Ep 3-3 months before/The morning of (the accident)

Did we mention Johnita was a planner? Find out the plans she made for her future prior to June 28, 2017. Hear about the signs that foreshadowed something was wrong with the trip and why it's important to heed God's plans, not your plans. 

Transcript

I had visions. I was going to be calling them up, like, okay, meet me at this bar. We going have a drink. We'll have a happy hour. Oh my God. I had all of these.

Five years ago, I almost lost my life and my leg. And I told myself that it would be time to tell my story when I could tell it without tears. So after five long years, I'm finally ready. Waiting has been the hardest part of this journey hit stop. Now, if you're sensitive to mature subjects, because this story is raw.

Real an unfiltered episode, 

three, three months before the morning of 

I'm Lisa and I'm Johnita welcome to waiting is the hardest. 

So I know in 2017, that was a big year for the family you had was youngest graduating from high school, oldest, graduating from college. Yep. So tell us about three months before the accident get into some of your thoughts of where you thought life was heading.

Yeah. 

I can see the smile now let's get into that. 

Oh my God. It just took me back. So yes. Um, in 2017, like you said, my oldest and my youngest were both making transitions, uh, one the youngest from high school, the oldest two from college. And, um, and I. So I remember at the beginning of the year, I just, I was like, oh my God, I got both of these kids that graduated and I got to do two graduation parties.

I got to like, make sure that everything is all set. Like I was really frantic. That's all I talked about. That's all I talked about. Oh my God. These two graduated. These two graduates also fee has got to go to prom. Oh, it's in the prom. Her prom was the day before. Um, my oldest son's graduation. So I, I think, you know, you and I talked a lot about like what that was going to be like.

Um, cause she, she went to prom by herself. I think we weren't there. Like we saw her off, got on a plane, flew to Miami so that we could be there for his graduation. Your husband like Gatter to graduation. You all weren't married at the time, but right where you married? We weren't married. Okay. He, so your soon to be husband, he got her to Greg to the, to his graduate.

It was just a whole thing, whole thing. And, um, and the re you know, and I was, I was a proud mother, right. I was very proud of them, but I was also an excited mother because. As a teen mother, my goal was to be the best mother that I could be. Um, I wasn't a perfect mother, but I wanted to be the best mother.

I wanted to give them all of the opportunities that I didn't have. I wanted to be there for them. I wanted to have a consistent profession where I could, you know, they could get off out of school and they would see their moms. And I wanted to do a very good job at being a mother. And then when it was time for them to go, y'all go ahead.

Go ahead. I did my job. Don't let the door hit you with a good Lord split you. Okay. I was ready. Like I was, I wanted, I did my very best job as a mother, but when it was time for them to graduate, it was time for me to live my life. Like that's how I, I figured I looked at it and so I had plans. They were going to be gone to college and whatever my oldest son was going to be doing post-college and me and my husband, we were going to be empty nesters because my middle son, he was already, you know, doing his thing.

He was in college already. So we were going to be doing our thing I had planned on. In fact, I had planned on having a, um, what was it called? Uh, uh, uh, empty nest party. I think. The birds left the coop party. I had planned on having a house party and I was going to move all of the furniture out of the living room.

Put it in the garage. I was going to invite all my friends over and we were going to have a old school, 90 style, um, house party. I was so excited, not only that. I had visions of meeting my husband after work, you know, like yeah. You know, like what you doing? All right. What's cause he got off at 6, 6 30, 6 o'clock he got off at six at the time.

So I'm like, you know, I have visions. I was going to be calling them up like, okay, meet me at this bar. We're going to have a drink. We'll have a happy hour. Oh my God. I had all of these plans like me and my baby were going to get it. You hear me? I was going to be out legs. Okay. Sitting at the bar, he waited, you know, I'm waiting for him to pull up 

red shimmy dress and effect.

So

explain that reference a little later, but it was gone. It was going to be on and popping. I could not wait, could not wait.

I'm going to shed a tear.  Just thinking about it. I just could not wait. I really, I really thought that it was a, um, that it was going to be my reward for, uh, a job well done as a mother. I really thought I really thought that that was the plan for me. That was my plan for me. That was not God's plan for me as we see now.

