Join me as we peel back the layers of parenthood, revealing the raw, beautiful truth about raising children. The journey has been a winding one for me, and I am thrilled to share my experiences, missteps, and triumphs as a single mom. One of our main focuses will be emotions. We delve into the necessity of teaching our children about feelings, how to express and handle them. Remember, none of us are perfect, but by tapping into our emotions and sharing our wisdom, we can strive to be the best parents possible.
As parents, we aren't just here to coddle and protect; we're here to equip our kids with the knowledge and tools they need to take on life's challenges. We'll also touch on the crucial lessons of respect and gratitude, and how crucial it is to teach kids to cope with disappointment. As a single mom, I've learned that our role is dynamic - we are not just nurturers but mentors, educators, and cheerleaders. I invite you to take this journey with me, navigating the hurdles and joys of parenting together.
Join me as we peel back the layers of parenthood, revealing the raw, beautiful truth about raising children. The journey has been a winding one for me, and I am thrilled to share my experiences, missteps, and triumphs as a single mom. One of our main focuses will be emotions. We delve into the necessity of teaching our children about feelings, how to express and handle them. Remember, none of us are perfect, but by tapping into our emotions and sharing our wisdom, we can strive to be the best parents possible.
As parents, we aren't just here to coddle and protect; we're here to equip our kids with the knowledge and tools they need to take on life's challenges. We'll also touch on the crucial lessons of respect and gratitude, and how crucial it is to teach kids to cope with disappointment. As a single mom, I've learned that our role is dynamic - we are not just nurturers but mentors, educators, and cheerleaders. I invite you to take this journey with me, navigating the hurdles and joys of parenting together.
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
Speaker 1:
Hey, ladies, it's that time again. Welcome to the Single Moms United podcast, where we cannot spell United without you, and not just the letter U but Y-O-U. I need you to be involved in this discussion about parenting and how it can best benefit you and your children as we navigate through life and thankfully I've already navigated through a good portion of raising my children as they are adults now and out on their own. So I want to pay it forward some of the challenges I went through, and so, in hopes that you'll know how to address challenges that you're going to have and you're gonna have them. Trust me, yours might be a little different from mine, and so hopefully this podcast will provide you with direction and again, it's not a one-size-fits-all. You can take what you feel that works best for you, because everybody's environment is different, but some of the challenges are the same. Some of the challenges that you're facing with social media and all of that good stuff wasn't quite relevant for me back then, so I may not cover everything that you're going through. There are still some basic parenting things that you need to consider as you're raising your children, and so for these past few months I've been talking about you know, extracting words from the letter E and applying them to parenting skills.
Speaker 1:
If anybody's noticed, you know I've been just picking a word every week and expounding on it. So today's word is explain, or explanation. And why do you need that? Why do you need that? We are more than just nurturers and just saying I love you, baby, or giving that hug, that kiss on the head and saying you can do this. We're more than that. We are actually mentors, there to educate our children as well, and not just focus on or other entities teach our children. That is our responsibility. Not only are we nurturers, but we have to educate our children, and part of education comes from our own experiences. And then some things I know you like. Well, nobody ever told me about this or told me about that. And hey, guess what? I am in that same boat with you. A lot of things that I learned throughout life is what I saw and was never told. Some of you may be in that same situation, and that's okay. But thank God for technology, right, because some of the things that we weren't taught or shared with us as we were growing up, we can now go out and research it.
Speaker 1:
You can listen to a podcast. Oops, imagine that, imagine that and get direction and help with parenting. Or there's audio books. There's just numerous ways you can get information to be a better parent.
Speaker 1:
Now I'm gonna throw this in there there is no perfect parent. They don't exist. Don't look for it, don't try to wish your way into being a perfect parent. They don't exist. But what you do have is a good parent or a bad parent, and you just gotta understand which area you fall in. Right, and I'm sure I'm positive People don't wake up and say I'm gonna be a bad parent.
Speaker 1:
It's all about what you've been taught as I became a first-time parent. While I was physically capable of producing a child, mentally I was still a child. It's all about maturity. We have to grow with knowing. Yeah, when I created this child, I wasn't mentally prepared to be a parent, and I'm the first to admit it. I am the first to admit it. So that's why I'm doing these podcasts or in these episodes, to hopefully pay forward some of the learnings that I finally was able to understand a long life's journey.
Speaker 1:
So, like I said, today we're going to talk about explain or explanation, and the definition of that is make an idea, situation or problem clear to someone by describing it in more detail or revealing relevant facts or ideas. So I'm just going to talk about four key areas that we want to focus on as it relates to explaining to your child, integrating this into your parenting, because it's important. Again, this is not all inclusive. These are just like my top four topics that I just want to talk about today. So the first one is emotions.
Speaker 1:
We have to talk to our children about emotions. They're going to experience sadness, they're going to experience happiness, they're going to experience anger, they're going to experience love, they're going to experience hate and they're going to experience disappointment. You know what it feels like. All of us have experienced those emotions. They're no fun. And how do you deal with it? Some ways you cry. I know I've cried when I've been disappointed or sad and when I'm happy, I'm happy, go lucky. And then when I'm angry, you know I lash out and haven't forbid if I physically lash out, right by hitting physical touch. It isn't acceptable. But you have to explain these emotions and how you deal with them. But we have to first educate them that you're going to go through these, you're going to experience these emotions and it's up to you how you handle them.
