Episode 1: Why Being Real Matters in Life & Business

What if you could do what you love, have a fulfilling personal life, be successful and fully express the real you in life?

Join Barb and Melissa today as they discuss their journeys and transitions from their hustle and bustle lives, where ‘efforting’ was in fact not the magic formula. Instead, making space to go within and showing up in the present moment proved to be a far more accurate navigation system than leaning into the grind.

Want to deconstruct your limited ideas about what’s possible for you?

This episode will inspire you to shed the preconceived notions of who you should be, encourage you to simply show up as the real you, and give you reason to follow your own inner well of creativity to achieve your dreams and live your best life.

Please find us on Melissa's website or  Barb's website.

If you enjoy the show, please FOLLOW, RATE, and REVIEW us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really helps us out. Thank you!

Transcript

[00:00:00] INTRO: Here we are. Here we go. Take one.

[00:00:05] Barbara Patterson: Welcome to Real Women Real Lives.

[00:00:08] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Where wit and wisdom collide.

[00:00:10] Barbara Patterson: Seriously, who knew that French fries could be a catalyst for shifts of consciousness.

[00:00:16] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: It's just so clear to me in this moment, how I get confused about it. And then we remember.

[00:00:21] Barbara Patterson: How can we create a life that allows us to step into our work and our expression, just being who we are, but also funds our dreams?

[00:00:32] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: What is my husband doing right now? Am I successful enough?

[00:00:37] Barbara Patterson:  But do you have faith that you're okay no matter what happens.

[00:00:43] Barbara Patterson: Hi everyone. This is Barb.

[00:00:45] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Hi, I'm Melissa.

[00:00:47] Barbara Patterson: So Melissa and I were just doing our extensive 3-minute prep work before we jumped on. And the real big question we had was should we tell people this is our first one. In case we don't use it.

[00:01:04] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: The bar is set kind of low if that's the biggest thing that we're talking about before we get on here in our three minutes of heavy prep call.

[00:01:13] Barbara Patterson: Yeah. And also we figured that because the title has real women in the title, we thought we should just be real and absolutely let people know that this has been...months?

[00:01:26] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: A year, Barb.

[00:01:27] Barbara Patterson: Is it a year. Okay. But who's counting. I think I might be the issue, but, uh, yeah. And so it's super fun to finally be doing this, but, you know, I love that because I think I've come to learn and I know you and I have talked a lot about it, there's something to the... you know, we get a great idea and then it seems like we should act on it right away. And yet here we are a year later, right? Finally sitting down and doing this, but that year hasn't been for naught, right? Some things have  happened in that year.

[00:02:02] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: I remember. Again, not counting months at all, but I do remember exactly where I was when I had the first conversation with you.

I was walking in Manhasset. It was a whole day and you were in my ears and I asked, "Hey, what if we did a podcast?"

[00:02:19] Barbara Patterson: Yes.

[00:02:20] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: You said, yes. And I was so excited. It just, it just took what it took and there's been so much life outside in the world. And also in my own mind and each time we would talk, there was just a, a real excitement and also a non-attachment to the doing of it. It just became like really easy to say. "Yeah, let's just get on and do it."

[00:02:41] Barbara Patterson: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I, you know, now that you bring that up, I remember too. I was out walking and, uh, one of those COVID walks. Right? You know, to get outside every day. Not COVID. Well, COVID yes. Sorry. Sorry, everyone. I have COVID on the brain. Full disclosure again. I actually have COVID right now. I am on the tail end of it.

And yes, it was one of those walks, but we were both getting out of our work from home mode and getting outside for a little sunshine and nature.

You and I share a passion for really blowing up the myth that success and connection and following our purpose and being in alignment and creating a lifestyle that we want needs to come with intensity and pressure and stress. Now, we both absolutely believed that's what was required before, but have been on a journey to redefine that and to realize that no, no, we want to bring all of who we are to everything we do. And so that means sometimes a really cool idea takes a year til you're actually sitting down making it then.

