S02 E08: The Trouble With Andrew
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
What is it that people love so much about Andrew?! Within six months of meeting now-husband Andrew, Zoë wrote a document containing 12 items that she loved about him; 12 truths that made her want to be in a relationship with him. The presence of safety, security, and deep relaxation in a partnership is the bedrock of true freedom. It's the point where life stops being a complicated burden and becomes an open field for shared growth. Join the conversation as Zoë (and Andrew) take listeners through those 12 truths, sharing nuggets of wisdom, relatable stories, and other key relationship insights along the way. Thanks for listening!
Key Points From This Episode:
• The topic of today’s conversation: 12 truths about who Andrew is.
• Why she chose the title “The Trouble with Andrew” for today’s podcast.
• He knows who he is.
• He knows who he is not, and he shows up as himself in all situations.
• Andrew is present to what is.
• He is curious: he asks questions to mine for the truth.
• Why you should try to cultivate resilience: working to resolve your triggers.
• Zoë shares a quick aside: the spanking story.
• Andrew knows how to slow down: maximizing connection and intimacy.
• He allows the process of unfolding.
• He doesn’t always take Zoë seriously.
• They both share their perspectives on the story about the first time Zoë allowed him to make her angry.
• He holds me while I try to figure myself out.
• Andrew has a high tolerance for discomfort.
• He is available and will receive Zoë at any time.
• He’s able to accept Zoë and her experience of the world as her truth.
• Andrew walks the talk: he has a strong, constant awareness of the relative and the absolute in every moment.
Quotes:
“Andrew is curious, he doesn’t make assumptions based on his own expectations or judgements. [He] asksquestions to mine for the truth.” — Zoë Kors [0:08:13]
“The more easily you're triggered, the more easily you can be manipulated.” — Zoë Kors [0:10:49]
“I'm able to be wildly expressed with Andrew.” — Zoë Kors [0:25:31]
“Most men try to fix me. Andrew simply holds me while I figure out how to fix myself.” — Zoë Kors [0:27:23]
“When you point a finger at somebody else, you're pointing more back at yourself.” — Andrew Thomas Roth [0:28:16]
“Some people want to have a tight leash on their partners. If you have a leash on your partner, who's at the other end of it? You think that you're controlling the other partner, but you're at the other end of that leash and neither party can be truly free in that.” — Andrew Thomas Roth [0:35:20]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
S02 E07: Six Things About Sex You Need to Know
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
Most people have no idea what sex really is and are still holding onto distorted images of it. So, today on Radical Intimacy, we are discussing six things that everyone needs to know about sex! Tuning in, you’ll hear all about sex as a state of being instead of a state of doing, why having an orgasm shouldn’t be the goal of sex, thoughts on blue balls, and so much more! We delve into why pleasure is a necessary ingredient for life before discussing what causes us to disconnect from our sexuality. We go on to explain why no one ever owes anyone sex (even in relationships), balancing that right with the sexual needs we all have, and the power of intimacy outside of the bedroom. You’ll even learn about how the nervous system shapes ‘good’ sex. Finally, we talk about the spiritual side of sex and why sex can be an awakening. This is an episode that everyone needs to listen to, so be sure to tune in now and share it with your partner and/or friends!
Key Points From This Episode:
- How knowing these six things about sex will make the world a bit better.
- Why sex isn’t something we do, it’s something we are.
- Zoë explains why orgasm is not the goal of sex.
- Why we don’t believe that blue balls are a real thing.
- Pleasure is your birthright; it is not optional!
- Where disconnection in partnership and sexuality comes from.
- Why you are not entitled to your partner’s body.
- How intimacy outside the bedroom sets relationships up for success.
- Why your nervous system needs to be relaxed to enjoy sex.
- How to help your partner regulate and soothe their nervous systems.
- Why sex can be a path to an awakening and the power of presence.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
S02 E06: Let's Talk About Sex Part One
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
What really makes sex good? In this intimate, honest conversation, Zoë and Andrew open up about sex, presence, fantasy, and the myths that can keep us disconnected from authentic desire. They unpack why presence (not performance) defines great sex, how societal and cultural conditioning shape our sexuality, and why real intimacy thrives when we strip away self-imposed constraints. Along the way, they also explore how everyday care and affection build the foundation for a satisfying sex life in long-term relationships. Tune in for a candid, thought-provoking exploration that might just shift the way you think about sex and inspire you to have some powerful conversations of your own!
Key Points From This Episode:
• Why presence is at the heart of great sex.
• The mental noise that kills sexual connection.
• How fantasy can deepen intimacy or distract from it.
• Ways that societal norms can distort our sexual expression.
• Six influences that shape our sexuality.
• Why sex education fails us (and what’s missing).
• The unseen impact of everyday affection.
