From Assumptions To Alignment: How Planners Thrive With Church Teams

Wedding days inside a church can feel like navigating a maze of policies, people, and expectations, and many planners carry battle scars from these sacred spaces. In this episode, Master Certified Wedding Planner & Certified Educator, Emma Cockerham joins Krisy Thomas, COO of the CWP Society, to unpack why church venues often feel more challenging and how to transform tension into trust through intentional communication and genuine respect.

From first contact to final blessing, Emma maps out a calm, proven approach that honors sacred spaces while protecting timelines, budgets, and your couple's vision. We start with the real friction points: delayed outreach, multiple conflicting contacts, and the cycle of assumptions that creates unnecessary stress on both sides. You'll learn how to establish a single point of contact, use strategic CC etiquette to prevent crossed wires, and confirm who needs what information, and when.

We dig deep into policy hot spots that trip up even experienced planners: florals, candles, adhesives, aisle access, photography angles, flash restrictions, and AV limitations. Emma shares how early briefings and coordinator-approved plans keep your creative team flexible instead of frustrated, plus practical scripts for introducing vendors to church coordinators, securing written clarity on access windows, and avoiding last-minute surprises that can derail your timeline or blow your couple's budget.

The heart of this conversation is a powerful mindset shift: treat each church as a collaborative partner, lead with kindness, and follow through on every promise. We explore how showing deep respect for the ceremony as the true purpose of the day, using gratitude as a relationship-building tool, and documenting every decision creates a week-of experience that runs quietly and seamlessly. While these habits strengthen your work at any venue, they truly shine in sacred spaces where meaning runs deep and schedules are non-negotiable.

If you want smoother rehearsals, warmer welcomes, and stronger referrals from both churches and vendors, this conversation delivers the roadmap. You'll walk away with communication strategies, clarity frameworks, and the confidence that comes from leading with genuine respect.

If this episode reminded you why professionalism matters, subscribe, share it with a planner friend, and leave a review. Ready to level up your skills and join a community that gets it? Explore certification and exclusive resources at cwpsociety.com—home to the world's largest community of certified wedding professionals.

www.cwpsociety.com | info@cwpsociety.com | IG: @cwpsociety | FB: @cwpsociety

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're listening to the Wedding Planner Society Podcast, brought to you by the CWP Society.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Welcome back to another episode of the Wedding Planner Society Podcast, brought to you by the CWP Society, the world's leading certification program on the largest community of certified wedding professionals and planners. I'm Chrissy Thomas, the COO of the CWP Society. And today we are tackling a topic that every planner who's worked in a church setting can relate to. The challenges that come with working alongside the church staff and their policies. From communication hurdles to managing perceived notions and navigating media restrictions, this is a conversation packed with insight and practical advice. And joining me today is one of my favorite guests, Miss Emma Conkerham, who is a master certified wedding planner, certified educator, and a regular voice here on the podcast. Emma brings a wealth of experience when it comes to balancing professionalism with grace, especially in environments where they can sometimes come with their own unique rules and expectations. We're diving into everything from setting communication standards to building trust and respect with church teams. And as always, Emma is going to have some actionable takeaways to help you strengthen your relationship and elevate your professionalism. So, Emma, welcome back. And for us to kind of start off this conversation, why do you think church weddings can sometimes be a bit more challenging for planners compared to other venues?

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Chrissy, literally, this question is my whole purpose behind educating fellow wedding pros on this subject. Why why is this the case? I mean, honestly, I think people are jumping to pointing fingers in general. And I think that's kind of the root issue here, right? It's true on both sides. Yeah. Wedding pros tend to say, you know, why can't you be nicer? Aren't you supposed to represent love at its finest? And church staff say, you know, why are why can't wedding pros respect the sanctity of this space? And once those two sentences are thrown around a few times, well, that's when the prejudice sits in. And it's really hard to battle. So, you know, we we are gonna dive into the nitty-gritty of this, and I know that we're gonna do that, and we can pinpoint some of the specific reasons that these notions exist, and we can start to do what we can do to overcome them and make the industry better overall.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Exactly. And I think one of the biggest issues that we've talked about before in the past is communication. You know, what are some issues or the most common communication issues that you've seen between planners and church coordinators or their staff?

