Don't Leave A Mess

In this thoughtful and practical episode of You Still Have Time, hosts Hope and Harold tackle an important topic that many people avoid discussing: preparing for the end of life and organizing personal affairs so loved ones are not left with confusion, stress, and financial complications after a death.

Using the example of "Aunt Fanny," who passes away without leaving clear instructions, the hosts illustrate how difficult it can be for family members to locate important documents, access accounts, understand final wishes, and settle an estate. They emphasize that taking steps now is one of the greatest gifts a person can give to those they leave behind.

Throughout the episode, Hope and Harold stress that they are not legal or financial experts. Instead, they offer a wake-up call and encourage listeners to begin thinking about these issues and seek professional guidance where appropriate.

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 Hello, and welcome to You Still Have Time. We're your hosts. I'm Hope. And I'm Harold. And we'd like to welcome all of you, as we always do. Those of you who, uh, are joining us as regulars, yay, thank you so much. We do appreciate you listening. And those of you who are joining us for the first time, welcome. We hope that you'll hear something that will interest you, uh- And encourage you to come back again. Exactly. So this episode, Harold has named, and he's named it Don't Leave a Mess, and it's not about organizing your closet. But you shouldn't do that... You shouldn't leave a mess there, either. And if you may have missed our episode about- Oh, on decluttering on decluttering. Yeah. Well, we said there were gonna be more episodes on decluttering, too, 'cause w- we talked, I talked about the linen closet, but I haven't gotten much farther than that, but soon, soon. So, but today's topic is a little more serious, would I say. Uh, so Harold, why don't you get us started? Okay, so let us set the stage. So Aunt Fanny dies after a long illness. Now, the outcome was apparent to her, I think. She knew she was gonna die. Oh, that's something else we're gonna talk about. But it was apparent to her and her friends that, she was coming close- to the end of her life. And unfortunately, sh- she didn't tell anybody what her wishes were in terms of was she gonna be cremated? Was she gonna be buried? Did she have a will? If she did have a will, where was it? What accounts does she have? Where were they? What are the account numbers? What about passwords? What are the login information? All of this information that is important for those who are left behind to be able to bring all these loose ends together. And of course, when someone passes away with all these unanswered questions, the people who are left behind are left in chaos. And quite frankly, they're already dealing with grief. It, not burdening them with all of these technical and legal and financial questions is a gift that you can give to the people that you le- leave behind. And let me put a disclaimer in here. Number one, we're not gonna be giving out any, um- Ad- a- advice other than these are things to think about. Right, right. We're not experts in this matter. We hope that this is the first of a number of episodes that we will do on topics like this. You know, we can delve into some of these areas more deeply with professionals so that the information that's passed on through this podcast is information that you can rely on. But that's not what we're doing here today. We're just going over, bullet points of things for you to think about. I think all of us have either gone through this directly or indirectly. We've all known of people who have, at, at their lowest period... It, it's hard to make these kinds of decisions, and you don't wanna wait till the last minute. Now, one caveat. If you're a person that says, "I don't care, 'cause I'm gonna be dead, and I don't care what's behind," then this is probably not the podcast for you. But if you're not one of those people- Not the episode for you. Not the- This is the pod- That, that, not the- This is still the podcast for you right, right. Not the episode for you. But if you are not one of those people, I think that, as Hope said, this is just sort of a, a wake-up call. I know most of you have heard of many of the things we're going to talk about, but you probably have not gone past, I guess, the starting line. Right. This is, this is a wake-up call for us Like just like us. Yeah. Just like us. We have not done- 'Cause we haven't gone- We have not done half of the stu- th- things that we're gonna talk about, at least half of the things that we're gonna talk about, but it's... We're encouraging you, and we're also encouraging ourselves. Okay? So the first thing we'll start with are some of the easy things How about if you have a life insurance policy, who are the beneficiaries on that policy? Have the beneficiaries been updated? Have, you had this policy for 20 years and you had your children on it, now your children are grown, and maybe you would like to change the beneficiary names to the names of your grandchildren. Or you might still have an ex-spouse on there. It, y- you know, these are things that you need to, to check. And you probably just need to be, go through these types of documents periodically to make sure that they're still relevant. Yes, and up to date. Passwords. Uh, when you pass away, now we're all somewhat tethered to, electronic stuff in some way. Um, do you have a a list somewhere? I just