Ep. 79 Connection Beyond Loss: Love, Grief & Continuing Bonds with Amy Cox Artwork

HEAR HER with Heather Dressel

It's time to harness the power of your intuition and trust your wisest guide!Through healing conversations, guided journey, breath work and more you'll have space to quiet the chaos, tune in and HEAR HER. Come play with us!

All Episodes

HEAR HER with Heather Dressel

Ep. 79 Connection Beyond Loss: Love, Grief & Continuing Bonds with Amy Cox

May 14, 2026 • Heather Dressel • Season 5 • Episode 79

0:00 | 54:50

Welcome back to the HEAR HER podcast.

Please Note:
This episode includes a discussion of child loss and suicide. Please listen with care and tend to yourself as needed. 💛

In this deeply tender and compassionate conversation, Heather sits with Amy Cox to explore grief, loss, and the unimaginable experience of losing a child. Amy shares her journey with honesty, courage, and a love that continues beyond physical presence.

Together, we move through the complexities of grief—not as something to “fix,” but something to honor, feel, and live alongside. This episode is an invitation into compassion, presence, and the quiet strength it takes to keep going.

We Explore:

Navigating grief after the loss of a child
The ongoing relationship we hold with those we’ve lost
Love as something that continues beyond physical form
The non-linear nature of grief and healing
Holding space for both sorrow and life simultaneously
Compassion—for ourselves and others in deep pain
What it means to keep living forward after loss

Connect with today's guest:

Book a Session: (scroll down to find Amy)
https://www.reposespastudio.com/practitioners

Email: Skylinereiki@gmail.com

We Mention:

Helping Parents Heal: https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/

If you or someone you love is struggling, please know you're not alone. 🤍

FOR HELP:
• United States & Canada: Call or text 988
• Worldwide: Visit FindAHelpline.org to find crisis support in your country.

Work with Heather

✨ Join the HEAR HER Sisterhood – Email us divinelysensitive@gmail.com to receive a direct invitation as we slowly open the back door for the women who are ready! We're waiting with open arms.💗

✨ Book a Session at OverSoul – In-person sessions: Energy Medicine, Reiki, Private Sound Bath, and personalized healing packages available https://oversoulhealingcenter.janeapp.com/#/staff_member/35

Let’s Stay in Touch

📧Join the Email Community :

https://artisanal-teacher-5816.kit.com/2212c835d6

📸 Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/divinelysensitive/
📘 Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/hearherpodcast
💌 Email – divinelysensitive@gmail.com

Thank You for Listening

If this episode resonated, you’re invited to like, subscribe, write a review, and share the podcast—it helps this work reach the hearts it’s meant for.

Until next time, may you remember to quiet the chaos, tune inward, and HEAR HER.

Speaker 0:06

Hello, lovely listeners and welcome back to another episode of the Hear Her podcast. It is so wonderful to be here with you if you're new around here. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm Heather, founding mother of Divinely Sensitive, an energy doula and spiritual guide. Us Walking Women Home to themselves and at the heart of my work is the Hear her sister. An online space to come home to yourself again and again and again. It's a place to explore your intuition at your own pace, rooted in the sacred feminine, the seasons, and the natural world. Inside, you'll find monthly guided journeys. Meditations, Oracle Readings, live gatherings. Simple yet potent practices and so much more. All alongside a loving community of like-hearted women, learning to trust themselves in these uncertain times. So if you're feeling the pull for connection or support, there's a link in the show notes to join our online community. And if you're local to the Charlottesville area or passing through, come see me at Overs, soul Healing Center. It's such a cozy spot. I offer Reiki, private sound, bath, and intuitive energy medicine sessions. I would love to meet you where you are.

