Autism 360™
Autism 360™
Finding Calm: Strategies for Emotional Regulation and Mental Health
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Okay so let's go ahead and get started. So if you are joining tonight or this morning, depending on where you are. Okay. I really appreciate you making the effort to hop on. The topic today is emotional regulation and all things that go along with that. And that's, that can be a heavy topic for a lot of parents, right? Because a lot of times we have kiddos that are super dysregulated a lot of the time. And we just, we want them to be happy and healthy and know how to help them. So hopefully today you can leave with some some new strategies. And ideas of how you can help your child or family member. Okay, so just a little bit about me. I'm Jennifer Welker. I have been working in the educational environment for 16 years now, which is crazy. I started at the ripe age of 21, right out of college. And I've been pretty much in the same Setting that whole time, which is called early intensive behavioral intervention, or at the later ages, intensive behavior intervention. And it's really just a phrase that comes from research that indicates that the students are getting. Many hours of applied behavior analysis and just other intense behavioral support, but it is in a public school setting. So it is part of the free and appropriate public education that we get here in the States. So I'm really fortunate to be in a program like that. And I've been the teacher. I've been the kind of coordinator at different levels. I've worked with elementary or primary age, early childhood. Now I'm at the high school. So age 3 all the way through 18 years old, which is quite a span. And taking that experience and really putting it into this topic because emotional regulation can look different. At all ages, right? I've also been an a 360 coach since December of 2020. So yeah, that year of COVID, right? Everybody was doing stuff online. And I found my way here. I have not looked back since it's been totally awesome. And one of the reasons I do love it is what I just said. And that's that we have multiple countries and people who can all just join in and be together at the same time, which is really cool, especially since I have some family in both Australia and New Zealand. I just love being a part of that. My background educationally is I have an. Educational Doctorate in organizational leadership and special education. And I'm also A-B-C-B-A, so that is a board certified behavior analyst, which just means I have been certified in Applied Behavior Analysis or a BA and I'm able to supervise others to provide that as well. Those identities are so important to me, but probably the most important thing that I am is a wife, mother, and a dog mom. Which I will show you some pictures of. Some of my family on the next slide because I just couldn't help myself. And the final thing that qualifies me to talk about this is I am a human being with emotions and and we all are, so I really feel like this topic can be something that's daunting, but really we all can relate to it because we're all human. Okay. So here's my little one. And speaking of being a mom, I literally. Just got her ready for bed, like 10 minutes before I hopped on. So changing hats now into my coach and presenter mode, but literally just had this little one brushing her teeth and getting her pajamas on. So there she is doing her model walk in the middle, which I thought was really funny. And then she really loves our dog Sussex who's in there too. I did not add my husband. Sorry. I just couldn't help myself when I saw all the pictures of my daughter. And she's a toddler. So talk about emotional regulation, like in real life. It's very strong with this one right now. So she's learning all the things. Okay. Our agenda for today. Really, we're just going to look at what is emotional regulation and just define that. How does it affect our mental health? And then the most important thing, probably strategies to help teach emotional regulation. And then I'm just going to touch on self regulation and co regulation and what those are and how they can affect. Overall emotional regulation. Okay, so what is emotional regulation? Pretty much the wording, speaks for itself, but it's just the ability to be able to keep yourself regulated and calm, even when stressful situations arise. Okay we all go through it. And I just want you to think about how you stay regulated yourself. And if you could just pop those ideas in the chat, I would love to see them. But some examples are, you might take deep breaths, you might have to leave an environment that's stressful. Some people use self talk, they might have to talk themselves through a stressful situation. Proper rest, that's huge for me and a lot of us. Taking breaks. So what else? I'm just curious in the chat. Yes, quiet space and just time. Time to process. Yes, absolutely. Being able to talk it through with someone. Definitely. That's part of that co regulation kim says take a walk outside. Love that, Kim. It was beautiful here today. I don't know what it was like where you guys are, but today it's getting into ideal weather. For the United States. Self talk to calm down. That's good. Journaling. Playing with the dog. Painting. Drawing. These are all great examples. Playing with the dog. And my daughter, honestly, for me even though she's young, she is very regulating to me. And maybe as parents, you relate to that. Our kids can