You Still Have Time
A podcast for older adults, dedicated to meaningful topics and motivating those who believe that getting older is a chance to keep growing.
You Still Have Time
How Long Do You Want To Live?
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In this special extended episode of the 'You Still Have Time' podcast, we welcome four guests—June, Pierre, Marlene, and Terri—for a roundtable discussion on the topic of longevity and what age they would ideally like to live to. The conversation delves into various aspects of aging, including health and quality of life. The participants share personal anecdotes and their philosophical and practical views on life, death, and legacy. Touching on culturally diverse perspectives and family dynamics, the discussion also explores topics such as cryogenics, decluttering, and the concept of a 'right to die' with dignity. This thoughtful episode not only provides insights into the aspirations and fears of older adults but also emphasizes the importance of planning and having meaningful conversations about the future.
Episode Website: https://youstillhavetimepodcast.buzzsprout.com
Have a question or comment or want to be notified when new episodes are released
Email Us
youstillhavetimepodcast@gmail.com
Leave a voice message:
https://www.speakpipe.com/YouStillHaveTime
Hello, and welcome to Still Have Time, a podcast dedicated to discussing topics of interest to an older audience. We're your host, I hope John Howell. And to those who are new to our podcast, thank you for joining us today. And to our returning listeners, thanks for coming back.
SPEAKER_01This episode is very different from previous ones. Reason one, it's probably twice as long as the other episodes, but we hope that you will listen to the end. And reason number two is we have not one, but four guests join us to discuss our topic, which is if you had your choice, to what age would you want to live?
SPEAKER_06Of course, the conversation went in a lot of different directions, but we hope you'll find it interesting. So let's get started. Welcome to all of you. We're so happy to have you as our first sort of round table of guests. Uh I'm gonna ask you to introduce yourselves, and I'm gonna go around the room as you, as I see you here. So I'm gonna start with you, June.
SPEAKER_04Well, good morning, everyone. Thank you for having uh having me. Um I am 68 young. I am a working retiree, and there's a you know, there's a reason why I said that. And um my ideal age is 99, because I simply love life, and that's a very good number in my culture. And yeah, so that's me.
SPEAKER_06Thanks, Jen.
SPEAKER_00Pierre. Good morning, everyone. Uh, as Hope just said, my name is Pierre, and both she and Harold have to remind me of that on a regular basis. I just recently turned 70 and uh live in New Jersey. Oh and we don't have we don't have to answer that question now, Hope, or do we ask that?
SPEAKER_06You can answer the the question I was gonna ask everyone is the topic of this podcast episode, which is to what age would you like to live?
SPEAKER_00Okay, and I don't know. Um I've been thinking about that a lot since you guys set this up, and I've kind of bounced around for a lot of reasons, but uh my goal is since I am retired to now figure out what I want to do when I grow up. So uh it's uh it's all good, but pleasure to be here.
SPEAKER_06Thank you, Pierre.
SPEAKER_03Marlene. Hi, and thank you for the opportunity. I'm Marlene, and I am the senior citizen of this group. I'm 74 years old, um, retired from the federal government. So um I am active. I sit on the board of a financial institution, the board of directors of a financial institution. Um, I'm also uh doing consulting work for uh for rather large uh businesses here in the pond. So with respect to uh how long I want to live, it really wasn't a question that I had considered and am still considering. Um because as the daughter of a pastor, um I had always believed in divine intervention. And so um, as long as I don't contribute to my expiration date, um, I'm gonna leave it in God's hands and um and in the interim, um continue to live life with a purpose.
SPEAKER_06Okay, thank you. And last but not least, hi Terry.
SPEAKER_07Good morning. I'm excited to be here. I've never been on a podcast before, so this is a first for me. Uh either, except well, you've been on them since you've been doing this, but this is my first podcast experience. Um, I'm a retired teacher, and um, although I'm not uh financially employed, I am quite busy, and um I like to stay active and do all sorts of things. I do some volunteer work, and um I'm the middle of three girls, and um at the current time I am the primary caretaker of my 92-year-old mother. So um this is a question that has come up fairly often recently of uh not so much a number as a quality of life. Because I can say I want to be 95, you know, live to 95 or to 103, but it's all about the quality of life. As I've watched my mother aging and my mother-in-law aging, and my father died two years ago. So at 68, um, my mortality is definitely on the horizon, but I'm hoping that it's a far horizon, and I'm hoping for a good quality of life until the bus comes and hits me. Terry, you you and I you and I are the same age, Terry. Yes. Yeah. Well, I'm I'm ending my 68. You're beginning your 68. All right. Well, well, we're still 68. Well, it's enough. Yes.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. I know when both your birthdays are that you're you're only a couple of months apart. Um I I think it's only fair that Harold and I answer this question as well. So Harold, you go.
SPEAKER_01Right, right. Well, uh I'm 74, so Martin, you're you're not this, you're not the senior citizen of the group.
SPEAKER_03One month though.
SPEAKER_01I mean it's it's funny. I had never thought about this topic either until you know we saw I don't I think we saw saw the broadcast on CBS Morning.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, we were watching CBS Mornings, and they do a little segment where they do talk at the table. And Gail King talked about this um survey that done by the P Pew Research Center asking Americans of all ages.
SPEAKER_01It wasn't just and I'll and I'll give you the statistics as soon as we've we finished here.
SPEAKER_06Um, to what age they wanted to live. Now, the average age is uh for all Americans 91. That was the average age that people said. But you didn't tell us how long I I yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01I think that I'm my answer is probably not going to be much different from most of the group here. As long as I'm doing okay, I want to just keep sliding that number further and further to the left or to the right, or whichever way that number goes of sliding up. Um so I never had a a number specific. I'm sure that if you had asked me when I was 21, I wouldn't have said, I probably would have said 74. I don't know. You know, because 74 when you're 21 sounds like that's well you're old. You're old. I mean, how could you possibly be getting around at 74?