Speaker 2 1:43

Today's guest was a really special connection for me. She has the most loving, present mother energy. Our conversation is beautifully vulnerable. It's incredibly potent medicine, really for anyone feeling alone in their grief. Just before we connected to record this conversation, I visited her at Repo's Spa Studio in Seaville and received the most nurturing grief massage. That's right. You heard me. Grief massage. Did you even know that existed? If you're a grieving, I highly, highly recommend looking in your area for someone who is skilled at grief massage. I had no idea it existed until I met today's guest. After losing my mom 10 years ago, going through my own cancer journey about eight years ago, and then losing four very dear friends within a three year period. Let's just say I needed to be held. My grief needed space to move and to breathe. And if you're curious, if you haven't listened to the first episode of season five, I do share more about my own grief journey and why I needed to take a couple of years away from the microphone. If you haven't listened, this is your invitation. Okay. Back to today's guest and her loving touch. If you're local to the Charlottesville area or just passing through, and you need to be held in your grief exactly where you are. No shame, no judgment. I highly recommend connecting with today's guest being held by her exactly where I was. Well, it was exactly the medicine I needed in the moment, and I really look forward to when intuition nudges me to receive this medicine from her again. Amy Cox is a shamanic reiki master, master aesthetician, and licensed massage therapist. With over 30 years of experience in healing arts based in Charlottesville, Virginia. She serves as an affiliate leader for the national organization, helping parents heal, supporting families, navigating the profound journey of grief. Amy's work is deeply rooted in her personal path of healing. In 2017, shortly after beginning her reiki training, her eldest son Mackellar transitioned into the spirit realm at the age of 19. This life-altering loss became the catalyst for a spiritual awakening that reshaped her life and her purpose. Committed to understanding the connection between the physical and spiritual realms. Amy immersed herself in energy work, grief, massage, and intuitive healing to both connect with her son and help others navigate their own path. Today Amy specializes in holding sacred space for others. Guiding individuals through their grief with compassion, love, and deep presence. Her lived experience allows her to meet people exactly where they are without judgment. Offering a unique blend of empathy and insight. Amy believes that through loss we can uncover profound gifts, and she now walks through life with a renewed perspective, one that honors the beauty in transformation. And the resilience of the human spirit. As a highly sensitive soul, I wanna make sure that before you dive into this episode, you know that we do talk about the loss of a child and the grief journey of loss in general. I am beyond excited to share this intuitive conversation with you. You are in for such a treat. Okay, my loves. Here we go.

Heather 5:38

Amy, welcome, welcome, welcome to the Hear Her podcast. It's so good to be here with you.

Amy 5:45

So good to be here. Thank you for having me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Heather 5:48

Yes. Yes. So excited for this conversation. Hello, lovely listeners, as usual, if you've been listening along, we are gonna start with a little grounding to bring us into the present moment. So if you're able to pause and close your eyes, wonderful. inviting you to just feel your feet on the floor and allow your breath to just be where it is. Bringing some awareness to the breath going into your body and the air coming out. Noticing if you have any tension anywhere in your body that you may wanna stretch or using your breath, sending a little love to that area of your body, inviting you to place your hands over your heart. And to deepen and slow your breath. Feeling a deep, deep, compassionate mother presence with us here today, inviting you to soften into that. Allowing yourself to be where you are in this moment without shame or judgment. With your breath, letting go of anything that was happening before you landed here with us. And remembering anything that's going on afterwards will be there for you. And there is a big, beautiful invitation to be here in this beautiful present moment with us. Inviting you to breathe in all the healing love that swirls around you on the inhale and let go of whatever's not serving you in this moment. You don't have to know what that is. Just setting the intention to energetically release with the breath. We'll take three nice deep breaths together. Breathe. Breathe.

9:01

And one last breath together. Beautiful. And when you feel complete, you can open your eyes and join us in the present moment. It's so good to be here with you.

Amy 9:21

That's so good to be here. Thank you for having me. Very honored. Thank you.

Heather 9:27

So this is a little different because. Y'all. I got to be with Amy yesterday because she is, she lives where, near where I live and I was able to have a session, um, a grief massage with Amy, and we're gonna definitely talk about it today. But I just wanted to share that that happened because it's really creating this like, oh, I'm just feeling this heat and this healing energy. And it's like the connection that Amy and I had yesterday is like. Living on through what we're gonna be getting into today. And so I welcome you into that, to be there and to be here with us. Uh, and so, Amy, as we always start on the podcast, how do you sprinkle your magic in the world?