• Cultivating a climate of love and appreciation in long-term relationships.
• Self-expression versus self-suppression in intimacy.
• Insight into the paradox of personal evolution in relationships.
• The power of choosing openness and curiosity over defensiveness.
• Meeting your partner’s needs through giving, receiving, and mutual care.
Quotes:
“We're in this pleasure machinery that's driven by and symbiotic with our imaginations. Wouldn't the healthy thing be to explore that?” — Zoë Kors [0:10:47]
“[Societal norms] are obstacles that are being piled up between two people who are trying to become more intimate and more present.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:11:41]
“What makes sex good in a long-term committed partnership is the constant cultivation of a climate in which both partners feel loved, appreciated, seen, [and] desired. ” — Zoë Kors [0:22:49]
“Relationship is the boot camp of self-realization.” — Zoë Kors [0:28:34]
“Strive to be better. Strive for constant and never-ending improvement.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:31:08]
“Sometimes, receiving is giving to the other person.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:42:00]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
S1E8: Rewrite Your Sex Script with Dr. Ian Kerner
S02 E05: Forged in the Fire
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
Today’s Radical Intimacy episode is all about forging through the fire of pain and suffering to emerge stronger than steel and with enhanced emotional intelligence. To lay the foundation of our discussion, Zoë opens up about her recent oral surgery and how that experience forced her to remember even darker days as a student with lymphoma. She begins by describing her recent health challenges and how her bout with cancer when she was in university still affects her today, before explaining her protocol for processing heavy emotions. She unpacks meditation, the mind-body connection, how to overcome trauma cycles, and how physical healing correlates to its emotional counterpart. Then, it’s Andrew’s turn as he details his Stoicism and Zen-informed emotional healing process. We also examine the dangers of resisting pain, the joys of embracing it, and why pain is ultimately the best teacher. To end, we learn why samurai sword-making is akin to emotional healing, and Zoë and Andrew share advice for how to navigate trauma as a couple.
Key Points From This Episode:
• Zoë opens up about her recent health challenges.
• The ins and outs of her oral surgery and the healing complications thereafter.
• How the treatment of her lymphoma when she was 20 influences how she heals today.
• The way Zoë processes overwhelming emotions, especially during her journey with cancer.
• Meditation, the mind-body connection, and overcoming cycles of pain.
• Comparing how her gums healed post-surgery to how we emotionally recover from trauma.
• Stoicism and Zen: Unpacking Andrew’s emotional healing process.
• The dangers of being in denial and resisting versus the joys of embracing your pain.
• What we can learn from Richard Schwartz’s book, No Bad Parts.
• Why healing hurts and why pain is the best teacher.
• What the process of making a samurai sword teaches us about forging through pain.
• How to process emotions as a couple.
Quotes:
“When it comes to emotional processing, I find that I’ve had to really train you, [Andrew], and teach you, and tell you instant by instant what I need.” — Zoë Kors [0:10:48]
“I think that I’ve battled my entire adult life. From the time of 20 years old, it’s just [been] powering through.” — Zoë Kors [0:11:39]
“I have felt for a while now, maybe five or six or seven years, that I have some unfinished emotional work or trauma work around having had cancer and gone through that treatment and that experience.” — Zoë Kors [0:11:54]
“Stoicism, especially with the ancient philosophers, it was about not being controlled by your emotions. Not resisting them, but observing them [and] feeling them, [and knowing] my emotions don’t run my life. I run my life” — Andrew Rothmund [0:18:28]
“There’ve been a few times where if my emotions had hair, they would have been on fire. My emotions would’ve been through the streets screaming and wailing until I got a handle on [them].” — Andrew Rothmund [0:19:07]
“My thoughts don’t identify me. My feelings don’t identify me. I am the observer of both.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:19:46]
“To end suffering, you have to acknowledge it exists and you have to accept it.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:29:43]
“Pain is the best teacher. I mean, the most effective teacher – a lot of growth comes from pain.” — Zoë Kors [0:32:46]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
S02 E04: A Banquet of Consequences
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Everyone, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.” Today on Radical Intimacy, Zoë and Andrew sit down to discuss the concept of ‘a banquet of consequences’ and how it applies to romantic relationships. Tuning in, you’ll hear all about why Andrew thinks life is like a kitchen, why you need to “cook” with consciousness, how your romantic relationships will be affected karmically by your choices, and what it looks like to be mindful, present, and intentional. We delve into the danger of defending yourself so fiercely with your partners before discussing the importance of checking on your relationship every day instead of having a ‘set it and forget it’ mindset. Listeners are even reminded that ‘all of you is welcome,’ good and bad! Finally, our hosts stress the importance of helping each other reframe the idea of failure. To hear all this and so much more, be sure to tune in now! And if you want to hear something specific on the show, be sure to email Zoë your suggestions and requests.
