From Olympic Gold to Lasting Sobriety: Carrie (Steinseifer) Bates

Join Matt Brown and Sam Davis as they dive into an inspiring interview with Carrie Bates, a three-time gold medalist from the 1984 Summer Olympics. Carrie shares how her older brother's passion for swimming ignited her Olympic dreams and recounts the pivotal moments that shaped her journey toward international success. This intimate conversation offers a glimpse into the dedication and resilience required to compete on the world stage.

We'll hear a powerful story of someone who battled alcoholism for years, experiencing multiple treatment attempts before a transformative stay at the Betty Ford Center in 2012 changed everything. This raw and honest discussion underscores the importance of total commitment and facing one's deepest issues, offering insight into the hard-earned triumphs and ongoing challenges of living a sober life. With twelve and a half years of sobriety, Carrie's journey highlights the often-overlooked strength needed to confront addiction head-on.

The conversation continues with a heartfelt exploration of how addiction and recovery reshape personal and professional lives. We hear from a courageous mother who opens up about the impact of alcoholism on her career and relationships, and from Sam, who shares the emotional journey of losing and regaining his parental rights. The episode concludes with a significant discussion on empowering women in recovery, spotlighting the role of organizations like Hazelden Betty Ford in making treatment accessible. With words of hope and encouragement, this episode is a testament to resilience and the possibility of recovery for anyone struggling with addiction.

If you or someone you know needs help please contact Hazelden Betty Ford and see if they are a good fit for your loved one.

Chapters

• 0:03 The Party Wreckers Podcast Interview
• 16:31 The Journey to Sustainable Recovery
• 29:31 Journey to Recovery and Redemption
• 36:44 Empowering Women in Recovery

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome to the Party Wreckers podcast, hosted by professional interventionists Matt Brown and Sam Davis. This is a podcast for families or individuals with loved ones who are struggling with addiction or alcoholism and are reluctant to get the help that they need. We hope to educate and entertain you while removing the fear from the conversation. Stay with us and we'll get you through it. Please welcome the party wreckers, matt Brown and Sam Davis.

Speaker 2: 0:39

All right, everybody, welcome back. Thanks for joining us for another episode. My name is Matt Brown and I'm here with Sam Davis back. Thanks for joining us for another episode. My name is Matt Brown and I'm here with Sam Davis and we get together. We try to do this weekly, although unsuccessfully in most weeks, but we are here today. We've got a great interview for you guys today. But for those of you who are new to the podcast, this is a podcast for families who have loved ones who are struggling with addiction, who are not going to choose to get help on their own, and so Sam and I, as practicing interventionists, we work primarily with families to really help them get their loved ones the help that they need, and really the purpose of this podcast is to kind of take away the mystery and the fear from the conversation around addiction, and so, without further ado, let me introduce to you my co-host, sam Davis.

Speaker 3: 1:27

Well, hello everyone and hello Matt. It's always good to be here. You know, if the audience just knew what it took for me to be able to get on a microphone, I mean, honestly, I'm jealous of you. Look, I'm sitting here with no video. We've got a guest, carrie Wonderful, wonderful. I can't wait to hear what she has to say and Matt will introduce her in a second. But I'm sitting here with no video and it took me five minutes to put my earpiece in because I couldn't figure that out. I got cords everywhere and I struggle. It's like, as I'm looking over this landscape in front of me, it's like a representation of the, of the manageability of my life. And, uh, you know, they say your outsides match your insides.

Speaker 2: 2:11

Evidently, I've got some work to do internally, evidently, apparently, but nevertheless, here you are and you're coming through beautifully on audio, sam. So we're we're going to do this just fine today. I am glad to be here. How's everything going on your end of the country? You guys staying cool out there. Are you having the same heat wave that we're having out this side?

Speaker 3: 2:33

No, it's 103 right now, and the humidity's I don't know. Can you go over 100 in humidity?

Speaker 2: 2:41

I'm sure if anywhere can, you guys in the South probably can.

Speaker 3: 2:45

Yeah, I mean I'm looking at three ospreys out the window right now. They just look like they're out there struggling, just suffering. It's hot, it's hot, yeah. But how are things on the West Coast? I'm going to see you next week. We're going to be in South Carolina.

Speaker 2: 3:01

Yes, we are think we're going to be out on the water doing some fishing for Cobia here before too long as well, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 3:06

We are on the SS, no mo blow.