be Difficult to, managing guide, especially when emotional regulation is not a skill that they have mastered yet. But there is that like maternal part of you, or even paternal part of you that is just connected to your child. And so when she is around and I am stressed out, there's just that feeling. That can really help me to calm down knowing that she's there, knowing that I've got to set a good example. So yeah. There's a lot of a lot of just practical ways we can self regulate. Okay, so just moving on. Okay, why is emotional regulation and teaching it important? We don't want to walk around being dysregulated. We're not really much fun to be around when we're dysregulated, right? So it's important not only for our relationships, our social our social skills and just ability to create those friendships and keep them be able to keep a job being able to just, feel happy. Looking at mental health, right? Whenever we are under stress, especially immediate big stress, we go into that fight flight or freeze in our brain. These responses are automatic. They are used to protect us. So if we see something large in the air curling towards us we got to get out of here. That is a response that keeps us safe. And that puts us in the amygdala part of our brain, right? Which isn't the most the best place to be in when you want to be rational. So by having planned emotional regulation strategies that can help us Prevent us from going into these responses and we can stay in our prefrontal cortex, which is the one that makes all the best decisions. So that's where we want to be. And so let's learn. Let's learn how we can do that. Okay. And you know what? Your mental health matters. Your children's mental health matters, whether you're here for an adult in your life, a child in your life even yourself, right? All of that mental health matters. And so when we are dysregulated it's a stress, it's a stressor in our life. And it, our brain releases that cortisol. And we have to learn how to cope with that and overcome that. And we want to be happy people. And in order to be happy in life. We have to be able to communicate and just have an awareness of our feelings. And with little ones, especially ones on the spectrum, that can be something that's not those skills are not always there right away. And it takes some time to learn them. So really looking at strategies where we can focus on communication, teach feelings, teach awareness so that we can all be happier and healthier. It's very important. Having a sense of control, that is really important to me. If I feel like I'm out of control or I can't bring things back to a steady place, I start to feel a little bit panicked and uneasy, and then those responses, like you start to sweat a little, or maybe you shake a little that all that all kicks in when you're dysregulated. And we want to be able to regulate because it reduces anxiety overall. And I've seen lately, especially In my job in school and at the high school level, so many students are just battling anxiety. And a lot of times I see teachers who there's great teachers out there. There really are. And then there's some that we're still educating. We're still working on their mindset. I see a lot of teachers look at this disregulation and say that's. Defiance right that students just trying to get out of work. They just they don't want to listen. They don't want to participate. And when I'm looking at the situation, I'm always thinking why are they refusing? Is it really defiance or is there some anxiety there? I don't have the skills to do this project. I don't have the communication skills to tell you what I'm feeling or what I need. I'm shy. I don't know how to communicate clearly with peers. And so that's stressing me out. And when that anxiety comes in, it dysregulates us. And it's really hard to do things rationally. When you have that stress response, as we just talked about, so it is just really important to look at this from a perspective of. Where's the dysregulation coming from? And then how can we treat that? The root cause instead of just the symptoms. And with that, I think this is so important to just drive our thinking for this presentation. Emotional regulation, it takes skills. Okay? So think about it. How do we learn reading skills? We practice. Maybe phonics, practice reading books, you're taught the letters, the sounds, all of those things. You practice and you're taught, right? How do we learn math skills? Again, somebody teaches it to you, they model it for you, they show you how to do it, you practice, you get feedback. That's how we learn. Or a trade skill out on the in the workforce. You are taught by somebody, you're trained by somebody, and you continuously get feedback. How do we learn emotional regulation? It's the same way. We, I think, expect our kiddos to just be born and know how to regulate themselves, but that is a very tall order, especially when we as adults can sometimes have trouble regulating our own emotions. It takes teaching, it takes modeling, and it takes practice to learn regulating skills. So when we talk about it, I really want us to think it's not that our kids are Wanting to go against us or not do what we say, but they truly maybe just don't have the skills to calm themselves down in order to communicate or perform or whatever it is we're asking on a day to day. Okay, so here's the important part, right? Here's what everybody's here for the strategies to improve emotional regulation. So there's many. I'm