The Heavyweight Podcast

Is Your Pride Heavier Than Your Pain?

• The Heavyweight Podcast • Season 2 • Episode 223

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This episode dives into the real emotional weight men carry—hidden anxiety, financial stress, and parenting while healing. We talk therapy, finding the right fit, and how small steps turn into real progress.

We also share honest parenting moments and why speaking up—even when it’s messy—is the key to peace at home and in your own mind. If you’ve been silently struggling, this one’s a reminder that therapy isn’t weakness—it’s maintenance.

Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Podcast.
Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast

SPEAKER_02:

Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

The message behind the saying, the title of the Heavyweight Podcast is to be able to say that we can we can weigh up some heavy shit. What we're talking about is important from every aspect of it. It's a heavy weight. It's not just about the physical weight, but the weight of things that that can weigh our minds. So I think it's dope that we can have this conversation. I'm supposed to believe this nigga. Come on.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm sorry, but that's how I felt with Denzel and the equalizer. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. Everybody like he, I'm like, hey, look, if this old nigga come in here and just gonna say he's gonna beat everybody up, I'ma just pop him. It's gonna be over in three minutes. But that that was the whole thing. They didn't believe that he was capable of that shit. Yeah, but then there was 12 niggas. One nigga in the back should just bang, bang, nigga. Bang, bang. Why you guys keep trying to fight him? He's obviously good at this part. Brown ligger. And then what they do, they put Queen Latifa in the same position when you like. On the TV shows? Yeah. I said, I'm not even watching this shit. That's the Queen. You know Bone Dugs and Harmony is back. That's crazy, huh? Using they're using AI. Not to rap, to like make videos. So niggas just try to look young. So you might get that wishbone album.

SPEAKER_00:

If you fucked up, you try to put that shit in AI and then spit it back like no, thank you. AI say no, thank you. We don't want this in our album.

SPEAKER_02:

We get a goddamn wishbone album, nigga. I'm starting to rap. Where I go. I'm starting to motherfucking rap. We're just gonna start rapping. Shit. You why would you say that? Like Blueface, like again, Blueface exists.

SPEAKER_00:

Said I should have I don't know why I lapsed on that when they asked the question with Axe. I was like, Blueface, baby. No, nope. That's one rapper I will give the pass to on AI.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like, hell yeah, nigga, use AI. I didn't know that nigga uh uh the nigga that played uh Chris Rock on Everybody Hates Chris. I know they got a brother axe too.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, he has three brothers. Damn. Or two brothers. There one that he's the oldest, and there's a one that's younger than the one that's I didn't know that shit. They all look like him, and his younger brother played a younger version of him on Everybody Hates Chris.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, so look at this shit.

SPEAKER_00:

Hell yeah. Family Enterprise. And they're all the names are similar. It's like Tyler, James, whatever, and then Tyler, like they all have the like James Tyler. Yeah. Yeah.

unknown:

All right.

SPEAKER_02:

That's what I say about my great-grandparents. They just they had they had 10 kids. They just got time to name them. They just started giving niggas letters. It's better than Foreman. Just George Foreman, the George, Georgia.

SPEAKER_01:

My grandfather's name is uh people I said my grandpa's name was LT. What does it stand for? Nothing. His name is LT. He's not a lieutenant. It's James, and he has a brother LB. He has a brother LC.

SPEAKER_00:

Sound like a controller. Like left trigger, left bumper.

SPEAKER_01:

What is it? It don't stand for that's his name. You just say LT.

SPEAKER_00:

That is funny.

SPEAKER_01:

That's great. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I like that. What's good? This is episode 223, the Jordan episode of the heavyweight podcast. I am your anti-central for the moment. Back again with these two guys. Go ahead and state your name for the beautiful people out. Cheer.

SPEAKER_02:

Um I'm broke mouth. Chris Kamen. The basketball player. The nigga from the Clippers? The basketball player. The tall white guy? Yeah, like Cayman Islands.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. All right. Hey, he your identity is your identity, sir. We or is it someone else's? This nigga's back. He said, I put that ding down, that motherfucker came back. Y'all recording again? Shit.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm the th I'm the fourth one. We gotta start today. Y'all remember my my granddad? He was here for the first episode a couple years ago. Anyway, how are your weeks?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh shit, better now. It was cool, man. Good week, man. No, no, no complaints. Um yeah, no complaints, man. You know, I keep worrying that I'm gonna get like fired. I forgot to say happy Veterans Day for all the veterans for last episode. Because it was on Tuesday. The episode came out one day. Happy Veterans Day. Appreciate your service.

SPEAKER_00:

Nigga, he just triggered me.

SPEAKER_02:

I fuck with veterans. You feel like you're getting fired too? Like, that's how I feel.

SPEAKER_00:

No, what you said made me think about what happened with you. And I was like, I'm gonna tell you a story from my perspective when you told me what's going on with you.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

And I was like, he's telling me what situation happened at work. And I'm like, as he's breaking it down, I'm like, Yeah, it sounds like that. And then like, I'm like, so what you gonna do afterwards? You're like, I'm gonna just take a nap. I said, nigga, you got the the balls of steel, nigga. Like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, let's go take it up.

SPEAKER_00:

And then you text me, you're like, nigga, if I didn't know you, I said, Yes, nigga, that's exactly what I thought. You didn't think that was wild. No, I'll discuss that later. Well, I'm saying, you got balls of steel, because when you said it, I was like, man, he is unfazed. This is a magical.

SPEAKER_02:

Looking at resilience.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I said, this nigga is showing me what therapy can do. Because I I would not react in that way.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I'm just broke.

SPEAKER_02:

Just broke. I stay broke. Christmas coming up, man. Holiday time. Christmas coming. I got a Christmas list, so I'm not, I don't think I gotta go to great way to do that.

SPEAKER_00:

Like my like my sister shared. It might be the thought that counts the shoe.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, right. Right. But I what the the cheapest item on her list is a$199. Oh, everybody getting it. Like a dollar ninety nine? No, no, nigga.$199. Like$19.99? No. Just do like me. Like minus Claritin. Everybody Claritin, Tylenol, fucking anything I could buy with my FSA card. It's what they're getting for Christmas. You ever been to Five Below? What is shit? Do they got Robotussin? Some Robotusin. And then my wife told me, we need new Christmas light. What's wrong with the old ones? Oh, I gotta put those up. Fuck.

SPEAKER_00:

I agree to that. How the hell y'all just run 99 cents store out of business? Like I was shit.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, no, nigga. The 99 cent store ran 99 cents out of the business. Because the shit in there wasn't 99 cents no more.

SPEAKER_00:

That shit turned to 99 and up. Yeah. That was how I used to decorate my house.