Key Points From This Episode:
• Why life is a kitchen and the importance of “cooking” with consciousness.
• How these karmic concepts apply to romantic relationships.
• The importance of being intentional, present, and mindful, and how to do that.
• Why we defend ourselves, and the danger of doing so in relationships.
• The power of removing your ego and focusing on intention vs. impact.
• Why you constantly need to check in with your relationship.
• A reminder that ‘all of you is welcome!’
• Why you need to help your partner reframe the idea of failure.
Quotes:
“Our day-to-day habits and how we interact with our partner become our recipe [and] our patterns become menus.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:07:55]
“Our relationships – are a tasting menu for the growth of our soul or the lack of growth.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:08:25]
“Sometimes, [you should] stop trying to ‘do the work’ and just celebrate. Just say, “I love you!” — Zoë Kors [0:36:32]
“All of you is welcome!” — Zoë Kors [0:37:42]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
S02 E03: Relating Off Grid
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
What does it mean to truly connect in a world that’s always online? In this episode of the Radical Intimacy Podcast, Zoë and her husband, Andrew, reflect on a spontaneous moment of connection that they experienced while waiting for friends that reminded them of the power of “relating off-grid.” They explore how presence, free from devices and distractions, can reignite intimacy, reset nervous systems, and strengthen the emotional bond in relationships. From the neuroscience behind dopamine hits to mindful morning rituals, Zoë and Andrew unpack how technology can shape our relational habits and offer simple, practical ways to reclaim connection, including starting your day with your partner instead of your phone. For a candid, playful, and deeply insightful take on what it means to be present with yourself and with the ones you love, tune in today!
Key Points From This Episode:
• Relating off-grid: a spontaneous moment of deep connection.
• Why presence resets the emotional energy in relationships.
• Zoë’s take on technology, productivity, and disconnection.
• Dopamine hits and the illusion of urgency.
• Simple morning rituals for grounding and intimacy.
• The power of stopping at literal and emotional stop signs.
• How mindfulness and embodiment support intimacy and connection.
• Benefits of simply noticing how often you're distracted.
• An invitation to share a quiet moment with your partner.
Quotes:
“[It] is essential for any relationship – to connect with the moment, connect with the here and now, and bring it all back to the present moment.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:22:34]
“Let the world penetrate you through your five senses. – Every human being on the planet during these times would benefit from connecting with the world around us and how it lands somatically.” — Zoë Kors [0:26:25]
“You have to surrender to ‘here we are’: two beings in bodies sharing a moment together. It’s delicious.” — Zoë Kors[0:32:29]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
S02 E02: You're Free to Go at Any Time
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
What does it mean to be free? More specifically, how does freedom manifest in love? Today’s conversation with Zoë and Andrew begins with Zoë expressing her impatience with her healing process after oral surgery and her praise for Andrew for taking care of her throughout. Then, we dive into the definition of freedom and why we’ve chosen it as today’s topic before examining what freedom in a relationship looks and feels like. We also learn how to seek understanding without judgment, why curiosity matters, why Zoë and Andrew are freer now than in any of their previous relationships, and how one’s upbringing influences one’s view of freedom in a relationship. To end, we unpack the importance of being open to receiving and accepting love, and we explore self-love as the best starting point and pathway to achieving relationship freedom.
Key Points From This Episode:
• Zoë’s current state after her recent oral surgery and praise for Andrew’s attentive care.
• Defining “freedom” and why we’ve chosen it as today’s topic.
• How freedom manifests in love: what freedom in a relationship looks and feels like.
• Seeking understanding without assigning blame, looking inward, and curiosity.
• How judgment kills relationships.
• Why Zoë and Andrew feel freer in their marriage compared to previous relationships.
• Lovemaps: how upbringing influences one’s understanding of freedom in a relationship.
• Why it’s vital to be open to receiving and accepting love.
• Exploring self-love as the best preparation for freedom in a relationship.
Quotes:
“I get to enjoy the gift of giving and it’s part of my love language – and I get to see you flourish.” — Andrew [0:01:41]
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” — Zoë Kors [0:02:54]
“One of the things that I really value – is curiosity. I value a partner or a friend or conversations in which somebody is curious.” — Zoë Kors [0:10:56]
“Freedom also requires a certain level of trust.” — Zoë Kors [0:20:53]
“Sometimes, [staying in abusive relationships] it’s because people don’t know what else there is out there. They don’t know how good it could be.” — Andrew [0:26:05]
“Being loved and receiving someone’s love doesn’t mean, necessarily, that they become a burden. You’re anything but a burden.” — Zoë Kors [0:32:09]
“If you don’t love yourself, how can you allow somebody to love you? If you don’t love yourself, it’s also harder to love the other person.” — Andrew [0:35:16]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
S02 E01: Our Story
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
The road to partnership isn’t always linear, especially when one of you is fiercely independent and the other is ready to settle down. In this candid season opener, Radical Intimacy returns from a three-year hiatus with a deeply honest and often hilarious conversation between Zoë Kors and her husband Andrew, who joins as co-host for the first time. You’ll hear how they met, what made their three-hour first date over tea and firelight so memorable, and why Zoë almost ended things just as they were getting good. Along the way, they reflect on what it takes to move past fear, redefine independence, and build a partnership rooted in mutual respect, curiosity, and emotional growth. Join us as we relaunch the show and set the tone for a new season of radically real conversations!