So none of that happened, you weren't able to see any of that come to fruition at all. 

Yeah. In 2017, I didn't do anything. I didn't, I have not done as still. No, I haven't done any of that ever. So 

Sofia goes to prom on a Friday. Tevis graduates on a Saturday in Miami. Okay. Sofia graduates from high school.

Yeah. And then when is this trip? How far after from graduation? Is it a couple 

of weeks later? 

Um, okay, so Sophia and Ryan graduated in may and the right they graduated in may, right? 

Uh, he would've graduated in may. She would've graduated in ju 

oh, June. Oh, yep. You're right. So, okay. So they both, so prom was in may, so her prom and his graduation was in may, then she graduated in June and then two weeks later, two weeks later, we are taking this trip.

We're going to take her to college grad college, nine graduation, college orientation. She was going to school in North Carolina and, um, she had orientation. And so the plan was to take her to orientation. My husband had to work, so it was, um, first it was just the two of us. She and I, and then I decided to invite my aunt because she had a new car and I wanted to use her car.

I think my car was a lease. And so I asked if I could use her car and which he liked to, you know, join us on the trip. My mom lived in North Carolina, so I figured it'd be a nice little girl's trip. She says, sure. Why not? And so, um, and then my little cousin who is two years younger than Sophia, she wanted to come to.

Um, but I told her, I told her that she should wait because we were just kind of going down there and coming right back. And so I was like, you know, when I go down to take Sophia to school in the fall out, you can come with me. So she didn't go. So it was just the three of us and we started. Normal death and yeah, it was a normal day.

And, and in fact, I wrote in the journal that, um, that the day I thought was going to be my last day on earth was splendid a beautiful day to die because it was just like a really, it was just a beautiful day. Like we didn't have any rain, it was blue sky. Um, nice weather. Not too hot, not too cold. It was just a gorgeous day.

It really was, um, from start until the accident and, um, yeah, we were very excited. I just remember as being very excited to start on the journey, the three of us

And so we already know you're a planner, so everything was planned out. You knew when you were leaving what you needed to do, what you needed to take down there. 

Oh, let's talk about what we needed to take down there. Okay. So yes, everything was planned. Um, we were going to. Let's see, we were going to go to my mom's house.

She lived in Durham, which is an hour from Greensboro. So we were going to her, my mom to my mom's house. We were going to spend the night there, hang out with her. And then we were going to hit back that morning, um, to Greensboro for the orientation. We also needed to go to see my mom because we had four cases of water in the trunk.

Okay. All right. And the reason why we have four cases of water in the trunk is because my husband is a wonderful father. Uh, he's the he's my children's stepfather, but he's been in their lives for forever. Um, but he's a wonderful guy. And my daughter is very spoiled and she only drinks spring water. So my she and my middle child, they are water sommeliers.

 They know the difference between spring water, purify water, distilled water, and they only mess with the good stuff and Sophia found out that there was not, um, her brand is spring water in North Carolina. They didn't carry it. And so one day before we left, we, my husband and I were at Sam's club and he is loading up the buggy with what, the cart with water.

And I'm like, what are you doing? And he's like, Sophia needs water. And I'm like, what are you talking about? She doesn't need water. Yes. She, she needs water. To take down to North Carolina and I'm like, no, she doesn't like, she could just drink whatever's there. No, she won't drink it. And he did some research online and it was going to cost too much to ship, to ship the water.

So his idea was just to pack up all by four cases, put it in the trunk, take it to my, have me take it to my mom's house. And then. Sophia would have to serve two purposes. Sophia would come and get her water. My mom would give her a once over and make sure she was okay. And then she can send her on off, back to, uh, back to school.

And I wrote about it in a journal. I'll put it in the show notes if people want to read it, but. So, yeah, so we have all this water that, that we have to drop off. Yeah. We had to take her. So, 

so your aunt's car obviously get handle the water, the three of you, I'm sure. Maybe some other clothes that Sophia was taken down and preparation.

Yep. 

And so the car and my husband, he used to work for the airlines as a baggage handler. So he knows how to like pack every crevice. He can maximize space so that, um, SUV was well-packed and, um, and, and he utilized every space to get everything in. And so, you know, so we're traveling on our journey. It starts off great.

