In the Thick of It
Welcome to 'In the Thick of It,' a podcast where candid conversations make you feel genuine understanding and connection. Hosted by Coach & Consultant, Robin Angela Baglietto, this show is a sanctuary for women braving the multifaceted female experience.
Each episode delves into the myriad of experiences that define womanhood today, from the joys and challenges of motherhood to the nuances of career and personal growth.
Robin’s approach is unfiltered, compassionate, and a little bit rebellious. Armed with a slightly foul mouth and a wealth of wisdom, she’s the feminist bestie you’ve always wanted, guiding you through life's thickets with humor, honesty, and a hefty dose of motivation. Whether discussing mental health, relationships, or societal issues, 'In the Thick of It' is your go-to source for encouragement, inspiration, and a much-needed sense of sisterhood.
So, for a dose of real-life stories, actionable insights, and a community that gets it, tune into 'In the Thick of It' and start feeling a little less crazy, a little less broken, and a lot more connected.
In the Thick of It
2. The Heart of Self-Love: Beyond Pampering to Personal Reclamation
Ever found yourself pouring love and care into others, only to realize you've left little for yourself? Join me, Robin Angela Baglietto, as we navigate the often-overlooked art of self-care via the transformative power of self-love. Our intimate discussion peels back the layers of how we treat ourselves compared to our cherished ones.
This conversation isn't just about pampering—it's a candid exploration of the internal monologues that shape our self-perception. We tackle the tough questions about how we converse with ourselves during the mundane and pivotal moments of our lives. Sharing a slice of my life, I recount a workshop that reshaped my view of intimacy and self-love, inviting you to reconsider your self-talk with the tenderness you'd reserve for a dear friend. It's about shifting the narrative to build a more empowering and loving relationship with ourselves.
As Valentine's Day looms, let's cast aside conventions and celebrate the most enduring love affair of all—the one with ourselves. I'll offer whimsical and empowering self-care suggestions that go beyond the cliché to truly honor the love you carry within. Our chat extends an open invitation to embrace your body, tackle societal taboos, and revel in the joy of your own company, complemented by a treasure trove of free resources designed to enrich your self-love journey. So, pour a glass of your favorite beverage, settle in, and let's toast to the beauty of loving oneself.
Find freebies mentioned in this episode at https://www.robinangela.com/freebies.
Let's connect!
Email: Robin@robinangela.com
Website: robinangela.com
IG: RobinAngela_
Life is so complex, especially for women, and we need a place where we can hash it out, laugh about it and toast to it. Welcome to the In the Think of it podcast. My name is Robin Angela Baglietto and I'll be your host as we navigate the diversity of the female experience. Whether you're here for some inspiration, some validation or a dose of humor, you're in the right place, so let's dive in. Hello and welcome to the In the Think of it podcast. So I actually did an episode about something around this topic in season one. I think it's the third episode of this podcast, so that's definitely worth giving a listen to.
Speaker 1:So I kind of dive deep into self-care and all the different ways that we can express or experience self-care. There's the obvious things baths, massages, pedicures, things like that right Walks in nature, journaling but if that's something that you're interested in, on the website I have self-care inventory worksheets, self-care guide, like 10 things you can do for self-care. I mean there's a bunch of stuff on there for that, so feel free to check that out. Robinangelacom, it's in the freebies, so easy peasy there. So there's plenty of ways that we can express self-care. I think that come to mind when I ask somebody like what does your self-care look like?
Speaker 1:But the reason I did this episode a similar episode, you know, a year or so ago two years maybe, I guess is that when I started really spending time exploring this concept of self-care, I had this like, I'd say, epiphany. But it's not brand new information. Like it's information that is out there and we know and lots of people talk about. But for me it just clicked all of a sudden. You know how you have that, like you've heard something a hundred times, but like the 101 time you hear it, or when you like, think it to yourself. In my case, you're like, oh my God, I get it, like I'm a genius. But you're like, oh, oh, that's okay, that's what that is, that's what that means, that's how we do that.
Speaker 1:And so I had that moment preparing for that third episode. I was going to talk about self-care and what I realized was the biggest missing link between me and actually doing quote self-care is that we're missing a piece that comes before that. We're missing a step in that journey. So what happened was I was thinking about this and I realized something like how do you show love to someone, like somebody you're in a relationship with and this could be your partner, your parents, your kids, your chosen family of friends that you've been around for decades.
