The Weight of Adulting - Part 1

Adult burnout doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like planning birthday parties, paying another unexpected bill, dealing with a broken appliance, and still answering “I’m good” when somebody asks how you’re doing.

Episode 250 of The Heavyweight Collective gets honest about the quiet weight of adulthood. We start with family milestones, work stress, brutal heat, tight finances, and those everyday responsibilities that somehow turn every piece of “free time” into another task.

Then we ask a harder question: when somebody says, “How are you?” who actually earns the honest answer? We talk therapy, burnout, parenting under pressure, and trying to process stress without handing that stress down to your children.

The conversation also turns toward relationships and the invisible work required to keep a household moving. What happens when one person feels like they’re carrying more? How long do you wait for promised change? And when does empathy for someone’s trauma become an excuse for behavior that keeps hurting you?

If adulthood has you feeling stretched thin, you’ll hear yourself in this one.

 Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Collective!
 Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast

Transcript

Episode 250 Kickoff

SPEAKER_04 0:00

What's good? This is episode 250 of the Heavyweight Collective.

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Yay, yay!

SPEAKER_04 0:05

I am that anti-social guy, Stutter McFly, back again with these two guys. And Sharon couldn't be here, but go ahead and state your name for the beautiful people out here.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Oh, Jockis, uh Magistone. Hello, how are you guys? Jockweese Magistone? Yes. My surname. Okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

It's it's it's just small. It's just small. It's just more. It's just old school. Look, look, look, y'all, niggas is busy. Um we just trying to make sure we stay consistent. The sound quality may not be uh what you guys are used to. The video quality damn sure ain't gonna be what you're used to. But just just uh just deal with us.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Sometimes we gotta take it back.

SPEAKER_04 1:04

Yeah, you gotta you gotta know where you started to know where you're going.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

Damn, I think my shit is very dusty.

Weeks Detours And Family Updates

SPEAKER_03 1:13

So how were your weeks?

SPEAKER_01 1:16

It was cool, man. Just worked. You know? Uh yesterday was interesting. I had to I had to take a uh 50-mile detour to give back. Damn.

SPEAKER_04 1:26

50-mile detour.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Yeah. That's not a detour. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:32

Something was closed.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Uh yeah. Sadly, someone had uh lost their life and the freeway was closed. So I had to, I had to, I said, man, if I break down out here, I might, y'all might catch me on a tree. I don't want to break down out here. This look rough.

SPEAKER_06 1:48

Bing, ding, ding, bing.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

So yeah, they uh they they set us up too, bro. Because apparently the accident had happened at like midnight. So they knew. They knew when I clocked in. I think they were just hoping it'd be cleared up, but it was not, I don't think it cleared up till like eight, eight, seven, thirty, eight, eight in the morning. So but I mean, I still got cold park, I still got off early than early as I got off a week. Still got off early.

SPEAKER_04 2:20

So single, single truck trailer.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

And I TO back. They said detour. I said, I said I don't I don't know if I can take a trailer, so I know I'm safe with just this just this truck. I can make it make it happen. So yeah. It was weird because it was a I I had like a good like 30-mile stretch with no cell service. I said, This is where I die. It happens.

SPEAKER_04 2:47

Just don't run into Remy from center.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Right. I saw like your job music. Because I told, well, I thought somebody I said uh somebody said, like, if you broke down, how long do you think it did take you to figure out? So they wouldn't figure out I broke down until tomorrow morning.

SPEAKER_04 3:01

Yeah, they're like, damn.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Gil sure didn't show up, but they always start mad first. Like, we're just trying to milk it. Damn, you ain't checking on me. No, I've been I've been slowly pedaling. I know, I know, I saw the sign. The sign said, the sign said uh it said like 45 miles the needles. I said, damn, I'm way out the way. Oh, yeah. I said I gotta go way out the way. So yeah, it's cool though. But you know, got baby girls party today, and she's excited. I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

You know how it is. I think I'm to I'm at that age now where if we gotta spend money, I'm just grumpy.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Like I gotta get gas. Fuck. Stay grumpy.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

All the time. All the time. Money fuck. Yeah, my week was week weekend. That's what's happening.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

I feel like I did a lot of shit before I even worked. Like my weekend, you know how those go. Weekend ain't a weekend, you just do one more. Always. But fucking got shit done, got the little pool set up in the back.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

So been doing some swimming, hanging out with the chillins. Uh yeah. So just busy. Busy, busy, busy. Hoping uh should calm down.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

And to stop doing uh so much overtime, so it'll be a little better, but that OTB helping.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

Ain't mad at that. Be at that party.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

I might dunk my toes in. We'll see. Hold on, let me do this. Let me do this. Are you are you done, Kevin? Yeah. Okay, let me do this for your start. Um so I took my daughter to college.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

I was like, what's he doing?

