In-Between: Thanksgiving Boundaries

This week's episode is giving thanks and enforcing boundaries. As much as we'd like to think everyone is looking forward to the holidays with family, a lot of us are stressed to enter our dysfunctional family dynamic. In today's In-Between, I'm giving some advice and tips that I picked up from author, Nedra Glover Tawwab, on what you can do to protect your peace and maintain boundaries. If you'd like to read the article I cited in today's episode, you can find it here: https://www.theskimm.com/wellness/setting-boundaries.  I discuss three tips for establishing boundaries, so that you can ultimately keep your peace this holiday season. 

I'm also giving you life updates, chats around the fall of Matt Rife, and all the exciting thing coming up. Look at on social media for more updates. *wink wink*

OOOH! And don't forget - The In-Between Vision Board Party IS happening January 6th!!! Stay tuned on my social for details and link to register. 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Connect with me:
https://in-between.co
@in.betweenpod on Instagram
@elizabethcheney_ on Instagram
@theinbetweenpodcast on TikTok
The In-Between Podcast on YouTube

Transcript

Elizabeth: 0:06

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to an all new episode of the in between podcast. I'm your host, Elizabeth Cheney, and can you believe it? Thanksgiving is literally tomorrow. I am shocked. I'm excited because, you know, girl loves to eat and I am looking forward to all of the food I'm gonna consume tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to the aftermath when I am ungodly uncomfortable because I consumed maybe three or four stomachs worth of food, but you know what? I make the mistake every single year, and I have no regrets. I have no regrets. So, cheers to overeating, and cheers to all the delicious stuffing my face will consume. Oh, and you know, since I tend to always talk about the weather, I feel like, um, it's a little nice, crisp coolness outside, especially for those who are in Atlanta, and I love that. Maybe I won't have to wear a tank top or shorts tomorrow for Thanksgiving. It'll be a little different than years previous, but I, I like a cool, crisp Thanksgiving. I like a cool, cool, cool, cold Christmas. Not really into the fact that it's been like mildly warm for several years now around those holidays. So yeah, cheers to actually wearing winter clothes. Um, she says, knocks on wood. But anyways, um. I got a, got a couple of cool things planned for today's episode. Well, I don't know if cool is the right word, but I did a little research and hopefully I got some tools for some of you ladies and gentlemen who are listening, um, in terms of boundaries for Thanksgiving. But before we get into that, just wanted to kind of talk about some updates and just some stuff that I found interesting on the internet. Remember that fast facts, the in between the interwebs? You know, I always joke that I hate that, but it's what I always say when I do this. So maybe I just need to. Just embrace the in between the interwebs. I don't know why I struggle with that, but you know what, whatever. Okay, so in terms of in between the interwebs, like what's going on, uh, just two things that I wanted to bring up, and they're completely unrelated, but I found them interesting. So the first one, Not that this is any kind of tech or business podcast, but it's about Matt Reif. For those who don't know who that is, he is a comedian. I was and am, or I am and was never a fan. Uh, but I know a lot of people loved him. The only reason I heard about him was because apparently, I guess, when he went on his tour, I don't know, this year or last year, he talked some major shit about Atlanta. And it not being a comedy scene, but I'm also like, well, then what, what makes a comedy scene? I mean, outside of places like Chicago, New York, where they have really strong improv scenes. Personally, I'm not familiar with Atlanta's, but I mean, I know it's not not comedy. I've seen plenty of amazing comedians come through. I know we have some amazing improv centers or studios, whatever you want to call it. But either way, don't know what that was all about. He did have a show in Savannah. I'm only giving you this context to kind of. Take your own opinion, but this dude has strong ones. Let's just say that. So anyways, I remember when he was going to come through and his tour like sold out in just like a few hours. And a lot of my friends were like, Oh my gosh, Matt Rife's coming, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, who the heck is this guy? So I looked him up on the, on the, on the modern Googler, a. k. a. TikTok. I feel like that's going to be a thing eventually. And I watched a few of his clips, and I was like, Oh, he's kind of funny. He's really good with crowd work. So, he had a special on Netflix that just dropped, I don't know, within the past week. And so, I, it showed up on your for, I almost said your For You page, because that's a TikTok thing, but it showed up on like, Suggested For You, and me and Stan, I was like, we should watch that. Like, I've heard a lot of hype around this guy, and he's like, Okay, cool. Um, no. We didn't even last like 15 minutes. It was so weirdly cringe and You know, I'm gonna be careful on the line that I walk here I know some people get very easily offended with certain things. I am completely