SpeakLifeAZ
The testimony of Jesus in, with, and through everyday people like us. A father and son who were addicts for over 20 yrs. You name it, WE DID IT, TOGETHER!!!! we used to use drugs together now we share about what God Has done for us to encourage the body of Christ and anyone else who may listen to this that is feeling hopeless and empty. LISTEN TO OUR STORY...and the testimony of others who feel led to share with you.... GOD BLESS YOU....TODAY WE CHOOSE TO SPEAK LIFE AZ!!!!!!!!!!
SpeakLifeAZ
Erica R. Testimony
What happens when faith meets cultural heritage and personal authenticity? Erica joins us on the SpeakLifeAZ Podcast to share her inspiring journey of transformation. Her story, rooted in the rich tapestry of Haitian culture, navigates the complex blend of Catholicism and voodooism, offering a unique perspective on faith and identity. As Erica bravely recounts her upbringing and the diverse religious influences that shaped her understanding of spirituality, listeners are invited to explore the beauty and challenges of embracing one's past while forging a path to self-acceptance. We on the SpeakLifeAZ podcast have a personal connection with Erica and are moved by her testimony, especially as she reflects on her role in Rowdy's life during a pivotal time, showcasing the power of seeing potential where others might not.
Prepare for an enlightening conversation on the nuances of family dynamics, cultural beliefs, and the courage to live authentically. Erica’s candid discussion about her position within her family, the age gaps between siblings, and her parents' determination to have her at a later age, paints a vivid picture of resilience and hope. The episode shines a light on the generational aspects of voodoo within Erica’s family, and her journey from feelings of shame to acceptance. Her story is a testament to the strength found in acknowledging and embracing one’s roots, encouraging listeners to find peace with their own histories and to live true to themselves despite societal misconceptions. Join us for a heartfelt discussion on finding strength in vulnerability and hope through shared experiences.
TODAY WE ARE GOING TO SPEAK LIFE AZ!!!
all right, everybody. Welcome back to the speak life az podcast testimony of jesus and everyday people. I'm your host, eddie, and always with me is my son Rowdy.
Speaker 2:Jesus. What's going on, dude? Ha ha, what's up man? Ah, it's a wonderful day, bro, was it? Was it a good one for you? The past couple have been like slammed at work. Oh, it was still slammed, but ASU won today. Let's go we're. I was like dude. We won the championship, man.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:I'm in recovery. I know I have a sports addiction. It's okay we got a group for that. Yeah, it's been a great week bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was I think I told you earlier man somebody we told this earlier in the week that a listener of the show, and how they were listening to one of the podcasts and connected with the lady that they were listening to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and went the lady that they were listening to, yeah, and went and reached out to him and made a connection with that person. Come on, buddy. And then I was like, wow, that's real, that's, that's, that's one of the fruits, or or one of the benefits, man, of us doing this is the fact that we're doing it with people that we know, yeah, people that we love, people that we're doing quote unquote, doing life with bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but to hear that report I was like praise you, god, that you know people are making connections through these things and you're using it, it's not just us pressing record and sitting down and talking to people, man, you know, but I was, I don't know, it was to me, it was I don't know.
Speaker 2:I needed to hear that yeah, amen, it's always special to uh be able to celebrate the wins in our life, no matter how big or little they are. Man, of course. Man, yeah, oh dude jesus ready, I'm ready. Bro, who'd you bring with you? I got my sister, erica. What's up?
Speaker 3:dude, I'm good. Thank you for inviting me, erica. Welcome, sis, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, yeah god made it very clear to us to honor his children when they come on. So we just want to honor you and say thank you for uh carving out some time in your day. We know you have kids and a husband and stuff like that, so to give up a little bit of time to come and share your story, man. Just it's a privilege and honor to host you and just I can't wait to hear what god has done in your life. Yeah, that's right, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah um, for for me personally, erica like dad was just saying about how uh it's, it really is such an honor, um, but for you, specifically with me, um, when I showed up to this church out of rehab in 2020, just after COVID young adults preteens prayer team, you and me specifically, have had a connection, whether through behavioral health and try you and God prophesying a facility over you to help people in that scale, and just me myself. Honestly, erica, when I was here at that moment you seeing what you saw in me about a BHT or being able to work in that line of work I had no direction in life at that time. I wasn't on staff here. I wasn't working here. I was a volunteer. I had no job.
Speaker 2:Dad would just drop me staff here. I wasn't working here. I was a volunteer. I had no job. Dad would just drop me off here. So I had someplace to go, someplace good to go. And through you speaking and seeing, you saw something in me that I didn't see in myself. And through the time, the Lord has done what he's done with it and now I'm doing what I'm doing, but three years ago, you had an impact on me and I appreciate that.
Speaker 3:I appreciate you telling me that, like I was just doing what I do. I'm one of those people if I see something I'm like oh well, maybe I can fix that, and you know everybody in my family like you need to mind your business.
Speaker 5:We have a group for that too.
Speaker 3:I'm really this past year I've been working on the ministry of minding my business. It says too in the Bible.
Speaker 2:It says work hard be quiet, mind your business.
Speaker 5:I love you, Erica.
Speaker 2:So let me just pray real quick, man, and then we'll kind of get into it, jesus, let me just pray real quick man and then, we'll kind of get into it.
Speaker 2:Jesus, man, god, lord, it's truly an honor to sit down with your kids. Man, I just thank you, god, for your daughter Erica. I thank you, Lord, for where she's came from and what you've walked her out of. God. Thank you, Lord, because before we hit record, lord, she said that she didn't always walk with you. So, god, there's a lot of people who are going to watch this on YouTube or who are going to listen to this on Spotify or Apple, lord, that maybe they can relate. So I pray that whoever is going to watch or listen, that they can find some similarities, god, because if you can do this for Erica, you can do it for them too. So I just pray for your daughter, lord.
Speaker 2:If there's any anxiety or anything like that, in the name of Jesus, just fall away. Holy Spirit, just come, use her words, god, and you tell the story through. She's been the pen in your hand all these years, god, you're writing this story, so I just thank you for what's getting ready to get to get shared. Um, we just praise you for it. All in Jesus name, amen.
Speaker 3:Um, so basic. Have you ever listened to one of these before? So I did. I was laughing cause I was like you know, the one I listened to was pastor Cherie's mom.
Speaker 2:Okay, that was actually one of our first ones, um, but it was, uh, we, we were learning at that moment and we're still learning and growing, man, but, um, one of our, our first ones, she was special, um, because of who she is is the matriarch of that family. And then, um, it was kind of like her, yes, led to mama pastor cherise, yes, and then her yes, kind of led to lacy's yes. So it's like, man, this is awesome, god, yeah, and they're, they're gonna lead to pastor dave's yes, we're, we're lining you up, buddy, you're, you're next, um, but it's, it's cool. So doing this, um, when god gave this to us, man, we did not do what he told us to do in the beginning. Uh, we were doing videos in my room and setting up and preaching.
Speaker 1:It's funny how we take what God gives us and we make it our own and twist it up and try to be tough and God's looking at you like yo.
Speaker 2:That's not what I told you to do man, when are you going to do what I told you to? And when we did that, it was, I think, the beginning of 23 with Pastor Troy. Well, me and him, and then Pastor Troy and Mama Janice, and we just kind of it just started to just once. We did what he told us to do, which is Speak Life AZ Podcast the testimony of Jesus in everyday people.
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter if you are like myself and a facilities and maintenance guy at a church making things happen and the wheels spinning here, or like dad, you're at the shop, you're cutting on cars and welding and metal, and a facilities and maintenance guy at a church making things happen and the wheels spinning here. Or like dad, you're at the shop, you're cutting on cars and welding and metal and grease and all that fun stuff. Or, like yourself, you're working in behavioral health with people. We've all got a testimony, we've all got a story, we've all come from somewhere and when we meet Jesus, things change. And I think that's the cool thing about this is because, basically, we just want to know who Erica is, we want to know where you were born, we want to know brothers and sisters, we want to know what the home was like growing up? What was your mom and dad, grandmas and grandpas, cousins aunties Church was Jesus in the home.
Speaker 2:Church was God in the home. Well, we know that he. Well, you can go ahead and share. But then school we want to know how was school, your education, smart sports, me and dad kind of being involved in recovery? We know that a lot of the hurts, the habits, the hangups, the stuff that as adults we have to heal from a lot of times, those traumas, the childhood traumas, happen at a young age Absolutely. So please just let the Holy Spirit lead you into any of that man.
Speaker 2:But I think the coolest thing we want to know today is your encounter with Jesus, because everybody's encounter is different, whether it's a single moment, a single day, or whether it's over a period of time where he shows himself to you. We've all got an encounter when we come to meet him. So we just want to know what your encounter was like. And then afterwards because Dad always says, man, the evidence of a true encounter with Jesus is life change, transformation, transformation, transformation Seeing somebody walking different after they've met Jesus is okay, that dude actually met Jesus, because if you look in the Bible, anytime people met Jesus, things changed Absolutely. So how your life changed after your encounter.
Speaker 2:And then, at the very end, what you're hoping for You're still young. You got a lot of life left in you, your, your kids are now coming into their own as as older teenagers, and some of them young women, um, so kind of where's God leading you and Omar in life? Um, and then at the end, we will pray for you and our listeners pray for you, um, but yeah that's pretty much it, man I'm excited, all right so what was it like growing up, erica man?
Speaker 3:okay, so I grew up with both my parents. So, funny story, I'm first generation, so my parents came here from haiti oh wow and um. I didn't find out when my father passed away almost four years ago that they were undocumented for a long time. I didn't know oh, oh wow. But I grew up in a place called Irvington, New Jersey. I was born in Newark, but I grew up in Irvington, New Jersey, If you know anything about Newark it's Irvington, you know it's inner city.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, very poor yeah.
Speaker 3:Improvised. We didn't, I didn't know and I didn't know. And I say we because I was raised with my mother's children. So my father has well, he had I'm number eight on his side.
Speaker 4:Oh, wow, okay.
Speaker 3:And on my mother's side I'm number seven. I'm the only mutual child between them. Oh wow, but I didn't meet my siblings in Haiti because, like I didn't know of them, I didn't grow up with them. But I grew up with my mother's children, and I grew up with my mother's children, and I grew up with my mother, all seven of them.
Speaker 3:Not all seven, okay, but my three sisters. I always claim my three sisters because I have. There's like a six and a half year age gap between me and my sister who is before me.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:So I was raised with Soraya, mika and Farrah and then my brother Woody. But Woody was a little bit older when I was born. I think he was like 18. Oh, yeah, okay, it was a big age because my mother is 80 and um my father was like he passed away. But my father passed away, he was 71, so how was your mother when she had you? My mother was 42 when she had me oh, wow that's why I'm just like that's a miracle in itself.
Speaker 2:My mom had what? Was she 38, 38, yeah, and the doctors were like you're pushing it this way.
Speaker 3:So, man, they were clearly very determined they were together because my father raised my three sisters prior to me, oh wow, so they were determined to kind of have me. Yeah, so I was one of those like planned children.
Speaker 1:They wanted one of their own. Is that what it was? Yeah, they wanted one the one mutual.
Speaker 2:Yes, this is ours.
Speaker 3:And it's heavy, being the mutual job, I'm sure these ones saying that and these ones saying that, oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:Well, when you said you were from Jersey Jersey man. Or when you said that, I was like, oh, east coast that makes. And now I'm like, oh, things started to add up just the way you you're kind of your attitude, your personality and how you pray and prayer time. I'm like, oh, all right, it's that east coast, yeah interestingly enough, my like, I knew of God.
Speaker 3:I knew the thing, but my mother and my father, they weren't really practicing, so their practice was, like you know, Catholicism.
Speaker 2:So that was my introduction.
Speaker 3:But I always knew there was a God. And it was like you knew there was a God. It was like drama and trauma.
Speaker 4:So my relationship and like the bare minimum foundations of it was drama and trauma.
Speaker 3:So my relationship, and like the bare minimum foundations of it, was drama and trauma.
Speaker 2:So that was like my foundation of God when you say drama and trauma yeah, that's what I was thinking if life's going to hell or if there's something that's crazy, go to God honey, you need to pray, oh okay so you said Catholicism for Haitian. Is that is Catholicism in the Haitian country? Is that the religion of Haiti.
Speaker 3:So Haiti has an interesting dynamic. So there's Catholicism and then you know you have like the born again Christian and whatnot. You have that happening. They call them Livangine, so it's like born again Christian evangelical with a bit of. Pentecostal. There's that. Then there's the Catholic, the Catholicism Cause, like it's heavy Catholic, you know the saints and everything, and then there's like voodooism.
Speaker 4:Voodooism was another one too.
Speaker 3:So that's I know Okay. I know, it's just so funny.
Speaker 2:When you say that I just in picturing the movies that I watched when I was a kid and the things that I would see in the movies of what voodoo represented and the heads on the sticks and the dances and the little pin cushions and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:Chicken feet.
Speaker 4:Chicken feet yeah, the bones yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, it's not quite like that Okay.
Speaker 3:I say interestingly enough, because my mother practiced voodooism, yeah, so that was kind of like. You know, we, my sisters and I would always joke like we are stereotypical Haitians because that's what we saw growing up. My mom, was kind of in two worlds, and for me, when I was growing up, my mom was kind of in two worlds, and for me, when I was growing up, I kind of struggled because you know, my mother was considered you know voodoo priestess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh wow, so she had some authority or some, yeah, some rank or some levels in the voodooism?
Speaker 3:yes, and it was always interesting because, like is that how you say it? Voodooism, yeah, um, or just voodoo okay, yeah, um a practice of buddhism.
Speaker 1:Um, yes, okay was that hereditary in her line of generational?
Speaker 4:yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, I know. In some countries like that.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like you're raised in that a little bit so remember david, over from nigeria, and it was just okay, it's, I like, it's like a religion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it is.
Speaker 3:It's confusing because you know, interestingly enough, this young lady, that I'm into her and I was like two months ago she was like, yeah, you kind of grew up in a cult and I was like, oh yeah, and I never thought of it that way because that's a part of my life, like I don't even think a lot of people in this church know I just never shared it, yeah, because there was like a lot of shame with it. But like I'm like I was grappling with, like do I share? And I'm like you know, let me share whatever. If you don't judge me, that's your business come on sis man.
Speaker 2:That's really we're, that's I've realized we come. You come to a point in life where it's like this is me and take it as it is. I love you, hope you love me, but if not, deuces man, I'm going on into what God's got for me.
Speaker 1:I saw something the other day that made perfect sense and it said what people think of you is none of your business.
Speaker 2:Say that again for people in the back bro. It's true, though.
Speaker 3:And it's like we take so much time and energy focusing on what they think, god man I'm too busy worried about you and I'm not come on come on come on, so yeah, I grew
Speaker 2:up, I grew up in it, and so it was sorry, it was you and your three sisters, my three sisters and mom and dad, mom and dad, okay, and then, like my other siblings were around, but they were older okay, like they came in periodically adults already, yeah already, yeah, they were adults already. So you kind of had family, there was family around and you had aunts and uncles and that kind of stuff. My mother.
Speaker 3:I had an uncle because my mother had three brothers. And she only has one who's still living, and herself she was the youngest, and my father he was very private. So like it's now, like there's just so much that I'm still uncovering about this man, because it was just like I knew him as a father but I didn't know him as the man. So, there's just so much I'm like, oh, he had a life, because you know, when you're around kids and stuff, they're just like, oh, you had a life. Like yeah.
Speaker 2:I actually have a full life, like I got this, but that's what I've been dealing with, like as a grown woman, I'm just like oh, my dad did that, oh, he was there.
Speaker 1:So there's a lot that I'm uncovering about him after you know. Well, I'm sure there was a lot before you that you probably didn't talk about or learned about.
Speaker 3:My dad was. He was interesting. My dad was. You think I'm private and just kind of I don't like to use the word shut off. But I'm very, I can be reserved it's not that it's like I'm constantly thinking you're a watcher yes, you are you're checking in by? Yeah, man and my dad was like that, so my dad was really quiet it's a good quality.
Speaker 1:It really is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he was very wise, like he never like because you can read a room he can read people and you know okay stay away from that one.
Speaker 1:Okay, this one over here. You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 3:My mother is not well. Was not like that my mom was like life of the party.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and I have little aspects of that personality mother.
Speaker 3:She's just a completely different personality. But with growing up and watching it, what was interesting for me was you know. In the Bible it says like you know, the demons know. So it's been like that. So that's the journey that I've been navigating through, because I knew so much about it and, like my mother would have ceremonies and my mom, my dad, can out pray anybody.
Speaker 3:They know the bible front back back, front in between everything and before they would do ceremonies, they had to open up and like it. It always reminded me of like an encounter or worship experience, because it was like okay, we have to ask to hold space here Come on.
Speaker 3:And who they're asking was God. And it was always confusing to me because I was like as a child and even as a young adult, I'm like, okay, you have to ask in order to do these acts, because you can't just do them on your own. You know strength. It's kind of like in the book of Kings and they talked about how they had their gods and nothing would happen.
Speaker 3:But then Elisha comes in and he calls on the name of the lord, and then all these things happen and that's kind of how I equated my mother practicing voodoo, because it was like nothing happened until she called on the name of the lord so I was always confused, so for the longest I was just like no, like this is Christianity.
Speaker 4:It's just different.
Speaker 3:You know, like the saints that you know they would pray to were the same ones from the Catholic church, so it was so confusing. And then the feast and like the sacrifices it was the same that was in the bible. So the giving the animal sacrifices on the altar, it was all the same. So I had a really warped view, okay, of christianity okay, because I was just like, okay, well, we do this.
