HEAR HER with Heather Dressel

Ep. 69 Listen from the Heart: Nonviolent Communication and Tender Repair with Haley Morrisson

• Heather Dressel

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Welcome back to the HEAR HER with Heather Dressel podcast!

In this episode, Heather is joined by Haley Morrisson—a communication trainer, mediator, and guide rooted in Nonviolent Communication—for a tender, intuitive conversation about what it really means to listen.

We begin with a short grounding practice, then explore why communication can feel so hard (especially for sensitive hearts), and how slowing down helps us move from reactivity into clarity, connection, and repair.

This episode is an invitation to soften, come home to your body, and remember: you don’t have to do this alone.


We Explore

  • What Nonviolent Communication is and how it supports deeper connection
  • Why empathic listening is powerful
  • Reactivity, unmet needs, and the path toward repair
  • Women, voice, emotion, and learning to speak from the heart
  • The body as wisdom: emotions, needs, and intuition as guidance
  • Why community and support are essential medicine right now


Connect with Today’s Guest

👉 Website: www.haleymorrisson.com
👉Linkedin

We Mentioned


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If this episode resonated, you're invited to like, subscribe, share, or write a review for the podcast — it helps this work reach the hearts it’s meant for.

Until next time, may you remember to quiet the chaos, tune inward, and HEAR HER — she speaks your deepest truth.💖 

Hello, lovely listeners and welcome back to another episode of the Hear Her podcast. It is so wonderful to be here with you if you're new around here. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm Heather, founding mother of Divinely Sensitive, an energy doula and spiritual guide. Us Walking Women Home to themselves and at the heart of my work is the Hear her sister. An online space to come home to yourself again and again and again. It's a place to explore your intuition at your own pace, rooted in the sacred feminine, the seasons, and the natural world. Inside, you'll find monthly guided journeys. Meditations, Oracle Readings, live gatherings. Simple yet potent practices and so much more. All alongside a loving community of like-hearted women, learning to trust themselves in these uncertain times. So if you're feeling the pull for connection or support, there's a link in the show notes to join our online community. And if you're local to the Charlottesville area or passing through, come see me at Overs, soul Healing Center. It's such a cozy spot. I offer Reiki, private sound, bath, and intuitive energy medicine sessions. I would love to meet you where you are. In the first episode of Season five, I share more about my personal story, why I took two years away from the mic and the magic that is woven through this new season of the Hear Her Podcast. If you missed it, this is your invitation to go have a listen. Now this episode marks the first of many. Beautiful, intuitive conversations I was honored to be part of over the last year. Today's guest feels like exactly the right place to begin as we navigate this loud, chaotic world where tensions are running high and it's becoming increasingly more difficult to have civilized conversation with each other. Haley is a former lawyer turned communication trainer guide and meditator who helps people build skills for compassionate communication and conflict resolution. After nearly a decade of high profile legal work at prestigious firms, including Gibson, Dunn, and Crutcher, LLP, Haley made a life-changing decision to pursue a path of deeper meaning and connection. Through her training in nonviolent communication across five countries and extensive study of breath work and meditation practices, Haley creates transformative spaces where individuals can experience clarity, self-connection, and inner peace. She offers workshops, one-to-one sessions and meditation services that help clients transform conflict into understanding and strengthening their most important relationships. As a certified yoga teacher and dedicated student of communication, Haley bridge's analytical expertise with intuitive understanding, guiding individuals to express difficult emotions, translate criticism into clear requests, and maintain connection even when emotions run high. And emotions are certainly running high in the world right now. I had the pleasure of meeting with Hailey in person a couple of times, and yes, she is as warm and wonderful in person. I'm so excited to share this intuitive conversation with you. In the first episode of Season five, I share more about my personal story, why I took two years away from the mic and the magic that wove through it all. If you missed it, this is your invitation to have a listen. Now this episode marks the very first of many beautiful, intuitive conversations I was honored to be part of over the last year. And today's guest, Hmm, feels like exactly the right place to begin as we navigate this loud, chaotic world where tensions run high and it is becoming increasingly more difficult to communicate. Today's guest feels like exactly the right place to begin as we navigate this loud, chaotic world where tensions are running high and it's becoming increasingly more difficult to communicate with each other. Hailey is a former lawyer turned communication trainer, guide, and meditator who helps people build skills for compassionate communication and conflict resolution. After nearly a decade of high profile legal work at prestigious firms, including Gibson, Dunn, and Crutcher, LLP, Haley made a life-changing decision to pursue a path of deeper meaning and connection through her training in nonviolent communication across. Five countries and extensive study of breath work and meditation practices. Haley creates transformative spaces where individuals can experience clarity, self connection, and inner peace. She offers workshops one-to-one sessions and meditation services that help clients transform conflict into understanding and strengthen their most important relationships. As a certified yoga teacher and dedicated student of communication, Haley bridge's analytical expertise with intuitive understanding, guiding individuals to express difficult emotions, translate criticism into clear requests, and maintain connection even when emotions run high. And emotions are certainly running high right now. I had the pleasure of meeting with Hailey in person a couple of times, and yes, she is as warm and wonderful in person. i'm so excited to share this intuitive conversation with you.

