SpeakLifeAZ
The testimony of Jesus in, with, and through everyday people like us. A father and son who were addicts for over 20 yrs. You name it, WE DID IT, TOGETHER!!!! we used to use drugs together now we share about what God Has done for us to encourage the body of Christ and anyone else who may listen to this that is feeling hopeless and empty. LISTEN TO OUR STORY...and the testimony of others who feel led to share with you.... GOD BLESS YOU....TODAY WE CHOOSE TO SPEAK LIFE AZ!!!!!!!!!!
SpeakLifeAZ
Lisa R. Testimony
When trauma arrives early in life, the path to healing often seems impossible. Lisa's journey from a small California avocado farm to becoming a beacon of hope for others demonstrates the transformative power of grace and recovery.
Lisa's childhood in Fallbrook was marked by deep confusion and betrayal. Sexually abused by her stepfather from age seven, she carried this secret for years while struggling to understand her place in a family where she never quite belonged. As a teenager, she found temporary escape through drugs, alcohol, and rebellion – desperate attempts to numb the pain of her experiences.
Though she found faith in her twenties, Lisa's real transformation didn't begin until she entered a Celebrate Recovery step study in her thirties. There, confronting her codependency and childhood trauma, she discovered how to give and receive authentic grace. The pivotal moment came one morning when God asked her, "Who are you to dispense grace when I gave it all from the cross?" This divine question changed everything, freeing her to love differently and allowing her husband Roy to find his own healing journey with God.
After years of healthy recovery together, Lisa and Roy moved to Arizona where he was unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer. Despite his passing, Lisa continues their shared mission through motorcycle ministry with Broken Chains Jesus Christ and grief healing programs. Her story illustrates how God uses our deepest wounds as platforms for helping others find freedom.
"Jesus loves you" may sound simple, but Lisa's testimony reveals the profound depth behind these words. When we truly grasp God's unconditional love, it transforms not just our understanding of the past, but our entire future. Whether you're struggling with addiction, trauma, or loss, Lisa's journey reminds us that healing is possible and your story isn't finished.
Ready to begin your own recovery journey? Connect with a local Celebrate Recovery group and discover the freedom that comes from breaking chains one step at a time.
TODAY WE WILL CONTINUE TO SPEAK LIFE AZ!!! GOD BLESS YOU
all right, everybody. Welcome back to the speak live az podcast testimony of jesus and everyday people. I'm your host, eddie, and always with me is my son Rowdy Jesus. What up, dude?
Speaker 2:Yeah, bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah bro, how was your day, man? It was all right.
Speaker 1:It's starting to get hot here in Arizona, so about 20, about 12.
Speaker 2:It's summertime in Arizona. Welcome to hell.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's a doozy, but it was a good day. Man, God is good. Yeah, it was bud.
Speaker 2:I went and cleared out my room. We got more stuff and totes out of the garage bud. We're ready to start cleaning. You ready About time. You stepped up, Shut up.
Speaker 1:I already had a week off, just kidding, just kidding. Moving sucks.
Speaker 2:It does.
Speaker 1:It does, but it'll be nice, it sure does bro, the dogs loving the grass, amen, yeah. You ready for this one? I sure am, man. This one's going to be fun, dude. Yeah, this is good. Who'd you bring with you?
Speaker 2:Dude, we got our sister Lisa. What's up, lisa?
Speaker 1:What's up, lisa, how you doing.
Speaker 2:You're going to need to get that mic right in dude.
Speaker 1:Okay, I got it. I got it, and God made it very clear to us to honor his daughters and his sons when they come on, because we've asked some people to come on and they were private.
Speaker 1:They don't want to tell their story, so it's always an honor when someone does say yes and so we just want to honor you and thank you for your time, because the one commodity we don't get back in this world is time. So it's very precious and valuable. So the fact that you shared a little bit of yours with us, man, we're very thankful for that and we pray that god blesses and our easy for that.
Speaker 2:so yeah, uh, for for me, lisa, I really um just love to celebrate recovery, forever family. Um, I just love how we are there for each other. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, whether it's testimonies or a fill-in, teaching or just supporting our forever family. Um, when I heard your testimony at our cr, I knew I was like, man, I gotta get this one on the podcast. Um, and I've seen you. You you're a mover and a shaker man. You're moving, you're moving and you're doing stuff for the kingdom amen. Um, and that's beautiful to see. I love to. I love to people I mean, I love to have anybody on, but especially people who are making moves for the kingdom of God. Those are the stories that I really want to share, um, because when I was growing up, I grew up in a Phoenix community church it was a Southern Baptist church and I remember there would be times during Sunday services where people are like I want to testify and they'd get up and they would testify about how God got their son or a healing, or a financial breakthrough or something. But you don't see that too often in churches nowadays people testifying. So that's why, for me, I love this platform Absolutely, that we have a podcast.
Speaker 2:It's a little more long format. Um, so it's cr. You get like a 20 to 25 minute testimony here. We're getting ready to do war for an hour or two, man, maybe three or four. We've had six hour testimonies. You'd be amazed, man. We had the lights go out in the church right in the middle of one well I asked I'm like I saw I was running about three and a half hours.
Speaker 4:I'm like'm like I saw I was running about three and a half hours. I'm like you're gonna give me the time for three and a half hours.
Speaker 2:You'd be amazed you guys, you gotta tell 11, because 11 o'clock the lights go off, lights go out but no, it's, um, let me, let me just pray real quick, of course, and we'll kind of get into this thing. Um, jesus, thank you, lord, man, holy spirit, thank you, god, god, I just thank you for what you're getting ready to do. Um, I just said it, man, we're going to war. At least your daughter is getting ready to kick the devil in the face, god, thank you. She's getting ready to share things, lord, that for years she probably didn't talk about, or she kept hidden because she didn't feel safer at a place, lord, where she could talk about this stuff. So I thank you, god, for the freedom that you've given to your daughter, lisa, god, the healing that you've given to her. So I thank you that people are going to listen to this and people are going to watch this, god, specifically younger women, and they're going to know, god, who you are and what you can do with a life. And they're going to know, god, who you are and what you can do with a life. So I just pray for Lisa and just any nerves or anxiety just fall away. God, this is a time to glorify you, so we just thank you for what you're going to do. Holy Spirit, have your way In Jesus' name, amen, amen.
Speaker 2:Lisa, when God gave this to us in COVID, it seemed like he gave everybody podcasts during COVID man. But we weren't obedient. Right away we were setting up in my bedroom in the studio, preaching videos and putting together messages, and God's like when are you going to do what I told you to do? And so, 2023, we started to do this and it's the speak life AZ podcast, the testimony of Jesus and everyday people. Um, it doesn't matter if you're like dad and you're over welding on cars and mufflers, or like myself and you're on staff here to church making the wheel spin here, or like yourself, I know you help veterans and people get into homes and, uh, the hope dealer, you're doing things. But we're all everyday people. We all have a story, we've all come from somewhere.
Speaker 2:So, basically, what we want from you today, lisa, we just want to know who Lisa is. We want to know where you were born. What life was like growing up for you, brothers and sisters, relationship with mom and dad, family going to school. Have a school for you, brothers and sisters, relationship with mom and dad, um, family going to school. Have a school for you. Sports um, was god in the home. Were you bullied? Were you the bully?
Speaker 2:Um, and you know man being in recovery, a lot of the the hurts, the habits, the hang-ups and stuff that we're trying to heal from now in life, a lot of that stuff happens when we're a child childhood traumas. So just totally let the Holy Spirit lead you in that. But I think the coolest thing we want to get today is your encounter with Jesus, because the way that God got you was different than the way he got me, the way that he revealed himself to dad. Dad was in a prison cell in Tucson. I was at a Christian rehab called Team Challenge in Phoenix. So we want to know your encounter because when God shows himself to us it's like it becomes so real because you look in the Bible man and anybody who had an encounter with Jesus. It led to life change, it led to transformation.
Speaker 1:And the cool part is it shows God's personal we talk about a personal relationship with.
Speaker 3:God.
Speaker 1:This is how we know it's personal, because he knew what it was going to take to get Lisa. He knew the time, the moment, everything that was going to happen at that moment to get your attention, just like he did for Roddy, just like he did for myself. That's how we know he's personal. He knows us intimately and he knows us detailed, that he knew exactly when to get us at the right time at the right moment. That's why I like him.
Speaker 3:Got it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but then how life changed after your encounter, after salvation. How did God start changing your life and what did that look like? Yeah, but then we want to know at the end really what you're hoping for in the future yeah, what you're believing God for, so that we can come into agreement and pray for you. But we've got listeners and subscribers who are faithful to pray for you as well.
Speaker 1:Because if we're not believing for something for God past what we're at right now, we don't have no direction.
Speaker 2:No hope, almost believing for something for god, past what we're at right now. Hello, we don't have no direction, no hope, almost what's driving us forward?
Speaker 3:you know what?
Speaker 1:I mean so we always got to be hoping for something, man, you know I mean right yeah yeah, man, it's gonna be good kingdom work kingdom come on so what was it like growing up, lisa man? Yeah um.
Speaker 4:So I grew up in a small town in Cali called Fallbrook Okay, okay, unincorporated area.
Speaker 2:Farmers farming.
Speaker 4:Yes, okay.
Speaker 2:Central Cali.
Speaker 4:No, it's southern so it's right on the line, so right on the line of Temecula.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 4:So that was just a small town Division, was you know? There was just two classes right, the ones doing the work and the ones owning all the businesses right. So basically, I mean as a small child, I was raised in a property that just had acres of avocado trees. So, Fallbrook is known as the avocado capital of the world okay, um, that's what they profess growing up um great foods.
Speaker 2:Very good for you.
Speaker 4:Yes, super fruit, super food, man and it was known for a few other things and we'll get to that later. But if you can just picture a small town, no big box in there, you know stores, a McDonald's and a Jack in the Box.
Speaker 2:Okay, and you know.
Speaker 3:A couple streetlights.
Speaker 4:Yeah, Main Street it wasn't out of character to see tractors on the road and horses and so forth. One high school.
Speaker 4:Okay, yes, so everybody knew everybody yeah okay typical typical movie style small town, right, yes, okay, yes football was a big deal really um, yeah, but other than that, you know a small town yeah you can get bored as a kid if you're not in sports oh, yeah, yeah so that's um, yeah, so that's how that went. So small town, but um, growing up I was in a I mean the family unit, which I thought were you workers or owners?
Speaker 2:owner oh yeah so he was um your dad owned, so my stepdad. So you guys need to ask me this question. So my stepdad. So you guys need to ask me these questions.
Speaker 4:So my stepdad.
Speaker 2:Oh, we're going to ask a lot of questions, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 4:I'm done, it helps me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, amen.
Speaker 4:So my dad growing up and we'll get to that because that changes but he was not a contractor, but he was that level. He basically there's another small town there called Bonzo. They owned all the horses horses like the offspring of seattle sleuth. You know that there was all the stuff for delmar yeah, oh, okay, racing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so those were the ranches, so he was um. There's a lot of money in that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he was irrigation by trade, so we had backhoes and trenchers and you know water trucks and you know, we were down or he was down there um running those um did you like?
Speaker 2:were you in the fields or were you in the in the land working?
Speaker 3:no, I was home.
Speaker 2:Okay, I was shopping for my mom, so you were bad.
Speaker 4:You're going to the avocado trees tonight I mean I did play in the gro. I mean yes of course I'm a kid, it was just me and my big wheel, and I had a dog, a Rhodesian Ridgeback.
Speaker 2:Any siblings, brothers or sisters.
Speaker 4:They were yes, they were a lot older than me. You know, maybe I'll cut to the chase there. So I was brought in that this was my family, this is my mom. Yeah, okay, but chase there, so this, so I was brought in that this was my family, that is, this is my mom. Yeah, okay, but what was told to me is that everybody's my family. But we're talking blonde hair, blue eyes. You know, I'm like they don't look like.
Speaker 4:I don't know what's going on here um, and sometimes the youngest son would say you're not part of this family, and then I would get confused. I mean, I was just a kid right so um wow that went on for nine years, nine years yeah yeah, so I didn't really understand it. I just knew that that was my family, yeah, and but there was this questions because of the youngest brother would say things like look at your hair, hair, look at you know.
Speaker 1:And how much older than you was he.
Speaker 4:Oh gosh, probably nine or ten years.
Speaker 1:Oh, so there was a significant gap there. Yeah, how?
Speaker 2:many of them were there.
Speaker 4:So two brothers and then the sister. She was always with her mom, Okay. So I didn't really understand the dynamics. I knew that they left and it should have been obvious to me, but I'm a kid and so I don't really know. So I was really.
Speaker 2:I'm an only child, so okay, um with your mom right and then the stepdad who you called dad right, okay, it's in my stepdad, but he's my dad time it was dad yeah, yeah, yeah and so I just, yeah, I just went with it.
Speaker 4:I mean, there was things that didn't make sense to me, um, but you know, I mean do you remember how young you were when this, when you were part of this family? Five, six, I mean up until 16, and oh wow. So you came to that family when you were about four or is that?
Speaker 2:is that?
Speaker 1:oh two so you really had no concept of anything.
Speaker 4:I didn't, and you know, my mom was a waitress, and so she was a single mom for a moment, and so she waitressed, and then my grandparents watched me during the day. But that was awesome because they were very godly people. So it really helped me.
Speaker 4:later I know I had a praying grand yeah, yeah so that whole thing, um, I mean I want to get to the other part of it, but it was just. I mean it was just, you know, on a lot of acreage, you know you could go to certain places and get different kinds of fruit, and I just kind of roamed the you know.
Speaker 2:Did you have a lot of friends? No, you're more kind of just you hanging out. Okay, yeah, okay, junior Nice.
Speaker 4:Big dog. You know what a Rhodesian Ridgeback?
Speaker 1:is oh yeah, okay, yeah, they do. They're pretty tall, mm-hmm.
Speaker 4:So they're a one owner dog, so I was the, even though I was the kid that was your dog, yeah, so I could go anywhere on the property and you
Speaker 2:know, nobody worried about me, you were good, yeah, so I just did that.
Speaker 4:I mean, of course I had friends at school yeah, what was school like for you? Um, I was quiet shy well, so quiet that I got put in uh spanish classes to learn.
Speaker 2:Well like to learn english but oh, the esl, yes, but I knew english so I said, you were so quiet.
Speaker 4:They did wow, yeah, so I stayed in there two days and finally spoke up and just went up and you know, I know how to speak english.
Speaker 2:I'm okay. I'm not sure why I'm in here. I mean, I wish I I didn't my name's lisa right and um they obviously. You know that's great.
Speaker 4:They obviously just said well, she must not speak english yeah, okay so, um, that was fixed and, uh, school was good. I mean, I was a straight a student.
Speaker 3:Oh.
Speaker 4:And so I got in those accelerated classes, never the gifted or anything like that, but the ones where you're in with fourth, fifth, sixth, yeah. But that worked for me because I was in an all-adult home. So it just, it was easy. You know, I didn't feel a gap in between. You know the different age brackets or whatever. So I just you know the different age brackets or whatever.
Speaker 2:So I just, you know, did that did you feel being being that you were like the only little kid in the house. And where did you ever feel like you said you had friends at school, but did you ever feel alone or like no okay?
Speaker 4:all right. No, I'm a really good alone, okay, yeah, just I just entertained myself.
Speaker 2:I mean, I had, I just did stuff yeah, I was busy doing stuff and I talked to myself when I was a kid. He still does shut up, dad. I think, it's a sign of intelligence. That's what they tell you.
Speaker 4:I wasn't that kid. That was like come and say, oh, I'm bored. You know um, it was really crazy, as I did have this um cindy sunday girl like turn into her. I don't know what that was. I mean, it stopped at some point I don't know when. The line was um of some you know really kid trauma that was happening to me. But um, I would show up as cindy sunday and yeah, and they would try to get that. You know I'm lisa, but I'm like I don't know what you guys are talking about.
Speaker 2:I was really good at it so um, I was like are you talking about at school? No, just at home. Oh yeah, just show up as her, you know, with a wig and
Speaker 1:yeah, just crazy stuff, crazy kid stuff, but I read I tried to be sam, you, sam, yeah, yeah, they would be.
Speaker 4:They would try to go oh, play simony sunday like the older um brothers. I'm like what are you talking about? She just shows up, you know, like I had the whole thing down that's awesome and so that stopped. You know, um, probably five or six years old, but um, yeah, so it was just where did that character come from, I don't know, just pulled it from the air I read a lot. I've just had a creative imagination I drew. You know, there was this, I was a real you're an artist creative kid.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah and so that was. You know, that was the base of a lot of stuff that I see you.
Speaker 2:Nowadays that God's fulfilled. I'm a more creative type, yeah.
Speaker 4:But, you know you've got to touch down for reality.
Speaker 1:You know, do all those things. Every once in a while anyways, yeah, you've got to adult. I mean, believe me, somebody's got to pay the bills, right?
Speaker 2:I just like to be creative. But you know you've got to adult.
Speaker 4:So, yeah, so that I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. They were strong. I had a little granny. She had a Cougar I don't know what brand of car, but all I know is she drove fast. Yes, and it was like a fastback.
Speaker 1:And my mom had a. It was compatible with a Mustang. They were kind of similar. It was fast.