Speaker 2:We do this, we offer sacrifice yeah, yeah because,
Speaker 3:it was just like it was so closely old testament. Old Testament reenacting Like there was certain feasts that we celebrated.
Speaker 1:So let me ask you this Do you think growing up that they were more, maybe they didn't have New Testament gospel, that maybe they were just?
Speaker 2:kind of.
Speaker 1:Torah, or it was ancient? Yeah, because you got to think about it, that's ancient when you're the Haiti.
Speaker 3:They got their independence in 1804, but most of the customs and everything they learned was from their oppressors, and their oppressors were the French, and the French were going through that whole reformation. So you had like we didn't get the Protestants, we got like the Catholics. The Catholics came and they did their Catholic things. So like you have to, have to.
Speaker 1:They were still living old school catholic things they weren't doing. They haven't gotten to the grace and the mercy yet.
Speaker 3:No that orthodox yeah, it was orthodox stuff so you said your mom's 80 right so she was probably the back.
Speaker 1:God that was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's probably right in the heart of yeah, church was a lot different back then. Or yeah, the world was a lot different.
Speaker 3:It was different, so you have to keep that in perspective sometimes and we get on these like you know what's wrong, yes, but look at the time, Go back, zoom out and see what you had access to. What were you available to? So it was a lot of heavy Old Testament.
Speaker 4:Amen.
Speaker 3:And now, you know, fast forward.
Speaker 4:there's a lot of New Testament, there's people trying to change the image in the culture, but a lot of um Haitians they struggle with.
Speaker 3:Sorry, they struggle with that stigma, yeah, of the voodoo, because like, okay, when you're brought up with it and I can't say all of us, because I had older parents I'm an anomaly, um, people who are in my age group they have younger parents, like in their 60s and stuff, and I'm like I got a sister who's 60 could be my mom so it's like I'm an anomaly. I grew up in a different time because I had older parents. However, like people who have younger parents, it's not as common.
Speaker 3:They don't have the experience I've had, like I'm a, I'm just, I'm a different, yeah, um your parents are a little more seasoned.
Speaker 1:They have a little more older understanding of life. Let me ask you this, because I'm I forget my ignorance. I don't know much about haiti, but is there like uh, cities versus, is it?
Speaker 3:rural, or is it?
Speaker 1:oh no well, like tribal places, or is there like, so you know city it's so, port-au-prince is the city um haiti has.
Speaker 3:that has to be a whole another conversation, a whole different podcast, um. But haiti, port-au-prince is the capital. Port-au-prince, like, think of manhattan, think of like Newark, new Jersey it's ghetto, you know, and the infrastructure like it's an inner city kind of thing.
Speaker 1:It's inner city.
Speaker 3:And you've got to look through the lens of Haiti is a third world country. It's a third world country.
Speaker 1:We've done mission trips to Haiti before. It is a third world country.
Speaker 3:We had a missionary to Haiti.
Speaker 1:That was on our podcast.
Speaker 3:I we had a missionary to Haiti that was on our podcast. I went to Haiti in 2016.
Speaker 1:She's not allowed to go back because the prisoners are taking over Port-au-Prince right now, or something Port-au-Prince.
Speaker 3:Port-au-prince is rough because Port-au-Prince is the inner city.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like when you go to a really bad area, it's like okay. But is there outlining things too, like small villages, or is there?
Speaker 3:I don't know how big it is so it's, it's a, it's pretty big um. You got like think of the rural community communities, think of um santan valley, think of um what's that one, florence yeah and what's a little bit more rural, like globe area yeah that's what it would look like, but nice vegetation um.
Speaker 3:They have cell phones, like I joke all the time, like my phone does not work here so okay, that's like I think, sometimes, when and I'm guilty of it too I have to take off the lens of america, because america is like unreal like anywhere we're blessed man, we're blessed and anywhere you step out of. Like I can't have the same expectation of creature comfort so like I have to set my expectations different and low, but like the craftsmanship is nice.
Speaker 3:Like you know, their buildings are not like ours here, but you can tell like oh, they put in some work, because it's like real stone masonry and whatnot, so like were your parents from port-au-prince or were they from an outlining? My mother was from a little gun and my dad was from port-au-prince, so my dad was poor ish because his mom and dad weren't together but his father was the chief of police all right for the port-au-prince um military yeah so he had a really rough upbringing because he was the only boy that my grandfather had and my grandfather was not a nice man.
Speaker 4:He was rough yeah.
Speaker 3:So he had a lot of pressure put on him. I would argue my dad was abused by his dad, like physically, verbally abused. So my dad he wanted to end it.
Speaker 2:It was a different world back then.
Speaker 1:It was a completely different world so I'll tell you and he's the lone heir. Yes, and I'll tell you this one story.
Speaker 3:My dad had this mark in his eye and I remember I was with a girl. I was like, hey, how did that happen? And he was like, oh, my father had a nail. He would have really long nails and he's like my dad, for fun, poked me an eye and wow, he poked me so bad that it's left a mark.
Speaker 4:He's like.
Speaker 3:I'm surprised I'm not blind and I was like, oh, so that was giving what my dad experienced. And his mother didn't really have access to him. She raised him for a little bit. Then he had to go live with his dad when he was six, and from six to 18, he had to live with his father and then at 18, my dad left. My father was like an amazing artist. That's how he came to the States, doing artwork, wow. And doing like oil paintings, wow. Absolutely beautiful. Do you have any of?
Speaker 1:his art. Yeah, I have it in my house. Really, I have one of the paintings that he didn't finish, I will.
Speaker 3:I'd love to see that. If one of the paintings that he didn't finish.
Speaker 2:I will.
Speaker 3:I'd love to see that If you guys ever come over, you'll see it.
Speaker 2:I have it all on the screen now. All it takes is an invite. Yo, you're right, that's all it is dude. You set the date and say, hey, we got this Friday night open. You guys want to come over?
Speaker 3:for dinner. I would love to see like that, randy, you've had my cookie.
Speaker 5:You've had my cookie.
Speaker 3:I love you, Erica.
Speaker 2:No, so okay, you grew up in Jersey with your sisters. You were the only quote, unquote, legitimate or fit between mom and dad, so I'm sure you got the flack from all the ones that weren't. But so how was elementary school? What was middle school? Weren't um, but so how was uh elementary school? What was uh middle school? What was your school? Were you like in?
Speaker 3:the catholic school back there, or public education, public school, okay, from kindergarten to sixth grade I was um, I was a misguided youth, I was bad like okay I fought a lot like I was just. I was a fighter. Fighter, it is what it is. I was a fighter.
Speaker 2:He's a fighter. Sometimes you got those people and they got that. That's just how God made you. You're a fighter man.
Speaker 1:Yes, I was a fighter.
Speaker 3:We still fight today.
Speaker 1:We just fight differently.
Speaker 3:We do and it sucks because sometimes I just want to punch people. So, does he? He's like Dad. We don't live like that anymore.
Speaker 1:I love me some Jesus, but I'll stick you quickly, don't make me cut you.
Speaker 3:Listen, listen.
Speaker 5:Repent in the name of Jesus, there are so many things I would say but I'm going to be quiet.
Speaker 1:I got buttons. You get to push it, man, You're going to find out Jesus.
Speaker 3:Like please don't push me, but I used to fight a lot, that's funny because the fighters are observers and I'm the same way.
Speaker 1:I can fade to the background and watch people and decide I'll whip him. I love that person you know what I mean, he's back there judging everybody.
Speaker 2:Look at this man, but it's survival skills. It is man. Look at this man, but a survival skill.
Speaker 3:It is, man.
Speaker 1:You gotta learn how to survive and like it made, I got through 11 years in prison by being an observer knowing who to mess with and who not to mess with, and leave that dude alone and smart and I'm thankful for you because I'm like you.
Speaker 3:You are a reminder of don't you don't need to that and you're like that's an experience. I'm glad I was fortunate that god kind of was just like girl yeah stop.
Speaker 2:Kept you out of there, kept me out of there. You didn't get in trouble, you didn't get caught.
Speaker 3:I didn't get caught, yeah, man. But I did get kicked out, so this will lead me to my Catholic education.
Speaker 2:Oh, you get kicked out of public school.
Speaker 5:You're going to Catholic school now.
Speaker 2:Basically. And you're just like huh. Okay, a lot more stricter over there.
Speaker 3:Catholic school or boarding school, catholic school. We were too poor for boarding school, so it had to be Catholic school.
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes, when you get in trouble, they put you in boarding school. You know what?
Speaker 3:I mean True.
Speaker 1:So I was just curious if it was that kind of school or.
Speaker 3:My parents were too poor for that and they were too much of a micromanager.
Speaker 1:They needed to know that they had to watch what I'm doing, what I need to do.
Speaker 3:They would have never let me go to boarding school although maybe I would have probably went out.
Speaker 2:She's like I would have loved that. I would have loved that. Get away from them the unmanageability. I would have loved it.
Speaker 3:Because my father used to be an alcoholic all of my life and he was a functional drunk, so he was the drunk that Monday through Friday work, work, work. Friday payday.
Speaker 4:He would have friends over.
Speaker 3:They used to drink and that's why I can't stand the smell of Heineken and he would drink the Bacardi white and it was a handle. And then we have a Haitian run called Bourbon Court and they would drink that from Friday. Of a Haitian run called Bourbon Court and they would drink that from Friday. He would come home all weekend to, like six in the morning, wake up get dressed and go to work.
Speaker 3:And then my dad would work, so my dad worked in the hospital as a dishwasher and he worked double shifts Monday to Friday. Like when I tell you that man worked, he worked hard, so when they started paying for school, it was a misunderstanding I had to straighten up, but um like girl you're costing us now? No, I don't like I just I don't know how he did it. Yeah, um, I don't know how they took care of us, because it doesn't make sense, but you know things were a lot cheaper back then.
Speaker 1:It was a lot different, not only that back then you had a different mentality, man. You did what you had to do there was no excuses, there was no. Yeah, you know what I?
Speaker 2:mean, that's what I got to do to take care of my girls. That's what I'm going to do to take care of my girls, man yeah, my dad did him Like.
Speaker 3:Sometimes it's like he gave me an I won't say unrealistic idea of what men should be. Yeah, but he did set the bar hard like high for me. Because it was just like no, you're a man, that's what you're supposed to do?
Speaker 1:You work hard, you provide for your family, you take care of your kids, yeah Well you try saying that to a 16-year-old boy.
Speaker 5:I'm praying for you, omar. I'm praying for you, omar. He's like man.
Speaker 4:Love you bro.
Speaker 2:I'm praying for him, dude.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to tell on you, dude.
Speaker 2:Oh man Jesus.
Speaker 3:I'm just a boy, that's funny. You're crazy man. Oh Jesus, I'm just a boy.
Speaker 2:That's funny. You're crazy man. God is good dude. So how was uh your teenage?
Speaker 3:Teenage years Um. I was uh still fighting in the Catholic school.
Speaker 1:Did you do better at the Catholic school? No, no, no, okay.
Speaker 3:So I got kicked out, I got expelled from Irvington School District. Like they were like yeah, no, you can't go Because Irvington was inner city but there was one middle school. So there was like four elementary schools, one middle school, one high school, okay.
Speaker 2:Oh, so it was a little smaller. Yeah, it was smaller, so it was like where are you going?
Speaker 3:to go, so you could go to Union, but Union excuse me, union School District was like a neighboring town over and so New Jersey is funny. You can tell when you've left the bad part of town. And it was interesting because it's like you knew you were out of the bad part of town because it was clean. And Union was like clean and they were not. They were like nah. It was interesting because it's like you knew you were out of the bad part of town because it was clean.
Speaker 3:Wow, and Union was like clean and they were not, they were like nah, so I wasn't going to Union unless I won a lottery to go to one of their little schools, especially when you're getting kicked out of yours.
Speaker 1:They're like we're not letting you in our house. We don't want you over here, You're a bad kid.
Speaker 2:We don't want those ones.
Speaker 3:Basically, we only take 5% of their bad kids from this area. You don't make the cut Wow.
Speaker 4:So the.
Speaker 3:Catholics. There was two Catholic schools in the area, so I went to. The first one I went to was St Leo and I went, and this was the first time I had to wear uniforms and I had to be like Is this middle school?
Speaker 2:Is this high school? This is middle school.
Speaker 3:This is seventh grade. Okay, this is seventh grade. Okay, I was bad. So my parents send me this and my dad can't take me to school because now I can't walk to school, because I'm not allowed to go to that school.
Speaker 3:My parents don't trust me to go to school on my own, so my dad would pay this man like he, um, this haitian man who would pick up children and, kind of like, take them to schools it was kind of like um, it was uber before uber became a thing and he would pay and he would come pick me up and it would be like a whole bunch of us kids and we'd get dropped off at the Catholic schools. So I was getting picked up, taken to school because they needed to make sure I went to school because, again, I was not going to school, and when I was going to school, just what were you doing when you're not going to school?
Speaker 3:and when I was going to school what were you doing when? You're not going to school? My business. I was walking. I don't even know like I was, like walking the streets just running around, just having fun, yeah not even getting in trouble it was more so being by myself yeah walking around exploring, because I've always been like an explorer, so like I was just get into things like oh, what's there?
Speaker 1:oh, an abandoned building, let me go hang out in there not knowing, because I was foolish, very curious, very, very curious, not realizing man.
Speaker 3:Is this the early? 90s this is the early 90s.
Speaker 2:Yeah man, we're in a crack epidemic and the blood's in the cribs dude and so it's a little crazy back then.
Speaker 3:So, because we grew up in the hood and my mother was known as the resident voodoo lady, I didn't. They didn't really bother us. And they used to bother me because when I turned like 12, 13, that's when I thought boys were cute and, like the dope boys, they were cute and I'm just, like you know, trying to like no, your mom's the voodoo lady. You get away from us they treated me like a little sister like they would see me. They'd be like why are you here like you? Shouldn't you be in school?
Speaker 3:and I'm like you know, just being a smart aleck and they're just like go to school we're gonna tell your mother and then, like they knew my brother, because my brother at that point was like in his early 20s, and they knew him and they're like yo, you need to get your sister yeah okay, so it was. It was interesting, dynamic because I never felt unsafe, hence why I was always kind of just exploring.
Speaker 1:Exploring, would you say. Your mother was respected she was.
Speaker 3:Wow, like she definitely was like awesome man she was very much she's like. That's why I was like it was such a weird dynamic for me growing up, because I didn't realize how poor we were. I didn't realize the situations that we were in, because I was just naive to it.
Speaker 2:They really made the best for you with what they had to do with what they had, with what they had.
Speaker 3:But we grew up in the ghetto and I was just like, oh, okay.
Speaker 1:They didn't discuss things in front of you, did they?
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they kept it all.
Speaker 3:They kept a lot of things under lock and key.
Speaker 2:They were parenting, you were the kids, they were the parents it was definitely.
Speaker 3:Children are not to be seen or heard.
Speaker 4:They are to exist.
Speaker 3:So we existed a lot. I have a sister of mine. Her name is Soraya. She's six and a half years older than me and she's a dreamer, like she was always the one who watched 90210 and did all the things, so she always wanted to escape. Yeah, and it was always funny because she would create these alternate realities for me as a child. Wow.
Speaker 4:And.
Speaker 3:I appreciate it, like she really did create like a childhood for me, because then my other sisters, mika and farrah they were a little bit older and they were like mom and dad and mika was like the aggressor, so if someone was messing with you, she was the one that's like someone's messing with you.
Speaker 3:Okay, let's go yeah, you need to go beat him up. And then farrah was the mother. So I spent many years thinking farrah was my mom, because the story is when my mother had me, she was just like here's your baby, oh, wow, and my sisters pretty much raised me yeah. So that's why I'm like really tight with my sisters.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Because they create like they literally created an atmosphere for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, amen.
Speaker 3:And they protected me when I'm like I didn't realize it realize. Looking back I'm like ooh.
Speaker 2:You didn't do that to any of your girls, did you Hand them a baby and say here's your?
Speaker 3:No, my children definitely.
Speaker 2:You're raising champions, man. You're raising winners. Dude, they are not like me.
Speaker 3:They're going places. It's pretty cool. You have done well from what?
Speaker 2:I've seen and what I can see. Man, You're a pastor, Dave. One time he sat me in his office and said Rowdy, your parents raised big kids. I was like damn, you are raising adults, that's real good man. It's what that's, that's all you're doing the best you can do, man, with what God's given you to do. You know your parent only from your mom and dad and learning and probably parenting and marriage classes and watching other people how they are with their kids. So it's just you're doing well.
Speaker 3:I appreciate that You're doing well. I'll let you know when, in six years.
Speaker 2:Just keep praying, man Just keep praying.
Speaker 3:I always say I'm like I don't think it's me.
Speaker 2:It man, just keep praying. I always say I'm like, I don't think it's me, I'm like, I'm like it's not, it's, it's him it's him most definitely.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, so high school high school so high school.
Speaker 2:My mother well, up to up to this point. So I've heard you weren't the best kid and you're fighting a lot. You like to explore and kind of be by yourself, right. So, and you did say dad kind of had an alcohol addiction. Yeah, my dad Did mom struggle with any alcohol or drugs or anything. My mom.
Speaker 3:I don't think it was drugs for her. Like I remember, she used to sniff tobacco and I always thought it was disgusting.
Speaker 1:You say sniff.
Speaker 3:She would sniff tobacco Like you know I remember the old Marbles? There was a little box of tobacco and she would mix it with baking soda and sniff it and stick it in her nose. Really, yes, and I hated it because I was just like. I've never heard of that I'd have to pull it up on the phone to show you. It was a little gray, red and white box and it was tobacco.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and she would cook it.
Speaker 1:It was loose.
Speaker 5:It was loose tobacco.