Heather

Haley, welcome, welcome. Thank you so much for being here today.

Haley

I'm so happy to be here with you, Heather.

Heather

Oh, amazing. I'm so excited for this conversation. Lovely listeners, if you've been with us for a long time, you know we will start with a little grounding to land us into the present moment and any new listeners, I hope you join us in grounding in. So wherever you are in this moment. Inviting you to take a pause with us if you're able to close your eyes. If that feels safe for you, I invite you to do so. And just notice where your breath is. No shame or judgment, just awareness. And you may wanna feel your feet. On the ground, feeling that beautiful earth energy below, inviting you to take a nice deep breath of that earth energy up through your feet and up through your body, and just slow and deepen your breath at your own pace, allowing yourself to. Land as much as you can in your body on your exhale, letting go of anything that was happening before we landed here together. And on this next exhale. Putting on hold. Whatever is happening. After knowing that it'll be there, waiting for you. Gifting yourself this time, this moment to be here with us. Breathe. And if it feels good for you, inviting you to place your hands over your heart space, we're gonna take three nice deep breaths together on the inhale, inviting you to breathe in all of the love that surrounds you, that is within you. And on the exhale, letting go of anything that is blocking you from this present moment, you can breathe at your own pace.

Heather (2)

Breathe.

Heather

Beautiful. And if you feel complete, I invite you to open your eyes, and if you need a few moments more, take that time for yourself. Welcome. Thank you for landing here with us in this present moment, whenever it is that you're listening. It is so good to be here with you, Haley. I am so excited for this conversation. The work that you do in this world is such a light and. Really essential, and I'm so excited to learn more about you and your journey and what brought you here to this place. And so where we always start on the podcast is, and I love all the different answers and how rich they are. How do you spread your magic in the world?

Heather (2)

Hmm.

Haley

Oh, what a good question. And I wanna say to start, I feel so much more ease and relaxation in my body after that. Nice grounding meditation. So what a beautiful way to start the conversation. The way I spread my magic in the world. Oh, so many ways and so many more ways that I wish I could in the world as well. But primarily at the moment, I am working as a communication trainer and mediator and guide, and all of this work is through this lens of nonviolent communication. Which is both a consciousness and a framework for communication that was developed by Marshall Rosenberg, um, a few decades ago. And this work is being spread around the world through trainers and the Center for Nonviolent Communication. But it is, yeah, the foundation of the work that I'm doing. Hmm. Mm.

Heather

So beautiful. Uh, as you were talking, I thought to myself, you know, we always tell our kids, I have teenagers, and for years, we've always said to them, communication is the key.

Heather (2)

Yes.

Heather

Communication is the key. Being able to communicate and keep those lines of communication open

Heather (2)

mm-hmm.

Heather

Is really an art form. Right. I don't feel like it's something that we're necessarily taught.

Haley

It really is a skill, and that's also what gives me hope. You know, it's not just something innate. I mean, we are really socialized about how we communicate, but we can also mindfully develop new skills to be able to communicate and connect in ways that have more compassion, more empathy, bring more clarity and connection. These really are skills that we can develop.

Heather

And did you as a child, were you. Um, you know, some of us definitely it is a learned skill. I feel like some of us innately are better communicators than others from the, from the start. And so I wonder if you can take us back to little ha Hailey for a moment

Heather (2)

and

Heather

share a little bit about what communication was like for you as a kid and. And maybe tie in intuition as well, because right we're talking this Hear her is all about intuition. And so what was com? What were communication and intuition like for you as a kid growing up and wherever you wanna take us from there. Your backstory.

Haley

Well, apparently I didn't start to speak until I was like two years old, and then my mom says I started speaking in full sentences. So, so there's that. Um, you know, and I did become a lawyer. I mean, I always loved words, loved reading. That really was my safe space, my place of imagination. I loved it. And, um, yeah, I think I was really taught. To, you know, argue and persuade and we didn't really talk much about feelings in my family and what I sensed, you know, when I was a lawyer that, oh, actually I don't like being on one end of conflict. I don't enjoy making the strongest argument to persuade. I've always had that capacity to kind of like. See the heart of things, and I've always been interested in that. You know, what's this really about? And with the legal system, what I learned kind of through my own experience, rather painfully, is it's not really about finding the, the truth or the heart. It's, you know, who wins, who has the most powerful team, most powerful arguments. And that was part of. The reasoning of why I left my job as a lawyer. Mm-hmm. Because I didn't want to be exacerbating conflict. I realized, oh, that's not my role in this world.

Heather (2)

Mm-hmm.

Haley

And interestingly, I went to law school because I wanted to be a mediator, and it just didn't happen. And so after I left my job as a lawyer to go on my radical sabbatical, it really came back to me of like, huh, maybe I should try mediation again.

Heather

Oh, so much goodness there so much goodness there. Um, see the heart. I wrote this down. See the heart of things.

Haley

Hmm.

