Seeds of Grief in the Back of Your Closet

Have you ever held onto the seeds of nature, as a memento of your travels, only to forget about them and find them much later? Today,  we compare these forgotten seeds to our personal memories, dreams, hopes, and emotions that we often carry around.

In our journey of grief, we might grapple with complex feelings of anger towards our departed loved ones. This week, we invite you to face these hard thoughts and emotions, to sit down with them, and to uncover the hidden meanings behind our pain.   Let's walk this path of healing and faith together.

Be sure to subscribe to this podcast on Google Podcasts, Apple, Amazon Music, Spotify, or follow us on the Facebook pages of Gate of Heaven Cemetery in Los Altos, California, or Calvary Cemetery in San Jose, California.

SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE FREE OF CHARGE

You can reach us at: ccoutreach@dsj.org
To arrange personal spiritual direction:  408-359-5542


Our theme music is:  Gentle Breeze by Yeti Music from the album "Uppbeat".
Additional Music and sound effects today by:   via Pixabay

Transcript

Candee: 0:23

Welcome to Solace Soul + Grief. I'm your host, Candee Lucas. We at Catholic Cemeteries know that the loss of a loved one has a profound effect on our lives and we would like to help you deepen your faith, pay attention to where God is moving in your life as you grieve, and call upon the love of God to accompany you. Each week we take a different text or scripture or poem or maybe an idea from the Holy Spirit, and we use that idea or poem or song to help us reflect more deeply on our grief and God's place in our life and God's place next to us as we grieve. Please remember you're always welcome in our circle of healing, love and support.

Candee: 1:29

This is the time of the liturgical year when the scriptures speak of soil and seeds, and it made me remember how often time the seeds may be forgotten or carried in our pocket or found in the bottom of a purse or wallet or behind something on a shelf. I used to save seeds from trips, always with the idea of going home and planting them and having a garden full of flowers and plants from around the world where I'd visited as a reminder, but inevitably I'd wrapped them in a Kleenex that I'd lost or used or placed them someplace I forgot and I'd find them later in my wallet, in a change purse, in a pocket. So I wondered, as we were listening this week about the seeds and planting the seeds, what happens if you plant an old seed? Do you get old growth? We all carry around seeds or our lives, memories, dreams, hopes, emotions that have been tangled up and never untangled. Thoughts and prayers for others, encounters with people, and I thought to myself oftentimes, when we are grieving, we're so attuned to the presence of others. We recognize whether they are a healing presence or a presence to avoid, for the healing or the non-healing that occurs. Our emotions are so raw at the time, through the first months and years and days, and often times in the middle of the night, on a day when it's raining or on a birthday missed, they come back to us. How should we welcome them? Should we say to those hard thoughts, those difficult moments come, sit down, let's have a chat. Let me look at you fully in the face and understand the hidden meaning behind the pain that you caused me.

Candee: 5:22

Imagine sitting across from "anger that you had at your loved one when they died. You didn't feel you could express it to anyone, because it would show or illustrate in your mind how callous you were toward the death, or maybe infer that you didn't love the person that you lost. It's not unusual to have nonsensical thoughts and it's not unusual to be angry at the person who's died. It's quite normal, in fact. Quite often these are feelings we don't want to share with anyone Our friends, our other loved ones, our priest, our confessor, and so we just carry them around in a basket and set that basket down from time to time.

Candee: 6:30

But today, let's take a minute and imagine what it is to sit across from that emotion and say-- let's sit down, anger and talk about it. Let's talk about how angry I am and my loved one for leaving me. I don't have anyone to talk to, to hold me in the middle of the night, to have breakfast with dinner, walk in the evening light, go on vacation, play bridge, sit within the evening saying nothing. Doesn't that make anger more real? Or does it begin to make sense and just say well, you're like a coat I put on. Sometimes it doesn't fit me very well, I don't much like the color. It reminds me of an ill-fitting garment from my childhood, but it's mine and it hangs in my closet and I own it and from time to time I take it out and wear it. Because I need to, because I have to, because it's the only thing to put on that day. But you do have control and you can put it back in the closet and say, maybe another day, not now, I don't want to wear anything. I don't want a memory of my loved one that is colored by that ill-fitting garment. I want to remember how my love was expanded on this earth by knowing you, by loving you. That's what you say to your loved one in the morning as you put on something else and leave that anger coat in the back of the closet. That brings to a close another episode.

Candee: 9:18

I'm Candee Lucas, your host, Aftercare Coordinator for Catholic Cemeteries in San Jose, Chaplain and Spiritual Director. Please support us by subscribing on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or Spotify. You can contact us through the telephone number or email on the show notes. We always welcome your comments and suggestions for future episodes. Spiritual direction is always available for those who are grieving through Catholic Cemeteries. Be gentle with yourselves. Travel