in support of anyone feeling How do I say this? I'm completely in support for anyone to feel the way that they feel but I am also gonna say sometimes Certain comedians, I don't even know what to say comedians, but it's just Certain things get blown out of proportion, so to speak. So, I, I, comedy is just a very touchy subject, I guess, to some people, because sometimes people don't like getting made fun of, or this or this. I don't know, I feel like maybe I'm not addressing this correctly. All I'm trying to say is, I support most comedy, but I also support people Feeling invalidated or, or owning their truth to their experience that is being made fun of. Is that a way to say that? All I have to say is... I have seen some, like some, I almost said modern comedians, I have seen some comedians that are newer who will address, let's say, touchy or taboo subjects, but somehow they do it in a way that is not necessarily offensive, and everyone's getting made fun of, or everyone can laugh at the joke. Mark Norman is one that comes to mind and hopefully this doesn't age poorly and he doesn't, you know, go back and make me hate him because he's a dickhole. But the point being, he will talk about certain taboo things and it's hysterical because it's not necessarily, I don't know, it's just, I don't know how he, I'm not a comedian, I don't know how he does it, but he makes it work. So back to Matt Reif. The reason I said all that is because he starts joking about, let's just call them taboo things in this, in this point, domestic violence, which that's, that's kind of a no touchy subject as far as I'm concerned when it comes to comedy, like, especially a male, especially a straight male, like you shouldn't be joking about a woman being hit. There's just no way you can swing that to make me think that's a joke. Okay. Okay. And disclaimer, I've never heard Mark Norman joke about domestic violence. Just want to say that. But anyways, one of his first jokes was about domestic violence and it was weird. Like forget the whole fact that it was offensive. It was just weird and kind of cringy and like, Oh, are we Are you still joking like that? Like, it just, it sounded like your seventh grade, like, bully or the seventh grade douchebag who's like, your mom, like, that's the level of humor that it was. And mind you, this guy is like huge and I'm watching this and I'm just like very, I don't want to be like, it's so uncomfortable, but I was uncomfortable in the sense of like, this isn't even funny. Not even like, haha, I shouldn't be laughing at this because it's inappropriate, funny. No, like, it really, like, it was weird. And Stan's always my gauge on that because he's way more chill than I am about certain things. He looks at me, he's like, can we change this? And I'm like, absolutely. So, this guy, I guess he's a comedian because of his crowd work, does a stand up special, so I'm assuming he had to actually write jokes. He couldn't just use crowd work because, I mean, that may not really resonate with the viewership watching, right? So I get, I get why he probably had to write a show for the Netflix special, but it was horrible and it wasn't funny. I mean, maybe it got funnier. I don't know. Like I said, 15 minutes I lasted, but. Since it's come out, he is getting roasted on the internet about, about how shitty his stand up is. And people are, of course, focusing on the domestic violence joke because, I mean, I don't blame him, it was really, it was so cringe. and in true asshat douche canoe habits, responses. This mother trucker goes, like, he made like a story kind of addressing it with a half assed apology and then it's like, here's a link to my real apology. And it was a link to children's special needs helmets. Yeah. Uh, not cool with that either, especially given the context and the situation that you're in. Like, whatever. Anyways. So he put his foot in his mouth, then when he got called out for putting his foot in his mouth at the stand up, he then put the other foot in his mouth, and then somehow put it up his ass as well. So, I'm not trying to say he's getting cancelled, I have mixed feelings about cancel culture anyway, well, I don't know if I say mixed feelings, I don't necessarily believe in it. I don't know. It's actually a layered subject. We'll table that. Maybe that's an episode one day, but he is definitely getting roasted and kicked down several, several notches. And I just thought that was interesting because this guy totally thinks his shit does not stink and you can tell maybe he's a good person somewhere in there. I'm not, I'm not going to assume that or not, but you can still be an okay person and also need to be ego checked a little bit. You know what I'm saying? But yeah, he. He is this First PR crisis. That's what happens and I read somewhere that he's trying to alienate the fan base that got him famous Which is mostly women. I mean he is well I don't think he's attractive especially now because his he was not funny, but I can see how some women find him attractive He does have a very nice jawline I will give him that and I know I've spent now like seven minutes talking about Matt Rife But I have a feeling most of you don't know who that is or don't know the context. So I just again It's just another day on the internet and another dumbass man getting knocked down a few pegs. And I'm here for it. But I'm not here for his jokes. So we will see how