SPEAKER_01:

Go to Dollar Tree. They got a lot of good shit.

SPEAKER_00:

The Dollar Tree and the Dollar Tree. It ain't, but it's that's that's the best thing.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I remember the Dollar Tree was buying up 99 Cent store locations.

SPEAKER_02:

See, a shout out to this white lady. She put me on game. She said, the trick is you have to buy your Christmas decorations a year in advance. You buy them after Christmas when they're on sale for the next Christmas. Just like Halloween. Yeah. Right after. Because we walked, we were at home, and it looks like uh there was a you know, my daughter, she's she's heavy on the we need to decorate outside because I never do, and I'm I'm not, but she they had this floaty, and it was like Santa going in like peeking up.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like, oh dad, we should get this one this small, it can't be that much. That motherfucking thing was$300.

SPEAKER_02:

I said, Yeah, we ain't getting that. But if you do it, go early. We ain't getting that. Like when they open. Oh, because by like eight, they gone. It's a whole new season. You're like the fuck happened. Oh shit, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm just gonna sit outside my sister's door, and whenever they get ready to recycle and get rid of their old shit, I'm gonna just take it. It's new to us.

SPEAKER_02:

I low key one to ask, Lady, what's what's your return policy? Because like maybe I can just put all this shit on a credit card and then just return it the day after Christmas. You don't ask. Just do it. Bring it back. Yeah. Yeah. Or get it off Amazon and be like, uh, I brought all this shit back to Kohl's. Here you go.

SPEAKER_00:

I will for Amazon's uh return policy is pretty dope because they do once that shit's like scanned and processed, you usually get your money back real quickly.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, that shit pissed me off. Hell yeah. Because I got I returned something, and it was like, you have to drop this off the GPS store. I said, nigga, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_01:

I can't go to Coles with the rest of the shit. Yeah. Now I gotta make two stops and make sure it's in the box. In a box, nigga, you you deliver it to me in the bag.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Oh, you have to do that, huh?

SPEAKER_01:

Now they go get a goddamn box.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, I got it from Dollar Tree for$1.25. Don't buy it at the store, I'll say that. Yeah, no. Did we get through weeks yet? No, we didn't. I don't know. I I think we're stuck on uh weeks right now. Somebody triggered us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah. You were saying you thought, yeah. Yeah. Oh, it was me.

SPEAKER_02:

I did it. My bad.

SPEAKER_00:

You said something about the firing thing, and then yeah, it it sparked a whole different debate. It was gonna be wonderful. Grand. I was yours. You know, I'm still a rapper.

SPEAKER_02:

That's something. Survive the cipher that was, yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, that's the DNA.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So like the album, like the song on office B Rabbit.

unknown:

God damn it.

SPEAKER_02:

You was a B Rabbit?

SPEAKER_00:

B Rabbit.

SPEAKER_02:

Tell these folks something they don't know about you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I thought it was a cypher not a battle.

SPEAKER_00:

I got it. Before we get into it, is there ever a situation where you would ever test the theory of possibly shirting yourself? Like saying, like, you're like, man, it could be a fart.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, that's how sharks. Oh, if I'm ever in a situation where if it happens, I'll get paid.

SPEAKER_00:

No, like kind of like, oh, if you get paid. I'm saying, like, is there ever a situation where you're like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take my out chances, I'm gonna take my chances.

SPEAKER_01:

I would it at work. I would shit on myself if I knew I could get paid off of it. Like, and they wouldn't let me go to the bathroom other shit, so I end up shit on myself. Now I'm embarrassed.

SPEAKER_00:

But there's never a situation or moment where you just be like, I'm gonna Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I've done it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You risk it for the biscuit? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I think that's how it happened.

SPEAKER_00:

No. No, you didn't get a trisket. You?

SPEAKER_02:

I think that's how they happen.

SPEAKER_00:

But I'm saying, like, when you know your stomach's been a little iffy.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey.

SPEAKER_01:

But you know, sometimes you'd be like, sometimes you'd be like, if I can just get a little of the gas pressure off, I can I can I can make it home.

SPEAKER_02:

Now, if it's like if it's very questionable, absolutely not. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00:

Have you ever did it trying to get the gas relief off and then it started a whole different chain of events? Oh, yeah, you just click tighter.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, I gotta go, gotta go. You can tell like before. If you would have held it, you've probably been okay. But now it's an immediate action.

SPEAKER_02:

The bubble where it's like it's it feels like a cramp, and you're like, fuck, this shit it has to come out somewhere. Yeah, and like it hurts, and then you're driving, yeah, and you like hope that when you get up, it like goes up, but sometimes it goes down, goes, and you're like, oh shit, and you gotta ask the hey, you got a bathroom in here, and they see how you walk and they're like, nah, dog. Yeah. I just I just know if I ever gotta take my belt off, it's it's I gotta go right now.

SPEAKER_00:

Your belt?

SPEAKER_02:

The belt, yeah. If I loosen up so I can get some expansion. I got you, I got you, I got you. It don't matter. You ain't gotta that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm when I'm expanding.

SPEAKER_02:

Nah, those are the scary ones when you can't walk when you're like fucked. You don't want to take the like I gotta take like little choppy steps.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, have you ever at the asshole flutter?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, all the time.

SPEAKER_00:

It's doing this.

SPEAKER_01:

Wait, wait till you get to the point in your weight loss journey to where it's gonna be loose.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god, that sounds like something else.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know. What your booty hole? No, your ass cheeks. Oh, the cheeks. So I was like, how's your booty hole get loose from working out? I'm confused.

SPEAKER_01:

So when you go when you go to Fort. Wait.

SPEAKER_00:

Is it the pre-workout?

SPEAKER_01:

Or I don't shit.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, sometimes that pre-workout hit you right when I get to the gym. Oh, I got what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? Shit, gotta run. I thought, yeah, I've heard people say pre-workout be getting them. And I think I got the chair that goes down because I was not this movie. I'm gonna just roll with it. You got the Kenworth.

SPEAKER_01:

I'ma just roll with it. I was like, I was not this low. What the hell was that?

SPEAKER_02:

That was me. Oh man. I accidentally uh hit the butt. Yeah. I heard counting.

SPEAKER_01:

I said, are they watching us?

SPEAKER_02:

I was like, I wasn't, I hope that didn't come in the mic. It didn't. Sarah Connor came in the mic. Sarah kind of warned us about this situation.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, it's gonna get worse. I was uh that happened at the gym almost.

SPEAKER_02:

You don't have shit out of the gym?