Amy 10:10

Oh my goodness. Well, I will tell you that as, um, I began with the near-death experience at age 5, 19 74, became obsessed with angels. And, um, had my heart stop on the operating room table and came outta my body, floated up, was sitting on the ceiling, and then had an eight beautiful angel come and tell me what my life was gonna be like. And I had the opportunity to stay or leave and I chose to stay. And so it was 1974, excuse me, before even this near death experiences were out, that I was obsessed with angels my entire life. And I was told as a child I was a giver. But then in, um. 2017, July, my beautiful 19-year-old son transitioned out of body into spirit. And two weeks before that I became a Reiki practitioner and it his transition plus I believe that, um, along with being a massage therapist 30 years catapulted me. To wanting to truly give back to the universe. And it, um, I believe also going through that growth, uh, trauma, heartbreak thinking, I would never in my entire life recover from my child not being on this earth, but. Realizing that I could survive this. He gave me so many beautiful gifts. I wanted to pay it forward. I wanted to help others see that you can survive something that is called the unsurvivable, and the gifts that I was given from his transition from not only him, but from others helping me. I have to do something. I have to, I have to give back. And, um. That's what catapulted me into truly becoming the human that I am today and the soul that I am today living. Trying to live in that, that place of the gift of life and wanting to be here and wanting to help others was his transition out of body.

12:28

Hmm. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with us. That is so beautiful. The gift of life that's just like vibrating through me, as you say, that

Amy 12:42

whole perspective on, we see life with a completely different lens than when he was living. And, um, I'm truly grateful. I I would never have said this. Been the year that he transitioned outta here, but his transition has given me, I'm changed for a thousand times better. I'm a thousand times better soul than I ever could have been and never would have thought that before his, his departure from his body, and would never tell that to a newly bereaved parent. That it is possible. I, it, it's, it's hard for me to tell that to new people. 'cause they're like, are, are you kidding me? And I'm like, no, seriously. I am so much better in so many more ways than I, I ever was alive. Really, truly wasn't alive. He was, I am now alive. Wow. And I'm so grateful to be

13:50

Wow. And since your son has been in spirit. I hope it's okay for me to ask this, please. Are you at all? Okay. I'm so good.

Amy 14:00

I'm so good.

14:02

Are you able to connect with him in spirit?

Amy 14:06

Yes, and I didn't tell people this for a long time 'cause I was like, oh, they're gonna think she's woo woo or crazy. But he left. He chose to leave. He ended his life by suicide. July 1st, 2017. And, um, on July 2nd, I woke up and when I opened my eyes, my, the entire bedroom where I was, was filled with the most beautiful, peaceful energy that was floating in my room. Almost like a, like jellyfish moving around, even though it wasn't jellyfish, I saw a cross. I saw orbs and that was the first time I could actually see energy, and it did not take away my despair, did not take away My desire to not live did not take away my incredible heartbreak. It gave me hope. It gave me hope that we continue to exist beyond what we can see beyond this physical reality, and that if I wa, I truly wasn't sure if it was him connecting with me or if it was angels. I call myself. I grew up as a JV Catholic, meaning that I was, we were Catholic. And then my mom got divorced and we became Episcopalian. So I was told by a varsity coach, she was like, oh, you're JD Catholic. So I got JD Catholic, and um, so I definitely believed in heaven and hell and what, you know, whatever, as a JD Catholic would believe. But, um. I knew that moment on there was something more than what we can see. And from that day on I was like, I will find where Mackellar is.

Heather 15:55

Mm, I'm

Amy 15:56

gonna find him. We continue to, there is a beautiful relationship, mother and son, or whatever relationship you have in body does not cease to end. When you leave your body, it continues. And not only does it continue, it can get better. Mm-hmm. And here's have the ability, all of us have the ability to keep the connection open and make it happen. And I made sure that I worked every single day to find a way to connect with him and he is was on fire to make sure that would happen. He, it, it was just it. And I do believe in my, my understanding, um, was that when you, if you go through trauma and then also, and you probably know this as a reiki practitioner yourself, that when you get those attunements, that it can just burst open your doors wide open. And, and I was told by, a medium, a well known medium. In the very beginning, this was, this is really kind of funny 'cause people are like, we wanna see a medium. Like I didn't, it is Okay. Sure. I mean, just different people were telling me this, so I finally, I was like, fine. Okay. And somebody gifted me a session with a, a well-known medium in Arizona and she was like, Keller leaving his body has blown your doors wide open to your abilities to connect. Spirit with him. He's going to progress your abilities, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's gonna be in the room working with you. Now, mind you, I'm a massage therapist and I'm like, he's gonna be sitting in the corner like watching me do massage. That doesn't. Oh, okay. Like, I had no ideas what, and then that continued when I would connect with, um, mediums and intuitives or like, Mackellar is opening you up even more. He's working with you in your room, dah, dah, dah. And I'm like, okay. It wasn't until just recently I'm like, oh, now I understand that he's coming in, he's bringing people in, he's letting, he's like the guard. He's the guard at the door who's safe to come in, who's able to connect or, you know, um, he is, he's like, stands there with Archangel Michael in the sense with the blue sword. He's like, mom, I got my blue sword. It's all good.