Heather

That really,

Haley

yeah. Well that's one of the core teachings of nonviolent communication is that we are really wanting to connect. From the heart. Mm. Right. And we live in a paradigm that teaches us about right and wrong. You know, good and bad. What's inappropriate and appropriate? What's normal and abnormal. And NVC nonviolent communication invites this like shift into, well, let's not be thinking that way anymore. It's not actually serving connection. And maybe it's also not true. Maybe there's like a different truth that we can live from, which is that we're all acting from this place of trying to fulfill our needs. I. And everyone around the world, we all are trying to fulfill these, these universal needs and need for affection and need for growth and need for connection, um, you know, and need for safety and security. And when we kind of drill down. We can connect over these universal needs. That's our common humanity. And so instead of seeing other people as wrong, doing things we don't like, if we can start to understand we're all trying to satisfy our needs, that allows us to connect from this heart space where we're not making anyone wrong, where we can see aha. Like here we're all trying to fulfill these needs.

Heather

Hmm. Hmm. That's so beautiful. As you were talking about fulfilling needs, I just kept hearing like the need to be heard.

Haley

Oh, it's so central. The need to be heard, to be seen to witness. Oh, I, I mean, and I, I have such a deep longing for that.

Heather

I feel like we all do. Right? Yeah. That need even to be, the need to be understood. Hmm. Right. When you're seen, when you're witnessed, when you're heard, when you're understood, it's like a whole different world. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so I I, what's also coming up for me in this moment is listening. Mm. Can you talk a little bit about. Listening when it comes to communication.

Haley

Mm-hmm. That's probably my favorite part of nonviolent communication. That's emphasis on empathic listening. Mm. So is it to listen empathically, um, or even just to, to have empathy? What is it this quality of presence that we can bring to someone where the intent is to be with someone? From their experience of the world, not making someone wrong, not rushing to fix or solve, not judging, not offering advice. And these are really habitual ways that we engage with other people or engage in dialogue. And so the switch is just, aha, I'm just here to be with this person, and one of my teachers says. Empathy. It's about, you know, traveling into the jungle of someone's heart. Oof. You know, and it's Wow, so touching, right? And it's such a gift. When we can do that for someone and we can bring that intention, that quality of presence, even in silent listening. And it is that like bearing witness to someone. And often when we don't like jump in and we don't, you know, ask the question who, what, why, where, when that brings people to their heads, it allows people to unfold their own experience. Mm. And we can find this deeper level of like, truth in our own clarity with that too.

Heather

Mm. So there may be some, some listeners out there that are thinking like, it's not easy to just listen. Right. I think our human, mm-hmm. Um, innately as humans, I feel like we are wanting to fix, we are wanting to, you know, what's coming to mind for me again is being a parent and communicating with our kids and it's like. You wanna be the fixer. You want everything to be okay. And, you know, through therapy, through with our kids, we, we have learned. Most of the time, the kids, they, they just wanna be heard. They just, they don't want to be fixed. They don't need your solution. Right. And yet, as a parent and as a space holder myself, right, this is the work that I do with women, right? To hold space really, to me means to be an incredibly deep listener, an incredibly empathic listener, where you're not like. You know, Ooh, I wanna say this, or, oh, you should do this. Or, a lot of times I notice myself speaking with friends and all I want them to do is listen to me. And they're consistently chiming in with, oh, well this happened to me. Or, oh, well, that, you know, and, and constantly bringing it back to themselves as opposed to being able to hold that space, which I do think is an art. As I said in the beginning, it has taken me years and still with my kids. I mean, I'll sit there. Biting my tongue, like in my head. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. Just, just let them unfold. Right? Just be there. Hold this place for them to be, feel safe to say whatever they wanna say. And so, I'm so curious as to why do you think it is so hard for us as humans to listen and to not put ourselves into, um, fix it mode or, um, comparison?

Haley

Yes. Well, I guess two things there. I think with the urge to jump in, well, part of it is we've really been trained, we've been socialized to interact in this way, so it, some of it is kind of overcoming incoming, this training that we've had. And I think at the core of that, it's painful to see other people in pain. So it's so natural actually, that we want to contribute and we can honor that. Oh, I so want to contribute to this person. One strategy is I could try to fix them, offer them solutions, uh, but this other strategy, this other way I can contribute to them is by offering my presence. That is a way to contribute someone so touching that need, oh, I so wanna contribute. I so wanna support this person. And it really is effective to do that. In that space of slowing down and just listening. So that's one piece of it. And I think too, when we're really close to people, like with family, oh, we so don't want our loved ones to be in pain, you know? So it's really sweet, right? Where that urge come from comes from. And then I think when people kind of jump in and make that comparison, I think that speaks to the fact that we all so long to be seen and heard, and there's really just not enough of it. You know? So if, and that's why in some of the work that I do, uh, we'll do like empathy exchanges. Mm. Minutes for you. 10 minutes for me, or 30 minutes for you. 30 minutes for me. So there's kind of this greed upon mutuality, so I know. My turn is coming next, so I can really relax and say, okay, this space is really fully for you because I know I'm also going to be heard because I also have that need to be heard. And we're not used to kind of navigating that, right? In the normal kind of quote unquote normal ways that we're engaging with people.