Key Points From This Episode:
• Introducing Zoë’s husband, Andrew, co-host for season two.
• The unlikely story of how they met online and started dating.
• Zoë and Andrew’s first date and the factors that made it so special.
• The importance of mutual curiosity and conversation in early dating.
• How past dating patterns and power dynamics had shaped Zoë’s expectations.
• The different places Zoë and Andrew were in when they started dating.
• How a birthday almost became a breakup (and the moment that shifted everything).
• Navigating fear of commitment, independence, and self-protection.
• The moment Zoë finally chose to stay and what made Andrew almost walk away.
• How spiritual and emotional readiness created a strong foundation for their relationship.
• Redefining partnership as a conscious choice, not a loss of freedom.
Quotes:
“I [had] spent 12 years [being] intentionally single. I would date, but I wasn't dating to find a life partner. I had really just enjoyed people's company, and the whole thing was like a big laboratory.” — Zoë Kors [0:12:17]
“The conversation was so good, I felt like I should have had a cigarette afterwards.” — Andrew [0:13:56]
“I wasn't looking to fill a hole. I did that with my Zen training and my decades and decades of spiritual journey.” — Andrew [0:30:49]
“I'm always scared of losing freedom.” — Zoë Kors [0:31:30]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
S01 E09: Chapter One: More Than Sex (Solo Episode)
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
In my first solo episode of The Radical Intimacy Podcast, I read the first Chapter of my upcoming book, Radical Intimacy: Cultivate the Deeply Connected Relationships You Desire and Deserve. In this first chapter, "More Than Sex," I share my perspective of intimacy by drawing two important distinctions: 1. That intimacy is much more complex and dimensional than just sex. Of course, sex is one part of intimacy, but there's more. 2. That our limited understanding of intimacy has the achievement of it dependent on someone or something outside of ourselves. In actuality, the nature of intimacy is vast and readily accessible to each and every one of us individually. I also talk about my own sexless ten year marriage in my 20s, and how that set me on a lifelong exploration and understanding of all kinds of intimacy on all levels. If you like what you hear in this episode, there are thirteen more chapters and a collection of exercises and practices which will help you create the deeply connected life you desire and deserve.
BUY THE BOOK HERE
Zoë Kors’ Links:
S01 E08: Rewrite Your Sex Script with Dr. Ian Kerner
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
Welcome to another episode of the Radical Intimacy podcast! Today we are joined by licensed psychotherapist, sexuality counselor, and best-selling author, Dr. Ian Kerner to talk about sex scripts. We find out what a sex script is, exactly, and how the structure of it makes room for spontaneity in the bedroom. Dr. Kerner shares his approach to encouraging couples to rewrite their sex scripts in therapy, and what his clients typically find challenging. We discuss the power of psychological arousal, open communication, and shared fantasy, as well as the important distinction between consensual and non-consensual objectification. Furthermore, Dr. Kerner shares his insight into the damaging repercussions of pornography, and the principal differences between mainstream and ethical porn. Tune in to find out how to rewrite your sex script!
Key Points From This Episode:
• What inspired Dr. Ian Kerner to write So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex and what the title signifies, in terms of his sex therapy approach.
• What a sex script is and why it’s important to structure your sex life.
• The power of psychological arousal.
• The benefits of sexual dialogue and shared fantasy.
• What it means to have safety in a sexual relationship.
• Face-to-face psychological arousal versus side-by-side experiences.
• The ethical erotica available to us!
• How people are yet to exercise and explore their erotic imagination.
• The difference between consensual objectification and non-consensual objectification.
• The damaging repercussions of pornography.
• The difference between mainstream porn and ethical porn.
• Sex as a resource for positivity in a relationship.
