Episode 7: Why So Serious?

Life can feel heavy, and circumstances seem serious. But what if having a lighter state of mind could shift all of that?

Today, Barb and Melissa talk about the errant belief that ‘grinding’ and taking our lives and businesses too seriously is somehow beneficial. 

Are there areas in your life where you can lighten up and discover the real possibilities of freedom and joy from a freer, lighter mind?

Please find us on Melissa's website or  Barb's website.

If you enjoy the show, please FOLLOW, RATE, and REVIEW us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really helps us out. Thank you!

Transcript

[00:00:00] INTRO

[00:00:43] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Hello everyone. And welcome to REAL WOMEN REAL LIVES with Melissa Palazzo-Hart
 
 [00:00:49] Barb Patterson: and Barb Patterson. Hi everyone.
 
 [00:00:51] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Today, we are going to be taking a dive into potentially not taking ourselves too seriously. And I say [00:01:00] 'potentially' because we're going to see how it goes. Barb, do you want to kick us off here?

[00:01:06] Barb Patterson: I feel a challenge to talk about not taking myself too seriously, but not to do that in a serious way.

So yeah, Melissa and I were chatting before we hit the record button and, you know, as we do and kind of check in and I was sharing with her that this week in particular, I have noticed that I've been walking around in a little bit of a more heavier feel inside myself. And for me, that's usually a warning sign that I'm taking things a little too seriously.

I can get into my work M.O. I can get into my getting things done M.O. And I'm kind of in my head working it all out and doing things. But I am working on a new project and I have a team around it and, you know, helping me look at creating a new platform and some things we're doing. And I noticed we had a meeting earlier this week and I could just feel my mood.

] I could just feel that I was not real lively—and I'm not trying to be anything other than I am, but you know, when you're just kind of flat or heavy or kind of irritable, like for no reason. Right.

So you're relating, Melissa, you ever get that way?

[00:02:22] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Irritable for no reason.

[00:02:24] Barb Patterson: Exactly. And then waiting for a proposal and then that came through and we had to have more conversation about it because it didn't have all the information needed. And I just noticed, like, I mean, it's a proposal. Having to ask for more information is normal. I send off proposals to organizations and companies and yes, sometimes they need more info from me, you know?

So, I could see my sort of inner quality, my irritability, my heaviness, everything just felt hard kind of, too. That was the other thing. I knew, I knew enough to say, "Wow, this doesn't really match what's going on here. You might even might just be like, woke up on the wrong side of the bed multiple days in a row, you know, like something is kind of going on.

And in that I saw, I'm like, "Wow, I am, I'm just taking this really seriously." And actually the project is exciting. What I hope it will potentially offer people and be a portal for, and an opportunity for... I'm super inspired about, but all that inspiration and the excitement and the creativity. It's like nowhere, it's like it turned into Project Blah.

I gotta talk about Project Blah. And we got to talk about the blah-blah-blah and then we got to do the blah-blah-blah, you know, it was just this fascinating to me. And I think because I was meeting with other people and in particular one partner I have on this, I could feel my energy and I could feel his sort of reaction to it, you know, like being totally fine, but I could feel, I could feel my vibe was like, you know, adding a dimension into the exchange that I didn't mean to.

I called him up yesterday and I just said, "Hey, I need to lighten up. It's not you. It's not even the project, it's not even the proposal. I just got to lighten up."

[00:04:25] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Mmmm.

[00:04:25] Barb Patterson: And I've got to come back to my inspiration. And I said,"This is exciting. Like, I know I haven't acted like it in the last few days, but I am so grateful to have your partnership. And I'm excited about what this can be. And here's the other thing. It scares me a little bit. It brings up some insecure thinking. It's an investment, which makes me nervous, but also I'm kind of potentially stepping out with an idea. Can I trust that idea? Is it a good one? Am I making a mistake?"

Like all those normal things that come up? I think I just didn't see that I had kind of gotten lost and been carrying around this thing as if it was a burden. And so I can see for me that place of taking things a little too seriously in my business, that can be an Achilles [heel] for me. I can leave the feeling of joy and get into, like I said earlier, that kind of 'worker mode' and carrying it all and getting it right.

And then it just robs...it like sucks joy out of me and the experience and, you know, anybody else that I might be working with.

[00:05:41] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Well, how incredible that you got to see that. That you got to see your, your mood, if you will. As opposed to thinking, you know, it really is this proposal. Or it really is the idea or this person that I'm partnering with. Like you, you got to see it pretty quickly, which I think you said just a couple of [00:06:00] days. I mean, it's taken me months—sometimes.

[00:06:05] Barb Patterson: Well, I could go back. I could go back in time. Yeah. Yeah. But seriously, just to add to that, I do want to say this is something I can do. Like it's not a, "Ooh, this just happened one time." I'm seeing like a deeper opportunity in me to have more fun, to treat things with more lightness, to bring the lightness and the joy and the inspiration of creativity, of trying something new of being in over my head, of working with amazing people.

