Chemistry - Up Close and Personal Part 2

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Well, good evening, everybody. How are you? Yeah. Good. All right. Good to have you guys

Speaker 2: 0:07

See you're Hey tonight, we're going to talk a little more about chemistry. Okay. You know, there's a great Paula Abdul song, about 10 years old, and it's called opposites attract. And we were going to play it tonight, but we kind of ran it by our cheese meter team and they all went, eh, you know, so we're not going to play it for you, but if you remember what the song is all about, it basically says, Hey, people who are very different sometimes end up attracting one another and then kind of the very things that were different that they really liked about each other. Then once they're together, it drives them crazy about each other. Now, my wife and I are a perfect example of this for the first 15 years of our marriage, we had unbelievable conflict, unbelievable conflict. And you say, well, if you guys had such a hard time getting along, I mean, what was it about you then that your wife was so attracted to you that she ever married in the first place? Well, to be honest with you, it was the way I looked when we first met. And what happened was some of the information I'm going to share with you tonight. We learned about 10 years ago and it totally changed our relationship because for the first time in our marriage, we actually began to understand about each other. You know, for the first 15 years of our marriage, we just didn't understand why the other person was acting the way they were acting. I mean, Brenda, for example, I looked at her and I thought this woman is just being hard to get along with. I mean, that's all there is to it. She's picky about everything. I do, no matter what I do, I can not do anything. Right. She's always pointing out why I didn't do it exactly the way I was supposed to do it. And I didn't know exactly what was wrong with her, but I knew whatever it was. It wasn't something that a little Valley, um, wouldn't fix. You understand what I'm saying? And she looked at me and she thought I was mentally irregular. She looked at me and said, the man is out of control. The man is completely impulsive. The man does not use his head at all. The man has never grown up and she figured whatever was wrong with me with something that, you know, a little, a bottom he wouldn't fix. And so, so there, we were just slugging it out. I mean, just slugging it out until we suddenly learn when I'm going to share with you this evening. And it revolutionized our relationship because we began to understand why is it that that other person in this relationship is acting the way they're acting. And I want tonight as we go through this, we're not really going to do a Bible thing tonight. Although this is very biblical, but what we're going to try to do is we're going to talk about, there are four basic personality types, four basic types of chemistry to people. And if you understand that it explains why people act the way they do and why when they get in a relationship, they have some of the tensions, the problems and the interactions that they do. And when you understand that, you know, Brendan, I've learned over the last 10 years, not only to understand one another better, but miracle of miracles, we've actually learned to appreciate the differences in one another. That's a wonderful thing. I didn't think it was ever going to happen to the two of us, but it really has because we understand better now. So as we do, this is what I want you to do. Number one, I want you to try to figure out what chemistry type of the four you are. That's really important to know that. And then if you've got a boyfriend or girlfriend right now, or a husband or wife, I want you to try to figure out what personality type they are, because understanding those two things will help you a lot and figuring out why you're relating to each other and why you're having some of the conflict that you are. And if you don't have a boyfriend, you don't have a girlfriend. When you figure out who you are, it will help a lot in helping you decide. All right, well, what kind of a person am I looking for then? Which of these personality tides do I really want to find as a potential partner? Okay. So come on along. This is really going to help you. And as I said, there are four types of personalities and remember, none of them are better or worse than the other. Okay? None of these are good and none of them are bad. It's just the way people are. Each personality type has certain strengths and each one has certain weaknesses and you may not be all a one and none of the others, but you'll probably be primarily one. Okay? And that's the important now, number one, personality type, number one, lions Gerber, all right, lion. These are the leaders of the world. These are the take charge. People in the world. These are the George Patton's of the world. These are the Schwartz costs of the world. These are the people who are either the president of the company or else. They believe they're the president of the company. That's these people. All right, now, there are some words who described these people. See if he knew these adjectives work for you. These people are confident. These people are bold. These people are determined. These people are persistent. These people are competitive. They will run over their mother at home plate. If they have to, to score. Now they'll pick her up and dust her off and say, they're sorry, but they'll kill her at the plate. If they have to, to score these people are goal oriented. They are independent. They are self-reliant. They are strong willed people. These people are take charge. People. They are controlling people. They want to control you and everything else in the world. They want to be in charge. They love being in charge. They're entrepreneurial, they're risk takers, and the more power you give them, and the more authority you give them, the more they love it. They're also pushy. They're also overbearing. They're also like a bull in a China shop. Sometime. They also roll over people a lot of times. And then when they turn around and you tell them they did it, they're like, huh? They don't even know they did it. This is the person who, if you assign them a Hill to take, they will take that Hill. No matter how many people they have to kill in the process. If they're the last person alive, they're going to take that Hill because that's just the way they're wired. This is the person who gets right behind you on the beltway and flashes their lights and beats their horn. And when you finally move over, they stare at you dirty. When they drive by you. That's these people, these are the people that are horrible to go on vacation with. They got you up at six o'clock in the morning. Come on out, come on. We got 45 things we've got to do today. We've got to do this. We got to do that. I got a whole list right here. Got to get all this done by sundown. Cause after sundown, we got a whole bunch of other stuff we got to do. And you say to them, are you crazy? This is vacation. It's six o'clock in the morning. Have you lost your mind? No. We got a lot of things