SPEAKER_06So well, we're we're here living proof. Um, and my answer to this question is always, and I guess it kind of falls in line with everyone else's. Uh, I want to live until I don't want to live anymore. And because I don't want to die thinking, oh, there was more to do, there was more I wanted to do. You know, um, I just I just want to get to that point where I won't mind dying. It'll be okay if I go. So that's my that's my number. And and I hope that that number is at least 20 years away. But, you know, I keep saying Harold and I have this thing about the word elderly. And I, you know, because you know, you listen to news on TV and they say elderly, they think, oh, an elderly man was, you know, robbed in in Brooklyn or whatever, and then they say the man was 63. And I said, That's elder. Oh my God. Um, so elderly is always at least 10 years older than me.
SPEAKER_01So so let me let me look read to you some of these statistics. Okay, there's again, most Americans want to live until they're 80 or older. Um the the specific numbers are younger than 80, 16 percent, 80 to 89, 23 percent, 90 to 99, 24 percent, 100 to 119, 23%, and older than 120 7%, and 8% with no answer. Who are those people? I don't know. Uh but the interesting part of it, they broke it down okay, this is something they broke it down by um men, 93 was the number, women eighty-eight, white, ninety-one, black, ninety-five, Hispanic, eighty-nine, and Asian, eighty-five. And the asterisk for the Asian were only for they only asked English speaking Asian. So I thought the breakdown was very interesting. Interesting, also.
SPEAKER_06And that's why I asked, you know, just to give the number, because just wanted to see how these, you know, since we have everybody represented here, we just we just wanted to see how it compared. And and I don't I mean, I don't know the rationale. I don't know why um English speaking Asians have a lower number.
SPEAKER_04I I think I I sort of maybe know that simply. I think culturally, right? The the the immigrant population um culturally um think a little differently, the way the lifestyle is different versus more of the English speaking. I would tend they're they're more either um um arrive early in their their their their younger days or they were born here. So lifestyle is very different. I said 99 simply because I'm just greedy. That's number one. Um I'm just greedy. I have four grandchildren and I keep on thinking about my grandchildren because even you ask, what is the I like what I wish? Wishing is one thing, but the reality is different too, because everyone said everything that I was thinking about, but I just threw out the number because I don't want to be around when I can't do anything, right? The quality of life topic, right? But my ideal is okay, 99, because by that time I get to see my grandchildren become adults, become parents, become maybe even grandparents, hopefully, right? But um for the cultural um aspect of it, I think most of the older, when I call older, older than me, like 10, 10, 20 years older than me, many of them could be from, you know, from from either from China, from from elsewhere in East Asia, um, who live a different lifestyle or have a different lifestyle. And I was just with a friend the other day. Her her grandmother just passed away, and I was my mouth dropped when she said to me, Oh, my grandmother, you know, I said, Oh, how sorry I was. She said, Well, don't be sorry. You know, she was 104. And she never, she never took any kind of medication. She was just eating all the right stuff, her her herbal, Chinese herbal soups and things like that. And it and I said, you know what, that might may be a part of why the longevity.
SPEAKER_06I, you know, certainly I think taking care of ourselves, and it's something I don't I don't know if we did a topic on that. Um, you know, taking care of yourself in your older years. And I know a few of us on here are grandparents. And I I certainly think that, you know, when you become a grandparent, it's just like becoming a parent all over again, but without all of the work. Um, and you can sort of like watch this person grow and develop, and you want to see where where they're going. You know, I think that's that's uh sort of natural. Um but here's a question because I I wrote down I kept thinking of different questions as one. Are any of you afraid of dying? Is it fear of that?
SPEAKER_07Me.
SPEAKER_04I am. Okay. I I am.
SPEAKER_07I'm in denial.
SPEAKER_04I'm sorry. No, no, I I I you know it hit me really hard, and I think Hope we might remember. I told her that you know, when uh the pandemic started, it it just affected me in a really bad way. And I and I sort of looked at, you know, again, life, right? And I think when the pandemic started till now, uh it sounds kind of crazy. Uh my husband is is nine years older than me. And you know, we we all have some of our health issues. And every day, literally every day, when my husband is sleeping, I'm staring at his belly to see whether it's up and down, up and down, right? Because I'm so afraid, right? I'm so afraid of of losing him or when he's not here. Um, but then you know, I said to myself, that probably won't be for me because because my lifestyle is a little crazy, right? I'm probably I'm gonna go first before him. But it is is is that fear? It's true. Look, hope is laughing. Um, it's true. I mean, I like I said, I I love life so much. And and I love my grandkids, I love everything, and the fear of not being here anymore. You know, and and sometimes it it you know it it gets to me a little bit. Um, but yeah, I I am definitely one to say I I am afraid of dying.
SPEAKER_06And and Terry, you said you were in denial.
SPEAKER_07You know, when you're young, you have this sense of immortality that, you know, nothing bad is ever going to happen to you and you can you can surmount anything and nothing is ever gonna be permanently bad and all that kind of stuff. And I've carried that with me for 68 years because um, you know, I remember when I first started teaching, I was the young and in the you know, and the new kid in the block, and I was never the senior member. And when I turned around and I was the senior member in the department, it was like, what? How did that happen? And I haven't grown up yet. So, you know, and that that sentiment has carried over, and certainly while my mom is alive, I'm not the next one up. But on the other hand, my older sister um died about 12 years ago at the age of 53. No, longer than that. Um so she it's you know, how could this possibly be me? Um, so I I'm in total denial. I don't even I don't think about it a lot other than well, if I'm not here then I won't care because I won't be here. And um yeah. And I'm also the kind of person where I try to prepare for the worst and think that's never going to happen and expect the best. Okay.
