Welcome, everyone, to our very first episode of The Stoplight Approach Podcast. I am your host, Sarah Ganger. This podcast has been a long time coming in many ways. Those of you who are familiar with Stoplight will know that we have wanted to make a way for this Approach to be more accessible and easily shared, and we are really grateful that the time has finally come. The aim is the release episodes twice per month on the 2nd and 4th Wednesday, and our hope is that this podcast will be both encouraging and practical for you as you learn more about your own brain, the brains of the people in your life and how understanding the brain can help you have healthier relationships.
So, let’s start with the very basics. What is The Stoplight Approach? To put it very simply, The Stoplight Approach is a way of seeing yourself, seeing your relationships, seeing the world with the brain in mind. In the last twenty to thirty years, brain science has given us incredible insights into how the functioning of the brain influences our relationships. The Stoplight Approach seeks to simplify the latest research in brain science, making it accessible to all ages and putting simple language to it in a way that even young children can understand. This gives families, classrooms, churches, any group where people gather in relationships, a common way to express themselves and to share what is going on inside of them.
The Stoplight Approach does this by using the colours of a traffic light, or a stoplight as it is called on some parts of the world, to associate with different parts of the brain. For example, the brain stem is the part of the brain that is responsible for all the basic tasks of keeping your body alive and safe (heart beating, lungs breathing, digestion, etc.). In The Stoplight Approach, this is called the red brain. The limbic system is the part of the brain that is in charge of your emotions and sending signals about needs such as hunger, thirst, exhaustion, etc. In the Stoplight Approach, this called the yellow brain. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that is in charge of higher level thinking such a problem solving, language, creativity, empathy, etc. This is called the green brain. We will talk in much more detail about each of these parts of the brain in a future episode. For now, just remember the colours of a stoplight: Red Brain, Yellow Brain and Green Brain.
Now, it would be fair to ask at this point, “Why does this matter?” “Why do I need to know the parts of the brain? Why do I even need know anything about the brain at all?” Those are all really good questions. Brain science has taught us that the human brain is made for relationships. And it has also taught us that relationships are the biggest factor in the brain developing in a healthy way. This means that understanding how the brain works is a huge help to us in developing healthy relationships.
One of the most powerful examples of the influence that relationships have on the brain happens while a baby is developing in its mother’s womb. During this time, the baby’s brain is working on forming new neurons, building brand new brain cells, in the context of a relationship with its mother. Inside the womb, the baby can hear his or her mother’s heartbeat. And later on in prenatal development, the baby begins to recognise the voice of its mother and any caregiver who is regularly nearby. Upon birth, the baby seeks out the warmth and comfort of a parent’s arms and body. The baby recognizes the voices which he or she heard during the time in the womb. The baby smells his or her parent’s smell. Within hours of birth, a baby is able to distinguish a caregiver’s face from other objects and begins to search for eyes to meet his or hers. These sensory experiences, all felt inside of a relationship with the baby and his or her caregiver, enables the baby’s brain to form neural connections that begin to shape the baby’s understanding of the world: I am safe. I am heard. I am seen. I am valued. I matter. Of course, the baby’s brain isn’t imprinting this in verbal form yet – that will come as language is developed. But the feelings of being safe, heard, seen and valued make an enormous difference in how the brain structures and organises itself in those first days, months and years of life.
“Well” you might say, “my child isn’t a baby anymore.” “My child is a preschooler. Or school age. Or a tween. Or a teen.” “Does this brain science stuff apply to them too?” All good questions. The short answer is Yes. Brain scientists now know that the brain changes throughout a person’s lifetime. It is called neuroplasticity. That sounds like a super scientific term, so let’s break it down. “Neuro” means brain. And “plasticity” means moldable or changeable or flexible. It means that the brain is able to build new neural pathways at any age. New neural pathways allow for the building of new habits and increased capacity for healthy relationships, at every stage in life. So understanding the brain is valuable no matter how old your child is.
In fact, the science of neuroplasticity means that brain science is important not just for those who are raising or influencing the lives of children – it is important for all people at any age. Adults in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond can benefit from understanding how the brain works. And developing a better understanding of the brain can increase a person’s emotional well-being and the health of their relationships at any age.
The human brain is designed to connect with other people in relationships. We see this in a baby’s first cry, seeking out the comfort of warmth, food or a soothing voice. We see this in the impulses throughout our lives to reach out to those we have a relationship with: a child running to his or her parent after skinning their knee, a tween sharing a funny meme with a sibling so that they can laugh together, a teen talking to their coach about a problem with a teammate, a young adult sharing good news about a job offer with their best friend, a spouse offering a hug when their partner arrives home after a difficult day at work. Every human brain knows that connection in relationships is where felt safety, comfort, and the joy of being seen, heard, known and loved is found. And as a result, it is natural for our brains to reach out for this relational connection.
I want to close each episode with a simple practice that you can take with you into your week. As we have discussed the crucial part that relationships play in the development of the brain, I would encourage you to take some time to write down some important relationships in your life. You could write this down in a journal. Write a note on your phone. Type it in a document on your computer. Whatever medium works for you. Simply make a list of a few important relationships in your life. This could be a relationship with your parents, children, spouse or partner, siblings, friends, mentors, coaches, teachers. After you have made a list of these relationships, write down two things next to each one relationship. First, what affect do you think this person has had on your brain? Second, what affect do you think that you have had on this person’s brain?
The point of this exercise is NOT to condemn or cause any feelings of guilt. It is simply to reflect and observe. It is meant to get you into the habit of considering the connection between your relationships and your brain and consider how one can affect the other. Try it out.
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Stoplight Approach Podcast. Please share, subscribe, rate and review this episode, as it will help other people find us. The Stoplight Approach offers many resources to help families, schools, churches and other groups to grow in their understanding of the brain and relationships. Please visit www.thestoplightapproach.org to learn more.