Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Real Food Stories. I'm so happy to have you here today. All right, we are sliding into the heart of summer. And I don't know about you, but I am already having this feeling of such busyness that I just want it to all slow down. And it's only June. I mean, I'm I am so busy with work right now. I'm busy with traveling. We are talking very seriously about putting our house on the market, which is wow, that's like a whole thing. But there's more, right? And there's always more. And these are the things I hear so much from my friends, my clients, and the internet. It just seems like everywhere we turn, someone is telling us that we should be doing more, right? This busyness thing is what we need to be aspiring to. But not only just like our regular life, but like there's always more, okay? There's always tracking and optimizing. A couple of things that just came to my head that we need to be eating more protein, right? We should be strength training more. We should be getting 10,000 steps. And not only are we getting 10,000 steps, at least at minimum, we have to be tracking those on our eye watches, keeping a record of all our steps. We should be tracking our macros, right? It's not enough to just eat food, but we have to track how much protein and fats and carbs and then let's get into the rest. We should be meditating more. We should be getting our sleep, eight hours minimum. We should be managing our stress, drinking more water. We definitely should be meal prepping. We should be taking our supplement stacks. And let's then focus on our self-care and check that off the list. We should be spending more time in nature and setting our boundaries. We are shudding all over ourselves as women. Can you relate to this? Because I certainly can. And the funny thing about all of this is that most of this advice, it's not necessarily wrong, right? Protein definitely matters. Our sleep matters, our movement, or we definitely want to focus on our stress. But at some point, all of those good ideas just start to feel like one more thing on an already overflowing list. What are we doing with all of that step tracking information? Or how about the sleep optimization tracking? What are we doing with it? Are we getting obsessed with it and feeling like, oh, we should always be doing more? Anyway, I
work primarily with women in midlife. And the one thing I hear over and over again is I know what I should be doing, but I'm just not doing it. There's often this feeling that women are falling behind somehow, right? We're never doing enough. Like everyone else has it figured out, and they're the only ones who just can't seem to get organized enough or disciplined enough or motivated enough or consistent enough. But the longer I am doing this work, and I have been in this field for a very, very long time, observing and watching women and all the iterations that have gone on over the years, the more I wonder if we're asking the wrong question. Because maybe the issue isn't that women are lacking discipline, or that they need better planning, or more apps on their phones, or better routine. Maybe we're just caring way too much. Think about the women you know, or maybe think about yourself for a second, because I think about this too. If you're anything like me, you are managing a career, maybe a business, you are running a household, you have aging parents that you are worrying about, you have adult children, right? Who are adult children, right? Still half a maybe a little foot in the children part, but they don't live with you anymore. Maybe you have grandchildren, your relationships, right? You're managing those a lot that you know just goes into just relationships in general, our finances, health concerns, medical appointments, and a never-ending stream of responsibilities that just seem to multiply every single year. Do you have a house like I do that suddenly feels so big because your kids are no longer living there? I mean, that has been weighing very heavily on me lately and my husband, that suddenly we're living in the house that I that I happily raised my children in. And now seems like a cavernous, you know, giant space that that just the two of us don't really need. And you wonder why you're holding on to it. So your kids can come home a few times a year to sleep in their childhood beds. Yes, that is totally me. I mean, my kids are, I've already talked to them about the possibility of us maybe selling the house. And I know that it will be very sad. I've raised my kids there, but they will, you know, supposedly be devastated. And I totally get it. But, you know, at some point, what am I holding on to that other responsibility for? And then on top of all that, we're told that if we could just optimize our morning routine, everything would fall into place, right? The morning halo of, you know, like the morning routine that just can set us up for a perfect day. So it's no wonder that we are tired, kind of exhausted. And it's not because we're lazy or that we don't care or don't have the willpower. We're exhausted because we're just carrying a tremendous amount of responsibility. And a lot of it's just in our heads, right? It's a lot of it's invisible. And yet the messages that we keep receiving is that we should be doing more. There's just an endless amount of things that we should be doing. And that's what I want to explore today. Because I think many women are walking around believing they have an energy problem when what they actually have is a I'm doing too much problem. I mean, if there's only so much that we women can take on. And we have to give ourselves a break.