SPEAKER_03So um I don't think that's denial though. I I think it's it's it's who we are as humans. I think that um we do uh hope for the best. And but I'm I'm an attorney, um, I'm 74 years old, and I haven't written a will yet, you know. So I'm really pushing the envelope. Um and and I have assets, and so certainly these are the kind of things that I should be thinking about. You know, what am I gonna leave my son? What am I gonna leave my daughter? What am I gonna leave my my five-year-old grandson?
SPEAKER_01Marlene, you can't die until you leave those will. That's why you haven't done it.
SPEAKER_03That's true. Maybe that's why I haven't done it. Um but but what's interesting about your statistics is the fact that the average American mortality, because I just looked it up, is 75 years of age. So everybody that was that was interviewed, everybody that was was was old, you know, for this, you know, when do you want to die, you know, really ranked those numbers up much higher than that. And so our expectations, um not necessarily ours because we're gonna take care of ourselves, but the average expectations um is probably a little bit unrealistic. Um, but I think that having family, um loving people, um, I know that I only have one grandchild, and that's all I'm gonna get, according to my son, who only has a dog, and basically said, You're gonna have a granddog for me. And my daughter says, You're gonna have one grandchild, you've got to meet five. Um, but certainly um the birth of that very special, uh, extremely rambunctious little boy has made me think much more often about my mortality and has made me think about just what June said. I want to be around to see how this little kid grows up because he's going to be amazing. And I'd love to be at his wedding, even if you know, if I'm you know in the corner in the dark, you know, in a wheelchair. I don't know. Um, but certainly I want to see how special how this special little kid is going to be in the future. So um certainly it is something for all of us to consider, and it's certainly something for us to do, the kind of things which I'm doing now. Um, I tell people I'm not fat, I'm fluffy, um, to lose weight, and I've started doing that um eating healthier. This morning I scrambled an egg with spinach. You know, who does this? I mean, that wasn't me before. Um, but certainly I'm beginning to consider and do the things that I need to do in order to have a longer life.
SPEAKER_06And Pierre, talk to us.
SPEAKER_00With that, what everybody's saying, because I'm sure we all resonate with, you know, all of it and certainly pieces of it.
SPEAKER_06But um Are you afraid of dying? Are you do you have a fear of death?
SPEAKER_00I don't have a fear. It's you know, it goes back to what uh several folks have said, you know, it's the quality of life between now and whenever that happens, that you know, I kind of say, if I don't have it, I don't I don't need to be here. But my goalposts have changed. Um, you know, initially I said, I just want to be around long enough to walk my daughter down the aisle. And as Hope and Harold know, that happened a couple of months ago. So, you know, with that said, um, and I and um But you don't want to walk Kevin down the aisle? You guys are Kevin. Kevin ain't never getting married. So, but you know, now that she's married, I'm like, I want to hang around long enough to teach my grandson or granddaughter how to throw a baseball, how to throw a football. And that goes to the quality of life. So, you know, afraid, no, um, concern, you know, given the environmental issues we deal with and the stress, and I um as was just mentioned, you know, the the average life expectancy of men in the US is or uh across all of US is 75. But then you look at life expectancies of other countries, and we are way down on the list. Some of it is June those is cultural, you know. But you know, you look at places like Morocco and all these other places, you know, they have a there's not a lot of McDonald's in McRa in in Morocco. So, you know, the what people eat and the stress factors that everybody has stressed. But you know, those things contribute to that that you know fear factors like you know, how much of this but as I've gotten older, you know, excuse the expression, I just let that I won't use that word. I just let it roll off because you know, um it's it does affect you know what that number is. So long story short, I'm concerned about it, but I pushed the goal post a little further out. And um, you know, hopefully I'll uh be around to s to see that happen.
SPEAKER_03Another 20 years?
SPEAKER_00Another twin another 20 years, you know, 90 is the new 70. Yes. And um again, in preparation for Hope and Harold's for this call, what is it? Uh uh non a generarian is a 90-year-old. I think that's the proper way of saying it. So and and hoping well hope and harrow, I think we know at least one 90-year-old, and you know, but you know, I speak to that 90-year-old a minimum of twice a week. And um always pleased of, you know, the the one-liners I get from him.
SPEAKER_01So uh yeah, hopefully whatever that that is, but uh I I I think it's funny because uh again, I go back to what Marlene was saying about not having a will. Every time I walk past or drive past a local cemetery, I say, I wonder if we should go in there and get a plot. No way.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's just it's like you know you you know that you should do these things, but you just uh I'll do it later. I'll do it later. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_04No, I would say this is so interesting that we're talking about this because this is something that like recently, when I say recent, probably within the last year, you know, Tony and I have been talking about all of this, right? Mollen, I don't have a will either. Like, and we've been talking about getting a will, you know, and then how we want the will, is it a will, is it a trust? And you know, what are we leaving or how are we leaving? It's not like we're super rich, how much ass have to, you know, etc. Right. And then and then Harry, you mentioned about like getting a plot. Like I've been we've been I I've been talking about this myself um for a while, about like how do I want to be me taken care of when I'm not here? Because I don't want to leave my family with with making those decisions, like leaving my sons to have to leave, uh, you know, leaving them with like, oh, how does mom want to be, you know, buried or cremated? So we've been talking about this, you know, um, and and about like, oh, maybe we start like looking at at getting a niche somewhere that we think is gonna be that have a nice view or something, right? When when we're not here. No, no, Tony's cousin was an engineer. No, he he was an engineer, he loved trains. Unfortunately, he passed away like three years ago. His wife went and got a spot facing the subway in Brooklyn so that everything he's looking at the subway. So I mean, these are some of the things, right? And and I said to Tony, you know what? When I'm not here, number one, I don't want um people coming in crying and whatever. I said, I want to have a bar set up in the funeral home. I want music in the background, you know, because that's how I want to to go. You know, I that's how I want to be remembered, you know, where there's laughter and you know, people can have a drink, you know. Sure, tears will be there, some, you know, but I really want to have people, you know, to be happy. Um, but it's interesting you mentioned because that is something that's been that's what we've been talking about, like this past year, you know. Leave, you don't want to leave your children or or whoever to, you know, with that decision.