As I said before, and, um, when we get to. We hadn't made it to West Virginia yet, but I was driving and I noticed that my aunt's car started losing acceleration. And, and again, to the point where we had to pull off to the side of the road. Now, remember in episode one, I mentioned that there were several signs that this trip was this, that was the first side brand new SUV.

Just loses acceleration. Now we're on the side of the road and we're in a remote area. So I couldn't get a, um, I couldn't get a signal to call AAA, but luckily I was able to get through to Kia motors and because her car was new, it was under warranty. They sent a, you know, um, A tow truck to get us. And, uh, and I remember we, I remember this guy stopped and he looked kind of sketchy and he's like, are you okay?

And we're like, yeah, we're fine. Like you could move in or whatever. Um, and so the tow truck came. We get in the tow truck. Cause he, the tow truck guy said that he could take, take three of us. Cause we were like, we're not leaving. We're not leaving anybody behind. We taking everybody. So squeeze into the front of his, uh, of his tow truck.

We weren't sure if they'd ever seen black people. We weren't sure about that, but they, he was very kind to us and we, you know, and, and I've even said that I was going to write a, write a positive review for his company because he was just so, um, a common. So he took us to the closest Kia dealer, which was in Parkersburg West Virginia.

And when we get there, we tell them the issue. We tell them that we have a time crunch because you know, we're trying to get to orientation the next day. And, um, and so the lady said she would work as fast as she can to get it diagnosed. And when they diagnose the car, they said that it was a part that needed to be.

Um, and so, and it was kind of, it was getting kind of late in the day, so we're like, okay. You know, she was going to order the part. It would be there the next day, but you know, me, I'm determined. I gotta get my baby to orientation. So instead of, yeah, I got to plan, got to see the plan through. So instead of like saying, no, we'll wait, like we'll do a, uh, uh, make-up orientation.

We go down to the, um, enterprise rental car. And get a rental there's. That was the second sign. So we're supposed to get a comparable vehicle. We're supposed to get an SUV. They didn't have any SUV's available. So they put us in this little bitty box car of a car up a beer can have a car and. We're like, okay.

We were like, and we get in the car and we go back to the dealership to go and get our belongings. Right. And, and when we get there, I'm like, all right, we're putting stuff in the trunk. And I'm like, I'm not taking this water. It's too much waters for cases. And so it feels like, but like Sophia, we don't lead us water.

I'll bring it back the next time. But then after I thought about it, I'm like, well, it doesn't make any sense. Did bring it. I mean, to take it all the way back to take it back home, and then only to bring it back, have to bring it back. My husband's. Um, packaging skills. And I figure out how to get all of this water into this little small ass trunk.

I sent my husband a picture and I got the clothes, everything, clothes and suitcases in there. And I was so proud of myself. I took a picture and I sent it to them. Cause I'm like, look what I did. I was so proud of myself. So we get everything in. Get down the road, we're laughing. We're like, does this car even have automatic windows?

Like, you know, we just like clown in his car. We were like, is this class, is this guy gonna make it up to the mountains? Like the clown in the car? So my aunt is driving at this point. I'm at, I'm like you, okay. You want Drake? You good to drive? Yep. I'm good to drive. Okay. So we're going on. And right before we get to the North Carolina line, um, Sophia says she has to go to the bathroom.

And I think I mentioned this in episode one and I'm like, and that was the third sign. Cause I'm like, no, it was at the forest sign. There were four sides. I might've missed one, but a wait sign. One was the car stopping sign two was the part we didn't spend a night signed. Three was the beer cam model of a car and signed four was the bathroom.

Okay. So Sofia is like, I got to go to the bathroom and I'm like, no, Sofia just wait. We're almost there. Just wait. Cause we're hour away. And at this point we have, we've modified the trip cause we're starting to get tired and I'm like, you know, instead of driving an hour past Greensboro to my mom's just to drive all the way back, let me go ahead and get a room.

