Mom2Mentor
Encouraging and motivating single mothers, reminding them of their strength and determination. They can succeed as a single parent as long as they remain focused.
Its not about how you arrived at the TITLE, but, what you do with it!
Mom2Mentor
Need a Mom Win? Two "Been There, Done That" Single Moms Share Their Secrets
Two veteran single moms share their journeys from struggles to success, offering wisdom on parenting, finances, education, and emotional growth.
• Moving from survival mode to teaching and mentoring your children
• Navigating financial challenges as a single parent without shame
• The importance of showing emotions to your children rather than hiding your struggles
• How to pursue education as an older parent while balancing family responsibilities
• Learning that children often need your presence and affirmation more than material things
• Being willing to apologize to your children when you make mistakes
• Finding community resources and support systems during difficult seasons
• Teaching children about life's realities including finances, relationships, and health
• The perspective shift from "me" to "we" that happens when you become a parent
• Understanding that "a good mom teaches" - perfection isn't required
If you'd like to be a guest on the podcast to share your single mom journey (no daddy-bashing, just positive stories of overcoming parenting challenges), visit SingleMomsUnitedPodcast.com and complete the guest form.
https://singlemomsunitedpodcast.com/
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast. If this is your first time joining, welcome If you are a repeat listener. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for your loyalty. Hey ladies, I have a great surprise for you today. I have a special guest with me Now. I've been talking about for a while now that I'm trying to up my game with this podcast, and part of that is number one is transitioning the name from Single Moms United Podcast or Single Moms United to Moms, to Mentor, because we are more than just moms, we are mentors as well. Along with the name change, I'm also inviting guests to come, and so I do have a special guest with me today, and we're just going to talk about life and parenting. We are two older single moms, and she has three children and I have two. Our kids are about the same age so we have a lot of similarities in common.
Speaker 1:We're just going to talk about some of the challenges she's faced and, lord knows, I face. We probably have a lot in common as it relates to that and we're just going to share that with you. So we hope you find this episode encouraging and motivating, because now you're hearing it from two older single moms that got through it. And that's what this podcast is all about to educate and motivate you, single mom, to let you know you can do it too. Every situation you probably encounter. We've already been there. We're just going to go ahead and get the party started.
Speaker 2:So welcome, miss judy, oh, thank you. I'm glad to be a part of it today well.
Speaker 1:Thank you, I'm so happy and I gotta tell you, ladies, there's two type of people you need in your life. One is one that will encourage you and another one is someone that has a sense of humor. Luckily, my friend here has both of them, and I tell you, when she has me laughing, it's not a little bitty laugh. She had me crying and that's the type of person you need in your life because she is so motivational and encouraging. So, ms Juddix, again, you're a mom of three, and so tell me what life was like for you raising your children as a single mother.
Speaker 2:I look back over now and see where I've been, because it was a lesson taught. It was not easy. Yes, I was on public assistance at one time. I lived in subsidized housing, but I did the best that I knew how to do and as I learned more, I did better.
Speaker 1:Right, oh, that's it right there. That's what this podcast is all about, because I'm explaining, or trying to convey to our single moms between a good mom and a bad mom. A good mom teaches, you know, and a bad mom doesn't. And if you want to be a better mom, then not only are you teaching, but you're learning to teach. So I apologize for interrupting, but I needed to stop right there and share, but that's what this is all about. A good mom's teach, but go ahead.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I mean, and you know what, and that's OK because of we're not perfect, people Girl, you said a word, we are not perfect.
Speaker 1:We're not perfect, people. Girl, you said a word, we're not. We are not perfect. We are not gonna always make the right decision exactly, and there were a lot of stupid decisions that I made me too as coming up as a young christian single mother.
Speaker 2:There are a lot of mistakes that I made. Yeah, praise god that you know. There were some older people that were there to encourage me along the way, and to tell me that it's going to be okay, even though I couldn't see it Right. But I, but, but they would encourage me to say you know, hey, it's going to be okay. You know, um, you have to do a and C in order to get to D. We're leaning and stepping on the shoulders of those that came before us.