Speaker 2: 3:12

I love the name of that boat Recover out loud. There you go, there you go. Well, let me introduce today's guest. I think everybody's in for a real treat today and I'm going to try to get your resume correct here, carrie. I've known Carrie for a number of years. She and I are colleagues in this industry. She works for a treatment center here Well, it's a national treatment center but she lives here in the Pacific Northwest. She works for Hazelden Betty Ford.

Speaker 2: 3:37

But prior to that, I don't know the entirety of your resume, but as we get close to the time where we're going to be watching the Summer Olympics again, carrie was an Olympic swimmer back in 1984. She won I think it was, three gold medals. Is that right, carrie? That's right. Yeah, she won three gold medals in the 100 meter freestyle, the four by 100 meter medley and the freestyle, the freestyle relay right, the 100 meter freestyle relay. Correct, yep? And prior to that, you actually like. I think, if I looked at your Wikipedia page correctly, you actually started competing internationally at about 15 years old, is that right?

Speaker 4: 4:15

I did Yep. That was really the first time that I had started, had made Team USA and started traveling internationally.

Speaker 2: 4:22

So what got you into competitive swimming?

Speaker 4: 4:30

You know, I think it was because my older brother did. You know, I just kind of followed what he did and he was swimming and so I started swimming and you know, eventually he stopped and I really, you know, I think we all gravitate to where we feel some success. And you know, at a young age I had some success in the sport and I enjoyed it, so I stuck with it.

Speaker 2: 4:46

Even you know, long after he moved on to football and other sports that he had more interest in and how old were you when you started to realize like this actually may be something that that takes you somewhere?

Speaker 4: 4:59

I was probably 13,. I would guess maybe just a few years prior to the Olympics 13,. I would guess maybe just a few years prior to the Olympics. Um, you know, I knew that I had always wanted and dreamt of being an Olympian. I mean, I think many athletes do, um, but I'm not sure I really realized that, that that piece of it I didn't realize was possible until probably the year before 1983 is when I really realized that there was a real shot that I could make that team. But when I was about 13, I was starting to win junior nationals and finding my way onto the scene, so to speak, but still a long ways from making the Olympic team.

Speaker 2: 5:39

Well, you competed. If I understand the timeline correctly, you were what? 16, 17 years old when you competed in the Olympics.

Speaker 4: 5:47

Yeah, I was 16 years old, so what was that like as a 16-year-old?

Speaker 2: 5:51

I mean, I remember back being 16 years old, living in this little farm town, being, I think, a sophomore in high school, not knowing which end was up and I was afraid to talk to girls at that point. And here you are, getting on an international stage, getting ready to jump in a pool and win a gold medal. Like there's a very stark difference between us at 16 years old.

Speaker 4: 6:13

What was that like for you, as a 16 year old, to step onto that stage? You know, I think that it was um. I'm not sure. At 16 I really fully understood the gravity of what I was doing. I just knew that everything I had always dreamt of was coming true in that moment. I'm not sure I understood how that 56 seconds, that 55 seconds was going to shape the entire entirety of the rest of my life. I'm not sure I understood that. That 55 seconds that I would spend probably 30 years chasing something that made me feel like that 55 seconds, um, that I would spend probably 30 years chasing something that made me feel like that 55 seconds did Um.

Speaker 4: 6:50

But I will tell you, I had a lot of fun. I had a lot of fun in LA. Um, it was the first time I had been on the today show and I was in a limousine, and you know these are experiences, as you know that at 16, are incredibly, incredibly exciting and I'm kind of thankful I didn't really realize the gravity of it because I'm not sure I was able I would have been able to stay kind of in the moment as much as I was.

Speaker 2: 7:19

Well, even on a political scale, the world looked very, very different back then. Even on a political scale, the world looked very, very different back then. Like you were competing against what at that point was East German swimmers Correct. The Soviet Union had boycotted the 1984 Olympics, correct? So among the athletes that you were training with and competing with, was there any of that that was brought into the competition? Were there friction between countries? Was there anything that really kind of impacted you as an athlete as you looked at athletes from other countries and what was going on politically with our countries?

