Identity Alignment & Decluttering Your Mental Load

This episode dives into the power of Identity Alignment, a practice for those who are ready to make a transformative shift toward their big dreams and potential. If that sounds like you, this episode is for you!

This conversation explores the concept of Identity Alignment as a continuous commitment to living authentically in harmony with your desired identity. 
The key? 
1.) Taking a closer look at your life, priorities, and habits through taking Self-Inventory.
2.) Identify and replace habits that weigh heavy on your mental load. 
3.) Understanding how the actions you take rewires your brain.

By actively working towards your goals and toward Identity Alignment, you're not only building new habits, but also rewiring your brain to support you!

Let's discuss the neuroscience behind the process, where small, consistent changes lead to HUGE transformation. As you align your actions with your desires, your brain rewards you (we talk about how!), subconsciously reinforcing your commitment.

This conversation is more than just an episode; it's a practical guide to kickstart your personal development journey. From clearing mental clutter to setting the stage for positive changes, Tessa leaves you with actionable steps and a roadmap for lasting transformation. 

Tune in, take notes, and join the journey to a purposeful, aligned life!

Don't miss out—hit that subscribe button and let's embark on this journey together!


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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Hello, my loves, and welcome to the Purposeful Lifestyle Development Podcast, where we discuss all things thought, work and manifestation, but we use neuroscience and the study of the brain to do so. I'm your host, tessa Spizak. I'm a board-certified practitioner, master, life and health coach and seasoned executive speaker. If you're ready to create your highest value lifestyle and turn your dream life into a reality, you're in the right place. Let's get right in to today's episode. Hello, hello, my loves. Thank you so much for spending your time with me here and welcome in to our new season of the Purposeful Lifestyle Development Podcast. If you're here with me every week, I so appreciate you being here, and if you're new, welcome in. Don't forget to hit subscribe so that you never miss part of our conversation. But you know, this is actually my second time recording this episode. I had finished and was about to send it off to get edited and posted and, I don't know, it just didn't work out. So here we are again. Maybe a bit more concise this time, but that is okay. I'm really excited to talk about this and I'll take it as an opportunity to strengthen my commitment. Good mindset shift there. Huh, how do we like that? But that actually is a bit in line with what I'm talking about this week, maybe even over the next few weeks, and that is creating an unwavering commitment to you and the promises you make yourself, allowing yourself to create a strong sense of what's called identity alignment. And this will be, in part, a how-to episode, meaning it's a really good idea that you listen when you can actually have a pen and paper or you're at your computer or at your favorite Notes app, so feel free to give it a listen now, even if you aren't available to do that. I know a lot of people listen when they're driving or out on a walk or something, but do make sure that you save it so that you can come back and write it out for yourself and actually do this exercise.

Speaker 1: 2:08

Something I talk about all the time, as you guys know, is taking inventory on yourself, taking inventory over where you are right now in life, what season you're in, what season you want to move into, and I talk about that all the time because it's so helpful and such a simple, useful tool for really getting a bird's eye view for where you are. And, as we all know, you can't know how to get to your next destination or where you're going without knowing where you are now. Think of a map. You couldn't even use that map. So that's what I'm talking about by taking inventory Again. It's like having a map Figuring out what your priorities are, figuring out what you want more of in your life, maybe what you no longer want, what is no longer serving you.

Speaker 1: 2:57

Sometimes those are things that are potentially what you needed at one time but now are holding you back either from what you want to do, who you want to be, where you want to go, but getting an idea of our habits, an idea of our responses and our thoughts about things, maybe the stories that we have in our head and deciding how or where or in what way we want to shift our focus or grow, what things we want to prioritize and reprioritize. And I want to add a note here this is something that I personally do regularly, something that I'm actually in the process of right now. This is definitely not me speaking from a holier than now perspective, whether this is to me and you here right. I did talk in my last episode about how I am in a transition season. For a while there I really did need a slower learn rather than create season, somewhat self introspective season, but now for me, that is over. I feel it. I'm listening to my own intuitive poll and it's really telling me that it's time for something new. It's time for me to move and grow and be in that growth season and create and build and just expect more on that front from myself. So what I'm doing is honestly just sharing what works for the people I work with, for myself, whatever whether you're in a transition yourself maybe you've been feeling stuck and you need a transition, maybe you have a big goal that you really need to focus on and get yourself right for, or even just the fact that we do have a new year coming up and we all want to be on top of our stuff as that comes around. Really use that new year energy to catapult us into what we want.

