Here Comes Trouble, My Story

Welcome back to the Let’s be friends podcast. 

This episode is my story, narrated with the soundtrack of my music.  With the upcoming release of my memoir, Here Comes Trouble around the corner, I wanted to give you a preview of my story. This is a chance for you to get to know me more and understand the voice behind the mic. 

Discussed in this episode are my bipolar misdiagnosis, my two albums and the meaning behind the music, seeing the spirit world, psychedelics, ayahuasca,  leaving the New Age, attempting suicide, awakening, cults, astral projection, what I feel magic really is, meeting Jesus Christ, reading the bible, a love story, and the upcoming release of my memoir Here Comes Trouble. 

Thank you for being a friend! 

Find my albums on iTunes, Spotify, Youtube, Bandcamp, and Amazon

Karamosher.com

Album Dosage

EP Wasted Youth 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:11

Welcome back to the Let's Be Friends podcast. This is your host, Cara. It's going to be just you and me today, because today is a very special episode. I am going to share my story with you. I've been sharing bits of my story, and then everybody knows I've been talking about Here Comes Trouble, my memoir, which I promise you is coming very soon, which is truly my story. Um, it is the story of my awakening, and it really contains a lot of different layers and different levels, and it's actually really taken me by surprise in so many different ways. And we're gonna get into that in this episode. Um, because whose awakening isn't complex, and everybody's awakening, everybody's journey here in life is unique and is their own. And I believe everybody has a story to tell. And I have this platform, this podcast, Let's Be Friends. I'm also hosting Not So Secret Societies Now with Eyes on the Right. And then I have I Can't Believe That's News with my friend Float Universe. Um, but this podcast, Let's Be Friends, this is my little personal project. And I really want everybody to get to know me a little bit better because lately it's been a while. I don't even know if I have any solo podcasts up because I've I've to be honest with you, I've taken a bunch of old episodes down and really trying to hone the focus in on um really the episodes that explain more who I am now and not so much what I was going through. Because awakening is a process, it's ongoing. And since I started this platform last May, I've I've been through a significant awakening. I continue another layer of the onion has been peeled off. And I really want to start sharing my story. And I've held off doing something like this in the podcast because I do have my memoir, Here Comes Trouble coming out. And really, that book is if you enjoy this episode, that book is gonna tell you all the details. Like it's gonna go, there's gonna be chapters on all the stuff that I'm just gonna mention and talk about. Um, the memoir uh I have been working on for about 20 years, something like that. I've known for a long time I was gonna write my story. I just didn't really know exactly what it was because I've been right, you know, you you write your story. A memoir really, you can go back and do it, but you could also write it in real time. And I've been journaling since I could write. My I'll start there. Let's start, let's go ahead, let's dive into my story. My name is Kara Helen Mosier, and I was born September 22nd, 1982, um, in Grand Rapids, Michigan. And in the early morning, and uh I uh was born on the the fall Equinox, I guess that's what that is. Um so that was a very special day, and thank you, mom and dad, and thank you, mom, because you got me my first journal. And I started journaling when I was, you know, six or seven years old, it's really cute. I have um all my journals. I have probably 15 journals, probably one every year. I stopped journaling maybe in my 20s, but I had always been a writer and I had always been writing about what was going on with me. I look back at my early entries, and it's they're like talking about my problems as like a little kid, like talking about what was going on in my house. And you know, my parents divorced when I was little. I like everybody have my own childhood traumas and my own um story, but mostly for me, it was depression and anxiety. Um, as a child, I had a lot of anxiety and a lot of feelings. I was always felt really strongly. Um and so I I don't think I really knew what to do with it. And I was always a very uh colorful character, with you know, running around with my friends with a really vivid imagination. I would play what I did when I was little is I would just, you know, play in the woods in the backyard and I had an imaginary house and I had a tree house that I built, a clubhouse. Um, but I'd have like imaginary roads and my, you know, my bike was my horse. And you know, I had a really, I had a really great childhood, um, you know, mixed in with with just you know the normal dose of family trauma that everybody has. Um and uh, you know, for me, really abandonment issues came up, um, probably not learning and understanding how to control my emotions because um, and depression really hitting me hard and anxiety, definitely. Like looking back now, I can tell like I had big anxiety problems growing up and had no idea. And that's really scary to not feel right and not realize, oh, you probably got an anxiety issue. Um, but you know, I trudged through life and but by the time I was um in college, I had my first panic attack. And uh this is kind of an anchor in my story because I lost it. Like I was, I'm I think it was 24, 23 years old. And I remember I drove myself, I called my parents and they're like, oh, you're having a panic attack. And um, I thought I was dying. If you ever had a panic attack, like you you think you're dying. And um I drove myself to the hospital and they gave me a prescription for Xanax, and basically that didn't do anything for me, and that panic attack didn't go away for two weeks. This is really like why I'm kind of like skirting through my child and just saying I had a lot, it was I was overly emotional. I felt a lot, I was told I was too much, I was kind of abandoned, like I wasn't taken care of. I didn't wasn't equipped like all of us end up being to function through life. And I was told there was something wrong with me. And I got to this point where I had this panic attack and it wouldn't go away. And I went, I I went home and I said to my dad, I was like, I'm not right, I need help. And he said, Well, let's get you in therapy. And I said, I need more. And he's like, Okay, what do you need? And I said, I need rehab. So I went to rehab. And this is a really profound part of my journey. Um because I gosh, I feel like I'm gonna cry. I don't if I this is like the hardest episode to record. Um, your life's story, you know. Um, but when I went to rehab, if you can believe this, they every day I was there for 40 days, Pavilion International in North Carolina in the mountains. It was fancy, guys. I was so lucky. I got to go to a really, really nice rehab facility. And though the drive there, I literally thought gravity was gonna give out. That's how messed up I was because I'd had this panic attack that lasted for two weeks, and the Xanax they gave me at the hospital wasn't doing anything except for making me totally numb, and the panic attack didn't go away. And like my dad's driving me to the airport to go to rehab, and I literally remember feeling like I was gonna float out of the windshield. Like gravity, I had no sense of faith. I had nothing stable to be on. I'd given up on everything I had. I just was like something had happened in my life that sparked this panic attack, and it wouldn't go away. And I was so it was basically the accumulation of a whole life of not feeling. So I get to rehab, and we every morning we have to write down on this piece of paper how we're feeling. How are you feeling every day? And this is when I really realized how messed up I was. Um I didn't know how I felt. Answering that question are you angry? Are you sad? Are you happy? Like I was, I realized, gosh, I'm gonna cry. I was numb. I am gonna cry. I'm gonna cry a lot in this episode. I had numbed myself completely from feeling. I was an intelligent, I was, you know, an intelligent girl who was in college. I did well in school. I um waited tables all through college and always worked a job. I had an internship as well. I was a full-time student with an internship at a law firm, and I was waiting tables full-time, and you know, I had friends and a boyfriend, and everything was great. And I was busy all the time, but I didn't ever stop and check in with myself. And you know, I partied. You have to you have to party to get into rehab. So I was doing my fair share of partying too. No heavy, heavy drugs, but you know, marijuana drinking, little cocaine, stuff like that. But you know, you need you had to to get into rehab, you have to have some kind of drug problem. At least where I went. So I had numbed through those things, and then also just from keeping busy, from uh just like the scariest thing for me would have been to sit still for a second and be with myself. I didn't do it ever. Like I did, I just I was and so when I was in rehab and I had to write down how I felt, I was like, wow, Kara, you're like an ice cube. And that, my friends, is a very, very dangerous thing because I believe after this whole journey, which we're gonna go through in this episode, giving you like the long teaser for Here Comes Trouble, my memoir. But what I've learned is that feeling is healing, and we're meant to feel in real time. Like our feelings are indicators of what's going on, our feelings are very important, and the depth that you choose to feel is how involved you are in life and what you can take from things and what you can create, and like how strong your song can sing from within your soul song. So that was eye-opening for me, and I learned a lot at Pavilion. Like I left rehab feeling so much better. Um, I had a new outlook on life. I was sober and I stayed sober for six months. That's probably the longest stretch. I don't drink alcohol anymore. Um, but after I left rehab, you know, I took, I took some time. I went and lived before rehab, I did do some pretty amazing things while I was emotionally numb journaling all the time. And my journals, you know, were probably the best way that I was feeling, or if I was, you know, writing about what was going on as a a kid or that um, you know, where I was traveling. I I went and I I traveled the world. Um, I lived in Costa Rica for a while. I uh traveled all through Central America by myself um with a backpack and like no money, no cell phone. This was before then I had a lonely planet book. Um, but it was my dream to travel the world and I did for a long time. I mixed that in my 20s and I studied abroad three times. I studied abroad in Costa Rica and I studied abroad in England twice in London. So I lived in the UK as well, and I went to graduate. So when I left rehab, actually, I went right to graduate school in London for international relations because at that point I was going to be a lawyer or I was going to be a diplomat. I wanted since I was a kid, my wish was always world peace. On every wishbone, world peace. And when I won that wishbone, I would get so excited because I was literally, I never wished for money. I never wished for things for myself. I literally, like looking back, I always wished for world peace. And I even had devoted my life up in to this point in grad to go to grad school for international relations. I traveled around, I was in graduate school, I just left rehab. I'm feeling good. I'm just trying out life again, and you know, I I I do good for a couple years. I moved back to the United States and then I moved to Austin on a whim. I moved to Austin, Texas, and I got my first real job out of college and was really living on my own and trying to start to create a life for myself. And everything, you know, went went good for a few years. It went, you know, I I just did the thing. I I got a good job at a science publisher and I was a managing editor, was paid really well. I was using, I wasn't a diplomat. I didn't finish grad school. I dropped out. Uh I dropped out because I ran out of money. And well, and I wasn't that into it after a while. I I kind of was like, I don't know how diplomatic I am. Um, and I came, you know, I moved back. And so I worked for a long time, I guess, quote quote unquote in the matrix. And then I uh I I got laid off from my job. I got an email one morning at 8 a.m. on a Friday. I always do this on Fridays, and it was like Kara a meeting with like the owner and my boss, and that wasn't that weird. We we had meetings a lot, but I knew when that email came, I knew I was getting fired or not fired, but laid off. I was a great employee. Um, so I go, I but but I had been going through some depression, and um, it was pretty revel prevalent like at the office that I'd been going through stuff. I'd been in a uh serious three-year relationship that ended, and I had uh been going through some anxiety coming back into my life. Um had some problems with my family, and it really uh fractured me. And I'm for for a while before I got laid off, probably the year before, it was probably it was pretty obvious to everybody in the office. I was going through a hard time, I lost a ton of weight, um, like probably shocking amount because people were all over telling me, like, oh my gosh, you've you've lost a lot of weight. And people do that, they don't realize often when people lose weight drastically like that, it's because something's going on in their life. So it got old for people to be like, Oh, you look great, you look great. And I'm like, I feel like shit inside. But um I uh was going through this breakup and this hard time and had these issues with my family. And I remember for like three months every morning, my anxiety was so bad that I had to like peel myself out of bed. It was awful. Like, I don't know how I was on antidepressants, I had multiple stints of antidepressants, and I was seeing counsel, I started seeing counselors around now, uh one-on-one counselor, because I wasn't doing good. And like I didn't, I don't know how I made it through the day. Um, but I did it and I would go to work and then I would come home and I would float in the pool at my apartment because that was all I could do. My anxiety was so high and heavy because of mostly because of the problems I was having with my family members. I was really sad I was being ignored by somebody very important to me, and it really stirred up old abandonment issues from when I was younger. And you know, yeah, the main thing is that I I remember for months like literally having to peel myself out of bed. My anxiety was so bad. So I got laid off from my job, and I remember that morning that email came. I'm in my boss's office, and he looks at me and he goes, Well, I wanted to do this a year ago, but