Strap in as I promise to explore the nooks and crannies of self-evaluation in parenting that we often overlook or struggle with. Let's confront those difficult questions - are you being too hard on your child, or maybe not hard enough? Do your words build them up or break them down? There's no magic formula to be the flawless parent, but together we can strive to be the best we can be. We'll talk about the vital practice of assessing your parenting skills, your approach to discipline, and the essence of your communication with your kids. We'll delve into the avoidance of mental abuse and the importance of apologizing when we err.
Picture this: a world where single moms are not stigmatized but celebrated. We're here to turn that vision into reality. In a bold move, this episode sends a wave of support and inspiration to all the single mothers out there, acknowledging the unique challenges they face. We not only appreciate single moms but applaud their decision to keep their children, and we're here to reassure you that you are capable, strong, and you can ace this parenting game. Join me, lend an ear, let's uplift each other and embrace the joys and the trials of single parenting. A sisterhood awaits you at Single Moms United podcast.
Strap in as I promise to explore the nooks and crannies of self-evaluation in parenting that we often overlook or struggle with. Let's confront those difficult questions - are you being too hard on your child, or maybe not hard enough? Do your words build them up or break them down? There's no magic formula to be the flawless parent, but together we can strive to be the best we can be. We'll talk about the vital practice of assessing your parenting skills, your approach to discipline, and the essence of your communication with your kids. We'll delve into the avoidance of mental abuse and the importance of apologizing when we err.
Picture this: a world where single moms are not stigmatized but celebrated. We're here to turn that vision into reality. In a bold move, this episode sends a wave of support and inspiration to all the single mothers out there, acknowledging the unique challenges they face. We not only appreciate single moms but applaud their decision to keep their children, and we're here to reassure you that you are capable, strong, and you can ace this parenting game. Join me, lend an ear, let's uplift each other and embrace the joys and the trials of single parenting. A sisterhood awaits you at Single Moms United podcast.
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
Speaker 1:
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast, where we cannot spell united without you. Yes, you, not only the letter, you, but why, oh you? So I'm so glad you decided to drop by and if this is your first time joining, welcome. And if you are a repeat listener, thank you for your loyalty. Thank you for your loyalty. I just ask one favor if you could pass it along to another single mom that's looking for parent parental guiding or guidance as it relates to raising their children. I'm not the expert, but I have the experience and so hopefully they would find some value in helping them with their parental skills. If you're a repeat listener, so I'm assuming you find some value and I appreciate that and that's encouraging to me. I would love for you to leave me some comments, either on my YouTube page or visit singlemomsunitedpodcastcom I know it'sa long word, but have a blog out there. If you could leave me some feedback on things you like, things you would like to hear or topics you'd like to have discussed, while I can just go on my own experiences, but this is a new day and age, right, and so there may be something that I can cover that I may just haven't thought about. So leave me some comments. I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear from you.
Speaker 1:
Alright, so today and it is a new month, and so I'm so excited to bring you another episode, and this episode is about evaluation. If you have a job or had a job, when you first took that job or accepted that job, you had to go through a 90-day probationary period. The employer would evaluate your skills to make sure you're still a good fit for the role. They take that 90 days for you to blend and understand the business and how it works and how you adapt to it, and then, after that 90 days, they make a recommendation to go ahead and take you off of the probationary period, or they extend it right, because they say, well, I can still see some value in her, so therefore, let's give her a little more time. Some employers do do that, some do, but I want to talk to you today about evaluation and a probationary period.
Speaker 1:
When it comes to parenting, especially as a new parent, I'd like you to think about and consider a probationary period evaluating your parental skills. Right, because if you're like me, or like I was mature enough to have a baby, I wasn't mentally mature enough to technically raise the child, because mentally, I was still a child myself. If I'm still calling my mom mommy, right, not keeping mine, I was 21, okay. So cut me some slack. Cut me some slack. We have to get into position of evaluating our parental skills over time. I recommend you do six to twelve months of your evaluation.