SPEAKER_03We've seen it, we've experienced it, and it's not a good thing. I would prefer to have them all mad at me because I'm dead, you know, um, than to have siblings and family members mad at each other and they're still alive. And so the concept of family is a really uh precious thing, which I still haven't done anything about. Um, but certainly that is what compels me to just bite the bullet and get it done. Because when that has not happened, it has really created like long-term resentment that have continued for decades. So you're Reggie.
SPEAKER_06So this discussion we hope will spur you to get about. Very simple will. Someone recommended to us that you know, instead of having this very detailed will, oh, I leave this amount to here and this amount to there. Between us, we have four children to split everything equally and let them take care of the rest. Take care of their children, take care of, you know, so you know, if if they have children, we hope that they will use those proceeds, whatever, whatever they get from us when we go, um, to help their children. So it right now it's just in a simple format. Now, there may be some special request, you know, some special donation to the museum or to a church or whatever, but um, but basically just very simple just to have us covered. But other stuff, no, we don't have a plot, no, we don't have a living will, which is probably just that is more important than anything else. Yes, yeah, you know, so and maybe we'll have to do a podcast episode about that. Uh you should attorney. Maybe we we can talk to you about these legal things.
SPEAKER_03Um, but yeah, I mean, so I I'm I should so I'm gonna throw the baby in with the bathwater. Um we own two plots. Uh one in Queens, um, where we buried an aunt who was 17 years old, um, back in the 50s, like 1950, 1951. And with her is a cousin who uh died maybe 10 years later, um who was 18 years old. So, and because there's no third body, um that continues to be an open asset, piece of property. The other one is in Puerto Rico, it was purchased by my grandmother. Um, she died, she put, she buried, she's buried in there with two of her sons. Um, it then got passed on to my aunt, she died, and then it got passed to my mother, she died, and then it got passed on to my aunt, she died, and so it's still in my aunt's name, but I'm the one who has been uh paying for the plot. Not a lot of money, it's 80 bucks a year, not a big deal. Um for the last, I would say 15 years. So P.S. I'm thinking about just selling though, because nobody goes to that plot in in Queens, and I'm the only one who goes to that plot in Puerto Rico, and I'm and most people they want to be cremated at this particular point in time. So are we is that something that needs to be added to the conversation? It's real estate, isn't that terrible?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, question the other people that you mentioned several people who died. Were they buried? I mean, is there room in this plot for them? Is that where they were buried, or they were buried someplace completely different? So it seems like this is a dead end, if you'll pardon me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, one of one of my aunts, the one who's still on on the thing, um, got buried with her husband in a military, so did another aunt. So my mother is there, my grandmother and um I would say two uncles. What's happened is that once there's a new burial, because it's been around so long, but they just they encase the bones and they kind of sneak them, put them in the bottom, and then you can put a whole casket on top. Um, but there hasn't been a burial there in more than 20 years.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_07Because my parents, when when my grandparents died, my parents bought plots and it was, you know, a larger piece. So my grandparents are buried with My where the next generation has begun to be buried, and there will be room there if I need to be buried there. Um, and my husband is in a similar case because his family has a plot. I believe his grandparents are buried there, his father is buried there, there's room for his mom, and there's room for both he, him, and myself. So some of this, you know, because my parents were proactive, um is is already, you know, do we want to can do we want to fill out the plot or do we want to be buried someplace else?
SPEAKER_03You know, and um or do they want do they want to be buried? That's that's the thing, you know, someplace movie. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Right. My sister who died, she was cremated, and because she and my brother-in-law are different religions, he could not be buried in the family plot. So they he chose to cremate her and in and to go into a separate spot so that they could be together. And the interesting thing will be is that he's remarried, so is he gonna be between his wives?
SPEAKER_06Oh my god. The politics of burial.
SPEAKER_07Or is I know, right? Or is she gonna go on to a you know, to be buried separately with you know you know?
SPEAKER_01Well, if we need if we if we if we needed a sponsor, I think we needed to get a funeral home to be couldn't you imagine. Right in the middle of the conversation.
SPEAKER_04Good, good one, that's a good one. But you know, at one point early probably maybe decades ago when this process first came out, you know how they can take your ashes, compress it, and and and turn make you into a diamond, right? So so I I wanted to I wanted to do that. And since I'm such a big girl, I said, you know, I can make three diamonds out of me, you know, one one for each son and then one for my husband. But then knowing my kids, they they might like put me somewhere on by the sink and I get flushed down the toilet or something, you know. I said, Well, forget it, I'm not doing that. But that erased the question, like, do you need to get me like get get a niche? Do I need a plot? But if you compress my ashes and and turn me into a diamond, I'll be with you forever. Right? I actually did think about that, but like I said, knowing my my kids, they'll they'll leave me somewhere and I'll you know, I'll be forgotten completely.
SPEAKER_03Well, my daughter had something. I'm just gonna it's just the the new generation. My daughter said, Look, um, when I die, I just want you to wrap me in. She told me the name of the material. It's some woman in California who believes in like natural depths or natural burials, and actually um, you know, place them near a tree um where they end up, you know, the body composting and pushing up daisies. And I'm like, that's a little difficult for a parent, you know, but but you know, there you go. So it's the view of death continues to change. Um, it's it's added to the issue of fear of death, and and and maybe that's something that we need to continue to look at and and and consider um our attitude and maybe our changing attitude about death.