you were in such a mess at the time. He was a real he was a real jerk. Love him, love him, but he was that was a real jerk thing to say because yeah, thanks, buddy. So I got laid off, but in that moment they handed me a ten thousand dollar check. I got a ten thousand, I got I got paid ten thousand dollars to for to leave the job and I got unemployment. And it was so I drive, so I got laid off from my job, and I remember I get in my car and I had this like like I said, I was a good job. I was like living high. I had this sweet uh sob convertible. I hopped in my convertible and I get in the car. I've been laid off, I've been handed this ten thousand dollar check. I'm I don't know, 28 years, seven, twenty-eight years old, um living by myself. I was single. I uh had been working or being a full-time student or being a full-time student working and having an internship since I was 16. And so all of a sudden I had this thought, wow, what do people do? Like I drove, I got in my car, I got my convertible, I backed out of the place. I remember I stopped in the middle of the road and I thought, what do people do from eight to five Monday through Friday? And how will I introduce myself? Because I've been saying, hi, I'm Kara Mosier, the managing editor of Cancer Biology and Therapy. Like I literally or would introduce myself is hi, say my name, this is my job title. Because it's a good job title, and I want you to know that I'm smart and I make good money. And that's so ego-y, right? It's a it's labels, but anyways, it's important that that was a moment where I lost that label and I lost my routine, and that routine had kept me afloat. If anybody knows me, I'm a busy person. I'm always going, I'm always doing things, I'm always working on like 10 projects at a time. Um I like it's getting me to sit down and like chill out, um, is usually only done one of the like psychedelic journeys or um, which I've done a lot of, and we'll talk about that. Um, and you know, now it's sitting down and honestly, I've been reading the Bible lately. Everybody knows that. That's gonna we're gonna talk about that too. Um, but playing music, that was one way. I'm a piano player, I'm a musician. Um, in fact, we're gonna talk about the albums. I have a couple albums out, and I'm gonna drop music from those albums into this episode. You're gonna hear them, and I'm gonna talk a little bit about them too, because they tie into my story. It's it's really interesting. My story, I've been creating art all along the way that like all ties together. Like the theme song for this episode, this podcast, that's me. If anybody doesn't know, that's me singing from my album Dosage. That song's called DMT. Anyway, so I left and I had this crashdown. I got handed this check, and all of a sudden for the first time since I was 16 in like 11 years, I had freedom. Um, yeah, so I got a roommate so that I could stay living in my house because I lived in a house alone, and uh I wanted to make my unemployment work and I wanted to make that $10,000 check work. I remember when I had that check, I thought maybe I'll go to India. I've always wanted to go to India. I could go to India for a month, I could just go and travel, or I can make this money work for like six months here and I can start something. I can do what I've always wanted to do. And I decided I would start a photography business because that's what I had always wanted to do, and that's what I love to do. I had been doing freelance photography and just like doing it for myself since college. I was a photographer in college. I literally like my grandma died and left me $500. I bought my first Nikon camera. It was film still. Not digital. This is I'm old school. I know what it's like. I was alive before the internet came out. We had a landline and an answering machine growing up, and that's my dream to have that again. But um, I got this camera and I started walking around taking pictures in Kalamazoo, Michigan, where I lived, and I decided I wanted to be a professional photographer. So I made a portfolio and I applied for a job as a photographer at Western Michigan University where I was going to college and they hired me. And it was amazing because I got to develop pictures in the dark room. I got paid $12 a published shot. It was a that was a lot of money then, and that was a big deal to get paid. So that was a just a dream that I always had. Like if I had to besides saving the world and being a diplomat, which I had dropped that by now, um, it was being a photographer, a national geographic photographer. But um I was happy to start my own business. So I started these brown eyes photography, and uh don't look for the website, I've taken it down and somebody else has bought the name. I but it I have brown eyes, these brown eyes photography was really good, uh really catchy, and it started taking off, and I did freelance. Um but that six months after I got laid off, I experienced an away the beginning, like I think one of the first sparks of my awakening. And if you listen to my episode with Katie Gray, uh couple back, everybody's welcome here. Authority Katie Gray, her book, Journey of the Empowered Heart is amazing. She came into my life. And I talk about in the episode a little bit about how Katie and I became really good friends, and Katie said to me one day, and this was right after I had gotten laid off from that job, she looked at me. I was talking to her about something, and she goes, Those voices, those mean voices in your head aren't you, Kara. And it was just blew my mind because I thought I was that mean voice in my head, and I had some mean voices in my head. Those are programs, right? Those are possibly the spirit world. Like that's a whole thing we're gonna dive into. Um, but that moment, something happened and shifted inside me. It was as if Katie's candle flame on her head had leaned forward and lit mine, and I something happened to me, and I just I started awakening. And then that summer, I did a ton of psychedelics. I had done mushrooms. Anyone who knows, I'm that's been a huge part of my journey is psychedelics. I did a lot of Solo mushroom journeys, and in that time I started expanding and understanding life in a way I had never seen before, and I started understanding my depression a little bit more. I started feeling better and different on mushrooms, and I just it was a huge I call it the summer of fun. I uh yeah, I just I I wasn't working for the first time since I was 16. And I, you know, I Katie and I had this moment that was like this breakthrough, and at that time I got my hands on an Eckhart Toll book, A New Earth. Now, I do not like I want to say for the record, I think Eckhart Toll is false light. We're gonna get into that later. So I'm not recommending anybody read this book, but it's called A New Earth, and it's important because this is how seeds are planted into us, it's very deceiving, especially when we're awakening and we're vulnerable. But that book meant a lot to me. Like, I did take a lot of great stuff from that book, and I remember just laying in my hammock, reading that book, doing mushrooms, riding my bike, and just like not doing much, and it was huge for me. I was really happy until my unemployment ran out, and then I like started collapsing again. But at that moment, I met somebody and he was a photographer, which was perfect because I was starting a photography business and I was wanting to learn more you know about the photography and stuff. I actually met him at a photography store he worked at, and we started dating, and he was a very interesting person. He was very into magic, and he was he taught me tarot cards, he taught me how to evoke ghosts and all this stuff, and he like we did mushrooms together and we journey and and uh it really expanded me, I see now, into playing with magic and that magic world. And this is all important because it's gonna tie into my story later um when I am introduced to the new age um in 2020. And because this is the first that I really had any occult kind of magic stuff come into my life, you know. Like I was really good at tarot, like I got really into it, and I was just like naturally really good at at magic stuff. Like it made sense to me. And I doing all the psychedelics that I'd done and gotten really comfortable on it and um just experiencing the unknown and all of that, it's always been where I go to. Like, I've always questioned life like, what is this? What are we all doing here? Like, how am I moving my arm? It's always just the biggest thing that amazes me. I don't get it. Um, I get it, but I don't understand it. It's amazing. Um write about it in my book. Actually, I'm obsessed with how how come we are all of our minds aren't blown by the fact we can move our arm. But anyway, after you know, he and I are dating, and and I'm you know, my unemployment's running out, like I've gone off this big high of of doing all these psychedelics and and and uh reading a new earth, and just got laid off from my job and I got this money and I'm free for the first time, and I meet this guy, we and all of a sudden, bam! Um my mental state just like spun out of control. Completely, like completely, and you know, our relationship crumbled with it, and it you know, it got it got I needed to because we weren't getting along, we were fighting and I was a mess, and so he he left me pretty like he abandoned me basically. Like, I feel like it's really foggy, but I felt like I like went to Michigan to go visit my family, and I came back and he had moved out because we were living together, and then it was like I was like, Oh my god, he broke up with me, he left me and abandoned me, and it triggered all my abandonment wounds from childhood, and um the same ones that you know in my mid-20s, when I say I had like a couple months where I couldn't get out of bed because I'd been abandoned by a family member again, it all came out, and I was like, Well, if I can't have him, I'm gonna kill myself. And I had had suicide ideation, that's what that is. I didn't have a plan, I just was like, I'm gonna. Um, I want to be dead. Um, I my first suicide ideation came when I was 16. I remember clearly the first time I wanted to kill myself, and it was because a girl is gossiping about me at school, makeup lies. So people can kids can be fucking mean. Like, sorry to swear there, but kids can be really mean. Um we should all be nicer to each other. Uh but I uh basically I I went I lost it, I lost my mind, and I went to my friend's house and I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna kill myself. She freaked out as someone should, and uh, because it turns out her boyfriend in high school had actually killed himself. So this was not a joke to her at all, and it wasn't to me either. I was, you know, a mess in that moment. And she called the police. The police picked me up and took me to the side court. And this is all in my book, you guys, all of this is in my book, all the details. Um, and when I walked into the side court, I sat down in front of a psychiatrist. That's the first thing they did. They sat me down, and within 10 seconds I was diagnosed bipolar. And it made sense to me in that moment because I'd been a mess my whole life. I had been an emotional wreck, I'd been to rehab, I'd had multiple midlife crises, and I was like in my mid-20s. Um, I didn't want to be alive, nothing was working for me, nothing made me better. I'd done a couple scents on antidepressants by now, like they put me on some hard pills in rehab, like I'd tried sobriety, I'd done traveling the world, um by myself. You know, I did all this stuff and I wasn't any better. I was a mess. So and I was in the psychic workout. Um I took out sitting in front of um the doctor's heart. And she said she said, uh, we're gonna keep you here for at least 24 hours because that's like the law. Because I wanted to go. I said, I'm fine, I'm fine. Once I heard they were gonna keep me there, I go, I remember going, Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Like I just told her I wanted to kill myself. She asked why. I said, because my boyfriend broke up with me. And then I go, Oh no, you're gonna keep me overnight. And I said, Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. And I spent my whole life acting um that I was fine. I'm a very honest, truthful, authentic person, but I would not show people how I really felt so I just immediately like tried acting that I was fine in front of her, and I remember her saying, This is this is mixed mania, Kara. You're telling me one second you want to kill yourself, and then the next second you're fine and you want to go home. Mixed mania is a term they use for people with bipolar when you're feeling extreme uh multiple extreme emotions at once. And that's exactly what was going on with me. I felt crazy. So I went into the sideboard and I stayed by night, and I called Katie, my friend, Katie Gray, and I told her I have some tissues here. I should have had them on hand. I told her, you know, I'm in the sideboard, they told me I'm bipolar. She said they tried to tell me the same thing, Kara, there's nothing wrong with you, but I didn't believe her. Very uh different story now, but this is where I was then, and I was 29 years old. Diagnosed bipolar, uh no job, um, no plan. And I didn't want to be alive. I didn't like sitting still to do anything. I didn't like feeling I had gone back to my numbing ways, and here I was. And I had a I finally had a a label, uh, uh, you know, I had a basically they told me I was bipolar. I was like, okay, well that's what's been wrong with me. So hook, line, and sinker, I became bipolar. And I wrote the album Dose. It's triggered like a loaded gun. Dosage is the name of my album, and it's a full-length album, and it's all about being bipolar. It's called Dosage because when you're bipolar, you're sick for life. There's no cure. They tell you you have a quote unquote chemical imbalance. But as you heard with my episode with Darcy, um, here's the damn deal. I love Darcy, she's amazing. She has liminal mental health mentoring services for anybody who is looking to get off pills or wants any mental health mentoring, contact Darcy in Liminal Mental Health. Um, but you're constantly like you're told that you're you're sick for life. And you're always on pills. And you have to see a psychiatrist every three months, and they're always doing blood work on you, taking vials and vials of blood. Now I'm like, what are they doing with my blood? Um but basically I I made this album, Dosage, because it's do it the lyrics, I can't replace them right now. You can hear the background playing them, but it's like Dosage, you got me on the wrong one. My mind triggered like a loaded gun. Sometimes I unravel and I come undone. Dosage, you've got me on the wrong one.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Oh, I'm gonna cry again. This is heavy, guys. I'm gonna talk about this stuff because I was a mess for a long time. Yes, I was. I know what it's like.