[00:03:56] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Yeah, I love that. AndI also love the simplicity in it. Right. I thought that, well, let's just say I had a lot of thinking about doing a podcast with Barb Patterson. In my head, and I think there's no accidents because when we had that first conversation, I thought of you as Barb Patterson. And you were a little bit on the deist, if you will. Like where I come from Italian American culture, when you have a wedding, the husband or wife, they sit on this deist. It's very fancy. And everybody goes up and they pay their respects and they give an envelope full of cash. And you were on the deist when we first had that conversation..

[00:04:36] Barbara Patterson: So how many months before I was off it?

[00:04:40] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: I never quite gave you the envelope with cash.

What's happened over the past year is I've got to see things just a little bit differently and I see you as I see me, which is beautiful, perfect and human.

[00:05:01] Barbara Patterson: Yeah. I love that.

[00:05:02] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: And real. Right. So now, today it's different, I think, than a podcast I would have had with you a year ago, because it would have been with me and Barb Patterson.

And today it's me and you.

[00:05:13] Barbara Patterson: I love that. Thank God. I love that. Absolutely.

[00:05:16] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Sitting here having some herbal tea on a cold winter's day.

[00:05:20] Barbara Patterson: Exactly. Well, and, and really a lot has happened for both of us in the last year. And I think I would love to have youshare, like most recently you've just made a huge transition, Melissa. You want to talk about it a little bit?

[00:05:36] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: There are so many transitions.

[00:05:38] Barbara Patterson: I know.

[00:05:39] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: One where I had to drive three miles and then walk two miles in the snow, but you're not talking about that. Not the sleigh riding one.

So yeah, I mean, in my, in my career, I've, I've worked in corporate America for over 25 years. I used to say 20 years on my bio, but I realized it's actually over 25 years now.

And you know, I've run different kinds of companies. I've started companies, I've closed companies. I've bought them, I've sold them. I've done all there is to do in business. And my love is the people in the business. Always has been. And recently I thought, well, wouldn't it be wonderful if I could focus all of my energy on doing what I love, which is serving, serving people, specifically serving women in work.

And, the reason for that is because as you mentioned, for so long I had a belief that I had to work really, really hard. That I had to prove myself, that I had to be on this hamster wheel— going, going, going until I got to this magical place of which I couldn't quite put my finger on, but then it would be enough.

I never quite got there. And it wasn't until recently that I saw the lie that that was; the innocent misunderstanding that I had. There was no 'there,' there's only here and what's possible in the moment. And so I've had, uh, it sounds dramatic, but a paradigm shift as to what I believe today and because of that, I want to share that with other women so that they can live a life, frankly, with a lot more joy and a lot less of that stress and pressure. That's not , like you said, Barb, it's just not required.

[00:07:16] Barbara Patterson: Yeah. I love that. And, and I made a similar transition about 10 plus years ago now. And, you know, working as an executive inside of a global organization, running the global function, I always say, cause I think it's important. I didn't leave a problem. Like in other words, I loved the people I worked with. I loved the challenge, that role in particular and that company over. a eight plus year partnership, you know, they developed me, gave me opportunity and I contributed a lot. And, you know, I feel like it was beneficial for both of us. Right?

But I was feeling this nudge and... which then became just a really loud, you know, inside that it was time to move back to the States, and time to do my own thing again. And you know, that decision has been one of...I am so grateful for that decision. I'm grateful that I listened. That I followed that nudge, that knowing. I'm grateful that I took the risk, not really knowing how this would turn out and 10 years later it's been phenomenal.

