took the toilet paper and used it as a pillow. And I'm like man they get fun. It's crazy, they get fun.
Speaker 2:They're not fun. There's nothing fun about jail.
Speaker 1:Sarcasm bud, sarcasm buddy.
Speaker 5:Next thing, you know, they're bringing in my cousin and I'm like oh wow, they found him. I wanted to fight dude. Yeah, I bet.
Speaker 3:But I was like I'm glad to see you.
Speaker 5:So, anyways, we got split up somewhere in the mix and then someone came up. They're like yo, your cousin is going home.
Speaker 1:I was like cool, I'm probably right after.
Speaker 5:I'm getting dressed in my pink.
Speaker 1:What is it? Pink underwear, pink underwear, socks and everything. Black and white stripes, orange flip flops.
Speaker 2:Nothing more emasculating than pink.
Speaker 5:I'm going to lbj, yeah and uh, man, I get there and you know it's like I didn't have no glasses because that broke, and you know I've been, I'm still coming down from being drunk and uh. So you know, I'm just like man, like why am I not going on? Or you know I'm just like man, like why am I not going on? Or you know, because I've been in the jail.
Speaker 1:I mean I've been you know they usually let me go.
Speaker 5:And I'm like and that's how this other native dude comes up and he was like hey, what up chief?
Speaker 1:I was like nah man, we're not doing that, like I have a name you know, and I was like I'm not like you, so he tries to.
Speaker 5:He tries to big bro me in there and you know, show me the ropes and all that. I was like I don't know, don't waste your time, man, like I'm be out quick.
Speaker 1:And I didn't know.
Speaker 5:I'm so naive. Um, so I go and I, I. I think I only stayed there for like a couple days before I got bailed out but I think when I was in there, I had a really like vivid dream and I woke up in the middle of the night and I think what killed me psychologically was there was a door, and doors are made to be open and closed, but this one didn't have the doorknob and I think that really like made it real.
Speaker 2:Like oh, for real, I'm here, I ain't leaving, yeah, until they say I can, yeah, and you know.
Speaker 5:And then I was like looking at the door and I was like, I was like I don't know, it got real.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it got real, got real, bro. So you know, Harsh reality just begins to seek in when you start sobering up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, from your drunk night. And you're like dang, what did?
Speaker 1:I do. Last night I spent the first two weeks crying, calling home Get me out of here, get me out of here, and it was like just leave me here, just leave.
Speaker 5:I'm good, so anyways, I get out. And then next thing, you know, my job is like you lost it. They were like we have zero tolerance for felonies. And. I was like but I'm not judged yet, I haven't went to court yet. And they're like well, we don't want to mess with that, we'll let you go, and then if everything goes good, you can see if it's a document place or for the court man.
Speaker 1:They're like yeah, you got documents in here.
Speaker 2:Now, bud, you can't work here yeah, so you're one of the reasons yeah, so I uh, so they let me go.
Speaker 5:And they were like yo, we'll let you collect uh unemployment, we're not gonna fight that you know, if everything comes back, you know good, you could come back, reapply and whatever.
Speaker 2:So when does renee come into your life, bro? I'm like this is great.
Speaker 1:I'm like well, how old are you now? It's's 26.
Speaker 5:I'm 26, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 26. 26, yeah, it's like 13 years and he's got it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so.
Speaker 2:I'm like come on, man.
Speaker 1:Still haven't had your Jesus encounter either.
Speaker 2:Well, he did have a drive and he heard the Lord speak to him.
Speaker 3:But that didn't change him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you knew God was real at that moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah change him.
Speaker 5:Yeah, but you knew god was real at that moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, um, but uh, so they let me out and then you know I didn't have a job and uh, I, uh, my friend john I talked about he lived in new york, queens, uh, lyndon boulevard. Oh man, oh man. He lived there and I was like well, if we're going to get this filthy modern mongrel thing popping, I got to move out there. Yeah.
Speaker 5:And I didn't like I said, I was naive. I didn't know anything about this jail process. All I got was your case is scratched. And I was like okay. When I think scratch, like oh, they scratched it. Like you know like it's just gone, you know, so you know I I sell.
Speaker 2:I could tell you're naive buddy. I sell, I sell, I sell my truck.
Speaker 5:I just I was like I'm getting unemployment, I'm moving out there, and so I I took a flight, I I went out there and I started couch surfing.
Speaker 2:I was sleeping on the couch. In New York, in New York, london Boulevard, london Boulevard Wow, dude In.
Speaker 5:Queens. Yeah, so, and I stayed there for about four months and that part it got crazy. It got crazy Like we were partying a lot.
Speaker 2:That's where the Mets came in.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and that's actually actually like a lot of my friends that live in Queens is where I was wondering. I'm like where?
Speaker 2:how? Why Dudes from New Mexico? Bro and the Mets have sucked his whole life, but you're a. Mets fan.
Speaker 5:They were like yo, you're a Mets fan too. So I was like, alright, you know I don't watch baseball that much, but you know I got into it. And then I met a lot of cool people. I got to see a lot of shows I seen, you know, just a lot. You know it was a good time, something I would never take.
Speaker 2:This is early 2000s 2010. Okay.
Speaker 5:And then so you know I got my mail forward there. I was about to go get my driver's license. You know what I mean. I was trying to live there like um, and then all of a sudden you know all my my mail finally shows up like I don't like months you get all the I get this, you get all the court stuff yeah and then all of a sudden, the court warrants yeah, and they were like yo, you missed your court date, call this number.
Speaker 5:I was like, oh, I gotta call this number. And I call and they were like yo, you missed you know three or four court dates, like you know where they really want you to be here at this time and I was like, ah, I got to leave New York behind to go to court. And I was like I told my friend, I was like yo, I'll be back you know, so I took a flight to come handle all this.
Speaker 5:I get there to court. And then the lawyer was like, well, this is the plea deal. And I was scared out of my mind. I was like, damon, this is real. I had to take a whole flight to get here. It's for you to tell me that this is the best deal. And he's like if you're convicted, you're looking at like four or something I can't remember how many years, but I was like yeah, I don't want to do that.
Speaker 5:And a part of me was like but man, I was like I didn't spit on guy. You know, I know I like to this day. I still know I didn't spit on guy. He walked into that you know, but I was like I was so young, I didn't have nobody with me and I was just like Please tell me you didn't sign that.
Speaker 5:I took the plea deal and all I had, all I had. They dropped it to a misdemeanor yeah, a high misdemeanor and uh, I had to pay fees and I had to go to a drug and alcohol class and was it intense or just regular, supervised once, okay, just one class and you know and then he said it was four and a half years of probation oh, that's if he would have went to court and lost
Speaker 5:oh, okay so I did have probation for like two years and then I didn't, I didn't have to do no uas or anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was just. It was my first offense.
Speaker 5:Stay out of trouble and you're and I was like yo, can I move back to new york? They're like, uh, we would have to have a person you know. And they're like new y York, you're not getting nobody. No one's going to waste their time on you. You know, and I was just like so I'm stuck in Phoenix again and you know, I'm just, you know, like what do I do? And every job that I get I cannot, cannot get hired.
Speaker 5:I went to Home Depot, dude was like did you murder somebody? I was like no, he's like, oh, you're hired. He's like nothing, should come back, you know. He's like have you been arrested? I was like yeah, and he was like, oh, you're good. And he's like he's like some of these guys here, you know. And I waited a month and he was like, yeah, you can't, you can't work here.
Speaker 1:And I'm like we have a saying here in arizona man, come to arizona on vacation, leave on probation, buddy right dude you're right, yeah, yeah, and that's exactly what it was.
Speaker 5:So now I'm stuck.
Speaker 1:I don't have a job people that drive through arizona, brother and and end up in jail and prison and have to go back home on probation dude it's a fact of arizona dude, yeah so yeah, and then you know so you get there, you get here.