Speaker 3: 6:51

You do today.

Speaker 2: 6:56

These are the people that want to cut right to the bottom line. They want the executive summary. We're in a hurry all the time. They don't have time to talk about it. Just give me the facts. That's all I want. I just want the facts that they're wonderful people.

Speaker 3: 7:07

They are.

Speaker 2: 7:10

We need these kinds of people in the world. They're the thing. People that make the world go round, but there are some times very hard people to live with. When you live in with a lion, you feel like you're in the rink with a professional hockey player all the time. They're just bouncing off of people everywhere they go.

Speaker 3: 7:27

That's the lion. Now, then we have the Otter.

Speaker 2: 7:33

And in fact, I can put my hand inside this little booger and make your move. Say, hi, this is the Otter. Now the otters. These are the party people of the world. These are where's the party. The party is about to happen. I want to go give me the party. These are the people who would much rather lay on her back, crack rocks and do anything else in the world. These are the fun people in the world. These are the people who know everybody who know everybody who knows everybody. These are the people who love to be in crowds. Love to have a party. Here's some of the words that describe these people. They're fun, loving they're spontaneous. They're friendly. They're optimistic. You know, these are the people whose favorite two words are, trust me. Don't ever trust these people. They don't have a clue what they're doing. They haven't thought about it themselves yet.

Speaker 3: 8:20

They're

Speaker 2: 8:20

Energetic. They're very verbal. They're popular. They love large groups. They mix well with people. They're enthusiastic, they're promoters and inspires and inspirational. They can talk anybody in anything, even if it makes no sense, but they're also goofballs. They're irresponsible, impulsive people, and they're dangerous. People they're dangerous to themselves. And they're dangerous to everybody else around them because they don't think they just party. That's these people. These are the people who could care less about taking Hill. All they want to know is where's the victory party. Once we take it, that's all they care about. These are the people who cause accidents on the beltway because they're so busy dancing to the music they listen to. They're not paying any attention to where they're going. They miss their exit. They don't even know it because the song was great. That is the people that are terrible with money too. They never balanced their checkbook. They just changed banks. Every week.

Speaker 3: 9:27

It's been awhile,

Speaker 2: 9:30

Honorable people to go on vacation with. Cause there were party all day long, but God help you. If you ever have to get anything accomplished with these people, they're the people that commit themselves to go to three parties on the same night and they show up to all three and forgot whatever it was. You told them to bring. But they're there it's party time. These are wonderful people. They are, they keep laughter and fun in the world, but they can be hard to live with because they just don't care. If anything gets done.

Speaker 3: 9:57

All right, now, next we have the beavers. Okay?