Speaker 4: 7:59

Yeah, sure, I mean the 84 team was heavily impacted by politics because so many of the kids that had made the 1980 team that we boycotted stuck around for 84. So you know, back then we had what was considered an older Olympic team because we had a lot of collegiate postgraduates that were still swimming. You know, back then there was no money to be made in the sport. So you know, if you swam through college, which most of us did because we weren't out making enough money to pay for our call, you know to get to pay for what a full ride looked like for us. But you know, so when you, when you graduated from college, you had to go get a job, you know, and now these kids can swim. I mean, we've got people on the Olympic team that are in their thirties and they're parents and they have families. So, um, politics really played a big part in what, how it shaped the 84 team.

Speaker 4: 8:54

Um and sure, the first time I saw the East German women was like overwhelming. I mean they were, um, very much appeared like men, deep voices, you know, larger women, you know, and I was five, six and 130 pounds. I was not aware or saw or ever was offered or around any kind of performance enhancing drugs at all. It was not ever a part of conversations I had. It was never part of anybody's lives that I knew that were competing on an elite level.

Speaker 4: 9:46

I'm sure they existed, but it was certainly far from the world I lived in. I came from a small town in Northern California and a very small little swim club where I became a pretty big fish in a small pond and I was really one of the only one of two people that even made it to Olympic trials from that team. So I lived a pretty sheltered life. You know I wasn't exposed to a lot of the things that you know, like traveling to South America and seeing the way other countries lived and the extreme poverty, and you know things like that. So you know I got a pretty early education which I appreciated um of the world.

Speaker 2: 10:33

So after the Olympics, you you did go on to college. You went to university of Texas, right?

Speaker 3: 10:40

Correct.

Speaker 2: 10:40

Hook them horns, sam and I both have ties to Austin, so we're, we're, we're glad that we've got another Austin night here with us. Um, you, you talked about kind of chasing, that feeling of those 55 seconds. What changed for you after the Olympics and what? What was it that you felt like you were chasing and how did you find that?

Speaker 4: 11:02

You know, um, I think that when, when, as elite athletes, you know, we function on a really, really high level of serotonin and these kind of epic highs, right, and that's not just when you're racing and winning and competing, but it's what we feel every day when we're training for five and six hours a day, be it, you know, whether it be in the pool or out of the pool. You know, when I, when I won the Olympics, I remember standing on that platform thinking, you know, please don't forget the words to the national anthem on, you know, global television. And the other feeling I remember having was I had no idea who I was. In a way, I felt almost like an imposter, very insecure. I felt very out of place, which is so interesting as we get more wisdom and hindsight as life moves on. So I think what I looked for was not only the feeling of what it felt like to touch that wall and see the number one by my name and everything that went along with that, but I think I looked for that Um, I am enough. I am um a champion. I am um, I'm validated. People think I'm good at something. Um, I sought a lot of validation and a lot of my own self-worth and self-esteem through my sport, and so I think that I was always chasing that and to a certain extent I felt it in college.

Speaker 4: 12:58

But then when I went, olympic trials were in Austin in 1988, I was still ranked number one in the world at that time. There was no reason for me not to make that Olympic team. And you know, I went to Olympic trials and I basically fell apart mentally and I was first alternate. And so when they assembled the Olympic team on the side of that pool deck on the last night and I was in the stands in Austin watching my friends, my boyfriend, everyone stand up along that side of the wall on the side of the pool and know that I wasn't going.

Speaker 4: 13:35

Um, was that? Was life altering? Um, and that's really the first time that I remember taking a drink for the sole purpose of not feeling so, had you already started drinking alcoholically at that point? No, I had not, you know I. I, of course, as I think many of us that find ourselves in recovery do look back and think and wonder if I drank differently back then. And you know it's a little hard to navigate because as elite athletes, I think we always had this mentality that we trained hard and we played hard, and so I don't remember my drinking standing out more than most of the other people that I spent most of my life with. But I guess it doesn't really matter, I guess when we cross that proverbial line, but I definitely don't think that I drank alcoholically actually until much later in my life, which is pretty common for women, pretty common for women.

Speaker 2: 14:42

So at what point you know, after the 88 trials, what, what happened. You know when you, when you're searching for that identity and the, the source of your identity, isn't readily accessible for you, or at least not as accessible as it has been. What did you do at that point? How did you try to find that, that place where we all want to fit in in our lives?