Speaker 2:You're living with your sister, yeah again yeah, you, you're not working you can't get a job. You got the, you got you're on paper so now it's like the law is in your life yeah, you, you're. You really are going nowhere at this point yeah, super loser so you think bud, so you think, at the time it felt like it all you know, and all I did was like well you know, might as well drink more I mean I'm still getting paid by the state you know unemployment
Speaker 5:unemployment. So, uh, you know I just continue to drink. And you next thing. You know my sister's like you can't live here.
Speaker 2:Because she's seen what it was like last time man.
Speaker 5:So I ended up moving back with my mom.
Speaker 2:Is mom still with Irwin? Yeah, mom's with Irwin still Still in Fairfield or whatever Farmington?
Speaker 5:yeah, and then I meet this girl Farmington, farmington, yeah. And then I meet this girl and she, you know, we had just everything in common and next thing, you know, she's like just come live with me. So I ended up moving back to Mesa, and then you met her up there.
Speaker 1:We met online, online, yeah, the first and only online person.
Speaker 5:Like you know, I remember. Wow. You know she was cool until she wasn't. You know we drank and you know it was domestic and all that.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, buddy Misery loves company.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and then you know we can drink together. We made plans, you know, to be together forever. So you know she was like I'll work, you go to school. So I went to school for air conditioning and then oh, this is the little college you were talking about a little bit okay and then um, did you graduate?
Speaker 3:are you an ac tech?
Speaker 2:oh, wow, cool dude.
Speaker 5:And then um and then we didn't we? She broke up with me before uh, I graduated and then um she paid for.
Speaker 2:She paid for you to go through school. No, no, no.
Speaker 5:We were just helping each other and anyway. So I met Renee when I was 16. And she was dating a friend and you know it just got to the point where we were all friends. Like we kick it, you know, go out to eat. You know it just got to the point where we're all friends, like we kick it, you know, go out to eat. Yeah, you know, just do friend things together. You know you always have that little fast and furious. We're family type thing.
Speaker 5:So, um, yeah, we met her, and then uh her and the guy broke up.
Speaker 2:So you in high school, you had a high school sweetheart.
Speaker 5:Yeah, that was a different one For three years. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So while you were with that chick, your friend, was he with this yeah?
Speaker 3:yeah, yeah, we were all tight.
Speaker 5:You know, we were tight Party, birthday parties, christmas party all that. We were cool. Okay. Drank together and all that and so.
Speaker 2:Way back then. Yeah, that um and uh, so wait, way back then. Yeah, you knew her, did you?
Speaker 5:see her like that. In any way, she was cool. You know she was okay the homie's girl and um yeah, you don't look at the homie's girl, yeah yeah, and like I said, like family, like you wasn't trying to do all that, um. So, uh, they broke up and you know, homie went crazy. He, like he kind of was just drinking and picking on her and you know calling her and all that, and I was like dude, don't do that. You know.
Speaker 2:Like, just move on with your life bro, you know, like that it's not worth it yeah you know, and some people get stuck in the stock.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so me and renee, and I told them something to get possessive straight straight up.
Speaker 1:I told them.
Speaker 5:I was like you know, man, I still talk to renee, I'm not gonna lie to you. She, you know she's a friend you know, just like you're my friend and you know, I don't know what all happened between y'all, but you know you're gonna that doesn't doesn't take, you know, it's not gonna take me away from being my friend I'm a friend. So he didn't like that.
Speaker 2:You told him to quit talking to her like that.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I just, I told him to move on with your life and you know. But at the same time I told him I'm going to keep it real with you, like hey.
Speaker 2:I'm talking to her and you're going to quit talking to her.
Speaker 5:She was dating another guy. You know, and you know I'm going to quit talking to her. She was dating another guy, you know, oh, okay.
Speaker 5:And you know, I was just like. You know, it's not like I call her every day, it's like every. Hey, how are you now and then? You know, because I knew her daughter and the baby and everything. So you know, it was just kind of like just checking up on her trying to be a big brother type, you know, and then what are? You like 27, 28? This is when we first met this. You know, I was 16, 17, 18.
Speaker 5:Well when they broke up I was like 18, 19. Okay, and then maybe 20. And then you know dude went out, went crazy, and then you know he just had to cut him off. I was like hey bro, you want to be my friend or not? He was like no, I was like cool, so you know. And Renee was dating. You know, other like other dudes. So, I was just you know. Hey, you know I'm, I'm here for you.
Speaker 1:You know like, if you ever need whatever.
Speaker 5:Yeah, Renee, Renee's been dope you know, and it's always been a mutual friendship you know, Like I would date girls and just she would like, and then I ghost her, and then you know, when we broke up, I'll text her like hey, what's up? And she was like, oh, you're done with a girl. I'm like, yeah, and then you know, vice versa.
Speaker 1:Like you know she would ghost me.
Speaker 5:You know she would ghost me, and then I'm like oh, you must have found another dude, you know she's like, and then you know when she's done she'll text me. I'm like, hey you know like hey it's cool.
Speaker 5:You know that's funny, wow. And so when me and the girl broke up, I didn't have a place to stay, yeah, and so I ended up going to my friend's house and his apartment, sleeping on his couch still here in town, still mesa and then renee happened to move to mesa from gallup oh, wow uh, she found a job and so she lived like literally like a mile away, wow, from uh, from my friend where I was staying at.
Speaker 5:So we kick it. You know we we used to drink together and, uh, go out and eat and just hang out as friends are we talking back in the teenage years?
Speaker 2:are we talking right now?
Speaker 5:right now, yeah yeah, so when me and girl broke up okay, renee was just down the street because I was I went to my friend's house and then, um, uh, what are you like?
Speaker 2:27, 28, so about 28?
Speaker 5:So about there Something like that. Yeah, so I was paying my friend because I wasn't on a lease. You know, I just happened to come and I was paying my friend money yeah, cash Cash. You know, and what he was doing, he was partying on it.
Speaker 2:Oh, he wasn't paying the rent. He wasn't paying the rent, oh man.
Speaker 5:And then I come home one day and he's like it's before Thanksgiving. He was like yo man. He's like it's cool, man, we'll get a real apartment and your name will be on that. And I looked at him and was like nah man, I can't trust you.
Speaker 5:But I was like, yeah, man, let's do that, and then he was like yeah, man, I'm going to have a good day at work, you have good day at school, so I'm like all right. I was like I'm not going to school, I'm packing my stuff. So I started packing all my stuff and I was so stressed out because I didn't know where I was gonna go and, uh, you know, I was just kind of telling renee what my situation was. She was like bro, just drop your stuff off at my kitchen and then we'll go to gallup, you know, for thanksgiving and she's like, she's like you can drive.
Speaker 5:I was like, oh, you know, and when I mean we're friends, like we drove, we drove. We drove to youth salt lake before you know, as friends with the kids and everything, and you know she'll come to farmington to visit, I'll go to gallup she already had a kid.
Speaker 1:She had three kids oh, but you didn't have no no kids okay, so um but all this time you guys are hanging out never romantic, just no, no, just friends, just chilling, and you know that's the best thing.
Speaker 5:That's the best way to start a relationship is just friends, man and then, you know, just just holding me down was sexy, you know just kind of like hey, you really care for me.
Speaker 5:You know, like that is, that's amazing. All these other girls come and go. You know people, you're consistent. And I was like that's mad sexy. So I was just like you know I was. I started getting it and you know I've been attracted to her and but I was just like you know, that's the homie. I'm not trying to trying to mix all that up, you know. And uh, so she's. So we went to gallup, we went to thanksgiving, we came back and I was I'm going to get all the stuff out. I was like can you give me a week? I'll sleep on the couch for a week. I know it's weird for your kids to see some dude on the couch. I was like, let me get all my stuff, I just need to find some ground. And so she's like, yeah, it's cool.
