Wedding Planner Society Podcast

Are You Leading Weddings Or Just Surviving Them

Laurie Hartwell & Krisy Thomas - CWP Society Season 5 Episode 10

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0:00 | 33:27

Krisy Thomas, Senior Educator at The CWP Society, is joined by Master Certified Wedding Planner Nicole Martinez for an honest conversation about what it actually takes to lead with confidence on wedding day — not just survive it.

If you've ever had the quiet thought, I hope nothing major happens today because I'm not sure what I'd do — this episode is for you. Nicole shares what shifted when she stopped treating wedding planning as something you simply pick up along the way and started building a real foundation through structured education. The difference isn't subtle. It shows up in how you communicate with clients, how clearly you define scope of work, how you hold boundaries without burning bridges, and how you navigate vendor conflict without torching relationships you'll need again.

They also go deeper than timelines and checklists — into the human side of the work. Personality types, listening skills, and the practical strategies that help you calm real anxiety on wedding day while protecting the couple's relationships, their experience, and your reputation.

Whether you're looking for stronger systems, better crisis management, or the kind of confidence that comes from actually knowing what to do next — this conversation has something for you.

Ready to build that foundation? Visit CWPsociety.com to explore certification options. 

www.cwpsociety.com | info@cwpsociety.com | IG: @cwpsociety | FB: @cwpsociety

SPEAKER_00

You're listening to the Wedding Planner Society podcast, brought to you by the CWP Society.

SPEAKER_02

Welcome to the Wedding Planner Society Podcast, brought to you by the CWP Society, the world's premier wedding planner certification program and membership. I am Chrissy Thomas, senior educator here at the CWP Society, and I'm so glad that you are tuning in today. Now I want to start today with a question, and I want you to sit with it honestly before you answer it, even just to yourself. If something went significantly wrong at a wedding that you were leading, I mean, not a minor hiccup, but real high-stakes situations, how would you know what to do? Would you know because you thought that scenario through, studied it, and had a framework for it? Or would you know because something similar had happened to you before and you figured it out in the moment? Now there's a real difference between those answers. And I think the gap between them is one of the most important conversations the industry isn't having loudly enough. So let's talk about what this looks like when structured education is missing. And I want to talk about it in a very specific way that shows up in your business in a real way. Because I think we well, sometimes when we talk about education, we talk about it kind of in like abstract terms. And planners nod along with ever without ever connecting it into their actual practice, into their actual work. So I want us to get specific today. Now, the first place it shows up is in your client communication and your scope management. When a planner hasn't been formally educated on how to structure client relationships, how to set expectations, document agreements, define scope clearly, and hold those boundaries professionally. What tends to happen is that every client relationship is a little different. And I'm not talking about it being different because the planner is customizing things intentionally. I'm talking about it's because they're navigating things as they go. And what that creates over time is a business where the planner is constantly reacting to what the client expects rather than leading the relationship from a clear, established position. Now, this is one of the most common sources of burnout in this industry. It's not the difficult weddings, it's not the cuckoo clients, but it's the difficult client dynamics that were never properly structured from the very beginning. And that's a skills gap, guys, not a personality issue. Now, the second place this shows up is also in vendor relationships. And this one can be a little subtle. So I do want you to listen carefully. There's a version of vendor relationships that is warm, friendly, and built entirely on a good personality. And that version absolutely can work until it no longer does work. So I'll give you an example. So until a vendor doesn't deliver or conflict arises or a boundary needs to be drawn, and there's no professional framework to draw from it, what I've seen happen in those moments is that planners either go silent because they don't know how to address it, or they overcorrect and damage the relationship entirely. Now, both of those results and those outcomes are the result of not having been taught how to manage professional vendor relationships with structure and intention, not just being warm, friendly, and having an amazing personality. Knowing how to advocate for your clients within vendor relationships, how to hold professionals accountable without burning a bridge, and how to navigate a breakdown with composure. Now that's not something that you just kind of absorb and pick up on by attending and planning enough weddings. It's something that you do have to learn. And the third place that this shows up, and I and this is one that I think is going to hit close to home for a lot of planners, and that is that high pressure decision making on the wedding day itself. Here's the reality a wedding day does not wait for you to figure things out. When something unexpected happens, you have sometimes mere seconds, not minutes, to make the right call. And the planners who make those calls well, consistently, aren't just the most experienced ones in the room. They're the ones that have thought through those scenarios in advance. They're the ones who have been trained to anticipate, not just react. And the ones who understand the principles behind every crisis management well enough to apply them to a situation that may have not even ever seen before. Experience gives you a library of situations that you've already handled. Education, however, gives you the tools to handle the ones that you haven't even met yet. That distinction matters when stakes are high, especially on someone's wedding day. And then there's a piece that a lot of people don't really talk about enough. How the absence of structured education and certification shows up in how planners see themselves. And I don't want to talk about imposter syndrome as a buzzword. I'm talking about the specific quiet uncertainty that comes from knowing somewhere underneath everything that your foundation was built on the fly, that you haven't been measured against a standard, that your confidence is tied to things going well because you're not entirely sure what you're standing on when they don't. That kind of uncertainty, guys, it's exhausting to carry. And it tends to show up in the places that matter most. How you present yourself to clients and how you hold to your pricing, and whether or not you'll speak up when something isn't right. Whether you believe at your core that you belong in the room you're trying to get into. Structured education and certification doesn't just fill in technical gaps, it gives you something to stand on. And that changes everything about how you show up. Now I want you to take something away from this today, regardless of where you go from here. Look at your business honestly, not critically, but honestly. Where are the places that you're navigating just by field? Where have you built systems based on what you've seen rather than what you've been taught? Whether you hesitate or even quietly hope a situation just doesn't come up because you're not sure how to handle it. Those are the places worth paying attention to. And I want to say this, it's not because they make you less capable, absolutely not, but because they're the places where real intentional education and certification would change your practice in the ways that your next 10 weddings simply won't. So, this is what today's conversation is really about. It's not a before and an after story, but it's a real grounded look at what it makes to invest in your own foundation and what happens when you do. Now, I am joined by an amazing certified wedding planner. Nicole, correct me if I'm wrong, but you're also a master certified wedding planner, or you're going through the master certified wedding planner program.

