The Power of the Pivot

Pivot. It's a word we've all likely used ad-nauseum in the past two years, yet it's an empowering topic of discussion for Melissa and Barb in today's episode.  

Join us today as Barb and Melissa share their pivot stories, and demonstrate the power behind having the ability to 'turn on a dime' when things don't go our way. 

Transcript

[00:00:00] SHOW INTRO

[00:00:52] Barb Patterson: Hi, welcome everybody to REAL WOMEN REAL LIVES. This is Barb. 

[00:00:56] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: And this is Melissa. 

[00:00:58] Barb Patterson: We are so glad to have you here as always. And today, we want to talk about our innate ability to pivot and mental, and emotional agility and how life sometimes causes us to turn on a dime; I think that is how the cliche goes.

But good news, as we hope to unravel in this conversation today, is that we have it within. To be agile. So, Melissa, I'm going to turn it over to you. 

[00:01:28] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Thank you, Barb. As you shared, I thought I didn't want to be agile. I like things my way. Why can't they be my way? 

That's the truth, my friends. I like things my way.

Yeah. So last week, my daughter, Maya, was in camp and a swimmer. So she's in the pool a lot. She's a fantastic swimmer, and she works hard at it.  And, Ugh, she was on the diving board, and she slid off in a wrong move and hit her head. And I was walking the dog at the time, and my husband called me, and he was like, there's an emergency at the camp.

Now, all of you know that you love someone when you get that call; how terrifying it is. So I ran into the house with the dog. And I half went to the bathroom because I had to go so badly, but I didn't quite, you know, and got into the car with my husband and we ran over to the camp, and I did not know what we were going to walk into.

I know that is a scary and unknown situation; I could quickly go to worst-case scenarios. I also know that when I do that, I am not used to anyone and my daughter, who is my heart.  I knew I had to reach deep down inside to where my strength was. And show up at that camp calm, peaceful, and ready to be of service.

And so I was closing my eyes. It's about a five-minute drive; I closed my eyes and just started. 

[00:03:16] Barb Patterson: You weren't driving, right? To clarify. 

[00:03:19] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: No, no, I was not driving. My husband was driving. 

[00:03:21] Barb Patterson: Sorry. All of a sudden, I got a visual. 

[00:03:25] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Listen, there are cars these days where you can close your eyes and drive.

I'd like one; I'd like two. They're beautiful. 

And I got into this place, and it was. I don't know, something else took over me and, you know, you read and see these things on the news. Like, you know, when there's a child in harm's way. And like, you know, the mom can lift a car, and I wasn't going to raise a vehicle.

I don't have that much strength, even though I try to stay strong. But I was in like, he, my husband stopped. He didn't eliminate the car. And I was like out of the car, he's like, wait for a second, let me stop the car. But I was. I was ready to get in there. And then I see my sweet, sweet daughter's face.

And, you know, the coach is like holding up a gauze pad on her head; there's blood and scary sight. And I saw that she was safe at the moment. So I asked myself. Okay. What is the next indicated step here now? It's interesting. Cause I've had conversations after, and people have said, well, did you start yelling at the camp director and questioning why this happened?

And you know, and I. It didn't even come into my head. My only job then was to take care of her and ensure she got safely. So no, none of those things came into my head. What came into my head from this quiet place was that I needed to get her to a plastic surgeon. And my husband looked at me like I was insane.

He's like, we need to take her to the emergency. But I knew you needed to get to a plastic surgeon, and it happened. Weeks ago, I was hanging out with some moms and friends, and they had mentioned that if anything ever happens, you should make sure you have a plastic surgeon. I mean, the serendipity was interesting.

We got to the plastic surgeon, and I am not good with blood. I can't even give blood because I pass out. I have passed out to that quiet strength and being there for her. So when we got to the plastic surgeon, she was beside herself. But I was not, which is interesting.

And, you know, they had to put the sweet girl into a certain, you know, it's called the papoose, but basically, it’s a straight jacket and, he just stayed right there with her eye to eye. We were breathing together. And the doctor and the nurse are incredible, incredible people. And I'm so grateful for them.

They did what they did. I don't know it. It was an out-of-body experience, Barb, for me. So after we were done, all the thoughts started coming in now that she was safe. All the reviews, there was a lot about who was wrong, what went wrong, you know, all of that. But then I realized this was the week of her swim championships and my daughter's.

