The Heavyweight Collective
Welcome to *The Heavyweight Collective*, where every week, a dynamic group of four—“this lady and these three guys”—come together to discuss a wide range of topics that both warm the heart and nourish the soul. The Heavyweight Collective brings together four unique individuals, each with their own perspective, to engage in open and honest conversations about real-life situations. Whether you're in need of a good laugh to release some tension or you're seeking real answers to life’s tough questions, tune in to *The Heavyweight Collective* Whatever you're looking for, you’ll find it here.
The Heavyweight Collective
Misunderstood
Ever argued for 20 minutes just to realize it was all a misunderstanding? This episode breaks down how miscommunication happens—and how to fix it. From texting traps to the power of “reading the room,” we share tools that make hard conversations easier.
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Let's do what nigga? All of it. All of it. All of what? Heroin? Speed. I'm good on all that shit. I'm good on all that shit. You can cocaine. You can keep that shit for yourself. Look, cocaine, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I've seen a post yesterday that said, would you rather for uh for two million dollars, would you rather be drunk every day or do two lines of coke every day? Every day?
SPEAKER_04:I can't do no coke every day. Give me the alcohol. Yeah. Do I have to pay for it?
SPEAKER_00:I'm sorry. I don't want to be around. Do I gotta pay for it though?
SPEAKER_04:You'd rather do the coke every day? You're gonna die.
SPEAKER_00:Two lines?
SPEAKER_03:Two lines we don't know how good this shit is.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:I just feel like what if that one time you just know they can't they can't afford to have it no more than that?
SPEAKER_00:No, this is gonna be, you know, I don't know. It's not it's gonna be good coke.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Either way. You know the difference? Eventually. Eventually, you're right. You're gonna die.
SPEAKER_03:I'm gonna tell you like this.
SPEAKER_04:If I do wears off, bro. That's not if I do cocaine, I'm drinking. That's what's gonna happen.
SPEAKER_03:I guess we're gonna call this the coke episode.
SPEAKER_00:No, we're not. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03:Straight up the nose, huh? You shooting it or smoke or snorting it.
SPEAKER_00:Um I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:People don't you can freebase.
SPEAKER_04:I don't know about shooting cocaine. That seems like a bad idea. Is it? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not, I'll never do it.
SPEAKER_00:You basically that's the spoon?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that's when you smoke it. Like take uh Richard Pryor. Remember he cut himself a fire? That's what you do.
SPEAKER_00:Oh that I definitely wouldn't shoot shit.
SPEAKER_04:Damn, some people do drugs in their ass. I'm sorry, what I do like in the book.
SPEAKER_00:They said they do it in their ass.
SPEAKER_04:If it's good, yeah, like a suppository. They say it gets you real high real fast.
SPEAKER_03:I never tried it, but I was like, well, that's some crazy shit. What's that damn movie with John Cena where he um they did the cake rubber's ass so they can get drunk faster?
SPEAKER_02:Uh what was it?
SPEAKER_03:He literally went up fight down and they put the shit.
SPEAKER_02:Cockwalkers? White. I don't know. Yeah, where they were chasing their kids around.
SPEAKER_03:I was like, yeah, so they were gay.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_00:Gay, gay, gay.
SPEAKER_02:That's crazy. That's just some junkie shit. That's a certain level of uh dedication I'm not willing to commit to. I'm not I'm not doing that shit.
SPEAKER_03:Now, unless they say it's some TRT or some trend, I might try a little bit of that shit.
SPEAKER_00:We are on episode 230. Here we go.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, we recorded, we're rolling. All this is gonna be in there.
SPEAKER_00:All this is gonna be in there. I shouldn't have even brought that post that what I said.
SPEAKER_03:She said the shit, right?
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Uh it is what it is. What's good? This is episode 230 of the Heavyweight Collective, formerly known as the Heavyweight Podcast. Yeah, yeah. I'm your anti-social host, Stutter McFly, back again with this lady and these two guys. Go ahead and state your name for the beautiful people out.
SPEAKER_00:I'm Sharon. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:That was that was not a clip on y'all niggas. That's really loud. Round two.
SPEAKER_01:Ricky.
SPEAKER_04:That's illegal in California. That's too many bullets.
SPEAKER_01:You can only have eight.
SPEAKER_02:Ricky would still be here if you knew how to run a better route.
SPEAKER_04:I'm Hakeem. Hakeem? No, Hakeem. Who told you that? With an A. Next week is the prize.
SPEAKER_00:Hakeem and Hakeem is two different motherfuckers.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, yes, it is my birthday. No widges note.
SPEAKER_02:It's your boy Molita, man. USC dodge the boy. Nigga ran a straight line.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, if he was running a nine round, it'd be perfect.
SPEAKER_02:To get hit by a shotgun by that's crazy.
SPEAKER_03:Um so it was a moss work. How were your weeks? It was it was it was trying. Trying. And and it is personally I it was it was good, but my child was growing up and I had to suffer through the fact that I had to start buying broth. And that my welcome to the family.
SPEAKER_00:I thought this was about to be so deep.
SPEAKER_03:And that my my baby, not a baby. She's growing up.
SPEAKER_02:It's things, huh?
SPEAKER_03:That's she hurts. And then my wife hit me with a well, you know, I'm gonna have to start talking to her about, you know. And I said, shut your ass up.
SPEAKER_01:Don't you say that.
SPEAKER_03:Not my princess. She ain't ready for that life. It's rough, man. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I hate oh God.
SPEAKER_03:Why they gotta grow up, nigga.
SPEAKER_00:Why?
SPEAKER_03:And I I thought the bras was bad, and then I took her to eat, and I said, shit, maybe the bras wasn't too bad. Fuck me. Because hey, she eat like a grown-ass man. Shit, shit. I said, What do you want? A 24-ounce steak with some potatoes? Does that keep you full? Nigga, we went, we went to, hold on, nigga, we went to In N Out because apparently In N Out is the cheapest uh place you can go as a family. It's the best price.
SPEAKER_00:No, for real. It's really cheap.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you can feed, I can feed four people for$35 in and out. I can't get that nowhere else. I tried Chipotle a couple weeks ago, nigga. That was$75. I said, we're not doing this shit again. I could make the shit at home for$60. Uh yeah, so we went to In N Out and she proceeded to eat her food, my fries, half my wife's burger. I said, um, well, um, I guess we can no longer come to In N Out because you need two meals, nigga. I mean, the fries is trash anyway. They are trash.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Be like, you can have them.
SPEAKER_00:The fries, they just expire. You gotta eat them fries. Yeah, right away.
SPEAKER_04:They expire right away for 15 seconds. Right away.
SPEAKER_00:That's the only thing. The fries is fire, but you just gotta hurry up.
SPEAKER_04:Fire, maybe not the best word.
SPEAKER_00:They bomb.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, but that's the week, man. My daughter growing up, my wife getting stronger. She, you know.
SPEAKER_00:That's upset.
SPEAKER_03:I'm proud of her. She don't believe I am, but I am. I love that. I love that little heifer. I'm about to call her something else.
SPEAKER_00:Uh you know. It's funny.
SPEAKER_03:But yeah, that's it. Overall, it was good, you know. I heard myself in the gym, but other than that, you know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Joseph had mentioned that.
SPEAKER_00:I spent the week on a heating pad. That's crazy that you said that. I literally uh I worked almost every day this week from the couch so that I could be on the heating pad. Let me ask you a question.
SPEAKER_03:Let me ask you. Let me ask you a question, real quick, Sharon, since you're the only other lady here.
SPEAKER_00:My background.
SPEAKER_03:Have you been cold recently?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Is your iron low too? Because my wife is doing cold. I was like, did you mean like in the heart? No. We already know she's cold hearted.
SPEAKER_00:No, I am not.
SPEAKER_03:She said last episode she ain't doing that shit no more.
SPEAKER_00:What?
SPEAKER_03:She ain't letting nobody in. Her heart cold as shit.
SPEAKER_00:Shut up. That's not true. Kind of.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, my wife's been cold. No, I feel like. I said, nigga, it's not that cold.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, no. I think my iron is good. I have had times in my life where, yeah, it's it's it's bad.
SPEAKER_03:That's that's that's a that's a woman thing, huh?
SPEAKER_00:I think it's a black woman thing, too.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:Remember how homeboy was here, he talked about not drinking milk? That's our equivalent. Like we got low iron. Yeah, but it's for real. And then we have babies and it just makes it worse. But yeah, my week was good. My week was cool. I had a short week, I guess you could say, because we was off on Monday. Were y'all off on Monday?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I'm always off on Monday.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:So I was working because I had a barbecue. To expound on this, you have the heating pad. Was this from the the kickboxing?
