SpeakLifeAZ
The testimony of Jesus in, with, and through everyday people like us. A father and son who were addicts for over 20 yrs. You name it, WE DID IT, TOGETHER!!!! we used to use drugs together now we share about what God Has done for us to encourage the body of Christ and anyone else who may listen to this that is feeling hopeless and empty. LISTEN TO OUR STORY...and the testimony of others who feel led to share with you.... GOD BLESS YOU....TODAY WE CHOOSE TO SPEAK LIFE AZ!!!!!!!!!!
SpeakLifeAZ
Ashley B. Testimony #2
In this powerful episode, P. Ashley vulnerably shares her journey from sexual struggle to spiritual freedom, revealing how God transformed her shame into a ministry tool. Beginning with her early call to worship leading, Ashley describes the intense spiritual warfare she encountered, as the enemy twisted scripture to convince her that her sexual struggles disqualified her from ministry.
The turning point came through divinely orchestrated moments of confession—first with a trusted accountability partner, then during a women's retreat where God literally "trapped her on a mountain" with nowhere to hide. Through tears and raw honesty, Ashley recounts how finding fellow travelers on this journey broke the power of isolation and shame that had kept her bound.
What makes this testimony extraordinary is how God redeemed every aspect of her struggle. When she later discovered her husband battled pornography, Ashley was uniquely equipped to fight alongside him with compassion rather than judgment. "I know what those chains feel like," she explains, describing how her past battle became spiritual weaponry to defend their marriage.
Her story weaves through other profound revelations: discovering her gift for teaching after abandoning music dreams, experiencing God's protection from marrying the wrong person, and embracing her natural hair as divinely designed. Ashley's current journey includes writing a book that helps women see God's intentionality in their physical features, especially those that society has devalued.
This episode isn't just about sexual freedom—it's about recognizing God's meticulous orchestration in our lives, even through painful seasons. Whether you're battling hidden sin, questioning your calling, or struggling to see God's design in your differences, Ashley's testimony offers a roadmap to freedom and purpose.
And worship. Leading is warfare. And so it makes sense to me why the enemy came so hard, so fast, so strong against me.
Speaker 2:Take you out. Yeah, he didn't want you worship leaders.
Speaker 1:She's already bringing people to Christ in elementary school and middle school. She can't learn how to brandish a sword, she learns her weapons. This is bad, and so he came hard at my confidence.
Speaker 1:And so I'm thinking God isn't going to really use me as a worship leader. Hence I'm trying to go hard at ASU and get into music. I feel broken and unusable in the space of spiritual leadership as a worshiper because of stories like David. Wow, because Dave? Because I read those stories as a kid and David was a worship leader. David was a worshiper but because he was a man of war. God said you can't build my temple. I'm going to let your son do it. The enemy had twisted that in my mind and it's like well, because of your sin, you can't build God's temple.
Speaker 1:You know, and so I wasn't talking. And that's the lesson Get your kids talking. Just because they're reading the word, it's good that they're reading the word. They need to be talking through what they're reading and how they're interpreting it because they're human. And I was seeing scriptures. I was seeing David struggled with sexual ascent, Bathsheba right. Nathan the prophet came to him and was like you took her away from the man, then you killed the man.
Speaker 4:You're right Now. You're trying to help.
Speaker 1:You're trying to kill him and now you're going to have a baby with this girl. I'm taking the baby and I'm looking at this going. I'm David.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm David.
Speaker 1:Wow, I'm a worship it up because, I had because of sex yeah you know, because I can't control these feelings and that's what the enemy was doing. But now I realize, on the other side of this, the lord allowed that for a time to make me sensitive, um, to other people and their pain and their struggle yeah um, and also to equip me to and to show me when I purpose something in you yeah. I've already seen that yeah like I've. That's not a shock to me.
Speaker 4:I've already seen that.
Speaker 2:I'm past that. I needed you to get past that and so uh, and so I'm starting to get past it.
Speaker 1:I'm realizing God can use me as a worship leader and it's not about me what God was doing in those moments out there in Colorado. But it really was like I don't, I don't care what I've've done, because this man was pastoring a church for over 20 years and had done it all, and you still used him Like I'm here because of the internship that he. You know like you still used him, so use me.
Speaker 3:I don't want to be publicly exposed but like broken people man.
Speaker 1:And so that it changed my logic. It changed how I thought God would use me, um. And so that it changed my logic. It changed how I thought god would use me, um. And so I'm worship, leading, I'm getting on fire in a different way. I'm fighting back, I'm calling out the enemy like, and I I put him on notice. I was like, look, we might be in this, locked in this fight, for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1:It might be like a paul thing like a thorn in my side but you're not taking any more ground because I'm not fighting you back, come on, and so at that point you know freedom's coming. I eventually finished the internship.
Speaker 2:I moved um, by the way that guy proposed oh god, the guitarist who followed you up to colorado.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he knew what he wanted I didn't, I didn't realize he had a past too on sexual sense so there was, there was something there. The enemy was brewing, honestly, but he proposed and this is a, this is a a really cool sidestep. He proposed, he asked, he called my dad and was.
Speaker 4:My parents knew this is not our son they just knew.
Speaker 1:But he called my dad and he was mexican. So there there is. There is a different culture here. In his thinking to to honor him. He calls my father and was like I would like to ask for your daughter's hand. My mom knew I was having doubts about this relationship. I didn't talk to my dad too much about it just because I just talked to my mom and I don't know if my dad really knew or was up to date on the things I was feeling. So my dad was like well, you guys have been seeing each other for a little while. You can ask her. You know he was like. You know, I'll let you ask. He didn't say like I don't, I don't want you to be my son, you know, but he, he was feeling like I don't think so, but okay, you can ask her later.
Speaker 1:He tells my mom that this young man has asked for my hand and my mom was like call call him back and tell him to wait, tell him not to ask. Yet she's like call him back and just tell. Just tell him to wait, she's like because she knew I was having doubts, yeah, and so I think her plan was to reconnect with me and my dad and like, let's talk let's do this and
Speaker 1:get on the same page and so he calls my, he calls the guy and was like can you just wait? And my mom called somebody called him and we're already out on a date yeah because this thing is moved, the train's out the station, he's moving forward and I don't know anything and he gets a phone call from one of my parents and he's like, oh, okay, and, and I thought it was weird that they called and didn't ask to talk to me and they didn't message me and he was like, oh, you know, it's fine, they just wanted to tell me something.
Speaker 1:And I'm like that is not how my family operates.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I found out later in the phone call he was asked to wait and he agreed to wait. I actually heard him say okay, sure, yeah, I'll wait. And then he hung up.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We go to the park where he plans to propose. He proposes anyway.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:And he's on a knee and I'm holding the ring and I'm looking at it and I'm going what and? And for me it feels out of left field, like I'm, like I did not think we were here you know and so and he's going, what, what's your answer? And he's pressing me for an answer and I'm like just give me a second, give me a second. And I'm trying to hear the lord and I can't hear the lord because my, my emotions are just everywhere and I'm.
Speaker 1:It's intense yeah other people are at the park and they're like oh yeah, like people are starting to celebrate, oh no, and I'm holding oh god and uh, and he goes what's your answer?
Speaker 1:and I said did you ask my dad for permission? And he's like yeah, I said you went to my dad and he was like yeah, and I was like you asked both my parents. He was like yes. And I was like what, what did they say? And he went oh, I asked if he asked my parents. He kept saying yes. And I said what did they say? He said well, your dad said yes. And I was like interesting wording words again for me yeah, and so this is what god will do.
Speaker 1:This is how I encourage a parent. Years before this moment, back in california, in the apartment, my parents are back together. It's kind of recent. I'm a kid, I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Speaker 2:My mom said no yeah naturally you go ask that yeah my dad's back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm gonna get what I want, because that was kind of how it went I asked my father and my dad was like, okay, and I think he starts to make the sandwich and my mom sees it oh and she's like. I told her no, he was like why didn't you? Tell me that and he's looking at and I'm like it's okay, guys, it's okay we can just make the sandwich. I got the whooping of a lifetime you don't put us against each other.
Speaker 1:I got, I got in trouble, I got reprimanded all the things because they are a team that's right they walk in agreement, I don't come. And I learned at like seven and a half you don't rise up against agreement that's good so here I am in my 20s holding a ring, not sure what to say, and he says your dad says yes and I went. What did my mom say? And he goes. Well, what's your answer?
Speaker 4:oh and I went what did my mom say?
Speaker 1:and he was like your mom asked me to wait and I said was that the phone call? And he was like yeah, and I said I heard you say you would wait and he was like he was like the moment he's like I wanted to, but you know, and he was being sincere but he's like the moment, it just seemed right, like I wanted to wait, but your dad did say yes and he was like in the dad and again machismo and a little mexican culture here.
Speaker 1:He was like your dad is the head of the family. And he was like I understand your mom has hesitations, but I went to your dad for a reason and I closed the ring and I said my parents don't operate out of agreement. Something's wrong in my house, so you're, I'm not answering you, wow. And I gave him back the ring a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 20 years later, save me from marrying the wrong guy, because I was considering.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you knew your parents would not, and if my parents weren't in agreement, god wasn't in it. God, I got chills, man and I was going to say yes because he said my dad said, and my dad saying yes meant a lot to me and I was like, if my dad thinks you're, my dad saying yes meant a lot to me and I was like, if my dad thinks you're the guy, maybe you are and maybe I'm missing something, but hearing that my mom was off because mom hears from god mom hears from dad does too.
Speaker 1:Amen, amen, don't sleep on my dad. I know I haven't said a whole lot about it from the story that you shared.
Speaker 2:Mom hears from god mom, mom hears from god now he would have said.
Speaker 3:they said yes, that would have been.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't have asked anything else.
Speaker 4:You wouldn't have questioned it.
Speaker 3:I wouldn't have questioned it, but the fact that he isolated, he told the truth. Dad said, yes, he isolated dad Because my mama didn't.
Speaker 1:And we were going to go back to my house. He knew that if he said my mom said would have been like he lied and it would probably been worse. Oh yeah, so um, but the fact that my parents held my feet to the fire over a peanut butter jelly sandwich saved me from marrying the wrong man like literally and that was the only indication I had that my parents don't do things not in agreement, amen.
Speaker 1:And if they did something like this, they would not be in disagreement. And so we wound up saying no, I said no I, and it was bad. It was all bad.
Speaker 3:His family went bananas but you know what's funny, when your parents invited us over to their house yeah, it was. It wasn't one of us, it was. We cordially invite you over to come.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean oh yeah, your mom, and it wasn't, it was both of them, it was both both of them in the text.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean it wasn't just your mom texting us, it was both of them in the text and we cordially yes it still sounds and my, my mom, between the agreement.
Speaker 1:It's how they are together and between them my mom is the, the more that the personality out front, like she's a little bit stronger in the personality. My dad is very cool, laid back, very chill, but you might have to push a little harder to get to know him sometimes.
Speaker 4:I love your dad man. He's a sweet man.
Speaker 3:He is.
Speaker 1:But don't mistake.
Speaker 4:Oh no.
Speaker 1:They move in tandem.
Speaker 4:That's great.
Speaker 1:And sometimes my mom is a personality out front so that my dad can observe, and so you might think you're engaging my mom and not engaging my dad, but my dad is watching. He's taking it in. He is so cool. Your mom watches too. She does.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, but she's not quiet about it. But she sees something sideways. She's watching in spirit.
Speaker 3:What are you?
Speaker 2:doing here God.
Speaker 1:She caught me off guard. One time I was like yes, so I leave Colorado and I come home.
Speaker 2:You left school. Well, I'm not back in school.
Speaker 1:I did the whole internship.
Speaker 2:Oh, you finished the internship.
Speaker 1:I finished the internship and I did get like. I got the credits so I could apply those towards college when I went back. But the cool thing in colorado is I had an opportunity to go on a mission trip to china, to the underground church oh, wow and I was I wanted to go, but you didn't go. God said no really oh dang so salty. But here's the thing I and I'm so little salty about it because I'm like lord, when is that going to come back?
Speaker 3:but um, there was a guy who went to one of those churches and he recorded a thing where they were asking him pray that we can be like American churches.
Speaker 1:He said I will not pray that I will not do that Never.
Speaker 3:He says, because in our country people won't even drive 30 minutes to sit in a church that doesn't have air conditioning. You guys are willing to risk your lives in these underground churches and you guys don't even have a Bible, but you all know the scriptures, he said I will not pray that for you guys.
Speaker 1:It's still a dream of mine. I want to stand on the wall on the great wall and pray at that point, Like where you could take a picture from space and see the wall Like I want to pray in that spot We've got a friend that's in Pakistan right now.
Speaker 3:He's a Muslim country.
Speaker 2:He could be killed and he's in a home. He's in his homes with Iman's. Yeah, tell him about Jesus.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've man, you go David.
Speaker 3:He told me. He even told me. He says they found out what I was doing. Right now they they killed would, yeah, they would so that I wanted to go.
Speaker 1:I wanted to go to china. I wish you could have, I I could have. Yeah, um, but the lord was very clear. He said when this entered I was asking him what was next because the internship was ending yeah and I didn't really want to go back to arizona. I had found purpose here.
Speaker 3:I had found freedom yeah in my struggle like not complete first time you've really been away from your parents, right first time I've been away that long for sure, and I'm walking in slightly new freedom.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm still struggling, but I'm knowing more what to do when the struggle comes up and I'm afraid to go back to Arizona.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I'm going to do well, arizona had not been straight wins for me, you know. And the Lord is like like you're finishing this internship, you are not going to china? He said I'm sending you back. And I was like what? For I don't even know why. He's like you're going back to asu. And I was like are you kidding? Like no, I don't even. And I was like what am I majoring in? And he said you're going back to asu and you're going to be a teacher, oh man.
Speaker 2:And I was like all that reading in english and the words I for real.
Speaker 1:I was like I just got out of high school, bro, I don't I love how you talk to god man. That's so real dude, we're cool like and it's always respect if you're doing this and you're like man, she, she's flipping with the Lord. I am not. He is king and he knows it.
Speaker 2:He knows my heart, but like. He's our friend too. He's our friend too, and I was like I just graduated Like who wants to go back.
Speaker 1:I just did that. Who wants to teach? But he told me he said you're going to teach high school. And I said like I don't want to go back, like what is?
