Peace Needs Order Part 1

Most people think peace means avoiding conflict. In this episode of The Heavyweight Collective, the conversation challenges that idea and explores a harder truth: peace isn’t the absence of confrontation—it’s the presence of order.

What starts with everyday life updates quickly turns into a deeper discussion about the tension people carry in their relationships, finances, families, and personal lives. The crew breaks down the difference between genuine peace and simply staying quiet to avoid uncomfortable conversations.

The episode explores how conflict avoidance often disguises itself as patience, positivity, or maturity when it’s really fear, procrastination, or unresolved tension. From financial stress to relationship dynamics, the conversation highlights how small issues become major problems when they’re ignored for too long.

More importantly, this discussion examines the difference between correction and control. Sometimes the people who love you most are willing to make you uncomfortable because they care about your growth. This episode challenges listeners to stop confusing comfort with peace and start choosing honest repair over quiet resentment.

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Transcript

Is That Really Peace?

SPEAKER_02 0:00

We've been taught that peace is the absence of confrontation. No arguments, no disagreements, no tension. Everybody smiling and getting alone. But what if that's not peace at all? What if real peace is the presence of order? Order in your relationships, order in your home, order in your finances, order in your priorities, order in your emotions. Because when things are out of order, confrontation isn't the problem. Confrontation is often the solution. What's up, everybody? This is episode 245 of the heavyweight collective.

SPEAKER_04 0:41

You gotta finish with order in the court.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

We are the court today. I'm your host today, Sharron's proxy, Mo Sharon. And I'm here with these two guys in this lovely lady. Go ahead and state your name for the people out there.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

I'm Sharron, the real Sharon.

SPEAKER_04 0:59

Just Andy. Rich ass Andy.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Yeah, balling ass Andy.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Where am I balling?

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Spin ass shit. Spin ass shit. Spin ass shit. We should have played that for this nigga.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

Yup. Oh yeah, you had me nervous. I was scared with when he was doing that intro.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Right?

SPEAKER_03 1:21

Kevin, I'm gonna just be Kevin. I feel like I'm in the principal's office. How's your weeks?

SPEAKER_02 1:27

How's it been? How was your Juneteenth? All that. Y'all know I'm black every day.

SPEAKER_04 1:34

I'm gonna do something I've never done before. I'm gonna jump out first.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Okay, go ahead. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:39

My week was uh great. I want to let me let me start it. Uh I went on Facebook and said, oh shit, vacation starts now. Who got the hookup on Disneyland? And a coworker and friend of mine, uh, I would just say Favvy because I don't want her like because her hookup might get it.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

So you already gave me her numbers. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

Yeah, you think she's good.

SPEAKER_04 2:06

So she so she hit me up, and um I ended she ended up having a hookup, and we ended up going to Disneyland. And the day that I I chose, they said it closed early for a special event. I was like, oh, cool, whatever. We don't plan on being there the entire fucking Tupac came back, huh? So we did the day, hung out, Disneyland. It was actually quite good weather. Yeah, um, there wasn't long waits, and um around four o'clock, I started to notice people come that they were hopping on rides, and I'm like, that's a guy in a dress. Oh. And I'm like, that's cool. And then I will go somewhere else, and I'm like, oh, he hasn't a rainbow lanyard. That's cool.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

It was time for pride.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

So then I uh was it pride in the pride? And we we ended up finishing uh most of the ride, so we're walking out. As we're walking out, I'm seeing a wall of rainbow lanyards coming at me, and there's all shapes and sizes of people just coming at me. There's there's couples of all different nationalities, etc. And I'm like, oh shit, that's what the event was. It was a it was a pride, I was at Pride uh celebration at Disneyland, and I thought it was dope because you would see them just it's like a wall of people just coming into the park, and then I knew it was gonna be turned up because it was a gay couple when the dude was like, hired your kids, hired your wife. There that was all they about to turn up.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Uh time to go.

SPEAKER_04 3:44

Well, yeah, that's about to turn the fuck up. So but they got money, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:50

They closed the park down, they closed the whole park down for them.

SPEAKER_04 3:52

I said, That's what's up. So that that's how we started that uh my vacation.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Well, Disneyland ain't done. No, they did. I'm a liar. They did have something yesterday.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Fight this part, nigga. He better not be fucking with the mouse. I know. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. Well, did you get to the parking lot here? The pump the jam, pump it up. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 4:15

No, it was actually it was a very smooth. It was interesting to see the conservatives react to everything because I was like, why are they reacting? There's people, I would never do this again. I'm like, what the fuck are they talking about? You picked the day, and then I just thought it was dope

Peace Through Order

SPEAKER_04 4:30

to see the inclusion, and um, but it it was a nice day. And um, then we went to San Diego. That same day, no, two days later.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

We said drop in the bag, where on my skin ass big as ass.

SPEAKER_04 4:53

Tradition. So we did that and went to Hash Has to go go. Um, that's where I started. Did you get them chill killed? Yes, I think.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

Oh, they have those out there. Where's it at? Uh San Diego. I don't know. I'll be in San Diego and all because I'm getting them shit.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

Well, whereabouts San Diego's is like parts. Like PV. It's like a gas lamp. Yeah. Gas lamp okay.

SPEAKER_04 5:10

Yeah, you get off at a. It's not that far from gas land. Well, 6th Street when you're headed downtown.

SPEAKER_03 5:14

Oh, okay. Downtown Age.

