Get ready for an empowering journey as we explore the challenges and rewards of single parenthood, equipping you with practical tools and insights that will elevate your parenting experience. We promise that this episode will give you a fresh perspective, demonstrating how you can rise above the label of 'Single Mom' and make a significant positive impact in your children's lives.
We'll kick it off by discussing the art of being an effective role model for our kids - it's not just about avoiding certain language, but also actively setting an example to inspire and guide them. We then move on to the topic of discipline, highlighting the mindful use of physical correction and how it can be balanced with building your child's self-esteem. And how about addressing individual learning styles and maintaining open communication? You bet we've got that covered! Lastly, we focus on the single parents' role in creating a positive foundation for their children, even amidst adversities. Get set to redefine your parenting journey, one episode at a time.
Get ready for an empowering journey as we explore the challenges and rewards of single parenthood, equipping you with practical tools and insights that will elevate your parenting experience. We promise that this episode will give you a fresh perspective, demonstrating how you can rise above the label of 'Single Mom' and make a significant positive impact in your children's lives.
We'll kick it off by discussing the art of being an effective role model for our kids - it's not just about avoiding certain language, but also actively setting an example to inspire and guide them. We then move on to the topic of discipline, highlighting the mindful use of physical correction and how it can be balanced with building your child's self-esteem. And how about addressing individual learning styles and maintaining open communication? You bet we've got that covered! Lastly, we focus on the single parents' role in creating a positive foundation for their children, even amidst adversities. Get set to redefine your parenting journey, one episode at a time.
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
Speaker 1:
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast. If this is your first time joining, welcome If you are a repeat listener. Thank you for your loyalty. I've been kind of absent these last couple of weeks. I decided to take an actual vacation Can you believe it? I haven't had a real vacation in some time, and so it did a body good. How about that? And so I wanted to bring another episode to you regarding single parenting and encouraging and motivating you, single Mom, that you can do this. You can do this, and it's not about how you arrived at the title of Single Mom, but what you do with it. That's what it's all about at the end of the day, because you've earned the title. So now what are you going to do with it? And that's what this podcast is all about. So I would encourage you if you find value in this podcast, tell another Single Mom. It's designed to again encourage, motivate and remind you you can do this, and as we enter into the age of, there's more single parents or more single moms out here trying to do it on their own. This is exactly what we need, or in my opinion, I think what we need to be encouraged and motivated as a Single Mom myself, although my kids are grown and on their own. But I know the challenges I faced, I know the disappointments I faced and I know that when I needed someone to talk to or get advice from, there wasn't always anyone there that I could go to. I'm hoping that, as I pay forward my own experiences of single parenting, that you would find value and at least make you think about some of the decisions you have to make and you will have to make some, and some of them are going to be very hard, trust me, I know, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. So I just want again to encourage you and hopefully you pay it forward to another Single Mom and that's why this is called United, so we can bond together, have those discussions about single parenting and encourage one another.
Speaker 1:
Now, am I promoting single parenting? No, but if you are, that's just reality, and so we just deal with the fact we have the title now and we're going to take it and run with it and do the best we can. You know why? Because children are involved, or a child is involved, and that's why we just can't sit back and look and say, oh well, no, we got to get up and do something about it, right, and a lot of times we don't know what to do, because this is our first experience as a parent. How do I respond? He's no longer in our lives, it's just me. So now we can take this, unite and encourage one another as it relates to parenting.
Speaker 1:
All right, let me get off of my stoop here and get down with what I want to talk to you about today, and that's about effective or effectiveness, however you want to look at it Again. I'm no English scholar here. Don't put me in the headlock if things aren't grammatically correct, but I would just say concentrate on the content of my podcast or these episodes. I'm sharing with you some of my own experience as a single mom. It's not a one size fits all, but hopefully it would get you to begin to think about your parenting and say let me try this, but put a little spin on it. Or yeah, that don't quite fit for me, but maybe if I did it this way instead, that's what this is designed to do is to get you to think, because I'm not perfect, nor do I have a doctorate degree and all of that, to tell you what to do, but I certainly can plan a seed of. Please think about some of these things. And so when we talk about effective or effectiveness, the definition of that is the degree to which something is successful and producing a desired result. Let me say that again the degree to which something is successful and producing a desired result. And at the end of the day, when I say it doesn't matter how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it. Yeah, so now we're seeking a desired result with our parenting, because, eventually, they're not going to stay babies they're not. They're going to grow up, they're going to develop attitudes and they're going to think they know more than you.
Speaker 1:
If we start out early in the manner in that we train our children and, yes, this train or teach, however, whichever term you choose one of those have to be chosen, though, because that is where we're at, that is where we're at. That's what our parenting is. It's training. It's teaching our children to be prepared for the world. I know some of you are saying, hey, you know, I nobody ever taught me. I learned on my own, and that's okay. But with today's technology, you can still learn. Learning should never stop, no matter how old you get. It may slow down, but it should never stop and, especially as a parent, you're going to have to keep on top of things and technology and things that are happening in this world, because it's going to come into your household. It's going to come into your household and you have to be prepared and ready for it. All right, so I just gave you the definition of what we're talking about as it relates to the word effective or effectiveness.