Heather

Mm. You know, and this I, I know affects everyone regardless of gender. And because my work is so strongly rooted in, in women, uh, what's coming up for me is how do you, how do you feel about when women are trying to communicate, right? Like I, I know with my work. It's like you get that I, I've gone through it in my own healing. It's like you want to say something and you want to communicate, but there's this like, lump in your throat and Right. We're taught to like hold our emotions in or if we cry that that is weak. Uh, a lot of women over the span of time that humans have been here. Right. Have, uh, been. Ridiculed or hushed told, you know, not to talk. Um, and what I believe is that, you know, there is so much gen generational trauma in women to not speak up, to not speak their truth to, to kind of sink into. And I, I have been absolutely guilty of the, like, I'm fine.

Heather (2)

Like

Heather

when there's the opportunity to communicate and you're just like so filled with emotions, like, you know, the teapot that's ready to just overflow. And so could you share maybe something that would be simple yet potent for someone in that situation? Or, or even just share what, how you feel about what I've just shared about women and communication.

Haley

Oh, it resonates so deeply. You know, the pain of not being heard and having our voices not being welcome for so long. Mm-hmm. I mean, I really do deeply resonate with that. And for me, yeah. It's like how to, I. Like how to bring that vulnerability'cause it is vulnerable to kind of share these things and to trust that you'll be received with care. Right? To trust kind of the space, where am I bringing it? Where is it safe to bring this and. It's taken me time, right, to kind of find those friends, find those spaces where it does feel safe to let my guard down, especially as someone who has kind of cultivated this sense of themselves, of like, I've got it together. I. You know, and being a lawyer for so many years, I'm a communications guy. Yeah. I've got, I'm a communications guy and like, yeah, I've got it together and I need to kind of maintain this professional presence and just kind of push through and, and do the thing. So it's been very challenging over time for me to allow myself to soften and to express the emotions. And what helps for me is just that kind of self empathy too, of like, oh, putting my hand on my heart. I so long to be heard how human of me. Yeah. How human of me, I so long to be heard I so long to have, yes. To be received with care and love.

Heather

Mm mm Yeah. And so listeners. What just came for me is have grace with yourself. Mm. Right. Because we can do that like push through thing and like I just gotta like get to the next thing and I'll cry later or I'll, but just taking that moment. You said something earlier about slowing down. I.

Heather (2)

Mm-hmm.

Heather

It's a huge part of my work as well, right. To to hear intuition, to feel intuition, to know what is truly in your heart space. Like you gotta quiet the outside world. You gotta quiet the chaos, you gotta pause and take a minute. And that's not always easy to do. And so I would be curious, in your own life with your clients, uh, is slowing down a big part of the process and mm-hmm. How does. Knowing yourself, slowing down and being able to be in touch with your own intuition help you in this communication

Haley

that we're

Heather

talking about.

Haley

Absolutely essential. I do think that piece, the kind of mindfulness that slowing down so you can be responsive and not reactive. It is the foundation. 100%.'cause one thing I say is like, how can we communicate unless we know what's going on inside of us. Mm-hmm. How would I know what to say? Right? Unless I have that self connection first.'cause otherwise we're so like reactive to things that are coming. And so it does take the whew, like the slowing down and also noticing like, I feel a bit activated. What's that about? And bringing that curiosity. And it's very hard in the moment when there's someone right in front of you to kind of take that pause. Um. But it really is serving for ourselves and for the connection. Right. To have that, that moment of pause.

Heather

Yeah. What would, what would your advice be, say in a session or with a client or to our listeners of like, I love how beautifully and intuitively you went into the I, you know, be responsive as opposed to reactive.'cause that was definitely something that was on my heart when I saw, when I first found you and was like,

Heather (2)

oh, hmm.

Heather

A communications guide like you, I feel like those are kind of buzzwords right now. You hear that a lot. Mm-hmm. And so I would be curious what your advice would be to somebody who's in that state of like, like you're saying, when you're in a conversation and you're communicating and you're being reactive, sometimes it's hard to take yourself to a place where you can be like, whew, okay, wait, what's going on for me?

Haley

Yeah, it's a challenge. It is kind of like, okay, the deep breath, like the, the noticing, right? Mm-hmm. Of that work, that capacity to do that noticing and to take the breath happens in your own kind of meditation, mindfulness, yoga, other kinds of practices that bring that skill. Into that conversation, right, to have that kind of capacity. So yeah, just kind of the noticing, taking a deep breath, and I guess there are a couple things of like, you know, I just need a moment right now, you know? Or could we slow this down or. And times it might feel too vulnerable, like, okay, I need to use the bathroom. You know, go to the bathroom and like, take a few deep breaths, splash some water on your face. Um, or I'm just not able to have this conversation right now. Um, you know, could we pick this up later or another time? Um. So there are kind of a number of ways, but how to, like, how is it that I so want to maintain connection with this person? I don't wanna say something that might be harmful or not fully reflective of what's going on with me. And it's like so hard in the moment when like, I just need the space. Mm-hmm.

Heather

Yeah. And I would imagine too, as humans, right? Like a lot of that reactiveness. Would stem from triggers that may not even have anything to do with the person that you're talking about.