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so I I think that the kickboxing class is adding to my back pain. I've I've had lower back pain for a little while, but we do lifting also. Like depending on the day, they have certain days. Like there's full body day, there's booty day, there's sound like bad form. Maybe. Um, but they help you. Like there's people in there, like they're helping me with my form and everything, but my back, my back hurt. Well, my back was hurting before, so I don't even know if it's just bad form.
SPEAKER_02:I just every time you you mention kickbox, I just think you're like, niggas ain't shit. Niggas ain't I say that every now and then.
SPEAKER_00:If I was to go today, I would be scared.
SPEAKER_03:Is that in the uh what way?
SPEAKER_00:Barbershop.
SPEAKER_03:No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't, but uh I know you don't want barbershop, but they're also the the little fit when this uh women fitness up on GTA 5 on the big one there. I don't gonna say what they were saying, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Anywho, it's therapeutic. Um that's I'm happy for you. But yeah, it could be that. I don't know. But yeah, my back, my back was kind of messed up this week. But other than that, the week was cool. I think that's what's up. It's like once Saturday gets here, I'll just be like, damn, how was it? Forgot it. Yeah, man. Like and then I'll be driving home, like, damn, that shit wasn't cool. I forgot about X, Y, and Z half.
SPEAKER_03:I done blocked out half this shit.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, no, for real. For real. How was your week, Kevin?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Not good. He got there with a zombie, so yeah, it was uh at least I was hit by a high speed chase. That was cool. You was hit by a high speed chase? No, there was like 20 cop cars that just flew past me, and I was like, ooh, they must have killed somebody. And they did. They did. Damn.
SPEAKER_00:On the freeway out here?
SPEAKER_04:Nah, I was out going to Santa Barbara, and I was just like, it was just three cop cars and then all unmarks, and I was like, what the fuck?
SPEAKER_00:Was it ice?
SPEAKER_04:Nah, it was uh some kid from Merino Valley was out there, they were stealing shit. And then they put it. I was like, oh, it was a girl driving? Damn, she was flying. But yeah. Uh other than that, yeah. You know, there's some shit pissing me off. I ain't going into it, cuz fuck them.
SPEAKER_00:So there we go. What he said. Same here.
SPEAKER_04:Martin Luther King Day, we did good. Had some Brunswick soup after that. Cause I found a Did you march at all? Out of the way. Nah, what the fuck? He didn't. He already did that.
SPEAKER_01:I did.
SPEAKER_03:We saw.
SPEAKER_01:It was not. Thank you.
SPEAKER_03:You know the marshmallow would be different nowadays. There'd be niggas out there in scooters.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, like electric scooters. Like, oh, y'all just We ride the march.
SPEAKER_00:So we ain't it's like our ancestors looking back on us like these niggas ain't shit, bro.
SPEAKER_04:Y'all niggas ain't got shit, man.
SPEAKER_00:Y'all could never be us. We had wagons and scooters.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, I did some snitching too. Yeah. It felt good.
SPEAKER_00:It felt good.
SPEAKER_04:It hurt for a little while. I was like, damn, it's some goddamn meta glasses. I snitched on some more white. That's the glass. Goddamn meta glasses. I felt guilty and then I was like, I never feel guilty of getting my own trouble. This is right.
SPEAKER_02:So yeah, that's been my week. That's what's up. Um this is uh so Sunday I went to the gym. I did upper. I felt good. I felt so good. In fact, I played basketball on some weird uh high in energy. So there was some young whippersnappers in there that were uh beating everybody to the basket, and my 40-year-old self decided I can see these motherfuckers at the rim. So there was a guy that was about six six four, and I blocked him once. I blocked him twice. His friend though, about 5'11. Quick as shit. Kept blown by the the point guard. And I was like, I can see this nigga at the rim. I jumped. My hamstring said, What the fuck are you doing? So I I proceeded to ignore it and I tried it again. Oh no. It said, Really, what the fuck are you doing? I ignored it, went to work. Longest work walk into work I've ever had.
SPEAKER_03:She's just tight.
SPEAKER_02:And there was a coworker of mine I never talked to. You know what I had to do? I had to look over and say, Man, is this this the longest walk we've had into work? This feels like a long walk today. Why is it still so fucking long? So I went through the day of proceeding to get in and out of my tractor all day, and it was it was it was a task. So I proceeded to go throughout the rest of the day, slowly. And um I get home and I'm like, I'm not working Monday. So um I wake up and I was supposed to go to the gym, and I woke up, my knee was like, No, you're not. I said, Oh, okay. So I'm just gonna hang out with the kids. They were like, oh, dad, I want you to watch this anime called Wokfu. So um we watch Wakfu all day. And then I look at my phone and I see they have a bunch of text messages in the group, and I'm like, oh shit, maybe I should enter the group chat. Uh but my knee was talking, we were talking about something, I don't know. Yeah, you were talking about what we're gonna post that day. Uh uh.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, okay. I'm okay.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So it was Monday, and then I was like, okay, maybe I should enter the group chat because I was just I was on the fuck out. I was like, my knees fucked up. I know Joseph's gonna say something. So I uh proceeded to do a bunch of stretches, which was horrible. Then I decided on Tuesday I was gonna try to do the leg workout, and I did it on the lightest weights possible, and it still said, What the fuck are you doing? So I just proceeded to get through a week hobbling, and I looked like a goddamn gimp the whole week. And um even though that that was the bad side of it, the plus side was I I did uh schedule my first therapy or 2026 therapy appointment, which will be in a couple of weeks.
SPEAKER_00:Yay.
SPEAKER_02:Um I'm looking forward to that. And then Guy Girl. Uh so uh black lady. Yay I was excited by that because it was at at random because it was the only thing that can afford my uh on my insurance, so it was like in the network. Not mad.
SPEAKER_00:The black lady was the only thing.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, meaning like in that network it was a hit or miss, and usually it's not a black person they give you. So, like, but I was like, oh shit, thank god. All right. Um I need somebody to talk my language. And then this this week or past week, J. Cole announced that he was coming out with an album, and it's the same week that I go to therapy, which I feel like it all ties in. And then that'd be the same week we do a talk your shit um that week. So I'm looking forward to the whole week together. Like it's just because I'm gonna have a lot to say about that J. Cole album.
SPEAKER_03:So that was my week. Can is it is it ironic that the that he's releasing a fall off af after he kind of fell off? I don't think he fell off. I mean he disappeared.
SPEAKER_02:I feel like I'm ready for it.
SPEAKER_03:I'll fuck with Jermaine.
SPEAKER_02:I feel like he realized when he tried that San Antonio shit and uh tried to make it seem a sort of Port San Antonio. Yeah, he tried to make it seem a certain way and people roasted his ass. He realized I need to step away for a bit and um and let people forget about it. No one forgot, but I I do think it's it's needed right now.
SPEAKER_03:So hold on, real quick, can I say something?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You remind you remind me of something. So we went Martin Luther King weekend, we're in Vegas at my brother's house. So my my wife went to the gym and it was a small gym and it had like a lot of stars, like good ratings. She said the gym wasn't really a gym. She said the guy stopped her at the front and he said, Oh, you're the first person we ever had here from California, but I see you have a bag. We're not that kind of gym. They they literally had cardio equipment, they had one Smith machine, one leg press, and some dumbbells. I said, How is this a gym? So she had to leave that shit and drive 20 minutes the other way to a gym where she could actually play a workout. I just thought that shit was. That would probably sound like a drug friend. No, it was an actual it was an actual EOS gym. It was just a like, I guess like it was more like in a retirement community where people just go there just to move.
SPEAKER_02:That's the quick money grab. That's the best sound like they're not gonna be here for that long.
SPEAKER_04:So damn I don't know what you mean by that. You mean like on earth?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's that, y'all.
SPEAKER_02:It's true though. Like, hey.
SPEAKER_00:On earth?
SPEAKER_02:All right, so uh often, especially with me, often with uh people was I've always heard, and Maurice has always said a lot around me was what's understood don't need to be explained, right? But on the flip side of that, would that mean that what's misunderstood definitely needs to be explained?
SPEAKER_03:Not necessarily.