SPEAKER_01

I'm actually a master certified wedding planner. I am refreshing my master certification right now as well, though.

SPEAKER_02

Awesome. That's what I thought. But Nicole, you had you were already doing good work when you made that investment in yourself. And I think you can speak clearly and honestly about what shifted when you did make that investment. So I am glad that you're here. You're not a stranger to this podcast. You've been a guest before. So welcome back. I'm excited to have you.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you, Chrissy. I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely. So before we get into anything else, I would love for you to kind of set the scene for our listeners. Tell us a little bit about where you were in your wedding planning career before you pursued certification and how long you've been in the in the industry and what your business looked like at that point.

SPEAKER_01

Sure, absolutely. Glad to do it. I'm gonna give away my age a little bit here, but over 20 years ago, I answered a call at my local church to they needed a wedding plan or something or a wedding coordinator, I guess at the time. They just needed somebody who was gonna, you know, intercede between the church and and anyone, any couples coming in and getting married. So I thought, well, I can do that and set aside my college degree that was in something totally different, and and thought, let me try it. And I tried it and I loved it. And that's where passion began for me. So that's where it started. But all these years later, the the process has gone up and down and left and right, and you know, as that goes. Yeah. And in that, I ended up um coordinating seven many, many weddings for years, and then started planning weddings for friends, for family, for friends of friends. The circle kept widening. And I was often um thanked with gift cards and you know, maybe a little bit of cash as a you know, as a thank you, but never really set up a business. And eventually um friends kept coaxing me, please start a business. Uh, we need you, we need you. And the industry had changed since the industry had been evolving um over the years and became a place where venues needed to see that you were, you know, a legitimate business, that you knew your stuff because you were, you know, when you come into a business or you come into a venue, you're putting them at risk if you don't know what you're doing. So I needed to go out and get, you know, a business license, insurance, the whole nine yards, which I did. And yet I still felt like I needed something more. There was something missing. Even though I had, you know, many, many years of experience, I still had that, I think, imposter syndrome, just that feeling like I'm not, I've I'm not able to really hang a professional shingle on this yet. And so I started looking and looked around. And believe it or not, Chrissy, I don't know if I've ever shared this story with you. I was listening to podcasts and heard you as a guest on another podcast and thought that's the one I want to, I want to go in this.