• The importance of communication with yourself and your partner.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex Our Love Lives
Ian Kerner TED Talk
Zoë Kors’ Links:
Zoë’s Book: Radical Intimacy
S01 E07: Thriving After Sexual Trauma with Dr. Holly Richmond
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
There are plenty of misconceptions out there about what constitutes a sexual transgression, but the truth is that your experience doesn’t need to be violent for it to be a violation. The term sexual trauma is deliberately broad and all-encompassing and includes any non-consensual act. Yet, for many survivors, it takes them years before they can recognize that their experiences were a violation. Today on the show, we get together with Dr. Holly Richmond to help us take a closer look at sexual trauma and unpack how our minds and bodies react to these experiences. Holly is a somatic psychotherapist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as a certified sex therapist. She is also the author of Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life. In our conversation with Holly, we discuss her work as a therapist, why so many of her patients have taken years to recognize and seek help for their trauma, and the reasons behind why so much of sexual trauma is tied up with feelings of shame and low self-worth. We also dive into the dissonance between our mind and body after experiencing sexual trauma, and how survivors can begin to move from a state of surviving to thriving. Today’s conversation is both hugely informative and deeply empathic. It sheds valuable light on the experiences of so many individuals and ultimately shares an empowering message of self-actualization, sex positivity, and pleasure!
Key Points From This Episode:
● The definition of sexual trauma and the importance of having an all-encompassing term.
● Why sexual trauma isn’t necessarily violent, but always non-consensual and violating.
● The role that shame and low self-worth play in repeated instances of sexual trauma.
● Why it takes many survivors years before they recognize and seek help for sexual trauma.
● The dissonance between mind and body after a traumatic event.
● How society has conditioned us to ignore our trauma in order to stay productive.
● Some of the initial steps that survivors can take in addressing their trauma.
● The four types of trauma response: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
● A definition of the lesser-known response fawn, and why it’s described as 'freeze with a smile on your face'.
● The distinction between surviving and thriving, and the role that pleasure plays in thriving.
● The role of eroticism and sexual fantasy and how that can be nourishing and healthy.
● How Holly’s book addresses issues around sexual fantasy, trauma, and integration.
● Holly’s advice on how to find a sex-positive therapist.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Dr. Holly Richmond
Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life
The American Association of Sexuality, Educators, Counselors, and Therapists
Zoë Kors’ Links:
Zoë’s Book: Radical Intimacy
S01 E06: Breaking the Trauma Bond with Kate Anthony
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
When we are trauma-bonded, it's nearly impossible to see the truth. By design, isolation and self-doubt are an intrinsic part of a trauma bond, which is why it's so hard to extract ourselves from the patterns of toxicity and abuse. Today’s guest on the Radical Intimacy Podcast is Kate Anthony, host of the critically acclaimed New York Times-recommended podcast, The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, and creator of the groundbreaking online coaching program, Should I Stay or Should I Go? in which she helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience, community support, and deep self-work. Kate empowers women to find their strength, passion, and confidence, even in the most disempowering of circumstances, helping them move forward with concrete plans and see that they can put their children at the center of their decisions, not in the middle. In this episode, we talk about trauma bonding, an emotional attachment formed by a cycle of abuse, devaluation, and positive reinforcement, and how to break free.
Key Points From This Episode:
· The physiological and emotional addictions inherent in trauma bonding.
· Some questions to ask yourself to determine if you’re in an abusive relationship.
· Understanding the difference between narcissists and abusers.
· Kate highlights the trauma bond in the story of Beauty and the Beast.
· What Kate believes the ‘men’s movement’ is missing: women’s voices and doing the work.
· How trauma bonds go both ways and the difference between ‘reaction abuse’ and trauma.
· How your childhood trauma informs your chances of ending up in an abusive relationship.
· Find out why Kate believes that abusers can’t change.
· The first step you can take to get out of an abusive relationship: educate yourself!
· The value of finding a therapist or coach who specializes in emotional abuse recovery.
· Kate’s advice for victims of abuse: remember how many times this has happened.
· What to do if you are the victim of physical violence and where you can get help.
· Tips for survivors of an abusive relationship: do the Self-recovery work.
· The importance of going where the energy feels good; where feels like home?
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Should I Stay or Should I Go? Program
Should I Stay or Should I Go? Facebook Group
Am I the Abuser? with Rhian Lockard
Zoë Kors’ Links:
Zoë’s Book: Radical Intimacy
Coral: Sexual Wellness App
Resources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
S01 E05 Ghana: Return to the Door of No Return with Natalie Patterson (Part Two)
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
Welcome to Part 2 of our deeply meaningful conversation with poet, activist, teaching artist, mental health advocate, and general queen, Natalie Patterson. Join us as we discuss the inevitability of death, how generational wealth is hoarded in already privileged families, and where the journey of unlearning needs to begin for white people. Natalie invokes a call to action for white women that aren't being curious enough about the Black experience, before sharing the anchor of compassion and tenderness that teaches us all so much about life; when we can be a witness and hold space for others. We talk about the importance of making conscious decisions with your short time here and how Instagram can be a teaching tool for self-growth and pushing your threshold of discomfort if used intentionally. We then dive into the urgency of teaching critical race theory, and how pervasive denial around the horrific reality of slavery keeps American citizens and leadership “comfortable” while blindly signing children up to a false reality. You'll also hear our discussion around white guilt versus the need to be disruptive and Natalie’s comments on the ability of technology to distract us from what matters most. Finally, we hear some parting quick-fire questions so we can get to know Natalie even better; and her answers don't disappoint! We hope you can join us for Part 2 of this crucial conversation!