Heather 18:23

Mm-hmm.

Amy 18:25

So, yeah, it's, um, it's been a true, I mean, like I say, I, I would never have thought this in a million years, but it is just. Bless me in so many ways. By transitioning Now I'm gonna back up and say, of course, as the mother here, physical in my body. I want my physical child here. God, this, his smile, his laugh. He was. Six three, this. He would hug me at 16, pick me up in front of people, hug me, tell me he loves me in front of everybody. And my friends are like, how did you do that? I'm like, I, I dunno. We just, we just had this very beautiful relationship. And not that I didn't, don't have that with, I have two other twins, will and Claire, who are gonna be 24 next month. They, they weren't like that. They're not, they're just your normal, beautiful, fabulous, fun teens. Mackellar was just different. He, he was, he is especially unique and I have learned also, he doesn't like being in body. He doesn't like to be in this. It's too hard for him. He prefers to be in spirit. He does better work there. He and I forever. I was like, what is that? What? And now I, now I understand. I mean, now I just, mm-hmm. So much peace and, and, um, comfort and beauty and that. Sorry to jump back. Oh yeah. But that's why I'm like, I want so much to pay it forward with all the lessons that I've been given, that I've been taught that I understand and to help others in any way possible to know it is possible to heal from what we believe is truly the impossible.

Heather 20:06

Hmm.

Amy 20:06

What a gift. It's, uh, it's. What I believe my purpose is, honestly, is to help others heal. Now I understand that it's like, okay, how do I go about doing it? But I know that is now truly besides being will clear and Keller's mama, I, I believe going forward it is what can I do and to help people heal from everything. You know, I've gone through, um, two divorces, both I, my biological father has passed and my stepfather passed two years before McKeller. As we briefly mentioned, I went from being an crazy healthy fitness teacher, single mom, to losing my health completely and having to learn how to relive. Um, and then my son transitioned and, um, so I, I know there's all types of loss, but, but my understanding, what I have learned with all types of loss. There is the ability, um, with work and, um, to, with work, to heal. And I just want help. I just, I wanna help, I wanna pay forward what I've been given in this life.

21:13

Hmm. Amy, that's so beautiful and I love that you said we all have, I think you said either we all have the capacity or we all have the ability, um, to keep that communication open.

Amy 21:25

Every single person. You do not have to be a medium. You do not. You just have to believe. First of all, you have to believe, right? Yes. You have to believe there's the ability. You have to believe that only death is the physical body. That's it. Mm-hmm. Consciousness continues. And then you have to believe the si. I mean, well, that's two things. Then you have to believe the signs that they're sending you are real. So one of the, how I sprinkle my stuff is I am one of the, I, I am the affiliate leader here in Charlottesville, Virginia for an organization called Helping Parents Heal. It's a national organization founded by, uh, Elizabeth Bosan. And the, it's in, um, Arizona is the. Headquarters, but now it's international. And how we're different from other grieve? Uh, not, I don't wanna say grief groups, but how we're different from other support groups who've lost children is that we recognize that our children still exist and they want to connect with us. Yes. But that they want us to be happy. They want us when we live and we celebrate life. We're celebrating them, we're celebrating their existence, and they know that we know that we are still gonna be together. They're gonna be way, they're gonna be pulling us over when it's time for us, for our bodies to be done. So we're not for everybody. We talk about after death communication. We have, uh, world renowned mediums who are double blind, tested a million times. I mean, it's just. It, there are many people totally understand everybody's at a different level. It's not dogmatic, it's not religious. Um, there are many people who, everybody's at different places in their journeys that it's, they're not comfortable with it and that's fine. But we are a, a national, nationwide group helping parents heal. Um, that's been really phenomenal.