this unfolds. And then the other news I wanted to bring up that is completely unrelated, but I wanted to bring it up because I think it's kind of, kind of interesting. It's a little like drama, soap opera in the Silicon Valley tech world, but also bring it up because, you know, this would be a great conversation. I don't want to say starter, but fun fact, a little tidbit to bring to your next company meeting. The next time you got to talk to a bunch of like, I don't know, old executives or just people who are in shiny suits and think their shit don't stink and you need to look good. So, I'm sure we've all heard of ChatGBT, AI. I know we have, because we've all heard of Terminator. AI is on a new concept. But Sam Altman was Was, and then now still is, the CEO of OpenAI, which is behind ChatGPT and all that stuff. So, I don't know all of the granular details because not much of them have come out, but basically last Friday he was ousted by his board as CEO because they said he wasn't being transparent, whatever the hell that means. And. Some say it's because he was kind of trying to push technology quicker and faster and make faster progress And they were kind the board was like we just slower horses just a bit Who knows why when to what extent but he was ousted and so him and the co founder co owner Co founder, I guess co founder is the right word, basically got picked up by Microsoft. And Microsoft is the biggest investor, from what I read, into OpenAI. Um, like we're talking billions. So they hired him on. Well then I guess, and this is all like within the past couple of days, so then the whole, most of the employees at OpenAI were like, Um, we're all going to go work for Microsoft if you don't hire him back, like, what the fuck? So then I guess some of the board, if not all the board, got ousted. Sam Altman and the co founder, which I poorly forgot to bring his name, but Sam Altman's the one you need to worry about and be concerned with. Well, I shouldn't say worry about, that's not what I mean, but you know what I mean. The story is around Sam Altman. So within like three or four days, maybe three days, I don't even know, I think this was yesterday or maybe today? No, it was yesterday. Yeah, it was yesterday. They get a new board, they hire him and the co founder back, he is now reinstated as CEO, and now there are new board members, uh, from Microsoft because they do have the biggest, like, investing share. So, don't know what drama's going on with all these rich motherfuckers, but I find it so fascinating, and, uh, you know, maybe more information will come out to, to go into why. This shift in leadership changed and it was also another like fact about that was so like juicy for lack of better words is Sam. Nobody had any idea. There was no hints. It was like completely pulling the rug out from underneath him when he walked into this meeting and it's like, Oh, by the way, you're fired. So yeah, interesting. Very interesting. So don't know what's going to happen there. Don't know what happened there, but a little sketchy, a little. And then. Obviously, I do not have the intelligence to speak to all this, but I, you know, when you make big changes like that, so suddenly, with no runway, and there, like, there was no hint to it happening, it like, it really messes up the company. Sure, morale, I'm sure the stock market, if it's even on the stock market, I don't, again, we all know, what is a stock? Your girl does not know, I mean, okay, I know what a stock is, let's be real, but, Everything else, we know that I am clueless when it comes to it. So, yeah, interesting stuff right there. So share that in your next meeting. Oh, President so and so, did you hear about Sam Altman? You better watch out, the board will get ya! Wink wink. Uh, and on that transition about stocks and money and how clueless I am, what a great way to transition into, drumroll please. So we know that your girl's been trying to manifest a finance, finance guru to come on the pod. And I told you about the person that I was going to reach out to and shoot my shot, fingers crossed. Hopefully I'm not putting my foot in my mouth while we met earlier this week. And I'm still going to kind of keep it under wraps for compliance purposes and things like that. Cause we need to kind of hash out our content and how we're going to do it. So she is in compliance with her company, but it's happening. It's happening. So this is your rumor or this is rumor. So this is your reminder to shoot the shot. Go after whatever it is you want. Put yourself out there. It is scary. It is unnerving. Sure, have some level of, it may not work out. They may not respond. I may not get what I'm looking for or get what I'm trying to go after. But, still do it. Because you never know, you will be pleasantly surprised. And let me tell you, this chick is so cool. She's so awesome. Y'all are going to love her. We, I'm just really excited for the conversation we're going to have, um, around money, different things about it. I got to finalize those details this weekend and get them back to her. We're going to record mid December, but oh my God, I'm so excited. And also, snaps for your girl, because I definitely think I manifested that shit. So that's that. And then, um, you know, Dr., Dr. Bhavna Singh is coming on. We didn't get a chance to record this past weekend because, well, her internet died. Um, basically her, I forget if it was like landscaping or something accidentally cut her internet wire, so it just didn't work out. And then with the holidays, I was like, well, let's just reschedule it for Saturday. So we're redoing that this weekend, and that will come out soon. Um, and then other details I wanted to share, so... We're having a vision board party every... Buddy, oh, I'm so excited. Yes, the in between podcast, a. k. a. Elizabeth Chenet, your girl right here, is having a vision board party. I am I'm terrified. But, you know, I mean, I'm terrified because, well. I shot my shot, and people bit the bait, and now I gotta go, I gotta go fishing. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Uh, I'm really excited, I know it's gonna, it's gonna be amazing, and I know I'm gonna pull it off, but I've never... Besides my wedding, and that is a different story for a different day. Side note, do not recommend planning a wedding when you are... deeply depressed and in denial of that and during a pandemic. There's that. But, uh, besides that, this is the first event I've ever really kind of planned. Um, by myself, like I've done the bridesmaid made of honor thing, playing bachelorettes, bridal showers, things like that. But this is my first like big, big event, especially when it's like related to me and the pod and growth. And I'm just, I'm so excited. So it's going to be January 6th, working out the details, spacing. I'm going to offer a virtual aspect for those who cannot attend in person. Maybe you're pregnant, maybe you just had a baby, maybe you're sick, maybe you're just like, you know, Elizabeth, I don't like people and I'd rather do it from the comfort of my home in my PJs. And you know what? That's fine. You can do that. And also for my, my friends who are not local, please look out for like an invite. I'll have a registered link. I'll post it on both the in betweens podcast, the in between podcast, Instagram, and my personal Instagram. Uh, friends will be invited, but I will need people to register so I know how many people are coming because I have this sneaking suspicion it's going to be way more than I originally predicted. Which is great! I am not complaining. I am so excited because we're going to have great conversation, I've already got a couple of great ideas and templates on how we're going to plan this out, or like, I'm planning it, but like plan out your vision board when you get there, but more importantly, oh! I just can't wait to have all these amazing people put together in the same room, the same screen, if you will. So, uh, if you're interested, please be on the lookout for that. It's happening January 6th, and I could not be more excited. Ah! Um, okay, so before I get into today's episode about boundaries, Thanksgiving, things like that, I just wanted to also say... That I finished Crescent City, um, for those who don't know, it is a fantasy book. And for those who have read ACOTAR, A Court of Thorns and Roses, and that series, which, Oh, would love to talk to you about. I've read that, I read that during the pandemic. I read Crescent City, it's another one of Sarah Mass, that's the author's series. And it's supposed to tie into ACOTAR. It was a very big book, and I think it could have been 150 pages less, but it was fascinating, I loved it, I finished it. I have a, I'm getting to a point. One, to show you how much of a nerd I am. Love that shit. Love fantasy books. I love all kinds of books. If you cannot tell behind me, I got tons of books. Got a little mini library here. Trying to build my Beauty and the Beast library, if you will. But, I love some world building. I love some escapism. Okay, okay, and that is what these books offer. The reason I'm bringing it up is because I'm leading up to like me just feeling stupid, but also TikTok is crazy. So I, you know, your phone listens to you. I'm sure it heard me talking about that guitar books and Crescent City or whatever with a friend. So I saw one video show up on my For You page on TikTok related to ACOTAR and it was like this chick Reenacting the characters and making me sound so nerdy. I don't care But it was just cracking me up because one she aced it like it was so funny. But two it was entertaining I like one ACOTAR post, and this is just the power of TikTok. I've heard about BookTok, but oh my god, never been a part of BookTok. Y'all crazy. It is. That algorithm is strong. That's all I'm gonna say. Because I like this one post, and now everything on my For You page, at least 85 percent of it, is something related to ACOTAR fantasy books, people frolicking in Scotland and England and castles, and really dreamy fantasy music. So, that's great. I would like to see a few other things, but whatever. It has completely sucked me in to some extent. The reason I am bringing this up, one, to tell you to read this series so we can talk about it, but also, I know we all need a good escape. And if you like any kind of fantasy, this is the book for you. And I don't necessarily mean Lord of the Rings, because that gets a little serious and a little heavy and a little long. This is like... The good good. Well, personally, I love Lord of the Rings, so that's like, I can't say it's not good to me. But I know some people, they hear fantasy, they immediately think of Lord of the Rings. Don't know why, because my mind goes to Harry Potter, but to each his own, right? Uh, no, this is great. You're gonna frickin love