Resetting, Not Forgetting

This week’s Sunday Reset is an invitation to pause.

Not to forget what’s been heavy but to choose how we carry it forward.

In this episode, we talk about restraint as leadership,
guarding our words in moments of activation,
and how caring for your nervous system isn’t just personal, it shapes how you show up in the world.

This is a reset for women who are building, leading, and learning how to respond with clarity instead of reaction.

Press play before the week begins.

If this episode helped you I would be so grateful if you would leave a 5 star review. If you do leave a review please send me a message at Jen@jengaines.com and we will send you a special thank you gift.

Make sure to connect with me on IG: @fiercemomboss

Chapters

• 0:00 Sunday Reset And Purpose
• 0:52 Naming A Heavy Week
• 2:38 Proximity Bias And Empathy
• 6:30 Faith, Judgment, And Gentleness
• 9:44 Trauma, Authority, And The Body
• 13:34 From Reactivity To Reset
• 15:48 A Grounding Mantra To Pause

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome to this week's Sunday reset of the She's on Fire podcast. This space exists because building a business, marketing a business, and selling in a way that's sustainable requires more than strategy. This is why I started the Sunday reset. It really requires a nervous system and mindset that can lead, one that can pause instead of react, one that can hold complexity instead of collapsing into certainty, one that can choose restraint, clarity, and integrity, especially in heavy moments. The Sunday reset is where we practice that because how we regulate ourselves off the clock shapes how we show up as leaders during the week. So let's get into it. So before I begin this particular episode, I want to say something clearly, very clearly. I don't normally talk about politics in my business. I don't normally talk about current events on the podcast. This space is usually about grounding, reflection, marketing, helping you reset, right? But this week has been very heavy for many. Heavy in a way that doesn't just sit in the mind, it really settles in the body. And so I couldn't not talk about it. This week, many of us have been holding the weight of the killing of Renee Good in Minneapolis. And before you stop this podcast, because you don't want to hear about it again, or something like that, we need to have this conversation because this one tragic event is killing women's nervous systems, no matter which side you happen to be on. First, Renee Good, a mother, a woman, a Christian. I'm sure you know she was shot and killed by ICE agent. I don't have to go into the story, right? The details are still under investigation, basically. There are conflicting accounts, even with the many, many witness videos. People see different things, right? And there's a lot we don't know yet. And both sides say, I know what I saw. I'm not going to give you my opinion on it, right? At this moment, I know what I saw, right? What we do know for sure is this. A woman lost her life. She had children. She had a family. A family is grieving. And the response to her death has again revealed just how much this country is divided. Before I go further, I need to say something. And I want to say it with clarity and a lot of care. A lot of care because things are very heavy. Renee Good is not the only one. She's not the only one. There have been black and brown sisters and brothers whose names have never trended, whose deaths never sparked national conversation, whose families never received this level of attention or grief. And so this is where I want to name something that's that's actually very important without defensiveness, without centering myself in this, without making it that those deaths didn't matter, because they do, they all do. But there is something called proximity bias. Proximity bias is the human tendency to feel events more deeply when they resemble our own lives, when the person looks like us, lives like us, mirrors our own roles or identities. Again, it doesn't mean other lives matter less. I want to be very clear on that. It means our nervous systems are wired to react first to what feels familiar. And naming this is not an excuse at all. It's an awareness. So while many of us supported the other times, posted, got upset, reposted things, protested on street corners. There was no way, I'm gonna speak for myself. There was no way for me as a white woman who has privilege that I could ever feel the same, right? It doesn't mean I did not have empathy because I did and I do. Many of us, myself included, are realizing that we didn't always feel those losses the same way until it hit closer to home. And that's actually pretty normal, unfortunately. And that realization isn't it's not meant to diminish the black or brown pain at all. I really want to be clear on that. It's meant to challenge us to expand our empathy beyond proximity, to feel deeply even when it isn't familiar, to grieve even when it doesn't mirror our own lives. And there's one more thing before we really get into the reset. There's one more thing I want to name gently. Some of the harshest commentary I've seen this week has come from people who identify themselves as people of faith. And I want to be careful here because I'm not shaming anybody. I'm not calling anyone out. It's an invitation to pause. Many of us either grew up with teachings about compassion, mercy, humility, and love for our neighbor, or