SPEAKER_00 32:42

I know what it's like to be in the darkness and to be living in sear and be afraid of yourself and be afraid of your thoughts and be afraid to be alone and I know that I lived there for a long time. It took me a long time to leave that place. And I have so much compassion and love for anybody who's there right now.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

So much, more than most, than I'll so much, more than most, I feel so much, more than most than I feels you've got me on the right one. Mama, it's triggered like a loaded gun.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

I want you to know though, I'm sharing my story because I want people to have hope. I don't want people to have to go down the long, painful, slow journey of healing that I did. I'm gonna share my story to help you guys find your way out if you're in it. So I wrote this album, and uh, there's songs on there like called Survive.

SPEAKER_03 34:58

With or without me this time I'll take it easy. We won't last too much longer. We become strong. You're gonna say that one thing that you've been holding back, but you always knew because maybe you should have said something long ago. Really, there's nothing we shouldn't know. Maybe it's something you wanna show. But maybe your bad estate has softened me.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

I wanna help you out.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

And well, that's on my EP. I also have an EP called Wasted Youth. See how I felt about my youth.

SPEAKER_03 36:23

To be honest with you, it's all I have the truth, or just we steady, but maybe we can change, rearrange, but maybe we can change, rearrange would do a stay you still can buy it back again.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

Tip one more song called Golden Path, um, which is all about my journeying on psychedelics and what I was experiencing.

SPEAKER_03 37:33

Ride this way into another place from myself inside a brand new height. Morning I awaken to another day when did this upstart this life this way by love and beauty, these questions come from within me something that feel real quick because it was like beyond this world.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

Like even when I was on these pills for you know um bipolar, because uh I had anger issues, I had suicide ideations mostly in depression, and that was my biggest issues depression. So I go between depression and anger and sadness, and it was just a cycle, an endless cycle, and the pills um numb you. That's what they do. Literal, that's what they do. I mean, I took them for 10 years, but please, everyone take my word. They turn your mind off, they turn your personality off, and they numb you so that you don't feel so that's what they do. They cut you down, um, they make you less of a person, they make you lose your motivation, they make your body sick. Um they don't help you. Because there's nothing wrong with us.

SPEAKER_03 39:18

It's time and time, it's time. Not the same because I saw an mind a golden path paved with endless time.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

I don't even believe in these diagnoses anymore. I don't think believe in a chemical imbalance or bipolar. So during this time, I actually met my partner Jody, who I'm still dating now. Um, about a year after, maybe gosh, I can't even remember six months after being diagnosed bipolar, being on the pills, I met him and it was like working as a photographer. It's what you know, it's what I'd start doing was these brown eyes photography, and I got a gig doing concert photos with do 512 um as an intern. And it was awesome. Um, here in Austin, Texas, it's like there's tons of venues here. It's just a I moved here because I love music. Like I'm a musician, I love live music. It was my I grew up in small town Michigan. It was my dream to live somewhere where I could go to concerts all the time. So I got a job as a concert photographer, and I could go to as many concerts as I wanted for free and usually get an extra ticket for a friend. I took photos and submitted them. It was awesome. So I was outside of a concert, a twin shadow show. And I have a whole chapter about this. It's called Meet Jody. And I met Jody, and that's um, you know, I was it was uh a really beautiful moment. It was very uh profound, and Jody has been God, I'm gonna cry. He has been with me this whole journey. We've been together nine years, and I had just been crying a lot this episode. I had just been diagnosed bipolar and I told him right away. Because we met at that concert at April night, and like I said, all of the details of my this is just the outline of my story. The stories in the book. The here comes trouble, and I won't hold. I mean, can you I know I'm gonna do an audiobook, but I hope I don't cry my way through it. I'm fine, guys. I just I feel now. See, I'm sensitive. But I met Jody and um, you know, he's been with me this whole journey of working through my intense anger problems and my intense sadness and the scary suicide ideation that never went away. So you know, we we started dating and everything was one is wonderful, you know, and but I'm not getting any better. So I just kept going to the psychiatrist and they kept putting me on more pills. I mean, one point um, and I write about this in my book, it's the chapter is called The Nightmare. Um, I had a breakdown, I had a mental breakdown, I would have these. Mental breakdowns where I would just lose it. I would like lose touch with reality. And I was a great patient. I took all my pills. I stayed in one-on-one counseling with the same counselor for 10 years, Margaret, who is amazing. And she was literally my counselor assigned to me out of the psych ward. And I was in counseling three days a week. I should say this. When I left the psych ward, I was such a mess. I was in counseling one-on-one counseling three days a week and then group counseling twice a week. So that's right, folks. I was in counseling five days a week as a 29-year-old, fresh out of the psych ward, no job, totally depressed. Just boyfriend just broke up with her, like total mess. Um, I did dialectal behavioral therapy, didn't even remember it. Um but and I and those two months when I left after I left the psych ward were two of the hardest months of my life. Um I remember sometimes I would just sit on the floor in my room, and I had cement floor, like I had these really cool cement floors in my house at that time. And uh they were like stained, you know, it was it was like popular, I'm crying again, yep. And I would sit on the floor and I would just feel I would just wrap my arms around my knees and I would cry. And I have to smoke a joint to stop crying. I was waiting for my pills to start working and for to numb me, essentially, and fix anything. But for two months, I had to hide the knives in my house um from myself because that was always what I romanced, was slitting my wrist. Um, I never did it, never attempted suicide. Um well, one time, but we're gonna talk about that later here.

SPEAKER_03 47:46

Something else, you said yeah, it was awful.

SPEAKER_00 48:25

I I don't know how I got through that, but I did. Uh I just literally looked down at my desk and saw the word God as I said that. Yeah, it's been God, and we're gonna talk about God um in a little bit. But God ties into rehab, God ties into this time, God ties into everything. So yeah, I had the hard time, but then I met Jody, you know, six months after that, and my life started changing, and I started numbing with these pills, and um they continue to put me on more because I never got better. And eventually, you know, I maxed out. Um I had a I had a some breakdowns. Like I was saying, I had that that uh that moment that I call the nightmare. Um that's a whole chapter of my book, and I lost it. And I know what it's like to feel crazy, and I know what it's like to lose your mind. I know how scary that is. I've been there. And it was never drug induced, it was life-induced, it was demonic, honestly. Um I do believe there is a darkness in this world beyond what we can see. And I do believe that that is what we are up against. And I believe from my own experiences and what I've been through, I see how it gets to us. I get how it works. It's you're that's tricky, right? That darkness is tricky, but I get it now. Because I lived it. And this is what God's wanted me to see, and for a long time, I had a anger outburst and moments where I lost it, and horrible, horrible depression that would never wouldn't go away for weeks and months on end. But this moment, the nightmare, was a turning point because Jody had had enough and he told me I needed to do something. So I what did I do? I went to the doctor and they put me on lithium, and uh then I started really slowing down. Lithium works very well to slow you down. It probably created a second of time lapse and everything for me, where it gave me time to think before I acted, and I thought that was good, but what it was doing is just really slowing me down and numbing me. When I took lithium, I stopped crying. I wouldn't cry. I think it was almost two years. I feel like I like I would what would happen is um because none of my problems were going away, I would get in a fight with Jody or a fight with someone, and I just would be looking at them cold, like it didn't like I was heartless. Nothing, yeah, not I should I probably did something horrible, and someone was telling me how much I hurt them, and I'd just stare at them like, what do you want me to do? And I should have been crying and feeling horrible and essentially repenting. But lithium numbed me. All these pills numbed me. I um just kept yeah, I would take colanopins for anxiety. I'd smoke pot for anxiety. Um I just taking like 24 pills a day, probably prescribed. I also got diagnosed with um arthritis in my back. And I had I had gained 80 pounds. I'm not a heavy person naturally, I'm tall, 5'9. But these pills, after eight years of being on them, I had packed on about five extra pounds a year, or more than I don't even ten pounds a year, I guess, actually. Gee. Um, and I now had back problems, and I was also on muscle relaxers to sleep and got through the day, because why not just put her on more pills?

SPEAKER_03 53:20

Took so long to feel you in my arms. I know that will be fine. I know you'll always be mine.

