SOLACE: Soul + Grief
This podcast is sponsored by SOULPLUSGRACE serving the San José area, offering grief support and grief journeying with spirituality. I hope to help you travel through grief with God at your side.
"I am a trained Spiritual Director for those who seek to complete the 19th Annotation of St. Igantius’ spiritual exercises OR seek spiritual direction while grieving. I have also worked as a hospital/cemetery chaplain and grief doula. I believe all paths lead to God and that all traditions are due respect and honour. I take my sacred inspiration from all of my patients and companions–past, present and future; the Dalai Lama, James Tissot, St. John of the Cross, the Buddha, Saint Teresa of Ávila, and, of course, Íñigo who became known as St. Ignatius. I utilize art, poetry, music, aromatherapy, yoga, lectio divina, prayer and meditation in my self-work and work with others. I believe in creating a sacred space for listening; even in the most incongruous of surroundings."
BACKGROUND
- Jesuit Retreat Center, Los Altos, CA -- Pierre Favre Program, 3 year training to give the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius
- Centro de Espiritualidad de Loyola, Spain -- The Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola -- 30 Day Silent Retreat/
- Center for Loss & Life Transition – Comprehensive Bereavement Skills Training (30 hrs) Ft. Collins, CO
- California State University Institute for Palliative Care--Palliative Care Chaplaincy Specialty Cert. (90 hrs)
- Sequoia Hospital, Redwood City, CA -- Clinical Pastoral Education
- 19th Annotation with Fumiaki Tosu, San Jose, CA, Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius
- Santa Clara University, Santa Clara, CA M.A. – Pastoral Ministries
CONTACT ME: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com with questions to be answered in future episodes.
SOLACE: Soul + Grief
Breaking the Silence of Grief
When we're grieving, our culture of rugged individualism often tells us to face losses alone, but healing requires the presence of others. This episode explores why seeking support during grief isn't weakness but essential wisdom for moving forward.
• Grief and loss are inevitable in life but nearly impossible to manage alone
• Many avoid seeking help due to fear of appearing weak, being vulnerable, or being judged
• Past experiences with grief can provide strength for facing present losses
• Journal writing helps put grief on paper and bring emotions into focus
• Taking the risk of being vulnerable is frightening but essential for healing
• Establishing your rights as a grieving person includes permission to express emotions your way
• Sharing tough questions with trusted companions helps process loss
• Feeling anger is natural, but talking about it helps break its grasp
• You have the right to be happy and to laugh even while grieving
• Seeking a prayer partner provides spiritual support when words fail
• Though loss changes us forever, our lives can be mended as we carry memories forward.
You can reach me at: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com.
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE
Art: https://www.etsy.com/shop/vasonaArts?ref=seller-platform-mcnav
and https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/candee-lucas
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F2SFH4Z6
Music and sound effects today by: via Pixabay
Welcome to Solace: Soul + Grief. I'm glad you're here with me today. My name is Candee Lucas and I am a Jesuit-trained grief chaplain and spiritual director. When I started this ministry I wanted to create a space for all those struggling with loss, of whatever kind. We know the death of a loved one is an enormous physical, spiritual, emotional and psychological shift emotional and psychological shift. So I created this library for those struggling with a particular grief issue or for those just wishing gentle accompaniment. Remember, you are always welcome in this circle of healing, love and support.
Candee:Today we want to discuss why we need the presence of others. When we are grieving, we tell ourselves to be brave. It reflects the rugged individualism that permeates our culture. As adults, we may feel that we must face our losses without appearing to be weak. We are reluctant to ask for help. There are, however, many things we cannot do alone. Walking without assistance if one has a severely broken leg is virtually impossible. Walking life's journey through heartbreaking grief without support and compassionate assistance is equally difficult. Perhaps now is the time to say to someone you trust I'm not okay, let's talk about it. I need someone to help me through this time, accept grief as a part of life.
Candee:Loss and grief are inevitable in life, yet difficult to manage alone. And yet many concerns might keep one from seeking a companion on the pathway of grief-- fear of appearing weak, of being vulnerable, of being judged. You might fear that people will avoid you. Perhaps you keep your special grief a secret because you feel guilt about that relationship with the one who has died because it was not as positive as it could have been. The reasons for attempting to go it alone are innumerable, but there are also obstacles to overcome in order to heal and move forward with your life, no matter how difficult or even impossible that might seem. Now you might consider how you faced grief in the past. It takes many forms the loss of a relationship, a beloved pet, of employment or earlier losses of loved ones. How did you respond to those losses? How did you move into the future? Use your strength from the past to address your present grief.