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Yeah, you know, I think there are two most common communication issues we faced. The first one is going to be conflict avoidance, mainly for planners, I hate to say it.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Um, we tend to put off looping in the church coordinators as an active member of the vendor team until the last possible moment, in an attempt not to have to deal with the conflict throughout the finding process. And I know this comes from a place of being burned, and it sounds really harsh, but it's true. Sometimes it happens without even conscious decision. It's just self-preservation. But in the end, it ends up leading to the disrespect of the people at the church as well as the place of worship. The second has to do with proprietary and private practices, primarily from the church staff on this one. And what tends to happen here at the church coordinators have been burned by people who are coming into the church without reverence very frequently, you know, be that wedding pros or otherwise, which is not always fair, but you know, that's where we are. And what they're trying to do is protect themselves and what they hold dear by keeping us out of the loop. It's understandable, but it does make our job exceedingly difficult, which then leads to the first issue again, and then, well, vicious circle.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

So you put all of this in a bowl, and this is just like complicated mess soup that we over and over and over again. So part of that, I think, means that as planners, how can we take the lead in setting clear communication standards without overstepping when it comes to the church and their authority or even their traditions?

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Sure. I think that getting ahead of the vicious circle is key here. I mean, as soon as the church venue is solidified, I just encourage all the planners who are listening, go ahead and contact the person at the church right away. And y'all, let's be honest, a huge chunk of our job is choosing difficult people, even egocentric, you know, creatives. That's part of the job. It's not a bad thing, it is just part of what we do. So try approaching a budding relationship with a new church staff member in that same way. Cover them with sugar, kill them with kindness. This effort is to make your job easier and better. And by doing this, we can all work to establish a good relationship and talk through communication style as well as vendor expectations.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Absolutely. And we talked about some of those preconceived notions and um you mentioned even like some prejudice that happened. What are some of the assumptions you feel churches often have about us as planners? And even vice versa. Like what as planners, what do we have assumptions about when it comes to the church staff?

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Sure. Um, I think that churches often think that planners just simply get in the way, you know?

unknown 5:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

They kind of say this, you know. Yeah, they do, right? Um, you know, they come, they come to the table thinking, okay, they're just here to step on our toes, bull their bulldoze their way through everything. It typically comes from previous experiences with like the family friend planners or just unprofessional wedding vendors. But sometimes the assumptions go as far as the church coordinator assuming that we don't find the ceremony piece of the wedding day to be important at all. And, you know, though the ceremony is most of the time less of logistical planning and things on our part as the planner, it is why we are here.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

It is why we are doing.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

It is why everyone is here. In fact, right without the ceremony, what are we already doing? Right. This is a party at that point. We want to make sure that that they see that kind of respect, right? That happens, you know. From a planner is we tend to walk into a church ready to defend and fight for ourselves and our clients, ready to go up, right? We assume that the church coordinator is going to like constantly tell us and our clients no and not allow us to do our job easily.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

And it all boils down to you mentioned earlier, the previous experiences. Whether the church has ran into a wedding planner who is just rude and doesn't want to respect them or their church policies or their traditions, or vice versa, with the planner, we have our guard up because we have been faced with other churches who are not as welcoming, who don't even want us there. As a matter of fact, I've had churches tell me you're actually not even allowed on property. And I'm like, I'm so nice, I promise you. But as a planner, how can we respectfully correct or even address those assumptions early in the process to kind of avoid all this?