SPEAKER_04 5:16

Um We went there, then we went to the beach, which was overcast, and so and no one could get into the water, but it was still a nice day.

SPEAKER_03 5:25

King's Tide?

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Was it King's Tide? Well, no, they had you know, they had the the two people got taken away with tide. So they said it was contaminated.

SPEAKER_04 5:34

Oh my god. Yeah. We was low.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_04 5:38

So we got to see um Navy SEALs getting prepared for training. That was tight, see? Then um we went to Old Town San Diego and just walked around. But it was nice just to see the kids uh happy and they weren't expecting design. That was a surprise.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

That's really you know what I did notice about the picture? I said, why the hell is a lark at Andreas's shoulder? I said, God damn that boy tall.

SPEAKER_04 6:10

Can you believe that we oh we sold him for two? They believe that shit?

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

We kept him in the stroller.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Oh, that's the only way you're gonna do it. That's how we're gonna do it. 100%. I said, that boy tall.

unknown 6:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:23

Um but yeah, then I got a uh text message from Maurice. Yeah, I said, nigga, but me. I said, this nigga talked to me about oh man, you got money. I said, and they start proceeding to lay out how much things cost. I said, nigga, I know we're talking to me, I know.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

I said, nigga, adopt me, you got it.

SPEAKER_04 6:42

So the only way that happened was from the hookup because I couldn't have done it any other way. So shout out to her.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

We have another nigga that's rich. Sharon. Just tell tell us about your rich ass week catching flights and shit.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

I cannot. Um I went to North Carolina this week. Oh it was really, really, really.

SPEAKER_04 7:03

I said, ooh, niggas better watch be careful. At any point, did you spin it around your head like a hell of something?

SPEAKER_02 7:10

I was like, what did you raise up?

SPEAKER_00 7:13

No. Um, but it was cool. You know what? I I enjoyed my trip. It was we started in Charlotte, where my cousin and his wife, um, and then we drove out to our station. The orientation was dope. They did like a whole my daughter stayed in the dorm. Um, and then I stayed in a whole my cousin and I stayed in a hotel not far away, but it was really cool how they set up the orientation. They had little sessions for the parents. It was just really, really nice.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Well, they need your money, so they're gonna make it nice.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

You know that. Um we had to pay for that. Um yeah, my daughter's gonna be uh North Carolina. Well, I'm not gonna say where she's going. My daughter's going to school in North Carolina. Um, and it's an so it was really an interesting. I well, I mean, I'll just start with I didn't I didn't go to college. So just the atmosphere in general, like I really couldn't tell. Anyway, well, right out of high school. You could have let that lie. Uh, right out of high school, that wasn't something that I was really like, I didn't want to go and whatever. But the fact that she wants to go, she wants to go out of state, she wants to go to HBCU, and then like kind of seeing that all kind of come together at us being dope. And it was cool being in the environment of an HBCU. Like that was so I'm excited for what's to come with that in August. We go back in August, so I can drop her off for the fall.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

You sound sad and like you want to enroll at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

No, it's looked at a few houses out there. No, I it's like it's not that I'm sad. I'm like um full of emotion with it happening because obviously the transition, I truly feel like I'm in a state of like nesting right now. Like, because I know that my my everyday life is going to be different. Your baby's not gonna be there. My baby's not gonna be there. And so, and you know, her sisters are gonna feel it. I'm gonna feel it. And so she's gonna feel it. And so I feel like I'm in a state of preparation for that right now, but sadness isn't an emotion that I feel right now. It's more of like a, you know, I'm joyful for what's happening. I'm preparing myself for you know what's to come. Um,

Silence vs Resolution

SPEAKER_00 9:20

but yeah, definitely because she's gonna be not here. And and the dynamic of my house is gonna change so drastic. We're really tight in there. So for her, you all even want niggas use the bathroom. A piece of that to be gone, it's gonna feel different. So that's all you can let the rabbit move in.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

But yeah, he ain't leaving.

SPEAKER_00 9:43

But yeah, week was good though.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

Another nigga was dropping money too. Kevin, tell us about your week. What was it? Yeah, nigga, I seen you and your wife.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

Y'all was in La Jolla. Yeah, I saw y'all. Yeah, that shit was cheap as fuck. You got appetizers, no, for real.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

I feel you.

SPEAKER_03 10:00

I was like, what y'all got? Oh, it's $20. Cool. Yeah, we're gonna get some wings. Jackass. Splitting apps. That was it was that was cool though. It was nice. The water was 70 degrees. You went in there, she went there. I I had my shoes on. I was I was a nigga that day.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

I was about to say, I was literally going to say that.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

I was like, I ain't taking.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:23

That was because I went to school and left early. I was like, man, she went with me, so I'll leave early. Uh, getting Val ready for school. I was happy for that. She just decided to do it. She kind of looked, that's cool. So uh, yeah, well now I gotta deal with the VA and shit. So but the joys is she's gonna learn still have that what do you call it, safety blanket. Ease her into that shit. Rip that motherfucking band-aid off. It's life, nigga.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

What about you, Mo?

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Were you balling this weekend?