SPEAKER_01 5:04

I didn't need Sharon. You know, I was outside, I'm outside, but I'm not outside. You know how niggas be. And that's it.

unknown 5:14

That's it.

SPEAKER_03 5:15

That's my that's my charron. Get better, Charron.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

And they'll get better. Or get higher. Either way. Whatever helps. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:27

Whatever, whatever gets uh the pain.

SPEAKER_03 5:31

Whatever helps.

SPEAKER_04 5:33

Yeah. Uh my week was dope. Uh Ava turned eleven on Wednesday.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Can't believe it. Don't want to believe it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

And she uh she's you can see the the that adolescence, that teen energy coming. She proceeded to catch attitudes all day. But I had uh be the dead and uh cause she was trying to let things ruin her day because s uh her friend or cousin weren't responding as fast as she would like. So I was just like, don't let people ruin your day. Just this is your day, enjoy it. And I proceeded to help her set up her art easel and so she can draw because she got a bunch of art supplies because she loves to do art.

SPEAKER_05 6:20

So Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:22

And then uh went to therapy and um talked about some therapy shit, and she was like, I hadn't seen you. I said, Yeah, I didn't know it was a month and a half wait to see you. You popular. So I proceeded to set up my next appointments for the next month and that uh two months. Yeah. Because I'm not doing that shit again. It was rough.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

Forces what? A break.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

Oh, a break for uh therapy?

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Yeah. I was like, okay. Yeah, it's like a month, two months. I was like, oh, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Like what's what they say. They're like, we want to make sure the tools are working. Yeah, you're spending too much money. We want to make sure that we're actually getting our money's worth. Let's let's see if you actually listen to what she's telling you to do before we continue any more of these motherfuckers sessions. That's what they're saying. That's what they say.

SPEAKER_04 7:22

Are you ready to get into the shenanigans?

SPEAKER_01 7:25

I'm not.

unknown 7:26

No.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

I also tell you, you should have shown Ava. No, never mind. I'll say you should show her like how how fast we respond text messages because sometimes it'd be like four or five hours if we play it.

SPEAKER_04 7:37

Yeah, she she'll uh the other day it was Tuesday. She texted my phone. She had brought uh bus had broken down, and she like it was like eight or nine texts within like a minute. And she was like, Dad, dad, dad, dad, the bus broke down. Dad, are you there? Are you gonna come pick me up? I said, but I didn't even get a chance to respond yet.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Like she was that's like that's like that's like when they when they uh be FaceTiming their cousins and shit. Like, you just call them five times back to back if they didn't answer the first time. Like, give them a break. You know what? She didn't answer two minutes ago. Let me FaceTime her now.

SPEAKER_04 8:19

The main rules keep the same energy as that's why I told her there's separate the same energy if they don't.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yeah, you cuss their ass out.

SPEAKER_04 8:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

I mean, at that age, but to be fair, at our age, I think it's different. Because you know how many times I've started text messages and thought I sent them and was like, You didn't hit sin?

SPEAKER_04 8:36

That happened to me like three times this week. I had to say, Oh, I thought I sent this text message. My bad.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Wait, I did that shit. I did that shit this morning to make fly. I had when I wrote the text about recording like this, I thought I hit sin. I went and washed my face from came back and said, damn, I never hit sin.

SPEAKER_04 8:54

Yeah, that yeah, it's very common. Very common. It's old age. He mad at me. We ain't got the fingers like Drake.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

Damn, nigga, I said what time? I guess I didn't say what time.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

All right, so I thought was funny too. Kev asked, he said, what time is the party? I said, shit, nigga. I don't know, 3 o'clock, I guess. I'll fuck with that.

SPEAKER_04 9:16

That's the nigga answer. That's the real nigga answer. Around this time-ish, I think, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

But is that two? I know now it's at two. It's supposed to start two.

SPEAKER_04 9:29

Nigga still showing but three.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Yeah. Hey. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Hey, I I I recommend y'all bring some off. Get some off.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

The mosquitoes gonna be out there.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Because I'm going to get my ass off.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

You think in that heat?

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Nigga. I'm telling you. Every time I go over there, I get bit.

unknown 9:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 9:53

Um, it's like a buffet, nigga. They finna be feast. So you mean I gotta get bit in life and by mosquitoes? They be bright and everything like that.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Yeah. Damn. Oh, and and just so y'all know, Phoenix has requested that the parents get in the pool too. I said that's probably not gonna happen.

unknown 10:07

So I might.

SPEAKER_04 10:10

I do real nigga shit. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

It is hot. It's hot. I might be over this hot snorkel, like I'm practicing it. Yeah. Yeah. I might just be in the corner chilling. It is gonna be hot as fuck today.