And just to see that, of course I get in a mood like we all do. But it's not telling me anything worthwhile.

[00:06:45] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Yeah. Even Barb Patterson gets in moods.

 [00:06:51] Barb Patterson: I think there'd be a lineup of people that could tell you that kind of moods I get in. So.
 
 [00:06:56] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Oh my goodness. I had a friend a long time ago who told ] me "Melissa, when you lose your sense of humor, something's up.";

[00:07:04] Barb Patterson: Yeah.

[00:07:04] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: And I thought, "Yeah, you're up for telling me that. And by the way, who asked your opinion anyway?"

[00:07:10] Barb Patterson: "What's your point?" Yeah.

[00:07:12] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: "Friend" (In quotes).

I think about that as you're sharing that, because I really do have a great sense of humor. And I say that in the most humble way. I just see humor in everything and everyone and situations that maybe others don't. And  when I don't find things funny and things look serious, it's a really good warning system for me.

It's my flashing light in my car , my hazard signal.. Maybe you want to take a look at that? Why things became so serious?

I was woken up this morning. We have an orange cat and, uh, he's about 37. I said to my husband, because this cat, I mean, God bless it. It just won't die. And it has this huge stomach that's hanging.

And you know, every  morning it wakes me up with the loudest 'meow' and it takes its paw and it literally puts its paw on my right eye and wakes me up. Hello. And some mornings, I just want to take the cat and give it to a small child that loves cats.

And then this morning I woke up and I literally started laughing when he did it. And I thought he does the same thing every darn morning. And sometimes I just want to, you know what? And then today it was just really fun. And I noticed I had an extra bounce in my step coming down the stairs this morning.

You know, my husband was doing what he does and I found it adorable. And let's just say that doesn't happen every morning. So it's such a good warning system for me on my mood and what's up and taking things less seriously. I take things seriously when they relate to my business, when they relate to money, when it relates to what I think maybe people are or are not thinking about me.

And usually people aren't thinking about me. So it's really not that serious. And I just have to remember when I am not in the joy—by the way, one of the most joyful experiences I've ever had was being in jury duty, Barb. That wouldn't be normal. I mean, I've had joyous experience waiting in line at the DMV, and we all know that that sometimes isn't great.

And then I've had joyful experiences being in a board meeting or things were really, really important, but I was just so excited to be in it.

In those moments when I can be more in that joy space, as you call it, or fun space, I have so much more freedom to be me. And I think that's what goes away, as I'm saying this out loud. The freedom to be me goes away when I feel it's serious or important or urgent, or it will impact my future in some way. It doesn't really matter what I'm doing. I mean, I can be on the top of the Eiffel Tower or I could be at the DMV  and have the same experience. So it's really the thinking that I have around what the result will be about something that I'm doing. I have to get out of the future and get in today.

Oh, I like that. "I have to get out of the future and get into today."

The other thing that you're reminding me of is a rollercoaster. Now I'm deathly afraid of rollercoasters. I'm probably not going to die on a rollercoaster, but the part that's the most scary for me actually is the part where we're going up the hill, because I'm thinking about what's going to happen. And then on the way down, I'm just screaming my head off, but I'm kind of enjoying it.

[00:10:38] Barb Patterson: Yeah.

[00:10:38] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: And so I get really serious going up. And that's what you...you're reminding me of. It's like, if I can just be in the moment and see if I'm in the story of my own mind going up a roller coaster, or if I'm just on a rollercoaster.

[00:10:52] Barb Patterson: Yeah. I think that analogy is a great one. And I also appreciate what you're saying around when we think something's at stake, we can get into serious.

[00:11:03] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Yeah.

[00:11:04] Barb Patterson: Yet. What's fascinating about that is what you said that we actually perform better in a freer and more open, lighter mind. We're more agile, we have access to more creative problem solving, and then we just enjoy the roller coaster more in that space.
 
 And yet it's true. I think it's like, well, if I get this right, it will have meant I made a mistake or, you know, money's dependent on it or  image is dependent on it or the future, or, you know, like we can put all these things at stake and then it justifies our feeling for taking it serious. But it's fascinating because you know, it's not to say those things don't matter to us.
 
 But those things don't mean we have to be gripped and uptight and push and effortful, you know... along the way. And so, yeah,  it's, I think it's kind of fascinating for me to just sit over these last few days to say, "What if I could enjoy it more? What if I could be even lighter? What if I could be even more playful, you know, just what would that experience offer me?"
 
 [00:12:15] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Yeah. I'm going to challenge myself a little bit here and someone who may because, I mean, it sounds great to be more joyful and have more fun. And I love that. Right. Okay. But wait a second, wait a second. What if this really is important? Can you really be more fun? Can you really have more joy? I mean, this is important, Barb.