just I picked some of my favorite ones out and ones that I recommend the most in my coaching. I use these at school and I'm hoping to be able to give you some examples and stories at different age levels for how I've used these. But the 1st thing I want to talk about is. Social emotional learning, or you might see it as SEL out on Google or in research. And this is essentially like more of a curriculum that schools might adopt to be able to teach emotional regulation. And it's become a more prevalent thing in schools as of lately. Especially at least here in the United States, but I believe across the board. Because we're seeing how our students are in general, not just students with, particular needs or are diverse. Thinking it is all students are just coming in, not having these regulating skills. So a lot of times curriculum will work on a specifically teaching EI, which is emotional intelligence. And when you have emotional intelligence, you're able to identify feelings. You're able to recognize the feelings in yourself and in others. That can lead to having empathy, which I think is so big today to teach empathy. It can lead to patience. It can lead to understanding and resilience is another key word that I really want to. Think about throughout this presentation, because when we are overcoming things that are hard and getting through it and learning from it, that is being resilient. And what more we want for our kids and ourselves, then resilience, social, emotional learning can also teach social skills. So the importance of communication, reading social cues, being able to, maintain and keep friendships. Those are really important things we need to it can teach a sense of community, so civic engagement or career readiness, which, for many of our our kids that's going to be something that they have as a goal, or they're going to be able to participate in as an adult. And speaking of civic engagement, I don't know how it works in Australia and New Zealand, but here in the States sometimes we get called for jury duty. And I guess. If it works the same for you, you can put in the chat and just educate me, but I have to go to jury duty next Monday, which or else I could get arrested myself if I don't show up. So it's like court summons and I have to go and listen to other people's cases and be on the jury. Yeah, everybody. Think of me that I can stay regulated because I have to miss work to go do jury duty next week. So anyway, and finally, social, emotional learning. Can teach self awareness, which leads to the ability to self advocate, prevent your own dysregulation and just have self expression, which is very healthy and being an advocate for yourself. And for others is a really important skill. So thinking about this at each level and what emotional regulation and learning might be at each age group. So at early childhood, which again I have taught at this level it's probably one of my favorite levels as I started out with an early childhood degree. And here in the states that's at least in my state, it's, that's birth through grade three, but I know that can vary place to place. But All in all, those are youngest learners, right? They need to just learn what feelings even are. Like, what do these faces mean? What do they say? Emojis really help with that these days, right? It's we're just inundated with all these graphics and visuals that show feelings, which is awesome, but it's hard if you don't know what those mean. That's an early childhood level type of thing. Sharing and turn taking, and then just overall exploring emotions and reactions. And doing that in play. So being able to play being able to see how others respond being able to learn that sharing and turn taking, those are all things that we see at that early level. And they carry into primary elementary, where, you know, developmentally, they're able to recognize not only their own feelings, but start to recognize feelings of others. Have that empathy and compassion, have more solid friendships, being able to decide which friend groups. Are best, suited for their personality and preference. Secondary like the high school level where I am now, really seeing that self expression come out that identity and the advocacy, as I mentioned, and then even into adulthood, right? We have to learn how to balance work and leisure. We have to figure out family dynamics, which can be complex at times, even cultural dynamics. And we have to be able to model for others when we're adults. That is, that's kind of part of our job, too, as parents and family members. At all levels, we are working on social emotional learning. Okay hopping right into the strategies. Emotional thermometers are one of my favorite things to use to help teach, especially little ones how to recognize what they're feeling. And I have several examples coming up on the slides, but these are all Autism 360 graphics. for these, how am I feeling? So you might have this like visual as a printout and you might get the child's picture and they get to place their picture on the face that they most identify with in that moment. Or I like to use like clothes pins or little clips too that you can put on the side and so those can move up and down. And we don't have the same feeling all day long, so it's okay to do. Checks throughout the day and these, these things can move. So just knowing that when we're in that low energy zone, we might need to rest when we get into that green, happy, smiling. We're ready to go. We're