SPEAKER_02 10:55

No, I'm opposite. I was trying to get adopted. I said, it's Ron and she in North Carolina, she could have taken me. Andy fucking had Disneyland and Hash House and Coronado, and he could have at least offered me a ride. Shit. Kevin balling on the beach. I said, everybody's somewhere but me. I like this. Here I am looking at these same four fucking gray walls my wife done picked out. I'm sorry, gray blue, whatever the fuck that color is.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

You can say that everybody's somewhere but me.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

I'm gonna call you next time, but you're gonna be like, nigga, they ain't gonna be. I would uh uh get up, go to the gym, shower, go to therapy, come back, and then them niggas like they just got out of bed. I said, You must be nice, nigga. I mean, she did make me dinner all week, so I guess I can't complain too much. So yeah, summer is summer is and then we got a house guest, so you know, or her nephew staying with us. You know, he he go to uh you know he go to Cal State Irvine or whatever, but or UC Irvine. So you know, he needs somewhere to stay in the summer. So I said, nigga, at least you trying to better yourself so you can sleep on my couch for a couple months, I guess. Yeah, you know, don't bring no woman over here. I did try LH Fitness. You tried it? No, I would recommend it. That's just expensive. I like it. That shit expensive expensive. That's expensive.

SPEAKER_04 12:24

I didn't like it. Metroflex looks dope. It's a lifter's gym, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

Yeah. Um I will I I did take my daughter to Arcade Masters in in in uh Marietta. That shit was dope.

SPEAKER_04 12:36

Uh it was uh Did you sure you didn't want to run into um Who was there?

SPEAKER_02 12:42

Who was there?

SPEAKER_04 12:43

Diesel.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

He was uh no, I didn't run into him.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

I was I was in um that was that was dope.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

She she she she uh she enjoyed herself. Uh she did her the I was she she was a little uh nervous with the skating. I was like, we we went skating with you know with the one with the Ellis's before. She was I was like about to I got on the floor. I said, Oh no, this floor is a lot more slippery. Oh skater ring. Yeah, I said that ring was a that shit was one wrong slip, nigga. You was gone. You was sliding, but it was cool. Um she played uh fix it feet uh a Felix for a while. She was like, Dad, this is like this is like the movie. I said, Yeah, baby, it's a real game. I said, so it was dope.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Yeah, it was dope.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

I thought it was really worth it. And then I took her to Cheesecake Factory and uh she spent all my money there. And I ain't gonna tell you how much I paid there. And then uh then I let her than a hundred. Yes. Uh then I let her um then I let her get two things off the mall, and she boy, you couldn't tell her nothing. She had her bags.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

I love that for her.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

You know, it was good, man. I'm happy, you know, she uh she did good this year. And uh oh and we had her banquet, her her gymnastics banquet since last time. So yeah, we I've been busy, but you know, I ain't been not like that.

SPEAKER_04 13:47

Y'all, you know, you know you spent more at cheesecake than I did at our shelf.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

Well, I paid for it. Oh, damn it. I got you have more people too. Well, cheesecake factory is expensive, nigga. And he the fuck that thing is I got the appetizer. I got the avocado egg rolls. I got the avocado egg rolls, nigga. I got that with the meal.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

What do you say? With the meal. I got that with the okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

That's expensive, nigga. That's just expensive. I spent $140 for three people. That's for three people. I'm not the one that's eight. I got nothing to say, brother. You I got a goddamn smash burger. You right? Hey, you're right. And I ate a lettuce wrap smash burger. And I spent $130. Now, I mean, the piece of cheesecake by itself is probably like $13. But I didn't eat none of that shit.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

They

Why People Avoid Conflict

SPEAKER_00 14:40

ate that. Everything else I look good. You got dessert?

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Yeah, nigga.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Come on, man. And them niggas order drinks. I think I only have water. You did good. That's a good price. Don't, don't mislead. Don't don't don't walk a gas dela.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Many people mistake silence for peace. Nobody is arguing, nobody's raising their voice, nobody's making waves, but under the surface, resentment is growing. And the problems are motherfucking multiplying. So I'm gonna start this off by asking this first question to Sharon since she always got some shit to say. Ain't gonna be much peace in this episode, even though we're talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Let's let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Sharon, have you ever stayed silent to avoid an argument only to have the issue get worse later? Are you gonna tell us some details or you're gonna just say yes?

SPEAKER_00 15:34

No, um, yeah, that that's been an often occurring, a different time in my life, to be honest. Um but I think the main what happens when you do that, or when I've done that, I'm talking about myself, what happens when I've done that is that I'm staying silent to avoid the confrontation that could happen.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

But the issue so with the silence serving you?

SPEAKER_00 15:57

The silence is not serving me, and more importantly, the silence is not serving the other person. Um opportunity, know what the issue is, then the issue's gonna continue. So that's why um it didn't serve in a good way.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

Like five, what what conversations do people mostly avoid to keep the peace?

SPEAKER_04 16:16

Uh I've normally seen as usually financial. Um if there's like a difference of opinion in finances and how they're being spent. I notice that one tends to be uh where they try to avoid it, so they try to sweep it under rug, or they start kind of keeping notes like I know you spent this much, but they keep letting it pile up until it hits a point.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

So isn't it weird that most relationships you got one nigga's like spend that shit? Yeah, spend and the other's like no.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

You gotta have that balance.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

Let's keep that here. Uh Mr. Wendell, what uh how do you know the difference between a peaceful relationship and a quiet one?

SPEAKER_03 16:55

And a quiet one?

SPEAKER_02 16:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

How do you notice the difference? Yeah. From like the outside? Yeah. Or inside. I don't know. I was like, uh, you know? I feel like yeah, I feel like ask the wrong nigga. Like them niggas ain't happy. Look like an argument just happened.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Yeah. I think it speaks to certain people.