Speaker 3:And she'd cook it with a baking soda and water and then snuff, and then she would just stick it in her nose.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 3:I hated it.
Speaker 2:Instead of sticking it in her rib, nope, she'd stuck it in her nose.
Speaker 3:Wow All right, oh, I hated it. I absolutely hated it.
Speaker 1:It was so disgusting I thought I'd heard of everything. I've never heard of sniffing tobacco.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I haven't her nose okay, so she was addicted to tobacco, when you think about it, for sure, and um, but you yourself, as you're growing up in new york, over there in the east coast with kids, and you know I'm saying that we're in the early 90s, it's biggie, and yeah, we puffing on a joint here there with the neighborhood kids honestly, I was a late bloomer when it came to drugs and alcohol because I had the fear of my parents.
Speaker 3:So my parents had a rule with us and again I was I'm sharp, so if one kid got in trouble I was like, yeah, I'm not doing that yeah my sister Mika was like the rebel she would run she would run away like well, not really run away, she'll run away for like the day and then come back spend some time with the boy, yeah so watching her and like my parents used to beat us and I'm like I didn't like getting hit like I was then like getting hit.
Speaker 3:So when I did something wrong I knew it was expected I was gonna get spanking and I hated it. Yeah, and not a spanking sounds nice I did not like getting hit yeah I didn't like
Speaker 2:hit.
Speaker 3:I've never been that type of girl and I can't fight back because you're not supposed to fight your parents back. So I never. I was always too afraid to dibble into drugs and alcohol because my parents were like you can't, because I have a brother, my mother's firstborn son His name was Daryl and you know sometimes I have shame over this he did. Have he struggled with the crack cocaine epidemic? I didn't really grow up with him Like I grew up with him in and out. My mother would let him in.
Speaker 2:He was older than Woody. He was older than Woody, yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, my mother would let him in. He spent a good chunk of his life in halfway houses in and out of rikers island prison went up, yeah, so my mother would let him in and I always have this memory. I think I was like seven and this was one of the times he came home.
Speaker 3:He was here for like a few days and I remember my mom locking everything up like taking the knives and stuff because he had an episode yeah and I didn't know what episodes were until I got older and I realized okay, not only did he have a drug addiction, but my brother also had mental health issues. Like he had schizophrenia and whatnot and I don't think my parents knew how to deal with it.
Speaker 4:They didn't know how to conduct it.
Speaker 3:But we always talk about my mom being selfish. Like my mom was really selfish and we talked about it because I was like she had enough sense that when he was around like she was always like, no, you can't be here, you can, you know, always setting boundaries because he had molested my sisters when they were younger. This was before I was in the picture. Yeah, and there's a lot of family dynamic in there. Yeah, I'm sure, so I you know they say having a father in the home helps. It works.
Speaker 4:And.
Speaker 3:I've been blessed with having my dad be there in my life. But like, yes, he was in my life, but, like, one of the things I always talk about is like, yeah, but it was hard because I was, the bar was set differently for me and it was always this you have to take care of your siblings, you know, you have to make sure you are the best, you have to perform. You can't do these things, you can't do those things.
Speaker 2:So it was just like you can't rebel because would you say I was going to take care of it? Would you say that you were forced to grow up quick but you didn't really get a childhood with you know? I mean like riding bikes and neighborhood kids kind of stuff.
Speaker 3:No, we did like you did every summertime, like the whole playing outside, like we played outside, um, and if you ever go to irvington, new jersey, like you played, I am like, yes, I did and I've gone back there. We were there in May and we went back there and the things have changed. Is there's no more boys on the corner? I think that's changed. It's been over 20 years.
Speaker 3:They don't go on the corner anymore because everything's Snapchat but you don't really see the drug scene how it was in the nineties. So it's different. So like walking around with like my family and like Omar and I've been married for 20 years and I remember when Omar first came to Irvington, you know I was afraid for him. I was like, okay, you know there's not people who look like you in Irvington, but now you go to Irvington, they're gent and I'm just like, oh, when did the white people move in? So?
Speaker 4:but it used to not be like that like it was just known, like there were certain towns like you go to and there were certain towns.
Speaker 3:If you were there, you had to leave at a certain time so we played outside, like during the summers, like we played um. I had a really good friend who lived next door was your neighborhood, predominantly black, yeah yeah, I think we had one, think we had a couple of Hispanic families and some Asian families, but it was black.
Speaker 2:His was all white and he had a black family.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we had one Polish family because of the Catholic Church and I remember, because he was the only white kid at the school and we called him white skin Cause. We were just like cause he, we, I went kindergarten to like sixth grade with him and he went all through high school and everything. But you know, his family grew up there so it was just like oh, that's just Paul. Oh that's just Paul. People Like that's how I ate pierogies and stuff, cause like that was Paul's.
Speaker 3:people like yeah we didn't consider them because we just it wasn't a thing and his family like fit in, assimilated like we were all on the blog there wasn't a a hate or racism but there was always. There wasn't a like, because you could come to the hood, like what I found out, like as I had gotten older, and like making observations, like coming to irvington is fine, like you're not gonna get robbed. You know, obviously, use wisdom, don't just be flawed don't floss your stuff out there because petty
Speaker 3:crime is petty crime yeah so there was always like you're fine there. But like I remember it was Omar who pointed it out, dude, I don't know what year this was, but we came and we had the kids and I was like, oh, let's go to the mall. And we went to um. It's called um short hills mall.
Speaker 3:Short hill is like scottsdale yeah, it's where the money's at, where the money's at and when you go to short hills, you can't go dress like this, okay, because the cops are walking behind you oh really, yes, they're watching you.
Speaker 4:They're watching you, so you don't belong.
Speaker 3:You do not belong here so it was different because, like he's not ever experienced that he's just like why are you asking for this? And I'm just like oh, oh, oh oh.
Speaker 2:So I had to explain to him.
Speaker 3:I was like, yeah, they know you're not from this side of town. He's like it doesn't matter and I'm like I know, but this is just what it is.
Speaker 5:This is how it is, this is how it is, and this is like early, I don't know.
Speaker 3:The kids were like 2010s and 12s. This is how it's always been. And he's like that's just not okay and I'm like, yeah, so I didn't have answers for him.
Speaker 2:Let's go way back before Omar and the kids, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, high school?
Speaker 2:Did you graduate high school? I graduated high school you did, where you get good grades.
Speaker 3:You play any sports okay I started getting good grades my junior year of high school. I started taking life seriously my junior year of high school okay so we moved from jersey to florida because my mother got tired of being in the cold and at that point I was the last one standing. My other sisters were out of the house, living their lives in school, whatever. So my mom's like going to florida and I was like you, dad and mom went to florida and I was like a lot of new yorkers do that.
Speaker 2:I don't know why, but they go down to florida because they want better weather. Yeah, so we went to orlando, florida as long as they're not coming to Arizona, Go down to Florida. I mean Florida.
Speaker 3:Florida was interesting. I lived there for a while, but I went to high school in. Florida. I went to high school in Orlando and then I ended up in Jacksonville. So, I was in Jacksonville for a while, but between Orlando and Jacksonville and Arizona I was in Georgia, South Carolina, and then back to Florida and then Arizona. So freshman year I started going boy crazy. I was just like okay, so I learned to be sneaky. It was just one of those.
Speaker 2:Like you're special.
Speaker 3:I learned to be sneaky too, you got to get your needs met right. Hey, it is what it is, man. Like you're special, I learned to be sneaky too. I mean, you got to get your needs met right. Hey, it is what it is, man.
Speaker 2:Where there's a will, there's a way my dad was like don't do drugs and don't get pregnant.
Speaker 3:And I was like bet and did not do drugs, didn't get pregnant.
Speaker 2:I did a lot of other stuff, but I didn't do drugs and I didn't get pregnant. I didn't get pregnant, amen. I was a flirt.
Speaker 3:You know, I was definitely a big flirt. I used to skip school all the time and it was funny because I had a friend of mine she's still a good friend to this day and she used to rag on me because she was like the biggest pothead and she would always be like yo, we should go.
Speaker 2:We would skip. Yeah, let's have pot, let's have pot. And I'm like no, and she's like why? And I was like because my dad said, yeah, he would kick me out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, if he knew I did drugs and I got pregnant.
Speaker 2:I'm like I can't do it. You're respecting his home man. You're living under his roof, you're following his rules.
Speaker 3:I wasn't, and I had girlfriends and friends. Like I had a girlfriend who got pregnant in high school and I was just like. I'm not about that life. Like I as much as like, my family life was ridiculous. Like my mom was, I felt like she had some type of mental health issue and you know my dad was dealing with his traumas and his demons. Yeah, I wasn't trying to live in the streets and I had enough sense I'm just, I'm not built for it, like I don't want to do it.
Speaker 2:Something's telling me that your girls are a lot like you in that sense, because I watch your girls and I'm like man, I think that they got that To where they're like nope, I ain't doing that. No, it's true, they've watched some of their friends maybe go and do some stupid things. They're like I ain't doing that man.
Speaker 3:They watch some of their Christian friends. Just go and do some stupid things. They're like I ain't doing that man.
Speaker 2:They watch so many christian friends. Just because you're a christian doesn't mean it doesn't mean, and you know that's help us god. That's a whole nother story, because, you know, sometimes we've all got struggles, man, we've all got stuff and it's, it's hello. That's what we were talking about earlier. Man, that stuff there's a, that hidden life, that that hidden, that hidden life, and them hidden things where you keep hidden away, where nobody knows about, that's the stuff that'll take you out faster than anything.
Speaker 3:It is, and I'm I'm grateful that girls have picked that up, because I'm always I'm very transparent with them, I'm very transparent with them, I'm very open with them. In your parenting, in my parenting, so my oldest is 16, and then I have a 15-year-old, and I have a 12-year-old.
Speaker 2:You only have three. I only have three kids. I don't know why I thought you had five. I have no idea. Okay.
Speaker 5:All right.
Speaker 2:Maybe you're going to be adopting a couple more later down the road.
Speaker 3:She's like.
Speaker 5:I ain't paying for them.
Speaker 3:I do not want that blessing.
Speaker 5:I love you.
Speaker 3:I look forward to having son-in-laws.
Speaker 2:Amen. Yeah, there you go, grandbaby Amen.
Speaker 5:Thank you, but no, thank you, amen. But we'll get to that. We'll definitely get to that.
Speaker 3:But with the girls I'm constantly having we're in the season of, you know they find boys cute and I'm grateful. I'm like I'm glad you think boys are cute. Let's talk about how cute boys are all day. But Omar and I are always like what's the point of dating? And I'm always transparent with them. I'm like you know, I didn't know any better, so I thought dating was what I needed to do. But then I'm like who tells me dating is who I need, what I need to do? And I'm like that's just our society.
Speaker 3:But, dating is for marriage. You really go find your husband and I'm like, and no, your dad and I are an anomaly. I did meet Omar in high school, like I went to high school.
Speaker 5:I met Omar when I was 15.
Speaker 2:Oh wow we my life together, because that's why you said that, because you had a boyfriend and you started to become official and you're whatever that means dude. You asked a 16 year old man.
Speaker 3:She I got this I was definitely booed up and when I think about it, I'm just like, absolutely not like I'm.
Speaker 2:I'm not that I'm against dating, but I I'm like it's such a distraction Because I'm like I spent so much of my time obsessed with boys, when you should have been focused on your life and building your life for your yeah, not even focused on my life.
Speaker 3:Like figuring out Jesus, like again.
Speaker 2:I didn't even Come on.
Speaker 3:And had no encounter with Like. I had many encounters but I didn't understand what they were. But let's fast forward. To Hold on.
Speaker 2:This is because this is actually one thing I wanted to ask you, because all the way through this. I haven't heard like Sunday mass or things like, or there wasn't any. So there's.
Speaker 3:There was none of that. Wow, there was none of that. Wow, there was none of that.
Speaker 2:Is there a Bible in the house that is being read or opened? I had a Bible my dad got me a Bible, you had one, okay, and he wrote in it.
Speaker 3:Okay, he gave me my first Bible when I was 14. Okay, okay, so my mother would back. In Jersey, they used to do this thing during the feast and the holidays. You go to different churches and it's like if it was like.
Speaker 2:Catholic churches, different Catholic churches, and you go to different masses.
Speaker 3:And we would do that. So when my mother had to hold her vigils, we would go to different churches for the different saints and the different mass. So I was accustomed to doing that Like we would do the.
Speaker 2:That was your attendance in your church, so that was like a quarterly thing, but I didn't go so none of this stuff is really for erica. This is all mom and dad and stuff they're doing that you're being dragged to church for okay okay, I didn't do like wednesday bible study, didn't do any of that okay um, I knew that our father because I went to Catholic school, so I had to learn how to do that.
Speaker 3:I know the stations of the cross like it's nobody's business.
Speaker 2:Okay. But like there was no, as far as an encounter, an experience or a real awakening, it didn't happen yet. Nothing yet. Okay, no real relationship.
Speaker 3:No real relationship, but I knew God existed.
Speaker 2:That. That was like the drama and the trauma, like when bad stuff happens, you pray to God.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so it was like Okay, got it, so I was good, like okay, thank you for my religion lesson.
Speaker 2:How did How'd you and Omar meet In high school?
Speaker 3:That's so lame, were you guys set up In Florida? No, in Florida, in Florida.
Speaker 2:Well, omar's a Mexican bro.
Speaker 3:Omar's Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2:Puerto Rican I'm sorry, I'm from Arizona. There's plenty of them here, bud.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but not in New York.
Speaker 3:Eh no, there's no, well, maybe now.
Speaker 2:Maybe now.
Speaker 3:Okay, they're not that big Back then it was mostly Caribbean, Latin American.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I we went to Oak Ridge High School. I met Omar, so I was an ROTC and Omar was an ROTC Really.
Speaker 2:Is this in Orlando In?
Speaker 3:Orlando. Yeah, so I met him through a friend of mine. We were in model rocketry.
Speaker 1:Hold on a second. What made you do ROTC?
Speaker 3:I needed okay. So freshman year I needed an elective. I didn't want to do.
Speaker 2:She's like I ain't doing, I didn't want to do PE.
Speaker 5:So I'll wear the clothes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I ended up doing it Because I needed an elective freshman year. So I ended up doing ROTC and I was like, okay, easy elective. And then I ended up doing it for four years.
Speaker 1:No intention of doing the military.
Speaker 3:I didn't do the military Because my parents were like extremely against it Because during that time September 11th happened and they were very fearful. So they were like no, no, no, and I was like okay, cool, fine, whatever. I didn't care but I started off freshman year and I was like alright, and I just kept going because it was just like okay, this is cool, like why not? And I found that I was good at it because I'm very disciplined we got Nathaniel Nathaniel.
Speaker 2:he was in ROTC his whole high school but he has no plans on going to the military. He should If he doesn't go to college definitely consider.
Speaker 3:I'm for it If you don't know what you want to do.
Speaker 2:military gives great direction and purpose for a young man.
Speaker 3:Personally, I feel like everyone needs to take one or two years into the military to grow up so they can really understand what it means. But that's just me and my own opinion.
Speaker 2:There ain't nothing like having a drill sergeant in your face spinning at you look at me I said it's like oh geez, oh God, some people need it. He'll put some fear in you, boy. Discipline man Absolutely. But I'm a disciplined person, I'm realizing in my the structure and the discipline and the order was great for you, okay.
Speaker 3:I like. I like things in order, I like things in um disciplined. So I met him. They had like clubs after, so I met him through a mutual friend.
Speaker 2:Like ROTC clubs.
Speaker 3:It was like a ROTC club was like a rtc called model rocket club, cool rocketry club, and he was there and I was just there because my friend was there and I don't know I had to do something else. So I was just hanging out with my friend and omar came in and then we started talking. But I didn't take him seriously because he liked someone else at the time that I knew of and I was just like, okay, whatever, so I'm like you're not someone I care about. But then fast forward the following year. Um, he found out I wasn't dating someone that I was and he just kind of came into the picture and like never went away, like he was everywhere, that is.
Speaker 3:That is truly what I remember yeah because I remember telling my girlfriend, like I am not serious about this. I'm like why is he bothering me? Like I don't like him, like ew because he wasn't my type. He wasn't someone that would go for. Like, the last guy that I talked to dated he was a football player.
Speaker 4:And.
Speaker 3:I was just like you know, omar was not a football player and I was just like mm-mm. So. But he was persistent, like everywhere he popped up and we had some classes together. So in classes he would try to find his way to sit next to me Like he made it his business.
Speaker 2:He liked what he saw.
Speaker 5:It was like he wore me out. That's all I'm going to say.
Speaker 2:The man wore me out.
Speaker 3:Like everywhere. This boy would just pop up and I was just like, oh my God, but what made me really consider him? I had an event and I had to wait until like 8 o'clock that night, so I was there after school and I was like, yeah, I'm not going to go home because I lived far and I'm like I had to catch the bus and stuff.
Speaker 3:So I was like, yeah, I'm not going to do that. So he stayed with me from like 3 o'clock till 8 o'clock, went to my induction ceremony and then waited for my parents to come get me, oh wow. And I was just like okay, A normal 16-year-old boy would not do this.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Maybe there would not do this. Yeah, maybe there's something there and then from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he caught, like he captured my attention you saw something I saw something, because I was like okay, this is speaking about your character most other dudes would have been like hey, peace, I got, yeah, like I got things to do.
Speaker 3:Like no, this man, he, I think he called out from work, like he literally just like. I'll stay with you, I want to make sure you get there, and I was just like okay that's awesome man so then we start dating. We're together and you know we're fast forward to. You know we're together. We're doing things when you got no business doing because we weren't married yeah so then, omar, it's our senior year and we graduate and everything.