Speaker 1:
Now here's some things to consider as it relates to being a good parent and establishing your formation of your house and how you want your children to be successful in life. Remember, you define that and you want a positive result, right? First thing, you have to be a role model mom, and when I say a role model, your children or your child shouldn't hear and see everything that you do. They shouldn't hear conversations that you're having with another adult. If you curse quite often, your children shouldn't hear that. They shouldn't hear that. Now, if you slip up and let one out, hey, that happens, but if it's a regular, your children shouldn't hear that, because you know why. They're going to take it outside of your house and then they're going to use it back on you and then what do you have, and your child shouldn't be talking to you any kind of way anyway, much less cursing.
Speaker 1:
Be a role model, be positive. Let them see more positive than negative as it relates to behaviors that you display in front of them. Because you can't, especially if you've done a certain thing for such a long time and now your child is here, and for you to go cold turkey, well, yeah, it's probably not going to happen, right? You have been doing this for so long. So, yeah, you're going to slip up and they'll possibly see some bad behavior, but this should not be on a regular If you want positive results by the time your child is ready to enter into the world on their own.
Speaker 1:
Something else to consider Encourage and motivate and build self-esteem with your kids, you know, because the world is going to come at them and they're going to experience that negativity. As a parent, this is your opportunity to say you can do this, it's going to be okay, you're going to face this, but you're going to get through it. Encourage them, you know, try to have a good day. These are things that you can do to help motivate your child. And guess what? That's going to open the door to communication as they get older, they're going to go through some things and you are the one they should be coming to to talk about things that they've encouraged or encountered in life, versus going to a friend or someone else. No, they really should come to you because now you have that experience and you can be able to talk to them about some of the things you've encountered and how you overcame them. You definitely have to be that encourager, that motivator. At the end of the day, is you that has the greater impact on your child and their beliefs.
Speaker 1:
The other thing is spend time with your kids, and I'm not talking about watching a movie together, which is okay, but I'm talking about one-on-one time, maybe playing a game, a board game or or UNO or something to that effect, to help build and solidify your relationship with them, because, again, that's going to open the door to communication. So if your child is enticed by something or some negativity is going on, they shouldn't be afraid to say I can't talk to my mom about that, right, you have to make them feel comfortable. You have to make them feel comfortable in their skin, not so comfortable that they talk to you any kind of way, but comfortable enough that they can come to you in certain situations to get resolve. You know, for instance, as they get older, they're going to be tempted by drugs, alcohol, sex. All of these things are going to happen. And do you really want them going to their best friend to talk about that, do you? No, they should be able to come to you. They should be able to come to you so you can guide them, because after a certain age it does just become you being that guidance that they need parenting. While it continues, overall, the dynamics of the interaction changes after a period of time. At one point you're parenting, you're disciplining and all of that, and then, as they get older, now you become that guidance counselor versus a disciplinarian.
Speaker 1:
Also, consider acknowledging all behavior and when I say that I'm talking about good and bad with my kids growing up. You know I was a young single mom. I was 22 when I had my son and 25 when I had my daughter. I found myself correcting them often, correcting them often on their bad behavior when they were in sports and things like that. I don't remember being a good encourager, a good motivator, and then I'm sure they'll co-sign on that. Yeah, mom, you didn't do enough of that, and that's fair. That's absolutely fair. I'm trying to do the best that I can on my own, you know, because their father was absent.
Speaker 1:
For you single moms, it's not too late for you to acknowledge good and bad. And if your child is displaying bad behavior, don't acknowledge that with hee, hee, haha, so cute, because all that is doing is watering a bad seed to grow. It's okay to discipline your child. Okay, and I even have an episode I don't remember the name of it about disciplining discipline versus abuse. That's the name of it, if you want to go back and listen to that, because abuse would be considered anything above the waist. As far as physical, anything below the waist, that's discipline. Okay. As far as physical correction, I'll say that again Physical correction above the waist would be considered abuse, because that's where your vital organs are and, of course, the face. If they're getting slapped in the face, then you're going to possibly see black eyes swollen, lipping up. That's abuse. So whenever you correct your child physically, it should be below the waist and you'll still get the same message across.
Speaker 1:
Back to my point make sure you acknowledge not only bad behavior, but acknowledge the good things your child does, or your children does. They're bringing home good grades, or they do their chores without you asking them, or they're doing something creative or unique. Acknowledge that. Just don't look at them like, oh, acknowledge that, hey, I appreciate you trying something different If it's nothing but that, and maybe you can even step in and say, hey, what happens if we do it this way or did you try it this way? It's important to set benchmark, acknowledging both behavioral types, because ultimately, that's what's going to help build their self-esteem, which I talked about earlier. Right, because we got to do that and if. And helping to build that self-esteem is all about acknowledging good behavior as well.