SPEAKER_00:

I was terrified I was going to.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, why'd you tell me that? I wasn't even there and it bugs me. Like this dude, the truck driver told me his story. He went to the gym and a nigga stepped in the doo-doo on the steering machine. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh no, that's bad. No, no, no. I ain't never knew it like that. It wasn't even his. Oh no. He was like, the motherfucker. And I was like, and then I looked down and I was like, oh, Reggie, why'd you tell me this story? Like, why did you tell me this? I did no last week we're last week when we're talking about the hip thrust, I did learn that if you ever see a woman hip thrust and she stops mid-set, she's about to piss herself.

SPEAKER_00:

Is this a motherly bladder or is this just like the average? It's just a woman's bladder. Yeah, yeah. Because I know with mothers, they tend to say like it's not what it used to be. So yeah, pissing is a I'm like, go let it out, girl.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Can you argue? Yeah, I can't say shit about that. I mean, you push you push the goddamn pumpkin out your vagina, you deserve to be able to piss on yourself.

SPEAKER_01:

Sometimes I feel like it's a really you couldn't you knew you had you were holding it. You were holding it.

SPEAKER_00:

You ever do hip thrusts and think that someone's watching your technique like, look at this nigga.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean if they do, they're gonna show.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't want to at the gym?

SPEAKER_01:

Hey nigga, they watch their watch. I'm I'm in there for the games.

SPEAKER_02:

Is that what I guess God damn, we gotta get to the weeks.

SPEAKER_00:

Um the week the weeks was good. Um yeah, I guess I uh I'm still rapping, so that's something. And you may or may not hear songs coming soon just because I I've been rapping. I wanna I wanna get the fucking uh the AI shit to do like RB singing so I can have a hook and I can sing how I want the hook to sound.

SPEAKER_02:

That's fair.

SPEAKER_00:

And then like use that hook and be like, oh yeah. He's like, man, you got Mario to sing that? They have it, I ain't paying for it.

SPEAKER_02:

That's oh yeah, I'm not paying for it. Because I'm on the fence with a uh some nigga came up to me and like he was trying to get me to sign up for golf lessons, and then he like proceeded to me to tell me a joke. He's like, Yeah, I want to check GPT and got this joke. And I was like, in my head, I'm like, nigga, like I'm a comedian. Like, you can't just come to me with fake ass goddamn jokes and expect me to just be like, hell yeah, that's a good one. I'm confused. Was it a good one? He knew you were a comedian? We got to talking. He was one of them Jesus guys. He's probably gonna see this, but that's cool. I thought those Jesus guys are wild.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

I had a motherfucker come up to my door the day after Halloween and leave that uh Jesus Safe Sinners, and I'm like, God damn, nigga, like it ain't even been 24 hours. And just left it on our door.

SPEAKER_02:

So you're just assuming, buddy. Like, you're just assuming that I'm a sinner. Gonna litter on my fucking doorstep.

SPEAKER_00:

Fuck. Jesus didn't leave paperwork behind. You know, you know, leaving this kind of filth to sin too. Oh shit. So anyway, um we were talking about therapy last week, right? Yeah. And um, it just got me to thinking, because there's a stigma in our culture about therapy, like they act like therapies. Uh and I think that as as time goes on, it's starting to get better. Yeah, it is. You know, or we're not looking at it so bad. Um on a scale from featherweight to heavyweight, I like that. Where do you rank your dealings with therapy? Would you say you're you're a heavyweight and you're like, I'm a champion and shit. I'm I'm getting good at it, or do you would you think that you're still a novice trying to get better at accepting therapy? Or do you just full-on embrace it, take it all in pause?

SPEAKER_02:

I accept it. It's uh I'm doing it's a learning process. So heavy, heavy, heavyweight.

SPEAKER_00:

You're heavyweight?

SPEAKER_02:

I'm a contender.

SPEAKER_00:

You're a contender? For the adult? Yes. So you're a heavyweight.

SPEAKER_02:

So you're the champ. You're about to be the therapist.

SPEAKER_00:

Are you Tyson?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I'm not biting no ears. I might.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god. All right. I would say I'm still a featherweight because I I've accepted therapy, but I don't know how comfortable I still feel about telling a person.

SPEAKER_02:

You gotta find somebody you're comfortable with.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean the the last she was cool. It was just I still feel like either she was gonna try to fuck me or she was gonna judge me. And I didn't like that.

SPEAKER_02:

You think every every therapist was better?

SPEAKER_00:

No, only just because the energy it felt like she was like at some point, I was like, oh, if I know, but I think she's feeling me.

SPEAKER_02:

So then maybe you should get a male therapist.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, he was on that Tony Soprano shit.

SPEAKER_00:

I was like, I don't know how I feel about this. Just because I was like, it could go either way, and I don't Yeah, get it dude.

SPEAKER_01:

It could do what?

SPEAKER_00:

Go either way, and I didn't 6! Oh my god. No. Uh so have you ever just have you always been open with saying that you you've gone to therapy, or is there any time where you feel like I'm not gonna say it, I'm gonna just let it play out and not tell you when I went to therapy?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, I mean, uh when people ask, I tell them.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, I've only been doing this shit for about a year and a half, so but when you first did it, did you did you feel a way about it, or did you just kind of like, yeah, I'm doing this shit?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I felt like I should have did it sooner because it actually I realized it actually did help. For sure. You I'm trying not to be one of them annoying people. What my therapist said. I'm trying. It's uh but I like it. It's cool, man. It really is. Yeah, I feel the same way. Like, what the fuck? Why wasn't what was I worried about with this?

SPEAKER_00:

So before therapy and saying you should have done this sooner, what were your reasons for dodging it?

SPEAKER_01:

I think it was just the whole the whole, you know, the the the thing about you know black man therapy and holding my problems close to the chest and trying to work shit out myself.

SPEAKER_02:

And then I got to a situation where I realized I wasn't doing the shit myself anyway. I wasn't being productive. I wasn't I wasn't dealing, I was suppressing. Before?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, before you went to therapy, like what was your reason for avoiding it or dodging it?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know, I think I just thought I had it figured out Yeah, that's what it is. I got it. I don't need no talking to nobody. I'm gonna get a I'm gonna get a uh Kevin nervous uh trouble counter. Why no? We don't do that. It's gonna be too high. Um but yeah, I I just feel like I was but I I I doing this, I was learning that I had a lot of the tools already. I just didn't know how to like close shit out. I just let shit just stay open and fester and didn't fucking worry about things that you're like, what the fuck can you even do about that?

SPEAKER_00:

Will you say that you've been able to tell your therapist so far one of your deepest fears, regrets, or things that you feel like we be judged for so far?

SPEAKER_02:

Like were you mean no, not yet. Not there, not with that. I mean, I've told her a lot.

SPEAKER_00:

But like your thing that you know, like I I still won't say this because I feel like I even she'll judge me for it.

SPEAKER_02:

No, I don't think it's a judgment thing. I just I think some the shit that I don't talk about is like just how I feel about it.