SPEAKER_02

Wait, I didn't ever tell me that, Nicole.

SPEAKER_01

I heard you and you just made you just said so much about the CWP Society and just wonderful things about getting your certification and elevating your business and really, you know, putting a solid foundation on what you know with some actual, you know, um education. And I took that to heart and I looked it up and found the CWP Society and jumped in with both feet and got my master's certification, got my design certification, you know, several certifications from that. And I have not looked back. It has been a game changer.

SPEAKER_02

Wow. I love that story so much. Thank you for telling me that. I had no clue that that's CWP was through a podcast that I was a guest on. Because I I what's funny about that is I because it really impacted my life so much, I was like, how do I tell everyone else about this? Like, this is just absolutely insane that wedding partners who are maybe struggling. I'm like, you don't have to. You can, your career can be better. I promise you. So that was one way that I wanted to spread the word about CWP Society. But Nicole, what I love about your story the most is that you clearly had experience under your belt, years and years of experience. You clearly did the work and you're also doing it well. I mean, well enough to where people were recommending you over and over and over again. That speaks volumes to what you were already bringing to the table. So what was it that made you start asking whether experience alone was enough? You had mentioned that it was that that internal feeling of like, oh, I need something. Was there a specific moment, or was it just that that feeling of like that imposter syndrome like you just mentioned?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I tell you, as I when I did take that leap and decided to really, you know, launch a business, go for it. Um, my husband was fully supportive and gave me the seed money to, you know, really get started. I say gave me, it was really just us deciding together. Um, but um, it was in that moment that I thought, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this legit. I am gonna go and I am gonna make this, you know, I have a college degree, so that I was mentioning earlier. So with that, when I thought that was the path I was gonna take, it was in politics. I'm so glad I'm not doing that today with all the craziness. Um, it was in political science. But if, you know, when I wanted to do that, I went and got a degree. I went and got something that said, I have taken the extra steps to get my education and here I am, world. And so with my weddings, I wanted the same. I wanted to make that statement that I mean business here. I am serious, I am going to, you know, strive to be the best I can be at this. And so I looked into being certified. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

That's exactly kind of how my story was when because I I was just like you. I went to school for something completely different, although it's now helped me in my career now with being the host of a podcast. I went to school to be a news anchor. And that didn't work out. I graduated right in the middle of a recession and I was working in banking. But when I discovered I wanted to be a wedding planner, I was like you where I had planned events in college. I had that experience, but I knew I was like, okay, I want to be really, really good at this. Like, I don't want to just rely on my skills. I want to know what it is that I'm actually doing. And having that education was just like a no-brainer to me. But unfortunately, Nicole, with our industry, because it's not a requirement, some people don't have that same motivation. And it's not even, I think, that some people don't have that same motivation. I think what's happening a lot of the times is that more experienced planners are telling newer planners, well, you don't have to have it because I didn't have it. I just kind of learned as I went. And yes, you get so much from learning and from your experience, but there's also many gaps and things that you probably haven't uncovered yet. And that kind of ties into my next question for you. When you went through the program, despite having your years and years of experience, was there a moment where you thought, okay, I didn't even know I was missing this? Or what did you feel like, oh man, this is actually, I knew this, but I didn't know I could do it this way. Did you ever have that type of experience going through the program?

SPEAKER_01

Uh, you know, I I the pride side of me hates to admit this, but there were numerous times where that happened. You know, because there are there are things that there are habits that you pick up and they may work for a time. But one of the things that I realized going through the certification was some of those habits, some of those, those methods that I was using were burning me out. They were exhausting me on that day. And, you know, time is money for one thing. If you're gonna be a business, be a business. Don't be a hobby. Okay. And so if I'm gonna be a hobby, I can waste my time all I want. But if I'm gonna be a business, I need to, I need to shield my time. I need to work efficiently, I need to be consistent with how I do things. And so there were numerous times um in that training where I thought, oh, that's a better way. I never thought about that. I was doing it, I was doing fine, but there's a better way. And was able to, you know, when I was honest with myself, I was able to see, I need to change that. I need to tweak that, you know, throughout the the course of getting my certification. Sure.