it. That's all I'm gonna say. So, the point being, Montech Talk. iN the fact that this is my For You page, it's all this weird fantasy shit. You know, weird, I say that endearingly. What is a word that you think of in terms of fantasy and whatever? Ethereal. Ethereal. I just, I had to re record me saying that because I messed up saying it even for this podcast. Ethereal. Sure you've heard of that word. I'm sure you're familiar with it. So in all of these videos, ethereal is used. And I'm looking at it and I realize, Oh my god, I have been mispronouncing that word my entire life. Trust me, I am sure there are probably an embarrassing amount of words that I mispronounce. But, I use ethereal more often than I'd like to admit because you know, whimsical, mystical, elusive. I don't even know what that was, but I have, I use ethereal often in my conversation and I've been saying ethereal, like ethereal, like pronouncing it how it looks ish. And no one has ever corrected me. No one's ever laughed at me. No one's ever been like that dumb ass. They just let me say it. You know how like when you have something in your teeth and you're like, no one tells you and it's just kind of like, damn girl, like, why aren't you looking out for me? That's what it feels like. I feel like such a dummy that I've been saying ethyl. I mean, I used it just a few days ago. I'm cringing at knowing that I have done this for so long. I'm cringing that I am admitting at 32 years old that I just can't use my words sometimes. And I'm also cringing because I'm also going to share another word that I have really screwed up on and realized earlier this year that I have been Horribly mispronouncing. Ascertain. Ascertain. Do you know what I used to say until recently? Ascertain. It's so embarrassing to admit. Ascertain. Ascertain. And you know, I don't know if I've ever said, well I'm sure I've said that word out loud. Definitely not as much as ethereal. But I know I've used, I know what it means. I know how to use it in context. So I've used it a lot in, in converse, like texting or emails. I've also read it in a lot of books and, uh, yeah, a co worker was like talking, she was like, ascertain, and I was like, ascertain. What? That's, that's not ascertain. Which, ascertain doesn't even sound like a real word, but, pfft. So, you know, that was a long winded way of sharing that. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Who says you can't teach an old dog new words? Because apparently old dogs be mispronouncing them. Oh goodness, but anyways. I hope that was entertaining to you all. Um, and before I part the second part of this episode, I kind of wanted to talk about Thanksgiving. And, yes, being grateful, thankful for all of the things in my life, all of the lessons I've learned this year, um, all the things I have pushed myself through, all of the heartache, all of the roadblocks, all of the self doubt, you know, there's only one way to go but up and it, I know we're all works in progress, but I am thankful for that and I'm thankful for having that outlook. I'm thankful that I view I view life that way. I'm thankful that even when I'm low, I know I will be high again. So, I hope you all feel the same way. Um, be proud of yourself, be grateful for, you know, everything that you have pulled yourself through. Whether that was alone, whether that was through the help of family, friends, a therapist, whatever.. I'm proud of you, and I'm grateful and thankful that you're here, and I, I'm thankful and grateful for the community that we are building, and I'm grateful and thankful for pushing myself out of my comfort zone. What's my favorite quote? Well, there's several, but one of them, leap and the net will appear. And I just, I, I am humbled. I am grateful. I am thankful, for all of the opportunity that I have been able to come across this year and very, very, very excited for what's to come next year because I have this feeling that 2024 is going to be a very big year for the in between and for me personally and professionally. So cheers to that. But, on the other side of that, there is a conversation that I've wanted to have about boundaries. And I may do like a holiday boundary episode deep dive as we lead up to Christmas and New Years, but before I let Thanksgiving pass without even addressing this, I wanted to talk about Thanksgiving boundaries. Now, I'm not a therapist, so this is not clinically backed advice, well, the advice is from a therapist and I'm gonna go into all of my, my, my citations, if you will, uh, in a second, all the resources I've pulled this information from, but I do just want to say, do your own research, ask your own provider, you know, what you need to talk about, um, and remember everyone's different, everyone's situation is different, so maybe this advice doesn't work for you, Doesn't matter what you do or what boundaries you put in place, you know, Aunt Sue is just going to be a dick. That's just how it is. So with that said, I want to talk about a few things that really, um, kind of spoke to my, really called my attention and I think are valuable that work for some less serious maybe, uh, situation, social situations, and then some that could be even more more serious or difficult to be around. So, uh, this was an article or an interview from the SCIM from last year, 2022. And they are interviewing Nedra Glover Twaub. She is a author. She wrote Setting Boundaries