SPEAKER_00:

You're because I I know there's like a you know the rule with the therapist rule. Do you think that there's like a serial killer out there that goes to a therapist and says like this shit and they're like, nigga, I need to tell some.

SPEAKER_02:

I think Hannibal's real.

SPEAKER_00:

Like Lecter?

SPEAKER_02:

Mm-hmm. Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_00:

You're saying just like, yeah, so I kill like five people this week, and they're like, excuse me?

SPEAKER_02:

A therapist says she's never met a sociopath. I don't think she's supposed to tell you that yet. I mean, I mean, not like any names. Yeah, yeah, patient. We got a client. Ain't no names. It's like, how am I gonna know how many fucking clients you got? I've never met a sociopath.

SPEAKER_00:

She said that and then she's looking at you, like, but you're the one.

SPEAKER_02:

Not yet. You could be good at this, and that's worries me.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I still, like I said, I what my therapy sessions were like, I was like, I was opening up, but it was like kind of like that first level tier that I can open up to anyone about. But as far as like when I started talking more, I was like, I feel like I'm gonna be judged.

SPEAKER_02:

I meant to tell you that. That's what my you said that to me one time that you think I'll be good in therapy. And then my therapist actually just said that like two weeks ago. She's like, you know, you have this easygoing uh It's like you're like, you know, you just like every people don't talk to their neighbors. Like, oh sorry. Sorry, I'm trying to talk to mine. Fuck my neighbors. I didn't realize that. I'll take that back. I don't talk to them like I'm cordial, but like the way y'all niggas do over here. Because the way she said it, she was like, because I was just over there, like she's like, so you just think you think like everybody just has their shit together and you don't. Like you're the only one who don't. Like that's that's an interesting way to think of things. Like, oh, you're right. Everybody don't got their shit together.

SPEAKER_00:

Is that not how people think?

SPEAKER_01:

That is how people think.

SPEAKER_00:

I think I feel like I think that's how I think. Like, I'm like, damn, everybody got it figured out.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, well, you're welcome. If they don't, I don't I don't know how you can feel that way, and I'm your friend. I ain't got shit.

SPEAKER_00:

You got shit more figured out than I do. When I hear you talking to um people about like uh stocks and stuff like that, I said, damn, we got that figured out. I don't got that.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, that's one thing they might might have figured out. Because sometimes you talk to niggas about stocks and you go, Well, we've been talking about stocks for about the past three years. And this nigga ain't one shit. And they none of them hit.

SPEAKER_01:

I told I I well no, I I don't I got a relabel message to you. But I got it's I got I got a community people that tell me.

SPEAKER_02:

Like I saw a lot of a lot of information I had now, it'd be uh I'm I'm just forwarding what I've learned. Which is good. That's good to do. Some people will keep it. I'm up this year, nigga. The market in the red, but I'm in the green, cuz.

SPEAKER_00:

See, when he says shit like that, I'm like, yeah, shit figured out, nigga. Like, I like what like how do you not feel that way? He's I'm his friend and not uh I was like, nigga, when you say shit like that, I'm like, he got his shit figured out.

SPEAKER_02:

You you know that money we got from a part-time pension? Yeah, I tripled it.

SPEAKER_00:

See? That's good. But when you hear that, you don't think, oh, that nigga don't got his shit figured out.

SPEAKER_02:

You gotta shit figured out he got some finances figured out. Oh, yeah. Personal life? I'm fucked up. You know, I'm just saying, niggas don't be talking about their feelings on shit. So I tend to And I'm not saying that don't take for what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00:

I tend to suppress my feelings.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, can't do that shit. Most niggas do. And I got I got lucky to like land with this lady who her primary shit was uh heart, heart.

SPEAKER_00:

It did sound like a bracing relationship.

SPEAKER_02:

No, no, no. I'm just saying land with this as a therapist. I'm looking for dirt. Because I feel like I gotta hurt your wife because she hurt me about that fucking bagel and stuff. Oh, well, there's no dirt. It's just I got a good therapist where it's like, oh, this is because with all right that that works. How niggas have like heart uh I'm gonna say at least your husband has someone he can talk to.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh wow. Uh is it online or in person? Online. Online.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. But what I was saying. I can go in person, but I go. That's online. Oh, I can't. That's I'm not going to the north, Northern California. I'm like, I'm cool.

SPEAKER_01:

But that's the thing about therapy.

SPEAKER_02:

You can go through anywhere.

SPEAKER_01:

You ain't got to, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

Zoom. I would just I would do therapy in a mask.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't think they're gonna do that. They got a CFA. They might, but they're gonna they're gonna write a lot.

SPEAKER_00:

I I wear my son's Halo mask, his Master Chief mask. So what are you writing? I'm like subserving whatever whatever you tell me. Are you lying to Master Chief? Like what? The one thing I hate the most is say more. No, I'm good. Decipher what you will.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm gonna go ahead and end this conversation now.

SPEAKER_00:

All right. Um finish this sentence. If my if I told my family I was going to therapy, they'd say, Good for you, nigga. Everyone would say that.

SPEAKER_01:

Most of them. The ones I talked to.

SPEAKER_02:

Proud of dope. How's that? What's that about? Them niggas would I that's cool. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like I'll try it this Thanksgiving. I say I feel like partially it'd be like, oh, you going to therapy? Good for you. And then they'd be like, you know that nigga crazy. We've been saying for years that nigga's off. That nigga's crazy. But then I then this is when I go, well, this crazy bought this house. We've been saying that nigga's been off for years. So I didn't go in therapy. I don't want to say nothing. Told you that nigga can't get right. Like Kim Wayne's on Live of Color. But you didn't hear it from me.

SPEAKER_01:

It's okay. We're gonna make sure you can't get right.

SPEAKER_02:

No, I work, I work with a nigga that can't get right. Like I just started calling him that. I was just like, and like people were like, why you call him that? I was like, just wait, just get to know him, and then like the series and things in his life will just be like, and like my movie James was like, nigga, what the fuck? And I was like, you finally well, that nigga can't get right. Like, he can't not do this stupid.

SPEAKER_01:

We're gonna miss you.

SPEAKER_00:

What weighs heavier? I don't know. What weighs heavier, the pain you hide or the pride you show.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you mean like the pride you show, like trying to outwardly pretend you're not hurt?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I said I I said pride you show.

SPEAKER_00:

Because you could you can you can believe you're hiding the pain. I believe that all the time. That's also true.

SPEAKER_02:

I think the pain is the worst part because the pride, they that's why I think that phrase comes, because the pride comes before the fall, because the pain is like you can't hide it. You can't you can't fake it forever.