SPEAKER_02

Oh gosh, I wish more experienced planners had that same mindset because I think what happens is they get in this mindset of, well, I'm it's I'm doing it, I'm doing it well, clearly, because I've been in this industry for so long. My way or the highway, the end it's working well for me. But like you said, sometimes our way ends up leading to burnout, even if it's unintentionally, because we may we don't realize that we're doing things harder than we have to. And I also want to mention you said something earlier about the industry had evolved from the time that you had started to the time that you decided to open up your own business. And that's something I want to point out because the industry is always evolving. And the only way that you can stay current with how the ebbs and the flows of the industry and also stay current with who your actual client is, who is getting engaged, you know, that type of that demographic, that age group, you have to have some type of education. You have to do that honest reflection, like you said, of yourself and your business of I know it's working, but can I be doing this better? Because if not, if you continue at a pace where you are going to where you're burning yourself out, you will burn yourself right out of this industry completely. And goodbye, close your doors for your business because you just no longer want to do it anymore. And it doesn't have to be like that. It really doesn't.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Absolutely. Yeah. Um uh, you know, being able to make those shifts and and tweak those items um that I learned um has really given me energy to do more than I was doing before, too. So where I had a time saving, I didn't necessarily, you know, relax and say, okay, I'm done today, but it gave me the opportunity to build my business in other ways where I never had time before.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Oh, I love that. Allowing you to kind of grow and evolve and update your business even more. Like I love that. Thank you for mentioning that. Now I want you to ask you a question about maybe a situation. It doesn't have to be super dramatic, but maybe where you find yourself thinking, okay, this is exactly what my training has prepared me for. Something where you knew that you made the right call in that moment because of your education, not just because of your instincts.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, wow. Um, yeah, that's that's probably happened to me dozens of times. I'm like, and that was because of certification. We pat myself on the back. That's right. That's right. Well, I'll tell you that, you know, where it tends to come out more than other times is when I'm sitting in a meeting, say, with, you know, whether it's a final walkthrough or it's, you know, a client vendor meeting, like with, you know, the caterer or something. Um, and I throw in um, you know, maybe the caterer is talking to the client about a certain aspect of their design or a certain aspect of their uh dinner service. And I throw in a little caveat about something I know I've picked up from the CWP, and um and they kind of look, oh, you know, they hadn't thought of that before. And and honestly, situations like that have landed me on preferred vendor lists because I've brought things up like that, little tidbits, things that I I knew weren't gonna fit, things that I knew weren't gonna, you know, flow in the time right. And they were they were little um tips that I picked up throughout my training with the CWP Society for sure.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah, it kind of plants that seed of goodness, Nicole clearly knows what she's talking about. Like it plants that seed of like she is legit.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and it and it turns your, yeah, it does, and it turns the credibility um level up a notch in the room. And then it's then every, you know, you may you've already tried to establish that in in numerous ways, but sometimes it's you know, you stay in your lane, you let them stay in their lane. That's important uh working with vendors. But sometimes we can help each other with that. And when you do, you see the this the atmosphere in the room change.

SPEAKER_02

It's really trying to do that you clearly are a team player and that you want them to look just as good as you, and that you're not the star of this wedding planning show, that you guys are our team. I love that so much. I'll say there was a situation recently where I was like, thank God for my CABP training. And it's it was it had to do a lot with one of my brides and her personality type and knowing how to speak her language throughout the planning process. But it really came to light on the wedding day when she was having a bit of an anxiety attack about a family member who I knew going into it was a trigger for her because we had we had those conversations during the final planning meetings, because I knew to ask those questions, but also because we developed a relationship and a closeness where she felt safe telling me these things. And it's all because I I, you know, I think that goes beyond just checklists and timelines, it goes into our training of how to talk to the person who's in front of you to make sure that you're able to help them. And this is such an important day that it's not, despite the fact that your checklists and your timelines may all be similar because of who's getting married and who's in front of you is they're different they're different. You have to know how to plan for that person. And that tied into all of my training with CWP. And in that moment on the wedding day, when this family member showed up an hour and a half early while we were doing pictures, and I could see her panic, I had to think of a way of how do I get this family member out of here, but doing so in a kind way where I'm not kicking them out of the space because she's like, That's gonna come back on me, and they're gonna be like, Bride had her planner, kick me out. But I had to be very strategic in how I handled that in order to calm my bride down. And I did it, it was great. The I asked them to help me with something that I needed their help, and you know, and they were like, Oh, absolutely, we'd love to help you. Know, kind of threw myself under the bus of like, I forgot something. And you know, I I didn't, but I I talked with the forest and I was like, make me a bouquet really quick. And they're coming to pick it up because I forgot it. And she's like, You didn't forget one though. I said, I know. I just need you to make me one and I need you to stall them when they get there. So we worked it out. We were I was able to calm my sweet bride down, and that family member was able to then show up when they actually were scheduled to show up, and it went off perfectly and seamlessly. I don't think that would have been a situation I would have known how to handle if I didn't get my training with CWP on personality types, on how to handle the family dynamics, all of those different things. Again, that goes beyond checklists and timelines. There's a lot more to it than people think.