Speaker 2: 10:05

Now the beavers of the world, these are the people who not only enjoy writing instruction manuals. They actually enjoy reading instruction manuals. These are the Felix hungers of the world. By the way, the otters, they were the Tommy boys of the world. You got that right? You know an animal house. They were the blue dose of the world. These are the Felix hungers of the world. These are the anal people of the world. These are the people who value accuracy. These are the rules, people. These are the do it, right? People. These are the, get it straight people. They're the safety inspectors, the quality controllers, the bankers, the accountants, the OSHA inspectors and the computer programmers of the world right here. They care about detail. It's gotta be right. Here are some words that describe these people. They are predictable.

Speaker 3: 10:51

They're careful.

Speaker 2: 10:52

They're perfectionist. It's got to be perfect. They're detailed. They're analytical. They're structured, precise people. They're very scheduled people. They have their little, you know, day-timer and everything's written down in the little day timer that they got to get done for the next 30 days. They're orderly. They're conscientious. These people have a wonderful sense of duty. They do a high sense of duty when they commit themselves to something, brother, they will die before. They'll let it go without getting it done.

Speaker 3: 11:24

But also

Speaker 2: 11:25

They tend to be very critical people, very critical as in sales, mostly. And then by extension, they can be very critical of other people because you just got to be perfect. You just got to do it, right? These are people who have stomach trouble all the time, because everything stresses them out unless the world is perfect. They got problems. Now these people are people who believe that the rules were made to be kept on the beltway. These are the people who get in the right lane drive 55 miles an hour, not 56 because 56 is one mile

Speaker 3: 12:01

55.

Speaker 2: 12:03

The people who, when they come to a stop sign, not only do they stop, they go in and put the car in park for a couple of seconds just to make sure they're stopped. And then they keep on going. That's these people, these are people who would you say to them? Take the Hill. They will go over to crown and see if there's a book on how to take the Hill properly before they try, because they want to make sure they're doing it right. And if you go to a Beaver's house and look in the drawer, let me tell you what you'll find. You'll find all their socks rolled up in color, coordinated in the row. In the drawer. Their closets are perfectly neat. Their shoes are all in a row and they make their beds every day. In fact, when they go on vacation, they make their beds in the hotel

Speaker 3: 12:48

Before they leave. Well, we can't leave.

Speaker 2: 12:50

So we make the bed, honey, we're in a hotel. There are maids who are going to come in and strip. It doesn't matter. You make the bed before you leave. It's rude not to make,

Speaker 3: 13:01

Oh, okay. Whatever.

Speaker 2: 13:03

These are the in the box. People and beavers are wonderful people. They really are. They help keep the world organized. These are the people who balance their checkbooks. Somebody does. These are the people who actually know how much money they have in the bank, but that can be frustrating to live with because if you're not a Beaver, they'll drive you

Speaker 3: 13:22

Nuts. And finally,

Speaker 2: 13:26

We have our friends, the golden retrievers. Yeah. This, these are, these are the nurturers of the world. These are the George Bailey's, you know, it's a wonderful life. These are the George Bailey's of the world. These are the last seas of the world. If you come to McLean, Bible church, these are the Richard Parks of the world right here. If you know Richard. Yeah. These are people who have the words I won't hurt. You stamped right across their forehead. Everywhere they go. These are the safe people of the world. They can avoid confrontation at all costs. All they want to do is just Nick you all over and making real war. That's all they want to do. They're wonderful. Here's some words that describe these people. They're sensitive. They're thoughtful. They're loyal to a fault. These people are good listeners. They're indecisive. They can't make a decision. You know why they can't make a decision because whatever decision they make is going to hurt somebody's feelings. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. So they can't make a decision. Where do you want to go

Speaker 3: 14:24

Dinner wherever you want to go?

Speaker 2: 14:27

No, but I mean, I want to know where do you want to go? Or it doesn't matter to me. I want to go wherever you want to go. Yeah. But I want to take you somewhere that you really would like to go. Where would you like to go?