Speaker 3:I get pregnant. So this is when god started showing up in my life. I get pregnant Like again it wasn't I had no business, and Omar joins the military.
Speaker 4:Oh, wow.
Speaker 3:But I'm going to school. So he's like, okay, we'll get married, we'll do these things, and I'm like, no, and he's like what do you mean? No, and I'm like no. I'm gonna take care of this, and if we're good, we're good and if not, deuces yeah. Because I'm like, I'm 18. My life is about to start. I'm going off to school in two months, Like. I'm not doing this with you, yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, he's wanting you to marry him and go and be an Army wife. Yeah, living on base and doing that whole. You would have hated, that, oh my man.
Speaker 3:So I'm like no. So he's just like, well, you know, don't do anything until I graduate from basic, and then we'll do it together. And I'm saying, okay, whatever, fine. So he goes off to basic in june, I go off to college in august, and then he graduates I want to say september yeah, it's a couple months, it's a couple months. So this whole time I'm pregnant and I'm just like I think I'm like three months pregnant at that point and. I'm like, okay, you, you're.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was pregnant well, so this because you had me wondering, because you said, I'm just gonna do this. I was like oh were you talking like? I didn't know if you were talking abortion I was gonna have an abortion. You were okay so you're now here, he is gone, and you are three months down the road and you are pregnant.
Speaker 3:I'm pregnant and I'm like I'm like look, my timeline is shrinking.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna do this I'm respecting you like, because you're still living with dad no, at this point I'm in school oh, okay and he's just like I went to brunel university and at um gainesville, georgia.
Speaker 3:So now I'm in college and I'm just like I'm not trying to be pregnant and like okay, doing this so I was just like my timeline is shrinking and you're about to graduate basic, so I fly out to Wacoogan, illinois, he does his graduation everything. And I'm like, okay, I have the appointment set, so we'll hang out today doing it tomorrow. And I remember it was interesting because, right, we're in the hotel room and like Omar was against the abortion and I was just like no, we're doing this. And he was like, okay, whatever, like if this is what you need to do.
Speaker 3:This is what you need to do, but I he was just supporting you. Yeah, okay so I remember we're in the room and I was just like okay. God, this is the very first time I feel like I've ever prayed to God, oh man.
Speaker 3:I'm like, okay, god, wow, what do you want from me? If you want me to go through with this, I'll do it. If you don't, I need you to make it perfectly clear and just release it. I take a nap, I wake up, I go to the bathroom and I'm like I don't feel good and I have a miscarriage.
Speaker 4:Wow, whoa.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I know.
Speaker 4:Yeah so when you said you thought I had five kids. You're not lying.
Speaker 3:I've had five pregnancies, but I've only had three births, and there's a story there.
Speaker 5:This is where my testimony comes out, oh my God.
Speaker 3:So I go to the bathroom. I'm just like what is this, what is this? So then I'm like, omar, wake up. And I wake him up. I'm like, hey, look in between my legs, what do you see? And he's like I see a sack. I'm like, okay, I think I'm having a baby. So I'm like, okay, here's what you need to do, because I'm that person under stress. I'm very like, okay, this is what you need to do you know what to do?
Speaker 2:You don't freak out. I don't freak out, okay.
Speaker 3:I'll freak out later and I'll obsess about it later.
Speaker 2:I know this is what we need to do.
Speaker 3:Come on, this is what we married, so they let you back there, but I need to handle this.
Speaker 2:and he's like, okay, okay, so we do, we get to the hospital oh, you're telling omar we're getting married, because I want you in the room with me, because you know they have to make sure everything's done yeah, so then that happens and then I um go to the hospital and they're like yep, you're miscarrying and you'll pass.
Speaker 3:So I passed the baby and you know it was cool and I how old were you? 18 dang, but I remember feeling relief because I was just like wow I was like okay, cool, okay, you know, like this is what we discussed yeah and you came through and this is like you and are you talking about me?
Speaker 3:again. I haven't been saved no born again yet, but this was like my first encounter you said you show up in, or he literally released it and I was just like my god erica, and you know I was like okay, like you knew what you were doing yeah so then, like I didn't think much of it, and then, like Omar and I go our separate ways, and then oh, so he goes back to the military.
Speaker 2:He goes back to the military and I go to school, so he goes to South.
Speaker 3:Carolina and I go to Georgia and then have Omar tell you.
Speaker 2:Fort Jackson, south Carolina, baby, no, charleston, what's it called? Goose Creek, south Carolina.
Speaker 3:It was middle of nowhere, but have Omar, tell you, baby, no austin's. Oh okay, all right. What's it called um goose creek, south carolina was middle of nowhere. But have omar tell you he was just like he had to wife me like he had to marry we'll get him on, we'll get you.
Speaker 3:I got my crosshairs on youtube, bro, because he said he saw the writings on the wall like I was gonna leave him or something like that so fast forward to go back, I go back to school and he goes back to south carolina. They didn't, so at the hospital they didn't perform anything on me. They were just like okay, the baby will pass. However, I didn't know when you miscarry, like that you're supposed, they're supposed to like give, check you and do all the things. They didn't.
Speaker 3:I go back to school and I get sick Like I start bleeding.
Speaker 5:Oh wow, Bleeding out violently.
Speaker 3:And I had a resident assistant, so you know when you're in a dorm. So I had a roommate and then I shared a suite. We shared a bathroom with someone else. During that time, like I guess, I went to the bathroom and I passed out and I was bleeding, and then I woke up and I thought I cleaned up. Well, and I didn't.
Speaker 3:So they were worried about you and somebody no, let me tell you how the devil is. Devil is a liar. My roommate and my suite mates those three girls call my ra and they're like look how nasty this girl is she left all this blood and blah blah. But my RA, I promise you, was a saint, like she was God like. God sent her yeah was like she's miscarrying, like that's not regular period, blood, that's nothing. So she checked in on me and took me wow, because you were passed out.
Speaker 2:I was passed out and I wasn't doing well and she checked in on me.
Speaker 3:She was like hey, how are you feeling? What are you doing? Like, tell me your symptoms. And I I was like yeah, I just missed carry, blah, blah. She's like I think you have an infection. I need to take you to the nurse. So she literally saved my life wow, because I was still passing yeah the miscarriage and I didn't know.
Speaker 5:This is like a week later wow.
Speaker 3:So they had to like perform like the dnc, which is basically they had to go in there and make sure everything was good yeah, because I was literally bleeding out because the doctors were just like whatever, just go yeah and I was just like okay, this woman saved my life, wow. So then that?
Speaker 4:happened saved my life.
Speaker 3:Wow. So then that happened, Saved my life. They gave me antibiotics because I was going septic Like I was sick Wow. And she saved my life.
Speaker 1:What the hell were them other people doing, the people that you were at before?
Speaker 3:I don't know.
Speaker 1:They were just like yeah, you're miscarrying, Go on about your day, yeah but apparently when you miscarry they're supposed to perform. Yeah, there's a process.
Speaker 3:There's a process they didn't check, holy crap, man. So I'm grateful to her.
Speaker 1:Come on, because she recognized what that was and instead of like you know why, the other girls were thinking you were just nasty.
Speaker 3:Being a nasty girl. It was really like, oh, this girl's dying. Kudos to her for having the knowledge of knowing miscarriage and things like that man god for her because like didn't know. And after that it was when I had a conversation with god, like hey, if you spare me, then I will figure out what it looks like yeah so then he spared me in that moment.
Speaker 2:Oh, you were, you were afraid of dying I didn't want to go out like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, does that make sense? Yeah I wanted to go out in a different way, yeah, so I was just like spare me, not like this.
Speaker 1:Let me go out honorable.
Speaker 3:Yeah, not like this because I'm like, how do I explain? Because I hadn't told anyone yeah I didn't like. I kept that very private amen and I didn't tell my parents or anything like I just it was, it was omar and I like okay yeah telling you guys like I can count the many times I've told this story because I just never told anyone because again.
Speaker 1:You know how the devil likes to keep you in shame, so the girls ever say anything to you after that no, I never told them, I didn't care to no, they, they didn't come. Apologize.
Speaker 3:Nothing.
Speaker 2:Haven't you seen? There's a movie called Mean Girls. Girls can be mean Girls can be mean.
Speaker 3:You know, I always, from very early on in my life, I've always been the type of person if I have to explain my worth to you, we're not friends.
Speaker 1:If I have to explain my worth to you. We're not friends. If.
Speaker 3:I have to explain my part. We're not friends, so I just I never. So that could be toxic, depending on what Lindsay looked through. But for me it was just one of those. I'm like, yeah, like if you think I'm a horrible person and I'm the villain in your life, then that's who I am Amen be the villain. I'm not going to change your mind.
Speaker 1:I think that's just a survival mentality. If you don't want me in your life, I'm not going to make the effort to try to be in it. If you don't want me in it, why am I going to waste that energy in that time, when I can place it where it needs to be? Yeah, good for you, girl yeah, boundaries it's not always easy.
Speaker 1:That's not toxic man, that's, that's, that's admirable sometimes, sometimes this is rough. Sometimes it's like oh man, okay, jesus, I see what you're doing there, that's fine there's people I've had to cut out because I'm like I'm tired of spitting my energy on you. You just ain't worth it anymore and I'm sorry those ones that are all.
Speaker 2:I'm serious, drained and negative it's like dude, all you do is complain bro yeah, no, it's real.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm heading this direction, and if you want to go arm and arm with me, man, let's get it, dude, but if you're like, you stuck in the past and it's like we don't have a future because we're going different places. I don't care if you're a family friend, who you are man, if you if we ain't going this way together.
Speaker 3:I'm cutting you off.
Speaker 1:I'll pray for you. Catch up and we can walk together, but I'm not dragging your butt around.
Speaker 2:So you meet Omar in junior and high school and you guys start dating and you graduate high school, you end up getting pregnant, Omar's joining the military. You're going to college and you have your first real heart-to-heart or your first prayer with God.
Speaker 3:First encounter.
Speaker 2:And he shows up because that's what he does. He's faithful.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 2:When his kids reach out, whether it's a prayer or a cry or even a curse, God hears and he shows up.
Speaker 3:man, he shows up and he shows out.
Speaker 2:Omar goes back to his next school, AIT.
Speaker 1:Did he know what was happening with you.
Speaker 3:He didn't know after the fact because hi my name is Erica. I'm extremely private and I'm like I need to figure out what this looks like before. I share with anybody and I'm like I need to figure out what this looks like before I share with anybody. Okay, I never liked feeling unstable. I always pick that up when I think back of childhood and you ask me. I'm like I think I was like a nervous child because I would pick up and I didn't like the feeling of instability.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because like we were poor. There were times we didn't have water, um, or if we had gas on, my mom would boil hot water, the heat of the house, and this is in Jersey and it gets cold, so I don't get real cold, I did not like living like that.
Speaker 3:I didn't like the instability. Um my dad was an alcoholic so the weekends he didn't um get paid Like it was eggy. It was like walking on eggshells like he. He wasn't like abusive per se to like you know those abusive movies, but like you know he had a big bark and like if dad was mad he would hear it and it would.
Speaker 2:It was just like I don't like being yelled at well, you said you were Children aren't meant to be seen, or?
Speaker 3:heard from they just exist and mind your P's and Q's man, yes, but it was interesting because it was like for me it was like I don't know. When my sisters and I talk about it, I'm like, yeah, I used to be afraid of my dad and they're like you weren't afraid of daddy. I was like, yes, I was. I felt like if I wasn't perfect, something would disrupt the atmosphere.
Speaker 3:Because when my sisters did stuff because my father would never hit my sisters ever he didn't discipline them. My mother disciplined them. My mom was mean disciplined, she'd throw pots at us. I hated getting spankings from my mother because she was nasty mma fighter yeah but my dad, like I remember he never hit my sisters. I used to be so mad because I'm like I always get hit, like she's all pointing out what they're doing wrong, beat them, yeah, beat them.
Speaker 2:So there's a really funny story. There's a really funny story. Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:There's a really funny story. My father was a really good carpenter, so he laid down laminate flooring in a house that we were living in and apparently I think I was like four I mucked it all up Like I tore it all up. My sisters did not want me to get beat.
Speaker 3:So they blamed my sister, soraya oh no, because they knew dad wasn't going to hit her but my dad was so pissed that he got into such a bad argument with my mother that my mom beat the crap out of my sister and I felt so bad about it but my sister to this day does not.
Speaker 5:Let me live from that story remember the time I got a whooping from you for you.
Speaker 3:But my sister's like, yeah, but he would have killed her. Live from that story.
Speaker 5:It's just like remember the time I got a whooping from you before you but my sisters were like, yeah, but he would have killed her yeah.
Speaker 2:So what'd you? What'd you do after in college? What'd you major? What'd you major in burnell? So I started off in engineering oh wow, yes, what were you minor? Psychology holy god, just jumping into a little something, or else there. Two of probably the most hardest subjects in the next education so there's a running joke.
Speaker 3:There's a running joke in Caribbean households. You can be a doctor, lawyer, engineer or nurse. Anything outside of that is like what are you doing with your life?
Speaker 2:And my father.
Speaker 3:He would always one of the things. It's always what are you doing with your life? And my father, he would always one of the things. He has always stuck with me. He would always be like you know, erica, I work hard like this because this is not my country. You are a citizen. There's no reason you can't go to college. There's no reason you can't do anything. He's like go do whatever.
Speaker 2:That's there you've got opportunities that I didn't have, he didn't have, and I'm like okay, so I've always had that and it's like that's good and it's not that, like you know, opportunity is just free, like talent is free.
Speaker 3:Everyone has talent. Opportunity can be limited, but you have to find it yeah and you, you know you the whole exposure and that's a whole nother conversation. But, like my father would always like, you know, if you gotta get a student loan, get a student loan. So I'm like okay, so that's why I have a whole bunch of student loan debt, but it was always like okay, if this is what you want to do, we're poor people, figure it out yeah and I'm like, okay, I figured it out, I gotta get a loan, a loan.
Speaker 3:So my college was, you know, funded by loans and now I'm paying all those loans back. And I would love to be in that number, but we'll see. But you know it is. It was just that was what he told me, because he's like no one's going to give it to you and he would always be like there are going to be people there who get everything, are going to be people there who get everything, and that sucks, but for you you're a citizen. Go get that loan, come on.
Speaker 3:So I got that loan so I started off with um engineering and I was taking psychology classes as well and I'm taking the engineering classes. I got up to organic chemistry and I realized this is stupid. I don't like this. Like why am I killing myself? So I dropped it and then I just went full into psychology. So I ended up doing psychology as my bachelor's degree and criminal justice as my minor. Because I was going to go into forensics. So then, after getting my college degree and there's an interesting story there too- From Bernal, from Bernal.
Speaker 3:So after Omar and I separated, went separate ways, we were dating, but I wasn't serious. He wasn't serious. So he saw the writings on the wall. Have him tell it. He's like oh, I knew you were going to be my wife. We have a phone call and this is like october, early in october. He's like, hey, you want to get married.
Speaker 3:And I was like, okay, I got married october 15th and I've been married october 15 20 2004 wow, that's when we got at 18, 20 years man then we got married and then it was just like, okay, I'm married now. And he's like, yeah, so now you've got to move. And I was like, wait what? So I was like, oh, this is what you were doing all along. You wanted me to move. So, and like a fool, I was like, all right, I'll move because you know I'm married now. So I finished out my freshman year line up and then I had to take a break because I didn't know you're supposed to transfer and do all those things ahead of time. I'm thinking, oh, I can just go to the local college and start. And I was like, nope, you need to wait six months, yeah. So I moved?
Speaker 2:have all your credits transfer?
Speaker 3:didn't know piss and I'm sitting here. I'm like, oh so you want to play house, so I played house for six months, but I had enough wisdom, because I'm like, if I'm gonna play house, I need to get my affairs in order. So I played house for six months, didn't get pregnant because I got on birth control and everything, because I was like, look, we're not doing that yeah I've always been that person. I'm like you know.
Speaker 3:Please don't derail my life yeah like, if we're gonna do this, we're do this, but I want us to have some type of non-derailment. So, I moved to South Carolina. I'm there for six months. We're together.
Speaker 5:Then he gets sent.
Speaker 3:Somewhere else and I'm like this is BS. So then I'm stuck in South Carolina for another six months, because now I started school, so I got to finish that semester because I just paid for it. So I'm like okay, well, I'm gonna follow you in six months. And he's like okay, cool. So he goes and I'm there and I'm stuck in South Carolina for another six months. So then I move after that six months and then we go to Florida. So he was living in the barracks and, um, I moved to Florida and I'm like okay, cool.
Speaker 3:So at this point this is fast forward. We're 20 years old. And and I'm like okay, cool. So at this point this is fast forward. We're 20 years old. And then I'm like okay, I'm in like my junior year of college. I'm like all right, you know what? Let's start planning for kids. I think I'm ready, we're cool, we're 20. I think we can do this. So then I get pregnant and I'm like okay, yes, this is perfect for me, I want to do all these things, I want to have your children. And then I go to work. I'm like 20 weeks pregnant.
Speaker 2:What are you doing for?
Speaker 3:work. I'm working at Starbucks. I'm going to college working at Starbucks. Because you know, during that period, omar's on deployment and I'm just like, look, look, there's no real work that I can get, so I'm going to work at Starbucks and I'm going to finish up my degree.
Speaker 2:It's a job man, it's a job and I loved it.
Speaker 3:It had benefits and everything. So he's going on, deployments in and out. I'm pregnant, I'm like happy, I'm like okay, we're building this family. Like you know, we're aligned, we're together, you're here for a long period of time, so this is perfect. So then I get pregnant, everything's going smoothly. I go into work and one of my regular customers he happens to be like a surgeon and we were like you know, we got to know each other and he was following my pregnancy and he's like you don't look too good. And I was like, yeah, I don't feel too good.