SPEAKER_00 7:07

I mean, I hate to answer your question with a question here, but like, don't you think that so many of these issues would just kind of go away if we could all just calm down a little bit, treat each other, each new person as if we have a clean slate, right? Not approach these relationships with those assumptions. Just give every person a clean slate. A planner can begin a new relationship or even revisit an old relationship. I'm not putting that off the table either, with respect and forward open communication to that vendor, whoever it is different, making sure that they know that you're different. Yeah. You know, we want to make them pause just a minute before making that assumption for the next planner or the next wedding pro, right? I know I say this all the time. I'll think I've said this on every podcast I've been on. So I apologize for the repetitive here, but we cannot control the actions of another person, or in this case, the assumptions of another person. We can only control ourselves and the standard that we hold ourselves to.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

And can you imagine how glorious it would be if as a planner you came in, like you said, with that clean slate, you approached that like the way you worded it with sugar and kindness. You by you doing that, hopefully, maybe you're changing their assumptions about other wedding planners. So when our next CWP member comes to that church, they're gonna be welcomed with open arms and not have to go through probably what we initially went through during the planning process because we're changing those assumptions. All it takes is one, and we can just keep going. But can you imagine if it's multiple planners in your area who are doing the same thing and being kind and easy to work with, that church is gonna then open up its doors. I've even had churches before where they had a phenomenal experience with me and my team, and they actually do not open up their doors to anyone who's not a member. But they said, if you are the planner, we will open up our doors for people to get married in our church if they're not a member, just based off of that interaction with me during the planning process and the rehearsal and the wedding day. If we keep doing that as a group of planners, we can really make a phenomenal impact on the industry and our relationship with all churches in our areas.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Totally. And it's got to start somewhere, you know. If we keep saying it in the abstract, then it stays abstract, right? But if each individual planner approaches any house of worship, right, with the same type of respect and um just humility when you're coming to these church coordinators, it just would make all the difference in the world and start changing the minds of people, right? Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

And on that note, I do want to talk about a previous podcast that we had where you mentioned that. And uh, for those of you listening, make sure you go back and find that podcast. I'll make sure to put it in our show notes too. But we talked heavily about how research and respect, even if it's a church that you're familiar with and that you work with on a regular basis, when you take that time to really research that church, all that does is create this really beautiful level of respect that the church coordinator is going to have for you. So I love I love that concept so much, Emma. I do want us to talk about something very specific to the church, and that is where many of us planners struggle with multiple points of contact from the pastor to the church secretary to maybe the church coordinator to volunteers to the maintenance, the sound guy. How do you recommending handling the chain of communication when it comes to that, especially if they're all telling you different things, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:21

That happens way often. Um, so I would follow two basic steps. The first is talk to the coordinator of the church about your concerns regarding having too many communication parties, right? See if they present to you a solution to this on the very front end, right? This may just kind of establish like their authority. It's kind of reinstating that respect factor of what their role is in the whole process, right? The second thing is always, always, always, always CC, that church coordinator, so that they are looped into all of the communication. So sometimes you're you are forced to communicate with multiple parties. If that's the case, you make sure that that one main point of contact is always looped in. Um, it also establishes their role in the church and in the ceremony itself, like reinstating that authority.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

I'd also like to note here that I mean, for some smaller churches, the main point of contact is the pastor, and he may pass you off to somebody else, he or she. Um, but in general, pastors do not like to be CC'd on everything. Just kind of want to throw that out there. They're already really bombarded with communication from all the members and things like that. So your your extra mile will kind of go unappreciated with that one. But I would stick with doing that with the church coordinator or you know, admin person, whoever your main contact is.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