SPEAKER_04 10:22

Alright, so how are we? Right.

Do You Tell The Real Truth

SPEAKER_04 10:26

Bad.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Fucked up.

SPEAKER_04 10:27

When somebody asks you how you're doing, do you really tell them the truth?

SPEAKER_01 10:31

It depends on who asks. It depends on who asks. Sometimes. Like if Kevin asks, I'd be like, I'm alright. If you ask, I think I'm fucked up. This was this.

SPEAKER_04 10:41

But answers. That's how I usually go. At this stage of adulthood, what is currently taking the most out of you? Is it parenting, relationships, work, money? Yourself.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Nigga, adulting. All the above. Well, yeah, I always say the combination of them happening all at the same time because you don't get no break. No break, man. Especially for me, especially like this month. I feel like this month has been nonstop. Every weekend or something. I I I feel like even I feel like even when I when I'm not at work, I'm working. So I feel like I'm always fucking tired. Always tired.

SPEAKER_04 11:24

Off days are never off actually off days. You're doing something.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Yeah. I'm like, shit, look at it outside. That's just been terrible.

SPEAKER_04 11:34

Yeah, this heat is uh something off.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Kevin, I should you know yesterday. She was like, when are you gonna cut the grass? I said I decided yesterday I'm gonna get in the gardener. I'm back at work. I'm hiring the garden. I'm done. It's too fucking hot. I said in the winter, in the spring, it wasn't bad. I can I can be out there at three in the afternoon and it wouldn't, it would. I said three in the afternoon now was 100 degrees. I'm not gonna be. I'm like that no goddamn grass at 100 degrees.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Gotta get an electric lime on it.

SPEAKER_04 11:59

And just for the the listeners back east. The listeners back east has been like 90, 100 uh between 190 degrees at six and that in the evening.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

So it's like it's not even it's been 98 at 7:30.

unknown 12:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

Like it's not it's not uh letting up.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

And then these last couple of days, the humidity's been high, so it's been like even worse. Like that was hot and humid. I said, I'm not in this wild fuck, I'm in the south. I'm not living on the west coast. What the fuck is this?

SPEAKER_04 12:29

Yay, yay.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Well, tell the lads to put their ass up and go back and start.

SPEAKER_04 12:37

So

The Weight Of Adult Responsibilities

SPEAKER_04 12:38

do you think that the people that are closest to you actually understand how much responsibilities you carry?

SPEAKER_03 12:46

I feel like the fathers do. I'm gonna just let that sit. That's gonna piss the women off with it. That's how I feel. I feel like some women understand, they just don't give a fuck. You a man, nigga. That's where I was at.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

I was like, I feel like everybody knows, but don't nobody give a fuck.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

Yeah, yeah, we know nigga. Like, yeah. What you signed up for. Some niggas will say that shit. Could have pulled out, nigga. I hate that.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

What nigga, you could have pulled out?

SPEAKER_04 13:23

All of it. You know what you signed up for. Nigga, no, a lot of times we don't know what we signed up for.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Nobody. I I had never been a father before.

SPEAKER_04 13:31

I didn't know it was.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:35

I know what I signed up for. I was like, nigga, nigga, I it was all a mystery.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

I mean, the shit is all fun and games until you realize that once you have kids, you will have more withdrawals than deposits in your fucking account.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Constantly. Oh, the money thing, yeah. You gotta, you might as well.

unknown 13:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

And I'm a family guy. I'm not just a uh if I didn't have if I wasn't wife and kids. Yes. Just counting money.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Oh but it's I mean, it's not for me, it's not just uh just not financially, man. It takes a lot of it takes a lot mentally. And oh yeah, and and and physically just uh, especially when you when you're making a good, honest attempt to be present, like it drained, it's draining. It really is draining. And then mentally you gotta act like around you out here acting like you're not tired so the kids don't feel bad.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

When you tired when you fuck about the point though, because I think that might be more of it, that might be more of what it is. It's tougher to be like responsible and good and like all that shit. Cause you see niggas out there like, oh, I'm married, but I'm fucking everybody. You're like, nigga, there's no discipline in your life. It's easy to just go, oh, we married, like, no, you ain't nigga. Like, peace, man.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Nigga, you got 17 girlfriends. How you got time for this? Oh, I got a second kid over here.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

You're like, so they don't know each other. You like, you just fucking up. Like, what happens when they get older? They're gonna figure it out at the funeral. Type check. Nah, I saw one, it was like a video where the dude was like, he called his ex and she was trying to be all upset. And he was like, So what I'm trying to say is, if that's my kid, then I got another kid and they fucking. So we need we need to figure this out right now.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

I seen that video. I see that video. That's awful. He was like, was she modded or she was buying? He's like, why does it matter? Because I just found out that they like so they could be brother and sister, they fucked up. Yes. That's bad.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

Yeah. Yeah. You're alright when she followed her in the vlog, you got no responsibility.