Speaker 3:He's like you should go get checked because you know, normally you're a different way and I was like, yeah, I should do that. He's like yeah, and don't let them tell you, because you're a first-time mom, you know there's nothing wrong with you, because they're going to dismiss you.
Speaker 3:He's like just, but go to the doctor again. That's an angel. I didn't know that at the time, but he was persistent. And here this is just a customer and he's just like, no, you really need to go get checked. And I was like, okay. So then I go home, omar, let's go. I think there's something wrong. I don't feel good. He's like, okay, let's go. So we go to the naval hospital, because that's where you have to go get your care. Yeah, and true enough, the doctor, she comes in first time. Mom, you always complain about things it's nothing, it's minor.
Speaker 3:I'm laying on the table almost there holding my hands. She looks in there, she stops talking, gets up, pulls her gloves off and leaves the room. And I look at omar and I'm like there's something wrong with me. And he's like, well, no, no, because omar's optimistic like it's so annoying, god blessed him with optimism and I'm just like I don't.
Speaker 3:I god knew what he was doing with omar. Yeah, so I'm just like no, no, it's okay, it's so annoying. God blessed him with optimism and I'm just like I don't, god knew what he was doing with homer yeah so I'm just like no, no, it's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 3:And I'm like, no, there's something wrong. A team of people come in and they're like okay, so here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna send you to shan's hospital. That's like the high trauma hospital. Yeah, and still not explaining to me what's going on. They're telling me what they're going to do and I'm like what's wrong? And they're like you're dilated, and I'm like I can't be. I'm only 20 weeks pregnant. They're like, yeah, you're not supposed to be, but you know, are you feeling anything? I'm like no, I just, you know, I don't feel any pain.
Speaker 4:I don't feel like well, you're dilated and we have to send you somewhere so we can figure out how to fix it, and you don't have the baby, yeah, jesus, cool, so then they send me to this hospital.
Speaker 3:I'll make this part short, so I suffer, thank, you, yeah, I'm suffering with this condition. So I have this thing called incompetent cerv, which is basically your cervix is like this, and what happens is, as you're progressing your pregnancy, the baby gets heavy, so it starts to open up and it funnels, and the solution is they stitch you with a. They call it surclosh, but it's the stitch.
Speaker 3:They stitch your cervix closed and then you have to be inverted and you're on bed rest for the rest of your pregnancy, until you're like 35 weeks, 37 weeks, and then they take the stitch out and they're like have a baby? Wow, so then that's what I had. So then they rushed me to this hospital. I'm in the hospital 20, 21 weeks, 22 weeks I get the stitch in and they released me 23 weeks. I get home. They're like bed rest, don't do nothing, cool.
Speaker 2:When does the baby come out? Isn't it 39 weeks, 39. You got released at 23, and it wasn't until so 16, four months, four and a half months, four months, you had to be inverted and legs up Yep. Oh my God dude.
Speaker 3:Let me just start.
Speaker 3:It gets better to be inverted and legs up and yeah, oh my god, dude, let me let me get better, so I remember my first encounter at 18 so now I'm 20 so my mother and my father lived in florida and I was grateful because they were able to come to jacksonville, because they were living in orlando and they came to jacksonville to take care of me because Omar had to go on deployment soon. So we go home, I'm in the, I'm at home now and Omar is getting ready to leave to go to deployment and I'm like okay, I got to use bathroom. So I'm 23 weeks pregnant, so that's what, four and a half five months, and I'm still on toilet and I'm like oh, this feels familiar. I start pushing, wow. So then I'm just like Omar come and he's like what, what's going on? And I'm like what do you see? And he's like oh man.
Speaker 2:So then he starts to tear up.
Speaker 3:And he's like so what do you want to do?
Speaker 5:And.
Speaker 3:I was like we got to go to the hospital, there's nothing I can't do, Like I can't stay here.
Speaker 3:He was like, okay, well, don't push. I'm like I won't Very calm about it. So I tell my mom like hey, I'm going to go, like mom, I'm going to the hospital, baby's coming. And she's like, what do you mean? But hopefully if we go to the hospital we can maybe they can save the baby, maybe old enough or anything. So there's a hospital in jacksonville we live called saint luke's because shan's was, it's all. So I lived on the beach, like by the beaches, and shan's hospital was downtown jacksonville and where we lived that's like a 45 minute to St Luke's is 15 minutes down the street.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But they're not a trauma-level hospital. But I'm like they're like I'm on the phone with my doctor and they're like, hold it in, like hold it in and get here, yeah. And I'm like I can't. And they're like, okay, go to the nearest hospital. So I get there and I meet another one of God's angels. Her name is Dr Beverly London. So we get in. They're expecting us. She comes out and she grabs my hand and she talks to me in my ear and this is the surgeon. She's like okay, you're going to have this baby, but I'm going to tell you I'm going to prepare you and it's going to be hard. But she's like but don't give up, because you're going to have a baby again. She's like you're going to have that baby and the baby's not going to live long. You're going to say goodbye and God's going to bless you. And I was just like why are you telling?
Speaker 2:me, this lady, oh my God.
Speaker 3:But like in this, like what doctor meets you on the like in the emergency room. In the emergency room she met me, she held my hand and she tells me this and true enough pushed the baby out All those things happened Did the baby live for a little bit. The baby lived for five minutes and then she passed away.
Speaker 3:So I remember she tells me that and I remember being in the room and I was mad Because I was like, okay, I see what you're doing there, god, you're punishing me because I didn't want the first one.
Speaker 2:Dang, that's fine.
Speaker 3:That's literally what I said.
Speaker 2:That's what you thought, that's what.
Speaker 5:I thought that's what you thought.
Speaker 2:And I was like this is my punishment, but I'm going to be honest. I lived in that place for a while, so fast forward.
Speaker 4:I get like years okay all right so fast forward.
Speaker 3:I go home, omar has to go on deployment so he leaves and I'm stuck with my parents and whatnot. And, um, you know, my mom's like being optimistic, like you're not baby, blah, blah. I'm like yeah, yeah, whatever. So then my mom suggests she's like you know the Catholic Church. They do some mass for people who lose loved ones. Why don't you go?
Speaker 3:And I'm looking at her like why, and she's like, why don't you just go? And I'm like, okay, fine. So I go to this mass and I'm sitting there and it was different because I'm like, you know, you think of mass, it's the whole, you know, priest, and everything. But this was different. They opened it up and then, like, the priest starts preaching and talking about loss and then telling the people who are there because it was for people who lost loved ones write a letter to your loved one, and I remember writing a letter to her and then as I'm sitting there, I'm sitting in the pew I was just like I was wondering.
Speaker 2:I gave her name, okay, I called her after my father, so her name was eve I was wondering the same thing. I didn't name her.
Speaker 3:I did. I didn't name her, but as I was writing the letter to her, I remember sitting there and I was just thinking, you know, god, I get it. Like so much is given, much is required. I get it. But I was like but if you, if you allow me to be a mom, because you know I'm bargaining, because you know, that's what we do, it's what you do.
Speaker 2:You've done it twice with him already. I did it twice already.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 5:I was like all right let's see Third time's the charm.
Speaker 3:I was like, you know you wanted this one and I get it. You needed her more than I needed her. But I'm like but if you allow me to be a mom, I will do everything within my power to raise them for you. So, mind you, omar goes out on deployment, so Omar goes on deployment, he's on a submarine. So three months in, three months out, so he's gone. And it's three months now and, doctor, I get a new doctor. And the doctor's like yeah, wait three months before you can have a baby, blah, blah. And I'm like okay, cool, omar comes into port for like two days. He calls me. He's like yo, come, come through.
Speaker 3:And I'm like come here baby, basically, and I'm like okay and then come through, spend some time with him, go home he leaves and then, a month later I'm pregnant and I'm like, oh, you messing with me. So then I'm like, okay, cool.
Speaker 2:So I do all the doctors and this is Sasha.
Speaker 3:I'm pregnant with Sasha, wow. So I'm doing all the things and I know what's going on, so I'm doing everything.
Speaker 2:This is my oldest. This is the one that's winning the pageants and being bold for Jesus this is Sasha. Oh my God.
Speaker 3:So I'm like, okay, God, and you know God will bless you.
Speaker 2:After you said that If you allow me the opportunity, to be a mother.
Speaker 3:I'll do everything in my power to raise her for you yes, and here's the thing, I'm god. So at the moment I was, I was 20. I had sasha when I was 21, so I had just had the miscarriage. I waited for three months, got pregnant with her immediately, and then I have her. So here's the thing.
Speaker 3:If you math, you're like but that doesn't make any sense. You're right. So I get pregnant with Sasha, I have my condition and everything. I turn 31 weeks in a day. 31 weeks in one day. I start having contractions. So I have to go to the hospital and go to St Luke's and they're like, okay, you're 31 weeks, you can have the baby, but we don't want you to have the baby. So they're like, giving me all the things, giving me steroids and stuff, and I'm laying in this bed. I'm like, okay, god, we had an agreement.
Speaker 3:I hadn't given my life to God. Yet because I'm hardheaded.
Speaker 2:You take a little longer, you got a little more work to do on this one Lord. Still bargaining, but I'm bargaining with him. I'm bargaining with the Lord, I'm bargaining with him.
Speaker 3:It's faith.
Speaker 2:This for you in your life. In this point, in this quote-unquote bargaining point In the Bible, it talks about putting a fleece before, but I didn't know that. Yeah, but this is basically you're having a conversation with god, man what?
Speaker 3:I know now, had I known back then, I would have been more bold and more confident but, I remember being in the hospital. I'm like mad, I'm like god, you, you're playing with me. You said you don't, just as you saying I can have be a mom, and now you're gonna take this away from me because you're gonna give me a preemie. Like what are you doing?
Speaker 4:and like I didn't hear anything.
Speaker 3:So then what I heard was baby came. So I go in on monday, baby comes on friday. She's 32 weeks even and she comes out fine. Fat is baby in the nikkus because, when the child is 32 weeks, they're normally like one pound two pounds. She was five pounds. She was huge. She didn't need any support. She was lazy, but other than that she was fine so she stayed in the NICU for 40 days.
Speaker 2:That's look at God oh, god's got something, god's got something for you, sasha, oh man.
Speaker 3:Sasha's truly a miracle. I have Sasha and again, you know we're in the hospital, we're doing the things. She comes home and I'm like I gotta own up to my side. So I didn't know any better and all I knew at that time about God was I baptized her. I got her baptized you're really gonna start doing it for listen. I took her to the Catholic church nine months she got baptized, whole ceremony and everything.
Speaker 2:So I did that um you didn't even know what you were doing, but you were honoring your word to him, oh, my god.
Speaker 3:And I told you guys, I told you guys my parents were prayers so I had I started praying. So when I was pregnant with sasha, I started praying certain prayers and I was like almost ritualistic, every day, morning, noon and night I was just praying. They were in different Catholic prayers, but they were prayers because, it was like I'm going to, I'm going to pray, I'm going to do these things Cause I don't know what it looks like, but I think it looks like this because everything that I've seen.
Speaker 2:It's all. You were modeled and seen. You were modeled and seen. Yeah, it's what you know.
Speaker 3:So then, nine months, came she. I baptized her at a Catholic church. I was doing a Catholic church thing. Omar wasn't going. Cause Omar he's.
Speaker 2:This is his story but we're going to get you boy.
Speaker 3:And then God has a sense of humor, cause then Sasha turns one, find out I'm pregnant again, and this is with Sanaya.
Speaker 2:Wow. So I'm like God dang. So then I have Sasha, and then I have.
Speaker 3:Sanaya. So, then I find out I'm pregnant with Sanaya in March.
Speaker 2:I have her in November Double portion.
Speaker 3:And God is faithful, he's good. Because Sanaya wasn't early and I was able to take her home. She was the first child I ever took home. So then I was like, okay, cool. But when I had her and I was able to take her home, she was the first child I ever took home. So then I was like, okay, cool. But when I had her and I was like, okay, god, we're going to start going to church, I didn't like Catholic.
Speaker 2:Wait, this is the middle. This is the middle, this is the middle. Oh, so the middle.
Speaker 3:Okay, I didn't want to do Catholic with her. I was just like there has to be something different because I thought it was boring. Again, I have not given myself to god yeah, I'm talking to him.
Speaker 5:We, you know, we have a relationship, but I have not been baptized in the water, none of that yeah, so then I start going to, um, I start going to christian churches.
Speaker 3:So I there was a potter house and it was where?
Speaker 2:where are you living? Jacksonville, florida, so I go.
Speaker 3:Okay, you're still going to this church called um Christian Center and I start taking the girls and we're going to Faith Christian Center.
Speaker 2:How old are you?
Speaker 3:At that point I'm 23.
Speaker 2:23 and you've got two kids. I have two kids and a whole husband, a whole husband and a whole husband. He's a lot. He won't stop eating and he keeps wanting me to come and visit him. Hey, honey. So you know Omar gets out of the military because the military starts being a strain on our marriage. Oh, the military changed around that time too. Man, it got weird, it got bad. Yeah, it got weird.
Speaker 3:So he decided I'm not relisting, I'm good, so he gets out, he's, there's an adjustment period big time a soldier gets out man. It's a big change, huge change and I never really lived together like we lived together, but it was always like honeymoon period living together.
Speaker 2:We lived together for like three months and yeah, and then he goes and goes away for a while I pretty much.
Speaker 3:I always would say I felt like a single mom and I always was independent because a lot of military wives feel like that. Yeah, and he was doing this thing and I was like all right, well, this is my lane, I'm gonna stay in my lane. So when he got home full time.
Speaker 2:I was just like when are you leaving again? Yeah, like, why are we here?
Speaker 3:so I'm working now.
Speaker 2:I graduate um college what are you doing for work, not starbucks no, no, no.
Speaker 3:So I first started off with the department of children and families, so I was working for the department of children and families the government. I was working for the government I realized I didn't like it okay because of just all the stuff, the bureaucracy yeah, it's a lot, man, even that was just the stuff that I was seeing. Oh, so and I always.
Speaker 2:Like you, didn't it hurt your heart? Yeah, it was, because it was like it's bad man, it was bad stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it is, it was just it was foul and I just I didn't like it. I didn't knew someone who was working at river region. River region was a drug rehab facility. Oh yes, and that's how my career with substance abuse and drug rehab went. So I knew someone. I wasn't qualified for the job at all because you needed to have a master's degree. I didn't have a master's degree. She was like, well, I need somebody to cover these groups, could you do them? And I'm like, well, you paying more than they paying.
Speaker 2:So yes, absolutely, what, absolutely. What do you mean?
Speaker 3:So I was doing drug court Okay, which will always be my favorite, like I have a love-hate relationship.
Speaker 2:I was like I hated it. It was so hard. They gave me so many classes and tests. I was like just lock me up, dude, because he wasn't doing right.
Speaker 3:But I started off in my career in behavioral health, working at drug court, and at that point I was 23, 24 years old, working at drug court, not knowing a damn thing. But I'm quick and I got a smart mouth and you know I'm from the hood, so I went in really well and it was always.
Speaker 3:People always ask me like my clients. They're always like did you abuse drugs? And I'm like no, why. And they're like so how are you like this? I'm like oh, because you think you know I'm my gifting, I know how to make people comfortable. Relatability yeah, yeah, you can relate with people, yeah, I can relate and I'm like I don't have to have abused drugs. I'm like, no, If you really want to know my business, I probably abuse things that could be considered drugs.
Speaker 2:We have a group for that. But I'm like no.
Speaker 3:I was blessed enough that God saw it fit not to let me go down that path.
Speaker 4:Because it's as simple as that.
Speaker 3:Snap of the finger and it's just like that.
Speaker 4:One time.
Speaker 5:One that, oh yeah, snap of the finger and it's just like that. One time, one time, one rip in that yeah god, god's like this, ain't for you
Speaker 4:I was like you right, you right, friend, yeah, but um so I'm working in drug court doing the things and guess what happened?
Speaker 3:I get pregnant again. Ah, and I'm looking and I'm like oh you funny, because how I equate it to now, looking back, I wasn't doing what I said I was doing, I didn't hold it to my agreement, so I get pregnant again.
Speaker 2:Did you make any declarations with?
Speaker 3:the other two, the second child? No, like you did with the first one, I did not.
Speaker 2:Okay, so God was just like you need to start doing what you said you were going to do with this one. So this is what he does.
Speaker 3:He's like you said you wanted to be a mom, right? So baby Fertile.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Okay. So, then I'm pregnant and guess what happens when often, like I recognize about myself like that was me working because during that time Omar and I were going to divorce oh.
Speaker 5:Jesus yes, because it was hard.
Speaker 3:I was just like look I don't know about you, but we good, so I feel in my heart. God was like what are you focused on? So he eliminated a whole bunch of stuff. So I get pregnant. I'm happy I'm pregnant, but I'm also sad I'm like I can't believe I got pregnant. How did I get pregnant? I know how I got pregnant but, you know what I'm saying but it was one of those things.
Speaker 2:But you just said, when Erica gets pregnant she doesn't work.
Speaker 3:Erica doesn't work.
Speaker 2:All these things got cleared off your plate.
Speaker 3:Man, here's the kicker Omar. I just got out of the military.
Speaker 2:He had no job.
Speaker 3:No he had no job. I was the only one working.
Speaker 2:So here.
Speaker 4:I am the breadwinner ego.