Speaker 4:But you know, played a lot of cards. They were all from the south they're highly sought after.
Speaker 1:Now what? Oh yeah, mustang cars.
Speaker 4:Well, my mom, had a ss, uh, camaro, when I was born.
Speaker 2:Yeah, are you a car girl one, wow, are you a car? Do you love cars?
Speaker 4:I do. Okay, you know I'd like. Of course everybody would like a some kind of classic car we had but car people are different.
Speaker 2:Like he's a car guy Car people are just different.
Speaker 4:We had a 39 Chevy.
Speaker 2:Mickey.
Speaker 4:Thompson had just the whole thing, we brought it back from Missouri. And it was like you'd stick to the seat when you took off.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah. Yeah, it was cool being a farmland. You probably had some pretty cool old trucks and stuff around, right yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was cool, being an old farmland. You probably had some pretty cool old trucks and stuff around, right yeah.
Speaker 4:So this, my dad, you know, he kind of collected. So there's Corvairs and there's big block, you know. Chevys, and there's all the tractors and there was always some kind of cars. You know what?
Speaker 1:a Corvair is. Yeah, it's the only mid-engine Chevy car they made, until the recent Corvette.
Speaker 4:Oh, I didn't know this. Yeah, so what's the deal?
Speaker 1:It's a rear-engine, rear-wheel-drive car that they made, and it's the only one they ever made, until the new Corvette that they have, that's not mid-engine rear-wheel-drive and it was supposed to be compatible with I think it was to counteract the Pantera, the Ford.
Speaker 4:Oh, okay, because.
Speaker 1:Pantera was mid-engine rear-wheel drive, so it was like something they were trying to compare with that. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4:Yeah, the only Chevy.
Speaker 1:They made like that.
Speaker 4:We had a chopper, See car people are weird.
Speaker 1:I'm geeking out right now. You're about to forget.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we had a chopper, so sometimes I would get taken to school in the chopper Cool. Think that that started the love right and then there was other bikes around and okay, three wheelers, the 250r yeah, okay, yeah 110. You know all that stuff, so it was definitely country, you know life um, we were desert rats. You know we go out to the desert. Um, they built that.
Speaker 2:They built that doom buggy oh wow, so yeah, so there was a lot of that, I mean just to put it in perspective just family, family together yeah, well, mainly my dad, but you know some people would be there sometimes. I mean, I was just the beer runner, right go get me a beer out of the fridge later I became the you know I made.
Speaker 1:I had a heavy taster about beer taster. I had a heavy hand, yeah, about mixing drinks.
Speaker 4:But just to put it in perspective, you know, there was the car or the motor winches in the garage yeah there was a lot going on.
Speaker 1:There was always something being built or something being. So your brother's being severely older than you, your dad must have been older than your mom, obviously.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, 12 years.
Speaker 1:Really yeah.
Speaker 2:Nice. Was dad white or was dad Mexican?
Speaker 4:So they're from? No, no, no, they're from, so I'm. So I guess I better tell this, so this is not later. I learned that this is not my dad, yeah, yeah. Okay, so he's an Alabama boy from the south and raised southern, and you know. So it's that you know type of stern you know Southern boy, yeah, yeah. But there wasn't church. I mean, I don't remember going to church.
Speaker 2:Oh, so the only God was the grandparent time with grandma and grandpa.
Speaker 4:Yes, and sometimes I would take my suitcase and sit on the step and wait for them, but I didn't know how to call them.
Speaker 2:You know, what I mean.
Speaker 4:But then my grandma would find out and she'd be like if somebody should have called me, I would have come and got her. So my grandma and grandpa my grandpa was a lieutenant colonel Marines- Military yeah, so he went in a Mustang and out a lieutenant colonel. Uh, marines, okay, yeah, so he went in a mustang and out a lieutenant colonel okay and then my grandma. She was rosie the riveter at one time, and and then she was at home what's what's a rosie?
Speaker 4:the riveter they worked on the airplanes, oh really yeah, wow, yeah, grandma did, she did, that's it and they were, so I had that was during the war yes, wow, so I don't know how long she did it, but that's the cool thing you know right that's all.
Speaker 2:The men were at war. Girls had to step up and start building planes and doing stuff right, yeah, right so I had both, so not only did I have southern upbringing.
Speaker 4:Then my mom's side they were ranchers, but like in wyoming, yeah, okay, so they were from wyoming. So I kind of had you know all of it just, you know just a wide range of wide range of influence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, was home life good for you?
Speaker 4:um was it safe no no so I mean, if we put myself in where we lived at that time up until age seven, I didn't know any different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and.
Speaker 4:I really don't remember back that far. I just remember I played a lot and entertained myself.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Just a normal kid.
Speaker 4:But later, from seven on that, I recall I was being abused, Really yeah.
Speaker 1:Brothers. One of the brothers did yes, yeah, from seven. On that, I recall I was being abused.
Speaker 4:So yeah, brothers, um one of the brothers did yes. Um, I don't know. I mean, it was just I. Yeah, I don't know if that was. Well, I did learn that that had happened to my um, stepdad.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Cause my real dad he's. He was a musician, he um stepdad, yeah, you know, because my real dad he's.
Speaker 2:He was a musician, he's.
Speaker 4:Samoan I. We were estranged so I never met him. Okay, so um my dad. Then later I figure out he's stepdad um, I think I learned that at nine yeah because I asked I'm that person right yeah. I just asked my mom, like point blank, like is this guy my dad? Yeah and I was actually relieved because I was like in my little, my kid head, I was like, oh, I don't have to love him yeah because obviously I was already getting abused yeah so light on the a lot of mental verbal abuse.
Speaker 4:Okay, um, light on the physical, but it was still there too. And then obviously, sexual, of course.
Speaker 2:Damn man, god, I hate that, the very. I can't tell you, lisa, how many ladies we've had on that have shared their story that talk about this. It's such a young age man. It's like the very time when we're supposed to protect them and take care of them, and it's when they're just.
Speaker 4:Well, that's what was so confusing, because to the outer world you know he was the good guy, the good old boy, you know all that stuff, and so I really you know. Back then they said hey, if anybody ever messes with you, you know, touches you, you know you tell your parent. Well, they didn't answer the other question for me.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So I didn't really know the answer or where to go.
Speaker 1:Where to go, yeah, right.
Speaker 4:And so I just said well, maybe I'm imagining this, you know.
Speaker 2:Damn, just to try to cope and process. It's just a kid, man, you don't right you don't know.
Speaker 1:There was a. There was a recent. You ever watch Sean Ryan?
Speaker 2:Sean Ryan podcast. Get off Joe Rogan and go to Sean Ryan.
Speaker 4:So much better, dude, I didn't say I was an avid, I just said I'm just giving you a hard time. He's great, he's found Jesus, but he.
Speaker 1:He had Tim Tebow on recently.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And this statistic is rather staggering and scary, Jesus man. But 95% of abusers are biological parents and that's scary Because, like you just said, when you're told to go tell your parents, but when they're the ones that are the abuser, who do you go tell? You know what?
Speaker 4:I mean.
Speaker 1:So it's.
Speaker 4:And I knew I had that in me to tell yeah.
Speaker 2:The courage, yes, the strength Like.
Speaker 4:I'm like something's wrong here.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:But what catapulted? That was an argument between my mom and I, and I just had it.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Right, so I'm a teenager at this point, I'm 14.
Speaker 2:God. So it had been going on for years.
Speaker 4:At this point, yeah, but you get smarter.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah, so I got smarter Ways to make it to where it didn't happen as often.
Speaker 4:Well, what I learned is you know that childhood trauma you become hypervigilant, so you're checking every single room before you enter to make sure it's safe and where people are. So that's something I've had to work on because I am that person. I'm like okay, what's going on here, what's going on there?
Speaker 2:That's not a bad thing. It's not.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't say that that's a bad thing, Um, but that's not a bad thing. It's not. I wouldn't say that that's a bad thing. No, it ends up being a really good thing. But um.
Speaker 2:Some people walk in their room, just see they got no idea Prison taught me that.
Speaker 4:I mean I'm not saying that I wasn't that. I very much that, um, you know later, but that's in a safe environment. Yeah yeah, we can let down the walls and let down your guard yeah, so the deal with um you know, back to just being raised um, the deal with riding, me and riding and how that correlates. As a kid we had the dirt bikes, we had the three. It was three wheelers then not quads, but it was used.
Speaker 4:So I got whatever I wanted yeah okay, but you know, as a kid you're like I don't want these things. I would like just this to be right. You know, and, but you don't know all the words. You just know. You know there's a little buy-off going yeah you know, like a little, like a piece yeah, yeah in a sense, right. So what happened there is, it was really a control mechanism. Oh, you can't write because I always wanted to write as a kid, because it just like.
Speaker 1:Freedom yeah.
Speaker 4:And so then it's like oh, you can't ride that today.
Speaker 1:You know yeah.
Speaker 4:So it was kind of a control thing.
Speaker 1:That sucks and.
Speaker 4:I mean I'm sure you know there was some sort of safety. But I mean I was always on a skateboard, a bike, something with wheels and Something with males, and so there was this.
Speaker 2:You weren't a girly girl. I was not. Okay, all right, I was not, and that was all my own doing.
Speaker 4:I'm sure that my mom would have loved it if I wanted to wear all the ruffles and all that stuff.
Speaker 2:Pretty pink. Yeah, you're out getting your hands dirty.
Speaker 3:I mean, I did love that movie. Pretty in Pink.
Speaker 2:I mean I loved all the girly stuff. Know, younger I was just, yeah, I was just out there playing any sports.
Speaker 4:No, oh, when he said football was a big thing, I was like let me find out. I did not finish my piano lessons when I was five and so therefore because I didn't finish these piano lessons and you know I love you mom, but you know, I'm sure it was the I'm not putting you nothing, nothing else.
Speaker 2:You're just going to quit it, right?
Speaker 4:So that you know that ended up. Just you don't ask, right you?
Speaker 3:ask a couple times.
Speaker 4:Hey, they're doing this at school. Basketball would have been good. A lot of things would have been good. All of it would have been good for me. I just made sure that you know my kids played sports, so yeah, but I would have loved that. I think it would have got me maybe out of a little trouble yeah yeah, to have community and something that was steady and something good not that you know the the house was.
Speaker 4:We just had this piece going on. It was very unhealthy, but then it was like everything you know, it just seemed normal all the rest of the time, so it was definitely a hidden.
Speaker 2:Was there like drugs or alcohol or cops? Cops come in or fight or, like you said, dad rode motorcycle. Was dad in a motorcycle club?
Speaker 4:Oh, okay so he just had a chopper and I don't know how many years the chopper was gone by the time, you know I was seven. I just remember riding on the back and like and like, and you know I like to look at the road. Yeah, okay, um, yeah, so you started.
Speaker 2:You started to talk about this thing at 14 yeah, I'll get, there.
Speaker 4:No, no police you know, there was nothing like that going on, it was just this. You know the secret, yeah, and then so I my my reality was challenged because you know it wasn't happening in broad daylight. So you know, it's like I just was always like okay, is that? You know what's going on here?
Speaker 2:I don't know why, but I feel led to in your first step study when they asked what was your family? Secret is this did you?
Speaker 4:yeah, yeah wow yeah, so at 16, that's well, it's not 16, that's like this whole, like it went on, for I mean, I was already with roy, who, you know, became my husband, so at 16 no no no, I'm just saying it was right around 14 and a half 15 and a half when I got upset at my mom, okay I don't even know what she's doing she was, she was probably just being a mom right yeah but I'm like here here where you're a 14 year old girl.
Speaker 2:I think I was 15, 15 yeah so you know what happened.
Speaker 4:There is I probably, and I can't recall like clearly, but I probably had to go by some rule of his. And then I didn't want to go by the rule, and then whatever it was, and then there went. Let me tell you all this.
Speaker 1:Because she was probably sticking up for him and you were like you're sticking up for this dude. Well, she just.
Speaker 4:I just wanted to say it, you know, and um, yeah, so that. So it came out of an anger place, which was not cool. Um, I wish it would have been a sit down, you know, but I mean, I'm a kid, she's hearing this for the first time, jesus you know, did she believe you? Yeah, but she had to confront him yeah I don't think I mean it was not a thing of belief or not belief.
Speaker 4:I didn't feel that, but I did feel like the? Um, the space between when I told to when things started like when he was told, was a long time and I was that kid that you know. I don't know, I mean not past a month, but I was that kid that would check up. Like, did you say anything did? You say anything, did you say anything? And um, I could only imagine, you know what she's going.
Speaker 2:How am I gonna? Right because she, at this point, she's living with him, he's providing, she's single, or well, not single, but well, she was at home, mom sometimes she I mean she would work, and then she, at that time she did actually work, um, and she had a long career.
Speaker 4:It was just you know anybody, you know two income versus you know one, so that just looked like strife.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So he moved to another bedroom. I know that.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow.
Speaker 4:But there was a lot of like. I feel like he was kind of the victim.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Like he was going to you know because he had of like, oh, I feel like he was kind of the victim. Like he was going to you know because he had denied it. Actually, when she finally came to him and we were all together, he denied it. So that's where I started slipping, you know, and going oh my gosh, this was never real, you know because you're looking at a parent going wait, is what he's saying true?
Speaker 4:Because I always question that. So mentally I start slipping, you know, like I guess kind of going over a cliff, like mentally. But he reeled it back in. I mean there was some sort of form of love there. He had raised me, but he saw that, knew me and he, he admitted and so that that, you know, calmed me down.
Speaker 4:But now all this is out and it's just a big mess. Yeah, yeah, and I mean the families, everybody's going through turmoil at that point, right, and you know, in that time, and you know these times aren't like those, you know that was the, was the the seven, well, it was the eighties, and so, um, it was like more like let's just shove it under the rug.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you know and I don't blame anybody for that, like I don't. I don't think, well, you should have done this and you should have done that, and um, you know they were working within their capacity.
Speaker 1:Yeah, did you ever know? Did you ever feel like guilt for saying something like?
Speaker 2:yes, oh dang, like it was your fault, I wish I would have actually kept my mouth because I know a lot.
Speaker 4:I know a lot of people in a similar situation are fearful of.
Speaker 1:Well, if I say something that's going to break up yeah, you know it's going to cause this ripple, and it does, you know, I mean and then they begin to feel this like gosh. I should have just kept my mouth shut, because now look what's going on around me Mom's hurting. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4:Well, and I did feel that, and you know, I was a daddy's girl, Like up until a certain point, until I knew things were just away at that, you know, but still, I didn't, still have the reality and I didn't have the confession. Yeah, and so it, um, yeah, it was just crazy and I, I was like man, I should have just yeah just kept my mouth shut, wow dang no, you shouldn't have
Speaker 4:well, I know that yeah, but in the moment I know you don't want to be the one breaking. It's not your fault breaking up the family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know and that's real man people, the people in your situation that have those kind of thoughts that go well I think I should have said nothing you're not the first one to share that my hurts. Everybody else is hurting now and it's just, you know it's, it's crazy man and that sucks.
Speaker 4:So what happened there is there was already. You know we, most of the houses, are the friends that they. You know that he had. You know we had bars in the house you know, we always had alcohol in plain sight did?
Speaker 1:they entertain a lot no, um, not really.
Speaker 4:I just feel like was it weird?
Speaker 1:was he like perceived as like a pillar in the community, kind of thing? Where you, where the community saw him as one way, but you knew him as another way and you're like a new kind of thing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he was well known so and I'll get to that. I mean pretty well known to, where it was very difficult for me to report yeah, oh, wow yeah later I didn't report officially until um 23 really wow, and then you know there's no statute of limitations. But I mean, I got grilled but I'm like I don't know whose friend you are that's real in small towns like that they protect especially if you're someone who's wealthy in the town and you're the one that's kind of running the town.
Speaker 4:I don't think he wasn't that, he was just in the town and you're the one that's kind of running the town, kind of I don't think he wasn't, that he was just in the you know or good old boy, he was in the circles good old boy club. Yeah what's crazy is he was part of the moose lodge and so I don't know if you know about the moose lodge supports.
Speaker 1:But the elks lodge the moose oh, it's like that. But I'm looking at these signs.
Speaker 4:as a little kid I'm like oh they, they help abused kids Like I really didn't. I mean, everything was just kind of confusing. So you know, long story short, god gave me the heart. Well, he had me write a letter first, like later down the line, and when I got to Celebrate Recovery then he had me. I guess I wasn't good enough. He had me call and I'm like I'm not calling.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow.
Speaker 4:So then I called and then he knew my number. So then he started calling me on his birthday, going well, you're going to call me for my birthday, and you know I chatted with him, you know when he would call. But you know it was just like I don't, I have to have boundaries. You know, it was just like I don't, I have to have boundaries.
Speaker 4:Yeah, of course you know it was close enough, or so he thought that you know when I said that I got a Harley, because you know I would make chit chat.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And then it was like you're not riding that bike and I'm like, oh okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you forgot yeah. I'm an adult now and I can, so Right, I don't quit. You're not riding today.
Speaker 2:I needed to have some justice there.
Speaker 3:You're not stopping me.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so you know what God did.
Speaker 2:Remember she said she was a rebel, it's more important what God did.