Speaker 2:it was rough man, you know how the kids are, don't? You and the lord was just clear.
Speaker 1:He was like you wanted to know. You've been asking me to tell you this, is it? What do I do? And I'm like, what am I gonna do now? Like now, I'm responsible to obey because I had been telling him. If you're not gonna tell me, amen that means I get, I, I don't, you're not telling me what to do and I'm not breaking any spiritual laws. So when there's freedom, there's freedom. You know like.
Speaker 2:I can work at Walmart at night and do what I want during the day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Cause you're not talking. And so he spoke and it was very clear and I was like okay, so I told my parents I was coming home, I got re-enrolled in school, I'm going back, I know what I'm supposed to do now is. It was ridiculous. Every door flew open like like I'm not, I'm telling you, I didn't even knock on doors like it was like spiritual automatic doors like they.
Speaker 2:Just I'm just walking it, but I get in and jesus.
Speaker 1:I'm like my credits from school of worship. I wonder if he's even going to recognize those. They honored him, bam um, and to the point where I had credit, I was like I didn't know I could use that credit for that, like it was meeting credits that it probably shouldn't have, because what I learned in the class and the credit I was getting were not at all not at all the same but it was great, yes, he was taking them.
Speaker 2:Yes, he was taking them.
Speaker 1:So I got into the Mary Lou Fulton Teachers College like butter, like got in. They were like, well, what do you want to do elementary or high school? And I was just like, and the Lord was like, I told you what to say High school, and I was like high school please.
Speaker 2:And they're like oh, most people pick elementary we actually have like six openings and boom I'm in, and I'm just like man, like I'm hoping doors will close now, because I'm not interested.
Speaker 1:I don't really feel like I have a gift in this like I don't yeah, yeah um, but the doors opening. Now again words reading English. I'm strong in this, and so I find the classes extremely easy. Wow, I'm realizing I've read most of these texts because I was an.
Speaker 1:AP student, so I've taken college level courses in high school and they introduced me to a lot of the texts that I'm reading now, and so I'm writing papers, I'm doing stuff and I'm kind of gliding through because I'm like oh yeah, I know what this is about. Oh yeah, I've learned about that. I think I have a high school paper on that. Let me pull that out.
Speaker 1:You know like it's just and it's just coming easy for me and I'm I'm thinking it's easy only and this is partly to it's easy because God wanted me to do it right, but it's also I didn't know, I had a gift in it. And so in this I'm realizing I'm actually pretty good at this.
Speaker 4:I'm pretty good at this, wow.
Speaker 1:Um, and because I had been serving in Colorado at the church, helping in the kids ministry and then serving at lifelink Cause we're in CTA at this point um, helping in the children's ministry and and jumping it, I already know how to teach, yeah I just didn't know it was teaching. Yeah, like I'm I. I we're just explaining the bible. Like everybody gets that flashback to the one of the stories I told you when I was like three or four and had all my teddy bears in front of me I was teaching.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't know I was a teacher. I was a teacher. It just wasn't a highlight, and only reason I knew I did that is because we have it on home video you know, but like I was a teacher then and it just wasn't a gift that had been awakened or pointed out so blatantly as music was, and so I'm realizing, oh okay, I actually like God is calling me to do something he really has equipped me to do.
Speaker 1:He's not just being random. And so when I start relaxing I was very tense about it, but I start relaxing into this like, okay, maybe I am, maybe there's a teacher in me, you know, maybe I can do this wow always in my classes um. My teachers are like oh, you're built for this, I'm knowing things on tests that I didn't study this is great, because it's just what you would do if you were teaching the word.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know it's like if someone's having struggle understanding this, what are you? First thing? You do Break down the vocabulary. You know like they're struggling to understand. You back up and you make sure they understand the word.
Speaker 3:See what was happening there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:People were confirming that gift. Now, yeah, that gift was starting to. They're starting to confirm it, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But it's like when for me, I think it felt like when, you know, you see a VW Bug and you notice it. Yes, they are, I love them.
Speaker 3:Are you a?
Speaker 1:Volkswagen person. I am a secret Volkswagen person.
Speaker 2:I've never owned one, but I do like them.
Speaker 3:They're fun.
Speaker 1:And my mom used to drive one.
Speaker 3:Really, I wasn't around when she did but I think that's where the oh yeah, really yeah, that's fantastic you might have to talk to your mom about that.
Speaker 1:Talk to her about it. I wasn't born or anything, but I think that's where the love comes from. They have a different shift pattern. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:You nobody could drive a car. Oh, you can't. You have to know how to drive it. To drive it, that's what she told me. You can't just get in and go thinking you draw, it's totally different exactly.
Speaker 1:But uh, it's thief proof. But for me this whole experience was like when you notice a car and then all of a sudden you see that car everywhere yeah that's what it felt like to me like they were affirming it, but I was. I think I was catching it because I finally seen it. It's possible. People were affirming it my whole life and I had just never seen it. And so now I'm noticing when they're affirming this gift because, it's been pointed out to me by God.
Speaker 1:And I put it on that level. So it's like it moved from oh, maybe I'm just good at English to I'm gifted in teaching. And so I graduate from school thank you yeah, you are I graduate from college and I have this degree in education um I'll just take to get a degree in education man, I isn't it four years it's technically four years. It was a bachelor's, um, if you, if you don't count the time that I was just out of school.
Speaker 4:I did it in three Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but because of those credits.
Speaker 4:Yeah, okay, so it. It caught me back up Like it took me.
Speaker 1:It technically took me longer on on paper, but the amount of time I actually spent enrolled it came out to like three and a half, and I don't know how God did that, but he it's weird what he does with time sometimes, but he does what he wants. So I have saving your money. Yes, I have this, I have this degree, I am a teacher.
Speaker 3:Now I have how old were you when you graduated how old was I?
Speaker 1:it was 2010, 23 20 24 24, 24 86 to 2010. Yeah, no, it wasn't. Was it 24? I might have been 23. I'm probably was turning 24 that May because I graduated in the fall. That's right and so. But in this time that I'm becoming a teacher and I'm at ASU, I'm coming to Lifelink Church. I love Lifelink. I'm actually helping what was called G-Force the room we're in now that's kids big. It was called G-Force back then, so I'm leading worship for all the kids ministry.
Speaker 1:What year is that, oh, that was 2000. Nine Eight. Maybe nine, eight, seven, but I came back from the school of worship and pastor David tree sat me down and they were like tell us how it went, you can tell us about it. And I explained to them. They're like we have an opportunity for you, Cause, again, I was working at Walmart before they offered me a part-time job working for the church.
Speaker 1:Um, part of my job was to record the vocals for the choir, so I would do that on my computer in my bedroom and all the different parts. So I would record soprano, tenor, alto and burn it onto a CD and we would use those parts to practice with.
Speaker 2:Oh, you would actually record them.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Oh, that started Using your voice. So what we would hear now, when we remembering you were in choir. Pastor Lacey and Pastor.
Speaker 1:James would hear now, when we remember, when you were in choir with pastor lacy and pastor james, pastor leslie did that. I did it first, wow, I think after pastor david pastor sheree did it, but I was doing it then in my room on a little microphone connected to my computer, recording into um a little, you know, recording system burning it yeah, and faithfully. I loved doing it. I really did um learned a lot from pastor dave about hearing and ear training and all that stuff. Um, but I did that.
Speaker 1:Your time at that place honed your skill at all the internship uh, I think it did help you to understand what you were lacking before they didn't teach me anything new as far as music was concerned it gave me an endless opportunity to practice all right what I wouldn't have been able to practice on my own, like playing with a band, all right, and um, sharpening some of those things in real time like leading worship and all of that um.
Speaker 3:So if you would have came back and tried to get back into asu, they still would have said they probably still would have said no, because I didn't have the paper repertoire.
Speaker 1:I think they were really looking for people who had dedicated time okay, intentionally, to get in. They may have said yes, but I don't think they would have honored a worship program for music over a music program that they recognize, you know um and I was just curious if that would have helped you at all. I don't think so because the lord for sure was shutting that door, amen. And I felt that when the door was shutting I was like man.
Speaker 3:I know this is you feel you came back a better singer?
Speaker 1:um 100 was better singer, because I was. How do I say this?
Speaker 3:I had focused more on you got to hone your instrument a little more, a little bit more, but okay, on the surface, probably not just a better singer.
Speaker 1:I think I was a better leader in my ability to sing, if that makes sense. I wasn't just singing the notes and just singing what I was supposed to sing in that moment. I was better at sensing the Lord. Amen and that and I came back knowing I'm not just a singer, I'm a worship leader.
Speaker 3:Come on, that's good.
Speaker 1:Not worship leading because I'm a singer. Yeah, I am a worship leader even if I'm not on stage. Amen. So that transition in my mental was what was needed. But yeah and so. But in that I think because of that transition, pastor Dave and Cherie just blessed me and graced me with the opportunity to work for Lifelink but then also challenged me with okay, well, you know you're a worship leader now you did this 10-month program and, to be fair, lifelink helped me go. Lifelink actually helped pay for me to go to school of worship.
Speaker 1:Wow, they um pastor dave, before I left, brought me up in front of the church and was like she's gonna go do this, we're gonna bless her, we're gonna pray over her and dang dude. And then they helped pay for some of it, like on a regular basis, like monthly yeah, come on um, they sewed into me, and I didn't really realize it till a little bit later, but they did, and so when I came back they had already been invested in in my success in this area, just out of love, yeah just who they are um as pastors.
Speaker 1:We are so blessed, we're so blessed, and so they were like well, you're a worship leader now you've had this training, we need someone to help with worship in the children's ministry, because all the worship was happening in the worship center and we were doing CDs and you know stuff, I have a guitar. I can play enough for kids.
Speaker 2:You know, I wasn't breaking any records or anything like that.
Speaker 1:But so it was me and Milo guitar and I would literally travel from the infants to kids big to, and kids big was a mashup of kids big and preteens at the time. So different infant classrooms and then to kids big. I was the worship leader. So Daryl who plays keys for us he was like in third grade.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 1:Jaden, who you guys know.
Speaker 4:Jaden.
Speaker 1:She was like five six. You know these are kids. I've seen them grow up.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I was their kids ministry worship leader.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, with my guitar, wow. And then that turned into hey, write a vision for the worship ministry, or children's, you know, for the generation's ministry. And I sat in my room and was like Jesus, I don't know how to do that, like what is that? But here I am in these teaching courses that are teaching me how to write lesson plans and what that looks like, and how to take an idea and flesh it out. And so God is mashing things together inside of me and the Lord dropped it in my spirit three keys to worship. I worship God with my body. I will, you know, I worship God my whole body. I will use my, my voice and and I'm trying to remember it now but we actually still use the same three keys to worship for the kids worship team.
Speaker 1:And I didn't, I didn't know it, like I didn't expect that, but Yelena, my oldest, signs up for kids. Worship a couple years ago. I come to the meeting, a packet lands in her hands and we're flipping through the packet and I see the three keys I see it yeah and I go oh god, I wrote the vision for my own kid. Oh god, like what and and, honestly, like I didn't, I didn't it was all the lord, it was jesus.
Speaker 1:I take no credit at all like I, I seriously was not knowing what to write down and just was like boom, and I was like oh, that sounds good, you know, and just that's our god, yeah, and then I looked at it and I was like was fits in scripture and and submitted it to pastor dav it. And I was like, well, it fits in scripture and and submitted it to pastor David and Shereen. They're like, yeah, it looks great and it wasn't even a big, it wasn't a big deal.
Speaker 2:You know, it was just like okay and they pushed it through and it survived.
Speaker 1:And now my kid knows it, and so I'm going. Jesus, you're amazing, but then at the same, all of this from the girl who thought my sexual sin.
Speaker 2:Disqualify you, disqualify you. You know Damn.
Speaker 1:And so I'm doing this and I'm working for LifeLink. I'm finishing school, but I don't have an iron sharpening iron relationship in my life, and I haven't since we left Texas.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I just like I don't have friends. I, everyone I hang around, even when I'm at lifelink. You know they're younger and I'm older, I'm a young adult, I'm older than all these kids. They're not kid kids, but you know they're high schoolers I'm older than and I don't want to be too close friends because I know I'm graduating with a degree to teach high school.
Speaker 2:I could be their teacher, yeah you know like I can't, that's good. You don't want a peer relation?
Speaker 1:yeah, no and I, and so I'm like lord, what do I do? Because I need friends and lifelink. At the time didn't have a young adult ministry to speak of so I go to pastor dave and sheree. I went to my parents first and they were like you're an adult, this is what you do you go to your pastors you know, and so they're teaching me. I go to pastor d, dave and Sheree, and I think my mom honestly talked to Pastor Sheree ahead of time.
Speaker 2:Knowing your mama, she probably did Good parents. They set the stage a little bit.
Speaker 1:And so I go to them and I'm just like here's the struggle. I love what I'm doing, I love how I'm serving. I know I'm called to LifeLink. I'm not trying to leave LifeLink Church, but there's a need here and there's a need in my life that lifelink isn't equipped to meet right now. What do I do? And and it's not that they didn't want a ministry.
Speaker 3:There was, just I'm wasn't one of the only ones you know, there's maybe three young adults and everybody was married with kids or kids.
Speaker 1:And so they um. So they heard me, they listened, they didn't just blow it off like you'll be fine, just wait a few years, You'll be married.
Speaker 1:You know they didn't do that, and they were just like, okay, we recognize that this is a need and we're not equipped to meet it. So we prayed, I think, in that meeting, and then I can't remember if it happened over the course of two meetings, like I left and came back. But what I do know is, ultimately, Pastor David and Cherie connected with me again and Pastor Cherie mentioned this guy that they had heard preaching at someone's funeral or homegoing service. He was a young man who died early from an incurable disease, I think, and he was connected to a ministry or um under or connected to this man called Chad Johnson.
Speaker 1:Chad Johnson was a leader at Pilgrim Rest Baptist Church and he led a youth ministry. They didn't really know much about him but there was an anointing that came off of him and Pastor Cherie was like and he does something with youth and young adults, Like cause, I think the way they had introduced them at the event, and she was like go check him out, just go check him out, and they, they, just, they just kind of sent me on an errand. You know, it was like we're not saying he's.
Speaker 2:Is it here in the Valley? He was here.
