Is He A Father or Dad? (Parenting Poem)

“Father” and “dad” sound like the same word until you live the difference. We take a moment for Father’s Day and share a poem that asks a question many moms carry quietly: is he a father on paper, or a dad in your child’s real life? Because the gap isn’t about pride or labels. It shows up in the stories kids tell, the way they handle relationships, and the emotional weight they drag into adulthood.

We talk co-parenting with purpose when feelings are raw: creating simple co-parenting rules, refusing to be cruel, and learning conflict resolution that actually teaches your child something healthy. I also speak straight about what not to do, especially when you’re hurt or angry: don’t use name-calling and don’t tear him down in front of the kids, even if what you’re saying feels true. That kind of language can invite anger and depression in children, and that’s a price they shouldn’t have to pay for adult conflict.

We also make room for the complicated realities many families face, from an ex who is inconsistent to a parent with a past, and even dads who are no longer here. The focus stays on what your child needs now: honesty without bitterness, boundaries without chaos, and the steady reminder that titles fade but impact lasts. If you’re parenting as a single mom, navigating a blended family, or trying to build healthier co-parenting communication, this conversation is for you.

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Transcript

Welcome And Father’s Day Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Mom to Mentor podcast where we grow, we heal, and we parent with purpose. You are more than a mom, you are a mentor. Hey ladies, I want to do something to acknowledge Father's Day that's coming up real soon. I wrote a poem. It's brief and to the point, and hopefully you find value, and it will allow you to think about the role that your child's father plays in their life and to really distinguish between the two titles.

Father Or Dad: The Real Question

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Let me ask you something. Is he a father or is he truly a dad? Because that difference is not just in the title, it's in the experience. Yeah, it states how we were raised, and it shows up in how we parent today. I've written a poem to outline the differences to help discern the impact, the responsibility, and the legacy behind those two powerful

A Poem On Presence And Authenticity

SPEAKER_00 1:18

words. Here we go. Sing a mom, be smart, be wise, help your child understand a real dad doesn't wear a disguise and lies. A dad will always be authentic and not carry resentment. Dads find pleasure when it's time for him and the child to come together. Now ladies, acknowledge and respect that a dad is taking on the parental path without being asked. So please cut him some slack even if you feel he is too relaxed. It's not the child's fault you and the dad won't

Co-Parenting Rules Without Cruelty

SPEAKER_00 2:05

talk. It's time to create co-parenting rules. And the first one should be, we won't be cruel. Just because you and the father don't get along, the child should be able to see there are times you can't agree. Conflict resolution doesn't have to be an illusion. If you work hard at finding the right words, then you don't have to worry about not being heard. Never wonder why some sons and daughters are sad? Because all they ever wanted was an active dad. So what if he is your ex? That doesn't have to interfere with your child's future or what's going to happen next. Know that a dad's spending time with the child even if it's an hour. There is emotional uplift that provides strength and power. True dads do not need a constant reminder to visit or call their son or daughter, because it's important to him to establish a relationship that will take them farther. A dad won't blame everyone else. He will own his responsibility and take a good look at himself. We all know both father and dad are imperfect, but spending time with the child will be worth

When Dad Shows Up In Small Ways

SPEAKER_00 3:50

it. Now, mom, it doesn't matter if he committed a crime or served jail time. He is now free. So let's not focus on what happened previously. Let's not forget those dads in heaven. If they met their child's needs while on earth, the child deserves to be reminded the role he played in their birth. Now, mom, it's up to you to educate that a dad will always be glad. But a father just refuses to be bothered. But the story isn't over. Your child can still achieve without him meeting any of their needs. Yeah, ask me how I know. When it comes to their father, you can either teach your child patience and insistence, but it may end with the father becoming even more resistant. So choose wisely and protect your child's emotions at all costs. The father's lack of involvement is his loss. Educate and motivate your child to be impressed with less. Not only with material things, but with one parent missing.

Tell The Full Story, Teach Coping

SPEAKER_00 5:51

When educating your child about their father, don't worry, just make sure they know the entire story. You will be surprised based on the look in their eyes. They will then understand why and how he functions as a man. Also, teach your child it's about coping and not moping. Everything happens for a reason and in the appropriate season. When I say season, it's not about winter, spring, summer, or fall, but those emotional seasons good, bad, love, hate, and which life it infiltrates, resulting in how his relationship with his child can be a bind or help with getting aligned.

Choose Peace, Boundaries, And Forgiveness

SPEAKER_00 6:52

All right, there you have it, ladies. In conclusion, as your child's first teacher, you are teaching them how to handle conflict, forgiveness, and boundaries. Let's teach peace and not bitterness. Let's learn how to co-parent. And I hear you. And you know what? He probably is. And that's fair. But why do you bring the child or the children into it?

Why We Don’t Badmouth Their Father

SPEAKER_00 7:32

For me, myself, my kid's father, yeah, he fell under quite a few names and negative names, but I did not expose my kids to that. I did not do the name calling, run him down in front of my kids, irregardless whether it was true or not, moms. Hear me, ladies, whether it's true or not, don't do that in front of your kids. Don't do that. Because their father had to be in the mix to help that child get here. So that same attention you gave him on that night, day, or wherever y'all were, you weren't calling him names then. Okay, so we're not gonna do that now. All right, do that for me. Okay. This is our children. These are your kids we're talking about. And that language and that tearing him down is only going to invite depression with them, anger with them, and that's not fair.

Presence Over Perfection, Legacy Over Labels

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Father or dad, the difference shows up in the stories our children will one day tell us about. Titles fade, but impact lasts. So today let's choose presence over perfection. Nobody's perfect, ladies. We all got issues. So again, choose presence over perfection, connection over excuses, and legacy over labels. Whether you had a father, a dad, or someone who stepped in to fill in the gap, you have the power to shape the next chapter. Be the example, be the anchor, be the difference. All right, thanks for listening to Mom to Mentor, where we grow, we heal, and we parent with purpose. Until next time, keep leading with love and

Like, Share, And Leave Feedback

SPEAKER_00 9:48

intention. And don't forget, like and share this episode with another mom or maybe even another dad. And I would love to hear from you. So if you're listening to me on YouTube, leave me some feedback there, or you can go to my website, single momsunited podcast.com, and leave me some feedback there. I would love to hear from you. Have a great day, a great week, and a wonderful month.