SPEAKER_01

That is brilliant, Chrissy. I I have to put that one in my memory bank. So sending a family member for a floral piece, that was brilliant. You know, I'm glad you brought that up too, though, about the personality um training in the CWP Society uh certification, because that also has come to play in in my world since since taking that um in a in a positive way. When I'll I'll admit that when I first came across the personality section of the master program, I remember thinking to myself, oh, I've done personality tests so many times over the years. I mean, at my age, I've done I have done them and done them and done them. And felt like I already knew a lot of that. But you know what? I didn't, I needed a refresher, I needed a new insight in the wedding world as to how that plays out, how that, you know, will uh how those personalities between clients and you, and how those personalities between um, you know, each the couple and the and the vendors, how that plays out. And I did actually recently, now that you bring it up, I did have a client who had a number of questions, kind of it was weird. It was about halfway through planning, and he had all these questions that he was very concerned about vendors um actually uh coming through with what they say they were gonna do and what who was gonna watch for them to you know check off all the boxes that they had done, everything in their contract, and you know, how are we gonna resolve it if they didn't? And and listening, which is key in in the train, in the certification, you you hear this that listening is key. In listening, I realized his personality type was opposite of mine. Um, he was all very uh very technical, very um, and sure enough, he's an engineer and everything needed to be checked off, and everything needed to have that. And I I realized in the moment, yay, CWP Society certification. Like, because I was able to navigate the conversation and ease his concerns, knowing that that's all he needed was something. So we we set up a way to check that off for him. Um, and and he was happy.

SPEAKER_02

But I remember during when I gave my certification, that was the first section that she talked about. I remember thinking, well, this is weird. Why are we calling my personalities? But now I see, I'm like, oh, it makes so much sense. And now with the master program, especially the the new one that was just released, whoo, it's a lot. And it also does a lot of self-assessment in who you are and how you come across and how that's impacting your business. It's it's quite the eye-opener, and it's something that again goes so beyond just timelines and checklists, and it just showcases how valuable the education here is at CWP Society that it gives you a lot more than what you think you need.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

Now, Nicole, there are planners listening right now, planners and coordinators who are listening right now who are genuinely talented. They may even have years of experience, but they are still asking themselves whether or not certification is worth the investment of their time and also their money. What do you want to say to that planner?

SPEAKER_01

Do yourself the biggest favor. You know, if you're serious and you really want to grow in this business and you really want to invest in yourself and really see results from your business, it's the best money spent, honestly. And that I sound like an advertisement all the time. I but with this. But I truly, I cannot say enough about the CWP Society and because it's not just the certification, it's all the extra things that come along. It's that weekly, weekly workshops that you are invited into once you've you know done your certification. You can get into these uh workshops and you you can ask questions you have. It doesn't matter if it's your you know, your first wedding, it doesn't matter if it's your 400th wedding, you can ask questions and you can get professional, experienced, knowledgeable answers and advice. You remember recently I was asking you about scheduling and setting up my my scheduling. And you know, here I am, I've been doing it all these years, but I needed help on that. And I got so much good feedback on that through a workshop. And of course, you can continue your education through it, you know, even at this stage, you know, I could take some of the other courses on private venue events or you know, any of the other uh design or you know, there's so many to choose from. It's just a wealth of knowledge. And honestly, I mean, I mentioned the story about how I came across, you know, hearing you on the podcast and and just sign up just for my certification. That was all I thought I was doing. And whoa, was my mind blown as I just keep, you know, even to this day, sometimes I get on the website and I and I start looking through my through my portal and I see new little goodies in there.