Speaker 4:So you know that what that looked like was you know the call, and then eventually was you know the call, and then eventually God's like you need to go meet him.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 4:I'm like really.
Speaker 2:Is this for an amends, jesus, wow.
Speaker 4:So I took my hubby, who's a big burly guy, and he sat there. But he sat there kind of like security yeah.
Speaker 2:Amen, he knew him too.
Speaker 4:I mean, you know grew, know grew up, you know with him around, but um yeah, so god just had me forgive him amen I said, I just want to make sure that you know, that you know I've forgiven you and I really, I really just want to know if you have jesus in your heart. Wow, yeah, so that's how god works and that's the goodness you know.
Speaker 3:So all this other stuff, that that happened.
Speaker 1:I mean that's what that do for you what do you mean?
Speaker 4:forgiving?
Speaker 3:we know.
Speaker 4:We know, forgiveness isn't for them, it's for us yeah set her free, so just I just didn't have to have that looming, yeah, like um over me. It was really crazy, because when he saw me face to face, he's like you know, because I do look like my mom like my eye structure you know everything else is, you know, my dad, but um, well, my real biological father, and so um the simone yes yeah, yeah, the musician, blues musician. So, um, yeah, he's like you just look so familiar, but it's because I have my mom's eyes.
Speaker 3:But they're brown.
Speaker 4:And so I was like this guy doesn't get it. But he was sick and he just changed a little, but not really, Because then he decided he had the oxygen.
Speaker 4:He met us at a restaurant. That was safe, right, we talked that all out. I gave him some books, I gave him Serenity rags. You know I did all that and um, he decided that, you know, we would take him back to his house instead of having his wife you know his now wife come get him. But he wanted him to make sure that I knew where he lived and I'm like, yeah, I'm never visiting but, um, okay, you know, and so we took him there and then just dropped him off.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you know, but that's the last time I saw him and and then, um, you were good with that.
Speaker 2:It gave you closure.
Speaker 4:It gave you healing I mean he's passed away, since I just hope that um he knew the lord yeah, that's what I hope, because I know that he always thought he was going to hell yeah, amen and so I hope that that change. Just you know, sometimes you're just a seed planter, yeah. How much power. Does that have? That a kid that you actually hurt, that you loved.
Speaker 1:Come on Right.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Comes back and just wants to share the good news of Jesus with you. That's a changed heart for me. Yeah, Because I can tell you I wasn't that person when I was bringing it out.
Speaker 2:And you said that you found out later that he had actually been abused as well.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's what he said.
Speaker 2:Usually abusers were abused.
Speaker 4:Yeah, Well, that's why we have to be cycle breakers right, come on, yeah Right.
Speaker 1:Somebody's got to stop stop so let's back up a little bit, because you said 14 to 16 areas when you met roy yeah, really so let's go back and talk about that, so roy was um senior yeah you know, because I have a guy that drives.
Speaker 4:You're just like the older boys. I mean I'll just be honest here.
Speaker 2:Your mom's like you are not going to see that?
Speaker 1:Yes, I am. If you're a high school guy listening, get a car dude.
Speaker 2:You want a chick? Get a car bro.
Speaker 4:So bad.
Speaker 2:But I mean, you know, I was raising a family. Everybody had cars, you know, so I'm not walking.
Speaker 4:So so, um, yeah, so he was the senior and I was just a goofy freshman. Yeah, so we met and it was instant, you know but it's like that those, those two broken. You know, rebel kids right and then you know they see something in each other and you know he went off to the military. Um, but so what happened there? He went off to the military. But so what happened there?
Speaker 4:he went off to the military, he joined the army, 82nd Airborne, went to Special Forces, that stuff, and then I started having the trouble at home. So that's how that. Like I let that out, he called and I said this is what's happening here. I just I told my mom and he didn't know.
Speaker 2:So then he oh, he didn't know that all this crap was going on and you were dealing with this.
Speaker 4:Wow, that's why I was so crazy like I'm like, don't leave you know had that whole abandonment issue. I just needed somebody stable and yeah it was a stable guy, you know. I mean he had his stuff together, graduated onto the military, so he came back out to get married to me.
Speaker 2:So he could take you into the military base and get you away from everything Exactly, wow, but I didn't comply. What do you mean? I didn't comply. What did you do?
Speaker 4:Well, it's scary, I didn't comply. Yeah, you said you're a rebel, yeah I didn't and um, yeah, so it just, it was too much for him yeah, I probably. I mean in all honesty, I wouldn't have been, I would have not been a good army wife you didn't get married.
Speaker 1:no, no, not yet Right.
Speaker 4:So we split. He slugged it out for well, we both did for a little while.
Speaker 2:Like a long distance, like a couple years.
Speaker 4:No, he came back. So he put himself in the National Guard.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 4:So he.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's not on active duty, then Right, so he put himself in the National Guard, so he's back home, but his plan was to try and get me. Marry you and then you guys go Right yeah.
Speaker 4:But I wasn't looking for, you know, medical. You know, like you know some of those girls right, they're looking for the government medical the government life.
Speaker 2:That wasn't me. I was going to work and do other things. And.
Speaker 4:I was just a free spirit. But he knew that you know, so we went our separate ways.
Speaker 2:How old were you at this?
Speaker 3:time 18. Wow, yeah, wow he always had a problem.
Speaker 4:He was four years older than me, so he's like Lisa I go. Well, we're from a small town. Who cares if I was still in high school and you?
Speaker 2:were a full-grown adult. Yeah, you know, but know, but you know, times were different back then. I think my grandma got married when she was like 12 or 13 dude, so it was different back then.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so anyways I never really recognized that did you graduate high school, uh no so what happened there? So you know, I was that straight a student, everything started you know, even bad attention good attention, so it all started taking a dive, but the only way that I could make that happen was just not show up yeah so the other capital that um fallbrook is known for is for uh, red hair, so um red hair weed marijuana.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah. I love you, dad. What were you thinking?
Speaker 1:red hair irish you got a whole community of redheads. That's a good weed, bro red hairs.
Speaker 2:We had that going on and then that was the stuff that didn't have seeds in it, man we had that going on, and then we had, um, you know, crystal math was alive and
Speaker 4:well, that was like the start right wow, so you started dabbling in drugs oh, because you said if you ain't in sports, I was just, yeah, I was just out there partying when's the first time you got high? Oh, like a teenager yeah, definitely before 14 oh but there was always alcohol too yeah, all the kids, so you could start drinking and then other kids would bring in other stuff. And then I'd be like, okay, I'll try that.
Speaker 2:And so it's parties. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4:Well, whatever, just before school.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, Okay. So I just kind of um at the bus stop Exactly, yeah, that's actually where I remember mine, we had the wall, we had the wall.
Speaker 1:Well, we had this cool, go behind the wall and smoke dude.
Speaker 4:We had this cool, it was the wall everybody sat on.
Speaker 1:That's where they smoked cigarettes and weed.
Speaker 4:Well, we had the bus barns, that's where everybody hung out and smoked, but you know they had. We had this pepper tree and you know, they're just, they just kind of fall like a waterfall.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's got like a grove, it's got like a little room in there. You're hidden from the world, yeah. So, yeah, we did that.
Speaker 4:We went to the puppetry and then we went to school Nice. So the way that you know I failed in school was that I just didn't show up.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'd catch the city, the bus, because you know we had a bus that went to carlsbad, which is a city, so I just catch the bus and go to the mall, really yeah, and then I come in for testing. So you know they weren't ever happy because you know you're still gonna end up with a c if you ace it, you know yeah, and so you'd go in for tests and eight and they're like.
Speaker 4:You only know what you could do if you showed up every day and applied yourself well and I was friends with my counselor, I'd be like, yeah, I don't need that math class, I need this one. He's like you don't need to support math class.
Speaker 2:I'm like I do I need this one because you know so I mean, I made it all the way under.
Speaker 4:Uh well, algebra, algebra two whatever all the algebra didn't go to calculus, but you know it's like. Whatever I mean, I wasn't serious yeah there was no serious, there was a social event what was your first job? Kfc.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, slinging that chicken in fall, bro, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there weren't many jobs, I'm assuming, unless you're in the fields.
Speaker 4:Well, I mean that just kind of promoted, because then you start getting the money. Then there's older people there and they're they're into some stuff and they're bringing stuff and then we're just working and cleaning you know, we're doing everything.
Speaker 2:Now we're selling dope at the drive-thru window.
Speaker 4:I did but um yeah, but you know, you start having more exposure because you're out there working but but I had up until like 23, I probably had always two, three jobs or jobs like whatever I would waitress. I would host, worked for an answering service, worked for the government as a student aide for a while.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:I always had like a couple things going because, you know, I wanted to support the whatever lifestyle I wanted.
Speaker 1:And you run in with the police.
Speaker 4:No.
Speaker 1:Really no Small town like that, huh.
Speaker 4:Not me.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 4:No.
Speaker 2:You just hit it. Well, I didn't give a F.
Speaker 4:I want everybody to know let's go. Yeah, we were the family actually that bailed people out.
Speaker 2:Oh wow Really, yeah, to know, let's go. Yeah, we were the family actually that bailed people out.
Speaker 4:Oh wow really, yeah, they called, they called you guys, yeah so that's what I learned, but I never, yeah, okay, I mean I think I got pulled over once in my I was probably 18, 19, maybe. I got pulled over, but it's in the country, so I just practiced until then, you know there's things you do.
Speaker 4:Yeah, eat a cigarette right, because that's gonna get rid of that smell and then I practiced and I guess I did good because I passed it and the other person got taken away in the other car. But you know, if I look back because I don't want to romance any of this, you know guys but if I look back, god's hand was over.
Speaker 4:It was always on you you know, and and just saving me from dumb mistakes like he didn't save me from all of them yeah but he saved me from enough if I was going to get in trouble and you know, like if I was going to get hurt or you know his, his hand was just in it you know, even though I was far from him, I tell people all the time my prison stands were not punishment, they were saving graces. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because if I would have stayed doing what I was doing, who knows if I'd still be here.
Speaker 4:Well, so fast forward. So I'm crazy, you know, I'm just out there living. You know living.
Speaker 1:Prove it. No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 4:I mean, and you know, roy and I broke up, it gets worse, I get my own apartment.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's what I was wondering. Yeah, so I actually go. Did you ever start selling dope? No, okay.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah, that wasn't, you were just using. All right, yeah, a functioning addict.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was really. I was on a schedule.
Speaker 2:Okay, I, I know all about its schedule. Dad it is not midnight. We're not doing another line until 12.00. Yeah, so I can't. I don't know if I have that Dramatic.
Speaker 4:So what did happen when all this came out? I went and got an apartment, but I figured out like I'm learning life, right, I'm like they don't let anybody sign a contract under 18. Yeah, so I had to take it home and have my mom sign. I'm like you need to get me out of this house because he was still there. So then I worked on base as a student aid. I had enough money, I got a roommate.
Speaker 2:My best friend was my roommate yeah, so we did that, but that was crazy.
Speaker 4:That was like almost turning it up five notches because now we had no one, no one, no supervision. We're under 18 living in this apartment, my grandparents. You know, they furnish it for me and um yeah, so that was nuts. Yeah, there was no. Like we do whatever we wanted yeah, yeah, it was kind of crazy.
Speaker 4:I didn't. I came back home once and then, and then I went off and got married, so at 24 um I replanted, so in recovery. So you know I'm running wrong, I'm doing all these things, I'm making bad choices. I do not have it together. I have a good job I work at now fast forward.
Speaker 2:I work at the water district okay so the the town water district I mean yeah, it's a city job right so so um good benefits, I go back and get my ged okay, I did that real quick because you know the longer you're away from it.
Speaker 4:So they were like they want to put me in adult school, just give me the test just Just give me the test, so got the GED, did all that and then what happened? So I don't know about recovery. Nobody's really tried to recover in my family. Wow. But I know that I'm going to take the chance to replant. So I meet, you know, a godly guy, guy right, that's what he's saying.
Speaker 4:Christian guy okay so this is, you know. Roy's gone, roy's off on his life, I'm off on mine you're 24, I'm 22 at this point.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah living on your own with your best friend working yeah, and I'm still now clubbing, doing all that, oh and fall brook. No, we, we had to go 30 minutes away. Okay, all right.
Speaker 4:And so, yeah, I meet somebody the designated driver out there. I'm like wow.
Speaker 2:Who's this?
Speaker 4:guy. When do we have designated drivers? I didn't even understand it. I'm like okay, you guys are really responsible. So I actually thought he was a cop, but he seemed like he had cop eyes, but yeah, so anyways, I took the chance to replant and to start a new life. So I just didn't say anything about my past.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Where'd you replant to?
Speaker 4:Chula Vista. I went to La Costa first. That's just like a beach town. We moved in La Costa, I got pregnant, you know, and with the cop eyes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he wasn't a cop he just did a lot he ran a lot of security so I don't know I just felt that way because I was probably being paranoid.
Speaker 4:I mean something's got to be wrong. If somebody wants to designate drive, I mean I know now it's just you better do it.
Speaker 2:It's a good thing.
Speaker 4:I don't know why we just pitched the keys to whomever back then.
Speaker 3:Like who's not cross-eyed.
Speaker 2:Who's driving, who's not falling over drunk? Oh you are, you're driving.
Speaker 4:So, anyways, just replanted, so he. You know, the cool thing about that relationship was that I found jesus oh, wow yeah, so the mom she uh his mom yeah, witness to me and I started listening, you know, and you, just you know, I'm like okay, you love jesus, I love jesus too, right? Like grandma and grandpa you, were they christian grandma and grandpa moved away and so yeah, but they were they were christian, my grandpa was a deacon in the church. Yeah, so I still had those ties.
Speaker 2:What kind of church?
Speaker 4:was it Do?
Speaker 2:you remember?
Speaker 4:I don't Just non-denominational.
Speaker 1:I mean can?
Speaker 4:you be a deacon.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think so.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I don't remember it was this Oak Grove community church. And I could never really understand, because we could me and my cousin could do these singing stints of like go, which is funny, go tell it on the mountain, and then everybody would like be listening to us. But I never knew why we got attention so easy. But then later I understood that my grandpa was the deacon there.
Speaker 3:So of course we did.
Speaker 4:You know, know, listen to my grandchildren, I'm so proud of them, and so the cool thing is, too, is that at least I got exposed when I went to go see them even if it was only for a couple weekends. I mean, I just looked at it like okay, we're going to go, there's going to be food there and nice people.
Speaker 2:Yeah and safe, I'm not going to. I'm not going to, oh yeah.
Speaker 4:So when people, yeah, yeah, it's safe, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, oh, yeah. So when I was with my grandparents totally safe, yeah, seeds being, and you know I would look and you know they would underline, you know they would be reading, they had. You know, my grandma always listened to worship music, um, and so that was still hitting me seeds seeds being planted and I'm sure my grandma prayed for me because I know she came out looking for me a few times when I ran away.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah, before I got my place, chula Vista.
Speaker 2:Did he go to church, yes, or was it something that his mom did?
Speaker 4:No, no, no, he went.
Speaker 2:He did.
Speaker 4:So it was just like okay, well, we're going to clean up now and go to church, and you know, this guy looks like a really good guy and you know let's do this, and so I just didn't talk about how long did you know him before you got married or pregnant? Three years, oh yeah, so it was off and on, so there was a good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, relation or a long. You knew who he was when you were marrying him.
Speaker 3:Maybe Did you marry him, isn't?
Speaker 2:that crazy man it was did you marry him?
Speaker 4:isn't that crazy man. It was off and on, like you know, like my mom's like oh, someone's gonna call them, like what do they want? You know? So it was, it was off and on, it would go and then it would go off, and then wasn't anything serious no, the third time was obviously, but I actually said like hey, you know, you know what you know, you have consequences I'm pregnant.
Speaker 2:Let's get married now.
Speaker 4:No, I didn't say that. I just cooked a good meal and I said there's the door.
Speaker 2:Cooked a good meal.
Speaker 1:If you need to leave.
Speaker 4:Yeah, go ahead and leave, I'm good. Yeah, so that wasn't the choice, but that's okay. I mean, we stayed together for five years and we had three children, okay and had three children.
Speaker 1:Okay, was it a good marriage?
Speaker 4:No, no, I hadn't hit celebrity recovery yet, you know, and oh, so you weren't in, you were still using I just think I mean, it was no, no, no I was good.
Speaker 2:I cleaned up, you got clean, so I replanted and quit everything I was.
Speaker 4:Now I was going to church, okay.
Speaker 2:So I became You're going to raise your kids?
Speaker 4:I became an at-home mommy.
Speaker 2:Okay, wow.
Speaker 4:And yeah, I just tried to do the best that I could, but I was still broken.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you had a lot of hurt from when you were a kid. Yeah, a lot of trauma.
Speaker 4:He had that too. So he was, his family, was part of the Cerritos plane crash and I don't even know it was like in the late 80s. It took out a whole neighborhood and their house was the first. Wow, so he had lost his brother, his sister and his dad. Wow, so it was only his mom and the two brothers that remained, so they had a lot of hurt. So you know, you can imagine, can imagine, you know all that together. My past you know hit. You know what he's just freshly gone through.