Speaker 3:I'm doing all things and that's why I went to leave. And then I get pregnant and then, like you know, 18 year old erica would have abortion. 24 year old erica's like babe, you too grown to get on that table yeah, go get it, go get a job like I looked. She's like you need. Omar needs to get a job yeah, so then I look at omar. I'm like, omar, you need to get a job. And he's like, okay. So he gets an email and it's Intel.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 3:Monday he goes on an interview. He comes back Monday afternoon. Yeah, I got a job.
Speaker 2:Oh my, I'm going to Arizona in a week.
Speaker 3:God, dude, wow. So he sends us to the desert.
Speaker 2:Enjoy your wilderness season.
Speaker 3:Listen, I didn't know what that was, but I know now but literally he's like he stripped away my pride, my ego, and then he what you got.
Speaker 1:Bro, I know there's something what you got what he did was is he shifted the dynamic around to where you were not in your rightful place as provider head of the household, all these different things God said put.
Speaker 2:Omar.
Speaker 1:We're going to put you here. We're going to put him here. We're going to allow him to provide you be the mother that you were asking to be.
Speaker 3:And we're going to take this dynamic and make it godly. You know he could have sent the email. That would have been okay.
Speaker 5:Yeah, but then we'd never be doing this man.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Come on, god works through people, though.
Speaker 2:Wow, yes, he does.
Speaker 1:So we move out here.
Speaker 3:Wow. And let me tell you, not only does God, our God, has a sense of humor.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, he does.
Speaker 3:But I'm getting put on bed rest because, erica, you got to. Relax my doctor's like no, you can't move. Relax my doctor's like no you can't move.
Speaker 2:Like what are you talking about? Like you're funneling, like no, all your pregnant, all your pregnancies. You have to do the same way where they stitch you and you're inverting the whole time, so all medical advice is like no you don't leave have your baby didn't go and I'm like, no, I can't because I don't have insurance if I don't follow him.
Speaker 3:So we've come to arizona. We find a house, like we lived in a hotel for a little bit.
Speaker 2:Find a house and with two kids and you're pregnant and I'm pregnant and two dogs you didn't come during the summer, did you?
Speaker 3:well, she, she was born in may. We came in february, okay, so at least she came in the cooler weather. I was like you would have loved july.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, get me out of here.
Speaker 3:God knew what he was doing In July you'd have been like whoa, it was hot. No, may was hot because I was like this is ridiculous. But so we come to Arizona and, mind you, week before I left I went to my last OBGYN appointment. I wasn't looking good. They're like you need to always be laying down as much as you can. So then I get here and I go to a doctor, because I have a doctor's appointment immediately as I land.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because they set it so they can make sure baby's good.
Speaker 2:I'm good, oh, from the flight From the flight, because you're going all the way across the country.
Speaker 3:Let me tell you, I go and the doctor that I get is like what do you have? I bring like a stack this big of medical papers and I know what I have. I'm like this is what I need. I need you to check my funneling, I need to make sure. Blah, blah, blah. And the doctor's like what do you have? Oh, I've never seen that before and I was like just send me my referral please. Like we're not doing this, like I'm not gonna be your guinea pig. So I had.
Speaker 3:There was a delay. But then I called the maternal fetal medicine doctors they're like the high-risk doctors and I'm like, hey, I just flew in, I have to make sure I'm okay I'm okay, nothing like do you have an appointment for me? I'm at mom doc and they don't know what to do with me. And, by the grace of god, the lady was starting to say no and she was like hold on. And then she picked up. She was like hey, actually, if you can come in within the next 20 minutes, we'll see you.
Speaker 2:I was like I'm there.
Speaker 3:So we went to baseline and um steeply that's where the doctors was and I went there. So then here's where it's funny Cause again, I'm praying and I'm like, okay, god, I know what you're doing, but at that point I'm like 25 weeks pregnant and I'm like god, I don't want to have this baby right now. You said that you wouldn't let me be a mother, and you've been showing me that, so I will hold up my end of the bargain, but don't let me go out like this yeah and I get there, everything's fine, you're fine, and I'm like huh at the the, the place at the place.
Speaker 3:Okay so when I left, my cervix was doing this and it was opening out here and they wanted me to go to the hospital. As soon as I got there, they checked. They're like your cervix is sealed and I'm like what?
Speaker 2:come on and they're like it's sealed, they're like you're not funneling, there's like there's nothing wrong with you and I'm like I'm like, but my history not funneling.
Speaker 5:They're like there's nothing wrong with you.
Speaker 3:And I'm like but my history, like my papers, and I'm like the last report, she was like, yeah, it's strange, and I'm just like huh, again not giving the glory to God, and I'm just like, what is this?
Speaker 3:And Omar doesn't have the words for it either and it going every week, it week by week. Nothing's happening. So then I'm at 37 weeks pregnant and this is when they take this um stitches out. So we go in and I'm, you know, we call his mom, call my people like, hey, you know we're gonna need help, because now we have a four-year-old, a two-year-old and we're gonna have this baby and typically, when they take the stitches out, I'm gonna have a baby.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we go in, they take the stitches out. We wait two hours nothing yeah, they look, oh my god, they're like oh, you're closed. My daughter was born at 42 weeks wow my last daughter. She didn't want to go nowhere, yeah, so family came god literally touched you, man.
Speaker 2:God literally was like let me show you if you don't believe me.
Speaker 1:So then I have her. So cervix, that would normally funnel. Yeah, it was opening the wrong way You're sealed.
Speaker 2:He sealed me together. That's why I was just like listen.
Speaker 3:God gave me that full term job.
Speaker 4:Come on man.
Speaker 1:Did he get your attention? Wait, come on now. This anticipation is like term come on, man. So then I get your attention. Wait, come on now this anticipation.
Speaker 2:I know you're good at making us wait, wait. Come on girl.
Speaker 3:So now we're in arizona, remember we omer and I still have marital issues in my head we breaking up, yeah, so wow, I'm like I'm done because you left south carolina.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in the process of divorce, yes, but it was like I have to follow him to Arizona.
Speaker 3:I'm pregnant, I need the medical care, so at this point I'm like okay, so I call home and I call my dad and my mom. I'm like I'm leaving, omar, can I come home? And my father was like no. And I'm like what? You mean no, he's like no. And I'm like why? And you mean no, he's like no, and I'm like why? And he's like Erica, you're a married woman.
Speaker 2:Oh dang, he's like go take care, like go handle your business oh man Wow, Be a big woman and go communicate, Put your big girl opinion and like work through that.
Speaker 3:He's like this is not the first time that you know, men have problems like go work on that.
Speaker 2:I was devastated so you were expecting yeah, come on home baby yes, I was expecting that.
Speaker 3:I was expecting you to take. You know, you're my father, take care of me. So here's where I start really listening. So during that time I'm going to the doctor every week. Before I had the baby, I met a woman. Her name was Jennifer and I met her and she's pregnant. I'm pregnant and we connect and she's telling me about Arizona and she's like, yeah, you know, because I had just came out here. So then I start confiding in her right before I have the baby, like yeah, I'm having marital issues and stuff.
Speaker 3:So then she introduces me to Kayla. She was like you know, when I have to K love.
Speaker 2:Hey, love the radio station.
Speaker 5:I never heard of it prior to that.
Speaker 2:So, she introduces me to that.
Speaker 3:Come on, she's like just listen to it. She was like you know, it just changes things fast forward. I'm delivering, we have nobody around us, but I remember her because I've been to her house. She's been to my house and our youngest kids are our oldest daughters, are the same age, they're playing and whatnot. So then she's just like I know you don't know me. We've only known each other for, like at that point, what three months she's like. But if you need me to be there to help you, my husband right does trucks and I met her husband but he wasn't in town. She's like I'll take the girls for you when you deliver, and you know I was an angel that shoot that was an angel there's more.
Speaker 3:So I'm in the process of giving birth and I'm like I can't have these kids here. I'm like it's already not fun.
Speaker 3:And here they are, mommy like yeah so I call her, like could you please come get them? So she comes all the way to the Banner Desert off of in Mesa and she lives in Queen Creek. So she came and picked them up for me and she took them and then I had the baby. So then, after about Samara was a month old, she's just like hey, I want to invite you to a church and I'm like church.
Speaker 4:So you have three girls I have three daughters.
Speaker 3:Wow, that's it. Wow. So she's like I want to invite you to a church and I'm like, okay, cool, like whatever. And she's like you know, do you want to come? I was like, okay, well, tell me the service and the time.
Speaker 1:So she invites me and she and whoa. When is this? What year is this june? This would have to be june of 2012, maybe july cca perry or cca, perry perry high school.
Speaker 3:Wow, you guys been here that long. Yes, wow. But here's the kicker she invites me. I go to church with um. No, I don't go to church with her. She invites me that day and omar and I sharing a car. Usually people don't go to church with her. She invites me that day and Omar and I sharing a car.
Speaker 2:Usually people don't go right away.
Speaker 3:It takes a couple of invites, but I was desperate, I couldn't go back to Jersey and I'm like someone has to leave, so Omar's working nights. So he comes in home one Sunday and I'm up and I'm getting stuff together. I'm getting snacks together, I'm getting my baby bag together, I'm getting snacks together, I'm getting my baby bag together and I'm like oh good, you're home, I need the car. And he's like where are you going? And I'm like I'm going to church. And he's like you going to church. I'm like, yes, I'm going to church. And he's like no, you're going to go do something. I'm like so I'm going to go do something with the three kids.
Speaker 3:You want to come with me. I didn't even ask him to come with me, so I'm just like.
Speaker 3:I'm like I'm not gonna fight you today, like I'm not fighting you, like whatever you, you do, whatever you want to do. So I'm packing stuff and I'm putting the kids and he's putting the kids in the car for me. And he gets in the car and he's like let's go to church. And I was like, okay, so I go to church with omar and I go to church with jennifer, she to church with Jennifer. She saves a seat one time and then after that we go to church every Sunday.
Speaker 3:Wow, omar did not know God and I didn't know what God was doing, but I knew when I met Jennifer and I started going to LifeLink, it was just kind of like this is where you need to be. So every Sunday I was going to church, I was taking the girls and it was cool because of like this is where you need to be. So every sunday I was going to church, I was taking the girls and it was cool because here I am watching them have encounters with god and they're going. And yes, it was just. You know the kids ministry.
Speaker 3:My little one was in like kids big at the time, and you know my newborn baby, who doesn't like going to anybody, because you know, she was a mommy's girl yeah she's in a nursery and, like my girls, are, you know, in the twos and isn't that amazing it is amazing and every sunday, that man's going to church with me, and every sunday I'm going. So I'm 25. Wow, I didn't give my life to God Baptism. I was 26 years old.
Speaker 4:Wow, Erica.
Speaker 3:But the whole time I had to go and I started and I only got baptized because I wanted to serve and I was just like, okay, these are the steps you have to take.
Speaker 2:I love you man.
Speaker 3:Dang. So all that time I'm walking with God, I'm bargaining with God, but I hadn't had a relationship and it was interesting because Omar and I went to a young married group at the church and we're like, hi, we're such and such and we're struggling.
Speaker 2:It's like all the other, young married ones.
Speaker 3:In that moment we could have the response that we got. We should have left because it was like you know, when the air gets sucked out yeah, yeah and it was just like oh, you can't, your husband can't play with my husband because you're bad, that's how awful they made us wow
Speaker 3:and you know what's interesting about that whole situation? That group only omer and I are the only ones still married wow so it was interesting, so I get baptized and there was a pastor here, his name was um jeff newsome jeff newton he baptized me and I was me too.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah and I was like so at first. I was waiting in his pool in his pool? No, it was at here. It was when we opened here and I was just like when are you gonna get him? Get him. And he told me you know what? No, you got to pump, like stop. Stop worrying about his salvation, worry about yours. So then I started.
Speaker 4:really trying to figure out what that was.
Speaker 3:So then I started after I got baptized and I started serving with the students, I started going in a deep dive with God, like, okay, what is this? I dedicated the girls. My thought process was in the beginning. It was like, okay, I'm just giving the girls to you. But in that whole process of giving the girls and being faithful, he was working on me.
Speaker 2:God got you in him he got me in him, dang man.
Speaker 3:I don't want to give you too much of Omar's story, but during that time too. Hi, my name is Erica and I do the most.
Speaker 2:I wasn't working. We have a group for that. I'm telling you, girl, I wasn't working, but I wanted to go back to doing the field and I wanted to do the work.
Speaker 3:And Arizona is unique because there's a lot of fentanyl and heroin abuse. Oh, you're talking about the, the, the, yeah so I went back and I got a master's degree. Wow, so I'm hearing now it's official. The doors are opened, but get this. And this is how God removed me, because now I'm getting in my word, I'm listening, I'm reading my bible, I'm doing all the things. I'm doing. What Bible I'm doing? All the things I'm doing, what needs to be done? I'm strengthening my relationship. I stopped doing the ritualistic prayers.
Speaker 5:And I started talking to God and having a relationship with him. Come on.
Speaker 3:And then God does this thing where he's like oh well, I want you here and I'm tired of you being in my business, so I'm going to remove you now from church. He took me out of church for a year because I had an internship on sundays but I was serving with the youth. I've been serving in the youth ministry like pre-teens and um high school for 10 years well, no more than that 11, because it's about to be 11 years yeah for a while yeah so he wow erica he removed me and it was just like well, who's gonna serve?
Speaker 3:because it was, it's a little hole. Like well, I can't serve for this next year, but omar will do it dang man. God just threw a fishing hook and hooked him right in, wheeled him in because the conversation omar hadn't given his life to Christ yet, but he kept coming to church with me every Sunday. Every time we had to go to church, he was there faithfully.
Speaker 3:So I was just like are you going to take the girls to church? Because I can't go to church on Sundays anymore because the times that I have to be in my internship was from nine to 12 in Phoenix.
Speaker 2:So that's a year of him getting his butt up, getting them girls ready, getting himself ready without his wife and, oh my God, not only that, he even was like I'll even serve for you, and I was like what?
Speaker 3:In your spot in the U and he slid right in.
Speaker 2:Oh, my gosh Now full disclaimer you're supposed to.
Speaker 3:You're supposed to be baptized before you serve that was an anomaly.
Speaker 2:It was overlooked.
Speaker 3:It was nothing about the church or anything like that, but omar did not give his life to christ until maybe two to three years after that. Wow, but he faithfully served he took the girls come on and he prayed.
Speaker 3:He did all the things yeah and it was cool, so that was my. So those encounters I've had with god? Um, not one of them. The only one that I ever had an encounter with christ was when I came to church. That was the first time I was like, okay, god is here, but prior to that, my encounter with Christ was when I came to church. That was the first time I was like, okay, god is here, but prior to that, my encounter with God has always been in just unusual places.
Speaker 5:It's always been outside of the wall and answering a prayer, and Him answering prayers.
Speaker 1:He'll find you where you're at. Matt, He'll find you where you're at.
Speaker 3:He'll answer the prayers, even if they're petty or they're transactional. I know we don't serve a transactional God, but when? I had to meet him it was one of those, and that was me thinking that. But, truly he would have answered them regardless. So that is how I became born again.
Speaker 1:Amen my God.
Speaker 3:It was a nice little long story. The reality is, though, erica is.
Speaker 1:God always makes us outside these walls. Always it's that encounter outside of the walls.
Speaker 3:that draws us into these walls. You know, do I live a perfect life?
Speaker 1:No, Nobody does. If you said you did, I'd call you a liar.
Speaker 5:You're lying in church.
Speaker 3:I would be like you're absolutely right, there was only one man.
Speaker 2:His name was Jesus. Was jesus man you?
Speaker 3:know what's interesting is. Um, god is working through me with this new season, because my children do know the lord and it's beautiful and I'm always. People are always asking like what do you do, how'd you do? And I'm like it's not'm like. It's not me being coy, it's not me being funny or anything, it's like I. I don't like it's God Like I.
Speaker 2:If you, have time, okay, so hold on. Let me ask you this, because I feel like this is for somebody what did you do so you got your kids to church? I got my kids to church. Were there any kind of kids plays that they were involved in?
Speaker 3:They were involved in church.
Speaker 2:They were involved in church. They were involved and they were doing a lot of the stuff with the other kids.
Speaker 3:And also I had to I think what we had to really sit down and explain to them what it is that we're doing, Explain to them why we give our life to Christ. Explain to them why you want the fruit of the Spirit, one of the things like the kids and I talk about a lot. There's a difference between being nice and being kind.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And where we've gotten to. I'm like you know. I always say I'm not nice Jesus wasn't nice. And they're like what do you mean? Jesus wasn't nice. Jesus was kind because he embodied the fruit of the Spirit. Come on, man. He was not nice, because nice is surface. Nice is oh, everything's fine, I'm fine, kindness is messing up, or it's a compassion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a challenge, yeah it's good.
Speaker 3:I honestly because of how I am, my personality. That's how I taught the girls I was like. It costs you nothing to embody the fruit of the spirit of being kind.
Speaker 2:Kind is hard. Nice is easy. Kind is hard. Kind is hard. Loving is hard. Yep, for real, kind is. You will lose friends because, you're telling them the truth.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and they don't like it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but you're saving their life, yeah. So these are the conversations. This is how you're parenting your girls Wow.
Speaker 1:Can I point something out that you?
Speaker 5:just said.
Speaker 1:That's very crucial. That I think people need to catch is the why, the why. You were telling your girls the why.
Speaker 3:The why we follow God.
Speaker 1:This kid was raised in church and never knew the why. It was because I told you so. So when he got the chance to be his own self, there was no why there was no why it was just.
Speaker 3:Because I was told.
Speaker 5:Even with our daughters.
Speaker 3:I always say my children. I'm glad I figured it out, I'm glad that I didn't grow up in the church.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because they grew up in a church, but they have a relationship with the. Lord they don't have the relationship that. I have with the Lord because my children will convict me.