And so I, like you though, I really...  I get and appreciate that you can be someone that has ambition and drive and loves to contribute and stretch yourself and play big, but also... for me at that time, I realized I want to be as fulfilled in my personal life as I have been in my professional life. I had a really pretty amazing career and I just realized that to do that, it was going to require a change for me, but also that question of how can we create a life that allows us to step into our work and our expression, just being who we are, but also funds our dreams and funds our life. I think like there's this old myth that I do think is getting blown up more and more that somehow the only way you can provide a really great life and lifestyle for your family is sacrifice, hard work, hustle, giving up, you know, personal time with family.

And I no longer  believe that. And I've seen evidence of it not only in my own business and career, but with the clients I've had the opportunity to work with over the last 10 years. And that's the part on a, just a personal level, I'm so excited for you, but I'm also so excited for the people that you are going to be working with, Melissa. You know, we've known each other for five years now, somewhere around there. And, you know, I think it's fair to say I've been like maybe behind the scenes whispering...

Because I think you are such an amazing woman and you are amazing because you do have all the smarts and the successful experiences and leadership, but you also have like this amazing depth and this huge heart. And I just love that people are going to have more access to that now To being able to learn from you.

[00:10:28] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Oh, that means so much coming from you. It touches my heart. You touch my heart. And I remember a conversation that we had probably four or five years ago when I was in the middle of something, a transition and uncertainty at work, not knowing sort of what was next at a large company. And you sat across from a dining room table.

And you said to me, what if not knowing was actually the best possible thing. And I remembered, I really didn't like you in that moment. And I thought, "She's suppose to be a professionally coach. What the heck is she talking about.

[00:11:05] Barbara Patterson: [You were saying] She obviously doesn't know.

[00:11:08] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: I  asked her a question!" What's the answer! But it was true. And what I didn't know in that moment, but what I see now is not knowing in my intellect, in my analytical brain, allows for something else to put forward an idea.

And the something else...there are so many words for that. And since this is real women , right, we're talking about real life real lives,  you know, for me, I could call it a hunch. I can call it intuition. I can call it the intelligence behind life. But for me, it's spirit, right? It's spirit that speaks through me when I allow myself to get out of the way. And my self meaning, the limited thinking that I have about what's possible for myself, for my family, for my business, for you, for anyone. When I am able to put my thinking to the side and step into the unknown what's possible. I mean,  that's where the freaking miracles have come. Miracles!

[00:12:05] Barbara Patterson: Yeah. I so resonate with that. And, and for me, you know, I can remember the moment, like the first year in my business, I was looking out the window and, you know, having this adrenaline inside and this bit of anxiety and this push and like, "I gotta make this happen. I got to, I got work to do it." You know, "This isn't a business. I gotta, you know, and just having one of those moments of grace, where my mind got a little open and got less reactive in that moment. And in that, as you said, something deeper came through and the message I had in that moment was "I don't want to build my business in life from this energy anymore. I am exhausted from this energy."

And at the time I was around mentors and teachers that were pointing me to what is going to be the foundation of a lot of our conversations.

 But as what you were saying, it was like, there's actually a powerful relationship between the quality of our internal state and the quality of our ideas. And that the more anxious or revved up or reactive or effortful or pushing I am the more constricted, the more it actually does limit us. And so for me, it was like really being willing to step back and say, "What if I don't know everything about who I think I am and what my strengths are? What if there's more here that I just haven't ever been able to tap into. And what if success and happiness and fulfillment didn't mean I had to run on high drive all the time, or that I had to be anything extra than who I am.

[00:13:47] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Wow. Two things are coming up as you're saying that. The first is when Maya my daughter Maya, she just turned eight, when she was born. Number one, I had no idea, no idea how to be a mom, right? No one there's nothing. I guess they're actually our books. And the truth is I've probably read 10 of them, but I remember when they put her in my arms, I just thought I have no idea. And yet, in every moment I knew what to do. And when you're saying that, that's what life is. Right. In each moment I will be guided what to do, not five moments from now at each moment. And I remember, you know, in the early days, like I would get so overwhelmed because I didn't know what to do five moments from now. And then I just took myself back to the moment. And in each moment I was guided.