SPEAKER_00:

And I I know you guys are used to me saying this, but vigorously masturbating did nothing for me. You're not a lot the only thing I think it did do is help me on weigh-ins.

SPEAKER_02:

That sensation. It's the instant gratification thing, but um, yeah, nah, nigga, that ain't gonna do it. Like, you can't jack off enough. Yeah, click.

SPEAKER_00:

I went raw. That that might yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh man.

SPEAKER_02:

You're gonna start jacking off while you're driving and shit. You don't do that.

SPEAKER_00:

Nah, I can't do that. That's a dangerous sport. Oh my god. Our coworker McDougal, bro.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_00:

Shout out to McDougal, he listens. I'm not gonna put you on blast like that, but dude, the story should be. He saw a guy as he was driving. He said he was driving in a tractor trailer, and he said he was, I think he was doing a cross country trip. He said he was driving, and the dude was driving next to him, and like he said he turned on his light, like his dome light, and the guy was uh he was getting it in on the road and he looked down and was like, Oh shit, that dude was jerking off. Like, and then he said at some point he pulled up next to him and he was matching his speed and the The guy was still going straight. He's like, this is this shit's impressive. He said he looked down and he gave him the like, hell yeah. And then the guide finished.

SPEAKER_02:

Nah, I'm good on that. Oh, so that was like they had a moment. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They did that together. You can do it. Like basically, yeah. Got that nut, homie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Nick, get credit for that. Like, he cheered him on, man. I mean I said, you think that might have been his kink? Like it sounds like it.

SPEAKER_02:

Like an audience? It sounds like it. Because usually, yeah, you would stop. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00:

I said, imagine that conversation if you got pulled over with like a highway patrolman. Just trying to jack off, dog. So you got some nut on your chin. Oh, um.

SPEAKER_02:

Listen, man. It's either this or I kill cats. Damn, that's what you gotta tell the cops.

SPEAKER_00:

Is that a personal experience story or what? I say get out of it. Well, I guess it's better than that. I ever tell you the story about uh my dad's friend Speed, who uh who shit to shit himself to get out of uh a ticket?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. No, that's awesome though. It's awful, but because don't know no cop want that in the back of the day.

SPEAKER_00:

That's what he said. He said he had a bunch of speeding tickets and he said, Man, I'm going to fucking jail for sure tonight. He said, I don't know what to do. He said he shit himself on the spot, and he said, the dude, when the when the cop walked up, he said, Hey, uh, you know how fast you're going? He says, I'm sorry, I had to try to get home. I couldn't make it. I shit myself. He said, You know what? Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Watch, watch your speed. Like, because it's like, I'm not putting you in the back of my motherfucking squad car.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm a big uh hate doo-doo a lot, but I get that. I get that one. I might be able to fuck it. What's impressive about that is the shitting on command.

SPEAKER_00:

That's that's what's impressive. I mean, think about it. Shout out to Hunter. If uh if you knew that you might shit for seven days, you might you might loosen up your vowels. That's true. Shit on command.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll still say that shit crazy. I said seven days?

unknown:

Nah.

SPEAKER_02:

Crazy. Fuck jail. Hell no. I wish more niggas would say that.

SPEAKER_00:

Fuck jail. Fuck jail. But Speed is a frequent user of jail, so I'm sure he knew. So he probably could shit on command if he needed to, because he didn't want to go back.

SPEAKER_01:

Vacation in jail.

SPEAKER_02:

So yeah. Was it county or yeah? Any of them.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I mean, I don't want to go none of them. Yeah. Yeah, fuck all that. Which is more exhausting to you guys? Holding back tears or holding up the tough guy mask? Uh tough guy mask.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

That's actually harder for me to hold back tears. It's harder to hold them back.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Then that's good. So you're crying more as you get older? That's good. Yeah. That's a good thing. Yeah. And I gotta stop off trying to be all tough sometimes. What are you trying to be tough, nigga?

SPEAKER_00:

Like, yeah, he's usually like the chill guy.

SPEAKER_02:

I was like, What are you what are you? Like, some of this shit I gotta. Like, nigga, you are tripping.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a kid.

SPEAKER_02:

I thought you said they were like, eh, shut the fuck. But it'd be like stupid shit where I'm like, don't be doing it. And I'm like, I just don't want to deal with it. And I'm just like, and that I will say, therapy. See, therapy has helped me with my patients. Cause my child, I'd be like, I'm gonna just let you talk. I'm doing a lot better at that. Because I want to choke you the fuck out right now.

SPEAKER_00:

See, I'm in the opposite. I've I've let so much shit slide that I've hit a point now that I had to start forcing myself to speak the fuck out.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm working on it. But I'm letting shit slide. See, now that's the part I'm working on now. Yeah, I'm I'm not letting shit slide. I'm doing a lot of more boundary shit too. Yeah. So that's getting better. Speaking up for myself.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, no, fuck that. Like, I'm not cool with this.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm doing the um, I'm doing the no more false consequences. You know you say shit and you don't follow through because you go back.

SPEAKER_00:

I always threaten the ass whooping and they're like, he ain't gonna do it. Yeah, and then I did. I remember I went like this, Ava fucking lost it. I went like that. I said, What? I was like that. And Dreams looked confused. He's like, it wasn't even bad. He just tapped me. What the fuck are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02:

That's it. Don't work here. It don't work. Kindle, I don't even have to like lift a finger, but Grayson don't give a fuck. She square up what you don't give a fuck. So you could get a spanging and just be like, no. And I'm like, what the fuck? You ain't gonna break shit like this. The thing is, is what I learned. Take everything and be like, you don't have anything for the whole week. Like they don't care. They don't care. You have to learn. That's the one thing I've learned. Uh, you you have to learn your child. Like, my child don't like she don't care about not having screens. She'd be like, I'll just play with my dolls. Or alright, guess what? I don't have screens. Guess what, dad? I need now I need you to play with me.

SPEAKER_01:

God damn, I'm punishing my goddamn self. Now I gotta do so. You gotta learn your kids.

SPEAKER_02:

I just started like with her, I started being like, all right, you got you can earn it back, but like sometimes she don't give a fuck. She's like, I don't even want that shit. And I'm just like, you're just gonna stomp around the house.

SPEAKER_00:

It is interesting that the contrast, because with Ava, the sheer thought of disappointing or whatever will kind of get her to like let me, but like with Andreas, I went back and forth with Zulie yesterday. I said, Hey, that motherfucker's a manipulator. She was like, Oh, you can't do it there's an extra said you can't, kids can't. I said, That motherfucker's a manipulator.

SPEAKER_01:

That's all kids do from the time they're born.

SPEAKER_00:

That's what the cry is about. That's what I said. But that shit that he does when he recognizes that something's about to go the way you don't want, and he flips that that script to try to manipulate the situation. I said, I call that shit every time.