Haley

Yeah. Or they can be really old. You and I can share actually an example that happened over the weekend when I was visiting my family, and I do think family, especially our parents, one of the most challenging faces. So I have a little bit of, you know, I guess embarrassment of kind of naming this, but. You know, sometimes, you know, for all of my years of yoga and mindfulness, you know, I snapped at my mom. Mm. Normally, like I'm much more composed with my parents through a lot of practice of taking deep breaths. Um, but I was. Telling some knock-knock jokes to my niece over lunch and my mom, my parents like are on social media quite a bit and they have a habit of, you know, reading political headlines out loud. That's something that they do. And so reading these knock-knock jokes, having this moment of lightness with my niece and my mom, you know, reads some political headline and I just. You know, no one cares mom. You know? I was like, oh my God. We were both surprised. You know, I, we were both surprised and, you know, in the moment I was just like, whoa, what's going on here? And it took me some time to kind of process it and be like, what was that about? Knowing like, it's about me. There's something kind of deep in here. Um, because the trigger, right, the reaction was so strong. And actually what I ultimately connected it back to was that kind of in my childhood, I felt there was like a lot of complaining and a lot of judgments, and there wasn't a lot of lightness and play. Mm. And so here in this moment with my niece, I, we were, it was play, it was lightness, it was fun. There was something old that got stimulated when it's like got pulled back into the kind of like negativity or seriousness. So yeah, sometimes it's an old trigger. It's not even about the person in this situation that, you know, it was my mom. I. Um, but yeah, some things are totally disconnected, but it does trace back to some, something deeper, you know, a deeper wound and like an unmet need, you know, this need for play and lightness, you know, that like my little girl was like, I just wanna play, I just wanna have this lightness. Um, and I was able to talk with my mom after. And say, mom, you know, I'm, I reacted rather strongly there. And what I realized is, oh, I had this need for play. So I was able to share like what was going on with me. And it was sweet'cause she could hear that and she said, yeah, you know, sometimes I get a little bit too serious, a little too caught up in the news. Hmm. It was this sweet moment where, you know, there was repair and connection because I was able to find what. Like the, the activation reflected something in me. You know, it wasn't that my mom was wrong for doing that, but I could find the source in me and to bring that to her. Mm. But it is tough. Yeah. Just to acknowledge that, to name it. It's challenging, especially with the people closest to us.

Heather

Absolutely. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing that. Mm-hmm. Story with us, because I feel like that really gives listeners, that really gives you a good picture, right? This is, this is what Hay does for a living. Mm-hmm. She's a communication guide and still, right. She's able to sit here and be vulnerable with us and, and share an experience like that. And so, um, be gentle with yourself and know that I, I also see what was coming up for me too is like, our relationships are such mirrors for what's going on. Inside of ourselves. Right. And it, and, and when you went into repair mode with your mother, like being able to, to. Have this reflected back to you and be like, Ooh, like, what was that?

Heather (2)

Mm-hmm.

Heather

Instead of continuing that either like anger or, you know, well, you're always this way and da da da. You know, I feel like that escalates a lot of times when people are trying to communicate and, and just hearing you talk about that, it's like permission to be vulnerable just with yourself when you, you know, react when you're reactive and say, woo. Wow. Like, okay. That, yeah. Just to that little tiny pause of, of noticing and being aware that you're being reactive. Maybe taking that deep breath and could, could you speak a little bit more to how to do the repair part? Because I think that can be really, like it took a lot of, yeah. Therapy and learning and practice for me to understand the repair.

Haley

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think the first thing is, and this is a core teaching of NVC, and I'm grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. I mean, this key thing changed my life. That every criticism, every judgment, every evaluation is a tragic expression of an unmet need in me. Whew. Can you say that one more time?

Heather (2)

Uh,

Haley

every judgment, every criticism, every evaluation is a tragic expression of an unmet need in me. It's another way of kind of expressing this idea of that other people are mirrors to us, but. Exactly as you said. So often we stay in the anger, we stay in the blame, we stay in the judgment, we make other people wrong. And if we communicate from that place and people hear the blame, people hear criticism, they just shut down or they get reactive. Defensive. Protective. That's very natural. So we create this cycle, right, where no one's really understood. So this switch, you know, is to say, yeah, maybe I had a split second judgment of my mom. No one cares. Why are, why are you interrupting this moment of play? Aha. But it's about me. So taking the time to find out what is it? What is the unmet need in me? Oh, it's my need for play, my need for lightness. And then. When I can share from that place, like, I'm not wrong, and she's not wrong. We just have, there are needs going on here. She has a need for expression, right? And she's engaged in the, in the world in a different way than I am, and I have this need for play. Neither of us are wrong. Right, and if I can communicate from this place of, wait, let me share my needs of what's alive in me, this need for play and lightness, she's much more able to hear it. She's not going into like this defensive, protective, shutdown mode, which is natural, right? If we otherwise hear blame and criticism, and we're so finely attuned, we're so finely attuned to hearing any little bit of blame or criticism or judgment. So instead of, I can share, yo, yeah, mom, you know when that happened, what was really going on is like, I had this need for play. Oh, she can hear it. She can resonate with it because she also can connect to that, that need for play, even if it wasn't present for her in that moment. It's a universal need. She also has a need for play and for lightness and can connect with that. And so it's a way to shift, um, also the tone of the conversation where it's not about blame and who's right and who's wrong. We're connecting from a different place. Mm