SPEAKER_03 17:18

Um detail.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

If you're like,

Money Creates Tension

SPEAKER_00 17:20

I'm annoyingly observant. Like, to be honest with you. Um I think that silence kind of speaks really loud sometimes for for a person that is really observant. Like I can see through the silence or even like that, um, what is it? What's it called? Um, like that toxic positivity. When somebody's like, no, I just I'm not gonna get involved because you know, I'm gonna keep my peace. I like that. Um because I'm gonna because I'm peaceful and you know, I don't deal with I don't deal with negativity. I'm just all about positivity, but at the same time, you you got a lot of negativity to you. You're just you're just presenting yourself that way. Um and basically not trying to address what the issue is. So that silence isn't really peace. It's a person that you know, it could be the toxic positive positivity, or it could be somebody that is like abused, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, that you'll see that where it's a couple and the life shows up and she's just mild mannered, but she just got her ass whooped.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

Or to answer your question. I guess when you look at a quiet relationship, it's uh it's a lot of that avoidance, the the not talking. So there's not the peace, you know always.

SPEAKER_04 18:42

I'm telling you, that's what happens when they don't know it's coming.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

Right. Well, I don't know, you can see like peaceful, like you can see people like just enjoying one another as opposed to like being with one another. Because like that's a quiet relationship where you're just looking, you're like, look at them niggas.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

I mean, to that point, I do feel I do feel like sometimes silence is just fear in disguise, right? And then not necessarily like they're scared of the person. I mean, it could be that situation, like Sharon was saying, they could be scared of saying something because of how that person's gonna react. They could be scared of the impending argument. They could, you know, it you know, it it does vary from situation to situation, relationship to relationship, because if you have one person that don't feel hurt, or one person that you feel like my words are already being always being misinterpreted, or you you just refuse to see things from my angle because you can't, you know, remove yourself from your shoes. So I feel like that sometimes, you know what is like I know I do it myself. I said it ain't worth the headache. Like I'm just gonna move, keep it moving. I don't know if anybody else feels that way, but it's like sometimes, you know, like I'm not finna start some shit that ain't gonna be resolved because I know she sees it this way and I see it this way, and we're gonna be right back at point A by the time we get done cussing each other out. You know, so it's like what's what's the point of continuing uh um this conversation when I don't feel like you know we're you know nothing really gonna be resolved because we're gonna we're so steadfast in our belief on the situation.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

You think people could be fearful of like the result or the answer? That's true.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

That's too. I like that category. Very much so. I know I've been like that. Like you you know that addressing this is going to probably lead to this. So I might not address it yet.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

Yeah, because sometimes addressing one thing opens up the can of worms. Now we gotta go down. Now she's since we here, we got to go down the list.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

Well, sometimes you know you find out at the end of that, you're like, damn, that's that was me, huh? I've been fucking up. My bad.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

Yeah, I mean, you're right, because it's been situations we where I've started some shit and then she she got her shit off and I listened to it. I was like, God damn, it was me the whole fucking time.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

I'm good though.

SPEAKER_02 20:49

I thought this shit was this, but it was really that. God damn. And then I my whole premise was that it think it was this when it was really that. And now I'm fucking, god damn, now I gotta apologize. My bad.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

It was me.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

God damn, I guess I should do that. That's a good thing. My bad apology, because some niggas like that, bitch. You ain't never gonna know.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Yeah, they do.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

Um, the people who truly love, uh, I'm sorry, the people you truly love are often willing to make you uncomfortable. They care more about your growth than your feelings. So, McFly, who in your life has loved you enough to tell you something you didn't want to hear?

SPEAKER_04 21:23

Uh probably you. Anybody else? No.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Damn.

SPEAKER_04 21:35

My dad, before he passed, he would tell me like it is, regardless of how I felt. Speaking of which, uh this is probably gonna come out right after Father's the happy Father. Yeah, happy father.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Yeah, I was waiting for y'all to get here. Happy Father.

SPEAKER_04 21:48

I would say some of the air. Yeah, but I'm just yeah, they just but yeah, my dad or you.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 21:54

Um my sister on on occasion.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

I feel like your sister can be but really honest.

SPEAKER_04 21:59

She can.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Uh she's very she can be brutally honest, but she can also just avoid a whole situation altogether if she I've I've noticed, and there's sometimes I've I've seen your sister say stuff by her by her facial reaction. And I'll be like, I like her. Because I get it. I know exactly what you're saying without saying.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:17

I'm not gonna ruffle no feathers, but my my expression say everything. Sharon, same question.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Uh do I have do I have people in my life that are who in your life has told you something that you need to hear that you didn't want to hear?

SPEAKER_02 22:30

That's I'll start today.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

Shut up. No, um I'm my silence is kind of picking people up. Not looking for somebody. It's all it's almost everybody that's close to me. Um, my best friend, my cousins that I'm really, really close to.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

So they

Fear of the Outcome

SPEAKER_02 22:50

they they've told you things that you don't want to hear.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Yeah, for sure, for sure. I think that um the relationships that I value the most um I've had and I've had for so long, that's part of why I value them. Because we have that, you know, between us. It's funny, my best friend and I, we were having this we're not having this, but kind of talking about something similar yesterday, about how um people enable so often without even understanding, you know what I mean? It's like when you hear that person trifling and shit, treat everybody horrible, and they like everybody know who I am. I'm I'm me. I've always been me. And then you see the people around that person, it's like they always been like that. Okay, well, why has nobody told them that they're trash? You know, so they ain't ran to me yet. Um, so that's a thing that I kind of I'm grateful for. Like I I've said many times to you guys before, I'm rich people I have in my life, and that's that's a thing that is there. Like I'm told what I need to stop doing many a times.