SPEAKER_02

This morning, every time you get on your portal, oh, something else new for me.

SPEAKER_01

And it's not, it's not pressure, it's not something I have to do, it's just something that, hey, here's another little help that we'd love to offer you. And and you know, then I have these wonderful days where I just I need to tune out some other things and I kind of go through and find something else that's exciting that I want to learn about or something else I want to check out. So it's it's I I would encourage literally everyone out there to, you know, if you if you're serious about your business, to go ahead and get certified with the CWP Society and and just take that leap and just do it. I also want to put in there that when I first looked, I also looked at other areas to get certified in. And I was toying with the idea, do I need to get this from a university so that it has the, you know, whatever university's name and crest next to my certification to look even more professional. Do you know what I ended up finding was that they don't offer any of this follow-up, any of these extras, any of this lifetime membership, none of that. And the CWP Society is respected and renowned. So I want to put that out there because to me, that says it all.

SPEAKER_02

Because ultimately, at the end of the day, our goal for all of our certified and master certified wedding planners is we want you to be the best planner you can possibly be. And that means that we have to be involved with you in your career. We want to help you evolve, we want to stand alongside you. And in that, you know, that that ultimate goal, so does everyone else in our organization. So does all of our members. They also want to watch you succeed and watch you grow, which is why we are the world's premier certification program. And we haven't spent a dime on advertising. It comes from people like me who wanted to go on a podcast before I was even thought about hosting my own podcast to spread the word. People like you who I see you in Facebook groups and forums. And as soon as someone's like, I'm new, you're like, welcome to this industry. We're so happy to have you here. You got to get certified. It's gonna be a game changer because we want to see other people succeed, and that's why the certification program and CWP Society has been the world for mirror. It's because other planners want to help their other planners. They want to help, right? Well, Nicole, thank you. I this you were you were such a joy. I'm glad I think we have another podcast episode coming up this year, so I cannot wait for that. I love getting to spend time with you. I feel like I I learned something new about you every single time we chat. So it's so much fun. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your story so openly. Um, but I do want to close today out with something that I've been sitting with throughout this whole conversation. You know, there's a version of a wedding planning career that runs entirely on hustle, personality, and their experience. And like we mentioned earlier, Nicole, that version can work for a while. Some planners build something real that way, but there is a ceiling to what we can know about ourselves and our practice and our business without ever being measured against a standard that exists outside of our own experience. Certification doesn't replace who you are as a planner or coordinator. It doesn't override your creativity, your relationships, your instincts. What it does is give all those things a foundation, a framework that holds up when you're under pressure, when the situation is new, when the client is scared, and when something goes sideways and you need to make the right call fast. That's what experience alone can't always give you. That's what preparation can. And here's the thing I want to leave you with. The planners and coordinators who are going to lead this industry forward, who are going to be the ones clients seek out, vendors respect, and that fellow professionals look up to are the ones who decide not to wait. Not to wait until the next difficult situation forced them to learn, and not to wait until they felt ready enough, experienced enough, or established enough. They made a decision, a real concrete decision, that the work they do is worth doing with a full toolkit. That the couples who trust them deserve someone who has made that commitment. If that resonates with you, and I have a feeling that it does, or you probably still wouldn't be here listening, I want to invite you to take the next step. Visit CWPsociety.com to explore the certification programs and let yourself make a decision that you've probably been thinking about longer than you'd like to admit. This is the work, and you're ready to do it. Thank you for spending part of your day here with us at the Wedding Planner Society Podcast, Nicole. Thank you again. And until next time, keep showing up, keep learning, and keep raising the bar.

SPEAKER_00

And before you go, we have a little something just for our podcast listeners. If you are ready to elevate your career as a wedding planner or coordinator, you can use code podcast to receive$50 off the executive or master certification program. This code is valid until the next episode releases. So be sure to take advantage while it's available. This offer can't be combined with any other discounts. Visit CWP Society dot com to learn more.

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