Heather

mm And as you're talking about this, I'm thinking about myself as a highly sensitive empath and all of my highly sensitive listeners out there. Just remember you're taking in so much more than someone who's not highly sensitive. Like when you were talking about the tone and the facial expressions and you know the judgment coming at you. And so of course you're gonna shut down and. So just having grace, highly sensitive people out there with yourself and understanding that you're taking in so much more, um, and having some practice of even just like while you're talking to someone, sometimes I'll do it. I'll just put my hand on my heart, feels really grounding and just take a little bit of a deep breath and, and something you said before felt like such a great. It simple, yet potent inner inquiry for the listeners to take away is when you're in a situation where you're being reactive, like pausing and just taking a beat, and in your head, just asking yourself like, what is that unmet need in me? Like what it, you know? And just listen, just like pause. I feel like also as humans, it's like when we're in conversation, when we're communicating, it's like we can't. Um, it's like silence is a little bit uncomfortable, right? And so I notice it with myself when I host the podcast. Sometimes if there's a very long pause, I get a little, like, I can feel my body getting tense and then I'm like, chill out. Like they're, they're just getting what they need to get. It's okay for there to be some silence. And so I think, thank you so much. That's such a beautiful. Inner inquiry for anybody can use that, right? Mm-hmm.

Haley

And what I find empowering about it too, is when when we identify that unmet need, then naturally it's like, Ooh, I wanna get that need met.

Heather (2)

Mm-hmm.

Haley

Ooh. Yeah. I do want more play in my life. Yeah. Ooh, I do want more lightness in my life. And it kind of sparks like, wait, how might that be possible? So even coming to that. It sparks something creative and generative. Mm-hmm. So even if it's like, ooh, it's a painful moment, it's like, it's gonna lead somewhere beautiful. There's always like a hidden gem there. So it also opens me up to like, engaging with the inquiry because it doesn't, it's, it's a way of processing the pain and it gets you somewhere beautiful. Mm

Heather

mm Yes, yes, yes. I love that so much. Processing, you know, and I think what, what's continuously coming up for me to share with you listeners is all of this is, is, is a practice, right? Like the meditation, the being able to stay grounded, the learning how to be responsive as opposed to reactive, the ability to pause. I remember early on in my time as a healer, one of my very first clients after six weeks of working with me was like, you taught me possibility.

Heather (2)

Mm-hmm.

Heather

I never really understood or knew that that was available to me. That like, it's okay to pause. We don't have to be on this hamster wheel of like talking, moving, doing, doing, going, going like it's okay to mm-hmm. In those moments of pause, right. In those moments of slowness, that's when we're able. Yes.

Heather (2)

Mm. To

Heather

have the inner inquiry and to, you know, um, you were saying something else about these are messages, and I feel like that's the same with our emotions, right? Like people, I remember when I was young, like. Don't be angry, that's not ladylike. Or, you know, as opposed to someone saying to me like, well, wow, let's like sit with your anger for a minute. What is that even telling you? Because our emotions are actually these tiny little gifts of messages for us that we've been so, um, conditioned, I feel to ignore because it's inappropriate. Yes. Especially for women to be angry.

Haley

Yes. And that's right. That's often because the people who are saying that, like they can't hold those emotions. Right. Or it's inconvenient for them in the moment. Yeah. But our body is so finely tuned. We have such intelligence in the body, right? That Yeah. These emotions, they are trying to tell us something really important.

Heather

Yeah. Yeah. And saying the body is so finely tuned to all of this. Like when I talk about intuition, I feel like sometimes. People will feel like it's, mm, because we're such thinkers, because we're such, we intellectualize everything and we're so cerebral that it's like, oh, intuition is this like, you know, connection that's like up here. But really intuition is like your body senses the, they talk about the, you know, people talk about the clear senses. It's your clear sense of hearing. It's your clear sense of seeing, it's your sense. So it's. In the body. Right. And we're so taught, and I wonder if you, you know, if this resonates for you in terms of communication, like when we're just up here as opposed to like, which isn't easy, right? It's a practice like being in our body. When we're communicating, is it different? Like if someone is communicating and they're really just up here like going completely on logic and they're not in their body, versus someone who's able to like be there like presently in their full body and communicate?

