Erotic Renaissance
Join us for an Erotic Renaissance -- the Rebirth of the Sensual Soul & the Dark Desires within us all. Follow MiiMii De la Torre, your Linguist of Love, as she examines love, relationships, and sensuality and journeys into a new world of healing, love, and erotic art as she dives further into the sex industry. As a writer, MiiMii adores mixing Fantasy with Realism. Should you want a little erotic humming on a languid evening, this Siren wants nothing more than to seduce you to towards a more liberated life.
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Erotic Renaissance
Episode 5: Intimacy | A Revolution for Romance
Converse with Goddess 𓋹 MiiMii
In Episode 5, Meg discusses intimacy through the lens of dating applications (dating apps). After Alexis (@rawrealfaces) and Meg (@linguistoflove) discussed intimacy and ended with a need to rethink "energy" and "intention" (Episode 3), Meg spends some time rethinking dating apps as a tool to finding love. She begins with a brief historical context that leads us to dating apps before exploring where dating apps fall short. She finishes with proposing that we have more options and to look inward first and learn of your own values and interests, exploring these facets of you by investing in activities and communities that you have been wanting to try but never started or put off. As she hypothesizes, "love could be anywhere."
She announces The Self-Love Sanctuary is officially open and prepared for you. It is a space for you to learn more about you and journey within to explore and learn about yourself through self-reflective practices. Membership is free and accessible always, because Meg believes in the transformative magic of working on the self and loving who you are.
Membership Includes:
- Journey Within 2022 program (guided self-reflection)
- Roots to Home - Video series where Meg documents her growth and healing process through her trauma and ancestral roots. The series aims to be a model of how to grow intimacy with the self.
- Love Reflection Prompts
- Sensual Sun-Days - (Virtual Event) Sensual Meditative Space for Reflection
SOURCES:
POV. "Infographic. A History of Love & Technology." Published: July 15, 2013.
POV. "About POV."
Introduction Plays:
Sex Isn't Intimacy. Sex is pleasurable and becomes more pleasurable when you have intimacy. Not sold? Let's rethink love, relationships, and sex. Let me seduce you. You are listening to the Linguist of Love. Welcome to the Erotic Renaissance.
Erotic Renaissance music plays.
You can join Meg on linguistoflove.com where she hosts a community aimed on personal development, restructuring relationships to be more authentic and built on communication, transparency, and empathy, and exploring sensuality and eroticism in safe ways that push your boundaries to allow you to create the space you deserve to live the life that will bring you more joy, peace, and love.
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Hello and welcome to the Erotic Renaissance. I'm Meg de la Torre, your Linguist of Love. It is a pleasure to be here today to talk about romance, as I rather enjoy the topic. But today, I am most excited to discuss dating applications in an effort to better understand and reframe our definition of intimacy. This episode is aimed at discussing primarily the term "intention" and secondly, "energy" through the lens of dating applications, or as they are better known, dating apps. In Episode Three, I had Alexis on from Raw Real Faces. And I started with a definition that I curated for the term intimacy. As we discussed intimacy and what it looks like for us, the two words that she noted for further exploration by the end of the episode were "energy" and"intention." In hopes of better understanding"energy" and "intention." Before I go into revising my original definition, we are today exploring these terms through our most common form of finding love -- dating applications. In early history, it was very common for most individuals to have arranged marriages. In an effort to maintain the traditional societal and class systems. We might have done away with typical forms of arranged marriages in most of the world, but many people still use matchmakers, including as I would argue, those of us who have used dating apps. But let's start with 1685 when the very first personal advertisement was published in a British agricultural journal, where a 30 year old gentleman seeks a gentle woman, making note of his then current fortune, in an effort to make his advertisement more successful in winning a potential lover. And since then, we find examples of personal advertisements in papers and singles columns. According to POV, point of view, associated with PBS, we see papers like the link, providing an area for soldiers to link up with ladies. The paper was later accused of coded messages for then illegal homosexual dating back in the 1910s. All of this activity takes place before what we are more familiar with in terms of personal advertisements, like things you might see on Craigslist, circa 2000 to 2010, which was also shut down after accusations of facilitating prostitution and sex trafficking. With the rise of the computer age, we have stories of data analysts using computers to calculate matches for 25 cents per match in the 1960s. And as online dating sites began to become popular, even YouTube almost began as a dating site called "Tune In hookup." Kiss.com starts us off in 1994 Being the first of many online dating sites, we then get sites like OKCupid, Plenty of Fish and Christian Mingle. We then journey through social media sites, such as Facebook, Friendster, and MySpace. And we arrive at online dating applications as we know it today. Tinder, bumble, MeetMoi, and countless other dating applications. And here's where I think we are today. We are left with these methods of finding love in the past, namely dating applications and more importantly, where they lack. While I think social media is a remarkably wonderful tool in our society. Here is where it tends to fall short. You see only a curated version of an individual dating applications do the same thing. In my experience of using dating apps, I only had enough space to give a short excerpt of me what I would liken to a synopsis on the back of a novel. There was only enough space in the app I preferred at the time, Bumble to