Speaker 5:Just do some stuff around the house. You know, can you pick up the kids? She had two cars so she let me drive a car and she's like you take it school, whatever.
Speaker 2:And I was like man she got her own place, she got two rides, she got a car. Yeah, that lady know what she's doing in life.
Speaker 5:Yeah you know, I was just like you know and it just always kind of was like well, I know what it is to be a single mom, you know, um and uh. So she, she held it down, you know, and um, so well you, you saw the struggle, your mom went. Yeah, as a single mom pretty much, I think the best thing I could have done for her was whatever she needed you, you know food um pick up the kids you know someone to be there with the kids.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, and I was like you know, and plus you know I love the kids you know, hey, you know you're around them a lot, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So, they're familiar with you.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so when? When was this? This is like 12 years ago, yeah, 20, 20, 12.
Speaker 5:Okay. And then went 12 years ago, yeah, 20, so 2012, okay. And then uh, wow. And then like thanksgiving happened, and then she was like you know, just stay a little bit longer. You know, your help is a lot, you know.
Speaker 5:I was like okay and I was like I still haven't found a place and I was like on the verge of graduating, I think I needed a month. And then, um, I was going to graduate in December and you know we went to Gallup for Thanksgiving and then, a couple weeks after Thanksgiving, she was like, well, let me say this, when I was telling her like I need a place, she, you know, she's like, yeah, drop your stuff out of the kitchen. You know she's like, yeah, drop your stuff out the kitchen. I remember I got off that phone call and I was just like God, you know, I'm going to make her my wife, because I was like because of that consistency.
Speaker 5:And. I, you know, I've told Renee this and she kind of thinks I'm playing. But like, seriously, like I, just I was, like God I'm going to make her my wife, you know, and and it, like I was, you know, like I felt, like I was, that was like a like a, you know, like I was drowning so kind of one of those weird ideas like only because I'm drowning that's probably what I'm saying.
Speaker 5:You know it sounds crazy, but uh, so anyways, I after gallop, I think two weeks after Thanksgiving, she was like why did you just be my boyfriend? And I was like OK, you know by that time, relationships in me and things like that because I've been in so many. And then you know I was like all right, you know, let's do it, and so that's how.
Speaker 5:that's how that happened it was kind of weird for the kids because it's doing on the couch now, sleeping in the bedroom and then, um, so we started going through, um, you know, changes and stuff, and and then we kind of got into, into, we got a house, the house that we live in, and then my God moment is. So my auntie and my uncle invited us to Lifelink 13 years ago.
Speaker 2:Okay, I remember. Because, in about halfway through he says this is the reason how I got to Lifelink. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just waiting and waiting, and waiting, All right.
Speaker 5:This is it. By this time I'm thinking in a different picture, because we have a whole family and that was cool. I felt like you know, like I was always born for this, you know.
Speaker 2:To be a dad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I knew what it is to be without a dad.
Speaker 5:Wow. I knew I've always been in a blended family Like you know, this is what I know, you know. And so I was like. So I was never really like. At the beginning I was a little scared Apprehensive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know what to do. Yeah, it's real bro.
Speaker 3:Three kids yeah, that's a big.
Speaker 5:I commend you bro, and so anyhow. So we were going to church and I was like the only way I know how to be a parent is take your kid to church, you know, because that's that's something that you know was. You saw that generation joshua church yeah, yeah, and then um, and then um. I didn't, I didn't like um, I didn't like church per se, because you know, in my mind I was going to hell, for you know, the church, the church hurt. No, the church hurt.
Speaker 5:It was like you think about another girl. You're going to hell. You know you better repent, repent right then and there. And I was just like in my mind, I was just like I'm going to hell.
Speaker 2:I'm going to hell. Might as well, have fun, you know.
Speaker 1:But that was the church in the 90s. Bro repent, you're gonna burn in hell.
Speaker 5:But that's all he knew and that's all I knew, and I for a long time I felt like that was what um josh's generation was, but then I think you know, I was just a teenager, maybe yeah, that's the only thing I heard, maybe I didn't get the message of love that followed, I used to be offended by it, but now I'm more open minded to it.
Speaker 5:I don't blame them for anything as much as I did and so, anyhow, I was like, well, just take these kids to church, at least they'll have some type of stability. I don't know if they'll give the, I don't know if I'll give my life to the Lord, and then next thing we're just there. You know, we've just been coming to church and you know for years, in 13, oh.
Speaker 2:So we're here in the building yeah, and how'd they find this place? I don't know wow where they live they live in uh, gilbert like on.
Speaker 1:So they probably were there at the Perry days and stuff.
Speaker 5:Yeah, we were at Perry when we first came and then. So I was still coming to church drunk, you know, drinking. I didn't want to talk to nobody because I didn't want no one to smell.
Speaker 2:I can introduce you. Well, you already know him.
Speaker 5:There's other guys that are here for a while drinking.
Speaker 2:I can't walk out. Don't talk to me.
Speaker 5:So we finally get to this church and then my God moment was. I remember Pastor Dave. I was sitting way on the right and Pastor Dave was. He was like you know, he was praying and then he stopped. He was like and you know how he kind of goes through his little prophecy he's like he's like I know, he's like wait, wait, wait. He's like I'm I know. He's like wait, wait, wait. He's like I'm hearing something and he's like there's somebody out here that needs to hear this. Those are your kids. And he's like those are your kids and you're their father. And at that point in time, like me and renee were not good and I was like gonna leave, you know.
Speaker 5:And when I heard that I was like gave you some peace yeah, I was like man, you know, and then, you know, all those things flooded like you'll always been without a dad. Now you be a dad, wow don't leave, don't leave, don't leave.
Speaker 2:You always, you know everybody's always left back burner, damn don't leave don't do that to these kids. Wow, so wow dude that.
Speaker 5:That was like you know. I was like, wow god, like I can't, I can, I can't, I can't, I can't. You know, we're going to do this.
Speaker 2:Does he know that?
Speaker 5:Past the date yeah.
Speaker 2:No, you have to share that with him, bro you have to find a place and a time to share that with him. Bro, Pastors and people that are in ministry and doing stuff like that, we never get to come around. We never hear the comeback. You've got to pull him aside and, Pastor, I never shared this with you.
Speaker 1:I want to share it, that will encourage his spirits, bro.
Speaker 2:That will encourage the man of God so much, Because sometimes when you release those things you're like, well, nobody raised their hand.
Speaker 5:What am I doing this for? Yeah, you feel weird dude Wow bro. So yeah, wow, Ever raised our hand.
Speaker 2:What am I doing this? Yeah, you feel weird, dude. Wow bro.
Speaker 5:So yeah and wow ever since then it's been was that here? Yeah, yeah, on the far right, and it was weird because he came to my side it was god bud pastor day.
Speaker 2:Out of 500 people today. Don't walk too much, he's at the pulpit dog, so out of 500 people in that service. But it was you, bro.
Speaker 5:It was crazy that happened and that just set our family in a mode and a change, and so as soon as that started happening, you know, so you showed up to Perry and showed up to a church and was like, oh, this is, this is different, this is our church yeah, well, because the children's church, the kids love the children's church.
Speaker 2:I tell people like come on, bro, we got a better children's church than we do adult church because we heard our children are blessed bro yeah we really pour into generations, man, yeah, wow so yeah, that, that's what kept us coming back. The kids' church. Renee was just like oh, they love the kids. I love that.
Speaker 5:Renee really saw that, wow. So when that change happened, back when I came back from New York, my sister gave me a letter and so back up to 2010,. She gave me a letter and she was so back back back up to 2010, she gave me a letter and it had Gerard's name on it and he was in prison. He was, he was going to be there for 13 years and and just a bunch of stuff. You know a lot. I still don't know a whole whatever thing. And she gave it to me. We were driving and I was like what is this?