SPEAKER_02:

Tell tell her this story. So this past weekend the the niece was down, right? They're about the same age. So they wanted to do something. The niece, my our niece came and asked me. Phoenix went off on my niece.

SPEAKER_01:

Why'd you ask my dad? He always says no. You're supposed to ask my mom. Now you messing up everybody.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Like, so they know. The kids know. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh I uh we have the same argument. I just kids manipulate. Yeah, that's what they're good at is manipulating. Shit. I can say it when I was a kid, I wouldn't violate. You cannot tell me kids can't like, but like Andreas is a fucking, since he's super smart, he knows. Like, like the other day I told him to lay down, and I just gotten home from work and I went upstairs and I walked in because he was in his sister's room with her, and they were playing something. And I said, Well, lay down. You scared me, and he turned, he flipped that shester. You're not flipping that shit. Go lay down. Go lay down. This is not a you're about to dad, you scared me shit.

SPEAKER_02:

It is defense. If you walk in here with your deep ass voice and he wasn't expecting you to be deep. My voice ain't deep. Still, he tried to flip that shit. He tried to flip that shit. But then that's when you gotta go, hey man, I got these law books. You're gonna be a good lawyer one day.

SPEAKER_00:

But uh yeah, it's it's just paying attention to that shit. All right. Um, so why do you think it is that most black men or the black community thinks that therapy is just for like emergency situations and not necessarily realizing that therapy is for your daily life?

SPEAKER_02:

History, a lot of reasons. Medical field wasn't good to us for a long time, treated us as animals, things like that. And then as we get to a point to where we had to get through things ourselves, and then the chick starts getting better, it's like you still don't have that trust, and then like within the community, it's like it's looked at as weak. It's like nigga, you weak. And it's like uh maybe we should have done this a lot longer ago collectively, but the whole field was fucked up, so you know the stigma has to be broken, and it's it's on us, I think. It's like our generations are the ones who have to keep going and talking about it though, and like outwardly talking about it and being open about it. Yeah, I agree. I think I think the what I agree with most is a trust. I think it's a trust thing, especially as uh people who have been taken advantage of, especially when we've been vulnerable. Yeah, I I think it's a trust thing. We like, you know, you growing up, you kind of have the mindset of you don't you don't want to give them the ammunition. Yeah. I can concur to that. Yeah, some niggas think they're gonna go to jail for doing the therapy. Like they just, I mean, if you got some crimes, I wouldn't recommend yeah, everything ain't safe.

SPEAKER_01:

They got they do how to report they have to report the murder.

SPEAKER_00:

But I just know yeah, that's what was my biggest thing with the therapy was that that feeling. Like, I get that you're supposed to keep this confidential and we're supposed to talk, but I do feel like at some point it's gonna be flipped on me. Like, what the fuck? I thought I was supposed to be able to confide in you.

SPEAKER_02:

Like now, this is what I'll say. Just know that you probably getting talked about at dinner with the therapist. Like, I got this client, this motherfucker told me this. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But they're not saying names and shit. Yeah, no, hell no.

SPEAKER_00:

Shit, I bet you they do.

SPEAKER_02:

Therapists need therapists.

SPEAKER_00:

The therapists have therapists.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, all the shit they hear. Is there like a boss therapist though? Like, that's the question. Oh, like the thing they hear everybody shit? Like, I'm the I'm the therapist.

SPEAKER_00:

So we're gonna play uh a game, right? Did that shit go back? Alright, we're gonna play a game. Fuck it. It's gonna be you're gonna call it featherweight or heavyweight. Alright. And this is dad scenarios. Okay. And life scenarios, I guess. First dates.

SPEAKER_01:

For us?

SPEAKER_00:

No, first dates for when you're kids, will you say that at this point at mental state and capacity, are you at a featherweight able to like, or a heavyweight stance where you're like, you know what? When that first date comes in, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I'm ready to cut his ass out.

SPEAKER_00:

So heavyweight.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not heavyweight, I'm already dealing with that shit. So yeah, heavyweight. I'm not with it.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm telling you, the other day, you could you yeah, it's that I went to pick Ava up, and they had the little roundabout, so we were driving out, and I look over, and this motherfucker's staring into the car at Ava. I said my G. What the fuck are you doing? Like you were just staring and smiling.

SPEAKER_02:

Guys, she'll be on the bus next year. Guys, chill up. Why you guys say that? Chill out. Prepare yourself. You guys say all this stuff, but y'all gonna be the niggas dropping them off and paying for the date.

SPEAKER_01:

Um hell not.

SPEAKER_02:

Shit. Shit, you think not? You think I'm paying for no goddamn date? Okay. I just is gonna be at the movie theater. Hey, you can you don't pay for the butter popcorn? You might stay. You might be like, I'm gonna sit right here with you.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I know when I looked, and he was staring, and I let Ava, and she was just looking away, and I was like, and she was like, What, Dad? I don't know what I said, I look. Oh, she knew this motherfucker here. You know what we should do?

SPEAKER_01:

At pickup, do you get out the car and get them or do you pull up?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh that moment I usually I usually get out and get them, but that day, because we got there early enough for you can go through the roundabout and they just walk up and happen and you take it off.

SPEAKER_02:

One day we gotta get there enough and that me be in the driver's seat. But what do you guys you guys think then there's never gonna, it's just never gonna happen. There's never gonna date. It's not that I don't think that it's I don't think that it's never gonna happen, but I need to make sure they don't happen until I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, well, good luck. It don't help when the moms are advocating for dating, like, oh it's still a big deal.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, well, no, I'm I it's like I you gotta wait for like a long ass time for me, but um I mean my child comes home and tells me she has a crush. Yeah, and I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna crush him. Nah, man.

SPEAKER_00:

I ain't got there yet.

SPEAKER_02:

What you gonna he just he just living?

SPEAKER_00:

Nah. Well, live live elsewhere.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that's wild.

SPEAKER_00:

Live with a different uh sight.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, no, no, just don't say that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, don't do that. So I guess I'm featherweight too heavyweights, right? All right, are you a featherweight or heavyweight when it comes to when your kid comes to you saying they're ready to drive.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I'm heavyweight. I'm ready for that shit, nigga, because I'm tired of taking around. Ready to drive? Uh it's more frustrating than you think. I'm ready to have to drive. I hope that by the time we get to this generation, like whatever the fuck this generation is doing has left. Okay, they the kids now. They don't give a fuck. They don't want to drive now. No. They don't want to drive now. Like we had to just force, like, hey, you want to like you wanna like go drive around the corner? Like they got no, they got they got Uber and shit, nigga. They they not they not consent. Well, and I will say now that she does drive, it's a different thing. Cause now she will drive a lot, but it's like now you got a different nerve-wracking thing where you're like, fuck. I'm not there. So it's like we watching the car, and it's like, oh, you gotta trust. You gotta trust. I just want somebody to go to the store for me. Oh, we got that. That's nice when you go, hey, go pick up the girls real quick. We were somewhere. That's how we went to Disneyland. It's like, hey, uh, so we're gonna be at Disneyland. We're gonna need you to pick the girls.