ready to learn when we get a little bit more to that sad and unsure feeling. We might need to slow down. Slow down a little bit and check ourselves and finally in the red, stop, we might be feeling out of control. So it's just good to have these sort of resources around because then little ones don't always know how to express it, but they can see a face, a smiley face or a sad face that is really at their level and something that they can start to identify with and just to show some other examples as well. So this 1, I would probably use with older children or high schoolers because of the wording and the example, but this is using the engine as a metaphor or something to compare their feelings to. Again, down in the blue. If we are engine is slow, and it's just not working real fast, or it's maybe even turned off. That might mean we're sleepy, tired, sick, sad. Having this kind of a graphic really shows our kiddos or, our other individuals. What feelings fit into that category of I'm feeling low. I'm feeling down. I just can't get going. Oh, I might be feeling this way. And maybe that means my body needs rest again. Green. It's a working engine. It's cooperating. It's listening. We're on the right track. You see what I did there? We're happy. We're cool. We're calm and relaxed. We're good. We're ready to go on our, our trip. When the engine gets a little too fast, though, when it's reviving, when it's we're getting a little ahead of ourselves, right? That might be angry, upset, frustrated, nervous. It can also be, like, overly excited, because some people, just when they get really excited, that can dysregulate a bit, too or anxious. That's when we need to slow down and evaluate, because if we don't, We might end up in that out of control state with a hyper engine exploding, boiling, aggressive, terrified. And that is when it's really, it's harder to regulate once you get there. So if you can look at the signs that are coming right before and have some strategies ready for that, it's really helpful. So here's a couple more examples of emotional thermometers. So we have several, with age 360 and I just always tell parents, we got to pick the 1 that will work best for your child. This 1 again has the faces. It also has numerical values. But what I really like about it is on the side. It's got. A very basic phrase that someone could use if they're feeling that way. The colors here aren't exactly the same as the others don't think that they all have to be the same or look exactly the same. But, one is good in this case. I'm feeling great. I'm feeling happy. Oh, three, I'm beginning to feel unhappy. So I'm just in that middle zone. Angry, very angry. Everyone needs to leave me alone. Just think if. We knew this about the people walking around us, like at work or wherever. If, they were just like, I'm on a six right now. That's, I'm not even going to talk to you then right now, I'm going to give you some space. And on this side, it's the same thing, but it allows you to put your learners picture in with each emotion. Okay. So playing off of the emotional thermometer and taking it a step further there's. An intervention or curriculum out there called zones of regulation. It's not something we can claim as therapists as our own. It really is someone else's, but the concept of it can be used in so many ways. Again, it's using four different zones. The blue zone, which are those low feelings. The green zone, which is that the good calm feelings. The yellow, which are those, I call them heightened feelings because again, it's not always like bad feelings. It's just ones that start to get us a little bit out of control. And then red is just completely out of control. So I'm going to show you some examples of how to use zones of regulation. This is one graphic that I actually use on a regular basis at school. I have a resource document that I think is going to be available to you guys through this webinar. And this particular graphic, along with a bunch of stuff that goes with it, is absolutely free from this website down below. And it's a really awesome pack. So this shows several different faces. And then it defines it. Okay. And in the pack, it's also got activities like you can sort different characters from like cartoons and movies and their faces into different zones. So that's fun. And kids like to relate to that. It's also got, I believe some scenarios like on cards where you can say like for older like high schoolers, you could say, okay this situation happened. What zone Would that put you in, or how might that person feel? What zone might they be in? So it's really good practical application and good ways to model. And I have several examples here to just to show that you don't have to do this 1 way. The key really is. just teaching the feelings and emotions and identifying them using the color, right? Because that's just helps us visually and it's consistent. But this one's really simple. So this might be like early learners, just, cute little faces, happy, ready to learn. I'm tired moving slowly. I'm feeling a little worried or anxious, or I'm just really mad. Being able to choose or point to which 1 they're at gives us a lot of information on how to meet them there. Here's another 1 that I included this graphic just because it is using the inside out characters. And so if any. Children like this movie. It's already about feelings. It's already about emotions. And so it's cool to plug it into zones of regulation and it's very relatable. And