Heather 23:26

Hmm.

Amy 23:28

Teaching parents how to connect, letting them know, but their children want, they want us to heal. They want us to live. They want us to continue. That is, that is a legacy of love to them that they, and I understand. Let me tell you that first year when after, maybe I think I was on the ground, on my knees with animals screaming and crying. 10 months. But when I started to laugh, I felt guilty because I think that came that

24:06

grief

Amy 24:06

people. Amy, you cut out a little

24:08

bit. Okay. So you said I was on the ground with the animals screaming and then you froze a little bit. So Sharon, again,

Amy 24:15

so that that animal, that animal, horrible whales that you hear from animals that are scream wailing. Pain. That's the kind of whales you hear when a mother's lost her child. And, um, I was that for a good 10 months, every day on the ground. And, um, once I started to to laugh, I felt guilty once I started to smile. And I believe that a lot, I, I, I, for me, that I felt like that pain kept me connected to mackellar. And I imagine that's, it kept that shield like this was, you know, that shield of, I'm still, he's still here, we're still connected 'cause I've got that pain. And I think that's very hard to let go of that shield and honor because you think, oh my gosh, well he would want me to, you know, be so in pain that he's not here.

Heather 25:15

But

Amy 25:16

it's um, that's just the opposite.

Heather 25:19

And

Amy 25:20

when and when I truly, I mean my counselor, my grief counselor was after years. She's like, oh, you're really committed to be here. Not that I ever really didn't realize I wasn't, but um, I think many parents could admit that they really, you just, the, the will to live for me was just because Will and Claire were here and I was not about to, but never leave my children. Right. Um, but you wanna be with your children. Yeah. You know, and if you have one child who left by not because they were struggling, it's like, I wanted to be with him. He, he left, I failed him, is what my thought was.

Heather 25:56

You know,

Amy 25:57

we protect our children and I couldn't protect him. Um, so once I got through that, I realized, wait a second. I need to, he needs to see that I'm alive. He, he wants me to live. He would be so angry or, or not angry. He would be very upset that if I crossed over because he couldn't be there, that's 'cause he couldn't be here. That's every time I got into that dark spot. But, um, helping parents heal. Burning tools to connect great counseling. Meditation, meditation, meditation, meditation. Connecting with him.

Heather 26:37

Mm.

Amy 26:38

Every day I got, it was summer, so every day I got out on my paddle board and made sure I moved my body and then screamed in the water, cried, screamed, yelled. You know, all those good things.

26:49

Yes. Which is so important. I mean, I have never, um, felt that kind of grief. So I can only imagine, and as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking, you know, of the, of the people listening to the podcast, and I'm sure there's a lot of people that struggle to emote, right? Like, I'm sure there's a lot of people who go through this kind of grief who are unable to do the screaming and the moving of the body. And so could you just talk a little bit as a grief counselor, um. How important that part is to, and I'm a great counselor. I'm a great massage therapist. Massage therapist. Sorry. Yes. No,

Amy 27:26

no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. And this is so interesting. One of our, so I have twins. One twin went right away into counseling with us, wanted to get help, wanted to get counseling. The other twin was not ready and their counselor can't make them. And people are like, well, if that twin doesn't get counseling, they're gonna get, gonna get stuck. And they're gonna. Not be okay. And I was just like, oh my God, be fine. Well, I did understand as I went on and then developed reiki, like, oh, the energetic body things get stuck in our energy field and we get blockages. And then it, it can create an illness, it can create mm-hmm.

Heather 28:01

You know,

Amy 28:01

emotional, um, conditions. It can, it can, it can create all these things you need to be able to move things out. So with, um. That being said, it is important to be able to get in a place where you're continually moving, moving the grief out as massage. When I do what I do that's different from massage therapy to grief massage is I create a safe space for you to take off that social mass that I'm okay. I'm fine. How are you today? I'm great. Life's great. I just lost my child. I just lost my parent, my dog, pet, whatever. I'm great and not talk about it because what we do when we are grieving, we're helping everybody else let us be okay. Mm-hmm. They are not comfortable, society's not comfortable seeing us. Okay. Not okay.