Speaker 4: 15:04

Yeah, you know, I, I grasped, I grabbed, grasped that many things, um, and ultimately I spent 30 years looking for it. I thought, you know, getting married would make me feel that. I thought having my beautiful children would make me feel that same feeling, and I remember feeling so much guilt and shame that it didn't. And then I found myself reaching for the bottle and somehow that filled this hole that somehow existed in my soul and made me feel, um, worthy and validated and pretty and social, um, and it made me feel, um, funny and um, all these things that I didn't feel about myself, and it and it worked for a while. It worked for a while, and then, you know, and then it stopped working, right, and then I got to the crossroads that many of us find ourselves in, and I was there more than once, for sure.

Speaker 2: 16:21

You mean that you attempted recovery more than once?

Speaker 4: 16:24

You mean that you attempted recovery more than once? Yeah, my first attempt at recovery was in 2010. I had been on the phone the night prior with a girlfriend of mine, my now ex-husband. The father of my kids had moved out of the home and it was based on my drinking Um and I was actively suicidal that night. So they, uh she did a welfare check on me and the police spoke to my kids, scared the hell out of them. They were quite young and I entered treatment actually the next day for the first time, and that was in um May of 2010. And then I proceeded to go to four residential treatment programs four times in a two-year period of time, so I spent a significant amount of days in treatment.

Speaker 2: 17:21

So I think a lot of the families that would be listening to this can relate to the fact that either them or their loved one has had multiple attempts at recovery and has gone to multiple treatment programs. In your experience, what was it? Was it the mentality that you kind of went in with Like, were you not fully committed? Did you not understand what the real problem was? Why don't you think the first time worked, or the second time, or the fourth time? Or do you feel like your success is just a culmination of all four times?

Speaker 4: 17:54

Yeah, you know, it's interesting to look back on that time because I think that I think I was fully admit I had full acceptance in 2010 when I entered treatment the first time that I was an alcoholic. What I don't think I understood was the work that it was going to entail for me to find recovery and to find sustainable recovery, and those two things are very different. And I think that when I went to treatment the first time, I thought, if I got, you know, a's on all my projects that the counselors gave me and I was a good little girl and I only told them what I thought they wanted to hear rather than really telling them my truth, that I could kind of check that box. Thank you very much. And now I have a life to get back to, not really understanding what it would take post-treatment and um a you know if, if 12 steps was going to be part of my life and you know all these things. So for me, I think that, um, the learning process, you know, for me, what I learned over those two years was that everything that had contributed to me being the best in the world in my sport were the very things that were killing me in my alcoholism, the self motivation that you know. Don't ask for help. If you just work harder, you can figure out this problem you seem to have with not being able to stop drinking. Um, and obviously, what we know today is none of those are true, right and so, um, when I went to treatment the last time in 2012,. Um, my sobriety date is February 1st of 2012.

Speaker 4: 19:52

I made a decision about a week before I decided I would try treatment one more time, that I would detox alone at home and if I survived which I really didn't want to survive, but if I, if I wanted to, if I survived, I made the promise to myself, or my higher power, whatever you believe in that I would try one more time to save my life. And so I started a very scary five days of DTs and voices and TVs that weren't on violently ill, um, they're pretty sure I had a seizure and you know I I pulled out the other side and, um, and I decided that I was going to do what I committed to do and I was going to go try one more time. And I went down to California and I checked into the Betty Ford center on February 1st and, um, and really, I never looked back. You know, I spent 90 days there and it was the greatest gift my father ever gave me. You know, at his funeral I said you know, my dad gave me life and he also saved my life and, um, I needed every minute of that 90 days.

Speaker 4: 21:09

As a matter of fact, when I finished, I asked if I could start over, um, and I got honest for the first time. I told all of my truth, to the point where people would be in group and I'd say something and they'd be like, oh my God, like I can't believe. You just said that outside, and I mean out loud. And you know, I had to. I had to acknowledge that I was. I was not in treatment to make friends, um, I was not in treatment to sign somebody's big book. I was not in treatment to sign somebody's big book. I was not in treatment to um waste time. Um, I was either going to live or die. And, uh, and I made the choice to do whatever I could to live. And so far, you know, 12 and a half years later, I'm still. I'm still living and I'm living a pretty damn good life and a half years later, I'm still.

Speaker 2: 22:00

I'm still living, and I'm living a pretty damn good life. So what changed then? Like as you're thinking of going through this five or six day horrific detox where you're having hallucinations and seizures and hoping that you'll die, to all of a sudden, on the other end of these 90 days, just fighting tooth and nail and being able to do whatever it's going to take to live what was that shift?