SPEAKER_06About death and dying, yeah. Pierre, did you want to say something? I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00No, no, I I I agree with all this. Um, I was gonna say a couple of minutes ago with the descriptions of you know the various family dynamics. This is really uh could be uh episode on a soap opera, you know. So, you know, what to do with XYZ when they, you know, pass away, but uh no, I I I I I think um, you know, a lot of the uncertainties and um I'm not I'm not gonna pick on anyone here, Marlene. Um a lot of as as the legal representative on this call, probate is a bitch. Excuse my expression. You know, so you know But sometimes necessary. Sometimes necessary, but you know, we talk about these things in the last couple of minutes, and we've all probably been through that situation, and um it goes to you know the stress factor of the folks that are left behind, and as well as you know, these are hard decisions, but um, you know, they they definitely have to be made, and uh uh that's all I wanted to say.
SPEAKER_03And there's tax consequences at at the same time. Do you do you do you add people on to you know your home, your apartment, you know, as so that when you pass, it it doesn't have to go through probate. It's it just goes straight to the second owner, and that way Uncle Sam doesn't get paid. And so lots of things to consider.
SPEAKER_06Um sounds like an upcoming episode.
SPEAKER_04No, no, you know what? I I was just with um talking to a lawyer because as we're trying to, I guess, get things in order, uh, we realized, you know, when we bought our home, it we have four names, my in-laws and my husband and myself. My in-laws are no longer here. We're literally in the midst of talk doing this right now, right? And and and I contacted a friend who is a lawyer. He took a look at the deed. And he said, Oh no, you don't have to, whatever the language about like survivor or whatever. Creative survivorship. Well, yeah. So so right now we're in the midst now of getting, you know, my in-law's birth uh not birth certificate, death certificate. And the attorney is now going to work on uh I think um changing the deed because again, we're looking at our age, right? You know, my husband is seven, he just turned 77. And again, don't want to leave my children with a mess, right? We need to correct what we need to correct now, all right. And even that uh that correction, uh, according to the lawyer said is gonna take a few months because they have to and and money because it's going to be another closing.
SPEAKER_03Number one, he's charging me $4,000 to do you have to, it's like another closing. Interesting.
SPEAKER_04And then and then there's some filing, there's another fee of thirteen hundred dollars, right? So just doing this right now is gonna cost me over five thousand dollars. But you know what? It needs to be done, right? And and so, you know, like I said, every day I look at my my husband's belly, is you know, is he is he breathing, right? Um, and then now I look at the and uh the deed, and I say, oh my gosh, we can't we can't leave that like this. We have to fix it, and you know, God forbid, you know, if anything happens to either one of us, you know, I don't want the kids to have to go through this craziness, and also tax implications as well, too, right? So yeah, you touch on a topic that we are literally working on right now.
SPEAKER_01We plan in the future to have a uh do some podcasts uh dealing with things like wills and trusts and all these issues that most people put off till it's too late. Um, because we think these are these are issues that people in our age category need to be thinking about. They don't they've they're real.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and and there's no denying, as they say, nobody gets out alive.
SPEAKER_03But the other thing is Yeah, this for us, as far as my well, actually, no, my grandmother was uh, I was about to say my generation was, or my mother's generation was the first generation that owned a little piece of property, but that's not true. My my grandmother owned a piece of property. Uh she actually she owned a couple blocks of property and she raised eight kids by herself. But um, but the issue here is that basically um for people of color, this is a brand new experience, and nobody has ever invited us to the table of expertise and you know, talk about you know executorships, talk about inherent inherent um inheriting, talk about uh tax uh shelters, all those things are brand new things to our our language, including in investing in the stock market. So certainly um taking care of the little bit that we really and truly had to work really, really hard uh to get, because Lord only knows we didn't inherit anything, um, certainly um is something that we need to be responsible for so that we can make it a little easier for the generation that is behind us, because when you look at inflation, when you look at everything that's happening to, let's say, my daughter's um group of there's many, many, many less opportunities than there were for us.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, well, things are things are so much more complicated and formalized, you know. In the past, it you know, you were living in the same place, you know, for generations. And so no, if if your grandmother died, then it went to your mother and you know, whatever siblings. And when they passed it along, it went went to the children. So it it didn't have to be formalized in the way that it does now. Now, you know, the government, everybody's involved in what happens and who owns and who has the rights, and and and everything costs money. There's a fee associated with everything. Um you know, including things like uh, you know, uh what do you call it? See, this is is when you get old, you can't forget, you can't remember certain things. Um medical proxies. So, you know, who makes those decisions when you can't make those decisions, you know, there's a financial stuff, then there's the the healthcare stuff. Um but would any of you here's another question. I I kept writing down these questions as we were um preparing for this. If you could, would you live forever? Would you want to live forever? No. No. I'm a no. I want to be missed.
SPEAKER_02Me too.
SPEAKER_00Pierre. I I agree with everybody, you know. And uh you know, when someone said earlier about, you know, when we were in our twenties and we said, you know, what was old. I don't recall knowing anybody in the 70s when I was in my 20s, you know. So um you know, but I remember also saying people telling me, you wait till you have kids, and then all this is gonna come back to haunt you, you know. So I kind of wanna see I don't want to live forever, but I I definitely want to wait. I I'd like to be around long enough to say to my kid back at you. You know all that grief, there you go, and then just sit back and smile. You know, ultimately we help them out, but you know, it it does go around.
SPEAKER_04And for me, I I can't answer that. I I don't know because how many others will have forever, right? I don't want to be here by myself, right? The forever. But if if if medical science is so good and is is keeping people around longer, and then I have my friends and my my my relatives, yeah, I I like that sort of forever if I'm still healthy and you know and I can function. But if I'm gonna be left here by myself, I don't want that forever.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I agree because you know I had a question um about cryogenics, you know, where they freeze you after, and so I I just did a little research this morning, and uh there were about five to six hundred people they think that are cryogenically frozen in the world. I mean, it's not it's not a whole lot of people, and I had all the billionaires, right?