Speaker 4:Wow dang and so, um it was, it was a lot. I mean, you know, the thing about marriage is that if it stays a power struggle, you're just never going to make it work yeah and there was definitely power struggle. I mean now at this point um, I do speak english and everybody knows it right, yeah, so use your words.
Speaker 2:Use your words, my words, so um yeah, so sometimes I think I told you this was going to be fun sometimes I think that got me in a more trouble.
Speaker 4:I hadn't gotten to the you know, I was a new Christian.
Speaker 2:The point with the filter. I hadn't gotten to the verses yet.
Speaker 4:What you're supposed to be like and you're not supposed to be a clanging cymbal. Amen. You're not supposed to be combative. I don't know the word.
Speaker 2:What do?
Speaker 4:they say Argumentative.
Speaker 2:Argumentative.
Speaker 4:And so I hadn't gotten to those verses. So I was very much consumer of the word, right? So we were just going to live like hell, like we were going to fight on the way to church, okay, and then we're going to be like suck it up, get in there, make it work, right? We had kids. We had one, then we had another one 13 months later, and then the baby was five years after that.
Speaker 2:So she was on the way out.
Speaker 4:so one on the way in, one in the middle, that was baseball strike. So she was on the way out. So one on the way in, one in the middle, that was baseball strike, and then one on the way out 1994.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was born in 95.
Speaker 4:So anyways.
Speaker 1:Would you say you were just going through the motions?
Speaker 4:I didn't know how to be.
Speaker 1:No real encounter yet.
Speaker 4:Well, I accepted Jesus in 1994, 1994, but I was a consumer yeah so I was just going doing what they said. But the crazy thing is is I remember I don't know why we all end up in the nursery first, but let's go watch the babies right so I go and that's how I'm serving. I'm gonna watch the babies right and I'm gonna to. I'm coming into a Baptist church.
Speaker 3:I don't know nothing.
Speaker 4:All I know is how I lived before and now, all of a sudden, there's all these rules and you know, this guy's on fire you know, fire and brimstone on the stage. I'm just like okay, this is how I have to live now, right? So I almost became like the opposite, like such a good girl, like just because I needed to, it's like I needed to totally change clean up.
Speaker 3:You know, you know, do all that and so.
Speaker 4:but the crazy thing is, as I get into this church and I remember, um, as we're watching the kids because I think you watch the kids with me, I, I think we're supposed to tell our stories, but that's where it went.
Speaker 3:That's it.
Speaker 4:Right. So for five years I'm just a consumer, I'm dressed into the nines. It's Baptist church. We all match. All of our colors match, Like if we go to church, all of us match. I know. I love it.
Speaker 2:I mean, if I match like, if we go to church, all of us match.
Speaker 4:I know I mean I'm only in my 20s, but you know I'm pretty just fake because I don't you lost yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't became this person that I don't understand yet. I mean, I'm reading'm reading books.
Speaker 4:I'm reading the Bible. I'm trying to get the King James down right.
Speaker 2:No, this is real. Yeah, I'm trying. It's a baby Christian that's learning her way man.
Speaker 4:But then I'm seeing, like other things, I'm like, well, that doesn't look real godly. I don't think you know, I didn't know enough to call somebody saying, hey, you're not being a man of god yeah and so I didn't and I didn't know enough. I just kept rolling with it. You know, like just trying to get it right, trying to get it right.
Speaker 4:But you know you can go through all that and, yes, you've been saved right you've professed yeah and you want to change, but until you move from consumer to actual doer a contributor in action that's when it gets good. So, so that didn't happen until so five years and I had had it like I'm out. Wow, like I got with him.
Speaker 2:You're done.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I gotta go, and so, yeah, I left where'd you go back to fallbrook no, I just got. I got like a mini, a little condo, that kind of looked like my house. We had bought a house and so I choose the same builder so my kids didn't get so disrupted but it was just like a mini version. I mean it wasn't exactly the same, but same builder, same built at the same time yeah so I just said you know, whatever I mean, the house was in his name.
Speaker 4:I'm like just take the house, I'm not even gonna know. I don't know which wife got it, but one of them down the line got it, but I just, yeah, I needed out.
Speaker 1:So he went through multiple wounds.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but that's his. I mean, I think he's settled now.
Speaker 2:Lord bless him. Yeah, I'm happy, I'm happy, amen, amen. So I'm happy, amen, amen. So that's what I did, I just stayed close.
Speaker 4:How old were you?
Speaker 1:when you left him 27?. Oh, 30. 30. 30. Nice 30.
Speaker 4:Had to go, so you know what.
Speaker 2:Stayed in Chula Vista, though, yeah.
Speaker 4:So you were around. The kids Kept going to church. My kids went to. You kept going to that same church well, I switched, okay, I had to a lot of people do it got hard, yeah, plus I came out to you know like well, yeah, I was known as um I think the pastor they had said like oh, what is it?
Speaker 4:a woman scorned, but I'm like okay, you gotta wear that red letter, the scarlet letter, oh my god, you know so eventually I changed and I came out to christian, just christian like I didn't stay baptist yeah, that's fine, um and so holy ghost yeah, so I mean, that's where I was baptized.
Speaker 2:You know, that's I mean in the in the baptist church.
Speaker 4:Yeah, okay I mean, I learned a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, yeah, right, oh yeah.
Speaker 4:I knew that I had to be able to show up in flip-flops and jeans and it was okay, Like, come as you are.
Speaker 2:I was going to speak to me. Come on, man Right, same with me.
Speaker 4:So you know, that's really how I got into Celebr up.
Speaker 3:Like I'm messed up too, so messed up, right.
Speaker 4:So what happens there is, you know, I know God, I'm trying to learn, but you know you're living like hell. But then going to church, right and um, it's real. What happens is there's a seven year long court battle for these, these babies.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:So I became my own lawyer like did all the stuff yeah, I was crazy.
Speaker 2:From 30 to 37 you fought for your kids. Wow, this dude was literally paying for a lawyer and going to court to take the kids from you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so we eventually came to 50, 50, okay um was that okay with you?
Speaker 3:well, or did you want the kids?
Speaker 4:no, I just wanted. I mean, the court did so many different things. But when you just throw a whole bunch of lies at the court, dang you know they, they have to sift through it, so it took them about five years to sift through okay and figure it out you know, you have to go to mediation. You have to do all this stuff and it was a stressor, you know, At this time. Now Roy has entered back into my life.
Speaker 2:How long from when you were 30 and left homie Top Eyes to where?
Speaker 4:Roy.
Speaker 2:Don't call him Top Eyes To where Roy.
Speaker 4:Now I've got to be careful what I say.
Speaker 2:It's gonna become a name cop eyes, I know you're out there somewhere well, um, yeah was it something that you reached out to him. We were in the same circles.
Speaker 4:I eventually moved um back home to falbro yeah, and he was from another small town, palma, so we just connected that way, but it didn't take. I mean, it was six months, but okay so, um, you know, here's where the I'm messed up. I'm a new christian, I'm not. I mean, I have. I have the baby in the oven at that time.
Speaker 2:Okay, the one, the five. Yeah, I left I left with.
Speaker 4:I said I couldn't raise any more kids so I said I'm taking, you know I'm going, and so um, yeah but uh, roy and I. So roy and I were kind of like undercover, because you know it was like you alternated weeks, so on the weeks that the kids weren't there, you know we were together, we'd do all you and right yeah, we'd do everything that we needed.
Speaker 4:You know. Like you know, go out like we were free, right? You know we didn't have kids and so that took a while to get the kids involved, but then eventually with, with roy okay, but then well, because it just well one I just didn't. We were in cork bottles Like I just didn't want to add more, but it ended up adding more anyway, yeah.
Speaker 2:Did you know that you were going to get with Roy? What do you mean? Did you know? When you're so you're 30, you're pregnant, you leave Cop eyes, stop stagnant. You leave cop eyes, you. You get a little place, same builder and stuff. So it's not so much change for the kiddos. But eventually you're like no, so you go back to fall brook and in fall brook you start.
Speaker 4:So you're still dealing with so I knew I mean that was my, roy was my first love your first yeah, so it went real quick.
Speaker 2:Once he came back into the picture.
Speaker 3:Here was my whole, thing, you know and I'm remembering it.
Speaker 4:So I just thought, man, me and this guy, we've already heard each other we can have, like we can have, popcorn and a movie together.
Speaker 2:Like you and Roy? Yeah, like, have like compact, like we can have popcorn and a movie together like you and roy, yeah, yeah, like he can just be my friend.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, because I'm, I'm cool like that okay.
Speaker 4:So I just thought, okay, well, he's single, I'm single, we can just be friends and I really best way to start I really thought that. I mean, I thought that, but then it was like all of a sudden we're it's like. It's like both of us, because of our lifestyle, even though I I wasn't. I have been disconnected from drugs and alcohol for five years now because, you know, having babies just changed me too, Not only did I find Jesus, I had kids, and I had responsibilities.
Speaker 4:You wanted different things, but I feel like there was a rusted development on both of us, and so when we got back together, we almost just picked up where we left off.
Speaker 2:oh, wow but with the drinking and the drugs no, no, I did never use again oh, in your relationship you mean yeah, you just kicked off, like you had never separate.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but he was very upfront with me so he said I'm an alcoholic and I okay. Like I was raised in that, like I got this, like no problem. But I didn't understand the difference between a functioning alcoholic and a non-functioning. So Roy was definitely non-functioning.
Speaker 3:So oh, when you got, so he was drinking, okay, okay.
Speaker 4:So I mean again.
Speaker 2:That's me a non-functioning alcoholic. I hadn't hit. Yeah, when he went out it was seven to ten days yeah.
Speaker 4:And you know I just have to leave a burger on the table. No fries, because you might choke on those, but you know a good little codependent. I hadn't hit recovery yet. So I'm like Enabling Eat the burger, you know.
Speaker 2:And then go lay down yeah, no fries sorry, yeah, you're gonna hurt yourself with those, so so this. So how old are you at this point?
Speaker 4:35, no I'm just, I'm 30 she's 30, 31, 32. Okay, roy's 34. Okay, yeah, so what happened there is I learn a whole bunch of stuff about alcoholism from this perspective.
Speaker 2:Now. I'm the woman in it, I'm not the kid in it, yeah, and you're seeing it and having to deal with all. It's like God, dude, can you just stop.
Speaker 4:I just thought I was going to love him, change him.
Speaker 2:Change him.
Speaker 4:But he was very upfront. I didn't even take it Like I didn't even. What's the problem with that? I'm like in my mind. So here's Lisa Logic.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 4:so he told you oh yeah totally upfront and he had DTs, he had it all, and so I'd be like why is this guy throwing up? Like why is he shaking? You know I'm like what do you need? You know you need to go get medicine. Like what do we need?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:You know. So I learned that how that went. You know, three days and you're out. You know drink water, watermelon, you know it. Here is that when. Because I was raised in an alcoholic home. So look at this.
Speaker 4:So because I was raised in an alcoholic home, I'm like okay I'll be with somebody that doesn't drink, doesn't drink okay but then that was a really bad thing, because then they have other issues right and I was always second class citizen and you know, it's like maybe narcissism, I mean, I don't wasn't classified or nothing, but it kind of seemed like that I was always getting gas lit and all that and then so I come out of that and then I go oh okay, you can drink you need to be a decent person, yeah, right you know so, but I just didn't understand the magnitude of the problem.
Speaker 4:Wow, and then when I started seeing it. So remember, we're the family that bails people out. So the first time that he went in I sprung him to jail yeah, and he's like what are you doing? Yeah, it's like 3 am. He's like I'm at the station ready to pick him up. He's like you know, because he's always getting into trouble. I said he's like what are you doing?
Speaker 2:I go bailing you out no, he's like what are you doing? He?
Speaker 4:goes.
Speaker 3:Don't bail me out how'd you do this, yeah?
Speaker 4:and I said I went to aladdin bilbao and he's like don't do this because now he's tied to the court. Yeah, so we go on court day and, um you know, oh my gosh, they roll out this cart of paperwork. It's like this big file oh, jesus so he hadn't shown up. He had failures to appear. Failure to appear, you know just all this stuff catch me if you can, yeah yeah his addiction actually took him to the street. Wow yeah, so.
Speaker 2:More than alcohol.
Speaker 4:No no, just alcohol. He didn't.
Speaker 1:No alcohol is enough for some people. You do the streets Shut up.
Speaker 4:I think that he just was like deuces, like I'm just not going to, I'm just going to check out you know I'm not going to deal with anybody, yeah. I'm not gonna, I'm just gonna check out. You know, I'm not gonna deal with anybody. Reality yeah, I'm not gonna deal with anybody, because you know, at that point he had left, uh, you know his wife and stuff like that. So anyways, and this is before you know, we met. We were definitely both, you know, single.
Speaker 2:So um, so the alcohol was the process. The alcohol was a way for roy to kind of yeah, skate, yeah.
Speaker 3:Of course, the previous marriage?
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course.
Speaker 4:So, yeah, what's crazy here is that. So that was 12 years of dealing with that, and I'm not saying he didn't have to deal with me, he did have to deal with me.
Speaker 2:Oh, because you weren't in recovery. You still had your words, Right.
Speaker 4:I was always in his face.
Speaker 3:You were using your words.
Speaker 4:He stopped drinking.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:Using her words yeah, she speaks english now so was he allowed to drink at home oh, I tried.
Speaker 4:I'm like can we, can we put it in the goblet, is that what they're called? And these nice glasses? Can we do that and just come in and pour ourselves a drink?
Speaker 2:yeah, that wasn't, he was a closet drinker so yeah, so um shooters and bottles all over yeah, pockets oh, yeah, yeah under mattresses, so I was I was the codependent I used to hide all my alcohol man and I used to wake up and this dude would have my bottles and they'd be empt and he'd have little notes on them. Found another one?
Speaker 4:Oh, if I found it which he was really good at it. It was Southern Comfort. That was his poison, so he was actually allergic to alcohol.
Speaker 1:So the first drink he would throw up, his was cheap. Wow, first drink he would throw up. So the first drink he would throw up, his was cheap.
Speaker 4:Wow, first drink he would throw up, and so if I found it, I'd dump it out and fill it with iced tea. Nice, he hated iced tea.
Speaker 3:So see how mean.
Speaker 4:I mean, but I got some sort of satisfaction off of it.
Speaker 2:Wow, You're going to hate this drink.
Speaker 4:Well, and then you know, you know, I mean, it was just so toxic yeah so you know it would go into it was 12 12 years of this 12 years from 30 to 42 my god, you know do you guys ever get married? Yeah, oh, really totally I will tell you that that's a god story oh so for 12.
Speaker 2:Not during this 12 years.
Speaker 4:Oh no.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 4:I was saying you guys.
Speaker 1:So you guys just dated for 12 years while he did that, we lived together, living together Wow.
Speaker 2:Oh, so they were under a curse? Oh yeah, you were under a curse. It wasn't until you guys got married and I bet you things started. Everything changed, Wow, Him and my mom. For the first decade of their relationship they were together and living like they were married, but it was chaos.
Speaker 4:It was crazy. Well, so we'd pray and then we'd justify.
Speaker 1:Like okay, we're not doing this. We used to go to church.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're not doing any of this, right. But, it wasn't until they got married where God really poured out a blessing on them.
Speaker 1:We would always tell ourselves we already told God that we're committed to each other, so why do we need to get married?
Speaker 4:It's just a piece of paper from the government. Yeah, god opened up the heavens of blessing and everything else once that happened. Because, see, when you pray for a relationship and you're not under God, under the covet of marriage, under the blessing, yes, there is. Yeah. It's a curse, yeah, wow so and I was always saying well, you got to stop drinking, you got to be perfect, you got which is these are ridiculous things, right, but what happened there is we finally found recovery, wow. So it wasn't long.
Speaker 2:We were both in step study, so the actual where are you, where are you going, where are you living? And then what church are you going to that had the cr well, they hadn't launched it yet.
Speaker 4:That's how good god is. So we were just serving greeting, okay at the church on sunday mornings it's called um eastlake church. Okay, we were just greeting, but there was one person that I trusted which is the leader of the greeters.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:And so you know.
Speaker 2:The coach.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so Roy, would I mean, we were struggling.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you would talk to her. No, no.
Speaker 4:Well, no, I wasn't used to talking to people. I made a phone call when I had had it. Oh, talking to people. I made a phone call when I had had it. Oh, to the coach. Yeah, leader, yeah, and I just said you guys, I was like the church knows problems like this. Right, I'm like you guys need to do something with this guy. That's how disconnected, right, not anything with me, I don't have a problem this guy does.
Speaker 4:There's so many people out there like that, so you need to change yeah well, he used to tell me because I like to do this a lot and he's like do you know that you have?
Speaker 1:three, three fingers pointing back to you and I'm like.
Speaker 4:He's like. You're always like you, you know, and I'm like because he's such a logical guy and you know, he know he just hit me with logic and I'm like maybe I am being a little unreasonable, but anyway. So what happened is called the church and then they put us in, they give a number to a girl for me to call.
Speaker 2:Counseling or therapy or something.
Speaker 4:Well, they just say call this girl and she'll connect you. But they hadn't launched their CR yet.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 4:And so, of course, of course, you know being the kind of why, being the codependent, well, I'm joining this like if you want to save this, then you need to join. They have a guys thing, you need to join too. Good, so we both join and not knowing what you're joining no, because I showed up and I'm like thinking I don't know what I thought, maybe counseling session, whatever. So I show up and they have the books and I'm like what?
