Eliminate Extractive Dynamics

In this episode of Dr. Tami Talks, Dr. Tami takes us on a deeply transformative journey into the heart of extractive dynamics and how they stealthily infiltrate our lives—draining our energy, depleting our resources, and sabotaging our success. With raw authenticity, she shares her personal evolution, from burnout as a physician to thriving in a regenerative, joy-fueled life.

Dr. Tami breaks down the conditioning that traps us in stress-based cycles and reveals how to dismantle those old patterns by rewiring our beliefs, creating supportive neural networks, and stepping into a life of abundance, freedom, and ease. This is a conversation about radical responsibility, self-love, and the sacred power we hold to reshape our lives, relationships, and businesses.

You’ll leave this episode equipped with actionable tools to identify where extractive dynamics show up in your life, shift into regenerative relationships, and fully embrace the boundless joy, energy, and prosperity that await when you reclaim your power.

Key Takeaways:

1. Awareness Is Liberation: Recognizing extractive dynamics is the first step to freeing yourself from stress and burnout.
2. Dismantling Conditioned Beliefs: Identify and release outdated programming that keeps you in cycles of depletion, then lay down new neural networks that support your highest potential.
3. Shift the Dynamics: Every situation offers two choices—change the circumstance or change how you think and feel about it. Both lead to profound transformation.
4. Radical Responsibility: Owning your role in extractive dynamics and shifting your beliefs creates a ripple effect of renewal in all areas of life.
5. Regenerative Living: By embracing regenerative dynamics, every act of giving is also an act of receiving, fueling greater joy, fulfillment, and abundance.

Dr. Tami invites you to reflect on the dynamics in your life—at home, at work, and within yourself. Are they extractive or regenerative? Take radical responsibility, shift your perspective, and step into your power. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it, leave a review, and join the conversation as we change lives, families, and systems—together.

Listen now and let the transformation begin.

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If a round is open, jump in. And if you missed this one, get yourself on the Priority List for the next round.

