Marriage Tune-up | Fighting | Part 3

FIGHTING: The Enemies of Intimacy
Marriage Tune-Up | Part 3
Senior Pastor Keith Stewart
March 9, 2025

#Realspringcreekchurch #springcreekchurch #marriagetuneup #marriage #healthyrelationships #goodfight #badfight 

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Conflict is the price you pay for intimacy. There is simply no other way of achieving it. In the same way that the absence of conflict is not a healthy relational sign, neither is conflict that rages out of control. The key to a lasting, loving relationship is to learn to resolve conflict appropriately. Join us Sunday as we learn God’s way of building greater intimacy in marriage.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Conflict is to be expected in marriage. Yet so many act as if the opposite were true. What has been your attitude toward conflict whether in your marriage, family, friendship circle, or even at work? Poorly handled conflict will always result in hurt and further alienation. Conflict handled well will lead toward deeper intimacy.  Can you think of examples of both?

2. Without a doubt, John Gottman’s explanation of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse as it relates to marriage is very revealing. The four horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Did you see any of these characteristics in your parent’s marriage? What was that like? How about your own marriage? Where has your greatest struggle been? What things can be done to interrupt this downward spiral of broken communication?

3. Take some time as an individual or group to discuss the chart “Good Fight vs Bad Fight” (posted online with today’s message notes). Where are you strongest?Where are you weakest? What’s your biggest takeaway from the chart? What steps can you make toward improvement?

4. Pastor Keith reminded us to “Complain. Don’t blame.” No matter how“ at fault” your partner is, approaching them with criticism and accusation is not going to be productive. It’s all about the approach. One of the biggest ways to take the edge off of communicating concerns is by beginning with “I” statements instead of “You ” statements. When you begin with “I”, you are less likely to seem critical. Recall some of your more common complaints in marriage. How can you rephrase your complaints making “I” statements instead of “you" statements?

5. The magic ratio of 5 to 1 positive to negative interactions is an absolute essential to making improvements in communication AND having a happy, healthy love life. We need to be making far more deposits into our partners “love bank” than we are making withdrawals. How would you rate yourself in this area? How would your partner rate you? What can you do this week to begin to make improvements? For those of you who make a practice of doing this regularly, what difference has it made in your marriage?