Speaker 5:And she's like you know my dad sent you something From prison, from prison yeah. And he was over here in Florence and I looked at it and I was like, nope, I'm not opening it. And she was like why not? You know like he's changed and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:And I looked at it and I was like he don't get to.
Speaker 5:Whenever he wants, just come back and in. He don't get to do that. He don't get to get locked up and finally have forced time to think about the things he did and finally write it in a seven-page letter. And you know all the stuff. He don't get to choose that. He don't get to choose that with me. I don't, I don't, I don't want to read it. I ripped it, I didn't, I don't want to read it.
Speaker 3:I ripped it, oh wow.
Speaker 5:I'm not doing that. So I have a scar right here and that's pretty much from him. I don't think it was intentional, but you know, because it's him it feels more personal I have, but you know because it's him, yeah feels more personal um.
Speaker 2:I have, you know, got hit with a 40 bottle and you know just stuff. Oh yeah, addiction, yeah addiction, the trauma, yeah.
Speaker 5:So stuff like that just really gets to me and uh, so I didn't.
Speaker 2:That's 2010 I have to. I have to say this, bro this is all the stuff that god wants you to. Find somebody that you can work through this stuff, bro, there there is a healing for you ahead in your life so that when you can, you can talk, you you'll even be able to see him and it won't even mess with you, bro um, yeah, let me go, okay, so um so after this pastor dave thing, you know my we start going and we're getting it, you know, and he gets out.
Speaker 5:You know and he gets out. And you know he worked for a month at a recycle place and he's doing like you know, working in machinery. Hey, at least he's working, man he gets out and then a month later he gets a rare bone cancer dang and, uh, my sister has always known that he has been a trouble thing for me, yeah, so she's always really like, hey, I'm you know very gentle I want you to you know see if you can come.
Speaker 5:You know he'd like to see. You know what's going on with you. He really truly cares. And you know I'm like, you know my family, you know, by this time we had hunter and you know, uh, so yeah, you're kind of just doing your own thing, yeah and so he wanted to see Hunter. Oh wow, oh wow. I was like before I bring Hunter, I have to talk to Guy.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and I remember I was going to talk to him and I was just going to say something to him and I didn't know what, and then for some reason he ended up in the hospital. You know. Well, he got diagnosed and then by the time I was gonna come see him, he ended up in the hospital that week and my sister doesn't look good, you know something, something's bad.
Speaker 5:So I get there and my sister's like super overprotective with him and she's like you know, uh, I was like yo can I talk to him? And she was like yeah, um, she's like what are you gonna say? I was?
Speaker 2:like oh, jesus, like you know, can I talk to him? And she was like yeah, she's like what are?
Speaker 5:you going to say. I was like, oh Jesus, this is, you know, between us. Yeah, I was like something I'm going to say it's not going to. It may hurt, but a good hurt.
Speaker 5:So on the way out there, I was praying, you know like, hey, you know, god, I don't know what it is with this man, you know. And I get to the hospital, my sister lets me in and as soon as I open the door, he's like mijo and I'm like shut up. I was like let me get some stuff off my chest, you don't need to talk. I don't need you here to talk. I've heard you talk so much. I need you to hear from me.
Speaker 5:And I look at him and I was like, hey, you are not my father, you have never been my father and I want you to know that because of you, I'm a better man today. And this may not sound lovingly, but you know, know, I appreciate you for showing me how not to be and what not to do. It's real, bro. And I was like I forgive you, wow, wow. I was like there's a time in my life where I fantasize about murdering you because you hurt my mom. It's real man. You hurt my family and you hurt me and I just want to say that I forgive you and I don't know how long, uh, it's gonna be before I even give you a handshake, I don't know. And I was like I don't want you to say anything and I'm gonna leave. So I, I leave, and he just cried, you know crying. You know, I've never seen this dude cry before and he's laying in the hospital and I leave, and you know, I good, I was like yo.
Speaker 5:I'm good. So I was like I told my sister I was like I'm going to come by the house with the family. I said what I needed to say to him and she was like okay, so he's good.
Speaker 2:Oh, so your real family hadn't met Renee and her kid and there was no real Well, not Gerard.
Speaker 5:Okay, my sister knew. Renee you know and you know. We all know each other, so we know. But so I finally take Hunter there to meet him and he just in love with Hunter, oh man.
Speaker 2:How can you not be that little guy man? And he smiles, dude, yeah.
Speaker 5:And you know and then he tries to give me a hug and I'm like, bro, stop.
Speaker 2:Too soon.
Speaker 5:Too soon. Okay, I was like we got to keep it going. You know we got, just let's keep going because you know God's working, yeah, you know it's going to be some time, yeah. So he ends up getting sick and he's you know he can't work. So basically, one month out of prison, he's just bedridden. You know, he lives for a while actually. And then you know we start coming over and we start having dinners and you know I start talking to him, you know, and it's just kind of weird. You know, I'm like man, I used to hate this dude, you know. And then, you know, I get to one day we come out and there's an air show and we're like let's just go and like airplanes, yeah, air show, yeah. And then I was like hey, gerard, do you want to go? And he was like I don't know me home, I'm not good. You know.
Speaker 5:He's like you know, yeah, he's like let's go. So we go, and you know we're having fun, and then it's time to eat, you know? And? And he was like chev, I want to get what you you know. And he was like Shev, I want to get what you're going to get. And I was like what I want to get is not in this area. I'm very happy to walk. He's like all right, let's walk.
Speaker 5:So, we started walking and there's this crazy plane doing all these tricks and flipping, falling. You doing all these tricks and flipping, falling, you know just, and I and I stop, and I look and it's just, I'm. I like airplanes, man, airplanes, and it always drives me you know like so awesome so I was like launching, and I just happened to know that in my peripheral, that he's standing right next to me and I'm like man, this is all I wanted, man.
Speaker 2:Oh man, dude, Just time it and air show with you, Dang. Bro.
Speaker 5:Like why was that so hard, man? You know, this is just all I wanted was someone to love me.
Speaker 2:You know what I feel right now? Chef Gerard didn't have that bud. Yeah, he didn't have that. He didn't know how to give that to you, man. It wasn't until he got sick, bro. He's facing the end Because he knew yeah.
Speaker 5:Wow. So and I'm looking at him and I'm like, man, this is all I want. You know, I don't know why it took it so long, I didn't know why we had to go through all that mess, and so you know, I just, you know, know, I told them that I loved them, still forgiving him, and you know that we're good and we had fries, and you know, it was such awesome day and I think that's the last time I really, I think I really saw him.
Speaker 2:Um, time I really I think I really saw him um 2022.
Speaker 5:Wait, that was 2016 no, that was like 2021, oh, just a few years ago. 20, yeah, 22 is. 2022 was a weird year. Gerard died, my grandpa died and then my biological died.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow bro.
Speaker 5:And that was, yeah, it was rough.
Speaker 2:And those are three men.
Speaker 5:You know, grandpa Gerard and Brian, wow and brian, they never shut the door. That guy you know, um, I remember he was dying uh, also cancer, I think, and uh, I was trying to see him and he was just very evasive. Yeah and uh, I don't know if that had to do just with facing me.
Speaker 2:That was the guy that was scared of you.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and so I remember I was in church and I was trying to do the sinner's prayer. I was trying to remember it because I told him, I texted him. I was like, hey, man, wherever you are, where you're at, let me know.
Speaker 3:So I practiced. Oh, you're going to practice the same prayer, yeah Well.
Speaker 5:I wanted to go see him and he just said that he was super weak, he couldn't do visits and all this, and so I didn't get to see him and he passed and so yeah, it's the Lord knows who are his man.
Speaker 2:Yeah For sure. So yeah, it's the Lord knows who are his man. Yeah For sure.
Speaker 5:So anyway.
Speaker 2:Is Gerard? No, you said Gerard passed, he passed. Yeah, they all passed, All three of them that same year. Jesus Chevy.