again, you can see that the wording kind of varies, kind of changes with each graphic. And I really think it could change for each individual as well. Whatever words are best used for your learner, your child, and for the really young ones, words may not even be necessary, right? It might just be the pictures because, that's where they're at and that's totally okay. The part of Zones of Regulation that I really like, aside from just sorting the feelings, is the next step. I call it like the level two of Zones of Regulation. And that's our toolbox. How can I get back to or stay on green? So it's one thing to know how you feel and what zone it's in. But it's a whole other thing to know what to do as a result. So a graphic like this or visual like this printed for a child can really help. It's Oh, mom or dad, I'm feeling really tired or I'm really bored with this activity. Okay. Hey, let's look at the options that we've chosen. You could go jump on your trampoline. You could squeeze your teddy. You could have a rest on the couch with your fluffy blanket. You could play with your dough. Or you could eat a snack. And these would be things that you would, help your child come up with ahead of time, or if there's things you just know that they that really help them, you could put these down in pictures or words. And giving these choices Amazing. Great. Then it's it helps them move on. It helps them build that resiliency. It helps them have strategies of how to overcome that feeling that maybe isn't ideal and get back to green. And when you are relaxed and focused, it's just got some ideas of things you can do for fun. The yellow examples are right in my diary, keep a deep figure 8. Of breathing. So might have a visual where like. You're following the path and breathing. You might squeeze theraputty. Follow a yoga schedule or squeeze my, I don't know what that is, but some other type of soft toy, I'm sure. And then in the red, it's hard because when you're in the red, sometimes you aren't in your rational state, right? You're in that amygdala part of your brain. So maybe it's harder to. Even think or choose what you're supposed to do and that's what I hear from a lot of parents is it's once they go there, I can't show them a visual like they're not going to look at it. They're not going to pay attention to it. They're going to rip it up. It's not going to mean anything. Okay. So that's where maybe us as the adult. Looks at those options and just starts helping provide and prompt some of these things. So glass of icy water, if that's something that helps you go get that icy water and you bring it to them, oh, you wanna drink you wouldn't necessarily expect them to just go do it because that they're not in that state. Hunch my beanbag, you might go get the bean bag and just. Start punching and let them, model that Oh, I'm feeling so upset. I just, I need to let it out right now. And they may look and be like, Oh, I'm going to join in, excuse me, there's a lot of great benefit to having the system set up and really doing it and planning it out before they get into those dysregulated zones. That way it's easier to reference. And I think I have one more here that just shows again, the toolbox comparison and this one I believe is more like at school. So use the calming corner, take five jumping jacks, deep breath. Be a leader, help others and yeah, get a drink, take a walk. So similar things to what we talked about before. And I just liked the emojis on this one. Okay, so those are zones of regulation and I, if you Google, there's a lot of stuff that comes up a lot of sample graphics. But like I said, I include a bunch of those in my resource and they're all free. What I suggest they're all free ones that like, I could just go get and download as well. Just so you guys can have access to some stuff to start with. So option maps, these I typically use for some of the older students or ones that have a little bit more language. Okay. They could be used for younger children. They could be adapted, but I've typically done this with kids that we can have a conversation. So an option map is used to compare choices. Or the consequences of behavior, so that's really important because sometimes they just don't think about, what's going to happen if I have this reaction? What's going to, what's the result going to be? So there's a couple of different option maps that I use. So on the left side at the top, it's giving an example of. What someone could do when they're starting to feel, maybe mad or sad. It could be whatever the situation is that that you need to deal with. But the check mark indicates like this is a good choice, right? And then on the right side, it shows maybe the not so great behavior or choice that comes out of it. So what I would say to students is okay, you could either use your words and take a break. Or you might lay on the floor and scream, okay? Let's see what happens with each option. If I use my words and I take my break, Oh, I can get back in the green zone. I can get help. Whatever need I have, someone can help me meet it. Awesome. If I lay on the floor and scream, people are not going to know how to help me. And there might be a consequence for that, depending on where you are. So I usually focus on the bottom and I say, which result do you want? And, I very, I can't even think of one time where they've chosen the negative one, unless they're being silly, in which case that also helps them regulate. Almost every time kids are