Speaker 2:Yes, and some of them were single mothers themselves, and some of them raised more children than we Right. We have two and three children Right and they had eight, nine, ten eleven Right, but they made it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And they may do with what they had. When I talk to my children now, they'd be like mom I never thought we were poor, but I'd be like baby. If you only knew tell the truth, because you don't. You you can live in subsidized housing and not act like you're poor. You know because, just because that's where you live. Right that doesn't have to be you Right, exactly. You know that's where you start, exactly, but that's not where you're going to finish. There you go. That's not where you're going to finish, there you go.
Speaker 1:And young ladies. That's what you need to hear, because some days it's going to look dim, Some days you're gonna like, how am I gonna make it?
Speaker 2:but we are here to tell you, you know what trouble don't last, always.
Speaker 1:That's right. You know, one of the biggest challenges I've had with raising my kids was managing my finances. Yeah, was that your number one or number two?
Speaker 2:I can say finances. Was it because I had to make do with what I had? And I look back now and wonder exactly how that I made it Girl, because my oldest son is six, five and a half, oh my goodness, and he wears a size 18 shoe, oh my gosh. And so you know coming up raising him. He's playing football and you got to buy cleats, girl.
Speaker 1:You got to buy shoes and stuff.
Speaker 2:you know to fit him. They weren't in the stores. Now in the stores they have more bigger sizes than they did back in the 80s and 90s. It's a little bit better for them, for moms and stuff, but you don't have to. Moms always remember that. Yeah, we want the best found children, but we don't have to buy all of that name brand stuff.
Speaker 1:I talked about that. Last week I shopped at the thrift store listen you go and you.
Speaker 2:It's how you take care of your stuff. It's how you take care of the things that you have. And yeah, I'm going by a dollar shirt and you wouldn't know that it was a dollar. Put it together with some $10 pants, and there you got a nice outfit on that may look like you done spent $50, $60 on it or whatever.
Speaker 1:Listen, I, thankfully, when I had my daughter, my sister had my niece 9 months before her and then another friend of mine had a little girl what? Maybe? Six months before my daughter. So thank the Lord for hand-me-downs.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:It was a challenge, but I'm thankful that they were okay with him giving me the clothes from their children to my daughter. So, yeah, you don't have to have name brands. So you got to be in survival mode and one of the things that I, you know, my kids give me feedback like mom, you didn't do this and do that. But when you in survival mode you just trying to make sure we got a roof over your head, got food, food in your stomach. I'm sorry I didn't get it right all the time, you didn't.
Speaker 2:I didn't get it right all the time, and that's okay, but now they can appreciate what you didn't do or didn't know how to do at that point in time. Boom, because there it is, is that we have to understand that we don't know everything.
Speaker 2:That's right, and parenting doesn't come with a book, even though they have plenty of books out on tell you how you need to do your child at this age, that age. Every child is different, that's right. So what I did with my children are six and seven years apart. So there's six years between both of my sons, and then my middle son and my daughter is seven years apart. What I did with one I couldn't do with the other because there was a time yes, you know what I'm saying they six years had them pass, and then here come another one.
Speaker 1:So I had to start all over again, because them clothes that I had for him girl that was gone girl listen. Even when I just got my son out of pampers and I was like I'm pregnant again, I was like, oh my gosh, I just got him out of pain, I just got him off the bottle I'm starting now.
Speaker 2:You got to go back and start all over again you're right. Yeah, so it is not. You know, we just have to keep a positive attitude. Yes, and I think what happened as I was growing is that, and I think people should do it now, but my children didn't see me cry.
Speaker 1:Even through my struggles.
Speaker 2:I did not cry in front of them.
Speaker 1:Mine was in the shower. I was in the shower.
Speaker 2:And that can be a big mistake, really, because they think that you don't have emotions. I didn't think about it like that. Or to follow you as to say, hey, you know what, she didn't cry for this. I'm not going to cry.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, now, I didn't even think about it like that.