SPEAKER_02:But for me, I often get into conversations and discourse with people, and I often get misunderstood, and I don't know if I'm the only one that feels that way, but nonetheless, these questions are cultivated by that feeling. So we're gonna go into that. And I'm gonna ask you the first question is being misunderstood more frustrating than being disagreed with, and why?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Absolutely. Because if you disagree with me from a level of understanding, that's okay. Right. There's nothing wrong with that. From that well, me. I don't have any problem with that. But when, and I literally, the reason why I answered it so quickly and passionately is because I can't stand that shit. When somebody is like literally, I'm explaining myself and they don't understand me, and their responses are within misunderstanding, but they're arguing it, and it's like, you don't even know what I'm trying to say. Um, it's very frustrating. That's why I find myself though, a lot of times when I'm trying to explain myself, I don't have the language, and then I just stop talking about it because I'm like, fuck, I've done that. I'm not saying it. I know in my head, it's perfect. Like, but it's not, it's not coming out like that.
SPEAKER_03:That's true. She told me. I don't know if I'm saying it right, but yeah, that's it. I said, what is it? I'm still confused as fuck. I'm I'm trying to understand. I can't understand. I'm not even arguing with you. I'm just trying to understand.
SPEAKER_00:I really do too.
SPEAKER_03:So I said, what what what the fuck is it? Because I'm I'm lost.
SPEAKER_00:When I start to feel a disconnect, I'll literally tell somebody, like, I feel like I'm not saying it right, but yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, I didn't say that to her.
SPEAKER_00:I just said, okay, like I know.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, shit.
SPEAKER_00:It be sounding, it come off right when I'm saying it to myself.
SPEAKER_04:It makes sense in your head. I mean, that's just my my life. Talking to myself in the car.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, I honestly, I don't know. I don't think I think I I'm to the point of life where I don't care if you if you don't understand me, because I don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_00:Do you really not?
SPEAKER_03:I don't really care. Okay, and outside of my wife, I don't care.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, I was gonna say in relationships that's value. That's what we're talking about.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, yeah. Yeah. There's very few people I'll go out out of my way to explain. I think, you know, my wife, Big Fly, Kevin.
SPEAKER_04:What struggle struggle? I guess this nigga. I guess this nigga, Kevin. It's the Kevin.
SPEAKER_00:But it's like the struggle. And that's it.
SPEAKER_03:You know, my brother, you know, it's like the list is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very small. Like Obviously, my my siblings and and and my wife. You know, even by I try to have my child understand what why I do what I do or say say what I say, but at the end of the day, the dynamic is like even if you don't understand, nigga, it's still what we do.
SPEAKER_00:It's difficult with your kids. When you're trying to raise kids, you do want to give them an understanding somewhat. A reason why. A reason why. But it it gets real gray and weird with kids because I this is my fight with my teenagers often. You punch them. It don't fucking matter. I said to do it. Like a lot of the times. That's that's where it's like if I say get up, well, where do I get the fuck up? Right? Okay, now let's talk about why I told you you needed to get there.
SPEAKER_03:Well, no, no, I get that because I I had that so I understand that because quick story, real quick. We are at Chipotle, and my daughter was, you know, being a kid running around. And I noticed, I said, Hey, this nigga over here is looking at my child. He is locked on my child. I said, Hey, Phoenix, come here. Stand here. Well, why not? I said, just shut up and stand here. Yeah. Because either you stand here or I'm gonna have to go sit next to this nigga, let him know I see him looking at you. So you stand here. And so I told my wife, I said, Hey, watch this nigga. Because I got, I'm watching her. You watch him because he's if she goes right, he look right. If she goes left, he looked left. I said, I don't trust this motherfucker. And so if I got a swing, just so that you know, I'm ready. Right. And so she yelled, then so then she yelled, Phoenix, listen to your daddy, you know. So then she explained to her, I was like, sometimes, you know, daddy see things that we don't see. Yeah, because y'all niggas is clueless. I don't know why women are clueless.
SPEAKER_00:Shut up, please. I'm not getting it right.
SPEAKER_04:That's another episode.
SPEAKER_00:I was about to get into it too. It's because they have you though. I would love to be clueless. I'm gonna just say that. I'll be like, God, dude, like about you leading the way. Like, you don't see those niggas staring at you? Like, yeah, but I think with kids too, like, we also have to understand that when it comes to an an understanding with kids, sometimes what we're trying to communicate is beyond their comprehension. Yeah, just like what you just said. So that's where I have to, that's why I said it gets a little tricky with kids because I'm a I want you to understand because I don't want you to, I don't want to just be a talking figure for you. I don't want to just be like, oh, do as I say, not as I do. That's it.
SPEAKER_03:Because I want you to be able to figure some of this shit out on your own.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Like I shouldn't have this, I don't want to have to speak every time something comes up.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it needs to be common sense. I'm trying to teach common sense, common sense can be taught.
SPEAKER_03:It ain't common.
SPEAKER_00:Well, but that's why you could teach it to the motherfuckers in your house.
SPEAKER_04:Like with my oldest right now, she'll be graduating and shit, but I'll be trying to explain stuff to her. And I'll just tell her. Like, just hey, this is what it is, this is how it goes. This we'll tell you and do this. And then it's like, she don't do it. And I'm like, mad. But then I go, it goes like to a certain point, and then she's like, Wow, it's already that time. I'm like, Yeah, yeah, I told you that shit's gonna come really fast. Like you blink, like that's how it works. So which now when you're young, you thought you got forever. Yeah, yeah. Well, she's about she's seeing, she's seeing. It's like, oh shit, I'm about to graduate. It's like, yeah, yeah. We were talking about this last May. Yeah, it's already January. You blink. Shit, it's February almost, yeah. But I don't know. For me, it's I think just the line of work I'm in, it just makes me explain myself because it's like you can't have any misunderstandings like in that shit. Like it's really like, hey, you put that on wrong, you're gonna kill us all. Yeah, if I think I've been doing stuff like that for so long that like in my normal life, I just like okay, I could tell you ain't getting this. Maybe I'm gonna try to explain this in a way I think you'll get it. And then I just I won't stop until we get there. And if we don't, then I go, we'll try another time.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, yeah. And I'm I'm glad you brought up work because work is like that we touched on the different dynamics of it, right? We have people that we care about in our lives, and then we have people it's like, I don't give a fuck if you understand or not. But then work is different because now you're having to, in previous positions where I've had where I've had to teach somebody something, like, yeah, we're gonna have to, you're gonna have to understand me. Like at the end of the day. Um, whether you're understanding me now or if it's something that we have to come back to later.
SPEAKER_03:I'm in a different line of work. What you know my I said, you need to understand that I'm leaving in 10 minutes whether you're ready or not. That's what you need to understand.
SPEAKER_02:I can I can corroborate that story. I've heard those conversations and those customers be so uh in disbelief.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Oh customers. Really, you're right. I'm 10 minutes, I'm gone.
SPEAKER_02:I'll say for me, I often have conversations, and again, like I pointed out, I get I feel like I get when I do get misunderstood, I do tend to just detach. Because I'm like, I'm not, no, this isn't going the way at all, I thought, in this conversation, so I'll just try to like stop. Because I know that the disagreement isn't even getting it's not even getting to a reasonable disagreement because what's being understood, or I'm trying to get understood, is not even on the table. So it's like, you know what, I'm gonna just shut the fuck up. I'll I'll shut up and but that's not good either.
SPEAKER_00:I from experience. I'm just saying that because that's not the route always.
SPEAKER_02:But so I do tend to find myself uh trying to figure out is there a different way of going about conversating? Because I feel like my my regular source of trying to have conversations tends to go over people's heads. So I try to figure out a way of like how do I formulate this better to bring to the conversation so I'm not getting misunderstood. Because I would rather have, like Shrine, what you said, a disagreement, but you understand where I'm coming from than just to not be understood from get-go.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. But I think that that's the hard part though. Like, I'ma just like like like with kids. Like, I only have one, but you got multiple kids. You understand that you gotta communicate differently with Ava than you can with, and that that applies across every aspect. You can't communicate the same way because people have different communication styles. Like some people view certain tones as aggressive, so now they think you're being aggressive, so now they don't give a fuck what you're saying. Now they in the, you know what I'm saying? So it does, it takes work, and that's why I say I don't really I only if I don't give a fuck, you take it out, you take it. I'm only going to adjust my tone and try to talk to you the way you can understand if I care that you understand.
SPEAKER_00:For sure.
SPEAKER_03:But again, I always say what's understood ain't gotta be understood.
SPEAKER_00:I was thinking when you were talking to it's like know your audience, basically. It's like even in language, like I like I said, a big barrier for me, I think, is when people misunderstand me, is because I'm not selecting the correct language for it. But then at the same time, you have to know your audience because my kids can't stand when I use big words. And when I find myself the most mad, that's how I communicate.
SPEAKER_03:Like I'm I'm mostly straight four and five syllables. What are we considering big words?
SPEAKER_00:Shit, you gotta spell on a spelling beat type of word. But they can't stand that.