Speaker 1:When you think about those people and you want to really show them that you love them, like you just love them. So, like, what do you do for them? What are the things that you do? You know, maybe you buy gifts, sure, but they need you. You're there, right, if they're going through a hard time, like you're 100% there, you're bringing them food, or you're sitting down for talks, or you're taking them out to go do stuff. You know, like, come on, I'm here for you. You know, like, I got you, we can do this. Right, maybe you want to cook them a nice meal or maybe, yeah, like you want to go do stuff with them. You know, what do you?
Speaker 1:What does your relationship look like? How do you show them that you love them? First thing about that for a minute, pick one or two people in your life and think about, like, what do I do to really show them that I love them? And like what that feeling of just loving them come over you, of like I freaking love this person. I love this person so much. Ugh, I do anything for them, right Like. What does that feel like? And then, what does what does that end up looking like? What do you do to show them that you love them? And my next question is do you do that for yourself? And my next question is if you are doing that for yourself sort of, or a lot, if you are doing that for yourself, how's that going? How well are you doing it? My final question is are you doing it as well for yourself as you do for others? Are you expressing love to yourself in the same way you express it to other people you love? Just sit with that.
Speaker 1:I have a little story I'll share, and I think I shared this in that episode, so you might be hearing it again, but I'm actually gearing up to lead a discussion around this tomorrow. Stay afraid? Yeah, so tomorrow, at a mindful movement. It's a seminar that Eleanor by Women United is putting on as part of our empowerment series, or we're calling it our grit seminar series how to get gritty. We like that word, so we're going with it. But anyhow, our first seminar is being hosted at Shine Yoga Studio in partnership with Shine Yoga Studio. Taylor Mancibo, who's the owner there, she is on the Eleanor Advisory Committee and she's just an amazing human and I have deep roots with Shine and love it dearly. So it all made sense Idiot, I digress. So we're having this seminar at Shine and Taylor is going to lead us in a bit of yoga around heart center and self-compassion and meeting yourself where you're at, and those beautiful themes, and then we're going to have a little break and some food and all that, and then I'm going to lead a discussion around this very topic. So it's very front and center in my mind right now and I just feel so deeply passionate about it. And so, anyhow, I say all of that to say that at this seminar I'm going to be sharing this story, and so I figured it would be worth sharing here too.
Speaker 1:So about a year or, yeah, about a year or so ago, we, I was going to, and maybe two years ago yeah, it was two years ago, sorry, like you care, I feel like one of those old men. So then I went with Henry and Loretto or was his wife's name. Loretto was a Roberta, you know, she was related to Charles. Oh my God, that's what I'm doing right now. Ah, okay. So, yes, it was two years ago. Oh my God, two years ago, I was going to an Eleanor event and you know knew I was going to be on stage and it was a new position for me with Eleanor, and so I wanted to feel good. Right, I wanted to feel and look good. I wanted it to be professional, but like cute and modern and sexy.
Speaker 1:And you know just, I had a vision in my mind and as I'm about to walk into the store, I kind of check in with myself because I know that my body at the time was not really like my most comfortable, right. I mean, I've had three babies. I don't really enjoy working out, or I didn't. I have found a new love for the gym. I didn't really like being physical a whole lot and I loved food and actually I have kind of like a very emotional eating habits and so and a bunch of yeah, so I'd I mean, like everybody in 2021 hello, we all had some fluff. I had a little bit more Not shaming, I'm stating I was very nervous going to try on clothes and like trying to feel a certain way that I didn't already feel in my body and I wanted like a new outfit to help me exude that.
Speaker 1:So I was kind of setting myself up for some harshness, right, you know? You know when you're not feeling your best in your body, in your skin, and you go try on clothes like is there anything worse to do? When you feel extra like, when you don't feel good, even if it's just like a pimple or a bad hair day like, but especially if you're like I'm 20 pounds overweight, like what are you like? That is, trying on clothes is the worst thing to happen to you, especially when it's like as big of a thing as this felt for me. So as I'm approaching the doors to the store to go in and try on clothes and like want to feel a certain way, that's going to be a little bit of a struggle. Perhaps I check in.
Speaker 1:I chose to talk to myself like I would a girlfriend, like if my best friend is feeling this way and I'm going shopping with her and she's going to be on stage and she's very passionate about this work and she just wants to exude, you know she's kind of changing a little bit her identity. I mean, she's, you know, going from one phase of her life to another, had a new baby. Like I want to support her, I want her to feel as amazing as she is right, and so I'm going to talk to her like that. I'm going to be like sister, hey, you're fucking awesome, you're amazing. Whatever you wear isn't going to change that. So we're going to go in there and we're going to find something that makes you feel like the queen that you are. We're going to be kind about it. Okay, we're not going to get too caught up in the numbers that are the sizes, quote, unquote. Okay, we're not going to get lost in that and we're just going to find something that makes you feel phenomenal.