SPEAKER_00 53:38

So I was totally maxed out on pills, and this was 2019. So here we are, 2019, and I'm bipolar, I'm depressed, I am I'd given up on life, though I I put these albums out, and I love the pureness of my music, and it's beautiful. And I wrote all of it. Like I wrote the music, I wrote the keyboard part, I played the keyboard part, I wrote a lot of the instrumentals. I worked with Andy Reid, an amazing producer who's in the band The Verb Pipe, and Donnie Brown from The Verb Pipe did my drums. It's a it's a really professional, awesome album. It's and it's all about my journey. And it is the dosage, my full length album, and wasted youth, my EP. That's like the silver lining of my crap that I went through when I was bipolar for those eight years because I wrote songs. Like the piano had I started playing the piano when I was like six or seven years old and I was starting to journal. And like I mentioned, it was the piano was like the one thing I would do to sit down and be still. And I would play my feelings, and I write about this in the book. I would play my feelings in that piano when I didn't have the words to know how I felt. Like when I was in rehab, I literally couldn't tell you if I was confused, if I was impatient, if I was angry, if I was I could I was like, it's crazy to me, but I couldn't. But I could go to the piano and probably play it out without realizing it. You know, I had gotten this piano. I actually um remember right before they laid I was laid off from my job. I one day I was just like fed up and I went on Craigslist and Google searched for free piano and someone that will deliver. And three came up. And uh I had a choice that you guys, if you want a piano, go to Craigslist and just search for a free piano. People give them away. And I got old Lady Fingers, my piano. Old Lady Fingers, uh, she's a beautiful piano, and I'll have her for life. And I play her almost every day. Playing piano is uh the most peace I can be at. And if there's something that I can do in this life that it's like I was born to do, it's play piano because I just watch myself play and it's beautiful and I love it so much. So I would though I was really sick and miserable, like I had great moments. You guys I had in my mind, my mind's not all bad, you know. There were good days mixed in, of course, good moments, but there was always this underlying current of darkness within me. Um I remember one time just came to my mind when I was like uh just before I got di right after I got diagnosed by polar, before I met Jody, I drove by this like tarot reading place and I stopped. I never done like stopped and gotten my palm red or anything like that. Like I got into tarot because of my ex-boyfriend, but that was it. And I go in and get a reading, and this woman looks at me and goes, Oh, you got a lot of black energy around you. She's like, for $200, I'll do a clearing. And I was like, 200 bucks, no way. And I got out of there and I was like, darkness around me. Well, she was right about the darkness around me, but she couldn't have cleared it anyway. I don't believe, yeah, we're gonna get to all that. So okay, I uh put out these albums because you know, I was that's I I would I would literally spend all my free time on the piano writing songs, playing songs, and they would always be about what I was feeling inside. So that's what's you know, go like I said, the song Golden Path that starts the album is about summer of fun, mushroom trips and I the journeys that I took on mushrooms because I I would receive information and I talk a lot in my memoir about some of these trips. I've pulled out some very specific ones because I remember all everything that happens when I do mushrooms. I most people like don't remember, but I remember everything. I'm like totally lucid and conscious when it ha when it's going on. I would I started hearing voices when I would take mushrooms and I started seeing the spirit world, but I didn't understand it at the time. So I wrote stuff like Golden Path where I'm like literally like um something better come or something better feel real quickly. I'm losing my grip with reality. My grip with reality. Um ride this wave into another haze by myself inside a brand new maze. Mornings I wake up into another dream. What is all of this? Like I'm I'm really like questioning life and trying to figure things out and went to mushrooms for all of that. Um so I put out these albums and bipolar, my life sucks, except for my wonderful relationship with Jody, and he stays with me through all of this. And that, you know, if that's not true love, I don't know what it is um staying by someone's side through all of their darkness. And so it got to the point where I um eight years into being diagnosed bipolar by five different psychiatrists. Um I'm 37 years old at the time, 2019. I remember being in front of my psychiatrist and saying, Hey, like, I'm not any better. And what are we gonna do? Like, my anger problems are ruining my life, basically. And he looked at me and he's like, We don't have any more pills to give you. Like, we can't, we can't give you any more pills, and uh that's not what you want to hear when you are literally thinking pills are gonna make you better. And I took antidepressants, literally, swallowed antidepressants believing they'd make me happy. I took these pills believing they would balance my brain. I bought the entire bag of BS, like completely. And I took 30,000 pills I never needed, if not more. I gave Big Pharma half a million dollars when I look back and do the math. My insurance paid out because I never needed any of it. It never helped me, it made me really sick. When I was on lithium, I would get up in the middle of the night and throw up all the time. I um was swollen, my body was swollen, I had gained all this weight, I was unhappy, I was slow, I gave up on my life, I lost my spark and my spirit. Um yeah, I never got better ever. Um all it did was numb me and make me lose myself. So I'm in front of the psychiatrist, and he says, I'm gonna send you to this place called the mood clinic. They are out of the University of Texas, and what they do is they specialize with bipolar patients and getting them on the lowest medication, lowest dose possible. Okay, great. This is amazing. This is exactly what I need. So I go and I get an interview, and this is exciting when you're like in the system and you get like to go see a new doctor or a specialist, it's like brag material, you know. So I get there, I sit down for my interviews, four hours later. I've told my story, I've talked to the psychiatrist, I've talked to the intake person, I am told I am not bipolar, I do not have bipolar, I do not have the mania to have a bipolar diagnosis. Like this just like blew my mind. Like I I didn't know what to think. Like, because I've been diagnosed bipolar, like I said, in 10 seconds. 10 seconds in front of a woman and she said you're bipolar for hours in front of multiple doctors at a specialty clinic, and I'm told I'm not bipolar. After the last eight years, I'd given up my life and become bipolar. And the book talks all about this how I became bipolar. Okay. We have to be so careful with all these labels out there, you guys, because you become them, you chisel yourself down. It's so dangerous, and it's all by design. So, what they said was I had borderline personality disorder. Um, so basically, there's mood disorders like bipolar and depression, schizophrenia, and they're treated with medication and they're incurable. And then there's personality disorders and personality disorders are treatable, but they're extremely hard to treat because you have to want to change and you have to see there's something wrong with you. And if you can't see there's something wrong with you, you can't change. If you're not willing to get better, you'll you're never gonna get better. So they're like, Yeah, you you can heal from this, Kara, but you have to want to change. Well, they didn't know that they were dealing with Kara Mosier, and I am the most dedicated patient, dedicated student, dedicated person, and I gave it my all. So I jumped right, I put my life on hold and I went to dialectical behavioral therapy. This is how they treat borderline personality disorder. It's a skills-based therapy, it's one third interpersonal effectiveness skills, which is how learning how to talk to other people, get your needs met. All these like amazing simple skills that I didn't ever learn. Like I became a people pleaser, I put everybody else first before me. I didn't know how to ask people for things. I didn't know how to, I was a burden. I believed I was a burden. I was too sensitive, I was too much. There was stuff wrong with me. No, I learned how to talk to other people and get my needs met. Um, then it was one third emotional regulation. That's what I needed, guys. That's what I needed. Like I had been on one-on-one therapy with Margaret, and it had been amazing because she helped me process things that had been going on in my life, traumas that I had buried. We pulled them out and we looked at them and uncovered them. And it was awesome. I owe so much to my time with Margaret. I loved my having that experience. Um, in dialectal behavioral therapy, though, when they taught me how to feel, that's what I needed. When I talk about how learning how to feel, it's like literally kind of what I did in rehab, going, how how do I feel right now in my body? Do I have tension somewhere? Am I relaxed? Um, am I happy? Like, what does it feel like to be happy? Like, you know, going into the body and grounding and feeling and writing it down and saying it out loud. And what do I do when I feel this way? Like, what do I do when I get overwhelmed? Because my first day in dialectical behavioral therapy, like a girl pissed me off because I didn't it's something stupid. Like, I didn't think she was listening to me enough, or I thought she was rude, whatever it was. I can't remember, but I got up and stormed out of my first group. I was like that angry person there the first day. It was like all pissy and miserable, and I stormed out and I came back, and uh I don't, you know, I don't storm off anymore like that. And that was a problem I had though. I had anger, it's an anger outburst and rumination, keeping anger around for weeks, not letting it go. These were problems I had that I dealt with and I learned about. And the last third of dialectal behavioral therapy, because it's one third mindfulness, one third interpersonal effective skills, and one third emotional regulation. Well, that mindfulness is what I needed. Remember, I said I couldn't ever sit still. I couldn't sit still. I didn't want to be with myself, I hated myself. Um, when the police officers took me to the psych ward, they were like, I know you're not your best friend right now, but I promise you one day you will be. And he's right. And that made my book. I keep saying it's in the book, it's in the book. Because the book is like, you guys, this is my pet project in my life. I've been working on this book for so long, like It I hope explains everything how you all want to hear it and see it. So you can be with me there. Um, so I did dialectal behavioral therapy, and at the same time, I titrated off my pills. Um, and I remember at that point I was taking 24 pills a day. So it took eight months. I was multiple prescriptions because you get a prescription for one thing, and then you get a prescription for something else, and then you need a prescription for something else because everything has a side effect, and all of a sudden you're on a bazillion pills and your whole life is chained to it, and you're sick forever, and you're broken, and you feel all it's just awful. The pill route is awful. Rockefeller medicine had no idea because I was still totally asleep, you guys. Totally asleep to this world. I haven't said that yet, but maybe you know that, maybe you don't. I had a no okay, we're gonna get to it. So I was about to like jump the gun here. So I get off my pills, I start something starts happening. I start waking up, I start feeling more alive, I start feeling better as I'm getting off my pills. And this is literally right in 20, like I got it. It was August night, August 2019 when I found out I was not bipolar. I hopped right into dialectal behavioral therapy, completed it in two months. It's a like a year therapy usually, but I did it um intensive outpatient, where inpatient is when you live in a um like I when I was in rehab, I went inpatient. I stayed the night, I lived there. Um, and then outpatient therapy, which I had done multiple group therapies. I have done so much therapy. It's I've probably done it if it's out there. I've done it. Cognitive behavioral therapy, um, dialectical behavioral therapy, group therapy, one-on-one, rehab, NA, all of these things, um, hypnosis, uh, you EMR, EMDR, tap therapy, all of it. I've done it. Um, and I uh so I I I completed uh dialectical and I felt better. And I I joined, I also joined a once-a-week group right after. So this is all about uh winter 2020, and we all know what happens winter 2020. The pandemic COVID starts rolling out, and I'm coming off my pills. What a time, right? To uh be someone who had major anxiety and problems feeling, um, to get off her pills that numbed her, right about when all this bullshit's happening in the world. And I'm so afraid of COVID. I started looking for N95 masks in January because I was an NPR on the hour type person, like world news on the hour. I knew what was going on. Um, I listened to NPR all the time. I knew what was going on in Wuhan. Um, I had, I was like, I gotta get my masks, but it will never come to that. Oh, I should. And then February, I was going to the pharmacy with my kitchen gloves on, a trench coat and sunglasses because I was scared of catching COVID. I was yelling at people who got too close to me without a mask on, like literally people walking by my house. I would be like, I'd be walking to my car, be like, You guys need to get out of the way of the sidewalk so I can walk to my car. And I just like I was crazy. I was like, I was so afraid of catching COVID. I thought I could catch it in my eyeballs, and I thought I was gonna die. I was healthy and young. I but I thought I was gonna die because I was totally, totally asleep. I trusted the government. Um, I I had no idea what was going on in this world. So I'm getting off these pills and I'm waking up. Like my consciousness is coming alive and COVID's happening. And I just like in the Black Lives Matter stuff was happening. Like the first time I really left my house was to go to a Black Lives Matter protest. And I remember being so afraid, like I had to go and take pictures with my camera. Like I live in Austin, I wanted to go and be part of the march and get in the middle of the march and take pictures. And I remember doing it and being like, oh my God, I'm gonna catch COVID. And but I need to do this, I need to play my part because I should have white guilt because I was still asleep to everything. And I was still doing my dialectical behavioral therapy, and one of the methods was this loving-kindness meditation. So, this is this is when things started really shifting for me. I'm afraid of this is where I'm at. It's 29, 2020. I'm off my pills almost completely. This is uh spring 2020, and I am super afraid of COVID. I'm still believing the narrative. I don't, I think the government's my friend. I didn't even realize big pharma was bad at this time. You're gonna believe that. Like, I literally like had no idea. Um, I trusted everything, and I felt bad for being white because it was a big thing at that time, and I hated Donald Trump. But I was doing this. Um, like I was when he I have a chapter in my book about this. It's one of my favorite chapters called Loving Kindness Meditation Works, because I started doing a loving-kindness meditation as a skill for dialectical behavioral therapy, where I had to think of myself and offer myself love, success to be free from suffering, um, happiness, good health. And then I would think of who I hated more than anyone in this world and offer them the same. Because if I could love my enemies like that, then I would have none, right? Like, why not? If I can expand my heart to love who I hate more than anyone in this world, like that's awesome, right? So I did it. And Donald, it was between Kim Kardashian and Donald Trump. I decided to do it on Donald Trump, and and I hated how he was handling the COVID pandemic. So it was perfect. I love Fauci at this time too, which barf vomit now. I had a t-shirt, but this is my testimony, you know. I gotta share. I had a t-shirt that said Fauci like Gucci. Oh, and I had a Como shirt too with hearts on his eyes. Just like I hook, line, and sinker for big pharma and the bipolar diagnosis. I hook, line, and sinker for the narrative and the agenda. I know what it's like to believe in lies and ab buy it completely. So I started doing this loving kindness meditation daily to Trump. And after about a month of doing it, something happened. I had a thought in my head, and I was like, why do I hate him so much? I was just like, why do I why do I even hate him? What what is it? Like, and then I started realizing that the news only reported negative stuff about him. But if I switched the station, I saw positive things and I saw him in a different light. I started wondering who are the people that actually support Donald Trump? Especially women. Like, how could any women like grab him by the pussy Donald? You know what I mean? He cheated on, supposedly cheated on his pregnant wife with a hooker or not a hooker, a uh porn star. Um, you know, like who who what women would like him? So I went online and I start looking up uh Trump Trump supporters and looking for female accounts on Instagram, and I realized that these women seem really normal and they seem really nice, and they all seem to have this hashtag save the children. Like I was like, what is this save the children thing? Like, I didn't I'd never seen that before. So I started looking into that, and that was literally like a tiptoe I see now into the rabbit hole. So that basically led me to learn that what fake news meant. That Donald Trump actually had been doing all these things to stop child trafficking and like passing laws to help thwart child trafficking, and he was helping children and doing all he was actually not the bad guy that I thought he was. I mean, I'm not saying he's a good guy. I actually think that they're all part of it, this game. Um, they all play their part. But learning to love the person that I hated more than anyone shifted my heart and showed me that I was being played, basically. I was not getting all the information. So I started expanding more and trying to figure out what was going on. And that this is June 2020, and I'm getting off my final pill, my antidepressant, and I tried killing myself. I'd been doing great, I'd been fine, but then I had an episode and I literally took a knife to my wrist. That's the only time in my life I've ever actually like attempted, and it's in my book. Uh the details are in there, but that prompted me to take two grams of penis envy mushrooms because this is this was my church. This was my way I connected to God was I took these psychedelics and I I you know I I went somewhere. I I went to the spirit world for my answers, and I experienced a rebirth that night. Like I took that there's a chapter in the book called Baptism that explains everything that happened that night. I wrote a letter to God and I said, This is what I said earlier, we're gonna talk about God. Now we're gonna talk about God. I wrote a letter to God that day because I thought, you know, here I am. They told me I was bipolar and broken, and I had my answer, and that was wrong, and and now I'm off the pills, and um, you know, nothing's ever worked, and now I tried killing myself. Um, I have no purpose anymore. And I gave my life to God in that moment. I wrote a letter to God and I said, You take my life, um, you kept me alive. Um, I didn't kill myself today, and so you can use me as a vessel. And I wrote it down, and I took the mushrooms, and I was reborn that night. It was one of the most profound experiences I've ever had, obviously. Um, I had started realizing that I was seeing the spirit world. Um, it didn't totally make sense to me for a little while longer, which is so crazy, but we're gonna talk about that. But in my darkest moments, I've gone to God. The same thing in rehab. I write about this. There's a chapter in my book called, Hey God, it's Kara. Remember me? And it's beautiful. I talk about the times in my darkest despairs. I've gone to God, and God's spoken to me, and God listened, and God fixed things, and it's always been God for me. I didn't grow up, little about me. I did not grow up going to church. I'm not, I don't consider myself a religious person. I feel like it's all so corrupt by design. Um, yeah, I didn't believe in any of it. I had no knowledge on religion or anything of that. Uh I just what I my parents never talked to me about God. Um, none of it. I had never opened a Bible, uh, none of it. They repulsed me, all of it by design. Um, and but the God to me was what I was yeah, yeah. I mean, I took these psychedelics and I would leave the world, I would leave this dimension, I would see things, I would hear things. It was beyond this world, and that became God to me. Um, you know, that I thought that was taking me closer to God, and it felt that way. And then I'm not here to say what things are, I'm sharing my story. Um but that night I was reborn. Um when I realized looking back, it was because I gave my life to God. I literally said, I want nothing. There's no success for me, there's no material thing for me. I've traveled the world, I've done everything I've wanted to do, and I wanted to, and I tried killing myself. So, God, you want me alive? Use me as a vessel and speak through me.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:30