Speaker 2:Are you kidding me? You joined your entry in the Celebrate Recovery was a step study Nice. I love that dude. That's how his was too.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so I show up Time to get real. Well, they wanted their leaders trained before.
Speaker 1:You start? Yeah, right.
Speaker 4:And so. So you went through the leader's step study? Well, no, I just went through that. We were just normal people, they're looking for leaders right but they're like work on your recovery. First they that wasn't even on the table right so what happens is?
Speaker 2:but you're in the step study with all the people who are going into leadership.
Speaker 4:Yes, wow, so okay, god go yeah, so what's crazy is, I'm in this and I'm looking at these books. I'm like, why am I here? Like what so you know me being me and hyper vigilant and all that stuff and checking out the room. I don don't know these people. I don't know you. I'm going to be friendly but I don't know you.
Speaker 2:So then the only thing that I want to cough up is that I shop. It's okay. I've talked about that in teachings. It's a real one.
Speaker 4:A new purse is not going to fix your life, honey. It can do a lot. It can do a lot. So can shoes, oh my God, lisa. So shoes and purses, well, you know when you're in that codependent addict thing.
Speaker 2:You're out drinking all night, spending all that money I get to go buy me a freaking. Oh I would. I would show them.
Speaker 4:I'm like did you see my? You drank shoes last night did you see my, you drank purse last night. I did it, yeah, I mean I'm not gonna hide it. No, I did a lot of things that I shouldn't have done.
Speaker 2:I mean, I also figured out that the money was the problem when I figured out, like, cut off the money you can't get the alcohol yeah, but he man sometimes I have, yeah, I don't want to go there, but that went farther okay, there's ways, okay, but for some reason, men, money it's a struggle, well, and I should have never done that, so it went in my recovery.
Speaker 4:I actually gave him back his wallet. I said this is not mine.
Speaker 2:Amen.
Speaker 4:I go, but I did. I did say look all this, where were we at before this? Okay, so we're in step study. Okay, so I'm getting this information and I'm like huh, Okay, so, real quick, we end up getting married. Because God's convicting my heart when I'm in there, because I'm the one always saying no, we can't, no, I'm not going to do it, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:Why? Because of your previous.
Speaker 4:No, I'm just not going to do it. You need to stop drinking.
Speaker 2:Oh, you need to get right. Until so we can, but I'm not adding God in that equation.
Speaker 4:I'm just like get yourself right because we're not doing this, but you know I still obviously will put up with it to a certain extent, right.
Speaker 2:I was just in a perpetual griping mode. I call it bitching. Well, I was going to say that, gonna say that, but oh yeah, no you're good dude, we love jesus.
Speaker 4:We just cuss a little I want that bumper sticker I love jesus, I just cuss a little so what happens there is god starts convicting my heart, his heart, and then on a step steady night because I think we had the same nights, cool, on the step study night. We just pulled everybody together. So we're getting married tonight. We I called the kids oh wow. And then we just got married in the pastor's lounge with the tv behind us like that was our pictures, like so it was this time but you wanted to make it official.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah, yeah we went and got the license and so you know he still wasn't, was in step study, but he wasn't running right.
Speaker 3:Okay so.
Speaker 4:I was like you better show up tonight. We're going to be separated right now because I didn't take the day off. We're going to be separated right now, but you better show up clear tonight, or yeah, yeah?
Speaker 3:So you knew or yeah, yeah, oh, so you knew that was my what was happening that night. Okay, that was my boundary, but he showed up clear.
Speaker 2:Okay, he knew that that was probably in his best interest yeah, yeah so well you had stayed with him for 12 years through all of that, because I'm sure there's a lot in that oh yeah so he knew what a good woman you were really good.
Speaker 4:It got really good when he's like you know, I'm military and I can survive on the street.
Speaker 2:I'm a good go, that pride will get you man go.
Speaker 4:Uh, let me open the door because I'm trying to do homework here and you're messing with my living room, you know. So you know the kids. Just, it was so toxic and I don't want to keep on harping on that, but it was so toxic because the kids were like oh, dad's drunk, we're going out for dinner, mom, get us what, what we want I have to ask are the kids okay?
Speaker 2:now the kids are good.
Speaker 4:They actually stayed there. Two of them were with their high school sweethearts. Well, Yelly's pretty, she's pretty close to sweetheart. So just right out of high school and there's seven grandchildren. And then I have a single mommy. She's the baby. So the single mommy's the baby. But they're doing good. One of them lives in Hawaii and the rest live in Cali. So that's the.
Speaker 4:They should be out of that state, but whatever, okay I mean, I pray okay yeah, god hears his praying mom, you know my kids know like they're like, oh mom, like when they were going through it, oh mom, we know where celebrate recovery is, and they've been, yeah, yeah, so it's, it's good I was.
Speaker 2:I don't know where me and my little brother were going. Uh, oh, it was the beds. It was the beds at the dumpsters. We forgive me, what's the beds at the dump?
Speaker 1:we had we're in the middle of a move.
Speaker 2:Goodwill wouldn't take the bed so we had to go to the dumpster and unload the beds oh yeah, you know, like at the night time we're leaving and my brother, my little brother's, like bro, I started to get flashbacks of when I was a kid.
Speaker 2:I was like really, he's like yeah, man, it was crazy. I was like whoa. I told him, I was like kate, I bet you there's a lot of stuff, bro, that you have never talked about. He's like I know. It's like wow, my brother's 25 and my mom and dad were in addiction for years at meth.
Speaker 1:It was insane. That's so bad. It was insane, lisa, I would take my kids to do stuff with me.
Speaker 2:You would.
Speaker 1:I would take my kids with me to go do dirt Crime Like I'm robbing construction sites and here carry this to the car, Yep.
Speaker 2:Dumpster diving and the kids are in the car.
Speaker 4:Well, praise Jesus. I know why we're just happy. We're like man, is everybody cool?
Speaker 2:because we were not being cool drugs turn you into somebody that you're not. You drive behind a store now they're like, really no, we're like, we're good, we're just cutting through, dude, we're not stopping the dumpster this square. They have ptsd we've come a long way. That's awesome.
Speaker 4:I love that, yeah that's what god does that's what he makes us unrecognizable, and that was the beat. So, anyway, we, we ended up getting married and doing all that and at 42, you're 42 oh, yeah, yeah yeah I waited
Speaker 2:nice amen. Well, he was going to get right.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he got right. Yeah, Well, he didn't. So God said this is how God works. He's like you can't sit on the fence anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, with you.
Speaker 4:Right, he goes. You need, because you know Roy's going to marry it's me. I'm the runner. You're the one saying no, this whole time the runner. When we were a kid, I maintained I'm the runner, like right, yeah, and so um, god's like. You can't justify this, you. You can't sit on the fence anymore, whether he's drinking or not drinking. You need to if you're going to marry him. You need to make a decision.
Speaker 2:Wow and sickness and yeah.
Speaker 4:And so that happened, and so.
Speaker 2:You said it and we got married.
Speaker 4:Southern comforts of poison I mean, you guys heard my testimony we got married 12 to 12. Yeah, so we were in a 12 step study, 12 years together.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 4:He.
Speaker 3:Wow, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2:No-transcript.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I love that 12s are everywhere with us, but he failed. He failed the first step study, and then he was in the backyard one day and I was at work, because you know, I just when you say failed the step study, he didn't complete it.
Speaker 2:He didn't complete it.
Speaker 4:Well, whatever, I knew that was the wrong word.
Speaker 2:I was like you can't fail a step study. You know what I mean it. He just quit coming.
Speaker 4:I was just seeing if you're on your feet I know I said it and I'm like I think that's the wrong word it's not a test people. I promise we're not giving people tests and celebrate recovery okay, I can't my comment and I knew it was wrong, but I didn't get her.
Speaker 3:We got a lot of words flowing right now, so I couldn't find the exact one so totally good, please uh strike that from the strike that from the records so what happened?
Speaker 4:there is um I. I brought him home. I just said look, we're gonna, don't worry about working, we're gonna, I'm gonna be the breadwinner. Well, I didn't say breadwinner, I said I'm gonna pay the bills I'm gonna handle it.
Speaker 2:You get your recovery right wow, yeah, you actually wow, wow. I'm just thinking about myself and if I was in Roy's position, newly married know that I need to make changes in my life.
Speaker 4:Well, that happened probably a little bit before we got married, but I just said, look, I'll be that.
Speaker 2:Because working for men gives them. There's this purpose. You're paying the bills. You're the man of this purpose. You're paying the bills. You're the man of the house. You're the so.
Speaker 4:No, we switched so.
Speaker 2:That can be very emasculating for a man, but he was good with that.
Speaker 4:We didn't have any choice. Amen.
Speaker 2:Amen. I mean, that's the horrible part, but it's not.
Speaker 4:Well, the demasculinization. Is that the right word? Like I didn't, I did that, so I'm doing that. It looks really kind and good yeah, you thought well, but I'm also controlling the money at that point completely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you turned into your dad and that's the sickness right there.
Speaker 4:Yeah, right, because I. Because I'm like I'm going to control this addiction.
Speaker 1:I don't think her intention was to emasculate him no, no Her intention was to create an atmosphere where he could find health.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm taking this burden off of you. Now you're ready to start changing your life.
Speaker 4:You just had a couple things going on there. Yeah, I was getting the need met that he wasn't drinking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the need met that he wasn't drinking and then he was responsible for for the kids. Yeah, okay, and so, okay, yeah, so he took was taking care of the kids the bus stops, the lunches, the school work, all that stuff.
Speaker 4:Yeah, the the other ones were in middle school and beyond, but gianna was still the baby in elementary. So he walked her to school. He did all that and sometimes he didn't make it through the day. But he did up to what he needed to do how did he look at the kids?
Speaker 2:because they that's what he did for me.
Speaker 3:That was their dad, for sure so you know, and we went through everything.
Speaker 4:we were a blended family. But and we went through everything, we were a blended family. But I mean we went through every single up and down and up and down and you know I'd be crying to church because he didn't always go, but you know I still took the kids, you know. So we went through a lot.
Speaker 2:Did he have kids from the previous?
Speaker 4:He has one son, and he was the same age as my oldest daughter. Okay, yeah, alejandro. Oh, I shouldn't. It's okay, so, yeah. So there was four, but we didn't always he's special needs, so we didn't always have him. It was best for him to be with the mama.
Speaker 2:Okay, getting the care that he needs. Yeah, yeah, yeah with the mama okay, and getting the, getting the care that he needs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bright kid just yeah, a lot of them liked his comforts. Yeah, you know, yeah, we were going through it, you know so um yeah it was probably better, you know.
Speaker 4:So, anyways, we just walked through that and um 12, 12, 12, you guys get married.
Speaker 2:And how long after, like in 13, did life start changing?
Speaker 4:no.
Speaker 2:March 20th 2015 okay, so a couple years okay yeah, so he.
Speaker 4:Uh, we managed to.
Speaker 1:We downsized and we Did you complete your step study. Yes, yeah, what did you get out of that?
Speaker 4:Growth. Come on healing. Healing, like everything you were talking about stuff.
Speaker 2:Did you ever?
Speaker 1:get to a point where you opened up about anything?
Speaker 2:Yeah, did you share about childhood or?
Speaker 1:was it just the buying. Yes.
Speaker 4:No, eventually I'm looking around the room going well. I guess I better talk about this abuse. Eventually, I'm looking around the room going well.
Speaker 3:I guess I better talk about this abuse, you know.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I guess I better talk about my waywardness as a teenager. Yeah, I guess I better talk about my control freakness. You know all the codependency that's generational.
Speaker 1:What happened when that step study was over? Did you continue to partake in the UCR that started?
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, I became ministry lead.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's how God works. I'm going to have to make you lead this thing, so you'll keep coming back and running it.
Speaker 4:It was crazy.
Speaker 3:I mean I actually looked behind me.
Speaker 4:So they invited us to a summit and Roy and I were together and they said, just, you know, as leadership, but they're like just to just come as a couple, just take a break. We had been going through it. Right, and so we're like.
Speaker 2:In 2015.
Speaker 4:No, this was right, like 2013.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 4:So they invited us just to come along. But you know, god just has amazing ways. And he invited us just to come along, but you know, god just has amazing ways, and then we just got.
Speaker 2:I mean, we went to 13 summits, yeah.
Speaker 4:And then he became.
Speaker 2:You went to the summit every year.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's cool.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so we and I think, that's special Lisa. Yeah, that's special Well we ended up on national stages, both of us.
Speaker 3:Really.
Speaker 4:We ended up on national stages both of us really. We ended up on the breakout session. It was like a luncheon for bcjc, yeah, so we ended up both speaking on those stages is that something that you guys got involved with right away?
Speaker 3:no, we had the bikes.
Speaker 2:If you guys don't know whoever's listening or watching, celebrate recovery has so many different ministries within it, but one of the ministries is bcjc, which is broken chains, jesus christ, it's the motorcycle ministry within celebrate recovery.
Speaker 4:Yeah, okay so what happened there is we had the motorcycles first because, as he got his recovery, I learned that he had that dream, like you know of riding yeah, well, he had a bike when I met him and then he had a crotch rocket. You know he had an r1 or whatever they're called. I think it's a honda, is it?
Speaker 4:a honda so yeah, red and white yeah and he wore full leathers and all that stuff. And, um, then I learned that he didn't let that go like. He's like oh yeah, I've always wanted a harley. Oh, my girl like okay.
Speaker 2:So then I'm a rider at heart. Well, right, so then I'm like well, I want to do that I'd see people.
Speaker 4:I'm like that wasn't a little kid thing for me either. I want to do that again yeah and so he was the first one, so we were in recovery. He was still. I think it was his third step study that he finally did not fail, he finally made it, he passed he passed.
Speaker 2:You're official now, honey, you're official. He made it through and then he ended up.
Speaker 4:He went on to lead, and all that lead them as well for the men yeah, so he was the guy that used to come in to aa and and look for the stamp right, so you had to get your little card stamped yeah and so he ended up being the stamper.
Speaker 4:That's how lord works right so yeah, god gave him everything and and you know now you know we're on year five that he went to heaven. But God wanted to make sure that he had everything possible for the years the locusts had eaten right, everything possible back. He had the girl, he had the family, he had the job, he was the big jefe they made him.
Speaker 4:He went from unemployable to you know to the big boss went from unemployable to you know, to the big boss, and that guy called me after roy had passed and said you know I was going to become a silent partner and give the whole company to roy because he didn't have a son. Wow, but he felt like he wanted. He needed me to know that and I'm like man my husband would never believe this yeah like he loved him that much, and so you know, roy got I love you god, yeah, I love you.
Speaker 4:He got everything back and I mean he just made that relationship work. So when once we got out from under the curse, right, yeah, um, yeah, I mean it was smooth sailing, we were best friends, you know we, yeah, I mean we were good. You know we didn't have any of that other stuff because we took it to god, I mean it was smooth sailing. We were best friends, you know we, yeah, I mean we were good.
Speaker 4:You know, we didn't have any of that other stuff because we took it to God first. So God was always first. So that's what self-recovery taught us. What's your order?
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:And so I used to tell Roy.
Speaker 4:And before he knew, I would say remember, you're always second. And he'd be like he didn't take it any kind of weird way, and I would just remind him yeah because that, you know, god was first in my life it's good lisa and so fast forward. When he got into recovery one day, just out of the blue, like we're in the living room, like he's over, I'm over, he's like you know god's first, you know you're second hey, just so you know you're second, you're second and I'm like now we're cooking with oil and
Speaker 4:so you know, celebrate recovery. Taught us to talk, communicate. He was a very good communicator, so so, and his whole thing was to make me safe you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:That's good. That's the one thing that you didn't have as a kid.
Speaker 4:And so he knew that and he knew I had the abandonment because, you know, I didn't have my biological father. I wonder where he went.
Speaker 2:Well, he helped you out when that whole thing was going on, when you were a kid as a teenager?
Speaker 4:Yeah, he tried, but you know what I mean, so he knew he knew so once you guys get together in your 40s or in 30s and 40s, he's like giving you that safety, the place where you can come home, and I just really made sure I'm like you know, I just want to make sure I tell you that I'm sorry, like after everything, after all this, you know all the dust settled right and everybody's in recovery at this point, because sometimes I leave and I'm like, yeah, oh, go to your little recovery class, like I am.
Speaker 4:Goodbye, you know, see you later yeah you know, but after the dust settled it's like God just made it beautiful, because we didn't. We didn't want to keep score, we didn't. There's a lot of things that just moved out. We wanted to give grace. I mean, that's how the whole thing started because, um, the true change for me as being a codependent. So one morning, like I mean I was at clockwork 3am, I'm gonna ream you right now for what you did the night before Clockwork.
Speaker 3:Really.
Speaker 4:He knew it was coming. So at year 12, we're married. Now, God's like you're not doing that this morning. You're going to give grace.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 4:And I'm like, no, I'm not. He's like, yeah, you are, because you know God doesn't say much words. I mean I only have like maybe five audibles my whole life. But he said who are you to dispense? When I gave it all from the cross and I was like, oh, now I have to do it.