SPEAKER_00:

I saw a meme recently that said, they talk about 6'7, wait till they learn about 9-5. Shit, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

They ain't ready for that thing. Fingers is crossed right now. We should have uh results on an interview soon. Oh, that'll be so nice. You want what? Well, looks like you got a job. Yeah. Responsibility.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, this is not right. Uh oh. Featherweight, heavyweight. Would you say that you are featherweight or a heavyweight the moment you have to foot a bill? That's pricey.

SPEAKER_02:

Like what?

SPEAKER_00:

Whether it be they got to some sort of shit, and now it's your responsibility to pay for the bill.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna just say heavyweight, because I pay I paid$16,000 a year for gymnastics.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, god damn, that's a lot of money, I can I uh say uh the Arbor flip the scenario. They've damaged someone else's personal property, and now it's your responsibility to pay for the bill.

SPEAKER_02:

Like the car, you got video footage or not? No, I'm gonna tell you. I guess I'm in that. Like it's like the car, huh? She hit an accident. You say you damaged someone else's shit. I don't know. I haven't had to come across that yet.

SPEAKER_00:

With that, you feel like you're prepared for that?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know. It depends on what it is. There's some wild shit where I'm gonna be like, I'm like, do I can't hold myself together? Like, why did you do that? Like, why would you do that?

SPEAKER_00:

That that fear, that's one of my biggest fears. Like them coming home and you like, yeah, dad. So I did this shit. And they're saying that you're gonna have to come. Excuse me? I'm a featherweight.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, like, like, like damage someone else's like fence or some shit? Yeah. Shit happens. It depends. Like, if it's just some shit where you're like, Oh, you just did some malicious shit. Uh, that's where yeah, I don't know. I think I might have to be featherweight on that. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00:

It terrifies me. Because I'm like, damn, like, because that that's a blind side to yours. Like, shit. Like, I can't even be like, hey man. Yeah. Oh, you need some money.

SPEAKER_02:

You cannot do this in installments. Is that possible? Can we use a firm?

unknown:

Karma.

SPEAKER_02:

That's all I'm saying. Let me get a PayPal pay in 12. That's how I knew where we were headed when there was a whole lot of afterpays that popped up. I'm like, y'all don't see where we're headed because this never's been a thing. Yeah. They got like five different ones.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like, oh no, it was this video. It was a video that he's like, my mom just asked me when I'm gonna buy a house. He said, Mom, I just bought a sweater with a firm. I just I just split a sweater up in four payments. You think I got one more?

SPEAKER_02:

Now, the fucked up thing is you can't do that on groceries. I know because I tried. You are goddamn why I just did it. Oh, then let it happen now? Because before I remember they were like everything else was cool, and then they was like, Yeah, you gotta put all the food back.

SPEAKER_01:

I was like, that don't make no motherfucking sense.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, I could buy I did that shit on the firm, nigga, it worked.

SPEAKER_02:

You must have fixed that.

SPEAKER_00:

Good. Because they give you like a temporary uh the card card. Yeah, and then you uh and then like whatever you you put the price point at is what it is.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh no, I got that card, it's physical.

SPEAKER_00:

This one's literally a digital one. Like you can do it.

SPEAKER_02:

They got well, I got a physical one too. I didn't even know I did that. Like it just came to my house. I was like, Oh, I apparently got an affirm card, it ain't got shit on it, but well, that's not it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, they they do it with groceries too now.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, okay. That's smart. They should have done that a long time ago.

SPEAKER_00:

Makes shit easier and crunches.

SPEAKER_02:

I ain't talking about it's better than the uh what was I doing? The payday loans? Ooh, ooh, that to paying them back was like worse than taking them 3,000 percent.

SPEAKER_01:

I can borrow$50.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

275 bags. Like, oh fuck. Well, good thing I got that weed. Anyway, sorry.

SPEAKER_00:

Heavyweight or featherweight. The moment you become a grandparent.

SPEAKER_02:

Heavyweight. Heavyweight. That shit looks cool as fuck. Hell yeah, dude. That shit looks cool as hell. Everybody I see that grandparents is like, yeah, man, this shit I can't. I oh God. They always be extra happy. I can't wait to pass down the trauma she gave me.

SPEAKER_00:

So you're just looking at some petty shit. Yes. I I said it depends on the circumstance. It depends on when I become a grandfather. You gotta you gotta be able to 12 years. Because if it's at a young age.

SPEAKER_01:

What, like before 50? I don't think it's a good one.

SPEAKER_00:

No, like meaning like she's she's young, 18, 19, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pimp.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, at that point you you taking care of the baby. Yeah, like you taking care of the baby.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, at that point, yeah. Shit. I'll guide you. Yeah. Baby can come by anytime, but but yeah, that's one of those where I think you get mad, but because I seen that shit where it's like they mad and then Well, I have a uh I know a person I went to school with. Excuse me. Um her daughter, uh her daughter got uh turned got pregnant 18. Or 7 17, I think. And so she basically had a she was a grandmother, and at the same time she had a six-year-old. Well, the six-year-old was hers, and then she had a yeah. I seen uh it's funny how white like Wash of my 40. So a thing that happened with my one of my one of my nieces where my dad was like trying to be like this shit, another like fuck. And then that was his favorite. You're like, you try to play all that tough shit. That's that's why that's why I say I'm heavyweight. Cause look, it don't matter once you give me the grandchild. It's my I'm gonna swallow shot at the job. Yeah, it'll be swallowed shit. Even the homie now at I'ma cut her off. My old job. I'm like, I don't have to cut her off. Yeah, I don't have I don't have any money for you because I doesn't have to be a big thing. It's for the baby. Yeah, it's for the baby.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You do realize, but what you get for the baby is essentially still going to her, so you're not really not Gerber. Shit.

SPEAKER_02:

They ain't eating Gerber. They might.

SPEAKER_01:

Hey, she's not gonna be in the in a in a 2T.

SPEAKER_02:

She can't wear that shirt. Yeah, I think that's the he was just like, man, and then after a while, he was like, oh fuck it, man. Like, she already pregnant. Like, can't do nothing. The fuck am I gonna just stay mad? Like, yeah. Then he just sent me a picture with him with the baby just was he happy? Hell yeah, he was happy.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, see, that's at least Do you have any positive affirmations about what you've concluded from your therapy that you can kind of give as a positive uplifting thing for people who might want to seek therapy and have reservations about it, that you can kind of give them some sort of positive affirmation or l just guidance or uh or tips or the only thing I would say is regardless of how you feel about it, you need you you need to talk about it.