Speaker 3: 14:38

Wherever you want to go drive you crazy.

Speaker 2: 14:43

These are the people who are tender. They're nurturing. They're the peacemakers of the world. They want to bring everybody together. And if everybody feel wonderful about everybody, they avoid confrontation at all costs. They're very sympathetic people. These are the people you love to talk to. When you got a problem, you want a golden retriever to talk to. But also on the negative side, these people often end up carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. They take everybody's problems. They carry everybody's problems and they can't say no very easily. And they worry too much about what people think about them. Now, when it comes to taking heals, this person says, well, if it'll make you feel better, you take the heel. I don't need to take the Hill. If you will like to take it, go ahead. This is fine with me. These people don't even go on the beltway. They don't even get near the beltway. They go forget it. I'll make an enemy. I'm not going out there. These are the people who worked for the red cross. These are the people who volunteer to work in hospitals. These are the people who have two and a half hour phone conversations because they're afraid. If they say they have to go, they'll hurt somebody's feelings. So it's like,[inaudible], these are wonderful people. These are the warm and fuzzy people of the world. The world would be a cold and heartless place without these people. They're wonderful. But they can be frustrating to live with because sometimes you want to say to them, why don't you ever do something for you? Why don't you ever do something that you want to do? Why do you spend your whole life worrying about everybody else? Enjoy something you want to do for a change. Now let's take a little survey. How many lions do we have here? Raise your hand. How about how many otters do we have here? Me? That's just like otters. They would scream and do that. Wouldn't it? That's just like the, see, I told you was just like them. All right. How many beavers do we have here? Wow. A lot of you guys. Am I doing it right? Is that I'm okay. So far I'm doing it right. Okay. Just got to check. Cause I know that matters to you guys. How many golden retrievers do we have here? Oh, well wonderful. Okay. Now that's interesting because you know, most crowds, it breaks down about 25%. It's really kind of interesting how God splits this out among people, but let's see all four and action. Okay. Let's try a couple of these out. How about when it comes to money? Okay. Lions love to make it. They don't care about it. They just want to make money beavers. They love to save it all, man, beavers have a savings account. Two savings accounts, three savings accounts. That's all they want to do. How much money are we saving? You know, we need to be saving money every single month. We need to be. But in a way, otters, what do they love to do to money? Yeah, man, they don't care about nothing but spending it and golden retrievers. You know what they do. They just sit around telling everybody what a wonderful job they're doing, managing their money. You're doing a wonderful job. And you're doing well for job. And you're doing a wonderful job over there too. Everybody's doing a job.

Speaker 3: 17:52

How about shopping?

Speaker 2: 17:55

Lions lions are going to store. They want to fast. They don't want any help. They don't want a salesperson. I see what I want. Buy it, bring it up. I got things to do.

Speaker 3: 18:03

I'm outta here. That's a lie and shopping.

Speaker 2: 18:07

You know how Beaver shops a Beaver spends$25 in gas, going all over the County, trying to save 20 cents

Speaker 3: 18:15

On the article. That's the Beaver

Speaker 2: 18:20

Does when an Otter goes, shopping and Otter goes in and gets so busy talking to the sales personnel that they forget what they even went shopping for. They come home and they go, I forgot why I even went there, but I sure had fun. I made four new friends.

Speaker 3: 18:32

It's wonderful.

Speaker 2: 18:34

And golden retrievers. They'll often go shopping and buy stuff. They don't even need because they're afraid of hurting the feelings of the shopping's clerk. You think I need this? Okay, well then I'll take it. Cause I don't want to hurt your feelings. So sure. I'll take two of them.

Speaker 3: 18:50

One more.

Speaker 2: 18:51

When you were a teenager, if your mother was Elian,

Speaker 3: 18:56

Then all

Speaker 2: 18:56

Your mother wanted to know is what are your goals for the next 10 years? What is your action plan to achieve it? And I want them prioritize in a list. I want a written set of action plans that I want to know. When are we going to get all these things done? If your mother was an Otter, all your mother wanted to do is go to the movies with you and your friends. Can I go to, if your mother was a Beaver, you know what she wanted you to do?