and she also wrote a book that I read earlier this year that I highly, highly, highly, highly, highly recommend, especially if you have any sort of Traumatic or dysfunctional family background, or if you're like me, your husband's parents, like your in laws, they are kind of problematic in their own way. Looking forward to that tomorrow. But side note, um, it's called Drama Free, A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships. So Nidra is an actual therapist, clinician, counselor, um, and you can get so much more detail information from her two books. I haven't read The Setting Boundaries, but like I said, I've read Drama Free and I, I'm not saying I had a perfect childhood, and of course I have my own issues, but I still got stuff out of this book. Even for myself, one, but two, also for my partner and the situation, like his family background and his, uh, growing up and where he came from. So, I'm only stressing that because if you find any of these points interesting or resonate, I encourage you to look into that book. So a few things that she talked about, um, that I thought were really beneficial that I wanted to point out. So one, boundaries are to protect you, not them. And that's, that's just one thing that you need to keep in mind. Boundaries are not for the other person. They're for you. You are only responsible for you. Maybe your kids too. Sometimes maybe your partner, but ultimately you are not there to serve your mean ass grandmother or your mean ass dad or your dysfunctional drunk uncle, whatever the case may be. Your closed minded oppressive great aunt. with that said, any conversations that you're not comfortable with, you don't have to be party to. You can walk away. Some things that she said that I thought was like some quotes, like some scripts that she gave, um, can you rephrase that? Like if they're being closed minded or bullshit about sexuality or your relationship status, anything like that. Can you rephrase that? And that's just like a good rule of thumb to use with anybody who may be gaslighting you. Um, being a dick, being stupid, whatever the case may be. Can you rephrase that? Another one, this was in relation to the example of asking about kids. Why aren't you pregnant yet? Where is your, why don't you have kids yet? Are you going to have kids? You don't know someone's situation. And like, we just, God, like. If someone wants to share their business, they will. Like, you don't have to necessarily ask me, I'm just going to give it to you. So when it comes to these touchy subjects, like, just pause. Let them have, like, let them open up to you and talk about it. I almost said a clap back, but I don't think that's the right term to use here. A response back to something like that. I feel uncomfortable with the statement you made. I feel uncomfortable talking about this topic. Something along those lines. Put up the roadblock. And sure, you know there's gonna be those assholes who are like, Oh, meh, is Elizabeth just too good for this convo? Oh, are you just too good for this? Are you too good for the family? Blalalalala. Understand that that may happen. Like that leads me to point number two be prepared which I'll go more into in a second like be prepared for you know the people who are going to trigger you You know the people that are the reason why we're even having this conversation. So be prepared protect your peace Okay, and and and give yourself grace I Am NOT saying that you should just accept However, they're behaving and just disregard it. You have to cross that bridge. You have to make that assertion for yourself. But I am saying that you don't have to be privy to the conversation. You don't have to engage. And you can also tell that mean ass drunk uncle, I don't care. I don't want to have this conversation with you. I'm uncomfortable with it. And if he keeps pushing, just say, Hey, uncle Gary, I told you, like, I'm not. I'm not ready to have this conversation. I don't want to have this conversation. One thing that, uh, Nedra said in the interview in this article, which I'm actually think I think I'm going to link the article in the show notes so you can kind of reference it because I had a lot of good tidbits and facts and and things like and scripts and things to help. But she was like, you know, if there's a a relative or or person that you're going to be in with for the holiday that, Maybe said something inappropriate last year made you uncomfortable. You could try to address it with them beforehand, like before the evening, um, to say, Hey, uh, hey, hey, Marsha. I just, like, cousin Marsha, I just wanted to say, You know, last year when you were talking about my, how I still hadn't lost my baby weight, I'm not comfortable with that conversation, and I would really appreciate if we don't even touch that subject and talk about weight and body this year. Thank you so much. I know some people don't really have that opportunity or luxury to be able to be so candid, especially ahead of time with somebody, but there is that suggestion. one other response or script, if you will, that I thought was genius, it was my favorite out of everything that I read, wow, I'm unclear how to respond to that. That was unkind to say. Wow, I'm unclear on how to respond to that. That was unkind to say. Could you imagine if you're at your dinner table with your whole family and drunk Uncle Gary is just being a douche canoe and he