SPEAKER_04 15:59

Yeah, anyway. Um,

Curveballs You Never See Coming

SPEAKER_04 16:01

so what's what's something that that you can say that you would thought you would have figured out by this age if you still don't?

SPEAKER_01 16:14

You know, I just realized now, like, man, like you can think you got shit figured out, and then here come the curveball. Here come the curve. Or here here come here come here come the off the the the trick play or some shit. Some it's like every time I feel like for me personally, I feel like every time I feel like I'm in the groove, boom, here's something happening. Now I've got now I gotta navigate this. I mean, I I just like like life's gonna throw their lessons at you, man, regardless. You know what I mean? Like, and like when it's something new, that's what it gets me.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Like when you're just like, oh, I never even thought about like none of this. Because it's like I could have never thought about like the house thing, like owning a house. It's like, yeah, you hear about that shit where they're like, oh yeah, it's a lot of work, but you're like, nigga, I had no clue I became a plumber, I became an electrician, I became a motherfucking everything.

SPEAKER_03 17:10

Yeah, but I mean, you learn it, but shit, hey.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

No, that but that's that's that that's real tough. Hey, you know what, though, Cal? I will say this. In my first, in my first eight years of being a homeowner, I had to, it was just me and Google. Now I got I had this awesome assistant, Chad GTP. GPT's crazy stuff. Well, break it down step by step. It makes it a lot easier for me.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

I'm on that boat. I'm like, fuck that water, fuck our water. Like, we already fucking it up anyway. Might as well learn some shit.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yeah, I mean, yeah, so yeah, I mean, it's rocking, man. Like, but you know what? I still feel like even with all the work, with all the work it takes to have be a homeowner, I still think it's I still would prefer this overrent. Because I I like I know I know what memory is gonna be every month. Every year they're gonna every year they're gonna increase that rent.

SPEAKER_05 18:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

Like if I had a bunch, I'd be like, nigga, I'm not buying shit. Like, evict me, nigga. Like, I don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_04 18:24

The one thing I miss about apartment living when I first got an apartment. Yeah, like we're on a one name basis with the with the maintenance men and plumbers and and and the landscapers. What's up? What's up? Uh I can't. I'm not gonna say, I'm gonna just call him Bill. I'm gonna call him Bill. And it'd be like, what's up, Bill? And you see Bill every day. Because I'm not gonna say, because it'd be like some real racial shit. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Um I knew where you was at.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Nigga, I called my gardener. I called my gardener Hector yesterday. Hey, bro, when can you start back? If if you want to come back, fuck that. I don't give a fuck what y'all.

SPEAKER_04 19:03

As soon as some shit pop off, he'd be like, hey, the the washer of the dry house, say less. They're gonna then you'll be like, oh, the the house, say less.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Hey, my plumber, my plumber name is Tito. I need to nigga. That's how I became a plumber.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

Because I called somebody, he probably was like a Ted or something. He said $200 an hour, and I was like, ah, let's just hang up. Ah, we don't need to talk one boy.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

You got that. Come on, man. I'll I'll I'll slide you his number. Yeah, this is like Steve somebody or something. And they come out, they come out say they come out the same day, they guarantee to work for three years.

unknown 19:40

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

And they quote you, they come and like you sell them pictures, they'll give you a they'll give you like a soft quote, then they see it, then they'll tell you what's up.

SPEAKER_04 19:50

Slide

Homeownership Lessons And Paying For Help

SPEAKER_04 19:51

me that number too. Um would you say you were enjoying adulthood adulthood or are you just managing it? I enjoy fucking.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

I did not. I don't know why I didn't know we was going over that late. But that was the only part, you know, and is that part of adulthood though? Um, yeah, yeah. In my own house, yeah. Yeah. At least doing it right. Yeah. You know? I got I got tired of fucking in cars, you know?

SPEAKER_05 20:21

I mean, it was a flex.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Nah, nah. No, no, no. No. No.

SPEAKER_05 20:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

No. It's a different flex. Like, you like, you might have like hyperflex.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

Nah. Oh, shit. I love it though. I love it. And it's crazy, but I what's funny to me is that the older you get, what can you find enjoyment in? Like what? Because a lot of times, like, if you would tell me like at 20, nigga, you would like this this shit you like, I'll be like, ain't no way I be into that shit. But nigga, I will I will literally watch niggas cut grass. It's like, man, this is how you did that shit? That's nice. Like, oh yeah. Like, I watch a nigga change a whole engine part by part. I'll say, yeah, I said, man, this is that's kind of tight. I said, the shit that's entertaining is crazy.

