A Success Model Worth Living By

Your ability to live a successful life is the theme of this episode.

This topic is so important if you want to experience a fulfilling, meaningful, satisfying,  and joyful life.

Most people are living by someone else's definition of success.  Stuck on a path that never gets them to the promise land of the sweetness, depth, richness, and goodness of life.  Chances are, unless you've actually tasked yourself with doing this work, you are living by someone else's definition of success.  It's likely it's been conditioned into you and it leaves feeling like you never quite have enough or that you're never quite good enough. 

If your living a definition of success that isn't aligned with your greatest good then you likely feel all kinds of stressful emotions and you may even feel down right awful about yourself, your accomplishments and your life's work.

You can change all of this!

Listen on to find out how you can begin living a successful life as soon as right now. 

AND--I'd love to hear your thoughts on what I've shared here.  Find me on LinkedIn, FB or IG and let's hang out!

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Before you go, I want to invite you into what I’m calling the greatest experiment in thriving on the internet. ✨

It’s called Project Thrive—and we’re finding out what becomes possible when brilliant, ambitious, big-hearted humans stop postponing their own joy, aliveness, and possibility and start creating from there.

And I want you in this experiment with me.

If a round is open, jump in. And if you missed this one, get yourself on the Priority List for the next round.

Because you do not have to wait for some future version of your life to start thriving.

Your Year of Thriving can begin the moment you decide it does.

Come play with us.

Go to drtamiberry.com/project-thrive.

Let’s find out just how good life gets to be. 💛✨

Let's stay connected!
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Transcript