bought this little password keeper. It's a little booklet, um, that I got off Amazon or something. But you can put in passwords for all the different websites that you use, and that might be very, very important when, um, if you pass away and p- and people need information on how to get into certain, certain websites. You know, one of the other things we talked about in addition to just all of that information- Uh, documents and paperwork, where are they? Yes. Where are they in your home, in your apartment? Do you k- this is another subject we talked about. Who do you give this information to? Do your children know? If something were to happen to you today, would your children know where to go in your home? Yeah, where to look, what to look for. Do you- What to look for, right I mean, do you have a checking account, a savings account? Do you have a retirement account? Uh, do, the insurance policies that we talked about, do, do people know that you have them? All of these things are so important, and it's also very important to try to put them into one place and let people know that they exist so they know what to look for if something happens. See, our, our parents are from a different era. M- my father's stuff was in a tobacco, a shoebox. Not a shoebox, a, it was a cigar box. Oh. All, all his stuff was in a cigar box, so it was real easy, 'cause he only had one drawer. So you went into the drawer and got the cigar box, and you had all his paperwork. And, and, and- But I think most of our lives are a little- And my father had a lockbox. Yeah. He had a lockbox in his closet. Right. Uh, but we knew how to get into the lockbox, so. Right. So but I think most of our lives are a lot more complicated than that, so just keep this in mind, because I know, at least from a male perspective, many men are reluctant to talk about their financial situations and... I mean, we're not talking that you have to, we're not saying that you have to give away specific information to your children, how much money you have in this account, how much, but they should know that you do have an account, and it should be noted where it is so that they don't have to go halfway around the town or the city that you live in trying to find out whether or not, um, Aunt Fanny had an account here or not. And also, if you have certain bank accounts, is yours the only name on those accounts? Maybe you want to put someone else's name, a, a ki- a kid, a kid, a k- one of your children or relative, someone you trust with this information, uh, just so they won't have issues, uh, if something happens to you., We just have to think about these things. Nobody wants to about dying. Many of us just refuse to think about it. Yeah, and that's a, that's another subject. Uh, I, I... We have friends who, some in their 80s and some of them approaching 90 years old, and w- we have to tell them- You know you will die. Whether you decide you wanna talk about this or not i- is irrelevant. You will pass on at some time, so make it easier for those who leave, live, of who you will leave behind so that they won't have to go running around in a panic. And I guess one of the ways that you can do that is spell it out in a will. Yes, everybody knows about wills. We've all heard about wills, but some of us are under the impression that wills are only needed or required, uh, when you have a lot of money. I know some people say, "Well, I don't have anything. I don't have anything to leave to anybody. I don't know h- own, I don't have any money, and I don't have any property." You still should have a will because believe it or not, people argue and get upset about stuff that you don't even think they would think about. Right. M- maybe, maybe your daughter, "Mommy had that, that set of," I don't know, "Pyrex dishes, and I really love those, and, and, and you went and sold them or gave them away," or whatever. Uh, you know, there's a, a one piece of jewelry that, you know, somebody wanted or that you wanted to, to pass down to your granddaughter, and you may have spoken those words, but that doesn't mean that anybody is required to follow that instruction unless it's in a will. And one thing that, uh, uh, uh, doing this research uncovered, and I, I don't think I knew this, so you... And this is another situation I think most of us know someone or some, or it may be we might have experienced ourself. You've got that family, where you've got one child who does all the little work. They take care of Aunt Fanny. This is before- Mommy, Daddy- Right ... everybody. That's right. They did all the work. Went to, took them to the hospital visits, took, visit them regularly at the nursing home. Maybe even had them move in with them to take care of them. If the wishes are not c- clearly expressed in a will- The estate will be divided equally- Right between the, the ones who've sent the card once a year, and you- The ones who did the every day S- so you really need to make certain that y- your wishes are clearly stated in a will so there's no equivocation about who gets what. Right. And, and if you're one of those who say, "Well, I don't have a lot and I, you know, don't have a lot to leave behind," you don't need an attorney necessarily to create a will. There are so many different websites where, you can get, a template for what a will is. Uh, but, of course, you have to have it notarized and all of that. But, but it just makes things so much easier on your loved ones, the people that you leave behind, if something is documented, your wishes are documented. And