So I F I call, I get. Was in Greensboro. I called my mom. I tell her we're going to go to orientation. My mom's like, okay, I'll meet you up there. Cool. Call my husband, tell him what the new plan is. I'm like, we've got to go to the room about, to have a girls night, girls night at the room. No problem. And, uh, and you know, and I that's when Sofia needed to use the bathroom and I'm like, we're almost at the room.

Like just wait. 

So what's almost at the room. Is it 30 minutes out? An hour, 

hour, 30 minutes. 30 

minutes. Okay. So 

almost to your destination just about there. And right after we talked to my husband to tell him that we were what the Chan change of plans, what the change of plans was like, not even, not even 15 minutes later crash, boom.

Life just changed forever. 

Wow. Wow. Did you ever have any dreams or nightmares after the accident? Trying to rewind that moment to be like, oh, you know, we chose a different path. We, we stayed the night, you know, when the car broke down, how, how long did you deal with that regret? I guess of not following the signs?

Um, well, I didn't, I didn't have, I didn't have regret like that. Um, okay. Now I had nightmares. My husband said I, um, used to scream in my sleep and I don't remember that. Um, so I know I did have nightmares, but I did not have, I didn't have regretted. Like in that way, like, oh, if only I were to stop now, my daughter, every chance she gets, she's like, if you would've just stopped, let me use the bathroom.

I'm like be quiet. So I was totally comfortable with my decision. Um, I was given my aunt the side eye 

yeah. I don't even know if she knows this and if she's listening, you know, I love you girl. Um, but yeah, I was giving my aunt the side eye because I felt that. I felt like the accident could have been avoided. So when we merged into the left-hand lane, there was a strip of, there was a median and I felt like she could have, um, I felt like she reacted too slowly and I felt like she could have moved over to the left, further into the left to avoid us being rear-ended.

And the rollover happening. And, um, and I was quite angry about that for really, really long time, a really long time. And 

does she ever say, or have you ever had the conversation for her to say, like, it just happened so quickly? In my mind, I was still stuck on like, this person can't possibly hit us. Like they see all us, this traffic, like, have you ever had that conversation with her to hear her perspective on why she didn't go to school?

Um, I've I. Uh, a couple of times I've said something about like, man, you know, like if only we went over to the left, right. Cause she's my she's. I love my aunt. I would never want to hurt her feelings or anything like that. So, you know, I just kinda mentioned it, uh, kinda, you know, just in passing. And I remember her saying one time, like you keep saying that, but there was no way I didn't have any room to go to the left, left and.

And one time I did say to her, um, I think after I got the police report and I saw the diagram, I think I said to her like, yeah, there was, you know, there was a median over, I mean, you know, there was a, uh, the police lady. Oh. Um, she was, you know, I was like, you could have, you could have been that you could have went over there and she's like, you know, I think in her mind is.

I was processing what was happening. Like there wasn't any time, but in my mind, I thought if I would have been driving, there's no way that accident would have happened because I would have, I would have looked in that rear view mirror saw him hat, saw him coming, and then I would have went over into the left and I would avoided that.

And that's where my mind used to go. Um, during my recovery, I used to go there a lot actually. Um, yeah, it used to go there a lot. I used to replay that, that moment a lot. Like if I would've continued driving, if she hadn't been driving, if I would have been, you know, if I. You know, um, I always tease my aunt about, and she teases me about me being just really, really fast with stuff.

And I always tease her about, you know, like needing time to process. And so, um, you know, I'm like, Nope, I wouldn't have needed time to process. I would have just saw it and I would've just went over it. But, you know, I mean, I can say that, but I don't know what would have happened. And I don't know if something worse might've happened.

Right. Had I had a, not a. Had I been driving and went over to the left and, and I will also say that, um, you know, because of the way, so I talk about the water because the water is what saved. The water and God is west daughter. Um, and the reason why I say the water saved my daughter is because that, you know, like it in NASCAR, they have those barrels of water, um, placed around the track and they, that in case, um, the cars, you know, get into accident or veer off and they, you know, absorb like absorb impact, absorb, absorb shock.

And that's what that, all of those cases of water did for my daughter. She only had. A half inch scratch on her forehead that is now gone. And she was sitting in the back seat of the car and that water that my husband painstakingly packed and I reluctantly paid. Um, is what absorbed that the impact and saved her life from, from not being crushed in that accident.