SPEAKER_04 21:18

For me going to a uh a place like arcade monsters and enjoying old games. Oh, I love that old games. That shit was fun.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Hey, I I didn't take the last time I went, me and another guy played the Nitro game together. Nigga, I was like 12 all over again. I said, it was like, bro, I said, let's keep on.

SPEAKER_04 21:38

The fact that you can just keep continuing, you don't have to put another coin in or token. It's like, what the f yeah? Just keep going. Yeah. You want to continue? Sure. Hit the button.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

He did he did piss me off because he couldn't dodge uh uh uh Baxter the fly moves. I said, Nigga, you uh I said, Stop, you know, you know the pizza nigga. Shit.

SPEAKER_04 21:57

Was it a kid?

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Nah it was Yeah, so yeah like a young teenager or like No like like like 15 16 Oh there's no excuse yeah yeah he yeah you know he he kept brawling me to death Bro yeah bro he didn't six seven bro the fucking move ah yeah I said what the nigga said the button's sticking I said I don't think so I just think so you gotta jump nigga you just ain't this ain't PlayStation this old school shit I mean they don't yeah they that shit's too and too intricate yeah to go backwards our shit just forward up up and forward and jump you don't you can't go back you can't I can't you can't go forward and jump you have to jump in place and then this is different this ain't that called duty slide shit well what does being a good partner actually mean once you add children bills work exhaustion and responsibilities how long you got I mean apparently an hour and 45 that that I guess you started earlier is the showing up part yeah starts there showing up yeah that that also depends on the on the dynamic in the situation what you mean like I feel like um let's say like you got a household both people are working and then you know so you start there we both working we both got X amount of hours in the day that we're gonna do we're gonna do we don't divide up these responsibilities and you go from there. You got one partner that's working okay I'm working you not these are the responsibilities I can take care of so you you you you gotta understand that well I understand that it's never gonna be completely 50-50 but you know you gotta make it what works for you so if I'm for instance like if I'm working six fifty five hours a week I'm not gonna come home and do 20 hours of home labor as well as well you might got two three hours out of need tops so to have that understanding and to understand oh well I mean he he he's breadwinning you know I mean just to clarify it is in that two or three hours is fucking in that no no that that's that's entertainment that's not separate that's separate because you said that was adult adulthood oh yeah that's that's that's what I like about it that's separate and technically for a lot of women out there they say that's part of the the housekeeping too because you gotta make sure she's well she gotta make sure I'm happy so I don't so that I don't stop it in another stop.

SPEAKER_04 24:45

They go both ways three hours is separate.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

They go both separate yeah that's separate because I feel like I get it just how like how we get cigar jobs sometimes they get she get tired of cleaning and cooking all right I'll give you a day off but I think that's just part of that's just part of what makes shit work. Like sometimes you gotta understand like nobody's never gonna have it 100% some days you you know shit I know I'm pretty sure we all of us we've shown up to work with 10% like I'm just gonna get through it. They finna get a half ass job I'm I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna accept they're gonna have to accept some shit today that I know we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_04 25:22

You know like you I I range between 10 and 5% at work every day.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Just give you I never came in there with 50% like oh man I'm about to go I got 50% to give you like no yeah and that's just I mean so I think it it just it it depends on the dynamic of what your relationship is.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

But I mean and and then again different things make different people happy you know yeah I'm not you know I feel like we're saying the same because I mean when I say showing up it's like all of that because it's like oh yeah uh I guess in a sense not being just think about yourself like in that regard because some people just oh it's just me like nigga you got a whole family like you can't just what you do I play PlayStation and then I went to sleep it's like so you just you just in the house like yeah doing nothing doing nothing at all well yes sometimes just described my Monday through Friday I got two or three hours of back to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

If if if I if I get an hour of gaming time a week now I it's I was like damn I game a lot this week you'll take for our that's a lot normally I I look at it and just keep walking time to go to bed but you know what now though that's like I was say earlier I my personal time throughout the day now is it's now it's my gym time because that that's that's more important to