Speaker 2:Yes, there's so much now. You should show your emotions.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Let your child know that it's okay to cry, it's okay to be angry, it's okay, but it's how you take those and mold them into and teach your child about those things. Not in a negative way, but in a positive way, boom I like that. And so yeah, and I kind of regret that I did, I had to. I still, even though my children are adults, I still have to teach them. It's okay to show your emotions, mm-hmm, you know, it's okay.
Speaker 1:It's a good mom character. You're teaching. That's what a good mom does she teaches.
Speaker 2:So it's okay, you know I made it through, but that's a good point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you bring up a very good point, because on those bad days that I experienced in the shower, absolutely Because I didn't want them to see that side, I didn't want to incorporate any type of negativity with them of my behavior or my emotion. But I like what you just said, but I'm shielding them and it may not be a good thing to let them not see that emotion. So that's a good point, absolutely. Now you have your degree as a single mom and you want to tell us a little bit about the process you went through to get your degree.
Speaker 2:I have 30 years experience with Head Start. Oh, wow, I'll just put it like that. I was with one agency for 23 years. Wow, I had started out going to school and didn't stop. So years passed, my oldest son had started, he went. He didn't go to college right after high school, but then he decided he wanted to because he was mentoring some younger boys.
Speaker 1:There's that word, and so when?
Speaker 2:he asked. He said Mom, how can I mentor boys Wonderful In high school to tell them to keep going, you know, and to study hard and go to college, and I'm not doing it myself, so that. So he went back to school, so he started in going to school and then he, and once he left to go to daytona and we were talking, he said mom, he said you need to go ahead and go to school. Well, I didn't go to school one because I felt that I was too old girl, you and me, but because I was in my 40s.
Speaker 2:I was in my 40s well I was close to 50 I was closer to my 50s, so I think I got my degree when I was 51.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:I was going to school along with my high school daughter. Wow but he encouraged me and he said mom, you can do it. But the reason why I had not done it was because I was raising three children on my own. I had older parents that I was taking care of. I was involved in my children's activities at school. There's a lot going on.
Speaker 2:And I was like how am I going to make time for this Exactly? How can I do this? And my mom passed in 2007. After that, that's when my son was like yeah, he said you need to go head on, you know he said you can do wonderful and I was like, yeah, I don't think I'm gonna pass that was me too, because we were like go get your degree.
Speaker 1:I'm like no, I'm too old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know it's young people in and yes, and so I did, I, I signed up and I did in person, because I know you younger moms and all of that good stuff Y'all can do y'all online, not me Right?
Speaker 2:That was not my cup of tea. I did go in person and when I met my classmates I told them. I said and I think I was about the oldest one in the group and I said y'all gonna have to help me. I said because. I said I'm starting out, I said I'm older and this. And they was like Miss Judy, you gonna be okay. And lo and behold, two or three classes in. They say Miss Judy, remember when you said we needed to help you?
Speaker 1:we coming to you for help.
Speaker 2:I was like okay, so yeah, I kept up my 3.5 average Good.
Speaker 1:Did you graduate kumwani?
Speaker 2:I graduated with a 3.6 GPA. So, yes, that is awesome. So I was excited I did too. Woo-hoo, yes, woo-hoo.
Speaker 1:I did too. Woo-hoo, I did too. I told you we have so much in common as far as some of our trials, our struggles, our triumphs and, like you, going to school. And I did hybrid, so I was in class part-time and I was online part-time. It was a challenge.
Speaker 2:It was.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm still caring for my kids, I'm caring for my parent trying to work full-time. Absolutely and it's like how in the world am I going to get this done? But just like your son encouraged you, my kids encouraged me too. And so, moms, you know, while you're thinking of encouraging your children, one of the better feelings is when your children encourage you?
Speaker 2:Yes, my goodness, you know what I'm saying. I'm telling you, it is. It goes a long way it does, and it was awesome because, even though he was in Florida, he came home for my graduation.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, and he didn't tell me, wow.