Speaker 1:It was West side, though and I've been in gilbert, yeah, all this time, except for asu this guy it's okay, and so I know where we're going. Yeah, okay, okay, but I'm five hours in dog.
Speaker 2:I'm doing my best, bro. I haven't fell asleep. My eyes are open and I'm staying attentive. Dude, I'm not paying attention. Dude, let's go. I'm past it.
Speaker 1:I'm in. I'm in.
Speaker 2:There's Pastor Chad brother, there's Pastor Chad. It's getting good.
Speaker 4:It's getting good. I promise.
Speaker 1:And so they send me on this errand to go see.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:There it is, it just landed it just landed so they send me on this errand to go check out this guy that they heard preach at this young guy's and just hit, I guess his anointing or style or whatever.
Speaker 1:But they were like we think there's something about him, go check out his ministry. So my mom and I we looked it up and we figured out where it was. It was on Wednesday nights, called Wednesday night live. That was the meeting, and it, um, it's in Phoenix. Well, I'm not afraid to drive to phoenix, I drive to tempe every day and so it's like, oh, this is only like 20 more minutes than what I would do for school. So, um, but I don't really want to go alone at this point. And my sister, who's like in high school now, and I it's a youth ministry thing she was not quite finding her people at lifelink either. She had friends but culturally just weren't driving all the time, um, and so I was like, hey, you want to go with me? Like it's a young, it's a youth thing, like I don't want to be a young adult showing up at a youth ministry, because that's what I do at lifelink, you know and so she's like yeah, I'll go with you, so she comes.
Speaker 1:And my parents liked that because the two of us together they felt better about the two of us going to. Phoenix alone than just me, and so we drive. We get there. Now it's a black church, so they're on CP time, but I am more or less CP time I'm more or less lifelink raised at this point what's CP time.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry Color people time. Oh, okay, they got a little more lacks, bro.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's like island time. We don't know where we're going.
Speaker 1:It's like island time. I'm sorry, we don't know where we're going, my bad.
Speaker 2:We're going to stay here for a while.
Speaker 1:Well, more or less like more like they knew where they were going, but more like it's supposed to start at 7.
Speaker 2:It's really 7.15?. Hey, let's go, and so it's been a while since. I've been in this type of culture when it comes to church, because that was Texas and so I've been in lifelink and Christ life for a long time. You start on time.
Speaker 3:You end when you say you're going to end. That's right.
Speaker 1:So I'm like oh it starts at like 645. Okay, let's go, we left, we get there. So, lifelink, if you're not early, you're late.
Speaker 4:Yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'm there like 10 minutes early 15 minutes early. They haven't even done prayer yet to open up the service. So we get there. The youth aren't there, the leaders really aren't there, but there's this guy running around setting up chairs and putting stuff on the stage and he's pulling out fruit out of this grocery bag and he's setting stuff up and I'm with my sister and he walks up. He was like hey, are you guys here for prayer, for pre-service prayer?
Speaker 4:Because we're early.
Speaker 1:And I was like no, but we know how to pray. You need to pray. Like I'm thinking, I guess I must need to minister to you because you look busy.
Speaker 2:I love you, dude.
Speaker 1:And I was like well, I'll pray for you. What's? Going on in your life and he was like oh, he's like no, no, no pre-service prayer, and so he calls over a few people, and then he was like, and I said, well, we're visitors.
Speaker 2:Is it okay?
Speaker 1:You know we pray with you because LifeLink again we do things in order.
Speaker 2:You know I don't want to jump in and do leadership prayer and I'm busy your phone and so he calls over a few people and he's like, oh my bad, my name's Troy and I was like oh yeah, I'm Ashley, this is my sister Alicia, and he was like oh cool, he's like so you guys, are you here?
Speaker 1:for service and I was like yeah, I was like we're a little early, I guess, and he was like oh, yeah, um, but he didn't tell me. Actually, he didn't tell me my name's Troy, right away, he, he introduced, he asked me my name. I said my name and then I was like are you Chad? Because I didn't tell me my name is Troy. Right away, he, he introduced, he asked me my name, I said my name and then I was like are you Chad?
Speaker 2:Cause I didn't see any pictures of Chad and he goes.
Speaker 4:Oh no, no, my name's Troy.
Speaker 1:He was Chad's armor bear.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so Chad wasn't there that night. He would have been called to do another ministry event somewhere else.
Speaker 1:And so I'm going to go check out this guy and have no idea that I am actually going to meet my future husband, Like, and I literally walk in and shake hand. The first person I meet in this ministry is my future husband and he invites us to do pre-service prayer. My sister and I pray and they're like, well, you know, we're supposed to start like five minutes ago, but things are, you know, it's just relaxed student ministry and then the kids finally come.
Speaker 4:We stay Troy preaches his first sermon ever on the fruit of the spirit, which is why he was putting fruit on the stage and we happened to be there. Wow, God.
Speaker 1:I get to sit in on my future husband's first sermon.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 1:And I don't even know it. Wow Right. And so he tells me you need to come back because pastor chad is away tonight but he'll be back next week. He asked me to teach for him tonight and I was like okay, I will come back. We had fun.
Speaker 2:I met some people like instant when you saw him and met him, did god tell you this is your future?
Speaker 1:not at all okay no, I wish there's been a few.
Speaker 2:There's been a few people that have sat down and said when I saw her, god told me this is the one Good girl. When I saw him, I knew he was Okay.
Speaker 1:No, is he kind of attractive at all? Yes, I mean, he was handsome.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 1:But again, I have been working on my mind.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 2:I have been working on my mind, yeah, and I have been. Okay. She's purity bud.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've been working hard not to.
Speaker 2:It's really good not to engage that part of it, because I'm just like this.
Speaker 1:This has been out of control for too long. Anyway, that's so good so, while he was attractive, I also was there, you're there for god, on assignment I was there on assignment.
Speaker 2:I was there to make your pastors sent you there yeah, I'm on a spiritual mission, like I need to go back and report like what I've. This is what I saw.
Speaker 1:I saw a handsome guy, but then also he was so stressed he was his first sermon.
Speaker 2:I love you, bro, and you did good, babe, you did good, but like he was running, around Like I was, like somebody needs to help him. That's how I feel on Monday night before CR. Somebody needs to help this dude, yeah.
Speaker 3:And he was just, he was talking about himself.
Speaker 2:I know dad, Like sure am Somebody needs to help me.
Speaker 1:I get it I get it, and I think he was under the pressure of like his leader, his mentor, literally handed him this service.
Speaker 2:And he's like oh my gosh, my first one. What do I? And then he got two visitors.
Speaker 1:That's huge, you know.
Speaker 2:I love that he had fruits of the spirit and laying out fruit man.
Speaker 1:He's such a good teacher, he really is, and so, um, I mean, I remember what he thought about. You know, he's a good teacher and so anyway, we leave, and as we're leaving and I got phone numbers for people, I've made some friends and I'm like, OK, like. I think I found something that's going to work for me. We're getting in the car and my sister like elbows me and I was like what? And she's like he's cute. That guy was cute.
Speaker 1:And I was like for me or you, and because she's in high school, so I'm like you.
Speaker 2:better not be, that's just a man.
Speaker 1:And she was like not me, she was like you and I went. I'm not thinking about that right now.
Speaker 2:I was just like.
Speaker 4:God's got me in school.
Speaker 1:And she didn't know about my struggles. So I, um, and I was just like I'm not thinking about that right now.
Speaker 2:She lot of cute running around I was like I'm not thinking about that, and so we drove off um.
Speaker 1:We went back the next week, my I consistently brought my sister back with me because she was finding relationship there too. Oh wow. So we eventually did meet um pastor chad johnson, um, and so on sundays I was serving and coming to lifelink, doing everything I was doing there during the week I'm going driving to asu doing school wednesday, wed night, I'm driving back to Phoenix. So like 7th and Washington like around there downtown.
Speaker 3:Downtown, downtown.
Speaker 1:Pilgrim Rest Baptist Church. Except that I wasn't going to Pilgrim, I was going straight into the gym into Wednesday Night Live. So it's high school and young adult. The only people I know at this church are in high school or young adults. But what was cool about that was we would serve and I wound up started serving there. So we were serving the youth and it was their service, but he had about 30 young adults coming regularly who were life group leaders.
Speaker 2:We would call them here at Lifelink life group leaders but, they were, we were worshiping, we were pouring into them what I didn't know, into the youth, into the youth, the, the young, the young adults were pouring into you so good it was coming from him, but he was.
Speaker 1:He was giving us direction on what to say and what was? You know, we were the team yeah and so what would happen is, every wednesday, just about after everything was done, the youth were picked up. Then he would be like where are we going to eat? And so he would take us all, all of us young adults, because we can drive, we got money. Except my sister was rolling too, because that's how we, my sister and I, are tight.
Speaker 4:Remember like she's my baby.
Speaker 1:She's my girl and remember, like she's my, she's my baby, she's she's my girl and so right now she's my best friend in like the world, the whole world, and so we would go to ihop, we go to denny's and it would be like 9 30 and we'd be there till like 11, 12.
Speaker 2:Oh, those are good, those are good times. Good times, some of the best memories I've ever had, so special like oh acting a complete fool.
Speaker 1:I remember one of our waitresses her name was Billie Jean. No lie, we were in Phoenix and she came up. She's like I'm Billie Jean and I'll be your waitress. And everyone all at once broke out to Billie Jean, not my love, I mean just yeah. The kind of fun you can only have with people in your season in that season, you know you don't have responsibility, but you are kind of an adult, just pure good fun.
Speaker 2:Pure good fun In the men's home, man, because doing ministry in a men's home, there will be multiple times where you leave and it's 10 o'clock at night. You've got a two-hour drive. Let's get some grub and you stop and you eat. You have a great time together. You get in the van and you drive to where you're just doing life, doing what you need to do together.
Speaker 1:Well, and what was unique about um we? We called him PC before we started. Before I started calling pastor Sheree.
Speaker 2:PC.
Speaker 1:So uh, cause he's pastor Chad. So, anyway, what was unique about pastor Chad was he wasn't married. Um, and that is unique, especially in the black church, because they don't normally let single men run ministries.
Speaker 2:That's real.
Speaker 1:But the anointing was on him for you, just kids followed him. You couldn't have stopped it. You just couldn't stop, and I think they recognize that. But at the same time, because he was not married, he could hang out with us and so he would open his home and we'd have like pizza parties or we'd go out at night and he was there with it.
Speaker 1:It wasn't like y'all go hang out and I'm going to go home and be with my wife. It was more or less like where are we going and where are we going to eat, and it was so much fun. Um, and so I'm getting to know Troy, um, my sister's getting to know Troy, my mom, eventually, and dad at some point they started coming to check it out because we were going faithfully every wednesday night.
Speaker 1:I mean, I had school the next day, my sister had school the next day and we weren't letting go, you know and I'm driving and my parents like, okay, I guess we need to check out where our kids are. Like they're plugged in, you know, and we're still plugged in at lifelink.
Speaker 1:No, there was no leaving lifelink, we weren't yeah lifelink wasn't confused yeah like I was still serving here and this was my church and you were adding, you were adding, I was adding. Yeah, yeah and so, um, it just kept growing. Eventually I realized part of the reason they were such a tight-knit community at wednesday night live is because of this youth ministry event that happened every summer called Elevate, and it was their youth camp and they would go up to what is Pine Summit. So the women for tribe, we go to Pine Rock. It's literally next door to Pine Summit.
Speaker 2:So it's funny to me Like full circle, full circle.
Speaker 1:So they go up to Pine Summit every year and he would invite youth and this is a camp that was really designed for inner city youth yeah um kids that don't have the money to go that and
Speaker 1:so he said camp would never cost more than a pair of jordans because most inner city youth will figure out how to get money, how to get it for a pair of jordans yeah, he was like so it never cost more than that. But he, but he gave away a lot of tickets and just all of that. But they would go up for the junior high, would go up for like three or four days and then the high school would come up for three or four days. The young adults would stay the entire time.
Speaker 1:So it would be like almost a week. The young adults are up at camp and the junior high come up on the bus and we did three days of junior high.
Speaker 2:Loving on them. They go back down. The next day the high school came up and we would do like three days of high school.
Speaker 1:We could do that because we were in college and summer we're free, and so as long as we got the time off from work, we were completely free to run a camp for a whole week and he had enough young adults that we would get crews of kids. And so here I am new to this ministry I jumped in at about like January, february. So Elevate's coming up and I've been around long enough now where I'm hearing about it, but I don't know what it is. And so he calls me. I don't know, it's a youth thing. So I'm like, oh, they're going to go to youth camp and I'm not expecting to go. And he calls me and he was like you know, I see you as a leader, I think you need to come to elevate. And I was just like I'm not a youth. And he was like no, you can come as a monitor.
Speaker 1:And so a monitor was somebody that could come and serve but, was not necessarily trusted yet with the kids because they hadn't done everything they needed to do to be trusted. He was like come as a monitor, check it out. He's like you can just serve where you, where you need to, and I was like, okay, and so I came. My sister came as a youth Funny story. She met her husband there that year. Yeah, but they didn't know it until years later.
Speaker 4:Nice.
Speaker 1:So we both met our husbands in the same year.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Although we're seven years apart.
Speaker 4:Yeah, at the same camp.
Speaker 1:But I'm there, I'm a monitor, I'm learning how to teach, I'm sitting in and you know I've been helping teach the kids at Wednesday Night Live. I'm helping teach kids at church, at LifeLink, and this camp is just different. Like there's hundreds of kids, we served about 300 youth in about a week.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 1:Between the junior high and the high school and he would bring. Like kent jones came one year um, he, he was so, uh, so many rappers, people that meant something to these kids yeah these artists would have been great for our kids at lifelink, but I don't think the kids would have appreciated it. The kids at Elevate were just losing their minds. And they were so invested, the families were invested and it worked. The pattern whatever he had built, it was working.
Speaker 1:The vision was working. He would bring pro football players, because he was a chaplain for the Cardinals and the chaplain for the Padres, in addition to being a pastor at Pilgrim Rest, and so football players would come and he, you know, he would bring in some of the Christian guys to come and talk to the kids about the life and all, just all the things that they look up to, and so.
Speaker 1:I'm seeing this excellence in youth ministry and I'm appreciating it, and it's a different type than just lifelink not, not no comparison, just different, and so I'm appreciating it.
Speaker 4:Um, and it's a different type than just lifelink not, not, no comparison, just different.