SPEAKER_04Those are the billionaires.
SPEAKER_06Well, not necessarily. Well, I mean, certainly. I and and they said there are a few thousand more that are on the waiting list, I guess, you know, waiting to die and be frozen.
SPEAKER_01So June, you won't be alone.
SPEAKER_06But you'll be cold. Um and so I had always heard that Walt Disney had been frozen, but I learned today that that was a myth that he was actually cremated when he died in 1966. But the one person who I had heard of was um a former baseball player, Ted Williams. And his he was crap genocally frozen, but for some reason they separated his head. And I said, This is the creepiest thing I've ever, his head is frozen. What? What?
SPEAKER_01How can it?
SPEAKER_05Look it up.
SPEAKER_01He didn't have enough to pay for the full body.
SPEAKER_06Well, if he didn't, but the son, but his son is also frozen. He had a son, and his son is also frozen.
SPEAKER_03Did he keep his son?
SPEAKER_01What'd you say? Did he keep his head? If not, they got the extra floating around.
SPEAKER_03But the other we get some laughs out of it. I can imagine now with cloning. You don't need I look, I'm claustrophobic and I don't do cold. So that wouldn't work for me in in in two different you know ways. But um, fact of the matter is that now uh there's a lot of successful cloning going on. So maybe just with a couple of cells, you know, you can come back. Question is do you come back with the same memory? Don't know.
SPEAKER_07Um so okay, here's another question. That's an that's an entirely different continuing topic of you know, is your body, does your body contain your essence, or is that separated at death? And you know, how do you preserve that essence? You know, Star Trek went into all sorts of episodes along this way. Um they had one episode where um a group of people who had been cryogenically frozen, you know, were brought back. And that whole discussion, they were um Roddenberry was so forward-thinking in so many of his topics, you know, and they have some characters who recur that you know, they because they were they were engineered to live, you know, for forever or at least a ton longer than the rest of us. So, you know, are you is Ted still there in his head?
SPEAKER_06Well, just his head.
SPEAKER_07In his head, he is his essence, is his is he still there with that head, or you know, is it an entirely separate thing, which is which is a huge different podcast and different topic of conversation, because that's you know, uh, you know, a a very different thing. When I took my son to his first wake, they had an open casket, and he was fascinated with death at that time. And so when he he wanted to go see the body, I wasn't gonna keep him, I was gonna keep him way in the back, but he wanted to go see the body, and we were talking that you know that may be his body there, but his spirit, his essence, his his person is not there anymore. So, you know, again, being buried, do I care what happens to my body if my essence is not there?
SPEAKER_06You know, um, okay, so as I said, you know, I have to do that.
SPEAKER_07Sorry, I interrupted uh interrupting the first question.
SPEAKER_06No, no, no, okay. So a couple of questions. Um for those of you who have a faith practice, does faith play a role in uh you know or how you feel about death? That's one. And what about reincarnation? Is that something you've thought about?
SPEAKER_00You know, I'll I'll give you that up uh a little bit. So the faith part, you know, I grew up Catholic, still Catholic. Um altar boy, the whole thing, you know, crazy priests and crazy nuns and all that other stuff. I still have a few of those scars that remind me, but that I I I I let me get back on topic. You know, your your faith gets tested as uh you know, Hope and Harold and I have experienced um and it was mentioned on on prior discussion here. You know, you look and you you sometimes some of the good people go way too early. And you say, Why? You know, this isn't fair. And then you look at the knuckleheads that are left around and you say, Well, why wasn't it them? You know? So your your faith gets tested and and and you know, especially with some of the youngsters that were very close to us and our family. Um you know, I'm like, you know, what what's up? You know, how how does this type of stuff happen? So, you know, I have faith, but it it gets tested on a regular basis.
SPEAKER_02You know, well as a as a pastor's kid, yes.
SPEAKER_03PK um I'm a PK and uh dad was the co-pastor of a church in here in the South Bronx many, many, many years. And so it was a challenge. It it you don't think about it when you're growing up until you start realizing that life is not um black and white as you see it as a child, but you see it then as a gray. And um I've got to say that I have evolved where to the point where I don't believe in church, other than a place to have fellowship uh with like-minded people who I like, um, but with respect to an afterlife, I am not so sure. So I identify myself not as a fundamentalist, uh, a legalist, um, but rather as a woman of faith. And so um that way I don't put any any boxes around it because you know I do believe in a higher power, and that is probably not in a box, and only humans put things in a box, and so I am a woman of faith, don't know what exactly it means, but I you know I I I practice my life on the tenant, uh, that there is no afterlife, and if there is, it'll be a pleasant surprise because I'm trying to lead a good life. Um, but certainly want to make sure that whatever impact I make, I make it now, just in case.
