Welcome back to The Stoplight Approach Podcast, where brain science is made simple. I am your host, Sarah Ganger. Whether you have been listening from the beginning or are just tuning in to your first episode, you are very welcome here. It is our great hope that you discover something that can help you better understand yourself and help you to develop healthier relationships with the people in your life.
We have reached the final episode of season one. On today’s episode, we will be reviewing the main concepts from this season and tying it all together with a simple phrase: “Stoplight starts with you.” Or, to make it more personal, repeat after me: “Stoplight starts with me.” Say it again, “Stoplight starts with me.”
If you have been listening for awhile, you may have noticed that all of the episodes ended in the same way: with an exercise and questions for self-reflection. At the end of each episode, we invited you, the listener, to make observations and reflections about YOURSELF, your own body, your own responses, and your own experiences.
If you have been listening from the beginning, I am curious. What did you learn about your own levels of self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, moral identity, social responsibility, and growth mindset? Or to put it in Stoplight language, what did you learn about your own Awareness, Behaviour, Connection, Decision, Engagement and Frequency?
If any of those concepts or words sound unfamiliar, please go back and listen to any episodes that you may have missed. They will be a great help as we bring it all together today.
You see, the reason that we encouraged SELF-observation and SELF-reflection before we began to apply The Stoplight Approach to other people in our lives is because “Stoplight Starts with me.” We must take a real look at ourselves as individuals, honestly reflecting upon how to apply these things to ourselves, before we can begin to apply them to anyone else in our lives.
“Stoplight starts with me” means that I can grow in AWARENESS of my own emotions and my own signals that indicate what is happening in my own body.
“Stoplight starts with me” means that I can reflect on how I regulate my own BEHAVIOUR and how well I recognize when I need to take a break, do some deep breathing, take a walk or go through some steps to calm myself.
“Stoplight starts with me” means that I can consider on how often and in what way I offer CONNECTION, or empathy, to myself and to others.
“Stoplight starts with me” means that I can reflect on my own DECISIONS, what type of person I want to be and how the choices that I make line up with that identity.
“Stoplight starts with me” means that I can consider my own level of ENGAGEMENT, being honest about how I engage with and show care for the people around me
“Stoplight starts with me” means that I can reflect on my own FREQUENCY, how I view my own mistakes, how I can own my mistakes, repair them, and use them as an opportunity to learn and grow.
“Stoplight starts with me” means that I can only help people who are in yellow brain or red brain if I am in green brain. It means that I have to learn how to get myself to green brain and how to stay in green brain, even when the people around me are in yellow or red brain.
“Stoplight starts with me” means that I can consider my own brain, the neural pathways that currently exist and the ones that I want to make, remembering that because of neuroplasticity, it really is never too late to change the structure of the brain, starting with my own!
“Stoplight starts with me” reminds me that I have to take responsibility for my own brain, emotions, words, and choices, and that helping others to learn the ways of Stoplight will be much easier when I am applying Stoplight to myself first.
“Stoplight starts with me” means that I am able to grow, change and become more healthy in the way that I interact with myself and with others in my relationships.
As always, let’s end this episode with a practice that we can take with us into our week. For this exercise, you will need a sheet of paper or the page of a journal and a pen or a pencil. At the top of the page, please write the phrase “Stoplight starts with me”. Below this phrase, write a sentence or two (or even a whole page) that describes how you see yourself living out this statement. Consider your takeaways from previous episodes. Include that in your writing. What would you experience in your brain, body, emotions, words, actions, mistakes, and growth when living out the statement “Stoplight starts with me”? Don’t evaluate, judge or critique as you go. Just write. After you have finished, read aloud what you have written. Again, no judgement or critique allowed, just read it out loud and listen to the words as you read. Reflect on how it feels to consider what “Stoplight starts with me” would look like in your life. I encourage you to try this practice out.
Thank you again for joining us for season one of The Stoplight Approach Podcast. Please make sure that you subscribe so that you don’t miss any of the bonus episodes that will be posted throughout the summer months. One of these episodes will be in an interview with Cherilyn Orr, creator and founder of The Stoplight Approach and author of Signals, a new book that applies The Stoplight Approach to parenting and is available for pre-order now on Amazon.
The Stoplight Approach podcast will return with regular episodes in September. Until then, keep practicing “Stoplight starts with me” and be patient and kind to yourself as you grow and learn.