What Adulthood Fun Looks Like

SPEAKER_01 27:02

me than gaming. So I I go to the gym and since I go in the afternoon it takes two hours every fucking day because it's fucking bitch. It's fucking clubbing there's a club in that bitch out of there too yeah yeah you know a large seven five seven now I know I I gotta try to get I try to get it in there but in there before 130 because I what I know is the high school will start rolling in about 230. That's where it really gets bad that's when you just want to and I can't fight them because I'm going to jail for hitting a minor for sure 100% what if they're in high school but 18 you sure are you good there I mean they're adopt yeah that's a different nigga though wait wait wait wait a minute there's a there's a nigga he I I I asked him how old he was he was he was 17 this nigga like he 34 this how buff is this how buff this nigga is this nigga is like 6'5 and he's swole and I was like damn that's a big nigga I can't work then I read a shirt the shirt said value view high I said wait nigga what high yeah I said he said yeah I said he said yeah I'm a he nigga he said he was a junior I said nigga you going to the league probably didn't feel good huh basketball slide me he said he said he played both oh shit he going to the league play baseball too probably I don't know he probably could probably somebody lied to him about his age and you could go in at 60 yeah I say like you said like we were talking about they held him back so you have the event oh yeah that's great that's yeah yeah yeah I I'm a 19 year old sophomore what what yeah yeah so it is love enough to sustain a relationship for one person feel feeling like they're carrying a significant load more than the other no I know you elaborate more but no it's a lot of work man it takes work because I I could I can love you from afar and be happy nobody else to love you can love somebody and not be in a relationship at that point I know at some point Sharon's gonna be like I'm how'd I miss this episode but you don't have to be with them um you know sometimes y'all niggas you know you're just on the line it's just you know people be in different places and times you know and I just uh hold on I gotta I'm gonna glasses on what she always do this shit uh yeah yeah uh as I there's there's specific questions that were for her that since she's not here I I was like I it's be weird to ask two married men this question um so what's worse being single and lonely or being in a relationship and lonely I think they're the same yeah you're lonely it's probably worse than being in a relationship and lonely because you got a nigga over there you lonely what are you like are we supposed to be not lonely but I feel like uh if you you if you in a relationship but you you lonely you lonely loneliness loneliness I I think you you might have more you might you might have more anger towards that person because they're not doing something but I mean the shit it's still you don't think uh in a relationship and lonely you at least get to get a nut on occasion as opposed to being like a hand didn't nobody say lonely excluded fucking we've got needs now you know lonely niggas in a couple of shooting it up there there's a lot of niggas with stables I mean yeah in this there's climate they are shooting it up in more ways than one well yeah there there's people with stables they getting it off regularly go home lonely as fuck and then they cereal bowl in the morning gator don't play that shit never played that shit so my answers I mean that makes sense though both is it's loneliness is loneliness so can you genuinely love somebody and still realize that they're not the right partner for you anymore yes yeah people outgrow each other all the time either either gonna grow together or you'll grow apart I think that's a genuine love though too to be able to identify and again I think I think you get to a point to where if you can get to the point to where you understand that like okay I I love you you love me but we we just ain't good for each other. Nigga just quoted Barney you know what I'm saying hey I did well we ain't well we ain't good but we ain't good for him to go did y'all know that Barney was imaginary imaginary your imaginary friend so it's a shroom trip yeah that was like ass or some shit yeah yeah but not like to imagine a giant purple dinosaur goddamn yeah but to be able to to be able to release someone like because a lot a lot of times I feel like people hang around because of love and like you said earlier they'll they'll be they'll be fucking miserable but they don't want to they don't want to feel like they're doing that person wrong you know and that's why I always say in life there's it's okay to take some level of selfishness if you don't want to wake up at 65 and regret life.

SPEAKER_04 33:09

So to elaborate Kevin Maurice did if Barney isn't then indeed imaginary does that mean that these kids took that high together yes yeah that's the scary part yes because they all see y'all you see this shit yeah that's still not as bad as Miss Frizzle taking kids of people's asses that school bus yes taking pictures you said no they she they took field trips on people's asses hop on the bus and they find flying into magic school bus what about the digestive system why why can't we go through the mouth why are we coming through the ass fizzle what what's going on here I realize there's more entry ways than one you only need to use one though yeah one of them is supposed to be out that's that's excellent how much patience should you have for somebody who keeps promising they'll change repeatedly and falls back into their same behavior patterns I think baseball you I think in baseball you get three strikes whom is it so if it's somebody you if if it's somebody you're close to and really care about give them three that you really care about carefully give them three it could be a family member it could be a relationship like a personal relationship as far as like a significant other or like it could be like a like for example like a cousin or a close friend that you said they're gonna change because they're you know addicted to something and then they let you fall back into the same pattern.