So I don't think the question is, how much more can I squeeze into my day? I think the question for the sake of this conversation today is how much are we carrying? Like, think of your like basket that you're carrying on your back. How much are we carrying in there? And can you sustain it? So let's talk about some of the hidden energy drains that nobody is really talking about. Because not all exhaustion just comes from basic lack of sleep, right? I think it's one of the biggest misconceptions out there. We assume that we're tired, so we must need more sleep. And don't get me wrong, I love my sleep more than anything. It's it is the number one most important thing you can do. But sometimes it's not just because of a bad night's sleep. And if it is about a bad night's sleep, definitely get a good night's sleep. I mean, definitely focus on that. But we're tired for so many other reasons too. Because I know that there's some women, I mean, myself included, sometimes, I sleep really pretty well. And I can feel like emotionally, mentally, and physically depleted sometimes. So what I see more often is that women are mentally exhausted. It's not so much the physical, I just didn't get a good night's sleep exhaustion. I mean, think about how many decisions you are making in a single day. You wake up and you immediately start making decisions, right? We rarely do we wake up and say, hello world, welcome. What am I, what am I going to do today to relax and you know be at peace? But you immediately start making decisions about what you're gonna have for breakfast. Are you hungry? Should I just have coffee? Should I just, where's my protein? Right? How much protein is in that oatmeal? Should I start exercising this morning or later? Should I eat before I exercise? Right? I need to grocery shop. Do I have time to grocery shop now? Should I plan my meals beforehand? What are we having for dinner? And what do I need to take on my trip next week? Did I RSVP to that event I'm supposed to be going to? I have to remember to schedule that doctor's appointment. Did I remember to get the dog food? I mean, none of these decisions are particularly difficult on their own. It's just the accumulation of them. And that's only before 7 a.m. One decision isn't exhausting, but 500 decisions are. And I think this is especially true for women because many of us are the default planners in our families. Right? We've just been given that task and we're good at it. Right? This has been like our superpower. We're often the ones keeping track of everything, not just our own lives, but the pieces of everyone else's lives
too. And that brings me to another hidden energy drain, the emotional labor of it all. Emotional labor is all the invisible work that keeps families and relationships functioning, right? Remembering everyone's birthdays, checking in on your aging parents. It's noticing when your husband seems stressed, wondering if your daughter made it home safely, remembering that your son has a doctor's appointment next week. And you should I talk to him about that first before he goes. It's buying someone a birthday card, sending the text, making a phone call, following up and thinking ahead, right? And planning ahead and worrying ahead just in case. And here's the thing: you can be sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing and still be expending enormous amounts of mental and emotional energy. Your body may be resting, but your brain is running a marathon. And that's stressful. I think about this a lot because women will often tell me they're frustrated with themselves. They'll say, I don't understand why I'm so tired. I didn't even do that much today. But when we start unpacking their day, it turns out they've spent hours thinking, planning, coordinating, remembering, anticipating on their computers, ordering from Amazon, ordering what, you know, and worrying. This is like mental work. And it may not show up on a fitness tracker or burn any calories, but it consumes a lot of your energy. And then there's something else that I think has gotten dramatically worse over the last decade. And that is the information overload that we are all suffering from. Okay, so let's think about this. The average woman today is absolutely drowning in information. I mean, we think our kids are drowning in information on Instagram and stuff, but think about be honest and think about it. We are drowning in information. All you have to do is open Instagram and someone is telling you to eat more protein. The next person is telling you to inject yourself with a peptide, whatever that is, right? Very little studies done on that, but all the women are doing it. The next person says you're eating too much protein. One expert says intermittent fasting is the answer. Another says fasting is ruining your hormones. We can see information on weighted vests and vibration plates and cold plunges and the millions of supplements that we should be buying, and our gut health and our glucose monitors, and it just becomes absolutely exhausting. Not because learning about these things is bad, right? Maybe there are some good ideas out there, right? Not everything is a terrible idea for our health and our well-being, but it
just creates, for the most part, this constant feeling that there's something else you should be doing, that you are missing out. You're not doing enough. Something else you should buy or track or optimize. And it's like being enrolled in a full-time self-improvement project that just never ends. And I think many women are carrying around the weight of all of that without realizing it. They're not just managing their lives, they're managing the pressure to improve their lives all the time. And then it makes you wonder why so many of us feel tired. We're carrying a lot of responsibility as women, as women in midlife. Right, that we're supposed to be doing to be better. All right. So much. And it is the first thing I think that that seems to take a hit. Not because we don't care about nutrition, of course we do, or not because we don't know what healthy eating looks like. I mean, in fact, most of the women I work with know a ton about