Immediately said, “Will I be able to swim?” And, of course, the answer was no; we had many feelings about that. Life was in session. Things beyond our control were playing out right before our eyes, and the sense of loss of power, the importance of not being able to provide a solution, was utter powerlessness for me as a mom. I initially tried to make it better for her, but then I realized S-H-you know what-T happens? All the time. And so, what do we have control over? 

You know, I talk to people that I trust and respect. Megan here in New York, and Michelle and Los Angeles would know me well and know my daughter. And they helped me to get clear on what the opportunity was. And the opportunity was around teamwork.

The opportunity around pivoting here was painful and awful and prevented her from doing what she loved and worked so hard to do. And I talked to her that she had a choice here. We could ignore the swim championships and not go and support our team. Or we could go with our hats on ditches covered and support our team, and that bright-eyed, beautiful heart girl decided to do just that.

And it was like something shifted in her possibility, a joy of engaging in life, even if the terms were pretty crappy at the moment; the results were incredible in that when she got there, everyone was so kind and loving to her. And so what was interesting was even though she couldn't. She was a part of the team, and being part of a team feels good.

It's a team where everyone contributes and her contributions. Could you help them to get where they were? She didn't need to be the star that day. We would've liked it. I would've liked it as much as her, probably because I was so darn proud of her, but sometimes we get to be a part of it, which is where this was.

So pivoting life on life's terms, the choice is what can I do? What are the possibilities? And the truth is as awful as this was. And it wasn't perfect. I feel like my daughter became this new kind of person looking, In the direction of what's possible. And I hear her talking to her friends about it too.

And that's a gift because we know that life happens, bad things happen. 

[00:08:42] Barb Patterson: Well, I'm so glad she's okay. And I'm not surprised that her choice was to show up and be there for her teammates. And it's true. I think it's kind of in those moments; there's an opportunity to teach, show, and model something, you know, a more meaningful life lesson.

And it sounds like you did that beautifully. And I love that in that story, there are countless examples of mental agility and pivoting from the moment you thought. Okay. As we talked about in one of our recent episodes, my mind is starting to go into craziness. Imagination and insecurity of a party, you know, create worry. And it's like, you saw that. And then you had the mental agility to return to the here and now. What's the most important thing needed right now? I think that's so powerful. And then yeah, an expectation that your daughter would be swimming and potentially possibly winning the whole thing, then the agility to pivot and say, okay, that's not happening.

So what next? We're doing that all day long. And I love that we're highlighting what a brilliant built-in mechanism we are in the story. We're highlighting what an intelligent built-in tool we are in the story. To be able to do that and how powerful it is and what it offers us when we do it. Because, you know, when I was listening to you and thinking, it was like, yeah, you know, I think so often my upset, and maybe everyone's to some degree, is just the fact that we have to do it differently, as you said, and I don't want to.

Or the disappointment, you know, like there's all sorts of things that happen in those moments, but to see like, oh yeah, we have it within us. Our minds are designed to pivot. They're pivoting all day long. And so no human lives were impacted dramatically, but. a couple of weeks ago, my sister and brother-in-law were visiting town, and another friend of mine offered her house on the Oregon coast to go and spend the night.

So we were so excited to get there that we dropped off all of our things, walked around town, had lunch, and then went back to chill for a couple of hours. And then we're all excited about going to the beach to watch the sunset.  And I go to grab the keys off of the counter. And as I'm walking out the door, the door shuts, and I look, and I realize, oh, that key's not in there.

And then I push the door open—well, it's an automatic lock.

So at that moment, I realize I have locked us out of the house. 

[00:11:19] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Oh, 

[00:11:21] Barb Patterson: My sister and brother-in-law for, for the next 24, 48 hours, every once in a while, did an impression of me, you know, at that moment between the patting down of my body and all my pockets, hoping that somehow I had put it somewhere.

What I'm speaking to at that moment is to let you know that there was no spare key anywhere. So what happened was I knew of, uh, one of her good friends was in town. So I had to text like two people away to get to her right. Get numbers. And then I call her, and she doesn't have a key. She gives me a couple of ideas.

We're searching for the house. We're checking doors; anything open, we realize at that moment, it's. Okay, well, we're not getting back in, and most likely, the only spare key is in Portland. So within a relatively short period, we all pivot, and we're like, okay, well, let's watch the sunset.