Speaker 3: 19:18

Clean your room, that drive you crazy or what?

Speaker 2: 19:26

And if your mother was a golden retriever, all she wanted to do is come down and sit on the bed next to you at night and go, honey, are you okay?

Speaker 3: 19:35

How are you feeling? How's school going was dinner. Okay. Did I over cook? Anything?

Speaker 2: 19:44

The pillows too hard. I bought new pillows today. I can take them back if they're not hard, are they okay? How's everything going?

Speaker 3: 19:55

No

Speaker 2: 19:55

Friends. Knowing these things about yourself really helps because it explains why. When you get into a relationship with one of these people, they act the way they do people. When they get in relationships, they act inside of the kind of chemistry, the kind of personality type that they are. And if you understand that, then you'll realize that they're not just being difficult. They're not just being hard to get along with. They're not just trying to make your life miserable, which some of us think from time to time. But actually they're just acting exactly in line with what they are. And really, you know, God often matches up opposites because he wants us to learn from one another. He wants us to grow by rubbing shoulders with one another. He wants us to together move to the middle so that both of us become more well-rounded people because live with the other person, we have a relationship with the other person and also you can predict much easier knowing what the other person's personality type is. You can predict how they're going to respond, which means you can prepare yourself to deal with them. It doesn't come out of the blue. So I want to talk to you for a minute now about what it's like when we mix and match these character types. And there are 10 different possibilities here. I'm gonna talk to you all about all 10 of them. Very, very, very quickly. But let me just say whatever personality types you've got. When you get in a relationship, you're going to have conflict. There's no two personality types you're going to put together where there's not some conflict. And so what I'm saying to you is there is no such thing as finding the perfect match here. You can decide, you don't particularly want one kind of personality. You want another one because you don't want the frustrations. You're going to have with a particular kind. But you prepare to deal with the frustrations you're going to have with another kind. That's fine. But ultimately marriages do not succeed. Relationships do not succeed because you pick the perfect partner. It doesn't happen. Relationships succeed for the same reason, my wife and I, this June we'll celebrate our 24th anniversary. Thank you very much. We're thrilled about that. You know why? Because when we got married, we said, all right, here's the deal? Jesus Christ is the third unspoken partner in this relationship. It's not you and me it's you and me and Jesus Christ and divorce is not an option. And one way or the other, we will figure out a way to work this out. We are not splitting. We're going to make this work. And that's how we went into the marriage. And that's why 24 years later, we're still together. It has nothing to do with us being perfectly matched. We are one of the worst of these matches. You can imagine, but we've made it work because we add a commitment to something higher than chemistry. Our commitment was to the Lord, Jesus Christ. And if you have that commitment, it doesn't matter what chemistries go together. I'm telling you, you can make a marriage work. Now let's talk about it for a minute. What happens? Number one, we got 10 of these. What happens when two lions get married? Oh geez. It doesn't happen very often because both of them are looking to control and all the ones not going to yield. And they just don't, they don't appeal to each other much. You just don't see that happen. But if it ever happens, hide all the sharp objects in the house. That's all I got to say. Number two. What happens if a lion marries an Otter? Well, you don't have a lot of conflict over control because the Otter doesn't want to control anything. He doesn't care know he'll let the lie. And he says, go ahead, dear. You know, she can control everything. That's fine. I don't care. But Hey, the lion and the Otter match has a lot of frustration. And particularly a lot of frustration for whoever is the lion. We have some family, friends, and they have two daughters. One is a lion big time. And one is an Otter big time. And we went on a trip with him and the girl that's aligned was sitting out there in the car and we're just getting ready to go somewhere and just sit in there and just, you know, I mean, she's getting real frustrated and her sisters inside comma slowly making her way to the car, took about 20 minutes talking to people, just having a great old time. And the lion says to me, he says, you don't have a problem with my sister. My sister does not believe that time exists. That's a problem with my sister. This is the problem. Lions and auditors have lie and say, we gotta go. We gotta do. We gotta get somewhere. And otters are like,

Speaker 3: 24:15

Why what's the hurry?