nutrition. They come in all schooled, and you know, they they know exactly what they should be eating. You should be eating your 100 to 200 grams of protein, right? They know vegetables are important, and they know they need fiber and water and balanced meals. It's rarely the problem, knowledge, right? Capacity is often the problem. Because when life gets busy, food starts becoming something that we squeeze in, right? We go and grab a couple of grays, and we have to, we're so busy that we don't even have time to sit down. We we do it in between everything else. I mean, maybe breakfast is just coffee because you got up late and because you immediately started answering emails, or lunch just gets pushed off because you're in meetings or running errands or driving someone somewhere. And maybe you stand at the kitchen counter grabbing a handful of crackers or a few almonds or a piece of cheese, and that's what you call lunch. Maybe you're making food for everyone else, right? Because we're good at that. We like to, you know, make sure that everyone else is fed, but we spend very little time actually nourishing ourselves. And then by the end of the day, you're exhausted and you're hungry and you're frustrated, and you then might feel out of control around food at nighttime, and you can't stop snacking, right? Or you or you just want to just get on the couch and relax and have something sweet because that's your reward. And you're maybe standing in front of your pantry wondering what's wrong with me? Why can't I control my eating or my hunger? And often it's not about how do I control my hunger or my snacking. It's just about
slowing down and getting mindful and and and practicing the same importance and self-care that you might give to your children when you're feeding themselves, you might want to give that back to yourself because you matter as well more than anyone else. Because if you've had just a coffee for breakfast and you rush through lunch and a couple of bites and a handful of random foods for the day, and some of your kids snack foods and add a little couple of almonds here and there, your body is going to be begging for energy. And it's going to come out in other ways, right? So then by nighttime, you're going to maybe be craving more sugar, more wine, some way to just get yourself a quick source of energy and to settle down. So this is not about a lack of willpower. This is just biology. And I think sometimes we forget that food is supposed to support us, but we've turned eating into another project, or we've turned eating about making sure everyone else gets nourished first. So we we need to start focusing on ourselves and not make food another full-time job that really is about everyone else first and us second. I mean, food is one of the ways that we take care of ourselves so we can handle everything else in life, everything that life is asking of us. And that's a really different way of looking at nutrition. So instead of asking how little can I eat, or I'll go second, or you guys eat first, or how can I be more disciplined? What if we asked, Am I giving my body what it needs to support the life I am living? Because the women listening to this podcast are not sitting around all day doing nothing. I know you. I know you're not. You're probably walking right now doing your steps while you're listening to this, right? Or you're in the car going somewhere, right? On your way to work, or on your way to go see your mom, or you're planning something. And so we're not just sitting around like doing nothing, right? You're worrying, you're helping, you're showing up for people. You're caring a lot. And carrying a lot requires fuel. And I think that's one of the biggest mindset shifts I wish more women would make. Food is not another item on your to-do list. And it's not a reward for getting through the day. If you reward yourself with a glass of wine or some kind of like chocolates or sugar or whatever, or something that you earn after your workout. Food is fuel for carrying all that you are already carrying. So when we start looking at nourishment through that lens, everything starts to change. A balanced lunch isn't just about being good, right? Protein isn't about being perfect and hitting all your protein grams. Eating regularly isn't about following rules. It's about giving yourself enough support to make it through the day with a little more energy, a little more resilience, and a little less struggle. Because if you're already carrying a heavy bag of worry and to-dos, the last thing you need to do is try to carry it on an empty tank. Okay, so that's my thoughts about food. Which, and now I think that this brings us to something that gets talked about a lot these days, which is self-care. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a massage as much as the next person
if I had the time to go get a massage. Now, if somebody wants to send me to the spa for a weekend, I'm not going to say no, right? I'm definitely like I'm all for it. But somewhere along the way, self care became just another thing that we're supposed to do well. Right. It became another item on the to do list. You have to book the massage. We have to get there, right? It takes up our time. And that goes along with like the other self-care things that you know are kind of promoted on the internet. Go on a retreat, do a meditation app, buy the journal and you know, make sure you journal every day, which I am a big fan of journaling, don't get me wrong. But you know, if it becomes like a thing that is taking up your time in a negative way, then it just becomes another thing on your to-do list. All these things can be really great. And I think sometimes they're often missing the point. Because when I think about the women I work with, what they need most isn't necessarily self-care. What they need is nourishment. And nourishment is often much less glamorous than this umbrella of self-care. Sometimes nourishment just looks like eating lunch before you're so hungry that you'll eat anything in sight. Or maybe it's just going to bed when you're tired. Maybe getting in bed and like reading your book. That would be like