Speaker 1:
The other thing you can consider is asking questions to your child, and I don't mean grilling them, I'm talking about you know, how was your day? What did you do that was exciting today? Did you meet anyone new? And I guess I'm geared more towards school-aged children. When you ask questions, you're inviting engagement because guess what, mom, just like you asking them how their day was, they'll turn around and say mom, how was your day as a parent? We need that right. We need someone to come back and and feel like that they care, right, and we're not going to always get that outside of our walls, especially if you're working.
Speaker 1:
You go to work, do what you got to do. You might get beat over the head a few times, either through your boss or whatever type of job you have, your co-workers or customers, and by the end of the day you just wore out, and so it's good to hear someone say, well, how was your day? And then give you a moment to vent a little bit, and especially when it comes from your children. Now you're creating a dialogue Again. You're creating a communication plan that you all can feel free enough to talk about these types of situations. You know your child not going out somewhere else to get advice, and then, too, it's going to make you feel good to know that your child cares to ask you about your day, because you know what. You won't have to tell them like I had a bad day today. They're going to probably know it. They're going to sense it. Kids are very smart and they could come back and say it's going to get better. It's going to get better, and you can flip that to them as well. It's going to get better. You know we're not going to absorb it and put a bad day on our back and carry it throughout the day.
Speaker 1:
You know I always say I separate home and work. When I leave work, I'm done until tomorrow. When I leave home, it stays at home. I don't blend the two. I never did blend the two. You young single mom or mom, keep that in mind.
Speaker 1:
You know, when you leave work, just leave it at work, no matter how they got on your last nerve, leave it at work and that's how you pivot and re-engage with your child or your children asking questions, all right, what about establishing boundaries and respect? And as I thought about the communication door, you know some children may feel like oh, you're my friend now because we can talk. Not exactly right, because you still want to establish boundaries on your interaction with your children, letting them know you still can't talk to me any kind of way. Although we have open dialogue about certain things, you still can't disrespect me. So you have to set that expectation with them as you open this door of communication, because once they feel like they can disrespect you and get away with it, they're off to the races. You can Still establish a communication pattern with your child, your children, and still be respected.
Speaker 1:
Finally, you know when my kids were in school, when they brought the report cards home and so forth and maybe they didn't have A's. My question to them was did you do your best? Did you do your best? Did you ask questions? Because here's the thing with curriculum as it is today everybody learns differently. I cannot stress that enough. Everybody learns differently. If you didn't get an A in that class but you did your best, to me that is an A. If you went back and asked the teacher questions after class and tried to do extras to get a better grade, then you went that extra mile.
Speaker 1:
So you have to blend in the do your best attitude in your home as it relates to school, as it relates to chores, because sometimes they just don't know, sometimes they just don't know and we have to acknowledge that and teach them and train them so that they can do their best. But again, just like you define success, you also define what the best is, or doing your best. Right, I'm not lazy, I'm doing the best that I can, based on what I know. So when you incorporate that foundation of that thought process, guess what your whole environment is going to change to be more positive and receptive. All you have to say is just do your best and you know if they're doing their best or not. You'll know the difference between lazy and not doing their best. Once your household and you establish that foundation of doing your best, you're going to have a much more pleasant household and less stress. Now you set that foundation and, last but not least, let's talk about foundation.
Speaker 1:
I come from a faith-based Christian family home. My father was a minister, my mom did a lot of work in the church and she had all of us doing work in the church, so we're a faith-based Christian family. She made us pray, or they made us pray before we ate, before we went to bed. We were always in church and learning scriptures and just participating in church all the time, and I appreciate that, especially knowing where I was and where I am. My father is deceased and my mom is of age and she suffers from dementia I have something else to rely on as far as Christianity and my beliefs and so forth, and that's because that's what they instilled in us and I appreciate that and I tried to do the same with my kids getting them active in church, and not just in church but also getting them active in sports and so forth. So I had a faith-based foundation as well.
Speaker 1:
You can do that too, single mom. You have to have some type of positive foundation as it relates to what your household stands for. That's what that means. So when you establish that foundation, when someone comes into your house, what is that expectation? We love everybody, you know, we hug everybody. Whatever it is, you have to have that foundation because now your kids are going to be able to fall back on that foundation that you create, just like my mom and dad created for me and my siblings. It's sure enough, is coming in handy right now, in this year, this day, this month, and I'm so thankful for that foundation. So, single mom, encourage your children, spend time with your children.
Speaker 1:
So let's go back to the definition of what it means to be effective or effectiveness the degree to which something is successful in producing a desired result. And your desired result is your children or your child be productive in society. That's your desired result. I hope you enjoy today's episode Effective and effectiveness and the importance of setting that foundation in your household. And I hear you I don't have a house. I'm still living at home with my parents, or I have an apartment. You can still do that or set that foundation in that parameter. You can still do it. So when I talk about household, I'm just talking about your relationship with your children and that environment that they are in. That's what I'm talking about when I say household. So you all have a fantastic day, a wonderful week and a marvelous month. Take care.