Key Points From This Episode:
• Natalie starts with optimism that modern humans are capable of doing what needs to be done.
• There actually are enough awake white people to shift the tide: they just aren't bold enough.
• How the steps of uncomfortable learning don't compare to the constant discomfort of living as a Black person in America.
• A call for white women to be mindfully curious about the vastly different Black lives and experiences around them.
• How just witnessing and holding space for others teaches you so much about life.
• Addressing the redistribution of wealth, hoarding, and the nature of family.
• Talking about the inevitability of death and making conscious decisions while you are alive.
• Using Instagram to stay teachable by challenging your thoughts and judgments.
• The importance of tenderness and having sounding boards internally and in our communities.
• How we can create environments where BIPOC feel a sense of safety and belonging.
• Why teaching critical race theory is vital to stop denial about the horrifying truth of slavery.
• Enduring distrust of leadership in America, who pretend these issues aren't significant.
• Touching on white guilt versus the need to be disruptive.
• How having more compassion means that everybody wins.
• Some closing questions on Natalie's best and worst words, how community and tenderness turn her on, and what she'll hear the Pearly Gates.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Natalie Patterson on Instagram
Zoë Kors’ Links:
Zoë’s Book: Radical Intimacy
S01 E04 Ghana: Return to the Door of No Return with Natalie Patterson (Part One)
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
For the Black community, the impact of centuries of unaddressed trauma still manifests today. And while part of that is certainly due to ongoing social injustice, some of the impact might very well be inherited. Today’s guest is Natalie Patterson, a poet, teaching artist, mental health advocate, and diversity, equity, and inclusion leader. She uses her dynamic range and expertise to masterfully make abstract concepts tangible, bridging personal experience with larger cultural occurrences using art, performance, talking circles, and custom workshops. Natalie is known for her integrity, passion, social activism, and her ability to work with people of all ages, genders, races, and cultures by showing up fully and inviting folks to remember that who they are is enough. In today’s deeply personal episode, we address intergenerational trauma through the lens of a trip that Natalie took to Cape Coast Castle in Ghana, one of the most famous trading posts in Ghana’s dark history of slavery. Natalie shares her candid reflections on the delusion of the human spirit, why knowing where you come from should be a birthright, not a privilege, and the relationship between generational trauma, disenfranchisement, and belonging, as well as how she seeks to deconstruct and humanize these experiences through her work. This is a deeply insightful and difficult conversation, but one that is critically important for understanding the blueprint of historical cruelty that still exists in our systems today, so make sure to join us for part one of our discussion with Natalie Patterson.
Key Points From This Episode:
• What led Natalie to take an ultimately extraordinary trip to Ghana.
• The deep, visceral impact of the tour she took of Cape Coast Castle.
• Natalie shares her experience of the rooms where slaves were held before being shipped off.
• The immense grief and overwhelm she felt while bearing witness to the inconceivable horror of what occurred in these spaces.
• Our reflections on the intolerable and mind-blowing cruelty that occurred in the castle.
• Why Natalie believes that returning to the place of your ancestors should be a birthright.
• What the water led her to understand about Black intergenerational trauma and swimming.
• Hear about her experience of being othered by a local in a bustling, outdoor market.
• Generational trauma, disenfranchisement, and belonging; how Natalie fights for comfort.
• Understanding the blueprint for this kind of horror that still exists in our systems today.
• How Natalie seeks to deconstruct and humanize these narratives through her work.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Natalie Patterson on Instagram
Natalie Patterson on YouTube
Zoë Kors’ Links:
Zoë’s Book: Radical Intimacy
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
I am Zoë Kors. Welcome to my podcast. I launch this podcast on the eve of the publication of my debut book, Radical Intimacy: Cultivate the Deeply Connected Relationships You Desire and Deserve.
In a way, this podcast serves as an extension of the book. It’s an opportunity to explore the idea of intimacy, what it means to feel a sense of deep connection, how we create that in our lives and how we sustain it.
We tend to think of intimacy as something that happens between two people, either physically or emotionally. While that’s certainly a part of it, there’s more. The importance of intimacy doesn’t exist solely in the context of relationship.