I will be a vessel for you. I will give my life for you. Because you kept me alive. And I I met God that night.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:42

And I was the scales were taken off my eyes. I see now. I see now what it all is. It takes time. It can't happen instantly. Wait, it called an awakening, call it what you want, guys. God's taking the scales off our eyes. Because we've been kept in denial our whole lives. Because he loves us and it's too much to see what's going on here. It's why I believe the pills worked, were gonna work. It's why I trusted the government, it's why I thought this world I didn't believe Satanists exist. I remember saying that once uh years back. Um, I don't know, no one could actually worship the devil. Yeah, right, evil doesn't exist. That's a lie. Um, but after this night, this was June 10th, 2020, I uh nothing was the same. And after that, the next couple months, I um somehow I met up with is you know, COVID's still going on, I'm still afraid. I'm you know, had this whole experience with God, and yet I'm still asleep to what's happening in this world. Though I'm starting to get it because I saw my toe into the rabbit hole of save the children, and that Donald Trump was not who I thought. He was not um as horrible as made out. And when he said fake news, well, he was right, the news was fake. So about this time I met up with these this group, and uh they were a church, uh like a pagan church, and uh they were doing Zoom moon circles, and this was new to me, but I was looking for something to do, so I thought I'll do this. I need to socialize, right? So I started um full moon circles, this group, and that was where I learned about ascension. So I'm sharing in one of these circles and I'm talking about everything going on with me because I'm experiencing, telling you, I'm experiencing an awakening. I'm starting to like, I got off these pills, I'm finally feeling better. I I think I started, I probably lost like 50 pounds. My body's feeling better. Um, I'm coming out of this hibernation. Um got I've been reborn, like I I saw God, like all this stuff is going on with me. And and they're like, oh, it's ascension, you're ascending, Kara. And I was like, it's what? Ascension. And oh, okay, that's that's what that's going on. They're like, Yeah, the age of Aquarius is coming in. This is just what you're experiencing. Um, this is all the light codes coming in. You're okay, awesome. And so I'm start getting into the moon stuff, I start getting into the rituals. Um, and I decide to do ayahuasca with the group. So I go do ayahuasca and have this crazy powerful experience, which is not, you know, of course I did. The one time I did DMT, I blasted off this world. Like the hundreds of times I've done psychedelics. Like, I leave the dimension, like I see things, I see spirits, I they communicate with me. I can like I knew that ayahuasca would be profound, and it was. And I have a whole whole meaty chapter in my book about it called Unexpected Return Home, and it was it's not for everyone, um, ayahuasca, but you could hear demons coming out of people, like you purge an ayahuasca and these energies come out of you, and these are demons coming out, like literally, like we all have energies stuck, call it dark, stuck energy, call it a program, call it a demon, whatever word you want to use. This isn't we're not here to judge each other, we're just trying to communicate with words. And it was a huge purging of darkness out of me. And Kali, I saw Kali come to me. Like I had I had seen Ganesh and Buddha appear on psychedelics. Like, I've got my eyes open, and I'm not, I never channeled anything in, I never called anything in, I never practiced magic. I just took the psychedelics and opened myself up, and then I would see things like Ganesh appeared in front of me, the Hindi god um elephant head once. And I didn't know this was after seeing like eyeballs shooting out of my friend's head and like moving energy and like seeing what I thought were past lives, which is just the akashic record, which we're gonna talk about more in a little bit. Um, I didn't know it, but I was a I'm a seer. They call it a seer. I didn't know this. It's someone who can see the spirit world. I just thought everybody experienced this. I also am a very natural channel. So spirits would talk to me. That's what I started hearing. Like when I did the summer of fun, I remember the first time the voices started coming to me and talking to me. And I just I was so used to hearing voices in my head because I had like these dark, honestly, demonic programs running in my head telling me I was fat and a loser and that I should kill myself and horrible stuff all the time, making me miserable. I had so many going on I couldn't think straight. But then Katie told me, you know, I said that that she told me in that moment those voices aren't you. I let that go. But I also would receive these really friendly, like spirit guides that would come to me and talk to me on mushrooms, and I could ask them anything, and they would show me things. And I've experienced things so wild and beyond this world. Like I learned the spirit world was a thing before I knew what it was. I was, like I said, seeing and channeling and all the stuff without trying, um, leaving my body, all the stuff that people really seek out and then to do, I was doing naturally astral projection. All I was just like naturally, like lucid dreamer, all of that was just that's just who I was. So it wasn't weird to me. And I thought everybody else did it. But um, you know, so I saw Ganesh, and I didn't hadn't know who Ganesh was. I had to look it up. Say same thing with Kali, this big blue spirit with this clanking skulls around her neck and her red tongue out came to me. Like the spirit world is a thing, you guys. Like, I'm not here to convince anyone, I'm just here to share what I've experienced. Like it's invisible, but it's here all the time. And it is these invisible forces that we are up against. And I don't know what's good and bad. I'm not here to, I know nothing is what I'm really starting to see. But I do know how to see through the veil. I understand what that is. Buddha had come to me so many times on my mushroom trips. Um, and he would just appear. And he never told me he was God or anything like that. I never thought Buddha was God or anything. I always believed in the highest of high, like something but just beyond this world. Like, of course, it's probably the same God that everybody I didn't know what the religion's thought and stuff, but that everybody's believing in. I just assumed everybody believed in the same God. The week after I did ayahuasca, I uh I learned about MKUltra. It came to my reality. Um, that's trauma-based mind control. This is an operation the CIA did in the 1950s. This came from Project Paperclip after the uh Nazi war, World War I or World War II. And the basically, like when that ended, we brought a bunch of these high Nazi scientists over the United States. Um, to why? I don't know. We put them all throughout the government. It's it was just like, what a mistake, what a bad thing. But trauma-based mind control. And then I learned about Project Um Mockingbird, Operation Mockingbird, and that was basically using the news and the media as propaganda machines, and that quote, it wouldn't be complete until people had no idea. Well, I looked at myself and I was like, I fell for it completely. I trusted the news completely. And so God started showing me slowly what was going on. And then I just kept going because that's how I do it. I'm dedicated. I got my hands on the Great Awakening and map, which is basically the treasure map for rabbit holes. And I just realized I had debunked like the top right corner about psychedelics and all this stuff about leaving your body, natural protection, and spirits and spirit world. And I was like, well, this is all real. I've seen it. Like, let me look at what else is on here. And I start looking at all this stuff, and you know, I've gotten been getting involved in this new age group, and we're doing moon ceremonies, and I'm learning about magic, and they um start telling me about how COVID is not what you think. And I start learning, um, and I take my, you know, by then, of course, I had to take my mask off truly to do ayahuasca. That was the big switch for me was I knew that I'd be in a room with 30 people and I'd be exposed, and I just had to do it. So I did it, and that was so powerful because everybody has to take the mask off eventually when it comes to the COVID thing. You guys just have patience with people. I was totally afraid. And then I slowly came out of it. And by the fall, I knew it was a lie. I knew it was we were being lied to. It was all it's hard to explain how it all came out to me, but that's why I've written a book. Um, but this is just again kind of the outline. So I'm making good friends with these new people in this group, this new age group, for lack of a better term. That's what they are. Like the ones who taught me about ascension. They're the reason I named my cat Divine that I got in 2020. Um, and uh I started, you Speaking their lingo and doing their thing, and saw myself at meetings with them where they were talking about building communities and getting off the grid, and that January or December 20th, this big thing was gonna happen, and the new earth was gonna come in, and the grid was probably gonna come all this crazy stuff now. I'm like, oh my gosh, I have to get out of this. But I ended up leaving that group in the fall because I just like these people like doing a ceremony over and over and over again, and they're never integrating and they're never healing, and they're just toxic, it was toxic, and I had to get away. So by the grace of God, I was pulled out of that. But I kept some friends, and one of the people I stayed friends with was a girl that we did psychedelics together a few times, and she called herself a witch, and she loved doing witchy things, and uh she channeled and she did tarot and she introduced me to her witchy friends, and I saw myself learning about witchcraft and learning and calling my starting to call myself a witch a little bit and making spell candles and all this stuff and trying to manifest. And I other friends that I was friends with that came into my life were telling me about manifestation and sun gazing and copper pyramids and crystals and all this magic, magic, magic, magic, magic. Not that I needed any of it, because I had my my awakening started before I learned about ascension, before I learned about the great awakening, before I learned about all this new age stuff that was trying to hook line and harvest and take in what was actually happening in this world is just God taking the scales off of our eyes and waking us up. They're just trying to like paint it as something different. And I saw myself speaking that language. Um, I had a whole introduction from my book written, which maybe I'll put in for fun, which I am like talking all about this stuff, the grand conjunction and all in the 2020 and the great awakening, all this stuff. And now I'm just like, oh my God, it was just like trap, I got hooked into this new age stuff. So I'm doing psychedelics that fall with my new friend. She opened, she would open circles before we did mushrooms. We did test psychedelics three times together, three significant times. And um, she's the one, like when I started telling her about the voice that I would hear when I did psychedelics and on and like what I would see and stuff, she bless her heart because she's the one who explained it to me. She's like, Oh, you're a seer, you're a channeler, and all this stuff. And I was like, What? Like, that's what? Um it that's how asleep I was. I seriously had no idea that I was seeing the spirit world, like it was just normal to me when I did these things. Um, but her she and so she and I started doing psychedelics together in 10, 10, 2020. She opens a circle. We are I'm learning about aliens. That's where I'm at. I never believed in aliens. September 2020, all of a sudden, this is a total lie and this is bullshit. Past lives, total lie, bullshit. And then all of a sudden, we have this experience. We I just like I talk about this in my book. I have a whole chapter. Like I dated that guy who was into the occult and taught me how to evoke ghosts and because I didn't believe in ghosts either. Um, but you have to invite them in. I don't recommend to anybody. I also don't recommend you invite aliens in. I don't believe in aliens anymore. It's a whole we're gonna talk about that. Um, not the word, uh not that these things spirits don't exist and they don't look what what they say aliens look like. It's just it alien just means foreign. Like, let's get more specific here. This is um this is like possibly the fallen angels. This is the spirit world, this is beyond this, this is different than just aliens coming from other planets. Okay, guys. She opens a circle, we call in aliens, we want it to happen, we give our permission. I bought moldavite because I heard this crystal is supposed to help me, um, you know, uh bring aliens in and all this. And and uh, so well, magic's real, guys. I astro projected out of my body that mushroom trip during the day, and literally mine melded