Mid-Year Check-in Part 1

Half the year is already behind us. The bigger question is: how are you really doing?

In this episode of The Heavyweight Collective, the crew pauses for an honest mid-year check-in about life, growth, mental health, and the expectations we put on ourselves. Between jokes, laughter, and unfiltered conversation, they unpack the reality of navigating a year that's brought both blessings and challenges.

The discussion explores therapy, prayer, fitness, and the different ways people process stress before it spills into the people they love. The crew reflects on learning to protect their energy, stop overcommitting, and recognize how often they carry problems that nobody else is expecting them to solve.

The conversation also dives into discernment, trusting the process, accepting change, and giving yourself permission to be a beginner again. From parenting pressure to impossible personal standards, this episode is a reminder that growth often starts with one simple question: What do you actually need?

If you're looking for perspective heading into the second half of the year, this conversation is for you.

 Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Collective!
 Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast

Transcript

Mid-Year Reality Check

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I love why you called it out. Because I am.

SPEAKER_04 0:04

All right. I will adjust the settings and see if we do better.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Thank you. I just be feeling like I got some shit to say. And it's really don't.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

You feel like you got a whole lot to say. You know what? Beautiful time to do it. Because this episode of 247 is a check-in. Okay. We're checking in. What we six months in?

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Six months in? The year 2026. Nick, isn't this the seventh month? It is the seventh month.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

It is. It's it's shut up, bro.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

Shut up. I had this idea when I was, you know, in the last month. But anyway.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

But no, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

We halfway through. We finished the halfway point. There we go.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

That's what I love about my birthday, though. Because what? No. Hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out. This is what I love about my birthday.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

My birthday is literally the mark at the halfway through the year.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

What, July 2nd?

SPEAKER_01 0:59

July 1st.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

I thought it was July 2nd.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

July the 1st.

SPEAKER_04 1:04

It's not the halfway mark.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

Especially on leap year.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

That's on leap year. But anyway, you're right. It's just not this year. There's more good.

SPEAKER_04 1:14

There's more months with 31 days after. I'm just mathematically, it's not the math. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

So it feels like it's the beginning of the fiscal year. So anyway.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Hi. Hi. Hi. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is the uh the recap of the halfway point of the year. The heavyweight podcast or heavyweight collective, my bad. Um instead of he's just introducing these niggas are drinking. Instead of just introducing and asking your weeks.

SPEAKER_04 1:47

Oh, fuck my fuck my week, huh? No, no, yeah, you're right. No, we're gonna start like this.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

I'm gonna start your way, Mr. Maurice. How are you? My name is Tichala. How has your year been so far? How you been fucked up?

SPEAKER_05 2:01

No, it hasn't.

SPEAKER_02 2:03

Well, say more.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

No, it has not.

SPEAKER_04 2:05

Nigga, you don't know what my life is like, nigga. I show up, I show up with high hopes and good spirits, nigga. That don't mean my life has been good. I'm alive. You're making it good. I'm struggling, but through the grace of God, I'm alive. Amen. There you go. Every day is a test to mint.

unknown 2:25

Damn.

SPEAKER_04 2:26

So tell us about it. To mint? Like to mint. Yeah, mint that shit. Like the peppermint. He did be studied. Because I feel like what I what I've been going through, nigga, a lot of niggas would have folded. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to drop the science. No. Therapy and prayer, nigga. That's all I can tell you. I like that. I like that. I like that.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

You give in too much gravity to be able to do that. Wait, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_04 2:48

Peace and peace. Wait a minute. Therapy, prayer, and a wife with good pussy. I'm telling you, that can get you through a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Well, I was gonna say you can put it on t-shirt to accept that part.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Hey, on a separate note, how did you like how the AI made your biceps?

SPEAKER_04 3:06

I felt like it was it was uh realistic.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

This nigga look like he's playing on the college team somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 3:17

You know, realistic. You know what I look like very bonds. That's the only consistent of my biceps. The only thing that's gonna be consistent for me these last six months is the struggle in the gym. Boom. See, we got some more.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

We see we dug.