We are available to connect with each other only to the extent that we can connect to ourselves. This goes for lovers, friends, relatives, colleagues, and even the barista at the local coffeehouse. In order to share the most tender parts of ourselves, we have to know what it is we are sharing. And to fully see someone else, we have to be able to recognize our own experience in theirs. For all the times you ever wondered if this is all there is, if you’ve longed for something you can’t quite name or grab hold of, it’s ultimately intimacy with yourself that you are craving.
My vision for The Radical Intimacy Podcast is to share with you conversations with a variety of people from diverse backgrounds for the purpose of getting more intimate with ourselves and others. This is a safe space in which to be real and raw, to express the fullness of who we are in all its complexity and contradiction. My hope is that through listening to these episodes, you will feel like it’s okay to be you, exactly as you are, and to know that you are not alone. Also that through this deepening sense of self, you are able to bear witness to the experiences and truths of others, even when—or especially when—they are different from your own. Let these conversations enrich your understanding of where you stop and someone else begins, the hard lines of individuality, and the shared experience of our humanity.
S01 E03: Sexual Expression from a Soul Perspective with Jerome Braggs
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
Coming into closer alignment with the soul, and fully embodying ourselves are a couple of the highest pursuits in this life. This is according to today's special guest, Jerome Braggs. Jerome is an intuitive healer who brings kindness, awareness, love, and honesty to his work with clients, and into his everyday life too! Having Jerome on the podcast is truly an honor and listeners can expect to come away from this episode refreshed and inspired to delve deeper into their purpose and find more meaningful joy and pleasure in the world around them. In our conversation, Jerome unpacks how to understand the human soul, and how true pleasure anchors the soul in the body. We also get into how to shut out the external noise that can distract us from our inner truth and soul's message. Other topics covered include how to understand illness, why retreat and silence are so important, the power of sex, and how to better connect with what is truly pleasurable. Jerome is such a gifted speaker and has so many amazing juicy bits of wisdom to share with all of our listeners, so make sure not to miss this episode!
Key Points from This Episode:
• Jerome explains what he means by the words 'soul' and 'source'.
• Ways to get more in tune with the soul; Jerome talks about the importance of unpacking and releasing.
• The specifics about retreating and what it means to take a step back from culture.
• The metaphor of the caterpillar, the cocoon, and the butterfly, and the lessons to take from it.
• How illness and brushes with death can wake us up, and how to respond to the call.
• Mistakes in bed; a few pointers from Jerome on a better understanding of sex.
• How pleasure relates to the soul and body; a mechanism for anchoring ourselves.
• Recontextualizing the message of illness and why it's something we should listen to.
• Prioritizing what is important to us; Jerome's experiences during his near-death experience.
• Understanding the presence of God during sexual intercourse.
• Why pleasure should never be a source of shame and how to separate the two.
• Self-care and desire; Jerome explains why clouded judgment leads to confusion.
• Embodying the self and why this is so attractive to others.
• Where to find Jerome online and how to make use of his amazing offers!
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Zoë Kors’ Links:
Zoë’s Book: Radical Intimacy
S01 E02: Monogamish: Navigating the Hall Pass with Sarah Marshank
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
Today's episode touches on a cultural phenomenon that often takes place at dinner parties and on social media: the celebrity hall pass. And while there's a non-threatening safety built into this because of the unlikelihood of the opportunity to act on the desire, it still plays the role of a culturally sanctioned admission of a desire to be sexual with someone outside of your committed monogamous relationship. With the resurgence of conversations around open marriages in the zeitgeist, there are many of us out there with questions on how to navigate this territory in a way that is mindful and honors everyone involved. Our guest is one of my most-admired friends and relationship role-models, Sarah Marshank, who is the founder of Selfistry, author of Being Selfish, and a prolific sharer of practical spirituality and conscious awakening in spaces from packed auditoriums to white-sand beaches, to boardrooms.
This enriching conversation kicks off with defining what it is to be ‘monogamish’ and unpacking the two very different concepts of being intimate and being sexual, before exploring the importance of keeping your heart and mind focussed on the lifelong journey into self-actualization. Sarah outlines the integration of three realms that will anchor this journey to open pathways of expansive intimacy and honesty, before diving into how this work sets you up for being able to show up fully and authentically with others. Hear how knowing yourself involves giving all your desires and feelings permission to exist, and the importance of finding a community that supports this work. We finally look at what is involved in a conversation where you are bringing having ethical non-monogamous sex to the table. This conversation is rich beyond measure and speaks directly to the soul of every being who lives in relation to others. We dearly hope you can join us.
Key Points From This Episode:
● An introduction to today's topic: the Celebrity Hall Pass.
● Our guest Sarah Marshank kicks us off with the definition of ‘monogamish’.
● Unpacking the two different things of being intimate and being sexual.
● Establishing the intimacy part so that you can show up honestly with your feelings and desires.