SPEAKER_03:You speak in silent letters, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:They they can't stand that because they're like, oh, here she go. Like, because it's like I'm at the point where I'm trying to a hundred percent get my point across. Like, you are not gonna be able to say, but at the same time, that's not always effective. Because if I'm using that type of language with somebody who don't know none of them words, they're just like, okay, bitch, like you just talking. I don't know nothing about what you're talking about. None of this makes sense. Okay, whatever.
SPEAKER_03:Um, so the acute angle of a hypotenuse and correct in the lineage of what you're trying to direct.
SPEAKER_00:Like PI. I go off on people like PI music.
SPEAKER_02:So you you touched on it. Uh, but uh as an a bigger question is does tone and body language matter more than the words that are being misunderstood?
SPEAKER_03:Most definitely. I don't think it no, I don't think it depends. I think that's across the board. Yeah. I think I think the the energy and body language you give like your significant other has to be different from what you would give a friend, would be different from what you give a child. It it it it all really depends on the situation. Or what you're talking about, too, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Because I know when I gotta come at Grace in a certain way. But you gotta you gotta look up. Sometimes it's like, yo, you ain't you is not gonna accept nothing but this.
SPEAKER_03:You gotta you over there banging on your little still aware.
SPEAKER_01:Them be the ones.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. I I'm still trying to find a way to. I do think the tone and body language are important, but I think that sometimes, I guess what I'm thinking of is the people that don't necessarily like some people aren't as sensitive to body language or tone, right? So I may come at you one way and you the exact same way, and you were okay with it. And you still understood what I was saying, whereas you're like, nah, she was wilding, like you know? Um, so maybe that's where I'm thinking, but you guys differ. Yeah, it depends on what you're doing.
SPEAKER_03:I'm gonna share you won't is this smoke? Because I got smoke for the smoke.
SPEAKER_00:Like, yeah. I did. Oh sorry. I was like, 'cause this is supposed to be putting my hands. I told myself on the way here that I was gonna sit on my hands.
SPEAKER_04:No, don't do that. That's weird. You're gonna be over here like so hot. Don't do that.
SPEAKER_03:Popping her shoulders every go.
SPEAKER_01:Got it.
SPEAKER_00:Cuz I'm over here hitting it and shit. I was like, dang, here I go again.
SPEAKER_03:Just there, like, you saw how she sounds like she talking educated, and then she say hood shit. Cuz nigga, like it can go from educated multifaceted one. To the classroom. Nigga, cold switching on the fly back and forth. I want y'all to know I'm educated, but at the same time, nigga, I bought that shit.
SPEAKER_00:Me in a nutshell.
SPEAKER_04:I think uh hell yeah, body language makes in tone makes a difference. It's like shit. Bang bang. I be talking to Amanda and she's like, she don't know sometimes. She's be talking. I'm like, Amanda, you sound angry. Well, I'm not mad. I'm like, well, why are you talking like that? Like, no, you you triggering me.
SPEAKER_03:But see, she wasn't mad until you told her she was mad. Yeah, that's usually how that goes. But she was mad before, she just didn't realize it.
SPEAKER_00:Nah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:She got mad because he said it.
SPEAKER_03:No, she got she got mad or but you know what I appreciate?
SPEAKER_00:I appreciate those people that are when when it's not like in a fake performative way, but those people that are upfront about like, hey, this is how I communicate. Like when you're getting into a new situation, right? Um, or I'll I'll say relationship. I didn't mean it in a romantic relationship way, but like if you're getting into if I would be training somebody new at work, I would be like, okay, these are my styles, you know, and what are your learning styles? I think you have to do that when you're coming into new interactions with people so that they know how to receive you. And then stand on it, obviously. Don't just say some shit like, oh, I always communicate, and then you do some whole other shit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, be lying.
SPEAKER_00:But stand on it because your example just came from you know your wife 100%. So you know she's angry even when she's not admitting that she's angry. But if you say that to somebody else who you don't know as well, and they haven't kind of communicated their style, they might, it might be wrong.
SPEAKER_04:I'd still be like, nah, you just don't know that you're angry.
SPEAKER_00:You still would do that with somebody else. I mean you seem mad.
SPEAKER_03:That nigga still, he got the lighter floor just yeah, no for real.
SPEAKER_00:For a female, oh, that would get me hot too.
SPEAKER_03:I'm lucky in it because I know when when she's angry, she she quiet. So when she gets quiet, I'm like, oh, I fucked up. What the fuck did I do? Yeah, me too. Now now now it's worse because now I'm racking my brain. What the fuck did I say or do to piss her off? That's right. And then I wait, like I think I can ask her right now. Because the kid's around, so she's gonna snap at me. But I do.
SPEAKER_00:She's calculated.
SPEAKER_04:I get easier to just come up front like that, too. What's up?
SPEAKER_02:I often feel that the body language matters the most to me because I'm paying attention to the person's actions more than I am what's coming out of their mouth.
SPEAKER_01:That's interesting.
SPEAKER_02:Because you're if you see a motherfucker kind of like pacing back and forth, and you're about to have a conversation with him, you're like, is this motherfucker already turned up?
SPEAKER_00:It's a very good observation.
SPEAKER_02:So you're like, if they're already turned up, then even you have to start like with me. I I I know how I process things. So when I process things, I'm looking at everything as a whole, and I'm thinking, if is anything I'm gonna say gonna matter in this discourse, because if they're already showing me their body language, is that they're already defensive or looking for the misunderstanding, it's like, yo, I don't even think we should have this back and forth because it's already gonna go left because I can already tell. But then you to your point, you might test the waters and say, hey, what's good? And if they give you one of those quick shots back, and you're like, yeah, this isn't gonna go bad, or you go, Oh, I read that all wrong. Oh, okay, he's good. They're just turned up because they had two lines of cocaine that they've been doing every day for two million dollars. Um like I bet the house clean though.
SPEAKER_03:It's not productive as a motherfucker. Oh boy.
SPEAKER_00:My house would be clean as shit if I was on Coke every day.
SPEAKER_02:I can picture that. Just the motherfucker just rubbing the cocaine in the gum. It's like, let's go.
SPEAKER_03:It's like it's like soul train every day. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:That's us, you be dancing or not cleaning. Uh, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But yeah, no, I I that's a really good observation. I'm glad you said that because it it is about kind of like observing for yourself, not even for that person. It's just like, okay, let me see what I'm about to say. One thing that I will say, like from past relationships that I that I take fault in is not I'm sorry, what did we say? That I take fault in and my hold on, hold on.
SPEAKER_03:I hold on, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Breaking news. We have a game break right here. We have a live accountability from a woman. Oh that's me.
SPEAKER_00:I'm sorry, y'all. I'm sorry, girls. We as men did not know this was a thing. I tried to slide it in and he he heard it.
SPEAKER_04:I was like, you don't have to say pause, but that's a pause. Yeah, it was a pause. It was a pause.
SPEAKER_00:It was a pause. It was a pause. I just hope none of my exes are watching. But the thing that I will take accountability for is not taking that measurement of how is this gonna go. This is not the time. As a female, or just not even as a female, I'm gonna speak for myself. No, no, you can speak for me. It'd be like, this is the problem. We need to talk about it. I'm sad, I'm upset, I'm mad, whatever my emotion is, we're gonna discuss this shit right now. And it never went well. It literally never went well. And if if I had taken the time to do an assessment of what the the what was happening at the time, I probably could, and I won't even say probably, because now the way I address things these many years later with people is more like, I'm gonna give you some time. Where I used to be like, nah, this is a problem. We're gonna talk about this shit. I'm upset, but it it will not even just on that person either. I would be upset too. This ain't the time for it. Now I'm crying and shit. Now you mad, like it's a problem. So it's that's very necessary.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I don't I don't believe about talking about shit when it happened. I feel like you I feel like both sides needs time to to recollect. Because I always fight once there's distance, you you start seeing shit different.
SPEAKER_00:I think that's maturity, and I think that that's also like a male perspective, though.
SPEAKER_03:I'll be like, uh, if I talk to you right now, I'm gonna cut your ass out. Give me a couple minutes. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Definitely processing shit is real.
SPEAKER_03:Like, yeah, it is because right now it's all emotion. You know, logic behind that.
SPEAKER_02:I'm about to say everything will come off your mama. Offensive, angry, everything.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and then we know that sometimes you come back and you realize you was the problem. Yeah, you might have been very mad about something, and then you might be like, damn, like maybe I was tripping, or you know, yeah, I agree. And I don't like bringing the intensity of my emotions into that's really my bottom line. Like, I no longer bring the intensity of my emotion into what an argument or into the argument, because I know that I have a high level of intensity when it comes to my emotions. So relationship, friendship, parent, my mama ship, uh, my kids. Well, my kids ain't be a little different. I'll be ready to go off when it happened, but I'm working on that.