Heather 28:51

That's true. And

Amy 28:52

uh, it is literally, I cannot tell you how many people I had to comfort when my son transitioned. And that's just, it's not their fault. It's not. It's just they're so upset because we're so destroyed. So in grief, a massage, it is letting them not be okay. It's okay to not be okay. Yes, it's okay to not be okay. You do not have to wear that social mask. You can take it off. But the other thing, when we are in grief. We're constantly in fight or flight, and so our muscles are constantly tight and holding and just can't relax. You can't let go. It's, um, the cortisol levels are high and so it is important to be able to finally go into, get out of sympathetic nervous system, which is the fight or flight. Mm-hmm. The stress, and to get into parasympathetic. Nervous system response, which is rest, relaxation, and restore. So in grief, ma, massage therapy, that is the goal. Don't get any like, oh, my neck is really hurting. Can you get in there? No, I don't want you to clench. If I'm working on you, I don't want anything. There's a lot of, um, it's very gentle. It's very light. It is moving the blood flow, bringing circulation to the muscles, organs, tissues. It's a lot of holding. Um, some grief, um, I'm sorry, not trigger points. That's not what I'm saying. Reflexology points of, uh, grief where grief gets stuck. And I also do clearing the lung meridians. I do a little bit of energy work with that, clearing the meridian lines. And I, I pull in some reiki to clear in the chakras, um, that I know can be stuck, uh, as well. But it really is bringing it down to parasympathetic so you can start. To begin that healing process. So it's not like you're gonna come in and I'm gonna be like, okay, your grief is gonna be gone today. That's not right. It's, it's not like that. It's like, okay, let's start getting you into parasympathetic so you can begin to let go of the tension in your body and so you can begin to heal the process, the healing process heal because it's a journey and nobody, there's no like. How long is it gonna be? No, no. Nobody knows. I mean, just there's, there's none of that.

31:19

Yeah. Everybody's different. As humans, we always wanna know things, right? Like, well long, is this gonna take, um, or like the logic brain kicks in and you're just wanting to know like, well, how many sessions do I need to have? Oh,

Amy 31:31

I, when, when Kel transitioned, I. What's the timeline? I can be horrible, but I need to know an end date. I was like, I, yeah. Is it five years? Is it three? What? When am I gonna like, what are we talking here? Yeah. I literally, I remember kept going to grief groups, different groups. I'm like, but what, what's the end date where I don't, I'm not gonna be like that. And nobody's like, yeah.

31:53

Yeah. Grief is a, is an interesting thing, right? Like I remember when my mom died, which we talked about yesterday, you and I at my session. Like, like hours after she passed. 'cause it was the morning and I was at her home and, and she, she died in, in the home. We did hospice at home. And, um, I was just in this place of like, I could feel myself stuck. It was just this like, ugh, like I couldn't, I was like struggling to move through the day and I found myself on my computer Googling. How do you grieve? My husband's standing behind me with his hand on my shoulder and reading it and going, oh honey, you're googling how to grieve. And I was just like, I, I, I don't know. I don't know what to do. Right. Like what, what happens now? Right,

Amy 32:43

right. Because you know what? Society is not comfortable Amer, at least our society is not comfortable with us being uncomfortable. Like, yeah. Hey, are you better now? Good. That's great. Get better quickly 'cause I don't wanna deal with your uncomfortableness.

32:58

Oh, that is so true. That's so true. And that, that stems out into right listeners feeling our emotions. You know, when someone asks, uh, this is something that we share in, in my hear her sisterhood is, uh, every Monday I have a post that's like, how are you really like, and this is like not the Yeah, I'm good. I'm fine. Right? Because when people ask us that question. Do they really have time? Do they really wanna know all of the things? Yeah. And if you actually shared how you were truly feeling and what was bothering you, like, that would definitely make somebody uncomfortable, right? Like, oh, we're not used to like holding space for people's emotions. Like, come on, we got other things to do. It,