SPEAKER_06I'm I'm shaking my head because I, you know, so much of it resonates. I mean, the stuff that Pierre said, you know, certainly when we lose um people that we love, especially when they are so young, uh, it it's very, very, very difficult to kind of um to kind of make sense of it all. Uh but I saw something on Instagram, and I I was I I I wouldn't be able to find it, but if I do find it, I'll share it with you. And it was a gentleman who was talking about it was about life, and there were um twins in a womb. And these twins were having a discussion with one another in the womb. And and one was saying, um, how can you believe that this is it? This is all there is right here in this womb. This is it, this is our existence. And the other one was saying, no, but you know, we're gonna leave this and we're gonna go to, you know, this world where we're gonna live and oh, but no, no, no, you know, our mother feeds us in this womb, and and that's it. This is all that there is, this is the only existence that there is. And when I tried to envision that, I said, that's how we feel about living life, you know, this is it. This is, you know, this is all we know about because it's all we know about. Nobody has come back, um, at least not verifiably, come back and and said, Hey, I've been there and I came back. Now you have all those near-death things where people, you know, die on the table and they say they had images of this, that, or whatever. But but nobody has has been verified as coming back to life. And and then we have the stories about reincarnation as well, you know, people who can remember past lives under hypnosis and and all of those good things. Um, so I think that maybe we're just meant not to know, you know, that we're meant to have questions, and hopefully, as Marlene said, you know, we try to be the best people we can be in these circumstances. And um, and you know, when we get there, wherever there is, whatever that happens, you know, maybe it'll be a whole other world. Maybe we'll have memory of this world, maybe we won't. Maybe we'll see the people that we knew in this plane, maybe we won't. Um, but it's it's it's not something to be afraid to talk about. And I'm so grateful that all of you are willing to to kind of share, you know, your feelings about this and tell your stories about this, because uh I think as we grow older, you know, the only people that we really have to talk to about this is is each other because our kids don't like talking about this kind of stuff. They don't want to talk about you know when you're gone. Right. All right. So the only way you can have unless they want something.
SPEAKER_00Now, you know, it it you you're you're you're so right. And and go go back to the conversation we had a couple of minutes ago about uh wills and all that other stuff. You know, I had um my financial guy, you know, kind of read me the riot act because our kids don't want to have these conversations. And they said, yeah, you've got to tell the kids what's going on. You know, I mean, my both my kids in their very early 30s and I share a lot of with them, but I don't share everything with them. But you know, these conversations about what are your wishes, what do you want, where do you want this to go is a conversation that you don't want to regret not having. You know. So um, you know, I I I think to Hope's point, you know, um you know they they don't want to have it, but it is and and and again, I think this is a con this may this may be more content for you guys in the future, along with the other things we mentioned. But um, you know, it it is necessary because nobody had these conversations when I was in my twenties, thirties, and forties, you know, the what we talked about earlier, and I saw I apologize for rambling, but you know, if you live in New Jersey or in the Northeast, you know, you've got assets that have appreciated, and you don't want them to go where they ain't supposed to go. You know, so these are conversations that uh they're tough, but they but they definitely need to be had. And uh, you know, getting the right perspective is gonna in the long run help everybody that we love and that we care about.
SPEAKER_03I think I'm just gonna give a notice. I'm I'm sorry, Hope. I my last time I was. I I just want to give a notice about not having a will. Okay. Um I worked, Hope knows that I worked in the in in Borough Hall for quite a number of years, and as a result, I knew a lot of the lawyers, I knew a lot of the judges, and there are a lot of other agencies that are borough centric, and one of them is called Surrogate Court. And so it's important to know that if you die without a will, and you have two, I think it's $250,000, I think, um, in assets, which is a combination of a lot of things: money, your house that you bought at 30 grand, but you lived in it for 30 years, and as a result, it's now worth more than a quarter of a million dollars. All those things. You die without a will, what happens is that the assets, including everything that's in your apartment, which can be you know pretty pricey too, will be seized by the surrogate court. They will hire a lawyer who will then begin research on determining who has a right to receive these assets. And usually those lawyers take somewhere around two to three years where they make cursory searches, but meanwhile, they're getting paid for two to three years from the value of your house in the China and everything else you have. And in the end, when they figure out that, yeah, oh, the sole daughter or the sole son or or you know, a distant you know, aunt or uncle, you know, are gonna inherit, there's not much left. So you don't want that process, and I and I'm speaking to myself as I say.
SPEAKER_06You're speaking to you're talking to yourself, right, Marlene?
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes. Okay, so when this ends, I know how how this goes. So certainly um it's something that shouldn't happen to anybody who worked their butt off to buy something, um, who enjoyed something and who really and truly would prefer to pass it on.
unknownEnd of story.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so I'm gonna check in with you, Marlene. I'm gonna I'm gonna give you 10 days. Okay. I'm gonna check in with you and see uh if you've made any headway. Right. Oh because you're you're you're preaching to the choir here. To me. Yeah, you're just preaching to yourself, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Um, so this sounds like a good place to us if you just say final words, maybe get go around to ask anyone do they have anything to say before we bring this uh session to a close. Because I have a sense that we could probably talk the rest of the afternoon.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I had no idea that so much different stuff would come up, but I think it's great. And I think um anybody who listens to this episode in particular is going to get something out of it.
SPEAKER_01And you make sure to tell all your friends to listen to this episode. So we get from three listeners, you know, which one is Pierre right there.
SPEAKER_06He's Pierre, the 92-year-old that he talks to twice a month, he listens.
SPEAKER_01And we have a listener in Florida. His name is Bill Monty. He's the host of a podcast, Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older. He was the one that encouraged me to start this podcast. When looking for podcast examples that targeted older people, his was the only one that I found. I reached out to him and he had me on his podcast, and he encouraged me to start this one. He's been our number one cheerleader, and if we had a board of directors, he would be on the board. If you like the content that you're hearing here, I'm sure that you'll enjoy Bill Monty's guide to getting older. So so let's just go around the Yeah. Um any any last final thoughts. Not not meaning final and final, I mean just final for this podcast.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_06Not your last actual thoughts, but just can I can I start?