SPEAKER_03:Um I've I've mastered the the art of pissing people off without turning up because when McFlip's had it, we've had someone turn up and I and I sat there and talked to him kindly and he didn't know how to fucking respond.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, oh yeah, people don't know how to react to that.
SPEAKER_03:He was like, Why are you gonna turn that?
SPEAKER_00:Nigga, why are you mad? People don't know how that we can talk about this.
SPEAKER_03:But now now if you want to get physical, we can get physical, but we can talk about it first. But I'm I'm down either way. That's tight. How you want to solve this shit?
SPEAKER_04:Hard to make me mad, so I know I'm I've been working on it. Niggas don't really.
SPEAKER_00:You are so stupid.
SPEAKER_02:That's what I'm just playing. Do you play the lotto? No, I don't. Do you uh three cards? No. Anyway, because the next question is uh, can silence be a form of misunderstanding? You you you touched on it already.
SPEAKER_00:Can silence be a form of misunderstanding?
SPEAKER_02:Misunderstanding, like being silent.
SPEAKER_03:No, I think silent uh for me, I feel like, well, uh it obviously depends. Um like like I talked about earlier. When my wife gets silent, to me, she's silent, but it's loud and clear to me what she's saying. I've I've done something or she's perceived something in a negative way where I need to figure out. And when she really talked about it, she addressed it. To me, my silence is like, I just I'm not, I'm not giving you energy.
SPEAKER_02:Right. But uh Well, I think uh what I was asking was the like, because you said when she gets silent, you're like, I fucked up. But then in that moment, do you know what you fucked up with? Oh hell no.
SPEAKER_03:You know, I'll be saying random shit.
SPEAKER_00:And then silence can also be just understanding random shit.
SPEAKER_03:I'll be doing random shit.
SPEAKER_00:You'd be like, damn, I said.
SPEAKER_03:What the fuck is that?
SPEAKER_00:Hey, and then it'd be like three things you thought it was, and it'd be something different things.
SPEAKER_03:Sometimes it ain't nothing I say. It's it could have been something I did. Like you walk right past it. Oh, my bad. Like, um, like hold on, real quick. The other day, she was like, these eggs have been on the floor for three days. Everybody walked by these eggs. I was gonna wait and see who picked them up and say, Well, I mean, I don't look at the floor, so but now I'm but you mad at me about eggs on the floor. I mean, your daughter did it. It's clearly where she eats her breakfast. Because I'm not wasting no food because I know how much it costs.
SPEAKER_00:Amen.
SPEAKER_03:Eggs. So, you know.
SPEAKER_00:I think that silence can be a misunderstanding. And again, I'll I'll speak from the past. It's so crazy because I don't have any like new experiences.
SPEAKER_03:So is the way you heard it here, people. Sharon is looking for new experiences. I didn't say February 14th is around the one. It's right around the corner. Hit her DMs up.
SPEAKER_00:Um don't fucking play. Niggas gonna be on the section eight wait list like everybody else.
SPEAKER_03:Not section eight, nigga. Damn, at least. At least 10 years.
SPEAKER_00:Damn.
SPEAKER_03:Anywho, uh anybody anybody out there willing to play the long game.
SPEAKER_00:Anyways, like I was saying, what the hell was I saying? Oh, being misunderstood. Um I would often think in in whatever relationship, friendships, whatever, like oh, you just don't care. So if if we have a misunderstanding, Understanding, and now you're just distant and off and whatever. Like, okay, you you just really don't give a fuck. So I think it could be a misunderstanding where it could be the person that's trying to process.
SPEAKER_04:Shit, my silence is loud and goddamn clear. It's like a knife. Like it's like a knife. I'll do that in the middle of some shit. Even like work, whatever. It's like, what the fuck? I'm not, I'm done. Just don't talk to me. Like, stop. Like, well, no, I know. It's done. Like, I'm not doing this.
SPEAKER_00:Like, cut it off. Especially in the middle of argument. That's different. Yeah. I had a coworker that told me one time that people don't give silence the credit that it deserves.
SPEAKER_04:Oh man.
SPEAKER_00:Just remain silent.
SPEAKER_04:I can have a yeah, niggas not feel like they in the room.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I could do that.
SPEAKER_03:And it's not just silence, it's how you respond. Like sometimes you gotta understand not responding is the response.
SPEAKER_00:No, for real. Like that's hey man, just but you guys are both adding to my point. Because if I'm in a relationship with someone and you're just silent, and my assumption is that you just don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_03:That's your assumption. That's your assumption.
SPEAKER_00:That could be what you're you're saying. Like no, it's not.
SPEAKER_03:It could you ask me a question? Yeah. Are you venting? That's the thing. There's dynamics of this shit.
SPEAKER_00:It is. It's layers.
SPEAKER_03:If you're not asking me a question, if you're just venting and I'm silent, you're I'm not I'm letting you get shit off your chest. Like I'm not. No, but I mean you're because my in in my experience, a lot of times when a woman starts venting, she don't want you to fix shit. She just wants you to listen. That's true. Because when you as soon as you start giving her solutions, you ain't shit.
SPEAKER_00:Uh but we're talking about so many different okay. But so many different examples where the silence plays a different part. I don't know. That's what I think we're doing right now.
SPEAKER_04:Because at work, I remember some nigga told me some shit and I was like, you know what? You got it. And I was done. And then he started explaining, no, I didn't mean it like that. I'm like, no, don't trip. It's done. You got it. Like he understood what the fuck I meant.
SPEAKER_03:But I think that I do agree. It do it do depend on the situation. But I feel like you you kind of know a situation. Like it when a friendship then, like if McFly called me and he, all right, nigga, he vent. All right, I'm a little bit. I'm gonna every now and then I'm gonna say some shit so you know I'm still listening. Yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's crazy.
SPEAKER_02:I think one of the last conversations we had, it fucked me up because I was vetting about something, and like a couple hours later, you start talking, like, yeah, nigga, I'm going through that. I said, nigga, why don't you let me cop? But nigga, you needed to vent. I'm like, but nigga, you're going through something too. Like, it fucked with me. It wasn't about me, nigga. I was like, nigga, I gotta stop being so self-centering in these moments because I was like, damn, like I was. That's about you. Well, that's your moment. Yeah, yeah. I don't like to be like that though.
SPEAKER_00:I know. That's why I just pray about it. I mean, I I I say that funny, but everybody that knows me knows. Like, I I will I have to bring the situation that happened to you a couple weeks later. I done already prayed about it. I'm over it. And I'll be like, oh girl, can you believe what th happened a month ago? Like, I have to pray about it because I do feel like bothersome when I'm venting. Like, and then oh, on on the flip side, and I love my people, but I cannot stand when I get too overwhelmed by a lot of people venting. And I feel like I have like a natural demeanor where I'm welcoming to that, where like there are people in my life that come to me, but then some days I'm just like, I'm on overload, I don't need your motherfucking problems, I don't want to hear it. It's a lot.
SPEAKER_03:D. Yeah, I was gonna say that exact words. There's a do not know.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, I'm I'm on I am off the clock. Always on DD, but it's just like certain people in your life, you know. I even have well, yeah, it'd be a lot.
SPEAKER_03:Like so my sister, my baby sister, she always on DD too. And so we got a group chat, and every time she texts, I'd be like, Oh, happy, happy you're alive. Because you can't call her because she ain't gonna answer. She's like, I will I saw you call, but I was asleep. She'll like you'll call her and she'll text you like four hours later. Like, oh, I just no, I just make sure you're alive, nigga.
SPEAKER_00:The best trick with DD is that when people call you, 90% of the time they follow up with a text message because they know they can't get through. And 99% of that time, that text message satisfies what they called you for. So now I get to see that the missed call and the text message an hour later, and I'm going to only have to respond to the text message. Screen cool.
SPEAKER_02:Adaptation of McFly is the people that know the way to get through to me on Do Not Disturb is they call multiple times so it gets through, and it's like, there's only a couple people that are willing to do that. So I'm like, oh, this must this must be Maurice.
SPEAKER_00:I should have said something. You can't even call multiple times.
SPEAKER_03:Well that's well, that's well, that that's that's that's the thing with Apple. Like, if you have like favorites, your favorites can call twice. My favorites can get through.
SPEAKER_00:No, my favorites can just get through.
SPEAKER_03:So the same thing. Like when my phone, it's only well my at the gym, when my phone's done gym, the only person that can call me is my wife. Because that means something's happening with my child. That's no one else can call me. I'll see you shit when I leave. Uh, and when I'm on do not disturb, if you on my favorites list, you can call me. Other than that, nah. Send a text, nigga.