Speaker 1:As I'm walking up to the doors, I decided to have that conversation with myself, you know, pumping myself up, reminding me that this doesn't define me, but just genuinely talking to myself, like I'm my own best friend, and it was the most liberating and comforting experience I've had. It was so gentle To something that could be so harsh. It was such a gentle approach and there were moments of struggle, but just like there would be with a girlfriend. It was like, yeah, this is uncomfortable, but hey, fuck this, leave this sweater or this, you know, leave this top hanging in the dressing room. We don't need it, we're out, let's go somewhere else. Like it's fine, we're going to find something, and that was the compassion that I brought into that store. And now I'm not sitting here saying like, and I do that every day and I've lived happily ever after. No, relationships are messy, life is messy, and so there are definitely times that I beat myself up, there are definitely times that I am talking some shit Right, but it's the rebound, that is, the act of self-love is when you rebound and go hey, sorry, woo, got a little hectic there, but you're a badass.
Speaker 1:Like you're good, we're fine, but I do think that you need to do something else and we'll figure that out. You know what I mean. Like you can approach any situation with yourself just like you would have loved one, just like you would a child, with compassion and gentleness. And so it's the rebound. It's when you start to live those old patterns of like talking shit to yourself and you catch it and choose to like, turn that whole train around and go down a different track. That's the practice. That is the. It's a practice. It's like everything else in life, it's a practice, and you get better at it and you can turn that train around more quickly and less often. It's a lovely thing.
Speaker 1:And so to me, when people talk about self-care. That is the epitome of self-care is caring for yourself, and that's not just the things we do, but especially the things we say. Right, would you tolerate any other relationship that talks to you, a person in a relationship that talks to you the way you talk to yourself? Would you be like this toxic motherfucker's gotta go, right. Or is it a beautiful relationship? It's complex, I'm sure there are times where you straight up disagree, but it can still be healthy and loving and caring and kind. So I'll ask you again like are we doing that for ourselves as much as we do in other relationships? Are we doing that? Are we doing it well? Would you be breaking up with yourself? You can't. So all the more reason to do these things, right.
Speaker 1:So at this grit seminar that we have coming up on Saturday, the Mindful Movement seminar I put like a couple of worksheets together so that people could kind of have a moment to sit with these things right. That's the beautiful thing about attending events like this is that when you hear me talking about it right now, you're like oh yeah, I should totally sit with these questions, you know, oh yeah, I'm gonna come back to that. Sure, but you're driving, you're doing other things Like, unless you stop right now and carve the time out, you're not going to, and so that's what I love about these events is that we have already carved out the time and the space to sit with these questions and actually make progress on the way that we're thinking, and so that's why I think they're so important and really just a lovely gift to give yourself. So at this seminar, I'm gonna be kind of passing around a couple of worksheets to, just after we've talked about this, to really sit with yourself. After having done this yoga and you know, having time to just really be with yourself just for a few moments, it's a really inviting time to ask yourself those questions, and so I'll just I'll give them to you now, and if you feel like you want to come back to them or if you are at a place where you can pause and really sit with them, I definitely invite you to. But food for thought here's a couple of things that you can kind of ask yourself when you're exploring and when you're taking inventory of your relationship with yourself. Okay, so, take a deep breath, give yourself permission to be honest, to really explore your heart, your memory, and be honest about what you find, because it's just for you, it's just a conversation you're having with yourself, right, Okay? So I invite you to consider, really think about what are some of the things you say to yourself when you're falling asleep at night or when you're trying on clothes.
Speaker 1:What do you find yourself saying to yourself when you're in the company of other women, especially women, maybe, that you're just meeting, or that you kind of don't really know, or know very vaguely, haven't really had a conversation with, but maybe you both kind of know each other Like, what is, what are you saying to yourself as you're approaching those situations? Or when you're walking into work or you're in the pickup line for school? What are the things you're saying? What are the things you're saying about yourself to yourself? Just taking inventory, what do you think about yourself in those moments? And then, is it different from how you would talk to your best friend in those moments? In what way? And is that the way you want it to be? Do you want to be talking to yourself differently in those moments? And if so, what does that look like? What would you like to be saying to yourself in those moments? And as you do this and kind of compare them.