Speaker 4: 22:19

I think that when I survived detox, that I was willing to consider that there was a purpose for me, that there was a purpose for so broken and empty and hopeless and gutted. I had to believe that there was a purpose and it was okay that in that moment I didn't know what that purpose was, that and, and you know, back then I could have thought, well, maybe it's to be a mom to my girls, or you know. And another thing that I really realized was that this thing, this, this thing addiction, you know, substance use disorder is so much stronger than love. You know we, you hear so much chatter and judgment and stigma against those of us that struggle with the sickness and um and honestly I think women have it worse Um, and then you add being a mom on top of that, and I think that we suffer more stigma and judgment and ridicule than our male counterparts.

Speaker 2: 23:37

I don't disagree with that at all, but I am curious to like what? What is your, what is your thought behind that? Why do you think women get it worse than men? Because I think you're right. I'm just curious to know what. What, what drives that thought for you?

Speaker 4: 23:50

Yeah, I think it's because, um, you know, historically women are the center of a home, for example, um, you know, the house revolves typically around the women. If you have children, right, we're the ones who plan the social life, we plan the meals, we're planning you know what I'm saying? Like, we kind of are the quarterback of the house, and so I think the expectation is that, you know, we do it all. We, many of us, work, we raise kids, we do it all. We, many of us, work, we raise kids, we're managing a household.

Speaker 4: 24:23

You know, um, and, and I think that you know, you hear things like um, you know, when you talk about women, alcoholics, do you hear derogatory statements about being loose, or um, or horrible mothers or what a terrible person. But for men, you hear things like oh, he just can't handle his alcohol. Oh, there goes, johnny, again, he snuck out of the bar and drove home when we all told him he couldn't, but nobody would approach him and say but nobody would approach him and say what a terrible father you are for driving under the influence of alcohol. So I just think that there is a different stigma for women. But here's the deal. Like I was told all those things. You're a horrible mother. You're a horrible person. As a matter of fact, I was told before I left for treatment the last time just disappear, like if you just disappear and not come back, the kid, your kids will be better off. Someone told you that. Of course, I was told all this, and the reality is I believed every word of it. And the reality is I believed every word of it, I believed every word of it that I was a worthless, horrible mom, human, all of the above. And that whole Olympic champion at 16 to low bottom alcoholic in 2012, those don't even connect anymore. Right Like there. There is no feeling within me that that's even the same person, like at all. I couldn't have cared less about the Olympics. I just didn't. I, my choice was, what I had to care about was if I was going to choose to live or die, and so, um, and yeah, I mean, I was told all those things.

Speaker 4: 26:24

As a matter of fact, when I came back from treatment after 90 days, you know I, I was terrible, terribly afraid, because I knew I'd have to come home and face the wreckage of my past. I had to come home and face the people that I had hurt, most importantly, my family, my children, my father. And at 96 days sober, I walked into a courtroom here in Oregon and I had my legal rights as a mom taken away. And the reason I had my legal rights taken away is because my husband's attorney felt that he would be best as a single parent, as a sole legal parent for the girls. And what the judge said to me that morning as he took my legal rights away, was all you have to do is stay sober for two years and all your rights will be do is stay sober for two years and all your rights will be reinstated. And I said to him please don't say things like that to people like me, because two days, two weeks, two months is a lifetime and two years feels like forever. And you know, I left that courtroom and I don't know.

Speaker 4: 27:41

You know, sometimes I wonder why I'm one of the lucky ones, you know, and why I'm, why I'm making it right now, because I certainly that that was, that was the most humiliating and devastating, gut-wrenching thing that I have ever experienced. Um, but you know, I had. I had a lot of women and a lot of friends that taped my ass back on when it was falling off and it fell off a lot and um, but I'll be dang if we didn't make it through those two years. And, and you know, the girls and I did it together. You know we scratched and clawed our way. You know we scratched and clawed our way to this life and we earned it. And, um, you know they have a story too. This isn't just my story and my story isn't their story. And um, you know they're adults now and, um, I would argue we have a better relationship today than I ever would have dreamt possible.

Speaker 4: 28:37

Um, and you know it's funny, like my oldest daughter, when she was looking at colleges several years ago, we were down in San Luis Obispo and we were sitting outside of a of like a bar restaurant on the beach, and you know, of course, it felt like everyone was drinking except me, and she must've picked up on it. And she said, mom, do you still wish that you could drink? And I said, of course I still wish I could drink. You know, I still wish I would, I still wish I could be a normal drinker, but I but that doesn't mean I'm going to drink again. What that means is that I'm being honest with myself and it doesn't mean I'm sitting on my hands and craving a drink, but what it means is that I do wish that I was still a normal drinker, but I have full acceptance that I'm not.