with a being, and it came into my body and I could see it, and it stayed with me for like an hour, and it did all these. It's this is real, unbelievable stuff happened to me. Magic is real and it's very powerful, and we need to be so careful with it. I was asking for full DNA activation because I was in the new age and this is what everybody was doing, and I wanted all my DNA to be activated. Um, well, these beings came to me and I saw them. I saw Grays, I saw Lyrens, what people call Lyrens, catfaces, I saw meta like Metatron, I saw all of that psychogeometry flashing. I saw these beings would come as energy and it's the psychic abilities that I have, for lack of a better word, senses beyond the five. Um, I would know when an energy would come and I would know when it would connect with me. And uh my vision got 25% more colorful and sharper. Um, my ability, I don't need I all of a sudden I didn't need psychedelics to see orbs and spirits anymore. I was seeing them like during the day. I was able to channel and access information about people and anything I wanted, like I could on mushrooms, because these are things that I could do really easily on mushrooms. I mean, it's just like I don't even know how to describe it, but I could start all the abilities that the magic mushrooms would usually evoke me start happening. Like I could, it would just like happen to me in the day. So I did these experiences with this girl, and she opened these circles, and we had a couple more mushroom trips where we did this, and more beings came. I remember one time we were in Ingram doing grid work because we were new age, and that's what new agers do. They're doing grid work, they're healing the land and helping Gaia and all this stuff. And um, and uh, we took psychedelics, she opened a circle and she did. I've never opened a circle, like I always intuitively felt like I don't do this, I don't do this, and um, I would just be there for it. And sure enough, more of these wild interdimensional beings or whatever they are, spirits, fallen angels came and I walked outside, and we're in the middle of nowhere in Ingram, Texas, and I look up at the stars, and I'm so I remember being so overwhelmed because I knew every single one of those stars wanted to talk to me. Every single one of those stars wanted to come down from the sky because that's what they do. They come down as these orbs, you know, like this light. That's where they come down, you guys. The stars are projectors, the stars are projectors, yeah, projecting our lives into this planet. They all wanted to come to me, and it was so overwhelming. And I looked across the field in front of us, and I saw this animal jump over a fence with red eyes and start running at me like it was coming out of the pits of hell. And I I ran into the house and I was like, told my friend, I was like, there's a hellhound after me. Turns out this is like something biblical. These hellhounds are real. I saw one once. Like, that's not the only darkness I experienced. These times with I never had bad psychedelic trips of my own. I never did, and I always did them alone, right? Mostly. But the times I did them with this girl when she opened these circles, there were a couple moments where I was so scared, and I knew that we were dealing with something down this world, and it was we had to do things like stomp on the ground and chant and like throw black salt, and like magic's real, guys. Like, I like don't know like what kind of magic you practice or what you think of it if it's just like manifestation to you and working with the days and the hours, and that there's a deeper magic, and it's bigger than you realize. And you guys, this is like pits of hell shit. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, you've got to be careful. Um, so those experiences opened me up to realize how magic could be used incorrectly, but also that it was real and I changed. I wasn't the same. And I would go ahead and say this is probably like a third eye activation fully. Um, but I learned, you know, after doing a few trips with her, like I one time was with her and um she she told me about the Galactic Federation. Um she had been champed, they channeled her. This is some concept that there's this Galactic Federation out there that's here to help humanity, these good aliens here to help humanity. It's humanity needs help. We have God, but um uh basically, like I'm with her and we're tripping, and I'm in my backyard, and all of a sudden this being jumps into me, and I had learned that I there's certain types of psychics, and some of them can have possession, and it's where an energy, a spirit jumps into your vessel, into your body, and speaks through your mouth. This has happened to me. Like when I had my baptism, I spoke out my mouth. Something spoke through me. And I again, the book is explains all of this, like verbatim. Like, I can my memory on mushrooms is like way too good. But I learned that you know, this is one of the things that can happen to me. And one of these beings jumped into me, and I heard myself say, You're looking at a member of the Orion Council of the Light in the flesh. And I had been these Galactic Federation beings had started coming to me. So I started speaking to a medium fall 2020 as I was waking up, a friend Nerd's media medium, and she knew after I had that experience on 1010 when I astro projected on my body, and that being came into my body and I saw it and everything, she knew about it when I spoke to her, and I hadn't told her anything. She's like, There's a star being with you, and oh my gosh, there's all these star beings with you. I don't normally see star beings with people, and it was because we were calling them in and like giving them permission. Like when you're going through an awakening like I did, like imagine 2020 winter, I'm coming off these pills, and I start learning that everything's quote unquote fake, that like this COVID's not dangerous, but they're telling us it is, and they're closing the world down. This doesn't make sense. The government's lying, history's a lie, they're doing all these things against us, like all that stuff you start learning. I learned it like a like in a week. And like I had no, like, I couldn't talk to my partner about it. He wasn't with where I was. My family thought I was crazy, my friends thought I was insane, my best friend. I remember her and and my boyfriend one day being like, We don't understand what's going on with you and Donald Trump, and they're like storming out of the room and like people calling me racist and fighting with me, and they didn't get what was going on with me. I had no one to talk to, so I turned on to online shamanic medicines, and I'm with this new age wound group, and everybody's teaching me magic, and people are opening circles around me, and I was vulnerable, and I needed a name for what was going on with me because I was experiencing a profound awakening. I really was like, I thought I was writing my book, Here Comes Trouble about first um being bipolar. Then I thought it was about being misdiagnosed, then I thought it was about um waking up and then I into the matrix and simulation. Then I thought it was about learning about aliens and past lives because when I'm doing these trips, I started seeing what looked like past lives. When I did these trips, these mushroom trips with this girl fall 2020 when she was opening struggles and stuff. Like I connect, I became the Akastic Records. Like I be I learned what that was by connecting to it and becoming the infinite oneness of knowledge where you could, I could access anything. Like I look at her at my friends when she when I was tripping and be like, you guys, ask me anything. I can tell you anything right now because I knew I was connected to something that was giving me every like literally like a Google in my mind for anything. Like people have told me when I've told them I'm reading the Bible, oh, you need to read Manley P. Hall's book of all the magic of all ages. And I want to be like, please, people, do you have any idea what's been shown to me on psychedelics? Like, I went so deep. I had no clue how activated I got. I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how easily I was able to access the spirit world and magic and learn, not from a book, but from the fallen angels themselves, essentially. Okay, guys. That's that's kind of where I'm at now, and that's what I'm getting to. Don't worry, it's all gonna make sense. This is absolutely a testimony. End my story. Um, but I learned the Akashic Records is a thing. What is it? Really? I don't know. Is past lives? I've got a lot of questions there. Um, I actually don't think it's what we think that we're reborn and doing like I don't think we do that. I actually think consciousness is something different and karmic trap is a trap, and that's what reincarnation is a trap of the same consciousness just coming back in different ways, not like what we think at all. I believe time is slapped on top of each other and layered and it's not linear at all. Um, but that's a whole nother conversation and a whole nother thing to talk about. But I was deceived and I really believed that um aliens, oh my god, aliens are a thing. And I was seeing ships and I there are orbs in the sky. I've seen them move around and I've seen what you call a UFO in the sky. I've seen things flash in the sky and all sorts of crazy things. It's yeah, there's stuff out there, but we don't know. I've seen a grid, I've seen the dome, you know. Maybe it's a firmament, you know. Like, I don't, there's something there. This world's not what we think, like this stuff's going on. But I got deceived that it was all age of Aquarius coming in, all new age. I was ascending, that's it. Um, at this point, I still didn't believe the Bible. I it was anything, it was I was blasphemizing it probably on podcasts. I still didn't believe I thought Jesus is fake still at this point. I just want to say this, this is important. Um, and this is basically 2021 ringing in. So I had all these experiences, and this is when I started Here Comes Trouble, really. And I went on my friend Maria's podcast and I wanted to talk about what was going on with me, and I did, and I, you know, I was still in it. I didn't really know what was, you know, if you listen to that episode, you're gonna hear a different Kara. So I start sharing, and I but I need more. So I book a session with a shaman and it paid a thousand dollars because I wanted more activations. Um, like it wasn't enough at this point. I mean, seriously, what more did I want? I had all these abilities that all my friends that I was meeting in the new age were like trying to manifest that they would be seers and that they could channel do all stuff, and I was just like able to do it naturally, but I wanted more. I wanted more. I was still searching, searching, searching. So I booked the session and I had this profound session with him. And I literally in this session, he walked me into what he claimed was the first stage of enlightenment, and it made sense to me. It did, it made sense to me because of everything that had happened to me and that I had discovered and seen beyond this world. And after that, I started channeling for other people as a job. And if any of you listening had a mess a session with me, it was probably really powerful. Um, I know that I do connect to the spirit world and I can bring energies in, but do I know what I'm doing? No, not fully, who does? We don't really know, but I would see, I would channel in and I would get visions of people's lives and information would come to me, and guides would come to me. Um, I was like hearing things like Ishtar and Isis and Aphrodite. I was hearing all these names, these guides in my head, and I didn't know who they were. And I'd look them up and be like, oh my god, this is someone speaking to me and showing me this stuff. And I was learning all this, these things, and I'd share them with people, and it was blowing my mind because I would be like spot on with everybody, everything I was saying, they'd be like, How did you know that? Oh my gosh, yes, and I always thought this, and oh my god, I'd be they'd be crying, and these sessions were so profound. I kept doing it, but in my head I knew, and I'd said this on some podcasts, I don't know how much longer I'm gonna do this. I don't think I'm gonna channel for a long time. So if you want to do this, get a session now. And it wasn't cheap. I was charging $120 an hour, and many people were tipping me $50 because these, like I said, these sessions were profound. I had found the Akashic records, and information was being given to me that from these angels, from these spirits, and something happened to me. So, spring, we're at spring 2020, and uh I this girl that I had been doing magic stuff with tells me about Doreen Virtue. And I'm like, Who's this? And she's like, Well, she was a uh channeler and she did angel cards and she was huge in the new age, and then all of a sudden she had this um Christ awakening, and now she's like she's totally lost it, and she re rebukes all of her stuff, and she says Buddha's bad, get rid of your and I'm like, What? And this shook me to the core to think that anybody could think that this stuff that I was doing was wrong and that Buddha was