Speaker 1:
But the first start is being proactive and educating them that these emotions are going to happen. They're going to happen as long as you live. You're going to go through these and then some. Right, I just picked these off the top of my head, but there's many more emotions out there that your child is going to deal with as they navigate through life, and they can get through it. So don't get so absorbed in. Oh my god, I'm so disappointed, I didn't get this job, I didn't get what I applied for, I didn't get an A in this class, I didn't get this. I didn't get that. It's okay. Or, if they're getting into a relationship later on in life and they're disappointed, it's okay. And that's what they have to tell themselves, because this is a natural part of life these emotions that you go through. It's natural. You just got to learn how to deal with it. That's it, and that's all you have to do, single mom, is explain these are going to happen, just as how you deal with it. Yeah, if you need to go to bed and stay in bed for a day after having a severe disappointment, that's okay. Just get up tomorrow and start over. You just don't allow that disappointment to linger and to alter your life, that bad Period.
Speaker 1:
The next thing that we want to talk about is explaining behaviors, one thing that I noticed about this generation they're not as respectful to the elders, elderly or just in general. We were taught how to be respectful. We always said excuse me when we had to interrupt or if we crossed in front of someone. We were respectful. I go into grocery stores now. People walk right past you. See you coming, but still walk in front of you. No one holds the door open anymore and it's like, wow, okay, this is what we've come to. But, moms, that's your job to teach your children to be respectful to not only the elderly but to their fellow man, because this is going to take them further as they enter into the world of employment, because they're going to have bosses, they're going to be told what to do, but they have to be respectful because these folks are over them. So they have to show that respect.
Speaker 1:
Teach them how to be grateful Everything that they have you sacrifice to give them and for them to abuse it and not take care of the things that you bought them or invested in, and for them to say, oh yeah, well, mom gave me this. Ah ha ha. No, they should be grateful. One thing my stepfather taught my kids was to tell them to tell me thank you. Oh boy, it makes a difference, a huge difference. I knew I was out, doing the best that I could to provide for them because I didn't get public assistance, I didn't get child support, so I was doing my best to make sure they had, and so for them to come back and say thank you, mom, thank you, wow, made the biggest difference in the world. This is your time, mom, to teach your children how to be thankful, and not just to you, but just in general. Now, that's going to bring that humility that's needed in their life, and not to look at someone else differently because they think they have more than someone else, but now they're actually embracing. I don't have to have this, but I do, and so being thankful is huge.
Speaker 1:
Also, I'm sorry. That's how you move on for some from some things, and they are going to encounter situations, just as you have, where it may have been your fault, and so for you to acknowledge that and for them to acknowledge and say you know what I'm sorry, you have to let go of being proud and say you know what, I'm sorry that that happened, I'm sorry of the misunderstanding, I'm sorry it's going to help them move forward, because if they don't get that phrase or build that phrase into their life, it's going to be a long road, this thing we call life and navigating life. It's going to be a long road if they don't have the ability to say I'm sorry. The other thing we want to teach our children or explain to them is about finances. They think they can go to the grocery store and say I want this, I want that, not realizing that you had to get out there and go to work and earn the money that's coming in, and so you can't always buy them what they're asking for. So you have to build in a situation to allow them to pay for things. Give them an allowance. If you want this or you want that, it has to come out of your allowance.
Speaker 1:
I remember a year or so ago, my little nephew came to help me do some work around the house and I said, well, I'll give you $25 for your help and he said, okay, thanks. So we went to the store and we were walking around a store and he asked me he's like what can I get such a such over there and I was like, okay, but it's coming out, your $25. Guess what? Your attitude changed. As long as it was coming out of my pocket or separate from the $25 that I was already giving him, he felt okay and asking for it. But when I told him that it's coming out of the money I was giving him, his whole attitude changed. So our kids need to understand what it's like to earn and spend money. They also need to understand about giving A lot of charities out here these days and a lot of people less fortunate.
Speaker 1:
We have to learn or teach them that it's okay to give and they should give when they can Because giving is better than receiving. You know, around the holiday time, especially around Christmas, you know, you see the Salvation Army collecting funds and a lot of charities are out and donations and buying gifts and secret Santa and all of these various organizations to give to those so that they have a nice holiday. And I was like, well, what happens the rest of the time of the year? Aren't they still hungry? Aren't they still going to be in need? But we have to learn how to not just give during the holiday seasons but give all year around and if you're not affiliated with the church, that's the best way of you being able to give back. Many churches have different ministries and outreach programs that they have. Your funds can go towards those outreach ministries. Many of them have food banks they're feeding the hungry and you can contribute back to that, and not just financially, but of yourself.
Speaker 1:
And those are the things that you have to teach your children. And then, finally, life skills. If your child does not have chores, ladies, please go ahead and start that process. Assign them chores, whether it's cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen and just cleaning their bedroom. They are going to leave your house eventually and they're going to need to know how to do this. They shouldn't rely on someone else to do these basic life skills for them Laundry, washing, dishes, vacuuming, just to name a few, and taking out the trash. They should know how to do this.
Speaker 1:
And one thing that I am going to pull my chain on, as I gave my kids chores of what they needed to do every week before they could do anything else. They need to get their chores done, and I'm happy now when I visit them and I look at their homes and how their homes are set up neat and clean. I give myself a pat on the back. I sure do, because had I not introduced this to them, who knows what their homes could be looking like? So I'm thankful for that.
Speaker 1:
So, ladies, please, again, this is not a one size fits all, but I'm hoping you are able to take away some key points here as far as what you need to explain, as far as guiding your children through this life and as far as being a good parent, because if you follow these steps, just to name a few, that puts you in a good parent category. And if you're not doing this, if you're not explaining, if you're not teaching, I'm sorry, and y'all can yell at me all you want to, but it puts you, in my opinion, as a bad parent, because you are not setting your child up for success for life, for them to move on in life. Once they're out of your house, once they become a VH, they should be moving on and be prepared to take on these life's challenges, and it's up to you to do that. All right, ladies, I'm done. I hope you have a delightful day, a wonderful week and a magnificent month. You take care.