Speaker 1:And so, um, I'm like, wow, this is really cool, really really cool. I don't know that Troy's watching me the whole time, so I'm serving and I'm jumping in where needed. Like one night we finished ministry, the kids are going to their bunks to sleep. I don't have a group of girls that I'm leading yeah so I stay behind and I mop the floor in the in the gym because this is a big room with all these hundreds of kids and I saw a friend of troy his name was zav, he was trying to clean the floor and he was doing it by himself.
Speaker 1:And I was like, do we have another bucket? And he was like yeah, because again lifelink has instilled in me what serving means god. So I jump in and I just start mopping and Zav is looking at me like this girl is mopping the floor and nobody asked her to do it.
Speaker 1:And then Troy finds out from Zav like she just mopped the floor. And so Troy tells Pastor Chad he was like nobody told her she's mopped the floor. And then when Pastor Chad comes back around, he was like you know how to serve and I was like okay don't we all like this is the kingdom like right again and a little innocent, a little naive, and so he's just like.
Speaker 1:He's like no, but he's not everybody, he said. But I like that, and so we start getting to know each other a little bit more, not intimately, but more personally, because I'm showing leadership yeah he finds out what I'm in school for and he's like I've been needing somebody to help write the curriculum for the camps.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 1:And I was just like. I don't know how to write curriculum. I'm in school for English man Like this is not. This is. This is teaching Bible stuff.
Speaker 2:And he's like it's not hard.
Speaker 4:So in over the next year he connects with me on this is this with me on this is this is a scripture God gave me for the next year's camp and this took time.
Speaker 1:I'm speeding it up, but this is a scripture God gave me. Here's the theme pray about it, get back to me in like a month and I come back with a paragraph of like this is what I think we can do with it. He's like, okay, cool. And then he takes that, he prays and he comes back to me. He's like we're gonna run with what God gave you. Break it down over three days. Now, remember, I am in school to be a teacher for 7th through 12th grade.
Speaker 1:This is a camp for junior high and high school, so I've already had all the classes that have equipped me to help me understand how to communicate to these age groups and so he's like write it, write it for three days. Give all the the object lessons, the scriptures, pull that all together, put it. You know, put it together and give it to me. I put it together and I've also been trained by Lifelink church that we do things in excellence.
Speaker 1:So, when I've been given a task, I don't just like give him stuff that needs editing, like I put watermarks on it and I put elevate logos on it and I made it look nice and I give it back to him and he was just like, don't leave. And so he, it became my my job. Um, not job job, but it became my serve. I wrote curriculum for elevate for for for a few years and then eventually he gave me the honor of helping select the teachers. I started, um, pulling the team of teachers together and teaching them the curriculum before we would go up to camp every year so that they would know how to teach it and we're familiar, so I would teach them, they would teach the kids yeah and then that we would wash, rinse and repeat every year.
Speaker 1:Wow, um, and it was amazing and I excelled yeah because god told me I was a teacher and I just started to believe it come on um, and then I graduate with a degree in education and I'm not afraid now to get in front of a classroom full of high school kids like I was before because that's what I've been doing the last few years with this camp.
Speaker 4:And so it's just it was it's nutty?
Speaker 2:It's like God knew.
Speaker 1:And so one of the camps I was at I had a particular. It was particularly hard to write the curriculum for that camp because he went in the direction. Pastor Chad always had the vision. I was just fleshing it out over three days. I never had to come up with a theme or anything but he went a little bit more.
Speaker 1:He was like I feel like some of the kids that are going to come into this camp are going to be dealing with stuff that has like more sexual sin, like we need to talk about that oh wow.
Speaker 1:And I was like not because I'm still, I'm better than I was, yeah, but I'm not completely free yet and I'm just like I don't. I don't feel equipped to teach this, like I don't feel, and so I was struggling with the curriculum because I feel like I'm writing something that I haven't found true freedom in, and it just felt hypocritical for me, that's real yeah. And I was like I don't want to just say stuff to them that I don't know is true. I don't want to just say stuff to them that I don't know is true.
Speaker 1:I haven't seen it work in my life. I don't know what to do. Again, not quite talking. I confessed to that one person and the Lord never prompted me to confess to anyone else I was like we're good and I think I was getting the level of healing that I was willing at the level of confession I was willing to give. That's good, that's good I hadn't seen complete healing, cause I had not fully.
Speaker 4:Opened up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so I'm writing fighting a curriculum, I get something put together. He he liked it and I was like, okay, that's fine, this is good. And we were doing the, we're doing the camp. At this particular camp, one of the teachers for a main session he had other heavy hitters like pastors come and do the main sessions. We taught, like the breakout session, stuff.
Speaker 1:that's what I was writing yeah um, one of the main session teachers her name was barb pruitt and if she's still in the valley, y'all check her out. She's amazing. Um, she, we had a girl's impartation, which is what they called it. So the boys and the girls. One of the days would split. They would talk to the boys and then they would talk to the girls. She came and she talked about sexual sin from our perspective and I'm sitting in there going I need.
Speaker 1:I wanted to leave the room because, here I am as a leader of all these girls and they're getting the conversation I wish I'd had years ago. Wow, and for you for me the conversation I wish I'd had years ago and she's telling them, and I know what she's telling them is true, and she's repeating all the things I've already learned, but I just haven't figured out how to fully break through into my freedom yet. And then she goes to. So what we're going to do is we're going to get into groups and we're going to confess to each other.
Speaker 2:Oh wow, oh my God, oh wow, I love you God.
Speaker 1:I am up a mountain two hours from home. I love you, God In a gym locked with a whole bunch of women that I love because, I have a relationship with these people. That's the whole reason I got connected with this ministry was to get iron, sharpen iron relationship, the very thing you.
Speaker 2:I need more iron, sharpening iron God, and here he is.
Speaker 1:About to crack me open.
Speaker 3:Put your iron to somebody.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I can't go anywhere Like I'm on a mountain. That's fantastic and I'm dying inside.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Lord, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And again I'm writing the curriculum. I don't want to tell people 're going to? What are they going to think? I haven't, you know? Like all of that, the enemy is so quick. Pastor Chad doesn't know, but he's going to sit you down and you're not going to get to do this anymore. And Troy and I were not even a thing.
Speaker 1:Like we hadn't even figured out each other yet, like we were just friends. And I'm still. I'm worried about my reputation. I've already had a ruined reputation, but I don't, I don't you know all the stuff. I get in a group with two other women and, um, I was strategic I got in a group with two other leader women that were older than me, because some of the women that came were like in their 30s and 40s. They were part of the church and they just were serving with the kids and I was and so I was like, hey, I gotta confess some things.
Speaker 1:And um, they, you know the leader bar, she's like do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Anyway, put on ministry music. Everybody's confessing, and I decided to go last. And so these women, um they, they weren't. It wasn't, they were confessing their sins, but it wasn't sexual stuff.
Speaker 1:And so I was like, okay, I need to confess mine. I blurted it out Cause I was like I don't say this, I'm going to wind up being disobedient. So I was just like I struggle with masturbation, Like, and I said it like that fast and kind of low, and one of the ladies, she was like say that again.
Speaker 2:And I was like fear.
Speaker 1:And I was like no, I'm not saying it again. And she was like it doesn't count if we didn't hear you. And I was like I struggle with masturbation. She was like struggle like right now, or struggle like you used to, and I was like it's been a a while, but I don't think I'm free yeah, and she went and she said okay, and she said is that it? And I just felt like a warmth, just like flow over me and I was like what do you mean is that?
Speaker 1:it and she was like is that all you need to say? And I was like isn't that enough?
Speaker 2:like this is the biggest, hardest thing I'm dealing with, right now, man, isn't that enough?
Speaker 1:And then she just smiled at me and she was like I struggled with it for almost 20 years.
Speaker 4:Wow man.
Speaker 1:And I was like are you serious?
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I was like what do you mean? Struggled, and she's like there's freedom for it.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:First time in my life that you met somebody I met someone not only that struggled with it but to tell me freedom there was freedom for it. Come on and I, and I said there is, and she said yes, and I said how? And she said it started. Starts with what you just did yeah and I said okay, and I said what's? And now I'm hungry like now.
Speaker 2:Now I'm like I have to get to where you are after it. Yeah, and I'm like I'm after it.
Speaker 1:And I'm like what did I do? And she's like, no, we're going to talk about it. And she's like we'll talk later. And so what she did was she came alongside me for several weeks and just would call or text, yep.
Speaker 2:Accountability.
Speaker 1:Accountability I mean honestly, movies would come out. Don't go to this one. Yeah, I don't care what anybody says, it's not for you and I was just like I respect that, and so she stood by me in a way. I had not allowed anyone else to. Other people would have. I know for a fact my mom would have.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, I know for a fact Pastor Dave or Cherie would have.
Speaker 1:I never gave them the chance. Amen. God had to pin me into a corner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're stubborn, like to beat your head on the wall. I'm the same way I got to trap you in a gym up there on a mountain with these girls, so you can open your heart.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so I did, and she, she didn't. She didn't hurt me guys.
Speaker 2:She didn't hurt me.
Speaker 1:She, she protected me.
Speaker 1:She didn't tell anyone else because that's a fear too, like sometimes people get something that seems salacious and then they can't keep it and you never know until it's out, and so she didn't tell anyone else, she covered it, she prayed with me, um, and then so I got a little bit more freedom and I was like, okay, like I started to get to the place where I was like, well, this must be broken, like this must be the freedom I'm always going to kind of struggle, but like this must be it. It wasn't so. A few more years go by and something called cleansing stream comes up through the ministry out there with Pastor Chad. Pastor Chad, he realized that at this point Elevate had grown and he had a lot of people like me that were serving the camp but weren't necessarily going to Pilgrim Rest Baptist.
Speaker 1:Church and weren't necessarily rooted in a church. I was, but he was like this is a parachurch ministry. This is not a church.
Speaker 1:You can't come to Elevate and expect that to be your church attendance for the year and so he was encouraging these young adults who had church hurt but had attached themselves to Elevate, and he was like we need to get freedom, we need to get healthy, we need to be plugged into a church, and so one of the things he was doing to offer that to us is he brought in a spiritual deliverance, a deliverance ministry called Cleansing Stream, which is a lot like freedom that we do here at life freedom group yeah, except it's way more intense than freedom like the whole way more intense and so I would, as a leader, we I was expected to go to cleansing stream because we did a lot of deliverance and a lot of spiritual warfare, elevate, like with the kids, yeah, you have no idea how many demons, man?
Speaker 1:oh yeah, um yeah, and that would just come off of kids oh yeah and and so he was like we need to make sure that we're cleaning ourselves up spiritually, that we're right, we want to be used by god, we want to be good vessels, but we also want to be in the right pocket with the lord our own selves right yeah and so um, as a leader, I'm signing up for this. Uh, and my mom hears that I'm signing up for a spiritual delivery. She's a good mama.
Speaker 1:She's like you, don't do this by yourself so she comes with me and I think she was just interested in what it was, and so we go through this cleansing stream curriculum. It took months together. It was like a three month, three or four month stint of Wednesday nights coming to this class. They broke down generational curse, all this stuff and really what it was intense teaching. But then it ended with a conference where they literally the people that were leading the conference had been praying the whole time that we were in the teaching courses. We go to this conference and it's a worship session with all these leaders that are trained in what to do and they're praying over you and they're praying freedom over you. And but you, you're in this um sanctuary and this is my next big experience with god.
Speaker 1:You're in the sanctuary and you have all the prayer team up at the front and there's a worship going the entire time and then there are people all around the room that are doing nothing but interceding like hundreds of people and they will call they're praying, we worship for like 20 minutes and then they're like okay, now if you're struggling with this like you've killed someone or there's murder or you have masons in your family you want to break those generational curses or curses have been spoke like and you get up when it's your time to get up.
Speaker 1:If this is the thing that you're you're here for, you're struggling with, and you can get up as many times as you want, you get up, you go to the front, you connect with someone and they pray, and you pray until it breaks, wow. And so sometimes people were just up there, you know, um, I am sitting there and they bring up sexual sin and I was just like. Then the enemy goes oh, you haven't really had sex, so you don't have a sexual sin issue, of course.
Speaker 1:all this time, I feel like I have a sexual sin issue. That's what he says in the moment you don't have a sexual sin issue. You haven't had sex, you're a virgin yeah I'm like I am confused, I am technically a virgin and the. The bible doesn't say anything specific about mass. I'm reasoning all over again oh yeah, all over again.
Speaker 1:Justification and I have confessed my sins twice now and I've seen freedom. I haven't struggled with it in like a few months, like maybe I don't need to go up for prayer, like maybe God already helped me. You know, not realizing this is the voice of the enemy and the voice of flesh. Let's be honest, it's not always the enemy. Sometimes it's just our carnal nature, just being stupid, and so there's a way that seems right to a man, but it leads to death, and the enemy doesn't always get the credit.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'm just my own fool.
Speaker 4:And so. I'm sitting there, I'm reasoning.
Speaker 1:And on the screen they had different scenes that visually went along with the worship session and they're calling out for the people who want to come to get prayer over sexual things. And I'm looking up at the screen because I'm like Lord. I think I might be already healed. Maybe I don't need to go up. And as it's visual, it's a recording I wish I could find it of a baby cub, like in the rockies, like the andes or rockies, mountains, and it's a bear, but it's a little cub bear and he's walking around and music, worship, music is playing and he's looking at shrubs, you know, like a little bear and the baby cub can't see the mama mountain lion that is looking at this cub from over the rocks about to attack this little cub and in this moment I know god is talking to me.
Speaker 1:He's like you're the cub yeah and this mountain lion is looking and it's moving around, maneuvering, getting in position to attack this cub bear. But the mountain lion can't see that. The mama bear sees the mountain lion and this mama bear positions herself, she calls to the cub, and you can see that there's no sound because the worship's going.
Speaker 1:But you can see that the mama bear's opened its mouth, calls to the cub, looks up and it starts moving towards the mama bear and the mountain lion realizes the mama bear has opened its mouth, calls to the cub, looks up and it starts moving towards the mama bear and the mountain lion realizes the mama bear is intercepting this situation.
Speaker 1:So the mountain lion starts to reposition the bear, the mama bear gunning it like big stride, running, running, gets in between the mountain lion and the cub, stands up on its hind legs, hand, arm, front arms up and the biggest roar that you and I can't hear. You can't hear any, I can see there's this roar and the mountain lion's ears just fall back and, like the way a dog does when it gets scared, the ear, just go back.