found this as adults. So when we find ourselves leading with judgment instead of care, especially in moments of deep grief, it's worth asking what's guiding us in that moment. Because empathy isn't weakness, and restraint isn't compromise. If our words lack gentleness, it's a sign we've drifted from the values we're trying to live by. If our words lack compassion, no matter your politics, it's often a sign that we need to pause before responding. A chance to realign with the values that we say we hold. And what has been especially heavy this week isn't just the event itself. And we all know that was heavy. It still is. But it's how quickly people moved into judgment. I've seen hot takes, I've seen certainty where there's still uncertainty. I've seen people speak with absolute confidence about what someone should or shouldn't have done without pausing to consider fear, power dynamics, or trauma. And this is where I want us to really slow down. I work with many women who have been traumatized by men in positions of power. And this is really important to understand this. Women whose nervous systems do not respond to authority with calm logic but fear. Or freeze or panic. Women whose bodies remember threat long after their minds try to reason it away. Trauma is not rational. It is physiological. And it doesn't just have to be a trauma from a man in a position of power. It doesn't. Words spoken from safety often miss that reality. And this brings us to today's reset. Because resetting does not mean forgetting, it does not mean minimizing pain, and it does not mean rushing past grief so we can feel comfortable again. Resetting means choosing how we carry this forward, especially with our words, especially online, especially when emotions are high. Not everybody is the same. This is not new. This is part of being human. What becomes dangerous, and I've seen this this week, is when disagreement turns into dehumanization, when grief turns into cruelty, when being right becomes more important than being careful, with compassion. You don't have to agree with everyone, but you are responsible for how you speak. And the internet makes it very easy to forget that there are real nervous systems on the other side of that screen. I want to be clear about something important. You can grieve Renee good and acknowledge the countless black and brown lives lost without recognition. You can hold both. Not a competition for compassion. And if this moment is revealing blind spots, that is not something to defend against. It's something to learn from. Growth does not come from shame. Shaming the other side, no matter what side you're on, doesn't do anything. Growth will not come from shame. It will come from awareness of yourself. Of yourself. Not as a rule, not as a you know moral obligation, but as a nervous system anchor. And you can repeat it silently before you speak, before you post, before you type, before you decide to have an argument with somebody you don't even know. So here it is. Write this down. I pause before I speak. I breathe before I respond. I choose words that calm my body and do no harm. I'm gonna say it one more time. I pause before I speak. I breathe before I respond. I choose words that calm my body and do no harm. Because here's the thing guarding your mouth isn't just about protecting others. It's about protecting your own nervous system. Every reactive comment keeps your body in fight or flight. Every pause gives your system a chance to settle. This week, let your restraint be your self-care. Let your silence, when needed, be a form of wisdom. And let your words, when you choose to use them, help the world soften rather than harden. So here's the reset I'm inviting you into tonight. Before you post, before you comment, before you fire off that message or hot take, just pause. Ask yourself, is this rooted in care? Or is it proving a point? Because right now, there are so many people out there trying to just prove points. Is this helping the world heal? Or is it adding more weight to an already heavy week? Because words don't disappear when we hit send. They land in bodies, they land in grief, they land in people who are already carrying more than we can see. And I want to be clear, this is not about silence. If you feel a particular way with the way this country or world is going, this is not about silence. It's about stewardship. Stewardship of your voice, stewardship of your energy, stewardship of your humanity. Because behind every headline is a body, behind every opinion, it's a lived experience. And behind every screen is a human being. Some hurting, some confused, some gone off in the wrong direction. You're not gonna save the world by being mean. That won't happen. So as you reset tonight, I want you to do this with me. I want you to take a deep breath in and feel that in your lungs and out. And unclench your jaw. Another deep breath and out. Drop your shoulders. Acknowledge the grief without letting it harden you. Acknowledge the anger without letting it turn you cruel. Acknowledge the fear without letting it run the show. Reset not by forgetting what happened, but by choosing to move forward with more care, more restraint, and more compassion. That is how we honor lives lost. That is how we honor the living. That is how we make our world better. It's how we stop adding harm to an already hurting world. I hope you have a peaceful week as best as possible. I'll see you next time.