SPEAKER_04 3:29

Okay. It's like it's like I it's like I posted. It's like I posted yesterday. I said at this point, the gym is the only thing that's keeping me from losing my shit. Because if I don't go, nigga, I'm an angry motherfucker. So it's like a little bit of release. I like it. I like it, I like it, I like it. I go throw weights instead of slapping bitches. Yeah. I mean and when I say bitches, I'm not talking about females. I'm talking about anybody who's acting like a bitch.

SPEAKER_05 3:55

Period.

SPEAKER_04 3:56

Cleaned it.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Yeah, cleaned it. Real quick. Thank you. Real quick. I mean, the second one could get you in bitches?

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Oh, you say I thought you were still say something you were talking about. You slap a motherfucker real quick. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Hello, hello. What's up? How's your year been?

SPEAKER_01 4:14

You don't know what to say about your year. I ain't got nothing to say.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

The whole year.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

The whole year. I mean, like, okay, I don't want to follow us.

SPEAKER_04 4:22

I can tell you about Sharon Year. Sharon Year has been spinning shit. Spin that shit. Spin that shit. She's been outside.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

No, I have not.

SPEAKER_04 4:33

Spin that. She's been doing recording.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Carolina. When she said all that shit. Like, I

Alive by Grace

SPEAKER_02 4:40

got shit to say.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Yeah. I was playing. No, no. Oh Lord. No, I just hate to follow up with Mo and all his year was stupid. I didn't say it was stupid. I said I said it was rough. Because my year has been great. That's good, yeah. And I'm happy. No, this is why I'm saying this. I'm happy for you. This is why I'm saying this. Damn. Because my way, my year has had a whole lot of bullshit. Okay. But I'm choosing that my year has been great. That's all I'm saying. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 5:13

I said it's been a bunch of bullshit. I decided I wasn't appreciative. I got through it. I dealt with shit. I didn't want to deal with.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Now you try to move on.

SPEAKER_04 5:21

You know what I'm saying? He's like, let's get past these two. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

No, yeah. My my my year has been, I've been carried through it. And for that, I'm grateful. I'm not saying I didn't have highlights. Okay, so say that then. Stop trying to give. You can't give no type of so serious. I feel like somebody stop letting the devil steal your joy.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

I got I got mad joy. I'm here. I smile all the time. I crack jokes. That's not joyful.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:52

Joyful, joyful.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

I got dark humor in my body, so we all y'all do. Don't do that. Dark humor? Yeah. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Andy, how has your year been?

SPEAKER_00 6:06

I've been pretty good. I didn't think a dope over there. Just just uh I've been I've frequently frequented therapy. I've uh yeah I I did like I've uh understood that this year has been um the eye opener that not to get used to shit because shitamorphosis constantly changes because of the in the past week I I had to find a new braider. Uh I was gonna ask you about that. She moved? She moved to OC and didn't say shit.

SPEAKER_04 6:40

Damn.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Like I I was I I applied to get uh appointment, and I was like, she's not on the website. So when I looked on her Instagram, I said, that doesn't mention the other barbershop anymore. And then I hit her up and she was like, Yeah, I'm moving. I just got done unpacking, just barely looked at my messages. I said, Mother. So, but it's been that year of understanding that don't get used to shit. So I've I've I've learned this year that to just kind of roll with the punches, not to get used to, and and change is inevitable. So I I I've embraced that.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

All right, well, my year's been a hell of a year. Started out rolling and then make sure it's positive, or she's gonna be bad. Well, it wasn't positive, it immediately went south, and then you know, getting through it, finally uh starting to feel a little more like myself. We'll probably dive in a little more as we go back. Um but you know, it's halftime. That's what we call it, right? Halftime, hell yeah. I like that. So why are you looking so upset? Well, I'm off with this nigga, this nigga just looked like he mad. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. Well, anyway, we're gonna check up. Let's look at this. Uh let's look at this. What's something that you planned on like attacking this year? That you didn't that either you're doing or you didn't. And like, how's it going? And if you aren't, how do you do you still intend on attacking these these set goals?

SPEAKER_04 8:16

I'm attacking my life differently. What do you mean? My viewpoint, how I how I see things. How I how I interact. Okay. Or I or I uh distribute my energy.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_04 8:29

You know, I got to a point through therapy this year to understand the niggas don't deserve me.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

I like that. I like that. You know what I mean? But you talking like being rings, right?