There's, it's what we were getting ready to do. And we'll drive back to Portland. We'll spend the night before at my house, get the key in the morning, and come back. But you know, what was so interesting to me about that? For whatever reason, I  n that period, all of us just did it. We were instantly on board with a new plan for the night, and it wasn't a pleasant one.

You know, it wasn't one we'd hoped we would get to do. And my sister has some back stuff. So being in the car for an additional five hours was not a great plan. Nobody got upset about the pivot. I'm not saying that matters. I'm just, I just noticed it. Do you know what I mean? And I told him later that I'm so grateful for the grace at that moment because I could have and have just as quickly gotten mad at myself before.

I felt guilty and like, oh no, what I've causey. My brother-in-law and sister could have very rightly been irritated, but it was fascinating. And in that to watch how we were still able to enjoy the sunset, we went back home, everybody, you know, didn't like having this residue. We had consequences.

Right. We had consequences, but it didn't have this extra emotional burden with i. And I just, I thought about that when you were sharing, because it's just another more kind of benign example of when we have to pivot and how if we realize if we can let go of, or move through, recognize that there's a disappointment, there might be feeling.

There might be an upset. But on the other side, we know how to, where to go and what to do, and how to handle it. And on the other side of that can be a beautiful lesson. Like you've said, it can be a gift, can be us laughing, you know, just kind of humor. It's like all sorts of opportunities. Just one more example that, you know, I have a client recently that was let go from a pretty prominent position and, you know, reorg kind of all that kind of stuff to watch her also, like of course, you know, the shock of it, the sort of, what does this all mean?

But then also at the same time to have this curiosity about, Ooh, what does this all mean? Like knowing that there's always a new potential unfolding, right? There's always an opportunity. There's always a. Something new on the side that opens up a new door. So to watch her be in her humanness, but at the same time also have this authentic curiosity about, wow, what's next.

And so, I think that’s what happens to us when we allow our innate natural: agility, mental agility, and emotional agility to move through and the fluid nature of it. And we get less attached to what we have to let go of. You know, we get less attached to not being the number one swimmer, less attached to, well, I guess we're not spending the night here, you know, less attached to, you know, what does it mean?

This job meant about me, you know, all just different examples. I cannot help. But keep thinking that I would've broken a window, Barb. I know it's so funny. Everybody asks me that. So here's the deal. I'll explain it to our listeners if you're all thinking the same thing on the bottom level were just these beautiful, big thick French doors and sliding doors.

[00:15:53] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Oh, a lot of. Money. 

[00:15:54] Barb Patterson: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. 

[00:15:57] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: I was doing math in my head. I'm like, okay. So if you break a small window and then replace it, think about all that. 

[00:16:04] Barb Patterson: I know, listen. And we thought about a locksmith, like, yes, I know we had, we had all kinds of thoughts, but we went with the drive home.

[00:16:12] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: I love it. I love it. And yeah, because that happens every day. Things like that happen every day. And so I think I'll speak for myself only; I have a choice of how I will respond to all of those things. That don't go my way, even though I want them to go my way, I will reiterate that for you all, because please don't think that I'm like this” Laaaaa" you know, I'm not. So thinking about personally and professionally, I loved. ..I'm sorry for your, your client. And I appreciate hearing that because we are seeing a lot about companies reorganizing, large companies like Shopify and, and others who are just doing massive, massive restructuring, and as hard as that is looking to the possibility of it. Right. What's coming next?

[00:17:04] Barb Patterson: Yeah. 

[00:17:04] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Wow. That's possible because that's a much more exciting way to deal with it. And I know for me, when I do that, instead of saying. Ugh, ideas come forward. I'm guided internally on the following indicated action as we've talked about. We get those, we get those nudges, and then we get to take action.

And who knows what's on the other side? I've heard many of these incredibly inspiring stories of people who have lost their jobs and gone on to do what they've always wanted to do. So I'm hopeful for your client. Me too. And I think that's a; it's a good place to end here. What do you think, Barb?

[00:17:41] Barb Patterson: I think so. As always, everybody, thank you for joining us and for listening. And we're so grateful to have you here. If you know anyone that would benefit from this conversation, please share it if you like what you hear, rate, and review that helps us get out there a little bit more. And then, if you have anything in particular that you would love for us to explore, please email us at real women's real lives podcast, Gmail dot.

Thanks, everybody. Take care. Bye bye. 

[00:18:14] Melissa Palazzo-Hart: Bye. Bye.