It kind of reminds me of what we teach, which is like the single point of contact for us planners. That's gonna be kind of having that same mindset for the church. Who is their single point of contact? And again, I think, like you said, that kind of establishes that respect. Like, okay, clearly they respect me and they're copying me on all these emails. That's just gonna create a wonderful bridge of trust between the two of you. And also, it may open the doors to like, no, don't listen to that church, the sound guy. He's actually telling you wrong. You know, it loops them. They because typically a church coordinator is one who is all knowing about all the aspects of the church and the wedding days and how that's gonna run. So by looping them in, you're gonna at least know that okay, at least I'm gonna, they're gonna have the full scope of what's happening. So if something's wrong, they can come in and correct it or let me know that I've been misinformed. It kind of helps you in that process when it comes to planning, is for sure.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Yeah, so you don't run into it the week of the wedding where all the things are coming together.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Yeah, that's where you're like, I told me I had access at 12, and the church coordinator is like, no, you got access at one. I don't know why he told you that, you know, right. Copy them in that email, copy them in that email. I do want us to talk about certain policies, whether it's with the building or even just, you know, media, things like decor restrictions or rules about photographers and videographers. What's the best way for a planner to work within those boundaries without creating tension?

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Y'all, okay, do not wait until the month before the wedding to dive into this inevitable media and decor restriction situation at all church venues. Every single one. I think I've worked at two maybe churches ever, and I would call them more of like a chapel rather than a church that had no restrictions. They all have some sort of restriction. Ask about the policy right away. As soon as you go and meet with that church coordinator right off the bat, communicate those to your media or your decor team, whichever applicable one we're talking here. And then you circle back to the church coordinator about that plan of action that you've come up with your vendor team, right? Make sure that you pose it to that church coordinator for that final approval. Not only does this help with tensions as you get closer to the date, right? If you do it way ahead of time, your vendors have not just an opportunity to make a plan with you alongside you, but they also have a chance to like process what the restrictions are so they're not showing up salty on the wedding day.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Exactly. And even like I'll take it a step further and kind of go back to what you mentioned earlier when it comes to CCing the coordinator. So as soon as I have these policies, some churches require the vendors to sign off that they agree. Some don't. Some just say, Can you send this to the photographer? And what I'll do is I am not about to get blamed for a photographer not listening. I will copy the church coordinator and just loop them in and say, Hey, this is our hired photographer for the event. I've attached your photography guideline. Photographer, this is the church coordinator. If you have any additional questions or concerns regarding the church policy, this is their email. That way, that sweet church coordinator can know, well, Chrissy did her part. So if the photographer goes off, you know, the rails and doesn't listen to any of the policies, that does not fall on me. Absolutely, absolutely. I'd definitely be very upset with that photographer and start to question whether or not they're in my pre-ventor list because that boils down to a level of respect. Yeah, as the church completely.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Yeah, any vendor team, general respect for your vendor partners, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And even yeah, I love too that you mentioned, you know, this again, this does not need to take place the month before the wedding. Because if you have things like decor restrictions, I think there's a specific church in Nashville where there's a specific type of greenery or floral that is not allowed. So can you imagine a month before the wedding? We've already at this point, we have already paid at least the deposit. Probably the final balance of our floral is coming up, and we we're not allowed to use the specific flower. And you didn't tell your floors until a month before. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. Make sure that everyone who is going to be impacted by these church policies has this heads up for sure.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

You know, something I tell the girls that work for me is like it even if you have the most perfect vendor team on site for a wedding day, right? You have every like the best florist, the best photographer, the best photo booth, the best caterer. If you think about like the mechanism of a wedding day, all of these individual cogs might be beautiful and shiny, but it is your job to make sure it all works together. So if something like that happens, Chrissy, and it's gonna cost your client money because now the florist has to rework their entire deal because they can't use XYZ flower, it's gonna cost your client money and it's your fault. It is not the churches, it is not the florists. That's on you. You're the planner.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Exactly. Oh, I'm so glad you mentioned that, Emma. Now, on that note, when it comes to trust and respect, because at this point, what what we've talked about, that's a huge factor here. What are some ways planners can earn a church's trust, especially when they're new to working in this particular space?