SPEAKER_04 8:44

Nah, man, it's just you know, sometimes you know, piggyback off what Stutter said, man. Sometimes you gotta stand what sometimes it ain't change is needed, and sometimes you gotta be the change. A lot of shit you I think you just you get to the point to where you've been tolerating shit for so long that you should be uh seems normal when it ain't. You feel like you're doing it well. I feel like some of it I am, I feel like some as in life, some ties are harder to break than others. True. Because you know, especially a lot, you know, through bare through therapy,

Protecting Your Energy

SPEAKER_04 9:20

I've learned that because of the type of friend I am and how I don't want to let people down or have people, you know, feel uh disappointed in me, I tend to hang on and and overcommit, you know, to try to make keep the keep the nucleus happy uh to a point to where it's detrimental to myself. So where I'm stressed out over shit people don't give a fuck about. Or I feel people don't give a fuck about. So, and that's not just in front, just just me in general, with all types of relationships, friendships, family, even in my fucking my marriage, you know. So it's just like it's learning to divert my energy to places that are actually safe places for me to where I don't I don't get off the path to where now I'm interacting in non-conducive behaviors or mentalities to try to maintain a relationship that's not feeding, it's not that's not mutual.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:22

That's that's really I like that since you know I I I said I would get serious and Sharon didn't want me to be joking.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Thank you. Hey, that was that's wonderful. He's like, now I don't know how to feel. I'm sweating like this.

SPEAKER_05 10:37

Very good, and I'm tripping on keep going.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

Oh Sharon, same question. Oh, you got it.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

I'm trying to see what Kaz doing. We good?

SPEAKER_02 10:49

Yeah, oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Yeah, I was like, are we straight?

SPEAKER_04 10:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um this ain't Colin Bond.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

No, he said all that, then he stood up. What are we about to do?

SPEAKER_04 11:03

Uh it's about guns and butter.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Shut up! That's exactly what he has to like.

SPEAKER_04 11:10

Young punks don't know shit.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

Um, I set out this year similar to to last year, but more so this year, to trust the process. Um and that's my soft way of putting just to have faith in what's happening and to stop trying to do the things and more so let the things happen. Um and I I know I'm doing it, and but my my struggle has been like trying to stay grounded in in prayer and all of that, obviously, but to just kind of build my discernment. That's where I'm at because I have like a lot of thoughts about things where I'm not sure about and all of these things or whatever, and uh, should I do this? Or uh I don't really like how this is going, but am I trusting the process? So that's where my challenge has been um this year. And and thankfully, you know, God got me, everything has been working out. I've had some challenges for sure, but even in the challenges and the difficult times, I've been trying to um intentionally choose that that trusting process. And and like, okay, this is bad, but okay, I I I know I said that I was surrendering, I said that I was gonna have faith, I said I was gonna trust the process. So that has kind of allowed me to get through difficult times better because I felt like I knew the the better was on the other end of it. So I was able to kind of like strap up and be ready to take, you know, like I hate y'all. I right as I said, strap up.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Not even that I'm laughing at this when you did the niggas. You know, the niggas gotta like.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Because that's how it feels. It's like it's like bracing yourself, right? Like if you're about to go somewhere and you're about to get on a roller coaster or something like that, like you strap up and you get yourself ready for the anticipation of what's about to come.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

Nah, I just read that shit. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, but play that back. Well, tell us how you really feel.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Right. So bouncing earlier, right?

SPEAKER_04 13:19

This is a safe place, sir.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

That has been the feel. And and I'll even tell you on days like days that I've literally been like in tears and really going through like a tough time. In my mind, that's what I see myself doing. I feel myself like, okay, you're feeling your feel, but you said you're ready for what's to come. So you sit here and you what is that? Trust the princess. Okay. T T pre You said you were ready for what's to come. You say you got trust, you know, you say you trust in God, you got faith. So you strap up, you take what's coming today, um, and you roll with the punches of that. But it's difficult to navigate discernment. That's where I'm at in a challenge. Because in different situations, if I feel a certain way, I kind of want to either act on it. I don't know if I should act on it, or if I'm not trusting the process. So that's where my challenge is at. Okay. Well, that's discernment. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

You can work on that. You said that's cool, I like it.