bad. Buddha was never to me bad, never did anything bad, never said anything bad. Like I said, Buddha had come to me a lot and spoken to me. And at one time I remember I like to tell people this. I asked Buddha, like, are you just with me right now? This is amazing. And he laughed and said, No, I can send my energy anywhere to anyone, and I can become the wind. And then he became the wind and I can become the trees. And that's how it was shown that I do believe God is everything, God is in everything, and that everything is connected. But um, I get freaked out. Suddenly I'm like, wait, am I on a the wrong path? Like, what I had no idea. I need to look at this because I know how real it is to be on the wrong path and to be fooled and deceived and be gullible because I had been my whole life by this world, believing in the government, believing the education system was good, believing this that that darkness wasn't and evil wasn't real. So I started, I freaked out, and I had I did, and I prayed to God. I went to God again. This is the third time in my chapter in my book. When I, hey God, it's care. Remember me, I talk about this the time in rehab. I went to God and my baptism went to God. I talk about how profound God is and how in these moments that's who I've gone to and who I've received answers from. It's God. I don't manifest, I do nothing like that. I go to God and I write a letter. Um, and I asked God for clarity because I was like, what the heck? Why would anybody question this stuff? I have to look into it because I'm not going to discount people because that got me in a lot of trouble before. So I prayed and I was very confused. And this was May 2021. And you know, this is when I I had been so busy doing channeling sessions, I had to block off appointments because it was I was too busy. I was like racking in the money, people were loving it. It was really helping. These were helping people, these were profound channeling sessions. And but all of a sudden, I started putting a pause on it. And I had a channeling session right after this with a girl who I love very much. You know who you are if you're listening. And I saw Jesus. And this was the first time Jesus came into my psychic plane. And I was embarrassed to have to tell her that Jesus was there. That was my response when I saw Jesus in my psychic plane. I was like, What are you doing here? And he was like, Hey, I'm here to tell you to tell her that she needs to redefine her relationship with religion. And I was like, All right. So I gave her the message, and in the session, this beautiful rainbow light came in, and it was so powerful, and it was Jesus. And this was uh huge for me because I didn't believe Jesus was real, so I was very confused why I'm seeing him in my psychic plane. Why is this profound being coming? I don't believe in him. I literally thought he was a a joke. Um, everybody was fooled. Um, these Bible belt believers, they're all fooled, they're confused, they're that Bible is all crap, and they're just you know, bought and they're you know, all of that, like they're wrong. And but here's Jesus showing up. Well, Jesus didn't leave me. Usually after a channeling session, that's it. Like, I don't see the spirits or hair from them anymore. But Jesus literally like was in my office for like at least the next month. I would be sitting at my computer and I'd see all the corner of my eye what manifested as Jesus. And the guides have always told me, God has always told me, my spirit guides, that things are shown to you in the psychic plane, how you can understand them. So I'm not saying this is what Jesus is, like totally looked like for everybody or when he was alive and stuff, but he was showing up to me like the dude, and he was kind of like leaning over and like passing me a joint because I that's something I do. I do I spoke weed, I still do that, and that's how he reached me. And he, if you were following me last spring, I started doing these lives. I was doing lives where I would cry and talk about Jesus and how sad I was that he died on the cross. And like it's beyond this. I don't even know how to put words to it because this like this activation of Jesus coming into my life happened to me through the psychic plane. And I started learning that Jesus had lived, he was real, he was in fact God. Um, God sent himself down here in form because of what was going on in this world. And it took probably five months from May to probably August. September, but I started getting all the answers I had prayed about. I started seeing how deceiving the new age was. Um I started realizing that it was in fact a trap for vulnerable people who are waking up and it is not a path for me. And this was one of the most confusing stretches of my awakening that I never thought would come. Um here I was in 2020 doing all this magic stuff, doing all this new age stuff that I'd never done before. Um and then I learned that it was founded about 200 years ago by people. And I've we'll be doing more podcasts talking about this. And I've done some with my friend Misty and Eyes on the Right talk and I talk about this. These are the new age roots are connected to the new world order. This is about a the one world government, this is about a one world religion. It's all part of the same package, and it's extremely deceiving. And I believe that they're trying to make people believe that we are God, like we are gods, and I don't believe that at all. I believe there is a God, one God, um, one highest. Now I can't tell you exactly what that is. It's not Bathmen, it's not Baal, it's not Lucifer, it's not Satan, it's none of the darkness. I started learning that the Masons who run this world essentially created the government and all this stuff, like study Luciferianism actually, and the magic and all of that, and that this stuff was actually like forbidden in the Bible. And I was like, What? Why? Why? What's the problem? What's the problem with this magic stuff? Well, I had seen a little bit in myself how opening yourself up to the spirit world opens you up to a lot of darkness, too. I don't believe there's any magic that one can do without a sacrifice happening of sorts. Maybe it's happening to someone else on the other side of the world that you don't even know. I don't know. But there's a cause and effect for all of that. And I just started realizing that even astrology was done by Helena Ball, it's a lot of scoffy. I can never say her name, who was connected to like Alistair Crawley and Anton Levy and all these dark people who were connected to Hollywood, who was connected to CIA, who was connected to this MKUltra, to this monarch programming. All everything started connecting. That it was very much a conflict of interest. Helena Ball, the I can't say her name, God like never lets me say her name, had written a book called like Lucifer, and she believed that Lucifer was angel, like a good angel. And I don't, I don't believe that Lucifer is a good angel. I don't believe the most deceiving angel who dresses himself as angel of light, um, was good. Um, and I am not here to like lay out all the facts, I'm just sharing my story. And this was really all very hard for me, but with my psychic abilities, my intuition, my extreme sensitivity, I have been led, I had been led to leave. Like, think of it, like this is what happened. I started looking backwards, and that's how things really made sense to me. I left that new age group in fall 2020 because it didn't feel right. I stopped opening circles and practicing magic because it didn't feel right. Um, spring 2020. I stopped charging my crystals under the moon because it didn't feel right. I had put my tarot cards away um spring 2022 because I'd gotten back into that because I was really good at it. It was easy for me. I was channeling too because I didn't need it. I was like, I don't need it. I'm gonna put them away, but it didn't feel right. And then I started, it was like one by one, I started getting all these answers and seeing that this stuff I was doing was not right. And so it's wild, but I started I started reading the Bible. This is I have a degree in English, um, literary interpretation, and I never, ever, ever opened a Bible. I thought it was all you know, you hear everybody say, Oh, it's edited, it's missing stuff, it's um it's lies, it's indoctrin, it's indoctrinating you in a new way, it's missing all these written by men. And okay, think whatever you want, but put all of those thoughts on every single book ever written because everything's been edited, everything's been censored. But when I started reading the Bible, it was tying all the everything together that I was thinking because I had gotten big into the truther movement, I had gotten big into the rabbit holes, everything was dark. I was walking around my house, like telling my boyfriend, like they're all pedophiles, they're all Satanists. And I started learning the symbols more the summer because I was part of what Jesus coming to my life showed me the symbols. I was suddenly able to read, look at anything and be able to go, oh, that means this, this means that. This is how they're connected to the darkness and the agenda. It just all started making sense to me, which is why I am now co-hosting Not So Secret Society's podcast with Eyes on the Right. She is a huge, huge piece of me learning this language of the satanic elite and me seeing how it all tied to Babylon, it all tied to Noah flooding, the flood, it all I understood reading the Bible. Had I ever looked at the stories before, I wouldn't have gotten it because I'd have been like, why does Jesus need to cast out demons? There's no demons. I didn't believe in demons, I didn't believe demonic energies existed spring 2021. I didn't I didn't believe in the darkness, I didn't really believe in evil, but then it all came to me and I saw it and I saw how magic had been abused. It's not the little things that we're all doing, it's that humanity's been put under a spell, guys. That's why God doesn't want us to do magic because it's controlling us, and I can see it because I was totally asleep for 37 years completely, and then I fell for all this new age mumbo jumbo and crap that I never needed, and all this stuff. And I just I saw how vulnerable people can be taken astray, and I just started seeing all the evil and corruption in this world. It all made sense to me, it just all got started tying together, and so I found reading the Bible, the threads that were missing and this whole awakening that I was having that I understood finally why Jesus came, why God sent himself here and why we needed him and what sin meant that we were missing the mark. Not that we were just drinking and swearing and stuff, you guys. Missing the mark meaning you're living a life where you don't have God, where you're not you're opening circles and you're calling in all these Greek gods that are probably the children of the Nephilim and the fallen angels. You and I was talking about reptilians and all this stuff, but guys, this isn't a Nephilim. This is all tied into the Bible. Like the Bible like has these answers. And if you're triggered by me saying this, I invite you to truly study it and take a look. If you're triggered by my shift leaving essentially the new age, which I'm like, I look at that stuff now and I just laugh, like thinking about people doing their moon ceremonies and their things. I'm just like, what are they doing? This is so silly. Just ask God for what you need. Even if you manifest something, what do you who do you think does that? Brings you something, blesses you. Where does that come from? Are you thinking the creator or are you just worshiping the creation? I started worshiping the creation and I see it, and I see too how there's a spell cast over Jesus, and I didn't believe he had even lived, and that I didn't believe he was God, none of it. And by the grace of God, Jesus pulled me out of it all. That's just the truth. That's where I'm at right now, and it's crazy, and I know that this is like probably wild because I, like I said, I was talking about Galactic Federation, I was talking about aliens, I was channeling, I was all that stuff, and it's a thing, guys. This is real. Like, there's a spirit world. Is it Galactic Federation part of it? I don't know. I haven't I don't feel like I have the answers. Koshic Records, yeah, it's a real thing. I've seen stuff that I thought was past lives. Do I know what exactly what past lives are? No, I don't have any of the answers, is what I've really come to realize. Um but I do know that the spiritual world, the demonic energies in darkness is real, and spiritual attack is real. And I have been under massive spiritual attack, and that's what I feel my anger outburst, my suicide ideation, and my depression truly was. That's how I feel the darkness really gets to us. It is in all of our lives. And it works through us because the darkness needs vessels, because this is the spiritual world we're dealing with, and they for some reason can't be here in form like we can, and that's what we have. And the darkness is trying to rule this world, and they're they want us out of our body, they want us to sleep, they want us um manifesting some s some new earth uh metaverse, new earth for some agenda.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:11