Speaker 4: 29:31

And so, um, you know, sometimes we hear things from our kids. She said but mom, if you weren't an alcoholic, there's not one thing in your life that would exist the way it does today If you hadn't been through what she went, what you went through, and she was 100% right Nothing, my career, my relationships, my ability to show up for others, um, my passion and purpose finally intersecting. At 50 years old, you know, she was. Sometimes it's out of the mouth of our own babes that we get to learn Right?

Speaker 2: 30:06

Absolutely, sam. I felt like I've kind of dominated the conversation here on our side. Is there anything you wanted to talk about or ask? Well, uh well, I stepped back and quit being selfish.

Speaker 3: 30:15

No, I was just sitting back listening to the whole thing she was. What an amazing story is great. And you know, I feel for you and feel with you and was one of the ones that stood before judge as well and lost his rights to his kids. Well, I didn't lose them. I gave them away. Right, I didn't lose it. My actions gave it away. And you know, I come back in 2012 and I'm a single full-time dad of two boys, you know, and we didn't want to be that way. You know, we didn't every time.

Speaker 4: 30:47

I'd promise it was never on my bucket list. I know that.

Speaker 3: 30:50

I mean, and it was a road of healing for sure for us. I mean it's there was a level of distrust them towards me for a number of years afterwards.

Speaker 4: 31:05

Of course. I mean we teach people how to treat us Right and when we lie, sneak, steal, cheat, hide, you know, unfortunately, people are going to treat us like liars, sneaks. People are going to treat us like liars, sneaks. You know, thieves and and and bad people Right. And so what I love about recovery is we get the. We get the opportunity to retreat, reteach people how to treat us Some will and some won't and, um, you know, the train pulls out of the station and neither of those people are going to be on it, um, or they're not.

Speaker 4: 31:37

And I had a lot of people still on the platform when my train pulls out of the station and neither those people are going to be on it or they're not. And I had a lot of people still on the platform when my train pulled out. And it's OK. You know, it really is OK. And you know I remember when, after treatment, it was a few years and it maybe was about a year, and I remember my kids started kind of asking me some really pointed questions, like about the night that I had a welfare check done on me and what happened. And you know, of course, as the alcoholic, I instantly feel the stab of shame and guilt, right, and what my therapist told me was no, no, no, no. When they start asking you questions, they know you're safe.

Speaker 2: 32:29

That is a sign of growth. And I was like, ah, like, what a great way to frame that, yeah Right.

Speaker 4: 32:32

And sometimes we're so close to it because I spent the first two years of my recovery unable to look at myself in the mirror because of shame. I still was carrying this deep rooted shame and guilt for who and what I had become as a matter of fact. I remember showing up at like I could go to my kids' sporting events and I remember sitting there wishing so desperately sober to be invisible.

Speaker 3: 33:07

I understand that.

Speaker 4: 33:09

And yeah, except for them, if only the girls could see me. But I could just be invisible to everybody else. And I'm talking, you know, brush your teeth in the shower, not looking in the mirror, right. And then you know, it took me four years into my recovery to kind of, you know, use my platforms, my social media platforms, et cetera, and really kind of start using my voice.

Speaker 4: 33:33

And I think the first post I put on Facebook was of a picture of my Olympic gold medal next to my four year um Alcoholics Anonymous coin. And I think what I wrote was something along the lines of the large the large metal represents what I did and the small metal represents who I am. I did and the small metal represents who I am. And then at that, at that point, I think the next phase, the true joy, the, the freedom of recovery, really started to settle in for me, really started to settle in for me. I was so, and I still am to this day, so proud to be a woman in recovery, far more proud of that than any Olympic gold medals, anything. As a matter of fact, I believe that the Olympics happened for me 40 years ago strictly to serve me today, to have a platform to talk about stigma, shame, guilt and recovery, and hope that one person can hear that message and say I can get help too.