SPEAKER_04 14:20

You gotta be careful what you ask for. Always. I saw something, I saw something I said today, and it said, um oftentimes

Therapy, Prayer & the Gym

SPEAKER_04 14:30

people ask for things and think they're gonna receive them one at a time. Sometimes you might receive 10 things at a time. Now it's on you to navigate those two things. And he he was basically saying that you, you know, you can ask God or whoever you pray to for a multitude of things, and they might drop everything on you on your lap. Or on the flip side of that, what you go, what you're going through is preparing for what you're asking.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Always, right, right.

SPEAKER_04 14:56

Because, you know, and I that that's true, because I know there's I got shit going on now that I I probably couldn't handle last year. Like shit went on to my head for real.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Yeah. Or it's like um, if you if you pray for patience, yeah, you're not automatically patient. He gives you the chance to you're placed in a situation where, and that's where I find myself often with different situations. Like, okay, you know, I may be praying to be obedient, and then here I am with a whole a real big child. All right, I'm stuck.

SPEAKER_04 15:28

She ain't working, nigga. Um that part ain't working.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

She don't listen to shit.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

I do. Shut up. You don't even know.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

I've tried to tackle the therapy thing because it was something that I I felt like I always wanted to try, and then I got the opportunity. I feel like the things lined up perfectly for me to even get the chance to. Um, because I there was a spot that opened up at that particular office where they claimed it wasn't there. Like oh wow. And then it was like, oh yeah, they have an opening, like take it right now. If you I said that was a sign to me because I saw that I randomly was I never checked my emails, I won't lie to you. And uh I happened to open up my email and it was the first thing up there, it was like appointment open at the Marietta office, like apply now. And I said, Oh shit, let me call. And she was like, Yeah, we messaged you or emailed you yesterday. Oh, yeah, you want the spot? I said, Yes, yes. And then they happened to uh connect me with the black therapist, which I was like, Oh, this is really a sign that I was supposed to be doing this shit. And then um, I've just been sticking with it uh to the point that I think my work is like, God damn, nigga, how much FLA do you have? Um don't worry about it, nigga. Yeah, but uh I uh I've definitely used that as the as the as like the driving force to figure myself out, and I think it's gotten me through a lot of uh personal traumas that I never dealt with as a uh as a growing up. And and I said, even with the stuff, stuff with uh just kind of like in the last month or so understanding the the whole thing of uh just rolling with the punches, because I'm telling you that the shit with the the the braider, it's like a that's like a fucking relationship, essentially. You know what I'm saying? Because you you built the a rapport with somebody for four years and just be like, wait a minute, you you're not there now? Like my brain was like it's trying to process this, like it's something I've gotten so used to for this long. Now you go through the whole getting used to another person again and having an understanding of of what you're supposed to expect or expectations from both sides, because even in that day that I had to find that the uh the braider, I had hit up a different braider, and uh less than two hours from the appointment, she fucking told me she had to move the appointment time to either after seven that day, which wouldn't have worked for me because I literally lined up everything for that, to um finding somebody randomly on Facebook within like 10 minutes of a quick conversation and and having and where do you know this person happens to also cut hair? So it was like, all right, you cut hair and braids, that's what I need. And they were like, I don't like turning down money. I said that's perfect because I don't like people wasting my time. And it was like the signs of saying, you know what, it might have not worked out how you thought, but it worked out in the way it needed to, and that's how I I just roll with those punches.

SPEAKER_02 18:28

So like it. Uh uh tackling for me this year was a few things. I was trying to do a lot, but um smoking. Like I wasn't smoking uh the reefer for a little while. Uh I was still eating edibles, so I was like, what's the fucking point?

SPEAKER_00 18:54

But I was hoping you were gonna have a uh, but I didn't want to, like, I don't know how that would work, but our guest, he uh I wanted you guys to have that conversation.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

So Titius?