Haley

A hundred percent. A hundred percent. That actually speaks to. Like one of my first transformative experiences with NVC in my first course and I then I got hooked on it because, you know, I was so disconnected from my emotions as a lawyer. I mean, I just lived in my head and I had such a demanding, I. Job that like literally my emotions were inconvenient. You know? I didn't have time for them. Yeah. So it was kind of a wild process and I literally would study like these lists of feelings and needs'cause I just wasn't so connected with it. So in this first course that I took, the trainer kind of worked with people individually, kind of in demos, and I had a situation and I was so confused about it. And I knew, okay, there's some unmet needle live in me. And I was trying to analyze it. Trying to analyze it, and she kept telling me, okay, you're in your head. Drop down to your heart. Drop down into your body. And I would do that for a second and then I would like come back to my head and start analyzing and she's like, okay. She was very patient, but also firm of like gotta drop down into your body and it. Like opened this massive, I mean, it was just an incredible experience'cause it touched something so deep when I allowed myself to get into my body and there was just deep pain there. Yeah. And I was trying to analyze around it and understand it, but I was really in some ways maybe trying to protect myself from the pain and sadness that was present beneath it. But once I touched that pain and sadness and kind of got to what unmet need there was, it felt like such a relief. It felt like such a relief. And you know what? I've never gotten that felt sense of relief just from analyzing a problem. And once I started to have that felt experience of relief in my body and the clarity of like, oh, that's it. Oh, I so want that. I like crave it, you know?'cause I know it's possible now, that deeper level of relief and clarity when it's like, oh, I feel it in my body, that's where I wanna be. Mm-hmm.

Heather

I love that you shared that because you are not alone. I think just humans in general. We live from the neck up

Heather (2)

mm-hmm.

Heather

Constantly. And it's, um, you know, everybody's experience is different. Everybody I. Receives differently, and some of us may not feel so safe in our bodies. So listeners, if you're out there and you're like, yeah, that's all well and good, but like, I've tried that and, and I just, I can't, I can't seem to do it. Um, you know, there are people. Like Haley or, or therapists or other people that can help you practice.'cause it really and truly is a practice. And when I say a practice, it's not like you practice it for like four months or a year and then like you're the best at it. No, it is like a daily. For me anyway, it is a daily practice to remind myself like, woo, whoa, girl, you're like up in the hamster wheel. Like let's stop, like put my feet on the earth. Whatever those tools are that you can use to bring yourself into your body, uh, and for anyone out there who is like, I just don't feel safe in my body, then, then there is a clear need for some sort of support. To help you learn, right? I think we can eventually learn that. Look, everybody's experience is different and, and being comfortable in your body, there's, you know, it's a, it's a wide scale of what feels comfortable, what doesn't, what your path was and why, uh, and. What you said at the end of, of what you just shared when you said, but like, oh, I like craved it once I got there. Like once I was able to, to feel that and to be, you know, more present in my body because I think we can be in our head constantly and it's just really, it's taking us in circles and circles and circles and it's the best way, it's the best way to not feel your feelings. Like I, you know, I used to joke about therapy, like talk therapy for me worked really, really well and I'm so grateful for the therapist that I had. And then I came to a point where I was like, look, I could tell my story till I'm blue in the face. I could talk and talk and talk and talk and talk to you. And it's not really changing anything. Like I need something like, so I need something somatic. I need something where I'm like being brought into my body. I still haven't quite found exactly what that is. And so just remember listeners, it is a practice that you will continue to do through your life because everything changes, right? Like our days are different, our hours are different. Things happen, traumas come up, experiences come up, and each time is an opportunity to practice coming out of your head. Trying not to live from the neck up.

Heather (2)

Mm-hmm.

Haley

Yeah, that's beautiful. I so resonate with everything you just shared. And also to amplify it of how. We don't have to do it alone. And I think especially in the United States, we're really like an individualistic kind of culture, right? Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, et cetera. So we get so many messages about, you know, the individual striving, the individual having to fix themselves. But really it's like, it's okay to need support, right? Mm-hmm. Mm. Yes. So powerful. Like to do, to do things together. Yes. Yes. Right. To find gentle ways of, yeah. Being in support in community, in connection. I mean, these are things we really need.

Heather

Yes. A million times. Yes. This was what came to me in the garden about season five of this podcast is exactly what you just said. We, we don't have to do this alone. It is better to do it with support in community, and it's a beautiful segue into sharing. I'm sure that you do work outside of our local area in the Blue Ridge here as well. Uh, but I would love to for you to just share a little bit about how you help the community in that way with communication. What, what are your offerings? Uh, how can people work with you if they're listening to this and they're like, wow.

Haley

I'd so love to hear from from listeners. It'd be so wonderful. I find this work so, so meaningful. I always feel after a session, oh, it's such a gift, right? I feel nervous and bias as well. So I work with people one-on-one, you know, over Zoom and can do mediation, facilitated dialogues if people are. You know, wanting to unravel some of these challenges maybe they're having personally or with others, so can support people individually. And moving from that, that doubt or confusion into that space of clarity about what is it that I need, and then how to communicate that with someone. Um, so through one-on-one work through. Mediations and facilitated dialogues. That's kind of one capacity. And then I'm also doing workshops and trainings in nonviolent communication, so a space for building these skills. Hmm. I've been offering workshops in CRO and Charlottesville, and we'll be doing more of that this fall, and so I'll have those offerings listed on my website and. I'm still in the planning stages of whether that will be online or in person or one or the other. And both. Sure. Um,'cause I really do love doing things in person because I do think Zoom is fantastic and I love the quality of presence. And I love bringing people together and I'm teaching a basic course right now, and it's just so beautiful for me to like, bring these people together who they maybe wouldn't otherwise have met. And you know, when we do these empathic, um, empathy exchanges and duets, I mean, they're sharing and connecting and it is the how do we weave together our common humanity? And it is, ugh, it's so precious.

