How to Relax

If you find it easy to relax, you don't need this podcast. But if you drive yourself so hard that you never let down, then you need to learn to relax. If you struggle with the anxiety so common to so many now, then you need to learn to relax. Our personal lives plus the wars and weather crises in the news fuel fear and worry. But you can learn to do something about it. Listen for a different way. 

Transcript

Anxiety is so common, it can seem strange to have calm. Isn’t that sad? Many of us live as if being on guard, being vigilant is our only option. There are fears inside us or fears we’ve gotten from others or from media. You’ve got to keep up with the news, you must prepare for this or that potential catastrophe. The resulting tension and stress leave your body feeling tired and causes aches, pains, and illness. 

As nice as it would be, you can’t just get rid of the stresses that come. We can’t even stop new ones from coming. And when you are tense, the anxiety is winning. But I know this: if you can physically relax, the anxiety has less power over you. That’s because your mind has stressed your body; so you can reverse the process and your body may relax your mind. The anxiety may leave, at least for a while. You may not know what started it anyway, you’re just living with the side effects. 

What if the secret to relaxing is in the mind rather than in the body?  You can learn to intentionally use your mind to relax your muscles, relax tendons, and ligaments, and fascia. It is true that physical tension has to be released for us to “feel” relaxed. But letting go of the tension often is inhibited by our attitudes about being relaxed. Someone close to me has often said, “I don’t know how to relax.” A new term for me recently is “grind culture.” That is, grind it out, do what you have to do over and over again, be productive, never let down. Feel guilt if you are not producing all the time, making money, doing for your family or friends, climbing the ladder of accomplishment. Do you see it as a luxury to be relaxed? We seem to feel that we must be overworking, constantly busy, and practically overwhelmed or we must be on vacation at Disney World. These are swings from one extreme to the other. Often you need to find the happy medium. You need to visit a place of relaxation much more often than you do. I have had more than one massage therapist say,” Wow there's a lot of tension stored up in your body!” And that tightness didn't just come in the breeze and land on me, that tension came from my body's reaction to ideas and circumstances, stresses and pressures that I have felt. One of the body’s maladaptive reactions to stress is to tense muscles and joints. You may have noticed that there is a particular part of your body where your stress lands. The old saying that somebody is a pain in the neck can be true; maybe being around that person results in tension in your neck, which leads to pain. It is typical to have a pattern of unconsciously sending stress to certain parts of the body. Your tension may go to your gut and result in upset stomach. You may tense your shoulders, hunching them up, creating pressure in your chest and neck. It is very natural for your body to tighten up in one or more places because of stressful thoughts and feelings. If these regular times of tensing up are not balanced by letting go, pain results. Much of why you hurt is caused by failure to regularly relax. 

So, how can you practice relaxing? First you need to take time to consider relaxation. Think about it and take an inventory of what has worked, then open up to new approaches as you attempt to relax. Desiring to relax and choosing to relax certain areas of our body must go hand in hand. That is, unless you only want a short cut like drugs or alcohol. There are very powerful medications and substances that result in muscles relaxing. People report that they become relaxed with Xanax or another anti-anxiety medication. They relax and for a time feel no pain. The same thing is true with alcohol, marijuana or other substances that can bring about relaxed muscles, and even a relaxed mind for a while. But when we look at the downside of those approaches it's not hard to see there needs to be a better alternative. Addictive substances may relax but cause long term dependency and possibly other physiological side effects that will hurt us in very real ways. 

Would it not be better if you can learn to relax when you desire to do so? Even if you require a prescription medication, learning to relax will help. By taking time to be quiet and working with a sincere intention you can direct your mind to relax tense muscles. One objection to this is often “ I just can't do that.“  People say, “I can't get my mind to settle down.” Or they will say “I can get quiet but then all of the worries come rushing at me” and “I don't want to think about them so I just take some medicine or have a drink.” Others say “It’s just too hard, my family's always been high strung I can't help it.” It’s true that everyone's genetic makeup is different and their personalities are different. So each person will be able to do this in different ways according to their own capability. But everyone, including you, can learn ways to relax, can learn ways to calm your nervous system, and be in a better state than allowing stress to tense muscles all over your body. 

I challenge you to decide that you can focus your mind on your body, one area at a time. Imagine looking into yourself from inside and moving your attention from one part to the next. This often is easiest beginning at the feet and moving up, or starting at the head and going down. This is called progressive relaxation: progressing through the body one area at a time. This process is also called a body scan: scanning one part to the next until you have moved your focus all the way through. If you’ve never done it before it may seem hard or weird. But you can do it! And doing it has potential for great benefits. 

Let’s try a simple body scan: Just pause for a while right now. Get in a comfortable position, away from most distractions, as best you can. Sit or lie down. If sitting, sit upright, not slumping. Close your eyes. Give attention to your body and notice how it feels. Like sending out a scout to see what the other side is doing, you can send your attention to these parts of your body to see how they are doing. Take some long, slow breaths. 

Send your attention to each part of the body one area at a time. If you have aches or pains, allow them, don’t try to stop them. Just relax the muscles and joints around those areas. You can let go of tightness if you find it when you focus on your toes or eyebrows, and anything in between.

What are your hands touching right now? Do you feel warm or cold? Where your feet or legs are touching, notice the pressure. Let yourself feel supported by the surface where you are. Relax. Imagine being inside your body and moving in your mind from area to area. Notice your feet. Your legs. How do your feet and legs feel? Your back? Your abdomen and belly? Your chest? Shoulders and back? Arms and hands? Neck and head? Notice chest, back, arms and head. Relax everything as much as you can. 

As you are relaxed, to whatever level is possible for you, imagine yourself in a safe, comfortable place. Look around and see some details of where you are, enjoying it and settling in. Allow yourself to float into ease and rest. Take some time there. Allow this to refresh you. Whenever you decide you need to stop, slowly move your attention back to the place where your body is. Open your eyes. Say a prayer of thanks for healing you have received. 

 Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." NKJV