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Huh? Titious? No, just smoke.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

Oh, he smokes? Yeah, I shouldn't. I didn't like I was assuming, so that's my that's prejudge fan praises.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

But I was I was waiting to hear the conversation from you two, but off camera. That's my bad.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

Uh we'll just invite him just for fun. Um did stop smoking cigarettes though, so that's good. I'm happy about that. Yeah, I did stick with that.

SPEAKER_04 19:30

Oh, hold on, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Got for real. Still some clap.

SPEAKER_04 19:34

Thank you, thank you. Still smoking them meats though. Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

I'm not gonna writing, yeah. Bouncing, smoking.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

He's talking about briskets.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

You were in here that part earlier. He said he was bouncing.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

I was checking the chairs to make sure they were nobody sits in the one that's you know what I'm talking about. Um, there's something else I was doing. Damn, man. See, that smoking weed came back. Forget City High right now. What is it? School, that's going well. I'm surprised. I'm surprised. It's easy when you only gotta show up twice. So that's good. And then I got a few things to tackle, so I wanted to start writing, and that hadn't really happened. But that's actually starting to happen a lot more now, but it's not where I thought it would be.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

So what about with the drone? Are you have

Stop Carrying Everything

SPEAKER_00 20:30

you tried like some content with it as far for yourself?

SPEAKER_02 20:34

Not really, like content, more just I guess content is whatever you do, but trying to figure out how to use it. I was back in the truck in with it in the air, but then I almost crashed the truck into the garage because I'm watching three different screens. I'm like, oh, this is too much.

SPEAKER_04 20:51

Like, yeah, you should probably have somebody else watch.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

Well, I just gotta learn how to set it up, and then I can just go and then walk over.

SPEAKER_04 20:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

See, it's it's it's work, it's work to be done, it's work to be done. But uh, we're talking about setbacks. You guys kind of touched on it a little bit, but what are some setbacks you've had this year? And have you overcome them yet? Or you know, how do you plan about no setbacks? That's good. Really?

SPEAKER_03 21:22

Dead ass.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Okay, I'll happy.

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Hey, no setbacks. I'm walking forward.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

I like I can't elaborate. Well, what do you elaborate on no setbacks?

SPEAKER_00 21:37

Yeah, you kept it brief. So it's I thought you were trying to get out of there. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

I don't like the regular mo. I want mo Sharon.

SPEAKER_04 21:46

Uh I had no setbacks because I don't they all lessons. So I've learned.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:52

Every every time, everything that could be.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

I just looked at you like me again.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

No, I'm probably looking at him because this nigga had a whole episode on setbacks. I know. No.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

I didn't say they were recent. Now, see, through see, when you go to therapy, uh, Gab, you start looking at shit different. So there, I've learned. So now I I look at a lot of times what could be said to be a setback, that was just me trying to rush the process. And putting myself in positions I wasn't ready to be in. So I didn't know how to deal with what was going on at the time. I feel like now I'm at a space in my life where I'm actually able to deal and handle most of what of what comes uh towards me. And in the majority of the phases in my life. Like I'm able to actually, even with my wife, I'm able to, hey, hey, this is what I saw, this is how I saw it. This shit ain't cool. Now we can discuss it, but this is how I saw it. And we can we can have this. Let's have this. I'm I'm I'm to the point now where I'm like, we're gonna have this conversation now, so they don't it don't lead to nothing else. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, we're not gonna let this festive for a day or two. Um this was the issue, what we're doing about the issue. So I think I've learned through the hardships I've I've faced over the last, I'm sure I can say over the last two years, I've learned through the hardships I've faced over the last two years that it's how I perceive the event, not the event itself. So it's not it's not a setback, it's an opportunity to me to exercise what I've learned and implement that. So it's it's about me learning how and when to apply the techniques and and and the procedures that I've learned. So I don't see them as setbacks, I see them as opportunities to grow.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Oh, no, a separate question. This is a serious question. How do we navigate the snowtime Lakers?

SPEAKER_04 23:49

The same way I left the same way I navigated the LeBron Lakers. I cut the goddamn TV off and don't watch this shit.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

So I'm watching these white boys.

SPEAKER_04 24:00

I don't like snowtime Lakers.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

I'm just gonna die if they're like balling, you're gonna be like, well, this is Duke. JJ Redekast and coach, too.