Amy 33:41

it, it, it is holding that space. And so I went to JMU, my daughter went to JMU and I went to JMU to do, they asked me to come in and talk about. Keller's trans, uh, su suicidal tendencies and leading up to that. And one of the biggest things I said, you know, when you ask somebody how they are, they're really listen. But I think one of the great things to say instead of, how are you doing? 'cause most people are like, I'm fine. Don't worry about ask 'em what's on their heart. Is your heart heavy today? Do you wanna tell your heart to man? And, um. How's your heart feel? And that's what I did with the kids growing up. Like when they would get hurt, especially when they're little, I was like, does your body hurt or does your heart hurt? And, um, that to me, I was able to, I was hoping to teach the boys to like, let 'em know it was okay to be emotional as a K of release. But it also helped me understand if they were, when they were little and couldn't express, you know?

Heather 34:40

Yeah.

Amy 34:41

But the, then my understanding is they both went on to like, would ask their friends that as they got older. But I think that opens up the door more, um, to letting PE gives the other person an opportunity to really speak what's on their mind. And if, and if they don't want to, they don't want, then you can say, okay, well do you wanna tell me more?

35:01

Yeah. I love that because I, I feel like, um, it's part of the written human script, right? Like wherever you go, grocery store, anywhere. How you doing? Oh, good, good. How are you? Good. Good, good, good. Yeah, everybody's good. Everybody's

Amy 35:14

fine. Everybody's great. Everybody's good. Everybody's great. And so with grief, massage what I've learned to say. If not, oh hi. How are you today? I'm like, glad you can make it in today. 'cause I know that's hard. Yes. It's hard. Yes. And it's hard. And I don't, I, I mean, I knew you were coming in, we had, you know, all this stuff, but I don't think, I, I didn't, I don't hope I didn't say that, but new clients come in. I'm like, so glad you made it in today. Yes. That's no, because it just sucks. Yeah.

35:42

Well, and it's so cool to have, um. Have you here today, of course, but also to have experienced your energy and your healing and this grief massage myself before talking with you and, and listeners, if you're local to this Blue Ridge area, I highly recommend if you are struggling with grief, um, and any of this at all feels like, Ooh, yes, in your body, please go see Amy. I mean, from the second I walked through your door, it was like I just felt. The compassion and I felt the holding, and I felt the warmth and your angelic energy. Uh, allowed me to be able to be vulnerable because sometimes it's really hard. Right. We are used to wearing that mask. We're used to telling everybody, yeah, I'm good. I'm fine. I've got a million things to do. I can't be upset right now. You know? Yes. Or you have the people like, oh, well didn't your mom die like 10 years ago though? Like, you wait. You should be fine by now. Like, you should be like so good and totally go over that. Nope. Those are the people who have probably not experienced grief or are unable to. Really feel their grief. And so it was so refreshing to be in a space where I was truly held and I don't even think I had to drop the mask or take it off. I literally, I think it was like butter. I think it just like melted off of me as soon as I walked into your space, into your energy field. And uh, and the massage itself, you know, I was trying to explain it to my husband last night. And my body has not felt that relaxed and calm and, and safe to be relaxed and calm in a long, long, long time. Uh, and I mean, I had an incredible experience in terms of also, you know. Mother Mary coming to me, right. Like we talked about that. And then the sign of the butterfly for my, my grandmother, and it felt like my mother was there. And we had some, you know, interesting conversations afterwards about what came up for us. Uh, but just being on that table, it was like, you took me to, it's like you took me to a healing field. I love

Heather 38:07

that.

38:09

And that's so beautiful. It's just like, I, it's so hard to put words to it. And I will say, you know, listeners, when I, when I first got there, I think I even said to you, Amy, like, you're gonna crack me open and I'm gonna like cry my eyes out, you know, I'm ready for it or whatever. Yeah. Um, yeah. And I actually did not cry. Which wasn't surprising for me. I just, I just think that because of the way I had been feeling the few days before I came, I was like, oh, this is gonna be good. Like, this is gonna be the thing that opens up the floodgates and, and I'm gonna, you know, cry quite a bit. And it was. Not that at all. It was something that I, I could not have known was gonna happen. Um, explain what was gonna happen or I, I just had no idea. Right. And so I didn't even give it a second thought that I didn't cry. Uh, it was more just like, wow, I've never been in this kind of place before. I've never been in this space of feeling just so held that. It was like the tears didn't need to come in that moment because they still may be buried really deeply. Right, like, and I felt like yesterday was this like gentle, it's like I'm getting this vision of like this beauty of this woman in a beautiful silk robe and like layers and layers of robes. Just kind of like peeling off these layers and layers that, you know, we build ourselves, that society puts upon us that are conditioning. You know, puts, puts on us. And yesterday was such a beautiful beginning, you know, a Amy was talking about like, it is not, it's not a race doesn't, like, you can't be like, well, you know, oh, for you it's gonna be three sessions and you're gonna be out the door. Perfect. No, no.