SPEAKER_00:But it's like people still.
SPEAKER_03:Well, they try. My well, my phone draw anyway. So it don't matter. Nobody bother me.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, I could start out on a conversation with somebody just like, oh, I ain't talked to a dude in a long time. And then it'd be like, why the fuck did I call you? For real. Like, I'd be like, damn.
SPEAKER_03:But I do think going back, I do think that like some I I I feel as when people start to vent, it's it's a it's also a way of working out their problems. Because sometimes you have to say the shit out loud to hear yourself. Because sometimes you start venting and you say and you say something outside, you're like, wait, no, I fucked up. Once you hear yourself say, fuck. Because I've done that a lot of times. Fuck, I fucked up.
SPEAKER_02:People don't talk to these dudes. No, I mean I do all the time. All the time.
SPEAKER_00:All the time.
SPEAKER_02:Answer questions.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_02:Try to explain something to myself that I already know. I'm like, why am I explaining myself?
SPEAKER_00:Are we saying funny shit? I was talking to myself last night.
SPEAKER_03:I was talking to myself last night. My wife, my wife came and said, Are you talking to your brother? I said, No.
SPEAKER_00:I talked to myself all the time.
SPEAKER_03:Who's talking to me? I was like, why the fuck do I keep playing this goddamn game? This is some bullshit. And she was like, Oh, you talking? No, I'm just talking to myself.
SPEAKER_00:And I have like a very just pissed off. Never really sound psycho, but I have like really specific lanes. Like there's time where it's like prayer slash talking to I'm talking to God, I'm talking to myself, and then it's just literally just talking to myself. And it's just like it's different little avenues for it. And so I think it's very therapeutic. And I think that all of you should talk to yourselves. I'm looking straight at y'all.
SPEAKER_04:Not everyone. Some of y'all don't need to talk to yourselves.
SPEAKER_00:They're gonna be making a crazier dumb shit, huh? Some of y'all niggas need to just validating stupid shit.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You're right about that.
SPEAKER_04:Who needs the internet? I never thought about that, but that is just fair. Like, you right. I should do that. Like, nope, no, you shouldn't. That's the realest algorithm they got. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You said who needs the internet, nigga. I came across this video today and it I said I'm doing this shit from now on. He said he don't take his his devices away. He just go into the Wi-Fi saying and blacklist their devices so they can. I say I said, This is this is some mental trauma. I said, I'm doing this shit from now on. Because you know, I have an app on my phone. I can I can cut her shit off from here. Like, I'm doing that shit today. Damn, money myself is working. I don't know what it is. My mine works fine.
SPEAKER_02:Did you pay the bill? No. No, I'm talking about that's what I would ask. Did you pay the bill?
SPEAKER_00:No, for real.
SPEAKER_02:It'll come back when it comes back. Oh man. I guess I'll answer. Um I feel like silence is definitely um misunderstanding tick for me when I see it, because I'm like, damn. My brain comes up with a lot of shit. That's why I when you were saying uh talking to yourself, sometimes for me it's a horrible idea to just talk to myself. It's a horrible idea to talk to myself. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna come up with like five different conclusions, and then I'm gonna have a uh backdrop and research for each one, and then I'm gonna talk to you. It's like, nigga, it was about this. Oh, so nothing to do with me. Okay. All right, so uh good thing I didn't go off the rails. So I I noticed time and just paying attention to the situation works for me. It's like, yeah, just let me just hey, you good? Oh, it was that? Okay, so nothing to do with me. Copy, copy, okay.
SPEAKER_03:You remind me of uh fucking um the whole situation we have with Hunter. And that nigga, that nigga, that nigga, that nigga said, uh, well, you just stopped calling and you wouldn't talk to me. I said, nigga, I was sick. He said, damn, you was sick. Yeah, I was like, I'm over here fucking fighting for my life. You think I fucking got you?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And that's uh Hunter. Shout out to Hunter. That nigga's still crazy. He cooled. I when I say shout out to I mean that. Like, uh you you good people, just work on yourself.
SPEAKER_03:That nigga had me in tears. I'm like, nigga, that don't make no sense.
SPEAKER_02:Have you ever realized that later that you were the one who misunderstood someone else and what changed your perspective?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I think like he was just saying, you get in your head, you start assuming shit.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And then and then once you get to have have the actual, the factual of what the fuck was going on, you're like, damn, I had I was in left field and them niggas was in right.
SPEAKER_00:So I hate when I misunderstand some shit and I realize it after, and I didn't get to have the response I would have had if I fucking understood it.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, so you just want the smoke. She said I would I didn't apply the right level of smoke.
SPEAKER_00:I didn't get the I didn't I didn't understand that that's what they were saying, and now I understand that that's what they were saying, and I would have said this. Yeah, I hate that. That pisses me off.
SPEAKER_03:So she mad she missed the smoke.
SPEAKER_00:No, that's not the point. The point is we could have come to a better um understanding. That's not the what's not the point.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:We could have come to a better understanding if I had understood what you were saying, and I would have responded in a different way, because you know, then we ended up going down a rabbit hole of some bullshit. So it's like I'll be like, dang, I didn't understand that correctly. Cause I'll replace some shit in my head. I hate that. That's one of the things that I hate. I really will say that like passionately. I don't because especially like if you're dealing with like text messages or whatever, and then you go back and you'd be like, fuck, that's not, I didn't read it that way the first time.
SPEAKER_03:And that's what that's why I always I am adequate as a serious conversation, should not happen via text message because you can't get the context, you can't get the tone. Because I might say some shit playing playfully or in a regular tone, and they read that shit as aggressive. No way, that's not what I meant at all. I get it. I understand people don't some people don't like talking they rather text, but you cannot get the full concept or context around the conversation. You won't have the full concept, especially when it's well, if it's a little simple shit, yeah. Unless it's smoke.
SPEAKER_04:Oh yeah, you can get smoke through the text message.
SPEAKER_00:But even like, not even like full, like it where it's appropriate for texting, but it still was just like, dang, I could have let my point get across. I don't know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I'm not gonna text no fucking paragraph. I can I can I don't like to tell you that much.
SPEAKER_04:No, no, my thumb's getting authority.
SPEAKER_00:I'd rather you want to know what I learned about paragraphs with men, it's another thing that I learned from my punctuation and shit. No, I don't send no nigga no paragraph at all because y'all are not gonna read it. All that they do, it's like how they said, like it'll be like, I can't believe you cheated on me, and you had the nerve to take that girl to Taco Bell and you cheated after all these years, and the nigga will respond, like, I didn't take her to Taco Bell.
SPEAKER_03:Don't call me cheat.
SPEAKER_00:I did not take that girl to Taco Bell. Like, okay, sir, what about the other seven lines in the mess in the text message?
SPEAKER_04:Well, they you was right. Yeah. Well, you was right.
SPEAKER_00:That's the way that they but I don't, or there's either that or men will be like in my past, and men will just be like, I'm not reading all that. And so like now I'm just very short and sweet. Like, if I feel like I'm trying to get something across, it's like this line and then maybe this line. Cause they don't read it.
SPEAKER_03:I'll I'll look, I'll I'll read it when I have time. Yeah. Like if I ain't got shit to do. Sometimes I'd be like, hey, sir, read this to me. Play this shit in my ear, sir.
SPEAKER_00:That'd be like the gut punch where you send a nigga a whole text, a whole paragraph, and he'd be like, I'm not reading.
SPEAKER_03:See, I'm a I'm I'm I'm petty as fuck. If if you if I'm in my petty mode, you see me the paragraph, I I reply with a I'll just thumb up the That's why I don't do it.
SPEAKER_00:I haven't done that in years, okay? No, that's yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Seeing as that I'm a lyricist, I'd have no problem penning. But the thing is for me, I don't like going back and forth, so I'd rather get it out one shot and then leave it at that.
SPEAKER_00:So you would send like a full?
SPEAKER_02:I send one full thing, but it's literally I do that and or I'll say it and I'll just send it, and I'm like, I'll I'll literally let it be known just for I'm not going back and forth. So what's it? Hey, look here, sucker. This is where I'm at. Leave it at that. I'm not about to go back and forth. Just what it is.
SPEAKER_00:Is this nigga just send me a diss track? Like, what the fuck? What's happening?
SPEAKER_02:But yeah, it's yeah, the the ring, this is how my brain works, though. Because I I have no problem writing. That's the that's the gist of it.
SPEAKER_00:But it's just I don't feel like that.