Speaker 4:So I gave him grace that morning and Roy knew what was coming. I was like clockwork. I never missed a beat. You know I'm gonna hit you at 3 am, when you're just a little clearer. And uh, that wasn't that morning. I hugged him andi said today's another day. Wow, everyone. Uh, 24 hours a day, we take one day at a time. Hugged him, he didn't even know what to do. Yeah, uh, he just rolled over and I know tears came out of his eyes.
Speaker 1:Grace changes everything man, it sure does this guy right here. Man. He used to come home drunk and we'd talk him out of here.
Speaker 2:I'd be gone for two weeks, dude, and come home and just want expecting to get the boot or all my stuff outside, or whatever.
Speaker 1:His mom. We came home one night and his mom said, no, he got to go, and I said Not tonight. Yeah, we came home one night and his mom said, no, he got to go.
Speaker 3:And I said not tonight. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Not tonight. We're just going to show him some grace and tell him to go to bed. Yeah, and that changed everything. Yeah, man.
Speaker 4:God told me you know, because you know codependents think they need to work on the addict right.
Speaker 2:Change him.
Speaker 4:So, right. Like you need me, Lord. God's like, get so he got to get out of my way, yeah, and that same night, uh morning, and those morning hours that he told me that I needed to give grace. He also said can you? You need to get out of the way, Cause you can't see me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I got out of the way, so he can't see me.
Speaker 4:She was in the way. You need to get out of the way so he can see me. Yeah, yeah, you need to get out of the way because he can't see me, like Roy can't see.
Speaker 1:God, because.
Speaker 4:I'm in the way Wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So then, does God change everything? I mean, he changed so much like simultaneously, just in our interaction, how we handled everything, conflict, how we handled, you know, life's on life's terms, you know.
Speaker 2:Isn't recovery amazing? I love recovery and what it does for you and just the tools that you can get and how your life because the things that I've come into recovery for are not necessarily the things that God has changed in my life, oh yeah.
Speaker 4:I came in for shopping.
Speaker 2:I'm like dang God, but the changes that he's made, they're so fruitful. I've lost so much weight I'm actually able to love myself.
Speaker 4:Well, remember, the food's the last one man.
Speaker 2:I'm on that one too. We push it all. I'm like, okay, here's the shopping.
Speaker 4:Here's the abuse, here's the control. And then I'm like, dang, I still got a problem with those sandwiches.
Speaker 2:Everybody. Well, what do we do as?
Speaker 4:a church, let's get together and fellowship. What are we going to do? Eat, yeah, my husband said I put down the bottle, but I picked up the fork.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's real. Yeah, it's real.
Speaker 4:So the cool thing is, is this God?
Speaker 2:But I see you. I see you doing meal preps.
Speaker 4:I'm doing it right now.
Speaker 2:Come on girl, come on man. You got to Because you know we have to honor our bodies.
Speaker 4:So, like we've beat it up, you know so much along the line, right? I mean I topped out at 299. I didn't want to cross the line.
Speaker 2:I was 349. I didn't want to get to 350.
Speaker 3:I didn't want to cross the line, so then it took eight years to lose almost 100 pounds.
Speaker 4:Come on, sis, so it's like, but I know God wants that because there has to be longevity here right, it's a lifestyle. For the kingdom right, we have to honor our bodies, and so that's a whole you know nether story. God's just taken this time. So it's been almost five years. Well, not almost, we're like eight months shy of five years. That roy went to heaven, but what he's done there is, he just keeps on sanctifying me and working, and working, and working, and it doesn't stop no I mean I'm just like wow, okay, I need to work on that.
Speaker 4:I mean I always say, like I'm the most unwidowy widow ever, like I, just I don't the word widow. You know that whole thing. I kind of got hooked up in that for a while. But God had to teach me that. Then he gave me the gift of singleness. Then he had to teach me.
Speaker 2:I'm in the gift of singleness right now. Yeah, he had to teach me that.
Speaker 4:I mean I know this sounds weird and you know people have to read to understand. But I mean I've woke up crying because I'm like where's the part in the Bible where you become the eunuch, Like you know, like, but that third one is like you just devote your whole life to the Lord, right, and so you know God, he's just taken me through a whole process to understand like he's all that that I need and it is. It's been a process, I mean, because I was used to, I was used to roy there all the time, yeah, you know.
Speaker 4:And I always, even though I was younger, I always thought, well, shoot, I'm going first. Like he's so strong, I'm going first. No way, he's so strong, I'm going first, no way. And there's a little bit of selfishness, like I want to go first, like I don't want, I don't want to deal with all this right.
Speaker 3:This is your guys' stuff to deal with, and you know that's real.
Speaker 4:That's not what happened, and I mean I didn't know, I didn't he was going to be gone.
Speaker 1:What made you guys move here?
Speaker 4:We moved here in 2020. We had to leave California. Yeah, it was crazy, yeah, so then I pressured because I was in the mortgage industry. So I said we got to pull that house now because if we don't do it now we're going to get driven out of the market, because I knew people were leaving in droves. And so we kept the house in Cali. Then we secured the house here. But the way that God did that, he had us find the church first, which was Rock Point.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love it.
Speaker 4:And then, 1.9 miles down the road, is this house and there's 24 offers being placed and we were one offer. We just submitted one offer in Arizona and God had accepted. Wow In a time when there was multiple offers and very hard, and so I was like okay god took care of that and uh, yeah, we just got on the road and got over here. But when we got over here, you know he got sick. Well, he had stomach problems so then is that what well he?
Speaker 4:just we didn't know. We thought, oh fatty liver, or whatever. You know, we didn't know the drinking yeah but, he was um, he had elevated, uh, liver readings, but but I was like the doctor had told us like maybe a year before that. But I'm like, yeah, this guy just came off like the biggest bender ever of life, like, like you know decades of drinking.
Speaker 4:Of course it's elevated, you know. And so I think he got a little warning. But he wasn't drinking anymore. You know we're eating semi-healthy, but he couldn't really lose weight. He would just keep gaining it Damn yeah. So after we moved here, we got the diagnosis within two months that he had and it was, but because think about it we got called here we got called to do ministry here. Okay, so I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna pitch it out and say there wasn't anything spiritual going on right, so damn um.
Speaker 4:It was at the start it was a rare cancer, rare aggressive, um it was at the start it was a rare cancer, rare aggressive cancer, and it was just everywhere. Every single test we did, it was like, okay, now we have one place, now we have three places, now we have five places, now we have seven.
Speaker 4:And so he was riddled with it. And then they stopped doing tests at some point and they didn't want to do a liver test. But then they called it liver cancer. But I'm like you guys called it this cancer. But there was something in there that wasn't. The cancer wasn't running logically the way it would normally run. That they couldn't figure it out. So I don't know if we'll ever I mean I don't even know if I really care when I get to heaven to ask that question.
Speaker 2:I mean maybe you know, it's like you said man, you're called here and this, and with doctors saying this kind of stuff, it's spiritual, yeah, and I was just kind of a pollyanna about the whole thing.
Speaker 4:I was like, oh, he's gonna make it like he's. You know we're doing this it's gonna.
Speaker 4:It's all gonna work out. There's no way that he's gonna get his recovery. And now, now he's going to leave and I've, I mean up into the day, even though the doctors are telling me I'm still fighting. And you know, roy was a communicator, but he can't be. He became incommunicado and so he wasn't talking a lot and I'm like, dang, why isn't? You know, I had to write a journal after he left because I'm like, why didn't he talk to me? He was a leader, he was my leader here on earth, you know god first, but he was that and you know I was, you know that submissive wife and so um, and submissive is not weak, that's no, it's not right.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's a sign of strength, yeah you know he protected and made safe and and I'm I know, you know I'm the helper, and so you saying that means that he was a man worthy of being submitted so good, oh yeah, for sure it's a difference
Speaker 1:yeah if your man's not following god and not a good leader, that's not somebody you submit to the fact no, he treated me right. The fact that you're saying that leads me to believe that he was a man worthy of that for you, you know what I mean. For sure, and I also believe that God knew this was coming. That's why he moved you here. This was for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you needed.
Speaker 1:Rock Point, you needed to be here around the people that you're around. Yeah, because he knew this was coming.
Speaker 4:There's nothing to shock to God, I know. But, man, I took it to the last day, I just didn't know.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I just I refused. You know, maybe I mean that denial, but I was just trying to keep things positive, but I just saw it going, wow he had a really bad night. Okay, but maybe tonight's going to be better. But tonight never came, Wow so.
Speaker 2:What? But tonight never came. Wow, so what the heck? Yeah, 12, 28 he died in my arms.
Speaker 4:So damn, lisa. And after 21 years together I mean 37 known I mean we knew each other like, like nobody's business. I mean, god just brought this other element you know in in there to where I mean he was like my favorite person, still Like. I'm like man. That guy was so cool.
Speaker 2:You have to be best friends.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but you know, it was the same coming this way, you know, but we were exact, we were complete opposites, but that's where you know what they say Opposites attract yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know, I just think that we didn't get too hung up on the character stuff and you know the little things and we really just didn't annoy each other, we just kind of. I mean, it wasn't like you could just be yourself, and that's what made it beautiful glad you got to experience that man yeah, not everybody does but, you know when, when hold on.
Speaker 2:I have to ask you something yeah sure did she get mad at god?
Speaker 4:no, really, never, really never got mad even after can't wow, wow yeah because you easily, could have you easily could, I could have he freaking?
Speaker 2:just got into recovery. He just got right now. You take, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:Never got mad, wow lisa that's why I always say, like now, like I'm unoffendable, like you know, I just god grew me into this place, like I'm like, oh, no, yeah, tell me what you need to tell me, I'll take it I'll take it yeah but I don't know if I'm gonna pick it up as my opinion or how I feel. But hey, if I hurt you, you know, whatever the situation, unoffendable, just come that's it and that book's really good.
Speaker 1:It really is. So I've told two people in the last week.
Speaker 4:You're lucky, I'm slippery, nothing sticks oh, yeah, oh, I like that, so you can be yeah yeah, so I mean you get to a point in your life where you're like you just care does this really matter?
Speaker 1:like does it really matter? You must be. You must be about my age, because we just don't care yeah, like I'm like this, so doesn't matter.
Speaker 4:So you know that. Grace though. Grace is a beautiful thing because when you give it, it's just there and you know it puts that other person at ease, right, and it lets them know, no matter what, they're loved you know, and I just, yeah, I can't really like, I'm like you can come to me anything if you think you can't be, you know, because sometimes, oh, you're intimidating, you're this and I'm like I not I go, but have you ever tried to talk to me Like I'm just a one-on-one person you know Like.
Speaker 4:I'm just like that you know, and I mean, I can be in a group, of course, but you know, there's this other element there where okay, now we're talking.
Speaker 2:Personal connection. I want that deep, you know conversation.
Speaker 1:And yeah, god did all that Because before, courageous conversations are hard. Well, what Courageous conversations are hard?
Speaker 2:Sure are yeah. We call them courageous conversations around here, where you have to go and have the hard talks with the people, with the stuff that you usually avoid and the stuff you don't want. That's the stuff.
Speaker 1:Hey, we need to talk. There was a man here who's highly esteemed. He's a doctor, all these other things, and he's on the prayer team. So I went up and confessed something to prayer and then it seemed like after that things changed and I'm like what the hell Isn't that weird when people change. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4:Just because you were honest.
Speaker 1:But I went and asked him I'm like the Bible says this, is this what you're doing? And he's like no, glad I came and talked to you because that could have did something. You know what I mean. But if I always feel something, I'll always go and ask somebody, even if it makes them uncomfortable. I don't care, because I'm not going to let something stew in me and make our relationship bad, because I think you might be thinking something. I'm going to come and ask you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I lived too many years where certain people could get under my skin.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:And it doesn't even exist. Now.
Speaker 1:I'm like you know what that's your opinion or that's. And even if they were thinking that I just needed to know, because I needed to know, okay, I know where we're at now, yeah, but I also need to know if I'm just.
Speaker 4:Well, open communication is a good thing, it's when we start saying oh, this person asked them yeah you know you're not a mind reader yeah, you know it's a perceived.
Speaker 1:It's a perceived conversation we're having.
Speaker 4:Don't be making stuff up in your head you know, and that's another thing that god's done since you know, in these five years, is that he started regulating my emotions and because, you know, when you're codependent and just raised in the environment I had, you're just kind of anxious, you know, and you have all these emotions you know, you're kind of like sometimes you go back and forth between the toddler and the adult and he started regulating these emotions.
Speaker 4:He sat me in my backyard. He's like sit down, be still and know right psalms 37, 10, whatever. And so I'm like okay, he's regulating me, Like okay, I don't feel a certain kind of way about this now. And so, um, what happened? There is that at one day, at one point, I was like Lord, don't, don't take it all away. He's like I'm not, you, just you had enough, I'm just getting it back in line, and so love that, because I didn't.
Speaker 4:it's not that I didn't have that I needed to, I had my husband here, and so you know, I'm of course I'm talking everything, I you know, and of course I have accountability sponsor and all that stuff but you know I had to learn that. You know I need to take that to the lord because you know I need to take that to the Lord because you know it's and I knew this. But there's a difference when your person isn't there any longer.
Speaker 1:There's a song that talks about the words in it is be the Lords of my emotions.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And when we think about who can be the Lord of my life, we want to just give them aspects. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:You can.
Speaker 1:Lord over this. But you're not gonna be lord over this, you know, and emotions is one that people, a lot of times, they want to be in control of.
Speaker 3:Well, emotions and feelings and I mean feelings aren't facts.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and so I am an emotional person being, but I just don't dip into it. And it's like you know, because I kept on asking myself I'm like like when god sanctified me on this, I'm like, do I just not care anymore?
Speaker 2:Like what's going on.
Speaker 4:But I so care. It's just that he was getting it right and you know, I just I know when to say no. No is a full sentence, but this is all recovery stuff you know, and that sanctification, because I mean you can stay in Consumerville forever, okay and that sanctification, because I mean you can stay in consumerville forever okay, and then you're out there doing works. But you probably should read james and see if you're doing works with the right mindset right and then how many people?
Speaker 4:because everybody's in the outer court like how many people go a little bit, you know.
Speaker 2:Go to the inner court thanksgiving and praise, yeah so you do have to praise get you into his outer courts and thanksgiving gets you into the inner courts yeah, that's where I landed.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and he just started. You know, you go through these pruning seasons and I mean I had had a pruning pruning season before this of course I mean always, just down to the nubs like can I get a leaf?
Speaker 2:can I get one leaf um?
Speaker 4:so then you know, we go back through it and it's a different pruning because he, wherever he's taking me because I don't need to know. You know, jeremiah, jeremiah 29, 11, right.
Speaker 2:You'd run. Romans, romans, yeah, my head would explode. What are you doing? This is what you're doing with me. No, way.
Speaker 4:So you know Romans 8, 28. I mean I just go okay, you, you have the plan, I know you have the plan, just do with me what you need to do so I can be fruitful in where you're taking me. And I know that he had to get these emotions and feelings good. You know, I mean I've always, I've been defined by God for many, many years, you know, I mean I became a Christian in my twenties, um, but that's just exponentially grown more and more as I read about what he, who, he says I am. Because the world, you can tell you just a basket full of lies you know and just yeah, and none of that's true.
Speaker 4:You know you got to look from what that comes from you. You know if somebody's talking like that to you I mean there's just better ways to approach. You know some stuff, so it's like, okay, well, I may be, you know, I may be weak here, but you know I'm gonna work on it. I mean, I always take everything into consideration.
Speaker 1:I think we got to take a lot of what people are saying and look and put it back on them and see where you're coming from, a place somewhere that's not healthy. So you're trying to project that this direction, when really it says a lot more about you than it does me.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean, and it's so true.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I want to ask you something. Yeah, you have this jacket on.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We already talked about broken chains a little bit. Yeah, what's your role with broken chains?
Speaker 4:So and I've never asked for any role title.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I'm just here to do kingdom work. Yeah, so that's why God keeps promoting you Board member, nice, and then I'm a national, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So you know, I was POC.
Speaker 3:I moved up.
Speaker 4:We were leadership in California and then we helped grow California and then God called us to Arizona and now we're. You know, I'm here. I mean, that's one thing too that Roy and I talked about. I told him one time I always had these little one-liners. I'm like hey, if anything ever happens to me, the mission continues. Wow, Lisa and he would tell me, you too, so I didn't I was wondering, not only do we have the promise to our lord and savior. First and foremost, we had the promise to each other so the mission has to continue like for me to shrink back
Speaker 4:can't do that because god says for us to be bold, and you know, there's just a lot lepians 120 yeah, and I mean I'm I'm under mark 16, 15, right, we go spread the good news, you know. We go preach to all creatures, you're also.
Speaker 1:You also have a clothing thing I do hope dealer you want to talk about that a little bit?
Speaker 4:yeah, I mean hope, dealer. That was just so we could put some gas in the tanks and you and roy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that and get a meal and then really. Yeah, that's all just a side hustle.
Speaker 4:Get a little extra change, man, and yeah it turned into what it is yeah, and I just kind of, you know, like I mean I'll do face-to-face events, but you know, I just know, like right now, because we were a team on this and so there's times when I pull back. You know, the website's always there, you know.