Speaker 2: 34:53

Well, as you talk about that, it's very interesting to me that you know you got this gold medal very young, these gold medals without an identity, and that was kind of who you were at the time as an Olympic champion. You get the smaller gold medal later on in life, having already started to develop an identity, and that identity carried you into now what is not just working for a treatment center, but you've been in front of politicians and helped to shape policy and you know. Talk a little bit about what your recovery not only has done for you, but how you've been able to impact the way people see sobriety and from a policy standpoint, from a PR standpoint, I know that you have had a platform and I'd love to hear some of the things that you feel like you're most proud of in your recovery that you've been able to contribute to.

Speaker 4: 35:43

Yeah, um, you know, when I was about four or five years sober, I remember I thought about working at Hazelden Betty Ford because almost all of my treatment, um, and my recovery existed within that system of care and, um, yeah, and so I applied online to be a tech, right, and you guys know what a tech is, but maybe all the listeners don't.

Speaker 2: 36:14

That's how I started out, yeah.

Speaker 4: 36:19

So I was 48 years old or something and I'd spent my whole career in the sports industry and I had a very successful, lovely career. And I spent the last 15 years at Nike and one of their subsidiaries, converse, and I thought I had the world at my fingertips, right. I had a great career, great marriage, beautiful kids and I was dying inside, like I was just dying. So I find myself applying for this job that I don't even know what it paid maybe $18. I don't even know, but I knew I wanted to see if there was a space for me in this field, if there was a space that I could exist and help others. And I knew one of the ways to do that was to be a tech and really learn every aspect of what goes on On the other side of the desk in treatment. I knew what it was like to be a patient, but I didn't know what it was like to be on the other side. And I will tell you that year I spent as a tech was probably one of the most fun and amazing years of work that I've had in my career. But I also learned where my niche was. People would say you should go back to school and get your CADC. And I was like, listen, at 50 years old, I don't really think I'm going to go back to school and reinvent the wheel, but I do know that I have a sales and marketing background that expands many years. And so I started working here in development. So I help work with all of our professional referents here in Oregon and Matt, you're one of them and we're lucky to have you as one of our trusted partners. And then my role started to expand because, you know, I started doing some public speaking and I was starting to share my story publicly and things were hitting YouTube and you know there was a little bit of traction that happened there. So the organization he's Lumbetti Ford started utilizing me in more of a national scope. So now I really am more of a I mean, I still do some development, but I'm also I really am also doing a lot of brand ambassador work.

Speaker 4: 38:39

So I go to the Hill for to do some advocacy work with our advocacy team, which has been super eyeopening in terms of what it's going to take for this country to look at the, the fentanyl crisis and and you know but let's be honest, alcohol is still the number one killer out there, so we can't forget the problems that we're also still having with alcohol. So you know his little buddy Ford was was the the organization that really helped make um addiction treatment part of parody and um people be able to use their insurance to pay for this. You know so, um, and we still have a lot of work to do right. And you know, sam and Matt, you know this as well as I do, and I think we're all out there trying to um, trying to do the work and trying to have an impact where we can and to affect people's lives and to affect um people's ability to access care, to access treatment.

Speaker 4: 39:42

Um and um I just it's, it's really fulfilling work, you know it's. It's this is where my passion and my purpose is finally intercepted, and um, and I have, and it's just for me, recovery and and sustainable recovery has really been um total freedom.

Speaker 2: 40:05

Well, when you talk about parody and and and that it just brought back so many memories, I don't think a lot of people realize that it wasn't up until the Obama administration, where they were overhauling the insurance and the healthcare systems, that people could actually get denied coverage. Even if they had a wonderful, robust insurance policy, they could get denied coverage because it was a preexisting condition or for any other reasons or it wasn't treated the same way as other medical conditions. And yeah, I do remember those days and I did not know that Hazelden Betty Ford was kind of on the forefront of that fight for parity.

Speaker 4: 40:36

Yeah, yeah, and you know I didn't spend one day in treatment on insurance. So I was one of those people that had great insurance but they denied coverage for treatment for a substance use disorder. And you know, I'm I'm fortunate that I had my father had resources to get me the help that I needed, um, and I am grateful to this day. He's been gone for six years now and I I'm grateful to this day for the gift of recovery that that he truly um gave me by by getting me in and out of treatment four times. But I didn't spend a day in treatment with insurance. I mean I have. I was so happy when I finally spent I had finally surpassed the number of days I had spent as a patient at Hazelden Betty Ford, as an employee right, I mean, that was a big number. And I remember getting my first paycheck and I was like, oh my God, I'm finally not writing them a check.