Speaker 1:The goal, the mission, your objective here is to just study it. You're just gathering data. We're not looking at it with judgment. We're not like God, I'm a piece of shit for that, like no, you don't need to judge yourself for what you're discovering about yourself. We're just learning, we're just observing. We're just students of the mind, right now, in the heart. Just come at it from a very scientific. You're standing there through a clipboard, just learning data. It doesn't have to mean anything. It doesn't have to mean anything and just sit with it and then just kind of, you know, maybe make some commitments to yourself of OK, you know what, in these situations, I'm going to remind myself to say this Maybe you put a note in your phone or you said in a reminder, before you go into a meeting of like I'm going to go in with this thought. Instead, you always have the option to choose different. So I invite you to sit with those when we're trying to really explore the relationship with yourself and rehabilitating it right, reclaiming it, healing it especially, and finding ways to improve it.
Speaker 1:And that is like I've talked about for I don't know 20 minutes now, like the most, I think one of the most important pieces, and certainly, if not just the primary. Where we should start is our thoughts, is really just getting to know and paying attention to being the student of our minds. How are we thinking about ourselves right now? Where is you know? And you can do the whole tracing. You can be like where'd that come from? Why have I what? The Garden of the Mind is a great episode for when you're doing this work. Where the hell did that come from? Who planted that? And I'm just standing here watering it, this belief that's incredibly toxic. Get it out of here. So just noticing and while we're doing that, just about our being, about ourselves, who we are, the decisions we make, our behaviors.
Speaker 1:I also encourage you to push it a little bit further, a little bit deeper into the arena of intimacy. What do you think about yourself when it comes to that kind of love Physical, sexual? Did it get a little uncomfortable? Huh, right, because that's a whole other piece, I believe, when it comes to self-love and self-care, you know I okay. So I gotta tell you a funny little story.
Speaker 1:I went to Spirit Weavers, I don't know, a few years ago and they you get like a little pamphlet of all the classes that are gonna be offered while you're there and the teachers all get up and talk about their classes. They get like all of five seconds to say, hey, I'm so-and-so and I'm gonna be leading workshops on this content and you can kind of, you know, make notes and then you go sign up for the classes you want. There was a class that I think that I can't remember the exact description, but the title of it was like self-love and the concept was like exploring all the different ways and everything of self-love. And I was like, oh my God, that is so beautiful. Yes, I'm so in, because these classes are three hours, right, like we're diving into these topics. And so I'm like, oh yeah, that sounds great. So I go to it and I'm all excited, right, like the relationship with self and how we talk to ourselves and you know baths and massages and herbs, like I'm into, let's go, let's dive into self-love.
Speaker 1:And the leader, the gal who's offering this discussion conversation, asks initially her very first question is about masturbation. And so freely, so freely was without any sort of like, tongue-in-cheek, any note, just was like like I can try to remember the exact thing, but it was something along the lines of like so what is the most beautiful way you've masturbated? Or something like that. It was like what's the most beautiful scene you've set up for yourself for masturbation? And I'm not even kidding, I swear to God. I was like, I was so confused because I'm like I must be in the wrong place, right? Self-love like this is different, right? And then people just we go around a circle and people are just talking about it, y'all they're talking about it and the things that they're saying. I'm like what? I don't know what I am, I'm maybe, I'm shocked, I'm uncomfortable, I'm surprised, I'm curious, I'm a little bit embarrassed, I'm every feeling, I am all of the emotions. And so I sat there and it was a three hour conversation around masturbation, self-love oh my God, oh my God, oh. But it's a fascinating caveat, right. It's a fascinating little spinoff of the general self-love, because it is important. I'm not necessarily talking about masturbation. I am talking about how we think and talk about ourselves and our relationship with ourselves around intimacy.
Speaker 1:There's this great quote. I'm trying to remember who says it. It's probably Emily Nygotsky, or maybe Naomi Wolf and Vagina, I don't know. One of these brilliant authors says something to the effect of women tend to really dislike or even hate to their thighs or their stomachs or their butts or whatever part of them, their face, whatever. But women, straight up, disown their vaginas, their vulvas, the place in between their legs. They're like desert island. You go away, we're not even what nothing to know with it. What nothing to do with it. What nothing to do with it. What don't wanna know more about it. Don't even wanna know the words. That whole vulva episode pass Like we disown our vaginas. Right, that shit is on a desert island and we've talked about this before. Glennon Doyle does a great bit about this.
Speaker 1:But it's like, especially in heterosexual relationships, where women are trying to connect with men sexually, it's like they have disowned their emotions, so they're just a bunch of bodies wanting to express sex and we've disowned our bodies, so we're just a bunch of heads and hearts trying to have connected on intimate levels and it's a fucking mess and we're like I don't know he doesn't understand me and he's like she never wants to have sex and it's just like it's a thing. And so this is actually something we're gonna dive into later in another episode. I'm so excited, but I'm just right now having the conversation. I just wanna encourage us to open our minds and ask ourselves what is the quality of our relationships with ourselves when it comes to our bodies? What are our private parts? What is just the thoughts you have about it? And I've worked with women who have so much shame even about the way they shower, because they were shamed by their mothers about how you bathe, you don't touch yourself, you need a washcloth.