like I want to be able to get the help I need. Okay, great. So let's see what we need to do. Oh, let's find some words to help us explain what we need. And, maybe take a break before we do that. So it's just another visual to teach. Choices and consequences, and then let the individual decide which one is better for you. Another form of option map is this diagram where the feeling is in the middle. And this is just a sample, excited. I will have these blank just printed out around. The classroom, or I will have a whiteboard and a white, a whiteboard marker, and I will literally just draw it out if I need it. So a lot of times I think we feel like, oh my gosh, I don't have a visual ready. I don't, grab a whiteboard, grab a piece of paper, draw this out. It's just circles and lines. So when someone is overly excited the blue is showing like good options, squeeze hands, take a deep breath, write in your journal, do some relaxation exercises, while the red is showing maybe less ideal ones for the situation. Screaming, biting arms, squealing. Squealing might not be a big deal, but depending on where you are, right? The color coding helps them to see all the options you could do, but the blue ones are Be better for you. Or I'll just put an X right through or I'll have this, the student like put an X which do you think you should squeeze your hands? Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, we can totally do that. You think you should scream? They're like, no, I'm like, yeah, probably not. Let's put an X through that. So it really also gives that opportunity for them once again to decide for themselves what the best choices are. And there's way more buy in when they get to choose. So that I really like option mapping and I do not think. that we use it enough in general. Okay, so just in general, another way to help with regulation is to practice mindfulness. And like we said at the beginning to learn a new skill, you've got to have someone teach it to you. You've got to have it modeled and you got to practice. So examples of mindfulness meditation, journaling, some people do grounding exercises, deep breathing, and just exercising in general yoga, stretching, or whatever else you like. I actually, I've competed in bodybuilding competitions, so I really enjoy lifting at the gym and that can be very regulating for me because it gets the endorphins flowing naturally. I feel a sense of pride when I have that that feeling and that result. You can practice mindfulness in a lot of. A lot of things that you do but it is something you have to be aware of and actually practice deep breathing. There's some really cool things you can buy, off Timu or Amazon or just probably in your local stores that are like little breathing pathways. So I think I bought a rainbow 1, and it's just each color has a dot. So it's you follow and every time you follow the path, you take a breath like. And so it just guides you and that can be fun for kids too because they're not focusing so much on what they're doing or what's going on, but they're just like, Oh, it's a rainbow. Cool. I can breathe through the rainbow. And before you know it, you're calmer because breathing just does that naturally. Okay. So one of the major goals for all of our kids, I think is self regulation. We want. individuals to be independent in this area so that they can be happy and healthy. Yeah, it nurtures self esteem, it can help foster friendships, and self regulation can really look different at each stage of life. But just think, if you always need somebody to prompt you to be able to calm down, or you always have to have someone else That's tough because that's not always available. So we want that self regulation to be learned. And I wanted to just make A point here that self regulation can look different for different people at different. Different stages, people might self regulate by unmasking and if you don't know what that means, I highly suggest you watch the last webinar from Stacy all about masking, but just really quick. A lot of times are individuals learn how to put on a mask to get through the day. And that's a coping mechanism. So when they get home, or they're done with our activities, they may need to unmask and that might be some sensory activities that might be by stemming. It might be by doing any of the other tasks that we talked about. It might even be doing something that requires a lot of energy to release what they've had pent up all day. So those are forms of self regulation. So just know that if you're. Child is like running around in circles or seeking out rough play, things like that. They might really be trying to self regulate. And being aware of those sensory needs is really important. I also put a few other examples of self regulation. Resting with a weighted blanket. That would be me right there. I would be resting with a toddler is hard to do. But I try. Reading a book, drawing, coloring. And then I wanted to give a quick little free ad for this relief koala. I was actually in a coaching session and a parent was like, oh, I just bought this for my son because he'll wake up in the night and then He'll go back to sleep, but then mom can't get back to sleep. So she's going to try this and I haven't personally tried it, but I think it's a really cool potential self regulation tool because it, it's got the sound of heartbeats coming from the animal. It's just soft. It's got stress relief features and. I also was talking to another mom and said you could