Speaker 4: 41:37

So a lot of these things people don't realize that exists today has been done by people like you, matt and Sam and myself. Invite people like you, matt and Sam and myself, and and many, many people that have walked before us, that have fought for the, fought for this and fought for us to be able to use insurance and to be able to access care. And is it perfect? Not by us, not by a long shot, um. And do we have a long way to go? Absolutely, but, man, the progress we've made just since I've been sober for 12 and a half years is pretty staggering, yeah.

Speaker 2: 42:13

Yeah, it has been. And as we wrap up here, carrie, if there are moms or women listening, what would your message be to them in particular? Because I mean, we can talk about what it's like to be sober, we can talk what it's like to be sober as men, but what would you say to the women listening right now, whether it's moms who are struggling themselves, or husbands who have wives, or parents who have daughters as a woman in recovery and as somebody who represents a really wonderful organization where people get great help, what would you say to them and what kind of help could they expect to get if they were to reach out to Hazelden Betty Ford?

Speaker 4: 42:54

Yeah, I think that you know, for women and moms, I think that what we what I would say is um is there is hope and there's a lot of hope and help and and what what we're told is just um, it's just a lie, it's all BS that we're told that we're, we are not bad moms trying to get good. We're sick and we need to get well, and what I will tell you is the strongest women I've that I know, in my life today are not the women that I knew that were winning Olympic gold medals. There are the women that I've met in recovery that are, that are um, present and sober, moms that, um, don't have to live under shame and guilt anymore and they don't have to live hiding secrets and pretending to be something that everyone thought that we should be. You know they get to live in their truth and part of my truth, you know, there's very few things I'll always be, and one of those is a mom, One of those is an Olympian and the other one of those things is an alcoholic, and I hope to be an alcoholic and recovery the rest of my life. But you know, always, forever and never are um words that I really don't use anymore because, um, we can change and we do change and, um, our kids are, are better off because of it. They are going to respect you, they're going to love you and they're going to be proud of you. You know, when my kids started posting about my sobriety on their Instagram, I knew life had changed in a real positive direction, because they weren't ashamed of it and they didn't hide it, and because I made them know that it was okay to talk about it and to share it.

Speaker 4: 44:47

Because what our kids don't realize is that one in five kids in their classrooms are sitting there with a parent struggling with substance use disorder. They're not alone, but they feel alone. So, you know, I just say the lie is dead. The lie is dead and we do recover. There is a lot of hope and there's a lot of help, and certainly Hazelden Betty Ford has some amazing programs, as well as many other treatment centers in this country have amazing programs and there's gender specific treatment if you need it. And so the biggest thing I would say is, no matter who you call, make the call. Pick up that 10,000 pound phone and make the call and ask for help, because it's the bravest, most courageous thing you'll ever do in your life.

Speaker 2: 45:36

And for people who do want to look for help within the Hazelden Betty Ford program, what's the best way for them to go about doing that?

Speaker 4: 45:42

Yeah, they can look us up on our website hazeldenbettyfordorg. There's tons of resources in there, not just on our sites and programs, but even just general information about addiction and you know the brain and all these things. There's lots of resources on that website. And then if there's questions about you know admissions or insurance or any of those things, they can always reach out on our 855 number, which is 855-348-7018.

Speaker 2: 46:13

Well, Carrie Bates, thank you for being here today. We appreciate you spending some time and I know you're a busy woman, but thanks for giving us some time to be with us and let us ask you some questions and get to know you a little bit better today.

Speaker 4: 46:24

Yeah, I really appreciate you guys having me. Thank you so much and Sam, hopefully someday we'll get to meet. You know in person.

Speaker 3: 46:30

Absolutely. If not just you know, can't do that At least video to video instead of voice to video. Exactly, it was great, I would love it yeah.

Speaker 4: 46:39

Oh, thank you, Thank you so much. And, matt, you know, you know you're our, you're a trusted partner of ours and we appreciate everything that you're out there doing from an intervention standpoint with um, with not just people that we work with but all the patients that you're out there trying to get some help.

Speaker 2: 46:55

So thank you guys, yep. Thanks, carrie, thank you Bye now, bye-bye.

Speaker 1: 47:05

Thanks again for listening to the party records. If you liked what you heard, please leave us a rating and a review. This helps us get the word out to more people, to learn more or to ask us a question we can answer in a future episode. Please visit us at partywreckerscom and remember don't enable addiction ever. On behalf of the Party Wreckers, matt Brown and Sam Davis. Let's talk again soon.