Speaker 5:So yeah, they. Just you know, now I'm a father of three With your own I got. Now you got 100, too. Well, I'm a father of three.
Speaker 2:With your own.
Speaker 5:I got.
Speaker 2:Now you got 100, too Well.
Speaker 5:I got a father of four. I'm sorry. I got two girls, two sons. I have grandkids, I have a boy and a girl and how do you like being a granddad?
Speaker 2:Is it better than being a dad?
Speaker 5:Different. It's awesome, uh, I think what I really like is. I was telling pastor tom this, uh, before he left, and uh, I was like, so we look at things dimensionally, I guess, and I was like I get to see it from my point of view, but I also got to see it from a husband's point of view, then I got to see it from a fatherly point of view, and then now I get to see it from grandpa's point of view, that's really good buddy so perspective, you know, and they're all not gonna agree with each each other.
Speaker 5:No, you know.
Speaker 2:They all see things differently yeah.
Speaker 5:And it is very challenging. You know it is. You know I feel like I got my word cut out for me. You're growing Chevy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, one time one of the pastors man they said Rowdy, you want to do a lot for God. You want to do a lot for Jesus. You want to do a lot for Jesus, stay single. You want to be like God. You want to be more like Jesus. Get married, the wife and the kids, bro, they're changing you into the man that God's called you to be. God loves you and he knows exactly what you needed. He's been preparing you for this, like you said, since you were a little kid.
Speaker 1:So these kids didn't have to go through it. Being a dad definitely helps you produce the fruits of the spirit.
Speaker 2:Come on, buddy. It shows you who you really are.
Speaker 5:It shows you who you really are.
Speaker 1:It really teaches you a little bit about the fruits of the spirit man and it's just like you know.
Speaker 5:I always tell the kids like, hey, you know, have grace with me, because I never had you before you know, and you're different from last year.
Speaker 2:We're learning together, man just make sure you give your kids truth yeah, just like mama did. That is is so good, bro, I do Because. I never got. It's so important to explain the why. Yeah, that's what. That's what I never because. I said yeah, you know, I didn't know why. If you can take the time with your kids and give them the why to why you're telling them this, so it's like, oh, they get the understanding man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to ask you something, cause just they get the understanding man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to ask you something, because just recently you celebrated something pretty big.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, this is on my nine years baby. Oh yeah, what happened in 2015 or 2016?. High five, high five. What came why?
Speaker 5:What changed that? You decided to let that go, brother. So it'd be 10 years in february. Come on, uh, I think you know I was barely, I was just married.
Speaker 2:I think about october and then so february of 20, february of 2015, yeah, okay so or no? February of 2014 2014 14 yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so I.
Speaker 2:I know 10 years.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 3:February of 2015.
Speaker 2:I'm not good at math, math Live on the air.
Speaker 3:Math in it, I could guess good.
Speaker 5:It might not be the correct answer.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you got, you got, we'll let up to it.
Speaker 5:We'll let up to that, so we went on, renee had a retreat for work and it was in Orlando, and you know she was like hey, I got a free hotel, this and that. You just gotta pay for your plane ticket up there and I was like, alright, you know I'll go do that, and the whole time You're drinking I'm vacationing.
Speaker 5:And I'm like just, I'm just drinking the whole time she's on a business trip and like, seriously, and I'm like just drinking the whole time she's on a business trip, yeah, oh no, and like seriously, I had to like stop at some point so we can have dinner together, because I was like going to fall my face was about to fall on the plate, because I was just drinking the whole time.
Speaker 1:Oh crap, dude.
Speaker 5:And so we do that. And then it just happened to be Valentine's Day weekend. We come back and then we have friends. They were like, hey, let's go on a double date, like okay. And they were like we got a babysitter, you know, and we're, we're good all night. We'll go and we'll play cars at your house and, you know, after the movie, whatever. So, uh, I go. I was like I'll get the beer. And then I, well, what are you guys drinking? They're like, oh, we're drinking ultras. And I was like, oh, I was like I'll get the beer. And they're like, well, what are you guys drinking?
Speaker 3:They're like, oh, we're drinking ultras. And I was like, oh. I was like, okay, well, let's do that, oh you're like drinking water.
Speaker 5:So, yeah, we started drinking. So I pick up some ultras I don't remember if it was like 24-pack or 30-pack. I can't make it. So I'm like, looking at renee and renee is like I'm going to bed. So I'm like, all right, move from me. So I pop open the pack and I'm the I'm the one that I just drink till I pass out. And if I don't pass out, then I'm walking to the store in here bud.
Speaker 5:So yeah, go get more and I I like wrecked that case and like that whole week there was a knife in my stomach. It felt, it hurt, I was sweating, I was like I couldn't, like I was you said that whole week or that whole night whole week.
Speaker 5:I couldn't. I couldn't drink enough water. I you know, I've got alcohol poisoning before and I didn't get poisoning. I just was off and I was thinking. I was like man, is this what my marriage is going to be like? I was like is this what it is going to be teaching my children going to be like? And Hunter hasn't come yet.
Speaker 5:So I was like yeah, but you got her three little ones, I still got the three and I'm like you know, and I was listening to an old interview no old clipping that I had and it hung in my room that I always kept and it was Nas. Nas said something like hip hop is everything to me, but am I everything to hip hop? So I changed hip hop to family. I'm like my family is everything to me but am.
Speaker 5:I everything to my family and I'm like I'm not with this and I've tried to quit before. I'm like I'm not with this, you know, and I've tried to quit before. And my best friend, he quit drinking in November and he was like Chef, don't be drinking no more, bro, you got a family, come on man.
Speaker 2:Oh, this is the dude up in Lindell, up in New York.
Speaker 5:Yeah, oh yeah, he's like bro, don't be drinking that man. That's you know the government has their hands in it. They want minorities, you know, they want minorities to be drunk. They want thinking for yourself.
Speaker 2:It ain't the government, it's the devil buddy, the enemy.
Speaker 5:Yeah, so you know, and you know he was like I'm already, you know, so-and-so months over and I was just like I ain't going, so he's been my battle buddy man.
Speaker 2:Wow, dude we stopped drinking.
Speaker 5:He's been my best friend for since 20, like 2008.
Speaker 2:Yeah, since you went over and moved over there, man. Yeah, it's been a long time.
Speaker 5:He's been my friend for a long time and you know I'm really really happy that he's in my life, so he had a big major influence on that.
Speaker 2:That was, as well as the children and renee so um what'd renee think when you told her I ain't drinking no more?
Speaker 5:no, renee. It took for a long time for renee. Renee was still wiling and you know know getting drunk.
Speaker 2:Well, that's her. Yeah, that's what she, but you're on a, you got to walk.
Speaker 5:Yeah, and I know a lot of had a lot of guys and they're like hey, you know, like you know, if I stop drinking, how do I get my wife to stop? You know, how do I get this person to stop drinking? I?
Speaker 3:can't do that.
Speaker 5:And I'm like you know, I was like you're the head of your household. It's good you change you and your house changes. That's right. Yeah, you know. And I was like if you stop drinking, they're going to stop drinking. If you stop praying, they're going to stop praying. You're going to read, they're going to read. I was like you are the man of the house.
Speaker 2:You're the head of the household so you need to take you know, be in that position now I've watched it with this guy man just in the past couple years through celebrate recovery, the changes in his life man. It's crazy how far he's come, how much change, how much stuff he's let go of how much and I see it it hasn't happened as fast as we've all wanted to and the healing and the restoration and the family and stuff. But you can feel little changes here and there he's part of that, bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, really, we send each other text messages. Don't forget to love and encourage your wife today. Yeah, and I send him some, he sends me some.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Chevy.
Speaker 1:We made a pact the other day man to encourage each other to love our wives bro.
Speaker 2:Thank you bro.