Speaker 2:So he was like mom, I can't get no flights, the flights are too expensive, I'm not gonna be able. I'm so sorry, I'm not gonna be able to come to your graduations. You know whatever he said, but I'm gonna come later and we can celebrate. Blah, blah, blah and lo and behold. He surprised me and he was there wonderful he came in town for that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I remember, uh, my kid because I wasn't gonna walk, I would.
Speaker 1:I, I was not gonna walk. And before, well, and I was telling my mom that I was like, mama, I ain't walking across that stage with them kids, I'm not doing that she was like, yes, you are. Yeah, I was like, um, I'm still afraid of my mama, right, absolutely. And uh, she told me I was gonna walk across the stage after I had made it in my mind for them to mail me my diploma and, uh, after she strongly influenced me to walk across the stage, I did. It was wild because at my age, amongst all of the younger folks, it was just wild. And for my kids to be there and to see me versus me seeing them, what an experience.
Speaker 2:And do you know that you walking, walking, how you encourage somebody else to move along? Yeah, because I didn't want to do a whole lot of things either right, I always talk to my classmates and I was like you're young, you can do this, you can do that. They was like. At the end they was like miss judy, you don't understand how much you have, um, just influenced me just with your words and teaching me how to be.
Speaker 1:I've always been a public speaker, so so speaking in public has never been a thing yes, never has been a problem, really I would have never pictured you as an extrovert, and I'm the exact opposite. I'm an introvert and that's one reason why I didn't want to go across the stage, because I'm reserved, I keep to myself and you know, let life go on. But I would have never thought you were an extrovert. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, it's a good feeling, but, mothers, if you have goals that you want to meet, there's going to be some bumps in the road, there's going to be some hills and some valley, but take it in stride, be strong in what you're doing. Keep the faith that you're going to make it At this point. There are so many things out here now that can help you.
Speaker 1:There's so many resources, technology and resources.
Speaker 2:Yes, and don't be ashamed to take those resources, because it helps you along the way. Love it. And guess what? Love it we never have. If never went through anything, we wouldn't be able to sit here and talk to you about what we went through to encourage you along the way, right, right. So if you never had a testimony, you never have a story to tell, tell the truth Now.
Speaker 1:Do you have any? Let me rephrase Is there anything that you think you could have done better within your power as a single mom?
Speaker 2:Yes, just, I think that I told my children yes more than no, and I think that was because I did not want them to be disappointed. But as I learned, as I got older, older, no, it's okay to say no, they can't have everything and you can't do everything right. So there are going to be some times when you're going to have to say no, because there were times when my children you know, um, children, you know coming up to mama, want mcdonald's, whatever, and I know that it was right, going up toward payday, I had just enough to get them something, right, and I would go, and I would get them something and I would go home and eat what's in the refrigerator. And I think at times like that, I probably should have said you know where, no, I'm going home to cook dinner, right, right.
Speaker 2:So this is what we're going to have right. Let's wait a little while, couple of days, and then I can get you some, but we can't get that today right, and. But I learned from that because as the children started coming, you know it might have been one when I said, no, you know yes, but then you think about you have three, you got four, listen, listen. And nowadays, with the price of things, right, they want McDonald's. That's like no, Because back then we could go and get $2.
Speaker 1:Happy Meals and they were good, and the fast food always, and I don't, I was always Mama. Can I have this, a hamburger? Can I get a chicken? And I'd take, take them and like you, wouldn't tell them, no, just go on right on and gotta go to work the next day and don't have any lunch money exactly cause there's plenty days I done been to work, work all day, no lunch break.
Speaker 2:No, you ain't had what. You gonna take a lunch break for. You ain't got nothing to eat. Stomach. Be all up in your throat, right? So look, we're waiting on five o'clock so you can run home and hurry up and fix that dinner so that you can eat again.
Speaker 1:Just trying to make sure our kids have right, and I think I compensated for my kids because of the fact that their father wasn't active in their life.