Please always stay inside me. Something is faded without me. We just can make it.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:26

So yeah, that's basically what happened to me is I I I just like I came out of it of a spell, another spell, and I look at like I I just see no reason for it. And I I I love like I I like I started learning like all of these holidays, like that people these pagan holidays, like they all took they took sacrifice and they killed babies, and they all of a sudden drank blood, and I just I can't do it. I'm it's not me. And um yeah, and I've been finding so much peace and just praying. And I have a Bible study I'm in now, and I love it, and this is the absolute last place I ever would have thought I would be in my life. So this is the ultimate rabbit hole for me is reading the Bible, and I'm in the place of studying it. I just started a couple months ago, and I'm not here to convert people uh to my path or to tell you yours is wrong at all. Not at all. You're you're incorrect if that's what you're taking from this. I am just sharing this massive continuation of my journey, and we don't know what we're messing with here. We really don't know. And it just it really, really hit me hard when I saw that every rabbit hole you can go into in the truther community is really dark. Like they're chemtrailing our sky, they're teaching us bullshit in school, they're putting poison in these vaccines in people. Um, we've got Alice Bailey who wanted to break down the family as part of the new world order. Well, they've done that. We've got fatherless society here. We've got kids that are confused about their gender all by design. That even ties back into the perfect being. Um, Baal is a male-female. Like it everything started making sense to me in this world. All the questions I finally found the truths I was looking for when I was reading the Bible.

SPEAKER_03 2:01:30

No more sons shooting. This can be a way we are acting.

SPEAKER_00 2:01:53

It's a history book, guys. It's and the Bible's alive too. It's a weapon because I've been under spiritual attack, and with my abilities, like I got activated. This is all real. Everything I've talked about with my psychic abilities, it happened. This is why this can be dangerous for people to open their third eye if you don't know how to handle it. Because yeah, you get all this good stuff that comes in, but then you're open to the darkness too. And I have literally been under spiritual attack where I have heard voices tell me just ungodly, awful things and feelings that I've had. And you want to know what gets me out of it? I call upon Jesus Christ now. I do. I pray, I start praying, and I put on the armor of God and I quote the Bible or I put the Bible out loud. That makes it go away. That makes it go away. Nothing else before made it go away. There was no magic spell I could do to make this darkness that's been plaguing me my whole life go away. All the therapy, all the pills, all the counseling, all the sacred medicine, all the journeys, all that none of it had the power that just using the word of God, the living word of God that I've been learning in the Bible has shown me. That is a huge part of why I am spending my time learning this book that I had never opened until a couple months ago. I'm repenting now. I am coming on here and saying, I'm sorry if I led any of you astray with my new age path. I was vulnerable and they told me I was ascending, and I bought it. I thought the age of Aquarius is here and I'm waking up with it. No, I was able to look back because God showed me because now I just speak to God now. I'm still very act, I'm still very connected to the spiritual world. Um but I have a hard boundary now. I only talk to God and Jesus. Jesus and God's name to me. Jesus is just God in human form. Um yeah, and uh so it was seeing that learning what demonic possession was, learning about programs, programming, MKUltra, that's demonic as well. It's all you can choose your word for it, simulation, programming, demonic energies, whatever. It's all the same. I don't know, it's all the same. That's why I say I don't think aliens are a thing, it's just a spirit world. It's all the spirit world. It's just like you guys, like people are just trying to harness these things, like let's call it Galactic Federation, let's call it aliens, let's call this, it's just it's the spirit world. This is energies beyond here because this world is bigger than just planet Earth and what's happening here. But when I started, when I saw that everything here, our history was a lie, and it's all tied to these dark satanic groups that have just been renaming themselves over time that do sacrifice, and that's all tied to the Bibles, explains it all from like the beginning of time to now, like, and why we shouldn't idolaterize, why we literally like by I had 10 statues on a shelf after being in the new age. I had a Ganesh statue, an Isis statue, an Apollo statue, and all my things. I had an altar and I changed it up and I lit candles and I gave offerings, like you know, like flowers or fruit and things like that. Why? This is idolatry. Why would I go to Ganesh and pray to Ganesh to remove obstacles when I can say, hey God, what's up? Can you take care of this, please? Let me did I do something wrong here? Let me look at myself, let me repent and take a look at what I've done and then ask God to take care of this. And every time I go to God, it works. Yeah. I'd only done it a few times before. Now I'm like every day. I pray, I pray for others. The power of prayer is so powerful, and I keep saying, you guys, it doesn't do anything if you don't do it. If you don't believe in it, it doesn't do it. You're gonna make fun of the Bible and Jesus, it's not gonna do anything from you. If you're gonna believe it, stuff missing from that, you're not gonna take from it. Because guess what? There's a bigger thing that happens when I read the Bible. I'm not just taking every word I say in there, and that's it. God is working with me and showing me in my mind how it applies to my life. What the pro because it's a living book. It's a living book. And you will see when you pray to God, it might take a couple months to get the clarity you're looking for. Um, but you will get your answers. And I am a firm believer right now in just praying for things. You I don't believe in you can manifest, you call it that if you want, whatever. It feels so new agey to me. Um, but you can also just go straight to God because it's God's gonna do it either way, you know? So it was just seeing that everything here was dark and and messed up, and I saw that it had been happening, nothing new under the sun had been happening since the dawn of time, and everything started tying together when I started studying the Bible and believing that Jesus had lived and understanding why. And that's my journey, and that's my story. Um, and that's what Here Comes Trouble is talking about, you know, all of this stuff, all of this stuff. Um, and I'm so grateful to all of you for being with me on this journey and watching me go through these phases, and it's been it's been wild sharing um my journey as I'm awakening. But you know, I've written a memoir, and the memoir's got way more details than anything I said in this podcast. This is just uh, hey, this is Kara, this is my story, I'm your host, Let's Be Friends, this is who I am, so you know, so you can test my spirit. Um but I'm here to talk to everyone. I really am. That's why I created Let's Be Friends, is because being closed-minded got me in a lot of trouble. And uh so I'm here to have the conversations and talk to people. And at this point, I feel like I could kind of relate to anybody because I've sort of been in like all the different mindsets at this point, and where I am now is I'm just living and learning, and I don't know anything, and I am humbled, and I am so grateful that God pulled me out of all the traps and removed the skills from my eyes as hard as it is to see there's no other way. So that's my story. I can't wait to share Here Comes Trouble with you soon. I'm guessing it needs a couple months. It I kept thinking it would come out sooner, but guys, if you can hear in my journey, I've been going through a lot. And I don't even like a lot of this stuff, I don't know how to just put into words on a little podcast and tell you. That's why I've written a book, and there will be more books, and I'm not stopping here. Um, this is just the beginning. Um, and I love you so much. Check out my albums, Dosage, full length. Um, if you want to know more about my journey, listen to my songs, listen to the lyrics. This is safe music to listen to. Um and also my EP waste of you, and I will put links for all of that. And check out Secret Societies, where we are crushing idols, and we are exposing all the different secret societies, um, Eyes in the Right and I. So fun. We're gonna crush Oprah, crush the Kardashians, crush politics, crush it all, crush it all. Talk about the things when they happen, like Super Bowl and Astral World and stuff. And then, of course, I have my comedy podcast with Float Universe. I can't believe that's news! Um, and these are both weekly podcasts, so get you know, check it out. Um, the can't believe this news is super fun. Float and I just have candid conversations. It's just like a phone, we're having a phone call and we talk about news headlines. So we can talk about anything or everything that's happening, but we just just can't, it's just the you gotta look at the the craziness, the abnormalcy of normalcy these days. And so comedy is needed and also exposure is needed, which is why I'm co-hosting Not So Secret Societies, and I can't believe it's news. And Let's Be Friends is here because I want to have interesting con interesting conversations with interesting people about everything and anything, and where I go from here, I don't know. But thank you for being on my journey, thank you for being my friend. I love you, and I can't wait to share my story with you very soon. Have a great day or night.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:22

I make it through most days, I'm not be the twig. I make it through most days, I'm not be the twig my mind break my heart Before I get a chance to start, something comes up but not as fall apart. It takes control, and sometimes I'm fine. Bra DMT, your nurse. You will find you are alive, and you will never die. Off in space again. I'm not just what you see when you look at me. I'm not just what you see when you look at me and shapes I'm in outer space, I'm inside my mind. It's happening, shading on my body. Another could even explain what's happening. This is just one dream says it.