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Transcript

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Hello. Welcome. Welcome. I'm Dr. Tami. This is Dr. Tami Talks. This is unedited, unfiltered, unlimited. This is going to be a great conversation. I'm loving this new season, season two of the podcast of Dr. Tami Talks, because I'm just really Having more conversation style type content. I'm taking the pressure off of myself, which is so fabulous. I recommend this highly too. All of us that we start doing things from a state of flow that we get really curious about the beliefs and the conditioning and the programming that has us quote unquote, wanting to get it perfect or right. And that we embrace this. Um, more pervasive sense of our perfection, however we show up, it is perfect that we don't have to polish and squeeze and fit into any of these tiny outfits or boxes or confines that that other. People or we perceive how other people want to put us into perception. Oh my gosh. I had a fascinating conversation earlier today with one of my clients where we really drilled down like perception versus perspective and how perspective creates perception and all of that. And I just. Triggered that, and that is going to be another episode because it is so important for us to have an appreciation of how our perspective determines our perception and that the perception of reality is unique to each individual person, because we each have our own set of perspective, meaning, conditioning, and programming that we've been born with. And that we live with most of which is happening at an unconscious level until we awaken to this greater capacity of ourselves to see ourselves clearly and shift and change and release dismantle old conditioning and paradigms that no longer serve us while we create. New conditioning, new neural networks that support who we want to be and how we want to show up. I still think this is such a remarkable gift that we've been given that we have the ability to do this. It is so not lost on me how privileged we are to not just be designed the way that we are designed. But that we right now at this time in human history have skills readily available that allow us to change. Damn, if I don't love this work. And damn, if I don't love you for being on the journey with me. Thanks for tuning in. What I wanted to talk about today, though, as I come off of my third possible tangent here, that is the ADHD mama brain for you. But what I wanted to talk about today is eliminating extractive dynamics. And this is something that I see play out in so many people that experience stress, burnout, overwhelm. And it is a thing that until you hear this conversation, Or this podcast, you may never actually fully identify or extricate yourself from. And so just by listening today, there is a good chance that you will liberate yourself from so much stress, overwhelm, burnout, trauma. That you are currently carrying at an unconscious level. One of my favorite wisdom teachers, Marcy Vaughn, always. repeats to me is that awareness is the greatest liberator. And so every time we enter into conversations like this, there is some sort of sacred exchange taking place, right? And that is this gift of you come here. I help you expand your awareness and you leave liberated, but you know what I do too. Because your liberation is my liberation and my liberation is your liberation and all boats rise with the rising tide. And this brings me to why I shift up actually the dynamic of the Dr. Tammy Talks podcast. Season one was starting to feel extractive to me. It wasn't feeling regenerative. It was feeling a little bit like, I'm doing all this prep work, I'm delivering what feels good. I mean, many of those podcast episodes were like masterclasses, right? Could have easily charged money for the content that is in there. And, and now I'm delivering a level of wisdom that is both practical and pragmatic, but it's less preparatory work. It feels less extractive and it feels more regenerative, which means I get to do it longer. Right? It's more enjoyable for me. And I think when I'm having a great time, you are too. I truly believe that about this community, the community of people that follow me, that work with me, we are Are interested in feeling better and we are interested to see how good it can get because that is the community that we're building. That's why I'm bringing this conversation here because extractive dynamics. Conditioned into us, I did not realize how I had removed myself from the healthcare system and I built my own coaching business right after years of going through my own personal transformation, I felt finally confident and competent enough to start journeying with other people. Gosh, this is more than a decade ago now, 12 years ago. I'll just say in 2012 was my burnout because now we're in 2025 now we're like talking 13 years y'all just that just keeps on moving. So, it was a while ago. And where was I going with this, um, the point being that when I left medicine. I did not realize how conditioned I was to an extractive dynamic which was that I was willing to sacrifice. So much of myself to the point of self destruction and self sabotage in many instances. And I did that willingly because I was operating from a belief system that told me if I worked really hard and I was willing to sacrifice myself, then I was a really good doctor and I would be successful. And it has taken me so long to unravel that. I think I'm still on the journey of unraveling it. More and more all the time, right? Because when we have conditioned beliefs that actually originate in childhood, it takes such radical levels of awareness to liberate all of the pieces of those belief systems. And it's worth the work. I promise you it's worth the work because the freedom on the other side is indescribable. It is indescribable what it's like when your solar plexus opens and your throat chakra opens and your heart is warm and alive and you can feel positive emotions, regenerative, renewing emotions like love and joy and playfulness. When we thought, right, and we opened