Speaker 1:Because what he just said is true, bro If you want your family to change, you got to change.
Speaker 1:You got to change bud, you got to lead the way you got to be the example as a man. See, the problem with men is we're always waiting for the women. Yeah, yeah, we were always waiting for the women, yeah, yeah. Well, when my wife wants to change, then we'll all change together and instead of saying no, I want my family to different, I'm going to be the one that's going to start the process and watch my family follow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it may. It might not happen real quick when I, but yeah, wow.
Speaker 1:Because change to somebody is, it takes time, because change to somebody is, it takes time, it does. You can't just, oh look, I've been drinking a month man, Are you going to follow? Sometimes it takes years bro Years of change for them to be like holy crap.
Speaker 2:He hasn't had a beer, he hasn't even wanted one.
Speaker 1:This guy hasn't done this in quite some. I can't even remember the last time he hasn't done that. Holy crap, he's really doing all. Uh, babe, uh, how do I go along with you? You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Celebrate recovery. We got a group for that.
Speaker 5:Yeah, Wow dude and thank you, bro, most important.
Speaker 2:Thanks for making that commitment with him and doing that, because that's my mama.
Speaker 1:That's my dude Right so.
Speaker 2:I man bro. I appreciate you.
Speaker 1:That's why I said it's beginning this one's special to me, bro.
Speaker 2:Wow, because this?
Speaker 1:dude, I didn't know. Of course you don't. Why would you know? How would you know? It's not like we're running around telling everybody hey, I got a guy that's got my dagger.
Speaker 2:What does that mean? Weirdo, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's real, though, bud.
Speaker 5:Because give somebody your dagger, you're not telling other people that a dude's holding your dagger, then you're gonna go start digging want to know what's a dagger so I can use it against them. You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, um, and and you know, just growing up without being, without having a father, you know it does. It does have its emotional. Oh, yeah, um, it does growing up.
Speaker 1:So uh, I had a dad and he was physical and abusive at times. And even having a dad, still messes with you when they're not, when they don't walk with God. Bro, when your father, even if you have a father and they're not walking with God, it still has the same effect as Because my dad was. My dad had his problems. He was a drinker, he liked to race cars, he liked to womanize. Yeah. And even though he was in my home, he was not in my home. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean, Because he was always busy doing other things. So it was. I don't know. I'm not comparing myself to you by any means, but even sometimes having a dad in the home is not the same as having a dad in the home, brother in the home, brother, because they're.
Speaker 5:I think that that's a lot of things too, with uh letting go of brian. Yeah, you know, I'm glad I'm not that guy. Yeah, I'm you know, well, I'm not glad, I'm not that guy, but, um, you might have caused more hurt to me than you. What, what you've already done? Yeah, you know, I feel like, I feel like I'm okay at peace with it, because you know like, hey, if you were my life, maybe I'd be a lot more yeah, but you know it takes all of us and knowing that you've made attempts, bro, yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, yeah, I mean I think that's uh, that's.
Speaker 5:Another thing is um, you know I, I tried my best and you know it might not it. You know it, it was backwards you should have been reaching out to me.
Speaker 1:It's never a kid's responsibility, bro. It is never a kid's responsibility.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean To force a parent to be into their life.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, and it does have emotional effects on me, like I took a class with Nate Peterson. Yeah. And it was a dad group. Yeah.
Speaker 5:And so this is how it kind of it still has a hold on me or it's going to be with me for a little bit, is that? You know, I'm 40 and I was looking at Nate Peterson like man, I would love that guy to be my dad, yeah, and I'm like, wait, this guy is my age, you know. So you know I still have that like, I guess, want or need, yeah, you know, even though I do have my dad, erwin, yeah, but it's just that want or need. And then you're the only guy that hugs me and I cried in your arms and I tell Renee, I was like, I was like I don't know what it is, it's Jesus bud.
Speaker 2:It's Jesus.
Speaker 1:It's Jesus.
Speaker 2:And that's not him. When he hugs you, it's God hugging you, bro. There's nothing like it, dude, yeah.
Speaker 5:What I tell you earlier was that man gave you a hug.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he just held you. Sometimes all a man needs is a hug, bro. Yeah, they don't need words, they don't need to be told, they just need to be held.
Speaker 5:Yeah. Dang dude and that's what your dad does to me, and you know.
Speaker 2:I get jealous because I know he's doing it to a bunch of different guys. I'm like do it to me, do it to me. It's okay, though, just keep loving on him, man.
Speaker 5:I get mine from Jesus, and it just you know, and it breaks me, and that's what I need.
Speaker 1:You know, that's right.
Speaker 5:I just really appreciate you, of course, brother. For stepping in that I know it's not like you know your duty or whatever. I know you get something out of it as well, and you know, I just I really appreciate.
Speaker 1:There's a benefit, bro To a hug, sure is, there's a transfer of energy.
Speaker 2:There's Go look in the sun, google it. Yeah, the benefits of a hug, bro. It's like whoa anxiousness, but it's got it has to be at least a 20 second hug.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's so there's a reason I hold people a little longer, because about 10 seconds.
Speaker 2:You want it. You can feel them. The transfer hasn't took place. Yeah, you know what I mean. There comes this point where they just let go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a point where energy is transferred I mean there's literally whatever, whatever's negative on you I'm trying to absorb. I want to absorb it and take a little bit of away from you and I want to transfer a little bit of my positive, loving energy back to you. So there's this transfer of energy that takes place. I'm absorbing anything negative in your life while transferring anything good in my life to your life. In a brief moment, anxiety comes down, blood pressure comes down, the heart rate comes down, stress comes down. All these different things that take place just from a simple embrace. Brother and God made it very clear to me my sons are going to experience me through those hugs. Yeah, because when I'm hugging somebody, I'm literally, I'm literally taking the place. How do I say this without sounding stupid or weird, just say it. I'm literally a tool in God's hands. It's like, not that I'm the father, but in that moment I am the embodiment of the father to his son and it's a heavenly hug, brother.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's God, literally, is telling me. I need you to hug my son for me, because I can't hug them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so. I don't you're being the hands and feet of Jesus. Exactly, that's all I was thinking.
Speaker 1:And you know why I do that, cause it changed me. I had this man Come on.
Speaker 2:No reason.
Speaker 1:Come on, man but find me every Sunday and give me this hug and tell me he loved me when he had no place to do it.
Speaker 2:The crazy thing about this, though, bro, is this is when he's full of hate. Still, I'm fresh out of prison, bro and don't touch me this man's like this man's a black man be lying across church to hug him.
Speaker 1:I'm fresh out of prison so I still have that mentality of uh we're segregated, still bud. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And this dude man and god used that man to show him, to touch him first hug, bro, was kind of uncomfortable and kind of like what are you doing?
Speaker 1:why are you doing this? Dude and then, over time, it was like something shifted to where you're looking for him. Something inside me shifted and that where my hug, that mind that I was trained to have, began to change. The heart, that stone heart I had, began to change into a heart of flesh and I began to look for this man.
Speaker 1:That's right, because I could feel that whatever you're doing, dude, is changing something in me and I want you to keep doing what you're doing, because I feel change happening and I like what's happening inside of me, and so I began to look this man and find this man and just seek those hugs, because he was breaking something in me. Yeah. And ever since then, though, god made it very clear to me that's your job. Hug your brothers, bro, because things are changing, man, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5:Yeah, man, yeah, I appreciate that so much. You know I man, yeah, I appreciate that it's so much. They, you know I benefit from it. Yeah, bro, I hope that you know somebody ever needed a hug. Yeah, dude, that they'd find the right person because you know, not everybody got that hug is not everybody.
Speaker 1:I hope that somebody that needs a hug can find it in you you.
Speaker 2:You be the person that put your arms around them. Dude, Dude. I love you, bro.