Speaker 1:
And what does it mean? To evaluate is to judge or determine the significance, worth or quality of, and to assess, to evaluate results. Hmm, let me save that piece again. Assess to evaluate the results. Okay, because as a new parent, we're not going to get it right all the time. And and let me just throw this in there there is no perfect parent. There are good and bad parents, but there's no perfect parent. So you can strive for the good right. You're not always gonna make the right decision. Ask me how I know. But was it the right decision at that time? Yeah, but it didn't work out. But that's okay.
Speaker 1:
You learn from that right as you're going down through life and you're raising your child or your children. You got to throw in some time and say you know what? It's time for me to assess my parenting skills. And so if you say well, how do I know when six months is up? How do I know when 12 months is up? Well, we have reminders in our phones, we have calendars and, I am positive, everybody has a smartphone now. Everybody has a smartphone, especially if you are on the younger side. I'm just saying you can put it in your phone to say you know what.
Speaker 1:
Let me go back and assess some things as it relates to me raising my child, and here's some things you would want to consider. Just your parenting techniques overall. What about disciplining your child? How's that going? Are you seeing a difference? When I say a difference, I'm talking about the child is now respectful. You see a change, right, and their behavior for the positive. But if you see the opposite of where they're reserved they're not as outgoing as they were then you might want to look at your discipline technique. That's important.
Speaker 1:
If you're disciplining them physically and it's above the waist, then that goes under the category of abuse. But if you're disciplining them physically below the waist, that's correction. And how are you talking to them? Are you cussing at them? Are you calling them stupid? Are you calling them dumb? And I hope that you're not saying I wish I never had you, and I've heard some people say that and it's like, oh my God, can you imagine the impact that that has on the child mentally? And I can honestly say my kids. Yes, they made me angry, made me frustrated. I just accumulated all these emotions, but one thing I never did was say I wish I never had you. Ladies, please, if that's in your vocabulary, please remove it. Apologize to your child now, asap. Do not wait, do it right now. That is called mental abuse. Anyway, let me move on.
Speaker 1:
But it's time for you to assess some things. Between the six and 12 months. I hear some people saying well, why do I got to wait six months? Why do I have to wait 12 months? These are recommendations. I say six to 12 months because it allows you that opportunity to get a good assessment on the good and bad of the discipline or whatever you're trying to assess okay, or improve upon Anything. Before six months, in my mind, you just don't have enough information to make a sound decision. You got to take both. You got to have enough time to really assess both situations during that time frame. So, honestly, I say 12 months and I know some people are going to argue that's too long. Again, that's just my opinion, okay, but you do what you want to do.
Speaker 1:
The other thing you want to consider is parental involvement. How involved are you in your child's activities, especially if they're school-aged children? I hear you saying well, I work. When they go to school, I go to work and that's fair. We have the means now that you can contact the teacher, email the teacher outside of parent teacher conferences, ask how little Joey is doing or how little Mary Bella is doing, and you don't have to wait. And if you're not that involved in your child's activities or what's going on at school, then that's something you say. You know what I need to do better and if it's again once a month, is there anything I need to know? That you text or email the teacher more likely email Is there anything I need to know? Because a lot of times they're so consumed and they have the larger classes they can't get down to contacting all the parents. So sometimes you have to take the initiative as it relates to parental involvement. You're taking the initiative. You're going to the teacher and asking is there anything I need to know? Because it's going to make a difference long term.
Speaker 1:
Something else you should assess is your mental and physical status, especially if you're a new mom. There's that postpartum depression that you may experience. And how are you doing mentally? Are you still feeling like I'm the child versus the mom? Are you adopting or those adult responsibilities, or are you still relying on your mom to do everything? And a lot of moms or grandmoms out there is taking ownership of that. But what are you doing, single mom, to better yourself mentally? And there are a lot of books, audio books out there, various channels that you can go and learn more about parenting and how to be more involved in your child's life, how to change that mental status of I'm a parent. Now some things I shouldn't do and some things I shouldn't do in front of my kids. You know it's okay to go out and enjoy yourself. Are you coming home sloppy drunk? Are you cussing out loud? How's your behavior in front of your child or your children? So now you got to do a mental assessment. And then physically, kids have a lot of energy, so are you just sitting down and watching or are you physically active with them? Are y'all exercising together? That's something to think about, you know.