Speaker 1:And so I tried to compensate for him being inactive in their lives Absolutely, I agree and ask for stuff that I'm going to give it. I'm trying to go above and beyond, but my son told me something a few years ago. Go above and beyond, but my son told me something a few years ago. He says, um, mom, because I've taken them to Disney World and some other trips and things like that and I bought them passes to amusement parks and stuff, so I was doing a lot of spending and he came back and said I would have preferred you. Just tell me you love me.
Speaker 2:Wow and how profound is that.
Speaker 1:And I said and I'm guilty, I am guilty I didn't show my kids that emotion, that tenderness that they need, because I felt I'm in survival mode. I'm just trying to keep a roof over me, the tables have turned, so I'm trying to be the best mom. I know how to be and that's the message I want to send to these young single moms Be the best that you can be and then tack on to that and say I still want to learn, I still want to teach because you are now a mentor. Your identity has changed when you become a mom.
Speaker 2:That's right and so when my son told me that processing.
Speaker 1:I didn't really need to do all of that and some things are just basic. Just tell them you love them, hug them, tell them you're proud of them. If you want your child to be successful, spend time with them. Put the phone down for at least an hour or mute. Spend time with your child, talk to them, teach them, explain them about some of life's natural things that happen. Absolutely Matter of fact, my next episode is going to be around illness.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Educating about illness. Why do they get a headache and don't freak out? Because you got a headache right. Why are you getting it? Your body is going through something that caused you to have a headache Allergies, all of these things are happening, but I never educated my kids about illness. Why didn't I? Because I didn't know no better Right, right. But things are happening that they're going to experience as a result of just being human. Right, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And so we and I believe we shouldn't put all of the teaching of our children in the hands of the school and organization.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, because you are your child's first teacher. That boom and from the time of at the age of three children are like a sponge. And they observe and they absorb everything that they see and hear. Yes, they do so we have to be careful as single mothers on the things that we let our children see. Boom Boom Us do yes and here, and it must be positive.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because we don't want to put the negative in the light, that's right and we're not, and the thing about it is is this okay in being a mother, to go back to your child and tell them that you're sorry? Yeah, that you made a mistake, girl, that's it. I learned that as a single mother.
Speaker 1:Yes, that it's okay for me to say I'm sorry. Yes, I made a mistake. Yeah, I didn't get it right all the time. I had that conversation with my kids as well. I didn't get it right all the time. I had that conversation with my kids as well. I didn't get it right all the time and I am sorry. I am sorry to for allowing you to hear me talk about people yeah, in front of you, absolutely now.
Speaker 2:That's something that I didn't do. Now, when my children were coming up in company, my friends and things came over, or whatever. Children had their rooms to go into or they went down in the basement because of the separate? Yeah, because you won't sit up and look in my mouth while I'm talking, because that's my business.
Speaker 1:This grown folk time right but, that's how I grew up, but you know, unfortunately there were times my kids heard things that they shouldn't have heard, and that's true, they shouldn't have heard.
Speaker 2:That's true Whether or not you were on the telephone or you know in person. You know we have to be careful. And it's just like with a friend of mine, you know, when we had the same amount of children. She had three, I had three and I had to tell her. I stopped her at one point in time. I say you know what? We're not going to talk about this while the children are around Right, right, right, right.
Speaker 1:Let's get them together, get them fed, and, because I'm big on if we get together. We're going to feed the kids let them go head and then we can chat and chew as adults. And she was like I never even really thought about children being in the room while we're talking.
Speaker 2:I say because you got to understand and they can bring that back against you?
Speaker 1:Yes, they can. Yeah, it's good that we recognize that so we can tell you ladies, listen, be careful of your behavior in front of your children. You know I talked about in the african-american community, where some african-american women wear the little bonnets out and I know we can't tell you how to dress, but if you have a daughter, she's paying attention to that and is that the message you want to send to her?