is like, everything was better before the war. I don't even know some bullshit. And imagine where you're like, I'm unclear on how to respond to your comment. Or, you know what, better yet, drunk Uncle Gary goes, Make America great again, drain the swamp, some shit, and just, everyone's a heifer and everyone sucks, and screw women and go men. Cause, I mean, actually, you never know. People may have drunk Uncle Gary's that be like that. That's when you say at the dinner table in front of everybody, Wow. I'm unclear on how to respond to that. Uh, that was unkind to say. Sure, they may think you're uppity and you may get that pushback, but that's a hard barrier. That's a hard boundary. I dare you to cross it. What can you say back to that? Oh, well, you're just sensitive. Maybe. But it's still, it's still a little unkind and I'm not sure how to respond to that. So let's just, let's just talk about something different. Let's talk about, hey. Sarah, Cousin Sarah, uh, how is your, how is your new puppy? Um, my side commentary is very cringy, I gather that, but you get the point I'm trying to make. So, can you rephrase that? I feel uncomfortable with the statement you made. Wow, I'm unclear how to respond. That was unkind to say. There are some great script options for you in how you... respond to certain problematic family members or people you're going to come across on Thanksgiving. So let's talk about point two that I already touched on but want to explore a little bit more. Planning ahead. The reason I didn't lead with this one is because I just wanted to stress the first fact being boundaries are meant for you, not for others. So planning ahead. I think this is really good advice, so, especially for my girlies and my friends who struggle with deep PTSD trauma from their childhood, unresolved family dysfunction, or not equally balanced relationships. Planning ahead gives you the space, the mental clarity to kind of, get prepared for what you're about to go into. family is very complicated. Family, like, one of the first questions in this article was, why is there so much dysfunction within your family around the holidays? Like what Nidra said was, you don't get to choose your family. So these are people that you're. Kind of forced to be around, forced to love, forced to have a relationship with, forced to have a moral dilemma, moral struggle with. And with that said, I hate it, but some people do not have great families or great family backgrounds, but they still have to go to the family functions or whatever. So plan ahead, protect your peace, give yourself grace, do not feel guilty about the way you feel because. Honey, we got, we got one life that we know of, okay? One life. Why sacrifice your worth and your, your anxiety and your freedom to be at peace because of Drunk Uncle Gary? And I'm really starting to pick on Drunk Uncle Gary, but you know what I'm trying to say. so plan ahead. Plan ahead of what types of conversations you think might come up that will definitely trigger you or make you feel some kind of way. Plan ahead for, alright, when, if and when those conversations come or you get asked the bullshit questions that are invasive and not appropriate, have some responses prepared like the ones I shared. Wow, I'm unclear how to respond. That was unkind to say. Can you rephrase that? This is making me uncomfortable. Be prepared. Have responses ready. Have your boundaries ready, go into it prepared, and I, I, I do hate even having to say this because I wish everyone could just love everyone and not be dickholes about things that they're uncomfortable with or don't understand because also like at the end of the day, who gives a fuck? Let them live their life. You don't need to be consumed about it unless they're like killing people or being horrible people, stealing, just being shit ass people. Let them love who they love, let them do what they want to do, let them read what they want to read, let them act the way they want to act. That's the way I feel. So, plan ahead. Plan ahead. Plan ahead to what to expect, what you know the mood's gonna be. Okay, I know it's gonna be horrible, my mom's gonna get hysterical. Um, not sure if anybody Hulu, but season two had a, hmm, triggering scene of a Christmas dinner where it really highlights the complete dysfunction of the family. So if you've seen that and that's your family, well one, my heart goes out to you, but two, this advice is for you for sure. So if you know you're going to be going into a very uncomfortable, dysfunctional situation, give yourself a time limit. Who says you got to stay there all day? Who says you got to show up early? Who says you got to stay late? Do what you gotta do and put your boundaries in place. If you're coming into town for the holidays, but you ain't gonna go sleep at mom's house because mom is crazy and will make you do 300 chores or just make you wanna pull out your hair, get a hotel. It's okay because you can still explain, Hey, I'm still going to be there. I'm going to be around, but like me and my husband, me and my wife, we need the space. Um, the kids, they're going through sleep regression and I just want to be kind of isolated because I don't want to bother you guys. There's so many different ways you can handle it. But the main point being the boundaries are for you and not for others. So. Protect yourself because it'll make the holiday season so, so, so much better. And