Speaker 1: 4:50

Whatever the case is, this is the best starting point for clarity, and we have to start by getting a little bit of introspect, asking ourselves a few questions. First, you have got to get clear on what it is that you want, and here's where you want to think about your own identity alignment. But let's talk about that real quick. What identity alignment is? I'll start by saying it's not something that you figure out one time. It's always changing and evolving for each of us, and I say that because it's also not something that you just do once.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Identity alignment is a practice, or I think we can even go as far to say is it's a lifestyle. It really involves living and acting in a way that your actions, your beliefs and the habits you create are really in harmony with the identity that you aspire to have and the person that you aspire to be. It's about living in a way that's true to your core values and in line with a person that you really envision yourself becoming. So that means you also need a clear vision of who you want to be and how you want to be, because the goal of identity alignment is creating that unwavering sense of authenticity, of fulfillment and purpose, because your actions are in line with your desired identity, with your higher power that you esteem, whatever you want to call it. So how do we get that? Well, it's a conscious, mindful and intentional effort to really live authentically and to be so grounded in your sense of self in a way that's really true to your core values and true to how you want to live, true to the principles you hold, and holding those as the most important thing and really being authentic to the person that you are becoming, trusting yourself to do so.

Speaker 1: 6:51

So ask yourself this what are some of the things that could be getting in the way of you achieving that identity alignment? The place I suggest you start, honestly, is look at the things that are keeping you up at night, the things that at the end of the day, you are saying to yourself like dang it, I didn't do it again. Or I did it again, and I wish I would just stop doing this. I wish I would quit doing this to myself, those nagging thoughts with those constant annoying reminders that we did not do what we said we were going to do, or we did the thing that we said we weren't going to, the thing that we kind of lied to ourselves a little bit and I don't say that to be harsh, but you guys know, one of my biggest lessons here is do not lie to yourself, do not lie to your brain. It teaches your brain not to trust you and just makes everything we effort at or try to put our mind to a lot harder. So start there.

Speaker 1: 7:46

The things that are weighing down your mental load the heaviest, the things that are kind of the daily like I'm kicking myself for this and your mental load. That's like that cognitive labor you do right, all the mental gymnastics that's always going on behind the scenes. This is really taking over your executive function and that's the part of the brain that helps you plan and decide and figure out what to do next. So a big part of being stuck or in that I know what I need to do, but I don't know how to do it right, it's when that mental load just gets too heavy. So let's figure those out first. What are the things that we can change now that are weighing the heaviest on your mental load and what are the stories that you tell yourself around them? So here are some examples. Think of things like this. These are some of the things that I've really been hearing regularly in my coaching and from the community. So we'll use these as examples, but place in what you're thinking about.

Speaker 1: 8:45

Again, I want you to be writing this list down. What are the things that are keeping you frustrated? For a lot of people, it could be something like a lack of sleep discipline, right, sleeping in too late, maybe then staying up too late having a cocktail or a glass of wine when you said you wouldn't do it because it's a weekday or maybe it's not planning ahead and eating the convenience food which makes you just feel really crappy and run down, or just kind of a general one here, a big one for a lot of us procrastinating, really putting off a project that we need to do professionally Really we're drawn to it professionally or a personal project that's really important to us, thinking about it every day and doing nothing about it. Now, before we get too far into this list very important all the stars and shiny know this this is not a judgment moment. I am not telling you to do this as an opportunity for self-judgment Definitely no self-shame, because shame does nothing, but this is only an opportunity for self-awareness. To be aware is to gain our power in this situation. So, instead of being mad at ourselves for whatever is on this list or using it as a place to start making excuses or start telling yourselves stories about what this means, we're merely going to use this as a tool to find the immediate and most impactful things that you can do right now to get yourself into better identity alignment. We're literally just using this as a catalyst or a jump off point, because what we're going to do is take everything in that list and find the exact opposite.

Speaker 1: 10:34

So many times we mentally approach things that feel so hard and complicated with this assumption that the solution has to be just as hard and complicated, and that just isn't the truth at all. Simple start not to say easy, because it's not easy but our simple start here is in this first step of clearing out the things that weigh the heaviest on your mental load and again make you feel really run down. And there's a reason that we're doing this and the reason that we're starting here is because we're shifting your focus. Instead of giving all that energy to what you don't want, instead we're shifting and giving that energy and focus to what you do. This is going to help reset essentially your mindset, your mental framing on all of the other things that need to fall into place. Simply, we're giving the focus to what you want instead of what you don't. And to do that, like I said, simply not easy, but simply we're going to create an opposite for everything that was on that list.