Speaker 2:just, a question, and I think you walk differently when you have a female child. Yes, when you know it's, it's, you know. My boys came first. My daughter was the last one and I think that I think by the time that she came along that I saw things in a different light. So there were a lot of things that I did do differently with her yes yeah, me too, you know so um, I mean, you know your children are going to teach you how to be a mother.
Speaker 2:Yes, they are, and we just have to take it in stride. We can't get mad upset. You don't want to cuss them out. You know whatever right. First of all, they don't know you all they know exactly, exactly so if I see you doing it and it's wrong. That's all I know, because I see you doing it Right and kids will let you know Be like well, mom, you do that at home.
Speaker 1:Now you want me.
Speaker 2:Now you let me do this at home. Now I can't do it. Uh-uh See, I stopped that. You ain't going to do it at home, so you won't do it in public, right? Exactly Because I don't want to have to drag you off in the corner, baby, let me tell you. But yeah, so, mom, I want to encourage you to just be uplifted in it. If you are struggling financially and things of that sort, there are many resources in your community.
Speaker 1:Reach out to them.
Speaker 2:They are there to help you. They are there to assist you, and there's nothing wrong with taking assistance, that's right Because honey. We got to start from somewhere, that's right.
Speaker 1:And if we got to start off getting assistance, to make it to where we want to be right, that's okay, that is okay that's okay because I can look back.
Speaker 2:I'm thankful for my little sister, right, right that I had right right, exactly both are. They praise and worship leaders they are praise and worship leaders so that was um, that was a blessing um that is itself and and even though um they were always brought up in church yep mine too, and so, therefore, you know things that they do in church. I support them absolutely. I support them because of the simple reason why they just let me know that you know, um, thank god that something I did was right.
Speaker 1:Girl, girl, listen, my daughter used to mime. I think you absolutely beautiful. And yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1:Why people kept calling on her. And so, again, it is just so important and that's why I'm doing this podcast is to give these tips of you know, resources, of what you can do to be a better mom. A good mom teaches Bottom line, that's it Not perfect, but she teaches. We can't let somebody else teach our children. That's right. We need to own that. We need to own that. Why do we need to own it? Because they're going to be with us forever, until we land in a grave. Our kids are going to be our kids and so we can't put that soulless on organizations to teach our children.
Speaker 2:Because once you have children, your life is no longer yours, it is. It turns from me to we To we, yep, and it's going to be we up until they're 18 and out of school. That's right, but it continues to be we, because you still have things that you're going to still teach them as adult, right.
Speaker 1:Going into adulthood Right.
Speaker 2:Right, you know you still teach them, you still want them to be able to manage their money, because we didn't do a good job in it, but because we've learned, we can teach them how to manage their money, exactly how to build their credit. So that they can get things on their own and that they won't always be dependent on you or somebody else in order to get the things that they need to survive Exactly. So it's always a teachable moment, yes, well.
Speaker 1:Miss Judy, thank you, you're so welcome. Thank you, we've been knowing each other at least over 30 years, more than that, because we were in our teens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we really started. Oh, that's right.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, so it's been a long time yes, it's been quite a while a long time, so thank you for joining, being my first guest on mom to mentors podcast and hopefully we'll do this again.
Speaker 2:I will be more than glad to do it.
Speaker 1:And young ladies. If you have a challenge or a triumph that you've overcame, listen you can go out to my website to Single Moms United Podcast, and again I will be changing that soon. But there is a thing you can complete if you want to be a guest on my show. Again, it's not about daddy bashing and all of that stuff. That's for somewhere else.
Speaker 2:I'm specifically looking for folks that have overcome the challenges of parenting and want to be a positive influence on the next person.
Speaker 1:There you go. That's what I'm looking for. I'm not talking about any negative. I don't want to hear about all the other stuff that ain't happening and should happen. That's what it's all about. But thank you all for joining. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Wow, so you just didn't have to hear me talking. Hopefully you enjoyed the dialogue between me and my good friend and if you did leave me some comments, you can go to my YouTube channel or you can leave some comments on the website as it relates to. You know what you thought about today's episode. I hope you all have a great day and a wonderful week. Take care.