And I'll put, um, the pictures of the, of the accident in the show notes of the car so that people can see what, what we walked away from miraculously. Wow. 

Yeah. That is deep. How did Sophia process learning that that water was key? Protect that hedge of physical protection that she had around her. When did she realize that was that incident?

It was when my husband got there and, and my husband and your husband went to get the stuff out of the car and, and they took, I know they took pictures. And then when they came back, they were talking about how they found the water in the trunk and how there were like all of these busted bottles and you know, how it absorbed that absorb that impact.

And that's when we really realized the magnitude of it. And my daughter, you have to know my daughter, she's very. How would you describe Sofia other than being a little 

bit of you as a little Johnita

She's a little, both of us. She is a, she is a dynamic young lady. And so she's like, I told you, I told you that water and was the reason why I needed that one. You know, it wasn't like, oh my God, the water saved me. It was like, like I told you, so you didn't want to bring it, you know? And I'm like, girl, I'm up here trying to keep my leg.

You put a sit down somewhere,

shut up, glad you alive. So, yeah. Yeah. 

Man that that is, yeah. When you look back on it and you have those signs and you go through that, that, you know, now, you know what those signs led to. And at the same time, you also have a physical head of protection, right. That, you know, it just shows how complex our relationship with God is.

And, you know, things happen and yes, certain things are just unexplainable, but it also shows just how powerful this 

is. All. Absolutely. And, you know, two things. One, I referenced my younger cousin earlier because the, the, the whole car was jacked up, but. Has she been in the back seat? I don't know if she would've walked away, um, because of how, how the back was.

Um, like there was like a little pocket where Sophia was sitting, right. That it was a pocket that like, it was protected. Like it wasn't crushed in, but where my little cousin would have been sitting, that part was crushed in. So that was one thing. And, um, and then too, um, yeah, those signs. Now, as I mentioned in episode one, you know, the old me just pushes forward.

Right there, there, there is no deterrent for me. There was not a deterrent for me. I didn't understand what deterrence, where I would just push right past them. The post accident means. Now, like I mentioned in episode one, I hate those signs and I'm okay about stopping I'm okay. About turning around. I'm okay.

About my plan, not being executed because I understand now that that is much greater than me and it's not, that's not to say that I didn't believe in God and believe in Jesus before I did. My faith in him and understanding how he moves is so it's much more clearer now and I'm, and I'm very much okay about stopping and saying, okay.

This is not the way that I wanted it to be, but I'm going to be still and I'm going to wait for God to direct my path. And I'm okay about that. Whereas before I'm like, you know what, God, I'm going to talk about this later. Right? God, we got to talk, but you know what? Step aside, and I 

need to finish. And we'll get back to it.

I'm gonna write this down 

and we'll come back to later. And so, you know, and that w that's my that's one of the things that I would say to anyone who is going through something right now is that, you know, I understand how frustrating it is to have a plan that you want to execute and you want to see through, but sometimes when it doesn't work out the way that you want it.

You have to be okay about stopping, about being still and about trusting what is supposed to come next. And it may not be what you want it to be, but sometimes it's even better than you can even imagine. So it 

sounds like what you're saying too, um, is that you now have a clear communication line from God that you're able to cure.

A little better because you are following the signs and taking a little bit more direction and not necessarily pushing through. 

Right, right. Yes, absolutely. Because before again, it was all right, I'm going to keep going. Right. And then we're going to have a conversation about why I kept going later. Got, whereas now it's like, uh, Nope, it's not supposed to be this way.

Something is amiss. I'm going to stop and I'm going to wait and see how he lets things. So I love it. 

Next time on 

waiting is the hardest I kid you not. He's like, yeah. And you know, if ever you just amputated, whoops. Tell us what you thought of the episode. Follow us on Twitter at waiting hardest or Instagram and waiting is the hardest or Facebook waiting is the hardest you can also email.

At waiting is the hardest@gmail.com shared this story of waiting and share your story of waiting. We want to hear from you. The views expressed in this podcast are my own and should not be substituted for those of a trained medical professional.