then finally, and this kind of ties into all of the points I've already mentioned, but at the end of the day, keep it light. Keep the conversation light. Yes, you are probably going to want to address drunk Uncle Gary and his bullshit about oppressing women. Um, well actually, I mean. Okay, actually any topic where Uncle Gary is just being a dickhole, yes, you probably want to address, but ask yourself, give yourself a beat, and this helps with planning ahead. Is it worth it to engage with Uncle, Drunk Uncle Gary? Is Drunk Uncle Gary gonna be able to really change or grasp the concept of any type of layered complexity to human expression, human emotion? Probably not, but you can come up with some good, some good, uh, Clap back some good responses to kind of shut Gary up. I'm unclear how to respond to that, Gary. Uh, Gary, I'm a little uncomfortable with the conversation because it kind of sounds like you're saying that all women should be in the kitchen and not have any freedom whatsoever. I don't want to assume what you're saying, but I, I just, I, I'm going to peace out of this convo. You have the power. Maybe it'll be uncomfortable, but I truly think that as long as you put your boundaries in place and you are protecting your peace, You will come out on the other side and you know, if you're lucky, maybe you'll get some respect. Maybe, maybe they will change based on your interaction with them. Because you remember, at the end of the day, you cannot change anyone. People have to change for themselves. That is a very hard truth to accept, to learn, and, and God, it's so hard, especially when you're like, Oh, but they have all the potential. But what you can do, Is change how you interact with these people, and that's a boundary. And sometimes when you change how you interact and affect you, don't take the bait and, and spiral and go off on them and, and just explode at the dinner table or explode and just take away your peace on the day. But when you change how you interact. What if, what if that also somehow makes them kind of look inward and change their outlook, change their, their expression, change their opinion. Again, you can't change them, but you can change how you interact with them. And if you're lucky, they may change as well. That's all you can do. I don't know why people are dicks, especially family members. God. Again, we got one life. Why ruin it by being a butthead? Ugh, so, so lame, right? So as if, haha, whatever. But, my heart goes out to all of you who are anxious and nervous about Thanksgiving tomorrow and being around these family members and protecting your peace. So hopefully if you're able to listen to this delayed episode that I probably should have put out last week My heart goes out to you. I love you. I'm thinking about you and you're gonna get through this you are If anything, I'm in your corner Seriously, we don't have to know each other just know I'm there and I am validating. However, you're feeling I am validating any protection You want to put in place? So do not forget that because you're special and so are your thoughts or your opinion so is everything and I don't know Screw Drunk Uncle Gary. So on that note, I am gonna peace out. I am done working for the day. I'm getting this podcast out. I gotta go do God knows how much shit related to the website because you know your girl hired somebody to help me. Which I can't wait to share more about all that and all the exciting things happening, but yeah, I got homework to do. It's been a long time since I had homework. But anyways, I love you all. I hope you have a fabulous, safe, Peaceful Thanksgiving. If you do have to execute those boundaries, you execute them, baby. You do it. You do it with, you do it with passion and perseverance and do not doubt that your boundaries are not important and not worth it. Because at the end of the day, fuck Uncle Gary. Protect your peace. Okay? If you're traveling, please be safe. No drink and driving. No drink and driving. Please don't be stupid. Okay? And, uh, be safe. Have a wonderful long weekend. And I will see you next week for an all new Inbetween. Who knows what exciting updates I'll have next, but they're coming! without further ado, if you haven't done so already, please go follow me on Instagram at in. betweenpod and at elizabethcheney underscore. because one, I'm awesome and it's fun to connect, but two, I'm going to be posting more information about that, about that vision board party, cause I want you all to attend. It's going to be, it's going to be great. So let's start off the year right with some uplifting conversation, empowerment and, uh, crush our goals. Hell yeah. Right. Follow me on Tik Tok at the in between podcasts. And if you do want to follow down a ACOTAR. Spiral, an act, our rabbit hole, like one post on tick tock and it will completely change your entire algorithm. But seriously, if you want to read those books, I'm your girl, I'd love to talk about it. And also on YouTube, this episode will be on YouTube as have been most of the past several episodes on YouTube. So if you want to see me. Give the spiel, then come watch me on YouTube at the in between podcast. All right. All right. All right, babies. Well, I'm going, I hope you all have a fabulous rest of your weekend, a great Thanksgiving, and I will see you next Wednesday for an all new in between. I'm your girl, Elizabeth, and I will talk to you then. Bye.