Amy 39:58

Yeah. You, you don't know. And I just know that the beginning is just getting you in that safe space where you can. Get into rest restoration, relaxation. Your nervous system is not on fight or flight and you're like, wait a second, I can calm down. I was telling my other, um, girlfriend, I was telling you this, but um, where I've seen when people are so like this, it's like this tight fall of yarn and their heart chakra. It's so tight and it's like, don't touch it. And slowly, the first session you just see a little piece come out.

Heather 40:33

Mm-hmm. And

Amy 40:34

a little piece more. And you never know when it, you know, it's really gonna undo, but it's, it, it's just the beginning of the unwinding of that, that heart chara

40:43

Yes. That you were unfolding. Yeah. Because if you think about like, at least for, I know from my experience and my journey. It's been kind of a decade long, like lot of loss. My mom died, I had four friends pass. I went through something really traumatic with one of my kids, so it was kind of one thing after the other. And, and you know, you have to go through life still, right? Like you have to get up every day and you have to do all of the things. And so there are times where you can't. Allow yourself to feel, because you know, I used to, I remember saying to my therapist once, like, I feel like if I start to cry, I'm gonna be like Alice in Wonderland. And like the drowning in my own tears scene. You know, when she's like floating away,

Amy 41:23

you know? Yeah, yeah,

41:25

yeah,

Amy 41:25

yeah. And I think I,

41:26

yeah, I even said to you, I was like. You. I actually, I believe that you asked me like, how is your relationship like in terms of being in your body or with your body or something. It did. Right? And I was like, oh, totally disassociated. One thing I wanna share with the listeners is your hands have these incredible, I was trying to explain it. To someone yesterday. It's like the Bal, the most balanced, harmonious, compassionate mother, goddess holding energy. Like I just felt so held yesterday. Yeah. Love in a way that I, not in a really long time. I

Amy 42:11

love that. And I'll tell you. Uh, I, it re that resonates. This is what's happening and I'm gonna share something or we personal. So I just ended in the fall, a relationship. A, a, not, I've done a, it was a ca I needed this relationship to catalyst my own. It was catalyst for my own growth. It was not a good relationship, but as a healer, I wanted to heal. Didn't happen. It took me four and a half years to. I realized that, um, as the people pleaser, healer in me, that wasn't gonna work. And I got out. And since I've gotten out, I just moved back into my townhouse. My townhouse had been rented for the past couple years. I just got back in last month that my own energy field as this mother healer has taken off. In a way, I, I have never, I haven't had this much inner peace and light inside of me that I can feel like a beautiful crystalline, um, iridescent orb circling my heart

Heather 43:18

in,

Amy 43:18

in years. And I, and I, I can't explain it, but I had a client the other day, I did a little, like, not like you did a teeny bit of light massage, but I was doing reiki and she started to cry. I was like, do you need, I always say, do you need me to stop? Do you need a moment? Do you want me just to hold you here? And she's like, I can literally feel a light coming out of your hands. And like you were just this divine angelic being. She was face down. She was. And I was like, and she is new to massage, she is new to reiki and all of this. And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna keep going. So thank you for saying that. 'cause that's the second. And that was just last week. So I know for me personally, now that I finally stepped into my power, not power, like power, but like step back into taking back my worth and who I really am, um, and saying I'm, you know, it's like my light is back and, and better because I finally understood what, um, what I deserve, deserve, which is happiness and peace and not. Hmm. Somebody yelling and anyway, yes. You deserve what you desire. You do. Exactly. And it was just like, I wanted to heal. Help heal. And he wanted thought, he wanted to heal. But anyway, you know, well, I felt that light, I felt safe.