That's what I'm seeing today. In this moment, I know  what to do in this moment, we are guided if we allow it. And the other thing that came forward was how hard I worked after she was born. I mean, I took about four days maternity leave, which is absolutely insane. And it was so innocent because I thought I had to go back to work, Barb.

You know, I thought they needed me. I thought. I thought. I thought. I thought, and I couldn't even see outside of my thinking around another creative idea because I was so stuck in my own thought. I didn't have the understanding to slow down and think of another, allow rather, another creative solution to come from.

[00:15:10] Barbara Patterson: Yeah. Well, I know so many people will relate to that. And, you know, I, I think that's the interesting thing. And part of what I know we're both hoping is that through some laughter and some meaningful conversation and sharing of ourselves, That we'll give people an opportunity to go beyond those ideas that, you know, we've been swimming and living in. That drive, you know, the pressure and the way we think we have to show up to create and be good parents and good wives and daughters and friends and employees or leaders, and to tap into that spirit, as you called it, or that creative potential behind all of that.

To find that space inside of us, because that is just like this reservoir of well-being, of creativity, of bounce back, of being in the moment, as you so beautifully talked about it. You know. So for our stories and conversations, I think it's, I hope we give people the opportunity to get a little bit more suspect about the ideas they have about who they are and what's possible. And they start to get curious, like, I love how you opened it up about, more about what they don't know. More curious about what they don't know, than what they do. And then also that we just like tap into that juiciness, that creative potential and point people in that direction. Because I know for myself, there has been nothing more valuable to me over the last 10 years of this business than knowing where to go when I needed it most.

And that's to that space within.

[00:16:52] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Really beautiful. As you're speaking, I just see this body of water and just the little drop into the water and the ripple. And, you know, my heartfelt hope is that this conversation is a little drop into the water and that the ripple may touch someone somewhere in some way so that they can be in touch with that beautiful space inside of themselves.

[00:17:14] Barbara Patterson: That's beautiful. Yeah. So maybe just thanking everybody for checking us out today.

[00:17:20] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Yeah.

[00:17:21] Barbara Patterson: And...

[00:17:21] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: You were here with us on our first!

[00:17:24] Barbara Patterson: Give us a chance! Hopefully, you know, uh, but more than that, we  just look forward to being in community with people and with women just like us that are just showing up to their lives in the best way they can, but also are curious and want to maybe have a new experience of who they can be as mother and sister and leader and entrepreneur, whatever that may be.

[00:17:49] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Yeah, yeah. That that's so perfect. And I think that one of the big reasons why we talked about doing this and for me is that I want everyone to know that they're not alone.

[00:17:57] Barbara Patterson: Yeah.

[00:17:57] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: You're not alone in your thinking and your experience and whatever you're up against. You're not alone. Someone has been there. We have probably been there. So to create this community of connection, that's what I'm really, really excited about.

[00:18:11] Barbara Patterson: Me too. Yeah. Thank you everybody.

[00:18:14] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Thank you. See you soon.

[00:18:15] Barbara Patterson:
OUTRO—Thank you so much for listening to REAL WOMEN REAL LIVES with your hosts, Barb Patterson and Melissa Palazzo-Hart. We hope you enjoyed this week's episode. And if you did, go to Apple Podcasts or Spotify and follow, give us a rating and leave a review. If you know anyone that would benefit from our conversation today, we'd love for you to share it with them.

[00:18:39] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: What topics do you want to hear about in future episodes? We'd love to hear from. You can email us at hello@realwomenreallives.com. Want to see the show notes or read a transcript of this show? You can find it on melissapalazzohart.com or barbarapatterson.com. Thank you so much for listening to REAL WOMEN REAL LIVES. 

 A special shout out and thanks to our producer Jenée Arthur of Peripheral View Media.

Until next time—remember, take the mask off. No filters, just possibilities.