Speaker 2: 24:18

You know, let's party on the way. Let's have some fun. There's some frustration here. Number three, lions and beavers. This is me. And Brenda, you say, how do y'all get along? Can you spell brew? Haha. That's how we get along. And the issue is not over control. The issue is over the rules, the rules. Do you see a lion says, I'll get it done anyway. I need to, but I'll get it done. A Beaver says no, if you don't get it done, according to the rules, it doesn't count. Well, where did that come from? I got it done. Did not. You wanted it done. I got it done. No, you didn't do it the right way. It doesn't count. And that's what you fight over. When you're allying at a Beaver, my wife will say to me many times, how can I teach the children? Not to Burke?

Speaker 3: 25:07

Uber?

Speaker 2: 25:09

I'll say well, just tell him I'm the father and the rules are different for me. She goes, no, the rules are different for you. The rules are exactly the same for you. You are to live under the same rules that they live under. And I'm like,

Speaker 3: 25:23

Whatever,

Speaker 2: 25:26

But we fight about we drive and she says, you know, what's the limit is that? I say, no, I do know actually, but I say

Speaker 3: 25:36

Jim was 55. I said wonderful. She said, well you're going 70. Yup. So what else do we need to talk about here?

Speaker 2: 25:54

How about number four? If you're a lion and a golden retriever? Well, you know, actually this is a match that happens a lot, lots of lions hookup with lots of golden retrievers. And you know why? Because lions are looking for people to control and golden retrievers don't want to fight back. The max that looks like it's made in the heaven. You know, the lion says I'm in charge and the golden retriever says, I just don't want conflict, whatever. But you know, there's some real problems that you have to watch with this because what happens many times is if the golden Retriever's not careful, he or she ends up becoming totally dominated by this lion. And after a while, sometimes five or six years later, there's a lot of angst. And a lot of anger that builds up over this person, basically just completely controlling them. A golden in this situation has got to learn to stand their ground and say to that lion, no that's far enough pal. Here's the line. Don't step over it. And you know, that really demands a golden retriever to kind of step up. And they often don't like to do that. So a lot of times you get somebody in a relationship like this, a golden retriever that really has to learn a whole new set of habits in terms of keeping a lion from completely running their life. Number five. How about two otters? What a wonderful, if you have two otters married, you will never have more fun with those two people than in your whole life. They will be your best friends. You will love to have them over. You will have more fun going to the beach with them than most anybody you ever went to. They will be the greatest couple you ever met in your life. The only problem is they'll never get anything done when all the laundry's dirty, they just go buy new clothes. Nobody washed his clothes. They throw those away and buy new clothes. So they're a wonderful match, but God help them. If they ever have to do anything. Number six. How about an Otter and a Beaver, Otter and a Beaver. This one is one where you'll constantly hear these two phrases. The Beaver will constantly say, why don't you grow up? And the Otter will constantly say, why don't you lighten up? And that's how they spend their life grow up, lighten up. Where'd you grow up? No, what you lighten up and you know what both of them are, right? Both of them are right. The Otter needs to grow up and the Beaver needs to lighten up and they can actually be a wonderful influence on each other. If they learn to appreciate the differences and learn from one another. All right, we're moving on here. We're almost done. How about number seven, an Otter and a golden retriever. You don't see this happen too often, but an Otter and a golden retriever. The Otter just wants to have fun. And the golden retriever just wants to lick everybody.

Speaker 4: 28:37

It's wonderful. She's wonderful.