This is your business. This is your reputation. This is your platform, right? This is what I say to myself in my own head. So maybe I'll turn it into myself then. "Melissa, this is your business. This is your platform. This is your reputation." Okay. Then even more so, how can I be less attached to outcome so that I may actually bring my full self, not my sensored itself. Not my edited self. Not who I think I should be in this situation because that's actually not where the magic is. The opposite. And I have to remember that. One of the whole reasons I wanted to do this podcast with you is because for so long, I thought I did need to wear a mask to anywhere. To the PTA meeting. To the business meeting. To any meeting.

As opposed to just showin' up in the moment with all I got. And I have evidence, I love case studies. I have evidence that when I do that, I am showing up the best of my ability. And that is the most leverage I can have in any situation. And I have to say it out loud because I forget it all the time, when you said “When the stakes are high.”

[00:13:45] Barb Patterson: Yeah. And it is hard. And I just want to say like, sometimes it's hard. And, in this moment, I don't think we're/either one of us is saying “Change your mood. Get positive." We're not saying that. But if we see it as a state of mind, then we know it's fluid, right? And so our experience can be fluid as well, which means at times it feels hard, at times I'm worried about what's at stake, but other times I could be joyful and enjoying the process.

So in a way, knowing that it's a state of mind does — it allows us more range in our experience, you know, where work doesn't get in the bucket of serious. Money, doesn't get in the bucket of serious. And that's just the way it is. Your expression doesn't get in the way of s..., you know, in the bucket of"it's serious business."

It's like, no, no, I'm human. So my internal state is fluid and sometimes I'm moody. Sometimes I have moods. Sometimes I take things too seriously, but it's so helpful to know that the circumstance isn't predicting my state of mind, I'm just living in different fluid states of mind and seeing the heaviness for me, seeing that I'm taking it too seriously.

You know, to your point, it's like some things where it's easy to see—if an athlete is taking winning too seriously or too gripped about scoring or too gripped about, you know, getting the swing right. We know—they don't do as well. They don't perform as well. Same is true for us. We know if an actor or an actress is overthinking the lines while they're speaking the lines, right.

It doesn't feel as natural or authentic. So there are places where we can see the relationship that you and I are talking about, which is showing up as I am. Sometimes I'm moody sometimes I'm not, you know, but in the same sense to know that in that freer place, that lighter place, something else is available to us.

[00:15:47] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: And when I am moody, which I am—only sometimes. My husband might say more than that. It's it's human and okay and vulnerable to reach out to a colleague after I may have been moody. To reach out to someone on my team. To reach out to a client and say, "Well, you know what? I just realized. I was just really moody yesterday. I'm really sorry about that."

You know, I think that's also really important in the humanity of being human and letting that really be okay. It's really okay to be human, to be moody, to make mistakes, to have strong feelings. It's okay to cry, friends. It's okay to cry.

I remember being in a meeting with a gentleman, he started crying and he apologized. I thanked him for being human and for sharing vulnerability.

And I think that sharing vulnerability is so powerful. Sharing our humanity with another is so powerful. And somewhere along the way I thought or learned, you just don't do that. You keep that under wraps. And so it's all part of it. It's all part of the human experience.

You know, I recently took a course with Rohini Ross and it was called 'REWILDING' and I loved it so much because it really says that all of these feelings, all of these moods, all of this makes us who we are.

Right. And we get to  'rewild' like a young child. My daughter (8) Maya—she will cry. And then she will go do an art project. And she won't even bring up the crying. And that's just the fluidity of life. And I want that freedom. I want to be able to have all of that. And the only one that's stopped me from that is me—sometimes.

And then I remember that that's okay.

[00:17:31] Barb Patterson: Yeah.

[00:17:32] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: That's what I'm going to take away today from what you have shared about taking ourselves less serious.

[00:17:39] Barb Patterson: Yeah, thanks Melissa. And I think that's it too. It's like, I can feel an invitation inside myself to see what is on offer. If I move in the direction of more light—holding things more lightly and seeing what I see. And so, yeah, I invite the listener also to come along with us as we do that.

Thank you so much for today's conversation and for joining us.

[00:18:04] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Thanks, everyone. We'll see you soon. Lots of love.

[00:18:06] Barb Patterson: Bye-bye.

[00:18:08] OUTRO: Thank you so much for listening to REAL WOMEN REAL LIVES with your hosts Barb Patterson and Melissa Palazzo-Hart.

We hope you enjoyed this week's episode. And if you did go to Apple Podcasts or Spotify and follow, give us a rating and leave a review. If you know anyone that would benefit from our conversation today, we'd love for you to share it with them.

What topics do you want to hear about in future episodes? We'd love to hear from you. You can email us at realwomenreallivespodcast@gmail.com. 
 
Want to see the show notes or read a transcript of this show? You can find it on melissapalazzohart.com or barbarapatterson.com. 
 
Thank you so much for listening to real women real. A special shout out and thanks to our producer, Jenée Arthur of Peripheral View Media.
 
Until next time, remember, take the mask off. 
 
No filters, just possibilities.