SPEAKER_03 23:51

Mr. Wendell. No, I ain't so on the planet, nigga. I'm perfect.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

I I I now I know your wife told you something about that goddamn chip you ate.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

As she should have.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

Well, she told me before. Before. She's one of them for sure. Tammy. Tammy is his mother, people.

SPEAKER_04 24:17

Yeah, your mama's supposed to you gotta put that shit on her shirt. Oh, that's quick.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

That was my favorite part, like for sure. Because that was the most genuine reaction.

SPEAKER_03 24:33

I got some, yeah, lifelong buddies. Oh shit. Okay. One of my homies in uh Arizona, she always, yeah, she don't fucking play. And she's brutal with it. What the fuck you doing? Like, hey, well, my bad, you right. Is it what I think it is? Probably.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

So is it is it easier to confront people you love or people you don't care about? For sure.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 24:57

Because if I'm gonna give a fuck, I don't care how you perceive this shit.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

I'm gonna let you know.

SPEAKER_03 25:01

Yeah, I think people are love because people don't give a fuck. They're not gonna say shit. I'm not even gonna engage you. I'm bringing, I'm I'm matching the energy.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

No, but if you if you think about, I mean, we all adults, if you think about work environments and stuff like that, you are gonna say something.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

I'm matching the energy.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

No, I'm saying like I'm gonna look him in the face. If somebody does something and you need to address it.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

What is there I need to address though? Like, what what is gonna come up that's gonna make me have to go? You know what? I need to go talk to this motherfucker instead of being like, this nigga don't exist, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:38

No, I'm gonna address it. But I feel like that question can go outside of like just people you know in perfect strangers. That say something, that's say somebody being rude to your lady in public. Because it like depends on what you're gonna say something to it.

SPEAKER_03 25:49

Well now this is going into a very nuanced thing because now it depends on what the fuck everything is nuanced.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

Everything is, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

Yeah, it's then I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Nigga the only absolute in life doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_03 26:01

Because I just feel like I just feel well, it's like my still says, I don't know why.

SPEAKER_04 26:06

Damn, I just like for you, Kevin, for me, because I've had that situation happen, and I almost left the nigga in San Diego over that situation, but I didn't recognize myself because it was a situation I was kind of prompted to be in where I was like minding my business, and I was now I'm in a situation where like this nigga that came with us in the car did something, and I'm like, nigga, I'm about to I cussed him the fuck out, and I was about I'm about to leave this nigga in San Diego. Like and but it I didn't recognize myself when I was doing it.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

I probably I'm too nice though. I probably would have here's an Uber nigga like nigga, leave you where you are. You ain't right.

SPEAKER_04 26:47

I I don't know the scenario, so it might have been what it was like you you cross somebody I care about and you think it's just going like, but yeah, I have to be put in that position.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

It's circumstantial, yeah, very much so for me. I gotta be, yeah, it's gotta be a push push.

SPEAKER_04 27:02

Because yeah, usually with strangers, I don't even give Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

Well, now that you said that, what's the difference between confronting someone because you love them and criticizing

Correction vs Control

SPEAKER_02 27:10

someone because you want control?

SPEAKER_04 27:11

I usually I usually for me it's I'm usually doing it because I love somebody. It's not I don't I don't give a fuck about control. It's not my thing to control. If that's your life and that's how you live.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

This question really was for Sharon, because we're about to control shit.

SPEAKER_04 27:28

Because if I'm doing a thing, it's out of care. It's not out of uh saying something to have controls for.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:35

What? What did you do? Did you just did she just meow? No, I said nothing. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 27:43

I said yeah. I could not. Anywho. What's up? Nothing. What's your what's your what's your response, Shore?

SPEAKER_02 27:52

Um the difference between controlling someone because I'm sorry, confronting someone because you love them or cre and criticizing someone because you want control.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

Well, I feel like you gave the difference in in the the second part.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

The control part?

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Yeah, because it's like when you confront someone, it's because you're trying to solve a pro someone that you care about, it's because you're trying to solve the issue. You're not trying to fix the person or you know what I'm saying? You're not, it doesn't have to do with you or them, it has to do with the issue.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

Right, because I'm not building nigga.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Right. And so that's what that type of confrontation looks like when it comes to somebody that you care about, because obviously the issue, and then obviously your relationship is the core of what you care about. Um, when you're criticizing someone, I don't necessarily know if it's for control. I think that when people criticize people, more so like projection, that has to do with you.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

I think criticize it depends on what type of criticism. Because if I say, hey, it might be better if you do it this way. I'm criticizing what you're doing, but I'm giving you construction because I'm telling you a better way to do something or what I perceive to be a better way to do something. Because of you, right? If I just say, man, that's that's a fucked up situation or that's a fucked up thing to do, but I'm not giving you any solutions. That's that that's me just saying that's just me double down on whatever you're feeling. Like that's that's me trying to put you down for what you did.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

Yeah, but criticism both stem from you projecting, like that's what that person is doing, that's not what you're doing. So criticism is always coming from a standpoint of your perspective, and like really just I would have done it different. You know what I'm saying? So that's why it's like regardless of what if it's a situation where I know a better way of doing it. Um you know a better way of doing it for you.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

Some things are just facts.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

No, I think not in that I mean, yes, you're right, but not in that instance. I feel like if I see you doing something one way, right? Um now I guess you can I'll I'll play into your idea of facts in terms of like having a job, right? Okay, I see you don't have a job, you should have a job. But the a fact of things is that you should have a job. Okay, and let me finish my example because that's what I'm saying. If if that was because my life path, I had to have a job, I'm still projecting onto you what I feel like you need to do based on what I had to do. But you may not have a job, but you got a a husband or a uh wife or whatever, either or that tells you you don't have to have a job. So I'm still projecting.