amazing nourishment and self-care. Maybe it's, you know, it's warm out now and sunny, and it's sitting outside with a cup of tea for 10 minutes instead of being inside folding your laundry or folding everyone else's laundry. And sometimes it's it's asking for help or letting someone else solve the problem or delegating. And sometimes it's saying no to something you really do not want to do. I have said this before, no is a complete sentence. I love that. You don't have to explain yourself, you just have to say no. And let's be honest, for many women, that one is incredibly difficult to say no. Many of us have spent decades being the reliable one, the helper, the fixer, the person who makes everything happen. But constantly giving without replenishing eventually catches up with us. So I think nourishment asks a different question than self-care. Self-care often asks, what should I add? Right? Now I have to schedule the massage. Nourishment, on the other hand, asks, what do I need? What do I need to make myself feel a little more peaceful and serene? And maybe it's just getting to bed an hour early tonight. Maybe it's the food. You need some food to eat, healthy, nourishing food, or you need to just talk to a friend on the phone. Or you need just a lot of quiet. Maybe you just need to stop trying so hard for a little while. And one of the things I've noticed in my own life is that the most nourishing
moments are almost never the expensive ones. They're so simple. It's walking my dog at the end of the day, you know, when it's a little it's been so hot out lately, you know, like when it's a nice cool evening in June. I mean, it stays light out so late. I love that. I love walking through my garden at the end of the day and sort of inspecting things and see how everything is growing. That makes me feel nourished. Or going and having dinner with a friend, or just a good conversation, or making something for dinner that is really simple and healthy and tastes delicious. So there's a lot of ways that we can just nourish ourselves and ask what we need rather than asking, like, what do we need to put on our another thing on our to-do list? And it's just not another project to manage. It's nourishment in this kind of way is support for the life that you're already living. All right. As we wrap up today, I don't want to leave you with another checklist. I don't want to give you five things to start doing tomorrow, right? This is not the point of today's podcast. In fact, that would completely miss the point of this entire conversation. And said, I'm going to leave you with a couple of questions that you can think about. And my email is in the show notes below. You can always please reach out to me. I'd love to, I love to hear and I answer every single email that I get. So here's a couple of questions I wanted to ask. You don't have to answer these perfectly, right? You could just sit with them for a little bit right now. What is taking most of my energy right now? Honestly, what is taking your energy, right? And we're not just talking about our physical energy, but our emotional energy and our mental energy. And what feels like the heaviest out of all of that? What feels like, oh, every time I think about it, I just I just get exhausted just thinking about it.
What am I carrying that maybe I don't even realize I am like caring and it's dragging me down? And on the flip side of this, what gives me energy every day? What feels good? What helps me feel more like myself? Who are the people I feel good around? And then what activities leave me feeling better rather than depleted? And I also think it's worth asking whether you're undernourished in ways that have nothing to do with food?
unknownRight?
SPEAKER_00Are you undernourished physically because you're skipping meals and running on coffee? Are you undernourished emotionally because you're always taking care of everyone else? What about socially because you haven't spent time with people who fill your cup? What would make this week just feel a little easier? It doesn't have to be perfect and it absolutely does not have to be optimized. I wish that word optimized would go away from social media because go take a walk without your phone in your hand, right? It doesn't matter how many steps you've taken today. Just go take a walk just for the sake of looking at the trees and breathing the fresh air. Would that make your week feel a little easier? And perhaps the most important question I want to ask today, what support do I actually need right now? Because if you've been feeling tired, overwhelmed, stretched thin, or like you're somehow falling behind, I'm gonna guess that the answer is not to give yourself more discipline and get yourself in line and add more things to the to-do list. Maybe the answer isn't another supplement or another app or a habit tracker or a productivity system, which I know sounds like all great ideas. If I could just take this pill, if I could just, oh, let me find the new uh to-do app and you know, then my life will get more organized and better. But I don't think that that's the answer. Okay, that's just another thing to add to your already crowded life. Maybe the answer is recognizing how much you're already carrying in a day. And maybe the answer is giving yourself credit for all of the invisible work that you do every single day. And therefore, you can find small ways to just nourish yourself along the way. Right? We can't run on empty. And we do a lot, right? We shoulder a lot. So before you add one more thing to your to-do list this week, pause for a moment and ask yourself a different question. What would nourish me right now? What do I need right now? Okay, I'm gonna leave you with that. Welcome to summer. I know we're in a very busy time right now. Totally get it. But just sit with those questions and see how you feel. All right, thanks so much for listening today to Real Food Stories. If this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear from you. And if you know another woman who might need this reminder today, please share it with her. Thank you so much. Until next time, take good care of yourself. Bye bye for now.