Speaker 1:And the mountain lion backs up. The mama bear continues to walk on two feet towards, like big, towards the mountain lion, and the mountain just mountain lion just takes off running. And god told me in that moment if you get up now, I will do that for you. And this happens in a matter of seconds you know I'm watching a video and yeah, and I just find myself getting up as fast as I can.
Speaker 2:Amen Running to that damn altar.
Speaker 1:And what I realized in that moment is my reasoning was the mountain lion trying to get in between me and God. Who was the position of the mountain? My prayer moment was Mama Bear, over there, I'm this little cub and the mountain lion is positioning around me to take me out, to keep me from going to the altar, and God roared over me. In that moment it's like get up, and if you come to me, I will run that thing out of this. I get up, man, I get to that man I'm telling you oh my god.
Speaker 1:I get up and I'm walking down the aisle and I've left my mom. You know she's done the classes and stuff with me. I've left her. I don't even know where she is at this point but, I've left her. I get to the. I get to the down the aisle. I have to wait in a line and there's so many people and I finally get to the point where it's my turn to pray and this lady looks at me and she just goes. Oh, and she just goes. Oh, you're so beautiful and I was like thank you.
Speaker 1:And I said I felt I felt really gross for a long time. Yeah, and she's like no, you're beautiful. And she's like, and. And she didn't have to ask me what I was getting prayer for, because it's under a banner of a. Yeah and so and, and she was like is there anything you want to say? You know you get the opportunity to share what you want.
Speaker 1:And I just said all I know is God told me he's going to run this out of my life If I get up here and I get prayer and I was like I've always believed he does what he says, so I'm believing he's going to run it out of my life.
Speaker 1:And then, um, she grabs my hands and she starts praying in spirit and whatever God was doing, I didn't feel anything yet, but whatever God was doing, she felt it first and she starts bending over and she's swaying and she's praying in the spirit, but she's like moaning in the spirit and she's swaying and for me it was a little weird, because I'm not used to the person praying, having the experience you know I'm expecting that to be me, and so I find myself, I'm kind of holding her cause.
Speaker 1:She's bending over and I can't hear her. Her head's like toward facing the ground and I'm like I think the person praying for me is about to fall out and I haven't had my moment yet with the Lord. That's real. And and and. So she stands up and just tears and she goes God loves you so much. And she was like he's letting me feel and she's bawling and I'm like I realize she hasn't even really started praying yet and I'm just like okay, and I was like God loves you too.
Speaker 1:I don't know what to do and so someone else comes over and they see that she's just bowing under the weight of the Holy Spirit and they put their hand on her and boom, she just hits the floor and I was like, oh bless her heart, she just, she just couldn't, she couldn't do it. You know, I must have went to the wrong person. That's what I'm thinking. And then the Holy, the Holy Spirit's like stay where you are and the whole time the enemy is like you just need to get out out of line. Like this isn't going to work. The person supposed to pray for your deliverance is getting her own deliverance on the floor right now.
Speaker 1:And I'm just like no, the Holy Spirit, you know, I'm going to stay right here. So the other person that came, they put their hands on my one hand, on my shoulder, and I think, because that lady fell out, they thought maybe there was more going on like demonically with me because, like two or three people came and I was like, guys, I'm receiving this like there's, there's nothing. I've been in church my whole life so I can see when people are mobilizing for like a spiritual fight, yeah and I'm like that's not the case like we're good.
Speaker 1:But two or three people came there's hands on my back, hands on my shoulder, and somebody put their hands on my head. And when they put their hands on my head, they started praying for my mind. And that's when I felt it and I felt that the lord was just having his, he was working on me. I started crying. I knew he was delivering me.
Speaker 1:Um, I felt for the first time, my hands got lighter, like, I think, spiritually, chains broke yeah um and so, but the person praying over my head, she, she, just she started calling out stuff and she was like the CDs, the music, the magazines that like she just started calling and I and so, as she was calling out cause I again, I've been church for a long time and kind of know what to do in these moments I started naming them. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Cause I was like you're naming them. Oh yeah, because I was like Now you're in agreement dude. Yeah, and she was like the music.
Speaker 1:I was like Aaliyah. Jagged it you know I was naming everything that came to mind. And then she was like magazines. And I started calling out magazines, I called out books, I was just naming it and at one point she stopped and then she looked at me and she's like it's done, it's done.
Speaker 2:And I was like I read more stuff, like you know I was like hold on, I got more, I'm ready to confess now.
Speaker 1:But she's like no, it's done. And I said, okay, and what was?
Speaker 4:interesting is.
Speaker 1:I felt the Holy Spirit, but he was so gentle. He was so gentle I love you, lord and and I was like, is it really done? Because I've been fighting with this for so long. I I was expecting more of a feeling you know you were expecting to be the one laid out on the ground, right yeah and I was just like I was expecting more of feeling, and then um a different woman who was there praying much older, like 50s yeah looked at me and she said he has the precision of a surgeon.
Speaker 1:And she said you don't always feel a surgical knife. And she said stop looking for a feeling. It's done, it's good. And I went okay. That's so good it was so good and guys, to this day, since that moment.
Speaker 2:Freedom baby.
Speaker 4:Come on.
Speaker 1:It's been broken in my life.
Speaker 3:Come on Thank Freedom, baby. Come on, it's been broken in my life.
Speaker 1:Come on, thank you, jesus, it's been broken. But, here's the reason. I knew I needed to talk about it. So I'm free, troy and I get together. We start realizing we're in love and God ordained that.
Speaker 2:If you haven't heard his story, his is much shorter than mine, by the way.
Speaker 1:He had a big health issue that God delivered him from brought him through he's healed right. And he's the man of my dreams, and God has saved his life and we are married.
Speaker 3:He's a special dude.
Speaker 1:He's a special dude, yeah, when we get into marriage and I realized he struggled and he talks about this in his testimony, but he struggled with pornography. But I didn't know that until I married him. The beauty of my journey, because I didn't really understand why God would let me walk through all of that. The beauty of my journey is we get married. The beauty of my journey is we get married and as painful as it was, I knew. I knew as a wife.
Speaker 1:A lot of women don't know what to do when their husbands come with that kind of chain and not to say at all it was easy. For me it was not, it was painful. It was a struggle and it messed with me in a lot of ways, but because of what God had brought me out of, I was able to fight for him from a different position as a wife.
Speaker 2:That's good.
Speaker 1:Because I understood how easy it is to fall into that. I understood how tightly the chains get wrapped around your mind and your heart. I understood why you feel inadequate and you don't know if god can and and not wanting to confess. Yeah, like I I got it and and a lot of women, I think, struggle with why yeah and why are you doing this and why can't you stop? And and so I. I did under.
Speaker 1:I could relate yeah in a way that maybe a lot of women don't or maybe are not willing to confess, yeah, um, so we're, we're in our marriage and um but you also knew the freedom aspect of it. I knew the freedom, yeah and I had read enough at this point and and studied enough at this point that we're in our marriage and he's it's, it's come to light, um, and I'm looking at him going.
Speaker 4:We're not losing to this yeah, because I've already fought this and beat it yeah so.
Speaker 1:I don't know what we and I knew the steps to freedom. I knew it was going to take its own journey with him because he needed to be willing to get to those steps himself. But God in his grace, when you have looked a demon in the face and fought it yourself and beat it with God's grace and his power Jesus.
Speaker 1:When it comes up in your marriage years later. Yeah, I mean I'm telling you in the middle of the night, waking up out of a dead sleep and I can sense what's in my house. Yeah, and I know, because I've dealt with this thing and so I'm, I'm getting up out of the bed, going downstairs and going turn it off. And I don't need to look at it when or it's already been turned off and I, I it's in my house.
Speaker 2:You already know.
Speaker 1:And, and so.
Speaker 2:God speaks to you like your mama. Yeah, he does, but God speaks to you like your mama?
Speaker 1:Yeah, he does, but what it is, too, is it's a familiar spirit that. I've already kicked out and I know I didn't bring it back in and so, even though he didn't necessarily have to tell me, he did, he did confess because I called.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm a wife, I love him and I was like you don't tell me right now what you do. But he didn't.
Speaker 1:I knew before he knew. I knew because I was like this thing has has no power for me anymore, it has no authority over me anymore and it's been gone for years, so why is it in my house again? Why am I feeling it walking around my bedroom? Why, why, why, what is this and so and so what, what? The but? The beauty of the pain and all of that is I need the scriptures to pray.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I already knew, I had the confidence to like. I know you're defeated.
Speaker 1:You are so defeated and you think you're going to run me out of my marriage. I already know what it looks like for the bear to run you out of my life, so why wouldn't you know? Like like you, you are so done. You are so done and no, you're not gonna touch my kids and no, you're not like, and so I started coming generationally at this thing because now my husband that God has literally saved is struggling with something and no, I'm not gonna let you leave. And so it was.
Speaker 2:It was crazy and I'm in pain I'm crying, you know I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm dealing with all the ramifications of the hurt that goes with that hello um, and not to minimize that at all, but at the same time, that ruins women it does it ruins women, man in in to be fair the ones, the ones that haven't necessarily had the victory that you experienced in your life, in order to be empowered to help their husband fight through this thing. Well, I mean honestly, even with my victory, it was a bare knuckle fight for me even then.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because you can't make someone stop.
Speaker 4:No.
Speaker 1:And as much as you want to.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then it's like every time this happens, you cut my heart open.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh God, man, but I have to go. I have to turn around immediately. Forgive you because I got it. I got to get that out Like I can't have offense and still walk in unity. My parents showed me that picture.
Speaker 2:We walk in unity we can't walk in unity.
Speaker 1:if I'm offended with you, it's really good man. And then also, at the same time, I cannot fight and cover you in the spirit, the way I'm called to as a help me as a wife, if you're my enemy.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 1:And so, yeah, I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding hard, and I'm, and I'm, I'm looking at god going. How in the world are you letting this happen? How in the world? And god's going?
Speaker 2:I did it for you I equipped you, I did it for you I did it for you, are you?
Speaker 1:you better not come to me. Offended at troy banks that's so good every time this happens, because how many times did you do it to me?
Speaker 4:Oh God, and I was like, okay, you're right.
Speaker 1:Lord, I cut your heart open every time because I knew. I knew that you didn't like it, and that's all there needs to be for it to be. Sin is for you to know God doesn't like it, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter if it's in the scripture or not. If you know God does not want you doing it?
Speaker 1:I don't care what it is, and you're doing it anyway. It's sin, and so god's going. He's looking at me like I've been. I've been where you are, ash, you hurt my heart and I forgave. You. Don't be that man in the scripture that could not forgive the debt that someone else had against him when the king forgave his debt. And so every time I would look at you. I love you. I forgive you. I'm mad at you right now, but you know like I'm still a human.
Speaker 2:I'm still a woman.
Speaker 1:But I did, I could. I hope I think I helped spiritually, helped him fight. I think I helped spiritually, helped him fight, and then also because of the reasoning when I would get the excuses or I would get the like. Well, I don't know if God can use me, shut up.
Speaker 2:I don't want to hear that. I heard that for too long.
Speaker 1:It's not real. And then there was a struggle, too, in the fact that it was not my sin to confess, it was his. And this is where I need every man. Oh my gosh, please hear me If you are struggling with this and you are telling your wife to be quiet about it.
Speaker 2:Oh man Stop it.
Speaker 1:Because you are locking her in the room. Stop it. Because you are locking her in the room and literally as your wife chaining you, chaining her to the wall with you. I, I and Troy didn't know, and he told me I could share this. He told me because I checked with him. So he's okay, he's not here to defend himself, but I did check with him. All of you women they're like oh my gosh, pastor Ashley, he's good, he's, he knows, but he was afraid to confess and I kept telling him. I didn't see any movement on the needle of freedom until I started talking Like we've got to confess, we've got to confess, got to confess babe, Like you've got to confess, and of course, I understood the fear because I had it and he's like I didn't tell nobody I didn't tell nobody about it.
Speaker 1:No, no, I didn't do that, and he was just like I'm just going to pray, I'm just going to pray and God's going to heal me. I'm just going to pray and I was just like it doesn't work that way. But I couldn't make him see that. At the same time, my heart is broken. What do I need to do for healing? I need to talk to somebody and I can't.
Speaker 2:Wow, wow.
Speaker 1:Because it's his sin.
Speaker 2:He has to open.
Speaker 1:Wow, and I can't out him you can't do it for him?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can't. We don't expose. I can't do it for him. We cover, we don't expose.
Speaker 1:I can't even say what I'm going through to another woman who could just help me as a wife. Come on through to another woman who could just help me as a wife, because he's locked that door and he's going. I know I'm just going to talk to God and I'm going. I need. I knew I struggled with this as an individual. I don't know how to do this as a wife and a mom. I don't. I need another wife.
Speaker 3:There are people involved in that door for me.
Speaker 1:I need you to open the door. I need you to unlock the door.
Speaker 4:The door and it took a while wow um.
Speaker 1:And so I was in my prayer, closet, crying out to god, going god, I'm locked back in this thing now because I can't. Even I I know what to do to get freedom and I can't. And so eventually, because I took it in prayer and and and because the Lord and his grace reminded my husband of some scriptures of of of how God handles husbands when they're not handling their wives correctly. Hello.
Speaker 2:You hear that, boys, he loves his girls. You better be treating them right.
Speaker 4:Joy was just like okay.
Speaker 1:Like and and and it started off with you can talk to somebody.
Speaker 2:Okay, amen.
Speaker 1:And I was like, okay, fine, he didn't want to talk to anyone. But I was like, okay, well, I've got the freedom. So I started talking to people that I could trust and we had to agree on who that trustworthy person was. That's great and, by the way, pastor Dave and Cherie know all about this. So if there are any people out there trying to be messy, you can just stop, oh Jesus.
Speaker 2:I don't think any of our listeners are Church, people are crazy, but just putting that out there. I love you guys this is not news to them either.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank you.
Speaker 2:They're our pastors, they know our stuff.
Speaker 1:But yeah so, but yeah, eventually we were able to even talk to Pastor Dave and Cherie about it so good, and he's free too.
Speaker 4:I can say that proudly.