SPEAKER_02:

You need to say what you feel inside, outside. And it's not gonna get better to you. Yeah, and don't worry about nobody else's shit. Because that's what I think kept me away from shit. It was thinking like that too. Like everybody got their shit together. Why can't I do my shit? But some of them niggas in therapy won't say it. You know what I'm saying? So um it's I don't know anything positive affirmation. It's not that bad. It's actually really great. Like, that's all I could really think. It makes you it's a path to whole wholeness.

SPEAKER_00:

You have to use your real names for in therapy? Like, can I just call myself Bobby?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you can. I'm sure you guys can say anything, but the insurance papers will say so.

SPEAKER_00:

I have to square that away with the therapist, or can I just do the insurance shit on the side and then the therapist seven without missing?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, no, they because they got your file. Yeah. Shit, they got your file. It's a legality thing, I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Because then after we haven't talking to Bob for the last six sessions, who the fuck is Andy?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I don't think they want to have that where they're like, well, he told me he's gonna kill somebody. What you got for his name? Bob. In a lot of ways, in a lot of ways, that shit's like Sammy's uh journey on sinners. Like, you get you having the best day of your life, and then some fucked up shit happened, but he worked through that fucked up shit, and he ended up having a great life. You know, he ended up doing exactly what he wants to do with his life. And you control the therapy too. Yeah. I think people don't know that part is you actually are the one who's in the lead. Like the therapist is just kind of there just to kind of see what you're saying and then guide you to be like, all right, so oh, okay, I'm picking up what you're putting down, but you're not. So it's like the things you miss, they kind of like, so why what do you think about that? Like, I'm like, what the fuck you talking about? Oh, you know, okay. And then you come back to and so it's yeah, it's uh it's for you and it's by you. Foo boo. God damn, my shit. So therapy is foo. They're gonna charge you. Cause I've seen it where people would uh like like um like that shit's real. Like when you got the the the the core opponent therapy, like you gotta be an hour.

SPEAKER_01:

So if you just sit there quietly for an hour, you still have to sit there for an hour.

SPEAKER_02:

And so the the hopes is that eventually you will say something, but you do get the control, you you control the narrative. Yeah. Because their whole job is just is just to help you process what you're going through. You could probably talk about football, that but that's a waste of money. That's a waste of money. Especially if they don't know football. But he's into it. Shit. I think that's kind of tough. I think that's what it's not like uh uh you just hit the gas and go.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02:

Like I think people might think that too. Like you just get in and it's like, hey, so what happened to you as a kid? You know, look here, it is it is it is 2025. If your if your birth year is in the 1900s, you gotta you gotta cooperator, you gotta warm that motherfucker up.

SPEAKER_00:

You can't just go. That's uh that's where we're in.

SPEAKER_02:

What can I say? I'll say this. I'll say this. It's a weird way to say it, but like since starting that, it things have seemed like brighter. Better? Yeah, but like it seems like when you walk outside, like the lights brighter and shit like that. And I'm just like, oh wow.

SPEAKER_00:

You hear music?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I don't like why do birds suddenly appear every time. Nah, I will I will I will agree with Kevin on that point. I do feel like everything, every time something comes up, it's not like instant doom. It's like all right, all right, let's figure this out. Because we just had some shit happen where normally I would have been like losing my shit, but it was just like, all right, let's just come up with a solution.

SPEAKER_00:

How bad before how bad an anxiety do you guys get before?

SPEAKER_02:

Before heavy?

SPEAKER_00:

It's bad.

SPEAKER_02:

Before? Before. Oh shit, high. It's bad. It's still good. I mean, I I still have my times where it's high. Yeah. But does it does it has it helped? It's yeah, it helps. Yeah, definitely more steady. It's not like panic attacks and shit now. Like, oh now it's like, okay, you know what that is.

SPEAKER_00:

What about uh depression?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, shit, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, before it was, and then it's gotten better.

SPEAKER_02:

It just I mean, I feel like it's the same. I just have the tools to deal with it. I don't, I'm not in it longer. I think it's alleviating for me just because a lot of my shit is just things I didn't necessarily work through.

SPEAKER_00:

Any suicidal thoughts?

SPEAKER_02:

No. I've had them, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

But that they seem to seem to kind of like I don't necessarily get the the the suicidal.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like more ideology to it, I guess you would say. Or sometimes the uh better off dead, like, oh, you gotta be better off with this, that, and the third, but that's a lot less frequent. And see, I I I see suicide thoughts as me thinking about taking my life. I've never thought about taking my life. I have a heads thought that, well, if if something was to happen to me and I'm no longer here, they will be better off because everything they would get ideology by me not being here. I think they use that as the ideology. Like, it's not necessarily a suicidal thing. It's like, if my car crashes, who gives a fuck? It's like things like that where you're like, well, are you gonna do anything for a minute? You know what I'm saying? Like, so I don't know, I'm not a therapist, I could be wrong if that's what that is, but but that shit has been a lot less. So it's been a lot more planning, like future shit, like to be here, like trying to figure out how to not be in that. So now I think the harder part is now learning how to be like, fuck, enjoy this shit. Like, I'm starting to learn to enjoy the things that I do have instead of looking at what I don't have. Because I did a lot of that shit and was like comparing to what, oh, if I did this, this would have gone this, if I did this, or I did this. Like, but this is where you're at, and this ain't bad. This is really good. So why the fuck are you worried about that other shit? So that's like the things I was saying were like closing the loop with uh like I think we called it a midlife crisis almost where it looks like it, but it's like you're just identifying what your life looks like now, and it's like you didn't take the time to do it.

SPEAKER_01:

So it's because you know beautiful, beautiful big T woman, like oh sky.

SPEAKER_00:

So on that note, we'll end. What I will say is it's not that they're almost done. Tricky words, they're just regular words that are tricky to you.

SPEAKER_01:

That's how we that's how you end it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. With that being said, this has been episode 223 of the heavyweight podcast. Like, subscribe, share, and comment. Dez will be back as she is here with us in spirit. Uh we love you till next time. Peace.

SPEAKER_02:

You're not with that loser no more. You holla at me.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow. Peace.

SPEAKER_01:

Peace. Sweaty. That's rep, you know. That's that's how she rep. So make sure you click like, subscribe, zoom in, we on the off-stream platform. So until next time, we'll holla at you.

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Des The Diva

Co-host
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Kevin Ellis

Co-host
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MoeLethal

Co-host
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Stutta Mcfly

Co-host