help the animal, the koala have your scent. So if you wear a specific perfume or, you lay with it, or you wrap one of your, shirts around the koala, that might also be something that you can use to transfer to your kiddo when you can't be there. There's something that represents you that helps them regulate. And that goes from co regulation to more of self regulation. Which, speaking of co regulation, that's just when you need someone else to help you regulate. It comes from supportive relationships. It's learned through modeling and coaching. Examples are like hugs squeezes. rough plate, as we mentioned before huge sensory component, which can be people can do that on their own. But I think with our young ones, they like, as their parents, they seek us out, right? Like when they're sad Oh, I need a hug or I need a pat on the back or I need, I need you to rub my back or give me, little tickles on my arm. Those are all things that soothe that's co regulation. So paying attention to those sensory needs. Is also really helpful. And if nothing else you take from this just keep in mind at the beginning, I said. With, communication and awareness of feelings and sensory needs, those equal more satisfaction and more happiness. These tools help our individuals be able to express themselves and communicate better, which is helpful to regulate. And. By being able to pay attention to their sensory needs and have them identify things that they can do when they're in the different zones that helps build that awareness and meet that need to. Those things are really important. I just like this graphic a dozen ways to co regulate with your child, get on their level, lower your voice. Soften your facial expression. It's really good to be neutral, deep breathing deep pressure, sensory activity, maybe give them space, heavy work, get a laundry basket that's full and have them pushed across the floor. It doesn't have to be complicated. Okay. Let me I'll read these out loud so everybody can hear. Make sure I start at the beginning. So our 6 year old son. With level 1 or 2 autism has a meltdown every time we try to wash his hair with shampoo. We've tried explaining why, offered rewards at multiple levels, encouraged him to wear his swimming goggles, distract with toys, but nothing seems to work. Tried washing quickly. But the surprise is not welcomed. It sounds so this parent wants to know, is this a challenge for anyone else? Or do you have anything that's worked in particular? I guess if any parents have any contributions to that, feel free to put them in what I would say. So I have worked with another client that's had their child had difficulty with hair washing as well. It really just came down to, it seemed like a sensory component and a sensory sensitivity that really caused a lot of dysregulation because they just didn't like the feeling for whatever reason. Um, there's a few ways you can handle that. I know that you have to eventually wash the hair. But even working just on some non water, massage the scalp or Being able to just give some like slight exposures that might offer some a little bit of desensitization to that feeling. Maybe just even shaping okay, I'm not going to dump water fully on your head, but we're just going to put a little bit of water on the ends, right? Oh, look, that's all we're doing today. Okay, that's fine. And they're like, oh, that's not so bad. And then you gradually add a little bit more so that they realize okay, I'm slowly. Slowly allowing the slowly getting used to it and involving them and it can be helpful, so letting them do the soap at their own pace. Part of that anxiety might come from. I don't know when you're going to touch me. I don't know what it's going to feel like. I don't know what the pressure is going to be. Even if the child was willing to do some of the application. And I'm also, I like to count down. So when it's a non preferred activity, I'll be like, okay, we got to do this, but we're going to do it the count of 10 and it's going to be, we're going to be done. So okay, ready? We got this. Let's go 10, 9, 8 and and so on. And so they know there's an end to it. and they can just cope and tolerate a little bit longer. Also giving another sensory activity that, that would really help them with a different, part of their body, something in their hands, something with their legs, whatever to distract from that input could be helpful. And I don't know if anyone else contributed, get child to shampoo and condition Teddy or Barbie doll. Yeah. I love that. Model it, have them do it on someone else or a toy. Special jug where you put the rubber side on the forehead and the water runs off the back. The face never gets wet. Yes. Dry shampoo. Yeah. Sometimes we don't even have to wash as often as you would think. And then there's also those like visors that, kids can wear if they can tolerate that, that, goes like this, and it allows when you pour the water on that, it just goes back and not on the face if that's the issue. Okay, another question. My almost 4-year-old started screaming and chasing the older one for the crackers they were given back, but my almost 4-year-old threw them in the bin, then continued to scream as they had none anymore. The screaming stopped with the following hours, consisted of pouring other things out. It looks like water juice. Pinched someone, attempted to stab. Ooh, okay. So that, that got a little bit scary then. So it set off a chain of events. Okay. So I see this with my toddler