SPEAKER_03:But I also feel like in friendships, you start to learn your friends and how they communicate. And like I say all the time, I understand this nigga. I know where he comes from, I know what he means half the time. Like, and if I don't, I can ask him and he'll he'll clarify. But I understand how he communicates. So certain things that he does that may be tricking other people, I'll be like, oh no, that's just Andy me and Andy. Like, I don't, I don't, I don't take it past that. But some people are like, no, that that that's that shit's weird. No, nigga, it's weird to you because it's not your normal. Like, I don't, I'm not saying I and that's the thing. You don't have to agree with what someone does or the way they do something, but that don't mean the way they do it is wrong. It's it's what's comfortable for them. You do what's comfortable for you. So you can't, at the same time, I feel like I I don't I don't discount anybody from communicating in a way that's comfortable for them because I do feel like it is in in friendships and in relationships, you do have a right to be heard. You have a right to be understood. So you you you have to have the give people the grace to communicate in a ways that's comfortable for them, but you also have to um but then you should also then in return uh expect the same amount of grace. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:So relationships should be reciprocal.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but that's people getting into understanding that they're in relationships of value, whether they're friendships or relationships. I think that a lot of people do fake shit a lot. These are the people that find themselves.
SPEAKER_03:You mean like I said, they're gonna bring food and never show up with food.
SPEAKER_02:I was a real snake.
SPEAKER_01:There's a plate.
SPEAKER_02:I was waiting for a plate. Uh I walked up, there's no plate.
SPEAKER_00:No, there was no plate. Nah. My bad. Anyway, people be getting into fake situations with people and they don't really know the person, or they don't really, they're just not being authentic. Like, if you're not being authentic, like that's where all that stems from. Like, if you are in an authentic relationship with someone, then you know that person. You could give them grace because you understand them, they understand you, and that type of grace happens more organically than it would when you just going out and being friends with everybody, and now you don't really understand this person's communication style. And now you're you're misunderstanding something because you don't really know who that person is. And I think that at our age, that's like one of the biggest things. Like, I am so like I don't like to be judgy, but I'm judgy. Like when somebody just got a new friend after new friend after new friend after new friend, like, come on, like that's taxing in itself because you're having to learn these people.
SPEAKER_03:You're collecting friends with not even nowhere, it's crazy.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Friends, um and that's not I can't stand it, and that's not even to start on relationships, that's even crazier. Yeah, like got the same pair of hangs since you got 2020 friends, but then the same thing with relationships, you have to have that time of getting to know a person in a relationship.
SPEAKER_03:And I I personally feel like new friendships are exhausting.
SPEAKER_00:New relationships in general.
SPEAKER_03:Like, I understand like new people. If I'm if I run into somebody organically and we develop something and we have a like a friendship, that's cool. I'll try to I'll try to water and nurture that because it can't happen organically. I'm not forcing shit. Like I'm not like I'm I'm what I deem to be anti-social sociable. Like I'm sociable if you approach me, but I'm not gonna be the one that approached you. I know how to shoot the shit and have small talk in situations where I have to, but if I don't have to have small talk with you, I'm not gonna really say much unless I actually know you. Other than that, I'm like, cool. Like a lot of people, a lot of people I consider friends recently now. I've met through people who are my actual friends. Like my wife has met other wives, and now we hang out with couple friends and shit like that. But that's not like I'm I don't go to gymnastic practice and talk to other dads. I'm like, nigga, are you?
SPEAKER_02:Are you I've I've had the the the back and forth with other dads and it gets real awkward. And I was like, this is fucking weird. Like, and I was like, so it's like dads be forcing this shit together.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you were like, This is uh weird. I told one nigga nigga, we don't have to talk, bro.
SPEAKER_00:We can just watch our daughters, but some people just need that so bad in their life. I remember um a couple months ago, there was there's this new like wine bar by my house, and I went down there when they had a grand opening. And when I sat down, well, there was a girl sitting here, and then there was an empty seat at the bar. So I said, I thought she was with somebody and she wasn't. So her and I were both by ourselves, and we talked. She was like real cool. She was a black girl around my age. We talked, she had just gotten her braces off. So we we just had all these things that we talked about. And when I tell you how pleasant it was when it was just like, okay, girl, maybe I'll see you next time. And we fucking left. And some people are like, oh my god, I had the next time. What's your number? What's like I I was so happy.
SPEAKER_03:You know what you experienced? You know what you experience? You just experienced what every guy in the gym goes through. We have so many gym friends, I don't know that nigga's name. I I don't talk to him outside of here. But when I see him here, it's like, what's up, my nigga? And then when we leave, all right, I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah. That's it. I know you here. I don't know you nowhere else.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:In my neighborhood, there's more white people at that gym. So I hope they don't say what's up, my name. Oh, whoa.
unknown:Well.
SPEAKER_00:Then it'll stop.
SPEAKER_02:Shout out to Will, because we're the one the few blacks at that gym.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But yeah, that's that's what, like, that's the thing. I I do feel like sometimes I know this for like, because I've I deserve shit. I'll be like, when we go play, like the women gonna talk. They gonna talk. And a lot of times the dad just be Look at his phone, look at the kid, look at the phone, but the women. And they go, girl, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, why do y'all? I'll talk about why y'all gotta do that shit. Y'all you won't gotta say something because they're there. Like, we're just being friendly, no? Y'all bitches being nosy.
SPEAKER_00:They be fake and nosy, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Being nosy. Because I do something like nigga, you just lied to her for 20 minutes.
SPEAKER_04:Like, I'd be talking to people in the grocery store and shit. I don't care. I just like to do that. Well, you're a friendly nigga, though. I like talking to people. Some people I don't, but. It's the gap. Most people.
SPEAKER_03:I think this nigga with gaps is friendly.
SPEAKER_04:I don't believe that. I've seen some evil gap niggas.
SPEAKER_02:Did you say it's the gap?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:The gap makes them friendly.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Can you explain? It's a talking point. It's a conversation.
SPEAKER_04:Don't nobody ever be like, oh, look at your gap. I've never had that conversation in my life. Not in my life.
SPEAKER_00:It's an icebreaker. No, you see, you got a gap.
SPEAKER_03:So I see your teeth on vacation, huh?
SPEAKER_00:I wish a motherfucker would come up to me. You got a gap.
SPEAKER_02:So you're don't you're correlating it with open opportunities?
SPEAKER_00:Open space, open conversation. What's the next thing? Y'all got it fucked up.
SPEAKER_02:I just got to figure out exactly what he meant by open space, open conversation.
SPEAKER_00:What's wrong, Kevin?
SPEAKER_04:So there's no logic to it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what the open new idea to open idea.
SPEAKER_02:So why do people often get defensive instead of clarifying?
SPEAKER_00:Because people are dumb.
SPEAKER_03:Because I feel like people who get defensive are aren't they aren't mature enough to understand how to communicate.
SPEAKER_00:Period. People are dumb.
SPEAKER_03:It's a maturity level. It's a maturity thing.
SPEAKER_00:I agree. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And they have they probably have they have a history of poor poor communication.
SPEAKER_00:And bad relationships.
SPEAKER_04:Huh? I mean, everybody get defensive, though. What the fuck we talking about? We all get defensive. On certain shit. It's just whatever it is to them. It could be just tricky, but it just depends.
SPEAKER_02:Say what you gotta say. I get defensive on defense. Because when I said that young nigga was coming to the basket and I could block him. When I couldn't, everybody was like, it's all good, baby. I was like, no, fuck that. Next time, I it's me. But I did defensive on that. That's the yeah. My Hampson hates me.
SPEAKER_00:I get defensive when I'm misunderstood. Because I I can relate there. It just hurts my feelings. Why? But why? Why?
SPEAKER_04:Everybody gets this is like life. Like that shit's gonna never stop. That's probably gonna change.
SPEAKER_03:And so does it is this in all instances or only with certain people, people you care about?
SPEAKER_00:No, in a lot of situations.
SPEAKER_03:Even the ones that don't matter after the conversation is over?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, because I I care about how I show up in the world.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, there's situations that don't necessarily matter in the big scheme of things, but for my interaction with people, I care about like how I show up.
SPEAKER_01:I don't give a damn.
SPEAKER_00:Anywho, so um I do get I I don't want to call it, it it depends on what you call defensive. Like not maybe, not maybe like argumentative, but I get defensive in like I have my little tales that show that I'm defensive, whether it means that I now have retreated and I don't want to talk about it anymore, or I don't want to deal with you anymore, or I'm trying to overexplain, or whatever the case may be. Um, but I think because I have like a history of feeling misunderstood, and again, like I said earlier, it kind of comes back to like if I feel like I don't have the language for what I'm trying to say, and someone's just not understanding what I'm saying, that bothers me because it's just like you're not fucking getting it. You just don't get it.