SPEAKER_04 24:07

I don't like I don't like Snowtime Lakers. I like I like the good credit Lakers.

SPEAKER_02 24:10

Good credit. We don't know that. Oh no. They look like them dirty white. Sorry, sorry. But that's my answer. I like it.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

I agree with Mo 100%.

SPEAKER_04 24:27

Okay, she has to bottom me answering shit. I do because that's all she ever says.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

I don't suppose not. No, I do. That's definitely my approach on life. Um, I think a lot of my setbacks that I like to not try to give any type of weight to, but I had a conversation yesterday with somebody at work. I had work setbacks a lot this year. Um, mainly because I have only been in the position that I'm in right now for the past year. I just met a year like two weeks ago. Yeah. Um so that has provided a lot of not necessarily setbacks, but I just have to kind of like rewire my thoughts because I've been seasoned in my job for a very long time now. And this has been the first time in a long time that I've been new at what I'm doing. Yeah. So that's been challenging. I won't even call it setbacks.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Um because we don't have to call I'm just that's just uh I'll call them challenges.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

That's where I've had a lot of challenge this year in navigating my job. Um, but again, with like what Mo was saying, I just kind of like had to really look at have my perspective different to it, and that was a big thing for me. I remember I was having a conversation with somebody, and I was basically, this was like months ago, and they were asking me like, because I don't really talk about work a lot in terms of what I do, because I don't want like have to explain it to you to make it make sense. So I was telling somebody how shit was just hard, basically. I was putting it in the latest terms, if shit is hard, I don't know how to do it. And um, he was asking me what she said.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

I had to say it, I had to do it.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

I I just

Trusting the Process

SPEAKER_00 26:11

it's it's always there. I was like, I looked at both of y'all. Yeah, my brain is always.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

Um, so things have been difficult, right? Um, but then in just in like in conversation, I was telling the person like, I haven't been new at something for shit. Oh, like 15, you know, over a long time at my job. I haven't been new at something. And he was just like, okay, you're new. But like accept that. And and for me, like that was, and it kind of was one of the things like as it came out, I was saying it, and I'm like, duh, like, like embrace that.

SPEAKER_02 26:51

Like, duh, one day you won't be.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

Yes. Right. Ask for help when you need it, understand, like, stop trying to feel like you have to be the one to know this type of shit. And all of the things, and what really was a change of perspective for me is when I thought that to the fact of like when I would train people in my previous positions, these are things that I would tell them. Like, oh, you've just you've only been doing this for for four months or five months or six months or whatever. It's gonna take you about this long before you really have a job. So I kind of changed my perspective when I started thinking like you would tell people this in leadership, but you're not taking your own advice right now. So that was a big turning point for me um in terms of like the what I've probably experienced this year's most challenging. Um, and then now, like I said, getting at the point where it's been a year, I just passed probation, everything's good.

SPEAKER_03 27:47

Oh, wait a minute. She's really gonna be outside now.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

I don't play with um now at that at that point, I'm like, okay, I could breathe, but at the same time, I'm like, I'm okay with the fact that I don't know everything. You know what I'm saying? So it really is about a change of perspective because if I had if I were to still be allowing the fact that I am not good um at what I'm doing the way that I'm used to being good at what I'm doing, then I would feel defeated every single day. Yeah, and there's no point in setting yourself up to feel like that every day. Like, why would you do that to yourself, you know?

SPEAKER_00 28:29

So yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:33

Oh just on you.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

Oh I feel like the the setback that I've I feel like I've been tackling my uh setbacks that I've been trying to tackle, I still I feel like I've stayed course because I don't I kept avoiding therapy for so fucking long. And um it was I think refreshing to just be able to sit in a room and then um say what's on my mind that I don't feel like um I normally get to say, or if I feel like I say it, I don't I feel like it falls on deaf ears. So uh and I heard uh somewhere recently where they said a therapist that the it was a therapist talking, they said the therapist is it's just a witness to you you being the expert on yourself. So you so it's like you're you're telling what you know because you're you're you and they're just listening and and hearing everything and trying to help you guys to you being the expert on yourself and helping you guys that that path. And I feel like I've learned a lot about myself and these this because it's been six months, uh more than uh than I have before, and then and in strength and know myself, so I feel like that's a good thing. And I I don't think I'll ever uh go back to a time where I go back the other way, just because it doesn't feel natural anymore, because I've gotten used to the thought of being in a sit for an hour and just say what the fuck I feel for an hour, even when I go in there and say I have nothing to talk about, and somehow an hour feels like 10 minutes, and she's like, Well, we're done. And I'm like, shit, what the I guess I did have something to talk about every fucking time.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