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0:29

hi there. I'm so happy. You're here. Thank you for tuning in taking a listen to anything I have to say. Today I wanted to talk about success. Because I have discovered that so many of us go through life without ever really defining success for ourselves. And so we're continually in this pattern of chasing. Or pursuing a definition of success that we can never actually achieve or obtain. And that perpetual drive to reach for something that's always out of reach is one of the most stressful ways you could conduct your life. And so let's break it down today. Let's look at what success means. Why it's so important that you make this decision for yourself and actually do the work to get clear on what success means and is to you and for you. And we're going to explore why that matters. W why do I even have to do that work? We're going to go into that. We're also going to explore how you can know if your working definition of success is actually yours and not one that's been conditioned into you by the culture and the influences that have shaped you that are not. Aligned with your best interests, hint, the solution lies in your nervous system and how you feel. And then I wanted us to just sort of like wrap up with an exploration of. Y we get success wrong and how easy it is to fall into somebody else's definition of success. And this makes it so important that not only have we done the work to define success, but that we're actually willing to continue to come back to this practice again and again, because I can tell you even in the last, I mean, in the last decade, since I left medicine, I have had to redefine success for myself. Sometimes every year, right? Because, my definition of success when I was first launching my coaching practice look very different than my definition of success. When I was a new mother. Right. And, and, and my definition of success changed dramatically over the last year. As we transitioned into having her go to school and me coming back a totally new version of myself and having totally redesigned to my coaching practice and. That all becomes possible. Only when I've done the deeper work of redefining success. I want you to have this skill in your pocket. I want you to live by your own definition of success, because when you have your own definition of success, you are allowed to experience things like satisfaction, fulfilling. Joy meaning purpose in your life. I want these things for you, and I think you want these things for you, so let's claim them, show me. All right. So let's dive in into why it's so important for you to define success for yourself and. This is something that actually not only do I have my clients go through this exercise. Recently I had reached out to a friend of mine and I know that she's going through a really tough time. And I wanted to just be a friend and a support to her. And she's in transition right now. And we were having this conversation. I said, this is really such a gift. She's taking a step back from her practice as an OB GYN. And I said, this is really such a good. Because you've now created this space where you get to decide what success really means to you, because chances are, you've actually never done that work. And it was so interesting to see her kind of light up like. Yeah, I actually haven't ever really done that for myself. I and I, and it was so interesting because it's almost like we don't even realize that we're playing by somebody else's rules. We don't even realize until we hear conversations like this, we oftentimes don't even recognize that we are 100% play. To a story or a version or a vision of success that is not aligned with our greatest good. And it was such a light bulb moment. And I knew that this was going to be such an important topic because I have a feeling that some of the most intelligent, ambitious seemingly successful people. Who also tends to be my audience. Thank you for listening. You know, we, we tend to be overachievers and strivers because we are in pursuit of some definition of success that. This culture will we'll have you convinced in a hot second that your net worth determines yourself worth, and it will take an act of radical courage and self-advocacy, and self-respect for you to go through and look at what does success really mean to me? And how will I know when I've achieved it or how will I know when I'm on the path of it? Because sometimes success is really just, I'm showing up with the goodness of my heart, with the best of what I have available to me. And that just has to be enough and I trust that that's enough. And so when we think. That success is determined by what's in our bank account or what we drive or where we live. We are, we are living. With such a narrow understanding of what success really is. And then we wonder why we're burnt out and miserable, irritable, restless, discontented, right? It's because our definition of success doesn't even take into account that we're social beings, that we're spiritual beings that were mental, emotional, that we're energetic. That we're physical beings, right? Like how often does your definition of success actually include your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual wellbeing? How often does your definition of success take into account that you are cultivating relationships? That means something to you. How often does your definition of success incorporate an understanding that you're contributing. To society in a sacred way. And that every time you use your voice, every time you show up to work, every time that you share your gifts, you're doing sacred work and. This is such a, this is such fun territory because once you start exploring this, it's like, wow, what opens up to me? What becomes possible for me in the scope of success that I've cut myself off from, because I've been conditioned by a culture or a society that says success is so finite and narrow. And that it's actually the accumulation of things. And then we can recognize that success may be real success. Isn't about accumulating anything. Maybe real success is about the allocation of our attention and our energy and our resources to the things that we've deemed sacred and good. Now that is far more exciting to me. That anybody's definition of success. And I needed a definition of success that was going to play to the importance that my spiritual life has. For me, the importance of this sacred journey of a motherhood, the sacred journey of being a life coach. These are all sacred pieces of success for me too. This podcast that you're hearing right now, this is part of my sacred work. I'm doing this as a gift My definition of success is so much more fluid and broad and richer and deeper today. And because of that, so is my life. So is my work and thus my experience, there's so much more room for playfulness and joy and curiosity. And I want that for you Why does it matter that we even go through this work of figuring out what success means to us? It really comes down to the fundamental fact that we can never feel truly satisfied or fulfilled if we are constantly in the chase for something that feels out of reach. And let me kind of explain this, like I can know in retrospect, That a lot of my pursuit. I mean, I loved medical school. I loved my surgical training. I loved the art and the practice of surgery. And also the business of medicine was not, for me. It created incredible amounts of anxiety. I was living in an ever increasing sense of existential crisis as I was accumulating more and more degrees and accolades and certifications and board exams. As everything was growing, I felt less satisfied and less fulfilled. So I had to take a really deep look at whose definition of success am I living because if I was living my own. I wouldn't have felt hollow. I wouldn't have felt devoid of joy. I would have been able to celebrate my own accomplishments. I mean, for real, I celebrate every single listener, every single one of you that listens, downloads comments. I celebrate every single one of you. And I couldn't celebrate a wall of accolades and certificates and degrees and all of them in some way. We're trying to prove my worth worth that. If it's ever outside of me, I could never fully achieve. And now I get to be rooted in like, there's so much generosity. There's so much creativity. There's so much love. There's so much passion there's. So there's so much here that I just want to share it with you. And every time I know that you're listening or that you're engaging with me in some way, I feel amazing. So thank you. For being, you know, part of this journey of success with me, I'm delighted you're here. And this matters. It matters that we have our own definition of success because without it, we cannot feel truly fulfilled. We cannot feel like we're living our own purpose, our own mission that we're upholding our own value. That were showing up the way that we want to in our wholeness, in our holiness. Dare I say. And so, because when we feel those things, when we feel meaning and purpose and joy, we become regenerative. It is so healthy for this body to experience those emotions. The biochemical cascade, that those emotions elicit is so beneficial to the cellular matrix. That is you and to the energetic field that