Speaker 2: 28:41

How about two beavers? You know, it might surprise you, but I've seen two beavers can be married a lot. I mean, this is a very common combination and you know what? They actually get along pretty good. This actually works real good. You know why? Because they're both rule keepers. They're both in the box people and as long as they can agree on what the box is, as long as they can agree on what the rules are, these people live wonderful marriages. They're incredibly boring to be around, but they live wonderful marriages together. Number nine. How about beavers and golden retrievers? Well, it's okay. The golden retriever just wants to make the Beaver happy. And so the Bible says these are the rules and the golden retriever says,

Speaker 4: 29:23

Okay. And they, they get along. They do. Okay.

Speaker 2: 29:26

And finally, what about two golden retrievers? Well, two golden retrievers are wonderful. They just kind of slobber all over each other and they're wet, but they're happy, man. They're just happy as can be because they're both, you know, the only problem is they can't ever decide where they're going to dinner. Can you imagine two golden retrievers talking about where to go to dinner? Where would you like to go wherever you'd like to go? Where would you like to go? They'll starve to death unless they're lying. Kids says I'm in charge. We're going here. And that's what often happens. Well, I don't know if this helps you at all. I had fun doing it. I don't know if it helps you at all or not, but I hope it does because once Brendan, I learned once I learned that she was a Beaver and then I know exactly how she's gonna react in every situation. It's like clockwork

Speaker 3: 30:14

Like clockwork.

Speaker 2: 30:15

And I know it's always going to be, these are the rules and I know it's always going to be, we need to keep the rules. And I know it's always going to be law and you need to keep the rules like everybody else does. I know. And she knows exactly how I'm going to react. I mean, for lions rules are suggestions. Stop signs are suggestions, you know, stop long enough just so you don't hurt yourself. But you know, just if you want to roll it just kind of to right.

Speaker 3: 30:39

Their suggestions and

Speaker 2: 30:41

You know, so we understand each other and we actually have reached a point that we can kind of laugh about it together and you know, say, well, you know the Bureau Beaver, that's what I expect from you. And we've learned to appreciate one another. You know, if you learn who you are, you're really going to be a lot more predictable than you think you're going to be, because these are very real things that God has built into us. And if you learn who your partner is, they'll be predictable and it will really help you not to fight all the time and not to feel that the other person is just trying to be hard to get along with. But to appreciate the fact, God made us intrinsically different. And if we'll let one another rub off on each other, we can be a blessing to each other. Brenda's always saying to me, you know, if you were to listen to me, you'd avoid most of the trouble in your life. You know something she's right now. I still don't listen to him very much, but I should. She's right. I know that I'm getting better. She's absolutely right. She's a rules person. She knows the rules. She keeps the rules. And if she tells me law, you ought to do it this way. It's because she understands the rules and she's right. And I always say to her, yeah, but Brenda, you know what, if I didn't plan the trips and if I didn't push you to the edge and if I didn't push the envelope with you, you'd never go anywhere, do anything. And she says, you're right. You're right. And so we have learned to appreciate one another. And you know what, if you'll learn to appreciate the fact that this is just the way people are, then you'll learn to appreciate all the people and you can have a relationship that's built on mutual respect and mutual appreciation instead of a relationship that's built on anger and frustration. And because you just don't understand why that other person's acting that way. So I hope these things will help you. Thanks again for coming tonight. Let's pray father. We want to thank you for reminding us tonight that you built human beings a certain way, and that these things that we've talked about, these are not accidents, but that you have built us as people to, to have certain strengths. And also sometimes we have certain weaknesses and that many times we get matched up to someone who has strengths, where we're weak and, and we have strengths where they're weak because you intend us. As the Bible says that the two shall become one flesh and we'll grow to compliment each other. And together as the team of a guy and a gal, we will be stronger as a team than even just the sum of the parts. So teach us from all of this this evening to learn, to appreciate each other, teach us, to learn, to appreciate our differences, teach us, to learn, to, to, to look at our relationships and to treat the other person's differences with respect. And with honor, instead of despising them, and I pray you would use what we've talked about tonight, to bring some harmony to relationships that may be have like Brendan me had been fighting for years just because they really don't understand each other. We commit all that we've learned in ITU. Lord help us build better relationships because we were here tonight. And I ask this in Jesus name. Amen.