SPEAKER_00Because I was trying to trying to find a good time to say this, and now is the good time. So I uh uh let me start. First of all, Hope and Harold, thank you. Appreciate you know you guys pulling this together because uh and we could talk a long time and circle back to the beginning of the conversation about doing this with bottles of wine in person. I I think that should that that should be a 20. 2026 objective at a minimum. But um you know, um, and I will uh follow up with people who told me that they had listened, so but that's another I'm I want to slightly put a different pivot on this. First time, obviously, for me meeting Terry, Marlene, and June, obviously known Hope and Harold. I want to put a slightly different pivot, uh, if I will. So as I said a few minutes ago, 90 is a new 70. And if you look at the qualities and the attributes and the things and so forth that people in their 90s point out, I don't think any of you will have a problem getting into your 90s at a minimum. Because if you look at what makes people, what keeps people alive, it's being active, it's being healthy, it's being engaged, it's being vibrant, certainly not being shy. And I would say that would apply to everybody on this call, right? So, so I I guess what I'm trying to say is 90 is the new 70. Um, just based upon again meeting everyone for the first time. Um you've got we we seem to all kind of have that that those baseline qualities that will afford us the opportunity, the luxury of seeing what that what was what was I called it the non non-aginarian lifestyle looks like. So just thanks to everybody and um you know just keep on keeping on. But uh there are so many topics we talked about that uh certainly will be topics to be discussed further at other time. So thank you.
SPEAKER_06Thanks, Pierre.
SPEAKER_00Terry.
SPEAKER_07Okay, um I'm not a very yeah, I understand. Um I'm not a very introspective person on a daily basis. And um the opportunity to contemplate being on the other side of the coin from my pa, you know, because right now I'm this whole conversation I'm having with my mother um from the reverse perspective, the the child that's going to be left behind. And all of these things that we've talked about um are things that she's going through and I'm going through with her, but I'm on the other side of the coin. And yet at 68, I am on the opposite side of the coin. So it's an opportunity to think about what I really believe, what I want to happen, what I have to make happen in order to have my wishes and my hopes come to fruition. So it's it's been an an opportunity I've appreciated very appreciated very much. So thank you.
SPEAKER_06Thank you.
SPEAKER_03After this conversation, I realized that I do want to live to a certain age. Um would love to be uh at least in my 90s before I get called. Um, but certainly um there's a couple of H's, a couple of halves that I have to have in order for me to even think about um hitting a ripe older age, and that is health. I have to have money because I don't want to be a burden on my children. I have to have laughter because um there is a Netflix program, I think it's called the Blue Line, that um did research on, I think, five different countries where they have exceptionally high um uh mortality, low mortality rate. And um the the one in Greece, it had to do with exercise, they've got lots of stairs. Um the the Asian country that they went to, uh, there was family. Um when elderly elderly parents are revered, and so um when they get to a certain point, um okay, um what happens is that they are um brought into the fold of a younger family, um, but they're revered and they have lots of singing and lots of laughter. Um, so I definitely want to have lots of laughter and family um and purpose. And so once I decide that my quality of life is no longer there, then for another podcast, then I also want to have the right to die. And so I don't think it is yes, with dignity. I don't want somebody else to make that decision for me. I want to still still be empowered being who I am. Um, but certainly while I still have friends, um, while I still have family, while I still have health, um, I want to continue to live life with a purpose. So thank you for the opportunity to uh compel me to finally finish my will um and be able to share.
SPEAKER_06Juni, you want to close out?
SPEAKER_04I I think all everyone, you know, everyone said everything I wanted to say. I mean, the only thing Mauleen, you and I have, I think, a lot in common in that we don't have a will. We don't we have to get stuff in order. Um I am now like motivated now to do a little bit more because uh hope no, hope hope's heard me say this before about downsizing. We we have this house that's just the two of us, but we have four generations of like junk in the house. That's another something that that is another something you don't want to leave behind, right?
SPEAKER_01That's another podcast too.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, exactly. And you know, we uh so I'm really motivated now, you know, to like really uh begin this process of of downsizing. And because you talk about quality of life, it is not a good quality of life when you're living like in all of this junk, right? Maybe if I clear things out, it maybe it'll give me a few more extra years to my life. Um seriously, because when you when I look around, I am like I have four floors in my house, and every floor is like packed with stuff, okay? And like I don't want to leave the kids with all that stuff, but even for myself, right? Uh, you know, living in a more open space, that's gonna give me a better quality. So I guess after today, I'm a little bit more motivated now because I've been overwhelmed when you look at everything around you. I'm just like overwhelmed and I just don't know where to start. But if I keep on thinking, I you know, I can't leave this. Hopefully, maybe I'll I'll I'll begin that process. But Hope and Harold, thank you for this opportunity. So great to meet uh Pierre and Terry and Mauleen, I know your name. I I know you from somewhere.
SPEAKER_01We we want to thank you all for participating.
SPEAKER_05This was better than I could ever.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, this was great. And uh many of the topics that you guys touched upon. We plan to do something on elder care, we plan to do something on trusts and wills, we plan to do something about decluttering. Uh the Swedish way of dying. Look that up, Juni. Right. It's so so so so many of these um care for older parents. It's something we plan on doing something of life after loss. What happens after you lose someone? You know, how do you deal with those subjects? So um, but thank you.
SPEAKER_06So I mentioned right to die. Like that too. I mean, it's funny because I had thought kind of had that question and I never wrote it down. It had popped into my head. And you know, at my age, if I don't write it down, take uh three weeks to come back. Um so uh, but I did have that that one uh question about the sort of right to die with you know to end to end life on your terms, uh, and what people felt about that. But you know, we um I I really can't thank all of you enough. It's it's been this been incredible.
SPEAKER_01Again, we want to thank June, Terry, Marlene, and Pierre for being part of this episode and for sharing your thoughts so openly and honestly.
SPEAKER_05And thank you, our listeners, for staying until the end. If we give you something to think about, what would your answer be? You can leave a comment wherever you listen to this episode. And please share this podcast with your friends. We hope you'll come back to join us for the next we still have time episode.
SPEAKER_06Bye bye.
People on this episode
Podcasts we love
Check out these other fine podcasts recommended by us, not an algorithm.
The How To Podcast Series - Podcast Co-Hosts, Practical Podcasting Tips, and Podcast Community
Dave Campbell - Podcast Coach, Cheerleader and Podcast Community Advocate
Aging Rewired
Senior Planet from AARP