Speaker 1:Come on, god has set us both free from this stupid stuff, this thing, but it is. It's crazy. It's crazy how the enemy will how he will use quietness around this. Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 3:What we talked about before, the eight mile thing. Shh, don't tell nobody Right, keep it hidden. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:You get it. Get out in front of the devil.
Speaker 3:The hardest thing I ever had to do, pastor Ashley was go tell Pastor Dave that I struggled with porn. The hardest, the hardest thing for me, wasn't pastor david it?
Speaker 1:was my mom.
Speaker 3:I did my parents know as well the person that I hold, I hold up, I mean, and put him on a pedestal, which I shouldn't but I do is to go and tell him hey, man, I struggle that was my mom but it was also the most freeingest thing I've ever done too oh, it's so funny and that's how I got to celebrate recovery okay after dave I wish I had told my parents right when it started.
Speaker 1:I sincerely regret that. To be fair, they didn't really ask about that particular thing. They asked if I was being sexually active and I took that to mean a certain thing having sex but I wish I had told them then, because when I finally did tell my mom, she looked at me and she was like yeah, I struggled with that. Yeah, at one point, you know, in her life it's real man.
Speaker 2:People have feelings and it's real and she's just like.
Speaker 1:it's okay, babe, You're not the first woman in our family.
Speaker 3:The sad reality, Pastor Ashley is, there's probably more men and women that are struggling with it. They're keeping it hidden, but they don't talk about it?
Speaker 2:Nobody knows.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Someone told me one time there's probably 90% of the men in the church struggle with it. The other 10% lie.
Speaker 1:Well and honestly I understand 10 lie well and and honestly I understand it's not. It's not something you want, no tied to your name, to your person like you know, I it's embarrassing, yeah, shameful.
Speaker 1:It's disgraceful, it's so many things, man by the world standards you know what I mean like when the world yeah, like when the world thinks it's stupid and shameful and embarrassing, like, oh my gosh, what do christians think you know what I mean, like that's what my mind, but that's where my mind was for the longest time and for a while, even after I was free, I was like god, this will be, this will be between us you know like, even even after freedom, I still didn't want that to be my testimony yeah um, but God has gotten me to a place where I'm just like okay you're helping women right now, oh
Speaker 2:yeah you're helping men too.
Speaker 3:You're helping people if I can help just one person, like honestly remember the conversation we had at the beginning, when we talked about how you made a connection with somebody. Don't be surprised if you don't. Somebody doesn't reach out to you. Man, oh, I won't, I won't, I won't be surprised?
Speaker 1:Not at all. I mean, yeah, and ask me about it. I am going to do my best to remember the book that I read.
Speaker 2:but if I don't, god will bring it back. Every Man's Battle.
Speaker 1:Every Woman's Battle.
Speaker 2:Something about pearls. If you know what book it is, let us know. I'm going to look it up. I'm going to try to find it.
Speaker 1:Every Man's Battle, every Woman's Battle. Focus on the Family, family Life Today, focus on the Family, marriage. These were the things that were lifelines. And then, before that, literally what I didn't share in the process of freedom is I had to cut ties with people, certain movies, certain songs, and when I say cut ties, I don't mean like, well, I'm only going to watch it once.
Speaker 3:Like I had to, I had to break.
Speaker 1:CDs Like I had to there. There were certain times I learned.
Speaker 3:There's a reason why I only watch sports.
Speaker 2:Right, I love you, buddy. Same here, dude, it ain't good or bad or evil. I might maybe not be the best fan. I had to learn myself.
Speaker 1:I had to learn that I could watch something in the daytime but, after a certain time of night, it was a different ballgame. And I didn't really fully understand why.
Speaker 2:Nighttime is when we're weakest.
Speaker 3:We fight, and we've got our strengths all day Well it's in the day, we're tired, we're worn down, yes, or we're less susceptible to let ourselves just slide into something.
Speaker 1:Right. And then nighttime was when I would do spiritual battle in my sleep, and what I was watching before I would go to bed had a lot to do with my warfare.
Speaker 4:So in that, just to tie that loose in.
Speaker 1:I do still see in the spirit. I did ask God to take it away for a while he did. I don't know why he did except for that I begged him for it. I just begged him for it, and I think it got to the point where he was willing to acquiesce on that.
Speaker 1:But once we I had my daughters and I was here at lifelink um years years later and connected realized that my daughter has the gift and for me it was like, oh no, like yeah um, and heavily too, actually recently, wow, but realized that at the time it was Yelena and I was like she has this gift and I can't lead her in it, because I told God to take it away from me yeah. And so, and I don't want her to go through the fear and the struggle that I went through, not knowing what to do, you know and what, and so, um, I started praying and I was just like, okay, like, your daughter can sing, then, uh, your daughter can sing.
Speaker 1:Oh, this is my spiritual sight, gift all right um, gifting is seeing in the spirit she can, but we're going to be calm about that Because I am a pageant mom when it comes to my kids singing.
Speaker 2:We're not prophesying Grammys over them.
Speaker 1:I have to stay in my corner and not get too happy.
Speaker 2:Put that flesh on it. Uh-huh, yep, I love you.
Speaker 1:I know too much, I know too much and I plan things.
Speaker 2:Just let God do it in his time. I'm trying, tarani, I'm trying.
Speaker 1:But no she has a spiritual gifting of where she can see things. And she's a discerner, she's a big discerner.
Speaker 3:We had this conversation the other day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she can see in the spirit and she doesn't always know what it is like.
Speaker 2:I can tell um but she brings a lot of stuff home from school like, mommy, I saw this or mountain, and you kind of help her with it um, sometimes, a lot of times, it's um, she doesn't know that she saw something.
Speaker 1:She'll just be like their face is weird and I'm like, yeah, you're seeing something. And I'm trying not to, I'm trying to gently help her see and then she'll have dreams. Both of my girls dream. I dream.
Speaker 3:I can see people that are possessed.
Speaker 1:I can see it too, but more so. For me it's more like I can sense it. I can sense and discern, and then, if I really like tap into it awake, I'm like, okay, now I see it but I can see him dreams are where man it all goes down, like for me. It goes down.
Speaker 1:And what's crazy is troy interprets well I love that, and so I love that I'll wake up and I'm like him up, I'm like, okay, so is my and he can kind of help me make sense of it sometimes, but the girl's dream, and so, um, but yeah, I, I, she, she has that gift and I gave mine up, basically, and so I was here, was here not too long ago, a few years ago, lifelink, and I'm praying and I'm telling the Lord like, okay, you gave that to me and I gave it back to you. But if you're going to, if you're willing and if you're gracious and if there's purpose in me having this gift, I'll take it back and you can turn it back on. But I need someone to help me because, like, even as an adult, the things I would see and experience in my sleep would scare the mess out of me.
Speaker 4:Like just not games um, and I know how to pray yeah, and I know how to work.
Speaker 1:And I would still wake up like, yeah, I need my mom. You know like it was. I was still in that space in the gift and so he led me to um. A couple of women here that go to church, here I'm. I'm going to not say their names because, I don't want them to. I want God to reveal them to the people who need them.
Speaker 3:I don't want people overwhelming them, people that think they might need them when they really don't, or just want attention.
Speaker 1:Let it be God led Kudos for you, for that. One of them I have known for a long time like since CTA, you know and so I went to her and I was like I have this gift. I asked God to take it away a long time ago. He did. I'm asking for him to give it back. And when he gave it back, I went to her and I was like yo it's back help help me now and she did amen um, she gave me a book what I can share.
Speaker 1:She gave me a book what I can share. She gave me a book called Behind the Veil to read Great book and I did not know some of the things that are just plainly in that book and it was the first time I realized it was a gift. As an adult I realized it was a gift, not the enemy taking advantage of me.
Speaker 1:It was the enemy assaulting me through my gift in some ways, but the gift itself was not the problem, and so it helped me see that. She helped me pray and talk through taking authority in this area, closing the enemy, you know, kicking him out, and, just like you, don't get to have a playground in my mind while I'm sleeping.
Speaker 1:Um, also what to pray and how to pray in worship services. Um, because, again, remember I saw the angel during a worship service when I was a kid. She was like it's okay to do that, like God wants that, but we need to make sure we're in the right environment when we ask God to open our eyes and let us see. And so, um, she's been just mentoring me and when it comes up it's not like an everyday conversation, but when I need her she's there. Um, and she's so far ahead of me in this, um, and I was just like, thank you God, so I've in that I've been able to coach my daughter um and let her know, like God, god's giving you something special.
Speaker 1:And mommy got afraid of it, you know, but you don't have to be afraid of it, and so it's been really cool. So, parents out there, if you've got a kid that you think has this gift, be praying and talk to your leaders. Ask for advice and wisdom, because that was how the enemy talked me out of it.
Speaker 1:I thought I was weird thought I was the only one. Again, people not talking about it honestly and we don't talk about it enough in church for teenagers and preteens to feel like they are not crazy, you know we just don't um in any church. That's not against lifelink or anything like that, but in any church I never really had people. It was like spiritual gurus that were seeing that could see in the spirit. It wasn't like the everyday person that.
Speaker 1:I trusted you know, and that was on like the 700 Club or something like that it was so far away from where I was in life that I was like man I'm weird and I don't want to be that I was like man, I'm weird.
Speaker 4:And I don't want to be the last thing a kid wants to be is weird. Yeah, that's right, yeah, so anyway, that's God.
Speaker 1:So you wanted to know. Those are my encounters with God. I've had a lot of them, but those are the bigger ones the rock my world life-changing encounters.
Speaker 2:Those are great.
Speaker 1:Those are great man.
Speaker 2:Praise the Lord.
Speaker 1:Jeez, it's great those are great man. Praise the lord geez, it's all him. It's all him.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, and then I guess future yeah, what you hoping for in the future, man. I believe in god, for I'm believing god for a lot.
Speaker 1:He did a lot for us last year.
Speaker 2:He sure, did he?
Speaker 1:did, and I was like well, while we're on this train, let's keep it going, God let's keep it going. So one of the biggest things I've been praying for, I want my kids both of them to have what I had with the Lord when he gave me, my sister, that undeniable grounding. Jesus is real, he hears me and you can't take it away.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Kind of experience whatever that is, it does not. Do not pray for a sibling for my children, because that is not what I'm asking and I know that both of you are anointed. So we're. We're not playing games, okay, we're not.
Speaker 2:I love you, man, we're not Two's enough.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, we're done, we're done over here. Open up the womb, God. Oh my God, Open up all the other wombs that you may see fit to Lord.
Speaker 2:This one is I love you, dude.
Speaker 1:She has closed up shop.
Speaker 2:Work, a miracle God.
Speaker 1:Stay out of my uterus.
Speaker 2:I see a little.
Speaker 3:Troy. I thought I saw a little Troy.
Speaker 2:A little boy I did.
Speaker 1:Oh God, you may have saw his baby pictures.
Speaker 4:I heard bloodline. That's what I heard. Come on, Jesus.
Speaker 1:Okay, you got jokes. Careful what you ask for, sis, I didn't ask for it, no, but yeah, I want them to have that, whatever that looks like for.
Speaker 2:God, I'm believing for that, each one of them.
Speaker 1:It's important to me that it happens early in life.
Speaker 2:That's so good.
Speaker 1:There was so much that came against me early in life that kept me knowing that he was there, he was real and no one could take the experience away that I had with him. Even though scientifically it didn't make sense, that was my experience with him, so I don't care what it is, I want them to have that. Another thing I'm believing, for I just finished a manuscript to my book. Yes, you finally got one. I don't care what it is, I want them to have that.
Speaker 2:Another thing I'm believing for I just finished a manuscript to my book. Yes, yes, you finally got one.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, dude yeah.
Speaker 3:I just finished.
Speaker 1:It is a unique book. It's not for everybody, but it may be for a lot of people. I want God to get it in front of as many hands as it might help. It's about it's funny, it's about hair. So black culture, black people, black women, we our hair is unique. Our hair does stuff that most other people's hair follicles just don't do, and that is that was one of my struggles growing up and being different. And the bullying with the hair, so I did not like my hair for a long time.
Speaker 2:There was in the beginning where you talked about my mom started letting me straighten my hair. Oh yeah, so there's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because straight hair I mean. I was born in 86. So we're talking 90s, early 2000s. When someone said clean, cut or hair that was done, it did not mean what my hair looks like now.
Speaker 2:Like I see wearing the earrings sometimes that got the big hair on them. Yeah, the more Afro style.
Speaker 1:That wasn't even in black culture, that wasn't as widely accepted black culture, that that wasn't as widely accepted and proudly accepted as it is now because we are still as a people and some people may disagree with me on this, but from what I have observed in my own life, we are still as a people, shedding off the years, the hundreds of years of words that were spoken.
Speaker 2:Through slavery and all the stuff, through all the things, and then things that weren't spoken, things that were just done.
Speaker 1:I mean the Crown Act, which was a bill, you know. I don't know if you guys know about it, but it was a the Crown Act. It's a real thing. The Crown Act look it up. It was a bill that was signed during into into law during 2020 that you cannot discriminate in the workplace anymore because of hair. So for me, as a woman, it just got put in 2020 and at least arizona 2020. I think other states may have different years, but so let me breathe.
Speaker 3:I didn't even know you could discriminate against hair in the workplace. What does that mean?
Speaker 1:let me bring you in.
Speaker 2:Let me bring you in you, okay, bro all right, there's just a lot of different things nowadays. You got to be careful. Yeah, I'm just, it's real, get my ignorance.
Speaker 3:I just don't know.
Speaker 1:So as it, so, as a teacher, I'll tell you my story. Not everyone has the same story, but as a teacher, you know I'm expected to be presentable and professional well, how you define professional is really the eye of the beholder.
Speaker 1:So for, for back to the clean cut, so think of the military, yeah they have a dress code yeah yeah, you can't have, you know, long hair, braids and stuff man no earrings, yep right, um, teachers, we're the same way. There's certain things you can and cannot do. The issue is what was considered appropriate, what was considered professional. A lot of times in schools, with teachers and with students which is where the crown act also was needed is if, like a kid came to school with dreads, a principal or a teacher may say go home and wash your hair.
Speaker 2:You're not professional. This is not.
Speaker 1:this is not appropriate Um if a kid you know braids.
Speaker 3:I've been so far out of school. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Well, and that. So the thing for me. Um, in one of the schools I was at when, uh, I had just had my, I had had my daughter, I was going, on at what we would call a natural hair care journey.