SPEAKER_02:I often I can relate to that because I often feel that way is if I feel like I'm being purposely purposely misunderstood. Like the person is like, you can tell like the reaction, like they're trying to misunderstand. I go, Oh, you know what? Fuck that. Like, and they're like, Why are you getting so defensive? It's like, but I can tell you're trying not to understand me as opposed to trying to hear where I'm coming from.
SPEAKER_00:Like that that should Because people kind of get to that point, they go from misunderstanding into where they now they've made up in their own mind what they think it is, and now they're just full-fledged with it, and it's just like, hell no. Like now you weigh off, and like that just gets frustrating to me, I guess you could say. So that's why um where the defensiveness comes from. But it's just like I was gonna say something, but I forgot, but yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I I feel like a lot of misunderstandings come from expectations of how people think people should respond to what they say, and that's not fair to that person either. I like that. Because if you like have an expectation of what you expect to hear, and it don't come back how you want, then you're like, you're misunderstanding me.
SPEAKER_01:You're like, I like that.
SPEAKER_04:Well then how the fuck do you expect me? Like, why do you expect me to come a certain way when it's like you're not even giving me the chance? So it's like that. I don't know. It's I don't know. I just come at shit with like open arms to everything. So when I'm misunderstood, or if I misunderstand something, I'm kind of like okay with the whole situation because it's one of those where it's like if we could come to this understanding, then it's like cool, like at least we learned something. If we can't, then what the fuck? We don't need to have this. Like it doesn't have to happen.
SPEAKER_00:So that's a good point, though.
SPEAKER_04:I appreciate you saying that's a good way to weed shit out, too, where you're like, oh, okay, well, me and these motherfuckers ain't gonna never see eye to eye.
SPEAKER_00:So it's like what I was gonna say is I don't want people to place me in a box because of a misunderstanding. And that's where I think I really succeed. Like, I think that I mean, like we joked about earlier, like I'm I'm layered. Yeah, I'm a lot of different things at one time a lot of the times. And so when people misunderstand my being or whatever it is that I'm trying to explain, or whatever, or you know, a situation that happened, or my reason why for something, when they misunderstand that, a lot of times that like translates into them placing me in a box. And I'm not in that box.
SPEAKER_04:My question is, do those people fucking matter at that point?
SPEAKER_00:Well, you guys both keep saying that.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, at that point, if they're gonna put you in a box, that means they're not even gonna take the time to try to figure out more to you. Like, so it's like if somebody does that to me, I'm like, well, cool, fuck them. That means I don't have to like that, do much more work in this.
SPEAKER_03:I feel like you should only care about uh you should only care about the interactions and the relationships or situationships that you have watered. If you ain't watering it, it don't matter.
SPEAKER_00:Well, these are I'm talking about situations that I that are, I guess you could call watered, like family or yeah, it happens.
SPEAKER_04:But if they put you in a box, be like, if that's the box you're gonna put me in, that's the box you get.
SPEAKER_00:That's fair.
SPEAKER_04:He ain't gonna see me, probably.
SPEAKER_00:Why ain't you call? That has so many different layers to it.
SPEAKER_03:You don't have to call.
SPEAKER_02:That has so many different layers.
SPEAKER_00:It does.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I know what he's saying. He's there's I mean, there's different layers, not just well, I'm like, think about it. Like you you say that and then you think about like that's the box you get, but yeah, like I yeah. Shit. You go six feet deep in a box, like you think about her as a this is if this is where you we leave, this is how you're gonna view me when uh we're no longer present. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So I I appreciate what you said because you don't have to along the lines of well, you mention people, you want someone to understand something a certain way, or you want it to be received a certain way. But then when you're talking about yourself and your being, you also want to be received a certain way. So that makes a lot of sense. I appreciate that.
SPEAKER_02:So it's like dead in a situation. I like that.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, it makes it uh much easier. Like I like that. What'd you say?
SPEAKER_02:Oh thank you. You can tell? You got what you did.
SPEAKER_00:All of that was really thought provoking.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, all right, cool. So in closing, yeah. If you could say one thing to someone who misunderstood you, what would it be? Calmly, clearly, and honestly.
SPEAKER_04:Depends on who. Someone I love?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I love you. That's all I'm gonna tell you.
SPEAKER_00:I still love you.
SPEAKER_04:Now it's a nigga in the streets that I don't fuck with? Shut your pussy ass.
SPEAKER_00:Nigga kissed that shit. Go to the bank with it.
SPEAKER_04:Watch me on my way up, homie.
SPEAKER_03:If it's somebody that misunderstood me that I love, I'm I just I just hit him with hit up with the color purple until you do right by me. Oh shit. Everything you touch.
SPEAKER_00:What is wrong with them? Do you do right by me? Uh somebody that misunderstands me that I love.
SPEAKER_04:It's always love for me. It's like that's where it goes to.
SPEAKER_00:Let's talk about it again. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And that's love. She means that shit.
SPEAKER_00:I just want to beat a dead horse. Let's let's let's talk again.
SPEAKER_04:But that's where we'll revisit this in a couple days. Or the when cooler heads or any of that shit. But that's someone you love. It's somebody you don't give a fuck about.
SPEAKER_00:You like somebody I love. It's always it's always gonna be a room to come back to. Yeah, I think. Because I love it.
SPEAKER_03:If it's real love, it's it's always one of space. Yeah. Sometimes, like, yeah, sometimes it's space and time.
SPEAKER_04:Because it's like the shit you said about that with uh if you're meant if you're the one who's misunderstanding, it's like when you can come back and be like, hey, listen.
SPEAKER_03:I'm fucked up.
SPEAKER_00:That's what I said. Let's talk again.
SPEAKER_03:But it's always that awkward. How the fuck do I start this conversation?
SPEAKER_04:Hey, I go straight to the point. Hey, look, my bad, like, that was me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Remember that shit I said. Yeah, forget it, man. My bad. Wrong headspace.
SPEAKER_02:Uh to the people uh that matter, any misunderstanding understood. I understand that it was always with love. Yeah. And to everybody else, fuck them.
SPEAKER_03:That's what Brain said.
SPEAKER_04:What you thinking? You used to feel like it seemed like you she still made on the stuff.
SPEAKER_00:Y'all just keep saying fuck everybody. It's not everybody.
SPEAKER_02:It's not everybody.
SPEAKER_00:It's just no, fuck everybody that it's every that is that falls in that everybody.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah. Fuck them. Once you live by that, you understand how freeing life is.
SPEAKER_00:I know. I I mean I do.
SPEAKER_03:I don't think I'm understanding you properly right now.
SPEAKER_00:You're not.
SPEAKER_04:I let a lot of people live.
SPEAKER_03:Maybe we should revisit this in a couple days.
SPEAKER_04:And I leave it up to them to fuck it up.
SPEAKER_00:Keep that.
SPEAKER_04:I think that's that's the way I maneuver. Say it is like I let people in and I leave it up to them to like fuck it up. Yeah. Wait, hold on.
SPEAKER_03:What kind of what kind of like what kind of fuck them up? Like like like the dance? Fuck it up. I think Well, if they do that, we we chill.
SPEAKER_00:There's such a a small amount of people that I'm referring to when I actually care.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And I anybody else, they're not even really uh privy to an argument with me. Yeah, to be honest with you. Well, I'm saying the the I'm really talking about a people that I care about.
SPEAKER_03:The fuck all of them is the people that are the ones that are not.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but that's not who I'm referring to. Like I'm I'm referring to like the people that I care about. Like if we if there's a misunderstanding.
SPEAKER_03:But I'm gonna peg you back off what can I let you in, I care.
SPEAKER_00:Me too.
SPEAKER_03:But don't fuck it up. I will close the door.
SPEAKER_00:I don't even have there's no reason to argue with somebody that you don't care about.
SPEAKER_03:I will I will close the goddamn door. I don't even I don't argue with my mama. They gonna argue with you.
SPEAKER_02:So with that being said, I can say the same.
SPEAKER_00:Sorry, bro.
SPEAKER_02:To be underestimated, it's just an opportunity to prove them wrong. Um, this has been episode 230 of the Heavyweight Collective, formerly known as the Heavyweight Podcast.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like, subscribe, share, and comment.
SPEAKER_03:All that shit.
SPEAKER_02:Till next time. We love you. Peace. 230 if you won't do something dirty.
SPEAKER_04:That's right, yo. That's that's how she wrote. So make sure you click like, subscribe. Tune in, we're on Australia Platform. So until next time.