SPEAKER_02 30:24

Can I can I can I uh rebuttal?

SPEAKER_00 30:27

Of course.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

So my rebuttal would be I'm not saying I'm I'm I'm not saying I'm not giving the gravity of the situation, right? But here's the this I mean something like this. Let's say, you know, God forbid, I see you changing a tire.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

Okay, right?

SPEAKER_02 30:39

You got a flat tire and you gotta change it. And I see your ass about to lift your car before you loosen them lug lug nuts. And I say, hey, you might want to lose some luggage. That's a good example before you get that goddamn tire off the ground. That's me knowing for a fact that you're gonna have an easier time getting that tire off if you lose some luggage before you raise that car. I think that's what I mean by that. Yeah, I'm not saying like some less advice. That's advice.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

But I'm critiquing what they're doing at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

You're giving them advice, you're giving them factual advice. And it's still but at the same time, what I want to say one last thing. One last thing. It's still coming from your experience. It is because you know, but so that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

But no big um my experience was saying, nigga, culture boy.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

I'll give you no, you tried, you're trying to play me right now. Because the big umbrella of things is that criticism comes from your experience.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

True. And some yeah, that's all I should.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

So what I'm saying is criticism can get muddy because you're really projecting onto that person what you think they should be doing based on what you did. Okay. Now, the flat tire example is perfect because you're right. But like Kevin said, that's more of like it's factual advice. You're not criticizing saying, hey, I did it this way, you probably should too,

The People Who Challenge You

SPEAKER_00 31:50

just based on. Well, have you ever realized there have you had something to say? I'm sorry. Go ahead, Andy.

SPEAKER_04 31:55

Go ahead. I was just gonna say it still all derives from uh the place of which you're doing it for them. Like if you're doing it as a place of care because you want to, you know, see someone better themselves or better situation as opposed to knock them down with the attack. Because you could also, in that advice situation, know that you don't care for them, see them doing it and say, hey, I'm gonna just let you go ahead and feel that shit.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

You said you said that that reminds me of the uh of the the asshole at work. He asked me, he said, Man, the light plug is not working. I said, Maybe you should spit on it.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

I don't know what damn well that why would you do that?

SPEAKER_02 32:30

Because I didn't like the motherfucker. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 32:32

Like you could literally just offer from a place of I want to see you fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

But people that was before I was I started therapy and was healed. I wouldn't do that now.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

I would disclaimer.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

I would just look at them and keep walking. Um have you ever realized later that someone was right after you got defensive in the moment? For sure, all the time. And you have yet to apologize to me, can that was good.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 32:56

He set you up like what fucked in. You wanna give an example or you just gonna just say good. What's that?

SPEAKER_04 33:05

Uh shit, I'm right.

SPEAKER_03 33:07

Now I got an idea for the thumbnail. Anyway. Huh? The same question there. Yeah. Been wrong. Have you yeah, have you ever been wrong? You got defensive? I'm always wrong. Even though I'm perfect. To to to our wives, we're always wrong. Nah. Yeah, no, nigga. You right. I cannot on Father's Day. Well, that ain't even true. No.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

That means shit.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

Not even Father's Day.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

No, that don't mean shit. That don't mean shit. Nick Fly? Same question. What was the question? Have you ever uh uh have you ever realized later that you were you were right after you got defensive woman? Wrong. No, I'm sorry, they didn't realize that someone else was right. You've been in both. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

Because right is even there's even worse when you're like I was right? Wait a second.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Let's run that back. I've been in both. And now I want to argue again because I'm even right at this point.

SPEAKER_04 33:54

I'm spinning the block because I knew I was right. But yeah, realizing I was wrong, as it after therapy, I've been able to uh be a lot, it's a lot easier for me to do because I don't there's no longer pride driving the driving the vessel. So like it's like yeah, I can do it.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

That's good. That nigga's a vessel. He is healing.

SPEAKER_03 34:17

I have a lot of uh I'm usually right though.

unknown 34:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:21

He's like, I thought about that a little bit longer and actually many of us tolerate chaos because confronting it requires effort, courage, and change. Sharon, what area in your life currently feels most out of order? I have some answers for you.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

I don't know if that's how that's supposed to work.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

What'd he say?

SPEAKER_02 34:43

He said that's not how it's supposed to work.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

Yeah. I got answers for you. He's like, I also have the answers. Here you go. It's about this is how you should not convey this emotional.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

You want you want you want a second to think about it? I'll come back to you?

SPEAKER_00 34:58

Yeah, you can come back.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

All right, Mick Fly, what kind of dis uh disorder do people tolerate the longest? Is it financial, emotional, relational, rel I'm sorry, relational or personal?

SPEAKER_04 35:08

Uh I think it's uh relationship relational and uh personal. That but it depends on the person.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

And why do you why do you think that is?