Speaker 2:But what is that website? Yeah, if somebody wanted to go on hope dealer threads with a zcom yeah but first foremost I want you to go to Broken Chains.
Speaker 4:So brokenchainsjccom, that is the organization, nonprofit, and I mean we're just doing good stuff. We're out there in community engagement, outreach, just being the hands and feet of Jesus, you know, distributing Narcan, just so much um we, because, see, everybody can reach somebody yeah and it may be your specific story, your personality to reach that person. And so, you know, we just want to equip, you know, that's why we have these annual training conferences.
Speaker 4:We're on year three, the hope dealer conference great um to equip you, send you back into your community, to you know whatever evangelize you know, partner with emergency services. Um what else? Um Just you know the distribution of Narcan. I mean, we also. I'm also the secretary of motorcycle missionary, which is also that's Jeff Stoltz, ain't it?
Speaker 2:Yep yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so that is more we ordain. We ordain people that submit through the website and it's a pretty rigorous course and all that. So we do ordaining, and then we also do mental health certificates through Light. University. Great, that's awesome. Yeah, so there's a lot of education going, and it's not the word ordain that we use, but it's similar because I think that we had to change that, but it's still, you know, legit, it's legit program.
Speaker 1:So what were those websites again?
Speaker 4:Um bcjccom. Brokenchainsjccom.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 4:Motorcyclemissionarycom All right.
Speaker 3:And then Hope dealer threads.
Speaker 2:Threads with a Z com All right, and then Hope Dealer Threads with a.
Speaker 1:Zcom. All right, Anybody out there that's interested? Man, go check them out. Support this lady here and what she's doing and her ministries that she's involved in. Man, please do that for her.
Speaker 4:Yeah, there is one too. So with this, you know, of course, like I'm not going to sit, still God's not going to have me do that. So, cheryl Baker, oh yeah. In 2021,. She's the co-founder with her husband of Celebrate.
Speaker 3:Recovery.
Speaker 4:So what happened there? She's pulled all the widows from Broken Chains and Celebrate Recovery. For that year there was 12 of us.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 4:And we got in groups. That's crazy. They named it grief healing grief healing choices, and so I'm a co-founder of grief selling choices, and they run national zooms wow, yeah and we still meet. You know, but that that group right there, we already had the tools to know how to meet and we knew from covid yeah, and cheryl was, you know, just so smart on this. She's like she knew that she needed to get the widows together, so, and they have all different types of grief groups.
Speaker 3:You know going on.
Speaker 4:So estrangement, loss of a parent, loss of a child, you know. So it's all there on that um website and that's griefs um, um, healing choicescom.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah and uh, that's uh, I mean it's reaching people because you know, the grief is. Um, I run a Facebook live every Wednesday, but grief is that thing. Ain't none of us going to go to school for it. We're not going to go take a class. Hey, we need to take our grief class this weekend.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you passed.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:We're not going to just.
Speaker 2:Grief affects everybody differently. Man, Take your time.
Speaker 4:It's inevitable, we're either going to cause it or be the reason for it, and there's so many different. I mean job losses, grief, divorces, grief. You know all this. So many different. I mean job losses, grief, divorces, grief. You know all this, and so that is a way that you know. There's a book and you know a little like a study guide for that that just can help. I mean, that's what it's all about. So, like you know, like you said, you know, we get these childhood traumas on us right.
Speaker 4:And that's. You know when I'm talking Celebrate Recovery, recovery Alive. You know when I'm talking celebrate recovery, recovery alive. You know all the recoveries we get these childhood traumas on us and then we don't know how to deal with it and so it's so important that one you know each one of us that go through it.
Speaker 4:We go back and give our recovery away because they're going to listen to our testimony and then eventually they're going to listen to our testimony and then eventually they're going to listen to God Like, right, we might be the Jesus that they're seeing now, but later they're going to get farther into it. But it's going to relate to them.
Speaker 2:This is what happened. It's crazy. You say that because a couple of weeks ago, like last month, this dude, he goes here, here he works at intel and there's a dude, like a decade ago, that he was ministering to but like dude, got put into a different place at intel. And last month, april, I go to sun valley, gilbert, to do my testimony. Last month the dude who goes here ends up connecting with that dude at intel's. Hey, what's up, man, where you been? Dude tells him bro, I went to this thing at sun valley and this guy rowdy gave his testimony my I completely. And the guy's like rowdy, you know route and he taught because in my testimony I talk about LifeLink, he's all you know. Like Rowdy, there's only one Rowdy at LifeLink dude. And the guy's like this is crazy bro.
Speaker 2:But you never know who you can help or who you're going to reach when you go out and you share.
Speaker 4:That's right.
Speaker 2:And just to hear that was like whoa dude, you never know who's in that crowd and how god's gonna use it you know, and god, like god, made it clear to roy and I when we started traveling like the 99 are good come on.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you know when we, we, with god in the lead, that um celebrate recovery grew to 120 a week we had 66 volunteering and rotation. That's beautiful and we had at one point we had six step studies running at one time, and so you know I served there for five years, but I mean the work that, god You're not talking Rock, point.
Speaker 2:You're talking Cali. No, I'm talking Cali.
Speaker 4:So God just did amazing things. But it's like go out and get one more, one more, one more. He gave us the motorcycles before we even got out and hit the road for that. And you know, it's just so important because I can tell you, I can walk through plain clothes through a crowd. Nobody will maybe, maybe approach me, probably not, but I get off a bike and I walk through, you know, a crowd of people. There'll be some women like, oh, you know what, I'm going to talk to her. Maybe she knows. She looks like she would know, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I do know yeah.
Speaker 4:You know, and here's what God did you know, and so I mean. Nothing that's happened in my life is because of me you know, it's all because of him. Yeah, me. You know, it's all because of him he brought. I mean, I remember one time, you know, because you know I'm self-professed you know, professional codependent at that point, and I'm a master and the first time that I actually gave the situation. I can't remember the details on the situation, but the way that god figured it out, I going you are a genius.
Speaker 3:Of course.
Speaker 4:But I would have never thought that. But you know that's backing up right. Your ways are not my ways, right?
Speaker 2:He knows what he's doing. He's got it.
Speaker 4:But I remember just being like impressive, like yeah right, you do know what you're doing up there, like I never would have thought about that. I mean, it was just so crazy, like, but it was the start of you know what? I don't need to be in the. I need to be over here in the passenger seat.
Speaker 2:So I got to do you sponsor women. Yeah, you do, I do, okay, okay.
Speaker 4:I don't know how I mean God, that's all supernatural strength, but I do.
Speaker 2:But if we get any ladies who come through, here.
Speaker 4:Well, I'm sponsored up right now. I mean, I'm sponsored up right now. I do the rules.
Speaker 2:So you're over at Rock Point, that's who you're sponsoring.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I have a girl in Cali. That's good Okay.
Speaker 2:The second one was so you talked about your salvation in your 20s and surrendering your life to God and how things started to change there. But I heard you say a line about five audibles. You said there was about five audibles that you actually heard God's voice in your life. Oh yeah, can you? Basically, what I would like to know is just a cool encounter that you had with God that was life changing or so memorable that you would like to share with us.
Speaker 3:Of course, yeah, cause.
Speaker 4:I know you have them, I do I know you do.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I know, and I'm always careful about the audibles because, like you know, people get in that comparison thing which is a joy killer and they're like, well, I got an audible and I'm like I'm a hard head, like he had to do that, like he knew, yeah. So, um, yeah, when holy spirit speaks, right, I mean I've been down out on my codependency in recovery and then stuff still keeps alive, still keeps on lifing, right, and you know, the lord brought me to my knees and yeah, he had broken vessel plane. I mean I was at a place of you know a breaking point, right, and he just does it. You know, he just tells you like everything's gonna be okay and work it out for the good right, like, stay in it don't give up his words are short and you know they're not a lot like he
Speaker 2:doesn't he doesn't need to explain himself I mean it could be like like that, stay in it.
Speaker 4:Yes, yeah, yeah, it's gonna be okay, you know what I mean. So, yeah, those that moment, I mean with that music playing. It's 2 am in the morning. I don't know how I'm up at 2 am in the morning, but I got called to the floor on your knees crying yep sobeping. So the way that I know that Holy Spirit's in it because I was just going through it. The way that I know the Holy Spirit's in it is it's not crying, it's sobbing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a wailing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, just that sob, like that deep sob from your soul, oh God.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 4:And I mean Presence of god brings you there, yeah, yeah, I mean you can have all this, you know, and I get it. I mean I always lived verses and then I read them like cool, I totally did that right, I was doing that totally did that right, nailed it, um. But. But I'm holy spirit led and so there's a whole difference. Like I'm not the theologian, I'm not, you know. I'm like, okay, what holy spirit? Like, how do you want me to go?
Speaker 4:like you know, there's chills, there's there's all these things that happen and I'm like yeah, timing, right, there's timing, that's that's a thing right. Nothing is by coincidence and um yeah, this is how I operate, I mean, I've been.
Speaker 3:He speaks to us all, oh yeah, yeah, and in our own way that we know and understand music is a big one for me he calls, calls me dude sometimes.
Speaker 2:Dude, hey dude, what's up? Brother, you shouldn't have talked to her like that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:He knows how to speak to us man Dudes, we have to know and be quiet enough to listen. And when you hear that thing and you know it's not you, I don't talk like that you know, what I mean.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, when he says this one for such a time as this like what. I would talk like that.
Speaker 2:That was the old King James. Usually it's in writing and I'm like why would I say that word?
Speaker 4:But I know and I can tell when I write, when he takes the pen, like you know, because I'm posting but I can tell I'm like, oh okay.
Speaker 2:What do?
Speaker 4:you want to say, lord, what do you want to?
Speaker 2:say Do you write only like that when you post, or do you journal and write? Do you have pages of writing?
Speaker 4:I have. I wrote a book on grief but I haven't gotten it through kdp or whatever the amazon publishing yet, um, but you feel led to um, yeah, it's done.
Speaker 4:But I reread it the other day and I was like I was just very, I might you know, very matter of faculty, so I don't know I, and I was like I was just very, I might you know, very matter of faculty, so I don't know. I mean, I was working through some stuff so that my you know, my personality didn't show as much. I think I was just being like this is, you know, very factual and what god has done. So I don't know, I'm still that's a work in progress. But you know god's giving. I always think, oh, what subject are we working on now, lord?
Speaker 4:because he's giving me so many subjects that I could write on anything, so I don't um, I mean I journal when things you know, when I'm led to journal, but I mean you're catching the journal and you know, some people are like oh my gosh, I go just keep scrolling, I go just block, just block me, I don't care.
Speaker 2:You're missing out on wisdom if you block there, I go if you don't want to if what I say, I go, you know.
Speaker 4:And really that goes to like, if you need to tell me something, cause you get a check in your spirit, tell me. But I know, when you know it's going and flowing and I'm like, cause sometimes I'm not even thinking that I'm talking about what I'm talking about, you know. So, holy Spirit, yeah. So I'm like, what do you need? You know, what do you need to say, you know, and it's always, it's always something good. Right, it's always about fruit, or you know wisdom, and I just think that you know us as a just a whole, like where do we get our that from? You know, and and I mean believers, non-believers, I mean, if you're still in consumerism, you're still there, you don't know? Yeah, you know, but you have to get get outside of yourself and start serving.
Speaker 4:That's the best thing you can do, man, is get out of the seat.
Speaker 2:Start doing something. That's when you begin to take ownership.
Speaker 1:Yeah it becomes your church. Yeah, I told my pastor one time I said I said it became my church when I got out of the seat.
Speaker 2:Start doing something. That's when you begin to take ownership. Yeah, it becomes your church.
Speaker 1:I told my pastor one time. I said it became my church when I got out of my seat.
Speaker 2:He's like you're not taking any TVs, dude.
Speaker 1:Don't take it.
Speaker 2:I'm like We've had people he's like I literally had a guy come and take a TV Because of his time. I paid for it.
Speaker 1:I'm not taking nothing from the church pastor.
Speaker 2:People are crazy dude.
Speaker 4:Yeah, serving, because you know I was so unchurched, even though I had my grandparents when I was looking around when I came in. You know, because I came in through Celebrate Recovery. Technically, I mean, we went to church, but that's when it got really really good.
Speaker 4:And so I was all okay like everybody here is like paid by the church and I didn't understand. Then I saw the pastor walking in with all the food and I'm like, why do you pick up the food? Like I thought, well, he must have people that are paid that pick up the food. And then it took me. I think I had to bug him for about a month and a half and then he finally gave us the food and we kept it for three years, four years. Roy grilled.
Speaker 2:And or three years, four years, roy grilled and I went to costco oh yeah, I love that. And when roy was absent, I love that because he was having a moment.
Speaker 4:You did it. I grilled and none of my brothers could come take that grill from me, I'm like nope, I just need to grill.
Speaker 2:This is what I need to do right now but that was part of my, you know, it was your service j Jesus was on that grill when I was growing because Roy went out, come on.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it was a crazy dynamic. The brothers were trying to take it to me, I go. You can't, you got to, let me do it.
Speaker 2:Amen, that's awesome.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so it was just that whole recovery, just going through recovery, you know, and being in the like the nuts and bolts of it was life-changing, you know I can totally see you just trusting god.
Speaker 2:Um, and a lot of, almost all of your posts, I get hope. That's what I feel from you is just hope. But then I'm like hello hope threads, of course, yeah but that's, I mean, that's not my focus.
Speaker 4:I mean, remember that was just to grab a meal here and there.
Speaker 3:But what?
Speaker 4:happens is people start wanting quantity and all that. But I mean it really is. I mean, you know, I have it on my cut right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I mean we need to do that, Like if people don't have hope in this world, then the world's gotten really really dark. And we are in really dark places right now.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And yeah, people need hope.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Like I mean, think about the kid or the young kid that is getting abused and has all the abuses, but she doesn't have anywhere to go, you know we need to be that, that steady, consistent person saying, hey, it's gonna be all right because, see, when I become like, oh, I would never imagine. I would never imagine. Oh, my good god did exactly what he wanted to do you know I'm unrecognizable now because of the work that God's done and he's not done yet.
Speaker 1:It's real good, yeah. Without hope, those who struggle will perish. Without hope, yeah. There's no hope at the end and they give up. They quit fighting.
Speaker 4:I want to see everybody go to heaven.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, yeah and.
Speaker 4:I mean I've been called to that, to you know. Share that good news and say, look what the Lord did Like, don't you know I get it. Maybe you sit down and you can't read the Bible, but you know, maybe you can listen to the Jesus story in me and take time to learn. You know, because I mean it is a learning thing. I mean I came in on King James.
Speaker 1:You said something earlier that stuck with me me and I'm probably going to make a shirt out of it. What it said the 99 are good, and I think we as believers forget that we don't need to be preaching to each other. Oh right, we're all saying well, I like to call it like folded up on top of each other.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like folded right yeah not like a fitted sheet, but like just folded, like we need to go out and tell other people yeah and I mean our job is to populate heaven yeah, that's our job and if we're already preaching to people that are populating heaven, we're not really adding new people to heaven that's right, you know what I mean and I'm preaching to myself because me and him used to do street ministry.
Speaker 2:I love you, buddy, get your ass back in the prisons and the jails. He's called to those people.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I mean I'm down at the zone on Sundays, so that's the bridge. Yeah, and I'm down there and you know, sometimes the Lord has me speak.
Speaker 1:We used to have a food bank account and we used to go to parks and have outreaches and feed people. It was a lot it was, but we were trying to do it ourselves without God in it, and we did it for a long time without God in it and it was exhausting.
Speaker 2:Well, I think the Lord was in it, it was just more us.
Speaker 3:He would show up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he'd bring us one, at least one every night, but I miss doing that kind of stuff, that stuff to me was far more fruitful and rewarding than sitting behind a camera on a Sunday making sure people are getting to see the service.
Speaker 4:Well, it's crazy to me.
Speaker 1:Not that that ain't needed, no right.
Speaker 4:I mean, yeah, I mean we don't need any cotton candy.
Speaker 2:We have a ministry in the church. We have a ministry in the church. We have a mission in the world. We are all called to do something in his house, to serve, and then we're all called to something in the world.
Speaker 4:Well, I mean, look at the storylines that God's given me to be able to speak about. I mean I can be down there at the zone and say, yeah, my husband was out here, yep and so you know, in cali, not here, but he was out here. That's not the way the story. I mean, yeah, roy passed away, but he had, he had the hell. You know those are material things, but I remember him telling me the only thing I wanted when I was out there was an rv.
Speaker 2:Well, he got the rv you know what I mean, but he just wanted just the rv, you know.
Speaker 4:But those are just material things, but I I do believe, like you know, god just took care of all that you know, every single thing, just for the years the locust had eaten yeah, man yeah, what are you hoping for in the future?
Speaker 2:what do you believe in god for?
Speaker 4:what am I believing god for?
Speaker 2:do you want to get married again? Do you believe in God? For what am I believing God for? Do you want to get married again? Do you want? Are you? Is there any belief or hope for that?
Speaker 1:That was something behind that laugh.
Speaker 4:Um, I'm a runner. Uh, I'm just gonna keep on doing kingdom work, doing what you're doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what does that look like?