display the parts I was most interested in representing me. When I realized that, in my case, the men who would find me only discussed the sexual facets of me. I realized dating apps were limiting me from sharing the many different parts of me. So I integrated my Instagram in hopes of providing a more well rounded view of who I was, an option that was provided by Bumble. However, I was kicked off the dating site for using the dating app to promote my social media page, which honestly I am thankful for. Because distancing myself from dating apps has allowed me to better understand what And what I have learned is that using a dating app didn't align they're lacking right now. with what I was looking for. I am looking for a genuine connection that I want to grow with and alongside another person, I'm looking for someone with similar interests to me. And I learned that dating apps don't share the same intention of providing a pathway of finding what, or rather who, I have in mind. And I was confused because I allowed myself to think that I could find that through a dating app, where most people are portraying only the parts of themselves that are widely accepted by society. Dating apps provide a snapshot of a person, something I wrote about in my story At the Bottom of the Glass when I was in the midst of online dating. Not only is it a snapshot, or the synopsis of a novel, but it is stagnant instead of evolving, unless you update your profile regularly and honestly, as you and your values and interests transform constantly. For example, the question, "Do you want children?" changes for me constantly. I know that I do want kids, but I want to wait until I find the right father for my children and the right husband for me. Same thing with marriage. Do you want to get married? Well, I'm open to it. But that might change or evolve. But I love the word husband, I find the word wife sexy. But using those words doesn't mean we have to get legally married. See what I mean? Being an individual fails to be captured in the way that dating apps are created to do, I would rather see a gallery of your work, become friends with you, learn how you handle priorities, what you aspire to do, and what you dream of -- before I see your car. In short, dating apps don't accurately show you someone's authentic energy. It sets an individual up for failure on a date, because you are anxious, you'll break character and lose out on a potential match. And here, we have come to the conclusion that is truly a call to action, if I'm being honest. While, it seems scary, it appears that it is in our best interest as a society to loosen the grasp upon which we hold on to dating apps as a hope for love. It is my hope that you see that feeling anxious about being you on a date with someone that you're hoping to spend more time with (and form a potential partnership with) is based in confusion and inauthenticity. I want to go on a date with someone where I can be me and enjoy my time with them. I want to form some interest in another individual before I decide to go on a date where we both might have very different intentions. I would prefer to start with friendship and enjoy friendship, and slowly understand my feelings about a person. In February, I challenged those who do love and romance homework with me to craft a dream lover list. If you could ask for a favor from the matchmaker that sits in the clouds spinning connections to connect you with the lover from your ideal relationship. Who would they be? And a question I asked you today? What would you do together? For example, I love dancing and learning. So I want to go to dance socials and take dance classes. I'll meet really cool people and who knows, maybe love will find me on the dance floor or in a cooking class that I've been meaning to take, or as I learned something new. If I am looking for X, Y, Z, why am I swiping through profiles, when I can focus on the things I enjoy and have aspired to do, and acknowledge that the romance I want will find me when the time is right, that I don't need to focus on searching for it. I might find love on a journey to another country or in a classroom as I'm learning a new skill. If my intention is to focus on enjoying the activities that I love the most and have always wanted to participate in, then love could be anywhere -- like the best scavenger hunt where you forget what you're looking for, and enjoy the adventure. Maybe another adventurer will find you and you develop a friendship, learn of each other's best qualities, their shadows, and their authentic self. And maybe love is knowing all the facets of the individual and choosing to love them, because adventuring with them[sighs] it feels like nothing else. If you take anything away from this episode, I hope you add
this note:create some space to get to know you and love the you that you are now and evolving into through your life experiences. To bring us back to "intention" and "energy" before we close, if your intention is to be distracted by a relationship, you'll most likely find that but if your intention is to be attracted to a relationship that aligns with your interests and values, start learning what those are, so you know when someone doesn't align with those things. Dating apps are not bad, and I've met lots of people who love who they're with and met online dating. I am proposing that we deserve more options. That's why I created my sanctuary. Launched currently, as I record this episode, is my Self-Love Sanctuary. This is a space just for you. I provide my "Journey Within" program here with reflective prompts aimed at helping you create a space to love yourself. I house my Roots to Home Series there and provide Sensual Sun-Days which is a sensual and meditative space for reflection. They are free through your membership, so join me for a mindful and sensual space to reflect and recenter. Soon I'll be migrating my Patreon and OnlyFans into my other tiers. So there will also be a space for learning and theorizing love and relationships and for exploring sex, kink, and taboo. You can find me at linguistoflove.com or on Instagram if you want to stay connected @linguistoflove. Everything will be linked below including the sources I used for this episode. Thank you for listening and being alongside me for this journey. I'm Meg de la Torre, your Linguist of Love. Let me seduce you.