in doing this research, we learned that y- if, if you've heard of probate, wills don't eliminate the need for probate. But having a will, probate, what they do in the probate process is they just validate the will. They just validate that the will, that the will is, um, valid. They validate that it's valid, yes. They validate that the will is good. And it just saves so much time, energy, and money, because probate can be expensive if you have to, hire attorneys, go through this whole process of fighting, one family member or another for whatever is left. So wills just simplify everything. Um The next topic that we wanna talk about, and I know everybody has heard this, whenever you go to the doctor now of, if you're, I think it's if you're of a certain age, they will ask you if you have a healthcare proxy or, uh, some kind- have signed some sort of medical directive. This is so important, and I must admit right here, Hope does not have one, and Harold doesn't have one either, and it's something that we're gonna have to take care of very, very soon. Because you never know when something might happen to you, and you might not be able to make that decision for yourself. So- So one, one of the things that w- I learned, the difference between the healthcare proxy and a medical directive. The medical directive is a legal document that addresses your healthcare decisions if you become unable to make or communicate those decisions yourself. That's the medical directive. The healthcare proxy is a person that you, uh, s- give your medical power of attorney and allows you to make that person, give them, give that person the right to make the decisions for you. And one additional, uh, term that you probably have heard of is a living will, and this is just a written statement where you specify your wishes regarding special medical treatments. You might want them to turn off the, I don't know, d- don't, don't, don't- Don't keep me, don't use extraordinary measures- Right ... to keep me alive. S- um, correct. Um, you know- Feeding tubes, uh, right ... you don't wanna be hooked up to a machine for a month. Right. Right. So those, those are the three documents associated with a healthcare that I think we all probably have heard of one or, or maybe all of them, but we need to make certain that those documents are, uh, w- we've taken care of so that n- no one has to guess as to what your wishes are. Yeah, because that, that is ... I think that all of us have heard of situations like this, and it's not a situation that you wanna be put in as maybe the patient, nor is it a situation that you wanna be put in as the loved one of, of that patient because you may not, you may not know what that loved one's wishes were, or you might have siblings and they're arguing over, "No, Mommy wouldn't want that. Oh yes, she would." You just don't want to have any of that stuff happening in your family. Let's, let's make things easy for people. Now, one of the other things that happened, we talked about wills and, and wills are for everyone. But if you have A home, if you own a home. If you have, maybe you have uh, a large retirement account. You retired and, maybe you got a lump sum payment, or you have some monies. You're not a billionaire, y- or a trillionaire like Elon Musk. Uh, um, but you want to protect that if something should happen to you, and one of the ways, uh, to recommend it is a trust. Now, a trust, one of the, the main reasons for a trust is to protect you if you get to the point ... Now, we're not talking about you passing away. You're still alive, but you may no longer be able to live on your own. You may need to go into a, a nursing facil- nursing home facility or rehab facility. Those facilities are very expensive. Very, very expensive. All right? And but under certain circumstances, you can qualify for Medicaid. The federal government will help pay for those services, but usually you have to spend down all of your money pretty much. Uh, you know, you might have, you know, $150,000 in an account, and they will make you spend that down to 2,000. Putting those funds into a trust may eliminate the need for, um, taking all of your money to pay for your care at that point. And I think, I think most of you have heard of the five-year look-back. So you can't all of a sudden say, "Oh, uh, I'm going to have to go to a nursing facility, and I'm gonna put the money in my daughter's name." No, you know, that's not gonna happen. No. So you- Not unless it's five years from now that you have to go into that nursing home. Correct, correct, because there's a penalty that you will pay once they go through the five-year history and they see that there have been large money or any money transfers within that five years, you will be penalized. So this is something that you really need to think about to avoid really being forced to spend down whatever you saved over your entire life in a matter of months. And y- with the cost of healthcare facilities, you could spend down a life savings in a matter of months. So trusts, uh ... And by the way, I don't think Hope said, trust is something you're definitely gonna need an attorney for. Oh, absolutely. You absolutely ... And, and, and I would say finding an attorney who maybe, for whom trusts are a specialty, because you really want someone to know what they're doing. And- Uh, even though, like, the, the five-year rule applies in 49 of the 50 states. The only state it doesn't apply to is California. In California, it's only a two-and-a-half year rule. Right. But