a little bit just to get on like a personal level. So she might want something that I have. But the process of waiting for it or whatever it is was enough to make her mad that once she gets it, she's no. And then she throws it down. And I'm just like, why did I give it to you? I thought that's what you wanted. What, what do you want from me kid? It's, it seems like that's similar for you that it wasn't maybe about the crackers so much as you would think it was more about Perhaps the attention from the older child, or from even the parent to intervene, um, and that can set off the chain of events to if their needs not getting met. Just. Looking a little bit deeper, if it's not about the crackers, what is it about? Do we need to give more non contingent attention? So that just means. Hit him with some extra hugs or praise or whatever it is that motivates that child throughout the day so that they don't look for reasons to do these things. Maybe they need a little bit more sensory exposure and input because if they're seeking like pouring things out, pinching someone, they may just needed a better outlet for that energy. I know four year old is young, but using a basic zones of regulation chart and showing oh, when we're upset and chasing someone we're probably in the yellow or red zone. What could we do? And having those sensory strategies showing that, Hey you could go jump on the trampoline or we could go take a walk together and giving that co regulation time as well to help settle. I would just encourage you to look a little bit deeper into why. That chain started because they probably have a lot of common common reasons. Okay, was there one more question maybe? I've lost it at my seven year old son. He's being horrible to his sister. He takes out his anger and frustration on her, and he has it in truckloads. He'll hit her and scream and yell and shout and growl all day long. I don't know what to do. I know he has loads of issues with emotional regulation, but I can't let her be his punching bag. Yeah. I've seen this before, too. And yes, as a parent, that can be very frustrating. Okay. This parent feels like they're inflicting more emotional negativity on top of things just because of the reaction. He loves her, but he's convinced that she's the root of all of his problems because she never gets in trouble. Okay. So yeah, that, that is tough. And again, I think it comes back to that non contingent Attention sometimes, and just activities where, you know, when you have a sibling that does mostly all the right things, right? And they're a little bit better with their regulation skills and they don't get in trouble. That is difficult because. They see their other sibling who maybe has more struggles getting treated differently and, and vice versa. I really think that, again, you can use these tools, these emotional thermometers, these zones of regulation for anyone. It doesn't have to be, like, your child with special needs. And so maybe it is showing that Hey, we all have different emotions. We all have things that trigger us, sister can feel that way sometimes too, and here's what she needs to do. You can feel this way and here's what you need to do. And giving them that specific thing to focus on instead of focusing on her all the time, because she's got her own things going on, and I've had one client, they made one giant zone. So regulation in their kitchen and all the family would just come and put like where they were at that day or for that moment. And so it gave a lot of teaching some empathy to oh, mom is sad today. Sisters feeling like angry oh, maybe maybe I should do something nice for them or be a little gentler. So that's 1 way you can use that. A couple more questions, and then I know we're out of time. The rainbow breathing tool. So it is something I found. Honestly, I think it was on Timu, but it's just a little tiny thing. And I wish I had it. I would show you but there's multiple you can look up like breathing, deep breathing pathways or I'm trying to think of what the keyword was for this just emotional regulation. Yeah. breathing tools. And it's just a little picture that just has a little path that a child can follow that kind of guides them in their breathing and takes their focus off of the dysregulation for a bit. Okay. How do I get my eight year old daughter to stop kicking, hitting, and throwing things at everyone? She has level three autism, severe intellectual disability, ADHD, and has, Is a problem in this special school where she attends. Okay. So that's a big question and I don't know that I can answer that all here. But it does seem like there's probably either a lack of communication from her. Or her sensory needs maybe are not quite being met and she's just not able to express that. That's what I find. Most of the time is the route, especially with level 3, because they often don't have the strongest communication skills yet. So I think. Really looking at giving her some visual choices. What are you feeling? What do you want right now? And trying to offer a lot of that sensory input that she likes. Just as much as you can and seeing if she'll start to choose and show you and communicate a little bit more what she's wanting and what will make her feel better. So I really appreciate you all joining., I hope you got something out of it. Yeah I loved being here. Thanks for having me, you guys have a great rest of your day and I will. Have a great rest of my night here in the States. Thank you so much. Bye.