Candee:Writing in a journal puts grief on paper and can bring it into focus Later. These writings can be kept, or perhaps discarded, or even burned, as symbols that you are moving on in life's journey. From early in life we learn to grieve and let go. It has been said that balloons are children's early teachers about loss. A little one laughs at the balloon bouncing at the end of the string, then the string slips away or the balloon meets a prickly bush and is gone. Tears ensue, but life goes on. Smiles return. A small loss has been faced. Bigger losses as life goes on can be followed by hope and new life.
Candee:Take the risk of being vulnerable. Showing our emotions is frightening, but it is also essential. There are people in life who cannot express their own sadness and grief. Friends and family can try to walk the journey of grief with you, but you may steadfastly push them aside, insisting you can do it on your own. In reality, a great grief can grow within you like a tumor, keeping you from health and wholeness and happiness, keeping you from health and wholeness and happiness. It's better to open to compassionate help from friends, where healing can commence.
Candee:Establish your rights as a grieving person. You have the right to grieve in ways that are appropriate to you. Some of us are talkative, others more quiet. You have the right to ask someone to walk with you in silence or listen as you pour out your own feelings. That may mean a simple walk around town or in a park, or even in the cemetery. It can lead you out of yourself into the world of your future. Who is it that has offered to be there for you? Maybe now is the time to accept that offer. You have the right to ask tough questions. Ask friends and ask yourself how you go on without the deceased person in your life. Ask who you are now that that person is gone.
Candee:Grief counselors often say to those they counsel to write a letter as if you are your best friend. You might write that letter and describe the person you see yourself to be now and the person you hope you are becoming. Perhaps insights on how to reach that future goal will arise. Share your letter with your listening friend, if you wish. You may wonder how long you will feel this great pain. The answer for each individual is different. It will take as long as it takes.
Candee:You have the right to show your feelings. Some people refuse to go out in public or to be with friends after the death of a loved one. It is a type of self-control that we are reluctant to release. We want to be in control of our feelings, even in small matters. However, when we refuse to acknowledge feelings, they can control us. Clinging to grief can ultimately cause loss of friends or jobs or circumstances and produce still another grief. Not realizing that we have the right to great sadness can be destructive. You have the right to be angry, but staying angry is not a healthy response to loss. Talking about your anger helps you break free of its grasp and you have the right to be healed. You have the right to be happy.
Candee:Some folks feel it is not appropriate to laugh and have fun during times of grieving. If you share that feeling, consider what your departed loved one would want you to do. Love and laughter can be and are healing. Sometimes you can wear a brightly colored outfit as you grieve because your deceased loved one gave you colorful clothes as gifts and enjoyed seeing you wear them. Others go fishing in the wake of a grandfather's death because they recall the fun times of fishing with grandpa. Gone are the days of mourning in black and hiding away.
Candee:Finally, seek a prayer partner. Sacred scripture tells us-- when two or three are gathered. In my name I am among them-- that's Matthew 18: 20. As you invited a trusted friend, relative, clergy person or counselor to walk your path of grief with you, consider one who might be a prayer partner. A simple prayer can begin your time together. A similar closing can send you on your way. Depart with a thought to pray about until you meet again. Prayers can be very simple, such as "Just get me through this day or let me find a way to smile again. Remember that loss can tear at the very fiber of our being, stealing a part of ourselves from us, but those tears can be mended. No, you will never be the same without your loved one. But you can become the person God has created you to be. You can bear the memory of your loved one into the world as you begin to live your new life.
Candee:Today's episode was based on notes by Patty Normile, a retired hospital chaplain, teacher and retreat director. Her latest book is "John Dear on Peace: an Introduction to his Life and Work.
Candee:That ends another episode. A new one drops every Friday morning. I'm Candee Lucas, your host. You can always find us on Amazon, Apple and Spotify. If you have any questions about grief, support groups or spiritual direction while grieving, my contact information is in the show notes. Remember be gentle with yourself this week and with others. Travel always with God by your side. Vaya con Dios.