Love Loneliness And Accountability

SPEAKER_00 34:44

I don't know that's why it just depends on whom because I think of people like children like not even children people that have grown adult kids it's like that's tough. That's tough.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

That's different this is the last time you're like nigga like after after tough I keep stealing your shit and it off or something yeah at some point you're gonna get a I think with I get it but I'm saying like I feel like that's a harder one to just like three is it yeah you know what I mean like it's harder to do yeah with your kids yeah I think with your kids you would just you would adjust how you handle them you just adjust I mean again it depends on what the fuck they out there doing like if let's say you start killing niggas you're like hey like listen three is it it's like uh well I'm not roll with you I mean I'm not I'm not ratting I'm not ratting around I might I'm not it depends it all depends on how the how it goes not like some part you start thinking I think she might kill me listen nah like if I hear something like oh they're cutting up people and eating them I'm like oh nigga I gotta like I gotta tell I gotta tell wait what you say dude I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna be no accessory to that just don't just don't put me in it it's too late something in that shit if I find that out I'm like oh you're going to jail but I'm not gonna say it because you might I'm not gonna put myself at risk at what point does understanding somebody's trauma anxiety upbringing circumstances become making an excuse for them you mean for them to notice it like outside I feel like I feel I feel like sometimes people don't notice that they they do that it's like I don't know I feel like if you notice it I don't know what I don't even know how you would uh handle that if you were supposed to like say something you know what I mean but hey okay I get it but like I think that's a tricky one because I feel like um I feel like in order to notice that you have to have uh you have to be very very self-aware because I think a lot of times in situations people are not going to default try to relate to the person first they're gonna their first reaction is to how they're feeling determined. So I don't think they're going to necessarily identify that I think there has to be like in a friendship like like let's say like me and you McFly because we're removed you know what I'm saying so I can we can identify each other's unless there's some shock shit we'll talk about in a couple days or whatever we it it'd be square right when you when you talk about like relationship wise when you that that relationship barrier that love that intimacy shit that that that makes shit cloudy because now it's like the first thing because like between me and you it's not like it's not like I'm trying to I need something from you from you or you need something from me. It's just we just we cool in a relationship I need something from you you need something from me if we're if this is very transactional. So in that transaction I'm I'm putting my needs first because I gotta fight I because I feel like I got to fight for what I need first. So it's kind of like it's hard to see a lot of times it's hard to see where people are coming from when you when when you feel hurt in that when that in that like relationship or marriage dynamic. That makes it difficult. So that takes a different type of like mindset inside that domain whereas in friendship I feel like it's a lot easier in friendship because you can understand. Especially if you guys like got similar upbrings like oh that nigga just he gonna with he dealing with that shit right now I'm not gonna trip on him. Like we'll talk about it you know because sometimes I think we understand that sometimes you gotta just let shit sit for a little bit because especially if you know I feel like we all are overthinkers. So we know like hey nigga if I don't say nothing he gonna ponder on this shit for a couple days and then we'll double back and be like nigga it wouldn't even that be type type shit. You know like and then you know and then the clear but when but that relationship dynamic that marriage that that throws so many more fucking complications to it it makes it a lot harder I think uh to the to uh I think when there's a lack of accountability to it when that's the only thing like well you know how I was raised and all that it's like well nigga like okay I get it but like you can't just use that all the time at some point there's a underlying something to that so it's like there's I think that's when it is when there's zero accountability ever that's when it's uh an issue but like you said like it it it yeah it depends on what what the scenario is I I literally told you I told my child this yesterday I said you can feel however you're gonna feel life on silver fire you do the same things so so you're gonna have to figure out you can be mad I say it's okay for you to be mad it's okay if you be angry sad cry all that that's okay it's okay for you to do all that but at the end of the day homework ain't going nowhere school ain't going nowhere you still got you got to do the shit regardless so if you gotta yell whatever you gotta do to help you get through it you're gonna have to get through it and I said and when you when you get to life it's gonna be the same shit. You don't I said you don't think dad gets sad you don't think mommy gets sad you don't think you know I have hard times hard days yeah but we just I understand that no matter if I feel like shit in the morning I know I gotta I gotta go to work I got to go to work I gotta be I got responsibilities and like I tell her I said you know because I tell her all the time I say every she every action has a consequence if I don't go to work shit don't get paid shit don't get paid y'all niggas ain't happy and I you know so I understand that I understand that the the means have to justify the end and sometimes that justification period is is you doing shit you don't want to do that's just life yeah I'd be telling like Gracie be mad she's like I'm mad and I or even Kendall I'm like that's fine you're allowed to be mad but that don't stop you from doing what the fuck you gotta do.

SPEAKER_00 41:08

Exactly I don't like you right now it's like that's cool.

SPEAKER_04 41:10

Yeah I got to yeah that's cool no yeah I'm about I said I'm I'm I'm your father not your friend yeah I'm your father first so uh for the next question I'm also need an answer from Mosharon um should your partner be responsible for making you happy or should it they at least be responsible for not making your life harder?