Speaker 1:God loves you Because someone who knows what it feels like to not have that you knows what it's going to do for somebody else. Yeah. Be that agent bro. I encourage you man, if you see your brothers. Handshakes are cool man.
Speaker 2:Come give me a hug bud. But I'm going to grab your hand and I'm going to pull you in and I'm going to pull you in and I'm going to hold you, buddy, you know what I mean. Yes, sir, it's so good.
Speaker 1:I don't know man, I just that's something God gave me to do. You know what I?
Speaker 2:mean we're all called man.
Speaker 1:And some men never get to experience that, have never experienced that. And I got this. She's like a niece to me, man. She's my niece's adopted sister, so she's like a niece to me. Her husband comes to church and I'm like come on, bro. He's like I'm not a hugger. Oh my, I'm like no cowboy dude. Yeah, I'm like nah, yeah, bro I'm gonna get you.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna get you. I got my sights set on you, boy but that's awesome, I think men need that sometimes men just need a hug man.
Speaker 1:My dad was never a hugger, and sometimes we just need a hug bro.
Speaker 5:I don't think I'm not like a hugger right away, well before you know coming here, but that life thing changes you man that life thing changes you, bro.
Speaker 2:Just the love of god here and the way the people are here.
Speaker 5:It's just different, bro yeah, before it was just like on a like I got to know you type basis, you know, but now it's just kind of like, hey, let's get that hug you know, like are you? Like you know, I make sure people like before I go in for the hug, like hey, is it comfortable, are you good with a hug?
Speaker 2:I don don't know I'm a hugger. Yeah, I'm a hugger. I think I'm going to shake my I'm a hugger dude.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I'll shake the hand first and then like when we're partying. I'm like yo let's get the hug.
Speaker 1:Now, we're acquainted. I always go in for the handshake. I'm like man Okay, so we want to know what. So you talked about how you got here. Hold on a second. Yeah, Brother, I hope you know that you are so loved, dude.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:No, I mean seriously, man. What you missed, god is trying to give you that, bro, yeah, what you miss. God is trying to give you that bro. Yeah, God wants to be that father, that figure, that person that you felt like you lacked. He wants to fill every void that you feel that you have, every apprehension, everything that you lack, that you feel that you lack, bro. God wants to fulfill and fill every crack, every crevice, every deep part that you feel is empty and void. He wants to fill that, bro. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And he wants to know that what you lacked on the earth, you never lacked spiritually.
Speaker 5:Thank you, I didn't, you know. When they say he's the father, he's the fatherless. You know, I always think about that and, like you know, when they say he's the father, he's the father. You know, I always think about that and, like you know, go back to when my uncle hugged me.
Speaker 4:And then you know just all the way up to even brother Les like.
Speaker 5:Pastor Les. He's a big dude in my life Like you know I can't Like there's so much he's done for me.
Speaker 2:It's good.
Speaker 5:And you know I have.
Speaker 2:You guys serve together, man. You guys been in life groups together. You guys do a lot together. I see all your posts bro.
Speaker 5:Yeah, we hang out.
Speaker 2:Um, it's good.
Speaker 5:I make sure I get something from him. Yeah, and so I have you know my guys here. Um, if I call Rowdy and he doesn't pick up, then I call somebody else.
Speaker 3:Amen.
Speaker 5:So I just really love where I'm at in the community and the church and stuff. You said it right there community bro that's everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, at my Phoenix Community Church, josiah Generation, we weren't in community, bro and when, because to be in community that's letting down our walls yeah that's letting other people in, that's that's. That's the hard part right there, buddy, but it's so rewarding it's just scary. Yeah, yeah, man, so uh I love you bro what you hoping for, dude. What you hoping for in the future, bro? What's god implanted in that heart of yours as a ministry in the end times? What's he calling you to do, man?
Speaker 5:uh, so I actually met this, this dude, at the gym. You know he's a native dude and I was talking to him and I'm supposed to have a coffee with him. But you know, just on outlooks, I don't think he would have been anybody more important than anybody else. You know, just not judging, just you know, hey, you just look like a normal guy.
Speaker 5:Turns out he does classes for a recovery center. I don't want to run classes. I really care about people learning how to budget. That's probably. What I want to do is help people.
Speaker 2:Helping people in recovery learn figure out their finances. Yeah, it's good, dude, I don't care.
Speaker 5:If you have debt, I don't care you know how much money you make or whatever. I just want you to learn how to you know set a budget you know, budget can change your life. You know a lot you know just knowing when the money's coming and where the money's going. I think that's what I want to do.
Speaker 5:Um, and it might sound little, but it's big you know, uh, I be my wife and I and the barns, we lead the financial peace university. Come on buddy. Uh, dave ramsey, yep, and you know, we just see so much people are willing to learn you know, come on, man, and it's. I felt like it was going to be pulling teeth, but no people come and hey, I need to learn this.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 5:Nine times out of ten. You tell somebody like hey. You ask somebody like hey, what was your financial advice you know growing up, who gave it to you and what you know? People are like nobody talked about money.
Speaker 3:Yeah, don't get a credit card that was mine was like don't get a credit card.
Speaker 5:Like why, not, you know I got a credit card like why didn't they want me to have? This you know, so just something like that you know and then go from there. I think my heart is just to help people in a way that you know, just get their life together. I guess I'm not sure exactly what that is, but that's just the bottom.
Speaker 2:I mean, as simple as all you got to do, bro, is just have a yes, make yourself available, available. Yeah, god will put the situations and the people in front of you, bro, and then all the stuff that you've used and you've prepared and you've learned you just give it to them yeah, so that's basically it you got this one bud?
Speaker 1:no, I don't brother, thank you man. Jesus my heart kind of breaks for you a little bit, brother, but I'm also overjoyed at seeing what God has done in your life recently, bro. Well, I was saying in recovery man, god always has purpose in the pain. So don't let the pain rule you, but let it have purpose in your life, man, and I'm glad I know you, I'm glad you're my friend, I'm glad you're.
Speaker 1:So don't let the pain rule you, but let it have purpose in your life, man, and I'm glad I know you, I'm glad you're my friend, I'm glad you're my brother, I'm glad we have our text messages and things like that bro. Definitely. When you're an encourager, sometimes you don't get encouragement.
Speaker 2:Amen, please encourage the encouragers.
Speaker 1:Thanks for being my encouragement man yeah, definitely, I thrive on that brother, when I see your text messages my heart jumps and I'm like that's my dude man. So I appreciate you, bro. I appreciate you. Let me pray for you, man. Thank you, man. Father, god, lord, I just love you. God, you're just so amazing.
Speaker 2:You're just so awesome, You're so good Jesus.
Speaker 1:And I just thank you, lord, just for my brother, shebby. God, your son. I thank you for his heart, god, I thank you for the way that the pain shaped and molded who he is today, god. And I see a man before me, lord, who just loves you, who loves people, a man before me, lord, who just loves you, who loves people, and I think, lord, that in all those struggles and all those battles that he faced, god is what allowed him to love the way that he does. God, because he knows what it's like to feel unloved and he doesn't want to see anybody feel unloved, god. So I think he, just for the beautiful heart that he has, god, I thank you, lord, just for his passion for finances and budgeting. God. I thank you, lord, for Financial Peace, university, lord. I thank you that there's plans for him, god, to be able to help people facilitate and to manage and properly budget their stuff, god.
Speaker 1:So I pray, lord, god, just for open doors. If it's a continual financial peace class, god, that goes on through each life group, god, or however long those classes take, that it's a recurring class that he teaches, or something, god. Or open a door in another area, god, whether it be one-on-one with people who need help. God, that they'll reach out to Chevy and be like, hey, can we do this together? Can you help me on this, god? I pray just for those doors to be open. Lord and Father, I just geez, god, all right, I'll say it. Lord, father, I just thank you. Lord. I've seen conversations that Chevy's had on Facebook, god, with other Native Americans. God, and the way that he celebrates his sobriety. God, lord, I thank you that you're going to open a door for some kind of place, god, where he can help other Native Americans. God, find peace and freedom from this evil thing called alcohol.