Speaker 4:So I mean, Ruth is in the field right working. Come on, yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:So obviously, with what you're doing with, like, broken chains and all these other things, you still have ideas of what God has for you and what you want to do, what you want to accomplish. What does that look like?
Speaker 4:Well, it's definitely something with housing, Ooh really that's our heart.
Speaker 3:We want to have homes.
Speaker 2:We want to open up men's homes. Speak Life is a 501c3 nonprofit. I'm single. I was in a men's home. I know how to run men's homes. That's my heart is to reign and train up disciples through men's homes.
Speaker 4:Well, I just don't think that God gave me my skill set that I have, so I was career underwriter for 25 years.
Speaker 2:Mortgages Government underwriter, Wow.
Speaker 4:And then now I'm in public housing Nice so I'm the eligibility for that. But God's going to use that at some point. I don't know how, you know. Well, I mean it's kind of self-explanatory, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it's going to be for homes that help For sure, come on, man, come on, we'll be getting hold of you in a couple years, it's just the finances.
Speaker 4:Well, yeah, right now it's not, it's just the money, yeah, yeah, so everything that I look, everything that I experience in life is just a teaching, you know.
Speaker 3:It's a lesson.
Speaker 4:So if I'm not getting a lesson off of it, you know, then maybe I'm not paying attention because of the lesson in everything.
Speaker 2:I love her. She thinks everything's a test you are a smarty.
Speaker 3:You know what. You know what. You're great dude.
Speaker 4:You know what will happen, so god will take you through the sanctification. So he did this to me right 10, eight months in my backyard sitting in the chair. Then I go okay, I think you know he pulled me back from all events and I'm like, okay, I think I'm good, I'm gonna go out again. So I went to um it wasn't a P8, but it was a meet and greet here in Phoenix and I went to that. And then I went back and sat myself down for another two months because I'm like no, ready. So that was 10 months. But you know what he does once he brings you through sanctification, then he tests you and he's completely quiet.
Speaker 4:And it's like seeing if the work stuck because he knows your human nature, like did it stick? Did she really? You know was she? And I don't even think it's so much for him because he knows the outcome, it's for me to understand that it's stuck Right. So you know, and I had to tell a friend the other day, I was like, well, it's like God's just not saying nothing and I'm like, well, well, the teacher's always quiet in the test, you know.
Speaker 2:so you know he did bring me through that and he's like it was more like hey, lisa, look it's stuck. Was this 10 months after roy? Oh, wow, yeah, because it's a time just to process the time to feel I got laid off oh, so I went through all that oh, my god one year to the day I got laid off and I mean are? You kidding me, december 28th of well, no february, that's two.
Speaker 4:Two february 2nd of one year later, I got laid off like it was literally like you're laid off and I mean they had different rungs of layoff and you know, by now it would have happened. Like it was literally like you're laid off and I mean they had different rungs of layoff and you know, by now it would have happened anyway, but it was the timing. And then I said, huh, what am I going to do? And then I said you know, I was like I took it to the Lord and okay, I'm taking off a year and a half. So I took off a year and a half.
Speaker 2:Amen.
Speaker 4:Thank God you. I took off a year and a half. It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy, but God made it work. And then eventually I went back in. But I went in public housing because I decided I don't want to write people in mortgage poor right now and I think that that was just more of my heart to help. And you know it's for future stuff that's going to go on. So I just you know I'm just doing kingdom business. That's why I go on, yeah, yeah. So I just you know I'm just doing kingdom business. That's why I got a one track mind.
Speaker 4:Amen and I like it, like that, you know and I, just, whatever he unfolds is where I'm going to go, Amen.
Speaker 1:That's good, that's really good. You said something walking in that you're a follower, so just keep following Jesus.
Speaker 2:Keep following Jesus. He's leading you somewhere. Amazing, I do.
Speaker 4:Sometimes you know we get in those things like, oh, is it stagnant.
Speaker 3:But he's just preparing you for you know, or it's coming.
Speaker 4:And you know, I've always learned that any delay is protection.
Speaker 1:Or rest, yeah, or rest for what's coming.
Speaker 4:I mean, I've been to know that. Just go, go, go, go go. And then I get really sick. So you know, I got a couple of years ago. God sat me down like in a hospital while I'm traveling for five days and I'm like, but I wasn't slowing down, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So you know, that's what that's. You know. I hit the gate running after because I was just doing all the things I knew when. Roy passed away, but you know, that's what that 10 months was for. Slow me down.
Speaker 1:If there was somebody that was listening and you had one thing that you'd want them to know, what would you want them to know?
Speaker 4:One thing.
Speaker 1:Just one thing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that Jesus loves you yeah amen, I, I mean, it's that simple, yeah and yet so much yeah because when you get a hold of what god says, what he did, how he sent his son for everything that he knew you were already going to do, and you start really believing that it's not a fairy tale, it's not a make-up, you know.
Speaker 3:It's not a story. It's not a book to control society.
Speaker 4:I mean it was God-breathed. And when you pick up how much he loves you, and I mean you can only just be thankful.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I mean.
Speaker 3:The love of God.
Speaker 4:Thankful and grateful for every single thing that he does, because I'm nothing without him.
Speaker 2:Amen, nothing Amen. Any good you see in me is him Exactly yeah.
Speaker 4:I mean we can't brag about one thing? Yeah, I can't, because, you know, everything that I am is because of him yeah and that's where I didn't understand, as a kid, who where to go. Yeah, we were supposed to be like other people, or you know. Okay, clean up, let's not let them know we're living like hell back here.
Speaker 3:You know look good.
Speaker 4:You know perception.
Speaker 3:Yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 4:But it's perspective Right, but we have to have that, we have to understand what was done at the cross.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 4:Right, yeah, yep. And then everything changes Because we don't move like other people. Right, because Yep. And then everything changes because we don't move like other people. No, right, because we're free and we know Like we don't go. Oh well, shoot, I can get rid of it, I can do this whole list of things because you know I'll just repent. We get changed and we want to be obedient.
Speaker 4:Help us, god, yeah, we don't want to be in that cycle. That's not what that's about, and I hear that sometimes out there on those posts. I'm like nah. That's not. Oh, so you can just say sorry. Yeah, you know, yeah, you can go do what you want and say sorry. That's not what this is about. It's about obedience and about being out here working the field. Yeah, right.
Speaker 1:For the one.
Speaker 4:I think people get apology and repentance confused oh, you can say you're sorry all day long, but do you know why you're sorry?
Speaker 1:being sorry is oh, I got caught. I'm sorry, yeah you weren't gonna say nothing repentance is turning from you know I mean it's turning from your way and following Jesus. There's a difference man, it's not just apologies, so you can keep doing what you're doing. Repentance is turning from and going a different direction.
Speaker 4:Well, I mean, people just don't want to give up their freedom. But they miss the point that there's total freedom.
Speaker 2:They think it's freedom. Oh, I don't want all these rules.
Speaker 4:Right, Because you know there's two. The road is narrow, and then we got, the roads have the same one, the wide one and the narrow one. It's just whether you're going to partake you know, so you still have to go down the wide road, but on the narrow road the same stuff still exists. So are you going to be obedient?
Speaker 1:is the question.
Speaker 2:Amen, that's good lisa yeah obedience over sacrifice yeah first samuel 15 22, I had to go to bible college he didn't have to dude. I crossed the stage in year one, shook my pastor's hand. I'm like I finished. He's all, you're just getting started. But I was like oh, what? So we're gonna put you through a work-study program, we're gonna give you bible college, we're gonna hire you on. You're gonna be in here for a while, okay, it's funny how that works, god knows what was like the, the cr leadership thing.
Speaker 2:It was like, hey, we want you to start a cr here. It's like, okay, what am I? But now, being on the other side of it, it was like, oh god had to make me a leader, so I had to be here so I could get my recovery, because if I wasn't in the position I'm in, I wouldn't have been coming every week.
Speaker 1:I know, know me, we were doing CRs before we had the CR here, and that's what it was like.
Speaker 4:We would go to the big meeting and, as soon as it was time to go to small groups. We're gone, deuces. I see those people. I'm like hmm.
Speaker 1:We literally left one time. Yeah, and a car wouldn't start, dude.
Speaker 3:We're in the parking lot and the car. And so what do we say? I'm like, oh my god if you'll start my truck. I'll stay for small group next time like whoa alright so you guys have had those car.
Speaker 1:Things happen too yeah, we stayed for small group.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as you should you never left you always kept on going after that, right I mean you can't have a supernatural experience you gotta keep coming back. Once I went to my first small group.
Speaker 1:It was. Now I just go, I go to them, you know, I mean small groups is where it's at, but I had but I had to get to that first one in order to know, oh wow okay, and the funny part was I think one of them was at rock point oh yeah and I see this big burly tattoo guy sitting across from me bawling and I'm like, oh it's okay to cry.
Speaker 1:We can do that, yeah because I'm from the group where you don't cry, you don't show no emotion, don't do and here's your man this guy looks like me bawling and I'm like all right, I couldn't wait for my turn I'm like yeah oh my back.
Speaker 4:I just think that's not natural, Like men just don't. But that's what the beauty is is that you have a safe place.
Speaker 1:Right, it was in them small groups that I knew that I could talk about the crap that I could talk.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 3:No judgment, you know what I mean, you know.
Speaker 4:I got asked the question just then. Maybe you think a certain way kind of way about a person. I go man. When they get off that stage and they told that story, all I see is strength, all I see is bold, all I see is the Jesus story in them. I don't care about. Like that's what the Bible says. Like don't worry about the past things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Like he's already sprung up something new.
Speaker 1:Don't worry about the past things, yeah.
Speaker 4:Like he's already sprung up something new. Yeah, right, and you know that's good. That's the beauty. Like we don't see that. That was, that was before you know, in a, in a society that holds all your I see a gal.
Speaker 1:I see a gangster walking off stage. Yeah, I'm like, dude, you're a G, you get up there and talk about that and share that in front of people. You're a gangster. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and then it gets easier and easier. And then, it gives you more stories and more stories, but I mean, it's like no, there's no judgment.
Speaker 1:Like really all I do is see strength in the person. I still get nervous when I go with him, when he shares his, because I'm the dad that smoked dope with his kid. You know what? I mean oh yeah and he's all. Yeah, my dad's over there. Raise your hand, daddy. I'm the dad that smoked dope with his kid. Don't get high with your kids.
Speaker 2:man, I still get this cringe inside.
Speaker 4:Don't get high with your kids. Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 2:It's special, though, man, we used to get high together. Now we're serving God together. For a brief moment I had this cringe of yeah, I was that dad.
Speaker 4:But that's real, it is. At least you brought it home, it don't?
Speaker 1:bother me. I just get this little cringe inside.
Speaker 4:He said do it.
Speaker 2:I mean I wanted to have those parents.
Speaker 4:I was like, because I have friends with those parents, man, they're so cool, they buy me alcohol.
Speaker 1:All his buddies thought so too. They all called me pops.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Buy me alcohol. We're getting high at Rowdy's house.
Speaker 1:It was an old thing, man. It was not good, it was not good.
Speaker 2:I know, but as kids. When we see them, we're like my parents are cool, my parents love it. Yeah, my parents, yeah, yeah. Oh, my god dude, thank god for new life man jesus I love it that he makes us new now we're the church son and father, so that's much better.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's awesome, so much better yeah I, I went to this thing when, like I was at target or whatever, and they mommy, mommy, there's that church lady. I'm like church lady Really. Yeah, but I wasn't prepared Like oh yeah, I am her.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so, cool.
Speaker 4:That's good. I mean, he makes us unrecognizable right.
Speaker 1:The good part is, like his younger brother he was talking about, they had the trauma with the dumpsters, all they, the younger brother he was talking about that, had the trauma with the dumpsters.
Speaker 2:All they know now is dad that goes to church, that's right. Dad's at celebrate recovery, dad's at church.
Speaker 1:That's all they have recording a podcast and we talk, when we bring up old stories like, oh, I remember that, so now it's something that's not in their memory. It's still there, but not something they think about now. They just think about dad that does church.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Generational curse breakers yeah, come on.
Speaker 1:I'd love that God replaced those memories with these new memories of this new dad. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4:Yeah, Roy used to say he would look at the grandchildren and he'd be like they'll never know him.
Speaker 3:They'll never know that guy. Oh, that's beautiful.
Speaker 4:And I love that and that's what Celebrity Curse is. It's 50% for the son and then when he brings it out to his family then it's like what a quarter. I mean yeah. It just gets less and then it's eradicated and I love that I'm so thankful.
Speaker 2:I never had kids with any of the chicks or any of the. They would have got a horrible dad. Now, me being where I am and learning, you don't know that that kid could have changed you oh no that that could have good change your life. You know I mean sometimes they don't sometimes all I know is my kids are gonna get a great dad, a great dad. I can't wait for kids.
Speaker 4:As long as you know, everybody's pointed to God.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, that's what counts.
Speaker 2:Amen, just being second Thank you so much, Lisa, for coming and sharing.
Speaker 4:You're welcome. This is really good.
Speaker 1:Thank you for having me You're a hoot man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, You're a hoot. I know you guys enjoyed this man.
Speaker 1:Let me.
Speaker 1:Pray for you, man, pray for you, yeah, yeah, oh man, thank you, god, man, god, you're such jesus, amazing, amazing god, and we just love you, lord, and we just, we praise your name, we give you honor and praise today, god, and we just thank you that. Oh, you love the broken people, god. Yes, you love those who go through trauma. You love those who go through hurt and you never leave those who go through trauma. You love those who go through hurt and you never leave those who are brokenhearted. God, and I thank you for that. And, lord, I just praise you for what you've done in your daughter, lisa. God, lord.
Speaker 1:I thank you for the story that she shared today, god, of how you brought her out of these things. You brought her to recovery, god, and you changed her and you reshaped her mind and her heart, and it's something beautiful that just loves and seeks after you, father, god. So, lord, I just thank you for everything that she's involved in right now. God, lord, we thank you for broken chains. Uh, lord, we thank you for the hope dealer, peril. God, we just pray blessings over all these things.
Speaker 1:God, whatever that she's a part of god. Everywhere that her feet touch, let it it be fertile ground. God, lord, we pray that as she encounters people, that they are not intimidated by her motorcycle jacket or that she rides a Harley, but they'll see the love and the light that shines out for her God and that'll be drawn to her to ask her you look like this, but you also look different somehow, what is up with you? And she'll be able to share you with them, god. So I thank you, lord, that you're creating an atmosphere around her God where people will want to be drawn to her and have conversations with her God, because she is ultimately your mouthpiece, your hands and feet, god. And so we pray, lord, god, just for the words that she may need to encourage people, god, when she encounters them. Just let her words be so uplifting and stir hope and faith in people.
Speaker 1:God, lord, we just praise you for all that you're doing, god. Anything that she's going to do, god, that you have planned in her heart, we just pray that there's blessings on it. God, give her new things. God, keep her focused on you. She says she's just chasing after you, god, and whatever you're leading her to next, god, and we pray that these things are just fruitful, that they are for kingdom, god, and they will just be life-changing. God, whether it's new ministries or old ministries or whatever it is, god, just let it be a season where things are multiplied and fruit is drawn from it. Lord, and we just thank you again for such an amazing story. God, thank you. I love, I love, I love that you just chase after the broken God, that you see us, that you love us and that you're just waiting for us to turn from our ways and acknowledge you, god. So I pray, lord, god, you continue to speak to your people. We love you and we praise you in the mighty name of Jesus, amen.
Speaker 3:Amen.
Speaker 2:Lisa, do us a favor. Man, will you pray for? Speak Life, pray for a podcast, of course.
Speaker 4:Yeah, father, god, I just come to you, we come to you. Tonight, we're two or more gathered in your name, lord, I just ask for a blessing to be placed over Speak Life, az. I just ask for a blessing to be placed over Speak Life, az. I just ask that these mics are used for your glory, lord, for the kingdom work at hand. That these stories reach farther than we could ever dream of reaching, lord. That there are just people out there that need to hear hear about you first and foremost, but hear about it through these stories, lord. Thank you, lord.
Speaker 4:I just ask that you anoint Rowdy and his dad from their head to their toes to be able to do this. That you bring the right words, the right scripture, the right stories, the right people that are walking through the door, because we know, lord, that the world needs to hear. I just ask that you guide their steps, that you are their will is the only thing that they want to step to. They don't want their desires, they want your desires, lord, and that those doors swing open wide on where they need to step. Lord, we just lift this up in your holy, mighty, powerful name, jesus, amen.
Speaker 2:Jesus man. I sure hope you guys enjoyed this podcast. Um, wherever you're listening or watching from um, please like, subscribe to the channel. Man, follow us. You'll get all the uh future notifications or upcoming podcast episodes. Uh, maybe you yourself got a really cool testimony or you know somebody who has a cool testimony. Um, have a messenger us through social media facebook, instagram. Speak life az. All one word. Um. I'll get back to you through messenger. Um, if you can and you're in a place where you can actually sow a seed and support the show, um, please support the show. Man. We can. We need all the help we can get. Uh, also, if you can go on and comment, even just type Jesus one word. It helps with the algorithms and getting seen out there with all the stuff behind the scenes. But until next time, we're going to continue to speak life AZ. God bless you.
Speaker 1:Jesus you.