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Sure. You know, it's a really great question because honestly, it comes down to two things. It's that communication that we keep, you know, hammering into everybody. And it's also follow through. Do what you say you're gonna do. This is so important. We talk about deadlines and we have to work with deadlines all the time in this position. But do whatever you say to the coordinator that you're gonna do, follow through. Meet your deadlines, loop in your coordinator and your communication, stay positive and respectful. And even, you know, I want to come back to this too. I think we talked about this on a previous one, but like be mindful that if your couple chose to get married at this church, it means a great deal to them. So being a great vendor partner is just as much for them as your couple as it is to make your own job easier. And in what it all does at the end of the day is heal these long-standing relationship conflicts between vendors.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Exactly. And like you mentioned earlier, you add I add on a little bit of that extra sugar and that kindness and that appreciation. I mean, after every email, I'm like, again, thank you so much for all your help with this. This means so much to me because I I A, I am truly am appreciative that they're communicating with me and looping me in. But I want to remind them like I genuinely appreciate you because I feel like a lot of times they don't hear that as often as they need to from maybe other wedding planners or just in general when it comes to weddings. So I want to be that person who really stands out and is overly, overly kind to them because they deserve it. They deserve it. They're looping me in. Why not be nice to these people? That's all that it takes. And if they're amazing, I let them know. I remind them I day of, I'm like, thank you so much. I will let you know. There are some churches who won't even allow me on property. Thank you for letting me come to the rehearsal. Thank you for letting me be your assistant for this. Like, it's just sometimes it's overdone, but I want, I am, I am so appreciative of it that I they need to know.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

Girlfriend, lay on that southern hospitality.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Lay it on camera, lay it on so oh man, I love it. If one piece of advice for a planner who's about to coordinate and every their first church wedding, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 18:29

One piece. Okay, let's try. Um, I guess it would just be be direct. Know that you're contending with some preconceived notions and be the one to knock them out right away. Do it with kindness and respect uh for the place of worship and for the one in charge of the facility, yes, but do it also with respect to yourself and your own expertise.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

Absolutely. And finally, and before we wrap up, how can planners apply these lessons that we talked about? Communication, clarity, and respect to the relationships, even just all venues. I think may not just churches, but all venues can have this same level of communication, clarity, and respect.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Sure. I mean, venues are such an important and pivotal part of the vendor team. Treating all venues with that respect, the respect they deserve, is key to good relationships. And frankly, being allowed to come back. Um, it's not only a standard that we should hold ourselves to as certified wedding planners, but it's just simply good business sense. Treat people with respect and venues, hold them in high regard.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Absolutely. And all it does, it just makes it such a beautiful, working relationship, which ultimately ends up impacting our couples and them having a really glorious and wonderful wedding day. So it it's it's just kind of a snowball of impact when you treat people with kindness and respect for sure. Absolutely. Thank you so much again for always sharing your insight and your expertise on this topic. I know many planners listening are going to walk away and feel more confident and prepared when it comes to working with churches. And I will say if you have a really great relationship with church coordinators in your area, we do have a wedding ministry certification program that's opened up to not just to church coordinators, but it's actually for their entire team. So if you've got a relationship where you can bring this up with them and say, hey, I would love for you to be part of the CWP, make sure that you introduce them to that. Um that way they can hopefully get even more education about how the two of you can have a really phenomenal relationship. And for those of you who are wedding planners listening, if today's episode reminded you of how much professionalism, communication, and respect matter in this industry, it is now the perfect time to take the next step in your career and become a certified wedding planner through the CWP Society. Our certification doesn't just teach you the logistics of planning, but it helps you master the relationships, strategies, and professionalism that truly set great wedding planners apart. Join the world's largest community of certified wedding professionals and start leveling up your business today. You can learn more about our certification, membership, and continuing education opportunities by visiting cwpssociety.com. Thank you again, Emma. It's always, always, always a joy having you here. Back at you, Chrissy.