Speaker 4:My children will check me, they're like would Jesus do that?
Speaker 3:And I'm like, well, probably not.
Speaker 2:But it's like they walk with the Lord, according to.
Speaker 3:Sasha, sanaya and Samara's terms they don't walk according to how.
Speaker 1:I walk. It's not your relationship, it's not my relationship.
Speaker 3:And I've pushed that. I'm like I don't want you to have the relationship that I have with God. How I talk to God is going to look different than how you talk to God. But you have to have your own relationship and your understanding.
Speaker 1:That's right, because.
Speaker 3:I could. We food, we feed, food, food feed, spoon feed, excuse me, our children every day. You can grow up in this church.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You can grow up in any church and be fed and know how to do the things. But if you don't know why you walk with the Lord if you don't know why you have a relationship or why you ought to. I can't help you. I always tell my kids like I told him all the time I'm like I can't get you into, I can't get you into heaven, and if Christ Jesus lets me into heaven he knows, I have the petty ministry.
Speaker 3:Petty ministry, dude, get it together, that's great dude, one of my greatest hopes, and I'm all very candid with our daughters. Omar and I are very candid. It's like you know you can do all of the things, you can take care of the poor. You know you can pick up the streets. You cannot cuss. You know you can go to church every day, but do you know him? Yeah, because what would suck is when you get there and he says I don't know you.
Speaker 3:Depart from me when you get there and he says I don't know you depart from me. Yeah, for real, that is very important for me you have to know why are you doing that, and I know everyone have a season where they you know they walk away for a little bit but, my daughters know god, yeah, because they have a relationship with him.
Speaker 3:So even if they may depart because the word says they will depart but they won't go far they'll come back. So a lot of times our parents you know, and maybe I'm not qualified because I'm 38 years old- I want to tell you this because this place is different.
Speaker 2:This place, the different, this place, the community, the relationships that these younger generations have with each other. Friend, your girls are not going to be in a place where they're when the world comes to try to entice them with us. Your girls are going to know Nah bro, nah, dude, miss me with that man. You know it to know. Nah bro, nah, dude, miss me with that man.
Speaker 3:You know it's true, and you know what's interesting Like sometimes as a mother it's hard what I think as parents we're recognizing, especially when we raise our children in the church, we forget the devil especially wants them, yeah, and the the devil comes and entices them and do the things. And my girls in particular. They're so sold and I'll say that they're so sold on it that, like they struggle with friendships it, it's real man, Because, oh, you're so Christian Like I got a kid who's like she had a conflict and she brought witnesses.
Speaker 5:I mean it.
Speaker 2:I'm going biblical here.
Speaker 5:That's a whole nother, that's a whole nother conversation for another day. It didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to, but but the fact that she had a heart for that she's like.
Speaker 3:This is how we deal with disputes like those are the type of daughters that I have and it hurts me because I'm, like you know that whole set apart, like y'all are set apart and people are not gonna understand, they're not gonna like that and they're gonna be people who see your light and want to grow close to it and they're gonna go.
Speaker 1:People who see it and will come close to it, but their intention is to dim it, and I'm like, and the world always wants to label you this fanatic yes, or this oh, you're so Christian.
Speaker 4:Or you're so Christian.
Speaker 2:Or you're so. Whatever, you're too righteous. I'm standing upon the things that I say, that I believe and I'm not wavering.
Speaker 1:Listen, if that makes me a fanatical or too Christian, then man call me names, because sometimes I'm not going to lie and I'm sure our pastors don't hear this I live in the world sometimes I listen to secular music.
Speaker 3:sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it was interesting because there's a we still live in our flesh girl. Come on, now we do so.
Speaker 3:There's an artist who's coming and I was like, ooh, that would be so cool. So I tell my girls like we should get tickets. Don't you want to go? Do you know these suckers?
Speaker 2:They're like mom. No, that's demonic. I love it.
Speaker 3:Amen. I'm looking at them I'm like I mean, we could be the light at the concert. And they're like my youngest. My 12 year old is just like you know, mom. As exciting as that sounds, there's just something in my spirit that just immediately said no, and that's Samara.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you go, girl, you go.
Speaker 3:You stand strong for Jesus, my middle one was like I mean I'll go, but I'm not going to pay for it.
Speaker 2:I'll go and pray. I'll pray for everybody.
Speaker 3:Sasha was like as much as I wanna go, mom, amen Samara's right, we shouldn't. And I was just like you're raising winners, clearly cause they do not.
Speaker 1:What's it say from the mouth of babes, from the mouth of?
Speaker 3:babes babes man dang so when they say they'll know you by your fruit, my children constantly remind me of that, because I've been in like. I've been in an interesting season.
Speaker 2:You know that I almost died yeah, there was a minute where we were praying for you and you know honestly, rowdy, there was a point and when they figured out what was wrong with me.
Speaker 3:But there was a point where I was like you know, you know, when you get prayers for healing and it's like you have to have faith, I had faith and it was to that place. I was like you know what, god, if my healing is in heaven, yeah, that's gonna suck yeah but, I'll take it yeah and then doors. Yeah, things just started happening. But it's like I remember having that prayer because when omer took me to the hospital that day I was like I'm just tired. Yeah, I was done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I give up yes oh wow, it was like you came to the end of yourself. Yeah and god, okay, you just said that as soon as you prayed that and had that, and we're like you know, I'm ready. And he's like okay, and doors started to open and the healing started to come. And the healing started to come and God.
Speaker 3:And it was interesting about healing.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 3:Healing is not immediate because it wasn't right away. It took a month before they really did what they needed to do.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But in that moment I just was just like. It is what it like. God, if you need me here yeah, you want me with you then I trust, wow, you're going to figure it out Like over and over again, man.
Speaker 1:The verse we shared before we started talking Revelation 12, 11. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb, the word of our testimony and love, and not our life unto death. People want to leave that one out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the last part of the verse, which, that's the one.
Speaker 1:Because that's the one that activates God.
Speaker 3:It does, because that draws that line, and what you just said is that right there to where God.
Speaker 1:What you just said is that right there to where God. If my healing is on the other side of this life, then let it be. I'm not going to love this life so much that I'm going to beg to stay here. That's what God wants from us. Man it does, and that's hard. It is. That's real hard.
Speaker 2:That was a hard prayer for me, because, like I love my children yeah, I love Omar, I love my children.
Speaker 3:I love Omar, I love my children. So when I said that prayer, it was just like I was like preparing yeah.
Speaker 2:I have a really good friend. No, you're good, sis.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but up until the point, like I was like spending that time, sending that time. I only told her recently but having her come so she could have a relationship with my daughters because I resigned.
Speaker 2:If you were gone. But I was gone, oh man, wow, you were literally preparing for it. I was preparing for it. Dang Wow friend friend.
Speaker 5:Oh man.
Speaker 3:These last four years have been one of the most difficult. Like I thought my life was difficult, but the last four years have been one of the most difficult years of my life because here I am, I know the Lord, I'm walking with the Lord, and it was like silence. It was like silence, it was like I just need you here. There was no answers, there was no progress, because prior to me knowing God, it almost was very instant, it was transactional it was okay, I'm going to give you this.
Speaker 3:I'm going to give you this we don't talk about often. When the things happen, when the weapons are forming, you know, you're just like as a christian. You have to just be like, you have to keep looking to him.
Speaker 3:You have to be like hey, I trust you, I trust you. This is really uncomfortable, like yeah, yeah, and I want to say I'm hopeful we're going into a new season in our lives. But when I take these last four years, the devil has been getting some licks in and God's like all right, get up, get up, get up, get up. And I'm like yo, what are we doing?
Speaker 4:It's a lot.
Speaker 3:But the last four years I've lost so many good relationships, just a lot of things, and it's like I gotta believe in God. God's like, my thing this season is God's like do you want me or do you want that thing?
Speaker 3:and I'm like you're right like during that season of me, you know, dying. I lost all of my income. We only had Omar working and he provided every mortgage payment, everything God provided. I lost my business. I lost some good relationships, like I lost a lot of things and God was just providing God was just providing dynamics for change.
Speaker 3:Like I was isolated and God's like dynamics for change. Like I was isolated and God's like I got you. I couldn't, and it's like every time I wanted to lose focus, he was like Erica, you know me.
Speaker 2:He'd bring you back. What are we doing?
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, serving with high school students is interesting because I get to see them from a dynamic that their parents don't get to see them, yeah, and like you know, it's what happens here, stays here and you know you have some good, trusting relationships with them.
Speaker 2:There's some of these high school girls, friend, that are going to come back here.
Speaker 3:They already have.
Speaker 5:That's how good God is.
Speaker 2:Come on, they come back and say thank you, Miss Erica, for your conversation. Thank you, Miss Erica, for your prayers. Thank you, Miss Erica, for being here every Wednesday night.
Speaker 3:Come on man, Because they have no idea.
Speaker 5:Man To be tied. Oh yeah, that's a whole different, like the Revron mobile.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 3:I always tell the girls like.
Speaker 2:Oh, is that what that is? Is that the?
Speaker 3:nickname for the big, this big white thing that looks like it's a gas guzzler bro.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh man, but God is faithful. The Revron mobile, he has been putting gas in that thing, amen.
Speaker 3:But um, no, um, some of the girls who you know left and whatnot, like I, I meet girls in my ministry with high schoolers. I always tell them you may not understand what I'm saying now, like I was, I have this phrase it's adulting is ghetto it's like ghetto and you think this is bad. When you adult, you're like it's the ghetto, because it is the ghetto.
Speaker 2:You're real with the kids, man. I love it. They're blessed to have you.
Speaker 3:I guess I have to say that they're blessed to know God, and God just uses me. One of my big prayers. Whenever I pray with my family, I always say, lord, just use me to further your kingdom. But you know, I've been a little bit more. I've been more clear with how he needs to use me, because I'm like Lord, don't use me like that, no more because I'm good, be specific.
Speaker 3:That's why he's telling me to be specific, because I'm like Lord, because I don't you know, I lost my dad, then I lost my sister and then I had my surgery and then I was dying. There was so much these last four years and there's so much revelation that I'm getting out of it. And I'm still getting out of it. There's some things I'm still kind of like. I'm mad and God's like I know.
Speaker 2:He knows.
Speaker 3:He knows, knows, he's like, he knows, but he's like. But if you keep being mad, I can't bless you and I'm like you're right. Yeah, so that's just so. That's so certain within itself. But where I go, where I'm trying to land here, is I don't know everything. I don't mean to be like, oh you know I'm not trying to be like oh yeah, you know god.
Speaker 3:You know god is so good, like no, it's not. When people ask me what I do differently, when people ask that stuff, I literally I, it's just like look, it's god like I had this bargaining with god. I met him well, he met me.
Speaker 3:He was always with me in the valley and I was in the valley for a period of time and I thought I was slick, bargaining with the Lord, and the Lord was the one that's like baby, you can't bargain with me. So when I tell people this was just a conversation I had with God, I was just like God. I don't know what I'm doing, but help me. Like it's literally that, like God, I want you more than I want this thing.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But I'm scared to lose this thing. Yeah, so tell me how I navigate this.
Speaker 4:Amen.
Speaker 3:Wow, I don't have the answers. I wish I could tell you like I had this big revelation and like I wrote these like amazing books.
Speaker 5:I can't even quote the Bible like that.
Speaker 2:I'm like it's in there, it's somewhere in the Bible. That's what Google's for.
Speaker 3:I don't, but I read the Bible and I know it and I know the stories.
Speaker 1:There's a part that says that his word is a lamp unto a feet and a light unto a path. What I love about that is, in the time that that was written, the lamps that they had were literally these little bowls with a wick. That was literally enough light for one step at a time, and that's how it is with God.
Speaker 3:That's how it is with God when we ask.
Speaker 1:God to show us a way.
Speaker 2:It's literally one step at a time.
Speaker 3:One step at a time, one of the things, the conversations I have with the girls we'll talk about. Could you imagine being Peter and God's like like come out here and you step in? It's like I imagine you know quicksand yeah it wasn't solid footing yeah it was like you see, you want me to do what now? Yeah like hello yeah and you could see the fishies and like all the things and you're like what am I doing?
Speaker 3:so it's like that's faith yeah it's like I sometimes feel like we downplay and I'm like yeah, no, that faith is big that's why he asked for a mustard
Speaker 1:seed of faith come on something you said earlier, when, like you said that, when you first came to god, there was these conversations and then there was this time where there was silence, yes, and you were like what are you doing? Yes or for a christian, that is the hardest moment, because now the waiting, it's no, no, listen it's easy to walk when god is talking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's easy to go that direction when he's saying go that you know he's close, yeah, but when there's silence and we have to operate on faith alone and say, god, I don't, I can't hear you, lord, but I'm taking a step in faith.
Speaker 5:It sucks.
Speaker 3:And I see a cliff. I've been seeing it all.
Speaker 1:But in natural eyes we see a cliff. It's real man and God is silent. You're like God. I know I'm supposed to go this way. I'm taking a step over this cliff.
Speaker 3:You better be there, dude. Let me tell you how God is funny when I have to say God has a sense of humor, I'll fall off that cliff. And he's like, yeah, you're designed to fall. And I'm like, so you're going to save me at some point. He's like, yeah, I got it, I got it, he's doing this thing over here.
Speaker 1:And I'm like, but it's true, and he's like.
Speaker 3:I soar on wings like eagles. Yes, sometimes we gotta step off that cliff so he can soar. He's like, go soar, he's like. But I don't want to because this is uncomfortable. He's like, I know, but you'll be better for it, I love steve harvey.
Speaker 1:Steve harvey has this. He always does these monologues after his shows. Yeah, and he has this one called jump and you have to look it up. It's freaking phenomenal. But he says that we all have this gift like on a backpack on our backs, and the only way that that thing is activated is if we have to step off this cliff.
Speaker 1:He says now we can stand on the edge of the cliff and watch these people soar. You know what I mean. And the question why are they soaring? And I'm just standing on the edge of the cliff? He says you're going to live, but if you want to soar you have to jump off that cliff, he says. And when you jump, it's not going to open right away. You're going to hit a couple rocks.
Speaker 5:You're going to get a couple dings and bruises.
Speaker 3:He says but eventually, God's promised that that gift is going to open and you're going to soar and that's why it's good, dad, it's true, and you've got to hit on the gift thing Like a lot, a lot of times. And even adults, we always say kids have it and teens have it. No, I think adults still have that nasty gift of comparison Like we want to compare and it's like what's for you is for you, and people are not accustomed to me because I truly am one of those people.
Speaker 3:I'm like this is amazing and I want this for you. And I'm like this is amazing and I want this for you and I'm like this is your gift. But how dare I look at your gift with loving and wanting it Cause your gift is not my gift no no. Your talent's, not my talent. And how dare I want your talent? Cause, what am I telling God? That what you gave me ain't good?
Speaker 2:enough, Ooh man.
Speaker 1:Erica.
Speaker 5:And comparison is the thief of joy oh comparison kills.
Speaker 3:And when you get stuck in that because oftentimes I get stuck in that place I'm like why are you?
Speaker 5:jealous of me.
Speaker 3:You don't want my life. And then I'm like. It saddens me because I'm like you're so focused?
Speaker 2:Do you know what you have? Do you know what you have?
Speaker 3:Do you know the blessings you have?
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Also, let me ask you this Erica you got, we've got, and this has been. We've laughed, we've cried, we've shared. This has been really good friend, thank you, but God's not done. Um, so what I want from you is give me something in the next five years that you hope to get accomplished by god's grace, and then give me a 20 year.
Speaker 3:Okay, in the next five years I pray god.
Speaker 2:I heard you say a book maybe for the next five years.
Speaker 3:I think it's more selfishly. I pray God really breaks this stronghold of I minimize who I am and your influence and what you do that's a hard one, I hope he walks me through that Cause I've sat on a lot of things out of fear, like I don't like to step on people's, I'm okay with being a wallflower and I know God did not design me to be a wallflower, cause he keeps pushing me in situations and stuff he's like no, no, no, you, you're a spotlight um, I hope he breaks that off of me because that's been kind of like putting me.
Speaker 3:It's been delaying my season. Um, I think I, I think I want to go get a doctorate and I I would write a book. I've considered writing a book. I don't know what that looks like, but I have to work through that whole minimizing who I am first yeah, if y'all got any pointers, let me know I do, I do, but I struggle with that very privately.
Speaker 1:And now.
Speaker 3:I just told the whole world.
Speaker 1:Get you some paper. Mm-hmm just told the whole world yeah, get you some paper and daily, write that stuff out and write it in a way that I'm gonna be this I'm gonna have my doctorate, I'm gonna I'm gonna, like you've already obtained it, and do that daily, in your quiet time, when you're with God. Write it out on a piece of paper and write it out, but in a way that you're already there, I have my doctorates and you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:I am in the spotlight for God. I am all these different things that you believe in God for, that you're fearful of or that you're stepping back from. Write those things out as if they exist.
Speaker 3:I'm going to have to do that because I'm sitting here and I'm just like God, you know, rowdy said hey, you know you should be having an outpatient clinic and when you told me that, it immediately made me feel uncomfortable because I was like I'm not, like who am I? And I had 50 things on why I couldn't do it. And I've been kind of sitting in this season where god's like I'm just waiting on you when you're ready. So I'm like I would love an outpatient but, um, I have to work through that before I get there because I don't want to squander it. If that makes any sense, you're not going to mess it up.
Speaker 2:I have something for that too. For you.
Speaker 1:I believe it's from God. That's going to be in a couple years. That's scary, no, no, I mean because your job as a mom is not done yet.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's your priority. I need to stop.
Speaker 1:That's your ministry right now. Getting children in my life?