Speaker 2:I would. I didn't have it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had my hair. I was. I had been getting my hair chemically treated. I stopped doing that when I was pregnant because I wasn't sure.
Speaker 2:If it had messed the baby.
Speaker 1:There's no research on it, and so I'm just like you know I'm not going to take the risk of the fumes.
Speaker 2:So you were going all natural, I was going natural.
Speaker 1:This was not in Arizona, but I was going natural and I'm in transition, so some parts of my hair were chemically straighted, some parts of my hair were curly and I'm working with it. You know, I'm not looking bad, but I'm not doing what I was doing before.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I had some coworkers and I had some co-workers and I had a boss that mentioned, you need to make sure that you're still looking professional at work and we're doing our hair and what it is is a lack of understanding of my natural hair does not make me unprofessional or unkempt.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry again, forgive my ignorance what would they deem a professional straight black woman's hair. You guys. Black woman's hair is not naturally straight. No, that's not. But, Is that what the?
Speaker 1:It is a quiet. It was a quiet expectation that technically I could get written up for.
Speaker 4:Really.
Speaker 1:Because there was nothing on the books to protect me.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 1:So if they were like, you know what we're looking for is a straighter look or more clean. You know a hair tied down or brushed back. You know like because for different nationalities doing your hair might look like brushing it straight or pulling it into a ponytail.
Speaker 2:But if I've got a short fro.
Speaker 1:how am I supposed to put a ponytail on that unless I straighten it?
Speaker 3:Wow it sucks, they had to make a law for that.
Speaker 1:Wow, what was happening?
Speaker 3:People can be like your hair's different. You got to. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah and what was happening and, honestly, mine was not that extreme compared to what some kids were going through at school. Because they're coming to school and they're being told they're out of dress code because they've got they've got dreads and the thing is have you seen the way some of the teachers dress?
Speaker 3:oh my god don't even get me started and they're worried about hair don't even get me started, yeah like why is there a high school teacher in a tight dressing off her curves?
Speaker 1:The real issue is one ignorance. Two we have a real enemy.
Speaker 3:We do, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:He's an opportunist. I know.
Speaker 1:So here is a gray area that honestly it's residual. It's been around for a while. I mean slavery. There's so much to go into here but and I won't go into all of it but honestly hair has been a point of contention, at least in our country. The respect and the honor for the differences that our hair as black people can have and can do and the different ways we may want to express ourselves through it.
Speaker 1:That has been hard on our people, especially our women, and so, and then when you, as a young girl, you see representations of beauty that don't look like you at all. I mean, black Barbbies were my generation. Yeah, the I I think. I think maybe they were coming out when my mom was young, but there was like one, yeah, but they had straight hair yeah, oh did they, yeah, oh, wow, wow, so it was one it was, but it was a win that we got a barbie with brown
Speaker 2:skin don't, don't. You know, don't let me make that seem small, that was huge.
Speaker 1:But they didn't start getting curly hair and Afro type textured hair what we would call textured hair until like now.
Speaker 4:Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so it's. And so I played with Barbies that were brown but they had straight hair, and then they started doing more textured hair with me, with my kid, or at least I was starting to see them in the places where they were easier to get.
Speaker 1:Maybe you could order one and stuff like that. And so representations of beauty for young black girls, um, are were hard to come by. And and then you know our, our famous women are having to work when it within an industry like Hollywood. And you know our famous women are having to work when, within an industry like hollywood, and you know people doing their hair and and not having hairstylists that knew how to handle black hair, so they're wearing weaves, the now the famous people got straight hair. And so what am I going to do? I'm going to want to straighten my hair, because everything I see is that's what beauty is represented, and so, anyway, I have my own journey through textured hair.
Speaker 1:But the book is really about how God helped me redeem the value Because I got made fun of. My hair is unique. I am multicultural in my genetic background and so that comes out a little bit differently in my hair. But I didn't appreciate it and the scripture talks about. You didn't appreciate it and the scripture talks about. You didn't appreciate no, not in the beginning, because it's like you said you, you, you it takes hours to do my hair it it.
Speaker 1:You know like it's, it's work. It's work to make it look the way everyone thinks it should and so um, so I I resented the work, I resented the fact that I couldn't just I didn't learn to wash my own hair until I was seventh or eighth grade. And that's not unusual for a little black girl, because our hair takes so much effort that you actually need eyes on the like you can't just get in the shower.
Speaker 1:I I get in the shower and wet my hair. I have to part it, because I will get out the shower and parts of it will still be dry. It's just so dense and so, and so it took time for me to learn how to do my own hair, and it's going to take time for my kid to learn how to do her own hair. And so um so our hairstyles are different.
Speaker 1:Our care is different, but what the book is about is really and I'm not here to talk about my book, but I'm believing that God is going to use this to help people. If creation declares the glory of God, as scripture says, my hair is in that Come on Amen, amen and so what is the because?
Speaker 1:all my life and, I think, all my mothers and my grandmothers and great-grandmothers, life, all the way back, as far as we can go. The message has been you have to do something with that, your hair, you need to do something with that, fix it, change it, straighten it. You know. And the messages have been your hair, the way it is, needs work. Whether or not people meant to send that message or not, culture has sent that message.
Speaker 1:So I have gotten to the point where I'm like, if creation declares the glory of God, there is something about my hair that is declaring the glory of God.
Speaker 3:I agree.
Speaker 1:And I need to capture that message for my sake, and I need to capture that message for my sake, and I need to capture that message for my daughter's sake and write it down for every other little black girl or black woman or any woman with textured hair. Cause, honestly, mixed chicks. Hey, I'm one of them. We all were different and we have textured hair and it comes in different shapes and sizes. But, um, our hair says something about who God is, and so I've spent a lot of time in prayer talking to God, and there are some real biblical lessons in why my hair is different and why it can do what it does and how that brings honor to how God made me and honor to the creation of our hair. The book also does educate a little bit, so if you don't have textured hair, you could still read the book, learn something.
Speaker 1:And kind of understand, like why black women don't want people touching their hair.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because we just spent four hours getting it right.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Don't stick your hands in it, Right? Don't go around touching people's hair and so just.
Speaker 2:And then some people don't care, but, like you know, just the the, the cultural things and what we do.
Speaker 1:But then how that actually how God was so intentional to wrap the gospel in in our crown.
Speaker 3:I think that book's going to go beyond what you could ever dream or imagine. I have no idea.
Speaker 1:I expect that God wants to do something with it, because whenever he's glorified, you know he's glorified. But honestly, I wrote it for my daughters because I wanted them.
Speaker 3:I think there's going to be people that are not like you who are going to read it because they're curious to understand your hair oh, I hope so you know what I mean. Yeah, because I know I watch a lot of dumb videos but there are barbers that don't know how to do black hair right.
Speaker 2:I mean that's right.
Speaker 4:So there's people that go into hours and they got to find special barbers, you know I mean so there may be people who are in that line of work.
Speaker 3:Who wants to understand that better Right? You know what I mean. Who may read that book?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's an awesome book. Man, I don't go into a beauty shop if I don't see someone that looks like me in there. Amen. I know that might sound harsh, but I don't have time. It's reality, it's too much people.
Speaker 2:None of these people in here know how to do my head, and even some of the people who, who would say well, I know how to do it.
Speaker 3:I've done it and then they mess it up.
Speaker 2:I'm just like thank you, honey, but yeah, thank you, we're not experimenting on my head like this is just it's too close for comfort yeah so, but yeah no I hope.
Speaker 1:I hope people will read it um. I hope people will receive from it. I want to put something out into the culture, into the earth, that isn't just my hair is my hair and you have to accept it like that. Yes, but at the same time, it's bigger than that let's elevate the conversation. Yeah, I love how you said god made me this way and there is a message in this that we are all missing black people, everyone alike.
Speaker 1:Hair is different for a reason between all of us, and if God was careful enough to bottle my tears and to design my fingerprint and to give me a personality that is unique, why wouldn't I expect there is intentionality in the way he's?
Speaker 4:created my hair.
Speaker 1:So, I want, I want. That's what I'm believing for in the book.
Speaker 3:Buckle up for that one man? I hope so, Jesus.
Speaker 1:I'm just ready to see what God will do whatever he wants to do.
Speaker 3:I'm ready to see you on TV talking about your book.
Speaker 2:Come on, man. Won't he do it? That would be so cool. Won't he do it? That would be cool. Jesus do it, that would be so cool.
Speaker 3:That would be cool, jesus I'm expecting it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would.
Speaker 1:I would love that I welcome any and everything he has for that and the last thing is um, the lord told me in um one of my experiences with him. I didn't share it, but, um, I went on a mission trip to puerto rico and a man was praying over me, um, in spanish. I am not fluent in spanish, but I know spanish when I hear it. He was praying over me and all of a sudden, in that moment, I got interpretation through my ears. I thought he switched to English and everyone else told me he didn't. In that interpretation, the Lord told me I have three voices I have a writing voice, I have a speaking voice or teaching, and I have a singing voice. Um, I obviously was introduced to my singing voice first and teaching voice was second, my writing voice. I'm still.
Speaker 2:I'm actually beginning to learn and walk in.
Speaker 1:So the other thing I'm believing for is for God to to unite my voices um and help me learn how to wield them properly. I've, I've been, I've been sectioned in my life, and this is singing time, this is teaching time, Now it's writing time, and so I can see God. I feel I can't see it, but I can. I feel the Lord is, is growing me independently in them, so that I can juggle them at some point so.
Speaker 1:I'm, I'm believing for that. I don't really know how to express that any other way, but I know that I'm not fully walking in all of my giftings yet they were separated so you could focus on honing each one individually before they come together and be united to work cohesively. Yeah, I believe that, but I want him to put his hand on it. I'm fully surrendered now, like I don't plan as much as I used to for my life, because if we focus on two, things at one time.
Speaker 3:We don't really hone one over the other.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:So if he breaks it up individually, you can hone this one, sharpen this one. Hone this one, sharpen this one hone this one he wants it to be specifically time spent on this, specifically time spent on this, specifically time spent on this yes, and what I know about him is use your mic bud oh my bad.
Speaker 2:Thanks, dude you were going in and out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're good I'm wearing you out it's like it's like midnight. I'm just kidding you, I'm just kidding, you can't make me talk about Jesus and ask me to be fast.
Speaker 3:No, I really believe that he's telling me he separated them so you could hone them individually. That way they're all sharp and you'll be able to wield them at the right time.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:So until your writing voice becomes completely honed, which seems like you're I'm starting to, you're getting there they'll all, then you'll, they'll work cohesively together right.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I'm praying that the lord will just do. Yeah, I'm believe, I'm just believing for that day that where he's like okay let's, let's walk in all three yeah, now yeah because I know there's something, that there's something, there's still something I'm supposed to be doing in the earth, beyond motherhood, beyond wifing, beyond pastoring at this church, which I absolutely love come on beyond serving in children's ministry which I do.
Speaker 2:There is something more.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love it there's something I've been created for that I haven't quite landed on yet, and so and it wasn't to be a singer, you know like in the way that I was trying to it is not to just teach high school, cause God actually released me from that and that's why I work in the capacity that I do now.
Speaker 1:Um, cause he told me it was for a time and he honored that. Um, I'm writing, but I don't feel like I'm just supposed to write, just to write. Like people write and they write books, and they just write book after book, after book after book, and I feel like I am going to do that, but I don't think that's the highest dream he has for me, in that. And so there's something floating around, in the spirit that, when it's time, he'll reveal it, because I've been through too much to not have.
Speaker 1:I know I haven't done the thing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, amen.
Speaker 1:There's something.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You can feel it inside. Huh, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:There's something, and I haven't done that yet and I don't know what it is, but I have learned not to plan it myself, so I'm waiting on that. Those are my that's what I'm believing for.
Speaker 3:I'm waiting on that. Those are my. That's what I'm believing for. You're still young, man. Yeah, you got a lot of life ahead of you.
Speaker 1:I am young, but I'll be 40 next year, so You're still young, I'm young, I believe it, I'm young, but I'm feeling like, okay, like Jesus did a whole lot by now. What's going on?
Speaker 3:So, have you, so have you lot man I don't know many people that have written curriculums for come on, buddy things and yeah wrote curriculums for music things well, and I, I do curriculum now. For me, that's so funny, you've lived a full life already already you've done a lot to you're being prepared, people? God is good god is good, so whatever next is gonna be like the grand du jour, the end of the end, of the end of the dance, kind of.
Speaker 2:Our lives, the, the the time on our on earth where we make the most impact in our lives are from 50 to the end of 60. Those 20 years, right there the 50 and the 60 is the time in your life where we make. I don't know why, but it's where we have the most influence on the people in your life, where we make. I don't know why, but it's where we have the most influence on the people in our lives.
Speaker 1:I think when you kind of figure yourself out, you've had enough time with yourself. I think it's when we don't care what other people think and we're just willing.
Speaker 2:Whatever you want, god, let's go.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you that season has landed over here Amen Be careful with me, y'all.
Speaker 3:I'm there too. Yeah, I'll tell you like it is, and you can take it or leave it. Ooh, I love it though.
Speaker 1:Help us not to piss people off God. Or just help us to put them back together and even if we do.
Speaker 3:God, let it be to convict them and change them. Jesus, yeah, no, oh man, yeah.
Speaker 1:I expect I will be here a while. I don't know why I expect that, except that my family we have long life.
Speaker 2:Amen, like my great grandfather was 90s. Amen.
Speaker 1:Close to 100 when he went. My grandmother has done nothing to be healthy with her body and she's pushing 80s.
Speaker 2:Come on, man, you know. So I'm just like okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be here a minute, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I'm just like, okay, yeah, I'm going to be here a minute, yeah, so I'm trying to be patient.
Speaker 2:Thanks, sis. Yeah, really Thank you so much, man.
Speaker 3:I hope that was everything you thought it would be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude.
Speaker 2:That was great.
Speaker 1:I didn't know what to expect. Stuff came out that I wasn't planning for. The stuff I was planning for didn't show up at all and it's about how it goes yeah to my family if I I love you is there anything?
Speaker 2:is there anything that you with maybe somebody, a girl or a guy, that that you kind of already really did help? I'm about the confession, the just being honest. You talked about the women. You really encouraged the men to release their women so that they can talk about it with other people. Yeah, you pretty much got it all. You did really good.