holds all of that. That is you. It is beneficial to you and everyone around you. And when we are constantly feeling less than not good enough, like we're on this pursuit of consistent constant accumulation. We, we are feeling contracted. We are feeling tight. It is detrimental. To the brain, to the body. And there's a nervous system, state of stress that, that is correlated to that style of thinking to that mindset. And I want you to be free. I want your mindset to be yours. I want you to have sovereignty over your own mind and your own life because that's the healthiest. For me, I've discovered that I'm healthiest, happiest, most joyful and most successful when, when, when I'm aligned with, with the things that are good for me. And it's so interesting. So like, this gets me to the point, how do you know if your definition of success is really your. Aaron, I do recommend that you do this as a journal practice. Because there is something that becomes possible for us with, with handwriting. There's a part, there are parts of the brain that become accessible. We get greater windows into insight and deeper wisdom, our own intuition, creative energies, creative capacities, these kinds of things. Our ability actually, to self-reflect those things open up to us when we put pen to paper. I have, I have a very interesting relationship with journaling in general and the writing practice, but as I've discovered and more about how beneficial it is, I am like surrender. I surrender, I journal almost on a daily basis on some thing, because I am this committed to my own growth, to my own evolution, to my own joy and success in this life. And, and so. I hope you are too. I think you are. If you're listening to me, you're on the path. And so it is, it is beneficial for us to go through a writing practice. Like what does success mean to me? And sometimes it can be as helpful to go. Okay, what does it not mean to me anymore? Right. Because sometimes knowing what we don't want can help us know what we do want and it could be just as helpful to go. Okay. Trading money for dollars or hours, hours for dollars. Like, okay. That's not my definition of success anymore. Accumulating as much money as possible. Yeah. Not my definition of success anymore. Living a life that enlivens me. Yeah. I'm down with that. Right. And so sometimes it's this idea that like, oh right. That's accumulation. I'll right. Am I buying those things? Because I think that it, because I look a certain way or am I buying things because this is how I want to allocate my resources. Am I invested? Am I investing in myself? Oh, right, because that leads to my success. And so this becomes really important stuff. Like your physical, mental, emotional wellbeing. Are you invested? Do you want to be that's up to you? Right. And we realized that our definition of success becomes things that we're invested in. Right. When I was, when my definition of success was to be. Competent, confident, successful physician and surgeon. I borrowed a shit ton of money to do it. And I spent thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of hours studying and training to do it. Like I was invested, I was fully invested and it's such a narrow definition of. And so my, my invitation to you is that you do a journal writing practice. You really spend time with us if you don't get it all done in one sitting. So what come back to it. This is your life we're talking. It's worth coming back to, if it takes you five weeks of intermittent journaling to come back to this and explore this idea, my friend do it. It's worth your time. Invest in this. Once you kind of have this idea of success. It's like, how do you know if it's still really yours? And my invitation to you is to look at how you feel, right? How do you feel, how does it feel in your body when you read this new definition of. Right. As you do your general writing practice, have you, as you have maybe multiple pages or multiple entries or there's entries in between, because it's something that you're coming back to when you kind of get a clear, cohesive sense of it, you're going to start a fresh page or a fresh page that has your definition of success today. Just for right now, it can change as your life changes. It could change as you start new adventures, as you close new chapters, you close one chapter and start new ones, right? It's fluid, it's dynamic like you, but you want your definition of success to be an accurate reflection of the whole of you that takes into account all of your relationship that takes into account. Sure. Finances are important, but we need so much less of that than we think. And we chase that because we think that that's where our value comes from. My friend. Your value comes from the fact that you exist. You are good. You're presence is goodness. And anything you do with that is just spreading goodness in this world. And thank you. We need your goodness. We need you, so feel it out, like, does this feel, do I feel tight or contracted? That's that's an indication that, that part of this, of this, of this success of model, because it's a model, right? Your success, your definition of success becomes the model by, with which you will live your life. Right. You want a model that reflects you, not somebody else. Right? You want a model that reflects your values, that reflects your mission in life that reflects your greater vision for your life, for your family. Yeah. Get bold. Get courageous, get crazy. If you have to. And. Does this Def like, as I'm reading this model of success, do I feel expansive? Do I feel full? Do I feel joy? Do I feel peace? Do I feel calm? Do I feel enthusiastic? Do I feel revitalized? Do I, do I feel in my body like a hell yes or a fuck? Yes. Like this is it. This is the thing that I want to wake up for. This is the thing that I'm willing to invest in and stay committed to. If it's not a hell. Yes. Am I willing to like, let it be right. Listen to your body. And I love heart rate variability, biofeedback monitoring. It is a device that I use with my clients currently to help them train their nervous systems from like the state of chronic stress, to one of stress resilience, where we strengthen our parasympathetic nervous system. And it's interesting because I'm beginning to realize that the state of our nervous system. Correlates so beautifully to what's really good for us that when we're in a sympathetic state, that's when we're in a stressed state that we are not what's called coherent. We have really erratic, energetic patterns. Really orotic inter heart rate variability patterns, which correlate to an erratic nervousness. And erratic brainwaves. And so when we're in a parasympathetic dominant state, we're in what's called high coherence, which means that the brainwave patterns are becoming less beta and more alpha. And it's a state akin to just being alert, awake, alive, access to creative capacities, our higher cognitive function. An ability to integrate memories in a new way. It's really the, I believe the gateway to unlocking our greatest potential as human beings is through an understanding of our nervous system. And it's no surprise that it's the first thing to develop in humans. The nodal court is the first thing to develop. It's that important, right? It's the massive communicator and control center for everything that happens within this beautiful body and your body. You're tuning fork, you know, like it's your ability to know, like, what really? Where, what direction am I supposed to go? And your nervous system is telling you, and your nervous system is communicating with you through feelings and emotions. Right? Thoughts are the language of the mind or the brain and feelings and emotions are the language of the nervous system. Telling you what is going on in here? And we should care. We should care a lot because what's going on within us inevitably is what we see reflected back to us. And my friend. I want for you so much, goodness, and greatness and success and health and happiness. Enjoy and love. I want all of that for you in your life. Right now. So I hope you're going to take this as an opportunity. I hope I've convinced you that it's worth taking the time to explore your own definition of success and get dead fucking serious about defining it for yourself and teasing out what definition isn't yours, where you've been pursuing a definition of success. That really isn't for you. And you can do this by tuning into how you feel. And if you do have a heart rate, variability, biofeedback monitor, or some other way of understanding your nervous system, you can also know like, as you read it, as you meditate on it or sit with it, you will be in high coherence. When you are playing with a definition of success that fuels you. That builds your resilience. That's regenerative, that's aligned to your purpose specific to you. That's aligned to, what's going to create that spark within you, that fire, that fuel, that will be the fuel for your success. And your success is inevitable. You've just got to get clear. And what's yours. Declare it, decide it, declare it. And for the love of God, let it happen. Let it in. All right. My friends so happy you're here. Much love to you. May you have all the power, all the passion, all the success. I will catch you on another episode. Thanks.