Speaker 1:That's disgusting, where we've been taught, even just kind of in passing, like that, that our bodies are gross and broken somehow, especially with periods. Oh God, you better hide that shit. I mean, we have a lot of messages about how gross and shameful our bodies are our vaginas are our vulva, everything the functions of them, right, and so there's a lot. And then there's like the whole like, even if we've experienced, like sexual abuse or assault, there's those layers now further separating us from our bodies, god right. And so it makes our intimate relationships really difficult. Sometimes it can put a strain on them, or even just the way we approach it, even if it's like the relationship's fine. But I still kind of think, ew, or whatever the situation is, even if it's not you, it's like I want nothing to do with it, I don't want to know about it. We just we have sex, it's fine, whatever that looks like for you.
Speaker 1:I mean again, how's that relationship going, like, how would you tolerate any other relationship like that? That's like, yeah, I mean, I see them every so often and we're it's fine. We don't really talk a whole lot, but it's fine. It's fine. I don't really like her, but no, we're good, we're good friends, everything's fine. Are you? What would you? I don't really want to like touch her or like really have to like know about how her brain functions. That's I don't. I don't need to know all that. No, no, we'll just go do things together. I don't need to like know you or like you at all Could. Are you serious? What kind of relationship is that? Would we tolerate that relationship with anybody? No, that's so mean.
Speaker 1:And we feel that way about our own bodies. Golly right, and I know not all of us do. I'm just speaking to those of us who do right now, okay, and for those who don't feel this way, to know that we are out here struggling, oh, and so I, you know we'll be having more episodes coming up about these conversations, diving a little bit deeper into each piece of them, but I just, I just want to invite us to start really paying attention to how we think about ourselves and even, let's go a step further. Let's consider giving ourselves permission to, like, change it up. Can we call bullshit on those toxic thoughts? Can we rehabilitate that relationship? Do we want to? Why not? Why do we I mean just like the student of our minds really sitting with that?
Speaker 1:Can we give ourselves permission to be our best friends, even when it comes to intimacy, right, so, if it's your girlfriend, if she's like so I met somebody. Or if she's like so I, you know, whatever your situation is like yeah, I'm just like yeah, and I kind of want to, you know whatever. But I don't, I don't know, you'd be like girl, get it, right. You, how would you talk to your best friend Like you're fine, you are so good, like you're hot, like you, you know, just like, enjoy yourself, have fun, right, like, how would you talk to your best friend in that situation? Are you doing that for yourself?
Speaker 1:Again, I don't say it accusatory, I speak from experience, but just checking in and then ask you know, kind of just giving yourself permission, can you give yourself permission to breach those barriers? You know you give yourself permission to roam the cabin a little bit, to discover, you know, what works for you. What do you? What else is available? What do you? Just can we get out of the box a little bit Out of the box in the box? You know what I'm saying, okay, so just to summarize, as we approach this season, this month of love, how are you loving yourself in thought and actions? How are you caring for yourself? What's your relationship like? Can your relationship be better? Is it toxic? Is it healthy? Would you want it for your friends or your family? And then you know, with not just to beat yourself up, but like so what are we going to do about it? Can we give ourselves permission to grow a little bit, to change it up, to turn the train around Right? Like I said, I have some worksheets. I know there's that self-care inventory. I think there's a garden of the mind, one I don't know. Go check it out. I don't know what I'm in front of me, robinangelacom under freebies. Yeah, and just, I think it's a beautiful invitation.
Speaker 1:So, because the cool thing is is for the month of February and we can make this mean a fun thing for Valentine's Day. Every time we see something that's like Valentine's Day or Gallantines Day or any of these things. Like that's your reminder to check in with yourself. Like, oh, yeah, like this is about my love for myself. Like, how is that? What can I do for myself this month? That's a fun one.
Speaker 1:What can I do for myself this month? How can I treat myself to? Valentine's Day? What does that look like? This could be fun. Date yourself a little bit. Ooh, I love it. Yes, let me know how it goes, not all of it. If you need all the details, just a thumbs up is good for me. Oh, I hope this serves you well. I hope that you have a beautiful day. I hope you enjoyed the rest of the month's content, sending you all my love and gratitude. Have a wonderful day and we'll talk very soon. Bye. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. I hope it serves you well. Be sure to check out my ever-expanding library of free resources at robinangelacom. I hope you have a beautiful day, stay true to yourself and I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