SPEAKER_04 35:17

Because a lot of times people don't want to be in the after effect. Like you don't want to be alone or you don't want to cause a issue or be in a situation where you're you're at odds with your person.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

So you'll you'll put up with more because you're like, I don't want to be alone, or I don't want to. So you'll tolerate more because you don't want to be in a situation where or you're you're used to your personal space being a certain way, you don't want to fuck with that.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

So like essentially what you're like, it's the after.

SPEAKER_04 35:49

Yeah, you don't want to think about the after.

SPEAKER_02 35:51

Like you don't you don't you don't want them to be alone, you don't want you don't because I mean I I I get that because I say all the time, you know, I've been with this woman almost 25 years. Nigga, I'm not alerting nobody else. Yeah, I'm I'ma just be single out here. I'm just me and Sharon are gonna be just single. Just taking uh I mean not separate trip. We're not gonna be together. We're gonna she's gonna be in North Carolina, be in South Carolina. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

The furthest away as possible.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

Um Kevin, have you ever confused patience with avoid avoidance? Have you ever confused patience with avoidance? I know you said you was perfect, nigga, but we know you're not.

SPEAKER_03 36:25

Listen, I'm just telling you. I've lived lots of lives, have a lot of experience. So yeah, maybe when I was like 20s. When you were 20s? Maybe like 20s. But not in a long time. Oh shit. Not in a long time. What happened? What were you thinking? Are you guys saying that? When you said you live many lives, I saw you with white hair and a long beard. Oh. I may have done that. I live many alive.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

Black Moses? That might have been a shroom trip. Oh shit. I mean, I don't confuse patients with avoidance. I know flat out I'm avoiding shit.

SPEAKER_03 37:05

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:08

I'm not confusing, I'm not confused with it at all. I just know I just don't have the energy or the or the willingness to can to confront this right now. So I'm gonna just act like I don't see this shit until I have to confront it. I do that often.

Normalizing Disorder

SPEAKER_03 37:20

No, I thought I was all spiritual and shit. Again, you know, you just gotta find it. And it's like, nigga, you avoiding a fight.

SPEAKER_02 37:29

So, Sharon, what area in your life currently do you feel most out of order?

SPEAKER_00 37:33

No, um, no, you know what? Honestly, what I was and it's funny that you went into that question with Kevin, because I I don't know if it's like an area in my life, but I think that the thing that I need to work on the most is procrastinate. Um, I am a always get it done person, but it'd be right when it needs that is a thing. And because honestly, like I just said this the other day, like I am overjoyed with complicity and the consistency of my life. Like, I my life is very routine. Um, my life is very, there's a lot of normalcy. Like, my life is you know, like this every day. And then when I do do things that are out of the ordinary, meaning like be out of 10, even that is just like it has a simple flow to things. So I'm very grateful for that, but I do know that something that I always end up kicking myself in the ass for is like, dang, why did I wait? You know what? And and and procrastination, you name it, it applies it in every part of my life. I procrastinate in everything. So I need to stop that.

SPEAKER_02 38:35

Professional procrastinator.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Is there a such thing?

SPEAKER_04 38:39

I was watching a movie yesterday. Uh Sharon, I think you might like it. I don't know if you've seen it already. Uh I think it's called like Good Luck, Good Day, and Don't Die.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Never heard of it.

SPEAKER_04 38:49

It's on Hulu. Uh, but it's about uh AI and AI taking over. And that shit was uh was deep. And it lets know uh how much we rely on internet. Like the social media.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

I mean, I'm I'm excited. I was gonna tell y'all, but um the AI has to do with AI. And I'm only gonna tell you off camera because of how I used it. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

But wait a minute. This is Okay, that might go wrong. Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

No, we can say the CIA.

SPEAKER_03 39:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:23

Y'all stupid. Anyway. Um, I'm so excited to see Toy Story 5. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:29

I'm gonna go on Sunday, um, take the baby to see it on Sunday because um yeah, it's it's tech versus toys, and I think that's so cool.

SPEAKER_04 39:37

This would be, I guess, like the adult version of that.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:40

Okay.

unknown 39:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:42

I'll look at it.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

Right?

SPEAKER_03 39:44

You know the irony to all this, though, is we're gonna kill ourselves using AI because all the water all the water it needs. Yeah. But then AI gonna die because ain't nobody there.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

Uh many relationships are destroyed by conflict. They're destroyed by the avoidance of conflict. What's harder? Having a difficult conversation or living in unresolved tension?

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Living in unresolved tension.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

That's not what why you already know the answer. No, I don't. Who the fuck's gonna be like, nigga? Well, here's the thing. I love this stress. But here's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

People are people are not.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

Here's the thing. Here's the thing about the unresolved tension, right? You you can it could be around so long that it becomes normalized. So it didn't it doesn't, it doesn't, it's not, it's not necessarily as difficult as you it may seem no longer because because you've now nor you normalize it. So it ain't no longer tension then. It is a while. It's tension, it's tension because you're avoiding it, right? So, like, for instance, like if I know that there's tension between me and the missus, I'ma just I'm gonna keep my distance. That tension's always there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:50

Until until it's addressed. That's what a resolve thing is not one of those where everything's chilling. Because if it's tension, that's what tension is.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

That but you you have to understand how many people relation relationship-wise, and I'm not even when I say relationship, I'm not talking about husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend. Only boyfriend or those relationships. I'm talking about friendships, parents and their kids, kids, and they and their siblings, like that's everywhere. And that is such a constant state that people stay in.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

Detention, though, is a thing that is noticeable.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

But you gotta remember how you have the quick responses, you have the very little dialogue. But you guys are talking about when there's a present a present conflict happening, right? There could be two people that have had tension for 20 years, literally. They don't have a current conflict, but the tension is there because that has always been their interaction. Everything can seem very normal.