I have a question for you guys since you both sorry to step on the chocolate for you.

SPEAKER_04 30:23

Can I can I interject before you say that? I asked, I could have just did it.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

So, can I say no?

SPEAKER_04 30:28

Yeah, you can. You can say no.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

I know, go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 30:31

Um piggyback off kind of what both of you guys have said, my therapist pointed out to me that I suffer from setting my standard too high on my own self. I put too much pressure on my own self.

SPEAKER_05 30:48

I agree.

SPEAKER_04 30:48

And she's saying she had said something to me like, she's right. Um, calm down. She had said something to me. She was like, Do you believe um that your family or your friends will hold you to this standard? And I I couldn't answer her. And I and I said, Well, it don't matter what the fuck they do because that's what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_05 31:10

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 31:11

And and I and I like that the she can't. I mean, this was going on for maybe like a lot of sessions, and I and and I was pondering, and it's like I think I've conditioned my mind to a point to where I don't know how to lower my standards or my expectations of myself. And it's it's been my wife has said a lot of times that I put myself or what I expect from myself is not necessarily what they expect from me, but at the same time, I've done things for so long, it's kind of

Learning to Be New Again

SPEAKER_04 31:40

like I just expect myself to continue doing them. So I think like like for instance, I mean I think you relate to this because I feel like when it comes to like how I father and how how being there, not missing anything, making sure they don't want anything, and me stressing myself out, not getting sleep, working fucking 70 hours, whatever it takes, so they can be happy for that for that smile. Like that smile is my fuel to keep going. It's like, no, I don't I don't necessarily believe that my child will love me less if I don't take her or don't pay for something. It's just that I feel like I don't love I would love me less if I don't provide her that. And that that's probably the the hardest thing I'm struggling with, Kevin.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

Oh, I look them niggas right in their face.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

I can't you niggas ain't no, I I feel like I love that you said that though, Mo, because I I really think that when you have that perspective, and I think that anybody that is setting out to be a good human, right? And under that umbrella, I don't care about other people. No, no, no, you do, you do, because you can pick and choose where you want your good human uh values to go. So even though you don't care about other people, you want to be a good human when it comes to you being a father, you want to be a good human when it comes to you being a husband.

SPEAKER_04 32:58

Sometimes, period.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Shut it up. So regardless, always a father, sometimes I think that when you want to be a good human, you can set those expectations of yourself, but I think that what people miss the point of is that if you're not first acknowledging your own needs as a human, you can't do that. But to that point, hold on, I'm not done. You can't do it. And the only reason I'm not done is because I'm gonna give an example because I I I have I've been literally my child is 18, I've been a single parent for their entire life, right? So for me, my standard is mom. Like I have, and and not even I'm not even that girl, like I'm mom and dad. I can never be a dad. I love my dad to this day. I could never be a good fucking dad, right? A dad at all. But I'm gonna be a better mom because of the lack of, right? So that has been my standard. That has been my my my goal point. But my shift in perspective changed some years ago when I realized I'm lacking in being that mom, and I didn't realize that I was because I'm setting my expectations. But by me not filling my own cup, I'm fucking up in ways that I have my checkpoint of, oh, this is how you're a good mom. This is how you're a good mom, this is how you're a good mom. But me not filling my own cup was over here fucking up in areas that I didn't even have in my measurement. And that's what you don't understand or we don't understand.

SPEAKER_03 34:33

No, I get that.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

As you don't know what your, she's eight. We don't know what your eight-year-old measures you as.