every place else, it's a five-year rule, and it's, it's significant, and you want to try to prepare as much as you possibly can for that eventuality. Or, well, I shouldn't say ... It's not an eventuality- No, no ... for that situation. But right, right, right. I mean, I mean, it, that, that's a tough one because we all No one thinks that they're going to be n- they're gonna have to go into some sort of long-term, long-term care facility, but you never know. You absolutely never know. You never know. And, and you want to make these decisions while you still have the mental capacity to make these decisions on your own. This is something we all know. I, I said this this morning to Harold, and I said, "Yeah," because, we all forget. I know that my mental capacity is not the same as it was 30 years ago. I know that without a doubt. I know that when I go into one room, and I forget why I came out of the other room to go into that room. W- I, I was looking for something. Uh, I went there with purpose, but when I, by the time I got there, I'd forgotten it. So while you still have some flexibility- W- ... some, some, so, uh, mental capacity, these, this is the time to make those decisions. And, and it's not gonna make you die quicker. Right. Right. Okay? You, you've, you've heard those things, right? Sure. Yeah. Oh, don- don't, don't, no, I don't wanna talk about it, don't plan for it. No, no, no. No, it's not gonna make it come, but what it's gonna do is it's gonna make it easier on you and on your loved ones and on those people that you care about the most. So, uh, as I said at the beginning, we're, we're doing this You know, this was just a brief look at some of the things. We're not experts. We hope to have some experts on with us at some point to talk about some of these things. But, m- you know, this is encouragement for us as well as for you. If any of you out there are experts, you could drop us a line at youstillhavetimepodcast@gmail.com, and we would certainly like to bring you onto the show because, as Hope said, this is just a w- wake-up call for those of us of a certain age to understand what these terms are, what these t- these, uh, m- What these products are, what these will... I mean, as Hope said earlier, everyone's familiar with wills, but trusts might be something new to you. Healthcare proxy, healthcare medical directives. We w- just want you to be familiar with them, and hopefully your familiarity with them will make it easier for you to make the right decisions. And, and it's something to think about. You can do your own research. Certainly, if you've heard something, "Well, I never even thought about that," go online. You know, if you have an attorney, maybe you wanna talk to an attorney. If you t- have an accountant, maybe you wanna talk to an accountant. All of those. If you have some kind of financial person in your life, maybe you wanna, you know, begin the conversation, because certainly that's what we're gonna try to do here, and you just never know. You just never know. So I think that's all for today. Again, if you have any questions or you have any information that you'd like to pass on to our audience, youstillhavetimepodcast@gmail.com. You can leave us a... You could text us. The information is in the sh- will be in the show notes. You can leave us a voicemail message of up to 90 seconds in speakpipe.com. That's also in the show notes. Uh, subscribe or follow us- Oh, absolutely- Wherever- Follow us. Come on ... wherever you listen to your podcasts, Apple, Spotify, YouTube. Yep. We're trying. We're still here. And oh, that leads me to say, shall I say it? That you still have time? Oh, I thought you were gonna say, "Go Knicks." Oh, no, no. The Knicks win. Yay, Knicks. Yay, Knicks. Harold, let's leave, leave our, our, our listeners with a few jokes. What were some of the, the names- Oh, I gotcha. Like Nickelodeon? Oh, Harold- Names for 27 ... the most, the, the most popular names, m- moving on, babies born after the Knicks' win, uh, there were... They had a list of all of these names that people were gonna start naming their children. Okay. So here are some of the names. Nicole, Nickenzie, Nikita, Nickly, Nickiana- Nick- or Nickayla, Nickabella, Nick- Nickira, again, Nicholas, Nico, Nixon, Nicklin, Nicola, Nickathon, Nicholson- ... Nickoby, and Nickdale. Please, nobody name their children Nickathon. Please, please. I mean, I saw some regular names, like naming them after some of the Knicks, like Jalen or something, or Madison for Madison Square Garden, or, or Victoria for victory, but please, don't name your child Nickelodeon or anything like that, please. But anyway. Nickleby. How about Nickleby? Nicholas Nickleby. Nickleby. Anyway, the Knicks have won. Uh, anybody who's anywhere near New York, anybody who grew up in New York like we did, this is, this is a day. Well, you know something? We have a unique, um, what, what's the s- Perspective? No. We are probably some of the only people who have seen- Who remember who have seen two Knick championships. Yes. We have seen two Knick championships. Yes. We, we were actually alive and cognizant the last time- Right ... the Knicks won a championship. But we are extremely happy. Go Knicks forever. One of the best teams, and we're very proud. So until the next time, have a good time. Do something wonderful. The weather is so beautiful, at least here on the East Coast today. Uh, enjoy your summer. W- we'll be back in a couple of weeks, and remember, you still have time. You still have time. Take care. Bye-bye