Heather

How do we weave together our common? Is that what you said? Humanity,

Haley

the common That

Heather

was so beautiful and such important essential work in this time that we're in. Um, thought we were wrapping up here, but intuition says a little bit more. So what's coming up for me is I had a relative recently share with me. Uh, that they've been writing and that they sent an article that was published in the, in local paper, not here, um, somewhere else. And that it was about how important it is for us to be able to talk to each other. You know, I think this was solely based like, or not solely based, but I think it was driven by politics. Mm-hmm. And, and how do we move forward from where we are if we can't talk to each other. And so can we have these safer spaces, right? Like where we can be able to listen to each other. And what's coming up for me is like, it isn't that simple, right? It's not, it's not enough to just say like, can't we just listen to each other? Can't we just talk? It feels, especially after talking with you, that like there's work to be done. Yes. Individual work to be done.

Haley

Yeah, there is a lot of skill building and I think especially in this moment of in time, there's really been decades of creating these kind of like enemy images mm-hmm. Of other side. Right. So some of it too is how do we shift out of this conscious consciousness of thinking of sides, thinking of the enemy that they're wrong. So. There's a lot, there are many pieces in, in doing this because I think we're at a point where, yeah, if we want to have dialogues that are about bridging, about weaving together, about understanding, we have to do that in a delicate way and not risk, you know, further disconnection.

Heather

Mm-hmm. Hmm. Yeah, because a lot of communication of late is really not communication, it's just talking at

Haley

Yes. Yeah. And be, and also because these are topics that touch people so deeply and touch to the core of like safety and security and core values and needs that. It's, it is hard to kind of maintain that calm and those open ears to hear someone else's side because it's threatening to us. Mm-hmm. When, right. We feel we are in threat. You know, there are different ways that our nervous system responds. And so that's also kind of a component too, of just acknowledging Yeah. The nervous system gets very activated. Um, and so yeah, how do we care for all of this? How do we navigate through this together? And I, I am hopeful. I do think there are skilled people out there and there's desire and we are going to find a way to walk this path together. I have deep hope in that. Yeah,

Heather

yeah, yeah. And just knowing right, that like there is a need underneath.

Haley

Mm-hmm.

Heather

All of the talking at.

Haley

Yes. And it takes time to unravel that and go down the layers because we are often stuck at this high level of, yeah, the surface level, the the policies, the strategies, the what's happening, and how do we slow the conversation down to unravel the layers to get down to that core need of what someone is desiring. And it's, we will find that. That common universal need, but it does take some time.

Heather

Totally. And, and underneath it all, like my husband and I will talk about this a lot, I do feel like a lot of the needs of most humans, like the basic needs, you know, not, not shelter and, and food and those things, but the needing to be. Seen the needing to be heard, the needing to be understood, the want for, you know, well, maybe it's not everybody's want, but for people to be safe and to, and, and all of these things, like, I feel like there's so much disconnect, but really when you unravel it and you go beneath the layers and you learn what other people's desires are and needs are, is it really that different? Like right at that like more basic level and not getting into like bringing it full circle to what you shared in the beginning. Not to the right and the wrong, you know, not, it's so black and white and, and through my healing journey I have learned that there is so much gray.

Haley

Yes.

Heather

There's so much gray that we just really, as you shared, right, as humans, we, we go to the right and to the wrong, to the bad and to the good and there's just so much in between. That needs to be unraveled. Mm-hmm. Mm. Oh, thank you so much. I feel like I could talk about this with you forever, thank you so much, Hailey, for being here with us today. And before we leave, I would love to give you a moment to be quiet for a second and. Connect with your heart space and share whatever is here for our listeners from you in this moment.

Haley

Hmm. Oh, I love that invitation. Yeah. I'll take a moment. Thank you.

Heather (2)

Hmm.

Haley

I think what comes up for me is just, oh, my tender heart. Hmm. Your tender heart. Oh, our tender hearts. We all have these tender. Tender hearts. Yeah. How can we care for our own hearts and for others? There is a way to bring this compassion and care for our tender hearts.

Heather

Oh, thank you so much. This has been such a gift to have you here and we've never met before, but since you're local, I, I would love to meet you in person and continue the conversation. That's exciting. I usually don't have guests that, that are local, so this season is very exciting'cause I'm like, oh, I can actually connect with these people in person, which is so beautiful. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your wisdom. It has been such a gift to sit here and, and talk with you today.

Haley

It's been such a pleasure, Heather. Thank you very much.

Heather

Alright, my lovely listeners. Thank you so much for spending your time with us today and until next time, wrapping you in so much healing Love

I. It was so wonderful to be here with you today. I know you're busy and that your time is precious, so thank you. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. If today's conversation resonated, it would really mean the world. If you'd take just a moment to rate and subscribe wherever you love to listen to podcasts, and if you feel called leaving a review or sharing this episode with someone who might need, it really helps the work. Reach the hearts it's meant for. You'll find all the links to connect to today's guest in the show notes below. Until next time, may you remember to quiet the chaos tune inward and hear her. She speaks your deepest truth.