Speaker 2:No, no, no, because the girls that you have now, god wants you to see that to completion, to completion, to where they can go and soar and fly, because what God has for you in that area is going to take a lot of time, and your girls are still there, absolutely they need your attention they do when your two oldest ones are kind of off to college doing their thing and the other one's kind of doing her thing.
Speaker 3:but almost there, that's the one I need to watch the little one.
Speaker 1:Patience. Okay, your time has not yet come. I can receive that that thing that's in your heart is there for a reason it's to keep pushing you. So when that time comes, it'll be there. I don't receive it.
Speaker 3:I receive it because I'm just because I'm just kind of just like, okay, well, maybe that's not it but I agree with you being a mom is a calling.
Speaker 1:It is. I asked for it. You know what I mean. I literally asked, and god is not going to take you from that calling and put you in another one until one is finished you can't start one season until one is finished.
Speaker 3:girl, listen, when you said that I literally thought about the covenant I made with God because I wanted to be a mother.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, you're right, you got to see that to completion.
Speaker 4:First I got to see that through, so once that's over, sore baby.
Speaker 2:So ever since childhood you've been dealing with performance with dad yeah, okay. And now this season that you're in cause, you're not doing a lot of the stuff.
Speaker 1:It's actually the enemies using the you're not doing a lot of stuff and it's attacking you and he's making you feel less than, but God literally wants you to know you're doing exactly what he wants you to do in this season good, that's good let me just, let me just pray for you, thank you um, just because things don't look like you thought they would right now doesn't mean they aren't the way they're supposed to be right now y'all know that's a blessing for me, because I'm just like it's been one of those I should be doing something and I'm like why don't you sit down?
Speaker 3:I'm like I don't know how to sit down. You are doing something.
Speaker 1:You're raising world changers Come on man. You're raising queens. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Business owners.
Speaker 1:One of them's going to own a business, I know your daughter's a queens man and and that calling girl is above and beyond anything that you think you can accomplish, dude, because what you're doing in those girls is an accomplishment. Because when those girls step into their time and they become world changers and world leaders, what you do in your professional life ain't gonna become nothing compared to what that's gonna to be for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah walk in that girl. But it all started with a listen. If you do this for me, I'll do this for you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so no different.
Speaker 3:And I'm grateful. God was just like bet. Let me show you what I can do.
Speaker 2:I'm going to pray at the end for some of our listeners and our people who have been watching, but can you do me a favor and pray for Speak Life? Yeah, and can you just pray for us real quick? Man just for the ministry, and whatever God's doing with this and wherever he's taking us man.
Speaker 1:Yes, I can. Before you do, though, when that time comes for the behavioral outpatient, we'll be ready for you too, girl.
Speaker 2:Oh listen, I'll be there, 'll be there dude yeah, I feel that too, just so you know when that time comes, we'll.
Speaker 1:We'll be there. How many of you bringing?
Speaker 3:van loads of guys to you and I got another load. We're gonna do it right and we're gonna further the kingdom we're gonna love on these people man because what god is asking us to?
Speaker 1:do is gonna take people like you to help us, because you can. In order to heal somebody. There's three aspects. We are a three-part being. We are a soul a spirit and a body. True transformation, true healing has to take all three areas. You can heal a mind, but if the soul is not right and the body is unhealthy, it's not going to be in alignment. If you heal a soul but the spirit is not right and the body's not healthy, you've got to heal all three Three-part beans man.
Speaker 1:You've got to give them Jesus and let their spirit be healed. You've got to give them counseling and let their soul, their mind, their will and their emotions be restored and renewed. And you have to give them healthy eating habits.
Speaker 2:Yes, you have to care of them. So when that time comes, when god blesses, speak, live and gives us men to heal.
Speaker 1:We have homes we we need doctors, we need people in the bhc there. We need pastors bible scholar.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's going to take a team to raise up these men and pull them off the street so they can be healed and whole, and that might. There's people that have prophesied that whole section behind me is going to be all the men's homes. I can just see a bunch of white vans outside and a whole section of men. Dude, let's go, god, won't you do it, Lord.
Speaker 1:Our pastor's made the mistake of praying and asking God for more Rowdies and Eddies. They're coming.
Speaker 2:They're coming, jesus, better be careful what you're asking for.
Speaker 3:You're an answered prayer because you're an answered prayer because it's furthering the kingdom. And the kingdom is not sunflowers and roses. The kingdom is weeds.
Speaker 2:And thorny bushes.
Speaker 3:It stinks sometimes but through that it's beautiful stuff, and even weeds can be beautiful, god says to bring me your dirty, your filthy, I will clean them up.
Speaker 1:Bring them to me, as he should and as he wants to.
Speaker 3:And you know, one of the things is that the people who are out there suffering right now, they don't know that because they don't believe it, because they've had so many encounters.
Speaker 2:How many people told them they're not enough, they're worthless, they're crap, they're never going to do nothing?
Speaker 3:And then I'm like baby, who am I? I am nobody.
Speaker 2:You are a daughter of a king.
Speaker 3:I'm a daughter of a king but I'm no better than you amen I'm no better amen you know what the beautiful thing we can give those people?
Speaker 1:relatability amen see them where they're at and understand and know and get them there, get it because you don't need to go around telling someone they're oh, you're, you're a drug act well, duh like we know this, or you're a sinner. Well duh those people know that stuff.
Speaker 3:But then it's like now what?
Speaker 1:What they need is someone to come by, and say you're forgiven.
Speaker 2:You're loved. God loves you you have purpose.
Speaker 3:God has a plan for your life. You have a future.
Speaker 2:You are the head, Come on man.
Speaker 1:Ooh, we're preaching.
Speaker 2:People don't come to Jesus and be told that they're sinners and they're going to hell.
Speaker 3:You're going to burn people to Jesus. I'm like I don't know how people, let's not even go there. Pray for us. Pray for us.
Speaker 5:Are you sure?
Speaker 2:about that, jesus Thank you Lord.
Speaker 3:Thank you, Father, thank you Father, father God, I just thank you. I thank you for Speak Life. I thank you for this podcast. You know I thank you for this podcast. You know what you were doing, you knew the intentionality, you knew the purpose of this. So, father god, when others look at this and like, oh, what's this little thing? You're like this is not a little thing, this is a grand thing, because you're using this to further your kingdom.
Speaker 3:I thank you for Eddie and I thank you for Rowdy father god you knew today was going to happen.
Speaker 3:And I love lord, your intentionality, I love how you see us. I know and I love how you put things together, put people together on purpose for purpose, because that purpose, we may not see it, we may not know it, we may not recognize it, but you recognize it and you recognize the value it has. You recognize how much it will grow, you recognize how much it's going to fill up, because you are dropping seeds, seeds out there that we don't see, we don't know, Because sometimes we don't see the forest, but we are building a forest, a forest of people who know you, love you and see you.
Speaker 3:And every encounter they have at Speakeasy, every encounter they have with Rowdy, every encounter they have with Eddie, they will feel like they just met you.
Speaker 3:They will wash their feet and they will love on them and they will see them. They just met you. They will wash their feet and they will love on them and they will see them how you see them nothing but the child, a child of you, a child of the most high Father, god. I pray blessings on Eddie. I pray blessings on Roddy. I pray that you give them the strength and the courage to continue this hard work, that, when the enemy comes in and tries to disrupt and cause problems, whether it be technical, whether it be emotional, whether it be physical, that you come in and remind them.
Speaker 3:But I put you here on purpose for purpose. I put you here to further my kingdom. I put you here for my people, your brothers and your sisters, to fill up those pews. So when people think of Christianity, they don't have this idea this picture of perfection but they have a picture of what my kingdom?
Speaker 2:looks like, and my kingdom looks like it looks like addicts. It looks like prostitutes.
Speaker 3:It looks like 18 year old girls contemplating abortion. Father God, you are the kingdom because you are the people and Father. God, I pray everybody who comes on this podcast, everybody who has an encounter, will leave better and will leave with the lens of you and will leave, wanting to love and further your kingdom. So, when they see that unhoused person on the corner instead of judging or looking straight ahead.
Speaker 2:They will feel conviction to give them what they need, If it's a meal if it's a dollar, they give them, because what you do when we plant those seeds, lord, you say it's none of our business.
Speaker 3:You just tell us to be faithful and plant the seeds. So, father God, I thank you for the seeds that you have at Speak Easy and I thank you for the planters, the arborists that we have in this building to help us plant these trees so they can grow and they're not to grow for just us but for our future future future because you pray blessings over generations and generations of lord, I pray blessings and peace over rowdy's future generations and all the impact he's going to have.
Speaker 5:And I pray Thank you for my kids, Lord. Oh, we thank you for all these kids. They are coming.
Speaker 3:They are coming.
Speaker 5:Thank you, Lord.
Speaker 3:I'm grateful that you are preparing him. You're preparing him mind, body and soul for his life. And I pray when his life comes. It's immediate, it is not a long, hard long journey in courtship, but it is a fast courtship. It is a God courtship.
Speaker 2:And everyone will know it is God, it is not.
Speaker 3:oh, something happened no it is the Lord, because the Lord you are intentional with. Rowdy, because you love him and you've seen him. You've seen him from the day that he was created. You say your word. You knew him before his mother knew him in the womb. So, Father God, because you have such intentionality with us, we know you have the plans for.
Speaker 5:Roddy, we know you have the wife for Roddy.
Speaker 3:We know you have the children for Roddy and we will wait patiently and expectantly for his blessing and for his wife to come into his life so he can continue to model what it is to look like a.
Speaker 3:Christian man to model what it is to be saved, to model what it is to be free in you. Lord, Father God, I thank you for Eddie. I thank you for his faithfulness, I thank you for his yes. I thank you for the unanswered and answered prayers that you are working on, father God. Continue to remind him to stay focused on you and everything else will fall into line. Remind Eddie that he is the head and not the tail. Remind Eddie that he is the head and not the tail. Thank you, lord. Remind Eddie that the prayers that he prayed when he didn't even know you, they are coming true. So you, lord. So, whatever trials and tribulations that may come his way, remind Eddie that he is whole, he is seen, he is full and he is loved because of his obedience and his yes. So, father God, I thank you for Eddie from the top of his head to the soles of his feet.
Speaker 3:whatever ailments he may have, Lord, I pray that you reveal them and you give Eddie wisdom so he can follow suit and he can do what you ask him to do, father God, whatever it is give him wisdom and help him seek wise counsel. Father God, I bless you. I thank you for the blessings. I thank you for these men, these mighty men of God. I thank you for the blessings. I thank you for these men, these mighty men of God. I thank you how you use people like us to further your kingdom.
Speaker 2:Thank you, god, and.
Speaker 3:I thank you for the next person who will sit in this seat and have fear and anxiety, but you will use Rowdy and you will use Eddie to melt it all away.
Speaker 3:So they can speak their story and they can further your kingdom and they can be a blessing to all of the people out there. Thank you, lord, for your courage. Thank you, lord, for your insight. But most importantly, thank you, lord, that you love us and you know us and you choose us, even when we don't want it. You choose us because you say you love us and you say when we call you and we are faithful to you, then we are yours. So, father, I thank you for that gift. Thank you, lord, in Jesus' name.
Speaker 2:Amen, it's you or it's me, buddy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, get it. Yeah, all right, man Jesus, man, God.
Speaker 1:I praise you, lord, and I thank you God. Thank you, lord, man, you are just. You never cease to amaze us.
Speaker 3:God, we will always sit on the edge of our seats when it comes to you.
Speaker 1:God, just with excitement, just with anticipation, god, of what can you do, lord? What is next, god? What are you asking us to do, god? Where are you leading us, father? Because where you lead us, we will surely follow God, and I thank you for your daughter, erica. God Lord, I thank you for the story that was just shared. God, I thank you.
Speaker 1:Lord Jesus Just how great and mighty you really are, God, that you will answer a person when they call upon your name God, upon your name, God, no matter whether it's a bargaining agreement or just a cry out for help or just where are you? Lord, you will answer God because you are that faithful Lord.
Speaker 4:And.
Speaker 1:Lord, I just thank you, Lord, just for her and Omar's marriage. God, Lord, I thank you that you, by your spirit, God, you bound that marriage together when they both wanted to quit, when they both wanted to walk away. God, you said not this one, God, and I thank you for the wisdom of her father to speak those words to her that you are a married woman. Go work it out, God.
Speaker 1:So I thank you, lord, for that wisdom that was shared through her father, god. I thank you for the strength and the courage it took to stay and to fight and to war together, because marriage, god, is a reflection of our covenant with you, god. It is literally an example on earth of what it looks like to be in covenant with you, father. So I thank you, Lord, that their daughters see that God and they see the example of what that covenant looks like in their mom and dad, god. Thank you, lord and Lord, I thank you just for those children. God, I thank you for mighty, mighty women of.
Speaker 1:God, mighty warriors of God, I thank you for the queens that they are. God Lord, I thank you for the wisdom that you continue to pour upon Erica and Omar and how to raise these young women God. And I thank you that Erica has been faithful to her challenge to you, god, and she is raising these women for you. So I thank you, lord, for more pageants. Lord, I thank you for more prominence.
Speaker 3:God I thank you that these?
Speaker 1:women are going to step into a light, god, where they are going to shine bright for you, father God.
Speaker 2:The school is going to be paid for.
Speaker 1:I thank you, Lord, that.
Speaker 1:Erica's calling right now God is not diminished in being a mom, god I thank you, lord, that she is going to fulfill her calling as a mom, god, and when that time comes and her children are walking in your perfect light, god, where they are taking care of themselves and doing their thing, god, that Erica is going to find her place in her profession, god. So I thank you for these outreach-based programs, father God. I thank you for the buildings that are going to come, that people are already thinking about, god. I thank you for the finances that are going to be there to fund this. All God, you are that God. You are going to provide everything that it's going to take, god, for that outreach, because you know, in that outreach they're not just getting help, they're getting Jesus. And so I thank you, lord, for what's coming in the future. God, do it. Lord. I pray that you keep that fire burning in Erica, that you don't let that die out, god. Thank you, god, thank you, god. But I pray, god, that that time comes. It's time, it's perfect timing, god. Perfect timing it's not now, it's not in a year, god, but when it comes, god, it's going to be perfect, lord. Thank you, lord. So, lord, I just thank you for just the way that you saved your daughter. Thank you, lord. I thank you, lord when she was at her death's bed. God, there was reason and purpose in that. God, to shift things in her perspective. God, to help her see that her life without you has no value, god, and that she's willing to lay it down for you, god. So I thank you, lord, that that's exactly what she did and I praise you, god, for what's to come.
Speaker 1:I know you're not done. I know her future is still bright, so I just pray blessings over her household, god. I pray blessings over her husband. I pray blessings over their daughters, god.
Speaker 1:I pray right now that you put angels all around these young girls, god, because the world don't like what they see. They're going to be challenged by the way that these women speak, the way that these girls conduct themselves, the way that they stand firm upon what they believe. The world is going to shake and mock and ridicule exactly what they're doing. So I thank you, god, that your angels are around them, that you speak clearly to them and that you make them bold, god, courageous like lions, because that's exactly what they are. So I praise you, lord. I pray that you take this testimony, god, that you divide it, that people hear it, find similarities in it. God, I pray that there are connections that are going to be made, that someone's going to hear her story and can relate and reach out and touch her God and be like, hey, I listened, I heard can I connect with you?
Speaker 1:And you're going to build relationships and foundational things, god, that other women are going to be able to be, healed by. Erica, god by reaching out and talking to her and hey, I was there.
Speaker 2:and I heard your story.
Speaker 1:Can you help me in my story? So I thank you, Lord, just for the example she's going to be, and I pray.
Speaker 2:Lord God going to be and I pray, lord god, that you just bring people that are going to connect, that are going to be healed, through her life and her story and her testimony god and that she's going to point them in
Speaker 1:the right way of what to do, how to act, how to fight for their marriage. God if that's what it takes, god so I thank you for everything you're doing. We love you love you lord we're just in awe of you, god you have our yes for whatever it is we're sold out beyond belief for you, god, help us to tame our flesh, keep it in check. That our spirits reign supreme, god. Let us be led by that and not our flesh.
Speaker 2:Jesus amen man. So a couple things. Tell yourself no if you're watching this. No, no. But no, erica, so check it out, man, your daughters Are not going to experience the same burden of this debt that you're experiencing. I felt the Lord wanted you to know that they are not going to be living under that. In Jesus' name.
Speaker 4:In Jesus' name. Now you start speaking it, you guys your college is paid for.
Speaker 2:Oh man Come on man. But the first thing, guys, if you're listening to us, if you're watching us you just heard the testimony it can come as bargaining, it can come as you on your deathbed. It can come you, just sitting in your car, on your chair that you're sitting on right now, listening or watching. God just wants you, he just wants your heart, he just wants your. Yes, he'll do all the work.
Speaker 2:He he's just saying just come to me just come to me, um, so I'm just going to pray real quick. Uh, god, I just thank you for whoever is listening or watching, um, whoever you're stirring up God inside, I pray, lord, that you do just that very thing. Draw them to you, god, like only you can, um, can get them. In Jesus name, amen. I don't know where you're listening, where you're watching from, but if you could please hit the little bell, you'll get all the notifications from all the future videos and testimonies that are coming. If you yourself would like to come on the podcast and share your story, share your testimony, we've all got one. You can reach out through social media Twitter, facebook, instagram. Speak Life AZ. All one word you can reach out and I'll get back to you through there. Until next time, we're just going to continue to speak life AZ. God bless you, Jesus.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3:Go ahead and button it, man.
Speaker 1:God bless you, jesus, thank you, thank you. Thank you, quit hitting buttons, man. That was really cool, thank you.