Speaker 1: 11:41

So, to use the examples from before, to stop the cycle of feeling guilty or mad at yourself every day for the lack of sleep discipline. We know that the most helpful thing that we can do to get rid of that mental thought process is to create some kind of nighttime routine plan for a morning routine. What can we replace to make this action more in line with your goals? Instead of wine, maybe you have to get excited about finding your new favorite relaxing tea, or spend a minute to set an alarm with a nice chime, a good song or a spoken meditation, something that'll give you a rejuvenating wake up time that you can actually look forward to. You're planning ahead. You're going to make it happen.

Speaker 1: 12:27

This alone is significantly going to get you closer to the big goals, to the big aspirations that you have that are way more grandiose than just getting your sleep in line, and it's going to do it immediately, because, as soon as you get this down, you're already more aligned to who you want to be already producing more dopamine and good feeling hormones, because your brain is happy that you did what you promised it to do, and we're taking away a lot of the things that steal our energy, because we're not clouded and bogged down by the thoughts and the frustrations of just not doing it again. So now all that excess energy, all that excess thought power can go to focusing on what the heck is actually important to you and if excuses and the stories that we've built up in our subconscious start to get in the way like a roadblock, instead of seeing this as another assurance that we can't do it, here's where you get to promise yourself that you will get creative and you will get curious and you'll figure out a way to make it happen, or you'll choose that you're going to take your power back from this and choose to deprioritize it for whatever reason. Now, I hope we're not doing this about sleep, not this example, but this does give you the opportunity to say, okay, I choose not to prioritize this, so that still will clear the mental load of I wish I did this thing because you've already actively chosen not to or to put it off temporarily. So just a touch on the other examples really briefly here. Instead of feeling really bad every day that we are not giving our body food that gives it energy that it deserves, and maybe we ate the thing that makes us feel really run down and crappy, instead of spending time doing that, go ahead ahead of time, we're making an action plan. What are things that you can actually do right now that will take off the mental load? What's in that plan? Does that mean ordering the healthy things ahead of time? Does that mean making something the night before? Does that mean going and getting educated about it? You know, doing some googling, taking a class, talking to a coach right, don't give in to the negative thoughts that come up. You know it could be anything from like. You know. I just I don't know how to cook and I can't afford healthy food because I think healthy food is too expensive.

Speaker 1: 14:59

You guys, we live in a day and age where, if you don't want these stories to be true, they don't have to be for the majority of people. We've got Google, we've got YouTube hell, we've even got chat GPT Type in one of those how to make easy, healthy meals for $10, or whatever that budget was for the fast food that makes you feel bad. Get curious, or at least promise yourself that you'll get curious and start to find a solution that works for you, whatever makes sense for you and your situation. But we're going to start to plan out how to match your identity, how to get aligned with that identity, how to get much closer to that you you want to be. By doing that, you're going to feel so much better and the fact that we are taking off this mental load of something that has been weighing on you every day double the energy, double the impact, twice the speed to the big things and the big dreams that you have.

Speaker 1: 15:59

Lastly, our example right, about the passion project, about the work project, whatever that is. Promise yourself five minutes at least. Just look it over, take it out of the drawer, spend some time thinking about it, googling about it. Do something that gives your project attention. We can even just search for inspiration from others that are doing the same thing, right? Maybe record that first, take just as a first draft, or write out the first line. Do anything that is taking one step, and tomorrow take another step, and maybe the next day we can take two or three, but it's that first step that is the hardest one. So all you need to do is commit to that. It's like rolling a great big boulder. The hardest thing is getting it moving, but once it's moving, momentum begets momentum and it gets easier and easier and easier.

Speaker 1: 16:56

So promise that you'll give it that first big push, and I know this might sound like the simple stuff, right, the things like ah, I'm trying to build something great and crazy, I'm not so worried about my sleep or my food or what have you, but these are the things we tend to neglect the most. And the point of this exercise is again really designed to shift your energy and attention away from what you don't want, right Like, I don't want a bad sleep schedule, I don't want to eat the food that makes me feel bad, I don't want to go another day avoiding my projects, all the things that are going on in your brain, hugging up your mental and physical energy. Switch that and focus on what you do want. Maybe you do want, with those examples, quality sleep and a clear mind. You do want to feed your body nourishing foods. That makes you feel energetic and great. You do want to feel motivated and passionate about your projects and your goals.