Happiness Support And Choosing Partners

SPEAKER_01 41:42

Um I think they just shouldn't make your life harder you know because you know your happiness that's that's stuff you gotta deal with yourself like internally that's you like no one no one can like no one can really like make you happy other than you like in the situation you put yourself in.

SPEAKER_04 42:03

That's what I would say I can hear her voice and I really do sound like that shit. Oh that was my answer too for all of us that was two for one yeah I'm sorry should your partner be responsible for making you happy or should they at least not uh be responsible for making your life harder or be responsible for not making your life harder sorry that's just gonna happen on both ends I mean as long as they like think about you sometimes motherfuckers gonna do some shit and you're gonna be like nigga what are you thinking?

SPEAKER_00 42:53

Why would you do that?

SPEAKER_01 42:55

So I don't know I don't know if it's a responsibility you would hope they would like think to like not try to make your shit harder but sometimes like I said women don't do some shit where you're like you didn't even think that through like thank you I appreciate that but then you gotta you gotta all uh also in sense some shit that makes sense to them don't make sense to us and vice versa and I'll be like sometimes she's like so why would you do that nigga I think you say that it makes sense to them and that makes sense to us then there's just those universal shit that just don't make sense.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

Oh yeah definitely across the board definitely women and yeah my wife she don't she don't we don't a lot of stuff sometimes with things like why'd you do that? Like why did you do that you know growing up sheltered and shit I don't know, I don't feel like it's their responsibility. I think they should have a duty or not duty, but like she want to, make your life a little bit easier. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 44:19

Would you this is if you uh obviously you're already married, so but would you marry or date the same type of person today that you would have chosen ten or fifteen years ago? Why or why not?

SPEAKER_01 44:35

That's not a would you uh I would. I would marry.

SPEAKER_04 44:46

You you would date the you would still marry and date the same.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

Yeah, I think I it's just I feel like my wife compliments me well. I feel like we we we compliment each other well. I feel like we we have interesting views, a lot of shit, and we help each other out well, and I feel like we work together pretty well.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

So I would and the fact that and the fact that she gets violent sometimes, I like that.

unknown 45:10

You know.

SPEAKER_03 45:12

Ten years ago, it's the same woman, so yeah, but they didn't go further. Probably not the women that I was thinking about. Probably would have went down. Probably would have been those interesting times where you're like, oh, these niggas don't be bad. I don't want to visit their house. Yeah, yeah, toxicity.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

So ain't nothing wrong with a uh ain't nothing wrong with a little bit of toxic.

SPEAKER_04 45:53

A little bit, but why is there nothing wrong with a little bit of toxic?

SPEAKER_01 45:58

Keep it on your toes. You know, keep it exciting. Just a little bit though. Not like two, you know, a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 46:05

I don't know what your tooth is. I don't know what your little bit is, though.

SPEAKER_04 46:08

Yeah, because is it like is a chick that shows up at your job unannounced to blow your shit?

SPEAKER_02 46:13

I mean, I I'm not there. I'm on the road.

SPEAKER_04 46:18

You're gonna be there in spirit. They're not gonna everybody know who you are.

SPEAKER_01 46:24

Yeah, I don't want like life and you know what? And the girls are gonna be like, and the women at the building will be like, I don't understand it. And all the guys will be like, that shit fire. I get it.

SPEAKER_04 46:34

I hate that I understand that. Because I've said it a few times, that gotta be fire.

SPEAKER_03 46:42

Understood. But worth your life. Why y'all do shit? Many will say yes.

SPEAKER_04 46:52

I've actually seen that at at uh Empire. It was uh somewhere the chick was down there and it was one of the security guards, and he was trying to explain her something, and I was like, oh yeah, he fucked up, and she was just yelling to him, yelling at him in the parking lot, and I was like, Yeah, I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_01 47:07

Bro, the the the female driver that stabbed her boyfriend is eleven, and then took him to the hospital.

SPEAKER_04 47:17

That was uh, yeah, what's her name's uh son? That was yeah, that was in the parking lot, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:22

That's some crazy shit. Had to be fired. Delivery drivers got beat up on a delivery by his lady and fire fired, so I don't know what she's probably back with them, but damn. I I got fired and I got beat up. Damn.

SPEAKER_04 47:39

That's fucked up. You got an ass whooping and lost the job.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

They're like, you guys can see this, and I saw the videos like, oh she's sending out the truck and just started wailing on at the same time.

SPEAKER_04 47:52

It should be sympathetic, not fire. It's like, well, you got your ass whooped, we can't trust you in the road. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

I think because it was in public, they was like, nah, dog, you if she's gonna do that, like witness protection.

Part Two Tease And Closing

SPEAKER_04 48:09

Episode was so dope. The shit was so dope that we had to break it into two parts, and you'll see what I mean soon.