to that, it is remarkable how delicious life is. And I had recreated, recreated extractive dynamics in my coaching practice. And they were not nearly as bad as the extractive dynamic that I was living in while I was still in medicine as a surgeon. As a physician, but they were thwarting my ability to be truly successful on the, like in a long term game. And I would find myself in these cycles of ongoing, like what felt like burnout. And I remember hearing from another, another person who like has experienced burnout. They're a physician. And they said to me, That they get a daily reprieve from burnout. Now I'm very familiar with this language because that is really common in recovery circles. Like I get a daily reprieve from my alcoholism or my drug addiction and. At the beginning. That is true. That is entirely true because the conditioning of picking up the drink of picking up the drug of picking up the stress is so strong. Those neural networks are so well worn that when we're building a new habit. When we're building new neural networks, when we're moving our set point, our emotional energetic set point is moving, right? This is a biochemical overhaul, by the way, for the whole body, for the brain, the body. And we're detoxing essentially from these stressful biochemicals, cortisol, adrenaline, all of these things, highly addictive, by the way, very similar to cocaine in its nature. So we want to, we want to Like be hip to this and so I was still addicted to the stress, right? And I was create recreating so many of these stressful dynamics and there there is quite possibly besides an adversarial relationship with yourself, which is the I Fundamentally believe the greatest driver of stress burnout overwhelm anxiety in your life The number one culprit is an adversarial relationship to yourself. Number two is going to be this addiction to stress. And then number three is going to be extractive dynamics. And we're conditioned into all of them. And so Gosh, another reason why perspective is so valuable because when we can understand that that's our perspective that it's been our perspective is something that's been conditioned into us, and it's something we can change. When we understand that the brain can change, when we have the skills for changing the brain and then change can happen fast, it is remarkable what we can change in three months, six months, a year, phenomenal and incredibly exciting. The extractive dynamic piece, because it happens at such an unconscious level. It can take some real pointed awareness and attention to discover if we're playing with it. And I believe that if we're in an extractive dynamic, it means that we need to sacrifice something to fulfill a role. And that sacrifice depletes or diminishes us in some way. Now, there are many dynamics in our life that we give to, particularly like that newborn phase. I'm not that far out of it. My little guy, uh, this weekend is going to be 18 months old. Um, So I'm not that far away from it. And I would have moments where I, where I allowed myself to experience an extractive dynamic with this little being. And I was, and I, and I realized I'm, I'm not willing to go there. And so we can shift our mindset. We can shift our perspective. We can, we can shift the way that we perceive. In our life, and it's so helpful when we recognize when we're in an extractive dynamic, and we decide that there's one of two things that we can do in any situation, we can either change the circumstance, or we can change the way we think and feel about it. That's it. Shifting any of those pieces. changes the result, meaning your life. So I, as I noticed this extractive dynamic start to take place. With little baby Theodore. I had so much compassion for myself because I realized, Oh my gosh, that's just like, I'm stressed. I'm tired. It's totally normal. As you like start to learn how the brain works, it's totally. Reasonable that I would start defaulting to the most stressed based neural networks that I have in my brain and those were so deeply rooted in extractive dynamics. There was not a more stressful time in my life than when I was. In my surgical residency and finishing up my surgical residency, my existential crisis was major. I saw where healthcare was headed before a lot of other people did. I'm sensitive. I see things. I see patterns. I know where things are. I have a gift. Which is sometimes not a gift, but it is a gift when I know how to use it wisely. Everything is a gift when we know how to use it wisely. Our ADHD, my proclivity for addiction, my sensitivity to stress, my sensitivity, my sensitivity in general assets, profound, exquisite gifts. When I know how to work with them and I know how to use them so true with all things. So I wasn't going to be able to change the circumstance with this little guy. He wasn't going to age faster, right, than I, than he was. And so because I now realize the consequence of extractive dynamics, which ultimately leads. To self defeat, self depletion, self sabotage, and self destruction in its most unbridled form. And I'm no longer willing to go there. Like, I am no longer willing to play a game that depletes or defeats me. I am opting out and I want you opting out too. And so let's opt in to our great, massive ability to shift our minds and our emotions. And so, as I noticed this extractive dynamic coming up and I was steadfast on eliminating it, I was able to tap into the gift of being the mother of this little being, of the sacredness of this moment, of these moments. I was able to be proud of myself for showing up the way that I did, the way that I do as an attentive, caring mother, even when it's hard. I was able to show myself some love, some more appreciation. I was able to double down on my self care. And all of that helped shift the, and allowed me to eliminate the extractive dynamic. And sometimes we have to get curious. Like, at one point I, I had stopped podcasting for a while because that extractive dynamic, I could not be, I could not be the mother I wanted to be and be in an extractive dynamic with my business. I have now decided