SPEAKER_04 34:42

Oh, you shouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

No, I hate him. We don't know if we provide a checklist, if if you give yourself a checklist of good dad, right? You have no idea unless you communicate with her. But even if you do, I don't even know if she knows because she's only eight years old. You don't know what her checklist looks like. So what I'm saying is you can't put too much on yourself in terms of that checklist. What you have to do, and what I think has been the most valuable for myself in learning is fill your cup and then your overflow begins to be what it needs to be. And the example that I was gonna say is, you know, just at base level, my house. I would want my kids, you know, I want my house to be clean, whatever. So, but when I'm working, before I was working from home, we were literally 12 hours out every day. We leave the house at six, something, we was getting home close to seven every day between work school and pickups and shit like that. So when I come home, I'd either be so overwhelmed in trying to do all of the things to keep the house clean and then to to cook and all that, whatever, or I'm going off and I'm cussing them out because they're not helping with it, or whatever. When I changed that that check box for myself and was like, you know what? It's Tuesday. We're gonna let this shit sit until maybe Thursday or Friday. I don't give a fuck today. You know what I'm saying? That was part of me filling my cup, and now I'm not oh shit.

SPEAKER_02 36:12

What is it? Keep going.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Now I'm not I said, oh shit. I said, now I'm not like yelling and screaming at my kids where

Parenting & Impossible Standards

SPEAKER_01 36:20

that may been what they didn't want to be happening. You know what I'm saying? So keep going. I know I don't know what it is. I know he ain't nobody paying me no attention now. So I was listening to you, but I just think that that's something to be mindful of in trying to overextend yourself. And I know that it's better, better said than done, but it's a genuine perspective that I have to give you in what you're saying because you really don't know. And it's like I feel like when you fill your own cut, then you're automatically given what you need to get. When you're trying to say all the things that makes you a good dad, then you really may not even be fulfilling it anyway.

SPEAKER_04 36:58

And I I hear what you're saying, but I think the part that um I don't know about maybe fighting this too. But what what really fucked me up one day is when she asked me, my therapist asked me, what do you need? And I can answer the fucking question. You would think it's a very, very simple question. And then I started pondering on that shit, right?

SPEAKER_05 37:19

I think that's hard to do.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

And it's like, even if even if I tell you what I need, if I tell you what I need, and then you don't do it the way I want you to do it, it's gonna irritate the fuck out of me, and I'm gonna just do it anyway. So, and then but then that's not I but like then I'm like, well, if I do that, then that's not fair to her, because I can't require her to do some shit the way I want it to be done, right? Because I there's been point times where I'm like, okay, I need you to do this, this, and this, right? And if it but in my mind, I need you to do this on my timetable, yeah. And that's and that's and that's where the disconnect is, right? Yeah, so then in my mind, I was like, well, shit, I ain't got nothing else to do, I'm gonna go ahead and do it. And then it then it comes to, well, I was gonna do that. Well, I need you to do that moment, you have and you didn't have space for me in that moment, so I took care of it myself, right? So part of my issue is allowing people to give me what I need in their space. But my thing is I'm so used to doing shit myself, it's like, well, fuck it. I ain't gotta if I do myself, I ain't gotta wait. It's done now, it's one less thing to worry about. Because as a man, I'm gonna speak for myself. Me as a man, I have a list of shit that I want done, and it gotta be done in a certain order. And I can't, if I'm if I if you said you're gonna take care of C, I really can't start on D until I know C is taken care of. That's how my mind is. But if D's not if that's not important to you, I can't move forward. So then that, so then that's I struggle with that. So I so now I learned that I struggle with asking for help because if the help's not how I want it, it's just gonna piss me off. It's not help to you.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

It does not help at all, but then you're not filling your cup, and that's the thing.

SPEAKER_04 38:51

I don't, and that's what I'm trying, that's why I'm going back to you. So I haven't even at fucking 40, I still don't even know how to personally fill my own cup.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

Yeah, all right. Thank you guys so much for getting this far. We're gonna take a pause here and then we're gonna come back for a part two. So we will see you guys again next week for part two, maybe. I might leave. Well, that's right, you know, that's that's how she wrote.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

So make sure to click like, subscribe, tune in with your off-room breath wall show. Until next time.