What I Learned About Grief from Ted Lasso

SPOILER ALERT!  If you haven't seen it or finished it--some subplots are revealed and discussed.  This week's episode is inspired by the popular series 'Ted Lasso', and shines a light on unaddressed grief and the profound implications it can have on a person's life. We explore how silence can breed more solitude, why sharing our stories is so crucial, and the power of just being there for someone in their grief.

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Transcript

Candee: 0:25

Welcome to Solace: Soul +Grief Grief. I'm your host, Candee Lucas. We Catholic Cemeteries know that the loss of a loved one has a profound effect on our lives and we would like to help you deepen your faith, pay attention to where God is moving in your life as you grieve and call upon the love of God to accompany you. Each week we take a different text or scripture or poem or maybe an idea from the Holy Spirit and we use that idea or poem or song to help us reflect more deeply on our grief and God's place in our life and God's place next to us as we grieve. Please remember you're always welcome in our circle of healing, love and support.

Candee: 1:37

I recently came late to the Ted Lasso train. I had resisted watching the series for a long time, despite what I read in the press and heard other people say about what a charming show it was. And in the end it was charming. But of course, being who I am, I was most taken by the grief aspect of the Ted Lasso story. I think we learned sometime in the middle of season one that Ted had lost his father at a very young age through suicide. Later on we hear some of the details of the day he came home from school and found his father's body. Still later on we learn, after a visit from his mother, that he was raised in a home that didn't talk about the death, didn't talk about the loss, didn't talk to each other about what it meant to be a family of two instead of three, and it caused a lifetime of grief between the mother and the son that didn't even need to be there. Obviously, there's situations in life that we don't have an instruction book for, but I think the lesson of Ted Lasso and how much grief it caused long after the death of the father and the family, that we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones, those we leave behind when we go, those who are struggling with grief, to understand that it isn't that lonesome road, it isn't that single branch on a tree, it isn't even that uncommon. We have to remember, and the older we get we do remember and are constantly reminded how death is a part of our lives much as any other part growing up, puberty, falling in love, having children, getting married, finding a partner, making a life for ourselves, making a work life that makes sense to us All are steps in a journey, all our steps in a journey, links in a chain that make one life. There are times when we desperately need each other. Death is one of those times.

Candee: 4:52

I felt so badly that, because of the time frame in the Ted Lasso story, it seems like there was nothing available for him at school. They don't talk about church or religion or faith of any kind, only the isolation they each felt-- the mother and the son --the confusion, the desolation, the break in their relationship that this death caused. Each of these people-- the mom and Ted-- admit they should have supported each other better somehow. Although that's a lot to ask from a 12-year-old and I know from my own life, when there were losses, that I over-dependended on my own sons at times. They seem to have survived it, but I'm not sure they would tell that story the same way. H opefully in some time they became reassured. I think that's all we can do with our children when we confront a great loss or when they confront a great loss. So mostly it reminds us of the space, the space between two people that could have been filled with love and support, that could have been filled with questions without answers, and so it gives us an example, albeit a small one, of how we can fill our lives and our time with our loved ones with more support. Even if it's tiny, tiny, tiny, like I'm here in this space, I can be here in this space and I can listen to you.

Candee: 7:04

So many people want to tell their stories. Indeed, once Ted Lasso felt close enough to his friends to share this story, they shared very close relationships. But it's not like we can say, gee, I don't have a friend close enough to share my pain, my loss, so I'll go make a friend and do this. It's why we turn to groups, support groups, where there are other people like us who are suffering, who have lost something enormous in their lives, and the best place for them to be is with people who have suffered that loss and come right through. So let's take a lesson from Ted Lasso If you know someone is hurting, just offer to sit with them. They don't need to talk, you don't need to talk. We need to be able to dispense with our 21st century need to fill every moment with sound or fury and learn to fill every moment with just silence and love and listening and care and healing. This makes me think of Norman

Candee: 8:54

Fisher's rendition a Zen- inspired translation of Psalm 42. "I have swallowed my tears all day and all night because people mock me all day saying where is your beloved? Show us, convince us, convince us. My hope is yet in you. One day I will thank you when in you I find wholeness and my anguish is gone. In the daytime, you summon your kindness. At night, you sing to me a prayer for my life to be living. So I will rise in the morning and sing to you, my rock. Why have you forgotten me? My hope is yet in you, and one day I will give you thanks when I am whole. Amen.

Candee: 10:17

That brings to a close another episode. I'm Candee Lucas, your host, aftercare coordinator for Catholic Cemeteries in San Jose, chaplain and spiritual director. Please support us by subscribing on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or Spotify. You can contact us through the telephone number or email on the show notes. We always welcome your comments and suggestions for future episodes. Spiritual direction is always available for those who are grieving through Catholic cemeteries. Be gentle with yourselves. Travel with God. Vaya con Dios.