that wifing, mothering, parenting, adulting, businessing, coaching, podcasting, everything in my life is in extractive. A regenerative dynamic as I give, I receive, as I give, I receive, I am, I have never been more rooted in the truth that like what I share, what I give for free is of massive value and that my work is of the highest service. and worthy of massive compensation. I have never been more convinced of the fact that people love me and my work and love to pay me and love to journey with me and love to work with me. And I keep seeing this. People loving to pay me. People loving to renew their contracts. People wanting to stay in these containers longer because they get so much value from being in space with me. They love to pay me. And so many of my clients that are entrepreneurs or solo practitioners or growing new businesses, so exciting, it is so helpful for us to recognize extractive dynamics when they're starting to take place and eliminate them because nothing will kill a budding business faster than falling into that extractive pattern. Nothing creates more tension in a home. Then feeling like everybody around you is extracting from you and that you've got nothing left. Nothing kills your sex life or your relationship with your significant other more than thinking that they are extracting from you. And so my invitation is that if we're, if, if, if we're not going to change the circumstances, which oftentimes we don't necessarily need to do. I didn't need to give up podcasting forever. I needed to shift my belief systems around it. I didn't need to give up releasing courses and launching and opening my coaching practice forever. I just wanted to upgrade my belief systems about it. And when we know that we want more abundance, when we know we want more flow, when we want more joy, when we want more energy, when we want more, it's important that we know we get to have it. You get to have it, the more that you want, you get to have it, my love, you get to have it. It will require you to shift in order to get it. And that shifting can be the most joyful process. It's not always easy, but it can be exhilarating to just be on the journey to be in process. So my invitation to you is to look at the dynamics in your life, the ones that mean the most to you. Your work, your home with your family and ask, where am I being extracted from? Where is part of me being depleted or diminished in some way? And I want you to own it. This is about radical responsibility rooted in so much self respect and self love. Once you identify it, your awareness is the greatest liberator. You might not like seeing it. But now it gets to change and with it will come a flood of energy and renewal and regeneration like you have never felt before. You're welcome. So as we look at these extractive dynamics, it's like, wow, okay, what is the identity? What are the belief systems? What are the thoughts of this version of me? That's willing to be in this extractive dynamic. And when I go forward and I see myself in regenerative, renewing, replenishing dynamics that invigorate me and help me come alive and help me feel more alive and fuel me that version of me, what is her identity or his identity? What's the, what is my identity and what do I believe about myself when I'm living there? What do I believe about others? Because we are always living from belief systems, and we want to lay new neural networks. Yes, we are going to dismantle these extractive dynamics. We're going to dismantle those. We become aware of them. We recognize them. We opt out. We say, Oh, not doing that anymore. Control Alt Delete. And we need to lay a new program. We need a new neural network, right? And we need a new plan of action and only you get to lay that the daily visualization is a great way to do that. Or you can do a retrospective analysis. You can look back at the day and say, wow, where did I fall into extractive dynamics? And then you can listen to rewrite the replay phenomenal podcast. Of Dr. Tammy Talks on the Dr. Tammy Talks podcast, and it gives you instructions on how you can look back on something where you didn't show up the way that you wanted to, and guides you to see yourself, experience yourself, showing up the way that you want to. And this is such a powerful practice for laying new neural networks. That's what we're doing. Whether you do it through visualization, journaling, speaking it, acting as if. All of these things are helpful in building a new blueprint for who you want to be, where you want to go, how you want to live. And so let's leverage them. Let's leverage them. Play with this. I cannot wait to hear how this helps you. I hope this made sense. This is a next level conversation, right? This isn't like your regular self help talk. This is next level. This is taking it five layers deeper and this This is like mining for gold. This is gold. Especially if you found yourself in extractive dynamics, this is going to free you in so many ways. And you're going to have to be willing to disappoint people around you because as you reorient your power, as you shift it back to you, And you release the people pleasing and the wanting to look a certain way and you reorient to your true power, which is always within you and you resource, you're more interested in resourcing from within. There is a power shift that is experienced by the people around you. And you've got to be willing to disappoint people. You've got to be willing to let people think whatever they're going to think about you and care more about what you think about you. And if you need to lean on somebody. I think incredibly highly of you. I think the world of you. I absolutely love you. So get more of that in your ear. Thank you so much for being in my community, in my world. Thank you for tuning into Dr. Tammy Talks. Let me hear from you. I love hearing from you. Drop a review, share it with others, spread the word. We're changing the world. We're changing the world. We change our families, change our systems, change the world changes. We've got work to do. Have a beautiful day. I love you. Let's go.