Speaker 1:God Lord, I thank you, Lord, that this Native friend that he has.
Speaker 1:God, maybe there's some connection there, god, where they can go and help other Native Americans. God, find freedom, thank you, lord. Find peace, find healing from the traumas that seem to rapidly take place on reservations. God, I thank you, lord, that maybe there's something where they can start something on the reservations, god, where kids and people have outlets where they can come and find the healing that they need. God, find resources or counseling, or whatever it might be. God, I thank you, lord, that this is something that I feel in my spirit that is needed on reservations for the Native American people, god. So I pray, lord, god, that you're going to begin to shift hearts. You're going to begin to move mountains. God.
Speaker 1:But you're going to speak to people right now, in Jesus' name, that they're going to come together, god, and they're going to say, not on our reservation, god, that we're going to change the culture, we're going to change the way things are done on Native American reservations.
Speaker 1:God, because Lord it's everywhere, it's not just here in Arizona, it's in North Dakota, it's in Montana, where all these different reservations are. God, that these Native American people are just dying because of alcohol, god, families are being torn apart because of alcohol, god, and I thank you, lord, that you're going to find a way, god, to speak to these people. God, I thank you, lord, just for everything you're going to do, god, and I thank you, lord, just for everything you're going to do, god, and I praise you right now, before it even begins, before it even starts, god, freedom is coming to the Native American people, god, so I thank you, lord, for everything you're doing. God, lord, I thank you just for the example that Chevy is in his household, father, god, lord, I thank you that, as he's raising his children, father, god, that he will be the father that he felt that he lacked when he was younger.
Speaker 1:God, that he will not yell, that he will not scream, but he will be an example, god, that he will lead by kind words, he will lead by grace and mercy, father God, that when his kids are out of line, god, that he will sit down and talk to them and explain to them why we don't do these things. God, because he'll share. These are the things that I did, and this leads to destruction, this leads to spiritual death, and I don't want to see that in your life. So I thank you, lord, for the words that he needs, father God, when he's speaking to his children to encourage them, to lift them up, to build them up, father God, because the culture around him is trying to destroy him. God, and I know, father God, that as Chevy is yours, he is saved, that he is sanctified and sealed by the Holy Spirit, god, and that now the attacks are coming for his children.
Speaker 2:Father God, you can get to his children. God, you can rock Chevy. God, you can rock Renee God.
Speaker 1:So I thank you, Lord, just for a unity in that marriage.
Speaker 2:Father.
Speaker 1:God a oneness in that marriage. Father God, that when it comes to dealing with the kids, Father God, that they will speak in unity, that the message is not divided, not getting one thing from Renee and one thing from Chevy, but the message is unified and fortified, and I thank you, Lord, for everything you're doing. Lord, I pray a hedge of protection over Hunter and the other kids. God, right now, in Jesus name, that those kids are sealed and sanctified, because Renee and Chevy are sealed and sanctified by the God Devil. Take your hands off those kids right now, in Jesus name. Those kids are bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus. That they are sealed and sanctified by the Holy Spirit, God. So I thank you, Lord, for everything you're doing. Father, Thank you for this family. I thank you that they are here as part of this Lifelink Church family.
Speaker 2:God Thank you, lord.
Speaker 1:Thank you for the mighty work that you've done in Chevy already. God, I pray that you continue to work and mold and shape your masterpiece, because your word says that he is your masterpiece and that you are faithful to finish what you started, god, so do it now. I pray in jesus name, amen you got a word for you, bro.
Speaker 2:You said during this podcast I'm retired. God says homie. You ain't even got started, bro, this reservation thing. I literally saw speakers in a rap concert, bro, and you giving jesus out to the kids. Man, we're passing out backpacks and food to the hungry, bro. You ain't even got started into what god has for you ahead.
Speaker 1:You are right about one thing You're retired by rapping for the world. God's calling you for him.
Speaker 2:I can feel it bro I can feel it with everything in me. He says you let me use that gift, you let me use those hands, you let me write with you. Man, god has something for you, bro. It's literally a ministry, I see, like a Brian Trejo ministry. The same thing, dude, the same thing bro. God's calling you man. Will you answer the call? Do me a favor, bro. Pray for Speak life, pray for me and dad, man.
Speaker 5:Okay, thank you.
Speaker 2:Lord Jesus.
Speaker 5:Before I get to that man, my favorite rapper. He's a Muslim, but I like the way he does His concerts.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 5:I am Not a victim, I am a survivor.
Speaker 1:Yes, you are.
Speaker 5:That's something that he says, amen.
Speaker 1:That's right bro.
Speaker 5:But you know I'm still praying for him.
Speaker 2:Amen.
Speaker 5:But I would pray it out.
Speaker 3:Father God we thank you so?
Speaker 5:much, father God for Speak Life Godcast. Thank you Lord. Wow, wow, wow, lord, I thank you for these gentlemen that he put in motion. Father God, father God, their lives, father God. They're taking time out of their day to do the work that you called them to do, father God. They're not getting paid. They're not, father God, getting anything out of it but Father God only giving you glory, glory to Jesus.
Speaker 5:So I pray for both of their finances, father God, that they will get enough to overflow so they don't have to worry about pushing this thing. Father God, that you will be there before them. Father God, that you would carry them through. I pray that everybody listening to this Father God will get a message and, father God, that they will know that they're not alone in anything they've done or have done or anything they're about to do. Father god, then, just because of this podcast, father god, that it'll reach, uh, the people that are hurting. Father god, the people that are still healing. Thank you, lord. Father god, I I thank you just so much, just for this podcast.
Speaker 5:Father God, I've literally used this podcast a lot in my daily life, father God, even if I had to share knowledge with another family member or a friend. Father God, just using these stories of your word and the stories of which miracles you've done for each individual, father God, because, like Rowdy says, we're not dead, it means you're not done, jesus. So, father God, I just pray that this longevity of this will go on, father god, into bigger and better things. Father god, that you will just continue to enrich these guys lives. Thank you, father god, rich their marriages and, father god, even give rowdy a marriage. Thank you, lord god, man, lord jesus, whatever that it looks like, father god, god and children, father God, I just pray that they're healthy, wealthy and, father God, that they have a purpose in their lives.
Speaker 2:Father, god, thank you so much. Amen, amen, man, we just did this on the last podcast, but I just want to all the listeners out there. The whole key to this thing is Jesus. Jesus is the one who comes and brings the life change. Jesus is the one who cleans us up after we come to him. Uh, he says come to me, just as you are. Yeah, um. So I just want to give you an opportunity. Right now. I don't know where you are, uh, you might be sitting in a car, you might be running on a treadmill, you might be in your room laying down on the bed, but Jesus just wants to come to you and that's simply just you believing in your heart that he is Lord, that he walked this earth, that he gave his life up willingly for you and me, for all of our sins, all of our shortcomings. He died on that cross and he was whipped and he was persecuted and he rose again. Romans 10, 9 says believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and you will be saved. Because we believe in our heart under righteousness and we confess with our mouth under salvation. It's that easy to say Jesus is my Lord and invite him into your life and, I promise, watch him start to make the changes that only he can do through his Holy Spirit.
Speaker 2:I don't know where you're listening today, but I sure hope you enjoyed this podcast. If you want to come on and share your testimony podcast, um, if you want to come on and share your testimony, uh, you can reach out through us on social media and Twitter, facebook, instagram. Speak life AZ. All one word, um. I really did enjoy how you called it a God cast bro. I was like, wow, cause that's exactly what this is. We're not smart enough to put this together, buddy, but please, uh, man, we're just going to continue to speak. Life AZ, um, and until next time. God bless you.
Speaker 1:Jesus.