Speaker 1: 17:55

Move your focus onto things that you do want, the things that create better identity alignment for you, and by framing it in this way the things that you do want you are literally engaging your subconscious mind in a way that is more constructive for you, in a way that will make you feel better internally, feel more confident in going after the things that you want and again it gets your brain on your side of working toward doing it again and building up that familiarity instead of working against it. This is an actual retraining process that helps create a subconscious mindset shift that's actively focusing on and working toward positive changes and things you desire in your life. Remember where your energy goes is where your energy flows, and redirecting your thoughts and actions towards what you want to bring in your life rather than what you don't is what leads to that huge transformation. Your brain really can't quantify more or less yes or no, so let's just put the focus on health, wellness, feeling good, feeling creative, passionate, on fire. That's where you want your energy to flow. This allows you to really have power over your situation, rather than being subject to the things in your situation. You get to decide what you like, what you don't.

Speaker 1: 19:26

Try different ways, try new things, which that in itself helps improve our neuroplasticity, essentially making us better at new and different things. And remember, we can still be kind to ourselves here. You don't have to get it right the first time, but anything that you're doing that's actively working and taking steps toward your personal identity alignment is exactly what we need to be doing. And here's the whole part. Seriously, I love this. This is the part that just makes me like, ooh, yes, when you are actively working towards your goals we know I talk about this it literally kicks on your brain's reward system.

Speaker 1: 20:10

Every single time you take a step towards what you've committed to, what you've promised yourself, your brain releases those neurotransmitters like dopamine, the feel good, do more chemical. It reinforces this behavior as familiar in the brain, making it more familiar to you. Aka you are much more likely to continue taking that positive action because it's starting to be like an impulse. It's subconscious, or at least we have a lot less resistance on the brain because it's on our side. We're literally building out that neural pathway because, as you're consistent in the actions that you take towards those goals and the things that you want, you're literally shaping those neural pathways. They're strengthening and the connection between those thoughts and your actions and those goals. That's all strengthening as well. The more aligned these pathways are, the more it is inevitable that you're going to manifest the changes that you want in your life. In essence, you're not only creating new habits, but you're really also rewiring your brain to support these new thought processes to support these mindset shifts and it helps move you in the direction of manifesting these goals Because you experience all the rewards and all the good things of aligning your actions with the things you desire. You feel good, you feel confident, you're proud of yourself. This process becomes self-reinforcing on a neurological level, which is just the coolest thing I know about this. The brain takes over and it wants more of that. It likes it that dopamine is the hormone of more, so the new, better habit that is more aligned will start to become the default literally in your brain. So, overall, this is the very first step in taking your inventory.

Speaker 1: 22:09

Outline the specific things that are taking up your headspace that you really just need to cut the bullshit on. That you need to change. Plus, get super clear on what you're replacing it with and how you're going to try replacing it. We can't focus on what you want less of or none of. Remember it doesn't work that way. So shift your focus intentionally onto what you do want. Get clear on the steps that you'll take to bring these shifts into your current reality. Outline it. Make a schedule, if that'll help you. That's what I do, literally down to the minute when I need it, but be detailed and be realistic. Again, we're not changing everything overnight. We don't want to lie to the brain. These are real, realistic things that we can do and try. These are the small, foundational things for a reason Again, we aren't set out with a goal of becoming a whole new person overnight, but we do have a goal of clearing out our mental load, clearing out the mentally draining things that we seem to be doing or not doing on autopilot, that don't serve us because they take up too much of our headspace, too much of our thoughts, and we'd rather allow those thoughts to go to the things we actually want.

Speaker 1: 23:22

Right, we're getting rid of those things and replacing them with the things that align us with our identity and who we deserve to be. Remember, it's the small, consistent changes that really lead to the most lasting, transformative moments in the biggest transformation. Identity alignment is such a foundational element to personal development and it's what gives us our roadmap. It shows us where we need to tap in for growth, where we need to tap in for more authenticity and to our purpose and how we spend our time and where our thoughts go. That's what shapes our mindset, that's what influences our energy and it's what attracts aligned experiences.

Speaker 1: 24:08

I don't know about you, but I definitely only want to attract and be aligned to things that are for my highest good and my highest goals. Let's start here Clear the baseline of what's taking up space for you, and once you get started, that's where the good stuff and all the wonderful, serendipitous little things really start to fall in line and it feels like it starts to fall into your lap. But I'll save the rest for next week. Happy journaling and inventory taking. I cannot wait to hear what you learn about you along the way. But all right, my loves, that's where I'll leave us today. I want to thank you so much for joining in on this conversation with me, and each week, every Monday, we're going to be posting a new episode, going a little bit deeper into the conversation, of what you can do to train your brain on purpose to really allow for the lifestyle that you want to live. Until next time, my loves. In the meantime, here's to your health and your happiness.