Speaker 1:
The other thing you want to consider as far as evaluation and assessing is if you are employed, does that job still make sense for you to be there? How are the benefits? How are? How's the pay? Think about that. And it's okay to move on, especially if you're moving on to move up. Many employers have tuition reimbursement, and if you're at a current employer that does not offer that but you're able to go somewhere like Walmart where they do offer tuition reimbursement, you might want to position yourself to pivot over to somewhere like Walmart.
Speaker 1:
Ultimately, you want to gain additional knowledge so that you can move on just from a job to a career. Additional knowledge is not going to hurt you. And then you also need to assess what gifts you have, because everybody has a gift. They're gifted at doing something and a lot of times we get jobs until we can figure out how to effectively utilize our gifts. For example, a hairdresser. There are some hairstylists out there that are just natural, have never gone to beauty school but can just do a hairstyle. That is like wow, you did that and you haven't been to school. But until they get that license and so forth, they got to get a regular job. You have to uncover what your gift is and again, that six to twelve months assessment of where you are financially and as it relates to employment. This is your opportunity.
Speaker 1:
And then goals. Have you set any goals for yourself, any at all? For example, if you're at home with your parents, are you planning on moving out later on in life, sooner than later? That's a goal and it doesn't have to be extremely large as far as your goal, because you still want to set a goal that's attainable. Maybe your goal is if you are at home, I want to get a car. Well, you have to start putting money aside to get that car, and then there's insurance involved. So you have to start doing this research and you can say I want a car in a year. Well, if that's the case, then you need to know how much money you're going to need to put aside for not only the car but for the insurance and the maintenance and gas, all those things that come with it. That's a goal, right, and you can do this.
Speaker 1:
But you have to assess and evaluate where you are in life. If your child is still young, you're trying to work and you have a babysitter that's close by and things are working out, and you're doing public transportation and you have a little bit of change left over to do something extra for you or the child. There may be. A car right now is not the option you want to pursue. You keep it on the radar, but you definitely want to make your goals attainable and what makes sense.
Speaker 1:
Long story short, ladies, I know too late, too late. You have to take the time to evaluate and assess your own parenting skills, what it looks like, where you are today, where you wanna be, and then how you wanna get there. And again, it doesn't have to be anything significant. You can take baby steps and then you go back and you look at what happened over the last six months, what went well, what didn't go well. That's how you determine your next steps, because if there's a lot of things that went well, then you wanna continue down that path and tweak those. But if a lot of things didn't go well, you wanna take time to reconsider changing some things and I mean a whole 360, just getting rid of some stuff, having some stuff exit your life, having some people exit your life, and so that you can get refocused, achieve your goal.
Speaker 1:
I hope you found this episode helpful. If you did tell another single mom, it's all about us embracing and encouraging one another. You don't say you know what. I'm a parent now and I don't know what to do next. I don't see a future. I don't see anything positive as a parent, and there's many young ladies out there that's saying this. But the reality is there's a lot of positive to this and I'm just gonna throw this in and then I will be done.
Speaker 1:
I was coming home from church today and I saw the picketers out about abortion. And again, ladies, I applaud you because the option was there for you to have an abortion and you chose not to. You made the right decision. And again, it's not about how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it. This is your opportunity to shine, to be the best parent that you can be. All right, ladies, I hope you have a delightful day, a wonderful week and a marvelous month. Tell another single mom hey, go listen to Single Moms United podcast on Apple, iheart or wherever you get your podcast. Encourage someone this week, take care.