SPEAKER_03 41:46

And because you may have a person that has but it all think a lot further.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

That's true. But that's true, but you also that's what I'm saying. But you also be a but don't underestimate the power of short-term memory.

SPEAKER_03 42:00

Ain't nobody forgot though.

SPEAKER_02 42:01

But you but you might not you you remember it now, but then once the longer you avoid talking about it, you kind of it kind of slowly fades back. And then yeah, it's gonna resurface into something. It's gonna resurface from time to time.

SPEAKER_00 42:13

There's a lot of people living in a constant state.

SPEAKER_03 42:15

Y'all niggas sound like y'all were living at the end. Go ahead. I'm just saying is I'm saying it's possible, okay. That's all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

It's very possible. There could be underlying time. Ask the question again.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

I said, what's harder? Having the difficult conversations are living with unresolved tension. What's harder? What you think is harder? For me, it's different for everybody. I'm like, the conversation's way easier because we don't want to have to do this forever.

Choosing Honest Repair

SPEAKER_02 42:40

Like, well, for me personally, I I I do not like confrontation, but I don't shy from confrontation. I will I will confront you if need be. But when it comes to the dynamic between me and my wife, I'm gonna have the conversation. I'm gonna have the conversation because that I don't want any tension there. Because I mean, for multiple reasons, but I don't want any tension there. I would rather just, hey, let's let's let's say the hard things, let's get this shit out front so we can get over this, so I can get back to touching on your ass.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

Let's just get the I said I did not say right like that. Because I was going along with you, and then I said right at the wrong time.

SPEAKER_03 43:19

That's that but that's for me. Some people don't want it. I'm just saying I don't okay. I'm not saying it don't exist. Y'all niggas is making it sound like that's what I'm saying. I'm talking about our panel here. That's what the panel. Like, I wouldn't talk about the goddamn world.

SPEAKER_00 43:37

No, but listen, we'll be at our panel. I definitely have situations with people that there has been attention for a long time.

SPEAKER_02 43:44

Was that easier or is that harder? Was that hard? Was that easier than having the conversation?

SPEAKER_00 43:48

Knowing the person, a lot of conflicts that arise, the conversation, it would do nothing.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

That's a good point. Because you know, there's something that you can't talk to. No matter what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

And I really mean that from a from the bottom of my heart. The conversation would do, and I like the.

SPEAKER_03 44:05

But where does that go to, though? What is that? Negative relationship. No, I mean the relationship with that person.

SPEAKER_02 44:10

It's nothing to do like it's it stays constantly strained. Right. It's just because you could be cordial with someone and still have tension. Period. You know, so lyrically.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

Everybody not everybody don't like ain't like you can. You can have, you can have that. It can be strained. That doesn't mean, but I think what you're perceiving it to be is that every time you're around that person, you're like, no. Like you're not always.

SPEAKER_03 44:38

But it's not that, but when there's tension, even if it's one of those where you're like, oh, well, we just, you know, normalize. We know they don't fuck with each other, blah, blah, blah. Whatever it is, it takes way less for that to be a powder keg. Okay. Than anything else, right?

SPEAKER_02 44:53

Okay, let me ask you this. Because that's let me ask you. That's how tension works. Or let me ask you this, Gavin. Is it is it possible for people, whether couples or friends, to argue more and actually develop a more healthier relationship? Is it possible? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:06

As long as the constructive arguments are not circular. Yeah. And people are actually listening to each other.

SPEAKER_02 45:12

A lot of arguments in relationships are circular.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

Yeah, very much so. Because people don't want to be wrong. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:16

Well, I'm not. I'm not, but I am.

SPEAKER_03 45:22

People don't want to like, yeah, face.

SPEAKER_02 45:25

Because it seems like your take on this question the last is like, nigga, just have the conversation. Whether it leads to the argument or not. Have the conversation so that way the tension at least if you care about that person. So let me let me add it then with that.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

When you care about that person, I'm being honest, like, even when you care about that person, you also, if you care about them and you know them, you also kind of you don't want to hurt them.

SPEAKER_03 45:44

But what's you don't want why are you gonna hurt them? What's it?

SPEAKER_00 45:48

But some niggas are sensitive. And not only that, you don't want to let's say you arrive at the place where you can have a difficult conversation. You you you know you've done work to try to get there, you prepare yourself, and then it just goes really bad based on how that person is, right? So damn, like you, you cared about the relationship. You wanted this to you wanted to mend it or you wanted to do whatever, but the way that that person receives it is just horribly, then you may not even want to try to do that again.

SPEAKER_02 46:23

I'm just trying to. All right, we're talking a lot about peace. We're gonna end it here and we'll pick it back up next week. Uh, episode uh 245 of the Heavyweight Collective will be a two-parter. We appreciate y'all, we appreciate y'all for walking with us. Until next week, peace. Peace.

SPEAKER_03 46:40

Sweaty. That's right, y'all. That's that's how she repeats. So make sure click like, subscribe. Tune in. We're on Australia Bradford. So until next time.