● How dealing with feelings of ‘not-enoughness’ and jealousy is very individually specific.
● Sarah shares how she and Steven embody radical intimacy and good communication.
● How the foundational importance of knowing yourself is not a static thing.
● About ‘Selfistry’ and organically unpacking its two realms: spirit and psyche.
● Excavating and replacing the belief systems that we've inherited that aren't really ours.
● The reality that we're all living a spiritual life, whether consciously or unconsciously.
● Hear the Copernicus story about reorienting your human experience of ‘self’ and ‘no-self’.
● Approaching the disorientating integration of ‘no-self’ with grace and support.
● Talking about ‘witness consciousness’ and the nuanced guidance of Ram Dass.
● Hear the incredible story of Ram Dass's personal support of Sarah's work and book.
● How we can invite in a foundation intimacy that honors everybody.
● Finding your community to walk the road of self-exploration alongside each other.
● Navigating what to do when you want to have sex with someone else.
● Giving unconditional permission for all your wants, desires, an
S01 E01: The “Ick Factor” on Sex and the City with Heather Kristin
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
Author and activist, Heather Kristin has been interviewed by Oprah and has worked many jobs over the years, including Park Avenue nanny, subway busker, and cocktail waitress, but one that stands out is her role as stand-in for Kristin Davis’ character on the set of Sex and the City (SATC). In February 2021, Heather exposed the toxic atmosphere on set by penning a detailed essay for the Independent. In the candid memoir that quickly went viral, she recalled an incident of an ‘alpha male actor’ demanding that another stand-in be “tied up, gagged, and brought to his trailer.” These horrific words have now been confirmed by Heather to be those of Chris Noth, who played Mr. Big on the show. In today’s episode, Heather shares her story with us and recalls some of the experiences (both negative and positive) that she had on set at SATC. We discuss the nuance of experience that leads survivors to remain in traumatic spaces or choose not to speak up, why it is that we keep hearing stories like these, and Heather shares how she seeks to empower young women and girls through her work with Girls Write Now. This is a conversation about the power of sharing our stories and learning from the stories of others, so make sure to tune in today to hear from storyteller and truth seeker, Heather Kristin!
Key Points From This Episode:
- Heather recalls some of the positive experiences she had working with the SATC cast.
- Learn what a stand-in does and why they play an integral role on set.
- The incredible opportunity Heather had to be in front of the camera with her violin.
- Heather shares her candid account of the ‘dark’ moments she experienced on set.
- The nuance of Heather’s experience that led her to return to SATC after quitting.
- How her now-viral article detailing Noth’s behavior was originally received by editors.
- Why she decided to name Noth after the sexual harassment allegations that came out.
- Heather’s reaction to the statement that the women of SATC made following the allegations against Noth that surfaced.
- Why she believes that we keep hearing these stories; the power dynamics at play.
- How we can appropriately respond to allegations like these: acknowledge, investigate, stop the retaliation against survivors.
- Heather’s work with Girls Write Now and how she seeks to empower young women.
- The power of sharing our stories and learning from the stories of others.
- Heather’s favorite and least favorite words (yes and no), her love for DuMont Burger in Brooklyn, the sound of the violin, and more!
- Parting words of wisdom: choose kindness rather than words that tear people down.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
‘I was Charlotte’s stand-in on Sex and the City. Some of the behavior I saw still shocks me’
'Chris Noth’s behavior on set for ‘Sex and the City’ was disgusting. I know — I was there’
S02 E08: The Trouble With Andrew
47:58
S02 E07: Six Things About Sex You Need to Know
54:41
S02 E06: Let's Talk About Sex Part One
46:15
S02 E05: Forged in the Fire
42:21
S02 E04: A Banquet of Consequences
43:32
S02 E03: Relating Off Grid
36:06
S02 E02: You're Free to Go at Any Time
39:55
S02 E01: Our Story
42:18
S01 E09: Chapter One: More Than Sex (Solo Episode)
26:36
S01 E08: Rewrite Your Sex Script with Dr. Ian Kerner
36:06
S01 E07: Thriving After Sexual Trauma with Dr. Holly Richmond
38:50
S01 E06: Breaking the Trauma Bond with Kate Anthony
48:30
S01 E05 Ghana: Return to the Door of No Return with Natalie Patterson (Part Two)
41:56
S01 E04 Ghana: Return to the Door of No Return with Natalie Patterson (Part One)
50:27
The Radical Intimacy Podcast
5:26
S01 E03: Sexual Expression from a Soul Perspective with Jerome Braggs
49:18
S01 E02: Monogamish: Navigating the Hall Pass with Sarah Marshank
48:21
S01 E01: The “Ick Factor” on Sex and the City with Heather Kristin
37:32