Speaker 1:This was really good. I'm trying to think if there was anything I left unsaid, if I, if. I'm trying to think if there was anything I left unsaid. Um, I think if, if, if, if, if anyone gets anything out of this, um, or if the only thing anybody gets out of this at the end of it, I would want people to understand how intentional God is with us. Um, I, as much as I believed in him, I underestimated him. Yeah, to understand how intentional God is with us. As much as I believed in him, I underestimated him.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I know that that's part of our human experience Like we really just can't comprehend him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we put him in a box.
Speaker 1:But he is so intentional, he's just so intentional. And so if, like, you're reading the bible and it's not making sense, slow down, pray yeah god is intentional. Like he's not gonna write, he's it's supposed to make. It's supposed to make sense. Fight for that you know, if you're praying and you can't, you feel like I'm just talking to nothing. I'm to air. I don't know if God is listening. Stop, he's intentional.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow. Um you shut us off. I showed us off. That's fantastic.
Speaker 1:Did the power go out?
Speaker 3:No, okay, oh did it.
Speaker 1:The lights went out oh.
Speaker 2:Jesus, 11 o'clock, the building goes out.
Speaker 3:So is it still recording or no?
Speaker 2:No, it's still recording.
Speaker 1:We're just in the dark now I am a speak life record.
Speaker 2:I have broken all the records. Oh Jesus, pray for us bud.
Speaker 1:When God does a thing, anyway. Oh, that is not going to help. I am too dark skinned for that. They're trying to shine a light on me, right now Pray for her dad yeah, just pray for me.
Speaker 3:We love you, sis. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, Pastor Ashley. This is great.
Speaker 3:So I got to know what's your daughter's names again my daughter okay. Havala, havala and Yelena, do you need meaning? Yelena yeah no, I just need to know their names so I can pray for them specifically yes, alright, havala and Yelena.
Speaker 1:Havala and Yelena. Yelena is first, alright, yeah.
Speaker 3:Havala and Yelena alright thank you for this time well spent.
Speaker 3:God we thank you, lord just for the opportunity to sit down, to be intentional with our sister, god, to be intentional with your daughter, to open up this space for her to tell her story, god. So I just thank you for this opportunity, lord, we know that you were in it. You were all over it. We know that these hours were spent and they were holy, god, and I just thank you for the know that you were in it. You were all over it. We know that these hours were spent and they were holy, god. And I just thank you for the way that you've operated in Ashley's life, god. I thank you for just the early experience to have her altar moment, god, and I thank you right now, in the name of Jesus, that Yelena and Havilah, they're going to have their altar moments, god, where they can always come back and say I know my God is real. I've seen him move in a way that only he could move, god. So I just thank you, lord, that these young ladies are going to know at an early age, god, let it be right now, let it be tomorrow, let it be this week, god, that they just have a moment where they just know and it is cemented and firmly planted in them who you are, how you operate, that you hear them specifically, god. That they are unique to you, god, that they are not just happenstance, they are not just mom's daughters, they are uniquely yours. That you love them individually, uniquely for who they are. Let them feel your presence, god, in a way that will sustain them the rest of their life. God, that they will always come back to and say I know my God, he loves me and he hears my voice and he answers my prayers in his timing, god. So I thank you for what you're doing in our lives, lord. It was so, so beautiful to see Havilah get baptized just a couple of weeks ago, god, and to see the emotion that her dad had as he got to baptize his daughter, god. Such a special moment that choked me up. I cried with my brother as I saw just the pure joy and emotion that ran over his face as he got to do that, god. So I thank you, lord, just for what you're doing, not just in Ashley's life, but in Troy's and Havilah's and Yelena's, god, that this family is sealed and sanctified and holy to you, god, and I thank you for everything that you brought them through, lord.
Speaker 3:But, god, this book, lord. I just know I can hear the intensity of what this book is going to mean to so many people, god. You're literally taking this book, god, and you're saying I created this hair. This hair is uniquely mine and I created it for a purpose. There's nothing wrong with it. It's beautiful, it's unique. It signifies just uniqueness, god. So I thank you, lord, just for what this book is going to do, the doors that it's going to open the young girls who are going to read it and understand that there's nothing wrong with them.
Speaker 2:Perfectly made man.
Speaker 3:That they are made in the image of God and their hair is created by the divine Holy One that there is nothing wrong with it, crown of glory, god.
Speaker 3:So I thank you, lord, that this book is going to revolutionize and help people to understand the difference that we all have and the uniqueness that we all have. God, that one is not better than the other, one is not more looked at than the other. God, that they are all beautiful and uniquely designed by you. That we should look at it as such. God at them than the other gods. That they are all beautiful and uniquely designed by you. That we should look at it as such, god. I thank you for the doors that are going to open. I thank you for the opportunities that she's going to have to speak about it, to speak to people about it, to go in front of audiences and talk about the uniqueness of the hair. I thank you for the TV shows that they're going to host her to talk about this book, how this is going to be something, god, that's going to catapult your daughter into the public eye, where she will boldly the lioness will boldly declare the glory of God.
Speaker 3:So I thank you, god, for what you're doing. Lord. I thank you, lord, for this season as she hones her writing voice. God, I thank you for each individual session that she had to keep honing each individual skill, god. So I thank you, lord, that when the time of this writing voice comes to a point of completion, its sharpness is ready where it can split a piece of paper, god, that you will take all three of them and you will uniquely combine them together to be wielded for your glory and your purpose, god.
Speaker 3:So I thank you for what you're doing. I pray, god, that Ashley just knows who she is. She knows she's loved by you, god. Thank you for the women that are going to hear this testimony and be touched and moved, that they're going to find healing in their own way. God, they may find connection with Ashley, god, they may reach out and say, hey, I struggle with that myself, god, and she's going to be able to help people find that freedom and share the book and the ways that, how she fought, and the things that, how she fought and the things that she did to win god.
Speaker 3:Thank you, lord, because I truly believe that everything we go through, god, you send us back to people to help them come out. That's right. So I thank you for that opportunity to help other women, god, to see that what their struggle is not, uh, on their own, that they have someone who can come beside them, god, and help them find freedom. Thank you for Lifelink Church and our pastors and the wonderful people that they are. God, we pray favor over this building. We pray favor over our pastors. Lord, we pray protection over each and every pastor, youth pastors, the worship leaders, children's pastors, god. We just pray blessings over them. God, thank you for them. God, we thank you for the wonderful community that we have here at our church. God, I thank you for our people. I'm so blessed. I just love you, lord, for everything you're doing. We praise you. We give you honor and glory in Jesus' name, amen, amen.
Speaker 1:Pastor Ashley, can you do us a favor and pray for speak life and pray for me and dad man? Absolutely, yes, my pleasure, jesus. Lord, thank you for this ministry, this ministry in the form of a podcast, lord, thank you for it. I thank you, god, that you have um. You've put these two men at the forefront, who are radical, who are different, who are willing to do things in a different way than so many of us are used to. Lord, I pray over Speak Life, this form of getting to interview you. Lord, like I said, I'm at the mic, but it's your story. Wow, that's so good.
Speaker 1:So, lord, I thank you that you get interviewed weekly and all year long and we get to ask questions about what you did and how you did it and why you did it and, at the end of the day, lord, for people to understand a different aspect of you, for people to get a better understanding of who you are and how amazing you are and how intentional you are with our lives. Lord, that's what this is about. So I pray blessing over. Speak Life, az, lord I pray. Finances come, I pray equipment comes, lord. God. Studio space to come, lord I pray, for I heard mention of their own theme song or intro. Lord, bring, bring people, bring talent, bring ideas into that.
Speaker 1:Lord, god, I thank you, god, that the kingdom of God lacks nothing, or you own cattle on a thousand hills, just meaning you are rich beyond our wildest dreams. That there is nothing that this ministry lacks, lord, they have access to everything they need. I pray over the health and strength over Rowdy and over Eddie, over their families, lord, god.
Speaker 2:Thank you God.
Speaker 1:As they continue to do this, Lord. I pray for the sickness in their body to leave and never return. I pray for ears to open In the name of Jesus. I pray for strength as they do this. Ears to open in the name of Jesus. I pray for strength as they do this. Lord, I pray for, I pray for every person that subscribes, that listens, that just even finds their way accidentally to some of these podcasts. I thank you for the many, many salvations that'll come because your name was preached, because your name was glorified, because testimony went forth. Lord, I pray over. Thank you, God. They're probably not expecting this, but I pray over the teenagers that they don't know are listening Wow, and that will be listening, Wow, God and are hearing the voice of men speak the truth of Christ into the airwaves.
Speaker 1:And because these men are speaking the truth of Christ, there is a male leadership in the right direction in these kids' lives and they are pausing and they are hearing that Jesus is somebody, that Jesus is someone that they need to know, hearing that Jesus is somebody, that Jesus is someone that they need to know and that they're trusting the testimony, they're trusting the stories of Speak Life AZ, and they don't realize it, but it's shaping their thoughts, it's shaping their perspective of God and what is possible in their life.
Speaker 1:It's shaping them. It's saving them from decisions that they might be making. It's changing generations and family bloodlines, because God can do that and he can do that for my mom, or God can do that, then he'll do that for me and they're starting to find hope. They're starting to believe the same way I believed. There are kids out there that are going to find these recordings years later and are going to believe and it's going to change literally change the world. I thank you, lord, that these recordings are going to last well past the life of Eddie and Rowdy.
Speaker 1:They're going to last well past the life of their children and their grandchildren and their great grandchildren, that every single one of these recordings will be a legacy, and to the next generation and the generations that come after them, that the they, that these recordings are evidence of founding fathers, of their bloodline and what you did in these years. And I thank you, lord, that these recordings will stand the test of time, well into revelation, well into the tribulation, lord, that I believe you're going to use these to bring people who don't know Christ in the great tribulation to you, because they're going to get to hear about you in a safe way and that the word of God will still go forth.
Speaker 1:So I thank you, lord, that, even though that this is for our generation and our time, that this is actually for the last days, I thank you, god, that these recordings will be found, the same way we find the scriptures and we read about the church and acts and we read about the people that we never got to meet 2,000, 4,000 years ago, I believe 4,000 years from now. They're going to hear our stories and we're going to be like the church of acts in their life and they'll know that God is real and that he's alive and he still does miracles. Because you saved your story, the living epistles. We are living epistles and you are recording your epistles in our life for others to read in the future and to hear Lord. I thank you that there is a purpose for this ministry in Arizona.
Speaker 1:I thank you for the stages, the live recordings that are going to happen with thousands of people in the room that at the end of, at the end of a recording, at the end of a session, that there'll be an altar call and people will be able to come find salvation and they'll be able to come find discipleship.
Speaker 1:Lord, I thank you that there are going to be tours and they're going to go to different countries and those live recordings will not just be locked into this building, into this place, but this thing is going to leave this room in ways that Ronnie and Eddie never expected and don't see coming. Lord, I thank you that you're going to send them to places where recordings may or may not even be possible, but you're going to equip them and be able to send them there and they're going to be able to do what they're doing here in other countries, with other nations in other languages by the power of the blood of Jesus, interpreters will come forth, people will help with the interview sign language.
Speaker 1:All of that because there are more believers beyond Arizona. It's called Speak Life AZ, but I believe it's going to be Speak Life AZ and and there's going to be other states, there's going to be other countries. Lord, there are things that you have, you have planned and designed for this, and it's not limited to the state of Arizona. So we take the limits off of you in the name of Jesus. Lord, I thank you that, um, that that this is going to go on.
Speaker 1:This is going to go on for generations, lord, not just Speak Life AZ, but the fact that people are going to get back to telling their testimonies because of Speak Life AZ. So I thank you, god, I pray, but the fact that people are going to get back to telling their testimonies because of speak life easy. So I thank you, god, I pray for the connections that Rowdy and Eddie have. Keep them healthy, keep them strong, keep this podcast in front of the right people that can source it and build it and grow it, pour into it. I thank you, lord, that this, this is a sacrifice. I know it's a sacrifice, what they're doing. It's a sacrifice of love, it's a sacrifice of time, it's a sacrifice in obedience. This is also going to become a stream of income.
Speaker 4:This is going to source.
Speaker 1:Their sacrifice is not in vain and you waste nothing. If I've learned anything about you, you waste nothing. You use everything. So I thank you, god, that at some point this podcast is going to be a source for Rowdy and Eddie's families. Lord, it's. It's gonna replace all those years they were doing all that crazy stuff to find what they needed and to try to pay for what they needed thank you you. God, you are going to do crazy stuff through this ministry to source them.
Speaker 1:Their minds are going to be blown. So I thank you for it. Open the windows of heaven over this. I thank you, god, that they're going to need a bank account with Speak Life AZ on it. They're going to need an LLC with Speak Life AZ on it, because you're going to open doors that they don't know are available to them yet. So, lord, go forth, do your will, do what you have planned, and anyone that is attached to it that is not bringing life into it and not speaking life over it. We cut off their mouth in the name of Jesus. We remove that right now. The enemy's plans are null and void. They will not. They will not, it will not bear fruit. Any plans of darkness over this ministry. It's done, thank you god get out the way.
Speaker 1:God is ready. We're on the move and you cannot stop what god has already started. In jesus name, we pray amen amen.
Speaker 2:We're on a mission from god and can't be stopped, man. Pastor Ashley, thank you so much for this. I really appreciate you you yourself, man if you have stayed watching all the way to the end. God bless your heart. If you're listening, you have no idea what we're talking about, but I sure hope that you enjoyed this podcast. Man, if you could please like the channel, subscribe to it, follow it. You'll get all the notifications of future upcoming episodes.
Speaker 2:Maybe you yourself got a really cool testimony, or you know somebody that has one that is willing to share and come on. You can reach out through Facebook, instagram or YouTube. If you want to email us, speaklifeaz at gmailcom, we'd love to get ahold of you and get you on the schedule to come in and share. Maybe the Lord's blessed you and you're able to support the show. We could use all the support we can get, whether through monthly subscribers or you can reach out and email us please. Whatever platform you're on, if you comment, whatever, just even if you just type the word Jesus, man, it's good and it helps us from the back end for all the algorithms and stuff. Um, but until next time, we're going to continue to speak life az.
Speaker 3:God bless you jesus, we'll see you next time.